Weird VHS Movies with Oliver Harper | Ashens
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2024
- Oliver lives here: / ollyh82
Ashens Patreon lives here: / ashens
It's movie time, specifically movies from my late Uncle Derek's VHS collection!* And Oliver kindly joined me, and even more kindly picked a couple of really bad ones to watch so I didn't have to!
We look at The Roller Blade Seven, The Warrior (AKA Jaka Sembung), The Norseman and Beauty of the Barbarian (AKA Battle of the Amazons... kind of.) And... three of them are awful, but one is kind of great.
Months after filming this I found out that Beauty of the Barbarian was released in Hong Kong as "Karate Amazons", which is one of the greatest and totally misleading titles ever.
*The more interesting ones. He had a lot of mainstream stuff and wrestling videos too. - Krátké a kreslené filmy
Uncle Derek looked paradoxically like a really nice guy and also someone every gangster on the west end was terrified of.
Cocksucker had the reputation of being the toughest in Essex county but he never came back after I got through with him.
A-Team music at his funeral, hints of Elvis in his looks, your uncle was obviously a cool guy.
Gay got it
undoubtedly. can't think of anything cooler.
Tom Sequra's type of Cool guy
@Samson Themighty is that a offer ?
Kicks the shit out of the countdown theme.
RIP Uncle Derek. He was a cool dude...probably.
Seems like yeah...the world is lesser for his loss
Ok
@@soullessSiIence bruh
Sounds like a cool guy from the 80s. Rest in peace Uncle D
Can we all take a moment when we realize our nephews will be going through our dvd collections on their holo computers one day... Silently judging us...
Am I the only one who thinks Uncle Derek sounds fucking awesome?
May he ride in Valhalla shiny and chrome.
For a second I thought you were talking about the cheap show Uncle Derek 😭
Send the first film to Techmoan. He’ll probably enjoy the strange mashup of PAL and PG13; before determining it originally belonged to a sunken cruise ship with the only video player that could play this in the world
This is the most accurate description of techmoan
Or MichaelMcChill
@@rzeka I came here to exactly say this 🤣
The rabbit hole doesn't go that deep unfortunately. Nu Metro is a South African distributor and the address is Evander, which is about an hour and half outside of Johannesburg.
"Here he is with his dog, Patch. I don't know what photo I'm gonna use of him, but he was always with his dog, Patch; so that's a pretty safe bet."
"(Not pictured: Patch)"
Next time you make a wager, Stuart, let me in on it. =p
I thought I was one of the few that knew about the Norseman actually my mom was casted as one of the Native Americans. Just think it is interesting other people have heard of this movie. By the way my mom was casted because she is actually Cherokee. The whole movie was filmed in a state park and they had alot of problems making the movie because of different things happening so the movie had to be repurposed from the original script because of these situations. It may of been a whole different movie if the filming process would of been ideal. One example early on the ship had actual shields and they were stolen so they had to replace them with hubcaps because of a short film schedule. My mom told me about alot of the problems they had trying to film this movie.
Wow; that’s wild!
This is likely the closest we'll get to Ashens on Best of the Worst
Until this comment I didn’t realize how much I want Ashens on Best of the Worst
@@skyflier8955 We should start a change dot org petition to make it happen!
Never heard of it before, but that sounds like something I would absolutely love
Honestly don't feel like he'd mesh with the Red Letter Media humor at all. That said, I very much welcome this Ashens-style BotW.
Yesss we need him im Milwaukee with the RLM crew... and throw in Mac for good measure
Fun Fact: "Beauty of the Barbarian"'s cover IS actually a rip-off of an album cover. It's completely lifted from the record "Fallen Angel" by Uriah Heep.
And that artwork wasn't specifically drawn for the album it was simply licensed from the famous artist Chris Achilleos.
@@user-yv2cz8oj1k Ah, I was trying to remember who did that piece! At first I thought it was one of the early Games Workshop types, but this would've been really early for them.
Didn't he get commissions from GW back in the day (the 80's) to do all their white dwarf covers, the name rings a bell.
And there was no bra in the original!
Yeah, Chris Achilleos did a lot of awesome 😎 art for Heavy Metal magazine too. Don’t judge him on that particular one though. Achilleos and Heavy Metal fantasy magazine were an inspiration for GW’s John Blanche.
That first tape is from South Africa :) Wonder how it ended up in the UK, wow. Edit: Looks like it comes from a rental place
My dream CZcams collab would 100% be Ashens and James Rolfe talking at length about awful z list movies like this. Both have an encyclopaedic knowledge on the topic, both are veterans of CZcams; still producing some of the best content on the website. They also just so happen to be two of the most genuine and humble gents still on here as well. Sigh, one can dream.
