reading extremely cursed 𝓼𝓹𝓲𝓬𝔂 fanfiction

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  • čas přidán 20. 07. 2024
  • Go to casetify.com/coleydoesthings today to get 15% off on your order!
    Time Stamps:
    0:00 - 4:05 Intro
    4:05 - 6:19 Fic #1
    6:19 - 8:24 Fic #2
    8:24 - 9:55 Fic #3 (challenge failed)
    9:55 - 12:04 Fic #4
    12:04 - 14:06 Fic #5 (challenge failed)
    14:06 - 15:35 Fic #6
    15:35 - 17:46 Fic #7
    17:46 - 19:22 Fic #8 (challenge failed)
    19:22 - 22:06 Fic #9
    22:06 - 23:48 Fic #10 (challenge failed)
    23:48 - 26:26 Fic #11 (challenge failed)
    26:26 - 28:27 Fic #12 (challenge failed)
    28:27 - 30:23 Fic #13
    30:23 - 33:48 Fic #14 (challenge failed)
    33:48 - 36:18 Fic #15
    36:18 - 38:34 Fic #16 (challenge failed)
    38:34 - 41:10 Fic #17 (challenge failed)
    41:10 - 44:54 Fic #18 (challenge failed)
    44:54 - 45:43 Concluding Thoughts
    ~~~~~~
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    ~~~~~~
    Thanks for watching!
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Komentáře • 1,3K

  • @ColeyDoesThings
    @ColeyDoesThings  Před rokem +665

    Which fic was your fave, or made you wanna nope out immediately??
    Check out casetify.com/coleydoesthings today to get 15% off on your order!

    • @retroroy8720
      @retroroy8720 Před rokem +4

      Honestly, that's a good question

    • @seaflowers
      @seaflowers Před rokem +14

      The cars made me laugh so hard

    • @missiedits
      @missiedits Před rokem +3

      The minions one

    • @nioviiosif5134
      @nioviiosif5134 Před rokem +2

      Coley have you ever heard of the Manga/Anime "Yagate Kimi ni naru" or in English "Bloom into you"...If not, I highly recommend it.

    • @alexrawls5217
      @alexrawls5217 Před rokem +7

      My favorite was definitely the speech to text fail
      also you are far braver then me seeing as I would have spontaneously combusted the minute I ate a drop of hot sauce #1. please drink lots of milk and don’t suffer for us

  • @princessbriarflower
    @princessbriarflower Před rokem +4472

    As the person who suggested the Jesus x Larry fanfic, I’m only sad that Coley didn’t get up to the part where Larry dies and then Jesus eats him

  • @jaroneller1525
    @jaroneller1525 Před rokem +4596

    i love that in the bagel story it wasnt the smut that got you, it was the ridiculousness of the baked goods analogies

  • @variationeighteen
    @variationeighteen Před rokem +1948

    "I can't believe it's not butter" made me WHEEZE

    • @hello_i_am_jacob
      @hello_i_am_jacob Před rokem +24

      I HAD TO PAUSE THE VIDEO TO FULLY CACKLE

    • @rebeccalamarche764
      @rebeccalamarche764 Před rokem +15

      I was drinking some water, I’m pretty sure it went up my nose and I had to stop for a while to compose myself HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • @Whimsychaos
      @Whimsychaos Před 3 měsíci +1

      me too i was dying lmao

  • @thelast9583
    @thelast9583 Před rokem +4651

    Nothing like cursed fanfication to keep you up at night

    • @JabamiLain
      @JabamiLain Před rokem +28

      I hope I can accomplish such a reaction when I publish my "Noddy" crossover fanfic, though in a less sexualized way.

    • @alphadroid_131
      @alphadroid_131 Před rokem

      *Kirby is not a prostitute, Kirby is not a prostitute, Kirby is not a prostitute…*

    • @firamation8114
      @firamation8114 Před rokem +12

      Fanfic is like coffee lol

    • @BritishMotherfucker
      @BritishMotherfucker Před rokem

      Fr

    • @gabrielintano2202
      @gabrielintano2202 Před rokem +1

      Nothin like spicyely cursed fabrication to listen to before bed to keep your dreams chaotic

  • @k8evids336
    @k8evids336 Před rokem +3253

    As a mormon who reads fan fic I just died laughing at that intro.

  • @rowanthehunter
    @rowanthehunter Před rokem +2996

    Thing is, i could probably read these at church with my grandmother, entirely straight faced with no problem, but the goshdarn bleeping is doin me in. 😭😭

  • @imreadytokermitsomecrime4761

    This video made me go read the Zhongli x Childe fic.
    Definitely traumatising.
    100% cursed
    "anatomical requirement for the assignment of male at birth" was my favourite substitution

    • @basilcormier5876
      @basilcormier5876 Před rokem +167

      I actually read that fic previously. It’s cursed but honestly it’s fucking hilarious

    • @bokutokinnie2777
      @bokutokinnie2777 Před rokem +77

      I just finished this fic 10/10 a masterpiece

    • @that_one_koi_fish6025
      @that_one_koi_fish6025 Před rokem +47

      For how cursed it is it’s surprisingly good.

