Judgment, Non-judgment, & Mental Illness Recovery
Vložit
- čas přidán 5. 06. 2021
- Originally aired live on twitch.tv/markwfreeman -- Whether it's intrusive thoughts, depression, sensorimotor symptoms, derealization and depersonalization, social anxiety, reacting to voices, gambling excessively, eating compulsively, misophonia, and everything in between, it's so useful to look at how the compulsions with which we struggle, begin with us judging experiences, which then triggers all sorts of emotions we don't like, which we then try to control in all sorts of ways that cause problems.
You can grab my book, YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, wherever books are sold, like here on Amazon: bit.ly/youarenotarock
(It's called THE MIND WORKOUT in the UK and Australia/New Zealand, DAS MIND-WORKOUT in Deutsch, ENTRENA TU MENTE en español)
Learn more about what I do here: www.markfreeman.ca
Connect on any of these:
Twitter: / thepathtochange
Instagram: / markwfreeman
"It's not about seeing judgements as good or bad. It's just understanding, judgements have very natural consequences. And so it's useful for us to learn how to practice non-judgement as well as we practice judgement. That this is a superpower that we want to be in charge of, and not just have it on full blast burning up everything in life."
It is useful to learn how to handle these super powers!
i never comment on videos, I've experienced poor mental health for a long time. Every time I feel suicidal I immediately and reflexively watch Mark Freeman videos. I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment because i'm long term unemployed due to anxiety etc. However I feel that because of Mark Freeman i'm finally experiencing a new way of thinking that could lead me to real healing.
thank you so much Mark. You're a true mental health hero.
Wow, very powerful. I just realized how I continually label each ocd symptom as “good or bad”. I have to simply look at each ocd thought as neutral and not attach a judgement to it. Thanks Mark.
It's so useful to see we don't need to do that extra labeling work!
"If you notice a judgement coming up repeatedly, that seems very difficult to get rid of, ask yourself - why would it be bad to get that judgement wrong? That will tend to show you what's actually going on there."
Hi Mark,
I've been following your content for quite a few years now and I just wanted to say thank you for everything. I suffered badly with ocd as a teenager and things have gotten a lot better now compared to back then. There are still things I have to work through but whenever I regress I rewatch to some of your key videos and it puts me back on the right track. Thanks again for sharing your journey, experience and tools - you've changed my life as I'm sure you have with countless others.
Thanks for the message, Mrunal. I'm glad you've found these tools useful on your journey and I hope they continue to help you with all of your adventures ahead :)
Mark, from the bottom of my heart thank you so much. For the past two weeks my anxiety escalated to the point of full blown panic attacks, hyper stimulated of sight and sound(derealization), and intrusive thoughts, since discovering your videos I’ve been feeling a lot better being able to understand what I’m going through is just normal and natural. I’ll be going back to my therapist on Monday to really dig deep at the problem I’m experiencing and why it’s causing anxiety
Thanks, Matt! That's great to hear these videos have been helpful. Enjoy exploring changes further with your therapist!
The self hatred inside me is unreal 😔
Please cultivate self love my friend! You are worth it!
This is such an amazing video for someone with Pure O, judgements is not spoken about much - it's all about compulsions. But really this video has really helped me understand things much better, especially the bad label maker and you have put things into perspective.
This video is all about judgment being a compulsion.
I have half an hour left before my non youtube week starts, what a good last video to watch😁
Enjoy the social media vacation!
Non CZcams week damn sounds like what I need!!! Might do that soon :) got rid of Facebook etc some time ago but now find myself on CZcams 🤣
Love the humor and light hearted ness!!! Thanks for your help and videos and support on these topics throughout the years mark!!
Thanks for the opportunity to be part of your brain adventures!
Mark 😊I’ve watched many of your videos now and was just inspired to say a big thank you for all you’ve done for the ocd community
Your content is great
Your really helping people ❤
Thank you so much for the kind words and watching the videos!
This is beyond helpful. Thank you so much 💓
You're welcome! I'm glad it was helpful.
I’ve been dealing with harm ocd for about 4 months now and I’ve been getting better and get through it because of your videos and I realized which compulsions I was doing and even how much I judge everything
Thank you for posting your stream on youtube and also for your phenomenal work🙌
Thanks, Squishyblurb!
Amazing! There was a time i haven't judged anything and those days were peaceful and living my life..
Now my ocd caught on fire because i started to judge everything!
Great video ❤️
Thank you for posting this stream on youtube. I found this video extremely useful and great to be able to watch it again if I need to in the future.
You're welcome, Olive!
Thank you so much 🤍
So many great inputs for better mental health. OMG thanks!
