Beat OCD Tip#11 - Feelings
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- čas přidán 17. 09. 2014
- For all the exercises that helped me with recovery, check out my book: YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, wherever books are sold, like here on Amazon: bit.ly/youarenotarock
(It's called THE MIND WORKOUT bit.ly/themindworkout in the UK and Australia/New Zealand, DAS MIND-WORKOUT in Deutsch, ENTRENA TU MENTE en español)
NOTE: I took down that other video I mentioned but left this one up for now. If you really want to hear the story, send me a message and I can share it with you.
I wish i could give you a million dollars! You have truly helped me with a breakthrough in dealing with ocd, and for every day that passes I’m one step closer to a happier healthier life. Thank you so much! One thing i have found to help alot is just being unreasonably positive about everything, even when I’m at my worst, it has helped me shape my mental patterns for the better.
How R u feeling now?
@@Owais671 I'm all right, I still have OCD but I know how to deal with it now so it doesn't affect me that much anymore. :)
@@magnusg20 Thats good! And I agree, his videos help me a lot, amongst many others. I don't watch them for reassurance, I do so as a study in how to handle the thoughts, images, rituals, and so on.
@@AdamMT1618 Yeah boiii. I still do compulsive rituals though sometimes but not those that interfere with my life and I only do them once.
@@AdamMT1618 me too...... it’s nice to know I am NOT ALONE.......... I think many ppl have the underlying fear of UNCERTAINTY.....that’s me HEALTH Anxiety too.......our PERCEPTION is KEY.........It’s usually NOT the actual SITUATION but HOW we REACT to it........reframe all this anxiety as a Lesson for me to learn, has really helped me too..........These vids are GOLD!!!........... being in PRESENT MOMENT is key too..........Stay 💪.......
I love how mark laughs at how absurd his techniques sound even though they are totally correct and work
What you are doing is saving lives literally. Thank you so much
I'm glad you're finding it useful on the journey, Liza!
Mark, I love the way you described positive feelings. I've successfully, mentally controlled the majority of my OCD. I've felt for years that I'm completely cured, but have recently started to realize the way I hold back so much in life. It's like I'm scared of positive things because I'm scared to take a chance. It's so backwards that I confronted the negative emotions but never thought to attack the negative response I have to positive emotions. I'm a people person who is scared to talk to people..it's RIDICULOUS. I'm on a journey to stop controlling my outcomes, it only goes up from here. :)
Thanks, Emily! Keep it moving on up!
I know this comment is 3 years old but I'm just barely discovering that OCD is more than what's portrayed in the media (I thought I was cured when I stopped doing repetitive outward behaviors like hand washing, only to find out I still do have OCD it's just more mental compulsions and less obvious ones,) and I gotta say, I really relate to this. I'm scared of good things to happen, especially since since 2014 my life has been pretty steadily negative and unhappy (broke out of the mold of what my abusive parents expected of me which was met with mor abusive, and then trying to become independent and move out, which I did near the end of 2016, was only met with more hardships,) and anything good in life that I've experienced was too good to be true. Positive news has always had a catch. And good people have moved on and the one good friend I had died. Social workers trigger me so I've cut most of them out. And I'm recluse, socially anxious, and introverted, so my world is online, where it's been my dumping ground since most therapists I don't find, or scratch that, I've never found any of them helpful at treating my issues, so I'm this negative Nancy online. I'm scared of things improving because I'm worried that everyone will be breathing down my neck to see that I'm sleeping better, happier, more engaged, etc, and my self worth and confidence is wrapped up in others and I don't want to let them down. Which takes the focus off what I truly want out of life; me, and being happy... I'm scared of the good now. Scared of failing other people's expectations. So instead I try and control what's going on around me and others by avoiding and holding back and running away. I don't feel I can change myself so I try and control how others see and perceive me. I stuff my feelings down the best I can.
Sorry for the word vomit, I needed to let this out somewhere and I feel a little more hopeful knowing I'm not alone. I hope someday I can be more me centered and fix me and let others people's thoughts and opinions be just that; other people's thoughts and opinions. And I hope I can observe the "what will they think?" And "omg I feel pressured" as mere passing clouds and I won't get consumed in them anymore. Cause I can't do this anymore. I'm surviving, not living. When I left this toxic environment I thought things would get easier and better, but it didn't.
Hey Emily, how do you do now
For years I have been struggling with mental rituals that take place mostly in my head, accompanied by ritualized eye-blinking and head-snapping until things “felt right.” You all know the feeling. I thought I would never get a good night’s sleep again, let alone see marked improvement in my daily anxiety levels. This one tip alone, particularly the way it was explained, has saved me. Thank you SO MUCH!!!!!!
Enjoy the rest :)
you're awesome, Mark! truly are!
Thank you for this wisdom, Mark!
Mark thanks for these videos! This one really makes sense. It's sometimes like because we suppress bad feelings immediately we sometimes end up suppressing good ones too because sometimes good things are associated with bad things in life and because we shut down the bad, and are so afraid to be with the bad, we live in a state of cramp and lose the good too.
You're welcome!
omg, my inner monologue all day everyday; also the budism influence killed it cause it's the only thing that's ever made sence to me but its been years and I haven't worked up mindfulness and distraction theropy only works short term; ur talks inspire me and much love and support to everybody trying to live the life that works for them
Mark you are a savant when it comes to conceptualizing and understanding ocd, keep it up man, your videos are helping me, to really understand what will truly beat ocd.
+francis bakn Thanks, Francis! Keep pushing up and over OCD!
Mark I’ve commented before about how much you have helped me, and I will comment again, thank you so so much for all that you do. You are truly a gift from above. My first comment was about me being able to experience love for my partner again. I had an extremely traumatic reoccurrence of a deep rooted obsession come back into my life last January and have dealt with this obsession for many years but of course I thought it went away until triggering events provoked otherwise. I had never felt such debilitating effects of OCD like I had thought I had experienced before.
You touch on things NO OTHER person has touched on in ways that are so unique. If it’s any consolation, I have no therapist anymore because I found in my personal experience that therapists just do not work for me in my niche experience of OCD (13 years). You have literally become my therapist as I watch your brain tech support videos religiously to stay up to date with things as you taught me: mental health is an ongoing process and not a process with an end goal. Like physical fitness.
I believed for many years like others that the mental illness of OCD is chronic but when I first heard you say that it does not have to be, I didn’t believe you at first and even laughed. But today I hold the belief firm that you are totally correct. We can move past our minds and into something so much more.
Like I said, back in January I had a massive downfall and that made me realize I had many things unresolved in my life. I suffered tremendously till May and I found you. I suffered because I of course subconsciously enjoyed it. It’s a safe and comfortable zone to be in because if the familiarity. But I stepped out of what you call the “prison with an open door”. Very hard thing to do but I see exactly everything you say now.
Thank you mark for everything you do. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart thank you. I hope one day our paths cross so I can just hug you and tell you how much you have had an impact on my life. I hope you see this comment because you deserve too.
You’re doing gods work. I hope you live a happy and fulfilled life.
Thank you for the kind words and sharing about your journey! I'm glad you've found these tools useful. Enjoy stepping out that open door and taking your brain on adventures!!!
Thank you for your videos. I am working on my anxiety disorder and OCD and anxiety these have helped!