    • @ToscaTee
      @ToscaTee Před rokem +44

      Spickle pickle is so good though

    • @cloudscovermyflaws
      @cloudscovermyflaws Před rokem +93

      Also went to read the fic and yeah that one had me giggling like a fucked up child in a horror movie. “Swollen bed snake” and “hot girthy staff of carnal desire” had me on the floor as well.

  • @onlyknownascofficial
    @onlyknownascofficial Před rokem +2777

    The animal crossing censorship makes it a lot more difficult to keep a straight face than I imagined. 10/10!

  • @bellawietrzak3543
    @bellawietrzak3543 Před rokem +1658

    “Unconventional smut” gotta be the funniest phrase I’ve heard all week 💀💀

  • @TheChaoticAsexual
    @TheChaoticAsexual Před rokem +270

    The bagel fic with all the censors just felt like an elaborate metaphor for sex instead of just…actual bagel sex

  • @pseudonymous_
    @pseudonymous_ Před rokem +975

    The funniest thing about this is the way Coley reads the fics with absolutely no inflection in her voice 💀💀💀

    • @dusk4974
      @dusk4974 Před rokem +22

      I wanna do this so bad. I read the KFC dating sim out loud to my friend at lunch for over a week in Sophomore year. Would do again

  • @lilyd8908
    @lilyd8908 Před rokem +1139

    Love how you pronounced “sore” as “sowe” at 18:37 even though it wasn’t written out like that. That came from your heart.

  • @bettycreepersayuri-chan809
    @bettycreepersayuri-chan809 Před rokem +482

    "I can't believe it's not butter" I'm already in tears Coley how did you manage to not jUST--

  • @EleiyaUmei
    @EleiyaUmei Před rokem +1247

    I'm ace but not sex-repulsed but some of these fics are so cursed that I might as well be...

  • @omo.0000
    @omo.0000 Před rokem +588

    we're in for a ride huh

  • @guilatrixx4442
    @guilatrixx4442 Před rokem +211

    As a virgin baby fanfic reader who's never explored this world of fanfiction. It was either a good or bad idea that I watched this video while washing the dishes.

  • @Taradoxxi
    @Taradoxxi Před rokem +494

    the person who wrote the Best Jeanist x Wash fic is a goddamn galaxy brained genius and I salute them

    • @darkstarr984
      @darkstarr984 Před rokem +31

      Yeah, that one was actually strangely charming

    • @gokbay3057
      @gokbay3057 Před rokem +34

      I mean, I'll have the agree with the author it is the perfect crack pairing and I can't believe noone came up with it earlier.

    • @monicasalasviquez673
      @monicasalasviquez673 Před rokem +10

      it was so mind-blowing i might just look for it to satisfy my curiosity on the fanon lore

  • @emilyrattini8462
    @emilyrattini8462 Před rokem +322

    I’m in English class. Time to test my poker face.

  • @juliasutherland5086
    @juliasutherland5086 Před rokem +573

    The way Coley losses it only at the puns. It's so wholesome yet so unholy.

    • @PalisadePeryton
      @PalisadePeryton Před rokem +22

      Well, the puns, and Donald Trump's self-lubricating-

  • @linafinnow6887
    @linafinnow6887 Před rokem +181

    As someone who has jokingly referred to Christians as the Bible fandom, I have been punished by the knowledge that there is an actual Bible fandom.
    Also, I really wish there was a companion to this involving the whole fluffy fic squealing thing. Not with hot sauce, but with some kinda fluff based penalty.

    • @Null-value
      @Null-value Před 10 měsíci +16

      I was trying to find a tag for Christian Religious themes for an ULTRAKILL fanfic I wrote and the suggested tags from the AO3 Bible Fandom hit me like a semi-truck. I was NOT prepared.

    • @Sienna6164
      @Sienna6164 Před 5 měsíci +1

      As a Christian, I’m shocked that there isn’t a lot a smut about Mary Magdeline, as even though she is mixed up with another Mary, she is commonly believed to be the Bible Whore who Jesus brings to God (that’s Mary of Egypt)

  • @thelazyomegawolf939
    @thelazyomegawolf939 Před rokem +213

    reading smut in public: 😐😐😐
    reading found family in public: 💞✨🥰💘🗯️💗💓💖💝😍🤩

    • @Lector_Omniscius
      @Lector_Omniscius Před 3 měsíci +3

      Omg yesssssss I love that one ❤❤❤❤❤❤mha rightttt

  • @elliejetsies
    @elliejetsies Před rokem +837

    on ao3, (forgot the name of it), I literally read a smut fic of a tomato and a piece of garlic having rough sex. no joke. AND A TOWEL SMUT 💀☠️

