How To Get People To Treat You With Respect: 3 Simple Steps
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT//HOW TO SET EFFECTIVE BOUNDARIES
The way to get people to be nicer to you and treat you better is not as hard as you may think it is, but it's also not common sense for most of us.
Many think the way to get people to treat us well is to do whatever they want and go along with whatever they say - that will make them like us more - right? Wrong. When we act like that and neglect our personal boundaries and are not assertive in our communication or with our own wants, needs, or preferences, the last thing people will do is respect us, because, well... we are not respecting ourselves, so how can we expect them to respect us? Which is why we need to learn how to set boundaries people will respect.
In this video I talk about 3 simple steps to get people to treat you with respect. If you get a lot out of it, do be sure to like the video, let me know in the comments, and share it out with your people!
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Which one of the 3 are you going to commit to doing more starting now?
Julia Kristina Counselling I have a hard time walking away from a toxic situation. I've been working on it, but ill commit to leaving and trying not to feel bad about it.. : )
Julia Kristina Counselling all three of course.
I'm pretty good at walking away when needed and when it's become obvious that I don't get along with a friend anymore. I can see when it's turning unhealthy and harmful to both parties, and I don't feel bad about it...though I did recently walk away from a lover who was just about to leave for europe and I did not go and say goodbye to him because he started gaslighting and manipulating me in chat the night before, and accused me of things I didn't do and would not give me the benefit of the doubt, saying I reminded him of an ex partner and made me out to be the one doing something wrong when it was actually him...and I felt a bit bad that I did not see him off but I felt good that I put myself first and my need for peace, mental health (I was depressed and he knew that and preyed on it) and conserving my energy. This year has been a good one for putting myself first.
I'm doing all three actually, but I've been in individual Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for over a year now so we've been slowly noticing this and working on tactics. It took me a long time to really notice and accept my behaviors. But I'm reaping the benefit so far.
I've got to work on all three & because people may think it's attention seeking & there's a lot going on in my life I'm realizing it may be best to not speak with a bunch of people which is difficult family friends etc & wasn't aware of the multitude of people close & not so close doing this in my life until recently & I see it's occurring with my 10 yr old as well not cool cause I was in his shoes & it's his mother making it seem as if his father doesn't care for him etc & I know what it's like not to have your voice heard & your cries fall on def ears feel like I'm not able to speak to anyone seriously about this I'm gonna have to talk to a professional or move somewhere where I can it's been going on too many yrs I know it's a novel had to get this off my chest tho
every time I try to set boundaries I make a life long enemy.
Good better a known enemy then a fake friend
Better than fake life sucking frienemy
Good !
If they don't respect your boundaries & stop being friends with you, they really never were friends at all.
Brianna W. I relate too much to this comment. 😔
I notice a lot of bully's get more respect than nice honest people
Word
Absolutely - look around us, how our beautiful world has become.
Quite possibly by intimidation.
Mary Ellen it's not respect people just get controlled.
Bullies get promoted so they can take the role of firing or disciplining that higher managers do not want to do. Jerks of corporate world are up for promotion, while able true leaders are inundated with more work.
I don’t think cutting people off is a bad thing. I think sometimes it’s necessary. Avoiding toxic people or behaviors is necessary to just avoid. We can make ourselves better and love ourselves first. Sometimes we can’t help others that can’t help themselves.
"It's not their job to set your boundaries for you--it's your job to set them if you want them to be respected." Absolutely true. Too often, we inadvertently let other people decide for us, rather than us deciding for ourselves. Great content as always, Julia!
Thank you Terry!! I love seeing your name pop up in the comments section - I appreciate you.
Thank
Couldn't agree more. If you're not happy in a situation then change it. Take control of your own life. Don't allow yourself to be at the mercy of someone else. I recently ended a long distance 'romantic' friendship with a girl because I felt I was getting a lot of mixed signals and strange behaviour on her behalf. It was just emotionally draining. Sometimes you can put up with such behaviour from people for months without even realizing it. It's very natural to make excuses for people whom we like. But eventually you wake up and smell the coffee and take action.
