Hi! I'm so glad you're here. Do you have any thoughts about this? We'd love to hear from you because it's great to get wisdom from all corners. Hope you're having a great day!
You are the Mothers voice in my life I don't have ❤ When you talked about people not being interested in your content and moving on but others it resignates and they subscribe, it made me think this applies to 'real' life too! And it's OK if some people that come into my life don't end up 'subscribing to me'. That doesn't mean I'm bad or wrong, I'm just not their 'content'! 😊
When a child has tried their best to do a task or chore, praise him (or her), and don't redo it to your standards. However, if he does it badly on purpose, thinking you will give up and do it yourself, make him do it again.
Send on the dots......As I kept listening to you, I was reminded of something my mom used to say, "In five years, will this (whatever is bothering you or you're going through) make any difference in your life"? Lots of great ideas in this video - thanks so much!
Thanks! I’ve decided that I’m going to do the dots video for the 14th, so you can look forward to it. 😀 I told my therapist about the dots today. He’s never heard of it until til today, so it was cool to share something new with him. (Sometimes I just need to talk to a neutral third-party about stuff. Ha!)
I agree about the paper plates… It’s only in the last couple of years ( my 50s) When we have visitors, ( no dishwasher Machine) Lunchtime sandwiches and snacks go on paper plates. (due to chronic illness when I’m having a rough day or two) I will implement paper plates to avoid washing up building up! Also I was visiting a friend one time… They were about to run the dishwasher, Discovered it was non-functional. Family of six people. ( Plus me visiting) I went down the road to the local shop Bought a stack of disposable plates disposable cutlery. For them to get through the next day or two, till the dishwasher got fixed. ( fortunately for my friend that evening, when her husband came home from work, he found a good deal on a dishwasher and it was delivered within two days) The relief on her face when she saw the disposable cutlery and plates and cups… she cooked a fabulous meal that evening and we all enjoyed each other’s company.
They are such a blessing and have gotten me through a lot of hard times. I think that when we can do anything to reduce stress during those times, we should do it. So nice to talk to you!!
That’s so funny about the meals, making one meal for the family and everyone eats it😂 that was how it was when I was a child and in my home. My girls had two choices…Take it or Leave it😂
I know! I am always so surprised at these mothers that cater to their various children’s while. I had a pediatrician tell me early on in motherhood that kids won’t starve themselves to do. So just keep making good healthy meals and they will start eating them. It was good advice.
Sounds like you and I have a similar chronic illness, brought on by trauma 6 years ago, in my case, but a lot of Long-Covid patients developed what I have. Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), formerly known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I measure my energy level in spoons (we call ourselves Spoonies) but many of us are bed-bound, and have been for decades. I'm probably at the same level as you, because I have to be careful not to over-exert, or I'll have a crash. But I do shop for groceries in my scooter, and I have a fatigue doctor that I drive 4 hours to see. (That, in itself, is exhausting!) I do wish you well. Simplifying our lives, lowering expectations for our goals, setting boundaries, and prioritizing our own needs is so important!!
During the thick of my Long Covid, we were wondering if I had developed CFS, but now I think it was just the Fibro making Long Covid worse. I love the idea of energy being spoons. That really is it. Somedays I have more spoons and some days less. My family is sure patient with me. We never know from day to day what is going to happen, so we just roll with it. I have learned to tell people at church that while my Fibro makes my unreliable (so I don’t sign up to do things that require a scheduled commitment), I am faithful and do what I can according to my own schedule and current abilities. It took some time to get to the point that I could easily say that. Learning to say no is a skill anyone with chronic illness has to develop. But I know you already know that! 😀
Woah! A lot of tips in one video! I don’t like to use paper plates not that opposed to buying them like some people are I just like my food in a real plate. But we have been sick here for a month( the Big C???) You betcha I use used paper plates!!!!!! 💜👍
Oh gosh... I've seen you mention a few time that you weren't feeling good, but I didn't realize it was like this. The Big C can drag on and on. I hope you start feeling like yourself soon. Paper plates are IT sometimes. I'm like you, though. i like real plates best.
