Ep. 108 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- čas přidán 21. 11. 2021
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2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer is back for another episode out of G-bay studios! Tom starts with how he grew up thinking he wanted to become a doctor, but realized he needed a higher GPA than the second lowest. The bears get into the trade off between working hard and enjoying nice things and if it's ultimately worth it. Bert then describes the BEST pep talk he ever got before going to an audition, which leads the bears to trade nightmare Hollywood stories. Bert then actively drinks water for a bit trying to reach a gallon for the day and how drinking out of water bottles makes his stomach hurt. Then the bears trade gambling stories about blackjack roulette, and craps, which then leads the bears to share confrontation stories with security.
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/ yourmomshousepodcast - Komedie
We need to get Tom a Best Listener Award
A Golden Ear Award
His reaction when Bert compared himself as a father to himself as a boyfriend was priceless.
@@markmacdonald7955 I have those same reactions as Tom when Bert says something crazy
To be fair Bert did have great stories today
Tom is so good, his reactions alone make me laugh
I wish Bert would talk about himself more so we could get to know him better.
Yes! This Tom dude never shuts up....
@@TheKnutification I just don't get it, I wanna learn more. Hope he has more stories to tell.
You mean bret? Whos bert?.......... Lol
@@vladvoytenko5129 ya I meant Brent, sorry
the crazy thing is, we still learn a new crazy thing about him pretty much every podcast
It’s crazy that Tom told that doctor story like twice before but Bert just doesn’t listen, so it’s a new story to him
They both do it. Idk if they realize it or not but Bart repeats stories a lot
One of them was on the honeydew with ryan sickler and I cant remember the other (maybe joey diaz?) but he hadn’t told bert before this. Someone doesnt just forget the first time they hear about the pussy cyst lol
Im sure they remember
Yeah this isn't a listen and respond podcast...This is more like a 'get your shit off' podcast...Even if things don't connect...
Bart & Tim are “Best Friends”👨❤️👨 yet he always forgets Tim has sisters… so every story is always the first to Brent🤦♂️
"I'd divide 10 by 100 and get this huge fraction."
.1 is definitely a huge fraction for Bertrum.
haha i thought the same thing
"you might be my smartest friend" is a great way to insult all of your friends at once. Burt's wordvomit is legendary. High and tight
wordvomit is a novelty word for me thats such a accurate way to depict bert as a whole
Bert has a good 1-3 years left so cherish this podcast while you can.
I’m not sure those years will be good
Jesus
What? Please explain
@@APAMVs People don't know how to be funny. Don't mind him. Just watch and enjoy.
“Why” lmaoo
Nailed it
Bert: "I like to drink all the water all at once, that way I don't have to worry about it." I love this guy.
It’s crazy how Berts high school guidance counselor re-enacted the scene from the movie How High and told him he should be a refrigerator repairman or join the military.
🤨
Yeah, what a "coincidence".
This is beautiful, oh Bart.
I know what a coincidence!🤦♂️
There’s a reason that’s in the movie buddy, it happened to tons of people in real life
@@owenjohnson7447 Yes or Bert has embellished half of his life, like many comedians.
The more we learn about the Segura family the more we realize they’re rich as fuck
His dad is/was VP at Merrill Lynch, they're doing ok.
Of course they are! All his shows and tours and stuff, and they do atleast 18 ads per podcast episode. Nutso wealthy mango
So is Bert's family.
So is Bryan's.
Bill's too.
It's almost like when daddy is rich you can afford to take risks like betting the farm on comedy.
@@Exalted_Example tasted bitter 🥴
@@Exalted_Example if you listened to early days of YMH you would know that Tom and Christina were broke AF. they scraped by making a living.
They are doing well now but it was hard work and earned.
I love when Tom makes Bruce feel like a crazy person
You mean when Tim makes Bruce realize he IS a crazy person
"Gaslighting my friend, with Tom Segura"
BRUCE KERSHER
Brock krampton
Gaslighting at its finest
Brett: *dolphin laugh*
Tim: *intense serial killer eyes*
4 kids and I have never missed a birthday party, its not worth it. Your children will only remember you were never there and that's a memory they will never forget.