The worst is family.Nobody else trys that crap.My way of dealing with it is to not see them as much. I keep them at a distance.......
EXACTLY.
Unfortunately that's the only way I can deal with it too. They don't respect my preferences or any boundaries, so I just see them as little as possible which is too bad. They'd love to see me much more but don't treat me as an adult with my own life.
I'm disabled and can't move.its hard .✌
I am very nice and good to people, and I can tolerate a ton, yet in the end, if the person is not deserving of my niceness, then I have no qualms cutting him/her off.
ExtraordinaryLiving
I’m the same way I can take a lot and lot and am not easily hurt by my family or close friends joking/teasing. But if I notice a person being hurtful on purpose twice the third time is a big strike and they are out of my life. It has happened with two friends which seemed so nice but they were wearing the death mask. Now I’m trying to avoid breaking a relation with a friend of my hubby we meet once a month to dine out although I love his wife she’s super nice her hubby always throws some nasty remarks at me and is getting on my skin. I don’t want to loose her friendship but he is a total ass. Has told me I don’t have an ass which is not true I’m curvy and in good shape. Lol!, tells me why I don’t go back to school I’m an elementary teacher with credentials and had a double major also. Etc. etc. You get the picture. I’m bubbly and friendly and it seems my personality makes him spark with negativity. I don’t know how to handle it anymore. I think next time he starts I will ask him whether he has taken his medication or has missed a good lengthy therapy section. I almost want to blow up and tell him to simply fuck off! What’s his problem?! I don’t bother him at all. He is an engineer and rather pretentious.
ExtraordinaryLiving
Don’t let anyone push you around. Stand tall and proud and let them find another victim to let their negative self esteem off. I’m tired of these people.
Silvia Khanmohamed I would ask him, in the presence of my husband, “Why are you looking at my.......”? And then let the silence ensue.
+Zulaiha Ali
Thank you! :)
Extraordinary == Beyond the Ordinary
*Every life is extraordinary*
Everyone is unique, different, not ordinary.
I am sure your life is extraordinary too. You just have to be present to this fact (that your are living an extraordinary life.)
Silvia Khanmohamed why is it okay with your husband that any man has permission to disrespect his wife with vulgar judgments I wanna know!
I wasn't raised in this country but since I arrived here I noticed people love to just manipulate other people or take advantage regardless how the other person feels, they feel superior because of their financial status or position they're in or because they know more about life they're heartless
YES! u hit the nail on the head. Im American and I just feel we are so d a m n entitled!
Right! Some people feel superior to others because of their degrees or financial statuses.
I believe that!
Set boundaries
stand up yourself.
Self respect
Know your worth, value.
Express yourself people.
Speak up say no to things.
Stay postive be happy.
Be confident enough.
A
Thanks for this. I met my boyfriend's flatmate for the first time, and she was so rude (even before we introduced each other) I recognised by her deameanor and tone, and disrespect, that she was going to be a problem. I stood my ground and walked away. I actually made it clear that I will keep out of her way and have nothing to do with her. I think she was surprised. Fortunately I don't have to speak to her at all She tried to make me feel bad. She is a childminder and treats adults like naughty kids. I have confidence enough to accept not everyone likes everyone and if the feeling is mutual then it is clear for both of us.
Human boundaries are all roughly the same. We shouldn't even have to set them. If you're forced to, it's already over
I really like this comment. If people were just naturally decent we wouldn't even need a discussion about boundaries, it would just be a given and everyone would treat everyone else with respect because we are all human and all have the same needs and feelings.
@Xena Jade I agree, it's very exhausting when you're the one who has to almost train the other person to be respectful. It shouldn't have to be that way
Agreed. The cause for bullying is bullies. Just like the cause of rape is rapists. If someone thinks it's ok to harm you because of what you're wearing ect. Something is wrong with them, they're a trash human. There is no valid reason to harm another person.
