FBI/CIA Agents, What’s Something That You Can Tell Us Without Killing Us? (r/AskReddit)
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2024
- AskReddit FBI/CIA Agents Share Top Secret Information That They Can't Tell Us Otherwise.
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CIA/FBI in movies:
Special spy shit
CIA/FBI in real life:
WAY TOO MUCH paperwork
demonetized
That’s every job evere
Lethal Weapon, Captain Murtagh (in real life): *gets paper cut at desk* "I'm getting too old for this shit."
CIA/FBI in GTA5: Flashlight up the ass
CIA/FBI special spy sh*t is real. They're usually conducted by CIA SAD, CIA Ground Branch, FBI SWAT & FBI HRT. It is real, they do covert ops. It's just probably not as crazy as the movies and not as frequent.
85% of classified info is useless but what about that 15% thats what keep me up at night lol
15% is the stuff that is known, the ???% is the scary shit
Bruh I'd be more scared of the classified weapons that they would mass produce to entirely set off an entire country. I'd be even more suprised if those methods aren't even at the thousand digit yet.
Compilation of information is just as dangerous.
Sometimes what's mundane at first is incredibly amazing when put together.
@Chandler Burse no one of tjese were saying how easy it was to classify something so alot of the time classified things arent even top secret shit
@@angelsosa5903 so you're saying that the things the authorities are classifying don't serve the purpose of keeping dangerous and confidential details to the public?
I once saw a mad scientist turn himself into a pickle, funniest shit I had ever seen.
Damn I once saw someone monetized
I once heard of a guy, who back in the 1960s had a few sheets of LSD taped to his abdomen. The man was somehow tipped off to the authorities and as the police began to move in on him to make the arrest, the man saw them first and took off running...
What is said to have happened next was the man was able to shake the heat that was on his tail. But since he had to run hard over a long distance negotiating obstacles such as chain link fences along the way, he was drenched in sweat...
The acid he had taped to him began to seep into his pores causing him to trip in such a bad way that he would have to spend the rest of his days in a psychiatric hospital. He hardly sleeps because he is too scared to lie down. He thinks he's a glass of orange juice... and if he lies down, he will spill over and die
@@flamingwheel9926 oh holy monetization will you bless me whit your holy monetization when i get to 1000 subs?
Nice
@@jackmomma7481 lmfao, the lädt part though
Imagine at the end of one of them just says, "Sike I have to kill for this one." And then your phone explodes.
Best comment
I’m dying man
wait, wh- EXPLODES
@@enderbirds3814
damn, you got exploded didn't you?
@@gaspshichat yeah I think this is his last message,
RIP ender birds
last words on internet
"I am dying man"
he will be remembered (for 2 seconds)
7:50 but seriously how awesome would a spy series be if the main character actually was the distraction and you spent the whole movie trying to figure out who the other spies are
I have a similar theory with these "reality shows". Sure, everyone knows they are fake as can be... but what is ones' perspective were different while watching these shows???
I'm not into reality shows in the very least. And then you have what's called "reality prank shows". With these shows, three is next to zero effort put into trying to make them "seem" real. It's basically a bunch of bad acting being carried out by these Hollywood-hopefuls the show finds through acting classified ads...
And then, of course, you begin to read comments and reviews of how fake the show is etc. But the key to watching is not to think of it as a "reality show"... but more as a sitcom about a reality prank show
There's a show that used to be on trutv called Fameless... and it was a reality prank show that was pitched in such a way that made it out to be real people and real reactions... but not in so many words either, nor with a lot of emphasis on the "real" aspect. But the thing about that show was that it was never intended to be taken seriously as real life taking place... but more so as a satire intended to make fun of reality television and how deceptive and scripted reality television really is...
Its a situational comedy about these 2 guys who host a reality prank show
@@jackmomma7481 kind of like flat earth videos being made by people who don't belive in flay earth because they know the comments will be a tinder box of none stop arguments which gives lots of lots of viewes and its a bullshit topic so they can add a shit ton of adds with no copyright infringe issues .
Also being bad at something can get you more Internet attention and fame than being really good at something ,people love a fuck up
@@djimma5080 speaking of fake reality television... I fucking HATE the Alaskan Bush People. They are the biggest frauds, thieves, and liars in television history. I suggest reading up on them. There's a Facebook group called "Alaskan Bush People Answers" and there is everything from court documents, to creditor bills, arrest reports, and even real life accounts from people in the group who knew who they were and had personal encounters with them. They're drifters and that's all they ever were. Never lived in the bush for a minute
I see similiar post on Tumblr. Basically if a new Bond movie comes out, but every character including the side one, were played by a famous character, and the movie didnt tell/show us who played Bond. It would be a nice 'wheres Bond'.
@@jackmomma7481 there's 2 cartoons like this i wanna say early 2000s that makes fun of this. One is a reality show for cartoon superheros and the other was a parody of survivor
"Do I get a cool badge?"
"No, that would be the FBI."
"Can I call myself a secret agent?"
"That would be the CIA."
"Do I get to dodge laser beams and get into knife fights with bad guys?"
"No, that would be an affiliate program under DoD supervision. The name always changes on those."
The last one sounds like either National Security Agency or Government Securities Agency
CIA employees aren't agents; they're either analysts or officers.
@@michaelmckinnon1591 Homeland aswell
"Do you protect pedophiles?"... "Of course, I'm in the FBI."
Y e s. Also, I didn't expect to see you here ngl. (I love your channel and the work you and your team do. Keep it up! You're great man!)
On the point about Bond:
He's not a spy.
He's an assassin.
He may not actually be aware of that either. He legitimately believes he's a spy, but really he's a targeted weapon used to remove *problematic* individuals.
Not sneaky enough to be an assassin either, more of a hitman on agency payroll
@@locklynn9378 in football there's a defense and an offense. The tight end has a different job than the quarterback and the receiver. At the end of the day, scoring is the goal and the whole team is responsible
Bond is in the 00 section which means hes "license to kill", used for direct action or covert missions. The 🇬🇧 call it SIS. They are the elite intelligence agents assigned to these ops.