I’m 38 now. In high school my dad would rather go off drinking with his girlfriend then go to my football games. Went to college to play ball and got hurt. Ive often wondered if he would’ve been around for advice During those years how different it would’ve been.
So yes your kids will always remember! No matter what age.🤷♂️
@@J-Mac8 At least you don't have your mom telling you she wished she aborted you, I assume. That's a grudge that I'm taking to my grave.
@@jamesmccomb9525 all you can do is not repeat their asshole ways🤷♂️
Maybe if you had never celebrated a birthday or made them aware of the unnecessary concept of it in the first place you would never would have to worry about that in the first place. The more I get older I don't really get the idea of celebrating birthdays as if an individual is important or special just because they were born against their will or choice and did nothing to become a person. I dont think anyone should celebrate or be celebrated themselves for just simply being alive and if we were to celebrate anything it would make more sense to celebrate the parents on your birthday or get them something or at least thank them instead of thinking of yourself or feeling like you deserve anyones attention. Its a weird unnecessary concept that embraces and enables weird negative character traits that if it was anyother day than the individuals birthday we would shame them or have a negative reaction toward that type of behavior or character.
@@neighborbruce Don't worry, I'm fully aware of that. Tried fixing that relationship a whole bunch then eventually I realised it's not my responsibility as a child to build a healthy parent-child relationship.
This is the only great thing about Monday mornings!
Try the basement yard podcast
Say that to Bill Burr!
@@Hjaelteomslag he takes forever to upload though
@@Hjaelteomslag Bill's podcast is boring
@@untitled6391 Yeah, nowadays I guess it is.
I've never seen someone try and give themself water toxicity and alcohol poisoning at the same time
Bart Krystal truly is a great example of the duality of man
When you google segura basket, tom's basketball dunk pops up on like the third row
Love how this is really just inside Bert’s mind with Tom hanging out
For real tho. Bert talking about missing events in his kids life is some real shit. Don't miss them moments. A yacht won't hold your hand on your death bed.
That made me super sad. His liver won't hold up forever. It already seems like they're estranged even though they're living together. I can't wait to cheer my son on whichever sport he chooses.
@@Hjaelteomslag I thought the same thing, then realized my son has zero hand eye coordination, he's gonna be a hell of an accountant tho. Hell of an accountant.
@@Greeezy My condolences! How's your hand eye coordination? How was your kid at the "pliers grip" and all that stuff? Now I'm worried!
Neither will his kids. They don’t don’t even call him dad
Seriously. Made me think about my son and almost made me cry for those kids. Even not being able to attend his taekwondo performances in person last year due to covid was a huge bummer.
I was more interested in Toms story about throwing the dice off the table… but Bert never lets him finish
He could have finished if he wanted to, it didn't sound like there was anything left to the story
Its probably coming in about 7 episodes when bart has forgotten all about it again!
When Brett talks about being on the road and doing cool stuff reminded me of my 20 years in the military. All the missed events, holidays, and time with your family. I think as long as the time you did spend with your family was rich and meaningful then, yes, it is worth it.
let's not forgot while u were serving ur country murdering or helping to murder brown people in far off countries who never knew the country u served even existed or never harmed u or ur country, these blokes leave their families and make millions then ask if it is worth it ... while every day two of ur fella veterans commit suicide and thousands live on the streets or engage in violence towards their loved ones being mistreated by the country they served...
these multi millionaires have it hard
@@larsbee Bert's only worth 3 million. Doesn't invalidate anything
@@patar3323 yeah I read that too but it could be much more or even less ...
oh c'mon bud, millionaires crying how hard they have it??? while poverty is rampant and people work hard barely surviving... they have it hard... c'mon u gotto get that
@@larsbee they're not saying their life is hard, they're talking about balancing work and family being a hard subjective decision, their worth doesn't make regret less scary
@@larsbee and they're whole thing lately has been about feeling lucky enough that they can spend frivolously for each other. It's wholesome AF
I just watched all of Berts specials again on Netflix and I really enjoyed them all!