I don't agree that people take a cue from the person they are ill-treating. There is a moral responsibility for each person to treat others with respect. It is a lack of ethics on the part of the bully which is actually what is occurring - bullying behaviour or taking advantage of someone whom they perceive to be weaker than themselves in some way.
I work in the service industry, and this is so valuable in every moment. Servers learn to accept abuse, and are used to walking on eggshells and participating in uncomfortable exchanges. It needs to change!
I used to work for a magazine and some of the crazies that used to call up....way to much time on their hands. Looking to throw their insecure weight around. Different story if they have a legitimate complaint or concern. I take my hat off to you :) I'm sure you must have training on how to deal with difficult customers.
True , but there a few racist & bully servers who ruin the reputations of the good servers.
I am currently going through the same thing, but not for long lol
and often the boss undermines you and says you made a mistake and gives the customer a full refund, even though the policy was set by the boss. Being undermined regularly enables abuse and distrespect.
Stop worrying about people.Don't care just do you express you you are unique with a purpose and eagles fly alone .You love you and everything else will fall in place.
One I'm doing right now is say my needs first thing. Right after the right greeting I go straight to saying what I need from the person in front of me. Needs are what make us feel like a person and not an object.
I’ve had to cut a few people out of my life. Particularly those who always made false promises, or wanted me to do stuff for them all the time. I think also when you have chronic illness it’s easier to say no.
Sometimes the people who don't respect boundaries, are elderly relative's, like mother's, and you feel you have to put up with it as to not lack in respect for your elders
Very true, they also seem to not take it seriously when we try to stand up and point out how there words and actions are unacceptable to us.
I believe the problem with the world is the misconception that respect is unconditional for certain demographics due to perceived vulnerabilties/circumstances. Respect is meant to be a two way street, in any scenario.
It's about ourselves, always. We can't control what other people do. Some people can be quite dominant, manipulative and controlling and tend to gravitate towards nice, sweet, easy going people like myself. I think it comes back to our emotional needs not being met as a child, always, trying not to make a fuss and be the good child. By deciding to start dating and looking for a serious relationship, more and more I am seeing what I need to work on, on myself and it pretty much keeps coming back to the fact that it comes down to emotional availability, being open, honest and direct with people, so they know where they stand with you and setting boundary's to show them how to treat you :) work in progress ;)
More kind communication, self respect and patience is what we need more of for starters. Someone that is emotionally in tune and willing to grow and help us row the boat. I feel like I’m amongst the walking dead many days. Enjoy the comments here. Thank you.
I love this advise..I realized that I needed to put distance between a friend and myself..it was such a hurtful relationship. This is confirmation that I am doing the right thing..thank you.
People need to understand why they find it difficult to say NO. And that's because they don't think they are good enough and yet they are. We are enough. You are enough. You matter.
I used to be very nice to my new neighbours although i dont know them well , i found them think i am weak and they can treat me in rude way , so i just set the boundries and show them they are not allowed to treat me this way.
I do t want to be talked into doing anything that I don't want to do. I had an elderly lady trying to get me to go to a particular church. I told her I don't want to go there at this time and she kept on. it was all her agenda. I didn't appreciate it at all. I had to keep repeating myself. then, this same person knows that I don't want phone calls after ten PM. But, then she will call at 9:55 PM and say......it's not ten PM yet. She knew that five minutes before ten is pushing it. This is all crazy behavior and I may cut her off!
It’s just awful when anybody tries to force their religion on you. This coercive behavior needs to be nipped in the butt right away...as those self righteous people have no sense of privacy. BE FIRM in your NO’s and if they don’t retreat, report them as a nuisance!
Yes cut her off
Seriously, cut her off. Not worth your time or frustration. I HATE people pushing their religion on me. That's how I grew up and moved across the country to get away from that.
If someone has no respect for themselves they simply can't respect others fully, it's universally impossible. So if you want people to respect you only hang around people with high vibration and high self-esteem. Lower self-esteem will never respect anyone because they simply don't have respect for themselves.
