How to be Happier - An Exercise from Positive Psychology and the book The Power of Moments
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- čas přidán 12. 07. 2023
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Today, we're diving into the wonderful world of positive psychology and discussing a powerful practice that’s a simple but transformative exercise that can bring a lot of joy and connection into your life. And you could probably do it in 15 minutes. So, let's jump right in!
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Look, you can’t just make yourself feel good all the time, it’s not possible and it often backfires, but like a seed, you can grow happiness through consistent choices. What we consistently do is what we become, and today we’re going to talk about a simple, simple action that positive psychology research has shown to be super effective at helping people feel really good and lasts for weeks. I feel like this is something that happy people do frequently without thinking about it too much, but the rest of us have to learn this skill.
This exercise is called a “Gratitude letter”. I learned about it from the book “The Power of Moments”. It’s a quick exercise designed by Martin Seligman, one of the founders of positive psychology and his whole focus was helping people become more resilient and overcome depression.
Research shows that people who write the gratitude letter experience greater levels of life satisfaction and happiness than those who don’t, they have less negativity in their lives, and an improved sense of connection with others. They also had reduced levels of anxiety or depression and the coolest thing is that research found that people who did this exercise weren’t just happy right after doing it, but also one month and three months later. As the authors of “The Power of Moments” say ‘This is a stunning finding. There are a lot of pleasures in the world that can spike our happiness for an hour -a warm doughnut comes to mind-but few that can still provide an afterglow a month later.’ That’s why I love this exercise.
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In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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What helps me most at age 72 is to actually tell a person right then and there how much I truly appreciate them. And also thank them for their kindness. For example, thanking my doctor who saved my eyesight.
I recently thanked the dental assistant for doing a great job on my crown. She was surprised that I thanked her and then thanked me! I always look for something positive to say to everyone. It make me feel good if I can make someone else feel appreciated.
Gratitude letters are very good, I agree.
But I found it’s better for my mental health to practice gratitude all day every day. In every thing I do and I mean everything. It’s a mindset.
I even tell my dog how much I truly appreciate him. He is the best.
Well that’s my experience anyway. I hope this post is helpful for the people out here in CZcams land.
Thank you for this idea of gratitude all day every day. ❤ I have a spouse with serious cancer and a child with a serious eating disorder and have been struggling to maintain a positive mindset. This will help.😊
@@c.a.parker5036I'm praying for you and your family...🙏🏻✝️🌸
God bless you Sue! 🙏🏻✝️🌸
That it only my gfs step mom of 74 would learn to do that, But only God can change people……
I do that too all the time and the results are amazing, they tell me they don't receive compliments often and their reactions make me feel good.
Better Help was a terrible experience for me. They are more interested in profits than their clients’ mental health. I would love to see you find a better sponsor because you are awesome.
I've heard this a lot about Better Help but this actualchannel has helped me so much
Better help was bad. I'm in the UK, I got matched with an American, so the time difference made it difficult to schedule. He kept being late or cancelling at the last moment. Or of the person before me over ran my time would get cut short so the next person wouldn't be late. I paid for several weeks before I even got matched. Then my therapist went and quit! Bloody pointless 😢
I've heard really bad things about betterhelp also and the fact that they don't take insurance is very sketchy??
My therapist spent most of my sessions trying to establish or fix our always bad connection. After 3 sessions I quit and would never recommend to anyone. What advice I did get was useless because the therapist refused to listen to me.
I can’t believe how many are still using them now with how well known their issues are. There is absolutely no way the creators who still promotes them are unaware at this point.
This woman is now my personal therapist - I'm a lot stronger due to this channel, thank you.
I love the "weeding and chatting"! I like weeding, too. It's so cathartic!
I started journaling a couple of days ago. Today I wrote a mini-gratitude letter for you, Emma, in my diary. Right after I finished writing, I found a notification from youtube leading me to this video. I have been watching your videos for over two months ❤ Thank you for all the help & inspiration.
So, you want us to believe you?
"But the 'rest of us' have to *learn* this skill" sums up so much of your content. And normalizing it, making that be okay instead of shameful, has already been incredibly helpful for me. Thank you.
This letter is For you Emma
For me, I really want to say "Thank You Emma♥️" from the bottom of my heart...
Although you don't know me in real life, you helped this human being from the stormiest days of his life...
Those days of confusion, worry, sadness and misery are in the past Now ...