Yes!!! to fewer toys! I also never understand why moms don't put their kids toys in 4 different bins & rotate through a different bin each week. They'll never get bored of them this way.🇨🇦♥️
Exactly! I've relieving the whole "toys" nightmare with the 6-year old. It's been better since they moved downstairs (after my Mom passed), but the toys do tend to find their way up here and end up all over the family room and floors. I remind myself that this, too, shall pass and when it does, I'll miss her cute little 6-year-old self.
Michael Harris: What is this? Stephanie Vanderkellen: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. [begins to sob] Michael Harris: You made these by yourself? Stephanie Vanderkellen: [Sobbing] I tried but Joanna had to help. :-)
Hello! I just found you today. I am so thankful. I found your “killer dots” video first. You are exactly what I needed. Thank you! I plan on watching more of your videos.
I know this is not the right video, I like this one, by the way, but I really want to thank you for putting me onto the book “Essentialism” by Greg McKeown, I really loved it and it resonated with me so much!
hi, I love your videos...just discovered them! I can detect the truth and knowledge from personal experience which resonates with me. My questsion to you: If someone feels a therapist would really be helpful, but one of their major problems is $$-related and really cannot afford it, what would you suggest as alternatives...if indeed there are any
Hi. I’m so glad you found your way here. The therapy question is tough, but I’ll tell you a couple of things that have helped me over some rough spots. 1. My first therapist gave me a journal and had me write anything that came to me. I ended up getting so I’d write and write and write and just work things out. I didn’t edit at all. Eventually, I’d see myself working through an issue to the point where I came with solutions or felt better about the problem. If you look at the Essentialism video, you’ll see where I talk about my big stack of journals. That’s how got them. Years of working things out in writing and keeping track of my life. That has helped me a lot. A few times, I’d write about something that was so sensitive, I didn’t want anyone to see it so I’d take the pages outside and burn them. Oh my words. What a relieving thing to do. It was like I was burning up the problem and I would feel better. The important thing (I think) is to write enough that you do allow yourself to start looking at it in more positive ways instead of keeping yourself down in the pits. 2. When I was going through the worst period of my life, I was in therapy, but you know what helped me as much as anything? The library. I couldn’t afford to buy a bunch of books so I went to the library and started reading every self-help “therapy” type of book they had. The most important ones ended up being a book about how to manage my thoughts better and another one by Louise Hay, which kind of did the same thing. I didn’t know that I could change my thoughts before then. The Louise Hay book made such a big impact on me that my therapist wanted to know what had happened. He said that he’d never had a patient make such a fast turn around. But the thing was, I didn’t just read the books. I was trying to apply what they said. Louise Hay taught me how to think better. I really, really wanted to get better. So trying things helped. You have to do that when you are in therapy anyway. The therapist gives you advice and assignments. You have to try to do the work they give you. If you don’t, you won’t progress. (I also took anti-depressants during that period.) I hope that helps a little bit.
@@TowardsASimpleLife Thank you so much for caring and taking the time to respond...and so quickly too! I do try the self help route but as you say sometimes I feel like maybe I am not executing them properly. I've tried the journal route but I find myself just getting mired in the misery too much. It could be that I give up too soon, feeling kind of hopeless. Maybe I have to keep sticking with a method despite not seemingly seeing that it is working and maybe with time it will?
@fcohen8296 I tell you something about me that I think helps. I’m a solution-seeker. A learner. Tryer. I know that for me, if I just keep myself circling the drain by writing the same sad thoughts and misery over and over without a break, it could make me worse. So I kind of have a policy with myself that I will let myself write that kind of stuff to a point and then I need to start talking about other ways of think about it - other sides of the issues, what it might be teaching me, etc. I look for the window I can crack open because there always is one. It occurs to me that you could try searching CZcams for videos made by therapist that teach about journaling and how to use it correctly to help you heal. Here’s a link to the Louise Hay book that really helped me: www.amazon.com/dp/0937611018/ref=cm_sw_r_as_gl_api_gl_i_RYYN7E2Y3DBJ1FVPB94V?linkCode=ml2&tag=rpaxman-20
Hi 👋 If u are not against churches, there are often counsellors there who will see u for no cost. Also many church activities are no or low cost & just being out of your home with other people, can sometimes be like a little break from the stress of reality.
I am new here but yes on Killer Dots, I do too much when I feel good I crash the next few days but if I don't do it when I feel good it won't get done, I will be84 in July. when I am stressed I want chocolate and try not to give in.
