Deciding when a viewing isn't possible
Vložit
- čas přidán 19. 05. 2024
- This week we answer a question about deciding when a viewing should not take place. Sometimes there is too much trauma or decomposition and the mortician may advise the family not to view their loved one - but in cases like this it is always the family that makes the final decision.
Viewing your relative after death can be an important catalyst for closure and healing and the decision to recommend a family don't view is definitely not something Tracy takes lightly. But sometimes the distress of viewing a badly traumatised body may leave a family wishing they had taken the mortician's advice.
Thank you for your ongoing support and kind words,
stay safe and take care of each other,
T&T xx
Contact us:
insta: @are_you_dying_to_know
email: areyoudyingtoknow@gmail.comaydtk.com
www.aydtk.com
WARNING:
This video contains graphic material that may disturb some viewers.
It is not suitable for children. Viewer discretion is advised.
The views, thoughts, explanations and opinions expressed in this video belong solely to the presenters Tracy & Trish and not necessarily to their employers, organisation, or other groups or individuals.
My husband told me the tragic story of his brother's suicide at the age of 21. He put a gun to his head. Their mother insisted on an open casket viewing, and the funeral director promised he would try his best. At the viewing, the funeral director took my husband aside and quietly told him not to let anyone touch his brother's face or try to kiss him because his re-built head and face would literally come apart. That story always broke my heart.
That is such a tragic story we are so sorry 😔 thank you for sharing this take good care 💚💚
Maybe a piece of glass needs to be over a coffin in this type of case?
Soooo very sorry to hear your story.
@@lenoredavi6137that's a great idea
I can't imagine! God bless 🙏 you!
My daughter was in a bad car accident. It mangled her hands real bad and her head and face was unrecignizable. She was going to have a closed coffin but someone popped up saying she can fix her. She looked like a doll,it didnt really look like her,it was like looking at a porcelain doll,she fid great on her hands they were folded on top of her tummy. These people are amazing, and mean so much to families and loved ones.. You guys are so essential in this world!!!! 💘
So very sorry to hear 😔 that's so very tragic. Glad you were able to view it means so much to get that last goodbye and closure 😔 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
I always say to the family when doing a reconstruction that the face will be viewable but will never look exactly the same unfortunately.
Please take good care and always be kind to yourself ❤️❤️
I am deeply sorry for your loss
So sorry for your loss Dear Eleanor. May God continue to keep you and your family.
❤
My condolences to you
I can't imagine being a police officer or mortician to see some of the horrors from car accidents, burned alive, excessive disfiguration. I could not do it and especially preparing children. I admire the strength and dedication for what they must have to see. Can't be easy. God bless them.
Thank you so much 🙏 some cases can be very challenging but I do have lots of support from my husband, work colleagues, family and friends. Take care 😊💚
Thank you it's not , coming from a cop of 35 years, 14 in the big city working a wagon removing DOAs fairly regularly...no Bueno....
@@Areyoudyingtoknow Your husband? OMG I thought you two were a couple! No offense I'm dumb like that.
My son committed suicide at age 39. Because of his injuries, the funeral home suggested I view my son with only his arm exposed. They had him draped in a comfy blanket but his left arm was on top of the blanket. He had a full sleeve tattoo and I was able to say my goodbyes knowing it was him. It was truly a precious moment for me.
So very sorry you have lost your son to suicide 😞 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
Yes even just seeing a small part of our loved ones bodies when told a viewing is not possible helps so much to know that this is definitely your loved one. I never got that chance with my mum and it still haunts me to this day😔 glad you could hold him ❤️ take good care ❤️❤️
So very sorry for the loss of your precious son. May he be at peace now ❤
So very sorry for this tragedy you and your family has to endure. May God continue to sustain you and briny you peace.
❤
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were at least able to touch his arm.😢
My dad is a retired policeman and found his brother dead after nearly 4 days in a heated house in February. Now his training and experience kicked in and he handled it well. Two weeks later after the autopsy, he hoped that the funeral home could do a miracle and give him a better memory. Unfortunately, he was too far gone with skin slippage. That was 1998 and that memory still haunts my dad if he lets himself think about it. Always respect the funeral director’s advice when they give a “no viewing” recommendation. Excellent video as usual ladies! Hope you’re both doing well!
Oh wow how very traumatic that would have been for your dad even though he was a policeman, it's his brother 😔
Thank you for sharing such a personal story we send our best to your dad 💚 poor guy.
We are both well thank you 🙏 hope you are well too 💚💚
Even for law enforcement officers, who have a certain degree of detachment, we need to remember that law enforcement officers, fire fightwrs, ems providers,:are still human beings, not unfeeling robots!
My best friend died a year ago. She had been dead for a full week in 85° heat. She took her directly to be cremated. My daughter found her body, she'll never get over to it.
I've seen a viewing where a kind of veil was covering the open casket so you could see the deceased but kind of blurry und you couldn't see to many details. The person was a victim of crime and was badly bruised and wounded so it was particularly important for friends and family to say their goodbyes and have closure. It seemed like a pretty good solution.
Yes, thanks for sharing that. We have videos on where I have done similar. Whatever it takes 💜
So sorry but glad they got closure...my sister was bruised all over face from landing on her face as she had a big anurisum so we saw her like that on life surport before organ harvest but mortition didn't even cover it up they put a tiny bit of lipstick and thats it
We knew someone who was killed in an accident with a tractor trailer accident. They draped a black veil over her coffin also.
When I arrived at my Nan's funeral they asked me if I wanted to view her in her coffin before they put the slip on top for the service, I hadn't even thought about it but was gently encouraged. I saw my Nan before she passed away and it was burnt into my memory, slack jawed, long unblinking stare, but in her coffin she looked so beautiful and peaceful she looked like she was just sleeping compared to when I last saw her. It gave me a different last image of her. I am forever grateful for the people who do this kind of work, they gave me something that has helped me deal with her passing and the trauma that came with it, that I would have otherwise still not been able to mentally move on from. I wish I was strong enough to do this type of job.
Oh Kate, thanks for sharing that story, we are sorry you lost such a special lady but what you have described is exactly why I do what I do. 💜
When my father died, he had traumatic head injuries. The funeral home made him visable for a funeral service. However, they told us he could not be touched, otherwise there could not have an open casket. We were truly greatful that the funeral home repaired him as best possible. He's been gone 50 years now.
Hi Sally thank you for sharing your story, so very sorry to hear you lost your dad that way, it's so heartbreaking 😔 Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
I totally understand (Tracy the mortician here) this is why I do this job and specialise in reconstruction because I too lost my mum and her head injury we were told by the funeral home, are far to horrific and traumatic and nothing could be done! We demand to see her even just to hold her hand and seeing just her hand we would have then believed she was dead, but the funeral home would not let us see her at all, It's still haunts me to this day and my mum was killed 20 years.
So I am so glad you and your family got the opportunity to say your goodbye it's so very important for the grieving process. I will always try my best to make sure family can have that last good-bye ❤️
You take good care ❤️❤️
🙏🏻❤️
That’s exactly what my husband who died of suicide. Went through. They told me they needed a closed casket. I asked if I could just hold his hand to say goodbye. I really needed that. They had him ready at the graveyard for me to say goodbye. I watched him die. I just needed to see that he was somewhere. So thankful.
Oh darling Nancy 🙏💚💚
@Areyoudy I'm we❤❤ weingtoknow
What do you mean you watched him die?
❤️
My cousins had a horrific car accident. The female cousin was able to be identified by her father. The only injury the father could see was a bruise but majority of her bones were broken and internal injuries.
The male cousin was not suitable to view or identified in person. My cousin was identified by a tattoo he had. He had been decapitated and massive injuries to his body. Both coffins were closed and no viewing. Their friend had closed coffin aswell.
It affected their brother who was trying to demand open coffins. Sometimes it is best not to see.
We are so very sorry to hear such a very sad story 😞 sending hugs 💚💚
I'm so sorry for your losses and the fact that your loved were not able to be viewed
I was out of town when my dad died. The mortuary was so kind to my sister and me. We were allowed to see him privately a day before the public viewing and stayed with him for almost an hour. He looked gray and was cold to touch but it was so helpful because it didn’t feel real until then. He had not been embalmed or made up at that point. When I saw him the next day at the public viewing, he looked so good which I found disturbing because he just looked like he was asleep. I am so grateful that I got to see him at both times. I don’t think I could have started to grieve without seeing him because it just seemed so unreal that he was gone. He died in 1999 and it still hurts so badly. I think about him every day. Thank you for helping people begin to believe that the loved one is gone. Thank you for working so hard for strangers. Not everyone is capable of loving like that. Thank you.
