6 ways to support loved ones and friends with cancer | Ilonka Meier | TEDxJIS
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- čas přidán 2. 04. 2017
- Why are we afraid or uncomfortable when someone we love has cancer? We don’t know how this horror movie is going to end - either for us or for our loved one. No matter how rich or poor, happy or sad we are, cancer can happen to any of us. Through her personal experiences, Ilonka Meier shares six powerful ideas to help people through this very difficult and traumatic time.
After a career in the TV and movie business in Hamburg and Munich, Ilonka Meier shifted genres and became an international educator. She uses her skills and own experience to help people to cope with cancer.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I love my girlfriend,,, now I'm afraid I might gonna lose her, dear god give me strength to support her through out this test
My love to you. X
She’s is lucky to have you
Is she ok
I'm in the same boat now mate...:-( Awful time my heart goes out to you and your girlfriend x
Nobody is forever, not her, not me, not you. You will rise to the occasion as a friend, and forever she will remain in your heart, until you depart from this life. Take care, wish you the best :)
Some of the advice is not valid when your relative is in a terminal stage. You cannot lie to them, telling them "we will get through this" when both of you know you won't and that the end is near. If you are not validating the scary truth, you are doing them a disservice and they feel like they cannot share their fears of dying, for example. Positivity is nice when there is actual hope. When there is not, I think it's much better to step into the darkness with them so that they are not alone. This doesn't mean being negative. It means not leaving them alone in the scary dark.
100%
But God.
This is heartbreaking and paralyzing as I cannot begin to fathom the strength it takes to undertake that journey.
@@irvinggarcia4636 I'm about to find out.
@@HappyHermitt how are you doing? I hope you have a strong and loving support system.
Your life does change when you get that phone call. Mine was at 10PM telling me that I have Stage 4A Ductal Prostate Cancer. Spend the night hugging my wife. You are correct, at that time the world was broken into two parts. Me with advanced cancer and the rest of the world.
I would not be here without the strength of my wife.
Hi just today my close cousin was diagnosed with stage four cancer and I’m terrified for him. I don’t mean to bother you but do you have any experience or advice that I could pass onto him. Or any for me on how I should support him? Would you also feel comfortable sharing a part of you journey that significantly impacted you since this was two years ago. Once again I’m sorry for bothering you I just need some advice
@@chrismartinn7578 just be there, be yourself, have fun. Knowing that they have someone there can be empowering.
Are you alive?
Things I needed when I was having cancer treatment. Someone to take my kids out for the day so I could stop worrying about them worrying about me. Something I could have done without was the horror stories everyone could relate about someone they knew who had cancer.
Just yesterday my fourteen-year-old niece found out that her cancer is not gone she will be facing radiation 5 times a week for six weeks.. prayers are needed as she is such a beautiful caring young girl with a heart of gold.. prayers to all
I hope your niece is doing well.
I'm sorry mom for not being able to show you how much I love you. I get so emotional around you, that I think I won't be able to control my tears.
To everyone that's dealing with such a pain, I wish you strength and God bless you 🍀
Thank you ❤️ i have a sister and a father both diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I pray for all of you who have relatives who fight or you fight yourselfs. Much love ❤️
❤
When you have cancer you can't go it alone. Strong support system is extremely helpful.
Emmanuel sounds like you know firsthand? You may not want to answer and that is okay, but just think you have? Am thankful you are joining us all iin this group chat and text. Never easy to go through and nice to know you have people with you.
My Friend has been told that he only has a couple weeks to live, i believe that miracles can happen, but i'm so afraid of losing him. Sometimes when i go see him i want to tell him that im going to miss him but im afraid to scare him in the moment or make him feel bad and remind him of his terminal state. i know this is a reality but i am just sad and dont know what to do but just stare at him and remember the old times and remember how much of a good friend hes been to me and my family. ive only ever dealt with sudden losses. this feeling is surreal and it hurts so bad.
what Happened?
@@hulla6662 They already told you
Speak of the now time you have and the things you have done that were fun.
