It's a complex issue. I mean, yeah, as a guy, I start out friendships with girls based on attraction, I ultimately want to have a romantic relationship with the girls I befriend. Over time though, those feelings wean off. Now I'm just friends with so many girls from my past who I once wanted to bang... well I'd still bang them if they let me... I don't know what I'm saying. Did I just contradict myself? Maybe.
But it's kind of the same for us girls too... even many girls will not admit it. If we became friends with a HOT guy, we want to have sex with him (or well, I guess some girls want the guy to fall for them first and then have sex). If it doesn't happen, we move on and just see him as a friend. Which doesn't mean that if it were ever going to happen, we wouldn't be on board.
"call the cops, it's already out there" "wanna spend the night in a motel? see what i did, i didn't let it lie" ahahahahahaha i love this movie. it's in like my top five.
The point isn't so much the sex aspect, it's how people deal with it. Men have a 'hidden agenda' which 'dooms the friendship'? That's just arrogant. If both parties don't want sex but do want friendship, there isn't any reason to stop being friends. Who cares about every little sexual sensibility? Man up and grow up, no one cares. Being a good friend is inherent to any romantic relationship anyway. Relating to people solely on physical attraction makes for one tedious society. And tedious it is.
And you, good sir, have incidentally just summarized one of the main reasons some women can't seem to find the right guy. They tend to skip the importance of being a good friend and place all the stock in physical attraction, which, while important, isn't ultimately very tangible. Instead of discarding the guys that don't make the cut sexually, they friend zone them because they know instinctively that they have qualities that can't be lived without in a man. It's a way giving just enough to make them keep trying, but not give them their all, reserving that for the guys who may or may not treat them well, but can arouse their sexual desires.
Renard Bennett You replied to my comment, but I don't see how it relates to anything I said. You're just saying a bunch of bitter guy stuff that one usually hears from Nice Guys.
RLviddy Lol Guilty on 5 counts... Except the bitter part. I actually understand it to an extent. On simpler topics, I now really wanna watch this movie again. Billy Crystal is hilarious.
There is a rule a friend taught me that's actually correct as far as I know. There's only TWO (ONLY TWO) reasons why a man wouldn't want to sleep with you. 1. You're ugly! 2. He's gay In every other cases (including he's with an other girl) he wants to sleep with you, but that doesn't mean he WILL sleep with you or even tries to sleep with you. It's just in his imagination.
Can heterosexual men and women ever be “just friends”? More than 90% of rape and sexual assault victims knew their attacker. A study revealed Large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them-a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt-basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends. Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction. Both men and women were equally attracted to romantically involved opposite-sex friends and those who were single; “hot” friends were hot and “not” friends were not, regardless of their relationship status. However, men and women differed in the extent to which they saw attached friends as potential romantic partners. Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else. These results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being “just friends.” What makes these results particularly interesting is that they were found within particular friendships (remember, each participant was only asked about the specific, platonic, friend with whom they entered the lab). This is not just a bit of confirmation for stereotypes about sex-hungry males and naïve females; it is direct proof that two people can experience the exact same relationship in radically different ways. Men seem to see myriad opportunities for romance in their supposedly platonic opposite-sex friendships. The women in these friendships, however, seem to have a completely different orientation-one that is actually platonic. To the outside observer, it seems clear that these vastly different views about the potential for romance in opposite-sex friendships could cause serious complications. Combined studies revealed suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”-and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view. So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly. But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis.
As a man, I consider the "friend"-stages with women that we are attracted to are: 1. Wants to have sex with her and thinks he might be able to achieve it(first period) 2. Still wants to have sex with her, but have realized that chance of achieving it is very small, hope is the last thing that dies though
As a lesbian if you saw a woman you're not attracted to but is a nice person, you wouldnt mind being JUST friends right, without sex getting in the way? You yourself will just wanna be platonic even if you are lesbian.
