BPD AND LACK OF IDENTITY/MOTIVATION
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- čas přidán 15. 02. 2018
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Does anyone else fear being happy because then there's more to lose? And more to worry about losing. Oh man, the worrying is the worst part.
I do. When there's events to "look forward to" I always think somethings going to get in the way, like a cancellation, or a sickness. I think "well of course it's bound to happen, because it's me". I get really anxious about it.
Omg yea, as soon as u hav something to lose its like an instant sense of anxiety. Like how am I going to maintain this/ keep this going.
Its like u assume the inevitable fallout is coming dwn the road @ some point & u r just trying to prep yor self for the big hit. So u basically just slowly shut dwn till yur just dead in the water so to speak. That is a terrible expression prbly but like I just mean yur kinda chkd out b/c u r consumed(may b even subconsciously) w/ the inevitable.
That's y its more comfortable to hav or b nothing b/c wen u don't hav anything to lose u don't really hav to worry bout much. U can just exist but its pretty much an empty existence
Yes for me it's a living hell whenever I'm in the good mood that's when the universe decides to strike
YES. thank u for saying that. i thought i was the only one
In the past someone really hurt you or perhaps there was a huge loss at a time when you couldnt handle it and it was very tramatzing. so now your over scared and worried about it in the future.
As soon as you said sometimes you feel like a narrator, I broke down in tears. I've never been able to put it together like that. I always find myself telling people I don't feel like a person or I feel distanced from myself and no one seems to get it. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone through this.
Much love
Alice Faun look up dissociation and depersonalization. You probably know that dissociation is a symptom of BPD, but depersonalization is closely linked to it and matches her description
thanks so much Alice in so glad i could be of some help in illustrating such a scary illness, remember you are never alone. stay strong 💞
Well put, seems to be true 4 me too.
Yes. A profound lack of sense of self is overwhelming because you don't know what the core of you looks like.
faun Same here. 😢
Im tired of searching for myself. :/
Same
Sara N it's one of those things that can be confusing but if you decide to take initiative in your self care you will build a sense of self by being dependable which also builds confidence.
ONE good choice at a time...just one little step in the direction of self care..basics.
Food sleep routine...because feeling can be changed by positive actions.
Have you though about work towards accepting you’ll never know ? And that it is okay, sounds sad maybe, but with bpd we’ll never really know who we are it’s part of who we are.
For me working on acceptance around the fact I won’t ever have a firm sense of self has been freeing in a way.
This was particularly beneficial for me because doing my head in trying to find out who I am, it would magnify the emptiness.
Or maybe your not meant to know who you are maybe your meant to create who you are ? I tried that to, for me coming back to acceptance of the fact has been most helpful in the identity disturbance aspect of BPD
Yeah me too
Me too
I always feel like I switch between personality’s
Sometimes I have this relent slick g eazy feeling and I love myself I’m all about myself and no one else
Next day I’m insecure and can barely talk to people in public
FiTT Gaming I am the same
It can change in a matter of days. Starts with questioning my passions main goal and the reason Im following it. Then I came up with the conclusion that Im doing it for the wrong reasons. One time Im setting up an athlete page for myself on IG the next Im playing online poker to become the best poker player ever. Sometimes I want to get back to photography and arts and making it my main goal but then I realize it doesnt fit with my "athlete persona". Its so confusing.
I never plan ahead because I always change. We need self love.
I got diagnosed with BPD today.
Holy shit. Same. The inconsistency is hard on my friends and family :(
BPD's suffer from hypervigilance (scanning for threats) and are unable to ever feel at peace. We become lost and abandoned when a relationship fails. We lack the filters that so-called normal people have . . and often feel
exhausted from dealing with life.
"so-called normal people"
Amen.
My family is getting crazy about me not having any continuity..one day I fall in love with belly dance and I do the lessons I get into a dancing group to do the shows, buy the clothes, etc and all the passion is over in less than a month. Then I am super convinced I want to do Zumba classes, I get the certificate, all I need and then suddenly I think I can't dance and I get shy and can't imagine to be a Zumba class teacher, and like this it is also with the job I'd like to have...it is frustrating..I really don't know what I like doing, it is everyday something else.
I have multiple interests. But I'm so scared of everyone being like what are you doing why do you change this every week or think what I like is stupid that I'm unable to actually go and do things. It's become very confusing and hard for me to figure out what I want my life to look like.