You're welcome!
Happiness is... Mark releasing a video!😇😇😇
Thank you Pom Pom Kitty!
Hey, Mark! Just want to thank you for all your help through these videos over the years. I've made lots of progress and will continue to do so. Best of luck!
Thanks, whoops! It's great to hear these videos have helped you on your adventures :)
That's why I love CBT! So good for challenging thoughts
The information you give us is so deep thank you ❤
Thank you for the kind words!
INCREDIBLE!!!!!
Thanks for the advices!
You're welcome!
Yes! A New video 😃
Wooooooooooooo!
Thank you mark
I think judgement is one of the things that really slowed my recovery journey. My biggest problem was/is thinking that some obsession useful ("they help me save energy!") and some months ago I was trying to analyze every obsession to understand if it could be useful or not. Now I am realizing that obsession can't be useful (and in the major part of cases doing things without being led by an obsession brings you to the best performance possible) and just trying to ignore all them without figuring out if they are useful or not. It is really ironic that all started because I thought that some of the obsessions could help me :), but I think it happened because I was afraid of where to go and I had had already another form of OCD. But at that time was only disgust OCD without doubts so it wasn't so tricky and confusing. Btw I think that the takeaway of this experience is that obsessions are *likely* to be dysfunctional in any case, I say likely because you really can't be 100% sure about this but this incomplete certainty is enough.
PS: your video of banana labeling really helped me and made me laugh for minutes and minutes ahahahah
I'm glad the banana labeling video was useful for laughter!
absolute legend
I noticed from watching your videos over time too the things my brain has labeled as problem to judge it then fix it with compulsion. So they increased and increased From the video on intrusive thought Which made everything scary I’m putting meaning on things so that I can create a sense of control to change the thought It’s complex and now I’m starting to logically understand I’m doing well just still I don’t get how one minute I got it I can get through it then the next I get anxiety and want to entertain it It’s really a process to retrain the brain
It is a process to retrain the brain, just like with physical fitness.
keep up the great work MARK :)
Thanks, Madalina!
Loving that little intro music 🤣🤣🤣🤣 🤟🏼🤟🏼💜
Disease, physical suffering and any kind of disability are to me greater fears than death. It would be great if you could address that on a future video. Thank you for your work, Mark.
They are fears. How would they be different than something truly terrible, like a fear of the donut shop running out of donuts? My favourite donut shop sells-out every day. When they're gone, they close. Setting aside the fact they could be completely out of all donuts, it's perhaps even more heart renderingly terrifying to arrive and find that there are donuts... however, the best ones are all gone. So I have donuts and I want to be present and enjoy the donuts I have. But I can't help but question all of my decisions earlier in the day, and back several years. What led me to that moment? Which mistakes led to me arriving too late? What could I have changed to avoid that loss, that FAILURE? How will my future be affected by this? Will I feel this guilt and this responsibility for ruining my life forever? Even if I get the good donuts tomorrow, those are tomorrow's donuts. I can never make up for the donuts I didn't get today... So I could do a video on a truly scary fear like that but the way to approach it wouldn't be any different than any other fear. The issue is the compulsions. The topic is irrelevant. The brain will always throw up whatever topic gets you to feed it compulsions. That doesn't make any topic different than any other.
@@everybodyhasabrain thank you for the answer. I'll give me some time after work to digest this. It's my biggest fear. I've used the 5 whys and I know why I have this fear (fear of disability having to do with a self-esteem and self-confidence issues of not being able to take care of and care for myself, of feeling like a little scared child when faced with challenges of adult life, etc), but I don't know how to solve it. Have to work A LOT on loving kindness, non-judgment and healing the inner child...it's so hard :(
"Don't know how to solve it"...just noticed what I did there...
@@vodkatonyq Yes! "Solving it" IS THE PROBLEM
Amazing
😁🙌
Thank you, Mark, since I’ve started watching your videos about 3-4 years ago. Give or take. I’ve had the rude awakening that it’s not a one time fix all. Meaning that I feel the discomfort then I go ahead and meditate daily and really work on my mental health, but as soon as I start doing great, I stop working as hard on meditation wnd mindfulness and then soon after stop doing it completely until I relapse and have to take a refresher course. Question is how do I approach mental fitness not to avoid the feelings of discomfort or to expect a certain outcome such as “feeling better or getting rid of thoughts.” But how do I approach it from a more productive way. Such as going to the gym even when I don’t feel like it and knowing I won’t get a six pack from this one day at the gym, but doing it because it’ll keep me healthier than if I wouldn’t go? What is your take.
