Doctor REACTS to Love on the Spectrum | Psychiatrist Analyzes Autistic People Dating | Dr Elliott
Vložit
- čas přidán 10. 02. 2024
- #doctorreacts #drelliott #loveonthespectrum #netflix #mentalhealth
Check out my reaction to Bojack Horseman: • DOCTOR REACTS TO BOJAC...
It's a Sin reviews: • DOCTOR REACTS TO IT'S ...
This is my first Doctor REACTS video watching Love on the Spectrum, a show all about helping autistic people find love and navigate the difficult and complicated world of dating. On this video I explain what ASD or autism is, how the diagnosis is made, some of the autistic features we can see on display and why rates of loneliness are higher and it's more difficult to understand dating.
Let me know what you think!
SUBSCRIBE for new videos every Sat and every Wed: / @doctorelliottcarthy
Connect with me on socials:
Twitter: @elcarthy
Instagram: @dr.elliott.carthy
![[柴犬ASMR]曼玉Manyu&小白Bai 毛发护理Spa asmr](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/0TsXQ7z2Dh4/mqdefault.jpg)
I have autism and my neurotypical bf said he found it really charming how I kept talking about the differences between species of clams on our first date lol. I didn't even realize I was infodumping at the time but I'm glad he liked it.
I infodumped on the first date. They thought I was “crazy but in the best way.” Talked everyday since.
Infodumped? Is this a new word? I honestly never heard it before.
I love that term! ❤
😅it's new to me..I love it 😅😅😅
as an autistic myself "I have autism" triggers me hard. you ARE autistic. I think we should talk this way about neurotypicals because there is SO MUCH wrong with them. autism shouldn't be a diagnosis, it needs to be the other way around. NTs should be thankful bc science and philosophy would be nothing without us. gosh I hope one day more ppl will understand that we're kinder and wayyyy smarter than NTs. those extra neurons are firing 24/7, our brains are analyzing life, while NTs do their silly small talks and work 9-5
The youtube channel "I'm Autistic, Now What?" has a recent episode talking about Love on the Spectrum, which I also enjoyed. Meg is really involved in the online autistic community so you hear her perspective as an autistic person and get to hear about some of the main discussions within the community.
I love her! She's amazing, highly recommend her channel!
I love that she also isn't too biased and looks at all the sides of the discussions
Thank you for reviewing this, I really appreciate your take on this. As an autistic cis-woman, who did my masters research on the experiences of late-diagnosed autistic women, I would also like to add that there's a misconception that women are "better" at masking, when in reality, we are just socialized to adhere to gendered social norms. I think it's important to distinguish this, otherwise the onus is put on women for being "harder to detect".
Thank you for making a very good and valued point about masking. I'm autistic with a good number of autistic friends both men and women and I'm part of an autistic support group. In my experience those who say "I'm really good at masking." or "I can mask to the point that I can pass for NT." think they can...but after a bit of conversation, NTs can tell. The "Uncanny Valley" Hypothesis comes into play. NTs may not know we're autistic but on a base level they can tell there's something different even for those who mask well.
I was seeing a social worker who helps Neurodivergent people get jobs and live independently.
One day my social worker introduced me, to another woman(who is also Autistic) that she sees in hopes to encourage me to be more sociable.
We didn't just become friends, we fell in love after getting to know each other. We even got married last summer.
That's heartwarming. Gives us hope that there's still hope for finding love organically for those of us off-put by online dating. Have a wonderful marriage ❤
Congratulations!
Man the married by 30 thing is engraved in a lot of our brains I thought the same thing we shouldn’t put that much pressure on ourselves love watching this show
I wish I would have waited until I was 30. Ugh love!
I'm autistic, in a relationship with someone with adhd. Actually works out well, used to quiet moments and rabbling moments, over and unstimulation understanding, he's very expressive so easier for me to read while I'm direct so good for him to know what I'm feeling. In my experience, I am more successful with other NDs than typicals where it is tiring, difficult and often end up feeling guilty and inadequate
Me too!! Married for 8 years now with me having autism and him having ADHD :)
Hey, how do you guys deal with their adhd symptoms ? I think i'm autistic, and my boyfriend has adhd and i have such a hard time with us working so differently (i need routine, he is very chaotic is one example), do you have any tips ?
You don’t need therapy trust
@MrLeethium i have adhd too so helps with the understanding. A lot is about both being a little flexible. So I like to plan to meet somewhere at a certain time, but I'm well aware he's going to be late. As long as he makes the effort to be there when he can be, I'll make the effort to not be annoyed about how late he is; I usually plan around that without telling him. If we're having issues then we'll tell each other something is wrong, though might take a while to actually talk about it, just that understanding and communication is important in the first place. We also don't live together, we will do one day but it's definitely a trail and error thing, with us both understanding it will be a difficult change for each of us. I guess mainly it's about trying to understand each other and figure out ways to mitigate it. Relationships are really just about compatibility, what you're willing to compromise and what you're not. It's important to know where you are willing to draw the line, can be big or small things. Like I don't want children and he didn't really mind, so we're not having kids. Also I find it difficult to wash up so when he comes over we tend to body double to get housework done. His special interest is music production, which I don't know a lot about but still listen and engage and ask questions and give my opinions because it's important to him
@MrLeethium also on a smaller but just as important level, compliments! Tell them what you're thinking when you can. Tell them why you're listening to them, why you want to be around them, little ways you've chosen to mitigate because you know it matters to them and you want to do that. Also tell them how you like the parts they don't like, I love the fact things just fall out of his mouth because I find it so hard to talk, I love that he can play 5 games in the same night and just switch from one to another because I get stuck on one thing and I can't think about anything else. And he reassures me too that the things I don't like about myself and the things I've constantly been told are reasons people don't like me are the reasons he loves me. While with typicals I tend to find they prefer their partners to not see their flaws, even if it's to compliment them, I think it's more about loving someone because of their flaws. I've never been good at complimenting typicals, I also seem to do it wrong or accidentally offend them, but with him it's easy because we understand what we're trying to say and the meaning behind it
I have autism and it was quite difficult for me to understand the dating game. For exemple: " do you want to have coffee ?" "Nope it's past 5pm I won't sleep". "Maybe a tea or just a soda ?" "No I'm not thirsty right now".