Can't wait for his movie!
YOU'RE THE BEST BERT!
As a nurse, every episode has me more and more concerned for brents physical and mental health
As the president of the United States, shut up nerd
Wooo lets go baby! Got my koolaid and Tito’s ready.
was gonna say that this was the best bert ep yet til he started eating and brought the mic closer
Thank you! Yikes. Same for me. I didn’t mean to watch an eating asmr video! 🤢
🤮🤮🤮 I died
There's beans in that
Bert: having a heart felt speech
Also Bert: ouuu let’s talk about gambling
Tom- "I gotta say this might be your most verified story ever" 😂😂😂
I’m so glad I began to eat my breakfast with this pod, thoroughly enjoyed hearing about the vaginal cyst erupting
Thank god bert gave us the 45 minute version of the story about when a dealer hit his hand in a casino and his friend made two people apologize.
That’s so cool! I knew Dr. Segura when I worked at Mayo. He was a great doctor.
Thanks, all my tiny brain could pull from this comment is "Dr. Bitchface"
😂 Sorry
Good to know he kept it high and tight.
@@marlontaylor8722 😂🤣😂 That’s Nurse Bitchface to you!
When do we get to see what Tom got Bert for his birthday?? I've been waiting for that for so long! Can anyone tell me if I've somehow missed it?
I could be wrong but didn't he get him a Sea-Doo
@@fishsticks428 bert got tom a sea dew but don't think tom gave one back to him
@@afrothunder2135 my guess is its gonna be 2 sea dews
This is the only important comment
@@massivebids my guess is a motorcycle
All Tom has to do is tell bert a good lil story in the beginning and he can catch enough of his childlike attention to have him hooked for a couple hours and actually let tim speak
Like showing a kid a magic trick
Also every little snippet we get into Tom is. . . Dark.
If the drinking game became "have a drink everytime bert interrupts/talks over tom" we would all die within minutes.
About to be homeless and my mom is crying in the other room right now but I have bert and tom to make me smile
Stop lying Barf
That’s rough. I hope you see better days
Nothing better than listening to Bert eat food, chew it and cough with his mouth full directly into the mic (and then smacking his lips for the next ten minutes).
Somewhere in the multiverse Tom and Joe are actually doctors.
"When I try to do 100/10 I accidentally do 10/100 and get a really long number" You mean 0.1 Bart? Koolaid is going to your head.
xDDDD
He is very dull.
hahaha a real BRAIN BUSTER for burt
The way Bert sincerely says I love you at the end of these podcasts is so wholesome
My favorite part of 2 bears is when they tell stories that you know would be way better if you knew who they were about but they never say it.
The sadness in Tom's face as Burt tells his friend to sell him a car...
😂😂😂Tom said bye love you at the end! Love these guys too much!
Bert says “I” more than any other person in human history.
Sometimes these two make it obvious how dettatched from reality they are like when they're idea of a middle class guy is someone who makes 100k a year and spends every night with his family 🤣
I mean, it's kinda upper middle class, but it's definitely middle class. People who make 6 figures aren't wealthy. My husband and I live with my mom, between the 3 of us we make about a quarter of a million dollars a year, and we're still very much middle class. We struggle with bills sometimes. We have our mortgage and my grandmother's mortgage to pay and sometimes property taxes going up makes things pretty tight.
Bert posing the question "Which life is richer?" legitimately broke my heart ❤ (SAHM of a 5, 3 and 1 year old here). He is going to be the BEST Grandpa ever 😁
He won't be alive to be one...
@@skitidetdu6672 that's fucked up😂
What on earth is a sahm
@Hoodie y you are negative man. Every single comment you make is hate. Step back from technology and find your inner happiness instead of taking your anger out on strangers on the internet.
@@raffatoot4581 stay at home mom
I like that idea of camera footage of Bert's everyday life. I think that's what would get him really famous
Like Ozzy Osborn lol
I needed this. Bad last month or so but this brightened my day. Much love and thanks for the help fellas.
i like how bert thinkis his sides are hurting from air while drinking, and not the fact taht he's chugging a gallon of water before lunch and destroying his kidneys..
the contrast between Bert saying he wonders about the values of family life- then him forgetting it is Thanksgiving but rememebering his exact tour dates and locations...
ironic.
