what if the reality was ugly? imo, it's not about how kind or rude they deliver. it's more likely to rate them based what they meant it. if they had good logical reason, i can take any words from them
@@Riflery My adoptive parents said that I was truly special because when they looked around at all the children they could have chosen I was the only one that was white.
There is no refined and defined truth. The moment you filter or block out certain aspects of your thought process when you are speaking to someone that person misses out on something that will have potential value to them. It's not for me to decide what is valuable to another human.
jijor assad does honesty in that situation help anybody? What can actually be changed other than breaking down the smelling individual? You would just make that person aware you are disgusted by them. That would be rude.
@lizzy rosario Not to be rude Lizzy but you farted and it smellz mang! You cant control the smell though ...well maybe you could if you changed your diet and drank more water. but hey...anyways what are we doing ?
When you have Autism, like me, that’s all you know. I can’t help but to always be honest, transparent, and speak with candor, my brain is just wired that.
I think it’s a balancing act. We should all aspire to treat others kindly, but if you’re never honest with people, they’re gonna vastly overestimate themselves and think they’re good at things they’re not.
@TheWhiteWhale Dishonesty is more malicious. If someone is unattractive and you tell them to go get a haircut and to take a shower when they problem is they are not 6 foot tall and have a recessed chin is far worse then telling them "your short and ugly". Because if you are dishonest you give them false hope, and you lie to them.
My mom told me this when I was little. What you say should be three things: necessary, honest, and kind. If what you’re saying isn’t at least two of those things, stop speaking.
demon2441 Totally disagree. Absolutism does not apply here. You can always be kind...You can say positive things cruelly and negative things with kindness.
@@NastyDHL Even when said kindly you still have those who will view that honestly as rudeness or worse. We live in an age where silence can be viewed as violence and you think this wrong? How kind something is depends on the receiver of the message.
Just because someone else can't handle being told the truth in a kind manner doesn't mean you weren't kind and it doesn't mean that you weren't honest. It means that they are insecure and/or arrogant.
It’s best to have enough wisdom to know what is appropriate for the situation. Being honest is usually more important, but not always. If the ONLY thing at stake is somebody’s feelings, go with kindness. If there is ANY larger principle or consequence at stake, be honest.
To me it depends in certain situations honest could get you Killed but in other situations no like if my daughter had a eating disorder And she not trying to lose weight or eat healthy then I'm going To have to address that issue with my daughter rather she likes It or not because it can save her life then truth may hurt but It can also save your life
@@Thaulin Exactly. Its everything in moderation. Whether that be food, alcohol, honesty, even working out. I have seen first hand working out too much. I love it to death. The grind, pain, sweat, blood and tears. However, I have a really close friend who has irreparable damage to his legs from running too much. (He ran 15 miles a day for 6 months straight. And I. Mean straight) If you go too hard on one aspect of life for too long, you will lose a part of yourself.
Would rather have zero friends than be surrounded by people too pathetic to handle the truth. Cowards who will rarely become better people because they can't admit flaws.
Problem with that "honesty" is it's entirely subjective. One is "yes, you look fat" them the next person is just as genuine and says "no, you look great!". Honesty most the time is just someone's opinion... and do people want that all the time? I sure don't.
Idk I’d rather tell me the truth than me living in a lie for even another day. Like if I come up with an idea don’t tell me oh it’s good bro and then I do some dumb shit or how my work performance is don’t tell me I’m good if I’m trash. 🤦🏾♂️
honest about WHAT though? Everything? and is honesty really TRUTH? Its someones perspective . It means they believe it to be true and honest but its not always the truth.
@@richardmetzger2574 How do you deal with dishonest people that youve always been honest to ? What does an honest one choose to do ? You may find yourself very alone if you just say everything all the time. People dont want to be honest all the time in order to avoid constant arguments and bickering. So youre just honest always?
some people would make the distinction between being "nice" and being kind. Being nice is the sneaky weaselly one where you just say what you think someone wants to hear. Being kind is where you will actually be honest if it's clearly the best thing for the other person. Being unnecessarily harsh or overly blunt when being honest can be a dick move though, feelings definitely are something we all have to deal with, and we won't even be able to absorb criticism if it feels like too much of a personal attack. I struggle a lot with getting the balance right
@@dallasgross7293 that's not what they're saying here. lying by omission is an intent to deceive. deciding not to walk up to a fat person to tell them so is not lying by omission it's just keeping your mouth shut and not being a rude asshole.
Chris Dyer: I love your mentality. I don’t know about other people but I would rather have someone with this mentality around me than the person with the ‘brutal honesty’ mentality. Even the brutally honest people themselves wouldn’t want another brutally honest person always being honest, in a brutal fashion, towards them. 🤷♂️ Btw kind honesty has the same remedial effects as brutal honesty, just without the ‘brutal’.
delusions make the World go round. So unless youre a true anarchist who thinks they would be able to survive for more than a few years if there was no kindness. You'd be fucked DIO . youd get pimped out in the new world man.
I'd rather honesty. As much as it would hurt me for a doctor to say "You are screwed." I would rather have the facts and so I can ask "How long before its over so I can do what I need to do and how much I can cram into that little time?" Heads up people, we are ALL going to die. And not all of us is gonna have it happen at 100 comfortable in our beds.
Well, the doctor shouldn’t be as blunt as “you’re screwed.” They should try and offer comfort while acknowledging that you have no options. Empathy goes a long way.
@@Fox2Victory Sorry to hear mate. Yeah, after seeing what Cancer did to my dad, me and my mum have told each other we won't go down the same path as chemo if the odds were as bad as his were. Better to go out sooner knowing you can do more and not be so weak and live with false hope for time that will be wasted in hospitals or bed. False hope can be just as bad.
A lot of people don’t seem to understand that silence isn’t dishonest. To be honest, you don’t *have* to say your thoughts all the time. You can have tact. You can stay silent about your friend’s new, strange religious hope and still be honest. If he asks for your opinion tell the truth but otherwise, you can stay silent. That’s a right you have.
as an overly honest person I can tell you that especially in this current social justice warrior atmosphere, people do NOT want honesty, they want you to think and say what they think.