Oh wow thank you so very much for your beautiful words 🙏 that's so lovely means a lot.
So very sorry for the loss of your father but glad you had such a caring funeral Home looking after him. Yes it's extremely important to some of us to get that last goodbye for closure 😔
The reason I do this job is because I know what that's like to be denied a viewing. Myself and my family were forbidden by the funeral home to have this opportunity when my mum was killed 😞 To this day I think she may walk through the door (I know she won't but it's that not seeing her that stagnates your grieving to move on)
It's a pain that never leaves you even though you lost your dad back then, it's just a kind of pain you adjust to live with, I still have that too after 20 years.
You take good care, thank you for sharing your story 🙏❤️❤️
My nephew died in a very bad car accident. The mortician advised me not to view, because he couldn’t make him presentable, injuries were BAD. He said it was the most horrific he had seen in his years of business. I said .. NO, I need to view. I had made a promise to him, the last time I was with his, that I would see him again. I needed to kept my word, it was a promise. The mortician then showed me a picture of him and said if I still wanted to view, that I had to sign a wavier. I did so. I viewed.. I kept my promise. I told him I love him and that would be forever always kissed his check and walked out. Turned around and said forever always. It’s not what I hold in my memories .. my memories are happier times, but my word ( my promise ) is who I am. My love for him… forever always
So very sorry to hear 😞 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
Yes I agree that some people need to see their loved ones after death especially a sudden death. Glad you kept your promise ❤️❤️
Thank you for this video. I found my friend of 32 years deceased by 5uicide. I saw what his head looked like. When the funeral finally came I didn’t expect to walk in and see an open casket. I panicked. I had no idea how they did what they did. This video and the comments help. I remember at one point at the end of the funeral, the people from the funeral home were up at the casket doing something for several minutes. I barely looked at him because I was so scared and traumatized. This helps me understand better all these years later.
So very sorry to hear such a tragic story of your friend 😔
Yes it can be so distressing when you find a loved one like this. We are so glad this video help you a little 🤗 please take good care ❤️❤️
I’m sorry for the loss of your good friend. I pray the good memories outweigh the bad images.
The fire safety trainer my company had told us his very first girlfriend died in a fire along with all her siblings, they had woken up as the house was going up in flames and died huddled together in the closet. They had a closed casket for their funeral. He insisted on seeing them for the last time in their casket, even their distraught parents did not view them and they were unrecognisably fused together-just covered with a blanket, no clothes could be put on any of them. But he was glad he did and it made him determined to finish his fire safety training and become a fire safety officer.
Oh my goodness what a very sad story, so traumatic for all involved 😞 thank you for sharing take good care 💚💚
My father passed suddenly when i was only 20 from a sudden heart attack. My twin brother went to say goodbye because he hadn't seen him for a couple weeks because he was away at college. I chose not to and am still glad I didn't. I will always remember him the night before when we were at my grandma's birthday, joking around with a birthday candle that played happy birthday when you lit it. My brother wished after the fact that he hadn't seen him, because although he wasn't disfigured, he said that the bruising from the paramedics working on him and the expressionless face really traumatized him. My father was a big jokester and was always smiling... seeing him without a smile, not even looking like he was just sleeping, truly bothered him.
I felt guilty for a while that i didn't go see him, but I felt such peace after my twin told me that he was truly glad that I didn't go see him.
I say all this, because everybody is different in what they can handle and what they want to do, when it comes to a deceased loved one.
Take care everybody...
❤
My mother passed when I was 8 years old. Back then living in the mountains your loved ones were displayed in houses. Her eyes come open and we could see cotton and her mouth came open. My grandmother had to call the coroner and he had to sew my mother's mouth and eyes shut. I wish that on no one. Cause that's the way I remember her. The way she looked after that.
We are so sorry you had to go through that😔 sending our best 💚💚
My brother looked so handsome and looked just like he was asleep. I was 11 years old when my brother's girlfriend stabbed him in the heart. The work you people do is amazing. He was laid on this metal table of sorts. The room was super small and I remember bending over to kiss my brother I swear everyone who came in looking over and leaning on this very narrow table was going to make my brother dump off the other side. I will never forget the details, the smell of his cologne, his outfit. Everything was beautiful. Even at 11 seeing my brother's dead body was life-changing. Made me appreciate life and not to take anything for granted. I'm 35 now and I can still remember the touch and if I smell his cologne as someone walks by it makes me have an instant emotional response. I'm tearing up just typing this.. Thank you to those who do this line of work and make our loved ones final day as beautiful as possible.
Oh Ashley 😞 so very sorry to hear such a tragic story of the death of your brother. Sending you lots of love and hugs, take good care of yourself ❤️❤️
I appreciate your loving response. Thank you very much.
I got at call from a Trooper that they found my estranged father deceased in his home. Apparently he’d been there for a few weeks.
When I went up there to the funeral home, they were so nice as most of them are I guess. Once everything had been arranged (for cremation) he said
“would you like to see him?”
I immediately said no and the look on my face was me thinking of what condition he must be in.
He said
“He looks fine, right before he died he had called for more heating oil to be delivered. The truck came out and filled the tank but Dad had died and the pilot light had gone out.”
So right after he died the temperature in his house dropped…it was February in upstate NY and a particularly cold winter. So I got to see him and he did look fine, as fine as one can look and be deceased anyway.
It helped a lot. Thanks for what you folks do. Much respect.
Oh no we are so sorry to hear 😞 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
We are so glad you got your last goodbye. Can imagine it been very cold in February there.
Thank you for sharing your story please take good care 🤗❤️❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknow Thank you!
I love that you do everything you can to facilitate a viewing. Not everyone would go to that effort.
Thank you BecSparky, you are right sadly 😞 I do it for the family and it helps me cope with my mum's death too. Take care 😊💚💚
My auntie and uncle were decapitated in a road traffic accident. We obviously were unable to view the bodies but my mum identified them by their wedding rings on their fingers. 😔❤️
Oh no what a terrible sad story 😔 😢 we are both so very sorry to hear you lost your aunty and uncle in such a way. Hope you and your family are doing well we send you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
Please take good care sending you our best 💚💚
I had a traumatic experience years after my mum died a few days after a car accident in 1981. The local news paper had published pictures of her still trapped in the wreckage. I didn’t see her before or after she passed in the hospital but my gosh it really ripped me up seeing those pictures that someone had kept for me. I did view my fathers body after he passed from a heart attack 5 years later. To this day I don’t know if it was a good or bad thing to see him (it was at the hospital less than a few hours after his death). Thanks for your videos T &T ❤
Hi Darren, we are so very sorry to hear such a tragic and traumatic story about your mum. Also to have your father die not to long after your mum so sad 😞 sending you best wishes from the both of us🌹💚
I can not believe how insensitive the local news papers were at the time. Tracy here, I too went through and still going through the pain of my mum been killed on holiday in Malta in 2001. It was all over the newspaper in a small town in Malta too as this had been the first fatality in there small town by a car ever 😞 me and my family were not allowed to see her and it took me well over 10 years to start to come to terms with her premature death. This is why I do this job, so I can try and reconstruct traumatic injuries so the family can have that last good bye especially with sudden death, we need closure with such trauma. I think this is what neither of us had, I totally understand what you went through 😞 it's a bloody hard journey. Please take good care of yourself and live every moment of your life to the fullest. Have a wonderful weekend 💚💚
My heart went out to those who lost loved ones during COVID, that were unable to have their final goodbyes, and/or view their loved one for the very last time.....sorry a bit off topic, but something you said made me think of that horrid time called restrictions/lock down.
Hi Nik Nax, yes the earlier days of covid was so very difficult for families and us working in the industry to be told we can have funeral was just heartbreaking 😞 let's hope we never bring lockdown back take good care 😚💚💚
@@Areyoudyingtoknow Have you ever heard of a show called The Casketeers? It’s about a NZ funeral home and the people that work there.