Plus, what kind of spy uses their real name.
@@locklynn9378 A hitman is still a kind of assassin. Take Agent 47 for example. Agent 47 is considered a Hitman (It's even the name of the series), yet he can be so stealthy no-one could even know he was there, while he's standing right in front of them. Also, completing a contract perfectly under stealth gives the player the "Silent Assassin" ranking.
My grandfather also had random men in suits show up to his funeral, also he got buried in a military graveyard in Boston, he never served in the military.
Oh, wow
He most likely worked for the FBI. He’s most definitely seen some shit that will stay with him forever
@@cloroxdbleach9474 not
He is dead
I'm under the impression your grandfather isn't who u thought he was what if his name actually isn't grampa and he changes it to that to not blow his cover
@@cloroxdbleach9474 more likely CIA
I'm now on a list. Too bad they'll have to monitor my teletubbies addiction, and my 5 mph over the speed limit driving habits.
Drive safe & have a car with good crumple zones
@Mekronid It's Not a Power The Jedi, would teach you
5 mph that's it? Those are rookie numbers
@@Lofi.z34 yeah bro. The children are fake you should go faster when you see them
@@Trunch1312 I'd hope they're fake, children on the highway sound dangerous!
Knew a guy that was an officer in the Navy. He ran into the problem of being out promoted for his security clearance. His immediate superior retired, but at the same time that persons superior also had to leave due to medical issues. A full background check took a couple of months so officially he wasn't allowed in his own office while waiting for the clearance to go through, and to be in his office a strobing light would go off all day to signify to the others in the office that someone without proper clearance was in his room.
Like security lasers
Lol, idiots
I used to work for a company that did occasional classified stuff for the DOD, but also had foreign customers. We had a long-term (about 12 years) project with the government of the UK, so their people had permanent offices in our building. They were all in a separate wing of the building, and yes, there were red strobes over the entry doors to this wing to indicate that "foreign nationals uncleared for classified information" were present.
There's an interesting bit in the book Whiskey Tango Foxtrot about a green beret during the Vietnam War. Lynne Black was 19 when he joined the now legendary unit of MAC-V SOG. Which ran recon, sabatage, and other special operations. It was started by the CIA but taken control later by the US Military with the objective to run cross border missions into Laos and Cambodia to interdict supplies moving on the Ho Chi Mihn trail networks. Lynne Black ran two practice missions in Vietnam before going into Laos. On this mission his team of 9 members landed in close proximity to an NVA divisional basecamp of 10,000. The ensuing firefight lasted for hours, with every available aircraft moving to provide airsupport. Two to three aircrew would be shot down attempting to extract the team. Lynne Black mannevured his team to two different crash sites while under a withering bardage of gunfire. The first crew were all dead. But the second which was downed an hour or two after the first had survivors. An airforce CH53 lowered his helicopter into the top of the triple canopy jungle trees cutting the tops off with the rotors but providing some concealment. He hovered there for some time maybe 10 minutes while the Team picked their way to the helicopter, hooked themselves to a rope and were ripped from the jungle.
Now the part that's relevant to the original comment, when he gets back to base the unit commander and his staff personally debrief him, which is unusual. Then they give him a 5 day vacation to anywhere in the world. In order to get to an airfield that would deliver him where he wants he has to bounce along forward operating bases and various special forces camps. While spending the night at one of these camps Army Counter Intelligence investigators find him to conduct an interview for his security clearance so that he can officially be operational in that classified unit. Obviously he is already operational, he's already killed 100+ enemy soldiers and seen a thousand die, and he's not even been given the chance to let all that sink in. So the interview quickly derails into an amateur interrogation. They yell and scream about what a disgrace he is, accuse him of being a communist, and then finally one of them mentions something about his mother. Lynne Black stands so suddenly his chair flew backwards and tipped over. One of the Counter Intel guys draw a snubnosed 38 and is pointing it at Lynne who is smiling with absolute menace. The door to the shack suddenly bursts open and the Captain in command of the camp burst in and like Jason Bourne snatches the pistol and starts beating the shit out of the two guys with the help of Lynne Black. They then throw them out of the camp like a bouncer at a night club. The next day Lynne Black goes to Saigon for R&R and stumbles into some more interesting shit...
That nobody out pizzas the hut.
Lonestar did... especially after receiving the news that he was found in the back of his luxury dead from where he ate himself... to DEATH...
I'ma hired hitman for pizza hut,papa johns destroyed themselves decked and have you heard of the ceoof little ceazers nope I took care of him. A long time ago
Bet
@@user-ib1dx4dh3n bet what your pizza death
@@bigsmoke5234 how did I miss you most of been a mole in the organization
My dad was a delivery driver who would deliver the water cooler bottles to offices he had to have a 6 month background check that included me and my brothers and sisters also being looked into. All because he deliverd to a nuclear submarine refitting base once a month. He had security clearance to enter some really secure places all to put a water bottle in a cooler and walk away 2 armed guards the whole time he said it was like transporting a million dollar diamond
Little did they know... he was intentionally hiding something in those water bottles all along....
@@dimh.2583 Those fools...
*Click* *BOOOOOMM*
@@Mega-rx9sr Killer Queen has already touched the bottle
Man, investigating the driver and family is paranoid enough, but did they investigate the company supplying the water? The driver is an unwitting mule.
My grandma's next door neighbor worked for the government, and was stationed in Hokkaido during the 1960s. He was never allowed to talk about what he did out there. I'm also currently taking a college course in Remote Sensing, which deals with satellite imagery. My professor has mentioned a few times that he worked for the government back in the 1970s, when Landsat and other tech was being implemented. He refers to government work as "going Dark Side." He's really laid-back, you'd never expect that he'd be involved with that kind of thing, but it makes sense given his age and expertise. I was in the banking industry for about 20 years, and part of that time involved handling operations at a bank branch that happened to be within walking distance of a FBI field office. Every once in a while, an agent would come in to get money off of a government-issued card. They were always plainclothes agents, but they were dressed a little _too_ casual for the business district. That - aside from them showing their badges to ID them for transactions, of course - was how you could tell who they were.