Well to be fair this was recorded in October
That was a awesome podcast!
This show is what I look forward to every Monday
I wish it was longer
Thanks for making my day
Bert talking wouldnt be that nervrecking, but Bert interrupting Tom EVERY SINGLE TIME TOM TALKS FOR 10 SEC is ....DUDE :D
Tom's eye glances could be an entire podcast and still be as funny
Burp needs to hire someone to write down all the stories he has told no less than a dozen times so we don't get episodes like this.
ta ta there tiktok...
I can watch old episodes of 2 bears all day! Love it! Thank you jeans!
I just love listening to Bart tell us how being fabulously rich is such a curse lol. He doesn't even realize he could retire today, be well off, and get back all that lost time.
Listen to one of Ari’s recent intros to skeptic tank and he…. touches on that exact topic but without saying any names of course lol.
His argument of pretending he has to work to make the money and provide is so dumb, they're already rich. There's no reason to just keep doing tours and shows at the expense of your children and family, no one is going to be suffering because he's not raking in as much money to spend on dumb shit. The problem is wanting more and more when you get used to having a lot.
@@shoobamocha maybe because he didn’t have any money for a lot of years and he’s just worried all that money is gonna dry up, you know how OCDish Burnt is, and other than that, I’m sure he has enough decent friends to give him advice about his personal life, I don’t think he needs or will look for tips of how he should live his life by random people on the internet:)
Commenter makes a good point. Not having money or the money to do things for your family makes you feel that you can compensate. Now he might be able to pay for their college, cars or whatever. Shit is expensive
One of his daughters is going to college now. He missed out on their formative years, and he is like a stray cat that sometimes comes home and nobody gets excited about it anymore.
It's funny Bart drinking all the gallon at once and it negating the benefits of drinking the whole gallon😂😂😂 so backwards
Tom, the gloveless glove comic and the shirted shirtless comic, Bart.
smh
Love you guys!! Your such a big inspiration for our Podcast and I just seen Tom live when he came to Seattle, love you guys see you In January Burt!
There is nothing better than true friendship. You guys are always hilarious 🤣
Being a Lighthouse operator sounds good right now.
"you might be my smartest friend" holy shit man, the blind leading the blind hahaha
That Hideo Nomo speech was epic!!
"What does Pete do?" HE MASHES MONSTERS. Keep up Tom
I never wanted to hear Bernt eat a burrito. Thanks for this.
Damn that story of how Bret got burned at a craps table, really turns his real name Burnt Chrysler into a reality😂😂
Lmao
That heart felt I love you at the end of every episode is so authentic. Love these guys.
I am from Chicago and the story that Bert told about gambling sounds just about right, if you mess with someone's roll/bet in a casino or the streets. This is up there with "The Machine" story.!
9:10
When Burt is talking about division... 10/100 is 0.1
And he acts like it's PI or something lmfao
Gotta love when Brett acts shocked that people are able to point out that he’s an alcoholic
Who’s Brett
@@neenamarkle3858 he meant Brent. Typo.
@@neenamarkle3858 Whos Randy?
This might be my favorite Bert-stories episode. Legitimately awesome
Really kicked into gear on the second half of the episode.. Such great stories about confrontations they've had. 👏 👌
Bruce: I'm not trying to flex. Proceeds to tell major flex stories about him at Red Rocks and Manchester.
Bert almost made me tear up talking about missing his kids activities. Once you have kids, parts of your heart open up that you never knew existed.
Bart breathing into the mic during the Whoop ad was my fave part
"Be Hideo Nomo" is unironically an amazing outlook on things. It's so brilliant.
Are we ever going to find out what Tom got Bert for his birthday?
I was thinking the same thing!!