    • @your_average_nerd6861
      @your_average_nerd6861 Před rokem +110

      Please tell me you drank holy water after

    • @elliejetsies
      @elliejetsies Před rokem +42

      @your_average_nerd6861 i think that question deserves no answer, as...that information is now privated 🫶🏻

    • @kespblaze8560
      @kespblaze8560 Před rokem +105

      I read one that was Garfield, Jesus, and Y/N fucking lasagna in an orge

    • @elliejetsies
      @elliejetsies Před rokem +54

      @@kespblaze8560 WHAT THE FUCK...? 😰

    • @mistywindow16
      @mistywindow16 Před rokem +30

      Y'all, pass the names or links this way pls 👀

  • @TheRibottoStudios
    @TheRibottoStudios Před rokem +608

    "Draco has shark anatomy."
    Did I immediately know what that means? Noooooo.....nnnnoooo. Of course I did....n't.
    Ahem.

    • @kespblaze8560
      @kespblaze8560 Před rokem +61

      I wish I didn’t know exactly what it meant

    • @Zela_Night
      @Zela_Night Před rokem +96

      Ah, Sidon the shark Zora; the collective crush of everyone who has ever seen Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

    • @pip_a_doodle2175
      @pip_a_doodle2175 Před rokem +38

      was that a ROTMNT reference because I heard Donnie's voice in my head when I read that

    • @andromeda_va39
      @andromeda_va39 Před rokem +36

      I have no idea what this means

    • @TheRibottoStudios
      @TheRibottoStudios Před rokem +13

      @@pip_a_doodle2175 SU-PRIIIIISE lol

  • @spiderwickian
    @spiderwickian Před rokem +516

    The Elmo fic is mine!!!! So honored to have my work featured on your channel - I love your content! Bravo for getting to the end by the way! My friends like to read it aloud at innopportune moments and the usually break by paragraph 2 😂

    • @fangirlapocalypse
      @fangirlapocalypse Před rokem +97

      thank you for your contribution to this world

    • @the_dionysus_cabin
      @the_dionysus_cabin Před rokem +61

      you are godsend, we thank you for your wonderful contribution

    • @Maradrafts
      @Maradrafts Před rokem +58

      As an avid horror reader I'm kind of in awe at some of this imagery, honestly. You absolutely had no need to go this hard (heh), and yet you did. Hats off to you - somehow a Draco/Elmo smutfic is better at eldritch & grotesque depictions than most authors I've read in 2023, and I'm unironically happy for that. :D Shine on, you crazy diamond - whatever you're writing now I hope you're having fun with it!

    • @spiderwickian
      @spiderwickian Před rokem +31

      @@Maradrafts Hi, oh my god! This is possibly the nicest compliment I could get??!!! I'm eighteen and my lifelong passion has been fiction writing, recently it's been mostly fanfiction (my ao3 is A_Hundred_Jewels if you're curious - I've written a couple of other eldritch puppet things and have plans for more lmao), so it is INCREDIBLE to hear that someone who likes real proper horror enjoys my writing! You made my day! (also, pink floyd!!! im obsessed)

    • @spiderwickian
      @spiderwickian Před rokem +8

      @@fangirlapocalypse you're so welcome

  • @morphing_erebus
    @morphing_erebus Před rokem +135

    I couldn't stop laughing during the bagel fic, but I completely lost it at Zhongli's womb broom.

  • @newspapertaxi1443
    @newspapertaxi1443 Před rokem +514

    The fact that the megatron x starscream fic is probably one of the more tame smut fics in the tf fandom and it still landed here AND made coley crack up is fucking killing me😂

    • @MxJester
      @MxJester Před rokem +47

      Bro same, it's not even close to the worst I've seen from the tf Fandom.
      ㄒoㄒ

    • @fangirlapocalypse
      @fangirlapocalypse Před rokem +24

      tf smutfics are wild

    • @banzeyegaming2234
      @banzeyegaming2234 Před rokem +17

      I still ask myself why TF fics are so… _smutty._
      I just wanna read some awesome crossover with Autobots duking it out against the Decepticons! WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO TRAWL THROUGH SO MUCH STARSCREAM/MEGATRON OR JAZZ/PROWL SMUT!?

    • @AnInsideJoke
      @AnInsideJoke Před rokem +16

      This was the only one I made it through with a fully straight face. I'm not in the fandom, so, once Coley got to the part about robo butt cheeks, my mind just kinda fixated on that, and I was just trying to figure that one out for the rest of the reading, because I was 90% sure that Transformers were flatter than sheet metal, and nothing that could even remotely resemble cheeks.

    • @steelthroat
      @steelthroat Před rokem +17

      ​@AnInsideJoke HAVE YOU SEEN SHOCKWAVE??? FLAT? TRANSFORMERS? WHEN????
      Anyway yeah that fandom is wild.

  • @alas1457
    @alas1457 Před rokem +562

    As an aroace who doesn't read fanfic, this is fucking hilarious and I failed to keep a straight face at every single fic.

