EXPLORING A TROUBLE-MAKER IN A FAMILY |NAVIGATING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- Toxic family dynamics often include at least one trouble-maker.
They are toxic. They are like a parasite. They never go away.
People who enjoy frequent or nonsensical conflict, people who troll online to create dissension, and people who ask inappropriate questions or discuss offensive things.
The only goal for these kind of people is to create discomfort in someone else.
At other times, there may not be a goal at all but just the reality of the person's ignorance and disregarding behavior.
In a toxic family dynamic of the trouble-maker, dissension is created by that parent who has negative comments about your job and the clothes you wear, the relationships you keep, and the decisions you make. And these comments are not in your best interest.
Because of the toxic behavior of these family members, some people respond out of anger, impulsivity, or frustration. But this is giving the trouble-maker EXACTLY what they want.
It isn't until you can CLEARLY spot them that you will be able to overcome them.
In this live chat, I discsus the toxic family dynamic of trouble-making and ways to clearly identify them.
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#trauma #TOXICFAMILY #troublemaker
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DISCUSSED IN THIS CHAT:
1:02 intro
1:32 what a trouble-maker is (there is interpersonal violence)
9:00 SECONDARY GAINS to trouble-making
20:18 social media bullying and trolls
22:47 SECONDARY GAINS AS DEFENSES or CONFIDENCE
29:33 machiavellian personality
31:24 WHO TROUBLE-MAKERS ARE IN SOME CASES
43:35 HOW TO SPOT THESE PEOPLE
51:54 Interpersonal vs intrapersonal conflict
*discussion in-between content
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Mentioned In The Video (research & further information):
1. Thomaes, S., Brummelman, E., Miller, J. D., & Lilienfeld, S. O. (2017). The dark personality and psychopathology: Toward a brighter future.Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 126(7), 835-842. doi.org/10.103...
2. The Co-Development of Relational Aggression and Disruptive Behavior Symptoms from Late Childhood through Adolescence
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
3. Parenting Characteristics and Callous-Unemotional Traits in Children Aged 0-6 Years: A Systematic Narrative Review
link.springer....
4. The Heritability of Callous and Unemotional Traits
www.psychology...
5. Carlo Garofalo, Craig S. Neumann, and Patrizia Velotti, “Difficulties in emotion regulation and psychopathic traits in violent offenders,” Journal of Criminal Justice 57, 2018, 116-125.
6.Untangling the concept of coercive control: Theorizing domestic violent crime
journals.sagep...
7. 15 Signs of Mind Games in a Relationship
www.marriage.c...
8. Self- and Other-Orientation in High Rank: A Cultural Psychological Approach to Social Hierarchy
journals.sagep...
9. Resolving Conflicts Between People and Over Time in the Transformation Toward Sustainability: A Framework of Interdependent Conflicts
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicideprevent....
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 15 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at contact@anchoredinknowledge.com. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
Mail me stuff!
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Robinson Township, PA 15244
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Stay tuned for the LIVE chatbox!! CZcams will make it available for you to see after 12 hours of this live chat ending. I must say...always the BEST part!
It’s a life long healing journey when you realize your mother has been the troublemaker your entire life and she’s also your frenemy.
yesss!!!! took the words right out of my mouth it’s a narcissistic evil spirit
yes and frenemy 😢
The trouble maker narcissist gaslights the family that the scapegoat is the trouble maker. Insane!
If people realised what I didn't do, they would stop seeing me as a troublemaker and see me as a peace seeker, but they don't want truth.
In my life experience, Troublemakers usually choose someone whom they deem to be "lower-on-the-food-chain".
You go no contact, the biggest trouble makers in my life is family, mine and my in laws.
Going no contact brought such relief. But God will give you better relationships. God bless Carol N,I,
Secondary gain is displaced anger! Wow! Distractions caused people to be unfocused! Creating chaos in all areas of your life! That is a serious issue!
Passive aggressive and damage property like keying car or breaking front grill. OMG I needed this chat toight.
Thanks once again. My sister was like that if you didn’t agree with her, she would persuade the rest of the family to go against you. May God rest her soul in peace.
Sounds like my cousin. She would start drama & go around telling everyone like she needed a team of ppl to back her up . When I put my boundaries up that’s when everyone stopped talking to my immediate family & I think it has to do with her
Social aggression to eliminate anyone with good to offer, or they have to dominate and they're shielding some innocent person from their mishandling. They are conniving..
What do you do when troublemakers try to pull you in their mess? How do you withdraw from them? They are very clingy! How do you disassociate yourself without a backlash?
This is a great question!
Completely shut down! Set a boundary that clearly says "no, we will not do this in this manner." I learned a long time ago that the #1 reaction to people like this is no reaction at all. Showing some concern may be helpful to the relationship or association with that person, but otherwise, I wouldn't react. They just want that reaction sometimes.
It’s so hard not to be the trouble maker when you’ve been forced to live with a family you escaped 40 years ago and they continue othering you and making it harder to find peace and move on.
You are setting a precedent for access, quality and COMMUNITY of support for this specific ugly topic. So very necessary and I have so much respect for your work, truly... You are helping so very many and I'm one. Thank you.
That's so humbling 🤗 Thank you. Very glad this is helping you!
Secondary gain enjoy the rewards of stimulating negative reinforcement! It has them believe they have power over you
Very good point! Agree.
❤❤❤❤❤I just love you. Thank you for this so much. 🎉
You're the best! Thank you! Love back to you.