@@xxxthatgirlxxx feels it is very similar to what I actually feel my life looks like..I am so confused that I don't know who I am. Comes to extreme that one day I like chocolate and the next day no way. My last job..I quit after just one day.. and I was soooo convinced the first day that this is the job I have always wanted..it wasn't. I feel quite alone, nobody around me really understands this..
I get that. For me personally I know I was very confused for a long time, because of certain things that happened I started questioning who I was and what my values are and then just basic things about my personality. I'm also super indecisive. Career wise I'm still not very certain but I try not to let my emotions rule over me like that and just have decided to pick one thing and be done and stick with it consistently for a long time (over a year) and only if I can't stand it at all would I change it. Because nothing will ever live up to the expectation in your head, cause I've put too much pressure on it. But what helped me is just like picking something I know I've always like a band or a couple of artists - and just slowly adding to that and finding my identity. While still allowing myself to grow and change and start liking new things. For eg, I have kind of gotten into exercise which I have hated my entire life, I have also started eating certain foods I used to hate. But I'm not letting it affect who I am at the core. So certain things do keep changing but I know I love pizza and tea. I think of it as me being able to have meaningful conversations with lots of different people because I can usually find something in common with others! I don't know if that would be helpful for you, but thought I'd share. :)
@@xxxthatgirlxxx it is super helpful. I was just having conversation yesterday with my husband and he was also suggesting that I try to find some of the 'stones' which I can build on, not putting into discussion the important things every time I change my mood. Easy to say, for me extremely difficult to do. The only 2 things I can stick to is the relationship I have since 12 years and now for over a year the workout in gym. I used to do every kind of diet and exercise, classic black and white, all over my life, fluctuating with weight and my self-esteem. I am so proud I can push myself to go to the gym when I don't feel like going(which is quite often). With the food trying to find a balance, something which could work long term, still not there. Trying to find a therapist to start to work on myself in a structured way. I haven't been diagnosed, but I just feel this.. reading or listening to people with borderline is like someone was speaking from the bottom of my heart, juts aloud, being able to express what I have been always afraid to say and admit...
I am the same way! It makes going back to college really difficult since I can’t decide what I would like to go for and stick with 😕
I see people with BPD as passionate, thoughtful, and the most loving masters of human behaviour
I'm a writer with BPD and yes, I've always felt like a narrator. My stories are all in the third person, mostly omniscient narrator. I never connected it to my feeling of distance from the world. Thank you
I feel like a ghost
Same
Yep.
I hate when my mind is always working 🤯 24/7 it’s just insane
Hector Rios I envy you because my mind doesn’t seem to work. What do you think about?
@@maryamghareeb4862 im a maladaptive daydreamer and its so fucked up :D
I just wish my brain was empty
For me medicine helped pretty much 😅
I have also bpd and i feel like i have had already so many lives, because i just can’t stay with one character, constantly looking for a new identity, it’s so exhausting
I can totally relate ,it's very tough ,I'm the quiet Borderline and life is painful.
If it helps at all, you and others with BPD that I’ve seen on here come across as having a lot of personality. You may feel you have no identity but that does not show, its not what others see. I would also like to say that you all appear intelligent, charismatic and interesting people. This may just be a coincidence and have nothing to do with BPD but I’ve noticed you are all very pretty too! :)
Rose, yor comment is so sweet & cute, the way u put it so gingerly
So sweet
I just learned about this disorder, mainly because I think I have it. I haven't really merged my mindset with all of the negative attributes of BPD, and see myself and others like me very intelligent and interesting people. Plus, being that I am this way, I have found other people like me and have very strong connections with them, listen to them, and they listen to me, and just help each other along. It's really all perspective.
well, there is a difference between personality and identity
I thought I was the only one who saw my life being a narration with characters. Damn, that hit home.
This is very true to me. I have never been able to identify myself. I’ve tried for 3 decades to fit in. I’m unemployable now because I cannot cope with the unbearable pressure I put on myself. I have to be the best I can be and have to have recognition. Any criticism and my word is destroyed which starts the snowball of depression again. This is true for even the most relaxing hobbies and activities. I cannot seem to shake off that negative switch. I want nothing more than to feel happy or anything between good and bad. I realise I may never be happy or normal but I fight everyday and push myself because I only know too well what it’s like to be in an existent depressive state.
