He's Nice. I'm Just Not Attracted To Him
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- čas přidán 23. 07. 2024
- Dr. Turpeau tells a woman how to handle a Man she is dating but not attracted to.
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Question:
I have been seeing a gentleman now for a week. I wasnt the least bit interested in him. I was at a point where I wasn't seeking anyone, I had just ended a dead end relationship and wanted to focus on myself before reentering the dating the scene. My parents are really ready for me to settle down and have a family, but I am tired of dead end men. The men who dont want anything but to hang out with their friends, drink beers or smoke weed.
Or the men who are unemployed and just want to try and spend all of your hard earned money. I have even dated the professionals who have degrees, cars and the money but they don't want to do anything for you, but expect you to do for them, if you know what I mean. Well this guy I met is 8 years younger that me and he is a blue collar worker. he's nothing like what I would even consider datingI usually wouldn't even consider dating his type, but he's really nice.. he gives flowers and takes me out to eat. He even stops by after work to fixes things around the house for me. I recently lost my job and money was tight, so he has been giving me money. I am not really attracted to him at all, but I feel like I need him. I don't know what to do. He is not what I would consider my "Mr. Right" but maybe he is my "Mr. Right Now." What do you think?
Answer:
Wouldn't you know it. You finally find a nice guy, and you are not attracted to him. Well, you've got some self exploration to do.
You need to figure out what you really need from a relationship and how important attraction is to you.
You say he is not your ideal man, but the attraction variable seems to be the only component missing from the equation. If that is the only factor, then logic would say go ahead and grab him and appreciate him. If attraction is not significantly more important than the other qualities he has. Then I would agree with logic. Go ahead and receive your blessing that has been brought to you. You have found someone you could potentially have a harmonious relationship with.
Another important consideration is your personal priorities in valuing a potential mate. Only you can answer how important attraction is to you.If attraction is a variable that is significantly more important than the other qualities he has, then you may very well have to do both of you a favor and move on. Do yourself a favor by stop wasting your time so you can get on with your search and do him a favor by stop wasting his time and allow him to give love to someone who would appreciate him more than you do. Attraction is an important and valid need for some. You are not a bad person because it is important to you. You deserve to have your needs met in this life. Especially the ones that are important to you. If you settled for less you would probably be tempted by the men that you are attracted to. And even if you never cheated, your mate would not feel the love and appreciation that he deserves. The end result, both of you unhappy.
So, to sum it up, if attraction isn't more important to you than his other qualities, then congratulations, you have found a potential mate. But if it is more important to you than other variables then you need to cut off your relationship and continue your search. Don't be tempted to keep striniging him along using him and taking advantage of him when you know that there is no hope for your relationship. That would be mean and wrong.
Only you know the answer to these questions so take some time out alone for some self exploration. If you want more detailed guidance check out my book The Harmonious Way. It was written for people, like yourself, that are trying to figure out what is important to them and what type of people will help fulfill their needs.
I think if you don’t like the person enough you are better off alone it’s not nice an easy to be alone but it’s easier then dealing with the regret of being with someone you just don’t like. You ether get something good or you stay alone simple as that.
❤
True. Including, she is not doing this guy any good. Worst thing one can do.
The reality is that, you have to look forward and know that, when you’re not attracted to your mate, at its worst, there’s very little they can do right. Being attracted to your mate (being easy on the eyes), you are more likely to have allowances for and tolerate any other deficits they may have, instead of you becoming dissatisfied, possibly angrier with them and them not really knowing why, because you feel you’ll sound too shallow, to come out and tell them, that you were never attracted to them.
I do, however, know why people pair up with people they’re not attracted to. Sometimes, they’re just passing time, it’s out of convenience, they don’t feel attractive themselves, or like in my case, I’m getting up there in age. Still, I’m a single black woman and I’m quite visual as, I work as a graphic designer. I’m also empathetic. I don’t want to waste my time or theirs, despite the clock being way past ticking. I also don’t think I want to be like many women I know, who are from eastern cultures, where marriage is arranged. I suspect many of them are quite unhappy, although their culture may have groomed them to not consider their own happiness. Not sure.
What you said resonates with me.
@@jillsalkin7389 and I don’t actually like the reality of this, but that is what it is - a reality and one that goes both ways anyway. Maybe it would be a better world, if we were all blind, thus, attracted (or not) to one another’s core being.