In the season currently airing, the last episode was about COVID and how they, as a funeral service had to deal.....it was heartbreaking to see these families not being able to say goodbye to their loved ones and follow traditions.
I’m babbling now lol....take care lovely ladies and keep up the great job 👍🏻
Oh no don't cry 🥺 it was a shit time no doubt about it.
Of course we know the Casketeets, we love it 😍 the owner is so funny. We have New Zealand friends that live her in Australia but go home for families funeral and it's that funeral home that looks after their loved ones. Very well know her in OZ. Hugs to you 🤗 💚💚
This happened when my brother died due to covid 😢😢😢
Many years ago, two elderly members of my husband's family were killed when their car was hit by a train. There was a huge debate within the family regarding open or closed caskets. Those advocating for open caskets couldn't be dissuaded. Despite the mortician's skill, there was no way to hide their horrific injuries, and to this day, nearly 50 years later, I can still close my eyes and see every bruise and section where their skulls were damaged. What struck me afterward was that those who'd argued for open caskets had no regrets, while the rest of us have always been tormented by a sight that was burned into our brains.
Wow,what a sad story. And it's also sad that a compromise wasn't reached so those who didn't want to see didn't have to 🤔we are sorry you experienced this. 💜
Interesting. 🙏💕
@@Areyoudyingtoknow Thank you. At the time this happened, the biggest (and loudest) advocate for having open caskets was a granddaughter who was so insistent, her parents finally acquiesced and ordered that both caskets remain open. Before the actual viewing began, when the funeral director brought in the family to privately see the couple and ensure that everything was satisfactory, most of us chose to not go in, which upset those who had voted for open caskets. After they'd finished, the most vocal granddaughter came out and announced that they looked great, and peaceful, and it was absolutely fine to go see them. I think she was willfully blind and viewed them as she *wanted* to view them, and she thought we would see them in the same light. You've seen just about everything in your profession, so I know you know how terribly damaging car / train collisions are to a human body. I can't conceive of how she could have overlooked their extremely visible and extremely gruesome injuries. I'm trying to not be explicit here because it was so graphic, and I don't want to give anyone else nightmares. All this is to say that if I were ever again to find myself in a similar situation (heaven forbid!!), I would NOT approach the casket, regardless of what anyone else might recommend.
Oh that's so very hard to unsee. Yes I know exactly what kind of injuries you are referring to far to horrific to see. Wow what a sad story it would have been kinder for the family and the deceased to keep the casket closed. So sorry 😔 wishing you all the best 🙏💚
I believe I would be like you I wouldn't want this this to be the last image I see of my loved one
I would be mortified if after a funeral director told me in my best interest not to view my loved one but then I insisted...then to see what was left of them...my last viewing of them would stay with me forever...no way...I would take the advise if the professional. I respect your response❤
Hi Nancy, thank you, it is a touch decision somedays. Take good care 😊💚💚
My husband died in 1982 of AIDS. I had been with him in the hospital; and I did not need to visually confirm when told he had passed. I felt no need to see him again to prove it to myself. I would have liked to have remembered him healthy, but his need to have company for those last days superseded that. I think it's easier to let go if it's from a progressive disease rather than a sudden accident. My beautiful young sister in law died suddenly in a bad car accident. In retrospect, it may have been better if there was no viewing. Granted, my family was more....touchy kissy feely than the mortician planned for. She was missing pieces. On one level I was impressed at their ability with makeup and...spackle. But there is only so much one can do. Bless you for trying to make this easier on the families. When my grandfather died, the raised Amish man was laid out.....and made up like a drag queen. I'm sure there is a learning curve, and decades later we're better at it. Dear Gods; put me in the ground with flower/vegetable seeds and leave it at that. I want to be a memorial garden, not a tombstone. Stick a bird feeder in there. The mushroom suit was a nice idea.
Hi, we are so sorry to hear you lossing your husband, please accept our deepest condolences 🌹 even though it's a long time ago it's still very sad.
Yes we have come along way in the mortuary world, thank goodness. We love you idea natural burial with the flowers, vegetables & bird feeder.
Thank you from sharing please take good care 💚💚
My mom and dad died recently. A year apart. Dad looked peaceful and handsome. He was sick six days. Mom don’t look like herself as was on hospice for 6 months to the day. I was not able to see her due to Covid and senior living regulations. It was private viewing. Direct cremation like dad. My sister committed suicide in a different state. I didn’t see her. It’s all personal. Thanks for doing what you do
Oh my goodness that's so very 😢 sorry you have had to go through all of that it's a heartbreaking story, sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
Always be kind to yourself and take good care ❤️❤️
❤❤❤
I've sadly lost many loved ones over the years, (thirteen from 22 feb 2016 (my mum) till Dec 14th 2019 (my aunt, mum's sister, on my birthday). I lost my best friend to cancer in March 2005. At her funeral, some people were saying that they didn't want their last picture of her to be in her coffin, so they hadn't gone to say goodbye. When asked what I thought, I replied that I wanted to go and see her, because I loved her, and being at the side of her deathbed (although I'd left 15 minutes before she passed, because she's kind of asked me to let her go), I wanted to see her at rest and peaceful. I also said that the last visual image was a photograph to add to the whole film of our lives together, and I chose to remember how much we laughed. I consider myself lucky to be able to think this way. I also consider myself highly honoured that I have known and loved these people, and grateful for the lessons they taught me. Thankfully, in all of the bereavements, I've never been advised not to see a loved one. I cannot imagine the pain of that. The use of a ribbon is such an inspired and compassionate thing. God.bless you. Xx
Carol, you have had such loss but you are still so positive. 🌞 Thank you for sharing your story. It is definitely an honor to be involved in helping a family say goodbye and I never lose sight of that 💜
You are such a kind & caring person Tracy. I wish more morticians were about that. Here in the US it’s about money making more than caregiving it seems.
Hi Cyndy, thank you very much. Yes it's a shame lots of bigger companies are all about money 😞 I am so glad I moved to a family owned business 💚
Cyndy I did see your comment with the link to the footage of the young girl starting to breathe at her funeral, I just can not find that comment it has disappeared when I approved it ( this happens to often on CZcams) to answer your question about it, have I ever seen this happen, no I definitely have not seen it happen I have heard of this before but it's so very rear I dought I will ever witness anything like that. How traumatic for that 3 year old's parents 😞 thank you for sharing, take care 😊💚
I don't think there is anything worse than not to be able to say goodbye and have no closure. Imagine those lost in 9-1--1, they simply disappeared. People don't undrrstand the need for viewings but it a chance to say goodbye and have that closure. Hard for people to understand that.
Very true. ❤️
My friends father shot himself in the head and they don't really do reconstruction here in Sweden. But they had a "viewing" where his head was all bandaged and they could sit with him just holding his hand. So at least they could be with him one final time.
I think it's great that you are honest with the family about why you don't advice them to view.
Hi Teresa, thank you for sharing, that's a very sad story but glad the funeral home did they best so the family could get that last goodbye, it's so very important to help with the grieving process. Take good care 💚💚
I live alone and my son never checks on me. My biggest fear is dying alone, laying there decomposing and the horror my son would have to witness.
Oh, that's worrying...maybe talk to a neighbor about your fears so they can check on you? Of course it would be best if you could not worry about this and just enjoy life ☀️🙂
I'm in the same situation and have the same worries. I have a granddaughter but lord I pray she doesn't find me.
@@Areyoudyingtoknow it's very sad that we are ignored by our children and considered a bother
@@ellybean5868It is terribly sad, that much I agree with. I do pass no judgement however because not every child (adult nor young person) was blessed with a loving, caring parent. I was not and I tried for decades to not pass judgement and just accept what it was. My dad will likely die alone - because over his years he has alienated his entire family. Not even his (all elderly, but still very much alive) siblings inquire about his health or wellbeing from me.
There is a thing called having healthy boundaries. I had to step away to save myself. But it took me years. 💔
My cousin died alone. Decomposition had already begun even though there was no heat on and it was cold. M.E. advised cremation even before funeral home received him. It took everything in me not to ask to see him when they removed him from the house.
My son was killed in a plane crash. No one would let me see his body. They said it was too bad. I really needed to see him. I’m so glad you did this video.