I told a friend who explained it to me.😂.
I'm now married to an autistic man. We were not diagnosed yet at the time. For both of us it's our only real relationship.
But autistic women are at much high risk of abuse and roxic relationships in general. Not a lot a friends + not knowing how a person should be treated in a relationship, you're an easy pray.
Could you explain that conversation to me? I don't see anything weird about it
I'm an autistic person with psychology as one of my special interests. Having this particular special interest makes my ability to mask that much stronger because I know a bit more about what makes people tick. The analogy I use is feeling like an alien living amongst humans; I understand the customs, the culture, the language of people, but underneath the human disguise I wear, I'm a different creature.
When you mentioned the appreciation of detail, it kind of brought me back into focus because I kept staring at the rainbow Lego set behind you and asking myself where the yellow figure has gone, or if there was one in the first place (now I can't get it out of my head).
As a kid I always used to think I was secretly a robot or something and in hindsight, I think I was picking up on just how different I was from others. It really is like being an alien in a skin suit or a robot.
@@Frau.Kanzlerin I've used the robot analogy as well at times.
Ah, the impostor syndrome's cunning cousin, it's been my partner for my whole life as well
omg I was also wondering what happened to the yellow lego figure and whether there even was one in the first place
as an autistic person i've always had a loneliness when it came to the people around me. i knew i was a bit disconnected and i didn't really pick up on something. not a hundred percent on what that something is, but i know it's there. for me i've been really lucky and my ex partner had helped me navigate the world in a way that made me feel connected to them, myself, and others. it made me feel connected to people for the first time :) everyone deserves love
The feeling: “I don’t why I feel I’m missing something, and I don’t know what that thing is, but I’m pretty sure I’m missing something..”
@@christiansebastianlauritse2404Perfectly said. I know there's a piece missing, I feel it, I'm acutely aware...but putting it into words, and much less - action - is very difficult.
I'm glad I'm not the only autistic person who watching this kinda felt like it was a bit too infantalizing. I wasn't gonna bother writing a comment if it was just me, since it could just be how it made me feel, but if other people felt it too that might be an issue.
I agree. I noticed the editing, the way the producers talk to them, and how they talk about them is very childlike. It seems demeaning... I heard they rejected someone because "they weren't autistic enough"
That was my main issue with it, it almost enforced why I mask so heavily in dating because I want to be seen as attractive, sexy, intelligent, interesting etc, not as more childlike and incapable
I'm curious whether you've watched the whole show? The cast have a lot of diversity in experiences and abilities.
Yes, I’ve had some infantilizing vibes from parts of the show.
@LolliMolly09 there's actually not that much diversity, they specifically chose autistic people that fit into a tiny narrative of what people think autism is. There's no mention or explanation about masking which is usually a massive factor in dating. They didn't really show anyone independent but struggling. They picked a specific niche and focused in on it, showcasing a narrative of childlike, awkward, innocent, incapable and "inspo porn" adults. For two seasons of a show about dating while autistic, there's a surprising lack of diversity
The problem with this evaluation is that the psychiatrist who diagnosed me with autism did not give me an explanation as to why he wanted me to make up a story using 4 inanimate objects. There is a huge difference between someone who says they are incapable of doing the task given to them, and someone who IS capable but REFUSES TO COMPLY with the demand, especially if an explanation is not given. That part of the testing needs to change, in my opinion. It's completely asinine, as well as infuriating.
I'm part of a large autistic forum and support group online and we have pretty much had to stop talking about that show. One of admin is a film student and she beautifully broke down why the show does not aim to lift people up who in the show by how it's filmed and edited. I wholeheartedly agree with my meager editing experience. I can't watch it. The participants are fanrastic. They deserve a better production team.
As someone that has Dyspraxia (not ASD as such, but definitely has shared characteristics), the mermaid analogy was truly wonderful! It reminded me of a quote from a fellow Dyspraxic Victoria Biggs, saying it's like lying diagonally in a parallel world. Her book Caged in Chaos is brilliant and gets a strong recommendation
I was diagnosed with ASD a couple years ago at 22 years old (I'm a woman btw, we do tend to be diagnosed later for the moment)
My presentation is so subtle that unless you are quite close to me and have actually researched ASD, you would likely have no idea. My older sister realised I may be autistic (unaware that I was already thinking the same thing) bc she is closest to me and actually learned about the modern understanding of it.
Yes loneliness can be hard. I had such a hard time with friendships as a teenager. Once I got to college and realised the same thing was happening in my social life which happened in high school, I really felt I must be the problem, and something was wrong with me. I remember crying in the shower bc I felt I was broken. Now I know it's nobody's "fault" exactly, it's just a challenge. It's still hard, but at least now I know why, and it helps me find solutions
Always love your takes on ASD, doc. Thank you for the video!
This is similar to my experience, I always felt I am on outside looking in, the person that is needed, but never wanted...I wish You the best, and I hope You find your people, those that will see you and like you for who You are, and who will stand by You trough thick AND thin.