All this is like a much needed hug. I don’t feel so alone anymore. I’m 68 and this is the first time in my life I feel understood. Thank you all of you. ❤
Hi, I've seen several of your videos and they have helped me. Thank you for what you are doing. I am now entering a new part of my life that is challenging...my husband has invasive cancer and his bladder must be removed. This is happening after my younger brother died, and then my mother 7 months later, and then my beloved cat, and then my aunt ( my mother's sister). My family has been affected by mental illness and addiction (mother and brother, aunt) and I am grateful to find Al Anon at my " advanced age". It has helped me a lot. A lot of what you talk about goes along with my Al Anon tools. It's good to have tools in your toolbox, isn't it? At one point, I was seriously concerned I might be losing my mind ( I had to deal with the "estate" of my mother and aunt who had alcoholism and hoarding behavior). My father is 89 and has Parkinson's so I am grieving for him too. Grief is the other side of love. I am learning to take care of myself and to see myself as a valuable person and not just a caretaker, or a list of tasks, or responsible for people who are not or who struggle with being responsible for themselves .
Hi! I'm so glad you're here. Do you have any thoughts about this? We'd love to hear from you because it's great to get wisdom from all corners. Hope you're having a great day!
You are the Mothers voice in my life I don't have ❤ When you talked about people not being interested in your content and moving on but others it resignates and they subscribe, it made me think this applies to 'real' life too! And it's OK if some people that come into my life don't end up 'subscribing to me'. That doesn't mean I'm bad or wrong, I'm just not their 'content'! 😊
This is the sweetest thing ever, Amy. I’m glad you relate to me! I love this analogy too. I’ve never thought of it that way, but it’s perfect. 👍
When a child has tried their best to do a task or chore, praise him (or her), and don't redo it to your standards. However, if he does it badly on purpose, thinking you will give up and do it yourself, make him do it again.
Exactly. Such great advice!
Great video Please do a video about killer dots, as I struggle with cramming too much into my day. Thanks.
I’ll do it!
Send on the dots......As I kept listening to you, I was reminded of something my mom used to say, "In five years, will this (whatever is bothering you or you're going through) make any difference in your life"? Lots of great ideas in this video - thanks so much!
Thanks! I’ve decided that I’m going to do the dots video for the 14th, so you can look forward to it. 😀 I told my therapist about the dots today. He’s never heard of it until til today, so it was cool to share something new with him. (Sometimes I just need to talk to a neutral third-party about stuff. Ha!)
-@@TowardsASimpleLife - YAY!!! Thanks! I think many of us will benefit from the upcoming video.
I agree about the paper plates…
It’s only in the last couple of years
( my 50s)
When we have visitors,
( no dishwasher Machine)
Lunchtime sandwiches and snacks go on paper plates.
(due to chronic illness when I’m having a rough day or two) I will implement paper plates to avoid washing up building up!
Also I was visiting a friend one time…
They were about to run the dishwasher,
Discovered it was non-functional.
Family of six people.
( Plus me visiting)
I went down the road to the local shop
Bought a stack of disposable plates disposable cutlery.
For them to get through the next day or two, till the dishwasher got fixed.
( fortunately for my friend that evening, when her husband came home from work, he found a good deal on a dishwasher and it was delivered within two days)
The relief on her face when she saw the disposable cutlery and plates and cups… she cooked a fabulous meal that evening and we all enjoyed each other’s company.
They are such a blessing and have gotten me through a lot of hard times. I think that when we can do anything to reduce stress during those times, we should do it. So nice to talk to you!!
@@TowardsASimpleLife
💫💐
That’s so funny about the meals, making one meal for the family and everyone eats it😂 that was how it was when I was a child and in my home. My girls had two choices…Take it or Leave it😂
I know! I am always so surprised at these mothers that cater to their various children’s while. I had a pediatrician tell me early on in motherhood that kids won’t starve themselves to do. So just keep making good healthy meals and they will start eating them. It was good advice.