Great video mark. Watching them all, you have a great sense of what it takes to live with this monster that is ocd.
Rainagain1975 Thanks! I'm actually very much a promoter of killing off the OCD monster. It does not live in my home (or my head anymore). I have a video on "Killing OCD Monsters": czcams.com/video/yRSa0R_1aiA/video.html
Thank you so so much for your advice. I have had some obsessive thoughts recently and these videos have helped me so much. Mark, you are an inspiration and I am so so grateful for these videos! :)
Thanks! I'm glad you've found them useful :)
Thanks for this video Mark! I've really enjoyed this video on feelings! I've spent my life developing my OCD and an addiction to several different substances and I've realized all of it is for the same negative purpose: to not feel feelings. Hearing you talk about relearning your feelings with OCD is exactly what I've learned in my 12 step recovery groups, too! I'd love for some mental health professional to study the correlation between OCD and Addictive Behaviors because I feel they share a lot of similar characteristics. I've even used my OCD recovery toolbox to help my addiction recovery and it's worked! When I feel urges to gain certainty or control thoughts in my OCD, I just acknowledge the urge, accept it and do what's healthy. With my addictive urges, I acknowledge the urge to act on my addictive behavior, accept the urge and chose to do what's healthy. The brain is so fascinating!
That's great you've seen the connection between the two. I don't see any significant difference either and when I'm working with people on their OCD, I sometimes suggest they go to a 12-step addiction group to get extra tips on learning how to accept urges and not act on them. Part of the division comes from how addictions were treated for so many years--as an issue that came from the substance, not the brain. But now we know much more about brains, and they are fascinating indeed!
Thanks, found your channel just yesterday, I am in active recovery from ocd and finally accepting that what I experience is normal make me smile and happy. So excited to LIVE my life.
Enjoy living it!
Thank you *so* so much for this. My partner has been suffering with OCD undiagnosed and untreated for years and I am so grateful to have found someone speaking from her perspective. I have just bought your book to say thank you.
I hope the book is useful for both of you on your journeys!
Thank you for telling me to feel. I really appreciate it. It helped me a lot. 💛
positive feelings make me anxious!! they trigger a fear i don't know which makes me engage in compulsion. saying funny things, feeling great, realizing i had a pleasent conversation with somebody, being myself and seeing that people react positively to this... makes me anxious!! it may have something to do with the fact that my brother and mother always made fun of me when expressing feelings. or that i did not have healthy interactions with them, i always tried to be nice, funny, witti, helpful, and they simply ignored me... or they would misinterpret my intentions and made me feel bad for otherwise behaving normal. give me anger, sadness, well don't give me guilt. but negative feelings as they are, apart from anxiety, don't make me feel anxious. having positive feelings makes me anxious and drives me to do compulsions... like repeating phrases in my head which i said in my head and seemed funny or apropriate. or repeating otherwise normal and fun conversations, things the other said to me and my appropriate/funny/witty response. id like to do ERP for this, but it seems so funny, what i am "exposing" myself to, pleasent funny conversations?? speaking my mind? well if i am confindent and i speak my mind, then i dont feel the need to do compulsions. it's only when i am not confident that this would happen. or, i am confident, i speak my mind and it's like after that i'm terrified at what i just did, i do not believe i just did it. and then i feel the need to repeat in my mind what i said, what the others said, etcetera.
Ileana Profeanu This is very normal. It helps to learn how to do the things you want to do whether you judge yourself as feeling confident or you judge yourself in some other way. Regardless of the stuff in your head, you can don't have to engage in compulsions and you can do the things you want do.
Positive feelings make me anxious lately too :( when I notice I'm at peace it's like "wait! You're at peace! You gotta do this!" Anxiety is like "hey! You forgot to analyze this!" Ughhh
@@gingerisevil02 if I feel good today for example, at the end the brain comes and tells me '' oh you felt good, see? You can feel good and have no worry'' and from this the ocd starts its thing and the analysis begins and so on and so on. I basically analyse every feeling that I have, it became the new' 'nkrmal' for me instead of just feeling it
@ananya sudarsan yes, that's the main fear, that I will loose that peace state I'm in, and as soon as I'm aware of it starts to fade
@ananya sudarsan yes, because the brain is a control freak instead if letting the state be, whatever that state is. I personally always try to force my emotions or states, for example if I feel mentally sick right now I don't accept that and try to do whatever I can to get rid of it. The same applies to when I feel good, I force it to stay with me as long as possible and becaue and of that I start loosing it. It sounds easy as I explain it here, but it's a fucking hell for me to go through this
Mark i just wanted to say Thank you for all the work & effort you put into this and helping others . You have positively impacted my life in a very significant way.
THANK YOU!!
Thanks, Giannis! I'm glad it's been useful on your journey!
ACT Baby!! I got a new therapist some 4months ago and she has just been great.. she embraces act and that has really changed my life. And so has your videos that actually got me to understand that CBT and ERP and ACT would be good for me. My earlier therapist (normal "talk therapy") said that maybe i should visit a mental institution because of my problems. That was really hard for me... A person to whom i had been telling my emotions and things to for over a year!
But luckily o found my current therapist.. And when i notice she is talking in the same manner that you are.. Well then i know i am in pretty good hands :) not just a therapist.. But a good human being :)
I have thanked you before for your videos.. But. I will do it again.. You really helped through some difficult times with your videos.. A big.. huge thank you Mark!
And Greetings from Finland :)
Thanks so much! That's great you've found a wonderful therapist. They're so helpful on the journey. I'm glad you've found the videos helpful in finding a therapist that knows what's going on. Keep at it! Greetings from Canada!
I realized after watching this video that I might have learnt to shut down my feelings as I was always scared to feel neg emotions and stuff. Sad thing, now I am afraid of feeling my positive feelings too. Thank you for this realisation mark, I will try to work on feeling my emotions, even though I am scared as hell, imagining how it feels like to experience your emotions in the raw and real state.
It is so useful to notice this, with the positive and negative and every feeling in between!
My friend with OCD sent me to this video and wants my thoughts on it. What is being human is to feel a range of emotions without judgement or attachment. I sense there is a learning process of being with what is. This is what makes Buddhist psychology so productive in assuaging our attachments to thoughts, people , things, actions. There is an arrested development at the root of all pain. Surrender and the book called, "Letting Go" by David R. Hawkins is life changing. OCD is an attachment to thoughts and from observation the dissociation with feeling. This bifurcation or splitting requires acceptance of both thoughts and feelings called emotions. Life can not live solely at a mental level. Feelings are what make us human. Neither good or bad. Take notice and be with it...the troubles begin when we try to side step or push feelings under the rug due to fear or feeling out of control.
this makes a lot of sense.I love you.
Your point about being aware of both positive and negative feelings is very powerful, Mark. It reminds me of the Nichiren Buddhism concept of refusing to be swept by the "Eight Winds": these Eight Winds consist not only of negative feelings, but positive ones as well.
Indeed. It's so useful to learn how to handle any wind that blows into us.
Thank you Mark.
Love your channel! Thank you for the work you're doing :)
What my confusion is, is that when you say 'FEEL things", isn't that contradicting the concept of ignoring/not listening to what your OCD/mind is telling you? Isn't 'feeling' it actually encouraging you to give into the compulsions (in this case, thinking a thought over and over)? Because what really gets you to drown into a thought/fully experience and feel it, is when you let yourself give into the compulsion of repeatedly thinking about it. And I know the last thing you'd recommend would be to give into compulsions of constantly thinking a thought over and over. So could you please clear that up for me?
