Jordan Peterson - The Thing Men Get Most Wrong When Dealing With Women
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 12. 05. 2024
- Jordan Peterson explains the thing men get most wrong when dealing with women.
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Do you agree with Jordan Peterson's assessment?
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So, if we agree with Jordan then we should buy your books? Wouldn't it make a lot more sense to buy his books?
As a husband of 32 years this is the smartest thing I can tell young men:
Most of the time when your wife is telling you about a problem she's having, she isn't asking you to give her the solution;
She wants you tell her she's right to feel the way she does. She wants you to validate her feelings.
See, most men tend to have a thought process that goes problem --> solution.
Most women tend to think things through a little differently.
Here's the magic words: "I'd feel the same way if that happened to me."
Example 1:
Wife: A and B happened at work today. I was so mad!
Husband: You should have done X, Y, and Z.
(WRONG!! She knows she probably should have done X, Y, and Z. That wasn't the point!)
Example 2:
Wife: A and B happened at work today. I was so mad!
Husband: Really? That would have made me mad, too!
(BINGO. Now wait and see if asks for your advice.)
Yeah. tahts great. But woman never tries to understand Man the way we try to understand them.
What makes a relationship good its when BOTH try to get closer and TELL how they can help in some situations at least.
Of course knowing is better but ppl dosnt com with blueprints, not man, not woman.
â@@evilzinabyssranger5695But of course we do. One thing I think I've really gotten better at with my husband over the years is knowing when to get him to talk and when to really just leave him alone. The second one is hard, but I realize now that sometimes that is in fact the best thing I can do.
You are almost right. She wants you to UNDERSTAND how she FEELS and why she feels that way ( even if it is wrong). "I can understand why you feel that way. Anyone in your position would. But, maybe a more helpful way to view it would be to .........that way, ....."
Something like that.
32 children? How?!
How can women improve themselves to fix this need for validation, and only come to you when they need a solution?
My girlfriend had this habit of talking about her work when we went to bed. It would go on for what seemed to me a long time and was the opposite of a sexual turn-on for me. Finally I got tired of it and told her in clear terms that this blabbing about her work at bedtime was a big turn-off for me. Then she explained, in her gentle way, that I was the only person in her life she could talk to about those concerns and that talking to me made her feel safe and protected and that, in turn, made her feel sexually aroused. Ahhhhhhhhhhh . . . I GET it now! It's foreplay!!!!!!! Hahahahaha! Problem solved, thanks to her ability to articulate what it meant to her.
thats RARE. Woman usually cant state this things. Kudos to her, must be a GREAT wife.
@@evilzinabyssranger5695 If we have someone willing to engage with us.. we can usually untangle our thoughts verbally. That was the point of this video. Most men aren't interested in talking with us beyond a few sentences, therefore most women can't state these things concisely.
wtf; women are weird man.
When a man listens to a woman ( who is upset or hurt by someone) it makes her believe he actually CARES about HER (and not just what's between her legs). That CARING makes her WANT TO be close to him. She wants to be made LOVE to by a man who LOVES HER! Not just FUCKED by the man in her bed. And when you don't listen to her ( when she has a real problem) THAT is how you seem to her! I wish men would GET THIS!!!
Better time to talk about it
'Tricky to manage' is an understatement.
Absolutely, gotta tread softly.
Biggest advice I could ever give is to allow other people to solve their OWN problems. If you carefully guide people to solutions with maximum listening and minimum input you let them do all the mental gymnastics. This is empowering for the individual and gives them agency and responsibility over their problem and their solution. The confidence that someone will get from realizing their own competence and problem solving abilities is unimaginable through this process. This works exceptionally well in teaching small children
Your comment likens women to small children...
đ€Šââïž
Well said.
He's spot on about Joe Rogan - that's why we love him. He's brave enough to admit he doesn't understand something he's passionately curious about.
it's only true when he has respectable guests of high intelligence though. There are also nutcases, like Alex Jones, or bullshit artists like Graham Hancock. These people are not smarter than the viewers, lol
I don't understand the popularity of JR at all.