It’s one of the reasons I hate it, if a man is attracted to me, I’m not attracted to him and he gets angry. Does he know how angry he’d be, if I wasted his time, by pretending and faking it?
I'm sorry... Why would anyone settle for a person that they dont feel attraction to. If I'm not attracted to someone, I'm certainly not going to fulfill his needs, and using someone isnt ok. It's not shallow that a person should be attracted to someone and settle. That's just creating hope and bad Karma because blocking him. I'm okay with being friends with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, I've been in some extremely abusive situations and I'd never want to hurt anyone or use them like I got hurt. I am in this situation right now. I like the person but not attracted to him. Nope, I dont ask for money,I dont ask him for anything but I know he is extremely interested in me. It's too bad that the attraction just is not there
I agree. I'm surprised that his advice was to accept that the attraction isn't there. If I'm looking to spend time with a man I'm not attracted to, I can do that with a male friend. Yes, it's possible to not find someone that you have compatibility and chemistry with, but otherwise, it seems like settling, and that can only lead to resentment down the road.
@@jillsalkin7389 No, not at all. He was just saying be honest with yourself.
If attraction doesn't matter to YOU, then go ahead and date the person (cos there are ppl for whom attraction is not a deal breaker).
But if it matters to you, then be honest with yourself and do not string the person along.
That's what he said.
I agree. And it is so hypocritical because no one would ever tell a man to “settle” for an unattractive woman. Doesn’t matter how much money she has or how nurturing and nice she is. Men will choose an attractive woman over an unattractive woman. They need attraction in order to be sexually satisfied but don’t expect women to require the same.
@@sashab5173 preach!! This what I'm always on about lol. I even tell men myself, if she isnt attractive dont bother with her. But the women are supposed to go on date after date and see if the attraction comes, all the while giving the poor fella false hope that you are actually interested, when you are in ugly truth, conducting an experiment to see if you're finally gonna wanna rip his clothes after date number 8. So wrong!!
No. No friends. If a man is attracted to you, he's better off moving on and getting out of the friendzone. It's a waste of time
I have been in this situation twice and clearly attraction is an issue because the lady wrote in. In my experience I have found it's best not to waste anyone's time. I have met greaten but no attraction was a clear indicator to move on. I did not want to give or receive affection which was unfair to them. I wasted a lot of time hoping something would grow. Acknowledge the sign and move on. Attraction is important and doesn't mean you are shallow.
Idont understand why anyone would be with someone they arent attracted to. i think the honest thing to do is understand that you should be attracted to your partner.
I agree. Otherwise, how is he different than a platonic, male friend?
Desperation. Usually they feel lonely or are struggling financially and will lower their standards until they get back on their feet. I know plenty of attractive single mothers who will find and marry a sucker giving that man the best until he puts a ring on her. She’ll then convince man to adopt her kid and put her name on his property. After a few years she’ll remove the mask and that when she ruins the guys life.
Million % agree. Attraction is SO SO important.. I am in the same boat. This man, he is in his 65 never been married or had a long term relationship in the pass. We are 17years apart.
I know I maybe shallow and God knows how hard I’ve tried.
I JUST can not open myself up to be intimate or have some kind of closeness with this person. Even shared the same bed there is no feelings. By far when your not attractive to them. You can not even imagine being close to them. No matter how much money his got or have in his bank.
I understand is not fair for him. I know this person cares for us so much, he is so kind and respectful. But I don’t know I just can not do it.
I use to think any good man who has the
“$$$”, I can fall in love and live happily ever after. Sadly, Is not true..
Omg I am in the same boat. He is so generous but I can't imagine being sexual with him .I feel bad but I can't help but feeling shallow. I just want to have a small attraction at least
@@iammarycarter Trust me the minute you say I do the generosity will stop immediately. He is not generous because of his nature he is generous because he knows he cants physically satisfy you. If you settle, he will think he is enough and then you will be stuck.
She using him(maybe unintentionally)but she's keeping him around,cuz she lost her job,and he helps her out and whatnot..but its obviously unfair to him and would seem to also be unfair to herself,if she's not even attracted to him in the first place..there's gotta atleast be some attraction.
Lol! Watching video and the person I am not attracted to calls.
This is a great video. I love the way you broke it down without judgement. I subscribed
Thanks for the sub!
Wow this was a great video dating a wonderful man now but I'm just not feeling it
Then definitely end it...the sooner the better. I made the mistake in dating then marrying a man (a wonderful man) that i wasn't attracted to. If there's even an inkling that you aren't feeling it, believe me, it doesn't get better....unfortunately. It only gets more obvious with time. And you will grow to resent him, sadly.