Lyng is not good and yet no bringing them down to lose hope is not good either. So we must remember a miracle could happen. But yet it does not look like it in the moment. Just speak of the love you have and how much you care for them. How you could never forget them ever, But mostly just "Listen" and not talking and just being there can mean so much too.
If there is a chance they could get better pray with them and ask for them to be held up by God and He will rise them up with His right hand and give them strength. Holding on to them and angels are around them. Prayer is strong. I think if they are Christian the prayers will help alot and just show them 'unconditional love' and hold them up. Not acting too depressed around them I think helps because if we are looking and they will be sad.
My brother is died by lung cancer 20 days ago he s loveable person and I love my brother❤
my gf is suffering from blood cancer please pray for her . She is my world . I cant live without her 😭😭
Thank you, i am an ovarian cancer surviver like you. Blessings
Yep. I have stage 4 terminal Colon Cancer. I know the depressions and loneliness.
I wish you all the best in your life! It is hard but know that you matter.
sending u so much love and hugs❤️
God bless you.
🙏
I hope you feel better and your are able to see that you are loved and not alone… My mom is also fighting stage 4 colon cancer ( she was diagnosed last month, before that she was a perfectly healthy 67 year old woman) I know God will not abandon her or you. Sending love your way 💕
My grandma was diagnosed with cancer and I am devastated by it. We discovered 2 weeks ago about it. She is the only grandparent that is still alive . I love her so much and it's a lot of pain to deal with . I feel shaken to the very core.
We don't know how to help her as it's the terminal stage and how to support her emotionally. It's a nightmare. I wish strength to all the people going through this.
Try to not show fear or depression too much, But show unconditional love, and show love in various ways. Listen and be there when you can.
@@carolweaver3269 Thank you for the comforting words. She has passed away sadly. It happened one month ago. The doctor told us that she could survive 3 months maximum from May. At least now, she is in a better place I hope and she doesn't suffer anymore.
@@1969vladimiro annie97 I am very sorry. You are right of course, she will not suffer anymore and is in a better place and set free from all of the discomfort. May you find comfort in this and find some peaace. It does take time for us left here, and we do miss them so much, but we know it has to be for the best for them under the circumstances. Blessings to you and famiy
@@carolweaver3269 thank you
L bozo + ratio
This talk helped so much. My grandpa has lung cancer and I needed some advice for making him feel better when I get to see him. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for saying this. This was my purpose. I am not an expert but I wanted to share what I have experienced because it helped me so much!
My poor girlfriend is told she cant have surgery for her apendix cancer now after the hospital previously saying they would operate, they think it might have spread to her stomach..This is all in the space of 8 months she's only 39 with two girls 8 and 11...I'm trying to stay strong to be there for her , its heartbreaking at times , I agree you feel like your outside of the box and your worlds turned upside down I pray they can give her targeted therapy even though they say she will never be csncer free etc...I feel rising anger , or acute worry etc , wish I could take it off her and give it to me , she doesn't drink or smoke, and I don't have any children etc .And as man I feel helpless not being able to 'fix' this etc...She has endless chemo amx scans to look for which obv lowers her body and sprit a lot and u feel angry that other people seem OK and happy couples etc...Horrible times..
My boyfriend diagnosed with cancer yesterday IDK how to express my feeling to him
I'm literally broken, my heart is broken
Wanna give u an internet hug🥺 Blessings to you and your boyfriend.
'Be there' as much as you are able, and do not show a loss of hope. Keep attitude up. Say strong for him. Pray if he is Christian and ' listen if he wants to talk about anything.. ' Not easy for either the friends or family or the patient either.
My gf wasn't diagnosed yet, but a very very large mass was found on her lungs just yesterday. There is no doubt that it is very advanced. I can't tell her it's all going to be OK. I've been broken and lost since we found out.
I
My boyfriend was diagnosed with testosterone cancer only 6 months into our relationship he decided to end things because he thinks I should/ deserve someone else. But I’ve stuck around I love him but he acts so cold and distant with me. It hurts me any advice ??
I watched several of these types of videos and I thought that this was very actionable and practical. Of course if some of the suggestions in the video don't apply to you then adapt them to your situation. Very Good Stuff. Thanks Ilonka
Thank-you for this: a beautiful list of loving ways to support those we love. I wish I had heard this years ago....