I misread banking as baking and got really confused here
They really do be glowing in the dark, huh. They could really take a hint from assassins on hiding in plain sight and being inconspicuous
@@lonewanderer1328 i am pretty sure to someone not paying attention they would just seem like a rando doing a transaction with a credit card
“that we killed JFK”
YH Nqry (ceaser shift 3)
@@darrel6724 we know
@J R I totally believe that. Sounds very plausible to me. I've even heard something very similar that takes place deep inside Hollywood. Some start become so big that negotiating contracts with them is useless. The celebrity gains so much power and notoriety, they literally become their own corporations and have their own laws and guidelines that govern how business is handled with them....
However, Hollywood has a contingency for this. A special group of hitmen called "star killers". Their job is to let the biggest names know that they are still property of the studios and that if management wants that stat to move into a particular direction with their work, or choreograph a publicity stunt for them... then, THEY BEST DO IT... or else...
But even that became ineffective at a certain point as a compliance maintenance tactic.... hence, the underage human trafficking rings that exist with direct ties to Hollywood. The only fate worse than death would be being exposed as a pedophile. Especially if there is some kind of video evidence that was obtained to support it as blackmail
Johnson reaaaallly wanted to be president
Wait a minute why? Why kill him? Hmmmmm. What was he hiding from us, what are you hiding from us. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
In my childhood, my Best Friend's Mom was an FBI agent. She worked Vice Squad. Apparently, there is /was a big Meth Problem out in Utah, and there were reports of Mormon Housewives getting together to cook meth at one of their houses. The news certainly made the Book Club more interested, but no further information could be given.
You know I would definitely like to be apart of that bookclub
My grandpa is trying to recruit me into Mormonism and I am going to church with him but practicing Wicca behind his back and right now I am enjoying a nice cup of hot coffee
Where is this book club and when do they meet, so we can avoid it?
@@PoochieCollins It disbanded in the late 90s. You're safe.
I live in Utah, can confirm on the meth shit. Junkies are everywhere, I was legit asked for meth just a few months ago.
Possible real life plot twist: FBIs aren't allowed to tell anyone about their work so curious people would work hard to get recruited.
What's that dot on your forehead?
You're thinking about the CIA,DIA, NSA, GSA, DOD, EOD, or one of those groups
@@michaelmckinnon1591 don't forget about broken tower
@@silverbloodborne9495 ISIS?
My best friend (consider him a bother) of almost 15 years was a pilot in the special ops (army) and has gov clearance, I asked him one day what it was like working in that area of the military and he told me "I can't tell you anything but I can tell you is that if shit was to ever hit the fan in the world, you and your family are okay" not sure what that means but it makes me wonder lol
Things that makes you go hmmm
not sure exactly what that means, but it could be reference to the imperial core/periphery concept. not to mention that the united states is probably the best defended nation on earth. the only two physical threats besides climate change are nukes, and civil war( maybe also trade war). also, as long as you live away from the biggest cities and biggest infrastructure, the risks that you'll actually be nuked or exposed to radiation is pretty low. as for civil war...........
He was a nightstalker?
Where do/did you live?
@@ethanstumpdue to the amount of ICBM and nuclear facilities in Indiana, you are more safe anywhere in new york(except for the epicenter of manhattan of course) than a random field in Indiana, that also applies to a lot of places in the midwest, i remember when they declassified Russian targets for nukes after the fall of the USSR, and everyone was expecting huge red circles on the east and west coast, but in reality most of the actual targets were random places in the midwest, some of them we don't even know what they are nowadays (probably classified blacksites)
I remember applying to DARPA years ago. The qualifications were intense, including once you make your online account, you have to change your password every 5 days. I’m definitely not smart enough to do that lol
Day 1 password: password
Day 5 password: password1
Day 10 password: password2
Day 15 password: password3
Day 100 password: p@$$w0rd
@Cipheiz Day 420:
XxImTheRealSnoopDogXx
i'd try to automate it, but if they have something to defend against that then damn that's hell
DARPA legit scares me
@@user-bf2nb3tm8f what is darpa?
When I was going through my CJ degree program, one of my college professors told me that law enforcement agencies don’t like to hire people who are too attractive or unique looking (easily memorable features), for undercover work. And now I don’t know if he thought I was attractive or “unique” looking
Man here: he was hitting on you. He’s not gonna bother telling you that if he thought you were an uggo.
On the FBI special agent entrance exam test, I purposely answered the test questions wrong when I found out that I wouldn't see my kids and the divorce rate was ridiculous. I had made it past the initial clearances, but a CIA friend gave me a heads up of what the job was really like. My marriage is more important than catching bad guys with paperwork and attention to detail.
Catching “ bad guys “ could be catching the person that r*pes your child and throws her body in the creek, or makes her live her life with it.
I respect your decision, but don’t belittle their work saying “ catching bad guys and attention to detail”.
Some people have a purpose bigger than themselves or their immediate family and will sacrifice their personal lives for it.
That’s why I find it odd when people sh*t on CEO’s or professionals in general for not being family oriented enough, yet these people accomplish nothing for anyone besides themselves . Somebody has to do the real world work and build the systems that everyone else stands on.
@@kkandola9072 or protecting the state lol. It’s baffling to me that people STILL believe that intelligence agencies have your back.
@@marcusmaynard1526 This world is not binary.
They have been doing an awful job lately.
@@kkandola9072 sharted, farted, peed, and came.
I've known a guy for 15 years that does "something" for the British government and I have absolutely no idea what it is. 15 years of family barbeques, pub crawls and day trips and all I know is that he was briefly stationed at a physics laboratory and that's only because he gave me a lift to work once and I had to wait outside while he went in and picked something up.