Just give them a chance to do so and 9 out of 10 male 'friends' would. I am a man and I know I wouldn't refuse a female friend willing to throw herself on me... Bottomline is that we (men) suppress our sexual urges pretty well until the right time comes :)
I think the point was more that once you have sex, it complicates things and ceases to be a normal friendship because at some point, different expectations and/or emotions i.e. jealousy can get involved. Aspects that aren't present in normal relationships
I love this movie, but disagree with the premise. You can be friends and attracted to each other as long as you can keep it in your pants. Can't do that -- like Harry and Sally didn't -- then it'll wreck the friendship.
So true. I had a really good guy friend I met on the tram, and we became close. At first I asked him out but he had a girlfriend. About 3-4 months later, he broke up with her and I went to his and had a few drinks. We ended up having sex and it destroyed our friendship. Then 5 months later I was asked by a guy to be his dance partner for a competition. We've now been together for almost a year!
i think that men and women can be friends... okay let me rephrase that: i don't think it's impossible. And yes, i think age has something to do with it.
You can be friends if neither wants a romantic relationship. At best you should be friends with benefits and nothing more. Because dating usually doesn't work out with your friend unless you think it will go to marriage. Which it won't for the majority of relationships.
this is video is the truth, the only reason i get friendly with cetain girls is because i like them and want something more, the ones i dont want i just be nice to but dont really talk to them a lot and usually i only talk them in school. Guys just dont need friends, girls if a guy starts talking to u a lot and hanging out a lot and texting a lot and other girls dont get the same attention then he wants more.
'The theory is absolutely true, there is a correlation between the increase of mixed gatherings and the rise of lewdness and immorality.' that statment makes you sound quiet up-tight. lol.
lol this is one of the funny parts of movie. it is half true like hormons can take over and it hard to be frineds, but that doesnt mean you CANT be frineds with guys.
I think women believe every word he said. Their is no way a married man can have a female freind and not have your wife think you are sleeping with her or at least think you want to sleep with her.
Not exactly but men generally get all the friendships they need from their guy friends already. Men just make as better friends, that's why women want guy friends more than men want female friends. Guys will never choose female friends over male friends unless they want to have said with the female friend.
DerekSutton, you hit the nail on the head. I have a female friend I am insanely attracted to. Why are we just friends? I'm chicken to take it further. :-)
3. STILL wants to have sex with his female friend, even though there is absolutely no chance in hell it will ever happen and he knows this. But hangs out with her anyway, cus it might still happen. 4. Doesn't want to have sex with her (true friend stage).
Well, I think this is true to a certain extent...but, I have friends who are straight men I've known since I was 14, before sex really came into the equation--(since everyone was awkward and unattractive) and I think we're capable of being friends by virtue of knowing each other THAT LONG. But trying to make friends with men when you're an adult women? Yeah...that doesn't work out so well.
Why Men and Women Cant be friends czcams.com/video/T_lh5fR4DMA/video.html The criteria here - is - can they be *_JUST_* friends. Like the guy at :31 says - you can be a friend to them and not act on it but the sex is still there - so you're not "just" friends. .
Your OPINION - see, that's what it's called - isn't the truth. Do you realize that this movie is about a man and a woman who become friends for the rest of the movie?
well good for you. stick to your convictions by all means, you'll probly out live me, and die peacefully. which is not a bad thing at all. it's just i couldnt help but picture as on of the old nun's i grew up with teaching in my public school. ya know, the type that trys to tell 8 year olds that sitting very still and very quiet is fun?
no we dont want to be friends with chicks period. But if we do its because we like them and the main reason we like them is because they are attractive.
@beeroosterm Are you kidding me? A 12 year old boy understands that concept! As soon as girls started growing breasts in middle school I understood that concept... hahahaaa
That's not true (for the most part). I'm a guy, I'm not gay, and I have a few attractive female friends of which the though of sex NEVER crosses my mind. O_o
To the guys who agree with whats said in this video....your just making your own gender look desperate :p Good job! Also, what about guys who are married, or have steady girlfriends? Does that mean they aren't going to talk to another girl ever again?...I doubt that for some reason. Perhaps I have too much faith in men.