This made me cry
I hope my mommy gets better
Aja thank you your words helped me I didn’t know what to say or do especially when you know there will not be a recovery You are a very insightful person God bless you
Thank you for this video. Your advice is spot on for those of us still in the fight 😘🥀
She’s my drama teacher 🗿
It sucks but sometimes you don’t have a choice but to be strong and realistic. Death is never going to be easy to talk about. It’s about your presence and understanding. That’s what is going to matter in the end
My grandma got diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer, were currently waiting for tests to be done to determine how bad it’s spread. But the last few days have been the hardest experience of my life, I’ve cried for nearly 2 days straight.
i can relate as im in a similar situation. sending u and ur grandma love and hugs❤️
@@lucygracie My grandma ended up passing away on may 5th of this year. Her cancer was very aggressive and there wasn’t any chance of treatment. Thank you for your response, I hope you and your family are doing okay.
I am so, so sorry and I really mean it. I can imagine how hard it must have been. We are never prepared. It always comes as a shock!
Thank you for this. My father was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It has been a difficult week. Both of my brothers keep calling me to ask what they should say or do when they visit our father. I'm not very articulate so I'll send them the link to this as it is really good advice and easy to follow.
i understand how you feel, around last year my father also got diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer as well. it’s extremely hard to communicate with him because he has been isolating himself from me and my sister and we haven’t really communicated much after his trip to the hospital. hopefully this video might help :,)
@@kousclouds
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Thank you for sharing dear Ilonka. I have only experienced your pain as a friend and on the other side of the operating room table. Every time pathology came back negative, we whooped and cheered as a team. And when it was positive I said silent prayers for that patient and family. You are so loved. Thank you for speaking about this very sensitive subject.....I hope to be the supportive person that you describe at any time , any where. Peggy Nelson
She’s my drama teacher
Thank you
Very good..
Thank you mam for your energizing words.
Thank you I needed to hear this
God bless you.
Thank you so much 💕
Thank u!
This helps!
Loved your talk! Thanks for sharing :)
Thank you My mum suffers from ovarian cancer. This was very helpful
My mom had it too
Hope they have recovered.
These are all good points except the positivity, there is such a thing as toxic positivity which does no one any good. Meet your friend or loved one where they are, if they need to delve and acknowledge the negative aspect of cancer meet them there, just encourage them not to reside in the negative space for too long. Be there to help them back out, but acting like that part of having cancer doesn’t exist is not helpful and could even be detrimental. If someone with cancer wants to be scared or angry from time to time, let them be, covering everything up with sunshine and rainbows when someone wants to acknowledge and feel the pain and loss is not kind.
Totally Agree!
I have cervical cancer stage 3b my doctor told me directly im shock and really cry now I'm suffering this illness,God please heal me
God bless you. ❤️❤️
Hey, how are you doing now?
You may extend this to any life event, not just cancer. I have lost my working ability to stress, and know exactly who are my real friends now. Some also try to fake empathy by probing insistingly in things you really don’t whish to share. That is difficult to deal with.
My mom and little cousin got diagnosed with cancer and I’m scared to death, I can’t stop sobbing and breaking down at night
THANKYOU
this is beautiful.
My Dad's Wife is Going into Quality of Life Mode. She has Lung Cancer - neither are saying to much, I feel terrible for them... he's on the road everyday - a trucker. This Morning I said Pop try not to get caught up in thought - as in watch the road. He said all I can think about is Her🥺
@jazzyj2182 Ty🙏
God you are beyond space and time. You are the the powerful energy that flowed through your son Jesus. Raising the dead and healing the sick. Nothing is impossible for you. To God be the glory. 🙏
I just found out my dad has stage 4 lymphatic cancer but the world is in quarantine rn so I can’t even go visit him I’m the hospital
Update: He passed away about a week ago. Cancer is horrible.
I'm so sorry your Dad passed. Hold on to the good times.