Hi Mark! First I want to say thank you so much for this series! I think it's a great insite on OCD and anxiety that most people and even some therapist don't know about. So it's great to hear this! Second is about feelings! It's already been touched on briefly, but how do you experience negative feelings without ruminating? Let's say someone's playing a game with friends and they suddenly feel very anxious, accept the feeling and focus on playing? Thank you for all your help! Keep up the good work! :)
+Rachael Robbins Thanks, Rachael! Learning how to feel anything while doing anything is a really useful skill to learn. It's ok to feel anxious and play sports. When we believe that a particular action can't happen with a particular feeling, we begin to create cages throughout our lives that prevent us from doing the things we love and achieving our goals in life. It does take practice to get to that point because we spend years practicing the opposite. Learning to practice non-judgment with feelings is useful. There's lots of feelings you experience that you don't judge negatively and then don't ruminate on, just like there are many clouds in the sky that you don't judge as bad clouds and spend hours ruminating on how to get rid of them. But you could do that if you wanted to. You have a choice in what you want to focus your time and energy on. The same is true for thoughts and feelings and all of the other stuff in our heads. But it takes practice to teach your brain what you want it to focus on.
I love your videos. You mentioned you would follow up about the role our judgements play in our feelings. That would be great xcx
Great video, it taught me a lot. Thanks :D
Thank you I've been going to life with the wrong play book on trying to solve my problems not know the right tools I'll be watching ur other videos
Really good. Keep it up!!!
Wawww amazing thank you for sharing your amazing thoughts.
Thank you, you are doing God's work... My suffering became less when i discovered your channel.
I'm glad you're finding it useful.
Just discovered your channel! Great work!
I found very interesting what you said about our behaviour towards "positive emotions", it would be great if you make a video specifically about this!
Thanks!
Firstly,You are amazing Mark!Suppose a particular thought is against what I want.But when that thought came,I felt like liking that thought.I am trying to ignore the thing and move on without doing compulsions.Am I on the right track?
Thank you so much
Hey Mark, this video is extremely helpful because for years I thought I had to try and feel my anxiety to make it go away. But as soon as I felt depressed I tried to get rid of that feeling. So from this video I understand that I need to feel the depressing feeling of not being able to control my emotions and when I become depressed I just need to accept it. Thanks, please let me know if I am misunderstanding this concept.
Sure. If you're feeling a feeling, it's useful to be able to feel that feeling.
Great videos man.
Mark, thank you for making this, it helped a lot. Happy to see someone talking about feelings and their importance. Acknowledging their presence, how we link those feelings to certain thoughts helps us become aware. I personally believe it is not the thoughts that cause discomfort but the senses/emotions attached to them. Our body becomes alert and everything feels so real. Accepting the thoughts is not enough, we also need to accept the feelings! But then of course everything begins from our own judgement. Deconstructing unhealthy behaviours is a tough task to do but I see this as great opportunity that will help us lead a happier life :)
Thanks! Enjoy accepting those feelings :)
Thank you Mark very much for these videos they are so great. Do you suggest mindfulness over medication? I have intrusive thoughts but no anxiety attached to them. My question is how to break the excessive thinking? Thank you so much
PhishPeace it could be useful to unpack some of this stuff. I don't see how meditation and medication would be connected or could replace each other. I'd see them as totally different with very different outcomes. With thoughts and thinking, I find it useful to approach ruminating as a compulsion. We don't control the thoughts that pop up but we do control what we do with them. So it's useful to cut out that compulsion along with others. Whether there's anxiety or not isn't something I'd see as important. We like many compulsions and they don't cause anxiety but that doesn't mean they're healthy for us.
Mark Freeman thank you for that. Did you ever get sad or depressed bc you couldn't stop the negative rumination? If so how did you overcome ?
PhishPeace It's natural to become depressed when we're engaging in compulsions. Instead of getting caught up in the result of the compulsions, I find it helps to work on cutting out the compulsions
Mark salute u. You are a genius. You track my problem. You know I know that all of the mental stuff pop's in my head is intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings. But a intrusive thoughts comes into my mind that I have to ask mark about every mental stuff which pops in mind is it intrusive thoughts or not. Even though I know that all of the mental stuff which I don't like pop's in mind is intrusive thoughts but I have voices in head "you have to ask mark is it intrusive thoughts or not". This voice whice pops in mind makes me so helpless. That's why I question you same thing again and again. Thanks mark. You understand that cause of my mental stuff I question you same thing repeatedly.
How often / how much of my time should be spent being aware of the feelings I am having and how much should be put towards focusing my time and energy into the things I care about? I understand how “feeling” everything is very useful, but for me at least I feel like the awareness is getting in the way of what I really want to be spending my time doing. On the other hand though i could see how focusing on your values could take you away from your willingness to “feel” things
This video is great, the part where you talk abou the cloud was very funny, because I do the same thing when it's a hot day. I live in South Texas so it's always a hot day and my judgments are really stopping me from enjoying things.
Thanks mark for respons me. I want to build a great mental skills to deal with intrusive thoughts cause I want to enjoy my life. I have so many goals. I want to reach my goals. I want to enjoy myself.
Ok, what's one of your goals and what's an action you can do today to take a step towards that goal?
Thank you for every video you have posted and everything you are doing. I touched a battery a few minutes ago and immediately went to get up and go scrum my hands and hen remembered what you said about 'accept it'..Yeah something could have been on that and is now on me. I remembered that I need to make the choice to fight the urge. This is hard, my finger feels dirty, but that's okay. THANK YOU!!
That's great! Thanks for sharing that. It's tough at first but the more you do it, the easier it'll get, and it starts to feel amazing and so freeing. Enjoy the journey!
Thank you, Your videos are wonderful.
The feeling I experience the most as a 36 year old bachelor is loneliness!
I’m curious too. Loneliness is the worst especially when you’ve never had issues with meeting women before :(
Rely upon Jesus!
Hey guys I've had a steady gf for 2 years now. We're going to start trying to have kids this weekend. Wish me luck ;) Thanks for the funny replies everyone.
@@MAMP nah you're trolling! 😂😂😂
@@akaunderdog4223 I'm really not :)
He Mark, thank you for your awesome knowledge of OCD recovery. I'm actually going through dealing with this for the first time in my 49 year of life, I've been suffering from this since I was 12. I have a question, since I've been trying to accept this I have real uncomfortable pressure in my head you said something in one of your videos that your brain felt like it wanted to come out is that kind of the same thing because this is really scary because I think something is going to break inside by trying to accept this
+Joe triano I actually have an entire video on recovery headaches: czcams.com/video/Aok3wwXt3U8/video.html Remember that OCD is all about reacting to fears and anxieties. So when you're cutting out compulsions and you get a fear that something is going to "break", that's OCD, too. It's just the OCD monster trying to get you to feed it more compulsions. It's very common for it to latch on to recovery when you start to cut out compulsions. Apply the same healthy skills to those uncertainties, too.
