Too true. Be nice and care, they cheat on you with an asshole. Keep cold and don't care, they invite their best friend. Not exaggerating. Was not two at the same time. But she bragged about how great I was. If I had shown any concern I would have not even been given the time of day.
lol i was dating a guy and i picked him up when his mum died, supported him financially, cleaned for him, looked after him... he used me and threw me to the curb when he didn't need me anymore.. men seem to think they are the ones that get treated bad only.
when I was younger I looked for such guys and was disappointed to discover than men don´t really need women to pick them up. I think me and ThatOneGirl have a very good sense of empathy that wants to express itself.
zeedo666 to be honest i am just sick and tired of guys acting like it is only them that get hurt. they look like immature little boys who are throwing a tantrum because they feel sorry for themselves. Some men need a woman, some men don't. However to those who don't, i say good, because it just weeds out the assholes to get me closer to my future husband. =)
ThatOneGirl Everyone's different, always remember that, the only prejudice you can have is how different cultures/societies mold people into certain types of personalities, but everyone's always different.
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+Actualized.org Seriously why so much reading into it. Its simple, obliviously women don't consciously want an intimate relationship with assholes, but many many women want to feel the warrior man all over her. Strength to protect her children and home. The dark night in shining armor( but not a clumsy man) who truly knows the skill of the sword. this is the secret why fifty shades of grey is so popular. shhhh don't tell.
dude i can feel you but i starting to think that when you dont give a dam that draws them to you i just did this tech with an ex and it worked when i turned into an ass she chased me even harder when i got her where i wanted her i dumped her ass for all the bullshit she put me thru and it felt dam good i hate to have to live this way but it is what it is
If you liked this video, I recommend you watch these related videos too: 1) Why Men Cheat - And 8 Ways To Keep Your Man Loyal 2) Bad Relationships - How To Break Your Cycle Of Painful Relationships 3) Healthy Relationships - What You MUST Know To Sustain A Great Relationship 4) Relationship Advice - The Master Plan For Creating An Amazing Relationship
I remember all these "mind games" in my 20's, trying to figure out women, why they are attracted to assholes, etc etc. I am now 37 and have everything I want, I must say that staying single has been the best thing I've ever done. I don't have to deal with anyone's bull$h1t, I don't have to buy them anything, I don't have to worry they will crash my weekend car or support them or worry they will divorce me and take everything away.
Right on the money!!! I am starting to really think the same, cheaper as well. Just got over one of the worst relationships I've ever had and time to think and now it's all about me, me, me!!!!!😂😂😂🤗
Women are attracted to assholes because an asshole is Honest, so honest in fact that men don't like him and view him as toxic. My boyfriend is an asshole to everyone besides me, he has mopped the floor with anybody who tries to hurt me.
I get your point, it's great to be single and have that freedom, but then again, what's the point and value of all that you have if you can't share it with anyone? (no suggesting one partner, could be partners, family, friends etc..)
Leo: Most women swear up and down that they want a guy with confidence, yet they'll do everything under the sun to destroy that guy's confidence. Ironic, isn't it?
@@SL2797 That is what I'm saying.. A women Has to see how secure you are.. She's design to test you in a lot of ways. You Being Confident Shows her that you are established as a man.. you end you being the winner in the end. If you hold firm. See would you trust a building that shakes when the wind is forceful. Or one that doesn't bulge at all. Obviously the one that doesn't bulge. Ultimately you would rather stay in the stronger building. She is the same way. By nature.
Well to make sure she doesn´t get a guy that gets destroyed by a women... because that man would be weak and a woman does not want a weak man but a strong one.
Wow I'm so happy I never fell for this crap, I mean part of me did notice it when I observe my classmates, but thank you for increasing my understanding. When the time comes for me to get into relationship, I know now how to stay away from poisonous people and look for someone who will truly value me. my sincere gratitude, Carina
What sucks is that the "nice guys'' always finish last AND well the girls will always go for the "Assholes" and later on ask themselves WHY they got cheated on... smh
28:09 - 29:22 If women think nice guys are going to stick around that long... they're wrong. Either they find another girl or, after a constant diet of being treated like crap by women, the niceness erodes away. Asshole = Nice Guy + Time
Totally wrong. A bitch will always be a bitch and falls for devious women. And they are needy and desperate and just glad they have a woman. An alpha male would never be with such a woman. Well I dated one. I fucked her and then left her the next day. You know what she wanted? ME to clean up the table after she made the dinner and wash the dinner plates! She said "50 / 50!" I was laughing inside me and just left her house.
so what is more important? to be nice in life or to have a girlfriend? forget about finding anyone, just be nice to everybody and find happiness for yourself
I agree with what you're saying, to some extent. There are 2 things I want to say to this: 1. Men are just the same. They fall for a confident woman who plays hard to get, it's the same story. No man will ever look at the shy lady in the corner who looks average. They go for the woman who stands out. It's a natural thing for both sexes. Please don't think that if the guy is an asshole but looks meh women will fall the same. It's all about the looks and how you play with them. 2. And the most important. If you want to hook up with men or women at the bar, you need to know that you get exactly that, other women and men who hook up at bars. I am a shy girl, love to read and always fell for the good guys. Never got my heart broken, because I searched for someone who was exactly like me, AND I searched for them in the right places, i.e. library, bookstore, skating rink, museums, cafe's etc. You don't go fishing in the lake with the desire of catching salt water fish :).
Alexandra Zeres that is not true at all. Just look at simplepickup and plenty of other pickup channels. They look below average and yet they're still getting all kinds of girls due to their confidence.
***** Well I'd rather have a more peaceful and bashful guy than the cocky one ssurrounded by all the girls. But the main idea is that the shy woman who only looks average will not attract your attention, even if normally you'd like her better in a relationship. If you are looking for a woman to have sex with, you will always go for the flirty, gorgeous one. Or the majority of men will :)
***** Well let's say that there are those women who call themselves feinist, but they are just man haters. But women dump men, men dump women, men dump men (you know the drill) all the time. I don't think it has anything to do with who they are as a person. Ans I am talking about long term relationships, where a breakup occurs because of both parties. If we are talking about the first few dates, maybe one of them just sees the incompatibility better, that's all, and walks away. Sometimes, the other party refuses to see it and is left butthurt, but why make something that's eventually going to break, into a relationship that never works?
Alexandra Zeres What women are starting to realize now is that after the so-called "bad-boy" phase, the regular stable guys aren't coming to the rescue to support the stuck-up thug chasers and their bastard kids,
Leo, I believe that the best way to attract women is to be authentic, transparent, and to truly not care what anyone thinks, including her. If you're going out of your way to be more dominant, more assertive, or more "alpha" (I hate that word) because you think thats what someone else wants you to be, then you're not being authentic or carefree. Stop caring what others think. You're running in the wrong direction if you're following any kind of advice that tells you to change your behavior or how you act. Its approval seeking.
Umm, well you ARE supposed to care about how your loved one is feeling!... Especially if you really do love/care about them! Often times I think what they ask aren't unreasonable! My stupid ex had a problem with being "bossed around", and yes ultimately he had the final say in his life and in his choices! However, I it wasn't like the things I wanted for him we're going to hurt him. I had good intentions!
I've got to stop my 'nice gal' personality and start being more edgy, confidence, adventurous, bold and brash, etc, and not care if I 'get the guy' or not.
Not all women fall for a holes. Some of us are always single because we refuse to date a jerk! It's few and far between, but there are women out there who have high standards and refuse to give them up.
Life is not black and white. It's not either "treat women like shit" or "be a spineless pushover and do whatever women want." When you work on yourself as a person you can find a balance, a way to be a nice and decent human being, and also have confidence and assertiveness. Just because you dont give a shit what people think about you, does not mean that you have to be a terrible person. And for all the bitter men in the comments, maybe you need to do some work on yourself, learn to let go of all this resentment you have towards the women that hurt you in your past. Develop self confidence, dont be pushover and just do whatever a pretty girl tells you to, grow some balls! AT the same time work on being valuable member of society, and stop expecting sex in return for every tiny nice things you do. Some of you "nice guys" want sex for the most basic shit like opening a door, paying for meal, texting her for a week. That's just being a decent human. NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING!
isnt that unfair on the nice guy though? i mean she screws around with all the bad boys in her prime& when shes young n youthful, has a few abortions, & then when shes had all her fun she wants to settle down with the sucker nice guy whom she didnt want before. how is that fair to the nice guy who spent most his nights alone at home while she was screwing around? and now he has to accept her slutty past? why didnt you talk about that?
Actualized.org 35, been single all my life (by choice) haha, sex a different woman everynight, & NEVER EVER heard a woman complain they have problems getting laid, now getting a (good) relationship on the other hand is hard regardless of gender, but getting laid for women tis a piece of cake. yeah?
David Reddy A woman doesn't care about getting laid by a random slob. Getting laid for a girl isn't analogous to a guy getting laid. Guy gets laid and he's happy. Girl cares about getting laid only by the RIGHT guy. And a right guy is hard to find. You have to acknowledge that reproductive value for a girl is very different than it is for a guy. If you were in the girl's shoes, you'd be bitching and moaning about how hard it is to find the right guy. It would be of little consolation to you that you could get laid by a random slob.
Assholes are somewhat intriguing to everyone, not just women. Just think about characters like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. Imagine getting a compliment from him, you would feel so special. It would be worth more than a compliment from a jolly person. I think that's a big part of what women are into. It's about contrast - just like in a movie it's more interesting when there's good mixed with a bit of bad, you're left wanting more and each interaction is kept interesting. And like I mentioned, everything nice an asshole does feels more valuable than when someone else does it.
Greetings, I came onto your channel to listen to a few videos. I especially appreciated your video on "Why Women Fall for Assholes". Like you, I came from a very dysfunctional family and have done much self-searching. In my teenage years I also thought that as a young woman I wanted kindness, generosity and loyalty in my male counterpart. I think we are socialized to think this way. Later in life I came to the same realization about what would make me truly satisfied in a relationship with a man. These characteristics strongly correlate to the "asshole" argument that women tend to fall prey to. My first relationship with my high school sweetheart was very much a codependent abusive relationship. So I swung the other way and dated a very kind and sweet guy for a change. To my extreme bewilderment and surprise I realized that mr. nice guy is not enough. There was definitely a lack of attraction and I was perplexed. I kept thinking, if only I could blend my former boyfriend with this young man, he would be the perfect match. As I began to deconstruct popular social notions and ideologies, my own experiences, experiences of my girl friends, and my own preferences I came to the exact same conclusion as you presented in your video about what women truly want in a man. In my opinion, you hit the nail on the head. What I will say is this, in our modern North American culture, and I do emphasize N.A, men generally tend to be emotionally immature. Their E.Q is that of a demanding 12 year old boy. I believe this comes from a lack of traditions and culture that has been passed on from generation to generation like in some European families. Masculinity is something that is often confused with cockiness, barbarianism, machismo, and what I call the Casanova syndrome. So you either get the very insecure, needy, child-like men who are very sweet and endearing but cannot satisfy a women's pre-programmed biological need for a mate OR the complete opposite of the extreme. Women are left with little choice, and in matters of sexual preference and biology our instincts guide us to the "assholes". It is a rare thing to find a man who os both genuinely emotionally developed and confident at the same time. So I just wanted to say thank you for getting these truths out there to the public. It helps both men and women analyze themselves and hopefully improve themselves for a better life. I also wanted to say that most people are psychologically unhealthy and there is really no perfect way to negotiate compatibility. I think that codependency in some cases is not a bad thing in a world of imperfect human creatures. Each person find what fits for them at the specific time in their life. This is the way I see it: All of us are crazy in very particular ways. We’re distinctively neurotic, unbalanced and immature, but don’t know quite the details because no one ever encourages us too hard to find them out. An urgent, primary task of any lover is therefore to get a handle on the specific ways in which they are mad. They have to get up to speed on their individual neuroses. They have to grasp where these have come from, what they make them do - and most importantly, what sort of people either provoke or assuage them. A good partnership is not so much one between two healthy people (there aren’t many of these on the planet), it’s one between two demented people who have had the skill or luck to find a non-threatening conscious accommodation between their relative insanities. Ciao Alexandra
Imagine you 16 and are scared to drive a car for the first time. After you figure out how the car works and start driving it you are no longer scared and it becomes second nature to you. Same thing with women. The difference is many spend their whole lives not understanding how women work or how to deal with them and be successful with them.
Man are rigurous on the looks when screening woman for a couple. Woman are rigurous on confidence traits. Thats why women use make up and smooth/nice/sexy clothes and guys constantly boost their own self-steem by achieving things, get cool jobs and try being the "boss" in life. Its a freaking game. Kinda bizarre if you may. Thats all it is.