We are so sorry you went through this. So sad 😔💜
i am so sorry about your mom. 💔 *HUGS* it hurt to see/hear you talk about, I could feel your pain. I'm glad you've had that "maybe it was better" moment eventually, and I really hope it brought you some peace to have not seen her that way.
I didn't see my mom one last time of my own "choice" (I was pretty mixed up between being traumatized and how quick it happened) and it has definitely affected me. And especially because I have such a hard time with cremation but had no choice because of money...getting to that funeral home and just seeing a little marble box, not a body... It was a perfect storm of disconnect and not fully having that "she died" understanding even though I was right there holding her hand: the Dr (mercifully but not for me) muted the machine so I didn't hear the flatline, then because of the vent her chest was still moving up and down, then not seeing her in a casket... I've come a long way and continue to process my PTSD and grief, but I still have that lingering feeling of "Where did she go?"
sorry to go on like that, it just came out! it's been 4 years on Halloween (our favorite holiday), but it's still surreal.
Oh Nickie, thank you so much for your kind words 🙏💚 yes it has and still is a hard journey to travel the sudden loss of my mum. Not a day goes by without her in my thoughts I still miss her so so very much and still have so much to share with her and stories to tell her, I don't know where she is but I know she is forever with me in my heart and head, just where your mum will be too. So very sorry for the loss of your mum and I know the trauma you are living some days and understanding what you say, it's so bloody heartbreaking the death of our mum's😞 💔 we think we will have them forever by our sides.
I too have had professional help in dealing with her death but it took me 10 years to realise I needed help, it was a massive help in learning to live my life again and not just plod along with the trauma I held onto. I do have bad days but not as many as I used to. My work has also helped me in my grieve journey and still does. I now try and live every moment of my life filled with love and laughter, family and friends. Thank you for sharing your story with us and we both sending you big hugs 🤗 be kind to yourself & please take good care 💚💚
Also my mum anniversary of her death is in October too, I will be thinking of us both Nickie 🥰
My Brothers body was found three weeks after he passed and we were told that we couldn't view and say our goodbyes to him because of state of his body we wereall heart broken.
Oh Lisa that's just so heartbreaking 😞 we are so very sorry to hear such sad news.
It is the most difficult thing to say to a family advising against a viewing. I totally understand as I myself was told after my mum was killed we were not allowed to see her, it rips your heart out. This is why I will do my best to get some kind of viewing if at all possible. In cases similar to yours I tie a ribbon to the hand of the deceased person then have the other end outside the coffin so the family can hold on to the ribbon knowing their loved one is holding on at the other end, it helps a little. Look after yourself Lisa, take good care 💚💚
Im so very sorry for your loss. That must of been so hard to not physically see him to say good bye💔 sending you lots of love & peace❤
So sorry to read this, hope you have found the healing and peace you need .
One of my brothers was killed as the result of a drunk driver who ran into the car another brother was driving .
My parents said my brother had a bad gash on his head where he had hit the windshield on impact of the wreck.
They said the funeral directors had to sew his head up.
I was 14 at the time this happened in 1975. He had been on life support for 4 days and then the doctors tips my parents that if he survived he wouldn’t be the same person we knew before, he’d be bedridden for the rest of his life.The doctor then asked my parents if they wanted him to pull the plug on life support and they said yes after they had talked to my aunt who knew how to “ read” the EKG waves.
She told them that he wouldn’t have a good quality of life.
The doctor had tried to kick my aunt out of the room but my parents told him that she will stay with him and them.
My brother lived from Wednesday to Sunday after they turned off life support.
My other brother in the car lived but he had to have surgery on his hips and he still walks with a limp today
We are so very sorry to hear your story 😔 that's so very sad. Sending you all our best wishes 🙏 Thank you for sharing your story, take good care ❤️❤️
One of my best friends had been missing for almost 4 months until they found his car in the water with his body in it. It was hard to know that we couldn't have that last time seeing his body. but i can totally understand. i don't even want to know how he would look like at that point
So very sorry to hear such tragic news on how you lost your best friend 😢 and to be missing for so long it's just heart breaking. Your right it's best to remember your friend in happy memories. We both send you our deepest condolences 🌹 take good care 💚💚
When my cousin was killed, she was left in the woods in July for 2 weeks, so the searing heat and the animals, you can imagine. They would not let her (adult) daughters see her. Would. Not. It was the right thing to do. They were so angry, because she had just disappeared. She was home that morning, and then she was lost in the worst way. Just gone. But they've made peace with it since. We can remember her glam headshots and smile, and not what had become of her in the woods. It was the right decision, and I know it isn't one the police/morgue workers made lightly but I am so so grateful they did.
Oh my goodness that's such a sad story 😔. So very sorry for you and your family having to go through all that. Heartbreak, take good care ❤️❤️
I worked at a funeral home once for two years. A family initially wanted to see their deceased son one last time before he was flown to Mexico for burial. The funeral director advised against viewing the body as the man had been run over by a piece of grove equipment. At first both husband and wife insisted. But the director, using as much tact as he could, kept advising no. Finally the husband realized it might be better not to. So he started trying to convince her not to after all. She wouldn't hear it. The director finally got mad and took her to the cold room where the body was. You could tell the second he pulled the sheet back. We could hear the shriek in the chaple room. The husband just shook his head. The wife came back face buried in her hands.
On no what a terrible sad and traumatic story for the family 😞 It's always so difficult to advise a family not to view but you can never stop them when deciding to viewing 💔
you're a truly caring person and do amazing things to families loved ones with such dignity and respect too
Thank you Natalie 😘💚💚
Thank you lovely ladies for always being so open and honest, it's very much appreciated 💕
Thank you so much Marie 😚💚💚
My cousin was murdered and they made my aunt wait two days to see her. I was enraged. They had to threaten to call the police before the funeral director would let her see her deceased daughter.
Oh no so very sorry to hear this 😔 that's so very sad. ❤️
You 2 are just so amazing! I love tuning in and watching your channel, thank you for all you do
That is so lovely Keisha, thank you very much 🥰💚
New follower (I think you both are so sweet), I work in a hospital emergency department (A&E) as a patient care tech in trauma. I love your videos as they answer so many questions I have (for patients who have died due to gruesome circumstances like crush injuries and things). I appreciate you both ❤
Thanks so much for answering my question. You can do wonders & glad you can because like you said, people need that last viewing to move on. Thanks again for all you time and answering my questions.
Hi Dale, you are very welcome 🤗 and thank you for your question too. Take good care 😊💚💚
I love watching your videos. They're informal and help me out alot while I'm studying to be a mortician. Keep up the good work :)
Hi SpOOky Bab3, thank you for your kind words 🙏 that's so exciting hope all your studies are going well, happy to answer any questions you may have, take care 😊💚💚
I have so much respect for you!!! I'm an RN and am very intrigued with the dead (should have went into that field) Regarding death....my mom was basically "tortured" by the hospital where she died (my words) however.....being an RN (icu and cardiac) I was asked NUMEROUS questions EVERY day about her condition, and what to do, what not to do, how to do, etc.....when it was time to stop the machine my dad asked me if that was ok.....I told him i couldn't make that decision.....that it was up to him....i don't have that right. I never got to grieve for my mom when i should have because of all of this. I eventually did, on my own with NO support....it's ok...I'm good now, it still hurts EVERY day but you learn to live with it. It never gets better, you just learn to live with it! I can't believe it's been almost 20 years since she's been gone.....
That's so sad. What a horrible decision to have to make. You are right though, the grief never leaves you - we hope life is a little brighter for you these days and you have found some comfort.
💐
The work you have done for people in need as a nurse is just amazing and we wanted to let you know that we really appreciate how exceptional you amazing hospital staff are. Thank you 💜 Take care lovely, big hugs. 🙂
What a wonderful discussion! Really appreciate your POV re viewing. I missed saying goodbye to several family members and it hurt , but I have only good memories. Not that final image as you pointed out. I still grieve my dad all these years later because I lived away and he was cremated that day or so. So Thank-you ladies. I look forward to other episodes. Have a peaceful day. 😊
Thank you so much for your lovely feedback. Sorry to hear that about your dad 😔 I know that feeling to well 💔
Take good care ❤️❤️
I was a nurse aide and had to clean up my fair share of dead bodies. 9/10 times they've been my patient. Its not creepy or scary, its more a somber and sobering experience. Not to say its not hard, because they become like family. But we do have to clean up and prepare the body for the morticians to transport.