I came from a rather volatile home environment (parent fought constantly) was very young and inexperienced in life and love at the time we met ...and he was a kind, stable, successful person...i felt he was a good fit for me and the emotional stability i needed at the time, but i knew it (the romantic spark) just wasn't "there" deep down....i've spent years trying to convince myself that it will get better or easier...it doesn't. It's like trying to force a square peg into a round hole. He is a great man, but obviously not the right man...there's a big difference.
Now, i am faced with trying to unravel a decade i spent/assets/etc because i've realized that i just can't live the rest of my life in a marriage without romantic attraction. I urge ladies (and guys) to strongly consider whether or not attraction is an issue for you WELL BEFORE you think about getting married. If it's just not there, you will likely end up in a sexless (or very unfulfilling) marriage. Trust me-i know from experience. It's just not fair to you or the person you're with.
@@EadsB7002 😥. I've been dating and just taking my time, current not in a rush but my parents are definitely ready and in a rush. I'm so stressed and tired because they are basically forcing me to talk to someone. I know what I want in a man. Not looking for anyone perfect at all, I know what I want is possible but I haven't found it. So anyways, I'm talking to this man and I don't feel anything but he really likes me. I gave it time but I just wanna find my own person. He's nice and all that, seems like a great guy but to me, attraction is very important. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. I thought about just marrying but I have a feeling it will just end in a quick separation. This is why I don't want anyone bringing someone to me unless I ask like geez I know what I'm doing. Its hard to not feel like youre making a mistake when the person seems great....I'm so sorry you had to experience that and I wish the best for you.
@@Bthe1only let him go ge deserves a person who loves him
@@Bthe1only Hi! Hows your situation now?
@@Bthe1onlyYour reason states why you need to end it now and don't worry about what anybody thinks. It's about your happiness. In essence you aren't sexually attracted to him.
You spoke nothing but truth which led me to subscribe
I have been dating a man 8 years older than me , we are both divorce and we are both spending a lot of time with each other. I was ready to move south to be close to my family as soonest my house sells, now I feel guilty for wanting to move south. He has said he loves me, but I don’t know if I do.
Thank you so much for a great advice.
Glad it was helpful!
Hi,
Any types of food and drink to be avoided during the process of nofap and semen retention ?
Also, are there any physical, mental or emotional damages to people who don't make sex during their entire lives ?
Hope to have your advice. thanks
Nice video.
So your saying to sort out your priorities? For example I am a lesbian. I have always identified as that. I am a girl and I feel attraction towards girls. But recently this has changed, about 2 months ago I met this guy. He is the perfect thing for me, he is everything I have ever wanted in a relationship. He is the dream person for me. The only problem is I’m not physically attracted to him. I love his personality but I can’t imagine doing things such as making out or anything sexual with him. Sexual attraction has never been a big deal to me but I’m scared to hurt him by not being able to love him fully. Should I just wait and see if I develop attraction towards him then get into a relationship? Or should I just give it a try and see if it develops in the relationship? The last thing I wanna do is hurt or loose him.
Believe it or not I’m in the same situation. My mom hates me being a lesbian so I got a boy to be my boyfriend, only I really like him as a friend. He told me he’s had a crush on me for LONG time and I feel horrible. I’ve been physically sick for a few days now. But I don’t want to hurt his feeling or hurt m mom anymore because she is so happy. We made out and it was like kissing my dog, literally numb. And at the same time the girl I’ve liked forever has been acting really weird around me I think I’ve upset her. Im really lost as what to do.
What did you end up doing?
@@yeeeety6730 You only have one life to live which is yours.
I wish it wasn't as important to me 😞
Thank you very much
If Im not attracted I wont get close to him so why should I suck it up?
you shouldnt suck it up. He said if attraction matters a lot to you, then let the person go, dont waste your time.
How important is attraction...well how important is sex to men. If he doesn't want sex then you got a match you don't have to be attracted to him.
But we need to ask the other way around as well: Would this man want to be in a relationship with her, if he knew she isn't attracted to him? Would men want to settle into a relationship where they are not desired? I mean, shouldn't he at least also have the choice.
There is no way to settle here. This is simple solution. If she isn't attracted, which means she js sexual attracted to him, she will not treat him the best. Move on and do him and herself a favor.