Hey you sound like you could benefit from a channel called Vital Mind Psychology. It's a very good Australian psychologist who posts videos in his spare time for people like you and I. His videos are full of very practical information and he has a way of presenting the information in a really easily understandable way, for me at least. He's doing a video series right now that's particularly helpful for me and it sounds like it would be for you also. All the best.
Michi you could also probably learn a lot from him if you haven't already, I hope you don't mind me promoting other channels here, your videos are also invaluable to so many people and I don't mean to take anyone away from your channel, only to show them the way to the help I've found. I'm sure you understand my intention is only good. Thank you for all your videos they were one of the catalysts for my journey of understanding who I am.
Keep up the introspection, youre evolving.
I can ditto that
Jesus, yes, the pressure. All I feel is monumental pressure to perform.
Ironically I get my CZcams user name now as to why I picked it :/
I just said yesterday, I’m not a person, I’m a piece of cardboard.
As I get older everything gets worse, Lonliness and negativity are the worst.
The more things I try and don't work, make me feel worse about myself.
Anyone else sometimes not really be able to recognize themselves in photos? Like you can “identify” the person but you don’t “recognize” or maybe vice versa. It’s like saying “oh yeah that person is me wearing a mask” but it could easily be any mask? It’s so hard to explain.
ShePirateForLife yup!!!
I completely understand this
Yeah it's like I easily recognize the ugly pictures but when I see myself looking beautiful...even without makeup it just blows my actual mind sometimes
So feel that.. I hate myself who is that in the picture and I just stare at MYSELF hhmm
Unfortunately, most of us live in “linear” societies; we’re just expected to choose one thing and devote 50+ years to it. Life is filled with too many options and the world is too vast to live that way. Whether it’s BPD or a consequence of one’s environment, for me personally, I don’t know if I ever want to live as such. Again, society makes us feel bad and wrong about being a “jack of all trades, master of none.”
Sometimes I don't even feel like I'm real. I need a mirror in order to bring all of the pieces together and understand that this thing in the mirror is me.
What's the point...What's the point 'working on yourself' when you don't like yourself...This is how I'm feeling at the moment...Demotivated...walking away from another job because of an emotional outburst...
I'm 52 and can't wait for life to terminate...my diagnosis came late in my life...
My advice is never stop working on your self care and further insight into this horrible illness.
Same here, I've lost so many (so called) friends in the last 4 yrs. I am too much for people, I'm like a broken record, TOTALLY STUCK with the same emotions, thoughts & actions.
I have tried getting help for over 8 yrs. NOTHING HAS WORKED.
take your meds. i was litterally crazy but since 2013 to 2018 things have changed. There is hope for those who 'wait and endure'. It shall pass. you will get desperate. WILL lose money, friends, families, jobs, kids, and much more but there is hope.
I'm 52 as well as can't wait to not exist any longer. I can't take my own life because it would devastate my wife and children. I've had 7 years of therapy and meds, and nothing. Two good careers have ended and now I work in a factory.
@@RevScott I could have written the exact same thing. I've lost everything to this illness, career, money, friends, relationships, and worst of all children. They are still quite young so suicide might have a negative impact on their lives but when they're old enough to understand I will check myself out.
I've never heard someone else say exactly everything I've ever felt. I was trying to explain to someone the other day that I don't feel real. I've never been able to set any goals for myself, and I feel like I'm so far behind everyone else.
Same
Same. I’m 36 now. And things are getting worse
My world can spiral downwards over the most illogical things. Things that to other people would seem like nothing. Today I went from feeling on top of the world to feeling like utter crap in seemingly an instant. What I've learned is that I need to feel in control of my emotions in order to avoid that spiral, which means taking precautionary measures and being aware of the traps which suck us down. It's hard. It's very hard...
Great video with so many truths. I have no sense of who i am at all. I just jump from personality to personality, to either try and find myself or lose myself. I’m not sure which...
hey thank you very much, take care 🖤
Luna Reign this is so frustrating I know exactly what I mean. How do u stop the chase and build yourself into someone u love? That’s where I’m at rn
Roc Sirreal that is one of the keys problems with bpd. How do you rebuild yourself when there are no blocks or foundations to build upon in the first place. I feel permanently empty. And just absorb other peoples’ socially acceptable’ personalities in order to fit in. But non of them are me. But i have no idea who or what i am. Sounds odd, but it effects every aspect of my communicational and self identifying life. Sorry, im not sure if that was helpful. :) good luck my friend.