    • @Sleepster
      @Sleepster Před rokem +54

      as an aroace who does read fanfic but not very often, same here

    • @hibikimoons
      @hibikimoons Před rokem +50

      As an AroAce who reads and writes fanfic but avoids the smut often, it's a very comedic genre in the embarrassing way and this video was proof of that in a sense

    • @backupmollyverse
      @backupmollyverse Před rokem +32

      as an aroace who reads and writes anything including smut the anologies for the bread fic impressed me for the cleverness more than anything

    • @wer_3too
      @wer_3too Před rokem +15

      As an ace who constantly reads smutfics, the bagel thing killed me

    • @BritishMotherfucker
      @BritishMotherfucker Před rokem +2

      @@hibikimoons Agreed

  • @gothicGumshoe
    @gothicGumshoe Před rokem +312

    When I tell you the shock I felt when you started reading out the Shrek x Donald Trump fic. There is, always, an incredibly vague memory in the back of my head of writing Shrek x Donald Trump p0rn with my closest internet friends at the time back when I was 11-12 (Yes, I know, extremely young age to be set loose on the internet and writing smut with internet friends by my parents were not... particularly attentive).
    I highly, highly doubt that this is the one we made, especially because I feel like this is something you remember in detail forever, but it was over 5 years ago now and my memory is hazy, so who knows.

    • @catghost_
      @catghost_ Před rokem +5

      Maybe try going to your account and finding out if it’s the one she read?

  • @amikireicraftstore
    @amikireicraftstore Před rokem +204

    Musical theatre fan here 🙋🏼‍♀️
    About the chainsaw 🤣
    In "Heathers" there is this very famous Heather Chandler quote that says "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw" of course it is as sarcastically said as possible.
    🤣

    • @SassyIS_Hyper
      @SassyIS_Hyper Před rokem +6

      Yes Heather fan here to

    • @eowynberndt
      @eowynberndt Před rokem +8

      lol i immediately caught the reference

    • @paw_ureyesout
      @paw_ureyesout Před rokem +5

      I knew someone else was gonna notice that!

    • @S0ME0N3_
      @S0ME0N3_ Před rokem +5

      HEATHERS FAN TOO!!
      i laughed quite hard when that was stated😭😭

    • @BritishMotherfucker
      @BritishMotherfucker Před rokem +3

      I IMMEDIATELY GOT THE REFERENCE LMFAO

  • @wyrmghost
    @wyrmghost Před rokem +112

    I feel like reading out loud definitely affects the ability to read with a straight face

  • @artisticfox_vw
    @artisticfox_vw Před rokem +223

    As soon as you mentioned the Spamton one, i instantly felt fear crawl inside of me. Long has it been since i checked on the Deltarune fandom, specifically on the Spamton fanbase, and what i found was horrifying
    curiosity killed the cat

    • @clyde-or-monty
      @clyde-or-monty Před rokem +8

      the spamplush fanbase is better…
      MUCH better.

    • @twotruckslyrics
      @twotruckslyrics Před 9 měsíci +3

      i remember finding a fic of spamton transforming while in a dumpster and i think he ate one of his friends? i clicked away after i realized where it was going

  • @ddee8548
    @ddee8548 Před rokem +236

    could I read these with a straight face? sure. can I listen to coley read them out loud? no.

  • @Arty_Apple_Bee
    @Arty_Apple_Bee Před rokem +91

    Your poker face is really impressive. Also "it just tastes like pain" killed me.

  • @gretablackwell495
    @gretablackwell495 Před rokem +35

    I once went on a search through ao3 for the worst possible descriptions of human anatomy. I highly regret it. Saw the word “flesh toilet” to refer to a vulva and I decided to quit my nightmare quest while I was behind

    • @schoo9256
      @schoo9256 Před 11 měsíci +3

      FLESH TOILET

    • @twotruckslyrics
      @twotruckslyrics Před 9 měsíci +6

      my worst one i encountered was “pulsing gate” i couldnt take it seriously after that man

  • @k_redacted5353
    @k_redacted5353 Před rokem +138

    Your hot sauce tolerance is incredible, like seriously

  • @DecayOpossum
    @DecayOpossum Před rokem +64

    33:12 The hot sauce equivalent of “This edible ain’t shit”.
    38:08 Aaaand the lesson was not learned.

  • @creation1233
    @creation1233 Před rokem +268

    Not even past the first fic and I’m dying. Thank good I didn’t decide to eat hot sauce with you. There’s gonna be a lot of pausing today.
    Edit: on fic two. God end my suffering
    Edit 2: fic five can we just end the earth?
    Edit 3: fic nine, hey God, it’s me again. I don’t wanna be here.
    Edit 4: 45:18 COLEY ARE YOU A MASOCHIST OR SOMETHING???? DONT OFFER TO DO THIS AGAIN WHAT-

    • @sunflare1492
      @sunflare1492 Před rokem +6

      Fic 2 and I was already curling in on myself XD

    • @aromanticfranziskavonkarma
      @aromanticfranziskavonkarma Před rokem +8

      thankfully i had already built up a tolerance to having to read about tow mater having sex but the jesus x larry one broke me, especially because i ended up reading the full thing