Can they be jeolous somehow and just hate to see us peaceful or feeling happier,gosh i am gonna move to get the peace i think is necessary
Your plain speak is extremely helpful and with it you put in all the developmental and interpersonal information- also I think that your strong spiritual grounding brings in so much good information with how you talk about energy. This is a knowing that is present in only some people with a psychological and counselling background. It is so grounding. Take care of you Tamara. Make sure to keep an eye on your energy in a practical way.
Truly appreciate this! Thank you.☺
My daughter turned 18 and graduated high school and just shows me hatred now when we used to be the closest. 2 of my 3 kids are narcissists and I have taken so much trauma from the 2 of them and my soon-to-be ex-husband because the lies, broken promises, legal issues by my last two children, and so much more! I can't take it any longer! The house is for sale, and I'm moving away with my dog from Iowa to TX and starting all over, in peace. Years of therapy for my daughter when all she did was lie to her psychologist and just having friendly talk. Now she won't continue to see her to actually get help because if she's honest with her, she would have to admit she isn't perfect. I give!
Thank you for this video, Tamara.
You know, the thought of possibly being in the same room with a trouble maker makes my mind want to always remember to have a cup of tea to slip slowly. Just to distract me from the nonsense with a sip and "ok" as a response.
😂😂 I just don't have time for it, Dr. Tamara!!
This sounds like my cousin; she is a very manipulative, grudge-holder, not to mention, a victim-card holder. All the while (covertly) stirring up trouble/drama within the family. I am a firm believer in karma, and like my grandma always used to say: "You never know who you need one day, so never blow up those bridges."
Great Job. Your videos keep getting better and more informative. Thank you, so much, for your good works. I know how hard you work and love you.
Agree ❤
@lisadee8797
I appreciate that! Thank you so much. I'm glad this was helpful to you too!
15:04 I’m dealing with one. The guy takes no account of his behavior, words, reputation, or effect on others. 🤨💯🙏
I'm sorry. This is rough indeed.
24:14 I thought in many cases it's a mix of self-entitlement and the ability to be frustrated by things
I mean, in my mind, all people can be mentally exhausted and become easily irritated, not everyone can hold back their annoyance - as well as not all people care, BUT to plan venting your frustration on some innocent people - this is just pure evil. I call it "to assert oneself at the expense of others"
I work at a psychiatric hospital, and it took me years to get a handle on this. It also cost me greatly in terms of mental and physical health. I could not fathom the motivations behind the behavior of trouble makers...and i too have come to recognize traits in colleagues who like to stir things up whenever life inevitably becomes too peaceful (boring for them).
Thank you! Finally the truth my mother and daughters
You're welcome!
I missed the live, but I listened to the video. I guess us scapegoats thimk we are trouble-makers. Afterall, that's what we are told so often by unhealthy people. I'm sorry you didn't address that question in the comments from the advertisement for this video. Anyway, it makes more sense what you mean now. The label just leaves a bad taste in my mouth when you say people can cause trouble without being trouble-makers. Oh well, my issue 🙂. Nice presentation. Thank you.
Thank you! I just always hope everyone is getting what they need while listening.
And yes, that is a confusing statement that you can "cause trouble" and not be a trouble-maker. For example, you may want to be apart of a political protest and to other people you are causing trouble. But this is good trouble in some ways and may be for the greater good in the end.
Another example would be that you don't go along with the difficult people in your family. You are different from them and although they may label you a "trouble-maker," the reality is that you are standing your ground.
I hope that makes some sense!
@@TherapistTamaraHill It does! Thank you!
Welcome!
👑Blessed Rising Tamara! 🌹for you, this is spot on for describing my mother who is the trouble maker and the narc. in my 'family'... Thank you so much for this queen. Today was a rough morning I was a bit frozen in my trauma flash-backs this morning while listening to your replay, and this helped ease me right back into my present space.
That's wonderful 😊 So glad you are feeling better. Keep going! You are doing well.
And that YOU for being on the channel!
Thought provoking and answered so many lifelong questions. Keep up the great work😊
Me too!
Glad it was helpful!
Listening back. I’m Europe time here.
Tamara thank you.
Oh my! Europe is on my list of places to travel to. :)
You're welcome!
So beautiful and smart life sucks
Thank you!
And I can agree with your sentiment. Sometimes it does.
I grew up in a haunted house where physical violence upon my mother was something I had to do with I'm searching around and cannot find anything
Thank you so very much!!!
You're welcome!
Thanks!
You're welcome and thank you for the superchat! Hope you are well.
Thank you so much ❤
You're welcome 😊
Thank you Tamara, this was my mother’s behaviour completely. I went no contact for the last 5 years of her life. (. She was safe and looked after in a luxury nursing home owned and run by my brother )
I just wish I had been more mature and stronger to deal with her differently., Carol N.I.
I hope more souls come across your channel. Thank you so much, very helpful.
Thank you! And you're welcome!
Interesting topic! Thank you!
My pleasure! Thank you!
Hi Tamara,
Thank you for answering my question during your livestream 1:12:53
I am very new to your CZcams channel and livestream, and I recently asked if you have done a video about the psychology behind forgiveness. You mentioned you hadn't and you did an interview in the UK about the topic.
I managed to view your past video published 4 Nov 2019, titled "DO I HAVE TO FORGIVE YOU? Why Forgiveness Is For You - Psychotherapy Crash Course," which I found in your CZcams playlist under Spirituality, Existentialism, Philosophy, Religion, and Christianity.
It’s me, I’m the troublemaker.
Love good people
Major key
MPMY no clue!