Why women fall for assholes is a no-brainer really. But does this mean women are prone to fall for psychopaths? Because a lot of those traits you listed, those of an asshole, are key characteristics in psychopaths as well.
I think women are attracted to psychopaths. But they are afraid for their lives thats why they steer clear ... its like seeing a bombshell of a woman but realizing that she has a sex-transmitted disease
she can't resist temptation of being with a handsome man... looks > everything else. To be fair, it's the same for the opposite sex. I've met a lot of women who have the same personality characteristics as men...
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. You finally decoded the spell I was under in an abusive relationship. Now I have to educate and pray for my daughter. You are truly inspired. Thank you for sharing your gift. God Bless, Nameste, and may the Source be with you!
I just spent 6 hours watching videos on this channel and the more and more I watch these videos the easier it becomes for me to see that men and women want such different things that I don't know how any hetersexual reationship works at all, Maybe how flawed they are seem to be why relationships don't last and the people who've been in one for 25+ yrs are misreable
Most relationships end in disaster, but only because both parties are unwilling to learn and master relationships. It takes a lot of personal development work to make relationships work.
+Actualized.org Most are proficient with romance and not love that is where the wheels fall off and do not underestimate the convert narcissistic person. I thank you for you videos THANKS! Peace.
+Ashley Bee Simple. Because they need eachother. Emotionaly. Here sacrifice and understanding of eachother kicks in. Where one is not up to understand the other's off's , or at least try to help him/her/the other out, be supportive, there comes problems. Not to mention hormonal needs , things that you want, because men like women and women like men, basicaly no matter what, men do anything they need to in order to get a woman, otherwise it's simple and sad for him: he will not get her, and it's only his loss, at her it doesn't change a thing, that's the thing. Purposes are not the primary core purpose of relationships, those are businesses, but you need your views and wishes for the future to be alike and as close as possible to common, in order to work well, indeed. Cheers
I had a friend who ended up being an awful and terrible person. Even when we were still hanging out he would yell at, argue with, and cuss at his girlfriend. And he always had a girlfriend. When he got done with one girl, he would quickly find another. I think he went through seven girlfriends while we were hanging out, meanwhile I didn't even get one girl friend.
The problem is a lot the nice or decent guys actually are fairly confident, they just don't flaunt it as the cocky assholes do. The decent or nice guy acts like he cares about getting with a woman in question is that he values her. Values trying to take care of her, the woman having a need for drama rejects this. The woman turns away from the guy because she knows she has him and would prefer the roller coaster of uncertainty instead. Often times these women who reject the decent guys have more baggage than an airline.
While it's true that some women fall for "assholes," there are two things a lot of those "assholes" have in common: self confidence and an "I don't care if you like me or not" attitude. The typical nice guy is the exact opposite. He wants everyone to like him. He stumbles along through life, going out of his way to be nice to everyone. He opens the door for women. He brings them flowers. He buys them dinner. And then what? That's supposed to make that woman love you? She just drops her pants because you're nice? Here's the big secret to getting women: be yourself, be confident, be friendly, be decent, but at the end of the night if women don't like you, then they can go fuck themselves. You're nobody's doormat.
I do that. But they scan you. Detect youre a nice guy ( I am) better said they detect your insecurity (we all have it thats why, as you said, we try to please everyone) no matter how hard you try to hide it, they find it. After that they eat the dinner, you get her home they say "thanks for the dinner" and they never "call you back" . True story. Fuck this life.
women like men that have confidence, that doesn't necessarily mean they fall for assholes, its just that assholes usually have confidence which triggers chemistry in a woman. you can still be "nice" as in have manner as long as you have self confidence and put the self confidence first, you will get laid.
Rather than being an asshole, be a confident, assertive gentleman with good self esteem. That is what is attractive. Someone who is mean, hurtful and ignorant would not last for a minute with me. I am a nice girl and I deserve a nice guy. The thing is: I found him. :-) If he took me for granted - done. I treat men with the same love and respect that I would like from them. It's a give and take situation. Don't waste your time with assholes. lol
That's sadly what dating is. Drugs are simple. Both get what they want. We forget each other the next day. Repeat. No need to twist your mind into a pretzel. Think was that a hint? Have the rules suddenly changed? Is that a gold digger? Is that person working with someone that will rob me? Etc.
True that the girl will leave when the pain exceeds the pleasure but she could also leave if there is another option that gives her more pleasure than the pain she's experiencing. The bottom line is the two driving forces in human behavior are pain and pleasure. We want to avoid pain and experience more pleasure. I think a balanced approach is the best.
Crazily enough,I dated a guy just like that for only 3 months, then I heard from a good friend of his that his next girlfriend he had met before me, they went out for a year and a half and when he asked her to marry him, she rejected him. Then the next girl he went out with for another year and then she dumped him because he actually kissed another girl infront of loads of people. Then the next time he saw me, I was already engaged although he still tried chatting to me then I heard a little while later he was really upset from seeing my ring! Thanks for letting me know what a bad idea of a husband I was interested in 6 years ago!
This comment will be very long but i hope Leo reads and comments on it (i really want to get your feedback about it) I can agree on every point with you, but here's a thing: I too had to realize this during several dates and conversations with girls. I really think that you, as a man, have to step away from compliments and you have to stop giving her all the attention you can bring up for her. Why do I say that: the thing is that assholes, who just as you yourself said in the video behave different to nice guys. A nice guy will compliment the girl how beautiful she is and how independent of a woman she is and why he likes her smile etc. But let's be honest a woman is complimented 24/7 even if the compliment is just a stare of a man across the street. Complementing on someone without getting anything back is some sort of submission. What assholes do is simply not giving any compliments. What this does is that the girl will fall for you or at least give you more attention. Why? Because you don't give her that common submissive feedback that she get's all the time. You show her that you're just as valuable as her or she maybe even thinks that you are more valuable than her because she never met a guy like you, a guy who doesn't need to be submissive to get her attention or to talk to her. Let's visualize that on an example: A hot girl has two different dates. The first date she attempts is with a shy nice guy. As they sit in the restaurant he keeps complementing her and telling her how beautiful she is and don't get me wrong, of course the woman is flattered by that but this emotion doesn't remain that long because she got numb to it long time ago. She heard all these compliments about 1000 times. The nice guy also gives her all of his attention. After the date he keeps texting her how nice their meeting was and he asks her way to rash when they will meet again. The next date the woman is going to is the one with the asshole or the bad guy. So as Leo already said the bad guy has more options. He doesn't give this date too much of value to it, other than the nice guy did. The asshole saw a lot of beautiful girls, he met a lot of beautiful girls and he had a lot of beautiful girls. He doesn't has to compliment her because he maybe, no offense, had a woman with a nicer smile, bigger eyes, nicer teeth etc. What this creates in a woman is the following question: Why doesn't this guy complement me? Do i look crap? OMG he doesn't like me, Why is he not liking me etc. So she starts wondering about this dude more and more she wants to know why he is different to all the other guys like the ones at her office who keep complimenting on her how beautiful she is or this guy she met last night at the restaurant. Where this leads to is the point that i mentioned: she will give the bad guy more attention because she wants to get his feedback and the attention she is used to by all the other nice guys. She is so humbled about the fact that she doesn't know how this guy thinks of her. She simply isn't accustomed to such ignorance. That is the other point of why women are attracted to assholes. Unlike the nice guy the asshole won't text her the next day and doesn't feedback on their date. This again creates all of these questions in the woman's head. She keeps on thinking about him and she starts forgeting about the nice guy she just met that is just similar to the other 1000 guys she met. But this new one, the asshole, is just different. He creates all of these emotions in her that actually make her feel uncomfortable but she want to convince herself that she's beautiful in convincing him about that and in showing him what a good catch she would be. So what i want to say is that even though it's bad, ignorance and not worshiping the girl you want to have will get you nearer to her. It is so easy and simple but will get you so far, i swear to you. Ask yourself why should you compliment a girl for nothing. You give her credits without getting anything of her. Why would you do that? That's not profitable. You give sth to her without regaining it. Again don't get me wrong if the girl is already attracted to you, you surely can give her complements but why would give her all your attention if you only know her for half an hour. Stay away from this submissiveness guys!
This comment has really helped me in understanding why girls have done this to me in the past, thanks a bunch! I'll be an asshole on the outside and a nice guy on the inside :)
This explains the last 6 years of my life with my ex-fiancée... As a self diagnosed asshole I never tried hard enough to make the relationship work, and it recently ended with her cheating on me. Thank you for this very true video, can you make one on how to have a successful long term relationship as an "asshole?"
Actualized.org thank you haha I just watched your video on how to develop successful healthy relationships and it helped me a lot. She gave me so many messages, hints, clues, but I just thought it would all work out... I just wish I had watched your videos years earlier! We were definitely co-dependant... and your video on letting go of the past helped me out so much... I have been hurting from finding out she was cheating and that guided exercise made me cry like a baby. Just awesome stuff Leo you are the man. thank you.
Peter Clarke These are all good experiences. They are teaching you how to make the next relationships run smoothly. It takes a lot of trail and error to get relationships right.
Oh, and sex is the least important part of a relationship. If compatibility and communication is there, sex usually works out naturally. You shouldn't give a guy the kitchen sink ladies. Save something for later on. Guys respect women who respect themselves enough to wait when it comes to sex. That's my opinion.
BourneFreeATL Really? What is your experience/opinion? By the way, an opinion is neither correct or incorrect I come to learn. It is simply an opinion. You have the choice to agree or disagree and I respect all other opinions.
BourneFreeATL I'm totally fine with that. And, my opinion is based on a 26-year happy marriage. I married my best friend and the attraction is naturally there because the communication works. Anyway, that's my opinion for what it's worth. Our love for one another just grows deeper and stronger. I didn't think it would be possible, but that's my experience. Our imperfections somehow just match.
One of the worst feelings in the world is when someone claims to love u but tells u would never be successful, or that u have absolutely no potential at all. But they are allowed to have potential. Completely ruined me when that was said to me I'm never going to be the same after that being said to me.
I completely agree. I also think that the dominant person who becomes abusive over time in the example or the prisoner that you mentioned also can happen to the nice guys as victims with dominant women abusing their power Over them. some behaviors I see are pawning guys around, laughing them, eventually cheating on them, asking for a lot of favors, and eventually leaving them for someone else. And like you said it's not her fault. It's simply a tendency that happens. What I usually see that works out alright in long terms are when both sides have similar levels of dominance and confidence. So they can stand up for themselves and demand respect when necessary.
I am going through this. I am a female and I've been with a nice guy for over 2 years now. I have noticed how I am subtly questioning the relationship due to his status, edginess, confidence etc. My behavior makes me upset and if I was in his shoes, I would be devastated. I am on the journey to total self actualization and mastery and I look forward to figuring out the underlying cause of my behavior.
This video just made me pretty depressed because I do want to do nice things for a girl. I would love to spoil them and take care of them but I guess that's just not how it works. I won't change myself either just to make girls fall for me. Sure I can be confident and funny and dominant but if I can't do nice things for a girl (that make me feel very fulfilled) then I don't see the point really. I feel hopeless.
Yeah, just be yourself and you will se a woman who you really like and that she likes you too. it's just like a jigsaw game, just find the piece that really matches with you. not all girls are equal.
The problem women face is that, as you said at 29:00, when they're in their early 20's at their most attractive, they fall for the alpha males who are difficult to pin down; but she only recognizes the trap once she's in her late 30's and the 365x10 frappuccinos have taken their toll...and she can't pull the exciting alpha males any more... so she has to try to cash in with a nice guy while she still has some faint flickers of youth/beauty.
Brainbuster Most women who fall for bad guy I have seen in my area don't realize what your saying well into there 30's with 3 kids from 3 different bad boys who usually don't support the kids. I had one of these women try to hit on me while my wife was at work. This after we gave her sanctuary at our home when she got beat up by her latest boyfriend. Needless to say we don't do that anymore.
@@blakeh6250 That could have been a lovely threesome. What is wrong with you? Two women are better than one. Living with my gf and her sister. Love it except we are so clingy to each other worrying about our parents. On the plus side threeway cuddles, sharing a shower and ogling the sister drying herself with my help. But my libido is off like someone pressed the off switch. Two hot women both vulnerable. And nothing works. Typical! Wondering if I have started to see both as my siblings? This lockdown must stop!!