  • @hugblob8753
    @hugblob8753 Před rokem +296

    I made the mistake of trying to eat a very nice tuna sandwich during this. Thanks Coley for making me unable to eat the rest of a great tuna sandwich

    • @foxowar3953
      @foxowar3953 Před rokem +61

      I bet the Grilled cheese fic was the worst for your attempt at eating lmao

    • @Daelyah
      @Daelyah Před rokem +13

      Shouldn't blame her when she had a disclaimer at the start, you just lost the game you set for yourself

    • @hugblob8753
      @hugblob8753 Před rokem +10

      @@Daelyah Oh yeah no I totally agree. In the end, I totally brought this upon myself. It was my fault that I thought I was strong enough to be able to power through the video whilst eating lunch.

    • @hugblob8753
      @hugblob8753 Před rokem +8

      @@foxowar3953 Omg the grilled cheese fic was fucking disgusting. It was definitely the worst.

    • @xiesie_xiesie
      @xiesie_xiesie Před rokem +5

      Nooo not the tuna sandwich!!

  • @uruhaiP
    @uruhaiP Před rokem +61

    Also, the bit with the Spamton fic and "I say I'm a freelance writer but in reality I do this" hit way too close to home... I used to call myself a freelance author who writes derivative erotic works under a pen name and self-publishes them for free online which was basically just 13 year old me's really elaborate way of saying I wrote Dragalia lemons.
    Maybe if I get back into writing I'll start just calling myself a self-published freelance author again.

  • @Ducking_Wanderer
    @Ducking_Wanderer Před rokem +47

    Coley.. The "Bible fandom" PFFF- WHAT-. That's just a Veggietales Fanfic! 🤣 But what did they do to my boy, Larry?! That one had me rolling.

  • @weird_art_kid
    @weird_art_kid Před rokem +85

    My cursed fanfiction story was back in fourth grade when I wanted to read Mario stories. I found a Mario x Yoshi smut without realizing and it was so disgustingly descriptive. I forever regret reading that, especially as a poor innocent child.

  • @gnocchinope
    @gnocchinope Před rokem +24

    Any Genshin smut has a 20% guarantee to be the most horrific, stomach churning, toe curling, eyelash ripping, nose running, eyes burning thing you might ever see.

    • @gnocchinope
      @gnocchinope Před rokem +3

      Childe x Hamster still makes me want to cry myself to sleep.

  • @finandmamo6173
    @finandmamo6173 Před rokem +24

    I fucking screamed at “I can’t believe it’s not butter” lmfao 😭😭😭

  • @gratefulcranegames
    @gratefulcranegames Před rokem +86

    19:55 hearing Coley unblurred feels like hearing my mom swear, that’s the only way I can explain this

  • @AdamFishkin
    @AdamFishkin Před rokem +72

    P.S. You did well with the sauces, Coley. I am generally aware that they go HARD on Hot Ones, to the point where some of the manliest men who guest on the show are known to cry within 3 or 4 sauces. So for 7 to be your breaking point is still impressive.

  • @IceQueen975
    @IceQueen975 Před rokem +18

    "I've got you now, Jesus!"
    Me, wheezing: wHy ArE wE bRiNgInG tHe LoRd InTo ThIs?!!?

  • @-Venus-_
    @-Venus-_ Před rokem +83

    Reminds me of when I looked at the “Praise kink” tag. The authors warned me and then I did but holy shit did they really make that shit funny to read with the humor

  • @reapingbennefits
    @reapingbennefits Před rokem +23

    “Dear god (is there a car god?)” Somehow got me.

  • @YaburuRunyaru
    @YaburuRunyaru Před rokem +147

    I cannot tell you the amount of sheer will it took to keep a completely straight face throughout all of this as I listen to this through earbuds at work with people around me.

  • @madamproducer2102
    @madamproducer2102 Před rokem +514

    Coley, what day will you be hosting the group therapy live sesh? Cause I feel like we're gonna need one.. 😁

  • @mysticmonarch5859
    @mysticmonarch5859 Před 11 měsíci +23

    SUPER TRIPPY to see a fic I wrote on here... I think you did it justice 😂. The idea for this video in general is really cool and you definitely just gained a subscriber.
    Sincerely, the author of Destibagel.

    • @schoo9256
      @schoo9256 Před 11 měsíci +3

      Congratulations, you broke me. Excellent work. I just have to ask... why? How? I need backstory and yet I know the backstory will just be "lol I just thought of it one day and had to write it"

  • @juniper6938
    @juniper6938 Před rokem +55

    I sat down with my bagel to watch this video. Boy was I made uncomfortable by fic #1.