@@margodphd Thank you! I hope the same for you :)
If someone told me how democracy got started on a date I would be head over heels.
Yeah, I didn't understand why that isn't a first date topic either. I want to hear whatever someone is passionate about tbh.
Agreed, that's a great topic.
I was just recently diagnosed with ASD (and adhd.) I’m married. Almost 39. My husband actually brought up autism to me at one point, not knowing I had already been obsessively researching and being involved in autistic led spaces online for about 3 years at that point.
I agree that the level system is very lacking. It implies high needs are less competent, and it implies low needs don’t need help. I’m labeled Level 1, but honestly that’s me on a GOOD day, while I still have the ability to mask and manage sensory overload. There is so much I struggle with. Work kills me.. my days off I’m just trying to recharge and I have no energy nor the mental fortitude to do my adult responsibilities. As it stands, my hygiene is shit. I’m lucky if I can talk myself into getting into the shower twice a week-it’s not that I hate showers, i LOVE a hot, water pounding shower, it’s the transition period that stops me.. I also have to feel just right, like tummy not too full from food or liquid, and it often does not match with my other senses being on or off in. Making phone calls for appts, ugh.
Job interviews? 1 in 10 jobs Ive gotten I was actually hired on interview. The rest? Family knew someone, or their “interview” was a working interview. I swear it’s like you walk into an interview and they just KNOW you aren’t one of them.
People tell me “you dont seem autistic.” Well, that’s bc you only see the times where I am forced to mask and control myself as much as possible. My husband sees it, my sister sees it, my MIL sees it. They see me when I’m most “myself.”
Seen. Heard. Understand 100%
I loved your comment about perspective taking vs. empathy. You can really feel how much they all want to find love. This show is so wholesome please keep watching :)
I'm sorry but as an autistic person I have to ask whether you would use the word 'wholesome' about any other dating programme? That's something you say when you see two 4 year olds holding hands 'awww that's so cute'. We are adults who have exactly the same needs, goals and desires as NT adults. This show is so infantalising and the use of the word 'wholesome' when describing it proves the point
I loved when one of the guys said autism is having a more vivid imagination. I have autism and am currently doing an illustration degree and I’ve never been around more autistic people than in my art school. So many of my friends here feel that our autism has actually helped us with art. A lot of us struggled with more classic ‘academic’ things and so we focused more on creative things. It’s one of the few silver linings I’ve experienced from my autism :)
I'm autistic, and my exposure to this show has been people (neurotypical and autistic alike) talking about the contestants like it's a freak-show.
Thank you Dr. Elliott, for highlighting the more positive aspects and sharing your observations about these individuals in a neutral manner
I really like this show, especially the previous seasons. I'm a 32 years old autistic woman from Germany, diagnosed when I was 30. I was flying under the radar pretty well my entire life, so noone suspected anything. But I've always been different. I always felt alone and disconnected. Like there's a bubble around me and I observe the world from the inside of this bubble without being part of it. Loneliness is a very familiar companion of mine. I'm high functioning enough to not be recognised as autistic on the first look, but social connection is something I really struggle with. I like the analogy of neurotypical people driving automatic and me driving manual. They just navigate through social life without any effort and I have to actively choose the right gear for every single situation. Sometimes it's the wrong gear or the gears don't shift very smoothly. So I can fly under the radar for some time, but with much more effort than neurotypical people. And romance is the most difficult thing. I don't look bad, I'm intelligent and well educated, but I have huge deficits in the social sector. The things I'm passionate about are not really interesting to most people, so I don't know what to talk about when someone isn't interested in video games, metal music, mythology or random animal facts. In addition, my standards are really high, so most people don't pass the compatibility test. And being homosexual in a rather rural area doesn't make it easier to find the right person. I did experience dating and sexual encounters, but never ended up in a relationship. It's difficult.
I'm Autistic (as it turns out) and I always felt like a mermaid as a kid too but for me it was a very Ariel (Disney) specific mermaid where there wasn't really loneliness, I do much better and am much happier alone, but a feeling of warmth being surrounded by my special interests and away from people. Like I could dive into my world to be safe away from the rest of the world.
Disclaimers: I don't have autism (I don't think?), but I do have ADHD, so cross-over in relatability, and I also haven't watched the whole show, just this video.
This show looks really weird because a) it seems very much in the genre of Very American Reality Show, with all the tropes of performativity, theatrical video diaries at the camera etc., and b) it kind of just seems that they're forcing people with autism to act out neurotypical ideals of courting and dating. Sure, if they were going on a date with a neurotypical person it would probably help to learn specific date expectations, but I wonder how different these dates would look if they were allowed to interact in a way that was more natural.
It's also interesting hearing Dr Elliot give examples throughout this video, because I wouldn't have used some of them to make the points he's making. E.g. the one where James doesn't start talking - they're in a filming context. There's a lot of direction in reality television shows. I think it's far more likely that he didn't start talking because he thought they were still doing equipment or levels checks, or that they were waiting for the cue that they were officially filming a take. Or with the person talking about how they felt about their dating life via 'factual' statements - I thought the emotion behind the statements was very obvious, and if a neurotypical person were saying the same things, I have to wonder if the lack of declarations of explicit emotions would be commented upon, as the context would likely be more readily assumed. It's also important to note that this is an edited reality show, so for all we know the person /did/ talk about his emotions and it was cut. Either way, I thought it was a weird thing to point out. This is not a potshot at Dr Elliot of course, and I'm also making a sweeping generalisation, but I think that when talking about difficulties with perspective-taking, it's important to acknowledge that neurotypical people are often bad at perspective-taking with people outside of their neurotype as well - and that will influence how we all see and talk about each other.