I can relate. When I was first learning how to play the guitar, my mother would always tell me that whatever I was playing sounded great. Although positive encouragement is an amazing thing, contentious positive reinforcement is retarding, in the literal sense. Constructive criticism is far more beneficial. 🤷🏼♂️
It's usually possible to just keep your mouth shut, instead of saying something you don't believe. If someone asks you for an opinion, you can feel out the difference between fragile people looking for reassurance versus people looking to really know the truth, and with the former, I still don't think lying is the moral idea. It might be better to punt and say you don't really know, and anyone should be able to handle that. It's lying, but less malicious, that someone can pick up the implication without picking up that you're trying to slam them. But outright false representation of your point of view, no. People need to get tougher. If they expect affirmation at the cost of you having to undermine yourself, that's a hostile act against you. The expectation needs to change.
Truth is very powerful. It will help your relationship with others despite the harshness plus it’s emotionally difficult which will grow you long term. But he does make a good point about the old ppl dying.
I'm honest to some people that I'm comfortable being around, that I know won't get all defensive, and even if they do, I know it will blow over. I'm kind to strangers because I don't want to look like an asshole. I guess what I'm saying is, I must cover my dark side in front of strangers, and the closer people, they know all of me lmao
@@oharrison7158 Yeah, the movie was pretty damn great. I watched it with a packed theater filled with families and everyone was clapping by the end of the film.
lol Joe thinks his friend group is honest when they all encourage and allow Brendan Schaub to do stand up at the comedy store and do Showtime specials.
being kind often withholds the truth from someone, which is infornation they need to make good decisions in their life. I'd much preffer to live in a world where people dont feel like they need to bite their tounge all the time or be dishonest.
I'd say that is being "nice", not being kind. Being kind would first establish if someone wants to hear the truth, and only give it if they consent. Or if the issue is incredibly important, being kind might involve saying things the other person doesn't want to hear even though you know it will damage your relationship with them in some way.
His story about the chiropractor is exactly what happened to me with my S I joint. Literally saved my life because I thought I had a slipped disc and would never be able to keep playing basketball. I’m telling you chiropractors are not bullshit if you can find a trustworthy one
I love hearing someone say they’ve led an easy life. People are so unwilling to admit that they’ve been privileged these days because it’s like you’re left out of you’re not a victim of society
Teach your kids the difference between “Opinion” vs “facts” and I LOVE any art my kids ever made! How could you possibly be “Objective”! Love does blind truth! It is all humans have going for them.
Decades ago I was essentially whining to a buddy about my super shitty family bringing me down. I distinctly recall him telling flat out to "just grow the hell up." It has been by far the best life advice ever given to me even though it stung like hell and even made me slightly apprehensive toward him at the time. He's one of my closest friends to this day and I can see how the average far leftie never had someone give them that kind of tough love that only thickens your skin and better prepares you for life's suffering; the natural state of just about every human being.
So you assume the average leftie is under 30? Im 40, in the 90s even lefties dragged eachother. I think you mean to speak on snowflakes, which are both right and left
When weighing the pros and cons of kindness and honesty, before dropping your truth bomb consider the fact that what you do know is greatly outweighed by what you don't. Also, if your ego is the motivation you are better off just keeping your mouth shut.
The two can't be compared like this, IMO. The one (kindness) calibrates the other (honesty). The only thing that's important is being honest, but only if when you wield Honesty you plan for the right result. All that remains is HOW you go about it. You can either do it well or do it poorly. So let's say you have a friend that's having a problem, and that problem is being perpetuated or even made worse because everyone around that friend is just telling them what they want to hear, is letting them cry on their shoulder, and generally just being nice and patting them on the shoulder not telling them what they really need to hearr. That's being "kind", but it's not helping that person, it's feeding that person's problem. Alternately, everyone around that person gets on their case, ridicules them through brutally putting in their face what they are doing wrong. Making that person look stupid, etc., etc. That's being Honest, but it doesn't help that person. It's kicking them when they are down, destroy's what's left of their morale. It makes things worse. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's sort of like "Don't mistake Kindness for Weakness". That parable is saying that Strength is not synonymous with Cruelty. That Kindness is not synonymous with Weakness. Wield both together. If you have a friend that's having some kind of trouble, use your head, pay attention, be Honest. Always be Honest. But do it with Kindness in your heart, not self involved posturing or carelessly cruel, or blindly in sensitive. Let Kindness calibrate and direct Honesty for Good, not Evil.
Some honest rough talk between friends is like wrestling for fun, learning coordinations of language and dealing with other people. Displays of domination with honesty that’s aimed to bring down someone to feel tall is rotten behavior.
Everybody lies, anyone who says they don't is a liar. Being honest when the supermarket clerk asks you how day is going, doesn't mean she/he wants to hear that your day isn't going well. they don't care. Be constructively honest with the people you care about, kind to those for whom you don't and wary of those who tell you they never lie.
This just made me so happy to hear. I love brutal honesty, all my friends and my wife are like that, and it works on me. But everyone thinks I'm a pushover because I always "sugar coat" things, and always give the benefit of the doubt But I just don't think it's always worth being honest with everybody, especially people that think they found some relief, or success.
During clinical hours I had to do, I witnessed a nurse in an Alzheimer’s unit tell a woman asking for her mom that her mom was dead every morning for a week and each time she would cry. My last day there I told her that her mom was at the store buying her a pretty dress, first time I saw that woman smile....is that wrong what I did?
@@chuckiecampbell that was the entire point of this talking point, that they would rather be kind than be honest. That is kindness at the expense of Truth.
Something I just realized watching this video again after like 2 years. Is that when you provide a solution that you don't have to be a part of, that it's all their responsibility to apply. Not saying that isn't true. But you are projecting to them that "We are not equals", "I don't share this human experience you are going through", "You are alone", "I am not your ally and maybe you have no allies", "This isn't my problem / this is your problem / you have become a problem for me" Be kind instead.
There's a happy balance to everything. I find that "brutal honesty" is often hijacked and just used as unwarranted insults by people who lash out at others because of there own unhappiness. Kindness is also mistaken as lying to preserve someone's feelings. It's not one or the other. Honesty should be used as much as possible, but tact also should come into play in most circumstances where the result will be criticism. When your daughter makes you something you find to be "not they're best work," perhaps you could just praise the effort and express you're glad she thought to make you something. If a friend asks you if they've "gotten fat," there's little point in lying, but instead you could just comment that yes, they've gained weight and offer advice or offer to work out with them. Too many approaches nowadays are too extreme in one direction, life is more complicated than that and finding a plug-and-play system that is going to give you the correct result every time is foolish. Live somewhere in the middle and treat every circumstance as unique.