Luna Reign since I’m at a point where I have no friends this has been very helpful to know I’m not alone. Wish there was a real group I could speak about this with... but I guess that’s why we’re here on this page
Roc Sirreal if you ever need to talk about anything, just message me :)
Like your speaking my mind. The depression is addicting. The thought processes everything.
true
LLGMW why is the depression addicting
@@StacyD608 Because you're so used to feeling depressed all the time. It's feels comfortable as in it's what you know.
Rationally you would think that this doesn't make sense and that you wanna feel better or different. But trauma, depression and or bpd aren't rational.
Wow I can totally relate. Every time I feel happy I spend most of my time questioning why, and more thinking about the fact that it's not going to last, which ends up me getting frustrated and I just feel lost and confused. I have no idea what makes me happy to be honest, I constantly change my jobs and interests it sucks! Nothing is static and I get really confused as to what I want to do. I feel like I'm just an observer, like I'm just watching everyone else and I'm just here, I know I'm physically a person but none of my traits or interests feel like my own.
maybe they ARE not your's? Maybe you are at a much more deeper level and everything you THINK makes an identity is only superficial stuff (not diminishing the superficial stuff!).
I'm just best guessing, sorry! I don't have BPD but love someone who has it and it is fascinating to me the more I learn about it, though it is very painful and often seems "illogical" from a superficial standpoint.
Although at the moment I'm feeling 98% recovered, the unstable identity is still as strong as ever, it's exhausting! I don't know who I am, what I like, how I like to dress, what my hobbies are. I still feel like a shell finding something to fill myself up with but nothing fits right.
I feel the exact same way! I get your girly. I wish you the best :)
You are so right it consumes our life, I don’t go a single day with out thinking about my BPD. The erratic mood changes make the good times less enjoyable.
I find that I have had so many hobbies that I know a small bit of everything but not good at any of it because after being so focused and obsessed with it for a few weeks I give up and try something new. BPD is hard work.
Yes! So true I don’t think I have gone a single day without thinking of my BPD and having at least one disproportionate emotion, it’s hard but it gets easier in time when we learn the right ways to cope 🖤
OMG!! thank you! It hurt a bit less when you know you are not alone! And someone else is struggling to keep a job!! I jumb from job to job and interview to interview and HRs are always telling me you are amazing but you dont know what you want!! It breaks my heart! Having graduated with honor, ranked 1st student and not being able to hold a job, living at my parents house, is driving me more sick! Living with bpd is life consuming and not having a job makes me feel like a loser!
Lack of identity is indeed a huge problem for those with BPD. From the outside, I find the chameleon effect especially difficult - it´s like your not dealing with a single person, rather someone who changes completely (including values) without reason. I knew someone who was very good until she was very bad, which sadly makes me feel that I never really knew her at all.
I hibernated for 2 years too. I just got diagnosed a month ago. This is a hard diagnosis to carry but all I can do is try to have hope. Dating is nearly impossible because of BPD.
The only time I have anger issues is when I’m ignored, when I go out of my way to give friends information to save them. An it seems like that’s the only time they want to read the messages, an actually get back to me. When only sometimes they act like they love me instead of always love me, like I do them. I have so much empathy, much more than anyone I know I believe. So I’m trying to find the positive out of this. Least I know I’m a good person. I don’t act fake or lie, but seems like people like an want to run with people like that. Kudos to them. Maybe it’s not so bad, cause at least we are aware more so about some people that aren’t that good to us. We see clearly better than most.
wow. relatable, its nice when people can actually explain the feeling. the narrator metaphor was fabulous
woowwwwwww i've been really doubting my diagnosis lately because i've been reading a lot about bpd being chaotic and outward etc but i'm not like that, but this video really resonates with me, feeling like you just watch everything going on around you as an observer the struggles of quiet bpdd
Everytime someone asks me about myself I reply with "I'm baby" and people think I'm joking but in reality I do have the self image of baby
Omg!! You have just described my life. I struggle explaining how it feels and you just explained exactly what it feels like. Thank you ❤️
I love your analogy about feeling like the narrator and not being a character within the story/life, it's relieving to know someone and probably so many others face that challenge on a day to day basis. I personally struggle with feeling so isolated and peculiar and "wrong" as a person that it feels almost paralyzingly and can quickly turn into self aggression/hatred or even panic and anxiety attacks. Thank you for sharing this 🙏✨
Having connection to those that really understand can give an anchor point - a secure place. A place where there is no judgement, just a shared understanding. Those around us who accept us for who we are, also give us a way to find a way forward - even just step by step. Finding that little thing that is unique to our creative need, gives us a way to realise our place in the world - and in time find fulfilment. It can and it will happen.