This is really common. It's why I find it useful to approach this stuff as "mental fitness". It's only natural capacities diminish if we stop practicing. It's just like lifting some weights and then declaring yourself strong, so you stop lifting weights. Of course strength would go drop again. So identifying some mental fitness goals and making them part of my life, just like I'd pursue physical fitness goals, is how I keep it my life. Then it's not about fixing a problem. It's about growing things I'll keep growing.
@@everybodyhasabrain so sort of like watering a plant not because you’re fearfully afraid it’ll die, but simply because you enjoy watering it and watching it grow?
I’m gonna start again, this time I don’t want to see it as “do it to feel better” but like you say. Do it because you’re following your values and doing things you love. If you’re shitting shit, if you’re cooking cook. If you’re making love then make love. Thanks again mark. You’re amazing. Have a blessed day
Nice video Mark ! I have a lot of ideas about how things ought to be and how I ought to feel. I am never there and will probably never get there 🥲. I’ve in a way, let these things happen to me. So proactively choosing values is something that scares me. And also, I have no energy for it.
Wow, that's a lot of thinking things about things! Is it useful to believe that stuff?
@@everybodyhasabrain Not useful, but that’s what’s happening !
@@SKRithvik But those are compulsions you're doing. They're not "happening". They're actions. You can choose different actions.
@@everybodyhasabrain Yeah Mark. Those are stuff that I learnt to believe in as a result of my upbringing. Need to build new stuff definitely.
Can one prevent workplace burn out by working on their judgements? (I know there are multiple aspects that contribute to burn out)
Seems like an obvious yes but I am just realizing I have a lot to work on.
you’re just genius.
😂😂 loving those alpacas! 🦙
Thanks for the help trimming this down, Dan! The suggestions you made on how to fill the gaps were really useful!
The second alpaca really made me jump
I have a strange dynamic in my life. My job is commission based and within the field of collections. What makes me so good at collections is my ability to qualify accounts, which is essentially judging their financial status to decide how in depth I should work each account. I also have ROCD (admittedly self diagnosed) and can definitely see why my judgmental side brings on these intrusive thoughts. Any ideas on separating the two?
I often explain to people that their job is practice. It's like teaching a dog to jump up on people all day and attack them, and then being surprised at the end of the day that the dog keeps doing that. So I do not have a suggestion for separating something because those are not two things. We only have life. There is not work and life. Just life. What we practice in life is what we get good at.
Hahahah label maker! That is amazing!
Thanks, Rachael!
Mark but as a 17 year old kid how can I identify my values, where I have read that values do change over time...
How a value is created is it innate or is it changeable or what?
And I have most of my OCD around existential questions.
So I really don't know wether I want to know this or my OCD makes me do this.
Values are just compass directions we choose to explore the wilderness of life. It helps me to look at values as just being how to do something well. So it's very likely I won't know what to value. If I'm learning how to bake cookies, I'm not going to search for cookie baking instructions inside of me. I'm going to talk to people that make cookies and I'm going to try eating cookies and baking many types of cookies. Each time I bake cookies, I might have some different values. Over time, I may develop some particular directions I like to move in when baking cookies. But there's no need to rush that. It is fun to explore different ways of baking cookies!
But the judgement you think, can be real! That’s the problem, taking a risk is something you have 2 take to have a “ normal” life (it’s hard 4 sure)
Hello Mark,
in your book there's a part on the non-judgment chapter about trying not to judge a song...I have always tried to practice not to judge people (unless they're hurting others) and focus all my judging energy on art (music, film, literature, painting, etc). Given that art isn't reality but a construct, a representation, I'd say it's perfectly fine to judge it. Do you think it's bad or wrong to judge art?
I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. The idea with that example in my book is that judgments get us caught up in doing lots of mental compulsions, they obscure the reality of the thing, and they're just a lot of unnecessary work that we don't need to be doing. With music, we can easily get wrapped up in lots of meanings we attach to them--this isn't the kind of music I listen to, this isn't the right music for what I'm doing, this will change my mood, etc. It can get wrapped up in a lot of fear and control because of the judgments we make. By unwinding the judgments, we can experience a piece of art as it is, instead of filtering it through judgments.
@@everybodyhasabrain I mean judging the aesthetic, artistic value of a work in categories like "good" or "bad": this is a good/bad song, book, film, painting, etc.
@@vodkatonyq Oh my, that can be a truly perilous path if your judgments aren't correct. Like, do you know which animes are the good ones and which ones are the bad ones?
@@everybodyhasabrain well, I have a value judgment about art like everyone does; I'm pretty sure that there are animes you like/consider to be good and others you dislike/consider to be bad. That's also what an art critic does in general. What's perilous about that?