You have teached me how to process intensive emotions and control what I can control in my life
Thank God for you lessons and my hard work in understanding these lessons
🕊🤍
This is beautiful and I think you've said something all of us would love to say to Emma. Thank you for sharing 🙏
@@psychedellion Anytime !
Nice....
You're such a kind-hearted and lovely person! Thank you so very much for this wonderful exercise. I already have a gratitude journal, but a gratitude letter seems to be putting this on the next level! I like your insight and your positive attitude!
Your videos are invaluable! :)
I agree, all done for free, helping so many!
Agreed ❤ no doubt about it 😊
Thank you for this video! Emma, you and all that you do are SO MUCH appreciated!!!
I do a gratitude list every day, but to create one for someone and share it with them is great.
I love your content and willingness to help us out. Thank you! ❤
Aloha from Maui 🌈 Thank you so much for your videos. They have been very helpful and much appreciated.
such a great exercise in changing our perspective and building more positive connections in the brain! Thankfulness and gratitude is a great activity, and a positive perspective is so important for the path to healing! Thanks for the video!
Thank you so much for this!
Thanks for this positive psychology tip. Now I understand why my cousins included a speech from different people to address my Aunt during her 90th Birthday celebration. I had to talk in public about the moments when she influenced me positively.
It was very awkward for me to talk this way in public 🥴, but I obliged. I assumed that this was her love language and just offered the discomfort as a sacrifice and a special gift to her. She was very grateful and happy.
What I like most about you is the way you explain things. The way you choose the words. That adds so much clarity just can't express that. Thank so much for that 😊🙏
- love from India.
So grateful for you Emma!!! ❤😇🌹
Oh my god, if someone tried doing this with me, making it happen in person, even though I'd be touched I'd be SO intensely uncomfortable. I hate even reading birthday cards or opening gifts in front of other people. I need time to process how I'm feeling, otherwise all I can focus on is the giant spotlight above my head. So I don't know if I'd recommend this practice include the "you need to do it in person" bit.
On the other hand, if I received a letter in the mail that said all these things? Then I'd be able to feel all the things, and I'd certainly message them right afterward and have a conversation! I also try to let people know I appreciate them and what they've brought to my life, though like most people, I'm not the best at it. I can 100% see the letter being beneficial...but sorry creator guy, I'm gonna send it in the mail instead. :P
Amen! Just thinking about it made me cringe. No thank you. I don't care who it is, I don't like anyone watching me & waiting for me to react. I wouldn't even be able to really hear the letter. I'd be focusing so hard on trying to get my face to do the appropriate thing.
If a gratitude letter happened to me in person I would straight up run away and yell "Email me!" over my shoulder 🤣sorry but it was never going to happen the way you hoped anyway
Honestly I would feel the same way... but also I think taking the comfortable route to avoid intimacy is something we should try to change. Actually I personally feel like I have no choice but to change it, after so many years of being scared I now refuse to get to the of my life never having felt the beautiful and painful vulnerability of connecting with another person.
This is a very valuable lesson for me. Thank you so much Emma! :)
Thank you so much for making these videos! I was having a tough time and I went back and watched all your videos, took notes, and applied a lot of the skills that you discussed and it has had an impact on my quality of life. I just wanted you to know that you've made a difference in my life. I'm not a youtube Creator but I imagine it can be quite challenging sometimes. Thank you for putting this out there for people, you make the world a brighter place.
I will do this for my former martial arts instructor. This will help me reconnect with him. Thank you!!!!
I love the weed and talk!!. Thank you for al the all your hard work & thought you put into your videos. All of my best to you and you loved ones. I appreciate you down to earth-ness. Your compassion for humans and human nature comes through on your videos. The practical work and suggestions of how to view life and difficult situations have been such a blessing. Thank you very much.
Thank you❤ You're a gem. Your videos
thank u so much ur video help me to calm myself during panic attacks, right now im take meds for my panic attacks❤❤❤
Thank you very much for sharing such invaluable lessons with us, god bless you
really beautiful practice, i am so happy i have found your channel
This is great. Lifted my mood by just listening and focusing on gratitude
cute ❤ i have always written thank you letters. i wrote one to my dad for his birthday this year and it changed my mood a lot this year so this makes sense to me! ❤
Just want to thank you for all the free classes you helped me so much .I can’t afford you course like a lot of senior on I fixed income but again thank you for
Thank You!
I like weeding too- thanks!