"It's going to be shit anyways, so what's the point..." it's a background vibe that's always kinda there.
I have never watched a video where someone expressed their BPD in such a relational way. Thank you so much. I’m on the verge of tears. I feel a little less alone now.
The only time I ever feel like I'm a person is when I am around people. Even then, it always feels fake, becase I know that once I get home, and I take off the mask, there is nothing there. I don't even feel like I'm human most of the time, just this amorphous entity that floats around like a ghost when no one is around to watch me. No face, no identity, just a floating shadow of a person. I don't even feel like a "he", or a "she", or a "they". More like an "it".
I really needed this video. Been feeling exactly like this.
Bohemian Fairy Lexy Same
same. *hugs*
Same
I have BPD and you're my new favorite person.
@Anastasia Graves I have no/low sense of self either. But am not A BPD. Have consulted through psychiatrist she said I don't have BPD. Now, she's performing CBT on me. Will it help to regain it ? . Can I regain my sense of self ? One thing's for sure, I do not have BPD but low/no sense of self. All symptoms doesn't match. It's not necessary to have BPD if you have low/no sense of self . Will it help? Please reply man. I know how it feels. Please reply. Lots of love.Btw my age is 20 now. Will be 21 on 9DEC 2020.
@@sauravgupta4103 hey how are you? Im the same like you
The worst part is that as soon as I get everything together, I don’t even notice how I’m self sabotaging. The scariest cycle I can’t seem to break.
Finally...you put my feelings into words that I have been looking for for a long time. I never feel whole, never complete. I'm constantly trying to piece myself together with bits off of everyone and everything around me.
I totally get this. I switch from job to job just keep quitting jobs because I feel as if I’m not good enough. It’s such a struggle and now I’m living in a shelter where I need to get a job. It’s just frustrating
You have such a beautiful voice
When I was about 10 years old I had events happening around me. I remember saying to my mum "why should I enjoy this when it's just going to be over before I know it".
These days whenever there is an event coming up I can't help but thinking "why should I get excited about it, or look forward to it when it might not happen".
I constantly struggle with identity, and I'm on a constant search of my life purpose, yet I'm always blowing in the wind.
I can relate to your words. I feel NOTHING excites me. And the things that did are no longer there. So why get excited?
Same here , I can’t even figure out what kind of job I want or will make me happy
my brain rejects happiness most of the time. but then i get a random burst of euphoria unexpectedly.
This is so spot on. I am also an adult living with bpd and it's so good to hear someone talk about it so candidly. I feel like I could have done this video myself. Thanks for sharing.
These videos are incredibly helpful and I thank you for being brave enough to share your experience so openly.
BPD is just hell for so many reasons. It's so frustrating to get so bogged down by such strong emotions tied to everything. It's so frustrating to never trust yourself, never feel sure of any decisions that you're making in life because your identity was never properly formed. If and when you do ever figure it out what you want to do in life, the insecurity and self-hatred step in and you're incapacitated by anxiety and don't believe that you'll ever be able to actually do it. You already think you're incompetent because of your low self-confidence, and also because you've fucked things up in the past.
Imagine a child who feels everything so strongly, and that's what I feel like much of the time - a perpetual child - and I'm thirty-one years old. I always feel like I need adults that are actually competent to give me permission to do things, or offer reassurance that I'm doing the right thing, whatever it is.
You need to be loved and cared for so badly, but never fully trust the people who say they care, and also never feel entirely worthy of love.
Like most bpd’s I have had many, many identity crisis. I’ve had a million hair colors and styles every time something happened I changed... every break up or failure, I changed my hair. It’s like it’s my fault because what I looked like and I could never stick with one”me.” What has really helped us that I decided to Chose rather than find who me was. I chose to have my natural brown hair which I chose, which for a person with bpd is a big deal. Now that I’ve gotten body image out of the way, I still struggle with keeping jobs and a relationship. I sabotage everything I touch. Every single job I get I think I want then treat people like shit, same with relationships. I love people until I know them and find something wrong with them (which is always easy).
This makes me feel less alone. Thank you 💙💚✨💙
i just need clarity and i dont even have a diagnosis which makes my lack of identity worse
Thank you for this video. It’s extremely comforting knowing there’s other people on this crazy roller coaster with me
My ex cheated on me and took my kids to another state. I really really struggle with
"my relations hu ip with my kids is fucked, it can never be what i want it to be, they dont need me anyway, whats the point in even trying to be in their life anymore"
Then i feel a deep deep deep sense of loss like i lost my kids for ever. Then i cry and have to convince myself that suicide is not the answer, life is still worth living.
One of the best descriptions I’ve seen, this is so true ❤️
This is so relatable. Its a highly depressive thinking pattern, where you can see where you would want to be in life, but you cant seen to give it to yourself... find the propper information, conect with people, take chances, try things out or be vulnerable. Its like your stuck. For 4 years ive tried 4 different educations and thrown myself from one relationship to another, and im tired. Having doubts daily about who you are and why and too often being critical of your path is to devastating to your mental health. And we do it! Because we are capapble and educated in thinking like this.
For me, of one year of bpd i feel like validation and laughing a lot woth friends that support you, helps a lot
Bless you all and your healing process 🥰
I've never felt so validated in my life
As the loved one of someone with BPD, thank you for your brave and honest insight. I was at a loss, but thanks to you, I can better process things like her hiding, cancelling plans, and inability to relate. You’ve also inspired me to hang in to help her. You’re also a refreshingly clear communicator who remains on point. This is rare, for anyone. I wish you continued success and a beautiful journey ahead.
I love this video. I was just diagnosed with BPD and I find the things you spoke about very relatable. Thank you.
This video really hit home for me. I didn’t know anyone felt the way I do. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you so much it helps so much to hear these struggles articulated. Can’t explain it but it is so cathartic.
So relatable. Warm hugs to anyone in the same boat.
I have been all those places you just described. My foundation is the Bible, my good example is Jesus, it took 2 years, and I no longer meet the criteria for a BPD diagnosis.... in fact I now help people with BPD and no, not with religion (which I hate), and my foundation may not appeal to everyone..... but I am proof that we can overcome BPD. YOU CAN TOO..... It starts and continues with DBT skills, and, for me, my relationship with Christ. Love this video. Thank you for sharing!
I think Religion helps alot of people in terms of purpose, identity ,confidence ect. I personally don't believe in Organized religion, there is no religion in the world that is not sexist.
I wonder how many BDP people have hard time with identity cause they are so empathetic to others. What I mean by that is, if you are able to empathizes with so many people (like I do) that its actually hard to identify ones self. If you sympathize with Vegans and Meat eaters cause you understand both sides. I trully think BDP people have some kind of enhanced ability to empathizes with all sides, different experiences, so its no wonder that we have identity issues. In some cultures they used to think this was a super power.
That is because all mental illness is demonic and Christ can cast out the demons that cause it. No drug can cure it as the devil can not cast out the devil, only the love and power of our king can overcome something so insidious. You should share your testimony at every opportunity and God bliss.
I feel the exact same way it’s freaky but so nice to hear someone else say it. I feel so alone and hopeless. BPD is real is depressing living like this every day and exhausting
Thank you so much for finding the perfect way of describing just how it is. All making me feel a lot less lonely in this. Liked and subbed.
i understood every part of this, thank you for helping me see that im not alone.
This is such an amazing video. I just subscribed to your channel and I'm so glad I found you. I am currently dxed with Bipolar 2, but that really hasn't made nearly as much sense as BPD now does. I have been in therapy more than once and I haven't come close to telling my current therapist most of the stuff about my life. Like feeling like the narrator is spot on, and then coming back into reality is jarring... like I am a person and I do have a life and stuff like that. Sooo glad I found your channel... now to binge watch all your videos ☺
Omg I relate to this SO MUCH!! I didn’t know there was other ppl like me until I found out what I had, and that was like 4 or 5 years ago now. It’s been rough but something that’s helped me a lot is staying strong in my faith and focusing on the law of attraction. I still have times where something triggers me and I slip backwards but I find that I bounce back much faster now than I used to. Thank you for sharing and spreading awareness!! 💙
Thank you, Michi! I’m so glad I came across you. You articulated BPD so greatly. Thank you for sharing, I needed to know that I’m not alone. This is how I feel, to a “T”! I hope your day is wonderful.