  • @kiinther
    @kiinther Před rokem +33

    10:45 COLEY TRYING AND FAILING TO DO A SPAMTON IMPRESSION SENT ME 😭

  • @Smokey_Prime9000
    @Smokey_Prime9000 Před rokem +41

    The Transformers fic caught me off guard. Hearing someone read Transformers smut out loud made me laugh b/c I now realize how weird it sounds, with the anatomy & stuff lmao. Overall great video, hope to see you suffer- I MEAN do this again soon :)

  • @Cage-CatYT
    @Cage-CatYT Před rokem +21

    The spamton x reader one legit made me cry, probably cause he's like one of my main comfort characters, and idk I'm gonna have to take a moment to recuperate myself

    • @paradoxtatorstudios9681
      @paradoxtatorstudios9681 Před 11 měsíci +2

      felt that
      I'm not surprised that there was a Undertale smut fic, but I had to skip it because I meant when I say I just C A N T

  • @blueotteranimations1932
    @blueotteranimations1932 Před rokem +24

    Doing my own version, watching you read this whilst my dad is sitting a mere 5 feet away from me. Bonus, he likes to ask questions about what i'm watching if I react.

  • @belclarke541
    @belclarke541 Před rokem +10

    "It didnt cut off Anakin's legs because he didnt have any." that had me screaming laughing

  • @sillyemovampire
    @sillyemovampire Před rokem +50

    Watching Coley read crack smut for 45min was not something I thought I’d be doing today.

  • @Jack_the_Killer_Ex-Cop
    @Jack_the_Killer_Ex-Cop Před rokem +18

    "Hey, you're an all star."
    Me almost immediately: *•~HEY YOU'RE AN ALL STAR, GET YOUR GAME ON! LET'S PLAY-!•~*

  • @m.0186
    @m.0186 Před rokem +11

    i’m ngl i was doing fine on the destiel bagel fic but the “i can’t believe it’s not butter” line got me 😭

  • @draconicfeline6177
    @draconicfeline6177 Před rokem +20

    "This was painful, but I'd be down!" Coley don't call out my tastes like that. Also you have spawned a one shot idea in my head where a character forces someone to go through hot sauce. I weep for my sanity.

  • @eyeless.spider
    @eyeless.spider Před rokem +13

    coley: "this fic is called Sex Metal Barbie"
    My metalhead ass: whomst has summoned the ancient one

  • @gothicdear3889
    @gothicdear3889 Před rokem +28

    Honestly, the hottest thing in this video was watching Coley go through at least 6 different hot sauces with almost no reaction.

  • @V4lient
    @V4lient Před rokem +54

    Watching this as someone that doesn't read fanfic is....interesting, an experience to say the least
    Fic 7 made me question all my morals

    • @itsevie7865
      @itsevie7865 Před rokem +3

      Oh no 💀

    • @abbyception0719
      @abbyception0719 Před rokem +5

      Welcome to Be More Chill, where everyone is either wholesome or so horny you may as well call them a dinosaur with all them horns goddamn

    • @V4lient
      @V4lient Před rokem +1

      @@abbyception0719 Not sure if I'm glad or not that I never joined the fandom when it was big
      I just started listening to the musical in 2021 💀

    • @itsevie7865
      @itsevie7865 Před rokem +2

      BMC makes everyone think is this really my life. Is this what I’m doing with it. You get used to it after a while

    • @V4lient
      @V4lient Před rokem +2

      @@itsevie7865 That's one way to put it

  • @hellodaydream6684
    @hellodaydream6684 Před rokem +4

    I’m never going to be able to eat bread with a straight face again💀💀💀💀

  • @DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose
    @DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose Před rokem +316

    Me: *reads title* Welp, definitely not any from me then. I'll write the occasional smut, but not without a full-on plot to surround it. 😆
    I could *never* write anything cursed, I'm too good at mental picturing. 😅

    • @JabamiLain
      @JabamiLain Před rokem +24

      Yours is the best kind of smut anyway. Smut means nothing to me without the love to fill my heart.

    • @DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose
      @DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose Před rokem +7

      @@JabamiLain Thank you. 😊

    • @JabamiLain
      @JabamiLain Před rokem +4

      @@DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose you're welcome. I mean, I am a super fan of an anime that uses constant sexualization... But since the sexualization serves a purpose for the story, the characters and their passion (both for the best and the worst), I actually love seeing it.

    • @Maradrafts
      @Maradrafts Před rokem +1

      @@JabamiLain Sooo... I'm almost positive you're talking about something else but somehow the series that came to mind reading this description was Food Wars. :D

    • @JabamiLain
      @JabamiLain Před rokem +1

      @@Maradrafts I am. It's a gambling jounen called "Kakegurui". The reason it sounded familiar to you was because "Food Wars" is also a Jounen that, like "Kakegurui", decided to do something different.
      By the way... Why food ? And... How do you create strong emotions from that and watching people compete to make it ? I mean, with "Kakegurui", the gambling really sells the idea that you don't need super power based fights to feel the show's intensity and understand the impact those fights can have on both the individual and the society they control. But... How do you do that with food competitions ?