Boundaries are highly important! Some people do not understand the concept. This is something that one has to be upfront and consistent with those that would violate them.
Establishing boundaries for other people is essential: many people are not capable of situational or individual analysis but are puppies with little ken and they must search your face for clues to how to interact. I have always found that, at the first appearance of a problem, it is important to establish your inviolate self, delay will only confuse the situation. Be prepared to find some negative feedback (who does he think he is?) and be strong. Above all else, be kind and remember the golden rule.
I love your advice and videos! I’m learning to say no without feeling the need to explain why I can’t do something. I think many of us women don’t want to hurt feelings and always feel the need to explain. Society tells women they have to be “nice” and not be a b--. I’m truly learning it’s ok to say no and it’s very ‘freeing”
Isn't it? I totally agree - and yes - an explanation is not always required.
Makes perfect sense and I am glad you said it and wrote that here!!
what's a b-- ?
Yes, I can totally relate to that. The pressure for women to just be "nice" and go along with whatever.
The only person who can respect you... is yourself... you always.. always have this right.
Nobody can have this power over you to disrespect you,
you and only you allow to give that person and opening
to disrespect you, you give them the control over you.
When the other person shows you disrespect... you MUST make a decision immediately on the spot... straightaway...don't let it go for another time, react back to them and tell them that, call the mup
This lady explains how WE allow people to do this to us.
True!
The idea that stood out the most to me was that most people look to us to decide how to treat us. Why? Why cannot we decide for ourselves how to treat others... because that is the kind of person we are...how we want to be in the world. Could we see each other as being worthy of respect no matter what? If you need a justification...think about how strong and creative you had to be to be born into this life. All of us deserve respect just for being here. Or think of how we are all part of God, the Universe. Why would you disrespect part of God? Nelson Mandela said be the change you want to see in the world. We are all much more than what appears on the surface. That is just the beginning. Look deeper and you will see yourself and also the face of God. We are all connected. WE are all one.
Denise Fulmer, That is so on point. Very beautifully put. Too much shallowness is in this world. Personally I have most of my life lived by 2 well known philosophies and that is 1 don't judge a book by it's cover & 2 treat others the way you WANT to be treated, the golden rule, not saying that I lived perfect by this had to work at it when I was a child, but after becoming a child of God/being born again it was easier because of the Lord my savior. That's my thoughts on this topic. Totally agree with you.
I've watched several of your videos and they have been helpful or inspiring should I say. I really feel your energy through your voice. Your tone is like this raw, powerful, light with a heavy node. You seem to poor out the vibe that if you want to play nice I'd love too, but ill ninja your mind if your not nice. lol. I think your great, thank you!
Learning how to say... "thanks but not thanks" That's very powerful :)
I did the say "no" only last night to my now ex, it didn't go down too well, I was getting fed up of the goal posts being constantly changed so made a stand, for once. No regrets. Great video, thank you.
The third one really resonates with me. I want to respect my own boundaries. Thanks so much Julia.
Yes!! It is SO so important that we do - if we don't how can we expect others to?
Thank you, I just realized my friend was putting boundaries and I did not know. I need to pay attention to those small details.
1. Notice if you're giving into influence or peer pressure, and don't.
2. If someone doest respect your needs or boundaries, distance yourself from.
Thanks, if I got you loud and clear;Respect other people before they respect you and walk out of the situation which is not comfortable to you.Mabor; from South Sudan
I’m a yes person trying to learn to say no. Recently a friend was coming to spend the night in order to attend an event. Then her friend called me to ask if “my inn was open” because she wanted to come and stay too. I said yes ok bla bla bla but was upset. Later I texted her that it just was not going to work because I’ll get stressed out. As it is both of these friends show up empty handed after I have spent money for groceries for them, (which I can barely afford) cleaned and gotten their rooms ready, give them my bathroom and remove my things out of it and then they don’t lift a finger to help cook or clean up but just expect to be waited on.