Even his wife and kids don't know exactly what he does.
Had a Neighbour for Years who worked for the Government. 24/7. His Wife and Children didnt know either.
Hell i went on Vacations with him. And yet he still reported everythign i did. No one ever suspected him. And then the Wal lfell, he was gone without any signs and quite a bit later i could read my File ......
Would have never thought that.
From what I gathered, being a CIA agent sounds an awful lot like being a Facebook moderator...
Fr ☠️
My dad had a story about a friend who definitely doesn’t work for the CIA. For the past couple weeks, he’d been keeping my dad updated. Talking about how well the job interviews were going. One day he gets home and my dad asks how the job interview went. “I can’t tell you that.”
A relative of mine is a desk jockey in the military and said that everything they use is marked with a sticker that shows its security clearance level. Obviously, only certain people can access things as they get higher in classification, but anyone can classify anything to any level just by slapping the appropriate sticker on it. The funny thing with this is that while it's easy to classify something, it's a nightmare and a half to declassify even the most mundane things. He told me that if he ever got kicked out of the military for something stupid, he would spend his last day slapping top-level classification stickers on everything just to screw over everyone else in that department by preventing them legal access to their everyday work devices.
My ex-fiance did something similar. He was British Royal Logistics Corps. He was a career desk jockie but he did tell me a few things (most of which I'm not entirely sure if I can repeat) but if I could, I'd tell what they are.
When I was in the military I always rather have a person that admitted they needed help and accepted it ,rather than the those who acted too macho to admit it.
Those who act too macho are the weakest link.
Raid shadow legends should legit sponsor this
How about Nord VPN
Honey?
no
Or raycon?
Please fucking god no
A friend of the family married an FBI agent. They did a complete background check on her, and went far enough back to find an unpaid parking ticket from when she was still in high school. They made her go in and get if straightened out before he was given clearance to marry her. Our family also had a beach house in Mexico, but he could never come with us because he had worked on some cartel related cases and if he was recognized down there, it would be really bad.
lies
really bad is an understatement stay safe
I didn't know the FBI did that too. One of my ex-military lecturers with some highly-specific engineering background. He got the book thrown at him since he married a foreign national without informing his superiors of his intent beforehand (probably to do all those background checks on her). If his grandmother didn't personally know some JAGs and contacted them while he was in the brig, he'd be in deep, deep shit at that point.
It probably took them seconds to pick out that information.
Guys, why is there a red dot on my forehead?
Reach int our pocket the red dot disappears and is raplaced by lead its cool... like magic
You won't leave the zit alone.
whats that, a ladybug?
Start dancing to Cuba Pete then it will go away
Oh, don't mind that.
When I was in undergrad, one of my professors (lawyer with a PhD) asked the class about our desired professions. After going through our cards, he said to the students who wanted to be FBI, CIA, Secret Service: “ lose your weed smoking friends now because you’re pretty much going to be background checked damn near to kindergarten.”
I'm not even saying it shouldn't be this way, but the irony of the situation is this: There are a lot of people out there who can look at these images all day, but the FBI does everything in their power to ensure that everyone on those assignments are the type of people who cannot.
probably to flush out the naive ones
@@sammin3966 No. It's because the people who CAN look at that kind of stuff all day are often the type that were responsible for making it in the first place.
"The plastic tips at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister."
-The Question, from an Episode of the cartoon, Justice League Unlimited.
My source for this piece of invaluable knowledge was Phineas and Ferb...
Maybe they are talking about "Java Aglets"
I'm going to rewatch that whole series until I find that quote. That's totally something The Question would say.
@@jeffbenton6183 It was the episode where The Question decides to kill Luthor to prevent Superman from killing him, thus preventing the events that turned the Justice League into the Justice Lords. Then Luthor admitted to the Question that he never intended to become president and actually spent billions to run for President just to piss Superman off. Best Conspiracy ever.
Phineas and Ferb taught me this
Ok, guy who worked for a web hosting company on "a" planet...which one was it?
What do you think? Of course it’s Kerbin
i don't need sleep i need answer
You cant ask him what planet, you will blow his cover! geeeez!
@@gamingchamp6728 *keplar?
@@tourmelion9221 do you play KSP?
My dad retired from the FBI two decades ago. He said he found about 85% of his arrests by looking the guy up in the phone book.
One of the stories reminded me of something I’ve heard many times. Employees working in China sometimes get spotty internet, so all they do is speak loudly within their apartments or hotel rooms.. “ugh, the internet’s having issues again” and magically it comes back on. People know that if they want to have a confidential discussion you have to go out in public to have the chat. All building are bugged.
...let me glue this tag back on the mattress...
Na your fine. It's only the pillow you have to worry about
@@Banana_boat What does it mean?
Don't worry about it.
The SELLER isn't allowed to remove the label. The CONSUMER is.
Not in any government stuff but I’m in cyber security, a huge part of it is researching and analyzing info so for the people who do look at info and analyze it, always be curious and keep learning. OSINT is a powerful thing as well as HUMINT. Gotta love them.
For those that don’t know those terms, OSINT stands for open sourced intelligence and humint stands for human intelligence aka the info that you can get from talking to people.
Been an analyst before, just the basic stuff is terrifying. Easily extrapolate queries for all sorts of things
@@MrArtVein The basics of OSINT? Google dorking is really useful and powerful as well with searching through the free public records websites. I don’t use any of the paid stuff because why pay when you can find stuff in other places that are free.
@@bushcat274 humint and osint go hand in hand.
I wish there were amnesia pills or hypnosis for the agents who have to look at vile pics / videos to find clues to catch the bad guys. The job is vital yet soul-crushing. Much respect to the agents!
I'm glad that there are people who monitor for predators but I feel bad for what they have to go through.
The mental image of the Col Sanders looking dude at the wedding saying "Hell, we all thought Johnson did it." has me wheezing aaaah xD
That story definitely rang true...