It is honestly a balance between the two. Sure, it is easy to say "oh I'm a good guy, girls should like me" but if a guy doesn't respect hisself or is very insecure, IT WILL NEVER BE ATTRACTIVE to a woman
So basicly, I'm eitherm going to be alone for a REALLY long time or have a partner that isnt really attracted to me, ill only be accepted cos im "the logical choice" or the "he'll do" unless i be something I'm not? For simply beeing nice to people? Wow..great.. I..uh.. well I guess thats how the world is. Nice video Actualized, keep up the good work man.
This sounds so scary... For both parties. And I cant help it but to think that women are in fault for all of this when they fall for certain type of guys. Chemical reactions and the way your brain is wired as an excuse only goes so far. You also have to live in the real world. And this also happens on men. I suppose when an idiot decides to cheat on a perfectly fine woman just because he can, even if he knows he shouldnt, you can also blame that on how his brain works. But again, real world scenarios, being able to control emotions, thinking about things. Why is that not the norm?
+SantEurosia Eh I am not convinced that it biological . It part biology The stuff i've read on matrineal society woman don't associate nice guy trait with being emasculate or incompatible with masculinity and find those trait attractive ., And since the idea of a male bread winner is nonexistant in these kind of society ,They don't use that quality as a measurement for mates , well also marriage doesn't exist . So I think this is just an Enviromental response to a partiarchal enviroments so it partially biological . Can't over come that enviroment with logic have to actually change it the enviroment .
Once a women hits her 30's she want someone that is stable. Meaning they'll just settling down with "the nice guy". Which is kind of fuck up if you think about it. Girl: "you are not my type but because I'm 30, I'm just going to settle with you". haha
Thanks Leo ! Your saving my life at the moment. Every morning I get and listen to a video of yours and let that idea filter though out the day . This is great how you have made such a relatable version of the self help stuff that is out there. I constantly recommending to friends to check you out and to other people who need a boot up the ass with realising there potential. Keep it up mate !
Spot on. I always try to be nice because that's just how I was raised but in the moments I'm not nice and I get serious, I become an asshole in people's eyes. I don't get it.
Guys are just as likely to get attached after sex as a girl is. The fact also tends to be both sexes tend to want to chase after the person who doesn't give a fuck at all because it hurts their self esteem. With women they feel much more disrespected when they get fucked and the guy don't give a damn...that's why she chases, not because she is more attached. She wants to get him to like her, so she doesn't feel and look cheap.
+Big R I am a woman and I agree with you 100%. When I think about it, If I put myself in that situation, yes, I would feel very disrespected and cheap if I choose to have sex with a guy and he treats me like that. See there is a huge difference in women and guys in that area. A woman will have sex with a guy because she is attracted to him and she sees potential in him and her forming a tighter bond, but a guy will have sex with a woman just for the fun of it and on to the next.
I think there's problems with the nice guy too. Passive aggression, and covert narcissism, for example. What you want, is the nice guy who pretends to be a badass. You want someone with really equal social status not more not less. So someone who turns this into more of a game to play or to pretend to play while there is actual mutual regard at the core.
+Matthew McPhee I'm not sure that level of mindfulness would ever allow you to have a relationship. I think looking at people thru some kind of rose colored glasses might be a prerequisite. that might be why the Dali Llama is single
+Matthew McPhee No I wasn't using you accusing you of using rose-tinted glasses, I think you misunderstood what I was saying- its that when you look at long-term relationships, one of the indicators of success is that the partners overlook the flaws each other has
+michelle tulumello what you are saying actually sounds pretty logical, I've just had bad experiences with people that other people would describe As nice guys. may be a better indicator or just correct descriptor would be people who have high self-esteem would be better to get in a relationship with. Rather than nice or bad guys because I think either type of guy could have a varying degree of self-esteem and as long as you like your self you're probably going to be pretty good to others. at least I hope that's the case
+Matthew McPhee I'm not sure it's the job of a romantic partner to raise someone's self-esteem. I really think they probably need to come into the relationship with at least a certain amount of their own. Also, if they are afraid to approach women, what does that say about the rest of their life and the way they are going to approach all kinds of opportunities? I think there's a happy medium. Maybe we could call it polite and assertive without being aggressive and domineering.
+Matthew McPhee I think maybe it's the internal qualities that are most important. The ones that take a long time to see. Not necessarily how they're going to treat you during the courting phase of the relationship. a lot of good qualities have a flip side like if someone is unselfish to the point where they neglect themselves... or polite to the point where they don't initiate sex... you don't want that. Because what that means is the person isn't seeing to getting your own needs met and will eventually resent you.
Ye, Leo. I'm am in the process of attempting to extricate my heart from just such a relationship. Having a very tough time of letting go. You are so right, he is like a drug, and I am deeply addicted. I want and need a nice guy who really care and loves and gives. He is not it. Logically , I know this ,but still find myself being called back to Bad Guy. I will continue to watch more of your talks and hopefully learn from you, Mr Nice Guy. Thank you. You are so real about everything.
Although I didn't watch the video, I think it's kind of obvious. A-holes are generally more direct and go after what they want. That shows confidence and women are naturally attracted to that. "Nice" guys are usually more reserved and care what others think, preventing them from openly pursuing things they want.
I was really surprised at the negative comments. This was one of the most truthful and accurate explanations I've seen. My life experience has proven this. The difference though, i'm naturally an alpha personality, most people respect me and think positively of me. But i'm not an asshole. To me those guys have insecurities, puff up, and show fake confidence. They're like wolf pups who don't know how to act. When you're truly confident you have a balance. You don't have to act like a dick, be aggressive, and prove anything. Some of the best fighters I know, for example, are the nicest and non aggressive people in their day to day lives. Feeling secure in yourself is so important. You attract others, have high standards, and lay down boundaries. Weakness, neediness, and fear is unattractive in anyone. A person who is fun, unique, and has alot of great qualities and talents are the types everyone likes. I really enjoyed this post. Thanks
This is,sadly, very true. I took time to write down what I want in a man and realized that my "type" is an accumulation of all the most well known male stereotypes. I think that the main part is that no women really wants a man who is weak. It's sad that I have fallen to these preferences but I just cannot see myself with a man who is shy, unconfident and to nice. Do you think there is a way to overcome these preferences? I don't like that I am a product of what society has told me I should want.
Attraction is not a product of society, it's goes MUCH deeper. It's a product of millions of years of evolution. You can't consciously control who you get attracted to. It happens automatically. Don't beat yourself up over that. Women are programmed to love strong men. My advice here is really for guys. I want weak guys to become stronger, but still keep their sense of values and decency. Then you girls will have more quality boyfriend types but who are also very sexy on the front-end. For women, what you should really focus on working on is neediness. Neediness gets you stuck with bad guys. If you're non-needy, you will be able to leave a bad guy and look for someone better. Neediness is what creates abuse.
michelle vedros I was always that nice with ladies thanks to the social affection that you recommend. Sadly I always ended up to friendship zone. 1st there are degrees of kindness, some of us are extreemely good guys to a repulsive level for the average girl. 2nd I know such videos may feel you are threatened by making more "bad boys" along way. But you probably don't give a damn for good boys, unless you are desperate or something. 3rd Many guys will end up frustrated and depressed since you want them ultimately good and weak and finally they will not be able to claim anything in life that will make them feel happy. 4th You know if some girls have also many empathy issues without taking enough attention and maybe they should change somewhat their attitudes if they don't want to let everything to luck.
michelle vedros He didn't say absolutely all women will be attracted to the dominant type, but most will. He also didn't say you can only ever date a dominant guy, but for most women those guys will be something exciting while the good guy will just be a safe bet, the choice is always yours.
Having just dumped an asshole who I found very attractive I am so delighted to understand what was really happening and SO chuffed I recognised the landmines before I went to bed with him (planned for this evening!!) . I've been on the self development journey for a while and this really proves to me that I have dramatically increased my self esteem. A few years ago this episode would have devastated me. This time I was confused and baffled. Having watched this video I have clarity and am SO proud of myself. Your videos are succinct, objective and full of insight and value. I think you're fab.. and I've only seen 3. THANK YOU SO MUCH LEO!
man i'm laughing so much while watching this video, it made my day :) it's all so true, kind of sad, but confirming what i thought and helping me. i'm the nice guy haha
At first I was dissapointed in Leo, for being so smart and now saying something so beta. The classic "all women ignore nice guys and call for assholes" routine. But, I heard him out and gave him a chance. He does have a point, women are drawn to men with these characteristics. Women are drawn to a man who is alpha, no an asshole. Yes, many alpha's can be assholes, but that doesn't mean that they're attracted to assholes only. And sometimes men can have all those characteristics but be really good guys, and they're just perceived as mean by the men who they stole a girl from.
so true i have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years , i was more than perfect , never cheated once, i had so many opportunities but because i was so honest with her and i really loved her i stayed faithful , worked my ass to create for her the best future she could imagine , loved her more than my own life and at last she broke my heart and hurted me so badly .. and maybe she's dating someone else now ..but deep inside me i feel that god knows what's good for me and one day i'll end up with someone that will treasure me that's why i'll never change ...
Leo never talks nonsense it's real shit this is 100% accurate I've witnessed this myself from when I was like 14 and I'm 27 now it's the same cycle it never changes it just continues #RealTalk
These "arseholes" you are referring too have a word: Narcissists. Vain, arrogant, self centred, emotionally detached, lacking remorse and empathy. As a people pleasing dude with anxiety issues and limited sexual experience, I know I would make a great boyfriend but these traits you suggest mean some of us dudes are pretty much screwed in this game. I will never sacrifice my morals even if I don't get laid much. However, and I have to say this, some dudes are nice people but because of how the game works, they become sociopathic arseholes just to attract women. They learn that showing weakness to other people is not good, emotions are for the weak, morals prevent goals.... more and more dudes will become this way and then no nice guys will be left!
In reality it doesn't matter whether you're a good guy, bad guy or alpha guy, she will cheat. A women's needs can never be met or fulfilled. She will always search for Disney. Given the right time and place, she will find someone who she thinks knows her. Even though this is an illusion just to sleep with her. This is the reason I don't invest time in relationships, unless I plan on being let down. I am the don't care guy. If I can't stand on my own two feet, then let me fall.
Dang, what sort of women have you met?! This is not true for everyone. Sure, some women prefer the bad boys. But, most of the women I know aren't cheaters, and if they are in a relationship with a guy and he acts like a normal person, they aren't even thinking about looking for anyone else.
Its very true. Many assholes have some of the characteristics that women fall for. *Confidence, masculinity, someone who SHE has to actually try to impress (a challenge), someone who can easily get other women*. Also assholes don't give a shit. Which is also something women are attracted to. Nice guys do finish LAST every time. But also the reality is this sets up women to fail. Because what guys have the above traits? Players, Bad Boys, Dogs, and Assholes. All of whom will end up hurting that woman in the long run. lol ..Its really twisted.....
I've been there falling for the asshole. Its so damn hard to deal with. These guys ruins lifes and self esteem so badly its hard to get back up to where you were before you met that guy. Its so hard to find good guys out there, coz they are hiding in their homes and they dont come out.Thats how i feel at least. I have taken action against this guy that have so much power over me, i told him i wanted no contact. For now it has worked to give my own self worth back. Thanks for posting these vids, they help alot.
This video really isnt true for ALL women..certainly not for me. I never went after guys like that. My fiance is the complete opposite of guys like this... I think most women aren't aware they are falling for an asshole. much of the time a guy is nice in the begging, they act a certain way, say whatever they can to get in your pants, then slowly start to show their true colors once they have us hooked. We realize he's a jerk but we also know he's capable of being nice, because we saw it before. we stick around hoping he'll go back to that but he just never does. Some women dont have enough sense to leave. you could also flip this around and ask why men only want sluts in their prime then a nice more down to earth girl when they get older.
Don't forget that as much as men are traumatised in childhood, women are traumatised as well. Moreover, women also more likely to be infantile and look for husband and kids and financial support. So these types of women will go for a super assertive guys. Women with high self esteem however with good level of reflection on what is happening and the treatment they get from the guy, will simply break it off. When i was dysfunctional and didn't love myself 10 years ago, I picked jerks or avoidant attachment style guys. Now when I did 10y of work on myself and restored my self esteem, I drop all the guys who exhibit such traits as uncaring, not communicating, distant, avoidant, unsupportive, childish, not able to protect and provide, not attuned to me, not consistent, lack of empathy, etc. I actually naturally lose interest in all of the guys that display such traits. It's a lot about personal growth and fixing your self esteem. Then attraction dynamic totally changes.
Holy crap man! You mastered "How Women Think" problem... you're especially right about women going crazy in their early 20s and then settling later on for the "nice guy" (which kinda also applies for guys though). Greetings from Serbia!
Oh no no, I'm not complaining because that's exactly what I'm doing. Being asshole really works for most girls... it's sad but true. When you get older you also settle down and it's win-win situation.
I am loving how good this guy is at understanding this subject. My question is if a player steals a girl from you and this happens how can you get this girl to watch this so that she can be better equipped and make better choices (especially if the player has made her lose all trust in me). All I want is for her to be happy.
actually, this video is too long for me to watch. But I want to say, as I am a woman, that this nice guy-asshole thing is quite misinterpreted in the male society. Nice guys are cool! Nice guys are wanted. Every woman wants to have a nice guy. But a nice guy according to a woman is not the same as a nice guy according to a man. Usually, boring (sorry) and weak, insecure guys like to call themselves nice guys. But a real nice guy is not weak. A nice guy is strong, mentally and (hopefully) physically also, he is someone who can make a woman feel safe. At the same time he treats the woman good, he is warm and lovely. This is the description of a nice guy according to me. On the other hand, an insecure guy can be lovable also, but in another way, as a friend. He is someone I want to help. But I don't want to have a person I constantly need to cheer up and lift up to be my partner. As a woman, I long for safety, that a strong man can give to me. And this is why I tend to chose a strong man to be my partner.
no sorry I think your philosophy about these 2 kinds of men is very simplified. I am attracted to men who are physically interesting to me plus they show at least average level of confidence. AND! they show special interest in ME and they are nice to me. If a guy who I am not attracted to physically is nice to me, I don't care about him. If a guy I am attracted to physically behaves like an asshole at the beginning, I lose all my interest. Maybe I am too healthy? I think the women who are attracted to aggressive abusive men are kind of psychically weak or had an abusive childhood.
Cary, hm what you see probably depends on your direct environment and on the way you unconsciously select information from what surrounds you. I fortunately don't live in such a dark environment, and I see a lot of happy couples around me. I agree, there are women who are as you describe them but fortunately such women are far less than you think.
I would like to add my perspective; what with being a girl and all. Just like men, women like confidence. This does not necessarily mean that all women like assholes. The one's who do usually had some type of unhealthy childhood examples of what relationships look like - so if dad was always away, the girl will tend to pick men who are emotionally unavailable when she is an adult. If she was always let down - ditto; the poor cow is going to pick a man who does the same. Men are no different in this respect. If one of your parents was a narcissist or you had your boundaries stepped all over or were emotionally abused as a child, it is a lifelong battle to rectify this as your boundaries are screwed, and you are programmed to see a violation of your rights as normal. Emotionally damaged women are drawn to assholes like moths to a flame. It amazes me how the subconscious mind can pick an abusive partner out of a crowd and be smitten at "hello". I personally find arrogance and self absorption extremely unattractive in a man. So while I will be attracted to a man with confidence; I will quickly be repulsed by a me-me-me kinda guy. I would also like to disagree with the point you make about men who "bang" lots of girls being better at sex. Sex is definitely about connection, so whether someone who has been "banging" girls for 40 years or 40 days is irrelevant. Good sex is definitely about chemistry and about connection. I think what possibly explains the good sex with assholes is the "connection" that a co-dependent woman finds with an abusive man. They are literally a match made in hell, and the attraction is intoxicating to start off with. When you say women are hooked to this type of alpha-asshole like a drug, you are so right, because bad relationships are an addiction for a co-dependent girl with weak boundaries. I was one so I know. Until women (and men) work through those issues and learn to love themselves, they will keep repeating the same patterns. I foster young people and I see teenage girls picking abusive bastards all of the time - their mothers all did the same. They are repeating the unhealthy blue prints of relationship examples that they grew up with. Speaking for myself, after years of work on myself I can see the difference in the men I am attracted to. No longer do I find the surly, moody "dark", unavailable characters attractive - I am into confident men who are into personal growth, addiction-free and who are unselfish and open.
You got lost there a bit. Sex is not about connection for men. Sex is more about fulfilling their urges without emotional attachment. Most alphas like to have sex and get it nonetheless too without much work in the emotions area and such dry sex with just the physical intimacy is the kind that attracts most men. That's why brothels and whore houses have a large influx of men too. That's why men who went for a war spend that money on unknown prostitutes because they crave for that physical intimacy. Men love physical intimacy while women love emotional intimacy. Other than that, I agree with all the other things that you said.
The true tragedy is that if, and when, this type of relationship produces a child, that type of man could inflict tremendous pain and unnecessary struggles in this childs life. This terrible outcome would likely happen whether by his presence or by his absence.
I'm an alpha guy victim for years and i can't get out of it. I don't know what to do. I can't choose who I feel attracted to and Im only attracted to him exclusivly but this will cost me my hapiness :( Its literally a drug adiction and its affecting me too much
What if I'm a nice guy who can't be an asshole? Still a virign.... That shit gets to me and my confidence goes down day by day. I'm just not an asshole, I tried but it doesn't work because I'm acting. I'm fucked right? XD
I think you might be going after the wrong type of girl. If you weren't young enough to be my kid, I would certainly want to know you better, as I have never been attracted to assholes. The right person will come along in time. Don't change who you are!
+Dianne Christian Thanks for the kind words. You're right, I must be going after the wrong girls for me, but there are SOOO many girls who fall for assholes it's incredible. I want to lose hope and just stop looking for a relationship because of that, but for some strange reason I just can't stop having faith that I'll get a relationship one day. It is that stubborn faith that is a double-edged blade. It's nice to have faith, because it is telling me that it will eventually happen, but it's also a pain because nothing has happened yet. Like, nothing at all, not even a kiss on the cheek. It hurts and knowing that most girls are attracted to assholes doesn't help. Thankfully though there seems to be smart people like you out there, now I just got to find them.
+Oliver's World Well, I wish I could talk to you in private, because I might be able to help a little. I'm not some creepy old lady!! I just don't talk about personal stuff on CZcams.
+Dianne Christian Try to send me a private message on my channel with your email address. I'm obviously not going to give you my email here, but you should be able to send me a private message on my channel.
@@boris9047 assholes are honest with who they are, assholes are mean to everybody except their women. My bf for example has wiped the floor with the majority of people I know and I have had people tell me he is an asshome but he is so warm and gentle towards me and called them all out as being fakes and phony people. So of course all those people think he Is an asshole because he exposed them all but truly he cares highly and protects me from future hurts
@@Rubycella Ok, but the problem with that kind of people is when you become one of those "other people"... it's just a matter of time because almost no romantic relationsships last a whole lifetime. I always look at how people treat other people, not just how they treat me, when I evaluate a person's character.
This channel is so much better than i thought at first. As i evolve and actually really listen to what you say, Leo, the more valuable information i rack up. Well done.
Know your self and you can be both nice and confident. The unattractive nice guy is some one who is self conscious but not self knowing. The attractive bad guy is like a blind bafoon just grabbing what ever he fancies without the care of consequence.
Women don't fall for a-holes (generally speaking). The a-hole usually pretends to be nice, charming, seductive, etc. Then after we fall for the guy, then he shows his true nature. Some women (who often had a disfunctional childhood/background) stay with an a-hole because she's usually fallen in love with him and she feels she doesn't deserve to be treated any better. A lot of fiction/screenplays are written by guys (including a lot of 'romance' novels with female-author's names) who write the way they wish women would act; that the guy treats her any way he wants and she puts up with it and still gives him free sex.
I am glad to have found your videos. What you are saying RESONATES with what I have seen at my place of employment these last few months. I'm going to change my behavior immediately.
I agree with Leo. Girls will validate why she is going out with him and convince herself to believe she is going out with him because he is nice and helpful etc. But what a woman says and thinks are one thing but what she actually does is something different. Because her emotional drive is over riding her logical reasoning and understanding. (She will read a book or talk to her friends about what guy she should be with, but go out with someone completely different.)
Yes the a-hole propably does pretend to be nice at first. The question is, why doesn't the guy who actually IS nice (instead of just pretending) ever get the ladies? There is something much stronger about the behavior about the guy who only pretends to be nice (instead of actually being nice).
***** ..negative attitude?..whodaphuck are you? You Must be a nice guy! btw...I have no prob with women...I'm saying women a lot of times don't even know whatdaphuck they want!
You are right about the pain over riding the feeling for the guy. Your theory bears out, it happened to me. I loved this guy, we had so much fun together, he had plenty of money. He just happened to be a religion that did not like me. His mother hated me but tried to hide it in front of him. I was his "closet girlfriend". It took years, he kept promising me things would change but little by little my feelings for him died. One day I had NO feeling for him and tried to conjure it up but could not. He cried on my shoulder to reconsider ending the relationship. I ended it. Sex, I believe will not let you know someone better. You'll only get to know them physically.
Whoever cares the least wins.
*EXACTLY*
Its playing the reverse card.
Men win by default, if he jerks off before talking to her...
He won't even remember what her name is.
Nope Nope 😂
Too true. Be nice and care, they cheat on you with an asshole. Keep cold and don't care, they invite their best friend. Not exaggerating. Was not two at the same time. But she bragged about how great I was. If I had shown any concern I would have not even been given the time of day.
I really do hate these gender roles, when a guy is down and screwed up in life, no one is going to come pick him up
That's right, gotta pick yourself up.
lol i was dating a guy and i picked him up when his mum died, supported him financially, cleaned for him, looked after him... he used me and threw me to the curb when he didn't need me anymore.. men seem to think they are the ones that get treated bad only.
when I was younger I looked for such guys and was disappointed to discover than men don´t really need women to pick them up. I think me and ThatOneGirl have a very good sense of empathy that wants to express itself.
zeedo666 to be honest i am just sick and tired of guys acting like it is only them that get hurt. they look like immature little boys who are throwing a tantrum because they feel sorry for themselves.
Some men need a woman, some men don't. However to those who don't, i say good, because it just weeds out the assholes to get me closer to my future husband. =)
ThatOneGirl Everyone's different, always remember that, the only prejudice you can have is how different cultures/societies mold people into certain types of personalities, but everyone's always different.
congratulations ladies, you played yourselves..
sorry u feel that way....
Sherlock Watson it’s true
Sherlock Watson he right
@@Thomas_Winters
Yeah be more sorry for white knights ;(
Hahahahha
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***** Who in the fuck is going to read this big wall of bullshit?
Marcellus Shale this guy is kick ass sorry
+John McClane ocean?
+Actualized.org Seriously why so much reading into it. Its simple, obliviously women don't consciously want an intimate relationship with assholes, but many many women want to feel the warrior man all over her. Strength to protect her children and home. The dark night in shining armor( but not a clumsy man) who truly knows the skill of the sword. this is the secret why fifty shades of grey is so popular. shhhh don't tell.
dude i can feel you but i starting to think that when you dont give a dam that draws them to you i just did this tech with an ex and it worked when i turned into an ass she chased me even harder when i got her where i wanted her i dumped her ass for all the bullshit she put me thru and it felt dam good i hate to have to live this way but it is what it is
It's scary how true this is...
This is true?🤔
Spooky
If you liked this video, I recommend you watch these related videos too:
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I remember all these "mind games" in my 20's, trying to figure out women, why they are attracted to assholes, etc etc. I am now 37 and have everything I want, I must say that staying single has been the best thing I've ever done. I don't have to deal with anyone's bull$h1t, I don't have to buy them anything, I don't have to worry they will crash my weekend car or support them or worry they will divorce me and take everything away.
Right on the money!!! I am starting to really think the same, cheaper as well.
Just got over one of the worst relationships I've ever had and time to think and now it's all about me, me, me!!!!!😂😂😂🤗
Women are attracted to assholes because an asshole is Honest, so honest in fact that men don't like him and view him as toxic. My boyfriend is an asshole to everyone besides me, he has mopped the floor with anybody who tries to hurt me.
Based
I get your point, it's great to be single and have that freedom, but then again, what's the point and value of all that you have if you can't share it with anyone? (no suggesting one partner, could be partners, family, friends etc..)
Women fall for a$$holes because theyre a$$holes themselves lol
Leo: Most women swear up and down that they want a guy with confidence, yet they'll do everything under the sun to destroy that guy's confidence. Ironic, isn't it?
Test his confidence.
Maybe so they can put his confidence to the test and even improve it further? I dunno
@@SL2797 That is what I'm saying.. A women Has to see how secure you are.. She's design to test you in a lot of ways. You Being Confident Shows her that you are established as a man.. you end you being the winner in the end. If you hold firm. See would you trust a building that shakes when the wind is forceful. Or one that doesn't bulge at all. Obviously the one that doesn't bulge. Ultimately you would rather stay in the stronger building. She is the same way. By nature.