Hi, thank you for what you did during that time, a very difficult job but definitely rewarding and special 🤗❤️ thank you for sharing, take good care ❤️❤️
Total respect for the job you do and the care you take in doing it right. ❤
Thank you so much 🙏💚💚
My uncle died in a traffic accident due in part to him driving drunk.. the mortician did a fantastic job at reconstruction.
Hi Lori, so very sorry to hear such sad news 😔 glad the mortician took good care of him. Take good care 💚💚
My sister and both of my nephews died in a house fire in 2009. Their bodies were taken away before I was able to get to the scene. I had to provide a picture of her and describe identifying marks to confirm it was her outside of dental records. I wasn’t allowed to see her or my nephews. I’ve since read their autopsy reports and can understand why the answer was no. 🥺
Oh my goodness that's so very sad what an absolutely tragedy😔 take good care of yourself 🙏 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹❤️
We had a family member who, tragically passed away at home, alone, and was found days later. We were unfortunately unsure of the exact day he passed… but I’ll never forget the funeral director telling us if would have been irresponsible of him to allow us to view him… We were told they were unable to embalm him due to the decomposition… he said it was to protect us and we trusted him 💔 Obviously none of us wanted to contest his expertise… it was better for us to remember him as he was 😔💙🙏🏻
Hi! My uncle died at age 21 in 1947. I know, it was a long time ago. He had dived into the surf at the beach, most likely struck his head on something, was knocked out and drowned. They couldn't find him in the water, since the surf was rough that day, and he probably shouldn't have been swimming in the first place. The bad part was that they didn't find his body for three days. He had been carried by the water to another beach about three miles from where he had been swimming. It was in mid-August, which is typically hot where we live. My Dad had to go with his best friend to identify his brother's body. He said he could only recognize him by his appendectomy scar. He was wearing a silver ID bracelet, though. Here's my question: his body was not considered "viewable," so they had a closed casket, but the funeral director said he could show my grandma, his mother, an "outline" of his body. Grandma refused, saying she wanted to remember him as he was. Can you tell me what the funeral director might have meant by an "outline" of his body? This uncle died before I was born, but I've always wondered what an "outline" meant. Thanks so much.
Hi, such a sad story of your uncle's death 😞
This will be a cover over the body in the casket. When we have trauma to a body that's not fixable for a viewing. Viewings can be offer with the body under a cover this cover is pinned slightly above the body so it's not touching but you can clearly see the outline of the body. The cover is made off heavy net like material. Like old fashioned net curtains back in the 50's, 60's & 70's when your outside the house you can't really see inside the house but you can make out shapes and people, if that makes sense. This is the same thing we use to obscure the view but you can still kind of makeout that's a body shape, this gives closure to families without the trauma of seeing the decomposition.
Hope all that made sense 🙂
❤️❤️
When I first said I wanted to see my daughter the funeral home receptionist said "No"
I found her and held her from her ceiling fan screaming "why"
It was traumatic since here I couldn't bring her home until cremation.
But the funeral director said "I can absolutely visit her"
When I arrived with my mum in law and boss and friends, said I just wanted to see her again the receptionist said "No"
Thankfully I had my mum in law there to calm my Irish ass down, because she said "Liz you will see her again"
My boss who also lost her daughter to suicide went with me to view her, initially I screamed, but they hid the rope brusing, mind you I found her, so she just looked liked she was asleep.
Why would someone want me to have the last visions of her like that?
Thankfully I got to kiss her amazing violin hands, and tuck her into the blankets, she looked amazing to me, she has raynauds syndrome so her discoloration didn't look like that of a deceased person.
But the funeral director was amazing, I never wanted to see her neck, I found her so that was the most traumatic experience, if I couldn't of said goodbye, that memory would've killed me by now
I love my Justine, I will never understand how a breakup made her do this.
But I'm forever thankful to see her just looking like she was sleeping. Others I know have it much much worse. I truly feel for them, my daughters cousin took his life 6 weeks before to a shotgun over a breakup, so I'm thankful I got to say goodbye and wrap her up and kiss her
Everyday I'm one day closer to being with her
Can't honestly with for that day
I'm truly so sorry for anyone that's lost a loved one and they can't be viewed.
I'm truly so so sorry 😞
Your story is so heartbreaking every time we hear it 😞 and as you know we pray 🙏 for you to stay brave everyday without her, but she is always with you.
I can not believe the receptionist said that to you but very happy the funeral directors and mortician did everything they could to help you get your goodbye. Again Elizabeth please please please look after yourself, sending lots of love and hugs to you lovely 💚💚
Oh my goodness Elizabeth my heart aches for you I truly cannot imagine!!! No mother should ever have to bury or cremate their child least of all under those most horrific of circumstances! 💔 I truly hope you are able to seek help for your trauma and I pray for your healing and peace ❤️ your little girl is forever by your side in spirit 🙏🏼❤️
💚💚
Thank you so much for your videos, I find them so instructional and I love the delicate way you deal with certain themes, you’ve earned a new subscriber ❤
🥰💚💚
Hi girls x just to let you know that my sweet daddy passed away last Friday 😢 I'm so sad at this moment but dad was able to stay at home and all his loved ones were with him 💔 xx you both do such a wonderful job with your videos and I know that dad is well looked after from the funeral industry xxx
Oh no Lorraine 😔 we are so very sorry to hear such sad news on the loss of your dad. Please be kind to yourself 🙏 sending our deepest condolences to you and your family. Take good care lovely, thinking of you 💚💚
I don't ever care to see another deceased person again. At least not anyone I know. It definitely sticks with me. When I was asked if I wanted to view my sisters body...I'm so glad I said NO THANK YOU. I have wonderful memories of her alive. I did look at both my nephews and my precious bonus child. Tattooed in my mind. Sure wish I hadn't. Big regret.
Oh Anne, thanks for sharing that with us. I had a completely opposite experience. When my mum was killed abroad, I didn't have the choice to see her, and it haunted me for years and years. 💜Take care, lovely.
trigger warning, suicide
I have been suicidal for quite a while. I just started watching your videos and these videos have been giving me some reality checks. I have been close to doing ''it'' but then I have just watched one of these videos and decided not to do it. This has happened a few times now. Thank you so much. It is hard to put it into words how I feel, but these specific videos kind of got me and now I think I should get serious help. Thank you so much, you came in clutch
Hi Samu, what can we say ! We are deeply touch by your message and worried about you too. If we have help in the tiniest way that's amazing. Please please 🙏 do go and seek help from others. Your life is as important as anyones life. We are by no means councilors but we definitely advise you reach out to others and seek some guidance and support through this very tough time. Would you please send us a message say in 2 to 3 weeks time so we know how you are doing, we would really appreciate and love that 🙏 sending you positive thoughts and hugs. Be kind to yourself Samu, take really good care 💚💚
I am glad you’re still here. I have had several personal experiences of suicide as well as also being in that dark place of thinking of it myself. just know your story could be just the thing someone else needs for inspiration to carry on one day. Bless you. ❤❤
i lied to everyone around me that i'm fine for years. denied or left the situation when help came close. i was scared of the "stigma" and thought it wouldn't help and all that bs you probably tell yourself too. i almost died 6 months ago dad forced me to a doctor who i decided not to lie to. no one abuses me anymore, no stigma, no feeling of loneliness or that i'm getting milked for money. i wish i had done this before. get help, tell people around you, do whatever it is that gets you your life back. it's the best choice you could make right now, i promise you
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Glad your still with us ❤❤❤
I absolutely love watching your videos. The compassion and professionalism is admirable. You explain things so it’s easy to understand.
I have so much respect for those that work in law enforcement and the medical field…including morticians and funeral homes. I know death comes with the territory, but I can only imagine what it must be like. Not only do you have to work with the deceased, but with a grieving family as well, which is NOT an easy task. ❤
Thank you so much for your kind words 🙏❤️❤️
My younger brother (57) passed away and was found 4 to 7 days after passing. My sister found him and was traumatized by the sight of his swollon discolored body. She still has nightmares and its been just over a year. Due to the condition of his body no autopsy could be done and he was cremated right away. I'm thankful I didn't see him and only have my memories and photos to remember him by.