The part of the video where you mentioned being a narrator and not a character, that really resonates with me.
Your videos are extremely informative and there’s very little online about BPD so you’re helping a lot of people.
Thank you for your videos Michi, it is a breath of fresh air to listen to someone who truly understands. I am also a Canadian suffering from BPD. This disorder has brought my life crashing down on me, not much light at the end of the tunnel. It helps to know there are people out there that do understand even if they are few and far in between. Thanx again.
thank you for your courage, you are helping us others feel less alone- I LOVE YOUR HAIR btw
Thank you so much for this Michi. You're amazing.
It’s so lovely to be able to put on one of your videos and feel like you have a friend who understands you. Your videos always come at just the right time
Thank you for being so real. When I watch your videos I feel like I'm in the room with you and you're really making me feel understood and less lonely.
You always manage to put things into words I can never find. I’m feeling exactly all of this right now & I’m really struggling to see a way out of the darkness. It doesn’t help that I feel I have no one to talk to as no one understands me. How could they when I don’t even understand myself. Thank you Michi xxxx
Im glad the universe has brought me to your channel. I was struggling not knowing what was wrong with me. Definitely gave me some insight and helpful tools so I don’t feel so alone and unstable all the time🥰
Love your style.
Used to have the same colour for years.
So you're speaking right from my heart.
Good to know I'm not the only one.
You are such a beautiful amazing person, you are so brave and I feel everything you have said on such a deep level, please never stop sharing x
I'm struggling rn bc I just started university and I think my sense of my own identity is getting worse? in high school I felt like I acted different with every group I spoke to but I eventually knew my place bc it was the same environment for four years but now since I'm surrounded by different people everyday I tend to feel like I act different with almost every person I talk to & im changing so much I don't know how to act. I'm not sure how to explain it but it's frustrating. I'm losing so many friends yet gaining as well but I can never seem to have a stable relationship. Some of my old friends can tell I'm always sorta changing and when I look at older videos of myself I'm actually shocked at how different I was even if it was a year ago. When people tell me to just be myself, I honestly don't know how bc I always feel like I'm putting up an act
Thank you so so so much for making these videos. You put into words exactly how I feel and it's incredibly validating. You're very articulate and well spoken and can dive into a difficult topic with unwavering clarity, and it's helping me immensely on my journey towards healing ❤️
This is very honest and insightful. You seem to have a real understanding of BPD.
Thank you for this video. It totally describes how I feel. I struggle soooo much with who I am. I can’t work a regular job because I’m so up and down and my interests change so frequently😔. I also identify with waiting for the bad to happen if my life is going somewhat smoothly. I’m always waiting for the bomb to drop. And yes, the feeling that you are watching your life from the outside looking in. I thank you again for sharing your wonderful thoughts with us❤️
Shanna Fisher I am the exact same way with working a job and I have never been able to figure out exactly why until recently being diagnosed with this and it’s so good to know I’m not the only person who feels that way!!!
Thank you lovely, it’s good to see girls that understand why we just.cant.do.the.thing even if we really want to. You’re amazing ❤️
wtfFfFFF the narrator thing you said is SO REAL (I was diagnosed with bp and bpd and I feel everything you said so much)
I wonder how many BDP people have hard time with identity cause they are so empathetic to others. What I mean by that is, if you are able to empathizes with so many people (like I do) that its actually hard to identify ones self. If you sympathize with Vegans and Meat eaters cause you understand both sides. I trully think BDP people have some kind of enhanced ability to empathizes with all sides, different experiences, so its no wonder that we have identity issues. In some cultures they used to think this was a super power.
There's a quote in the mini book "Reach for the Stars," Peter Pauper Press c 2002.
That says:
"Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous. You get knocked down by traffic from both sides." Margaret Thatcher
This has always stuck w/ me as a reminder of how hard it is not having direction in life, not choosing a side or a path.