It's better to be kind. Honesty isn't always the best policy. There are times in which an individual must abstain from being honest (truths can hurt) as well as ruin relationships, and to avoid certain other circumstances. Not being honest can actually prevent a bad situation. It all depends on your intentions. Kindness on the other hand goes a long way. Again, it depends on your intentions. Too much of either can allow individuals to take advantage of you. This is how we are to be judged by our Creator as individuals. Based on our choices in life. And the consequences for our own actions.
If you’re in a relationship and have any interest in remaining that way, here’s advice. If I've learned one thing, ‘it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together. - Sam Kinison
I think this question can serve as a really good way of determining just how simple some people can be lol, I myself would argue that being honest is in and of itself a form of kindness. I've found that it's usually better to approach even some of the most basic encounters in life with honesty rather than polite lies. For example If whilst getting ready to go somewhere or meet someone I think is important I would much rather if someone told me what I was wearing looked ridiculous and be provided with the knowledge I should make an adjustment rather than proceed onward to whatever important place or thing without this knowledge and make a fool of myself.
I'm going to say this before watching - it's best to be kind. Honesty can be misinterpreted as anything. If you know the person, then you can be both. They know your intentions and you know theirs.
Being honest is really just being brave enough to tell people how you are experiencing the world. It doesn’t mean you are necessarily right, it just means you can access and articulate what is true for you. I think being honest with one another is an incredibly loving thing to do and a kind thing to do.
I think the point is be kind, but if you decide keeping your thoughts and decide to be kind instead and kinda lie about something, then don’t go around saying your actual thoughts to somebody else, hypocrisy is what I mean.
"Is it Better to Be Kind or Honest?" Jesus, now that's a proper Philosophical question. I actually thought about this for a LOOOOOONG time before replying & every conclusion I came to was, it's better to be kind than honest. The reasoning for this that, among friends, honesty is 'better', but when it comes to 'the greater good', kindness does so much more good than honesty does, so taking into consideration the number of people that are 'affected', kindness HAS to come first before honesty. It's a double edged sword and there are a million examples that can be thrown to say honesty is 'better', which I wouldn't necessarily disagree with on a case by case example, but it's a philosophical question and if the only options are to always be honest, or always be kind - It's a pretty simple answer. Always be kind
In my experience if you can tell someone personally enjoys something just say you like it unless there is a genuine problem. For anything else that you know wont hurt someones feelings too bad or its something they will be better of knowing just tell them as it makes a good foundation for trust.
I think the real issue is not honesty vs. kindness. It's honesty vs. tact. You can be kind and also be honest. You can also be kind and be tactful, if you recognize that truth is not something a particular person can deal with at that time.
You can be honest but communicate it in a respectful manner. People always assume honesty means being a jerk. You will always respect someone who is honest then someone who is a politician
Joe, that was best thing i heard you say about yourself, growing as a person as your audience grew.. Thats brutal honesty, good job.. Long time listener, keep it up. ☝
I think Levinovitz is fundamentally wrong: Almost everyone is in pain. There's a clear ranking among them whose pain deserves to be exacerbated and whose pain should be tended to. Levinovitz's seems believe that most people are like him - essentially happy, but I think it's super obvious that that's not the case, America is unhappier than ever.
The truth is always better than a lie. ALWAYS. Lying means you value the person you are lying to so little that you don't think deserve to know what reality is.
bit of an overly absolute statement there. If an authoritarian government came looking for someone that you're hiding somewhere in your house, that seems like a pretty good time for a lie. You might even value the person you're lying to, but you don't approve of the ideology they are enforcing. But if you could only do one thing for the rest of your life then truth would obviously be a way better default than lies
Honesty and directness should start with oneself. And if you're honest with yourself, you soon have to admit that you're just a human being and that you've made many mistakes in your life and you will keep on making mistakes. You will also learn that it's the mistakes you make that help you to grow as a person. So when you're honest with yourself you will become a much more understanding and milder person towards yourself and also others. You will also realize that a constructive attitude is the best attitude. If you then start being honest with the world around you, you will not judge others but you are just giving your constructive honest opinion on things. This is something very different than just blurting out anything that comes to mind. You will not throw out judgements towards people if you are honest with yourself. If you truly realize that the above is true, then your honest opinions about the world will be kind, since they come from a place of understanding and wanting to help others.
You can be kind, honest, and effective if you practice speaking tactfully. Meet your audience where they are, with a message designed so that they are receptive to it. If you have reason to expect that someone is not receptive, do not cast pearls before swine. They are other ways of conveying meaning if you are still so inclined.
It's not necessarily one or the other. I may hurt my daughter's feelings with the truth but I usually think it out and decide that while the truth may hurt, in the long run she'll remember or know that I did what was best for her. Mindful honesty isn't the same as just being honest all the time.
The Buddha had 5 preconditions for “right speech”. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it useful? Does it promote concorde? Is it timely? Order is important, but you’re supposed to refrain from speaking unless all 5 preconditions are satisfied.
I'm 19and would constantly renforce my philosphies/beliefs onto others and Joe is right. It was due to insecurity with myself that I would constantly be trying to tell others to get there sh!t together. Bravo Joe
I feel if you can’t be kind and honest then you probably have some learning to do about whatever subject you can’t be honest and kind about. For instance the chiropractor, you make think it’s bs for yourself but with someone that has misplaced discs it can be a great short term fix, the long term fix would be working on stretches to help build the muscles to counteract the misplacement. Due to your lack of knowledge of muscles and posture you formed the idea that chiropractors are bs. Hope I was eloquent enough to get my point across
I think it’s possible to be honest with somebody and not “trigger” them if you know how to control the tone of your statements.. Some people need to learn how to lose that aggressive tone and be more charismatic. With all that being said I think this issue is still problematic because people speak less and type/text more.
Being honest and telling the truth are not the same, first of all. Also, I think it's better to contribute than anything else - but it's often hard to know how to do that, so you have to just do your best. That said, I fully believe that if people were conditioned towards honesty from the beginning (like the child with a bad drawing) - then they'd be much more open to what would otherwise be considered a truth that hurts. Truth or honesty hurts because you respond to it as an attack of some kind. I think you can help people and hurt them at the same time, but if there's a way to help them to a similar degree without hurting them, then that's the obvious route to go.