Outlast all the pain!
thank you very much for thee videos!! I competed 6 weeks of out patient therapy, and now that i don't have the daily therapy i am struggling a lot. Do you have any tips? Your videos are WONDERFUL!!!!!! they got me through these last days and nights!
After doing therapy, it can help to take the skills you learned and make them part of your everyday life. You can also keep going with cutting out compulsions and doing more of what matters to you in life. After I did therapy, I still had many compulsions to deal with, inside and outside of my head. So it was useful to continue with a structured approach to that, cutting out compulsions one at a time while also adding in support skills into my life, like deepening my mindfulness practice and doing more of the things I wanted to do in life but had avoided in the past because of the beliefs I had about uncertainty and anxiety.
All the best as the journey continues!
Hey Mr. Freeman, two weeks ago I was with my girlfriend and I just had a THOUGHT that I *might* be losing feelings for her made me have horrible triggering and feeling and thoughts that I've tried to ignore. I'm barely starting to feel better because the triggering has stopped but the OCD with the worry and thoughts are still there. I've then become so confused about any and all feelings of any kind and I need help. I've never had this before
Helw mark. Thank you so much for your hard works. I have a question that what is intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings? In one of your vedio "how to deal with intrusive thoughts" you said those stuff which we don't like to pop's in our heads memorise, voices feelings, images, urges, unicorns, those things are intrusive thoughts. So If I go outside in restaurant or shopping malls or wherever and I am feeling afraid that everybody will stare me. Is it intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings? Or any kind of thoughts or feelings comes into my mind which makes me afraid, nervous, anxious, depression or annoying, is it intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings? I want to know that whatever pop's into my mind that I don't like, is it intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings? Plz mark reply me.
I treat all stuff in my head the same. What matters are my actions--what I do with the stuff in my head and how I act in the present. The healthy things I can do in the present don't change because of the stuff in my head.
Sir mark I think my OCS theme is about harm ocd I have so much intrusive thoughts in my brain and sometimes I ask myself if I'm crazy I have an agrresive and horrific thoughts about harming myself or others these thoughts are haunting me and a year ago I was so stressed that I had a panic attack then after that I lost my mind and started attacking people I was so strong that time I didn't know why did that happen its been a year now and I always remember that episode in my life I just want to ask how can I prevent it from happening again and now I am not having fun whenever I go outside because of my anxiety that it would happen ago I'm afraid whenever I'm in front of many people cause I don't want to hurt others but my mind tells me to do it without any reason.sometimes I feel like my ocd is forcing me..sometimes I ask myself what if I loose control..by the way thanks for your videos I got better two years ago but my ocd had rellapsed and now its stronger..
Amazing thank you
You're welcome!
Wow I just made the same discovery in the past weeks. I watched that video years ago but really only now can relate experience wise. I had some of my most difficult experiences and stayed in it and I start to just feel depressed when it comes up. I used to have the need for a mental health strategy towards feelings, but I ‚ve realised that thats also avoiding it. Now I started having all the negative experiences and be with them and that made me let go of the need for that strategies. I am way less afraid of my inside
I wanna add, I think we are so afraid of the feelings because on the one side we don‘t know how to have them. Since every skill is experience based but on the other hand because feelings mean something bad will happen. I noticed I was only scared of unpleasant feelings because there were/are many negative beliefs and worries around them. They will leave if you let them.
Great video, you nailed it in this one for me :)
It is great you're seeing how we attach unhelpful beliefs and meanings to feelings. But we can just have them, instead
Hey Mark, I feel like I get too caught up in trying too hard to feel my feelings, when something pops up my mind instantly jumps to 'You need to feel this, you need to accept it!' and I just end up resisting it more. Maybe I'm trying too hard to control the experience.. I know deep down that resisting my feelings is only going to cause more problems. But how do you break through a resistance which almost feels automatic?
Thanks for all the help you have put out so far :)
+Thomas Marshall I find that it helps to do the things that I value. Whatever I'm feeling is what I'm feeling. It's useful to learn how to feel things, but trying to be certain about a feeling or control a feeling can quickly become a compulsion, like you're noticing. It can help to show the brain how you want it to behave. Whether your brain is resisting a feeling or not, the healthy things you can do in the present moment that are going to help you reach your goals in life aren't going to change. Trying to not resist accepting a feeling you don't like can be very similar to trying to not resist accepting a cloud in the sky that you don't like. It's useful to learn to accept all clouds in the sky without getting upset about them but, at the end of the day, they're still just clouds in the sky. Do you really have to spend more time on them?
Hey Mark Freeman, thank you so much for this...what if you are feeling sort of numb? Maybe this is simply thinking if you're not feeling happy all the time that's because in some fundamentally wrong situation or mindset (a personal judgement)? Do you think the numbness is resistance to feeling due to anxiety/fear or do I simply have to accept I am not feeling any strong emotion at that time?
Thank you ❤
The last thing you mentioned sounds useful to me. If we're constantly judging what we're feeling, it's only natural to sometimes feel like we're not feeling what we think we should feel. But the problem is not our feelings, it's our judgments. You can experience anything. Maybe that'll be an intense feeling. Maybe that'll be no feeling. Those experiences don't have any meaning other than meanings you attach to them.
Thanks for the insight! This has been very helpful and I am trying to apply more mindfulness to my everyday life.
Take care
Video(story the zen monk and lumberjack girl). you mentioned I could not find
hey Mark your a champ!
quick question if my ocd is triggered by someone you love ( harm ocd ) should I implement love and kindness meditation thinking about that person and still do my erp?
Thanks, Jack. Sure, being able to bring up that feeling of loving kindness can be so useful in precisely those types of situations. One thing to watch out for though is trying to use that as an attempt to prove to yourself that you wouldn't harm them or that you're a good person, etc. What I found useful in those situations was recognizing that I always have a choice in how I act. So if I suddenly worried I might harm somebody, I'd accept that I could do that, but what I choose to do right now is help them, or care for them, or listen to them--whatever aligns with my values in that moment. Expressing loving kindness is something I can choose to do. And there are many other things I can choose to do as well. So it's an opportunity to show my brain it can trust me with freedom. I don't need to be caged in with fears.
Helw mark. In this video you talk about feelings. My question is that whatever you said in this video is it allowable for all the situations we have? I mean if I feel afraid to go to restaurant cause of everybody will stare me, or if I afraid to fail in my upcoming exm or if i depress for anything, or if I worry, depress for my past, present or future. I mean is it allowable for any kind of mental stuff (intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings)? Plz mark reply me
Posting the same question repeatedly is a compulsion. I'm not going to help you practice compulsions so I won't answer questions if you post them repeatedly. Remember: OCD is all about trying to get rid of uncertainty.
How do I deal with sudden fear flashbacks from a traumatic event? It gets triggered by random things, and I have flashbacks also physically in my body that turns to panic attacks and obvious physical signs of anxiety. I can deal with it when I'm home away from people, but fear of others noticing my panic and anxiety, or fearing of sudden loss of control in front of others is really hard to deal with and really hard not to try to cover up or control.
Mark not to be confrontational but you say to feel these feelings, but in a social situation where my Social anxiety is peaking, I’ve found useful to be mindful that the anxiety is there but choose to not engage and try to focus in on the moment. But you’re telling me to feel those feelings but I just don’t see how that would work. I’m really confused
Mark I just subscribe to your website for online course. Can I get the details on it?
Mark when I do an exposure and only half cut out a compulsion I'm really hard on myself. Do you have an exercise for practicing self-kindness?
Being kind to ourselves is something we can practice throughout the day. I find it's useful to start doing it around any activity. Like if we make ourselves some food, we can recognize that we're being kind to ourselves. When we brush our teeth, that's a moment to be kind to ourselves. When we sit down, we can thank our bodies for supporting us. Basically, when you do anything, that's a moment to thank yourself.
why i have this scream loud toughs on my head realy realy loud like im going nuts its like im imagining loud scream in my head that become a habit
What about when you 'feel' nothing at all? No more anxiety, No more want to continue fighting the OCD etc?
hi Mark i have a quick question...so i have this tattoo that i was really excited about and then it kinda got messed up because i didn't check to see if it was lined up with the other one (bible vereses supposed to be aligned on my traps)...iv'e thought about on and off for a year since i've had it...my thought is what if i was more careful?,what if it bothers me forever?...and crap i cant fix it...i could get it removed obviously at some point but id rather learn how to not care, id rather not run away from my OCD...the error is very small on the tattoo....cheers Mark your'e the man!
Hi Alex, practicing non-judgment has been one of the most useful techniques I've picked up on this journey. And a useful place to start that practice can be with judgments that don't bother you. Quite often, as we're going about our everyday lives, we're constantly judging people and things around us. Judging somebody as good looking, or weird, or wealthy, or dangerous, judging something as contaminated, wrong, crooked, etc. And sometimes we like to be rewarded for our judgments, we pride ourselves on being a quick judge of character, or having a keen eye for spotting problems. But judging is a bit like a muscle, the more we use it, the stronger we get at it, and it becomes the muscle we use for everything. And because we use it so much, it's only natural that our brains also use it on us. So learning to use that judgment muscle much less can be very helpful. To learn how to not judge the tattoo, you might find it useful to start by practicing not judging other people or things, especially if you often engage in similar patterns of judging how things look on others. Enjoy the practice!
awesome idea thank you mark! i hope to be like you one day and inspire people!
Hi Mark, I have a question about what you say in the video from 6:14-6:44. This may have been covered in another one of your videos (so a link to that would be fine), but can you provide any more detail/explanation about why trying to avoid negative feelings makes them stronger/more frequent? This video was pretty informative, but I remain confused about that one point. Thank you!
+hypercda I'll mention three ways of looking at this that have really helped me with feelings I don't like:
1) Learning how to feel things is a skill and an ability. So the more you avoid those feelings and try to get rid of them, the less able you are to handle them, and then the more you experience them, in the same way that somebody who avoids exercise because they don't like sweating, will eventually sweat when they do anything because they'll be out-of-shape. The more you avoid exercise, the more everything feels like exercise. The more you avoid feelings you don't like, the more everything has the potential to trigger those feelings.
2) By getting rid of something and disliking it, you're indicating to your brain that it whatever caused that was a bad thing and you should avoid it. So then, being the helpful brain that it is, your brain will want to check for the things that caused those feelings. For example, if something embarrassing happened at a social event and you really hated that feeling and did your best to get rid of it, then it's totally natural for your brain to obsess about future social events or past ones and imagine all of the real and unreal embarrassing things that did happen or could happen. It's just trying to help you avoid that feeling you dislike, but it only ends up creating more of it.
3) Liking getting rid of feelings you don't like creates an addictive cycle: Your brain gives you a feeling you don't like, that's unpleasant, and then you get rid of it and feel good. Your brain wants you to feel good, so what is it going to give you? A feeling you dislike so you can try to get rid of it and feel good. I talk more about that in this video: czcams.com/video/xtdeThWSCaY/video.html
+Mark Freeman Thanks! I think it makes sense now.
Hi the link to the other video is broken can you find another link please
Mark I feel so alone. I have had ocd for many years. The main focus seems to be the same. I can't do anything for 30 minutes so I live my life in fear of 30 minutes. If I excersized for 30 min. and lost a pound I have to gain it back or my neck will hurt. I can't drive somewhere that takes 30 min to get there. I'm a 46 year old woman and this has been going on for over 20 years. When I was around 28 my mom said "Do some strenuous excersize for atleast 30 min." She was talking about just that moment, that day, to bring on my period. At the time I was worried I was pregnant. She was very controlling my whole life so I feel if I do 30 min. of anything she is control. It is much deeper than that but it is maddening. Do you have any suggestions to help my mind overcome this?
There are a bunch of different pieces in what you described, but one thing to consider is that maybe your mind doesn't have to overcome this. Your mind can keep thinking these thoughts but you don't have to put power into them or react to them. You mentioned that you "can't" do anything for 30 minutes and when I struggled with OCD, there were many things I thought I couldn't do, too. After years of reacting to anxiety and other feelings we want to avoid, like the feeling of being controlled, we start to believe our thoughts and put barriers around our lives. But you CAN do things for 30 minutes. Maybe it's difficult and you need to learn skills and build up experiences to accomplish that but it's doable. So a great first step can be recognizing that your mind thinks things. That's great! Whether you want to believe those things is a choice you have power over. Regardless of what your mind thinks, you can still do healthy things that help you achieve your goals.
A particular type of therapy you might find useful is called Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT). It focuses on learning how to accept the things in our heads and do the healthy things that are going to move our lives forward anyway. Often trying to "solve" or "overcome" the things in our minds is a big part of the problem. ACT can help you learn to accept those thoughts and engage in activities of all sorts of lengths, including 30 minutes.
It's unlikely that this is the only compulsion that you're dealing with so it can help to work with a professional experienced in supporting people to overcome OCD. Immediately starting to do things for 30 minutes might not be the best place to start. Instead, they can help you structure a program around cutting out some other compulsions so you can build up to eliminating the ones that are bothering you the most.
All the best on the journey ahead!
Hey Mark! Your videos are really helping me until I get treatment. I met with my old therapist and sadly, I realized she is a talk therapist and not experienced at all in CBT/ERP and doesn't even believe in it. Very discouraging, but I found another therapist online that does specialize in CBT according to her profile, so I should hear back from her tomorrow. Anyway, my question is, is it normal for OCD sufferers to worry about developing worse obsessions? I read about body dysmorphic disorder and how hard it is to and I'm scared I will develop it. I've been reading about OCD and no one has discussed any feelings like that. Am I alone? Am I untreatable? I'm so scared.
I can't provide you reassurance about a specific worry you have. I can say, however, that I've been reading about OCD, too, and I see that specific obsession you mentioned every day: the one where you're worried something bad will happen and then you do things to try to reassure yourself about it. It's very common. Getting caught up in the superficial specifics of an obsession can prevent us from seeing the fundamental patterns underneath all of our unhealthy behaviors.
Your brain can think all sorts of things. That doesn't mean you have to give them importance or react to those fears. It's okay for your brain to be afraid of developing something. It can have that fear and you can still do the positive, healthy things you want to do everyday. It's only when we start reacting to the fears and giving them importance that we start to engage in behaviors like searching online to reassure ourselves that we then make things worse and create new worries for ourselves to obsess over. So it's okay to be scared today! Do wonderful healthy things for yourself anyways!
My whole thing with feelings is not the overwhelming emotions that come when OCD is there but more the overall slightly uncomfortable feelings when I'm even not exposed to my OCD problems. This overall feeling is hard to pin point the actual cause but it feels as if it either comes from my OCD or allows me to focus on my OCD more. This is the last thing I need to get rid of before my OCD is completely gone, I can feel it. My anxiety is no longer there.
+Michael Daniel It helped me to not see "OCD problems" as separate from anything else. Part of the reason is that the symptoms that bother us are only a tiny part of mental illness. And many of the symptoms that bother us or that we would label as "OCD" are actually the outcomes/results of the things that don't bother us. Think of a physical injury that somebody gets while exercising, for example. I used to have problems with my knees and I would experience pain after working out. The problem was how I was doing squats. I did them the way that seemed to work for me. But the way I was doing the squat, although it felt fine and easy at the time, was actually then leading to pain in my knees after the workout. So I could say I had a knee pain problem, but what I actually had was a problem with my form when squatting. The pain was the outcome of doing something that I thought was normal. I had to connect those two. Getting rid of the pain meant changing something that I didn't realize needed to change. I find that the same thing tends to happen with OCD. People put a lot of emphasis on relieving the pain but if you don't also change the "normal" things that pushed you into the OCD, you'll constantly feel that pressure to return to the compulsions. In this video: Anatomy of a Compulsion czcams.com/video/VeynBEFcRd4/video.html I explain more about some of the other areas to look at to solidify recovery.
+Mark Freeman thank you for the advice
Can this apply to harm OCD as well? Because how do I accept a thought that's saying to harm someone I love? If I do accept it, I feel as if I'm okay to act on the thought.
Sure it does. I struggled with all sorts of harm-related symptoms that focused on myself and others. But if you don't understand how to practice acceptance, then I'd suggest working with a periodical that's experienced. Quite often, when it comes to practicing acceptance with these issues, people focus in the wrong areas. I think it's useful to practice accepting the consequences of what you're afraid of instead of the superficial worry. For example, many people afraid of harm are afraid of what others will think about them and they're afraid of being hated by others for doing something "horrible". So our brains then think of the most horrible things possible so that we can try to prevent those things from happening so our fears of being hated won't come true. It's that fear of being hated (or whatever consequence you're afraid of) that's most useful to practice acceptance with because when you stop being afraid of the consequences, your brain won't have to keep worrying about things that could lead to those consequences.
Do you have any tips on how to stop ruminating
Hi,, I have bad OCD,, and I have a big problem around doors and locks,, when I lock the door,, I have to keep checking that it's locked, because my mind doesn't take it in,, so I have to keep checking until it sinks in,, and I have big anxiety with sweating whilst I'm doing it,, after the finally finished checking I walk away, and then my mind tells me,, maybe I just went back and unlocked it without thinking about it,, then I have to repeat the process,, it can take up to 20 mins of checking,, and I feel so drained after., I wanna drop down on the floor,, and people look at me crazy in the hallways when I'm checking,, what's the best tip,,how I can stop this please?
Trying to "take it in" is a typical OCD compulsion. That's the problem, not the solution. The more you check, the more your brain will doubt it. Wanting the door to be unlocked and not checking is a great way to get over this. I found it helpful to cut out compulsions unreasonably.
Mark what you think about uncertainty and compulsions? I just want to know that. Plz mark reply me.
You're posting questions compulsively.
I have been followin your videos & tryin to do erp therapy by myself could you recommend some books for washing type ocd
ed jo All OCD is the same so any book on OCD could be helpful. The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris could be great to check out
also could you please tell me how to differentiate between a normal thought & an intrusive one
I consider that a compulsion. It's not helping to solve the problem, it is the problem. I have a video on rational/irrational thoughts to explain that further.
GOD BLESS YOU BRO!
Please post that story again
Mark Freeman , what's your take on smoking marijuana with OCD, can you successfully perform these methods/ERP while being high? Or does it cause more anxiety and unclear thoughts.
The purpose of these methods is to learn how to handle thoughts and feelings while doing things you care about in life. So if somebody is taking something that interferes with their awareness of their thoughts and feelings or covers them up or manipulates them in some way, then they're not going to be working on these practices. They'd still have to learn how to cut out compulsions when they're not on the medication, drug, substance, whatever
Helw mark. When I have intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings I don't judge them when I don't judge them I feel it, I feel it in my head, in my heart, I mean I feel it in my body. Whether I feel something or not I don't try to force myself to feel it. Whatever I m feeling is what I m feeling. Mark is it accept feelings, experience feelings? Am I in a correct position mark?
+Tanvir Amin Trying to do things in the "correct" way or the "right" way can fuel OCD. Whatever you're experiencing is what you're experiencing. Are you doing things that you value? Are you acting in a way that's helping you reach your goals in life?
Yes mark. Now I improve my mental skill to fight with intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings slowly. And I believe that I can build a great mental skill so that I can do anything which I want to do in life. Today I start my study. And I take a step to one of goal and that is my upcoming exm.
can i have sometimes the feeling of stress for 10 minutes to 30 minutes ( sometimes an hour ) than i feel " good " " cool " without stress for another 10 minutes or for some hours and this EVERY DAY ??
NB : a lot of time, i have stress and anxiety without any thought, it's only the sensation ?
thanks
Sure. Your body can feel whatever it wants to feel. Rather than trying to judge everything you're feeling, it can help to bring your focus to the healthy actions you can do. Your brain and body can feel anything. How you react to those feelings is what's important.
Mark you talk about practicing non judgment to intrusive thoughts or intrusive feelings.(we know that it is normal for our mind to wander to intrusive thoughts. We need to keep our mind focuse on the present. When we notice that our mind is wandering, use gentle redirection to focus on the present again whatever we doing watching tv, reading, or just sit down and do nothingWhatever we do we have to redirect our mind in the present) Mark my question is that whatever I said in the bracket is it practicing non judgment? And practicing non judgment, accept the stuff in our head is healthy things? Plz mark reply me. You know now this time I don't posted same things. And I promise you that after you reply my questions I never posted the same thing again and again
+Tanvir Amin Tanvir, what are some things you would like to do in life?
i have recently been struggling heavily with ocd it was triggered by a horrible documentary of people who had hurt their families i feel like im so close to shutting these thoughts out and then they always come back stronger it feels like my mind is trying to convince me that im actually a terrible person that would hurt or kill people i dont want to live like this its the most horrible scary thing ive ever gone through and it literally makes me feel like im going mad, any advice? im trying my hardest to not ask wether im going crazy from what ive read i see that is one of the major real compulsions
Travis Crooks Travis you grew up in a society where you heard a lot of stories told of men hurting and killing people via the news probably...As a young boy thinking he would soon grow up to be a man you became alarmed...like he did that. I am a boy will I grow up to do that...that initial worry might have hid itself and settled into your subconscious and now that worry that you had as a child has come forward asking again. I think Mark is saying that we need to firmly state what our values areWe are not this or that...we stand for this...and Just focus on what you stand for and who YOU TRULY SAY YOU ARE, not what your fears are worrying about.