Good conversations with interesting people
Joe is cool !!:))
Yes but when he's convinced he knows all about a topic (even when he really doesn't), he's not shy to let the other person know they're an idiot, or being disrespectful in other ways, if they don't.
When my friends and I were young and first getting married, one of our fathers told us the best piece of advice I've had over the past 20 years of being married:
When your wife comes to you with a problem, first ask her if she wants a solution, or just needs to vent, then listen and respond accordingly.
I forgot that advice for some time until my friend reminded me and then it was like a magic pill. Peterson is fundamentally correct here.
Sometimes they don't even know.
That's women's way of communicating and bonding with you. Women do this with each other and that's just how they are. So of course she's going to behave the same way with her bf/husband. Men do the same thing. They talk to women the same way they talk to other men. All you have to do is make them feel like you care and you listen. That's all everyone wants.
Great advice⊠sometimes the Wives just want to vent it took me years to understand this and listen without suggesting solutions.
@@saltycat662 So women act like children, got it.
Solution isn't good enough. She needs to know a repeat of the problem isn't going to happen.
As a 60 years old man who broke each and everyone of these rules, I can tell that they are true. Advice for the young: do not be fooled by anything else. Follow these rules by the letter. If it means losing somebody, so be it. They were not worthy.
I always ask questions to keep the conversation with my wife on track because people are often unable to focus whether they are talking or hearing. Also, I encouraged my wife to take up journaling--note, this is not a "diary"--to help her keep her thoughts in some level of organization so that she can tell me what she actually wants or needs to say. Then I keep track of what she is laying out in the journal. Key takeaway for me was that journals are not about emotions--that is what a diary might be for. Journals are about capturing thoughts during the day that we have questions or concerns about. We found that a nice breakfast with the journal has gone a long way to improving our lives simply by allowing us to write down a concern or issue to be discussed prior to the discussion. It keeps us focused on what we need to discuss and not be side tracked into what if scenarios. A great example was how it led us to realize that our apartment just was not serving our actual needs once I was working remote. She was not happy that I was always in the living room working which meant she could not really "live" in the apartment during the work day. For me, I was just happy to be home with her, but she could not even do the dishes or watch tv because I might be on a meeting or something. Easy fix once we actually understood each other.
Listening, without interjecting your own thoughts. That is key in any relationship.
Honestly my tip as a wife :
Something bothers you and you want to tell your husband -> give yourself 48 hours to process it internally without bringing in any other opinions thoroughly think it through from all angles and allow all emotions to surface and subside -> if after 48 hours you think itâs pertinent to tell your husband then tell him once emotions have subsided in a structured composed way and be ready to follow his advice BUT if you are over it then donât mention it to him
Saves the headache of him feeling like you donât want to listen to his help and you feeling like he doesnât want to listen to your feelings đ
I don't have to process anything with my husband already understands me. And he's not some douche who thinks men are inherently just more solution oriented than women are and that women are just kids with t"ts who want to feel validated.
You are a jewel in a landscape of plain rocks Jordan. Thank you for your bravery and logic
Love your metaphor!
Suuuch good advice. The cause of most conflict is lack of proper communication. Incongruence and misunderstanding. Be curious and humble.
This helps a lot: DO NOT say, "You are wrong." INSTEAD SAY, "I don't understand. Please explain."
Even then sheâll be mad at you for just not understanding her haha
This is really useful. Now that whole thing of "the woman doesn't want you to fix it, she just wants your support" makes sense. I think solving problems together with a woman just got a lit easier
I learned exactly this in my IT tech support job.
Jordan Peterson is my hero. I wish I had been his childhood playmate.
I found this video very insightful and I will try and use the active listening advise
A lot of women donât want to hear men vent either lol
No woman wants to hear that
â@@dannydunn2772That's what they call equality đ
They do not give AF.