To be the best "you" kind and honesty is needed, depending on the circumstances. Myself some people dont like me becuase of this, im blunt honest but i tell it like it is, i dont suger coat shit, some dont like this, but alot do.
Circumstance will dictate which is better. Kindness is often the better default - although there are plenty times when "kindness" can be another way of saying "pandering". It can inhibit growth to always play to someone's "pain". If people don't get to hear "you're better/stronger than you are giving yourself credit for" and rather you are allowing them to stay treading water and focused only on their pain and powerlessness - are you really being kind? Sometimes you need a hug, sometimes a kick in the a**. The difficult part is finding people who can provide both.
I hear this years ago it never stuck. I heart a lot of people close to me. With my insecurities. Veiled as the truth. I should listen more let them get out what's in their heart. The most kind thing you can do.
It’s all about what gives people hope. If someone loses a sense that the future may be better, it crushes themselves and anyone they come in contact with. Telling someone what they don’t want to hear is needed at times, but not if it risks them losing their reverence for the future. What is best for that person to hear so that their life continues to add meaning? Saying “well actually...” doesn’t generally help anyone, and it can destroy communication. Check your ego at the door. You don’t need to be right.
I'm a radically honest person. My girlfriend loves it!
The wife is not too thrilled though.
😂😂😂😂😂
nice
Bahahaha
😂😂😂😂😂😂💔
😅😂😃😁😀
Whenever possible-
Honesty with Compassion
Not Kind Lies
I agree
Trotsworth you are so right!
That is such a great way of doing things, I'm keeping this one.
it's pretty common sense....... you'd think to most people.
Bet you are a fun guy with an attitude like that lmao.
It's a false "or". People often use honesty as an excuse to be unkind. People also use kindness as an excuse to be dishonest.
So true
Nailed It!👌
The two are not mutually exclusive
honesty in and of itself is neither kind nor unkind, it's honest.
If you find honesty unkind that is an issue you have to get over with yourself.
what if the reality was ugly? imo, it's not about how kind or rude they deliver. it's more likely to rate them based what they meant it. if they had good logical reason, i can take any words from them
I think there's a difference between being honest and being brutally honest
I think people who were adopted should be flattered.
Because that means that their adoptive parents went out of their way to get them.
Riflery Great point. It’s infinitely harder to adopt than most people realize.
@@Riflery My adoptive parents said that I was truly special because when they looked around at all the children they could have chosen I was the only one that was white.
@@selfdiscardedkingofruin7291 See.
That's is good ol fashioned American love.
Like the 1750s kind of love.
@@selfdiscardedkingofruin7291 Your parents have good taste.
People often mistake honesty with truth. They think their unfiltered thoughts have inherent value. Truth has value.
This.
Both have equal value.
Thats the most contradictive comment I have ever seen.🤦🏻♂️
There is no refined and defined truth. The moment you filter or block out certain aspects of your thought process when you are speaking to someone that person misses out on something that will have potential value to them. It's not for me to decide what is valuable to another human.
@@jimiweezer so you can fly in this planet, gravity doesn't affect you.
Some people mistake being plain rude for being honest.
True
Which is more annoying than ever
jijor assad does honesty in that situation help anybody? What can actually be changed other than breaking down the smelling individual? You would just make that person aware you are disgusted by them. That would be rude.
Donovan Doran If I smell constantly I would hope a friend would tell me so I can correct it. It happening once maybe they should let me alone
@lizzy rosario Not to be rude Lizzy but you farted and it smellz mang! You cant control the smell though ...well maybe you could if you changed your diet and drank more water. but hey...anyways what are we doing ?
Sincerity is the only thing I respect the most in people. Always being honest is a mark of a strong and honorable person for me.
Bushido code, brah *highfive* youre bang on bro
Your name sounds like "Standing slob" to me. That's all I can think of when I hear the name Stanislav. Sorry bro.
When you have Autism, like me, that’s all you know. I can’t help but to always be honest, transparent, and speak with candor, my brain is just wired that.
Thanks for the compliment I appreciate it!
@Jarod David how? Like sincerity is speaking what you believe is true, but it may actually be false?
I think it’s a balancing act. We should all aspire to treat others kindly, but if you’re never honest with people, they’re gonna vastly overestimate themselves and think they’re good at things they’re not.
That would explain the trainwreck self-entitlement that is ubiquitous among today's women.
Agreed!
Yup
Lotsa people saying they would rather have people be honest than kind and yet will get upset the second someone calls they out on their sh*t
(insert "clever statement that calls you out" here)
You have to be strong enough to handle the truth.
@TheWhiteWhale Dishonesty is more malicious. If someone is unattractive and you tell them to go get a haircut and to take a shower when they problem is they are not 6 foot tall and have a recessed chin is far worse then telling them "your short and ugly". Because if you are dishonest you give them false hope, and you lie to them.
I'd still rather you be honest even if it pisses me off.
why don't they ever ask for both?
My mom told me this when I was little.
What you say should be three things: necessary, honest, and kind. If what you’re saying isn’t at least two of those things, stop speaking.
This is awesome
I love that.
necessary and kind are subjective though
Sometimes you shouldn't be nice, honest and necessary is great, honest is essential
“You don’t always have to say what you think. You could just be nice.” - Joe Rogan
@Harry Garrett how would you tell your mom shes fat if she asks you?
i literally scrolled down to the comments when i heard that quote. powerful.
@Harry Garrett because multitasking is hard
@@marioeid930 "it would be better for your health to lose some weight" or something similar is a good way to say it, I think
@@marioeid930 "Mom, your overweight".
You can be kind and honest at the same time. Its not a zero sum dichotomy
If being honest would not be considered kind, then it would be impossible. You can have instances where they are mutually exclusive.
demon2441 Totally disagree. Absolutism does not apply here. You can always be kind...You can say positive things cruelly and negative things with kindness.
@@NastyDHL Even when said kindly you still have those who will view that honestly as rudeness or worse. We live in an age where silence can be viewed as violence and you think this wrong? How kind something is depends on the receiver of the message.
@@demon2441 then keep your mouth shut. problem solved. you didn't lie and you weren't rude.