👍 wonderful suggestion, thank you, it made me shed a tear too🥲😆
this kind of activity really helps me to find out what's the best and simplest form of doing an exercise towards person deprived of liberty, i mean it helps them a lot as I Introduced this activity to them. thanks for sharing!
❤❤❤ thank you
How do I handle resentment/jealousy of those who had a much easier childhood and upbringing? This person who wrote a letter in this video I was immediately jealous of. The why didn't I have that. I don't want to be angry anymore about the life I've come from.
❤🩹
I feel this. People who had good parents, who were encouraged to grow and nurture their ambitions, who weren't shamed for the ways they felt that "weren't appropriate" (i.e. anger)... Logically, I know it's pointless to be jealous of those people, because it's not their fault any more than my childhood was my fault. But it's still REALLY hard for me not to think about how much different and better my life could be right now if my childhood hadn't been full of shame and punishment.
I'm sorry you didn't have the childhood you needed and deserved. I have experienced feeling resentful of people who had happy, easy childhoods too. The thing that has helped me the most is acknowledging what happened and realizing it's okay for me to be angry about the fact that my parents weren't there for me and even harmed me. That anger is a natural response, but one we can't express at the time as children, because we depend on our parents for survival. I've had to learn to fully let myself feel that anger and then meet the needs of my inner child myself. Once I move through the anger, there is usually grief underneath it for the way I should have been treated. I have to feel through that too. It's something I've had to go through many times, and I am sure it will be an ongoing process of working through the layers. But it does help and get easier. I've found Patrick Teahan's channel really helpful. He's a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma and CPTSD. I hope you are able to heal so that you can create the life you want!
Thank you for all of your wonderful knowledge that you share. Now if you can also teach me how to enjoy weeding my garden that would be even better😂
Thank you for your videos. They have helped me during high anxiety and panic attacks. And I now play your channel when driving to work to start my day.
Two different Better Help therapists traumatized me more than I already was. I wish that all my favorite CZcams people would stop recommending it and find better sponsors.
Why did you allow the sessions to continue if the therapists felt wrong for you?
I feel anxious all the time, even when I know that i am safe. It last for a whole day. I am afraid of anxiety, that it will come and i am starting to stress, constantly i think that anxiety will come now but its not, I can't stop thinking about it i tried to thought about somethink different but i can't. I can't stad that feeling. How to convince myself that i am actually safe.
I love you ❤❤❤
Look up Emile Coue!
His favorite verse is “Every Day in every Day I am getting better and better and better!” He used this in World War One!
I love weeding! 🤣
I have a big question. As a person who has illness anxiety disorder how do you get your mind off the anxiety long enough to start getting better?
Finding a challenging hobby is a good one, you can spend time researching, learning and trying out new skills, this keeps your mind busy, it’s rewarding and addictive too. The key for me is not letting the anxiety get a foothold.
Interesting video.Honestly I don't think it has to be someone that's alive on this planet. They can be on the other side
Hello, video is great :) The link doesnt work.
74 and lost. Thanks
Even after listening to this I cant seem to let myself be happy,,too many letdowns, leaves yu not to try
I have high hopes from you
Please help me for the last 4 days I am feeling very afraid of large things and every time I think of any large thing like the ocean or space my mind starts to go numb and my heart rate increases now I am afraid of going outside please help me.
Its important that 'positive psychology' isnt "the power of positive thinking" which is too often like slapping a Disney bandaid over a festering wound". I think that's why 'positivity'/affirmations/NLP forced smiling has gotten a bad rap. If there IS a festering wound, it needs to be acknowledged and dealt with in its own right
Gratitude is pretty hard if you are in a position where everything is dark for you. I can't seem to find anyone I would write a letter of gratitude to. And it is even more depressing to find you have nothing to be grateful for. I know lots of people would say you should be grateful for x and y, but I am not there yet. So I found this video quite unhelpful for people who are really depressed. I love your other content.
Talked with a friend last night. She shared how an adult with an intellectual disability helped her be more grateful. He was thankful that his mom (abusive/neglectful and now deceased) had fed him “sometimes.”
Something to consider with your depression is, where in your life are you feeling helpless or powerless? In what ways are you not living inauthentically, ergo, just going along with others, feigning happiness, avoiding speaking up or making waves? What expectations or rules do you place on yourself or feel in various situations that feel oppressive, or result in feeling anxious or stressed? What parts of yourself do you not like, or even hate, that need to be acknowledged, and owned?(i.e. your Shadow). What are you avoiding that needs to be faced, whether in your past, or present emotions or situations?
and, how can you nurture a sense of loving yourself, that you matter, you're valuable, you belong here. This can be done through inner-child work. Good luck.