Hey Mark I keep having obsessive intrusive thoughts about suicide. And it's caused me lots of distress. Lately ive been thinking do I actually want to die and is life worth living also I can't really feel happy because everytime I do feel happy it reminds me about the bad thoughts. I know life is worth living and I don't want to die. Plz reply thanks. Also these thoughts started cuz my friend started taking about suicide and it got me thinking things like this for example. "It would be easy to kill myself all i would have to do is jump off a building". that scared me alot but now its got to the point where im not sure if i feel scared anymore and it worries me. I dont want to die but im scared i will kill myself because thoughts of suicide are on my mind all the time. It sounds dumb but its caused me distress and unhappyness.
I'm experiencing this now. Any progress? :)
Hi Mark, quite interesting topic. What if those feelings are related to a definition of yourself which you can't accept because totally against your beliefs. Ex.g., sexual identity.How can you just let them flow and not react to them, even though they are obsessions driven.
To understand accepting thoughts, I always encourage people to explore why it is that they accept horrible clouds in the sky.
Hi Mark! Your video on guilt is not available anymore. Did you delete it? I found it very useful. Thanks :)
Yes, sorry about that. I'm going to redo it and upload it again.
@@everybodyhasabrain Hello Mark. Thankyou so much for your videos and how you really get to the crux of the issues. Can you please give the link to the video on guilt? (sorry, I tried to check, but could not find it). Thankyou.
But like. Talked about this with a friend. If you DO GET a feeling, lets say that you feel something in you when thinking sbout another partner/s child ect or reslly have a feeling that im not in love my partner or love my mom. If i FEEL IT - is that still ocd? Intrusive FEELING, does that work? Please answer. It Will meen alot for us.
I approach thoughts and feelings as the same: just stuff in our heads. Brain indigestion. Putting that brain indigestion in charge of our lives and thinking it means things can lead to all sorts of disasters. Instead, I found it most useful to learn how to feel and think anything while doing things that matter to me.
Hi Mark! I am having more difficulty in identifying judgements/beliefs that I have. Can you give me some tips? Thank you, love from Portugal!
Mariana Fernandes Can you explain more about what the difficulty is?
Mark Freeman I am sorry for my late reply! I am trying do include meditation and mindfulness in my daily life to be present in the moment and aware of my thoughts, feelings, judgments, beliefs, which will help me to break one pattern that I have extremely difficult to cut out - rat wheel. I am constantly solving problems in my head, answering to questions, imagine situations that I can judge and be right... Even at work, I am always using this kind of thinking to solve problems. When I catch me in the rat wheel, I am already there for a while. My doubt regarding judgements and beliefs was a bit ocd like, me trying to understand 100% all the structure and intelectual knowlegde behind ocd. Thank you Mark for all your work (started reading your book last week, this week I am acknowledging more compulsions. I feel very indentified with you, because like you, I have all the themes possible! xD top!
Women here from seden. I have gad and thinking to muth, i have anxyety erly morning in my slep and morning are bad and even Day, is anafranil good for gad and och?
I've never taken any psych meds so I wouldn't be the person to speak to about that.
Sir why do I have panic attacks and I just want to ask if having schizophrenia is related to ocd? I've been always thinking what if I might be crazy someday?because my doctor diagnosed me with ocd and schizo I'm 25 now I haven't had any hallucinations or whatsoever symptoms that is related to schizo but my doctor said I have mild schizo and I'm afraid someday I might go crazy..but I have a normal life and I am not having schizo symptoms I am botherea much about OCd..sir Im afraid I'll go crazy someday and because of this obsession I'm afraid and anxious everyday
Being afraid of "going crazy" is a very common thing people struggle with. Doctors who don't know much about mental health also diagnose people incorrectly all of the time. You might find it helpful to speak with a psychologist that has a great track-record of helping people with mental health issues. And you might also find it helpful to accept whatever your brain worries about and instead of living in fear, focus on the healthy things you want to do that will help you achieve your goals in life, and do them. Trying to make the fear go away and constantly watching to see if you're developing symptoms of schizophrenia, or checking online to diagnose yourself, or doing anything to try to be certain, will only make you more anxious and bring more panic attacks into your life.
My OCD tends to make me think that when it comes to my interests, I have to decide what I think to create some sore of structure. Particularly with my opinions on movies.
You mean that you judge your interests and preferences and kind of decide that you should be liking or not liking smth? (I know its been 3 years but i just had to reply)
If thats what you mean then i get you! I used to do that a lot but i think i still do it sometimes🤔
Is it possible for a person to have a hard time identifying their emotions when having a moment of mild to intense anxiety? I struggle with Pure O OCD, and whenever I have an intrusive thought I grow anxious and I worry the feelings I'm having are a positive response to the bad thought I just had. What I mean is that I'm worried I "like" having these intrusive thoughts because the feelings and emotions I'm experiencing feel "positive"...I honestly hope I'm misinterpreting my emotions and it could just be mere anxiety but it still worries me
It could help to see this as a compulsion. It's like with any compulsion: the more you try to get certainty about a feeling, the less certain you'll feel about it. Even when it's a mental compulsion like this, it works the same way as a physical compulsion. Like somebody that's physically checking door locks will feel less and less certain the door is locked, so they'll check more and more which only makes them less and less certain about their experience. Same thing happens when a person is checking their emotions and judging them and trying to be certain about them. The more we do it, the more we doubt it. So it can really help to approach the stuff in our heads like it's a physical compulsion. I explain more in this video: czcams.com/video/ArJrrM_XaDE/video.html
Mark Freeman Thank you for your response I really appreciate it! I see what you mean, that's a good way of approaching my mental compulsions by interpreting them the same as physical compulsions. Also thank you for the link I'll check it out!
How can you sleep while experiencing these feelings? It seems to make it self sustaining. Can't sleep cause anxious, anxious cause you can't sleep. I want to cut off my emotions so I can eat and sleep normally and be healthy.
Soroush Sahragard same
Does hocd give u false urges and feelings in ur mind and genital area tricking u into thinking that u like them? I let my Hocd take over my mind and my anxiety take over my mind and this happened?is this normal?
Asking questions like this and judging feelings is a common compulsion. instead of engaging in more compulsions around checking feelings, it can help to keep the focus on actions. Anxiety can't take over anything unless you let it. You can choose to put your time and energy into things that matter to you or you can spend your time and energy chasing certainties your brain won't let you have. You always have that choice, in any moment.
@@everybodyhasabrain This is an excellent response! I have hocd that I only recently developed (but other forms of ocd since childhood) and a huge fear around it is that thinking certain things will cause me to like the thoughts, if that makes sense. I like the idea of letting the thoughts come and go, not engaging with them but just going "oh there you are" and continuing to move on with my life. My struggle that I have found now is that I don't always know the things that matter to me and, therefore, don't know how to act.
This video is so helpful. Thanks. I "joke" about this but seriously, every time I have any emotion that isn't positive, I wish I could pop a pill or have a glass of wine to get rid of it. I'm really uncomfortable with feeling anything that isn't peace or happiness. And lately I'm tying to force and fight the ones that are the hardest. I'm putting too much pressure on myself. I'll start slow. Thanks!
Feelings are so scary :(
I prefer feeling calm only :'(
I found it helpful to recognize that chasing after feelings of calm only leads to never having them.
Mark Freeman what helps instead? I tried to accept my feelings last night and it did help! I'm having a really hard time accepting my thoughts lately.
shaylen sanders Cutting out compulsions and living your life is helpful!
Hy mark. When I have feelings such as afraid, depression, anxious, upset etc which I don't like and that time I try to figure out why I feeling like this. until I figure out the reason why I feel anxious, depression, upset or any intrusive feelings which I don't like I feel so much responsible until I figure out why I feel like this. Mark is it compulsion to try to figure out the reason about feelings?
+Tanvir Amin Have you ever tried to figure out why a leaf is on a tree?
No mark.
That means I don't have to react to the clouds in the sky. Am I right mark?
+Tanvir Amin That's right.
Hi Mark! I tried to feel anxiety and other sensations I don't like, but the only thing I was able to feel was the unwillingness to feel. In brief, I felt that I wasn't willing to feel at all. What is the next step? I can't move on from this point. I felt my resistance and actually I felt some anxiety, but not completely.
There doesn't need to be anxiety. What I mean by anxiety and other things we don't like is just to approach that very broadly. We get stuck in compulsions when we're reacting to any experience we want to get rid of or control. What you described is an example of that. You're experiencing something you don't like and then not moving on. That's how a compulsion works. The next step is to live your life and do things you care about.
Ok, so am I basically feeling the compulsions? If I do things that I care in life and then suddenly my brains throws to me thousands of intrusive thoughts then I will actually start to feel that something is not right and then I will feel anxiety. Of course there doesn't need to be anxiety but if it's already there I can't just ignore it. However, thank you for your advice :)
I mean that the avoidance is the compulsion. Experiencing intrusive thoughts and then not living your life the way you want to, is a compulsion.
Ok! Thank you. So what I was trying to ask you was: "how should I treat this feeling of avoidance if it arise? Should I feel that too?"
Yes, they're not different feelings. Judging them as different is just part of the problem. That's why it's useful to shift the focus to actions. The feelings are all just weather. What matters is that we're living our lives and doing things we care about. We can have any feeling or thought while we keep doing what's important to us.
Hi Mark,
Sometimes we have no thoughts but only unwanted feeling.
why?and how to recover it?
Bhushan Patil I find it's useful to approach it all as stuff in your head. Feelings or thoughts are just stuff in your head. It's like weather. It doesn't matter why the weather is there, it's just there. You can accept that the weather is there and choose to do stuff you value.
Hi Mark.. would that help in the long run?
Example: a week ago I had an anger/anxiety attack, and since then I've almost been convinced I don't love my dog anymore. It's an actual emotion, and a tight feeling in my chest like a ball. It's every day and I'm always dealing it, because I loved her more than I love my wife! It's one of the most distressing things I've ever dealt with.
There are two types of people a fixer or a make doer. You either fix something or you go round it.
I have been with my fiance for 4 years and have always been so in love and happy. we are supposed to get married in December and the last 2 months I have been having doubts and uncertainty as do i love her? and having compulsions trying to feel things for her when I'm with her and then when I'm with her I get anxiety when I don't . I had this problem before and feelings came back for about a week and a half but now the feelings of doubt and uncertainty is back and I'm constantly thinking on it, that's all I focus on. I am in therapy but do my feelings always come back in time? and can this eventually cause you to fall out of love?
It helped me to recognize that engaging in compulsions to chase a feeling always leads to not experiencing that feeling. It's like any drug addiction: if you chase the high, you're choosing the withdrawal. And the more you chase the high, the more withdrawal you'll experience, until even when you're engaging in the compulsions, you can get the feeling you want at all and you just have to keep engaging in the compulsions more and more but you get less and less. So it can really help to cut out the compulsions. Those uncertainties you're trying to answer about whether the feelings will come back or if you can fall out of love our just more compulsions. The more you try to get reassurance about those questions, the less certain you'll be. It's great you're in therapy so try to work with your therapist on cutting out compulsions, getting comfortable with uncertainty, and putting your time and energy into things you care about.
Mark Freeman ok so once I learn to cut out the compulsions and the reassuring questions my feelings will come back?
You're engaging in a reassurance-seeking compulsion right now.
Mark Freeman oh ok thanks for your help
Mark Freeman I am exactly the same right now.
It terrifies me. I've always been happy with my boyfriend and then I get nasty thoughts that feel real "you don't want to spend more happy days with him" I hate it so much. I don't want to lose interest/attraction in him.
You quote same thing as Steven Philipson from Thich Nhat Hanh ... Is that coincidence or heard there?
I've read many of Thich Nhat Hanh's books and quoted him in my book and practiced at Plum Village. I have not watched Dr. Philipson's videos but I imagine anybody reading Thich Nhat Hanh's work would arrive at the same conclusions.
I have been trying this with a sexual obsession I have but it is a lot more uncomfortable as you can imagine because I fear of feeling arousal at things I REALLY REALLY REALLY do not want to feel at, as a result, I get uncomfortable feelings that do not even make any sense, which leaves room for them to possibly be arousal. Should I treat these feeling like intrusive thoughts? Like intrusive feelings? What do I do about guilt as well? I know you did a video on that but the guilt has been particularly bad for me recently and has been completely crippling to me as I could not stop ruminating. I have been trying to just not judge any feelings no matter what but it is really hard. Also, could you a video on dreams as well? I sometimes get disgusting dreams as a result of my intrusive thoughts and actually are what trigger the guilt the most really as I end up ruminating on the dream all day and it is a really bad pattern because it can sometimes cause me to have more dreams. Another question as well, I also get this kind of Meta-OCD in which I will be doing ERP but then my brain goes "What if I am not actually doing ERP but instead am doing a checking compulsion?" And then I cannot tell if I am checking or if I am doing actual ERP, are there any ways to combat this? Thanks for this video :D After suffering for nearly 6 months, I am finally getting the help I need next week by seeing a counsellor :D
That's great you're going to start seeing a counsellor next month. It's precisely for these types of confusion that it's helpful to work with somebody. We become so terrible at identifying and understanding our own feelings. For example, in what you described, the feeling you would practice feeling is fear. Not arousal. You don't have to ruminate and react to the fear. You can just feel fear. You can be afraid and continue on doing healthy things that align with your values and goals.
You might be getting really caught up in focusing on the problems. Instead, I've found it helpful to focus on where I'm going. Your brain can think and feel whatever it wants to feel. Accept that and focus on the healthy things you can do in the present. You can't control what pops into your head. You can't change the past either. What you can do is do healthy things right now that align with your values. This applies to dreams as well. Our dreams are always in the past there's nothing healthy we can do in the past. So we accept our dreams and bring ourselves to the present where we can make healthy decisions. The more you react to the stuff in your head (whether awake or asleep), the more you're going experience things you don't want to experience.
So take a breath and bring yourself to the present. And have a great time with the counsellor. I hope you find it useful!
Thanks, I have also been making changes to my diet such as quitting caffeine as well to help with this. I really am determined to get better, even if some days I do not necessarily feel it. I also regularly write in a journal and do some healthy ways of coping as well like watching relaxation videos to help me if I am ruminating a lot etc. These videos have really helped me out a lot as well, thank you!
Mark is correct what you are feeling is not arousal but fear and that fear often times can be confusing because of the overwhelming emotion that comes with it often has us ruminating and so with that rumination comes over analyzing the situation which leads to the confusion. and hes also right about "the more you react to the stuff in your head the more you are going to experience things you don't want to experience" so with that being said, let those emotions/feelings/thoughts go .... don't ruminate so much on them just say "they happened"
how r u doing?