So very sorry to hear 😔 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹 take good care ❤️
When my cousin died in a car accident in the 90s, the funeral home told my aunt that
she was not viewable. My aunt insisted on an open casket so when the funeral came,
my cousin had a bruise on her cheek and a couple on her hands. That was it! My aunt was MORE
pissed now because they tried to prevent her from a viewing with only a couple bruises visible.
The funeral home should have known that her other body parts would be covered by the clothes
so no one would have seen anything traumatic, if there even was anything traumatic. I just found
the whole thing weird because my cousin looked totally normal aside from the bruises which were small.
Great video ladies! Have a great week! 😘💜
Hi Kim, hope you're week is going well too 😚
That to me screams I can not be bothered to do much work on this deceased 😠 let's just tell the family no viewing and hope they don't insist on a viewing. Can not see any reason for this at all this is someone's loved one died suddenly the grieving process is hard enough without been denied a viewing on a case like this. So sorry your family went through this, it upsets me thing like this. I think if you get to a time in your job and you can not be bothered anymore it's time to leave. Sorry I did mean to go on. Take good care Kim and thank you for sharing your story 💚💚
@@Areyoudyingtoknow Thank u Tracy! I agree 100% with u! Just seemed like laziness to me! Take care! 😘
When my dad died, he had a heart attack and passed peacefully in his sleep. Mom suffered greatly. Dad looked just like himself at his viewing but mom’s suffering was all over her face.
So very sorry to hear this 😞 we both send you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
Hope you are doing well 🙏❤️
I lost both of my parents a year ago. They died a month apart. My Mum dies of lung cancer first and her body, though skin and bone held up pretty well...However.. my Dad was a different story. He died of heart failure (and a broken heart) I visited him regularly and he stunk of rotting cauliflower, he went green and his skin started to peel. Purple wizened hands, skinny ect.. He looked like Nosferatu. (He would have laughed ) After a year I'm finally starting to remember them as they were instead of how they died. I don't fear death anymore. Great vid ladies as usual.
Oh Gemma, we are both so very sorry to hear such sad news on losing both parents so close together 😔 sending you our deepest condolences to you and your family 🌹🌹
Glad to hear you are starting to remember them how they were in life. Thats all we have our treasured memories hold on to them forever. Sending love and hugs your way 💕💚💚
I’m a former coroner’s officer and can relate fully to what you discuss. I have no haunting memories only positive ones, even in the most extreme cases I dealt with. That’s because I did my job as part of a team of dedicated people. Professionals who were primarily concerned with the best outcome for the families.
That’s the real take away-knowing I did my utmost for the bereaved.
Btw Tracey, you sound like a Geordie girl, are you? Where are you from!
I’m from Hebburn, South Tyneside, I worked in the City of Sunderland jurisdiction-a big, densely populated area. I loved it!
Oh wow what a fascinating place to be working and thank you for all you have done for the families 🤗 I know Sunderland very well and I know Hebburn as I had an aunt & uncle that lived there for a while many years ago. I am from Stanley Co Durham 😊
Thank you for sharing your story. Take good care ❤️❤️
. That's such a very difficult decision to need to make to advise them.. as it must be very hard for families to comprehend how awful it may be. You do a wonderful job to help them.
Another very interesting and compassionate video. (Ps..kal looking savvy!)
Thank you Amanda 😘
Yes Kal is looking good 😊 take care 💚💚
You are a wonderful souls, working in the most emotional time in a strangers life for the best outcome for others. I praise you and so many others inyour field, for doing the same or simular jobs in a selfless manner for the betterment of their fellow humans' worldly experience. You will be richly rewarded for your compassion and servitude. 😘
Thank you so much for your kind words 🙏💚💚
Thank you for caring so much. These videos are very informative and relevant. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much xxx
Very interesting as Always, ladies. 💗 Thank you for keeping us informed.
My Dad saw his brother (deceased) after their accident. The big heavy truck landed on my Dad's chest but on my Uncle's head. His wife refused to have no viewing or a closed casket. We kids weren't allowed to attend. Apparently they put sheets of gauze across the casket but it didn't help. The newspaper article likened his head to an egg that had a weight dropped on it. 💔
Oh my goodness Tee Bee 😞 what an absolute awful accident how traumatic that would have been for all. So very sorry to hear such a sad story. Did your dad fully recover ?
Sending you hugs lovely 🌹💚
Tracy I love your videos you're very helpful! Well I'm a upcoming mortician and watching your videos I'm sure I will become a great mortician!!!
Thank you. Best wishes for a very rewarding career. We would love to hear how you get on 💜
So sorry for your trauma...I lost my grandma from a car accident when I was 5 so I was not allowed to see her...now that I'm older I would have liked to have seen her but at the same time my last memory is very nice so I'm a bit conflicted...Have a nice day! Hugs and kisses from Alice
Hi Alice, thank you so much for your kind words 🙏💚
It's always lovely to keep our special treasured memories, it's what gets use through them tough days. Take good care lovely 😘💚💚
Sometimes, the condition of the remains especially in cases of severe trauma, or severe decomposition really requires that the remains not be viewed, as viewing of severely traumatized, or severely decomposed remains can be extremely dangerous for the decedent's loved ones to view the remains! Pictures of the decedent during life ✨️ 💕 💖 ❤️, and a closed casket can prevent severe emotional trauma for the decedent's loved ones 😢 💔 ❤️ in those cases, it is best to have pictures of the decedent during life so the decedent's loved ones can successfully grieve in the best psychological way possible ❤️ 💙 💖
Hi Russell, Thank you for sharing , take care 💚💚
I have some chronic life limiting health problems, but I am determined to gradually overcome them, and I am going to finally pursue my passion for Cosmetology, than later Family Practice Nurse Practitioner 💙 ❤️ 💪 💖 ♥️ 💕 I am currently 💙 ❤️ 💖 pushing through some serious exacerbations of Congestive heart failure/diastolic heart failure, pulmonary 🫁 hypertension, and congenital urinary retention due to congenital urinary tract deformities, but I am a Christian ✝️ who has a very strong faith and spirit 💖 💙 ❤️ I am not afraid 💖 💙 ❤️ of returning 💖 💙 ❤️ to my heavenly 💖 💙 ❤️ home 🏡 💖 💙 ❤️ when the time 💖 💙 ❤️ 💕 for heaven 💖 💙 ❤️ 💕 comes! You ❤️ may have noticed that I didn't mention death, because for me, ther will only 😉 be a transition from earthly life to eternal life 😉 😀 😁!
Hi Russell, so sorry to hear you are having some health challenges at the moment. Sounds like you have a positive attitude towards them 💪 hope you fight hard and come out the other end to reach them dreams of becoming a cosmetologist & practice nurse. Please take good care and look after yourself, sending you our best 💚💚
I told my parents to keep my casket closed either way wither my death was tragic or peaceful as long as a full sized picture of me was displayed by the casket with the word "see you on the other side"
Awww 🥰❤️❤️
I did not view either of my parents because i was with both when they died. I had my closure, no regrets.
Hi Robyn, we are sorry for your loss of your parents 💜 Trish didn't view either, for the same reason - and she felt privileged to be there at the end. Unfortunately we can't all be there and for some, the closure needs a helping hand. Thanks for sharing your story. ❣️Take care xx
As someone who has suddenly lost multiple people in their life once a year the past 5-ish years. I’ve only done 1 viewing, which was for my grandmother.
I didn’t have an option for the others, and didn’t really need it tbh.
For my aunt, who I was extremely close to, I had a mental break down in the middle of the church when I saw her open casket. I could not view her body. I didn’t NEED to see her to have closure. It was extremely traumatic even seeing a tuft of her hair peeking from the casket.
Not everyone needs to see them, don’t think everyone needs it for closure.
I wanted to remember her alive. As someone who suffers from the O part of OCD, seeing her dead body would be an image burned in my mind and I would suffer from for years.
She didn’t even die a traumatic death, she was in a coma in the ICU. She was a beautiful human and I only want her alive in my memory.