Well to make sure she doesn´t get a guy that gets destroyed by a women... because that man would be weak and a woman does not want a weak man but a strong one.
Men’s confidence should not come from their women. And vice versa.
"None of us see things as they are, we see them as we are”
Wow I'm so happy I never fell for this crap, I mean part of me did notice it when I observe my classmates, but thank you for increasing my understanding. When the time comes for me to get into relationship, I know now how to stay away from poisonous people and look for someone who will truly value me.
my sincere gratitude, Carina
I want to know too.
What sucks is that the "nice guys'' always finish last AND well the girls will always go for the "Assholes" and later on ask themselves WHY they got cheated on... smh
The movie Forrest Gump is a great example
Nuclear Surgeon yeah you’re right, I was retarded and she was a whore.
She was raped by her father....
I am not a smart man but I know what love is
@@gagelewis2019 Hey! What's wrong with a healthy sex drive?!! Are you jealous?
@@andreanavarro2341 Why is it always the dad that gets blamed for everything?!
28:09 - 29:22 If women think nice guys are going to stick around that long... they're wrong. Either they find another girl or, after a constant diet of being treated like crap by women, the niceness erodes away.
Asshole = Nice Guy + Time
Totally wrong. A bitch will always be a bitch and falls for devious women. And they are needy and desperate and just glad they have a woman.
An alpha male would never be with such a woman. Well I dated one. I fucked her and then left her the next day.
You know what she wanted? ME to clean up the table after she made the dinner and wash the dinner plates! She said "50 / 50!" I was laughing inside me and just left her house.
50/50 nah fuck that if she blows me ill go down on her but that is the fucking limit.
LynnJynh9315 100% correct. I got tired of women’s crap. Started being myself and truly don’t give a shit and now they are looking my way.
so what is more important? to be nice in life or to have a girlfriend? forget about finding anyone, just be nice to everybody and find happiness for yourself
I agree with what you're saying, to some extent. There are 2 things I want to say to this:
1. Men are just the same. They fall for a confident woman who plays hard to get, it's the same story. No man will ever look at the shy lady in the corner who looks average. They go for the woman who stands out. It's a natural thing for both sexes. Please don't think that if the guy is an asshole but looks meh women will fall the same. It's all about the looks and how you play with them.
2. And the most important. If you want to hook up with men or women at the bar, you need to know that you get exactly that, other women and men who hook up at bars. I am a shy girl, love to read and always fell for the good guys. Never got my heart broken, because I searched for someone who was exactly like me, AND I searched for them in the right places, i.e. library, bookstore, skating rink, museums, cafe's etc.
You don't go fishing in the lake with the desire of catching salt water fish :).
Alexandra Zeres that is not true at all. Just look at simplepickup and plenty of other pickup channels. They look below average and yet they're still getting all kinds of girls due to their confidence.
***** Well I'd rather have a more peaceful and bashful guy than the cocky one ssurrounded by all the girls. But the main idea is that the shy woman who only looks average will not attract your attention, even if normally you'd like her better in a relationship. If you are looking for a woman to have sex with, you will always go for the flirty, gorgeous one. Or the majority of men will :)
Alexandra Zeres i love u
***** Well let's say that there are those women who call themselves feinist, but they are just man haters. But women dump men, men dump women, men dump men (you know the drill) all the time. I don't think it has anything to do with who they are as a person. Ans I am talking about long term relationships, where a breakup occurs because of both parties. If we are talking about the first few dates, maybe one of them just sees the incompatibility better, that's all, and walks away. Sometimes, the other party refuses to see it and is left butthurt, but why make something that's eventually going to break, into a relationship that never works?
Alexandra Zeres What women are starting to realize now is that after the so-called "bad-boy" phase, the regular stable guys aren't coming to the rescue to support the stuck-up thug chasers and their bastard kids,
Leo, I believe that the best way to attract women is to be authentic, transparent, and to truly not care what anyone thinks, including her. If you're going out of your way to be more dominant, more assertive, or more "alpha" (I hate that word) because you think thats what someone else wants you to be, then you're not being authentic or carefree. Stop caring what others think. You're running in the wrong direction if you're following any kind of advice that tells you to change your behavior or how you act. Its approval seeking.
You just told exactly what I was concluding in my mind. Thanks
He just did a 31 video on why what you said is BS. You can say that online to appear holier than thou but in reality you yourself has this mindset.
An authentic self ... exactly.
Only if your "authentic self" is attractive to women.
Umm, well you ARE supposed to care about how your loved one is feeling!... Especially if you really do love/care about them! Often times I think what they ask aren't unreasonable! My stupid ex had a problem with being "bossed around", and yes ultimately he had the final say in his life and in his choices! However, I it wasn't like the things I wanted for him we're going to hurt him. I had good intentions!
I've got to stop my 'nice gal' personality and start being more edgy, confidence, adventurous, bold and brash, etc, and not care if I 'get the guy' or not.
Then certainly u will not get a guy 😂😂😂😂
Enjoy your 18 cats and new spinster life LOL
Not all women fall for a holes. Some of us are always single because we refuse to date a jerk! It's few and far between, but there are women out there who have high standards and refuse to give them up.
I’m also the second coming of Christ
Life is not black and white. It's not either "treat women like shit" or "be a spineless pushover and do whatever women want." When you work on yourself as a person you can find a balance, a way to be a nice and decent human being, and also have confidence and assertiveness. Just because you dont give a shit what people think about you, does not mean that you have to be a terrible person. And for all the bitter men in the comments, maybe you need to do some work on yourself, learn to let go of all this resentment you have towards the women that hurt you in your past. Develop self confidence, dont be pushover and just do whatever a pretty girl tells you to, grow some balls! AT the same time work on being valuable member of society, and stop expecting sex in return for every tiny nice things you do. Some of you "nice guys" want sex for the most basic shit like opening a door, paying for meal, texting her for a week. That's just being a decent human. NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING!
That might be true but finding the middle ground is a fine art and most guys aren't good at it. Therefore they tend to fall into one or the other.
Same thing don't treat men like crap because you get the wrong vibes
THIS. The sexiest and most interesting men are well rounded. They are a lot of things. I want strength and kindness. Not someone who is one note
This is pretty much what I wanted to say, but was too lazy to type it out :D
isnt that unfair on the nice guy though? i mean she screws around with all the bad boys in her prime& when shes young n youthful, has a few abortions, & then when shes had all her fun she wants to settle down with the sucker nice guy whom she didnt want before. how is that fair to the nice guy who spent most his nights alone at home while she was screwing around? and now he has to accept her slutty past? why didnt you talk about that?
Sex ain't fair
sex is only fair to women..they can get it anytime they feel like
You clearly haven't studied all the problems women face with sex and relationships. Go talk to some women and ask them if sex is fair for them.
Actualized.org 35, been single all my life (by choice) haha, sex a different woman everynight, & NEVER EVER heard a woman complain they have problems getting laid, now getting a (good) relationship on the other hand is hard regardless of gender, but getting laid for women tis a piece of cake. yeah?
David Reddy A woman doesn't care about getting laid by a random slob. Getting laid for a girl isn't analogous to a guy getting laid. Guy gets laid and he's happy. Girl cares about getting laid only by the RIGHT guy. And a right guy is hard to find.
You have to acknowledge that reproductive value for a girl is very different than it is for a guy. If you were in the girl's shoes, you'd be bitching and moaning about how hard it is to find the right guy. It would be of little consolation to you that you could get laid by a random slob.
Assholes are somewhat intriguing to everyone, not just women. Just think about characters like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. Imagine getting a compliment from him, you would feel so special. It would be worth more than a compliment from a jolly person.
I think that's a big part of what women are into. It's about contrast - just like in a movie it's more interesting when there's good mixed with a bit of bad, you're left wanting more and each interaction is kept interesting.
And like I mentioned, everything nice an asshole does feels more valuable than when someone else does it.
+Peter Armitage talk about hot air....
Greetings,
I came onto your channel to listen to a few videos. I especially appreciated your video on "Why Women Fall for Assholes". Like you, I came from a very dysfunctional family and have done much self-searching. In my teenage years I also thought that as a young woman I wanted kindness, generosity and loyalty in my male counterpart. I think we are socialized to think this way. Later in life I came to the same realization about what would make me truly satisfied in a relationship with a man. These characteristics strongly correlate to the "asshole" argument that women tend to fall prey to. My first relationship with my high school sweetheart was very much a codependent abusive relationship. So I swung the other way and dated a very kind and sweet guy for a change. To my extreme bewilderment and surprise I realized that mr. nice guy is not enough. There was definitely a lack of attraction and I was perplexed. I kept thinking, if only I could blend my former boyfriend with this young man, he would be the perfect match. As I began to deconstruct popular social notions and ideologies, my own experiences, experiences of my girl friends, and my own preferences I came to the exact same conclusion as you presented in your video about what women truly want in a man. In my opinion, you hit the nail on the head. What I will say is this, in our modern North American culture, and I do emphasize N.A, men generally tend to be emotionally immature. Their E.Q is that of a demanding 12 year old boy. I believe this comes from a lack of traditions and culture that has been passed on from generation to generation like in some European families. Masculinity is something that is often confused with cockiness, barbarianism, machismo, and what I call the Casanova syndrome. So you either get the very insecure, needy, child-like men who are very sweet and endearing but cannot satisfy a women's pre-programmed biological need for a mate OR the complete opposite of the extreme. Women are left with little choice, and in matters of sexual preference and biology our instincts guide us to the "assholes". It is a rare thing to find a man who os both genuinely emotionally developed and confident at the same time.
So I just wanted to say thank you for getting these truths out there to the public. It helps both men and women analyze themselves and hopefully improve themselves for a better life.
I also wanted to say that most people are psychologically unhealthy and there is really no perfect way to negotiate compatibility. I think that codependency in some cases is not a bad thing in a world of imperfect human creatures. Each person find what fits for them at the specific time in their life. This is the way I see it: All of us are crazy in very particular ways. We’re distinctively neurotic, unbalanced and immature, but don’t know quite the details because no one ever encourages us too hard to find them out. An urgent, primary task of any lover is therefore to get a handle on the specific ways in which they are mad. They have to get up to speed on their individual neuroses. They have to grasp where these have come from, what they make them do - and most importantly, what sort of people either provoke or assuage them. A good partnership is not so much one between two healthy people (there aren’t many of these on the planet), it’s one between two demented people who have had the skill or luck to find a non-threatening conscious accommodation between their relative insanities.
Ciao
Alexandra
It takes a very emotionally mature girl to really want an emotionally mature guy. Emotionally mature rarely gets you laid. Just the opposite.
Actualized.org Spot on !
The most accurate and wise commentary I've ever seen. Its identical to my thinking and conclusions about relationships.
You nailed philosophy psychology, sociology, and everything that ends with "gy". The ultimate commentary 👏
Very true
Honestly sounds like way too much work. I agree with others, I'd rather work on a career and just avoid them altogether.
Sudo Linux I’m at that point also
Lol,enough is enough 😊
It’s all about Me,me,me...
Imagine you 16 and are scared to drive a car for the first time. After you figure out how the car works and start driving it you are no longer scared and it becomes second nature to you. Same thing with women. The difference is many spend their whole lives not understanding how women work or how to deal with them and be successful with them.
Ha
@@mikereiss4216 Related on the driving one but fuack Relationship i rsther love myself
Exactly
Man are rigurous on the looks when screening woman for a couple.
Woman are rigurous on confidence traits.
Thats why women use make up and smooth/nice/sexy clothes and guys constantly boost their own self-steem by achieving things, get cool jobs and try being the "boss" in life. Its a freaking game. Kinda bizarre if you may. Thats all it is.
I'm the boss of my woman. Do that count?
"... is the dinner ready yet".
"No honey, not yet"
We are role-playing reversed roles today, I swear.
Why women fall for assholes is a no-brainer really. But does this mean women are prone to fall for psychopaths? Because a lot of those traits you listed, those of an asshole, are key characteristics in psychopaths as well.
I think women are attracted to psychopaths. But they are afraid for their lives thats why they steer clear ... its like seeing a bombshell of a woman but realizing that she has a sex-transmitted disease
Hi, I am from Iraq
And I have been trying to answer that question for a long time
Thanks, Leo!
Finally An Arabian Iam From Egypt
Marhaba
she can't resist temptation of being with a handsome man... looks > everything else. To be fair, it's the same for the opposite sex. I've met a lot of women who have the same personality characteristics as men...
Estp-A
Often when a girl realizes that a nice guy is better for her it's too late because now the nice guy doesn't want her
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. You finally decoded the spell I was under in an abusive relationship. Now I have to educate and pray for my daughter. You are truly inspired. Thank you for sharing your gift. God Bless, Nameste, and may the Source be with you!
