'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat'
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- čas přidán 24. 02. 2008
- Gen. McBrayer discusses how valuable homosexuals are, and why we must never put their lives at risk by allowing them in the military.
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"Seven" no hesitation whatsoever
He did the math
Cue Ball no, there's a department in the military dedicated to calculating the value of gays to straights
@Thuzar Because that's the conversion rate of homosexual life to heterosexual life
well there are researchers and thesis its scientifically proven that the number is 7
@@BackgroundDude because it's science.
Anyone else get this randomly recommended after 13 years!??
Yes, and 2021 is the perfect year to laugh at this shit xDDD
Yeah, haha. Wonder how the algorithm decided to put this on our feed.
Yep
Yup
Yes
The thought of anyone of these could be someone's first Onion video gives me so much joy.
if you sort by new you can find some amazing comments
@@eltiolavara9 I know what I'm doing for the next hour, thank you 😅
T he is IS my first Onion video! :D
@@ianjames1754 are you ok?
I’m not sure how I got this on my page, but this is my first ever onion video. Laughed my a$$ off. Sending it to everyone I care about.
"How many men's lives equal one gay"
Bro without blinking:
"Seven"🤣🤣🤣
😅😅😅
It’s just scientific fact.
He literally blinked as he said that
“how many mens lives equal one gay man?”
*no hesitation*
“seven”
“General!”
I f*cking died at that point!😂
That line murdered me.
The lack of hesitation killed me 😂
Hesitation is defeat.
Me, bleeding out on the battlefield: “That was all for you, Neil Patrick Harris.”
Worth it.
Kneel down to Neil, the king
Thank you for "doing your part" (nobody choke on a crayon, Starship Troopers reference)
Neil Patrick Harris is gay?!?!
@@youtubeaccount2302 of course he is, he's an absolute chad.
Fun fact the Greek had a gay troop called The Sacred Band of Thebes, 150 gay couples. It was thought lovers would fight more fiercely than strangers.
You mean the Ancient Greek right?
@@drrisen-9442 yes my bad lol
That was the thebans that had the sacred band of thebes
@@jacobjones1457 The Thebans were Greek.
@@jasonwilliams8016considered visiting Greece, now I don't know... 🤔
16 years later and this is just now showing up on my feed?
Average the onion experience
Crazy
"why are you gae?"
"because I'm precious"
Awwww cute as hell
xd
This one haha
My precious
"hu ses I'm precious?"
"u are precious."
I love how he just said 7 without thinking about it
Gay to straight conversion ratio
Clearly, they had top men working on that answer.
Its science
It was either in the script or on the Que card.
I was browsing old comedy videos I liked to add to a comedy playlist, as I clicked this I started actually laughing just from remembering this joke.
Life was so different back in 2008😢
Can someone bring it back. Life has been extremely miserable for these 15 years
Easy, Everyone needs to give up Twitter, FB, IG, Discord, CZcams and all kinds of social media
It's not a coincidence that life has started sucking since Social media got popular
Will you believe me if I said 2008 was one of the worst years of my life. My least favorite year of all.
This is sweet compared to the 2000s
2008/2009 were really bad years because of the financial collapse, banks went under and tens of thousands of people were laid off, all we could do is watch the news and hope it didn't happen to us.
bruh you realize that 2008-2009 was the year of financial crisis, right?? do you wanna be homeless??
16 years ago. How precise this is in 2024.
Even the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' is the complete opposite of 'Pride' 😂😂
@@TrevorJennings-rd6lvwhat a weird bot
@@TrevorJennings-rd6lvwe're fine, - vaccination saved us as well as millions of other people!
Isn't science fantastic? 🤗🍻
@@lisette2060No it didn't.
Because ... The social patterns never change. Just the clock facings.
I will risk mine and 6 other heterosexuals lives in the name of protecting the gays
thank you for your sacrifice
thanks big johnny
Gay
thank you big johnny :)
You are a true ally :) thank you
His straight up no hesitation answer of "7" just bust me up everytime
dumbledore: so you split your soul into how many parts again?
voldemort: 1:06
Lol yeah the straight faced short answer of 7 without any elaboration had me rolling.
its just such an arbitrary number lmao
7" busts me up every time, too.
Of course the military has a doctrine for this, it couldn't go unregulated.
This is freaking priceless even 16 years later. 😂😂😂
I've never felt more appreciated in the last 16 years. Thank you, general.