Sorry to hear that, my dad just got diagnosed and we also can’t visit, I don’t know what to do or say
I'm so sorry to hear about your father. 😭 I'm 19 and got diagnosed with Classical Hodgkins lymphoma .. I'm crying because good people always suffer 🙏🙏, I'm know what you are going through. God gives you strength 🙏❤️
ms elonka solos the world
@@jazzyj2182 thanks i meant to say she was my teacher like 2 years ago lmao. thank you for the quote, even though i am muslim it helped me a lot.
I came here after I have just learned my mother has ovarian cancer. I'm devastated and I don't know how to help her. 😥
💕
How is she now. I have a grand-daughter. Recovering from ovarian cancer. Praying for her recovery.
She is getting treatment now. Hoping for the best.
My mum just told me 30mins ago that one of my old friends from year 6 was diagnosed with cancer, the doctors found a lump in his throat
My grandma is in the hospital she has cancer in her stomach and she is in the hospital and I can't see her because the carona virus 😭
My mother was diagonosed 4th grade brain tumor in 2021, when we found out this we were devastated, we went through a horrible mental trauma which could have possibly taken away our breaths. Doctors advised us not to operate her as cancer is already on its aggressive and crucial stage; but we didnt listen to them and got her operated. After the surgery followed by radio therapy etc she recovered from that illness and was able to act like a healthy person for almost 14 months. In 2022 MRI scan showed the regrowth of that tumour. I dont know what we are supposed to do, i am not able to see her like this, i am dying inside, i feel indefinite pain🥺🥺🥺
So sorry! May the almighty strengthen you.
That was helpful, but what if your parents cancer is in last stage,incurable? How to support them when they’re not religious?
My dad just got diagnosed in the middle of this pandemic and I don’t know how to make him feel better, what to say? ( he’s very introvert too)
Same here. My father is in last stage. And he is mentally strong to fight back. But here the problem is being his single daughter I am drastically lost and feeling shattered. Doing all things for him. Still m not stable to see any good. Darkness is scary. Plz share anything that can help me in this situation. 🙏
@Dan Delion hope is best thing. Stay strong dts the only way. Try to be keep ur regular basic lifestyle maintained. Don't overthink. Prayers for ur father !!
Perfect because I’m scared
god please help my father !
Thanks.
But what do I do when my partner doesn't want standard medicine and wants alternative "natural" treatment??
How do I support her when I can't even support myself??
Think you may need to see at the last minute if they conine to think this way and if they do then I think anyway, it is best to do things as 'they want.' I feel they cannot fight at the end of their time and just want to be at peace, and find it to be their own way out perhaps? As much as you want to change it all, it may be out of your hands in a way, as they are alive and able to think right and clearly, and the written document if completed like a Health Care Proxy, It will need to be followed. Try to help them have peacefulness at the end and this may help them, I do not know for sure, but if asked and they still feel that way, it is best to go along it seems to me?
My boyfriend was diagnosed with testosterone cancer only 6 months into our relationship he decided to end things because he thinks I should/ deserve someone else. But I’ve stuck around as friends I love him but he acts so cold and distant with me. It hurts me any advice ??
Wow
My grandma just got diagnosed with cancer.
people change when they are going to die, sometimes they stink and curse you
How is chlorine hydroxide given
what a beautiful accent, where is she from?
She is from Germany
This is me. But with no support from family.
i don't have no one to talk to about cancer...
My sister got cancer yesterday
i told 1 friend my boss and my dad
My mom just got diagnosed for the 2nd time
My mom did too. We should maybe talk about it together if you want. Im not doing too great
@@sophiahernandez310 yes, sure
@@sophiahernandez310 if you have instagram or something, we could talk in private
Evelyn O yes my insta is sophiaa0345
@@sophiahernandez310 Ok, I'll follow you
Hard to hear
gama3a that's my teacher
my dad will not hear it
i cant wait to die alone
Show LOVE to your family members that have Cancer by giving them the Chlorine Dioxide cure ! *IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE PEOPLE.
i will take all my end of the world bug out bags and hide deep in the woods soon
Very bad sound.
She's gonna take off if she waves her hands around any more....
I have been watching 6 minutes now, what a waste of time. Screw this clickbait!