It was a conspiracy theory, used by Government Agents to mess with people
I’ve worked many c/p cases as a detective and had to watch and classify them to maintain a library. I can confirm… you absolutely burn out. However… catching the scumbags who trade that crap like baseball cards and the bigger scumbags who produce that garbage makes all of it a little easier to bear.
Also, formerly held security clearances both as a military member and FLEO. Can also confirm that SF-86 is a monster and the investigators who research your info are very very thorough.
Until you find those "mOnsTeRs!1!1" were abused childs no one saved, and now them will pay double for a messed up world thanks to people like you. The world isn't binary, most of the criminals are sick or damaged people, very few of them are actually sadic scumbags.
I believe that bit about the FBI being 90% accountants. My dad was a bank auditor back in the 80s. He was employed by the bank, what they call an internal auditor but he worked with FBI agents a lot when they were investigating possible money laundering. This was in South Florida and there was a lot of that going on in the 80s here. He said they'd have two FBI guys, presumably forensic accountants, just sitting at a card table in the vault 8 hours a day for weeks, pouring though reams of ledgers looking for anything hinky. Anyone that goes into the FBI thinking it's going to be glamorous will probably be in for a disappointment.
on the other end of the spectrum, maybe someone who gets a hardon for repetitive tasks would love it there
My Nanna was in the CIA back when they first come out. She would not tell us anything even after 50 years.
Of course she was told to not say anything to anyone about what she did
I had a friend that was waiting for his background check to finish for a Top Secret clearance. He was being considered for a position as an auditor for the U.S. Navy and the clearance was required. About 18 months after it started, two FBI agents showed up at his door and told him that they would have to fail him. He asked why? They said, because his sister in law had given him a bad rep.
He asked them what she had said about him. They said well, it doesnt say here.
He told them, well it must not be too bad, because her kids were in the backyard playing with his kids.
The FBI said really? He said yeah, come and see for yourself. So the two agents went to the backyard and interviewed her kids.
They said, well she only lives down the road so we will go talk to her.
So they left and went to her home and she answered the door.
They asked her why she gave a bad statement about her brother in law.
She said 'Because he doesn't go to church with us on Sundays'.
LOL
So they came back to my friend and told him they were going to give him his clearance.
She almost cost him a $200,000 dollar a year job because of that.
A friend of my wife bought a very large fixer-upper from a retired government agent and was having it remodeled. In the basement was a room that had a very secure door and a metric shit-ton of wiring and cables that fed out onto numerous now-empty equipment shelves and what looked like a telephone board (not the REALLY old ones, one from the 90s) that took up most of one wall. There was also a separate electrical panel, land line, and network hookups, and a number of antenna and dishes mounted on the home previously where they weren't visible from the street, (you could still tell where they had been). An old standby generator was still there on it's cement pad in the back yard along with a large propane tank.
Made me feel like I had just walked on to the set of an old spy thriller.
I'd say make that a secure room. Sh*t goes down or you secure something use that.
The aglet line is from Justice League: Unlimited and is spoken by The Question when he is captured and interrogated by Cadmus for information regarding files he stole from them.
Why hasn’t The Question been in any superhero movies yet?
@@isaacm6052 I suppose people are afraid to make an interesting noire detective story starring a kook
"Did you go through my trash?"
"Oh please. I go through everyone's trash."
@@isaacm6052 I think Rorschach was based on The Question
I was wondering how Gen Z almost collectively knew what an aglet was 🤔
As a disabled vet, I never expected to see Congress do exactly what it said was a bad move. They knew the difference between sanitation and biohazzard standards in healthcare only to make it temporary legal to do what we knew would never work.
"Hell, we all thought Johnson did it."
Haven't laughed so hard in ages!
So noone is going to Talk about the fact that a special Unit of the Australian federal police is called the "Spider squad"?
Have you seen the size and lethal of thoes things
I knew an older gentleman who worked for the Secret Service. I asked him, only once, if he could share any stories. He didn't even look at me, just said "nope."
But his inflection indicated more like "Not on your life" or "Nice try."
Almost like he was laughing at me. Cool dude.
Its sad to see people ruining their own lives so normal people can survive.
My neighbor went into something, I think it was Dept. of Defense, and a man dressed like he was going to kill everyone with a silenced M9 knocked on the door, we were a bit concerned. He asked us if our neighbor was known for lying, if she was physically active, very "normal" questions, until the last two. In hindsight, the everything leading up was mostly there so he could read our reactions and see if we were lying or not, but I digress.
The final questions were "Is she known for keeping secrets?" and "Has she ever demonstrated the ability to give her all, even if it means her own personal injury or expense?"
The first I answered: "The time she was dressed as L from Stranger Things Season 2 (the weird goth one where she's with 8) and we (being my family), not having seen season 2 yet, ask her what she was. She in turn asks us, "What episode of Stranger Things are you on?" Because she knew we had seen at least some of it. When we say we haven't watched season 2 yet, she just say, "Oh, okay." (The point being she didn't even say (not directly) that she was dressed as L from Stranger Things, so she was great at keeping secrets and huge plot points/twists)
The second one, so weirded out I didn't answer for a solid second, before stuttering out " I didn't know her too well and was never really in a spot where she could save my life."
The man (who was dressed as an assassin) just looked disappointed, got up, (we invited him in (bad move if you asked me but I was 11 at the time) and we were at our kitchen table) and left. The real issue I had was the guy didn't have a car, just walked down the road and knocked on our neighbor's door.
*TL;Dr:* Neighbor went into Dept. of Defense, big scary man asked me if she could keep secrets and if she was willing to throw her own life away to save another's.
Interesting
Her boyfriend really wanted to know that she was 'The One'.
dude imagine how many houses he had to go through until he finally found someone who confirmed that yes she'd be willing to risk her life lmaooooooo
Lies
I have a story like this. My dad is an Eagle Scout so he spent a lot of summers in camp. One day he and his troop went to Langley on a trip. They got to the control tower, and 5 minutes in the senior officer panicked and shuts the blinds. They hear jets roar past and ask “What was that?!?” He replied with “Top secret.” A few minutes later the base commander came into the tower and nearly hit the troop leader. Apparently he wasn’t notified that there was going to be a group there that day. Considering the time period they were probably F-117 nighthawks that went by.
