I’m a nurse and c-sections are major abdominal surgery and there can be complications to the mom and harder and longer to recover from. Doctors can be pushy towards c-sections, but I would just recommend doing your own research about both vaginal vs c-section birth.
Thank you!!!!!!!!! This is 100% my OBGYN told me that most doctors prefer to choose c-section because it’s scheduled, they can get through more deliveries that way vs waiting for a mom that’s in labor for 48hours and sitting in the hospital.
I was looking for this comment. As a birth worker, I have heard hundreds of women tell the exact same story abby just told. Too often OBs scare the mom, push c section, and then say “oh but it’s your idea.” I am SO GRATEFUL for c sections!! Please don’t get me wrong. But hearing her story is way too familiar…
Yes, after my second child got stuck with a shoulder issue. My midwife and OB wanted my next babies to have c-sections and I didn't like that idea so I had a second opinion and that OB did not agree and I've had two more vaginally, I'm having baby number five in November and I have not had a C-section all large babies. Babies 9lbs , 10.1lbs, 9.6lbs, 9.11lbs.
@@McAnultyBunch there is no way your OB said that to you!!! If they really did then you need to run from that OB. Almost all physicians prefer a vaginal birth of course
I am a NICU nurse - they don’t put you all the way out in C sections because the anesthesia goes directly to the baby as well! They do it under emergency situations only, and those c sections are very rushed and “sloppy” to get the baby out as fast as possible. Typical c sections are calm, cool, and collected ❤️ I know God will guide you and your baby into whatever birth is meant to be. Happy for you all!!
My first son I labored with 16 hrs., and could not progress past 9cm. I was very relieved to have a c-section. My second son was a scheduled c-section on a Monday, but God knew I had contracted Group B strep the week prior, and so he came early on Friday night during a rare snow and ice storm here in the South. Thank GoODness he was fine-after 2 weeks observation in the NICU. (Btw, I contracted GBS from tossing a “bone” to our neighbor’s dog on Thursday- a chew pig’s ear- and actually was tested for it at the doctor’s appointment Friday morning. It was negative…too soon to tell they said). My third son was also a scheduled c-section, and I did go into labor the night before! All to say- I had stomach surgery before my first son, and that surgery recovery was worse than all 3 combined! You are so strong- and I believe you will be fine! God bless y’all❤❤❤❤
I can confirm this as a momma who has to be put out due to medical condition making it unsafe for me to have a spinal or epidural. They told me they have 5 minutes once I was out. My incision is “sloppy” looking and the scar is thicker on one side. My recover was also rough. On top of that my baby went straight to the NICU and no one would tell me how he was doing
i was all the way out for my c section, but they didn’t tell me about it going to baby or i wouldn’t have done it. i only chose to because of severe severe anxiety of being awake. my son ended up in the nicu but only for five days
As someone who has been dealing with infertility for over 3 years now, please don't feel shame for having a C-section. The fact that you are having a baby is a miracle, regardless of how he arrives! Much love from me to you all! ❤
Read the other comments girl😂😂😂😂 you'll laugh out loud. There are so many midwives and women who try to change Abby's mind to do a normal delivery 🤣🤣 Abby's won't feel shy but all those midwives and women who've done natural deliveries would probably make her feel shy for her decision
Hey everyone, German midwife here! I want to make something clear concerning the shoulder dystocia and C-Section question: A shoulder dystocia has got a lot of triggers. It is not a usual condition or normal birth complication. I have not once experienced a sd in my time as a Midwife, but I know how many moms have given birth in the US and I saw a lot of birthing videos on CZcams. - The biggest problem is the position you are put in during labour but mainly during delivery: 90% of the deliveries I saw were flat and horizontally, the mom was being forced in a supine position, had to bend her knees and push like mad. That is absolutely AWFUL! There is literally NO WORSE POSITION TO GIVE BIRTH IN. It has got incredibly many disadvantages, inducing a SHOULDER DYSTOCIA. Because the head is not born downwards with the help of gravity, but artificially forced upwards around your pelvic bones and coccyx, it is MUCH MORE LIKELY to slow down the birthing process, and also for the shoulders to get stuck. The probability increases even more when being told to push and being forced to do what the doctor says, instead of listening to your own body and pushing how and whenever you feel like doing so. I really wonder why still so many women (in the US) give birth on their backs, when every study shows how counterproductive this position is... The best option for PREVENTING a shoulder dystocia is this: Do not deliver lying on your back! Stand up, squat, be on all fours, kneels, sit on a birthing stool or be in the Bath tub and deliver in the water!! Being upright has got tons of advantages for you and also for your baby, because most of the time when the baby's heartbeat drops, it is because of stress due to forced pushing that would not have been necessary. There is no need to labour and deliver lying in bed. When a doctor or midwife tells you to do so, then boldly say "No" to them, because it is YOUR BIRTH and your decision. Regarding the C-Section: if you want to and feel safer with scheduling this operation, then do so for your birth. That is absolutely okay 🙂 But from experience, and also because I know of the disadvantages of a C-Section (btw mostly for your baby! They can suffer from not being born vaginally short and long term!), I would NOT recommend choosing this option. You may say now "all the midwifes say the same..." but ask yourself: why would a midwife, who knows what she is talking about, always recommend a vaginal birth (except no other way is possible of course)? Because we know what a C-Section does to you and your baby and also what a natural birth goes along with. I would say natural is by far the better option. Just remember to avoid the triggers of a shoulder dystocia. This means: no artificial labour hormones (pitocin or oxytocin), no forced pushing, no vacuum extraction, no one pushing onto your belly and of course no lying on your back. I would also HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY RECOMMEND a birth outside of the hospital ❤ for a million reasons I have decided to stop working in a delivery ward and now I only want to assist at home births. It is, also out if my personal experience, the most beautiful, calm, gentle and self-determined birth experience you can have. Far more beautiful than any hospital birth I've ever witnessed. ❤❤ Greetings!
Yes yes yes!! I’m so glad you said this. I literally came to watch this video because I figured it was some sort of fear mongering to get her to consider a cesarean. I’m so sad that women are treated this way in our US medical system. I am pregnant with my second as well right now and am planning my second home birth!! Natural physiologic birth all the way!
Birth outside of a hospital in the US is incredibly dangerous. INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS! It’s insanity but in many states anyone who gets a two day certificate can call themselves a midwife. It’s almost always 20-40 minutes to a hospital no matter where you live AND American moms tend very strongly to have bigger babies than the average in Europe. Birth center? Sure do your thing ! Certified Nurse Midwife with a hospital affiliation within 10-15 minutes of a hospital sure, anything else absolutely not. Horribly dangerous here in the states. I know it’s different elsewhere and that’s wonderful and I hope for that for the US in the future, but as for now… NO. Go to the hospital .
I came to say this!!! I had a homebirth a few months ago, and at first, my baby’s head wasn’t fitting through my pelvis. My midwife had me up constantly moving and switching positions, and every move was getting baby closer to coming out. I just KNOW if I was in a hospital, I would’ve had to have a c-section.
I was at my sisters 6th delivery and it was with a midwife all natural, no meds etc, she was using a birth ball, on all fours and changing positions during the labor and her baby had shoulder dystocia. So, A+B doesn’t always equal C. She’s always had vaginal deliveries. Sometimes things just go wrong no matter what you do. Because she was at the midwife’s small clinic there was not the proper medical care once the baby was born, not breathing and completely blue. Praise the Lord he is a totally fine kiddo!!! So! To anyone who reads this comment, there’s no perfect way, and thanks to the medical knowledge we have these days babies can live through a lot ♥️♥️.
Yes!!! I've had 4 babies and once I went unmedicated and a more animalistic delivery things went so much better!! Get a midwife and educate yourself. We don't do it great here in America.
I’m a surgical tech in Labor and Delivery so I will say during a c section, especially a scheduled one, it’s a very calm situation. Also idk if this will make you feel better or not but we do not take your organs out of your body. There’s things you can do to still have a beautiful experience like having a clear drape to see your baby be born, have the doctor leave the cord long when they pass off the baby so Matt can still cut the cord. You can chose to have weights and measurements done later so you can be apart of them. A lot of hospitals will let you do skin to skin in the OR as long as everything is stable. You can take all the pictures you want. I would have a conversation with the nurse and make sure she knows everything you want to have done. We are very accommodating during a C-section! Idk if you will see this comment if you do I hope this helps!! congratulations on this baby! And whatever decision you make I promise you won’t regret once the baby comes out healthy and happy!
Yes! I had an emergency c with my first and a scheduled c with my second and it was VERY calm. I will also say my recovery from the scheduled was very easy compared to the emergency! Not too bad at all.
Camera and pictures is definitely dependent on the hospital you’re delivering at. My first was an emergency C-section so obviously they said no that’s fine. my second and third were planned and I was still not allowed to have cameras or anything in the room. my oldest is 10 middle is 9 and youngest is 5. So make sure you ask if it’s allowed :)
@@teeandkids937 I find that very strange! I’ve worked at a few different hospitals and they always allowed pictures after baby was born. I hate you weren’t able to get pictures
Thank you for speaking up. I feel like c-sections get such a bad rap. I had a scheduled c-section and it was a wonderful experience start to finish. So calm. So fast! Got to do skin to skin in OR and baby was with me whole time and nursing within the hour. Even healing/recovery was much easier than I thought.
I’m not even the one having a baby (those days are done for me 🤪) but even I appreciate your insight so much! That was so kind of you to take the time to share your knowledge 💕
I’ll be honest, I had a c-section with my daughter when she got stuck after 4 hours of pushing… in postpartum I mourned having that experience of pushing my baby out and having that “golden hour” experience with my baby on my chest. Whereas my actual experience was being prepped for surgery after DAYS of labor and hours of pushing, not being able to hold my baby until after being cleaned and sewed up… it wasn’t what I was expecting. I think the hardest part was getting over my expectations of having a “natural” (vaginal) birth. I don’t know if she got stuck because of my bones or just because she was sunny-side-up or both but I just did not expect to see the operating room. I think there’s something to lowering your expectations and allowing it to just flow and be. My postpartum recovery was maybe more difficult than a typical c-section recovery experience because of the extensive laboring experience but I was up and walking and doing things by the end of the week. Whatever your experience ends up being, Abby, it’ll be beautiful because it’s your story❤️
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability experience. I also had an unplanned emergency c-section, so I understand the feelings of grief you described. Therapy helped me better my perspective and experience kindness and compassion towards my self. I hope you are feeling better now 🌹
Midwife from Switzerland here! There may be a bigger risk to have another shoulder dystocia with your second baby but the chances are still pretty small and therefore not an indication for a c-section where I work at. Also for making the decision of having a c-section you should also consider the potential long term health risk your son may have such as obesity, asthma, allergies, diabetes and many more that are in correlation with babies born during a planned c-section. This is due to the lack of contact with vaginal bacteria. I feel like nobody ever talks about that… But anyways, there‘s always risk for a lot of things and all that matters in the end is that you feel good and informed about your decision and you and your baby are healthy! I‘m sure you‘ll find a way that suits you best! All the best!
This is a great answer, thank you for saying these things. I can’t believe they didn’t flip her over onto all fours and stick one knee up to make room in the pelvis. I had to do this with my 6th baby and my home birth midwife was SO CALM and I just can’t imagine the hospital staff making me panic. That would likely have saved his collar bone because he wouldn’t have been forcefully pushed past the pelvis. And they usually have women on their backs which is the WORST position for your pelvis to be open. I have had 2 prior c-sections and I would do everything in my power to never have one again. I actually wouldn’t ever give birth in a hospital again if I can do anything about it. Having #7 at home in August and wouldn’t change that for anything.
This is why when doing rounds in obstetrics I was appalled and went right back to ER medicine. I believe that hospitals should have midwives on hand and a ton of birth trauma would be erased. Modern medicine is great if you come in for a traumatic car accident not so great when it comes to messing with a natural process.
Thank your so much for this comment!! Brilliantly explained! I am a German midwife and I think the absolute same, I don't understand why births or obstetrics in general are being made "medical" instead of natural. It is a natural, beautiful and normal experience you don't have to think of as pathological. I myself would never go into a hospital to give birth if I wouldn't have to. Too many things happening that I can't stand for, like with Abby and her doctor pushing her to do a C-section.
Abby I’m an NP, and previous nicu nurse. I’ve seen shoulder dystocia results from good and bad outcomes. I think your willingness to try to avoid that and do best for your baby is much respected. Whatever way your baby arrives, you are an amazing mama ❤
My first labor and delivery was very difficult and my son also got stuck coming out. That made me nervous for the second time, but my second delivery went so smooth, it was such a blessing. I decided to get induced a week and a half early because the baby was already almost 9 pounds. She came out perfect. Praying the same happens for you.
there seems to be a lot of misinformation in the comments with these nurses and i just want to say from a birth worker’s perspective: get a doula. get a midwife. take a childbirth class that isn’t offered by your hospital. these people in the holistic birth space can calm your fears about what your OB/hospital staff are so rudely fear-mongering you over. you have a CHOICE, abby. please remember that.
I understand that feeling of” I failed because I didn’t have a vagina delivery “, but after speaking to my doctor after my c section, I am so thankful for modern medicine. Without that option, me or my baby would not have survived child birth. Their goal as docs is to make sure everyone gets through the process safely, however that looks. A vaginal and(possibly) a c section .. mama, you are a champion! Xo
At 36 weeks pregnant my doctor told me to schedule a c-section as I had a breech baby. I started bawling immediately in the doctors office and didn’t stop for the next 2 weeks until my scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. I was terrified walking into the hospital that day. I walk in and the nurse questions my doctors assessment of a breech baby. Did a new ultrasound and he had turned to the right position. I was sent home that day to wait it out. 2 weeks later I delivered naturally. I evaded a c-section by getting a 2nd opinion. Keep doing your research m, things can and do change.
I absolutely hate doctors and will never go to the hospital again. I will die before going through what I did again. People and babies die every day. This is a natural part of life. ALSO the maternal and infant death rates INCREASED when women began giving birth in the hospital system in the early 1900s. Our birth education is so lacking in this country. And it is a fact that the vast majority of emergencies are actually caused by all the unnecessary medical interventions... called the cascade of interventions. Unassisted birth from now. Screw the system.
My first baby got their shoulder stuck too And it did not happen with the second baby at all! But surprisingly, my second baby was a boy and actually was smaller than my daughter. I think that played a big part. I had both unmedicated, natural, vaginal births. I wouldn’t let fear drive you to make that decision.
You said your bones aren't going to change, BUT each pregnancy your bones can and do change. Your body releases something called Relaxin which loosens and relaxes your muscles, joints and ligaments during pregnancy to help your body stretch. So your bones literally can space out more than they did last pregnancy!
I definitely suggest doing your own research. I have learned the importance of that after being pushed to deliver at a time that I was not comfortable. While I do hear what doctors say and I take into consideration their thoughts and opinions, their opinions are not the end all be all. Even within the medical field, Obgyn’s will have different approaches and opinions on things based on their professional or even personal experiences, so there isn’t a one size fits all for many aspects of labor/delivery. For me, I’ve learned the importance of asking ‘why?’ Not in a snarky or mean way, but just ‘why do you suggest that?’ ‘Is this necessary and if so why?’ Or (asking a non why question), ‘what are the pros/cons of all the options?’ I was pressured to deliver early because my baby was measuring small, and when I asked why, she just told me ‘that’s what we do.’ I want nurses and doctors to look at my babies as individuals and not just ‘another small baby’, ‘another big baby’, ‘another INSERT WHATEVER IDENTIFIER baby.’ Whatever decision you make, do your research, listen to your momma instinct, and make sure the decision was based on you as an individual and your baby as an individual.. not just ‘a small framed girl’ and a ‘big measuring baby’. Small framed women can vaginally give birth to ‘bigger’ babies (I put that in quotes because it’s somewhat subjective as to how big is considered too big). Whatever your decision, as long as you have a peace about it, that is what matters. 😊
Hi Abby! I’m a mom of 2 c-section baby boys. My first, I lost all of my fluids and my group made me labor for 24 hours trying to induce. Once my baby’s heart rate dropped it moved into an emergency c-section. With my first, I had an awful recovery being an emergency c-section. With my second I opted for a c-section, planned from the beginning of my pregnancy, I ended up losing my fluids early again and went right into a c-section vs laboring and I can tell you it was a night and day recovery experience difference. 10/10 would recommend and I really wish I would have known how much better I would have felt having a planned c-section vs. an emergency one. I just wanted to share this with you because I think we both share similar ideals, the end goal and really the most important thing is just a healthy safe baby and I just want you to have the confidence in knowing it’s ok to have a c-section. I also think mentally speaking, I felt so much better knowing ahead of time I would be having a c-section. I was able to mentally prepare myself for that plan. I hope this all helps you with your decision process! ❤️
Like you, I am also a mum of 2 c section babies- 1 emergency and 1 planned. My recovery with each was also night and day. I had my planned c section 3 weeks ago and I truly do not feel like I had major surgery less than a month ago! I would not hesitate to have another c section if I was to ever have another baby!!
My sister is a mom two c sections. Both of them were premieres and graduated the nicu. She has ptsd from it but said that nurses made the experience a lot better. Her 1st she had to do it on her own.
Hey Abby and Matt! I am a midwife in Idaho, and just want to encourage you to look at your options and possibly talk with other providers such as a midwife or other OB's. C sections are a wonderful tool in emergency settings but a shoulder dystocia is not an indication for a c section and neither is a "big baby" as I have seen so far in my experience. Also shoulder dystocias are very common, many babies don't rotate as they should when they are descending which causes shoulder dystocias in many cases. Late ultrasounds that recognize a baby are typically not accurate because it is so difficult to size a baby in utero :) also mama's pelvis' stretch and maneuver from our relaxin hormones during labor and are built to birth these hefty babies out. You guys go with your gut and whatever fits you best, but don't settle right away because c section is a very severe surgery and is much more difficult in the long run then vaginal birth.
I have 6 kids. My births have run the gammot from unassisted home birth to planned c-section, and I just wanted to say, a planned c-section can be very peaceful and beautiful. Your OB is right in saying you're the boss. When I had my first c-section I told my doc outright what I wanted. I wanted immediate chest-to chest, I wanted the measuring and testing to be done right there where I was and my baby to not go to the NICU unless there was an emergency. I wanted to save my placenta to plant a fruit tree with. I told every person that was going to be in the delivery with us what my expectations were, and they met every single one. Everyone was so quiet and respectful. Ask for what you want with your delivery. No harm in asking.
I've had 3 planned c sections(due to my own health reasons. And honestly not a regret ever! As long as your baby is happy and healthy it's worth every single second! And being awake and hearing the 1st cry is beautiful, they also don't put you to sleep as the baby then has anaesthesia too. I have a friend who lost her daughter during delivery due to shoulder getting stuck. 😢
You two are such a lifesaver honestly! I live alone & often struggle with my mental health. Ive been able to start cleaning my apartment whilst having your podcast as my company the past few days & Im just sooo thankful! Greetings from South Africa
“Ignorance is bliss” was definitely my plan with my first baby. I’m expecting baby number 2 in October and while I am far less ignorant, I’m going in with a similar mindset. My birth plan is, whatever needs to happen to keep me and my son healthy, then that’s what we will do. I don’t care what avenue we Take to get him here as, as long as he is taken care of.
Hi Abby, my first baby was 9lbs11. He went straight into 3month clothes! When we got pregnant with baby no.2 the doctors tried to frighten me by saying that second babies are always bigger than first ones and that I could have problems birthing him. I ignored them and lo and behold, he was nearly 2 pounds lighter and my labour was only 2 hours long. Sometimes I think the doctors have read a book and expect everything to be as it is written. You are doing wonderfully, both of you. Love you all. Xxjojoxx
Things I’ve learned as an adult having my mom live with us after our kids were born: 1) Set clear expectations and roles with shopping, meals, cleaning, childcare, etc. 2) ASK and don’t assume childcare on a whim. These two things helped save my relationship with my mom because they were both causing major issues.
You may not read this comment but I wanted to say, I’m a first time mama and I had an emergency c-section. I wanted to tell you that my healing was so easy! Not everyone’s is of course everybody is different but I had an amazing recovery and was so grateful for my c-section! Sending you so much love❤️❤️
C-Section mama here! I definitely understand and feel all your emotions! There is a grieving of expectations for what you thought would be! Allow yourself to grieve, no reason to feel any ounce of shame over that. But then embrace the tough thing you went through for that sweet baby! C-sections are TOUGH, and YOU are so strong 💪
You need to understand that medicine is no longer about patient care and concern. It is about financial profit. She is scaring you into something that, quite frankly, is NOT healthy for the baby or you. I’m emergencies it is ok, but not elective. Please do not let her scare you into this decision. Your doctors handling of this situation is unacceptable. Please deliver naturally. You CAN be induced earlier than 39 weeks if size of baby is a concern. YOU are the one to take charge of YOUR birth plan. Not the medical people. They are in it for the money and financial profit, not your or your baby’s health. Reserve the c-section only for an emergency. It is extremely rare for a baby to have birth complications these days with all of the high tech monitoring capabilities. Do not let her bully you into a c-section. They make a LOT more money with surgery than they do with natural delivery. They also don’t want to wait on the baby--because it’s not convenient for them. There is NO increased risk of the baby getting stuck again. Stop believing everything they tell you.
My mom had to have an emergency C-section with her first and chose to have one with her other five and she said she wouldn’t change it for anything!! My dad was still able to be in the room with all of us except the first since it was a emergency. And also she was still awake so she was able to still hold the baby immediately after!! You do what’s best for you and it’ll All work out!! Love y’all!!🥰🩵
Dear Abby, C-section mama here. You are so strong Miss Abby 💪🏽 You’re super physically active and I know you will do just fine with recovery. You got this mama. I just wanted to encourage you no matter what you decide I have 10000 tips to give but I’ll save them because I just know you and Matt got this. We are rooting for you and lifting you up and in prayer. . Don’t feel shame mama. You have gotten through so much and you are not any less of a woman or mother if you decide to go with a c section. Much love to you guys .
I had to have a C-section after pushing for 4 hours and I can say that having to have a C-section does not make you miss out on a stage of motherhood, it’s still a form of birth and is a beautiful thing! ❤️
I had Shoulder Dystocia with my son as well and currently pregnant with my second. The doctors just told me the safest option for both mom and baby is C-section this time. I trust my doctors opinion as well, and now makes me feel so selfish to even try and consider a vagional birth knowing all the risks this time around. So I fully understand how you're feeling, and navigating this information ❤
I don't knoe how true it is but i've heard that some doctors like scheduling/forcing c-sections so that it is scheduled. They only have to be there at that specific time. Not saying your doctor is like that but it is kind of common. Abby do what you feel is right. Pray about it. Continue researching and talking to Matt. Ask your birth team questions.You are an amazing mom. You have the right to all of your feelings. I really always appreciate how vulnerable and open you are with us.
I wrote a different comment that disappeared before I could add it and I don’t want to re-write all of that. I do want to say we all are hoping for you to have a good experience. It seems like as women we all empathize with the fear, trauma, and joys that can come from birth. We in a way live vicariously through each other when we hear other birth experiences and we have our own traumas flood back in when we hear someone coming close to our negative experiences. The backlash you are worried about is really just women worried that you will live a similar trauma. You have to do what you feel is right for you though. I second what many other moms are saying, that you really should get a 2nd opinion to be sure of your choice.. but then go into it with confidence. You are a powerful and strong woman in this! I would also recommend looking into a hypnobirthing course beforehand. This makes all kinds of births flow better, with less complications, including c-sections… so no matter what kind of birth you have it can help it be a more positive experience. I really do hope you have a good birth experience with this little one. You deserve the best.
I know you said you wouldn’t read these comments, but please read this one! My first baby was a scheduled c-section because she was breeched. It was hard but it was really nice having a planned day for her to be born, having everything prepared, not being in any pain beforehand etc. the recovery process was hard but bearable. I was up and walking about 6-9 hours later. My second pregnancy I thought I d have a chance to do things “better”. This baby was also breeched but I had a successful VBAC and then I never dilated so I had to be induced with a foley bulb and pitocin at 41 weeks. They had to break my water as well. Recovery was easier than the c-section, but both ways had their ups and downs. I didn’t get the “picture perfect” delivery either time, but they were both very memorable experiences for me❤
I had a 9lb baby completely natural and I think a c section is a whole different level of powerful, your body goes through so much to get your baby in your arms. Both are hard in different ways, both are special!
Abby, your feelings are so valid! I had my own traumatic birth and delivery and ended up with a c-section. I will say that my recovery was super easy and fast. I know it is different from everybody, but just sharing a little hope that it can be an easy recovery. The surgery does feel a bit weird but you do want to be awake to meet your baby. its also a really quick surgery.
My doctor told me when I was upset about a c-section “Unless your baby is coming out of your ears it is natural.” Mine was not planned, but after a long labor and trying to deliver our son it was found that I could not physically deliver him. Then with our twins it was planned, but I went into labor at 33 weeks and had to be rushed 2 hours away for a c section for them to be in a hospital with a NICU. All this being said you are no less by having a c section, if you go with that plan. My prayers are with you both and I am so happy you will have lots of helping hands ♥️. You two are amazing examples of your generation!!
I had shoulder dystocia with my first, got pregnant 8 months postpartum, and just had my son. My doctor did offer a c-section, but I declined. My second baby did in fact slip right out 😂 I pushed for maybe 5 minutes; no tearing! I was also induced this time and it was a great experience!
I hope she sees this comment. Doctors who try to throw in a bunch of scare tactics aren't helping anyone. Sharing the risks is completely different from telling her what's actually going to happen when they don't know for sure themselves.
@@amandaarmolt3136 the reality is the risk increases a lot when you’ve already had one baby with shoulder dystocia you are much more likely to have the same thing happen again (like 1 in 10 women). It is a very real risk and it’s good the doctor is taking it seriously and telling her what could happen to her baby. It’s not scaring her. It’s being honest about the reality of the situation if she has a vaginal delivery. Yes. It might go perfect. I hope so… but if/when it doesn’t. Knowing how terribly it can harm your child is vital to making this decision. it’s their choice if that risk is worth it. A c-section will always be the safest option after shoulder dystocia
@@allison3783 My OB said the risk increase for it to happen again is about 10%, so it’s definitely not a giant increase, just a little more likely. C-section may be safest for baby, but isn’t always best for mama. It’s all very individual based. We want a healthy baby AND mama after birth! I was thankful I could care for my son and toddler with minimal/no pain after birth. I don’t know how I would’ve done it if I had a c-section. Sounds like Abby will have parental help though, so that is such a blessing for her!! I’m sure that helps take the pressure off which choice to make for her birth plan.
I’m due with my second in two months. My first also had a shoulder dystocia and did need breathing assistance for about 10-15 minutes after they got her out. My doctors also informed me it’s only a 10% more risk for opting vaginal again! So grateful they have not tried to scare me into a C section. They gave me the information calmly and said the choice is up to me. Doctors can definitely over exaggerate and put unnecessary fear into mothers especially those who experienced a traumatic birth. I am planning to do vaginal again and have been preparing myself with knowledge on different labor and pushing techniques to hopefully get baby in the right position!
@@meganbartlett1807 I know how scary that is! My first had to be resuscitated and then on breathing assistance as well. She also had the cord wrapped around her neck, so that didn’t help. It was a scary first minute after delivery, but I’m so thankful she was fine afterwards. Babies are resilient!! Golden hour with my second was a DREAM!! I hope and pray your second birth goes well!! ❤️
My husbands parents live with us, our daughter is almost 2 and a half and they've been with us since the beginning. They have been a HUGE support and incredible help!
I never comment but feel like I have to! I just had my first baby two months ago. I prepared my whole pregnancy for a natural (no medication/intervention) vaginal delivery, I had midwives and a doula. I was in labor for 3 days, had preeclampsia as soon as I was admitted, my cervix began to swell, my baby started having decelerations and we ended up with a c section. Hearing all of that you’d think that it was a traumatic experience but to be honest I look back on it and it was beautiful, I’m extremely proud of myself for everything I endured and that moment I saw my baby for the first time will forever be engraved in my mind as the most beautiful moment of my life. I thought I would feel shame for having a c section and feel like I failed but I truly truly do not feel that way at all. Abby, however you birth this baby it does not change how beautiful and amazing it will be to see that baby for the first time. You will do great ❤
I think content about living with parents and the beauty of memories with grandparents/parents is such a niche you guys could get into. We LOVE wholesome content.
Shoulder Dystocia is real but also I want you to know that it is rare to happen twice and a lot of times your positioning makes a huge difference! I would strongly suggest hiring a doula!! And if your OB is pushy towards c-sections consider another one… many OB’s are c-section happy nowadays and use fear tactics. Vaginal births have a lot of benefits for the health of your baby as they pass through the birth canal❤❤
To each there own, but I would NEVER trust the knowledge of others to be more than my own when it comes to my body. I studied birth, pregnancy and prepared my body every single day for my first birth. The result was that I knew exactly where I was at during each point in labor. I labored on my own without the assistance of any medical professionals because my labor went so fast. Start to finish it was 108 minutes with 5 pushes. I had no fears, I was so focused and trusted my body 100 percent to do exactly what it needed to. I just moved and used different positions to help baby drop and come out smoothly. The common thought is that when they say baby was stuck or there wasn’t another option is usually because they don’t understand the power of changing positions. For example, birthing on all four with knees closer and feet wider opens the outlet of the pelvis. I had no tears, and I truly believe that this can be the “new normal” for mamas if we start to trust ourselves and focus on the power and ability our bodies have.
Hey there Abby! Just wanted to say hello and also give you a little encouragement and whatever way you need for your next delivery. My name is Autumn and I am a young mother of 5.(still in my twenties) Four out of five of my children have had shoulder dystocia while being born. The first three of my children were born at home and had unmedicated births. Why? Because I am crazy!. But after having the first three have shoulder dystocia and get stuck during delivery. And after that needing to be on oxygen for a few days till recovery. I have been very blessed that they are living happy and healthy life progressing at normal rates like any other child their age. My husband and I decided that we would move to hospital births which is what we have done for the last few. Because of our circumstances we got a high-risk doctor and it made all the difference in the world. Every time I deliver knowing that there is a very high chance of a shoulder dystocia My doctor has an entire specialized team Wait quietly in the back of the room until baby is here in case of emergency and they may need to take him because of the risks that come with that, but my doctor being very experienced has never had to use that team and at the end they just applaud and tell me how good of a job I did. I have never had a C-section nor do I plan to in future deliveries. If your doctor feels unable or not confident in her abilities to deliver your baby safely vaginally if that is what you wish I would very much consider finding a different doctor with the expertise needed to be able to deliver that baby safely. Congratulations on baby number two!
Birth worker here. Hehe just had my 3rd baby on the floor at home with just my husband and I: ) love that you guys are very open about others having different options and opinions. Def a scary thing shoulder dystosia.. glad things went well and he wasn't stuck there for long. Excited to see the new boy. My babe and griffin are a month apart, this is the best time. Good luck with 2 under 2!!
It's nice to hear a couple talking about their fights and their bad weeks. So often social media makes me feel like my relationship isn't good or healthy if we have bad weeks where we fight a lot. It can look like everyone else's relationship is so perfect and make you feel like you're doing something wrong. But if you both love each other and are never willing to give up, you're relationship will flourish despite bad weeks and fights.
I went into pre term labour at 37 weeks and i was in labour for 18 hours and only dilated 4 cm my son was in distress and my heartrate stared to get high and bp low... i was sent in for an unscheduled c section. So whilst i wished for natural my son could have died without the c section ❤ I am so grateful i had a healthy baby and i was ok afterwards and my last 2 boys were born via scheduled section. I am still proud of myself and I have 3 amazing little healthy boys. Abby do what is right for you and your baby hun... Its your body and your baby so you and matt dont listen to any negative comments please listen to your mom instincts and what is best for you and your second little boy 💙 love from South Africa 🇿🇦 💙
I hate that you have fear about reading comments about something that is SO personal and SO up to you and your doctor. You are so strong and such a good mama!! It’s a blessing to be able to see a small part of y’all’s lives!!
I had three sections. First one was an emergency. Every birth was so different. So nice to be awake and see your baby (first time they put me to sleep). I want you to know that if you get shaky or nauseous during the c section tell them they have meds for that. No one told me that. All three c sections were successful! you are strong/in shape - you got this❤️❤️ The goal is a healthy baby. That’s the biggest goal🥰 I understand how you are feeling! I really do!
Positive c section story here! If you do choose this route I hope I can give you some positive outlook! I have had two the first one was amazing and I got to hold my baby after didn’t feel a thing at all and was still aware during it all so your not out of it. Second one recovery was worse but I was still able to walk and nurse my baby. My biggest advice is to move after recovery since that helps you recover faster and take your stool softener! Also when you use the restroom after it helps to hold a pillow to your stomach bc for me it felt like I needed something to stabilize my insides when using the restroom lol. Also high waisted everything so your not messing with your incision. Overall I pray you find peace with this and pray for a safe delivery for your little one!
my son was measuring large as well and my doctor was pushing for a c-section & i ended up switching doctors at 37 wks (1 wk before he was born). it was the best decision i could have made. i had an unmedicated birth with no complications despite him being 9 lb 5 oz. i am 5’8” so my frame is larger than a lot of women. if you are leaning towards a c-section there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially since you will have a lot of support postpartum! just bc it wasn’t right for me does not mean it isn’t what is right for many other women. even if you do have a c-section i might still consider changing doctors. for me it is so important to have a doctor i felt comfortable with and i would not have had a good birthing experience if i hadn’t switched. do whatever is best for you!
I was induced with my first baby and ended up with a c-section. I then tried to have a VBAC with my 2nd baby and was successful. Recovery from c-section was harder than vaginal delivery. I highly encourage you to read “Ina May’s guide to childbirth.” It is a great book! I’m really glad I read it! If you don’t feel comfortable with your doctor, you should seek out another doctor. It is not too late. I also had a doula with my 3rd baby and highly recommend that as well. She was so helpful and was able to give me the birth I wanted and desired! Yes, hormones are crazy during pregnancy! I cried ALL the time! 😅🤣 Wishing you all the best! Praying for healthy delivery for you and baby! Love watching your podcast! ❤
Congrats on your VBAC! My baby girl was born in Dec 2019 via an emergency c-section. Her heart rate dropped and didn’t come back up. They put me to sleep for the surgery, as they did not have time to do an epidural or spinal. I just had my successful VBAC in Aug 2022! I labored for about 10 hours and pushed him out in 30 min! Totally redemptive birth experience! Would recommend over c-section recovery any day!
Doctors like to scare moms into c sections. Just because Griffin got stuck does not mean your next baby will be stuck. C-sections rob you of many things. C-section save them time and energy, so it is very common for doctors to push for them. If I could go back in time, I would educate myself more and not let them call all the shots. I'm fully persuaded that I would've never had to have a c-section if I just educated myself and listened to my own body. Yes there are emergencies that can be necessary, but if it is Not necessary, I would NEVER encourage it. It robs you of your first moments together. And the. You're groggy and everything part of the beginning stages is a blurr because you're medicated and then the healing part is no walk in the park, either. I would highly recommend educating yourself before just giving into her scaretactics.
Honestly, do whatever makes YOU feel most safe and comfortable. ❤ My first daughter was breech and so I had a c-section and it was not at all something I felt I was prepared for. My c-section experience and recovery was HARD. And my VBAC recovery was soooooooo much easier!!! Everyone has a different experience though. My second time around, I went in with much more research under my belt and got prenatal chiropractic care which was sooooo worth it! My hips and back hurt a lot this last pregnancy and my baby’s shoulder kept getting stuck on my pelvic bone which made things worse and would’ve ended in a shoulder dystocia if I hadn’t been getting adjusted! Some chiropractors will come during your labor too to get baby in a good position! Also, I didn’t push on my back because of her shoulder getting stuck throughout my pregnancy. She kept getting stuck on my left and side so I pushed on my right. Pushing on all fours, upright or on your side helps a TON! I seriously swear by the chiropractor though, not pushing on my back, and honestly getting a lot of info from a pelvic floor PT like relaxing through some contractions so you don’t tear as much! I went to 41w5d and finally was induced (not my plan😂) since I was a VBAC, I did end up getting an epidural (again not my plan and honestly the worst part of my labor ironically and I still felt everything🙈 BUT I know lots of women that love their epidural), but the pushing part was less than 30 minutes, was soooooo fast and redeeming, and I only had first degree tears with a baby over 9lbs, and I’m pretty darn petite too. There is soooo much that can done to prepare for birth, delivery and postpartum. This second pregnancy, I saw 2 OB’s that tried to use fear tactics and then didn’t use any current research (I like statistics). Realistically, ultrasounds are horrible at determining size of a baby and always have been. My first daughter, they told me she measured 13.5 lbs, said I didn’t have any amniotic fluid and my placenta was hypercalcified. Fast forward to my planned c-section and she was only 7.5 lbs, I had a TON of amniotic fluid and my placenta was perfectly fine. There is totally beauty in being able to choose how you want to have your baby, and it’s always good to do your research and choose what is best for you and your baby. It’s really messed up your dr had that conversation without your husband knowing how bonded you two are and how much you both support each other. So much love to you both and babies!!! I used to birth assist and was pre-med for OB and then switched to nursing for L&D because they were more hands on. If you have any questions or want to talk or anything, you’re more than welcome to!
Abby seems to really have her head on straight about all of this, and I really respect her thought process on it. I’ve done a little bit of everything: my first 2 were all natural, no epidural, but I tore a lot so it felt like difficult recoveries. I had a placenta previa with my next baby, which means the placenta was blocking my cervix and the baby had no way out, so I had to have a c-section at 36 weeks. It went really well and I actually felt like it was a pretty easy recovery. With my most recent baby, I was worried she’d be big like my others and it would be a hard recovery. I seriously considered a second c-section, but she came 2.5 weeks early and I was able to have an epidural (for the first time- highly recommend!) and an easy and smooth birth! So, my point is, each one is different, but not so bad, and I 100% agree with Abby that the most important thing is a safe, healthy baby (and mommy)! Best of luck to Matt and Abby on the pregnancy, birth, and babies! You guys are doing great! ❤
Trust your body and have confidence in that. I was threatened a C-section but I knew my body and 2 hours later pushed him out. I also went to a chiropractor that helped with my pelvic and realigned it while pregnant. It’s called Webster method. But even if you choose C-section you’re still a badass mom and you will come out stronger ❤
Ive had 5 c-sections followed by 2 natural births! And our 8th is due in just 3 weeks, planning on having a natural birth this time around too. I prefer a natural birth, however I thank God for c-sections when there are health concerns involved or emergencies. Every single birth is special, no matter how they come out ❤
Wow that is wonderful!! I feel like there is a lot of fear around having too many c sections. It’s so nice to hear you had 5 sections followed by two naturals! Best of luck to you with your 8th baby❤
That is amazing! So reassuring to hear. I’ve only had one, it was an emergency c-section. It was completely terrifying and recovery was hard, I had something really rare (Bandl’s Ring). It Make me concerned about the next. But knowing you had 5 c-sections gives me hope and a new sense of strength. 💜 thank you for sharing.
The philosophical wisdom from Matt and Abby caught me off guard in such a good way! Especially with the whole Locus of Control topic, that's something I'm going to take note of more- 'you are the problem, don't take it personally'. You are both very wise and reflective 💕💟
I planned my second pregnancy to the T. I looked up info on giving birth outside of the hospital, a Birthhouse. I did all my prenatal visits with midwives and hired a doula. I was so ready to experience all the pain and do every technique to cope, because I did not want to be in a hospital, with IVs and I absolutely did NOT want an epidural. We plan and God laughs. My baby did not turn, and at 39 weeks our Birthhouse doctor literally said “what are you waiting for?” And I wanted to say so many things like “for the baby to turn on her own” or “for a miracle” but in that moment I simply said “idk”. I went in for a c-section with zero knowledge. God took control and I can now say it was the best experience, hospital related, I’ve ever had! The doctors, the nurses, the staff all together. The care to me and my baby was 100% the best. I had a c-section the same day it was offered, didn’t think about it twice but I was terrified. God took control and showed me this was the way I wanted it to happen so I got you. Walk knowing God will always have your best interest in mind. When everyone is worried about baby and baby’s health, God is worried about YOUR health and taking control of YOUR situation. I know God held me by the hand that day and that’s why every minute of the day was absolutely amazing.
You feelings as so so valid I had a emergency c section at 28 wks for HELLP syndrome. My daughter was in the NICU for 72 days. With my son I wanted a VBAC so bad I went to 41 wks and only progressed to a 3 and had a repeat c section. Then our world fell with my third at 21 weeks he didn’t have a heart beat and I had to deliver him vaginally. Like you, I knew how you delivered didn’t matter for some reason I could believe it for myself. But after having a stillborn birth that truly helped me accept and be happy with having a C-section for my next baby. Because all wanted was for our next baby was to be born full term and alive! And our little rainbow baby was in December.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I am sitting in a place right now where I might be having a miscarriage (wait and see situation). While it's nothing like what you went through, wholehearted feel the all that matters is whole and alive. You are in my prayers, mama.
I just wanted to send some encouragement! I had a planned c section with my twins and it was the best choice I could make. I liked that I got to choose that outcome rather than attempting a vaginal delivery and then needing an emergency c section. I am a nurse and those tend to be more traumatic (not to scare you or coerce your decision, just to share my insight). Recovery was tough but it was manageable. The pain was under control in 2 days and after that it was more about figuring out how to move well and hold the babies and feed them. Happy to answer any questions!
Can I just how great it is to see all the Medical Professionals who are sharing their expertise here to help alleviate your concerns. You all rock. Also, I had a c-section with my first because he went into distress. And, as you said Abby, all that matters is having a very healthy baby. Recovery is hard but not horrible. With my 2nd I had a vbac. After experiencing both versions of delivery I can say they each have their positives and negatives, but it really doesnt matter. The most important thing is a healthy baby.
C-section mama here… mine was emergent. The overwhelming feeling of getting your baby delivered safely almost cancels out the (scary) “surgery” aspect of it. The sensations of tugging & pulling during the procedure is weird, but not painful. Being awake & feeling those sensations helps take away the scary part of being immobilized basically. While the process of the C-section itself is painless, recovery sucks. You’ll forever have a badass scar to remind you of the sacrifice you made to get your baby here 😊.
Girl, you are a rockstar! Do not let what the culture or society says bring you down! My mom had to have six c sections and she is my hero! She is the best mom I know. I know a lot of women these days will say, “oh you didn’t give birth if it happened via c section” and honestly that’s bull crap and it makes me so angry when people say that. YOU ARE AN AWESOME MAMA BEAR!!!
I’ve had three sections and honestly, if I didn’t have these I and baby would have died with two of them. I had a cord prolapse in one and another was a placenta abruption at 29 weeks. You def do give birth if it’s a section.. I completely agree it’s bull! I’ve done both natural and sections and both are equally as hard.. women need more respect xxx
@@misunka14 that completely was NOT the point of what I said. All Im saying is that she shouldn’t feel less than in any circumstance. Especially if she has to have a c section. Because our culture likes to say that about c section Mamas.
@@as19J01 honestly not sure. My sister in law has had 2 natural births, and after the last one she was encouraged to have c sections because she’s a small woman and my nephew completely destroyed her insides. Since then she’s had 3 c sections. And my other sister in law has had 4 and I think plans on another one for the one she’s carrying now. I think it depends on the doc, maybe?
At the end of the day, it's all about YOU and YOUR BABY. You make the decisions. I started educating myself on everything pregnancy, labour and delivery after I had my 3rd C-section. Some doctors only think about what's easiest for them to deal with. I went on to have two successful home births against their advice - they were such amazing experiences! But I don't view my C-sections as shameful or not me giving birth. I just figure as the one who is giving birth, I should know what's what.. positive and negative. I was able to make informed decisions based on that knowledge, being fully prepared to face whatever came our way. No matter what you decide, no shame! 💜
Doctors push C-section so hard right now because they’re less likely to get sued like you said it’s easiest for them to deal with. So many unexpected variables with vaginal birth they don’t want to risk it
You have options!!! Don’t let your OB scare you! I’ve been apart of a group with Labor Nurse Mama (on CZcams and Facebook), and so many moms have been in your situation and they had a wonderful delivery with their second baby! Labor Nurse Mama is a labor and delivery nurse and she has so many videos that are super educational and can help you figure out your options! Whatever you decide, you are an absolute wonderful mom!! Vaginal or C-section, you will do great! My 5 month old and I love watching your podcast!! You guys are such an inspiration and so kind!
I am normally what you referred to in a previous pod as a silent supporter and have never commented on anything before. I had a shoulder dystocia with my first and was terrified to have a second because I knew I would need a c section. I had my second baby via c section and the experiences were very different but both positive and beautiful births. You get a spinal which is different but similar to an epidural and don’t feel anything except light tugging and pulling. You get to pick your baby’s birthday when you schedule the section which is sweet. Everything is very calm and my husband still cut the cord and got to be with baby right away. The birthing process was less painful with the c section but the recovery was slightly more painful. They suck most of the blood and tissue out with suction so you have less postpartum bleeding which is a bonus. You get a catheter for 24 hours but you can still breastfeed and bond with baby the same way. Hubby will just need to be a little extra hands on and supportive for the first couple of days. As soon as I left the hospital I felt great with just a little ibuprofen. Whatever birth plan you decide you’re an amazing momma and you’re going to make the best choice for you and your family. Rooting for you! Good luck!!
I grew up living with my parents, and I remember how awesome it seemed because no one else saw their grandparents that much. It was overall a great experience to have my grandparents be such a huge part of my upbringing. I'm so excited for you two to have that daily support and for Griffin and Baby #2 to have their grandparents so close 💗
I would recommend getting in touch with a Doula. They can really help with information but also provide a ton of comfort in the hospital room. Mama Natural is also an amazing online birth course. They provide a lot of information about interventions, ways to avoid them and ways to cope with them both. My natural labor did not go to plan at all ( I had a precipitous labor), but like you said, just getting them here is the important part. Your body is made for birth! You can do it! If you decide to pursue Cesarean, do some research into VBAC for next time. Maybe one of each will help you know which is right for you.
Definitely continue doing your own research. A big baby doesn’t automatically mean you need a c-section. Women have birthed babies 10+ pounds naturally. So, if you’re really against the c-section, do your own research because 9/10 times it’s used for convenience rather than necessity.
They told me the SAME thing with my second baby, who was measuring large for gestational age… I decided to NOT schedule a c-section with the thought that if I was delivering vaginally and needed a c-section it would still be available in an emergency.. However, I ended up delivering vaginally and didnt need the c-section… AND he was 1lb less then the ultrasound predicted only days before delivery. You got this mama!
I had a c section because my son was breach and it couldn’t have been a better experience. The energy in the OR was so positive, I wasn’t at all nervous realizing how relaxed everyone was. I got to listen to whatever music I wanted. Baby was out in probably 10 minutes and my recovery was so easy! At the time I was 21 so I think that had a lot to do with it but you’re also young so you’ll do great!!
*Ask about doing skin on skin in the operating room* I had an emergency c-section and was awake for it. Being able to talk to my husband and hear my baby cry (😭) was amazing. But most of all, I was SO thankful when they put my baby girl on my chest for the rest of the operation 💕
As someone who had a c-section for medical reasons, I absolutely loved my c-section. I will do one for every baby I have. In my personal experience, the nurses were incredibly supportive, it was incredibly chill because it was scheduled, and the recovery was better than I expected it to be! It was incredible and I thought it would be scary, but I was comforted by the fact they said that they have everything under control and coached me through what I wanted to know. There’s a lot of scary c-section stories, but coming from one person who had an awesome experience, you can TOTALLY do this and also dont make my mistake and watch too many videos on it 😅
I again commend you for your story, your vulnerability, your birth story. I have like yourself had vaginal and was then in emergency need of a cesarean with my Fourth and I completely get the feels! You don’t even know how much anyone who’s experienced this has that momma “guilt/shame/unsure” but I’ve been encouraged by professionals and friends that “you now have a perspective to help others whom go through this now” . If your experience can help I know that’s where your and Matt’s hearts are at! Your baby. Your journey! Your body. You’ve got this momma! You’re a great momma know matter how you have your sweet babe ! ❤❤❤
Please keep doing your own research, asking your doctor lots of questions, and maybe consider a getting second opinion. Please keep in mind that a C-section is a major surgery that comes with its own risks and will impact your options for future birth(s). I implore you to make an informed decision after weighing the risks and benefits of both options and not based on fear. I wish you all the best no matter what you decide! 💙
You guys are so sweet together. How Matt put his hand on Abby’s leg when she started to tear up was such a cute moment. And Abby always knows the right thing to say “poop sandwich” 😂 Wednesday has become one of my favorite days and is the one time I let my daughter watch some Tv in the morning as I sip my coffee and listen to your podcast 😜 Most wholesome podcast I’ve listened to in a while. Thank you guys for keeping it real, being vulnerable and let everyone in on your life. That is so brave 👏🏻
I just wanted to say.. I had the SAME exact situation happen with my third. My second son had shoulder dystocia. I, too, have big babies for my little body. He came out not breathing, the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck as well. They had to use a vacuum extract to get him out because he was that stuck. He survived thank goodness but it was the most traumatic thing for me. He did have lots of bruising on his head and face and had a hematoma on his head due to the vacuum. For my 3rd baby they told me to strongly consider a c section. I chose c section. I had the same feelings you do about it but ultimately, for me, I just wanted a healthy baby and I was so scared of that happening again. So I completely understand your feelings about this they are totally valid. Whatever decision you make is the best decision for you and your baby. Praying for you guys and for that baby for a safe delivery and whichever way you choose for him! Everything is going to be okay
I was born with a c-section (because I’m a twin) and I know there’s a lot of opinions here, and whatever is decided by them birthing a kid is totally metal, but I know that I have major respect for my mom for having a c-section. She worked up until the week before she had this surgery, was a full term twin mom, and we’re a bit of an anomaly as we’re healthy and had no problems because of this, and it was just what a normal baby would experience. I don’t know if this comment is entirely relevant or anything, I just know that it’s pretty badass to have this major surgery, and have produced a human. Women’s bodies are truly truly beautiful and so amazing. Modern medicine and how it works is also this incredible development to help people in a way that would’ve been certain death even just decades ago and still is in so many regions in this world. I’m grateful for all of this and as a young person I think it’s truly fascinating! I hope no one feels guilt for having access to all these options because it’s truly a miracle and a privilege, and our free will to decide what happens to us or to be in good hands when something unexpected goes down is just great. I hope they have peace going into their new experiences, or anyone reading this going through something similar. I can only empathize with this ☀️🧡
Both my babies were born via c-section...I was awake for both...epidural with my first because we were planning for a vaginal birth but my body wouldn't cooperate and her heart rate dropped. She essentially was stuck in the birth canal. We planned a VBAC for our son but they deemed him too large based on my first birth and scheduled a c-section. With him I had a spinal instead of an epidural. I loved being awake and hearing that first cry. Yes, I had stitches but healed well...in some ways that healing might be easier than tearing and episiotomy stitches. The main goal is healthy baby and healthy mom. Don't be afraid of a c-section.
I would also consider that, shoulder dystocia can be resolved by the mama turning onto all fours, this has been proven and it's called the gaskin maneuver I'd research about Ina May Gaskin(if you want), because at the end of the day a C section is full blown surgery and not and easy feat postpartum. Much love to you Abby ❤️
Just want to mention - it’s not always resolved by this and even if you get in this position and your baby comes out doesn’t mean they won’t come out with major injury or possible impact to their brain from lack of oxygen etc. Shoulder Dystocia is an obstetrics emergency and not something that can be prevented.
Doctors will really try to push certain situations just for their own convenience. One of my close friends went into labor and had a doula/midwife attend the hospital birth with her. She had a 9 hour labor until she was pushing which lasted 2 hours-ish. Even 15-20 minute into pushing as a first time mom (when it can take up to 3 hours to push out a baby) the doctor kept telling her “I can usually tell when a mother can’t deliver vaginally, and you are one of those moms”. Where the nurses, husband, and doula/midwife were telling her and could see her making progress, they could see the head and the baby would’ve come out. My friend got super discouraged and gave in to the c-section cause the doctor was getting impatient and saying “I have other people I need to get to, we need to deliver now or I am bringing you in for a c-section cause if you can’t do it now, you’re not going to do it”. Also, doctors make more money on c-sections and all they want is convenience and money. My friend had her second child at home with that same doula and another midwife. Had a quick 7 hour labor and pushed for 30-60 minutes, and that baby was bigger than her last. I know every situation is different, but Abby PLEASE, get different opinions and trust your gut! You know your body and baby the best! It is good to take doctors thoughts into consideration for sure, but you need to have say over your body. Also, delivering in different positions other than your back can really help! My friend tried to deliver that first time on her back and did the next on her side and it made a big difference!
I'm 25 weeks with baby #2. My first was also born with shoulder dystocia and my OB is heavily pushing csection. When I let her know at my last appointment that I wanted to discuss it further with my husband, she said she was going to go ahead and put me on the books. These doctors are really advocating for csections and wonder why the csection rate in the USA is so high.
22:41 this same thing happened to my sister in law she got the worst news when the dad wasnt there, they scared her so badly and told her she wasn’t going to be able to do anything she wanted to, but it all wasn’t true and they had a perfectly healthy baby girl at home. So keep that in mind Abby
I honestly enjoy your guy's podcasts, it's so relatable and you're honest about true problems you guys go through in your marriage and your every day lives.
my concerns about c sections are the amount of children you can have.. i always wanted a large family, but you encounter more risks the more c sections you receive.
Such great news that Abby's parents are moving in for a while. That is such a good decision!👍 I so agree on that our western culture has messed with our heads about how we all need to be so individualistic and do everything on our own. I had the same relationship with my grandparents as you did Abby, and it gave me such a great start in life. Some of my best memories are with them. And I am sure it also made it easier on my mom, who was raising me on her own. It takes a village - actually most things should❤
No judgement from me. Just love and support. HOWEVER, I feel like I have a moral responsibility to share birthing wisdom with younger moms who are going through what I did 5 years ago. My eldest had shoulder distochia as well. They actually had to pull him out with forceps, breaking his arm in the process. He was over 9 pounds, and I also have a petite frame (size 2)… doc convinced me I needed a c section for the second one, and let me tell you, I believe it was a mistake. At the time I was young and naive (21 having the second baby), but now that im older and have learned more about the topic, I realize docs push c sections to keep their stats high. With that being said, I believe shoulder distochia happens much more frequently today because of the combo of inducing with pitocin and having and epidural (I had both of those as well with my first)… if I could go back and tell younger me to wait for my body to go into labor naturally and to avoid the c section at all costs, that’s what I’d say. But I can’t go back so that’s why I’m telling you. Your body knows what to do!!! And pregnancy is not a medical illness; it’s something you were made for. That’s all for today. Sending you prayers and all the positive birthing vibes Abby ❤
I had to pause this to give you some love…my little boy was 8 days past his due date when my water broke. I was in labor with him for 47hrs trying everything possible to have a natural birth. Then everything changed when the doctor came in after reviewing my chart and said basically point blank, we need to get you ready for an emergency c-section. My husband and I had maybe five minutes to process the information before we were gowned up and brought into the room. Everything went as it should have and the experience of having a c-section is still a special one, even when it’s unexpected! I totally get how your feeling because I had mere minutes to get on board with the news, but honestly looking back I wouldn’t change a thing because my baby is healthy and even with the c-section they still had difficulty getting him out so I couldn’t have imagined the possibilities of having him naturally and the unknowns that could have arisen. Any way you deliver your baby boy is a blessing and should be cherished! If there is any advice I would give for recover is always ask for help, try to stay positive, and don’t be ashamed in yourself by the things you can’t do on your own because you will be able to do them again, just not immediately! ❤️❤️
You can do it, Abby! I’m the BIGGEST baby about even a needle and I have had 3 c-sections. I’ve had other abdominal surgeries and they were a worse recovery than the c-sections. No matter how your baby is born, you know there’s such joy and the end result is meeting your precious baby! And as far as the shame thing…I get that. With my first I definitely felt I missed out on something…for a few days and the it was never an issue again. C-section mommas go through a lot! There’s no less than, just different! 😘😘😘
Idk, because after having a first baby your body changes and learns how it has to labor. The doctor's job is to make sure you are well informed of all your risks. That does not mean you have to do the c-section. That is why the choice is yours to make. If it was a dire need for you to have the c-section the doctor would have taken that choice away from you and made it herself.
One more thing to keep in mind is that if you have a c-section and want to delivery vaginally with a future pregnancy it could be hard to find a Dr willing to do a VBAC.
Abby you are so brave. My younger sister just had her second baby by c-section 5/22/23. She had to have an emergency c section with her first pregnancy and it was scary. It’s normal to feel unnerved and all I mean I think most people are nervous for any surgery or getting cut open. I do think you should ask some questions on what you need to look for, like your iron, or how well your clot, etc just because the recovery process is a little easier just knowing what you need. My sisters second c section has been much easier just because she knew what to expect for recovery and what she needed. You’ll do wonderful no matter what you choose, your motherhood is valid no matter how your baby is born. All that matters is a healthy momma and baby at the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter how it happens. You got this, I’ll be praying for you and your family for a safe birth no matter how baby is born! ❤
My mother had two c-section with my two older sisters and my two younger brothers(bc they're twins). But she had me vaginally and she said she has no regrets about getting the c-sections bc it was the safest option. So Abby if you see this comment, do what you feel is best for you and your baby💕
I’m a nurse and c-sections are major abdominal surgery and there can be complications to the mom and harder and longer to recover from. Doctors can be pushy towards c-sections, but I would just recommend doing your own research about both vaginal vs c-section birth.
Thank you!!!!!!!!! This is 100% my OBGYN told me that most doctors prefer to choose c-section because it’s scheduled, they can get through more deliveries that way vs waiting for a mom that’s in labor for 48hours and sitting in the hospital.
I was looking for this comment. As a birth worker, I have heard hundreds of women tell the exact same story abby just told. Too often OBs scare the mom, push c section, and then say “oh but it’s your idea.” I am SO GRATEFUL for c sections!! Please don’t get me wrong. But hearing her story is way too familiar…
Yes, after my second child got stuck with a shoulder issue. My midwife and OB wanted my next babies to have c-sections and I didn't like that idea so I had a second opinion and that OB did not agree and I've had two more vaginally, I'm having baby number five in November and I have not had a C-section all large babies. Babies 9lbs , 10.1lbs, 9.6lbs, 9.11lbs.
Yes and they cost more!!! So there's a reason they are on the rise 🤑
@@McAnultyBunch there is no way your OB said that to you!!! If they really did then you need to run from that OB. Almost all physicians prefer a vaginal birth of course
I am a NICU nurse - they don’t put you all the way out in C sections because the anesthesia goes directly to the baby as well! They do it under emergency situations only, and those c sections are very rushed and “sloppy” to get the baby out as fast as possible. Typical c sections are calm, cool, and collected ❤️ I know God will guide you and your baby into whatever birth is meant to be. Happy for you all!!
God bless you, thank you for the work you do in the healthcare community 💗
My first son I labored with 16 hrs., and could not progress past 9cm.
I was very relieved to have a c-section. My second son was a scheduled c-section on a Monday, but God knew I had contracted Group B strep the week prior, and so he came early on Friday night during a rare snow and ice storm here in the South. Thank GoODness he was fine-after 2 weeks observation in the NICU. (Btw, I contracted GBS from tossing a “bone” to our neighbor’s dog on Thursday- a chew pig’s ear- and actually was tested for it at the doctor’s appointment Friday morning. It was negative…too soon to tell they said).
My third son was also a scheduled c-section, and I did go into labor the night before!
All to say- I had stomach surgery before my first son, and that surgery recovery was worse than all 3 combined!
You are so strong- and I believe you will be fine!
God bless y’all❤❤❤❤
I can confirm this as a momma who has to be put out due to medical condition making it unsafe for me to have a spinal or epidural. They told me they have 5 minutes once I was out. My incision is “sloppy” looking and the scar is thicker on one side. My recover was also rough. On top of that my baby went straight to the NICU and no one would tell me how he was doing
I have had an emergency and scheduled C-section… you are totally correct, my scheduled C-section was sooo calm and actually very peaceful ❤️
i was all the way out for my c section, but they didn’t tell me about it going to baby or i wouldn’t have done it. i only chose to because of severe severe anxiety of being awake. my son ended up in the nicu but only for five days
As someone who has been dealing with infertility for over 3 years now, please don't feel shame for having a C-section. The fact that you are having a baby is a miracle, regardless of how he arrives! Much love from me to you all! ❤
I struggle with infertility too, and so well said.
@@sarahsingsforchrist I am so sorry. Thank you! Sending much love to you as well! 🥰
Read the other comments girl😂😂😂😂 you'll laugh out loud. There are so many midwives and women who try to change Abby's mind to do a normal delivery 🤣🤣 Abby's won't feel shy but all those midwives and women who've done natural deliveries would probably make her feel shy for her decision
Hey everyone, German midwife here!
I want to make something clear concerning the shoulder dystocia and C-Section question:
A shoulder dystocia has got a lot of triggers. It is not a usual condition or normal birth complication. I have not once experienced a sd in my time as a Midwife, but I know how many moms have given birth in the US and I saw a lot of birthing videos on CZcams. - The biggest problem is the position you are put in during labour but mainly during delivery: 90% of the deliveries I saw were flat and horizontally, the mom was being forced in a supine position, had to bend her knees and push like mad. That is absolutely AWFUL! There is literally NO WORSE POSITION TO GIVE BIRTH IN. It has got incredibly many disadvantages, inducing a SHOULDER DYSTOCIA. Because the head is not born downwards with the help of gravity, but artificially forced upwards around your pelvic bones and coccyx, it is MUCH MORE LIKELY to slow down the birthing process, and also for the shoulders to get stuck. The probability increases even more when being told to push and being forced to do what the doctor says, instead of listening to your own body and pushing how and whenever you feel like doing so.
I really wonder why still so many women (in the US) give birth on their backs, when every study shows how counterproductive this position is...
The best option for PREVENTING a shoulder dystocia is this:
Do not deliver lying on your back! