Adult with Autism | Things I Changed Post Autism Diagnosis part 2 | 76
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- čas přidán 18. 05. 2024
- The second video of Things I Changed Post Autism Diagnosis. The first video can be found here: • Adult with Autism | Th...
0:00 Intro
1:08 Fault
8:51 Employers
14:11 Worth
18:05 Acceptance
22:40 Community
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Its hard to realize that you've been acting all your life, and that no one really appreciates the toll it puts on you. It is nice to finally find a community online😺
Very true Dani. The right communities are really good to connect with. The difficulty is find the right ones unfortunately, a lot of agendas within Autism out there!
I relate to what you say about not being able to speak (about autism) in your "real" life. It can be very cathartic for us viewers, too, to hear you speak and sometimes put words to what we feel and experience. Thank you, Paul.
No problem. I'll talk enough nonsense in the hope any of it is relevant for anyone at some point 👍🏻
My journey has definitely begun. I’m glad you’ve had this as a place for your voice. You’re amusing and cover serious topics. I really like that your channel is unique and not a copy of the others. Thanks!
Thank you Catherine, I appreciate that. I'll keep bashing away, waffling my nonsense 👍🏻
Brilliant video as always Paul, I relate so much with what you say, at 55 years of age discovering this year why I’ve always struggled to fit in, is a strange thing to understand.
I’ve gone from thinking all my life that I’m just nuts to realising that there’s a reason, learning to understand myself and what works for me is a long process.
Thank you for doing these videos I promise you they help me a lot.
Thank you Stephen, I'm just glad people like yourself find them 👍🏻
I feel so much comfort in knowing that every single thing you pointed out I completely agree and do as well! Especially solitude, no children, learning to never feel shame for your decisions, and embracing your hobbies/interests! I feel like these are all things I would say too if I had a platform to discuss my own experience!!! Thank you!
No worries, glad you agree 👍🏻
Learning to "lean into my autism" 🙌 I hear you. My diagnosis is the elephant in the room at family events (when I have the energy!) because none of them will say a word about it or even say the autism word. Thanks!
I love how you do these videos. Speaking with so much honesty, and depth to your experiences and like you said, with the intention of others hearing a nugget that relates to them.
The person that emailed about you not talking so much, and getting to a point t or whatever they said, well 'stay in your own lane mate' is what I always think when someone wants you to do it 'their way'
Watched quite a bit of your content now and the whole premise of your videos is to do things 'your' way and I really respect that Paul because for so long, I was a people pleaser, and looked to others for how to be, but like you, I've had to unapologetically find my own way in life the last few years for self preservation... and I LOVE my own company these days !! 😂 I like to see people on my own terms now. I do what feels 'right' at any given moment.
Your fiercely strong convictions on lots of subjects is admirable and I've found lots of nuggets in what you talk about. Thank you 🙏
I like the waffling. It’s more like we’re having a conversation. Even the waffling strains of thought are helpful because those things are relatable and helps me to feel less misunderstood. Thank you for what you are doing.
Thank you, appreciated 👍🏻
Thank you Paul for doing these videos, you’re a light in the darkness
Thanks Corri. I'll keep trying 👍🏻
I am spending my birthday binge watching your videos. This is another 100% spot on for me. You help me immensely. Take care Paul. Waffle on brother. Speak your mind. I really enjoy it.
I wish more people would explain things the way you do, so much easier to follow and understand different points of view to things. Also we are kind of lucky to live in a time where it's easier to hear the voices of people that would otherwise be invisible to the world, especially those of us who find traditional social interaction difficult or exhausting.
I agree Aaron. I struggled to find someone who I could watch, but at least there are options now. Even if a lot if non-Autistic 'specialists' absolutely refuse to rule Autistic Adults in as a valid source of knowledge from their own experiences.
"WOW" 😮 I wish I'd found you years ago! We've lived parallel lives. Thank you so much! It's all starting to make sense now the way you explain it.
You are so welcome
Just had an "emotion overload "
Hearing you while trying to sleep helped a bit... It was like hearing myself talking
If I ever help, I'm glad 👍🏻
Because I'm quite most of the time, I could never create Videos as you do, even if I absolute relate to your type of autism.
As diagnosed as an adult, I feel very good with your Videos, because we have experienced this fucked up world in a similar way.
Glad you can relate 👍🏻
Thanks Paul. I was diagnosed at 36 and your channel has helped a hell of a lot with the mental adjustment
That's great to know. Thank you 👍🏻
This guys deep real & rare love him
❤
Thank you
"All I have to do is what I need." Thank you for the effort you put into this. I appreciate it
No worries 👍🏻
It's easy to become overwhelmed and that leads to meltdowns is what I've found. So I don't let myself get overwhelmed.
You are an extraordinary human being Paul. I know your intent is not to make «lessons» but at the end your videos are always full of wisdom and spirit. You are a philosopher of the purity, of the beautiful and mindful simplicity.
Thank you Paul.
Thank you
Thank you for finding your voice Paul. This video was as riveting as the first. The segment on your work history and how you stayed in a job where you were not well treated out of loyalty, really resonated for me.
I stayed in a job for 10 years where I was repeatedly bullied, also out of loyalty. I ended up with a major depressive disorder and complex ptsd. I’ve just had an 8 week hospital admission and treatment that has helped. I just want to move forward now with my life and with continuing to research and understand my late autism diagnosis. Thanks Paul 🙏🌻
Best of luck with your moving forward. Live true to your design, and pay attention to those who don't want you to. They must be avoided 👍🏻
I love this whole video! I enjoy hearing your candid sincere expressions. It's not rambling, it's like when you take a long walk with someone and the same way the trail goes this way and that, the conversation of the one you're listening to is relaxed, occasionally you're walking a little farther apart and sometimes you are bumping shoulders together because you're both immersed. I really enjoyed this stroll !!
Glad you enjoyed the stroll 👍🏻
Excellent video Paul. Great quote at the beginning. After learning I was autistic, and after I got my head around it, I started opening up about it with family and friends. Also at work. It has taken a huge load off of my existence. I still mask a lot at work and somewhat around friends, but I am much happier than I have ever been. As for wanting everybody else to be great. Yeah that is me. I tend to care about others more than myself. I have realized that one cannot care for others until one cares for oneself! I am more focused on my needs now. Another great video!
Very true Bryan. We cannot pour from an empty cup, so cannot expect to give to others when we have nothing to give. Very important we look after ourselves first 👍🏻
3:13 Same here - knew even when I was a teen in the 80s that I definitely didn't want kids. Flash forward to today. I can't tell you how many times over over 32 years of marriage I've remarked how SO very glad I am we never had kids. My husband would have welcomed them, but was also okay with us not having any.
Hi Paul. I'm not autistic diagnosed, but listening to u, u tick alot of boxes for me. I've always felt the odd one out, the one that cared too much and worked hard, cuz it was my job. What u r saying about the different jobs, I'm the same. I have this thought that, il go do the work and u do ur job and we'll be fine, then it turns out, in nearly doing their job and I've got to leave cuz I'm burned out. I don't want to be a manager, but it seems the mangers just don't do their job. Thank you so much for ur videos, I'm sure u have and will help so many ppl, with them.
Thank you
You're awesome. Thank you for your REAL UNFILTERED experiences and the real reality.
Thank you. Much appreciated!
Realize I used to go out with workmates for occasions when you needed to and always get stuck at the end of the table with people I didn’t know I like part of the reason I hated it was because you feel like you’re disappointing those people cause they’re not getting out of you what they wanted to get out of the occasion and even though you can’t stand them, you can still feel their disappointment Which makes it even less enjoyable of an experience -
Taking the fault at work almost every few weeks, a meeting, a management letter, lateness, breaksdowns, inability to communicate properly but it's my fault. Threats of disciplinary. Had to ring ACAS who said it's falling under discrimination if they carry on with it. They advised speaking to an equality at work helpline place but I know it will backfire. Telling your employer you are adhd and autistic only makes them use that against you. 'Well its your brain' 'its why you do these things and you need to stop'.
Working in care, it's shocking how little understanding the managers have for employees who are neurodivergent.
Large employers are the best to work for. Whether they are tokenistic or sincere about caring...they're forced to over the threat of their reputation being tarnished if they don't.
Cheers Paul. That was alright that mate. Thanks very much!
Thank you for the comment about realizing you were living under others' mindsets and sharing the things you did to discover yourself. Very helpful for me to consider.
If I say anything that's food for thought, that's good to know 👍🏻
I related way too hard in this video. I'm at about the same age just starting out my journey when you said you started yours. A lot of great words here that I'm glad I got to listen to, especially that last section. I'm so relieved to hear about parts of the experience that i was previously unsure of, if I've been on the right train of thought or not, when trying to figure this out on my own.
Cheers
Paul, thank you so much for your advice. I am so grateful to you for doing this series and sharing with us all. And thank you for taking the time to reply to our messages in the thoughtful way that you do. Zoe
No problem Zoe. 👍🏻
I watch a lot of CZcams I think this is the third comment I've ever posted anyway I'm 42 or 43 something but I just found out I was doing research because of someone else and came across this you describe me the all of it and yes you are doing a good thing you retch someone that you were intending to this time and from the comments some other times also just wanted to say thanks and yeah screw them other people that say you talk too much or ramble on man screw them you are you doing something great here Ijust wanted to say thanks
Thanks Jessie, thank you for your kind words 👍🏻
I enjoy your content, Paul. Thank you. 😊
You are helping me to find my voice and to be comfortable being different. Thank you.
Nice of you to say so. Thank you
I've watched a lot of youtube videos in the last several years, trying to better understand who I am, since like you, I didn't didn't understand that before I found out that I'm autistic. I appreciate those channels for what I've learned, but your discussions seem to go deeper for me. This last one about finding out who you are hit home for me.
I think that I spent my life searching for who I am. Yes, I knew I was different, but it goes beyond that. Just "being different" is not who I am, but who I am not (not like them). Masking for me involved looking at myself from outside and I did this even when alone, though it wasn't as heavy as when I was around others. When alone always planning what to say, how to act, how to help, etc. This was unconscious, it just was always there. Now I more often think my own thoughts without self-censure. I always said I was a contrarian. I mostly kept this to myself, so as not to get into arguments, etc. Now I see that many people go along with the crowd and probably most never think twice about this. I'm learning to value my own thoughts, perhaps especially the difference or contrary ones.
The always helping others has been a huge part of my life as well. While this can feel good and right, I am still evaluating it. It often came at my own expense and that is not right. How much was harm reduction? At least some, since you don't get bullied if you are helping someone. And some people will use your best instincts against you, will take advantage of that.
I'm rambling somewhat here. There is a lot to consider. Thank you for the depth of your videos. The truth is a relief and helps the truth speaker and the truth hearer as well. There is so much nonsense and worse in the world.
All I wanted was to put videos out talking from an honest perspective. So even if people were at different points on the spectrum, ages, sexes etc, at least the effort was made if people watched. And if any was found to be useful, then that's all I wanted.
thank you for your great insights, Paul
I stopped going to "therapy" and reading "self-help" books. I was 60 when I found out and resources are very scarce for a person my age so the one-on-one ultimately boiled down to "You've made it this far what do you want now?" The answer came, "I want to stop trying to fix what doesn't need repair". After the mourning, and there was a lot of mourning over what felt like lost time. It was a mixture of self-pity, anger, guilt, and remorse before finally coming to the realization, that I'm not actually broken I am just an invisible variation. Nobody "knew what to do about me ". I tried my best.
To me, it seems self-help books and workshops are rife with a "fake it till you make it" attitude. They are for me, a manual for masking and doing what appears to be a facade that left me wondering why I was bothering. I never came to feel what they said my experience would be. I was just trying to fit in.