+Shandra Bailey You quite easily talk about it.
I just spent 6 hours watching videos on this channel and the more and more I watch these videos the easier it becomes for me to see that men and women want such different things that I don't know how any hetersexual reationship works at all, Maybe how flawed they are seem to be why relationships don't last and the people who've been in one for 25+ yrs are misreable
Most relationships end in disaster, but only because both parties are unwilling to learn and master relationships. It takes a lot of personal development work to make relationships work.
+Actualized.org true - except it takes only one party being unwilling to learn.
+Actualized.org Most are proficient with romance and not love that is where the wheels fall off and do not underestimate the convert narcissistic person. I thank you for you videos THANKS! Peace.
+Actualized.org yes it's a mentality of disposable and convenience with pep / relationships... I blame the 7-Eleven lol
+Ashley Bee Simple. Because they need eachother. Emotionaly. Here sacrifice and understanding of eachother kicks in. Where one is not up to understand the other's off's , or at least try to help him/her/the other out, be supportive, there comes problems. Not to mention hormonal needs , things that you want, because men like women and women like men, basicaly no matter what, men do anything they need to in order to get a woman, otherwise it's simple and sad for him: he will not get her, and it's only his loss, at her it doesn't change a thing, that's the thing. Purposes are not the primary core purpose of relationships, those are businesses, but you need your views and wishes for the future to be alike and as close as possible to common, in order to work well, indeed. Cheers
I had a friend who ended up being an awful and terrible person. Even when we were still hanging out he would yell at, argue with, and cuss at his girlfriend. And he always had a girlfriend. When he got done with one girl, he would quickly find another. I think he went through seven girlfriends while we were hanging out, meanwhile I didn't even get one girl friend.
The problem is a lot the nice or decent guys actually are fairly confident, they just don't flaunt it as the cocky assholes do. The decent or nice guy acts like he cares about getting with a woman in question is that he values her. Values trying to take care of her, the woman having a need for drama rejects this. The woman turns away from the guy because she knows she has him and would prefer the roller coaster of uncertainty instead. Often times these women who reject the decent guys have more baggage than an airline.
***** That's surely true.
Statement from an Indian Guru....
When we become teenagers, our intelligence gets hijacked by our hormones...
By sadhguru
I think that is just saying that masturbaiting is bad for you, most gurus are on no fap
@@yungcuba7163 : No, Most unenlightened Gurus may say this but a Enlightened one will never say this..
So what are you like Zaheer or something?
While it's true that some women fall for "assholes," there are two things a lot of those "assholes" have in common: self confidence and an "I don't care if you like me or not" attitude. The typical nice guy is the exact opposite. He wants everyone to like him. He stumbles along through life, going out of his way to be nice to everyone. He opens the door for women. He brings them flowers. He buys them dinner. And then what? That's supposed to make that woman love you? She just drops her pants because you're nice? Here's the big secret to getting women: be yourself, be confident, be friendly, be decent, but at the end of the night if women don't like you, then they can go fuck themselves. You're nobody's doormat.
I do that. But they scan you. Detect youre a nice guy ( I am) better said they detect your insecurity (we all have it thats why, as you said, we try to please everyone) no matter how hard you try to hide it, they find it. After that they eat the dinner, you get her home they say "thanks for the dinner" and they never "call you back" . True story. Fuck this life.
women like men that have confidence, that doesn't necessarily mean they fall for assholes, its just that assholes usually have confidence which triggers chemistry in a woman. you can still be "nice" as in have manner as long as you have self confidence and put the self confidence first, you will get laid.
you sir are ugly
Xiuhcoatl hokay
Rather than being an asshole, be a confident, assertive gentleman with good self esteem. That is what is attractive. Someone who is mean, hurtful and ignorant would not last for a minute with me. I am a nice girl and I deserve a nice guy. The thing is: I found him. :-) If he took me for granted - done. I treat men with the same love and respect that I would like from them. It's a give and take situation. Don't waste your time with assholes. lol
Diana D Yeah, sure.
Really? What choice might that be?
*****
Really? What choice might that be?
***** I guess in this day and age, the best pick-up line is this one: I GOT PRIORS!!!
Diana D i beg to differ diana cause i was that guy and got done dirty by both blk and white women he correct seriously
Sounds like alot of mind games to me...
That's sadly what dating is. Drugs are simple. Both get what they want. We forget each other the next day. Repeat. No need to twist your mind into a pretzel.
Think was that a hint? Have the rules suddenly changed? Is that a gold digger? Is that person working with someone that will rob me? Etc.
True that the girl will leave when the pain exceeds the pleasure but she could also leave if there is another option that gives her more pleasure than the pain she's experiencing. The bottom line is the two driving forces in human behavior are pain and pleasure. We want to avoid pain and experience more pleasure. I think a balanced approach is the best.
Crazily enough,I dated a guy just like that for only 3 months, then I heard from a good friend of his that his next girlfriend he had met before me, they went out for a year and a half and when he asked her to marry him, she rejected him. Then the next girl he went out with for another year and then she dumped him because he actually kissed another girl infront of loads of people. Then the next time he saw me, I was already engaged although he still tried chatting to me then I heard a little while later he was really upset from seeing my ring! Thanks for letting me know what a bad idea of a husband I was interested in 6 years ago!
This comment will be very long but i hope Leo reads and comments on it (i really want to get your feedback about it)
I can agree on every point with you, but here's a thing:
I too had to realize this during several dates and conversations with girls. I really think that you, as a man, have to step away from compliments and you have to stop giving her all the attention you can bring up for her. Why do I say that: the thing is that assholes, who just as you yourself said in the video behave different to nice guys. A nice guy will compliment the girl how beautiful she is and how independent of a woman she is and why he likes her smile etc. But let's be honest a woman is complimented 24/7 even if the compliment is just a stare of a man across the street. Complementing on someone without getting anything back is some sort of submission. What assholes do is simply not giving any compliments. What this does is that the girl will fall for you or at least give you more attention. Why? Because you don't give her that common submissive feedback that she get's all the time. You show her that you're just as valuable as her or she maybe even thinks that you are more valuable than her because she never met a guy like you, a guy who doesn't need to be submissive to get her attention or to talk to her. Let's visualize that on an example: A hot girl has two different dates. The first date she attempts is with a shy nice guy. As they sit in the restaurant he keeps complementing her and telling her how beautiful she is and don't get me wrong, of course the woman is flattered by that but this emotion doesn't remain that long because she got numb to it long time ago. She heard all these compliments about 1000 times. The nice guy also gives her all of his attention. After the date he keeps texting her how nice their meeting was and he asks her way to rash when they will meet again. The next date the woman is going to is the one with the asshole or the bad guy. So as Leo already said the bad guy has more options. He doesn't give this date too much of value to it, other than the nice guy did. The asshole saw a lot of beautiful girls, he met a lot of beautiful girls and he had a lot of beautiful girls. He doesn't has to compliment her because he maybe, no offense, had a woman with a nicer smile, bigger eyes, nicer teeth etc. What this creates in a woman is the following question: Why doesn't this guy complement me? Do i look crap? OMG he doesn't like me, Why is he not liking me etc. So she starts wondering about this dude more and more she wants to know why he is different to all the other guys like the ones at her office who keep complimenting on her how beautiful she is or this guy she met last night at the restaurant. Where this leads to is the point that i mentioned: she will give the bad guy more attention because she wants to get his feedback and the attention she is used to by all the other nice guys. She is so humbled about the fact that she doesn't know how this guy thinks of her. She simply isn't accustomed to such ignorance. That is the other point of why women are attracted to assholes. Unlike the nice guy the asshole won't text her the next day and doesn't feedback on their date. This again creates all of these questions in the woman's head. She keeps on thinking about him and she starts forgeting about the nice guy she just met that is just similar to the other 1000 guys she met. But this new one, the asshole, is just different. He creates all of these emotions in her that actually make her feel uncomfortable but she want to convince herself that she's beautiful in convincing him about that and in showing him what a good catch she would be. So what i want to say is that even though it's bad, ignorance and not worshiping the girl you want to have will get you nearer to her. It is so easy and simple but will get you so far, i swear to you. Ask yourself why should you compliment a girl for nothing. You give her credits without getting anything of her. Why would you do that? That's not profitable. You give sth to her without regaining it. Again don't get me wrong if the girl is already attracted to you, you surely can give her complements but why would give her all your attention if you only know her for half an hour. Stay away from this submissiveness guys!
This comment has really helped me in understanding why girls have done this to me in the past, thanks a bunch! I'll be an asshole on the outside and a nice guy on the inside :)
why ur chanel isn't popular ? i think u have one of the best personalities and critical thinkings i've ever seen !
Don't look at what she says ("I like nice guys, who will be kind to me"). Look at WHO she chooses (the total opposite).
Chill its 11pm and I almost blurted out a huge laugh 🤣
This explains the last 6 years of my life with my ex-fiancée... As a self diagnosed asshole I never tried hard enough to make the relationship work, and it recently ended with her cheating on me. Thank you for this very true video, can you make one on how to have a successful long term relationship as an "asshole?"
Actualized.org thank you haha I just watched your video on how to develop successful healthy relationships and it helped me a lot. She gave me so many messages, hints, clues, but I just thought it would all work out... I just wish I had watched your videos years earlier! We were definitely co-dependant... and your video on letting go of the past helped me out so much... I have been hurting from finding out she was cheating and that guided exercise made me cry like a baby. Just awesome stuff Leo you are the man. thank you.
Peter Clarke These are all good experiences. They are teaching you how to make the next relationships run smoothly. It takes a lot of trail and error to get relationships right.
Oh, and sex is the least important part of a relationship. If compatibility and communication is there, sex usually works out naturally. You shouldn't give a guy the kitchen sink ladies. Save something for later on. Guys respect women who respect themselves enough to wait when it comes to sex. That's my opinion.
Diana D That was so funny (and completely incorrect) I had to read it twice. lol
BourneFreeATL Really? What is your experience/opinion? By the way, an opinion is neither correct or incorrect I come to learn. It is simply an opinion. You have the choice to agree or disagree and I respect all other opinions.
I respect your opinion, I do. I just found it baseless and humorous.
BourneFreeATL I'm totally fine with that. And, my opinion is based on a 26-year happy marriage. I married my best friend and the attraction is naturally there because the communication works. Anyway, that's my opinion for what it's worth. Our love for one another just grows deeper and stronger. I didn't think it would be possible, but that's my experience. Our imperfections somehow just match.
+Argentarii Homini unfortunately? Some people are okay with not having sex. For example, me.
One of the worst feelings in the world is when someone claims to love u but tells u would never be successful, or that u have absolutely no potential at all. But they are allowed to have potential. Completely ruined me when that was said to me I'm never going to be the same after that being said to me.
Also why you have to love yourself enough to demand what you want
Women LOVE dramas, that´s what triggers all these illogical emotions, this is a GREAT video congrats! subcribed :)
No they don't ! they love fun, laugh and happy times all the time which then that make a drama for themselves for the rest of their life .
Well that explains why women are into soap operas way more than men ,I noticed that awell.
I completely agree. I also think that the dominant person who becomes abusive over time in the example or the prisoner that you mentioned also can happen to the nice guys as victims with dominant women abusing their power Over them. some behaviors I see are pawning guys around, laughing them, eventually cheating on them, asking for a lot of favors, and eventually leaving them for someone else. And like you said it's not her fault. It's simply a tendency that happens. What I usually see that works out alright in long terms are when both sides have similar levels of dominance and confidence. So they can stand up for themselves and demand respect when necessary.
I am going through this. I am a female and I've been with a nice guy for over 2 years now. I have noticed how I am subtly questioning the relationship due to his status, edginess, confidence etc. My behavior makes me upset and if I was in his shoes, I would be devastated. I am on the journey to total self actualization and mastery and I look forward to figuring out the underlying cause of my behavior.
It’s biological smh I’m not sure if you can do it since women are more emotional based when being with someone. Goodluck to you
you sound like a chill woman to me under the right circumstances, i guess we all are chill sometimes lol.
Wow this answered so many questions and affirmed doubts. Great interpretation, very accurate in a general sense.
This video just made me pretty depressed because I do want to do nice things for a girl. I would love to spoil them and take care of them but I guess that's just not how it works. I won't change myself either just to make girls fall for me. Sure I can be confident and funny and dominant but if I can't do nice things for a girl (that make me feel very fulfilled) then I don't see the point really. I feel hopeless.
To have a girl is not your priority.
do not be nice or bad , do not be anything.
just be yourself.
Yeah, just be yourself and you will se a woman who you really like and that she likes you too. it's just like a jigsaw game, just find the piece that really matches with you. not all girls are equal.
Stop being depressed and do something about it, he clearly gave options for you to do in the video so why feel hopeless!
Leo...You hit the nail right on the head.
Poor nail D:
lower ur standards
The problem women face is that, as you said at 29:00, when they're in their early 20's at their most attractive,
they fall for the alpha males who are difficult to pin down; but she only recognizes the trap once she's in her late 30's and the 365x10 frappuccinos have taken their toll...and she can't pull the exciting alpha males any more...
so she has to try to cash in with a nice guy while she still has some faint flickers of youth/beauty.
Brainbuster Most women who fall for bad guy I have seen in my area don't realize what your saying well into there 30's with 3 kids from 3 different bad boys who usually don't support the kids. I had one of these women try to hit on me while my wife was at work. This after we gave her sanctuary at our home when she got beat up by her latest boyfriend. Needless to say we don't do that anymore.
@@blakeh6250 That could have been a lovely threesome. What is wrong with you?
Two women are better than one. Living with my gf and her sister. Love it except we are so clingy to each other worrying about our parents. On the plus side threeway cuddles, sharing a shower and ogling the sister drying herself with my help. But my libido is off like someone pressed the off switch. Two hot women both vulnerable. And nothing works. Typical! Wondering if I have started to see both as my siblings? This lockdown must stop!!
True!
does alpha male get marriage?
Dude, i ain't going to lie, you truly and personally on a personal level connect the dots for me!
You are a great psychologist, my man!!!
It is honestly a balance between the two. Sure, it is easy to say "oh I'm a good guy, girls should like me" but if a guy doesn't respect hisself or is very insecure, IT WILL NEVER BE ATTRACTIVE to a woman
So basicly, I'm eitherm going to be alone for a REALLY long time or have a partner that isnt really attracted to me, ill only be accepted cos im "the logical choice" or the "he'll do" unless i be something I'm not? For simply beeing nice to people? Wow..great.. I..uh.. well I guess thats how the world is.
Nice video Actualized, keep up the good work man.
Actually, Actualized isn't his real name. His name is Leonidl
Leonid
This sounds so scary... For both parties. And I cant help it but to think that women are in fault for all of this when they fall for certain type of guys. Chemical reactions and the way your brain is wired as an excuse only goes so far. You also have to live in the real world. And this also happens on men. I suppose when an idiot decides to cheat on a perfectly fine woman just because he can, even if he knows he shouldnt, you can also blame that on how his brain works. But again, real world scenarios, being able to control emotions, thinking about things. Why is that not the norm?
+SantEurosia Eh I am not convinced that it biological . It part biology The stuff i've read on matrineal society woman don't associate nice guy trait with being emasculate or incompatible with masculinity and find those trait attractive ., And since the idea of a male bread winner is nonexistant in these kind of society ,They don't use that quality as a measurement for mates , well also marriage doesn't exist . So I think this is just an Enviromental response to a partiarchal enviroments so it partially biological . Can't over come that enviroment with logic have to actually change it the enviroment .
Once a women hits her 30's she want someone that is stable. Meaning they'll just settling down with "the nice guy". Which is kind of fuck up if you think about it. Girl: "you are not my type but because I'm 30, I'm just going to settle with you". haha
Thanks Leo ! Your saving my life at the moment. Every morning I get and listen to a video of yours and let that idea filter though out the day . This is great how you have made such a relatable version of the self help stuff that is out there. I constantly recommending to friends to check you out and to other people who need a boot up the ass with realising there potential. Keep it up mate !
Lesson learned
There is a time to be assertive and tough especially when you have a reason to be tough.
Be a nice guy who knows where not to be nice 🔥💯
Spot on. I always try to be nice because that's just how I was raised but in the moments I'm not nice and I get serious, I become an asshole in people's eyes. I don't get it.
Guys are just as likely to get attached after sex as a girl is. The fact also tends to be both sexes tend to want to chase after the person who doesn't give a fuck at all because it hurts their self esteem. With women they feel much more disrespected when they get fucked and the guy don't give a damn...that's why she chases, not because she is more attached. She wants to get him to like her, so she doesn't feel and look cheap.
Big R in short: only girls care who they fuck.
+Big R I am a woman and I agree with you 100%. When I think about it, If I put myself in that situation, yes, I would feel very disrespected and cheap if I choose to have sex with a guy and he treats me like that. See there is a huge difference in women and guys in that area. A woman will have sex with a guy because she is attracted to him and she sees potential in him and her forming a tighter bond, but a guy will have sex with a woman just for the fun of it and on to the next.
+Big R its just you a bitch
agree
ITS187MOB learn some grammar "playah" 187 hey? How many you killed and where'd you do time?
I think there's problems with the nice guy too. Passive aggression, and covert narcissism, for example. What you want, is the nice guy who pretends to be a badass. You want someone with really equal social status not more not less. So someone who turns this into more of a game to play or to pretend to play while there is actual mutual regard at the core.
+Matthew McPhee I'm not sure that level of mindfulness would ever allow you to have a relationship. I think looking at people thru some kind of rose colored glasses might be a prerequisite. that might be why the Dali Llama is single
+Matthew McPhee No I wasn't using you accusing you of using rose-tinted glasses, I think you misunderstood what I was saying- its that when you look at long-term relationships, one of the indicators of success is that the partners overlook the flaws each other has
+michelle tulumello what you are saying actually sounds pretty logical, I've just had bad experiences with people that other people would describe As nice guys. may be a better indicator or just correct descriptor would be people who have high self-esteem would be better to get in a relationship with. Rather than nice or bad guys because I think either type of guy could have a varying degree of self-esteem and as long as you like your self you're probably going to be pretty good to others. at least I hope that's the case
+Matthew McPhee I'm not sure it's the job of a romantic partner to raise someone's self-esteem. I really think they probably need to come into the relationship with at least a certain amount of their own. Also, if they are afraid to approach women, what does that say about the rest of their life and the way they are going to approach all kinds of opportunities? I think there's a happy medium. Maybe we could call it polite and assertive without being aggressive and domineering.
+Matthew McPhee I think maybe it's the internal qualities that are most important. The ones that take a long time to see. Not necessarily how they're going to treat you during the courting phase of the relationship. a lot of good qualities have a flip side like if someone is unselfish to the point where they neglect themselves... or polite to the point where they don't initiate sex... you don't want that. Because what that means is the person isn't seeing to getting your own needs met and will eventually resent you.
This video just saved my entire life!!! Thanks Leo and please keep on making high quality in depth videos
Ye, Leo. I'm am in the process of attempting to extricate my heart from just such a relationship. Having a very tough time of letting go. You are so right, he is like a drug, and I am deeply addicted. I want and need a nice guy who really care and loves and gives. He is not it. Logically , I know this ,but still find myself being called back to Bad Guy. I will continue to watch more of your talks and hopefully learn from you, Mr Nice Guy. Thank you. You are so real about everything.
Although I didn't watch the video, I think it's kind of obvious. A-holes are generally more direct and go after what they want. That shows confidence and women are naturally attracted to that. "Nice" guys are usually more reserved and care what others think, preventing them from openly pursuing things they want.
Nailed it
I was really surprised at the negative comments. This was one of the most truthful and accurate explanations I've seen. My life experience has proven this. The difference though, i'm naturally an alpha personality, most people respect me and think positively of me. But i'm not an asshole. To me those guys have insecurities, puff up, and show fake confidence. They're like wolf pups who don't know how to act. When you're truly confident you have a balance. You don't have to act like a dick, be aggressive, and prove anything. Some of the best fighters I know, for example, are the nicest and non aggressive people in their day to day lives. Feeling secure in yourself is so important. You attract others, have high standards, and lay down boundaries. Weakness, neediness, and fear is unattractive in anyone. A person who is fun, unique, and has alot of great qualities and talents are the types everyone likes. I really enjoyed this post. Thanks
This is,sadly, very true. I took time to write down what I want in a man and realized that my "type" is an accumulation of all the most well known male stereotypes. I think that the main part is that no women really wants a man who is weak. It's sad that I have fallen to these preferences but I just cannot see myself with a man who is shy, unconfident and to nice. Do you think there is a way to overcome these preferences? I don't like that I am a product of what society has told me I should want.
Attraction is not a product of society, it's goes MUCH deeper. It's a product of millions of years of evolution. You can't consciously control who you get attracted to. It happens automatically. Don't beat yourself up over that. Women are programmed to love strong men. My advice here is really for guys. I want weak guys to become stronger, but still keep their sense of values and decency. Then you girls will have more quality boyfriend types but who are also very sexy on the front-end.
For women, what you should really focus on working on is neediness. Neediness gets you stuck with bad guys. If you're non-needy, you will be able to leave a bad guy and look for someone better. Neediness is what creates abuse.
Waw, you are truly an honest lady. Listen to what Leo says. Don't feel bad about anything.
michelle vedros what don't you buy? I am not being rude, I just don't understand what there is to buy?
michelle vedros I was always that nice with ladies thanks to the social affection that you recommend. Sadly I always ended up to friendship zone.
1st there are degrees of kindness, some of us are extreemely good guys to a repulsive level for the average girl.
2nd I know such videos may feel you are threatened by making more "bad boys" along way. But you probably don't give a damn for good boys, unless you are desperate or something.
3rd Many guys will end up frustrated and depressed since you want them ultimately good and weak and finally they will not be able to claim anything in life that will make them feel happy.
4th You know if some girls have also many empathy issues without taking enough attention and maybe they should change somewhat their attitudes if they don't want to let everything to luck.
michelle vedros
He didn't say absolutely all women will be attracted to the dominant type, but most will. He also didn't say you can only ever date a dominant guy, but for most women those guys will be something exciting while the good guy will just be a safe bet, the choice is always yours.
Thanks Leo. I have read tons of books, watched tons of videos, and you are the one person who I feel is right on the money. Best wishes to you.
Having just dumped an asshole who I found very attractive I am so delighted to understand what was really happening and SO chuffed I recognised the landmines before I went to bed with him (planned for this evening!!) . I've been on the self development journey for a while and this really proves to me that I have dramatically increased my self esteem. A few years ago this episode would have devastated me.
This time I was confused and baffled. Having watched this video I have clarity and am SO proud of myself.
Your videos are succinct, objective and full of insight and value. I think you're fab.. and I've only seen 3.
THANK YOU SO MUCH LEO!
man i'm laughing so much while watching this video, it made my day :) it's all so true, kind of sad, but confirming what i thought and helping me. i'm the nice guy haha
😀Five years ago comment
This makes me happy knowing I'm no longer straight.
At first I was dissapointed in Leo, for being so smart and now saying something so beta. The classic "all women ignore nice guys and call for assholes" routine. But, I heard him out and gave him a chance. He does have a point, women are drawn to men with these characteristics. Women are drawn to a man who is alpha, no an asshole. Yes, many alpha's can be assholes, but that doesn't mean that they're attracted to assholes only. And sometimes men can have all those characteristics but be really good guys, and they're just perceived as mean by the men who they stole a girl from.
so true i have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years , i was more than perfect , never cheated once, i had so many opportunities but because i was so honest with her and i really loved her i stayed faithful , worked my ass to create for her the best future she could imagine , loved her more than my own life and at last she broke my heart and hurted me so badly .. and maybe she's dating someone else now ..but deep inside me i feel that god knows what's good for me and one day i'll end up with someone that will treasure me that's why i'll never change ...
Man, what a superb explanation. You really distilled it to its essence.
Leo never talks nonsense it's real shit this is 100% accurate I've witnessed this myself from when I was like 14 and I'm 27 now it's the same cycle it never changes it just continues #RealTalk
Experience, experience, experience. It seems that's the key!
The Standford Prison Experiment :)
These "arseholes" you are referring too have a word: Narcissists. Vain, arrogant, self centred, emotionally detached, lacking remorse and empathy. As a people pleasing dude with anxiety issues and limited sexual experience, I know I would make a great boyfriend but these traits you suggest mean some of us dudes are pretty much screwed in this game. I will never sacrifice my morals even if I don't get laid much. However, and I have to say this, some dudes are nice people but because of how the game works, they become sociopathic arseholes just to attract women. They learn that showing weakness to other people is not good, emotions are for the weak, morals prevent goals.... more and more dudes will become this way and then no nice guys will be left!