Please add a "cracked open nut" SFX to your "Therapy in a Nutshell" animation, followed by a "pop-up" SFX afterward. Sorry, I think I really do have OCPD/OCD. :-0
PS: You make some very informative videos. Keep up the great work!
❤❤❤
Giving the person my letter in person would make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Sometimes, being uncomfy is good for you. In small doses and when you're ready. No need to force anything just because an internet stranger suggested it! But people keep telling me to ease out of my comfort zone once in a while and it helps.
My rabbits really help me. My furry Prozac.
Oh no! I hate weeding 😢
Thank you for doing this. I used to love weeding but always found it hard on my back, I now have chronic pain for a variety of reasons and can no longer weed. This was therapeutic to me to virtually weed with you from the opposite side of the globe! 😊 thanks Emma. Also, God led me to write a gratitude letter to my Dad while he was still alive and suffering from terminal cancer. It brought him joy at the time and now (I have laminated a copy) brings me comfort that I got to express these things to him one month before he passed. I'm always grateful to God for doing that. 🥹
2:55
Nooo, don't sell out to the harmful Better Help
Please help me for the last 4 days I am feeling very
👍🍀
What if I don’t see the person anymore? They left the place.
I wish you wouldn't have Better Help as a sponsor. They really don't treat therapists well and there have been data privacy issues. Most clients have better results with face to face therapy.
Who sad that there’s people don’t have nobody
I used to be so happy. Then I got remarried and was happy. Then I realized she was an abusive narcissist with BPD. Now I have been hit, financially abused and bankrupt. I am miserable with anxiety and depression. I am having a bad sales year and need to file bankruptcy. I wish I won $100k and I know that I would finish my divorce, pay my bills and be happy again !!
Agreed about Better Help -- I had a pretty bad experience. I was super depressed about two years ago, and I'm doing better, but I tried getting a therapist on Better Help, and the first one, like almost immediately recommended I start doing hallucinogens. That seemed extreme! The second one I tried was all-in on the idea that I needed EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which also seemed like a very specific thing to recommend in our first session. Bad times, that was not a useful website.
... I got a much better real therapist outside of Better Help though, and she's been really helpful.
❤️ the way you're multitasking whilst doing your video.. please find a better sponsor, though!
It continues to be really disappointing that you are sponsored by Better H. They have woeful business practices and there are ao many better alternatives.
No one change me for better life 😢,
Some people will love being given a gratitude letter. BUT some others will feel uncomfortable by them.
Choose your audience very carefully.
I do this often in small ways, telling friends how awesome and impactful they have been. But reading a longer letter to the person is so American, so verrrbal... Makes the other person so self-conscious.
I have followed you for so long but feel like you have sold out to Better Help. Please don't do it, you are great!
'Just a note on 5:53 of this video: there a missing texts on the letter that was read. It would be nice to edit and update the video to correct this part.
Weeding can be fun, but aren't ants/ bugs annoying? They can crawl up all kinds of places😅
What fantasy are you doing Emma?
But when there was no parent, mentor nor anyone who helped. Working 3 jobs through college, no financial or emotional support at all. When I graduated after 5 years, due to having to work to live and pay all expenses, my mom said, “ I bet you never thought you’d see this day”….. no clue to the determination it took daily.
wait , where is the weed ?
Not that sort of weed
And what do you do if your emotions are dead? If you can’t feel your emotions? Right now, my life is overwhelmingly SH*T, so how am I supposed to ‘feel’ grateful for such crapulence? It just feels fake and forced. If you ‘feel better’ after writing a letter, you eventually realise that your life is STILL garbage.
Depression means you brain learns and is conditioned to only see what´s going wrong in your live and never positive experiences. With excercices like this you learn or condition your brain to see the positive things.
Gratitude is when write something doesn’t exist like this exercise don’t help people who are already suffering and have real issues
You're not happy. How you gonna give advice about happiness to people when you're a broken trauma victim who stuffs everything down so deep that you're dead inside?
Please help me for the last 4 days I am feeling very afraid of large things and every time I think of any large thing like the ocean or space my mind starts to go numb and my heart rate increases now I am afraid of going outside please help me.
Please help me for the last 4 days I am feeling very afraid of large things and every time I think of any large thing like the ocean or space my mind starts to go numb and my heart rate increases now I am afraid of going outside please help me.