Just because someone else can't handle being told the truth in a kind manner doesn't mean you weren't kind and it doesn't mean that you weren't honest. It means that they are insecure and/or arrogant.
It’s best to have enough wisdom to know what is appropriate for the situation. Being honest is usually more important, but not always.
If the ONLY thing at stake is somebody’s feelings, go with kindness. If there is ANY larger principle or consequence at stake, be honest.
To me it depends in certain situations honest could get you
Killed but in other situations no like if my daughter had a eating disorder
And she not trying to lose weight or eat healthy then I'm going
To have to address that issue with my daughter rather she likes
It or not because it can save her life then truth may hurt but
It can also save your life
This!👏👏
I’ve only just started pretending it’s the first time I’ve seen a meme or video when someone shows me. That’s about as kind as I intend on getting!
@@czaralexander5156 why do you
Type like this
This is the correct take.
If you are honest 100% of the time, you will have zero friends or relationships.........theres a time and a place for everything.......
Michael Akers oh yeah, which is sad you have to be fake at least sometimes just to even have relationships or friends
Not true
also many people use „honesty“ as an excuse to be assholes. Think before you speak
@@Thaulin Exactly. Its everything in moderation. Whether that be food, alcohol, honesty, even working out. I have seen first hand working out too much. I love it to death. The grind, pain, sweat, blood and tears. However, I have a really close friend who has irreparable damage to his legs from running too much. (He ran 15 miles a day for 6 months straight. And I. Mean straight) If you go too hard on one aspect of life for too long, you will lose a part of yourself.
Would rather have zero friends than be surrounded by people too pathetic to handle the truth. Cowards who will rarely become better people because they can't admit flaws.
Problem with that "honesty" is it's entirely subjective. One is "yes, you look fat" them the next person is just as genuine and says "no, you look great!". Honesty most the time is just someone's opinion... and do people want that all the time? I sure don't.
Great way of putting it. You can suffer a great deal in your career and personal relationships if you don't come to this realization early enough.
There are measures for body fat that determine what a healthy weight is.
Body dsymoprphia is a real thing as well
Idk I’d rather tell me the truth than me living in a lie for even another day. Like if I come up with an idea don’t tell me oh it’s good bro and then I do some dumb shit or how my work performance is don’t tell me I’m good if I’m trash. 🤦🏾♂️
There's something about not being able to be honest to people that reduces your love for them
honest about WHAT though? Everything? and is honesty really TRUTH? Its someones perspective . It means they believe it to be true and honest but its not always the truth.
@@JonnyUnderrated who gives a shit what it means. You know what honest is don't you
Brilliant
@@JonnyUnderrated Yes everything. This is how you conquer anxiety and avoid depression and alcoholism.
@@richardmetzger2574 How do you deal with dishonest people that youve always been honest to ? What does an honest one choose to do ? You may find yourself very alone if you just say everything all the time. People dont want to be honest all the time in order to avoid constant arguments and bickering. So youre just honest always?
Being kind usually just leads to bullshit that could’ve been avoided. Rather someone be blunt honest
some people would make the distinction between being "nice" and being kind. Being nice is the sneaky weaselly one where you just say what you think someone wants to hear. Being kind is where you will actually be honest if it's clearly the best thing for the other person. Being unnecessarily harsh or overly blunt when being honest can be a dick move though, feelings definitely are something we all have to deal with, and we won't even be able to absorb criticism if it feels like too much of a personal attack. I struggle a lot with getting the balance right
If the truth always makes you feel good..most likely it’s not always the truth
The honest man chooses silence instead of lies.
@TheWhiteWhale 100% agree with you
have you ever heard of lying by omission? your statement is not always true.
@@dallasgross7293 seems like silence can be a neutral zone. Its better than being honest or lying
agreed
@@dallasgross7293 that's not what they're saying here. lying by omission is an intent to deceive. deciding not to walk up to a fat person to tell them so is not lying by omission it's just keeping your mouth shut and not being a rude asshole.
*What if I told you...You can be both, but not to everyone*
i was looking for your comment!
You need to lay off the comment section of every vid on yt😂
...you can still be honest and say something positive. Why not try that?
multitasking is hard bro
Chris Dyer: I love your mentality. I don’t know about other people but I would rather have someone with this mentality around me than the person with the ‘brutal honesty’ mentality. Even the brutally honest people themselves wouldn’t want another brutally honest person always being honest, in a brutal fashion, towards them. 🤷♂️
Btw kind honesty has the same remedial effects as brutal honesty, just without the ‘brutal’.
That's not always the case because everyone's interpretation of positivety including yourself, can be different.
@dave organs how is multitasking hard I can do 5 different things at once but we are all different
Now That's what I call common sense
most people are delusional, and by being kind you are feeding that delusion. ☠️
delusions make the World go round. So unless youre a true anarchist who thinks they would be able to survive for more than a few years if there was no kindness. You'd be fucked DIO . youd get pimped out in the new world man.
JonnyUnderrated well thanks for being kind to me. lol 😂 moron
I think its safe to say that alot of whats happening now was result of the actions of people not wanting to tell the truth for years
nothing is safe to say now Grandpa. Youre treading very dangerous waters just saying anything at this point. It has begun.
I'd rather honesty. As much as it would hurt me for a doctor to say "You are screwed." I would rather have the facts and so I can ask "How long before its over so I can do what I need to do and how much I can cram into that little time?" Heads up people, we are ALL going to die. And not all of us is gonna have it happen at 100 comfortable in our beds.
As a person who battles chronic illness every single damn day, I couldn’t agree more.
Well, the doctor shouldn’t be as blunt as “you’re screwed.” They should try and offer comfort while acknowledging that you have no options. Empathy goes a long way.
@@Garrus1995 I was being figurative. I doubt there has ever been a doctor who outright said those words.
@@Fox2Victory Sorry to hear mate. Yeah, after seeing what Cancer did to my dad, me and my mum have told each other we won't go down the same path as chemo if the odds were as bad as his were. Better to go out sooner knowing you can do more and not be so weak and live with false hope for time that will be wasted in hospitals or bed. False hope can be just as bad.
Garrus1995 Everyone is different but I’d rather them say that I have a few month than give me hope of the chances are minuscule 🤷🏾♂️
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." - Henry David Thoreau
I am going to live in a cabin in the woods in 2 weeks. Embrace the light of each day
I’m watching this naked in bed. Truth!