  • @esleynopemos3470
    @esleynopemos3470 Před rokem +40

    You're a trooper, Coley. Not the hero we deserve, but the one we need.

  • @_MnVisin_
    @_MnVisin_ Před rokem +90

    This has encouraged me to write an Elmo fanfic with smut. Do I know anything about Elmo? No. Will I make Elmo get pregnant? Yes. I regret being born

    • @normanclatcher
      @normanclatcher Před rokem +42

      The primal fear I felt at reading this was less than I expected, but still non-zero.

    • @thatgayliengremlinp4766
      @thatgayliengremlinp4766 Před rokem +18

      I don't regret you being born, put the link in here when it's finished :)

    • @_MnVisin_
      @_MnVisin_ Před rokem +6

      @@thatgayliengremlinp4766 Will do, it'll be out in a day or so

    • @andromeda_va39
      @andromeda_va39 Před rokem +9

      You can't mean the same Elmo I'm thinking of, right? RIGHT??

    • @_MnVisin_
      @_MnVisin_ Před rokem +18

      @@andromeda_va39 . . . Well, uhh. Oh, would you look at the time! I've got to go walk my fish

  • @dusk4974
    @dusk4974 Před rokem +50

    I've read a lot of questionable fics, just wasn't expecting Bagel SexTM to get to me that much and make me fight laughter. Then again, I'm someone who finds porn more amusing and funny than arousing. There's only one man who does that for me and he's my boyfriend, so. Yeah. I'm reading these with him.

  • @rosaliepineda2033
    @rosaliepineda2033 Před rokem +32

    Fic #3 is unironically one of my favorites since I stumbled across it a while ago so seeing it here was so surreal LMAOOO

  • @JillyBear04
    @JillyBear04 Před rokem +6

    I can read smut in public, but certain terms just always make me crack up

  • @machinegunlament
    @machinegunlament Před rokem +38

    I can't believe Coley had her italicized "Oh." moment on the 8th sauce

  • @birchbarks550
    @birchbarks550 Před rokem +15

    Had half a heart attack when I zoned back into fic 17, I read a Imposter x Crewmate fic that would probably fit in here AMAZINGLY a few months back and thought that was that,, horrifying especially when I read it unironically

  • @TheSwagMessiah69420
    @TheSwagMessiah69420 Před rokem +53

    The weirdest but best spice fic I've read was an XCOM fanfic with a oc character x torque the snake girl
    It was surprisingly sweet

    • @elliejetsies
      @elliejetsies Před rokem +4

      that actually sounds really cute! :D

    • @ShadicTheChosenOne
      @ShadicTheChosenOne Před rokem +4

      What's the name? It's not for research, it's for me.

    • @TheSwagMessiah69420
      @TheSwagMessiah69420 Před rokem +6

      ​​​​@@ShadicTheChosenOne its called XCOM Chimera squad: Coiled with Torque
      And yes those tags are for real
      Also when your done reading tell me what you think

    • @ShadicTheChosenOne
      @ShadicTheChosenOne Před rokem +2

      @@TheSwagMessiah69420 That first chapter was really sweet. I really liked it, thanks!

    • @TheSwagMessiah69420
      @TheSwagMessiah69420 Před rokem +2

      ​@@ShadicTheChosenOne spread the word about it
      more people need to know
      Also the next chapter is really good too

  • @brittlerockets4880
    @brittlerockets4880 Před rokem +35

    I was so happy to see my recommendation in here! Too bad coley didn’t continue the zhongchi smut, there was “staff of carnal desire” in there somewhere :D

  • @cimonimrolll2732
    @cimonimrolll2732 Před rokem +13

    This is incredibly cursed. I had to take so many breaks to avoid dying from second-hand embarrassment.

  • @sodanix9147
    @sodanix9147 Před rokem +9

    absolutely speechless with that lary the cucumber one... my brother is christian.... gonna go cry now

  • @HCSAgirl99
    @HCSAgirl99 Před rokem +31

    I feel cursed but I would watch this as an annual series

  • @TheCoffeeCrow
    @TheCoffeeCrow Před rokem +23

    Just hearing that bagel smut existed killed me, I already know I will fail this lol.

  • @stalesourdough
    @stalesourdough Před 8 měsíci +4

    the heathers reference at 16:50 had me CACKLING help me i love bmc fans

  • @weebofakind2516
    @weebofakind2516 Před rokem +126

    Thank you Coley for doing all the things we're afraid to😅

  • @Crystre
    @Crystre Před rokem +13

    The Megatron and Starscream one psychically hurt me. Not only are Transformers canonically asexual, but that ship is my uncomfort ship.