In the same way, the date scenes felt very performative in the kind of way I associate with neurodiverse people moderating their actions when interacting with neurotypical people. The speech also feels stilted and full of cliches because it's a performance, not necessarily just because the people have autism. I'm not saying that autism doesn't have an impact on behaviour - it's literally part of the diagnostic criteria and I understand that - I'm just really surprised that Dr Elliot didn't comment on any of this.
Also finally (and a little tongue in cheek I guess), is no one going to point out how weird it was that that grandma interrupted someone to ask if their feet was cold in the middle of a conversation about dating preferences. If there was someone in that room that had trouble following social graces, it was her (baddum tiss!).
Edit: typos
Holy hell I've never wanted to meet people I've seen on TV before, but there's a sense of ... closeness, to the cast, and a sense of warmth from You, doc ❤
Frankly, conversing about the birth of democracy sounds like it could be best date,ever. I'd much rather listen about something someone's passionate about even if it's novel to me rather than have someone going through the motions of trying to present themselves as who they imagine I expect them to be. People are so afraid of being themselves that sometimes, seeing someone being authentically themselves without guilt makes them ... genuinely angry, misdirecting that anger. The backlash one autistic creator got after showcasing her enjoying whale sighting made me realise how far that anger can go... and how vicious people can be. We need to promote self-awareness, mindfulness, empathy - I believe that only with kindness we can win the fight against ableism and bullying.
Your channel brings us one step further to a better, kinder world.
This is such a great show! At first I was scared it was gonna mock people with asd, but it’s so heartwarming ❤️
I hope you will continue reacting to more episodes ☺️
I'm autistic. I have a different view of loneliness. I've felt lonely when I've been in relationships, and when I was married. Now I live alone and practice relationship anarchy, I don't feel lonely when I'm alone anymore because I've learnt to love and respect myself. My loneliness came from a longing for someone else to love me because I didn't love myself.
Yeah, I've definitely experienced something similar - felt lonely in relationships, took me a while to realise I was on the asexual/aromantic spectrum + autism spectrum. Loving yourself, feeling happy when you're alone and doing the stuff you love to do - those are the best things in life for me! 😊 anyways, thanks for sharing your experience, best of luck to you 😊
I appreciate you making this video. My son has autism so, obviously, my wife and I have wondered about what his life will look like as he grows up (he's going to be 13 later this year, so, he's getting there quickly). It's daunting, and I love seeing this being talked about in such an empathetic and accepting way (mainly because, as a child of the late '80s/early '90s, autism wasn't anything we really knew about, so I remember how cruel people could be to people who, in retrospect, were almost certainly on the spectrum... and I'm still not convinced I'm not on the spectrum, and my wife very much agrees given our son shares so many of my same "quirks"). Anyway, TL;DR: I appreciate you, Elliott!
I was engaged to an autistic man (he would say he had asperger syndrome) for years (he very sadly died). It was very difficult for both of us. I was too chaotic for his very ordered world. He was so unable to empathise and understand what I needed that I felt boxed in. He adapted as much as he could, and did a lot, but just couldn't express what he needed and give me what I needed, and I tried my best, but it was never enough and never good enough, and I was never sure how he'd react to anything.
I don't know how I feel about this show tbh. I'm an autistic woman + ADHD and maybe my viewpoint is biased because I've been married to a neurotypical person for over a decade at this point but I find it a little bit infantilising? I do understand that a lot of autistic people experience a particular sense of loneliness but we are all people and just as capable of finding love as anyone. Even though my partner is nuerotypical there are areas where they can relate to my autistic traits (we're both picky eaters for different reasons, we both find comfort in and prefer routine in our day to day, ect) and over the years we've grown to understand each other's needs and appreciate how different we are to one another.
I do love seeing such a wide variety of autistic people finding joy and love but I think I'm sensitive to being a bit infantalised by other people in the past that stuff like this rubs me a little bit wrong if that makes sense
yeah imo it seemed really othering. like making all autistic people seem completely alien and incapable of regular human interactions. like, idk, it just skewed completely to one end of the spectrum. some things hit, but it didn't feel representative or overly relatable at all. like, I think people would be surprised by how many autistic people they know and just don't realise are autistic because it's not presenting in such an obvious way like this.
I’m unsure too. As an autistic person it seems a bit infantilizing at times. But o really enjoy the Autistic individuals on the show and find myself relating and empathizing with them.
most of the autistic people featured on this show are on social media, and you can see them talk about their experience with the show there. they overwhelmingly have positive feelings about the show, and don't agree that it's infantalizing. seriously, just go to kaelynn partlow's youtube channel (one of the featured people on the show) and watch her short video called "kaelynn responds to love on the spectrum critique." i think the cast themselves would know best about whether their depiction on the show was infantalizing.
I as an autistic person very strongly disagree with your comment to effect that autistic people are….just as able to find love as anyone else. Whilst you have clearly been able to find a loving relationship (for which I am glad for you) many other autistic people including myself are extremely lonely and autistic females in particular are at increased risk of falling into a domestic abuse type situation if they do manage to find a relationship.
I'm autistic and didn't know that the ' since I'm like this, others are, too - was an asd thing. I think that's why I've gotten so messed up in relationships.
Unrelated, but seeing the picture of the person in the lime green dress playing "The Weakest Link" on your shelf is making me miss Anne Robinson and that show. 😢
This is one of my favorite videos you've ever done! I would love to see you cover more of this show or other similar content, please. Thank you for all your hard work!
I’m still working with a therapist and figuring out what type of neurodivergence I have, probably just ADHD. I love this show so much, and it’s so nice that they have such a variety of people in it. I really resonated with the casts’ intense passion for their hobbies and interests, and talking about feelings that come with being different from others. I am curious why you started with season two, you should check out season one as well! But would love to see more of your thoughts/reactions to this show!
Pleaseee i need more reactions of this show!! thank you for your content :)
I'm autistic. diagnosed at 17. in my late twenties now. my mum and I watch this show. sometimes she gets emotional. she's trying to teach me how to date. because I'm trying to meet other people. but I don't really have friends so I have to start there
I'd recommend finding other neurodivergents in your area, not just autistics, there's others that are good at understanding us. My friends tend to be either autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. Dating is easy once you have friends.
Wooooh autism squad, autism on autism love is awesome ❤❤❤ marrying my autistic love this summer
omg love love loveeeeeeeeeed you reacting to this thank youu!! I giggled at your reaction to when he ticks the boxes right then and there
I'm so glad you reacted to this! If you were interested there are so many other scenes I'd love you to react to from this show!
I am autistic, my metaphor is it's like being unpopular for your whole life, you're on the outside looking in, feeling judged or like something is missing from every interaction. When you find a group of people who are patient or open enough to say hello and give you a chance to talk it's probably one of the best feelings in the world, one of the greatest moments in my life so far has been attending my high school formal with my friends and I got to go there with my best mate. They also let me talk about surgery, obstetrics and just medicine in general which is my special interest, that helps me retain information for my degree too. It's always kind of cool to find fellow autistic people who have special interests too because of that passion like you mentioned. But yeah, for me outside of my little gang it's a perpetual feeling of missing something.
Regarding underdiagnosis of neurodevelopmental disorders in women: At least ADHD often manifests differently in women, tending to show more often as the inattentive (and thus less disruptive and noticeable) type. It's often said that ADHD more often shows in boys, and it's even taught as a fact at uni by psychologists. Some researchers suspect though that ADHD is as prevalent in boys as in girls, but due to the different manifestations boys are more often noticed as "different" and thus get more often diagnosed.
As far as I've heard there are differences in how autism shows depending on gender, so I guess next to the masking that is a reason why it get's more often diagnosed in men.
You're right. ADHD in women tends to present with much more inattention with people labelled as poor students or suffering in silence compared to boys with hyperactivity and impulsivity where the disruption caused to parents and teachers tends to lead to an earlier diagnosis.
You should do a video on ADHD/ADD in women and how the symptoms can vary from the typical male presentation! I love your channel; been binging your reaction videos for a week now❤️🥰
As a man with autism, honestly loneliness is huge and I struggled with it most of my life until recently entering a relationship with a woman also on the spectrum (which is amazing to finally be with someone who understands me). Id honestly given up hope of ever finding love, until i met her. Good luck everyone in your love lifes and don't give up you never know when you'll finally meet the one.
Most autistic people I know are extremely creative. Always writing, making multiple artworks each week, for example.
We need more reaction videos to this series!
This is a really sweet and insightful review.
yeeeeeees please do another episode on that show ! 🤩
omg yessss asd related content, cant wait to watch 🫶
There are four seasons of this show two in Australia and two in the US
I've heard that some of the people who were meant to be on this show didn't end up on it as they didn't present in the way the show wanted which definitely seems icky
I'm autistic, my kids are too, I know a lot of autistic people and I would say that most of the people on these shows are not typical. They all seem to be at the higher support needs end of the spectrum which, again, enforces the old stereotypes of ASD. It may make for good TV but it's not good for the representation of autistic people
You're such a wonderful human being Dr. Carthy
I think the main issue with this show is how most people watching it see it in a super patronising way. But people who understand and empathise with autistic people can obviously interpret it better. As a lonely autistic person, I kinda hope it becomes less infantilising in future (at least in its audience).
And with the ADOS I really found it so hard to define what a "friend" was. I said somebody who understands me and can share my common interests, but apparently that didn't have enough "meaning"!
PLEASE do more reactions to this show!!
Wow it’s really interesting how you keep talking about the different vocal inflections and yet I can’t hear anything odd? I mean, I’m on the spectrum so I guess that makes sense?
And I feel a bit cheated I never got to do the tell-a-story part when I got diagnosed, ‘cause that just sounds kinda fun lol
I would love if you reacted to Amsterdam!! They have some great mental health episodes that I think you would enjoy analyzing!!
This reminds me a lot of a channel 4 show similar to this called the undateables.
It showed the dating experiences of people with a much wider range of disabilities which was interesting.
I'm autistic, diagnosed as an adult. Growing up my favorite movie was The Little Mermaid, which is unusual for me because I don't typically love romance stories. But if you take out the romance, it's a movie about a girl who feels like she doesn't belong, knows that the people around her don't see the world the way she does, and has a niche obsession that she loves but no one else is interested in. She then gets to go somewhere where she feels like she belongs, explore her obsession to her heart's content, and in the end, gains the ability to effectively communicate with the people around her.
... yeah, someone probably should've figured out I was autistic way earlier
This was awesome! Do the whole series and then the Australian one (also good).
I'd tell my son that he and I (ADHD) are disordered against the backdrop of our society. We might not be considered disordered in a different society/environment. Something is only disordered if it doesn't fit within the very human-made expectations of a social structure.
Thanks for your brilliant video 😊i have adhd was diagnosed at 41 on the nhs..i struggle to keep a flow in convo &forget what im saying.as im too fast 😅.their is a lot of stuff on the internet talking about adhd &people saying 'oh wow i have that!'..but no positive advice...so i find 🎵is great when im busy in the kitchen...it destracts my fast ticking brain 😅..