You would love Red Letter Media's Best of the Worst.
"Zen film-making" otherwise known as forgetting your script at home and not being confident enough to tell everyone it was the only copy.
I think Zen Film making sort of can work but it requires good actors and that the world and general ide is written.
also depend on what kind of movie you make. I mean 99% of the stuff the janitor does in scrubs are inprop from the actor.
They never had a script. The director picked locations, put actors there, and gave them bullet points. The whole franchise is balls out amazing shit.
Truth be told: the premise for "Rollerblade Seven" would make an excellent open-world futuristic RPG.
Uncle Derek really enjoyed the Rollerblade Seven
and ran out of toilet paper.
Plot twist: He was the only one that got it and now he has taken the plot to the grave with him.
Tell the couch for us to stay safe too during this quarantine...
Then again, EVERYTHING has been spilled on it, it should have its own immunity system by now.
British Patriot emoticon
Pretty sure the virus will be killed by whatever is already living on/in it.
That sofa got its own ecosystem going on 🦠
I bet the cure is in there somewhere hiding beneath layers and layers of stuff
That sofa is older than the VHS format im willing to bet.
i owned the same sofa and it look rough even when new
Some say Stewart was conceived on that sofa.
Some say...
Yep, fabric that has the color and texture of poop hasnt been made in decades.
he's had it since at least 2006, no doubt it was around way before then, too because even in 2006 it looked rough. But that's just The Sofa, we gotta love the grunge look it's been rocking for years.
That sofa was used by the old celts, after they found it in a caveman grave.
Just in case the people commenting that Ashens isn't Social Distancing aren't joking, this appears to have been filmed last year.
@Smattless you realize that COVID-19 is mostly spread through touching right
Oh my, let's all run around screaming with your arms in the air. Don't be a lemming, use your brain, don't let the authorities think for you.
@Smattless I'd say more like Smartass but dumbass is clearly more appropriate.
@@D4rk34g7e Yes, don't listen to the epidemiologists who study diseases for a living. Your uneducated opinion is surely superior.
@@D4rk34g7e I can't take someone with a nickname like yours seriously, sorry mate.
The title made it sound like Oliver Harper is in all of these movies
Remember that film where Oliver Harper played a New York taxi driver who was going slowly crazy from loneliness? Think it was called: Cabbie or something...
He is
That's how I read it too
Being carried to the theme from A-Team. That is legendary!
"In the year 2017 machines rule the world" what a great tag line to watch on the Internet in 2020 recommended by AI
Uncle derek sounds like a right geeza
This of the kind of content I love. I have a whole closet full of weird VHS tapes that were never brought on to DVD or Blu-ray. This video brings me so much joy.
"Every action scene is in slow motion..."
Ashens: whattt?
My brain: I see. So it's like a zack snyder film..
I was thinking John woo
I was thinking a badly executed version of 300
The Norseman is one of Dean Learner's all time favourite movies.
I was thinking the Matrix.
I was thinking it might be a Lee Majors thing, since he also did that in The Six-Million Dollar Man.
Find out what happens this week on best of the wor---
*_I mean Ashen's Ball Z_*
PAKTRA PRODUCTIONS Ashens vs. a bunch of Hack Frauds.
I saw your comment and I clapped.
Ashen's Ballz
Can you imagine that crossover? Potential to be godlike tier.
Wow, even the audio of this video brings you back to the VHS days! Way to be authentic, Stuart!
Here's to Uncle Derek! I'm drinking a beer in his honor right now.
I remember when The Norseman got a theatrical release. All the critics talked about were how out of place Lee Majors looked among the vikings and also the appearance of an oil tanker in the background of one of the ocean scenes.
As he opened the first VHS box I could smell the old vhs smell.
"RANK VIDEO"
You got that right...
Surprised how they missed that
Be funny if the Warner in Warner bros meant turd in 50 years time.
J Arthur ranker
way back in the way back then dayz, we had a couple of blokes , Siskel and Ebert, that would sit and review films, good films, popular films, art films and occasionally genuinely Bad Movies. two guys sitting there baggin' on bad movies, held me down for 30 minutes.
I loved their show. It was so sad when Gene Siskel passed away, and then Roger Ebert got cancer. I miss them and the show.
Beauty of the Barbarian has the same cover as Uriah Heep's Fallen Angel album.