As someone who was not FBI or CIA but did work for another "alphabet agency" who handled a lot of classified material, I would certainly agree with #2. A startling amount of secret and top secret material is freely available on the internet, especially things like weapons capabilities. We would often go into some super secure Classified reading room, and view the capabilities of some new weapon system, then do a search on the internet and find the exact same information we could go to prison if we talked about just floating around on dozens of public "military interest" web sites.
Couldn’t have said it better man
Are yous still alive?
lmao now i can see glowies scrolling through UFO enthusiast websites trying to research more about the aliens that they arent allowed to confirm exist
This info about clearance is hilarious. I worked on a military base as a historian, and they let us nerds see classified stuff all the time. Hell, I even got my hands on the official "how to talk to the media" handbook, and several books outlining the Canadian Military's battle plans in Afghanistan (from terms of engagement, to situational tactics, to cleanup). I signed an NDA so I can't go into detail about the stuff, but I definitely remember it all and still think about it constantly.
Also, if you're curious, yes I got to handle the antique guns on the base. The coolest one was Tachanka's dinner plate gun from Rainbow Six (used by the Canadian military in Korea), and the most unsettling guns to hold were a pile of AK-47s taken from insurgents after a firefight in Afghanistan. Each dude wrote stuff on his gun in Arabic with white paint like the CSGO Wasteland Rebel skin, so I've always wanted to learn what each one says.
- Is historian
- doesn't know DP-27
Bro
@@datura9441 I'm not a military historian. I was just working there for a paycheck. That said, I ain't gonna call a meme gun like the dinner plate anything other than the dinner plate in a YT comment.
Edit - How did you even find this comment? It's got two likes and I don't even remember writing it.
@@vhsquid But the Lewis Gun is also a dinner plate gun?!
@@datura9441 Your point? I'm an FPS player, not a military historian who memorizes the exact name of every gun.
The Lewis Gun is what I moved. Tachanka uses a DP-27. They are in fact similarly shaped but different dinner plate guns.
Congrats on... disproving an inconsequential fact in a random YT comment. You sir certainly have proved that you've memorized more facts about guns than me. All zero people who will see your reply surly think me an idiot and you super smart.
Was a US Navy submariner in the 1970’s. Everything we did was classified. Which is the nature of being part of the Silent Service
Usually something is classified not because of the information but because the way the information was obtained. Also sometimes you get to see something go down real-time in a live feed before it hits the news. The crappy part is knowing the info and knowing it’s significance and unable to comment on it. Evan after it becomes common knowledge, because your insight would let others know that you had a more intimate knowledge or experience than they did and it wasn’t from cnn. Not an agent, just an prior military guy that worked with some interesting people.
I feel like being in the military is interesting because ur not busy crimes and stuff but you sure know a lot and can’t comment on anything like what happened with the navy and that Fox News reporter
Corpsman?
@@eliyahuohiyon7461 close. Army medic
@@emejay4631 I had one good friend with a Top Secret clearance and we used to rag on him a bit every time there was some kind of intelligence-related story on the news. He'd just laugh and change the subject. One day a mutual friend asked him if he knew anything about a minor rescue operation somewhere. Our friend locked up immediately and went into what was clearly a prepared speech along the lines of "I can neither confirm nor deny anything about this topic." It was clearly our turn the change the subject. It never happened again.
My only word of advice, if someone within an agency asks you if you'd like to do some work or make some money think long & hard about it. Make sure you know what it's about, ask questions & decide if it's something you truly believe in doing. If you agree understand that your life & any negative situations that could result from this work falls entirely on you. You are a throw away & there's often atleast 1 great reason an actual agency employee isn't doing what you're being asked to do. Don't just say yes cause you think it'd be cool. Be wise & self aware. Read the situation.
Doing a job in the AF, and they gave us...what I would say is a "desensitization course" for two weeks. Fucked up alot of people, make us watch a ton of stuff, had alot of suicide watch afterwards, mostly just 18 year olds seeing that stuff for the first time. The security clearance reviews were funny because they went and interviewed a bunch of people in my hometown, and would always ask them to meet at a wendys. Thought that was funny. As well as every person that came to contact me for an update on my clearance, dude always had kaki pants and a loose, sometimes Hawaiian, button up shirt on and a pony tail. Every time lol
After watching the whole video, definetly colonel sanders look-a-like
I remember when I was in the AF, and went to my first interview with the DIA guys on base for my security clearance. They were literally in their little dank office, feet up on their desks, reading comic books. I swear all those guys did was read stupid comics and eat junk food. Occasionally they'd talk on the phone to field guys who did the actual work. Cush job if you could get it; certainly never had to freeze out on the flight line at 3:00AM like us service members did.
You didn't talk to him did you, Hawaiian shirt and khakis used to be the Russian spy's typical outfit and last I knew they were still active
@@michaelmckinnon1591 wouldn't have mattered anyways, was usually just to confirm my info they already had was up to date and nothing had changed like marriage status and what not, if he was a spy he would be bored to tears lol
what's the AF? sorry, dumb question
The stuff about it being so hard to work for the NSA due to the isolation is why my uncle quit working there. He couldn't talk to anybody about what he did, the daily security procedures were getting to him, that sort of stuff. The fact that most of our family is on the West Coast and he lived in Maryland did not help, either.
This was some 30+ years ago and now a year out of date (IE everyone knows!!): My grandfather was military intelligence and took almost all of those secrets to his grave in 1990. He did share one nugget: "The US government knows more about UFOs than the American people could ever fathom."
I still wonder what he would have thought of movies like Independence Day, Men in Black and other similar movies. Also the current data dumps on UFOs. Did they release everything or did the government only release a small portion of the total package?