My friend is autistic and she told me she HATES this show because she finds it very infantilizing. I thought the show was kind of sweet, but I definitely see what she means (and I don't have lived experience). I think it's a fine line and comes down to what is the purpose of making a show like this? Is it for the purpose of representation for other people on the spectrum? Or is it for entertainment (because then who is gaining entertainment from it, and why?)
Yeah I can kinda see it from that angle. Netflix has made a couple other matchmaking shows like Jewish and Indian matchmaking and those two were very much made for those communities to enjoy but can be enjoyed by others.
Whereas this show seemed to be made more for the families of autistic people/non-autistic people but can be enjoyed by autistic people.
Yeah, I remember reading they rejected someone from the show for “not being autistic enough” or something along those lines - made me suspicious of the whole thing
Yeah I actually find it painful to watch as an autistic person.
I can understand that. The actual people on the show and doing the filming were all having a great time and have had nothing but praise for the experience but the framing/editing of the show and the audience it's intending to capture does feel a bit like "aw look at these silly little guys" which absolutely is infantilizing.
@@roguecodes It does seem (just from this video) that they've gone to one end of the spectrum where it presents really obviously, which makes the whole thing seem not very representative or insightful at all. It's like it's presenting all autistic people as a different species.
I have autism, ADHD and dyspraxia, and my girlfriend is autistic, maybe ADHD too. I definitely found dating other autistics easier. I was in a somewhat abusive situationship because I wasn't able to read between the lines and understand what was really going on.
I've spent a lot of my life trying to be less autistic and to suppress my impulses. I'm now trying to undo some of that, because it's tiring and doesn't make me happy. There's an element of learning how to be "less autistic" in ways that really do help - like learning how to communicate with your partner so that you are both happier and can empathise with each other - but in tons of other ways autistics are often told to just cope so we're not a pain to NTs.
I'm not gonna put up with a loud environment just to not rock the boat. It's painful to me because of a disability and I shouldn't have to accept that. I shouldn't have to bend over backwards so my disability doesn't inconvenience someone else
The first clip. "Love is a dagger." OK I'm absolutely watching this show now.
I have a learning disability similar to aspergers, non-verbal learning disorder. I don't know if it's technically on the spectrum now. I was told that I 'test too well' to actually get 'coded' with autism. I hope you do some reviews of the show parenthood. It was the first time I really connected to a character and was able to reflect on somethings I put family members and stuff through
I love how you talk about speech patterns and intonation differences. I have autism and often when I hear my recorded voice, I hear the oddly placed intonations and speech pattern. Often I also seem to sound quite monotone, but funny thing is, when I hear myself speaking in "real time", I am convinced that I sound "normal" and that my range comes out like intended. It's interesting. Like, I can hear myself let out a sarcastic tone often, but it is not recieved sarcastic out loud. I sometimes wonder if other austic people experience this. Where you are aware of how you should put emphasis in a sentence and how your intonation should be, you will be doing exactly that, and then on a recording of your voice, it sounds flat and monotone. 🤣😅
I love this show so much!
Well that was ended abruptly! I want more! Or maybe I just want to watch the series over again. ;)
The way i see the water and land analogy is that everyone else is able to stand on steady ground, while being in the water is constant treading water and struggling to stay afloat and that is so sad
do you get lip filler? also need way more of these eps with more frequency please!
7:08 I'd be very interested to know more about the interview idea, presuming you are referring to things like job interviews. This is something I've wondered about, especially in regards competency interviews, i.e., the "tell me about a time..."-based interview approach. It seems like these questions are not so much checking to see what knowledge you have, but are rather testing to see how this knowledge is indexed. It may be, for example, that someone has experienced the exact challenges the interviewer is asking about, and if challenged with them again would have the ability to respond, but in their mind they don't categorise the challenges in the same way. If so, that interview approach would seem to unnecessarily enforce a certain homogeneity in how employees think about a problem, at a time when there is such focus on the idea that diversity in people will produce diversity in thought. From what I hear from HR people, there is a thought that this sort of questioning and its consistent application across applicants will make for a more defensible process, legally speaking. As such, it'd be somewhat ironic if a company was sued for implementing a style of interviewing that was decidedly unfair in an attempt to ward off lawsuits.
Im watching Killing Eve and I neeeed your take on it. The Villanelle/Eve relationship is so interesting. Lots of cool psychiatry things to look at!
6:34... You view incredible attention to detail as a strength, where as to me it honestly causes more harm than good because it creates a hyper focus which in turn means I am unable to get done what I need to get done because 100% of my processing power is focused on this one little detail. That is not to say it isn't a strength, it very much is heck a few of my jobs I only managed to keep for so long because while I was mid at my job skills I was excelent at saving the company money on safety issues so I got to do a mediocer job and still get raises and keep my job because I could help in a different way, my point is that that strength is very very double edged and often the edge pointed towards you is actually sharper and more dangerous than the edge of the strength.
When Abbey and David sang Can You Feel the Love Tonight, that was the best part of the show ❤
u should watch the UK/AUS version of Love on the Spectrum! it's just as good!!
When your Autism Loneliness is so advanced you feel alienated even from other autistics 🙃🙃
Bro same 😂🙌🏼
I have autism and adhd. I got diagnosed this year and my brother got diagnosed with autism when he was 5 (I am now 21 and he is two years younger than me). I'm definately not an expert on this but I have had bad experiences with drs in many ways. It seems like the communication differences frequently present in autism leads to many people infantilising and misunderstanding autistic people. This imo is a large contributer to the higher rates of autistic people in prisons and mental institutions.