Yeah but sometimes being kind is just telling the truth...Tough Love...
Huh?
You mean being honest?
@@rrmm846 he means sometimes being honest is the kind thing to do
I think that's true all the time
It's a classic song. 'Cruel to be kind' or something.
A lot of people don’t seem to understand that silence isn’t dishonest. To be honest, you don’t *have* to say your thoughts all the time. You can have tact.
You can stay silent about your friend’s new, strange religious hope and still be honest. If he asks for your opinion tell the truth but otherwise, you can stay silent. That’s a right you have.
Joe and Alan: Being kind is good.
The comment section: Well, actually ....
as an overly honest person I can tell you that especially in this current social justice warrior atmosphere, people do NOT want honesty, they want you to think and say what they think.
Be kind
I could sense when my parents didn't like my drawings. I wished they would just give me feedback instead of "That's nice."
stop lying!
I can relate. When I was first learning how to play the guitar, my mother would always tell me that whatever I was playing sounded great. Although positive encouragement is an amazing thing, contentious positive reinforcement is retarding, in the literal sense. Constructive criticism is far more beneficial. 🤷🏼♂️
Send them to me bro
It's usually possible to just keep your mouth shut, instead of saying something you don't believe.
If someone asks you for an opinion, you can feel out the difference between fragile people looking for reassurance versus people looking to really know the truth, and with the former, I still don't think lying is the moral idea. It might be better to punt and say you don't really know, and anyone should be able to handle that. It's lying, but less malicious, that someone can pick up the implication without picking up that you're trying to slam them. But outright false representation of your point of view, no. People need to get tougher. If they expect affirmation at the cost of you having to undermine yourself, that's a hostile act against you. The expectation needs to change.
Truth is very powerful. It will help your relationship with others despite the harshness plus it’s emotionally difficult which will grow you long term. But he does make a good point about the old ppl dying.
Truth leads to pure relationships
I'm honest to some people that I'm comfortable being around, that I know won't get all defensive, and even if they do, I know it will blow over. I'm kind to strangers because I don't want to look like an asshole.
I guess what I'm saying is, I must cover my dark side in front of strangers, and the closer people, they know all of me lmao
You still have time to self actualize.
The book he's talking about i believe is called Wonder.
The movie is pretty good too
And radical honesty by Brad Blanton
@@oharrison7158
Yeah, the movie was pretty damn great. I watched it with a packed theater filled with families and everyone was clapping by the end of the film.
only people who are kind deserve to be dealt with kindly
Sometimes I wish people told me what they really think instead of being nice...
lol Joe thinks his friend group is honest when they all encourage and allow Brendan Schaub to do stand up at the comedy store and do Showtime specials.
This makes no sense. Are you implying he’s so bad he shouldn’t bother? The only way to improve at standup is by doing it.
@@whatdoesthisthingdo You improve by doing open mics, not hour specials.
@@ghostphoto1789 Both.
being kind often withholds the truth from someone, which is infornation they need to make good decisions in their life. I'd much preffer to live in a world where people dont feel like they need to bite their tounge all the time or be dishonest.
no it's not! you can be both honest and kind. it does take some experience and skill to do it, but it's possible.
I'd say that is being "nice", not being kind. Being kind would first establish if someone wants to hear the truth, and only give it if they consent. Or if the issue is incredibly important, being kind might involve saying things the other person doesn't want to hear even though you know it will damage your relationship with them in some way.
If I had to answer truthfully, I'd say it's more important to be kind, but if I had to lie about it, I'd say being honest is better.
Censorship is being outsourced currently. The government doesn’t need to censor people anymore.
His story about the chiropractor is exactly what happened to me with my S I joint. Literally saved my life because I thought I had a slipped disc and would never be able to keep playing basketball. I’m telling you chiropractors are not bullshit if you can find a trustworthy one
Yes, find one with the mission statement of "I never want to see you again." Not a return customer vendor
@@stevenswitzer5154 you return to the gym don’t you? Going a couple times a year ain’t a big deal
@@blackout2430 No I dont go to the gym. I work for a living. Contractor work gives you enough exercise
I love hearing someone say they’ve led an easy life. People are so unwilling to admit that they’ve been privileged these days because it’s like you’re left out of you’re not a victim of society
Teach your kids the difference between “Opinion” vs “facts” and I LOVE any art my kids ever made! How could you possibly be “Objective”! Love does blind truth! It is all humans have going for them.
Decades ago I was essentially whining to a buddy about my super shitty family bringing me down. I distinctly recall him telling flat out to "just grow the hell up." It has been by far the best life advice ever given to me even though it stung like hell and even made me slightly apprehensive toward him at the time.
He's one of my closest friends to this day and I can see how the average far leftie never had someone give them that kind of tough love that only thickens your skin and better prepares you for life's suffering; the natural state of just about every human being.
So you assume the average leftie is under 30? Im 40, in the 90s even lefties dragged eachother. I think you mean to speak on snowflakes, which are both right and left
When people ask for my opinion, I always ask if they want my “honest truth” before say what I realllllly think.
“Ignorance is bliss...”-Cypher, The Matrix
At 1:38, what is he talking about in Florida people being killed?
Wondering as well
that Florida man who's always in news.
he talked about a guy who claims he can heal cancer, gives people false hope. i think he talked about him in that chiropractor clip.
@@kirtically5497 🤣
He's talking about the Governor people - remember there's a Pandemic.
When weighing the pros and cons of kindness and honesty, before dropping your truth bomb consider the fact that what you do know is greatly outweighed by what you don't. Also, if your ego is the motivation you are better off just keeping your mouth shut.
The two can't be compared like this, IMO. The one (kindness) calibrates the other (honesty). The only thing that's important is being honest, but only if when you wield Honesty you plan for the right result. All that remains is HOW you go about it. You can either do it well or do it poorly.
So let's say you have a friend that's having a problem, and that problem is being perpetuated or even made worse because everyone around that friend is just telling them what they want to hear, is letting them cry on their shoulder, and generally just being nice and patting them on the shoulder not telling them what they really need to hearr. That's being "kind", but it's not helping that person, it's feeding that person's problem.
Alternately, everyone around that person gets on their case, ridicules them through brutally putting in their face what they are doing wrong. Making that person look stupid, etc., etc. That's being Honest, but it doesn't help that person. It's kicking them when they are down, destroy's what's left of their morale. It makes things worse.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it's sort of like "Don't mistake Kindness for Weakness". That parable is saying that Strength is not synonymous with Cruelty. That Kindness is not synonymous with Weakness. Wield both together.