"Yeah, you pretty much wanna nail them too" are the truest words spoken in this entire movie and it's FULL of truths
"Oh geez, what do we do? Call the cops its already out there!" xD
Stop taking it seriously. Its just a movie, still the best rom com of all time
It's a complex issue. I mean, yeah, as a guy, I start out friendships with girls based on attraction, I ultimately want to have a romantic relationship with the girls I befriend. Over time though, those feelings wean off. Now I'm just friends with so many girls from my past who I once wanted to bang... well I'd still bang them if they let me... I don't know what I'm saying. Did I just contradict myself? Maybe.
Yup.
But it's kind of the same for us girls too... even many girls will not admit it. If we became friends with a HOT guy, we want to have sex with him (or well, I guess some girls want the guy to fall for them first and then have sex). If it doesn't happen, we move on and just see him as a friend. Which doesn't mean that if it were ever going to happen, we wouldn't be on board.
"call the cops, it's already out there"
"wanna spend the night in a motel? see what i did, i didn't let it lie"
ahahahahahaha i love this movie. it's in like my top five.
Ana Corsi-Travali it is in my top six: the last waltz, coal miner's daughter, body heat, the big chill, witness, when harry met Sally... 😃.
The point isn't so much the sex aspect, it's how people deal with it. Men have a 'hidden agenda' which 'dooms the friendship'? That's just arrogant. If both parties don't want sex but do want friendship, there isn't any reason to stop being friends. Who cares about every little sexual sensibility? Man up and grow up, no one cares. Being a good friend is inherent to any romantic relationship anyway. Relating to people solely on physical attraction makes for one tedious society. And tedious it is.
And you, good sir, have incidentally just summarized one of the main reasons some women can't seem to find the right guy. They tend to skip the importance of being a good friend and place all the stock in physical attraction, which, while important, isn't ultimately very tangible. Instead of discarding the guys that don't make the cut sexually, they friend zone them because they know instinctively that they have qualities that can't be lived without in a man. It's a way giving just enough to make them keep trying, but not give them their all, reserving that for the guys who may or may not treat them well, but can arouse their sexual desires.
Renard Bennett You replied to my comment, but I don't see how it relates to anything I said. You're just saying a bunch of bitter guy stuff that one usually hears from Nice Guys.
RLviddy Lol Guilty on 5 counts... Except the bitter part. I actually understand it to an extent. On simpler topics, I now really wanna watch this movie again. Billy Crystal is hilarious.
Ooh, let's have an internet argument. It'll be so much fun.
There is a rule a friend taught me that's actually correct as far as I know.
There's only TWO (ONLY TWO) reasons why a man wouldn't want to sleep with you.
1. You're ugly!
2. He's gay
In every other cases (including he's with an other girl) he wants to sleep with you, but that doesn't mean he WILL sleep with you or even tries to sleep with you. It's just in his imagination.
Yup. It's the Curse of Testosterone
Can heterosexual men and women ever be “just friends”? More than 90% of rape and sexual assault victims knew their attacker. A study revealed Large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them-a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt-basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.
Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction. Both men and women were equally attracted to romantically involved opposite-sex friends and those who were single; “hot” friends were hot and “not” friends were not, regardless of their relationship status. However, men and women differed in the extent to which they saw attached friends as potential romantic partners. Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else.
These results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being “just friends.” What makes these results particularly interesting is that they were found within particular friendships (remember, each participant was only asked about the specific, platonic, friend with whom they entered the lab). This is not just a bit of confirmation for stereotypes about sex-hungry males and naïve females; it is direct proof that two people can experience the exact same relationship in radically different ways. Men seem to see myriad opportunities for romance in their supposedly platonic opposite-sex friendships. The women in these friendships, however, seem to have a completely different orientation-one that is actually platonic.