Dude at 7:40 DUDE! I'm a lass on the spectrum and i LOVE learning about the history of the greeks, vikings and the beginings of democracy! How DARE his family say he'd put a person to sleep, talking about that!
why is rupaul's shaka khan moment back there omg love it😭
Would some of these people fit ASD2 diagnosis?
I worry that watching this show will make me angry at my family. Can anyone give me insights? We spent 25 years telling my sister that my nephew likely had autism. My mom is a high-risk nurse practitioner (a person registered more advanced than a nurse but below a doctor) who was very familiar with patients with autism. She (and I, who was studying psychology) could tell he met the criteria while watching him grow up. My sister treated him, and all of their 5 children horribly (it's one of my biggest regrets that I didn't call CPS on them), and it wasn't until my nephew got in legal trouble that they got him diagnosed. I'm no-contact with my family, but I've heard that he still has no friends and hasn't been given resources. Will this show give me hope for him, or just make me even more furious at my family for making him spend nearly 30 years (his age now) quote, "I know I'm wrong. That's why I don't have friends. No one likes me."? (Literally verbatim something he said to me as a teen)
I'm autistic and realised very early on I was different, around 5 years old but I didn't know why, at the time I only had 4 front teeth, so my child brain thought I was a monster as I didnt like other people and found them hard to understand but I wanted to fit in so I started masking
"It is hard enough for the best of us, let alone autistic people..." I have to hope this is a British turn of phrase, rather than an unconscious bias 4:14
Hi, Dr. Elliott! Please don’t forget to finish reacting to the storyline in Chicago Med.
Woman, 40 ys old, I'm on the Autism spectrum, self-diagnosed after I did a bit of research and connected the dots. As a child, I definitely had outward displays of Autism, but nobody really understood it was that, they just thought I was different, and the stuff that other kids made fun of... well, I learned to mask those really well, so I managed to hide all that stuff. Trouble is, even now, people around me still don't know enough about autism. They think it's like complete inability to live a regular life, but I have a job and am independent etc. so I couldn't possibly fit those criteria, right? So, I do think I mask really well, but I am also without many friends and have trouble maintaining any kind of relationship, so I feel like some people definitely think I'm different. Maybe they don't say it to my face, and they probably don't think I'm autistic (cause they don't know what autism really is, and they don't see me when I'm alone, unmasked, lol), but some of them probably think I'm odd...
The question about loneliness is difficult to answer. I happen to be asexual too, so I'm not looking for that kind of relationship, but I do sometimes wish I had more friends, or at least one person to share my life with. I do have some family and a few friends, but most of them live in other cities so we rarely if ever see each other. I basically have no one I can share my special interests with - that's for sure, but I'm used to that. Always felt I was on my own my whole life, learned to be self-sufficient, learned how to be happy in my own world. I don't NEED another person... but it would be nice to connect with someone on a deeper platonic level. I have practically given up hope that that will ever happen, so I wouldn't say I am plagued by loneliness, I've accepted that being alone doesn't mean being lonely, if you know what I mean.
Still, I am not antisocial or unfriendly, I feel like I am open to friendship - it just seems very difficult to meet people the older I get. I might try volunteering, though. I wish there were such services you mentioned here to connect me with some places or people, because I do feel like I have a lot to give. I've been thinking about maybe reading for the blind or old people, or something like that.
Anyway, really interesting video, sorry for rambling so much 😂
From what I've heard in the autistic community the tone of this show is actually problematic and feeds into the infantilization of autistic people. I haven't seen the show myself and wasn't planning to because of that.
Also it does kinda feel like they specifically picked individuals who fit with the stereotypical presentation that is expected from autism. Like, I know a lot of autistic people who could've come onto this show with their strong ability to mask and many people wouldn't even notice they were autistic without being told so.
I have autistic traits and struggle with love..I find partners comparatively easy as most people think I am ok to be around :D, but on a deeper level I don't understand and feel the way most people I see around me. I see autism as a specter and mine is very low key, even most of my friends don't know about it. I watched the whole show and understood that the difference with the people there is that my masking is very well developed and although I am socially awkward I try not to be with all my power :).
The people on the show are very cute, knowledgeable and kind :)
I feel that this show Deliberately picks Stereotypes of Autistic people. Where people who are Super low impacted like Bill Gates is no where Really represented unless they are a side person like Emma.😅 if you passed me in the store, you could not even tell I am autistic because I mask so well. These Stereotypes can harm because people like me do not feel comfortable telling their boss or co-workers that they are autistic because they will Automatically stereotype me as intellectually disabled when the low impacted Autistic people are actually the opposite. Highly intelligent, I get 90% As in my pre med classes.
The thing about autism being a spectrum is that it's hard to tell if you have it. I can't tell if i'm autistic or just weird and awkward.
Thank you. I really don't like these TV shows and I don't know why I think it's where I live. I've talked about it before I live in Appalachia and everything makes me uncomfortable.
I am frankly really glad we don't use Asperger's anymore. Partly because of the obvious associations with Hans being a nazi and partly because when I was diagnosed with it as a kid, I misunderstood it as "ass burgers" and thought it was a diagnosis about my constipation.
Im wondering if the characteristics of autism can be similar to symptoms of schizophrenia? I have schizoaffective disorder, and I find that I share a lot of these difficulties with the autistic people. Is it possible to have both diagnoses, or are they just similar? Thanks for your help. I love your channel. Especially those quizzes that you post regularly.