Because you're not suppose to.
â@@viktoriyaserebryakov2755 Right, until she decides to divorce you for being "emotionally unavailable."
Women want to test men with problem-solving. Woman sees some red flags, she starts talking about what she has observed and she wants to see, if the man gives the most straight-forward, but not ultimately the right solution, or does he really listen and take all things into consideration. I think the woman starting that conversation already kinda knows ahead where the problem may be hidden, she needs to know that the man is invested in her surroundings as well. It may seem stupid for men, but understand that women overall are less confident and more afraid of things. Men are to protect women. And sorry, but sometimes it needs manipulation, because you want to know if the man is with you for sexual reasons, or does he care as well. Itâs very important for them
This is exactly right. As women if we feel cared for in this way we can relax, we know heâs far less likely to stray or abandon us.
If we donât get this itâs like all systems are on high alert.
I disagree. Women want to be heard & comforted.
That's not it.
My sister won't stop talking about "health" - diet, insurance, weight, activity etc. etc. I live in close proximity to her for a year now and it's driving me crazy. She is bringing her fears into my relaxed, stoic, not-worrying happy-go-lucky life and I'm starting to resent her. I can feel my stress levels rise when she's around.
[1:40] The assumption is that women opperate in good faith. But listing out everything that could be wrong is not what I consider operating in good faith. That's throwing a bunch of sh*t against the wall to see what sticks. It is intended to make the target react, validating the perpetrators lack of emotional intelligence.
Yes, that's largely what I was thinking too. It would have to be a special woman to operate entirely in good faith. If so, then she certainly would be worth persevering with.
Yes, It's usually "Sit there while I bitch at you for every small slight from the past year" it's USUALLY abuse rather then something so deep as a diagnostic process.
There are those who lay out everything in bad faith. Agreed. But there are also those who, like JP said in the clip, do not know exactly whatâs wrong and arrive at the crux by laying out everything for discussion. In reality though itâs more a mixture of both to various degrees.
@@nnamdiazuakola5254 I suspect part of that good faith should be if you are criticizing behaviour make sure you are talking to anyone except that person until you have solidly identified your problem.
Does anyone here knows or met women operating in good faith? While in the verge of a problem? Herein starts "I expect you to read my mind" such verbal trots
Perceptive and a useful guide.
Wisdom.
This is a good interpersonal skill in general, because honestly I experience men doing the same thing; throwing a lot of cards on the table and in the midst of conversation, realizing they don't align with everything they've said, and there are many shifts throughout the conversation. I think if you allow anyone the room to "think out loud" without trying to immediately hone in on specifics, it's productive communication.
Excellent.
ââŠwhen dealing with womenâŠâ
Why âdealingâ?
Only when communicating with âwomen"?
yeah my female coworkers will from time to time slightly vent their issues to me, looking for that validation.
I give them none.
They are choosing to be at work.
Really? Who is going to feed them if they don't work?
@@nzingahoney better question why arent they married and stay at home moms.
@@nzingahoney their husbands
â@CarlosPerez-em3wu You, sir, are officially the poster child for misogyny. Dump your cultural teachings and try to think like a 21st Century man.
@CarlosPerez-em3wu men are not looking for wives these days they are looking for serial lovers. As a man I don't expect you to know this but yeah. It's like you have to beg them to marry you
love this man
Yes. a good description of problem determination and cuts down on wasted effort in problem correction.
(Can't help it, being a system analyst ... pity I didn't exercise these at home when talking to my wife.)
Listening is an acquired art........for anyone â€
Damn good advice.
If a woman comes to you with a problem, always ask "Do you just want to vent, or are you looking for an actual solution?"
Well Dr Mike, I wouldn't concern myself too much with it, or else of course your married to multiple women.
Unless they are your significant other or a family member you tell them "I'm not your husband, i don't need your stress"
Doesnât seem that you listened to Dr. Peterson. He specifically said the first thing a woman might do is to is run possibilities through her mind and the real solution is to help her once she (or she and you) sorts out what the actual, real problem is. You have to listen and be discerning instead of jump to the fix the first thing she mentions. Itâs arrogant for anyone to assume they can throw out an immediate solution without discernment rather than engage in a conversation.
Different brains have different processes to get to the heart of the matter. Incidentally, Iâm not a converser myself and my husband wants to talk and talk and go in circles first. Totally opposite what Dr. Peterson is describing, but I often misunderstand what my husband is wanting when he first starts a conversation to get a solution to an issue. So, I listen first. Drives me crazy because I *usually* see what the answer is to begin with, but it works better to listen first and wait to throw out an answer.
@@kjsgarden indeed. Would be good if Mr Peterson as a psychologist occasionally reminded people that he is dealing in generalisations.
@@kjsgarden i did listen to what Dr P said. And you've pretty much repeated back to me in long form what I said in a few words. Someone who comes to you with a problem either wants you to listen to them run through the possibilities (i.e. vent) or they've already done that and they want your help (i.e. a solution). Asking them up front what their choice of option is just saves time.
The book 'Way Of The Superior Man' By David Deida is a very good read.
" I understand !"... Charlie Harper
Worry is interest paid in advance on borrowed trouble. The 2 most important words in the English language are â yes dearâ. Those two words will eliminate the need to use âIâm sorryâ and âyouâre rightâ.
You forgot to mention that she only gets the âyes dearâ treatment if she reciprocates with Respect and gratitude.
âYes Dearâ is the verbal equivalent of a pat on the head.
Thank you for the opinion.
Jordan is correct listening is key.
We donât want to vent or a solution. We often need to talk it out, flesh it out, to come up with a solution organically. Often we can come up with the solution on our own but we need to talk thru it and need someone to ask questions, think thru it with usâŠ
Watched the video starting from an amused idea of another video potentially like any other about how one gender doesn't get another, which sometimes could be accurate but mostly in a cliche kind of way. In the end this is genuinely helpful advice imo.
Congratulations Mr. Peterson. This is a spot on advice for men based on a correct insight in womenâs psyche⊠a rarely mentioned approach towards a deeper present energy in a woman. Take us serious about these worries gentlemen.
The best interviewer is Matt Fradd because he asks what seems like a stupid clarification or definition of terms and yet I realize I don't know the answer either and I really appreciate that he does that for me. In real life you just have to pretend to understand the speaker.
He is absolutely on point about this with women! But Iâd like to point out what he said about Joe Rogan toward the end. He pointed out how when Rohan has people on that are intelligent and speak about things and he doesnât understand what exactly they mean, heâs not afraid or too proud to ask them what they mean or to put it more into âlaymanâs termsâ so he understands what theyâre saying or their point. I think this is very true of when youâre in school as a kid, youâre in class (regardless of subject) and donât understand what your teacher is talking about but it seems like everyone else understands and youâre the only one that doesnât, so youâre afraid to raise your hand and ask your teacher to repeat it because you donât want to look stupid in front of your friends/the other students. In grade school (and into HS & college) struggled with math and even though there was a lot I didnât understand I was so afraid to raise my hand and ask the teacher to repeat things. I was also very very shy when I was young, I generally wouldnât talk to people unless they spoke to me first, even with the whole 3 friends I had because I wasnât one of the cool kids; the only people Iâd speak to first were my immediate family (parents & brother) and extended family (my parents both have at least 5 siblings) but even with them I was reserved. Once I got the courage to do it I no longer feared asking. So like Dr Peterson kinda said, usually if one person doesnât understand and asks for elaboration (Joe Rohan), there are several others who donât either and are glad to see that they arenât alone and will then back up the initial person that was brave enough to ask. It also has a lot to do with the teacher as well! I had to take a math class in my first year in college and the female teacher was terrible. Iâd raise my hand & ask her to repeat cause I was having trouble and she would pretty much politely tell me Iâm stupid and just say all the same things sheâd just said that I told her I didnât get; needless to say, I failed! But when I repeated the class the next semester (cause I needed it or I wouldâve just said F it!!) there was a male teacher, but I was still struggling and I was hesitant to raise my hand to ask for help because of the previous teacher. Myself and another student were having a hard time and we decided to ask questions in class despite feeling anxious about it. This male teacher took us seriously and took as much time as me & her needed so that we understood; as well as finding out there were at least 4 other students who were struggling just like me. I ended up passing with an A and speaking to the head of the math program about how terrible the first female teacher was!
There's not enough energy available in the world to be able to listen to a women for an hour.
One constant I've learned is, don't give unsolicited advice. Only give advice when specifically asked. Because either they don't actually want the blunt truth, or you're totally off the mark and wasting everyones time. Just listen, sometimes people just need a sound board to bounce ideas and they work it out themselves. They might even think you helped them when all you did was listen.
This is 100% true for both men and women. I've often made the mistake of giving unsolicited advice. The problem is I get angry if I realize you're complaining to me and taking up a bunch of my time just to use be as a garbage pail for your feelings. If you don't want an actual solution to your problem and just want me to be your trash can, leave me out of it.
Dr peterson. I always appreciate your Insight and I find much of your advice as it relates to self improvement to be phenomenal. I've implemented a good deal of it in my personal life and have benefited as a result. Having said that, I want to take a moment to offer my own advice to how you dispense advice. When it comes to relationships my sense is that most of your advice is directed at men and how they need to change or how they need to accommodate the women in their lives. What about women accommodating men? I don't see nearly enough advice directed at women and how they can address their behavior as it relates to the men in their lives. You've given women advice, but it's usually about how to choose the right man. How about some advice for the ladies on improving the lives of the men they've chosen questions hi, for one, I'm sick and tired of constantly being the one to accommodate the women in my life. I'd like to see a little bit of effort on their part to better understand me and my feelings. For instance, I'm more than happy to listen to a woman vent once or twice or even three times. Once we start to get beyond that point though, once it starts to become the case that venting to me is a substitute for actually addressing the problems, then things start to deteriorate. I'm happy to listen and be a part of that clarification process, but if no action is going to be taken and we're just going to perpetually Circle the problem without actually identifying it, then I'm going to get frustrated, tired, and probably angry. And I think that response is completely Justified when we're on the 6th or 7th go around about a particular problem. At that point I think women need to understand that it's either time to address it or time to stop talking to their man about it because he's Fed Up started to impact his feelings in terms of being able to help her, feeling like he is allied with her, and so forth.
Nice t-shirt, Jordan! đ
And when u do what he is saying you are also showing that you care and are invested in the relationship and in trying to figure things out.
Great video, I just hope other people are willing to listen to me after I've given them a chance to be listened too.
Listening, REALLY listening, is a skill I learned in acting classes...
write it down. â€
No woman = no problem.
Wouldnât be to sure about that.
To put it in the wise words of Ian Malcolm:
âLife erhm finds a wayâ
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Genesis 2:18-22 (RSV2CE): Then the Lord God said, âIt is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.â 19 So out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; 22 and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
@@KW-mz4pn Yeah, and then that woman did what exactly?
â@@orzorzelski1142And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. Desiring this knowledge, the woman eats the forbidden fruit and gives some to the man, who also eats it.
True
Best I heard years ago was âI donât want you to solve (MBA case study approach) it, I want you to listen like youâre one of my girl friends! Ans âI canât believe they said that! Donât they know how hard youâre working!â
As a woman, if I ask myself if I need to vent or want a solution and then communicate that up front with my man does that make it easier for him?
Source video??
With women working I now have to listen to them vent along with dealing with my own problems.
Don't be ridiculous, ask yourself why you are getting that close to all your female colleagues. As a woman I would wonder, what are you after?
@@outoforbit00
"What are YOU after" You mean what are they after. Sounds to me like they all locked onto him as their dumping ground.
Why do you jump to it being HIM that is after something!?
Hell no you didn't just say that. Lolđ
As a woman, you sound like you want a woman who's provided for so she doesn't have to work or else counseled well enough That she doesn't vent. But you can't expect her to see you as HER man if she's being provided for and counseled by someone else. So I think it is level up time for you.
@@thecommenter9678 if he has all them women discussing their difficulties with him, he must have slept with them all, its so darn obvious.
@TheDiaryOfACEO should be mentioned...
Yup, he does have excellent intellect, and heâs a good guy.
communicate, communicate, communicate.
The problem is in the title. "Dealing with". There's your problem. Walk away. Peace is more valuable than any relationship with women.
you can do this after you have worked out if she wants your helps or knows what to do and wants your support.. most of the time she does not want me to solve it
1:18 -125
They maybe tricky to manage however if there's no accountability on her part or she believes she has no obligation to you as a man on any level, this process is rendered worthless at best and destructive at worst.
Seen it in real time.
I think it's *Jordan Peterson* who doesn't understand women...
Brilliant as usual
đ no, ignorant as all hell
being single feels better and better every day
Dr. Peterson is undeniably right. Now can he help us men with all the other things we are supposed to be getting done that we don't have time to discuss our feeling about with our wives?
Or perhaps women just want to complain and project themselves as victims - and yak, and yak, and yak.
Some do, some do not.đ
JP cautioned that she has to open in good faith.
@@kerriwilson7732 And that rarely happens.
Given the biological roles, men are tinkerers who are constantly trying to solve problems and take action, whereas women are managing and organizing what has been provided. If the primary role of a woman is to manage and organize the provisions acquired by a man, then itâs not a stretch to think women use talking not to solve problems, but to COPE withe problems and gain emotional CLOSURE with problems. Put simply, a man will use language to acquire a value or remove an obstacle to a value, wheras a woman will use language to adjust her DISPOSITION to a value or obstacle.
Of course language can accomplish bothâŠit can solve an external problem, or it can solve an internal problem (mental disposition), but men are tilted toward external problems, and women are tilted toward internal.
This helps explain why a single mother will try to help ber son not by helping him learn how to solve problems, but by helping him acquiesce to them to maintain emotional stabilityâŠcausing the boy to think of his problems the way a girl thinks of problemsâŠwhich isnât good for the boy, because competency is what makes men feel good.
Women who tilt too far are obnoxiously irrational. Men who tilt to far are monstrously impersonal and blockheaded.
@@kerriwilson7732 Never seen that myself.
It's always been about abusing rather then solving anything.
I have NEVER seen a women act in good faith to a man, to her kids yes, but a man? Another women in her life? Never.
This man knows everything about ' addiction '.
Bold of him to assume that I interact with any women
I wish I knew it before
Thanks you!
Women are complicated, keep changing always
Because women are more evolved.
good, keeps you on your toes. you never know what the next move is till it hits you like a bag of bricks
That's right. Once you think you have a handle on things, the landscape changes. You have to be a patient magician.
â@ruthieclarke9125 no, not evolved. Confused on decision making. Women do not stick to one thing. Keep changing.
Women are simple, just different.
It's a little late now, but this would have been very helpful to me about 12 or 15 years ago. It makes sense. When a woman dumps on me it used to really flummox me because the first thing that popped into my head was the same way Freud looked at it, viz. "What does woman want?" And it takes a gentle, careful Socratic approach to find out. I had little experience dealing with women, so it was almost like talking to a Martian, well, a Venusian.
Got no time for fucking game playing. If you want to vent, fair enough. If you want a solution, equally so. But dont expect me to know which is which. Im not a psychic
Then you didn't understand what Dr. Peterson is saying. This isn't a game to women. This is about how men and women communicate differently.