After diagnosis, I simply stopped both "fixit" methods and simply looked at long last what it meant to never be or be able to fully do what was asked of me. I stopped trying to see through those mental blind spots and stopped fantasizing about do-overs where I would get things right long after relationships died.
I'm a lot happier now.
Yep. It is your life, so take a firm grip of the wheel. No one else will.
We have to do what we can with what we've got, make the best of it and move forward. No one will do it for us, no one will care as much as we need to about ourselves, the world isn't going to change for us...so what else is left? We don't need therapy for that, we need to build resilience and fortitude, and then push forward 👍🏻
I enjoy listening to you. Hazel
I have just come to realize I’m autistic at age 63. It’s kinda nice to know how I’m different.
If you want to be different, just be yourself! 👍🏻
Thanks Paul. Loved the video. Hope you are doing ok mate :)
Hiya Paul, I commented before on a video talking about how you eat (and how similar it is to my approach) - I did go to doctor, and I now have an official diagnosis of autism. Still exploring what that will mean for me. Thanks for putting these videos out there - I think there are more of us then they think. Keep being you!
Thank you 👍🏻
Thanks for talking the way you do... you "drawing out" your videos is helping me understand me!!! Some of the other youtubers I get... but I don't get 🤔🤷♂️
YOU I GET!!
KEEP DOIN UR THING!!!
Much appreciated.
We'll listen.... I would have rants. I just might. Lol.
I love your channel! Such high quality. You remind me of my partner who is ASD. I was also diagnosed ASD too. We are in our late 40s and don’t have kids. I’m very happy about this too! I feel no guilt about it. I know it was the right choice for me.
Thank you for the kind words! It is good to hear that you have trust and faith in your decision. I STILL get people saying to me that I will come to regret not having children. But whereas I used to try and explain my rationale to them, now I just smile. I know I made the right decision, and that's all I need. I don't need approval for my decision making process!
@@AdultwithAutismthanks for responding! We just watched your travel video together today. We really enjoyed that too. Such unique content! Who would have thought someone would put together such a unique idea! Autistic person traveling alone internationally and documenting every moment. Seriously, well done! He’s very picky with videos and loses interest and he was laughing and enjoying the video so much. That says a lot! We will watch another one tomorrow too.
Hope they can stay engaging 👍🏻
Wait wait, stop for a second... My fellow autistics... Is the subway thing common to all of us or a lot of us??!?! Or is it just me and Paul being the only "weirdos" in the friend group who want to go to Subway when everyone else is already standing in another restaurant??!?! 😂
Great, now I want a Subway 👍🏻
I'd be waiting in a Chinese restaurant. :-(
Brilliant stuff! Thanks for sharing and waffling on. I love it and completely get it. You being you has so helped me to understand myself an encouraged me to be my authentic self rather trying to live in the image of others. Good on you 👍🏻
Many thanks
I hate that when we get persecution for doing the right thing. It sucks. I always end up the one in trouble because they say I'm not a team player. I want to be but often it's the other people who don't team play. They just see me as causing problems. I love my kids but to this day I wish I knew before now I had autism and I might not have chosen to have had them. Like Paul says they do eat up ur time and I don't get enough down time for my own mental health and autism needs. Equally I love them but I do worry so much about my autistic son and my own autism. I spend a lot of time wondering how my life would be without them. I do know I wouldn't have come to a diagnosis of autism without my son.
Hope you are doing well 👍🏻
So pleased you found your voice 😀 and yourself
Many thanks 😁
Loud n clear
👍🏻
I’m grateful I’ve found your channel. Thank you for sharing so much, and the way you share is bloody marvellous to me. X
Thank you. Really appreciate that.
Paul 👍🏼❤️👍🏼 It made sense to me🇺🇸 Thnx
No worries 👍🏻
Cheers Paul, you've helped me out. I've just started watching. About 10 videos in and you're nailing it.