RIP Isabel “Isa” 1972-2021
So very sorry to hear 😔 sending you our best 🙏
Yes you are correct viewings are not for everyone and we certainly would not force an family member to do this if not comfortable. You take good care 💚💚
My Mother passed away in January they found her in a heated house after at least 3 days. I lived in another state talking to the coroner on the phone l couldn't wrapped my mind around what she was saying. She told me she bloated and rigor mortis had set in. I never thought l wouldn't be able to view her until l spoke with the mortician. First he told me he would see what he could do, me still not understanding. I grew up with the mortician, I think he was stalling telling me that I wouldn't be able to see her. I told him to be honest with me, he told me she already in a state of decomposition . He said she didn't have much skin on her face and her chest. I was devastated,I couldn't stop crying and he knew l wasn't taking it well. He called me and said if l thought I could handle it l could view her. I was sick because he said l could still see some features. I decided not view but he let me hold hand. That was January and I'm totally heartbroken because l don't have closure, l still think she's alive. I've panic attacks and my chest is so heavy sometimes l can't breathe. I know it would have driven me insane if l had viewed her, but now l'm just in a dark place. Sorry mentally destroyed.
I'm 71 & have attended many funerals, including my parents. I do not find comfort in viewing them all made-up in their finest clothes. A closed casket would have been fine for me. I realise that's my personal opinion & many people would not agree with me. It's just my choice.
Thanks for sharing, that's exactly right. it's so different for everyone - In my experience the problem comes when you don't have the choice. That's why we do what we do. So the choice is there, but you don't have to take it xx 💜
I am over 75 and have been to many funerals. Some of friends killed in Vietnam, some were from wrecks, various illnesses and some just passed away from old age. I retired from the fire service and have seen most violent ways people can die. It is a family or the deceased last wishes, if known, if they want a viewing, but I have come to the conclusion that I would rather remember the deceased as they were, when they were alive, healthy and active, than how circumstances caused them to die and how they look in a casket.
I was attending college to be an embalmer but had to stop due to an emergency in life, but had learmed quite a bit. I also studied and watched materials on autopsies in my spare time so knew the procedure. My first wife died from left ventricular hypertrophy in December 2020 so was autopsied.
What a violating feeling, knowing that they dissected my beautiful girl in the way that they do. And then the funeral was even worse. The embalmer was terrible. You could clearly see where they had stuffed her organs in a viscera bag inside of her because her stomache and chest were bulged. Then she had obvious dependant lividity in her hands, red and purple. They could have at least injected her hands and used make up. Her mouth wasnt set correctly so she had what appeared to be a smile like the joker on Batman. They styled her hair in such a way that she would have never worn it but i know it was to hide the Frankenstein stiches where they removed her skull and brain 😢
I cant get that image from my mind. Ive attended many funerals and that was the first and only time that i feared the decedent.
Oh no so very sorry to hear this 😞
We are so sorry for the loss of your wife, sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
Please take good care of yourself ❤️❤️
It is nice that the family does get the final say. Just because I know I would need that closure and time to say goodbye. I know if the choice was taken from me that would cause me trauma, I'd feel like I had them taken from me again, despite that not seeming reasonable or sane. Of course I'm speaking from a mother's POV. Then to feel all the guilt because if I was denied I know I would become irrationally angry at people that wouldn't deserve it. I'm an RN so I understand trauma both bodily and mentally, and I'm sure it really is different for everyone during this time.
💚thanks for your amazing work as an RN 💜
Thanks T&T , sensitive as always.♥️
Hi Lovely to hear from you 😙 hope you are well 💚💚
I had an open coffin for an old mate i looked after for 10 years after he had a stroke. When i found him dead in bed one morning, he'd onviously had a paubful heart attack as his face was contorted in pain, but the morticians did an amazing job and hednever looked so good in life! But 2 fruends i saw - one's lips were stitched wring and she was pulling a face she'd never pulled in life. And another mate looked like he'd come from maddame tussauds wax works and looked surreal.
So very sorry to hear of the loss of your friend you cared for 😔
Oh no sounds like the mortician was either in training or not trained well😬
Take care 💚💚
I just found your channel & subscribed! You do such important work & are so respectful & comforting❤ Also our name is spelled the same way
It's the only way to spell it Tracy 😉 Welcome to the channel and that you so much for your kind words and subscribing 🙏 of you have any questions we are happy to try and answer them either her or on video 😊 take care 💚💚
In Britain you dont have a open coffin only at the chapel of rest where you can see the loved one privately this is more personal and not on public display which is unnerving for some people
Thanks for sharing 💚💚
I was at my grandparent's house when my grandfather passed from terminal lung cancer, so I saw his body in the chair he passed in before the coroner and ambulance got there. My mom and I had been taking care of him ourselves with hospice people isiting a few times a week to check him over, assess his state physically, adjust medication as needed, etc... etc... etc... 2 days❤ before he passed, my mom had to catch a flight to Southern California (my grandparents lived in Las Vegas) for a presentation to a toy company (she was doing freelance toy design at the time). He was at a point where he had zero appetite, eating or drinking made it uncomfortable, so all i could do was get his meds and morphine painkillers into him via feeding tube that doctors had run into his stomach. I also changed out his morphine topical patches as needed too. He was in excruciating pain. Early the next morning, on a Sunday,, my grandfather fell and I had to call the emergency hospice nurse to come out. She assessed my grandfather, and I asked if I ought to call my mother and have her catch the next available flight back to Vegas. The nurse paused, thought for a moment, and said it might be a good idea to do exactly that, which I did. She also instructed me to triple his morphine dose and give it to him whenever he said he needed it. My mom got in late that night, he was still hanging on, barely. After the triple dose of morphine the nuse gave him and another one later on that day, he basically slept the whole time. My mom managed to wake him up to let him know she was home, he acknowledged he understood. He had another round of morphine that night. The next morning, my mom woke him up again to remind him she was home, and did he remember that from last night. He said he knew, he remembered. Had had one more dose of morphine, and an hour or two later, he was gone. I saw him in his chair, he looked like he was sleeping, fully at peace, so I had my closure then. I carried alot of guilt around for a long time, thinking I had done something wrong and that's why he passed, but a dear friend of mine who is a nurse said that at that stage, his body was already shutting down and in the process of dying. I did exactly as I should have done, exactly WHEN it should have been done, and I was finally at peace with it.
Years later, when my grandmother in law was dying, my husband and I visited her in the hospital, and I was seeing those exact same things in her, and I knew she was going to pass, VERY soon, within days. Sadly, I was correct. I didn't say anything to anyone, because I didn't feel it was my place, and I figured it would make things worse on the whole family, but I knew what I was seeing, and was prepared to help my husband through it. I told him about this many years later, but in the moment, it wouldn't have been the right time.
Hi, what a wonderful person you are you did your very best and should be proud you were there till the end 🙏💚💚 we both send you our deepest condolences 🌹
Thank you so much for sharing your story take care 💚💚
I can't even imagine why survivors desire to view their dead, stiff relatives or friends. This practice is very challenging and confusing for me. I appreciate you two. ❤
Hiya, it is a difficult thing to understand if you havent been in that position - if you can, go and watch Tracy's video on why she became a mortician 3-4 years ago. That might explain things for you.
Thanks for watching lovely xx
@@AreyoudyingtoknowAbsolutely, with pleasure. I adore you two.
Wonderful content lately. Always a subscriber!🙂
Hi Kristi, thank you so much for your ongoing support and kind words 🙏💚💚
Great message today, ladies! For such a serious video, I couldn’t help but laugh a few times at how proud Kal looked all cozied up to Tracy! Quick question though…do you charge extra for the time and resources it takes for an extensive restoration? Thanks Ladies!!! 🖤🥰
Hi Missy, I know Kal is looks so cool 😉
No we don't only the Embalming is extra. I have worked many unpaid hours on reconstruction. I know many other funeral home will change extra. Hope you are well, take care 😊💚💚
She says no to families out of care, not that it would be too much work. I respect that!!
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️❤️
once again an awesome presentation ladies!
Thank you 💚💚
I’m fortunate I was able to see my son in hospital after he died.. they kept him on life support until we were able to get the hospital. My other son and I decided when they would take him off life support. I’m so thankful although they knew he wouldn’t survive.. they kept him warm and comfortable until this mama got there. Horrible decision to turn the machines off, but I’m glad it was my choice. Every person was able to say their goodbyes 💙
Such a sad story. Sending love xx
Another awesome video on a difficult and traumatic subject handled with sensitivity and professionalism. Just what we've come to expect.