To the outside observer, it seems clear that these vastly different views about the potential for romance in opposite-sex friendships could cause serious complications.
Combined studies revealed suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”-and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view.
So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly. But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis.
As a man, I consider the "friend"-stages with women that we are attracted to are:
1. Wants to have sex with her and thinks he might be able to achieve it(first period) 2. Still wants to have sex with her, but have realized that chance of achieving it is very small, hope is the last thing that dies though
Yes, as a lesbian I can't have any female friends at all because the sex just gets in the way, ya know?
He is referring to Male-Female Relations.
Bardo eerie yeah, because straighties are more importanr
As a lesbian if you saw a woman you're not attracted to but is a nice person, you wouldnt mind being JUST friends right, without sex getting in the way? You yourself will just wanna be platonic even if you are lesbian.
Dead-on. "When Harry met Sally" was written by Nora Ephron.
Mike Wazowski schooling and hittin' on Anastasia LONG before their time. XD
Just give them a chance to do so and 9 out of 10 male 'friends' would. I am a man and I know I wouldn't refuse a female friend willing to throw herself on me...
Bottomline is that we (men) suppress our sexual urges pretty well until the right time comes :)
I think the point was more that once you have sex, it complicates things and ceases to be a normal friendship because at some point, different expectations and/or emotions i.e. jealousy can get involved. Aspects that aren't present in normal relationships
i totally agree with you. thats why if a woman and man should ever be "together"..then it should be serious.
One of my favourite scenes ever :D
I love this movie, but disagree with the premise. You can be friends and attracted to each other as long as you can keep it in your pants. Can't do that -- like Harry and Sally didn't -- then it'll wreck the friendship.
lmao this whole scene is so true lol
"oh geez what are we supposed to do?call the cops, it's already out there!" LMAO i can watch this movie for the rest of my life.
So true. I had a really good guy friend I met on the tram, and we became close. At first I asked him out but he had a girlfriend. About 3-4 months later, he broke up with her and I went to his and had a few drinks. We ended up having sex and it destroyed our friendship. Then 5 months later I was asked by a guy to be his dance partner for a competition. We've now been together for almost a year!
NalaBear1987 any update
The theory is absolutely true, there is a correlation between the increase of mixed gatherings and the rise of lewdness and immorality.
R.I.P Nora Ephron.
100% Accurate
When Meg Ryan turns her head to the right (her right) she looks like a young Alicia Silverstone, like 0:05 or 1:38
i think that men and women can be friends... okay let me rephrase that:
i don't think it's impossible. And yes, i think age has something to do with it.
You can be friends if neither wants a romantic relationship. At best you should be friends with benefits and nothing more. Because dating usually doesn't work out with your friend unless you think it will go to marriage. Which it won't for the majority of relationships.
attraction is more than appearance.
Billy Crystal was one good lookin' man! Other than that... video does sum up a girl-guy friendship/relationship, perfectly. ha
this is video is the truth, the only reason i get friendly with cetain girls is because i like them and want something more, the ones i dont want i just be nice to but dont really talk to them a lot and usually i only talk them in school. Guys just dont need friends, girls if a guy starts talking to u a lot and hanging out a lot and texting a lot and other girls dont get the same attention then he wants more.
LOLOLOLOLOL oh gosh, thanks for the great laugh!
'The theory is absolutely true, there is a correlation between the increase of mixed gatherings and the rise of lewdness and immorality.'
that statment makes you sound quiet up-tight. lol.
Brilliant.
I'm a conservative, I might be different to others, but I don't think that makes me superior, just proactive.
hmmm...he should write a self help book lol! I want to investigate his theory further lol. i need to re watch this movie i haven't seen it in ages!
What if he wanted a legacy and made a female friend just so he could sleep with her for a child? He could still have a hidden agenda.
lol this is one of the funny parts of movie. it is half true like hormons can take over and it hard to be frineds, but that doesnt mean you CANT be frineds with guys.