Hi! some of the symptoms of schizoaffective disorder can cause similar social problems as ASD does ! for example being perceived as “abnormal” by others.
Yes. It is possible to have both.
5:40... As someone who didn't get diagnosed until recently in my late 30s because I was great at hiding it and it wasn't until the 4th or 5th time someone committed a political hate crime against me (this time was attempted murder because I am trans, the previous time that was recent enough to remember was attempted murder again during the pandemic because I was working in the hospitals and because of politics some nut job blamed all the hospital staff for the shutdowns and well I was in my work uniform while I was headed to the pharmacy to pick up my thyroid medication due to having just recently at the time dealt with thyroid cancer. Well this time my initial reaction was my normal "meh, must be politics season again" but then a few days afterwards my mind went very people pleasery and attempted to take an extended nap because "if me existing makes you uncomfortable, well I don't want you to be uncomfortable so let me help you out with that". While I was in BMed one of the doctors after talking with them for a while suspected I have autism. Then when I got out and had my appointment with my therapist we were discussing what had happened and what made me react in that way and just current event stuff because in general when something major happens dealing with a lot of the past trauma and abuse gets put temporarily on hold for that session and then I just have another session later in the week, but anyways I was explaining things and then I have no clue what exactly I said but at one point the questions entirely shifted gears to something totally unrelated, I was confused on the sudden shift but figured whatever maybe it is related and I just don't see how, well they then explained that they believed I feel on the autism spectrum. Then the following week when I had the Psychiatry appointment that showing up to was part of my discharge requirements again same thing, a lot of talk about certain things and then a total shift in questions then them also coming to the conclusion I fall on the autism spectrum. So three different medical professionals without any notes from the other two all came to the same conclusion.
To me the term "high functioning autism" is a double negative, not only does it come with the implication that it prevents people who just happen to be good at masking from getting help because "well why do you need help when you look like you function just fine", but also because it discredits and shames those who might not mask as good. I understand a lot of autistic people, I have always just understood them and I can tell you that the ones who may not be able to mask as well are just as capable as functioning as those deemed "high functioning" and the issue is the fact they are judged just for appearing different and so never given the opportunity to show they can function with the right tools and understanding. Like seriously just because I am a better actor doesn't mean I can function any better than someone who sucks at acting it just means I can hide my disfunction better. I am not any more or less functioning than them the only difference is because I had to pretend to be someone I am not in more ways that one due to also having gender dysphoria but without having the words or knowledge on how to manage it so I have nearly 4 decades worth of acting practice.
Okay, I don't think I am on the spectrum, but I am a philosopher, and quite frankly, WHY WOULD YOU NOT TALK ABOUT THE BEGINNINGS OF DEMOCRACY ON A FIRST DATE?!
I'm not a philosopher but I also think it would be incredibly interesting
i have autism and i HATE it, all i want is to be accepted as normal but nobody can see that i am more then just an autistic burden, every parent see's there autistic kids as demon's that they have to put up with, (those autism meltdown video's is a big example of how mums feel) we have to deal with discrimination constantly just because we act different, nobody is ever honest about how much they see autistic people as burden's except autism speaks with there "i am autism" video back then and trolls online, i dont agree with autism speaks but i appreciate there honesty at least, at least im not lied to by them, all of my family thinks im a worthless loser because im autistic and they refuse to tell the truth about how they really feel about me,
i am sick and tired of films, shows, and youtubers talking about autism and they never shut up about it, I DONT CARE IF I HAVE AUTISM, I DO NOT STRUGGLE WITH IT, i only struggle with constant scorn and dishonesty and the PTSD from verble abuse from the past, most autistic people want acceptance not the media to pander to there disorder, my autism is a horrible curse and it ruined any chance of me having my family's respect, friend's, girlfriend's ect, if there was a treatment that can cure autism i will sell everything in my flat just to pay for it so i can have a bit of acceptance in the world.
He reminds me of Napoleon dynimite
I thought the lack of imagination descriptor meant lack of social imagination. There are so many other types of imagination.
Can you watch down for love please
❤❤❤
You should reach out to Dr. Mike and get on his podcast.
💖
Ngl, if someone explained to me how democracy got started or talked to me about the Greeks and Romans on the first date… I would ask for a second date most likely. 😂
Do you think it is fair to refer to yourself as autistic even if you don't have an official diagnosis? (very expensive)
Or is it best to just say "no"? But I feel like then I might also be lying if I actually AM autistic. I also don't like giving "maybe" or "might be" answers.
In my opinion (im autistic) you should be able to say you’re autistic if this makes it easier for you to exist in spaces. But if potentially having autism doesn’t have an impact on your interactions i’d go with saying no
Personally, I think it's better to say that you suspect you have autism but don't have the resources to get a proper diagnosis.
@@email471 I'm definitely not like any of the people in the video. It's not really possible for me to say whether "it" impacts me or not, since I don't know what I'd be like without "it" or even know if it's real, if that makes sense. I definitely don't enjoy social interaction or being near other people at all, unless they're my trusted friends, but that might just be because I'm introverted. Maybe I'll just forget about it for the time being.
@@maraque16 Alright, thanks. I doubt I will ever have the resources to do so, so I'll just avoid bringing it up. I don't want to insult actual autistic people if it turns out I'm actually not, I might just be confused. After all, this has happened with other things not related to autism.
Something a lot of people forget (or don't realize) is that the major point of a diagnosis is to help someone contextualize their experiences and seek the appropriate assistance. You still need that assistance and need to discuss your experiences through that framework even without a diagnosis. I think it's perfectly fine to describe yourself as autistic if it's important to how you experience the world and you want that context to be known