Being able to empathize w/ both sides isn't quite the same. I mean it can b an asset to society but a burden on the shoulders of the bpd who always has to field both views. Having empathy kinda always leaves u in the middle of the road. No direction, no true convictions....no identity
Such vibrant hair. Love it. Thanks for posting this. Sometimes I don't make connections such as my low self esteem and lack of motivation towards work. It helps to hear someone say it aloud.
I know just how you feel. Its so nice to not be alone. Lots of love to you
I just discovered your channel searching information about my diagnosis. I have to say that I never felt so identified with something on the internet. I'm binge-watching!! Thank you so much for taking the time and energy to upload these, you have no idea how much you've done for me this single morning. thank you for awarness and for making me feel less alone. I'm writing from across the continent so im sorry if my english is messy lol sending all the good vibes to your way
Honestly, you're still one of my favorite BPD posters on here (on CZcams). I like how you put it more so it fits maybe those who are struggling more on certain levels (I guess low-functioning in ways).
I like other posters, too, but I feel like your posts kinda make me feel less horrible about myself. Like with others, sometimes I think they make people, who are on certain levels, feel almost on the outskirts of the community, which I guess may be true anyway if you're low-functioning at times like I am.
Also, I want to say that I'm not trying to insult the others. They're good, too, but you're one of my favorites.
I actually thought about posting some about my own experiences and sharing what I know with people and trying to help the community more in that way, too. I feel like maybe it may be interesting for others to hear from a kind of older adult with it.
Also, I agree with what you said. Sometimes, when I get at such a low-functioning level, then yeah, I pretty much have to just make myself get up and go or do certain things. Sometimes, you kinda have to push yourself.
I love u thank u so much, ur videos have helped me understand my problems and see how I can help myself and my loved ones understand what in going through.
Thank you so much I sat here and cried watching this video I am married to this wonderful man and I'm diagnosed bpd and he wants to understand me and girl this video helped me so much explain it to him easier thank you so so much I have read and been told i'll never have a successful relationship because of my diagnoses I don't want to believe this is true and listening to you I believe in myself
"...being happy, is like being vulnerable."
Thank you for validating this feeling, and thank you for making content about bpd.
I can't afford therapy yet, so I'm just keeping to myself and researching for now.
It's really appreciated. 🖤
Wow. Every single video you make about BPD is so spot on. You articulate the symptoms of the illness so well. I wouldn’t know how to put it into words. You are amazing and you are helping so many BPD sufferers!!!!!!! ❤️
Get out of my head lol, you summed me up in less than 10min smh.
Thank you so much for making this. I really needed it!
Love 💙
Sky 23 you are so welcome take care!!
Hair is always rockin', but regardless of that it's your content, understanding, relatability, sweet supporting words, honesty, shared experiences and all around authenticity etc. that keep me coming back. I truly thank that you share all of this with us, please never stop. Much love and hugs.
Shaun S thanks for the always lovely comments it's much appreciated :) the way you share positivity is inspiring!! I'm so glad i can be of some help with such a terrible illness - it's great getting feedback that others do feel the same way, I never thought i would hear so much agreement so it's still crazy to me lol. I hope you are doing well :)
This was such an incredible video. I totally get that feeling of being a narrator all the time. Also, I'm a social worker and feel on a regular basis that more is expected of me than others because "something is wrong with me". I've tried so hard now for so many years to get a job that's not entry level and here I am...34 years old and still entry level because my mental health holds me back in life.
Native Owl hey thanks so much really appreciate that, stay strong i hope it gets better for you soon xoxo
BPD people have a terrible time in the workplace and get abused and discriminated against there, and the cause is the identity diffusion (who the hell am I????) involved with BPD. which always gets used against such people. The modern workplace is an ANTI-BPD situation. Its like a huge sign over the door saying: "Only perfectly honed and identified widget makers wanted... All else need not apply." And that is MOST jobs.
Creative and open ended pursuits work better, including open schedules. The poor will suffer here too cause the jobs respecting human freedom and flexibility are overrepresented among the rich and privileged. The cure for BPD is to remake the world into a truly humane place where ALL our needs are supported.
Bubbas Meisa thanks for the feedback!
you are most welcome Native Owl.
@@BubbasMeisa
Please email me struggling so bad at wits end. Thank u
This is so true for me as well.
I'm trying hard to find who I am and love myself.
Your advice is great!
All your videos are super helpful
Emma Skye thanks so much im happy to be of some help! 🖤