Cheers dude. Hope they continue to be okay...even the ropey ones! 👍🏼
Paul- never boring, always more than one golden nugget, always clear and concise, always makes sense to me. Really helpful ! As a northern lad myself of the same age I resonate so much with you Paul, thanks man 🙏🏻
Ah good stuff! Thank you for the kind words.
❤
I enjoy how you say, “My version of autism…” Exactly correct!
I am much like you. However, we all DO experience our own version of autism.
I was Diagnosed in Texas at 55…. A VERY late diagnosis. Glad I found your channel!
Glad you found it too 👍🏻
Cheers Paul, that was alright mate. Thanks very much 👍
No problem 👍🏻
Best channel , you speak my autism language. New listener, new subscriber ,from norway❤
Thank you, I appreciate that 👍🏻
Thankyou Paul, so much for this channel. I'm newly diagnosed at the ripe old age of 43 and I've found the videos I've watched so far very comforting. You're very easy to watch/listen to.
No problem at all. I hope there is some sense in amongst my waffle!
I got your back boss 💯 good video again.
Cheers dude 👍🏼
Thank you. Ive been diagnosed as 34yo
👍🏻
You are such a cool guy. ❤
Haha, if you and my dog thinks so, I'll take it 👍🏻
Well, I love your carrying on. Apparently I am your audience. Agree 💯 on your points.
Always good to know when people occupy the same little corner of Autism I sit in 👍🏻
Omg my mother is all woe is me because she had 4 daughters and is convinced she will never have grandchildren. I am the oldest, 8 year gap between me and the next and she isn't getting kids out of me at all, but the two others are looking into adoption! One has said she wants kids but not yet!
I said to my mum if she wanted to increase the chance of having grandkids, she should have has more kids of her own 😂. Not my duty to give her grandkids.
Keep in mind mom’s are human and being disappointed in our children’s choices is Ok. We had imagined something and gotten our hopes up on how life is supposed to go. Sometimes there is some grief- and that’s ok. We have invested a lot, and sacrificed a lot. We did that with an outcome in mind- oh, and we’re mom’s: still love you and will get over it! It’s what we do. ❤️
Cheers Paul, that was alright that, mate. I'm listening on my sofa, nodding along, feeling validated. A lot of food for thought too. I had signed up to the OU 'Understanding Autism' online course, but now think I shall listen to your content instead.
Haha, at least my waffling is free...aside from a few ads 😂
I love it. I will watch all of your videos. You give me courage. Dig the shoes; my godson does it too.
I've got far too many of those shoes these days...I need to start wearing some!
😊
👍🏻
BTW, you're not boring, and you don't talk too much!
Thank you 👍🏻
Hi Paul! I want to thank you for making these videos! You're doing them so well.
You keep mentioning the word 'design' and every time I keep wondering if you know your Human Design or it's a word that just cones intuitively for you?
I refer to my 'design' for countless reasons. But mainly because we are all different and it is very important to recognise. But yes, also because I have had to find out who I am after all this time, and the person I am now is closer to how I was 'designed' to be, where as I have always just been manufactured for everyone else. Hope that makes a little sense 👍🏻
Oh god, I have never heard anyone say that about work before. I always want to know as much as possible in my job. I want to know everyones job so that I can do the absolute best I can bit I am totally unconcerned about promotions and money. I just want to be helpful and do the best I can, thats all. It has caused me so many issues at work because people just dont get it
Same. I just want to do the job, to the best of my abilities, but robotically. No emotion, just progress and results. Streamline what can be streamlined, and make the process smooth and simple for all.
But no, instead it matters that you small talk and play politics for some reason? 👍🏻
Have you ever tried, weighted blankets?
I like it a lot...
I haven't...mainly as they cost a lot for some reason. Maybe I am looking in the wrong places!
@@AdultwithAutismweighted blankets 20.00$
Hi Paul, hope you're doing well at the moment. Hopefully you've moved closer to getting your knee sorted out?