So I'm guessing there's some kind of genetic component to Ashens 'interests' as Nephew and Uncle are both interested in 'tat'
that sword on the "beauty of the barbarian" cover art is a venetian schiavona!
NEEEEEEEERD!
@@maverickjohnson1399 knowledge is power beeeeyotch
I've always assumed that anyone watching Ashens is a nerd of one stripe or another.
I mean he's a retro computer enthusiast who reviews random cheap nonsense on his sofa.
Yup, that's right. I recognize it from my main historical source/encyclopedia; the Assassin's Creed games.
This reminds me of a wonderful old man living several blocks down from me who used to own a video shop, and who has the most eclectic movie collection I have ever seen. He still lets people he regards as friends visit his home and borrow stuff, and you can find virtually anything there.
I bought a VHS of Roller Blade Seven YEARS ago due to my friend mentioning about it.
I then pulled it out at a sunday night get together, he admitted he had only seen the first 5 minutes.
So it was a whole new experience for everyone involved.
It's amazing.
Was a bit spooky seeing this come up in my subscriptions
The Warrior's "Key Item" sounds rather like Snow Crash's "Hiro Protagonist", only nowhere near as good.
I see others have correctly identified the Amazon artwork as a Chris Achilleos illustration for a Uria Heep album.
But from Achilleos book "Beauty and the Beast" I know that character as Raven: Swordmistress of Chaos. Achilleos did a number of illustrations of her which illustrated the covers of the Raven novels by Richard Kirk. I read one decades ago, and it was a bit like Conan, if I remember correctly.
BTW, That's a censored version of the image. The Raven books and Uriah Heep album have bare boobage.
"The Roller Blade Seven": I saw not ONE set of roller blades in the clips you showed.
My father went into cremation to the James Bond theme!
Nobody
Ashens: Remembers a dead relative by taking the piss out of his video collection
Although given the collection in question, Uncle Derek probably made fun of them too.
@The nobody shit isn't fucking funny do you change your username everytime a joke becomes popular in the comment section
also you are a hipster
"Hey mr. ashen, there's something wrong with your microphone in this video"
Sincerely, about a quarter of the comment section, for some reason.
Honestly if he hadn't pointed i out at the beginning of the video I wouldn't have noticed.
I actually forgot about the disclaimer at the start until I saw this comment
I also MUST be carried, in my casket, to the theme of A-Team.
Btw the cover art for the movie Beauty of the Barbarian is the same as the album Fallen Angel by Uriah Heep.
That is actually a real album cover, a band called Uriah heap. I can't remember the name of the album though.
yeah you're right its "Fallen Angel@
Art work by Chris Achilleos , he did a lot work for Heavy metal an a shit load of sci-fi and fantasy novels, an he often reused art multiple times.
Huge nostalgia hit there when you mentioned Cannon films. My local cinema used to be a Cannon cinema.
Rollerblade 7 was legendary when I was at university. The core of a marathon had movie sessions
Uncle Derek's VHS collection.. I can see this feature taking a sinister turn
12:53 Tiny shirtless Jaka is totally about to nun-chuck giant Jaka right in the junk.
Wow, I don't think I've heard of any of these movies, but man those covers. They are definitely something you could see in an old school rental store. In fact one time as a kid I rented a movie called "Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks", mostly because the VHS box looked amazing. Also big props for having Oliver Harper on there, he's such an awesome movie man. I'm gonna need to check out "The Warrior" (aka Jaka Sembung) somewhere down the road. Great Video Stuart.
You know you're old when you still have your original Beta and VHS collections like I do. Might be time for me to purchase some sweater vests.
The Jox "series" is supposed to be: Robot Jox, Robot Wars and Crash and Burn
Now I know why they called it Roller Gator! It was an ode to Sheans role in the Rollerblade Seven, which looks very similar in filming style.
Hey ashens, just want to say I’ve enjoyed your videos for years, I just rediscovered your channel and I still love your videos, keep them going 👍
Yeah dude, Ashens is one of those rarities that's just gotten better and better over the years
Audio sounds like old Ashens.
I have a ridiculous collection of retro VHS films and some laserdiscs, quite a few films that never even made it to DVD.
Anyone remember these films? Some of my VHS's: My Chauffeur, Teen Vamp, Another You, Robot Jox, Puberty Blues, Warlock, Moontrap, Mandroid, 2 Idiots In Hollywood, Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1 & 2), The Invisible Kid, Rock & Rule, The Dirt Bike Kid, Moving Violations, Grid Runners, Screwballs, Thunder Run, Stranded, 18 Again, The Couch Trip (actually that's quite good with Dan Ackroyd pretending to be a psychiatrist), Club Paradise, Johnny Be Good, The Vindicator, Brainstorm, Thrashin', The Ambulance, Parents, The Wizard, Thinner, Vice Versa, Private Popsicle, The Last Chase, Horror In The Attic, Vibes, Wedlock, A Robot Called Golddigger, They Still Call Me Bruce, Hardware, Scuba School, Grace Quigley, Foolin' Around, Space Mutiny, The Night Before, Just One Of The Guys, Not Quite Human, Not Quite Human 2, BMX Bandits, Electric Dreams, Specters, Slumber Party Murders, Jimmy Hollywood, Mortuary Academy, Moon 44
Cool, I'll have to check that out to see what other unpolished 'gems' I'm missing :)
I looked up the Roller Blade Seven on IMDb because I thought those chain link fences surrounding what appears to be a cemented waterway looked familiar. Yup, the Los Angeles River was a major filming location. I recognize that particular configuration of chain link fence and waterway from another movie also released in 1991 which would be, of course, Terminator 2: Judgment Day.
The guy with the sword at 15:30 just looks like Sgt. Pepper John Lennon
As a MSTie, I love this stuff.
2017.. it predicted when youtubes algorithms would rule the content creators
Beauty of the Barbarian, the cover is the same as the artwork from Uriah Heep's 1978 album Fallen Angel.
They know Joe Estevez for being related Martin Sheen. However, true Estevez-heads know him from On Cinema at the Cinema
Timhead and Deckerhead checking in
And his uncle Dereko Estevez º¬°
this is what I miss about the golden age of vhs......going to rent a vhs and looking at all the weird and wonderful horror b and z movies and odd action movies with the textured and 3d cases.........some even had boobies.
Boobies=fat people
What a weird age that was.
I caught it in the middle I guess and there was a place where you could get copied version in case the guy didn't have the movie.
Oh the joy of being able to simply record the tapes from rental.
I thought the cover to Beauty of the Barbarian looked familiar, it's been swiped from a 70's swords and sorcery fantasy series about a woman called Raven, by Richard Kirk. (the image is on the back of all the books, although the one on the video here has been edited to remove a nipple or two. It's also probably the only image they could steal, because that woman does not keep her clothes on in any of the other books covers)
Edit: Oh, and Kate Bush borrowed the Raven costume for the music video for 'Babushka'
Thankyou for making 30 minutes of my time in Quarantine very enjoyable. Part 2 of Weird VHS Movies Sooon Please!!
I remember reviewing The Roller Blade Seven for an online movie magazine. I have watched a LOT of crappy films, but I have never, ever come across anything quite so crappy as that one. Watching it is pure agony, it has no redeeming features. My sympathies, Mr. Harper!
You must now do your Uncle Derek proud and review every video he left for you. Go on, you know you want to!
More of these PLEASE!
"Zen film-making" sounds like pretentious improv.
oh. definitely.
That's literally what it is. Also basically just LARPing.
It's a cheap excuse for lazy filmmaking.
Sounds like what they did in a lot of old Hong Kong movies (start out with a basic outline but change the story halfway through), which if I remember correctly was called "flying paper".
The roller blade seven is one of the greatest pieces of excrement ive ever witnessed, Its truly glorious. There was no actual script, the actors were just given the outlines and motivations of thier characters and were left to it. The director who plays a character in the movie just runs across the background in random scenes deliberately, but it makes no sense in context because he shouldnt be anywhere near there in the narrative. Truly baffling stuff.
So what you are saying is basically it's a real load of wank then.
No question its terrible, but ive never laughed so hard at a movie that was never intended to be a comedy.
Id like to see more videos of uncle Dereks collection!!!
If Joe Estevez is in a movie, you know it's gonna be bad. For example, Rolergator and Soul Taker.
He was in Apocalypse Now 😝 he replaced his brother for the voice over sequences and some long shots I believe when Martin Sheen was recovering from a heart attack
@@gl15col "where oh werewolf...I've looked every where wolf"
President Davidson rarely makes good choices, even in his selection of movie roles.
@@gl15col I think my brain actively blocks most memories of that movie out of self preservation.
Yanamglotchie, baby.
I love that this video implies Ashens and Derek have working VHS players.
Edit: I take it back.*
I gotta rescue mine
I had a different, later UK box for Roller Blade Seven, a red one, where the back featured a screenshot of a topless woman that doesn’t appear ANYWHERE in the film. Also the front of the one I had said Stallone and Estevez in big
letters, with Frank and Joe in much smaller letters above!
The circumstances of buying it were kind of weird... we had done some acid (it was the late ‘90s!) and went to 7-11 in our Essex town to get some drinks and sweets. By the counter, there was a wire bin of VHS tapes for about a fiver and we decided that whatever we picked was going to be THE BEST FILM EVER.
Which, tripping our bollocks off, it actually kind of was, as well as being the worst as well!
We had to watch it again the next day just to confirm that what we’d seen was real, that all the bad edits, incomprehensible dialogue and shots repeated over and over again actually happened!
I've also been going through my old VHS collection while trapped indoors...
The Norseman, Produced and Directed by Charles B. Pierce. One of his films "Boggy Creek II: The legend continues" , a movie about a Bigfoot like creature in the swamps of southern Arkansas, was featured on MST3k. When I saw his name, then I understood why all the battle scenes were in slow motion.
Yes please, more, every day until lock-down is over. Then keep going.
The "Beauty of the Barbarian" cover is, I think, by Chris Achilleos. (his painting called Raven)
The sword she's holding is not a "16th century French epee", Stuart, it's a "schiavona" - an 18th century sword used by Dalmatian bodyguards of Venetian doges.
Was looking for this. Yeah, it's some form of broadsword, could be from the 1600s too. I mean I doubt the artist was going for historical accuracy anyway, so lets just say it's somewhere in the "true broadsword" category of basket-hilted swords. A historical epee would have been a flimsy little thing compared to that, and would have been unlikely to have a basket-hilt.
Now THIS video is speaking to me. Rollerblade Seven isn't the best post-apocalyptic film, that's for sure. The Warrior had a great DVD through Mondo Macabrao, and it's mental. The Norsemen is available on a real pressed disc split with The Barbarians, from Shout Factory's Roger Corman range. Beauty of the Barbarians aka Battle of the Amazons has nude horse-riding in the full cut which instantly makes it better! I hope to see more of Uncle Derrick's videos - Cyborg Cop is ace! Do that one next! Yeah Robowarriors is a Jox sequel (RIP Stuart Gordon only a few days ago!)
Love this!! Really hope there's more to come
OMG I'm so excited to have found this channel again.. Couldn't quite remember the name..I used to be subscribed years ago and for some reason I had gone unsubscribed.. Love these videos.. So damn happy
Joe Estevez from On Cinema*
**Decker
I'm assuming that this isn't the same uncle Derek that has been featured on Cheapshow.
EDIT: Always finish the video before commenting.
Thoroughly enjoyed this. More please.
75% of the budget was spent on the poster/VHS cover art for low-budget movies back in the '80s.
I had a dream yesterday that their was a band called "The Farting Phil Collins" & there main instrument are whoopie cusions.
Phil Colons
I was about to point out the massive historical inaccuracy of the viking gear, but then Oliver pointed it out for me. Asterix and Obelix indeed... Who were Gallic, not even remotely Vikings xD
Irony of ironies: the audio sounds like something on a VHS tape
Hopefully there will be more of these videos! Would love to see more...weird/obscure VHS movies are entertaining because they would literally put ANYTHING on video tape and sell it (I suppose they do that now with Blu-Ray as well, but VHS had some really strange things released)
Lovely! This corona thing is making these days really boring. Here comes Ashens and his mighty sofa entertaining my quarantine with their wierd content. Finally I got some social distancing from my depression.
Thank you 😊👍👍
If we want more of these kind of videos, watching all the bad movies will bring Stuart closer to voluntary death scenarios
weird not wierd
Workout more?!
As a rabid fan of RLM's "Best of the Worst" I say: MORE!!! There is not enough of these reviews!
My favorite episode of Best of the Worst
It's only a matter of time until the Ellen crossover
The Retro Future and Ashens Collabing!? This is like having two pet Corgis:3
Eh.
Plug the VCR into a CRT Stuart!!!
Rhonda Shear, who starred as Officer Daryl Skates, was a presenter of the American cable network USA's 90s late night film show Up All Night. She was co-presenter with the great Gilbert Gottfried. As a child I first watched Toxic Avenger on the program. Memories.
I miss my old VHS collection however, I have a grand DVD collection to keep me happy while in the Great British Lockdown.
It’s really weird to think this is nearly the tenth year of me watching you
You say that about his funeral, my gradfather's coffin was carried down to Last of the Summer Wines
I would love to see more of this for sure!
"Something always on in the background."
Congratulatations Ashens, you have become my Sunday afternoon TV routine (granted it is Saturday evening now).