@@vodkatonyq Well, that could lead to somebody spending time watching bad anime.
It's mostly obsession!
It's really hard to not judge some thoughts tho, as they are really bad? My OCD makes me wish death to other people so how could that not be labeled as a bad thought?
And the brain just automatically does it :(
Because it’s just a thought, you can think anything, it’s no reflection on you as a person, it’s just a thought.
If you dreamt you’d killed someone, it doesn’t make you a killer, it was just brain chatter, nothing more!
It’s hard not to judge at times, there might be an automatic reaction, if that happens, just observe that reaction too then step back and carry on with what your doing and what you want to do.
I judge others insanely difficulty (I have ROCD and I judge my partner). Do you have any advice for those who judge others like this?
This video is all about cutting out those judging compulsions. Have you explored cutting out the compulsions in many areas of life, not just the ones bothering you the most?
@@everybodyhasabrain yes I’ve tried, but the judgemental thoughts continue to come… how can I cut them out if they keep coming?
@Gazonkie Are you understanding that my comment above is referring to judgments you make in other areas of life, separate from your partner and the relationship? Including how you judge and assign meaning to thoughts?
@@everybodyhasabrain I think I understand. You’re saying that the judgement of the thoughts about judging is the problem?
@Gazonkie No. To understand it better, I'd suggest checking out this video on core fears and exploring the logic mountain. The judgments about your relationship/partner are at the top of the mountain-- the thing that bothers you--but that's the outcome of the problem. There's all of that stuff underneath it. How did the brain learn to judge? What is it trying to protect by throwing out those judgments? What I'm talking about above is going after the base of the mountain instead of hating on the result of all that.
How is This not just gonna turn into another compulsion?
You can turn anything into a compulsion. But that's up to YOU. It's great you can see you have the capacity to turn things into compulsions. You can also choose to do things differently. Compulsions don't fall from the sky. So now you have an opportunity to explore taking your brain in a different direction.
Hi Mark,
I have been recently triggered by the word “sexual attraction” and of course i freaked out because i was suddenly trying to check if i have felt that with other people aside from my gf. i have never even thought about it before and of course i know that i dont want other people at all and never fantasized having sex with other people. i love my girlfriend so much and have only been sexually attracted to her and i like to keep it that way. i need help please how do i deal with this? it doesnt go away.
You have posted previously about doing compulsions around the relationship. It makes sense the fears/uncertainties don't go away when we're doing compulsions, like trying to make them go away! Grabbing a good workbook or working with a skilled professional could be useful ways to start learning mental health skills and let the brain stuff be there
Does this apply to real event ocd?
Absolutely
@@everybodyhasabrain ok thank you
Should you not judge compulsions as bad?
It's because it turns into the new obsession, the new thing you want to get perfectly clean. Have you noticed that you've posted a bunch of messages checking for certainty about compulsions? If compulsions are a bad contamination we need to clean away perfectly, we end up doing lots of compulsions to chase that! Building mental health is full paradoxes. They're not contradictions. They're just how the brain works.
@@everybodyhasabrain Thanks for taking the time to answer (even though it might be reassurance 😂). I’m getting stuck in a lot of paradoxes and have most certainly become obsessed about beating ocd which is a bit counterproductive. I’m constantly finding strategies that I believe work but in the end becomes an obsession. I have been watching your videos and I think I’m finally actually starting to see some progress, I feel like my mind has started to slow down again for the first time in a long while. Sorry if I annoyed you(compulsion?😇).
Hi mark i recently asked you on one of your livestreams that I was having obsessive thoughts about like who to be, and I have a lot of self hatred for myself. You told me to have love and compassion for myself and to watch one of the videos on this topic. I think I was referring more to like my personality and being the person I want to be. Like I want to be more "tougher" and not be so soft and sensitive and may be even be more "cooler" if that makes sense. Will i be the person I want to be and be happy with myself? Also I feel very sensitive and can't stand criticism and people not liking me, will I ever get to the point of not being so sensitive and not needing people to like me, just one more thing aswell, sometimes I would make myself vomit on purpose as I hated my body and wanted to lose weight, do I have an eating disorder and is this something I should look at more? Or should I just accept the uncertainty as to whether I have an eating disorder or not, thanks
Hey, how are you doing now?
Is humour non judgmental?
Was the joke funny?
Yes?
@@krishnakhigoswami1841 then that's wonderful you could enjoy the laughter!
Hahaah if i let, my brain would start judging my non judgment now lol😂🌚
@@krishnakhigoswami1841 :D Exactly!
Woah easy there pal, where do you get off thinking you deserve to feel better?
🤣🎉