They never even released it and kept extending its release
What a troll.
My grandpa was a CIA agent and he has the shredded remains of the original White House documents and some other classified stuff, shredders back then were really good so they’re basically confetti, he sold them in small quantities as souvenirs to people a couple years ago and has the bulk of them in a bag
haha
can i purchase them?
@@Triggerfish-rj8ff I don’t think he sells them anymore
You can reconstitute shredded documents so well now, all shredding really does is tell people what documents are worth stealing.
Your dads getting fired holy crap
Any normal person: c’mon
TTS: c Monday
Nothing more fun than having an unscheduled dude in the military show up to ask you about your friend who they were vetting for a job. I thought something happened to my brother since he was in the military...and this guy showed up in full military dress.
Pro TIp: For good fun apply for a security clearance at your local sheriffs office. Then when all your friends family and people you talked to once for Craig's list get a visit from an FBI agent they will freak the fuck out and instantly stop doing anything illegal they ever even thought about doing.
My uncle is a retired Lt Colonel. The spooks he worked with overseas were the most basic looking people you’d ever meet. We’re talking sweat pants and tank tops with enough hardware to embarrass an E3 convention
Bungee gum has both the properties have rubber and gum.
You dont think about it but the investigators behind the scenes that are scanning the net and looking into hard drives are the real heroes.
Plot twist. OP is a russian spy
*FBI in movies:* Secret agent missions
*FBI in real life:* Fill out way too much paperwork and later get PTSD and try to cope with alcohol/drugs from having to investigate content containing CP and animal cruelty.
I’m sure a fbi or cia agent could be reading these lol so my question is how come you can’t get a person like Dexter? A sociopath or psychopath to a extent. They lack morals and values and could be used to looked bad images and disturbing things. I know dexter is a fictional character. But over the years there has had to be someday who lacks empathy and wanted to do some good.
I agree with you, but it's a really hard balance to tread. I know of only one highly-functioning psychopath who was open about it in public life. James Fallon, neuroscientist (you can look him up. I recommend reading his article in the Atlantic).
Once he actually realised what he was, many things in his life made more sense. In another way, he also realised how lucky he'd been, to have been born to a steady middle-class family, growing up far from violence with supportive, understanding parents.
Yet what if his teenage-hood went differently? One slip, one mistaken encounter when he was younger, though, when he's not as good in reining his impulse control yet? His life might've easily careened off into a completely different path.
You find an abnormally high proportion of psycopaths working in high risk jobs so who's t9 say that's not the case here.
That's exactly what we do do! You made me say doodoo - an agent will visit you shortly.
Just thinking of working and having to go through hard drives both breaks my heart and make me so angry at the people that do things to kids, etc.
I swear I went to school with the retired Col Sanders looking agent. I went college as a gunsmith. and because of the subject, we saw a lot of older guys who did it to stay busy or make some side money during retirement. He was a great guy and had a fantastic sense of humor. Guy lead an interesting life to be sure, what little of it he could talk about. He told about how everyone thought the numbers stations were not decipherable, and he said that is true, if you dont have the key, you cannot decipher a proper numbers station. So the real strategy was to make the keys and then slip them into the KGB files.
I know a guy who used to work as an engineer at Raytheon
He did have a security clearance, and he told me that having a security clearance does not automatically give you access to secret things at lower levels, it’s entirely possible to have the highest security clearance there is and still be barred from knowing anything about a project with the lowest secret level, simply because you aren’t on the “need to know “ list
Also, despite the US officially not acknowledging duel citizenship (you either are a US citizen or you aren’t under US law) after 9/11 happened and everyone with a security clearance had to be re-reviewed, they asked a bunch of questions about his wife (she is a natural born US citizen, but she was born in London)
On the one hand I understand the caution, on the other hand it’s the same mentality that resulted in the Japanese internment camps during WWII
"not me,but the sister of my cousin's middle school friend from France back in 1998"
I find that bit about tracking people known for animal cruelty because of the likelihood they are violent offenders later on oddly comforting. So often it seems like when they get one of these serial killers it turns out they practiced on animals earlier and always thought that ought to be a red flag to look out for. Good to hear some common sense being used there.
My great grandpa during the 60s - the 80s, always said he made and fixed washing machines. Come to find out he was a engineer designing nuclear technology
Here's a secret for you: The media doesn't know how to ask the right questions when an interesting story falls in their lap.
Remember that Ohio elementary school that was in the news two years ago because of Uranium contamination that was found in the building?
There was no contamination. The "scientist" who did the sampling had no clue how to pull environmental samples. Every bit of uranium she "found" was in the sampling material she used. Because of atmospheric bomb testing, uranium is ubiquitous. You can find trace uranium (parts per trillion) in your yard, in your kitchen, in your body, and in that elementary school in Ohio.
We collected samples the right way, which means pulling blanks (disc smears that came out of the package unused). Subtract the results from the blanks and you are subtracting it from the samples as well. Anything you see above the blanks is what you actually sampled.
In 2nd grade I got called to the principles office. The FBI was there for me. I stole some mail and my partner snitched to his parents. The agents told me they would lock me up for 5 yrs. I thought to myself " I'll be 13 when I get out" " I'll be all grown by then!!!" The agents were happy I still had the stolen mail on me. MOM WAS PRETTY PISSED THOUGH!
I am sorry but this one doesn't seem believable at all, the FBI showed up... because a 2nd grader took some mail?
@@the404error7 the FBI showed up at a NASCAR track garage over a string door pull...