ASK
Hey! Well now i think i have a problem. In Mexico (or maybe Latam) there is a trend between women that a man who can solve is valuable, however if you ask a man to help for something or if he asks if you need help this is seen as a "man who can't solve", it's like a man should have the iniative to solve without consulting the solution.
This is frightening because my partner just broke her phone and she was saving money for something else, i didn't want to ask if i could send her some money because i knew she would say no, but I sent her money anyway without saying a thing.
Now i just hope she won't get mad at me, i feel a bit worried about it
EVEN more reason to confirm we are better apart. We need to quash this desire for relationships and marriage. Its an outdated concepts and weve grown too far apart for it to work.
Peterson pontificates on how males need to react when "dealing with women" saying: women will 'skewer you' ... and saying women don't even know they are on alert for threat...or suggesting you say to women: 'things you are saying don't make sense' - oh, brother.
Dr. Peterson, I think this is your best piece ever! Thanks so much for explaining it so exactly!
But I must say, it's not just men who have the tendency to problem-solve without listening. A lot of our girlfriends and sisters do the same, especially those who are heavily vested in playing a mother role. That's why we childless women don't usually click so well with women with more than two kids, because they derive their whole self-esteem from trying to solve other people's problems. They even start looking for problems before you've brought any up. They're like, "Please, please! Let me fix your life for you! Pleeeease!" They're far worse than men!! đ
Not the point of this video BUT ... Jordan's jacket game for me is hit or miss but I do like this one he's wearing with the leather patches.
Talking to your husband is a bid for connection. To feel understood and to understand the spouse in return... because its supposed to be a conversation, Not do this or that now shut up. When we feel like our husband doesnt want to talk to us, we feel unsafe talking to him. We feel shut down, not understood, and devalued as the person they decided to marry. One of the biggest walls in a marriage to climb is coming to a compromise between men wanting women to just shut up and put out and women wanting their man to listen, which makes them feel safe and connected... then they will put out. A man shuts a woman down in conversation then wonders why she isnt in the mood. And vise versa a woman talks about something and wont accept a solution(because she didnt ask for one) now he feels disrespected and devalued so in turn shuts down conversation.
Thanks JP, but thatâs too complicated for me. Best just steer clear!
So men have to make the largest effort by way of time and attitude correction to convince a woman that they are acting in good faith and then work through problems that are not their own so that women are absolved from applying logic and reason to issues that are almost certainly partially caused by their own neurosis an negative emotional state. I agree 100% with JP, but it's a seriously bad deal for men anyway you slice it.
Oh please, just learn how to listen!
@@joycewright5386 learn how to cope.
@@roberthuismans3533 You sound abusive.
@@ruthieclarke9125 Its okay you feel that way, privileged children want everything their way and react to criticism as abusive
@@ruthieclarke9125 lemme guess 'toxic'.
Lets see your achievements mr love guru
I just agree with her. Why? Sheâs Puerto Rican and I am afraid of her. Happy wife, happy life. Itâs worked for almost 48 years.
If my wife of almost 48 years wants my opinion sheâll tell
me what it is. I just say, â Iâm sorry. Iâd feel the same way, mi amor.â (Sheâs Puerto Rican).
Listen then comprehendâŠâŠ
Basically Mr Peterson is saying, "Listen and don't interrupt! Than listen to her questions, if any. Give her empathy and carry on with your day." Ask if she wants help, if she didn't ask already. Otherwise after listening make it a conversation. If she is wrong, be careful with what words. I use a lot of "we", "us", "together" as much as common sense dictates when I feel I need to be negative. Keep sarcasm and arrogant attitude at the door.
đđđđđ
Listening to all of a woman's imagined fears is the job of her female friends. They are built for it. A relationship is not meant to be a person's end all be all.