*berthday*
Yeah wtf want to see a jet ski with a machine gun mounted to it
I came here to comment this he talked about it on barstool and they still haven’t mentioned it yet wtf
All of these episodes are pre-recorded weeks in advance with the move to Austin. One of them mentioned being in Tampa this week (as of the recording) and Tom was in Tampa early October and Bert was there October 22. So as of this episode being recorded, Bert hadn't had his bday yet
I’ve never seen someone drink water like a pig 😂
“I get pains in my stomach since I started drinking these waters”. Definitely doesn’t have anything to with skulking water half a gallon at a time 😂
It's so funny because smashing heaps of water at once is actually counter productive if you're trying to improve your hydration
Edit: grammar
I learned that recovering alcoholics are drinking gallons of water...
Only Bert could make drinking water grotesque 🤣
"There's beans in that"
"What does that mean"?
Lol
Brent telling the water champ about dehydration is just fantastic.
The amount of time wasted whilst Bart tries to remember meaningless details about hazy stories from his past has now reached the criminal threshhold.
He's not remembering anything, he's making shit up. He's embellished literally every aspect of his life to some extent.
Reminds me of my dad. Some people just really have a rambling on minutiae thing. It is boring AF sometimes, but I just roll with it and wonder about the diversity of how different minds work.
Tom rockin that Danny Ric merch!
these are some of barts best stories, keep em coming!
Ended perfectly as I was pulling up to work. 😆⚡
‘Which life is richer?’ If Bert ended up being a lawyer he’d be the scotch drinking, country club going, bad tv commercial, ambulance chaser who still missed all the softball games. There isn’t a room big enough for him to suck the oxygen out of. His family would suffocate if he was a soccer dad. He is who he is regardless of what he does.
*Better Call Bert*
Wow, the truth can hurt… and I love it!
@@CountDoucheula I was gonna say that but went with the wordy version. Lol
“A guy working in Boston that makes $100k a year…” Burt is so out of touch it’s wild.
66k is "low income" for LA so where he's from it's not that crazy lmao.
I genuinely get so happy when I see you guys have posted a new episode
finally podcast is back on track this and last episode was awesome
I love Tom stories but how many times are we gonna hear this hospital story
Bert you can never get the times with your children back, even though they understand that you are making money for the family, nothing replaces you being there for them.
" and it starts shooting puss"
* closes chrome, turns off computer and drives to the beach for fresh air*
The love at the end is so sweet. LOL
Somehow no matter what bert eats, it all sounds like peanut butter. Low key kinda gross but funny 🤣🤣
This spot where my liver is, I have pain there every night - Bert
Having a horrible Monday but I can always on my boys to put me in a better mood
I dont really have a lot of friends. My favorite part about your podcast is that it feels like I'm hanging out with my buddies who are just as crazy as me. Thank you guys for what you do. You might never see this comment but it really means a ton to me what you do.
Hey tom and bert. You make me feel normal
You do know you're not though, right?
If by normal, you mean broke and emotionally stable… me too.
😂😂😂😂
My favorite part of this podcast was the 3rd time Bert told the same exact story. Cruise casino is going to be his next machine story if he keeps it up at this rate.
Even the ad reads are funny af. That tushy joke caught me off guard 😂
its funny that binge drinking water of all things is what bert says makes his body hurt lol
I got to be honest, its rough hearing the same stories over and over again
This podcast went to shit as soon as tom moved and they started just taping 5 in a row.
@@raramcgee4982 see ya big guy✌️, why are you still here? They have gotten better, at least from berts half.
@@maddogkilla1 Yeah, I really don’t understand the people that still hate-watch this podcast. Some people just play along, and probably actually like the show, but there are still a lot of comments from people that are just constantly being shitty & super critical. I mean, why? Why do they continue to subject themselves to something that really bothers them, and then feel the need to tell everyone how much they hate it. Kinda sad.
@@cleech74 they are just haters. Its a natural response. As to why? There is a million different reasons why someone becomes a hater... Usually connected to small penis
@@maddogkilla1 😂
Hearing Bert eat into the microphone is a day ruiner
Great question from Bert!
"Which life is richer?"
Successful or not, we all love to imagine what the other side is like.
Hell of a heavy segment, T-Bunz, that was the best YMH Live yet!!!