One of the most important questions I ask myself as a parent of 4.

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[@Alluvial.]

Thanks for posting this! Such a great paradigm shift, and a lot to ponder!
I too was raised in a very autocratic home, with physical “discipline” and a lot of fear.
I love the idea of finding alternatives to that reflexive “automatic no” that we were taught by example.
But I am uncomfortable with the results of a child never learning to accept a “no,” because NO is a thing that totally happens in the world. I know a child that was raised by neo-hippies, whose parents never told him NO about anything- and wow his kindergarten experience was hellish for him.
In fact, his life since then has been pretty constantly awful, because he DID experience NO out in the world at 6 and 8 and 12, and could not ever handle it calmly. His own parents (belatedly) started saying NO to things as well. It was such a shocking shift for him. He had gotten zero practice at that type of frustration “from before the dawn of his consciousness” so he had never incorporated it into his idea about reality, or gotten any coaching on how to cope with the harsh feelings of frustration and rage that he felt with the sudden unexpected NOs. I feel so sad for him, because his “no-limits early childhood” was such a set-up for huge future distress.
I think a child needs to be taught and coached regarding how to *cope* with NO. Because NO is a super hard thing to deal with- for humans of any age!! I’ve sat with a (different) child and held the boundary of “NO, *none* of us are allowed to kick the dogs in this house” -and that was a huge challenge for him, and terribly upsetting for him, and he was a child raised with plenty of automatic dictatorial NOs from birth! He still needed help to learn how to cope with his huge feelings, and I wish every child could receive love and support and coaching about this difficult part of life.
I love your suggestion to watch out for the pointless, automatic NO reflex that was installed in so many of us by the parenting we experienced, and the benefits of learning how to stop that NO before it escapes our lips.
It seems interesting that in my childhood, the mark of the powerful people (parents) was the ability to say NO and make it stick. I love the “new” respect for the bodily autonomy of children, and wish all children could be raised knowing they could also say NO and have it (and them) be respected.
Yet another reason to try to train myself to say “Interesting. I need a minute to think about that” before saying yes or no - in so many various circumstances!
Anyway, you presented a rich topic for thought, and I thank you for addressing it! I know I wandered farther afield, but I’ll post this anyway because I feel like these might be adjacent topics but they’re at least in the same ballpark (and, “for the algorithm” lol).

[@petervanlaeke19]

Ha. This is so funny. I always joke that my life is easy, I just need to do the opposite of what I was taught. I thought I was original with that one though ;-)

[@ipomoeaalba936]

Me too. I stopped the video to comment.
Take care