I love that my wifeâs threat sensitivity lets her worry about a million stupid things but the idea that she probably shouldnât tailgate a Hells Angel down the road is oblivious to her. She has zero situational awareness. Texting and driving apparently doesnât pose any threat as well. Or driving through the ghetto with no gas, etcâŠâŠ. Thereâs no one more privileged than a beautiful woman.
thanks for this great advice. The first thing I said to my wife was, âJordan Peterson says little ladies like you donât know what you are afraid of, so Iâm gonna let you just motor on until we get to the end of the groundless fears that your tiny little female mind is full of.â
Itâs a great hotel. Iâve been here for the last three weeks and I hope to get, a room next week if I can get together the down payment. Now Iâm more like Jordan than ever before as my rage issues bubble slowly to the surface. Thanks Jordan!
Don't wory about the small things and the big things will go right on by
It s a miracle tht our specy has survived for so long we are so wrong and incompetent for each other
This isnât a problem exclusive to men either. Iâve just had to put my future sister in law in place because sheâs given unsolicited and unasked for, advice in problem resolution. I donât know her well enough to trust her judgement.
Questions asked from a position of genuine ignorance are NOT stupid questions. Ignorance is NOT the same as stupidity. Ignorance can be cured by learning. Stupidity cannot.
The key to not asking a genuinely stupid question is to phrase it correctly. For example a question checking if understanding is correct should be couched in conditional terms: I think I understood the concept as this, am I correct? It should not be couched in assumptive terms. Another thing to avoid is directly contradicting something you've just been told when asking a question. For example, if you've just been told the sky is blue because of Rayleigh scattering of the sun's light then a stupid question would be to assert the sky is orange and then talk about Rayleigh scattering. That example is reductio ad absurdum to some extent, but it captures the essence of a great many really stupid questions. Questions asked by those who simply haven't been paying attention properly and thus have utterly missed basic facts in what they are being told. That is wilful ignorance rather than genuine ignorance and is rapidly heading into stupidity.
I really love this comment. Tell me more about the distinction between ignorance and stupidity. It has some bearing on morality I think especially of those in positions of power who insist that their hands are tied when injustices persist instead of using intelligence to act ethically towards positive change.
@@nzingahoney thing you have to remember is that intelligent people can be extraordinarily stupid. This is the distinction between intelligence and wisdom.
The biggest thing that gets more intelligent people is cognitive dissonance. Not that they miss basic facts or things that disagree with their position. It's worse than that. They actively ignore such contradictory information because it doesn't fit their point of view and narrative. That is the main stupidity of the intelligent. It's very widespread as well. I likely suffer from it in some areas. I try not to, it's just that it's almost built into the human psyche.
In current political terms we have Biden supporters who utterly refuse to concede that he has dementia and is thus utterly unfit for his current position. We then have Trump supporters who utterly refuse to concede that his style of communication can put some people off his policies. More generally we have people who support a policy until they are told that it originates from a political opponent. They utterly ignore the merits of the policy and just consider it from a partisan political, tribal perspective.
The cognitive dissonance very often comes up when considering ideologues of any flavour. Fanatical, extremist ideologues are so wedded to ideological purity that they propose "solutions" that are utterly impractical and in many cases actively harmful. They then refuse to change those proposals when confronted with contradictory information. Again classic stupidity of the intelligent in many cases.
Another type of stupid question is the disingenuous gotcha type. Questions deliberately framed and constructed in an intellectually dishonest manner. Again ideologues do this quite often as do politicians and also lawyers when trying cases in some instances.
@@davidpnewton thanks for this reminder. I will recommit to accepting facts despite my cherished beliefs and perspectives.
Think less of a woman like you equal and more like a child you have to comfort and your relationship is gonna go way better.
She will feel more secure and happy with you
Mostly everythingâŠ
He nearly gets it, but not quite!
Then clarify.
You are so right Mr. Peterson since I am a woman
Nice to hear a woman admit she's a woman I'm teasing
Its never about "the garbage"