If you have a friend that's having some kind of trouble, use your head, pay attention, be Honest. Always be Honest.
But do it with Kindness in your heart, not self involved posturing or carelessly cruel, or blindly in sensitive. Let Kindness calibrate and direct Honesty for Good, not Evil.
Clips all coming out at once 15 mins after the podcast ... that’s cool
@Meow youre being truthful but not kind.
if i had to choose one honesty all the way, our society is too entitled cause of kindness
IAMSAM Then you’re clearly too entitled..
@IAMSAM exactly the point. Not being honest for fake "kindness" only makes you an opposite of kind.
Some honest rough talk between friends is like wrestling for fun, learning coordinations of language and dealing with other people. Displays of domination with honesty that’s aimed to bring down someone to feel tall is rotten behavior.
Everybody lies, anyone who says they don't is a liar.
Being honest when the supermarket clerk asks you how day is going, doesn't mean she/he wants to hear that your day isn't going well. they don't care.
Be constructively honest with the people you care about, kind to those for whom you don't and wary of those who tell you they never lie.
Honesty is important. This guy is getting it mixed up with having an opinion.
you're an idiot! is this an opinion or am i being honest?
@@Dave_of_Mordor that's hilarious bro
What Florida charlatan is he talking about?
czcams.com/video/zSwE37gf-Jw/video.html
This just made me so happy to hear. I love brutal honesty, all my friends and my wife are like that, and it works on me. But everyone thinks I'm a pushover because I always "sugar coat" things, and always give the benefit of the doubt
But I just don't think it's always worth being honest with everybody, especially people that think they found some relief, or success.
During clinical hours I had to do, I witnessed a nurse in an Alzheimer’s unit tell a woman asking for her mom that her mom was dead every morning for a week and each time she would cry. My last day there I told her that her mom was at the store buying her a pretty dress, first time I saw that woman smile....is that wrong what I did?
Damn that's messed up. I hope that lady is fired. Show some compassion. Although that lady probably asks that often.
Kindness that comes at the expense of Truth is nothing more than delayed cruelty, stop being a coward
But it is not always at the expense of truth
@@chuckiecampbell that was the entire point of this talking point, that they would rather be kind than be honest. That is kindness at the expense of Truth.
Oh oh oh! I know the answer!
False dichotomy
Does anyone know the book he’s talking about at 6:47? I would actually love to read that book. Thanks :)
The guy's look reminds me of Samir from Office Space. "Back up in that @$$ with the resurrection."
Something I just realized watching this video again after like 2 years. Is that when you provide a solution that you don't have to be a part of, that it's all their responsibility to apply. Not saying that isn't true. But you are projecting to them that "We are not equals", "I don't share this human experience you are going through", "You are alone", "I am not your ally and maybe you have no allies", "This isn't my problem / this is your problem / you have become a problem for me"
Be kind instead.
There's a happy balance to everything. I find that "brutal honesty" is often hijacked and just used as unwarranted insults by people who lash out at others because of there own unhappiness. Kindness is also mistaken as lying to preserve someone's feelings. It's not one or the other. Honesty should be used as much as possible, but tact also should come into play in most circumstances where the result will be criticism. When your daughter makes you something you find to be "not they're best work," perhaps you could just praise the effort and express you're glad she thought to make you something. If a friend asks you if they've "gotten fat," there's little point in lying, but instead you could just comment that yes, they've gained weight and offer advice or offer to work out with them. Too many approaches nowadays are too extreme in one direction, life is more complicated than that and finding a plug-and-play system that is going to give you the correct result every time is foolish. Live somewhere in the middle and treat every circumstance as unique.
It's better to be kind.
Honesty isn't always the best policy. There are times in which an individual must abstain from being honest (truths can hurt) as well as ruin relationships, and to avoid certain other circumstances.
Not being honest can actually prevent a bad situation.
It all depends on your intentions.
Kindness on the other hand goes a long way.
Again, it depends on your intentions.
Too much of either can allow individuals to take advantage of you.
This is how we are to be judged by our Creator as individuals.
Based on our choices in life.
And the consequences for our own actions.
If you’re in a relationship and have any interest in remaining that way, here’s advice.
If I've learned one thing, ‘it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together. - Sam Kinison
That might be the most horrific thing I've ever read.... Today..
Dred Nezroth seriously. I dont think that would lead to a true happy relationship.
Here’s what you do: Be complementary and then offer up advice about how to make it even better!
I'm honest with myself and kind to others. Dealing with my issues can be draining enough thank you very much.
I think this question can serve as a really good way of determining just how simple some people can be lol, I myself would argue that being honest is in and of itself a form of kindness. I've found that it's usually better to approach even some of the most basic encounters in life with honesty rather than polite lies. For example If whilst getting ready to go somewhere or meet someone I think is important I would much rather if someone told me what I was wearing looked ridiculous and be provided with the knowledge I should make an adjustment rather than proceed onward to whatever important place or thing without this knowledge and make a fool of myself.
In moments where honesty is the difficult thing to do, it's the kind thing to do.
Some people love my honesty, while others think I’m a jerk.
Can’t win.
🤷🏻♂️
I'm going to say this before watching - it's best to be kind. Honesty can be misinterpreted as anything.
If you know the person, then you can be both. They know your intentions and you know theirs.
Being honest is really just being brave enough to tell people how you are experiencing the world. It doesn’t mean you are necessarily right, it just means you can access and articulate what is true for you. I think being honest with one another is an incredibly loving thing to do and a kind thing to do.
I think the point is be kind, but if you decide keeping your thoughts and decide to be kind instead and kinda lie about something, then don’t go around saying your actual thoughts to somebody else, hypocrisy is what I mean.
"Is it Better to Be Kind or Honest?"
Jesus, now that's a proper Philosophical question.
I actually thought about this for a LOOOOOONG time before replying & every conclusion I came to was, it's better to be kind than honest.
The reasoning for this that, among friends, honesty is 'better', but when it comes to 'the greater good', kindness does so much more good than honesty does, so taking into consideration the number of people that are 'affected', kindness HAS to come first before honesty.
It's a double edged sword and there are a million examples that can be thrown to say honesty is 'better', which I wouldn't necessarily disagree with on a case by case example, but it's a philosophical question and if the only options are to always be honest, or always be kind - It's a pretty simple answer.
Always be kind
Why not both
Being honest is the kind and correct choice long term as it helps people grow and understand. Lies are temporary fixes to avoid social confrontation
In my experience if you can tell someone personally enjoys something just say you like it unless there is a genuine problem. For anything else that you know wont hurt someones feelings too bad or its something they will be better of knowing just tell them as it makes a good foundation for trust.
I think the real issue is not honesty vs. kindness. It's honesty vs. tact. You can be kind and also be honest. You can also be kind and be tactful, if you recognize that truth is not something a particular person can deal with at that time.
You can be honest but communicate it in a respectful manner. People always assume honesty means being a jerk. You will always respect someone who is honest then someone who is a politician
Rather have the savage truth than the sweet lie.
Hey mate love your work just curious have you ever watched the tv series stranger things because to me it tells the story of depression
what the hell you doing joe?! get on a plane to fight island!!!!
Joe, that was best thing i heard you say about yourself, growing as a person as your audience grew.. Thats brutal honesty, good job..
Long time listener, keep it up. ☝
I think Levinovitz is fundamentally wrong: Almost everyone is in pain. There's a clear ranking among them whose pain deserves to be exacerbated and whose pain should be tended to. Levinovitz's seems believe that most people are like him - essentially happy, but I think it's super obvious that that's not the case, America is unhappier than ever.
Toddler time with Alan Levinovitz: How to avoid the truth, be kind, and nurture dependency.
Carlos Mencia is probably like “Joe you should have been kind to me.”
The truth is always better than a lie. ALWAYS. Lying means you value the person you are lying to so little that you don't think deserve to know what reality is.
bit of an overly absolute statement there. If an authoritarian government came looking for someone that you're hiding somewhere in your house, that seems like a pretty good time for a lie. You might even value the person you're lying to, but you don't approve of the ideology they are enforcing. But if you could only do one thing for the rest of your life then truth would obviously be a way better default than lies
Honesty and directness should start with oneself. And if you're honest with yourself, you soon have to admit that you're just a human being and that you've made many mistakes in your life and you will keep on making mistakes. You will also learn that it's the mistakes you make that help you to grow as a person. So when you're honest with yourself you will become a much more understanding and milder person towards yourself and also others. You will also realize that a constructive attitude is the best attitude.
If you then start being honest with the world around you, you will not judge others but you are just giving your constructive honest opinion on things. This is something very different than just blurting out anything that comes to mind. You will not throw out judgements towards people if you are honest with yourself.
If you truly realize that the above is true, then your honest opinions about the world will be kind, since they come from a place of understanding and wanting to help others.
You can be kind, honest, and effective if you practice speaking tactfully. Meet your audience where they are, with a message designed so that they are receptive to it. If you have reason to expect that someone is not receptive, do not cast pearls before swine. They are other ways of conveying meaning if you are still so inclined.
Not everyone you meet on this planet deserves your honesty and kindness. Simple as that.
It's not necessarily one or the other. I may hurt my daughter's feelings with the truth but I usually think it out and decide that while the truth may hurt, in the long run she'll remember or know that I did what was best for her. Mindful honesty isn't the same as just being honest all the time.
The Buddha had 5 preconditions for “right speech”.
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it useful?
Does it promote concorde?
Is it timely?
Order is important, but you’re supposed to refrain from speaking unless all 5 preconditions are satisfied.
I'm 19and would constantly renforce my philosphies/beliefs onto others and Joe is right. It was due to insecurity with myself that I would constantly be trying to tell others to get there sh!t together. Bravo Joe
I feel if you can’t be kind and honest then you probably have some learning to do about whatever subject you can’t be honest and kind about. For instance the chiropractor, you make think it’s bs for yourself but with someone that has misplaced discs it can be a great short term fix, the long term fix would be working on stretches to help build the muscles to counteract the misplacement. Due to your lack of knowledge of muscles and posture you formed the idea that chiropractors are bs. Hope I was eloquent enough to get my point across
I feel like Joe’s “i have gotten older” timeframe is last year. Anyone else?
I think it’s possible to be honest with somebody and not “trigger” them if you know how to control the tone of your statements.. Some people need to learn how to lose that aggressive tone and be more charismatic. With all that being said I think this issue is still problematic because people speak less and type/text more.
Being honest and telling the truth are not the same, first of all. Also, I think it's better to contribute than anything else - but it's often hard to know how to do that, so you have to just do your best. That said, I fully believe that if people were conditioned towards honesty from the beginning (like the child with a bad drawing) - then they'd be much more open to what would otherwise be considered a truth that hurts. Truth or honesty hurts because you respond to it as an attack of some kind. I think you can help people and hurt them at the same time, but if there's a way to help them to a similar degree without hurting them, then that's the obvious route to go.
To be the best "you" kind and honesty is needed, depending on the circumstances.
Myself some people dont like me becuase of this, im blunt honest but i tell it like it is, i dont suger coat shit, some dont like this, but alot do.
So much of our personal “truths” are subjective and what was true today may not be true tomorrow.
Truth rely facts
Honestly has quality
Circumstance will dictate which is better.
Kindness is often the better default - although there are plenty times when "kindness" can be another way of saying "pandering".
It can inhibit growth to always play to someone's "pain". If people don't get to hear "you're better/stronger than you are giving yourself credit for" and rather you are allowing them to stay treading water and focused only on their pain and powerlessness - are you really being kind?
Sometimes you need a hug, sometimes a kick in the a**. The difficult part is finding people who can provide both.
I hear this years ago it never stuck. I heart a lot of people close to me. With my insecurities. Veiled as the truth.
I should listen more let them get out what's in their heart. The most kind thing you can do.
It’s all about what gives people hope. If someone loses a sense that the future may be better, it crushes themselves and anyone they come in contact with. Telling someone what they don’t want to hear is needed at times, but not if it risks them losing their reverence for the future. What is best for that person to hear so that their life continues to add meaning? Saying “well actually...” doesn’t generally help anyone, and it can destroy communication. Check your ego at the door. You don’t need to be right.
Something i needed to hear today 👏🏼
another thing you needed to hear : You are beautiful , in every single wayyyy *Sings to you*