You could have asked them , to help and bring the groceries BEFOREHAND. But to be honest Alice, this is just the way how friendships or being social mean. Later on you have a family, if you decide to, and you can clean wash up helping, being a slave for others and your babies as well as your husband. Sleeping and spending time with eachother in this way. Things don t need to be perfect, and yes you guys have to clean it up........but is this a thing to get stressed out about it? If it is just mentioned this BEFOREHAND, that this is your personality, and that your house is small - everyone need to work in your house. And treat them fairly - like the way you treat yourself......have fun the next time, another gathering is there again. You know what, life is so hard and soooo short......being ABLE to spend time with eachother is soooo lovelyyyyy and precious.
Very good,bravo.i m learning too.
go ask alice that is not even should be friended people. I have some people (they think and i think they are friend) life is about give and take. You shopping the other cleaning or cooking or take care the kids or whatever. If only taking i guess that's not right in any relationship.
myassessment adres agree, if i make gathering at my place before the day i tell them i will cook this that etc etc and i said i will need people to clean the mess too and or bring something to complement, so not too much for me after they are left!
Julia, thank you so much!
Awesome videos and I love
the quality! you are amazing!
So glad i came across this channel! OMG! My new fav channel! Thank you so much for sharing your gift!
Me: *sets boundaries*
People: *ignore boundaries*
Me: run!
blakspyder you go away from them forever you deserve better.
Oof
Love your videos, shared this one with all my facebook groups, "U DA BOMB, GURL!"
Notice when ppl talk us into things we don’t want to do.. if we don’t respect our own preferences others won’t.. not their job to set boundaries for u.
2. U don’t have to stay in any conversation or situation that u don’t want
3 if u set a boundary and they don’t.. but my needs are important as anyone else. If they won’t want to respect my needs that you need to take some space.
This is great advice. A real must to follow by me! Thank you Julia.
This is the first video of yours that I've watched, thank you for sharing that.
you inspire me. I want to be a life coach just like you. im liking all your videos because you have helped me deeply. don't quit your channel anytime soon lol. your a life saver
I am notorious on saying hi and bye! Hahaha! The husband on the other hand is the total opposite.
thanks Julia..sometimes i find myself really having a hard time reconciling people and things...this is very helpful without having to compromise relationships.
Very accurate. Thank you so much. I need this. 💐💖👍
Respect yourself. Learn to say no.
Remove yourself from uncomfortable conversations.
Great great video!!! I desperately needed to hear this!
As a 23 yr old British born,ethnic Indian female, living alone, still trying to get an education and get into regular paid employment, living an honest life, and basically forever trying to compensate,fix,heal everything, I'm really struggling, in fact suffering badly.
How are you right now?
(A fellow from india)
Thank you! I love to see you talk..you have great nuances of expression, passion and clarity. The black and white video does wonders for your complexion by the way (!) and enhances the wonderful sharpness of your natural beauty. Your videos have helped me a lot, so thank you thank you. You're great : )
Thanx julia yr videos r so helpful. When u r suffering from depression n stress it's hard to takd care of yr self or to take care of yr children. This makes it so easy for people to disrespect u as some of my family hav done. Although they say they understand but they don't. Also feeling the way I do I find it hard to be assertive n stand my ground. I haven't been able to work n hav to rely in my family for money i hav to put up with a lot of digs abt money. Thank you again
I am a different person today. I won't give them a second chance. That's it. Even if don't like them, we still need to respect them in public, respect their age and respect their position in front of others. And then, minimise the interaction with them to show that you don't like them and can't agree with them.
How did u learn that??? I wish I could learn that.it takes a lot of courage.
Love this lady's wisdom, great video. Keep up the awesome work 😎
Thank you 🙏 Julia I love ❤️ all your videos is a lot of help thank you to be the person you are GOD BLESS YOU
Thank you for this video! Has helped me sooo much. 🙏
I am learning to trust my gut, and can say no to my siblings. Also, I can excuse myself from a situation that is going south.
LOVE your videos! Thank you!!
Just discovered your channel - really enjoy your advice and your videos. You're very helpful and your advice helps me put things into perspective and sort thru the crap at work. Thanks again.