Getting top secret clearance is no joke. Back in '06 I picked an Army MoS that required you to have TS clearance. They start you off filling out a freaking thick ass package of paperwork with mostly mundane questions. Was probably about 200 pages or so. Asked you about bank account balance, how much you make, how much you pay per month for each of your bills, etc. Few months later you do the same paperwork again only it's in a different order and worded differently. Few more months you do it again. Guessing the reasoning is to find discrepencies between the 'books.' Later once you're cleared for that you have an actual interview with someone from like DoD or whatever and they as you the more serious questions. Believe me when I tell you, they will go back through your childhood and hunt down people you haven't seend or spoken to for 10 years.....IN PERSON and ask about the kind of person you were/are. You have a couple interviews with that person and then they either give you or deny clearance. My guy lit up like a lightbulb when I told him my best friend was from Kazahkstan. He also said I was the easiest/fastest clear in his 20 some odd years. Sadly I got discharged medically so never actually got a hold of the clearance, but I was cleared none-the-less. If you have the smallest little bit of shade in your history they WILL find it. Even worse now that social media is everywhere, they can easily dig up your old posts, even if you were joking. Good luck.
0:07 Given the infamous wildlife on the island, the mention of Australian Fedral Police having a Spider Squad conjures up a very different image!
Rock Spider is Australian jail slang for paedophiles, so that's probably where it came from.
Hello,@@akaaoi. Ooh, both interesting and disturbing to hear that. 😕 Thank you.
@@akaaoi All the more reason to crush spiders
I had a Top Secret Clearance in the Navy, and... being young and dumb... decided to dig around and look at a bunch of files and folders on the Secure web we had access too. Saw some cool shit (like the now heavily declassified Rail Weapon Technology) saw some other shit too... Turns out.. even if you have a Top Secret Clearance and you read some stuff, someone will come talk to you afterwards and you have to sit in a room... in the bottom of the ship... away from everyone, and its too loud outside for anyone to hear anything that might happen in the room... it was an uncomfortable couple of hours of talking. BUT... i did go back to work and didnt talk about anything to anyone... and as of a handful of years ago they stopped tracking me! sooo that's good! (how do I know they where tracking me? Every single new computer I'd buy, or use after a day or so would all of a sudden have a new program that would run in the background that i couldn't control... or shut off, or uninstall, or do anything too.... kind of creepy, but it finally stopped some years back)
"No". You aren't that important or unique.
@@KB4QAA believe what you want, I could really care less
@@Legohaiden At least you got your 10 lines of fame on YT. (ret'd sailor).
@@KB4QAA cool? so your a veteran too. And fame? hardly, never cared about fame, was simply sharing an interesting thing from my time in service. I also Drove an LCAC hovercraft, shot a vast assortment of military weapons, Rode on Chinooks and had RPGs shot at my ship. Like I said, I don't care if anyone believes me... I really don't, I know I was there and the experiences I had and have a list of medals on my DD214 to prove it. I need no "validation".
Damn they tracked your personal computer? Is that written in their policy? I guess so.
How does the tts get “morales” perfectly?
It's an enigma
Maybe cuz it's an actual spanish word.
@@some2b1tguy it gets a lot of English words wrong lol
Maybe machine learning
The fact that I didn't even notice it before you mentioned it, change my perspective of the world more than the video.
I always wondered if the NSA had a unit like "Splinter Cell" where they sent someone on a stealth mission to infiltrate secure places to obtain intel.
There's two called SOG and PAG. Special Operations Group (Paramilitary) and Political Action Group. They mostly recruit from other Special Mission Units though. The PAG sounds way hardcore.
23:54 - The Question, Season 2, Episode 9 of _Justice League Unlimited_ for someone who wants to see what they just referenced here. :)
Man I loved JLU so much as a kid.
The CP investigations are the most accurate thing on this video. Spot on. And yes, many don't last even a year.
Was Nintendo out at 80's?
I wouldn't last til noon on my first day. I thank the gods above and below for the people who can do this work. 🙏
how can you get involved as a high-schooler?
@@Triggerfish-rj8ff you can get involved after scl
Banana's are an excellent source of potassium..
So are avocados
@@misscyanic2484 you didn't get the reference 🤦♂️
Nope sure fuckin didn't 🤷♀️
@@misscyanic2484 Simpsons movie
After watching this I went around singing "Hello. My name is Joe and I work in a button factory." I wonder what his wife and dog and family knew.
I use to sing this song so the time when I was little. Drove my siblings crazy lol
20:45
If the one guy had no badges and wouldn't say who he was working for, why would you tell him anything? He could be some random dude for all you know.
2:32 Yep, I had a neighbor that was trying to get a government job I think and these people came to my house asking me and my family how they were as neighbors.
That bot delivered that "Don't ask, , Cartel policy" perfectly.
The 85% thing actually made me feel better about the world.
Yeah often stuff is classified because the actual method of capture is has secrets that might be possible to reverse engineer from the results. Like if you see a blurry satellite image taken at a specific, known distance, you can get information about the camera on the satellite.
Kinda seems like if you don’t wash out due to child related stuff in that industry they just arrest for you “jokes on you I’m into that” memes
My grandpa worked for CIA and would give reports to the Vice President on what they were looking at in satellite photos. He said they could easily read the newspaper you were looking at or count the hairs on your arm. This was in the 1980's, I believe.
This should be no surprise as we have telescopes that can look at galaxies very far away. Looking at Earth from not very far away is no problem.
In regards to the questions for security clearances, that would explain why most people you see with the highest clearances tend to be the most Beaver Cleaver white collar nine-to-five types who live in the suburbs with a spouse and three kids.
Boring, predictable, and with a decent amount of family members to use as leverage = very good. Clearance approved.
I bet the stigma for visiting a Psych has more to do with your willingness to talk than Machismo.
Yeah, that's why when you go to be fbi or cia generally they're looking for people who've experienced trauma at a young age and learned life philosophy went to therapy etc. Because then you're able to manage your life
removing tag on pillow will get you tortured?
but not removing it is already torture...
0:19 in the words of Jack Ryan, "I'm an analyst"
I was given a top secret clearance with felony drug charges to do a job in Pueblo Colorado...the process is 95 percent integrity based that's why I never understood why they wouldn't allow more rehabilitated convicts in the career path majority of the people that I'd trust my life to have a criminal record