  • @Sydberry
    @Sydberry Před rokem +43

    I'm not surprised that this is a video idea, but I certainly wasn't expecting the level of spice

  • @WoodenCawie
    @WoodenCawie Před 11 měsíci +5

    16:50 how did they managed to put a Heathers reference in that 😭😭 as a theater kid myself this SQUIP part made me laugh so hard wth

  • @mayas3422
    @mayas3422 Před rokem +16

    cant believe coley had an oh? _oh._ moment with hot sauce

  • @light.blue.lemonade63
    @light.blue.lemonade63 Před rokem +35

    When I needed her because of a bad sleep and my period coming up. She came back ❤

  • @pikaqte5418
    @pikaqte5418 Před rokem +5

    All of these are making me wheeze but ngl my brain is like "no not Megatron and starscream, please no theyre not good together."
    And the fact that that's my takeaway probably says it all.

    • @Its_Asteria
      @Its_Asteria Před rokem +3

      Bahia same though I agree. Guess we're both a little messed up

  • @zhen_waanyun
    @zhen_waanyun Před rokem +9

    I got a Panera bread ad after the destiel bagel fic… I don’t know what to think of this.

  • @tereziamarkova2822
    @tereziamarkova2822 Před rokem +16

    Coley: I am going to read some really riddiculous smut.
    Me: Okay, just gonna casually listen to it, how bad can it be?
    Coley: The very first one is destiel having sex, but they are bagels.
    Me: Well, that sounds fu-
    Coley: *reads the actual fic*
    Me: *soul leaves my body*

  • @randomgirlxrulz
    @randomgirlxrulz Před rokem +4

    HOW DID YOU NOT LAUGH AT THE BAGEL FIC, I WAS DYINGGGGG

  • @Lemonne-
    @Lemonne- Před rokem +11

    The urge to create the ultimate crackfic smut in one of my niche fandoms is so overpowering

  • @KagamineProductions
    @KagamineProductions Před rokem +5

    Thank you for nope-ing out of the Jesus/tomato one. I shared this with a friend before I fully watched through this and I may have mild regrets.

  • @snowqueen3166
    @snowqueen3166 Před rokem +6

    I was crying laughing at the bagel one. how did you make it through so far without flinching... such talent 😭

  • @nikk-named
    @nikk-named Před rokem +5

    This video has convinced me that I not only read far too few crack fics, I also definitely need to start writing them

  • @anq4274
    @anq4274 Před rokem +38

    One day, one day We're gonna see Coley byt a book shelf and put those books on it, some day, that piano will see the light.

    • @4c_aperture
      @4c_aperture Před rokem

      finna tag daniel greene for the next bookshelf roast

  • @dancinglightsamv466
    @dancinglightsamv466 Před rokem +14

    Never thought I'd say this but the one about Shrek and Trump sounded quite good (if you remove both characters from your imagination)

  • @DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose
    @DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose Před rokem +29

    The closest I've probably gotten to any major spice was reading fics that elaborate on/try to make sense of Christine Daae & Erik/the Phantom's one night stand which they sing-recount in Love Never Dies, something of which I've also made-up scenarios for because *what* was Lord Andy thinking, having them sing about a hook-up with zero context. 😆

    • @Maradrafts
      @Maradrafts Před rokem +2

      Oh yeeeah, I remember that one! I'm not directly familiar with the Phantom of the Opera canon (outside of reading the original source) but I've watched both Lindsay Ellis and Musical Hell's review of Love Never Dies, and both spoofed and ribbed Beneath a Moonless Sky to no end - great entertainment. :D The latter wrote an even more explicit parody as a way of poking fun at the lyrics... and guess which version I'll sometimes feel like belting out out of the blue when no one I know has context for it. Oo
      I adore the idea of reading Love Never Dies fanfic, though, given how many people have pointed that the show itself felt like a Phantom fanfic ^^. You're multiplying the layers there!
      (also just realized you were the OP in the Food Wars convo I was having with another commenter, so hi again, and sorry to invade your topics ^^; )

    • @DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose
      @DJtheBlack-RibbonedRose Před rokem +2

      @@Maradrafts Oh yes, I've seen BAMS ribbing a-plenty over the years, and I even looked up the full parody lyrics that Diva borrowed for her video. Needless to say, I'm amazed she sang what she did with a straight face. 😆And yep, if there's going to be LND phanfic, might as well check out and see how many phans tried to make better what was already itself a phanfic. 😉No need to apologize, you're not invading at all! I checked out your Food Wars convo that resulted from my other comment for this video and it's cool you were able to converse about it through my original post. That's the beauty of response threads sometimes. 😊

    • @warriormaiden9829
      @warriormaiden9829 Před rokem

      @@Maradrafts Okay, I *NEED* the name of that parody song... 😂

  • @nameless_gh0ulette
    @nameless_gh0ulette Před rokem +5

    I'M A MUSICAL THEATRE FAN, AND LET ME TELL YOU, THE SQUIP X READER BROKE ME. ESPECIALLY WITH THE HEATHERS REFERENCE (the chainsaw part)

    • @EmiTheGreat
      @EmiTheGreat Před rokem

      i must've ate a brain tumor for breakfast because that caught me off guard

  • @sydidiahyaoi
    @sydidiahyaoi Před rokem +30

    I hope one day to reach your power of reading smut.