Soo needed this thanks!🙌
One more sub. Amazing job!
I’m new to your videos and boy am I glad I found you, Maybe this can help me start to get past the BS I’ve been put thru, the emotional abuse , the gas lighting from a career narcissist, I feel like I’m in the twilight zone, I mean I’m literally seconding guessing everything I do,see AND hear ..... Plus it’s done number on my self esteem and now I’m dealing with severe social anxiety .. Honestly I feel like I have lost my damn mind and have become a borderline recluse bcuz I don’t trust anyone or anything..... H.E.L.P
Idk whether to laugh or cry ...
I am glad I discover you - your video is beautiful - so clear (I mean the lightning and recording)......And the comments on your channels are worth it as well. Your name is beautiful too.
Thanks Julia!
My favorite method to deal with @4:00 is to just walk away in silence and not answer any more questions. That really leaves them in a fog. I love to do this whenever someone starts to disrespect me, or disrespect my ideas. Why do I do this? Because people who habitually disrespect others will never be friends of mine. Peace.
Best video ever. Couldn't come at a better time. 😁
Wow, very happy I found your channel. Much great advice. It seems such common sense but as the saying goes, common sense is not all that common sometimes. I subscribed. 👍
Great advice! Thank you.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so scared of abandonment or feeling lonely. This is the only reason I've been taking crap from people for so many years and not asserting my boundaries....Now I am so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I just push anybody and everybody away....and now I am willingly isolating myself. Also, I come from an enmeshed Indian family where the word 'boundaries' is alien to everyone, so I didn't even know we were allowed to do so until much later.
Great advice, it all starts with self-respect! Then the rest follows.
Timely for me and helpful. Thank You.
Thank you. I geuss I forgot some if that,changed It today!!
Thank you thank you thank you!
Great advice that will definitely help, however, the number one trait that will affect how much respect you are given, is your appearance. People who are considered "attractive" (ie. men who are tall and handsome & women who are slim and attractive) will automatically be given more respect. Humans are very shallow in that regard, sad but true. The positive side to this is that if you are aware of this tendency, hopefully you will treat people fairly, giving respect to those that truly deserve it.
Hello Julia every day I listen to you videos and you are really fantastic thank you
I watched several videos on this subject and enjoyed this one best.
I have the right to treat myself better! Woohoo! My boundaries will be respected eventually because I'm changing. El numero uno needs to be taught first.
So true totally agree:-) great info
Thanks so much! I'm going to listen to this over and over until I make sense of this properly. I keep letting people walk all over me.
When I was younger I just stayed away from bad people. I think that was the way to go more and more. You can't change people. I've tried boundary setting adults should know good manners period!
Seeing about 3 or 4 of your videos it is clear you have very high energy. As beautiful as that can be I found it hard to ingest, so had to takes breaks every 20 - 30 seconds. This video is much calmer and easier to ingest in one go. It is therefore also easier to digest the information. I left a reply saying secure people don''t overdo the shiny happy puppies to a reply on one of your other videos. Sorry - I was just so overwhelmed by your energy and was so frustrated as I was unable to ingest what I wanted.
I’m always in a situation where I’m too scared to say “no” due to worrying about how people might feel.
Whenever I have people trying to force me into doing things that I’m not comfortable with, I feel myself getting all hot and bothered that I stay silent and keep it all inside me and when it really gets to me later on, I find myself letting out my frustration by complaining about it to someone who I’m open to face to face or via text message in order to feel a lot better.
You are awesome. Thank you.
I am so glad I found you!!!!
Healthy people dont need all of these boundaries.....they already know how to treat people with respect.!!!
Yes, most people are good people. It is the controlling, manipulative ones that will take advantage of a nice natured person. But most people are decent human beings.
agreed!
I need to pay close attention to boundaries. After being victimized by scammer narcissists, I found out that I drop boundaries rather quickly. This behavior made more sense once I got my diagnosis of Asperger's / ASD.