The sponsored AD to this video made me smile.
Tracy it was for a new to market product in the UK. Heavenly Chocolate. 4% sugar dairy and lactose free made from natural ingredients. Yeah I know it's not as good as Thorntons (they are on the christmas list😂😂).
😉
Thank you Steve, what dairy free chocolate 🤦♀️ oh my goodness it's nearly Christmas again can't believe it. Take care 😊💚💚
I’ve had that same AD several times lately and must say as a vegan it looks mighty tempting! It’s supposed to be not all that unhealthy aswell! I need to try it I think 🍫😋
You guys get the best chocolate ads we get some crazy medical stuff in Australia. We need chocolate ads yummy 😋🍫 💚
My dad passed away from terminal lung cancer. He was home on hospice in a hospital bed in our living room. He was more than just my dad, he was my best friend. I miss him and grieve his loss everyday. He's been gone 12 years. I also lost a dear friend, and my mom's companion both from COPD. I got to view my dad, and mom's companion. Morticians do so well at fixing up bodies for viewing.
Sending love and hugs your way 💚 take good care and be kind to yourself 😚💚💚
Hello!
Thanks for the video, and I must say I loved that new camera angle :p
I do have a question today, although it might be a bit confronting.
What is the protocol for a mortician or embalmer about preparing loved ones or people they know?
I imagine you wouldn't be allowed to/want to work on a friend or family member when they pass, but what about someone you met once? Like a cashier or a waiter?
I guess in short my question is, what would happen if one day you open a bag and find that you actually knew Betty from before she passed?
Ooohh thanks for noticing...Trish"s son has been helping us make things look and sound better💜 we might do a vid on your question because it's an interesting situation to be in, andi it has happened a few times. Thanks for watching 🥰
A best friend of mine was killed in an automobile accident. It was sudden and I didn't find out until after his burial (there WAS a viewing at his funeral). Not being able to view him, I believe, has impacted my grieving. I often have dreams that he's alive but won't return my calls or that he's missing and I'm trying to find him. The dreams are very distressing. I wonder if this is common for those who weren't able to view and get a sense of closure.
Let's discuss this in an upcoming video x
@Areyoudyingtoknow Thank you! I would love to hear some more about this topic.
My late sister past away sometimes around morn/noon on Friday & we didn’t hear from her. Her daughter went to check 9n her on Monday morning she was deep purple & unrecognized. She was in hot apartment building those 4 days I wanted to see her but police 👮♂️ wouldn’t allow me to. Said it’s not how I would want remember my last view of her that was worst day of my life & blur after that. I respect ppl who work with our loved ones after they pass over & take care of the ending part.
We are so sorry for your terrible loss 😘
I didn't view my dad, he was involved in a car accident a week before his fortieth birthday and two weeks after my 14th, my mum was told that the undertakers were having trouble dressing him and would advise a closed coffin, and it was. It's taking others word for it, and it took me years to get used to the fact my dad wasn't coming home. If I'd been older I would have said I want to see my dad, it's not going to be haunting me because of the injuries I've got a lot of memories and one isn't going to erase the previously made.
I just like to remember a person when they were alive. Viewing the body I cannot handle.
It's not for everyone ❤️❤️
My father passed at home but was not found for about 12 plus hours. It was a natural cause, in bed. But the coroner would not let me see him. His wishes were no funeral and to go straight to the cremation. She never gave me a reason of why I couldn't see him. It really messed me up. It happened in 2012 and I'm still not over him. It's like he just disappeared, I didn't get to say goodbye. He was here and he just wasn't
So very sorry to hear 😞 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹🌹
I know how difficult that is please always take care of yourself ❤️❤️
Reading these comments and watching these videos brings me right back to when my paternal grandmother died Easter Sunday 1963 when I was 3 years old and My father was holding me while I was balling my eyes out and he took me next to her hospital bed and wanted me to give her a kiss goodbye but I looked at her and was horrified and really started screaming no I don't want to, now I loved her very very much but the way she looked just terrified me and I really can't say whether or not I really did give her a kiss but I've never ever forgotten that scene and how she looked and I remember the drive to the funeral parlor and we were sitting towards the back and then everyone started to go look at her in her coffin and My father wanted to know if I wanted to go see here and I was still so upset and truly traumatized I said know and held on to the chair so I couldn't be picked up without taking it with me. Please don't force kid's to do this stuff because this is My last memory of my grandmother and shortly I will be 64 and this still is fresh in My mind like it was just yesterday. She died of a pulmonary embolism and I'm told she basically threw up blood while being wheeled in the hospital corridor with such force it went straight up and hit the ceiling then immediately she was gone her mouth wide open with mucus or whatever like a band ftom the top to the bottom half eyes starring. As far as not knowing you are naked on the table, not necessarily so, I had tuberculosis when I was a little kid, got it shortly before I turned and went through the out of body looking at myself in the bed while standing next to my mother and Aunt trying to get their attention saying I'm right here next to you, then when I was supposed to have surgery to cut out one lung before they even put me out I died on the table, both lungs and all my veins collapsed and I suddenly was in the corner of the ceiling looking down on myself on the operating room table and watched the team trying to bring me back, I knew It was me and what happened but didn't care I had a different consciousness and understanding then I suddenly was back in my body in my room and My Aunt who was a RN Was next to the bed when I woke up, they also put a I.V. in My ankle bone, had to do a cut down procedure because no place to put the I.V. I TOLD My Aunt what I saw just before I was up in the corner of the operating room and what I thought but she just discounted it because of what I been through. But I know now what lies ahead so death isn't feared just like some others have mentioned maybe the way you die and dying alone.
Hi thank you for sharing.
We would never force any family to view or children. Take care 😊💚
I believe that a person needs to view a body for
Closure. If they are in a traumatic accident, then I could see a
Closed casket. I had a relative that was in an accident and they told us not to touch her hands because they had put them back together
Yes we do need closure 😔
Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️
I went to a funeral of a classmate whose head had been decapitated in a major car accident and her body had been completely ripped apart into two halves, also. Because of the family's beliefs, the funeral was open casket despite it all and the face having been crushed as well. Thankfully, the funeral took place shortly after her passing and I would imagine "tricks" were used in order to allow an open casket funeral without decomp causing major issues. You could definitely tell that her torso and lower half were not naturally connected together anymore but they did a decent job at making it look otherwise by stuffing the area somehow, which was mostly hidden by the dress she wore. They also used a huge scarf around the neck to hide that the head wasn't attached as it had been -- though I would imagine they sewed it back on to some extent (skin-to-skin) or possibly used surgical glue, but I don't work in that business and don't know all the little tricks they've acquired over the years. As obvious as it had been that those horrible injuries had occured and that multiple parts of her body were severed from one another, the funeral home definitely did a great job. Edit: In regards to the crushed face, they did a surprisingly good job and you couldn't really tell that the face had been completely crushed, BUT she had an identical twin sister and the two no longer looked anything alike after that, which was honestly unrealistic to have expected anyhow considering the extent of the damage to the entire face. Still yet, identical anymore or not, the face definitely looked like there hadn't been such extensive trauma to it so, because of that, I'd still call it a success.
I also went to the funeral of my mom's ex husband's brother who had died by suicide, and it was open casket as well. An entire half of his skull had been absolutely obliterated and the funeral home used mesh and other tricks to completely build back that entire side of his head, synthetic hair and all. Had I not known that he was missing such an insanely large portion of his head, I would have never known that it had happened; that's how great of a job they did. I was absolutely amazed by their skill. Whoever reconstructed his skull, his ear, and a portion of his face was truly an artist.
The same goes for my ex wife's cousin who had been shot in the face/forehead by a shotgun at close range and still had an open casket funeral. That funeral home completely reconstructed the affected area with mesh, wax, and synthetic hair, and it would have been impossible to tell that he'd ever lost everything from above the eyes extending to the very top of the head unless you'd known beforehand.
Now, I've seen HORRIBLY done jobs as well for people that hadn't died due to things like I mentioned above that were absolutely deplorable. How the deceased person looks in their casket obviously just depends on the skill of the person that prepared them. Like I said, I've seen horribly done jobs, but I've also seen things done that I would have believed were impossible.
Very sad stories but interesting to hear your perspective. ♥️Thanks for sharing xx