Since I was in touch last time I've had the wazoo-cam experience, from both ends in fact, and nothing to see there. So likely problem irritable bowel syndrome, which is apparently not visible on wazoocam. but I understand is quite a common thing with autism.
And, I had my initial psychiatrist consultation yesterday with a mind to getting a formal diagnosis. So, am no longer on square one, have now moved to square two. She's going to help put together a dossier (this is France, the dossier is a hallowed thing in all circumstances) to present to the regional autism diagnostic service (which has a long waiting list, so moving to squares 3 and beyond coudl take a while).
Thank you again for your videos. I can quite understand they are helpful for you, to get things out of your head. And I can imagine that feels good, especially if in doing so your thoughts help other people (which they clearly do). Like you said the other time, I tend to go on and on when writing for the same reason. It allows me to crystalise what my thoughts actually are, to stp them racing around in my head, organise them, present them and understand myself better in doing so.
Writing to you last time helped me come up with a series of songs I'm thinking about writing myself. I've started making notes and jotting down bits of ideas.
I guess the topic of this video fits with my feelings of anxiety at exposiing myself to the world, not dropping my trousers in the street by the way, but the idea of filming myself or recording myself making music and sharing that with anybody, let alone the people around the world who have the luxury of Internet connections.
I remember in one of your videos I've watched you talked about making ti alright to have photographs of yourself, and how you had to make yourself take photos of yourself for your thumbnails and that it's starting to feel OK to see photos of yourself.
It's a complex group of feelings and mindset I think - there are a number of elements which come into play in my head when I think about the idea of recording myself and broadcasting the result to the world. Your thoughts from this video will help with reorganising and digesting an assessment of what those different elements are which exist in my own head.
Curiosity about why we think, behave and act in particular ways to particular stimuli or situations is becoming something I'm fascinated by. Having a formal autism diagnosis will be/would be if I get one, great to, as you say, take in more confidently the examples shared by other autistic people and learn how better to understand myself.
I'll stop there for now, before I go on too long.
Thanks again for giving me something to think about from a slightly different perspective.
Have a nice day 🙂
Matthew
Yes, please don't expose yourself to the world in that way...your music is much safer, and you get to keep your trousers on! But really good to hear you are doing things focusing on you.
Hope you are doing well, and hope the dossier build goes well 👍🏼
@@AdultwithAutism Don't worry, no risk of not keeping my trousers on in this weather. Not at all cold yet, but windy and wet. Not indecent exposure weather at all.
have you read any of Gabor Maté's books by the way? i'm nearly at the end of the most recent one called "The Myth of Normal". If you haven't read it already, I would really recommend it. Talks a lot about authenticity and finding one's core self and living according to that instead of society's model of "Normal". He's written a bunch of books and they"'re all great in my opinion (he's one of my "special interest" authors) but I'm really liking this one at the moment.
Have a nice day
Matthew
I don't care anymore either. I suppressed so long.. I'm a lil angry,, and I'm not suppressing it anymore. Deal with it people 😂
How do charge for that help now. Forty dollars an hour with a two hour minimum. I'll put you on my schedule. I've gotten open in them 2 weeks. How's that for you. L o l
Haha👍🏻
Also once we all accept we are sinful. We can look for Jesus. Read the Bible if you care about the truth brother. I’m autistic. I do.
Pull on the string. Use the gift God gave you and investigate. You won’t be able to stop. There’s not much time left. 💙🏴
J3:16
God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able but will with the temptation provide a way to escape. The apostle Paul was telling us that we have no excuse for continuing in sin.
Amen. 🙏🏼
No one will look after you for you. So you have to do it yourself.
Absolutely
You lost me when you referred to children as "rugrats" to justify your not having them.
I've done a full video as to why. Also, it's a reference from the cartoon of the same name.
Rug-rats is an affectionate term (in slang) around my area ie; all if Australia. Most parents that totally Love their kids, have referred to them as "rug rats " during the toddler stage.