Sounds like you and I have a similar chronic illness, brought on by trauma 6 years ago, in my case, but a lot of Long-Covid patients developed what I have. Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), formerly known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I measure my energy level in spoons (we call ourselves Spoonies) but many of us are bed-bound, and have been for decades. I'm probably at the same level as you, because I have to be careful not to over-exert, or I'll have a crash. But I do shop for groceries in my scooter, and I have a fatigue doctor that I drive 4 hours to see. (That, in itself, is exhausting!) I do wish you well. Simplifying our lives, lowering expectations for our goals, setting boundaries, and prioritizing our own needs is so important!!
During the thick of my Long Covid, we were wondering if I had developed CFS, but now I think it was just the Fibro making Long Covid worse. I love the idea of energy being spoons. That really is it. Somedays I have more spoons and some days less. My family is sure patient with me. We never know from day to day what is going to happen, so we just roll with it. I have learned to tell people at church that while my Fibro makes my unreliable (so I don’t sign up to do things that require a scheduled commitment), I am faithful and do what I can according to my own schedule and current abilities. It took some time to get to the point that I could easily say that. Learning to say no is a skill anyone with chronic illness has to develop. But I know you already know that! 😀
Wow! Thank you for sharing your story! A great reminder to me to lower my expectations of myself as well as pace myself! 💜
Woah! A lot of tips in one video! I don’t like to use paper plates not that opposed to buying them like some people are I just like my food in a real plate. But we have been sick here for a month( the Big C???) You betcha I use used paper plates!!!!!! 💜👍
Oh gosh... I've seen you mention a few time that you weren't feeling good, but I didn't realize it was like this. The Big C can drag on and on. I hope you start feeling like yourself soon. Paper plates are IT sometimes. I'm like you, though. i like real plates best.
Colored dots, killer dots? hmm... dots to help identify something... yes please!!!!!
It’s coming next Friday. I’ve been working on it and will record it today. Can’t wait for you to see it!!
Yes, please, on the dot pacing system!❤
On the way! It’s coming out next Friday morning. 😀
Yes!!! to fewer toys! I also never understand why moms don't put their kids toys in 4 different bins & rotate through a different bin each week. They'll never get bored of them this way.🇨🇦♥️
Exactly! I've relieving the whole "toys" nightmare with the 6-year old. It's been better since they moved downstairs (after my Mom passed), but the toys do tend to find their way up here and end up all over the family room and floors. I remind myself that this, too, shall pass and when it does, I'll miss her cute little 6-year-old self.
"I'm Larry. This is my brother Darryl. This is my other brother Darryl."😆🇨🇦♥️
Michael Harris:
What is this?
Stephanie Vanderkellen:
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. [begins to sob]
Michael Harris:
You made these by yourself?
Stephanie Vanderkellen:
[Sobbing] I tried but Joanna had to help.
:-)
Many great insights, thank you for taking time to share!
You’re so welcome!! I really appreciate that you watched it.
I’d like to learn more about the dots.
Good news! I’ve finished the video. It will come out next Friday at 10 am (MT). 😀
Hello! I just found you today. I am so thankful. I found your “killer dots” video first. You are exactly what I needed. Thank you! I plan on watching more of your videos.
Hi! I’m so glad this video will help you! That makes me feel happy. And I’m so glad to meet you. Thanks for saying hi!
I know this is not the right video, I like this one, by the way, but I really want to thank you for putting me onto the book “Essentialism” by Greg McKeown, I really loved it and it resonated with me so much!
You're so welcome! It is a wonderful book and has such good things to learn. So glad you enjoyed the video.
Yes please for the killer dots ❤
Video’s coming. It will be out next Friday at 10 (the 21st). 😀
Simply loved the video. Thank you for sharing ❤🤗🤗🤗
You are so welcome! So glad you enjoyed it!!