_I'm not usually homosexual_
_But when I am, it's because there is a war happening_
LMAO
I know this is a joke, but i'd rather prefer dying in the war than to kiss a guy on the lips🤢.
@@coolconduct2495 cool, now go back to your normal life
@@coolconduct2495 thats kinda gay bro
@@coolconduct2495 Mmh, I'd kiss a girl for $100. You do you I guess-
"How many soldiers' lives is a gay's life worth?"
"Seven."
And that's where I lost it.
And you have 7 likes now, i dare not ruin it.
@@ajorngjdonaydbr 71 now
Homosexuals in army are a common thing. Gays in army? I already hear Chinese, Russian and North Korean tanks bruming.
@@ancientslav4863 what?
@@ajorngjdonaydbr i dare not be the 8th like for YOUR reply
Why tf I am seeing this 16 years later in my feed
"Seven"
Hes asked this question monthly
He said it likes its a factual thing that has been researched 😅
That firm, matter-of-fact “7” fucking took me out
Clearly they had formed a committee to study it and he had read that report.
Same lol
I had to replay the next 30 seconds or so because I couldn't concentrate. But I went back to the 7 and laughed again.
hahahahaha same
Me too rofl
When he said "seven" he said it instantly without hesitation, firmly and confident, this number is not just an estimation, but the result of serious studies and assesments involving analysts, sociologists and military experts
Love it lol
One for each colour of the rainbow
It also implies that although America's gays are precious, there is a certain number of soldiers that become more important.
Now just imagine how valuable a gay soldier would be.
@@ster2600 🤣
@@Resi1ience Simple math; 7 times 7 is 49.
I appreciate you guys not taking this stuff down.
“God bless America and her gays“ lmaooo
Due to inflation, the life of a gay person is now worth eleven soldiers. But aside from that, still very accurate.
Gays immune to inflation 😂
@@panzerofthelake506But the straight people being compared to are not, which is why the value of the gay person does not trail by the losing value of the hetero variety.
Ignorant butthole
Biden : " I made gays worth more! That's Bidenomics folks!"
We have since moved from the "gold standard" as a measure of economy, switching to the much more valuable and stable "gay standard"
i can’t handle how seriously he said 7. he didn’t even flinch. i’m crying laughing.
me too, its laughable to think gays are worth 7 when in actuality they are worth 50.
You stand by this bigot?
Lol that was pretty funny
that's exactly where I lost it too :))
I think there is an actual reason they did that...there have been so many times where i am watching a news interview and the person being interviewed will say something strange (really bazar) and the reporter doesn't follow up on what they had just said. As if they are just reading a list as they go.
Wow! The Onion putting up something I can agree with.
This video uploaded when i was 10
And now youtube out of nothing decided to suggest it to me
Lol
“God bless America and her gays.” -Gen. Robert Mcbrayer
(-.-)ゝ
This should be written on the dollar bill. 🤔
@hafs reader yes yes, and a hail Satan to you as well my friend!
Why is America feminine?
Who decided that?
amen
If I ever become a streamer, that's going to be one of my sound effects:
"God bless America and her gays,"
Do it. Plz.
Send channel link right now or it'll never happen
No one is stopping you
@@flameBMW245 my empty wallet and school laptop are tho
@@astroboystan damn man, i was looking forward to a new streamer popping up, hope you can go through with your wishes i guess
Well put
I like how hes joining from the pentagon with it way it the background and below him
That’s called a green screen they have been used in the news for a while now 😂🤦🏻♂️
"7"
No hesitation. He knew that. It's basic logic.
It's basic maths. They teach it in year 1
It's the first thing they teach you in military school
777 Likes. Perfection.
I mean duh, who doesn’t know it?
He look like the kind of general that did a PHd in War Studies to come up with that conclusion
I think he's just afraid that his boyfriend would get enlisted
that’s actually really wholesome 🥺
No
Exactly 😥 a tale as old as time....
You mean "drafted", don't you, Schmucky?
arent we all. bless.
I absolutely love the fact The onion news are over time becoming reality 🧅
This is a gem, well done :))))
"How many soldiers' lives is one gay man worth."
"Seven."
lmfao
I dont get it
@@DanT-dh8lz they're saying that one gay mans life is "worth" 7 soldiers life. so saying that a one gay man is equally as important and precious then 7 soldiers. (if that makes sense)
He didn’t even stutter 💀
@@DanT-dh8lz it funny bc his bullshit sentence sounds so natural.
They’re not wrong though
*WW3 about to start*
You know, I'm something of a homosexual myself.
😂😂
Praise Canada for the invention of self-identification.
Underrated comment lmfao
Profile pic checks out.
I'm glad it was shit five months ago too. Time has lost meaning
Watching this twice: once for the video and a second time for the fascinating headlines
does that mean bisexuals are worth 3 1/2 ?
Lameashellcosplay Bisexuals are equal to three fifths of a man, so gays are worth 11.666 bisexuals.
No, it worth 8, 7+1
Aight wtf.
That's so stupid, this the problem with this law. It's clearly 5. 50% of 1 straight person is 0.5 plus 50% of 1 gay person is 4.5. it's fundamental algebra. 1s /2 + 1g/2 =1b.
How much are pansexuals worth
"God bless America and her gays."
"God save the Queens."
@@steelrarebit7387 underrated comment
War Inc. hahahha
@@joksizantos7520 No. The Queens. You made it worse.
"I did it for the girls and the gays that's it"
THIS IS HILARIOUS I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED THE ONION
Recommended on June 1st 2024. What are you trying to say, yt?
"How many soldiers lives is the life of one gay man's worth?"
"Seven"
No hesitation or second thought.
This calculation has been made before.
i wanted to like but then i saw the current count and just take this as a like
He almost says it with some disdain as if he's questioning himself how the reporter doesn't already know the information lol
Incredibly based
@@manshark3 the education system has really failed us, this study should be part of the common core
Rainbow bro. 7 colours
"30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" The text crawl is fucking genius.
Lmao never noticed that
Oh my god
“Boring man dies”
you should see the text on the subway one "fast places insist food servings should not be measured in feet"/
sometimes on onion vids i don't even pay attention to the ppl talking and just read the scrolling news headlines XD
I had to watch this video twice the first time I was laughing so hard I thought this was a comedy sketch.
That was too funny 😂😅. Love some good sarcasm, pure hearts & too precious.lmao
I feel bad for Onion. They can't make stupid news anymore cause the real news already too stupid.
Lol, I'm dead 😂
and people getting offended by anything now
and then we have the ones that think satirical news is real news 🥴🙄
cringe unoriginal comment that you will find in every satirical video on youtube
Corona too
A bisexual is worth 3.5 soldiers.
are we not pure enough
LOL
Yeah, I could probably take 3.5 soldiers
@@clawlion8 me too ;)
@@pearly2346 wait 3.5 what like half a torso or something
Incredible piece of satire, as a gay man 😂
What a gem.
One gay soldier's life is equal to seven straight soldiers' lives because that's how many colours there are in the rainbow.
Oh! I didn't catch that, thanks!
indigo doesn't belong in the rainbow smh
Red orange yellow green blue purple
The pride flag is not a real rainbow
Pride flag has 6 colours though. It used to have 8, but then it was brought down to 7, and then to 6. There's just one purple on it. I think the removed colours were turquoise and pink, but I'm not certain on that, if someone knows more, feel free to correct.
It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defense of America's precious, precious homosexuals.
mercster You know, when I saw your prof pic, I thought you would say something that's the oppisite. Good on you.
The Elders Plot twist: you’re the judgmental one.
Or to lay down with Americas precious , precious homosexuals too. Lighten up just trying to have a chuckle no disrespect intended. I admire the army for the sacrifices they make.
Sarcasm lol
Good on you, you watched the same video as everyone else, here's a trophy.
Totally agree ❤
"Seven" is a number derived from a research done at Rand Corporation in 2005
This has aged like a fine wine
How?
@Oz Acceptance of gay people has risen since this video was published in 2008. A lot of (lgbt) kids say their gay friends are "precious" and that they want to protect them. This art has grown to imitate life even more as time has progressed.
That's not how that works
yeah, they used to be 7 but now they're 8 and a half
@@Lefy2007 "maybe we going to war with Russia" haha you don't have a clue
Ok, I’m looosing my mind seeing how many people are asking if this is real or not. Cmon guys. It’s obviously real. The onion has never lied before, so I’d doubt they would start now
Exactly
I hope that one day they will understand
Well it would have been 13 years ago, not now.
"C'mon man!"
This Is fake no doubt
It’s been so long since I’ve seen you on my for you page….Welcome back Unyuuuun…
Excellent explanation of the low recruitment #s!
Honestly, I think the funniest part is the news scroll on the bottom.
"US Mathmaticians Round Pi Down to Three," killed me.
No
Yes
So
Meh
TRU!
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of protecting homosexuals
You'll never get me aliiiiive!!!
Im an American!!
o7
I like how no one recognize this quote
@@hotdog0275 I don't
@@MargaritaMagdalena ay it is the declaration of independence ay
Due to inflation of gays now, the worth of gaus have fallen down to just 2.
I refuse to be slandered in this way. I'm worth much less than even a single straight man.
you aren't worth less :(
@@kittleo3614 Convince me. Tell me who I am. Tell me I'm not really the failure that I've become.
I do not place your opinions and feelings above the evidence of my own eyes and ears.
@@wilhelmburned yikes
@@wilhelmburned at least you know
Hey maybe you should see a therapist
I remember watching this as a young closeted gay boy and it was comforting to know that my life is seven times more valuable than a straight man's
7
nicksurfs1 that’s pretty stupid
i hail you, almighty gay lord
Same, God bless America and her gays.
Thank you for your gayness. America is forever in your debt.
‘YOU KILLED 7 OF OUR MEN!!!!’
‘But you killed one of our gays.’
‘Fair enough.’
A soul for... souls
@Giovanni Mendez yup
Progress
We're all numbers
Dude f a primate in the A
Very diplomatic Mr. general. Nice though and you're right.
I’m straight but when the draft comes back I’ll kiss every man
Ghey
Dude, the law was repealed, gay people have been allowed to serve in the military for roughly a decade
1:12 "Boring guy dies". Poor boring guy 😢
F
Eh, he was a 7th of a man anyways.
Same as the episode about Annoying man get his First Amendment rights taken away hahaha.
He will be missed
😐😑😔🙁😢😭
"God bless America and her gays" I died
I died on seven.
I died seven times
😂 😂 😂
I bet Lady Gaga stole that line from the general lmao
"for God and the Gays"
WTF 😂😂😂😭
This is exactly why I enlisted, god bless the gays
Thank you for your service to our our gays🫡🏳️🌈
If WW3 ever breaks out I’m kissing the first guy I see
Rules have changed fool. If you did that you would just be gay. Pretend to be transgender. That's what works now I think.
(Btw 2010 was the year the military allowed gays to serve.)
So you're confessing you are gay if we are all going to die?
I mean alright but I think you shouldn't be afraid to come out before then.
@@bryan0x05 I’m not gay but I’d kiss a dude idk what the means
@@dimthecat9418 that sounds pretty gay to me.
@@dimthecat9418 that means gay or bi
"30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" o my god 😂😂😂
The horror
Oof that's worse than getting drafted for the hunger games
So if you can get drafted to live in nebraska and I have lived there all my life doesn't that make me a professional Nebraskan?
@Mansoor Shakeel achievement unlocked! The good life! Be recognized as a veteran Nebraskan.
"Served two tours in Omaha... lost a lot of men. Something that always comes from war is regret, and I have a lot of regrets that follow me like ghosts that haunt graves. I still hear the screams, sometimes..."
I can't stop rewatching this
Never knew you had a channel. Count me in. Still laughing.
The scrolling text at the bottom
"30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" LMAO poor souls
That would be extremely terrifying
Now that’s some Soviet shit right there.
Wait a minute! I live in Nebraska
@@michaelschweigart3517 “live”
@@michaelschweigart3517 Facts, wtf lmao
I love how quickly he was able to respond S E V E N
OH NOOOOOO!!! Most people agree that my vids are the worst on CZcams. I agree to disagree. Please agree to disagree with the haters, dear sev
7
They did the math
The confidence is what killed me. As if he was ready to bust out a equation in case u pressed him.
LOL at that part i had to pause it for a second. after hysterically laughing i realized this wasnt a real news thing. especially when the ticker said boring man dies and of course after watching the rest of the video.
The straight faces get me every time. 🤣
I almost chocked with laughter when he said, without batting an eye, seven.
“God Bless America and her gays” gets me every time
😂😂
Unironically ZOG’s creed
It's so based
Are you assuming America's gender?
That needs to be a t shirt.
I am a straight heterosexual man currently on the way to enlist in the military. Don't worry gays, I and seven other soldiers will be ready to protect you and even risk our lives doing so. Consider this as a promise.
o7
A BI guy thanks you for your service.
@The Real Joe Biden eh, it’s more like I can eat both tuna and sardines. Same number of fish in the sea, I just get to eat both.
Thank you 🙏😔
Thank you, heterosexual. We appreciate your dedication.
this is bloody brilliant !!!
They are not rare anymore
Lmfao
Love the satire!
When you're so woke that you discriminate against gays because you love them.
and you are onion and start 10 years before everyone else
Twitter movements in a nutshell
God bless America and her gays
You know, I like murder but war is just too noisy so thanks for the discrimination bestie😌
That's transcending being woke and becoming a full-on insomniac instead
Sometimes I believe the onion is just a news network from an alternate dimension where humanity is just slightly more wholesome and weird.
Me, thinking back to the report on cutting off a childs life support because she just looks at her smartphone and rolls her eyes.
ah, yes.
One where the hapless fuckwits can't even handle an omelette.
Wholesome?
Isn't it satire ? Isn't the point of satire to make fun of concepts and people by showing how ridiculous they can get ?
Aren't some people already idolising homosexuals ?
Oh and most importantly... How is that wholesome ?
Anyone who thinks this is real i feel sorry for
The fact that the newer comments show a greater percentage of people thinking this is real is telling and extremely sad.
@@brendencarlson5220it just shows how easy people can be easily manipulated
@@FA-Q20-1and how dumb they are tbh
Nobody thinks this is real. Some people think some other people think it's real. Most people know that nobody thinks it's real but correctly think some people think other people think it's real. (The video is real, by the way.)
@@waarschijn really…
LMAO why is that so cute?
the definitive "seven" killed me
Rip
He said it like it’s an elementary fact that everyone already knows lol
Comedic genius
Literally is your straight. We have to protect our precious homosexuals.
YES
That straightforward "seven", like they've been through this discussion many times and it's been unanimously decided upon.
You know. I'm not gay. And you are very pretty. How would you like to earn some American citizenship
@@GandalftheWise God, no, why the f would I wanna downgrade.
@@GandalftheWise what
@@GandalftheWise Fuckin yikes dude
@@yueshijoorya601 Savage
He said one gay life is worth 7 non-gay lives and theres people in the comments that actually think it's real 🤣how is this possible hahahaha
My precious 😢
You know when a satire is well done when 14 years later is still funny and relevant all the same
it's becoming even more relevant, and it's accurate so much like God watch Onion videos and decide to let it happpen
it's even more funny and relevant when you put t***s in place of gay
@@KennaDeMerkedo t***ts=? i might be having a sped moment right now my apologies
@@zoeysiddiqi1532 no worries, you probably confused yourself with that second t there...Letters sponsoring today's episode are :a, p and s.....or alternatively: r , o and n. Either one will take you to the correct group
Satire?
For those who are unsure if this is real or not in the comments, I'd like to clarify that this is 100% authentic, serious, real footage.
Are you serious, I thought it was joke😆.... So you mean this actually aired on TV.🤣🤣
@@onyebuchiemordi4852 yeah
@@onyebuchiemordi4852 Everything from the Onion is 100% true. It is the only reliable media organization in the world.
@@onyebuchiemordi4852 Honestly, you can't really trust anything nowadays EXCEPT for The Onion. They're straight shooters
@@well_as_an_expert_id_say The MSM media is so BIASED nowadays. only the Onion tells the facts straight😤😤😤😤😤
I totally agree.
7
That got me. Thats a straight soldier like response
As a pure minded gay homosexual, I thank the heterosexuals who shield me from the horrors of war.
I thank the REAL MEN who shield me .....................
Thank you for your service
@@za9393i dont know what youre implying. Nothing more manly than 2 men
@@mixedvibes9613Except for three men
@@unconcernedcitizen4092 ah, my apologies
"How many soldiers lives is the worth of one bisexual man?"
"3.5"
*starts stating the ratio of "every gender"*
None
And then I saw that this man was no general at all, but the Loch Ness monster!
@@noobyfromhell
Three fitty!!!
THIZ KILLZ ME IM DYING CURRENTLY
This was hillarious!
16 years ago? Wow dats wild
oow I know why they call it the Onion, because I laughed to the point of tears.
L. C. Clower I thought it was because they're unraveling the layers of propaganda that the US media has crafted over the decades.
No no. It was because grandpa tied an onion to his belt, as was the style back then.
I had never seen it that way!
No its because the secret founder of the whole "channel" was the billionaire king Shrek
I thought it was because they were based in Chicago. I don’t know if that’s true though.