It takes actual work. Intelligence is not the problem. Emotional manipulation is more likely. If someone is nice to me, I used to open up right away. This does not happen anymore, and it's because I have to set clear boundaries and then stick to them.
No, heallthy people do have healthy emotional boundaries!! That's what keeps them healthy.
Wrong! Boundaries are set for those outside of your personal space. It's where you draw the line and say, this is as far as you can go. That's how people respect you
Perfecto.
I started to watch your videos because of your clear english pronunciation, but friend, lots of interesting thoughts to meditate of. Congratulations for the channel, and greetings from Catalonia.
Wow! That medicine was bitter. But I feel better already.
Very helpfullll. Thank you!!!
Thank you 🙏🏾
Im on a sabbatical from my sisters, very passive aggressive stuff. Healing, thank you for this great reminder.
I started to have a friendship with a man he gets angry then says he’s joking and he also went on about a woman who was the prettiest woman he’s ever had a relationship with I get the feeling this man is not interested in me at all I’m going to tell him we’ll be friends only
Yeah, I would agree with the other 2 comments, I would end communication with this person, the manipulation is only going to get worse. Phase them out.
Set your boundaries
Can be a narcissist, be careful please.
Zoe Smith not even friend!
Pretty DNT mean ish when your soul is rotten. These men set their worth upon how much money they have and the prettiest woman and how many woman they have. Leave those superficial jerks where they stand
Thank you.
thanks momma julia
Courage is the key.
I love this content!
+Julia Kristina
I was watching your How toGet Respect video because I am having difficulty speaking to a once very close family member. I feel disrespected by her and have no idea why. We have been so close my whole life.... When I heard you say that you don't have to stay in an uncomfortable situation and just say "I have to go now" "Someone's at the door" or any of the "get out of conversation" suggestions, I realized that is exactly what she does to me on each time Ive called her for the past 3 years.
So it's her backing out of my phone call to her. I would much rather have her explain why she feels this way to me than have her obviously use excuses to get off the phone w me.
I am not pestering her or being toxic in anyway whatsoever. I really truly do not understand why she suddenly just stopped our communication.
I've always been the easy to get along with kid in the family. However, my Sister is a Narcissistic personality - inherited from our Mother. The relative I am speaking of is my Dad's sister and has always supported me with the whole Mother is a NPD thing and has made it clear she does not like my Mother for many reasons.
I have long believed that my narcissistic sister has been going to each and everyone in my life - because I had one where she didn't - and has been manipulating them all against me to the point no one calls or has anything to do with me.
The weird thing is that all my family, including our Stepfamily, all had made it very clear that they loved me and enjoyed my company very much and did not understand how or why they couldn't get along with my 2 sisters.
My 2 sisters said the same to me about the other members.
I guess you could say that I am always the peace maker...
Im always the loved one.
Or used to be anyway....
To complicate things Ive had a very aggressive past 8 years of Lyme disease.
So I am not able to do things as I used to, although I was "ostracized" way before I contracted Lyme.
My family all believe in Lyme, so its not that which has taken them away...
They actually helped me and drove me to appointments and finacially helped as well.
I am 100 % certain it's the Narcissistic personality disorder in my Mother and big sister that they manipulated people against me with when I stepped away from the toxicity of my Sister and Mother.
I know that a NPD cannot handle being looked down on and they will throw you under the bus so fast you never have a chance to handle it before it's done.
So if I was the "favorite or loved or respected one" and I finally walked away from the 2 NPD's , they definitely worked fast to make themselves look "good" and only way, Ive heard is to knock down the person who in their minds made them look bad.
Right?
I watched my Mother do this with her ex boyfriends - when they left her, she wrote boojs about their "depression" or "craziness"
I even had some ask me, what is wrong with your Mother or sister, I don't understand them?
Problem is, I didn't know how far they would go with their own sister & daughter.
Being chronically ill doesn't help.
I haven't the energy to win my good grace back.
Thank you for any advice you have.
fabulous!
on point!