hi, I love your videos...just discovered them! I can detect the truth and knowledge from personal experience which resonates with me. My questsion to you: If someone feels a therapist would really be helpful, but one of their major problems is $$-related and really cannot afford it, what would you suggest as alternatives...if indeed there are any
Hi. I’m so glad you found your way here. The therapy question is tough, but I’ll tell you a couple of things that have helped me over some rough spots. 1. My first therapist gave me a journal and had me write anything that came to me. I ended up getting so I’d write and write and write and just work things out. I didn’t edit at all. Eventually, I’d see myself working through an issue to the point where I came with solutions or felt better about the problem. If you look at the Essentialism video, you’ll see where I talk about my big stack of journals. That’s how got them. Years of working things out in writing and keeping track of my life. That has helped me a lot. A few times, I’d write about something that was so sensitive, I didn’t want anyone to see it so I’d take the pages outside and burn them. Oh my words. What a relieving thing to do. It was like I was burning up the problem and I would feel better. The important thing (I think) is to write enough that you do allow yourself to start looking at it in more positive ways instead of keeping yourself down in the pits. 2. When I was going through the worst period of my life, I was in therapy, but you know what helped me as much as anything? The library. I couldn’t afford to buy a bunch of books so I went to the library and started reading every self-help “therapy” type of book they had. The most important ones ended up being a book about how to manage my thoughts better and another one by Louise Hay, which kind of did the same thing. I didn’t know that I could change my thoughts before then. The Louise Hay book made such a big impact on me that my therapist wanted to know what had happened. He said that he’d never had a patient make such a fast turn around. But the thing was, I didn’t just read the books. I was trying to apply what they said. Louise Hay taught me how to think better. I really, really wanted to get better. So trying things helped. You have to do that when you are in therapy anyway. The therapist gives you advice and assignments. You have to try to do the work they give you. If you don’t, you won’t progress. (I also took anti-depressants during that period.) I hope that helps a little bit.
@@TowardsASimpleLife Thank you so much for caring and taking the time to respond...and so quickly too! I do try the self help route but as you say sometimes I feel like maybe I am not executing them properly. I've tried the journal route but I find myself just getting mired in the misery too much. It could be that I give up too soon, feeling kind of hopeless. Maybe I have to keep sticking with a method despite not seemingly seeing that it is working and maybe with time it will?
@fcohen8296 I tell you something about me that I think helps. I’m a solution-seeker. A learner. Tryer. I know that for me, if I just keep myself circling the drain by writing the same sad thoughts and misery over and over without a break, it could make me worse. So I kind of have a policy with myself that I will let myself write that kind of stuff to a point and then I need to start talking about other ways of think about it - other sides of the issues, what it might be teaching me, etc. I look for the window I can crack open because there always is one. It occurs to me that you could try searching CZcams for videos made by therapist that teach about journaling and how to use it correctly to help you heal. Here’s a link to the Louise Hay book that really helped me: www.amazon.com/dp/0937611018/ref=cm_sw_r_as_gl_api_gl_i_RYYN7E2Y3DBJ1FVPB94V?linkCode=ml2&tag=rpaxman-20
@@TowardsASimpleLifeI will definitely check out her book. I appreciate your help
Hi 👋 If u are not against churches, there are often counsellors there who will see u for no cost.
Also many church activities are no or low cost & just being out of your home with other people, can sometimes be like a little break from the stress of reality.
I am new here but yes on Killer Dots, I do too much when I feel good I crash the next few days but if I don't do it when I feel good it won't get done, I will be84 in July. when I am stressed I want chocolate and try not to give in.
That sounds like me- do it when I can and crash. (Trying to pace is helping.) Chocolate always helps. 😀
All this is like a much needed hug. I don’t feel so alone anymore. I’m 68 and this is the first time in my life I feel understood. Thank you all of you. ❤
🥰🤗 so glad you’re here!
Hi, I've seen several of your videos and they have helped me. Thank you for what you are doing. I am now entering a new part of my life that is challenging...my husband has invasive cancer and his bladder must be removed. This is happening after my younger brother died, and then my mother 7 months later, and then my beloved cat, and then my aunt ( my mother's sister). My family has been affected by mental illness and addiction (mother and brother, aunt) and I am grateful to find Al Anon at my " advanced age". It has helped me a lot. A lot of what you talk about goes along with my Al Anon tools. It's good to have tools in your toolbox, isn't it? At one point, I was seriously concerned I might be losing my mind ( I had to deal with the "estate" of my mother and aunt who had alcoholism and hoarding behavior). My father is 89 and has Parkinson's so I am grieving for him too. Grief is the other side of love. I am learning to take care of myself and to see myself as a valuable person and not just a caretaker, or a list of tasks, or responsible for people who are not or who struggle with being responsible for themselves .
Hi Martha! I admire your honesty and also 84yo and on CZcams. Wow!
Sending hugs 🫂 from Australia