In reality it doesn't matter whether you're a good guy, bad guy or alpha guy, she will cheat. A women's needs can never be met or fulfilled. She will always search for Disney. Given the right time and place, she will find someone who she thinks knows her. Even though this is an illusion just to sleep with her. This is the reason I don't invest time in relationships, unless I plan on being let down. I am the don't care guy. If I can't stand on my own two feet, then let me fall.
Dang, what sort of women have you met?! This is not true for everyone. Sure, some women prefer the bad boys. But, most of the women I know aren't cheaters, and if they are in a relationship with a guy and he acts like a normal person, they aren't even thinking about looking for anyone else.
Its very true. Many assholes have some of the characteristics that women fall for. *Confidence, masculinity, someone who SHE has to actually try to impress (a challenge), someone who can easily get other women*. Also assholes don't give a shit. Which is also something women are attracted to. Nice guys do finish LAST every time. But also the reality is this sets up women to fail. Because what guys have the above traits? Players, Bad Boys, Dogs, and Assholes. All of whom will end up hurting that woman in the long run. lol ..Its really twisted.....
I've been there falling for the asshole. Its so damn hard to deal with. These guys ruins lifes and self esteem so badly its hard to get back up to where you were before you met that guy. Its so hard to find good guys out there, coz they are hiding in their homes and they dont come out.Thats how i feel at least. I have taken action against this guy that have so much power over me, i told him i wanted no contact. For now it has worked to give my own self worth back. Thanks for posting these vids, they help alot.
+KillaBoy Exactly..it would behoove her to take some responsibility for that.
stfu
Tone Andersen This ain't meant to help YOU,you dirty skank.This is meant for men
This video really isnt true for ALL women..certainly not for me. I never went after guys like that. My fiance is the complete opposite of guys like this...
I think most women aren't aware they are falling for an asshole. much of the time a guy is nice in the begging, they act a certain way, say whatever they can to get in your pants, then slowly start to show their true colors once they have us hooked. We realize he's a jerk but we also know he's capable of being nice, because we saw it before. we stick around hoping he'll go back to that but he just never does. Some women dont have enough sense to leave.
you could also flip this around and ask why men only want sluts in their prime then a nice more down to earth girl when they get older.
Don't forget that as much as men are traumatised in childhood, women are traumatised as well. Moreover, women also more likely to be infantile and look for husband and kids and financial support. So these types of women will go for a super assertive guys.
Women with high self esteem however with good level of reflection on what is happening and the treatment they get from the guy, will simply break it off.
When i was dysfunctional and didn't love myself 10 years ago, I picked jerks or avoidant attachment style guys.
Now when I did 10y of work on myself and restored my self esteem, I drop all the guys who exhibit such traits as uncaring, not communicating, distant, avoidant, unsupportive, childish, not able to protect and provide, not attuned to me, not consistent, lack of empathy, etc. I actually naturally lose interest in all of the guys that display such traits. It's a lot about personal growth and fixing your self esteem. Then attraction dynamic totally changes.
You just want to settle down after getting railed you're hole life
Holy crap man! You mastered "How Women Think" problem... you're especially right about women going crazy in their early 20s and then settling later on for the "nice guy" (which kinda also applies for guys though). Greetings from Serbia!
why not be the bad guy at first and the when they leave turn into the "good" guy to bring them back? you win and have sex! everyone goes home happy!
Oh no no, I'm not complaining because that's exactly what I'm doing. Being asshole really works for most girls... it's sad but true. When you get older you also settle down and it's win-win situation.
I am loving how good this guy is at understanding this subject. My question is if a player steals a girl from you and this happens how can you get this girl to watch this so that she can be better equipped and make better choices (especially if the player has made her lose all trust in me). All I want is for her to be happy.
actually, this video is too long for me to watch. But I want to say, as I am a woman, that this nice guy-asshole thing is quite misinterpreted in the male society. Nice guys are cool! Nice guys are wanted. Every woman wants to have a nice guy. But a nice guy according to a woman is not the same as a nice guy according to a man. Usually, boring (sorry) and weak, insecure guys like to call themselves nice guys. But a real nice guy is not weak. A nice guy is strong, mentally and (hopefully) physically also, he is someone who can make a woman feel safe. At the same time he treats the woman good, he is warm and lovely. This is the description of a nice guy according to me.
On the other hand, an insecure guy can be lovable also, but in another way, as a friend. He is someone I want to help. But I don't want to have a person I constantly need to cheer up and lift up to be my partner. As a woman, I long for safety, that a strong man can give to me. And this is why I tend to chose a strong man to be my partner.
Watch the video. It will tell you why that strong man you want will abuse you.
I have only had strong men and I have never been abused
no sorry I think your philosophy about these 2 kinds of men is very simplified. I am attracted to men who are physically interesting to me plus they show at least average level of confidence. AND! they show special interest in ME and they are nice to me. If a guy who I am not attracted to physically is nice to me, I don't care about him. If a guy I am attracted to physically behaves like an asshole at the beginning, I lose all my interest. Maybe I am too healthy? I think the women who are attracted to aggressive abusive men are kind of psychically weak or had an abusive childhood.
Happy Person Of course not all strong men will abuse you. If you don't have that problem, then good for you.
Cary, hm what you see probably depends on your direct environment and on the way you unconsciously select information from what surrounds you. I fortunately don't live in such a dark environment, and I see a lot of happy couples around me. I agree, there are women who are as you describe them but fortunately such women are far less than you think.
I would like to add my perspective; what with being a girl and all.
Just like men, women like confidence. This does not necessarily mean that all women like assholes. The one's who do usually had some type of unhealthy childhood examples of what relationships look like - so if dad was always away, the girl will tend to pick men who are emotionally unavailable when she is an adult. If she was always let down - ditto; the poor cow is going to pick a man who does the same. Men are no different in this respect. If one of your parents was a narcissist or you had your boundaries stepped all over or were emotionally abused as a child, it is a lifelong battle to rectify this as your boundaries are screwed, and you are programmed to see a violation of your rights as normal. Emotionally damaged women are drawn to assholes like moths to a flame. It amazes me how the subconscious mind can pick an abusive partner out of a crowd and be smitten at "hello".
I personally find arrogance and self absorption extremely unattractive in a man. So while I will be attracted to a man with confidence; I will quickly be repulsed by a me-me-me kinda guy.
I would also like to disagree with the point you make about men who "bang" lots of girls being better at sex. Sex is definitely about connection, so whether someone who has been "banging" girls for 40 years or 40 days is irrelevant. Good sex is definitely about chemistry and about connection. I think what possibly explains the good sex with assholes is the "connection" that a co-dependent woman finds with an abusive man. They are literally a match made in hell, and the attraction is intoxicating to start off with.
When you say women are hooked to this type of alpha-asshole like a drug, you are so right, because bad relationships are an addiction for a co-dependent girl with weak boundaries. I was one so I know. Until women (and men) work through those issues and learn to love themselves, they will keep repeating the same patterns. I foster young people and I see teenage girls picking abusive bastards all of the time - their mothers all did the same. They are repeating the unhealthy blue prints of relationship examples that they grew up with. Speaking for myself, after years of work on myself I can see the difference in the men I am attracted to. No longer do I find the surly, moody "dark", unavailable characters attractive - I am into confident men who are into personal growth, addiction-free and who are unselfish and open.
You got lost there a bit. Sex is not about connection for men. Sex is more about fulfilling their urges without emotional attachment. Most alphas like to have sex and get it nonetheless too without much work in the emotions area and such dry sex with just the physical intimacy is the kind that attracts most men. That's why brothels and whore houses have a large influx of men too. That's why men who went for a war spend that money on unknown prostitutes because they crave for that physical intimacy. Men love physical intimacy while women love emotional intimacy. Other than that, I agree with all the other things that you said.
5 years ago saw this video and got intrigued and did some research and found out I was suffering from Stockholm syndrome!... u did save my life!
The true tragedy is that if, and when, this type of relationship produces a child, that type of man could inflict tremendous pain and unnecessary struggles in this childs life. This terrible outcome would likely happen whether by his presence or by his absence.
So very true
I'm an alpha guy victim for years and i can't get out of it. I don't know what to do. I can't choose who I feel attracted to and Im only attracted to him exclusivly but this will cost me my hapiness :( Its literally a drug adiction and its affecting me too much
move on, there are many other guys out there
What if I'm a nice guy who can't be an asshole? Still a virign.... That shit gets to me and my confidence goes down day by day. I'm just not an asshole, I tried but it doesn't work because I'm acting. I'm fucked right? XD
I think you might be going after the wrong type of girl. If you weren't young enough to be my kid, I would certainly want to know you better, as I have never been attracted to assholes. The right person will come along in time. Don't change who you are!
+Dianne Christian Thanks for the kind words. You're right, I must be going after the wrong girls for me, but there are SOOO many girls who fall for assholes it's incredible. I want to lose hope and just stop looking for a relationship because of that, but for some strange reason I just can't stop having faith that I'll get a relationship one day. It is that stubborn faith that is a double-edged blade. It's nice to have faith, because it is telling me that it will eventually happen, but it's also a pain because nothing has happened yet. Like, nothing at all, not even a kiss on the cheek. It hurts and knowing that most girls are attracted to assholes doesn't help. Thankfully though there seems to be smart people like you out there, now I just got to find them.
+Oliver's World Well, I wish I could talk to you in private, because I might be able to help a little. I'm not some creepy old lady!! I just don't talk about personal stuff on CZcams.
Meaning an email address. Well, be patient. There are young ladies out there who will appreciate you for you!
+Dianne Christian Try to send me a private message on my channel with your email address. I'm obviously not going to give you my email here, but you should be able to send me a private message on my channel.
The title should have been "Why insecure women with daddy issues fall for assholes". Otherwise a great video.
Real Beta lol
@@Rubycella ?
@@boris9047 assholes are honest with who they are, assholes are mean to everybody except their women. My bf for example has wiped the floor with the majority of people I know and I have had people tell me he is an asshome but he is so warm and gentle towards me and called them all out as being fakes and phony people. So of course all those people think he Is an asshole because he exposed them all but truly he cares highly and protects me from future hurts
@@Rubycella Ok, but the problem with that kind of people is when you become one of those "other people"... it's just a matter of time because almost no romantic relationsships last a whole lifetime. I always look at how people treat other people, not just how they treat me, when I evaluate a person's character.
This channel is so much better than i thought at first. As i evolve and actually really listen to what you say, Leo, the more valuable information i rack up. Well done.
I'm done looking for women. All I've done was be nice and it cost me everything. Even if she finds me, I'm done.
Keep being nice it's in your heart. I know exactly how you feel.
Every word this guy said was correct
Know your self and you can be both nice and confident. The unattractive nice guy is some one who is self conscious but not self knowing. The attractive bad guy is like a blind bafoon just grabbing what ever he fancies without the care of consequence.
Women don't fall for a-holes (generally speaking). The a-hole usually pretends to be nice, charming, seductive, etc. Then after we fall for the guy, then he shows his true nature.
Some women (who often had a disfunctional childhood/background) stay with an a-hole because she's usually fallen in love with him and she feels she doesn't deserve to be treated any better.
A lot of fiction/screenplays are written by guys (including a lot of 'romance' novels with female-author's names) who write the way they wish women would act; that the guy treats her any way he wants and she puts up with it and still gives him free sex.
I am glad to have found your videos. What you are saying RESONATES with what I have seen at my place of employment these last few months. I'm going to change my behavior immediately.
I agree with Leo. Girls will validate why she is going out with him and convince herself to believe she is going out with him because he is nice and helpful etc. But what a woman says and thinks are one thing but what she actually does is something different. Because her emotional drive is over riding her logical reasoning and understanding. (She will read a book or talk to her friends about what guy she should be with, but go out with someone completely different.)
Yes the a-hole propably does pretend to be nice at first. The question is, why doesn't the guy who actually IS nice (instead of just pretending) ever get the ladies? There is something much stronger about the behavior about the guy who only pretends to be nice (instead of actually being nice).
You are living a fantasy! reality is women love a-holes...nice guys turn women off!
***** ..negative attitude?..whodaphuck are you? You Must be a nice guy! btw...I have no prob with women...I'm saying women a lot of times don't even know whatdaphuck they want!
You are right about the pain over riding the feeling for the guy. Your theory bears out, it happened to me. I loved this guy, we had so much fun together, he had plenty of money. He just happened to be a religion that did not like me. His mother hated me but tried to hide it in front of him. I was his "closet girlfriend". It took years, he kept promising me things would change but little by little my feelings for him died. One day I had NO feeling for him and tried to conjure it up but could not. He cried on my shoulder to reconsider ending the relationship. I ended it. Sex, I believe will not let you know someone better. You'll only get to know them physically.
You're such a good guy. So many women need this insightful information.