I think women believe every word he said. Their is no way a married man can have a female freind and not have your wife think you are sleeping with her or at least think you want to sleep with her.
That's in the follow up to this scene! "When Harry Met Sally - Men And Women Cannot Be Friends"
every word is true.
Not exactly but men generally get all the friendships they need from their guy friends already. Men just make as better friends, that's why women want guy friends more than men want female friends. Guys will never choose female friends over male friends unless they want to have said with the female friend.
DerekSutton, you hit the nail on the head. I have a female friend I am insanely attracted to. Why are we just friends? I'm chicken to take it further. :-)
It's true, even if we don't end up having sex, guys still like to generally be surrounded by faces that are easy on the eyes.
HAHAHAHAHA!! funny way to put the obvious truth about this whole topic... ahaha
totally true.
So you think guys and girls can be friends.
Cool! I agree!
SO TRUE.
billy cristal es un cague de risa jajaja
same with you...
Lol, no where in that comment did he imply men wants to be friends by how they look.
3. STILL wants to have sex with his female friend, even though there is absolutely no chance in hell it will ever happen and he knows this. But hangs out with her anyway, cus it might still happen.
4. Doesn't want to have sex with her (true friend stage).
5. Wants it again.
I take Sally's stance on this. Most, if not all of my friends are male and I'm pretty sure none of them think of me that way xD
That's a necessary delusion you have there
Well, I think this is true to a certain extent...but, I have friends who are straight men I've known since I was 14, before sex really came into the equation--(since everyone was awkward and unattractive) and I think we're capable of being friends by virtue of knowing each other THAT LONG.
But trying to make friends with men when you're an adult women? Yeah...that doesn't work out so well.
Why Men and Women Cant be friends
czcams.com/video/T_lh5fR4DMA/video.html
The criteria here - is - can they be *_JUST_* friends.
Like the guy at :31 says - you can be a friend to them and not act on it but the sex is still there - so you're not "just" friends.
.
@st3nkobe I concur!! Definitely a boy lover!
orly.
Your OPINION - see, that's what it's called - isn't the truth.
Do you realize that this movie is about a man and a woman who become friends for the rest of the movie?
So you admit it's your opinion, and not the truth.
And you admit guys and girls can be friends.
Thanks! That was easy!
well good for you. stick to your convictions by all means, you'll probly out live me, and die peacefully. which is not a bad thing at all. it's just i couldnt help but picture as on of the old nun's i grew up with teaching in my public school. ya know, the type that trys to tell 8 year olds that sitting very still and very quiet is fun?
no we dont want to be friends with chicks period. But if we do its because we like them and the main reason we like them is because they are attractive.
Xlove true x
unless the girl is pretty much a "dude", then it's a friend
I don't agree. Seriously, I have friends that are guys, and I HIGHLY DOUBT they would be willing to nail me. O_o
@beeroosterm Are you kidding me? A 12 year old boy understands that concept! As soon as girls started growing breasts in middle school I understood that concept... hahahaaa
freud is just one guys take. not the absolute truth
I don't think you should call slimshaby "a man", he says he only talks to girls in school, so immature kid seems to be more appropriate.
That's not true (for the most part). I'm a guy, I'm not gay, and I have a few attractive female friends of which the though of sex NEVER crosses my mind. O_o
You're asexual then
Really? You never even think about them having sex with other people?
@ytubefkr I'll drink to that.
hahahha lol
THATS NOT TRUE! I never think of having sex with my female friends.
....well, almost never.
explain the almost never part please.
It's bad for me
Sorry we can't transcend evolution like females.
To the guys who agree with whats said in this video....your just making your own gender look desperate :p Good job!
Also, what about guys who are married, or have steady girlfriends? Does that mean they aren't going to talk to another girl ever again?...I doubt that for some reason. Perhaps I have too much faith in men.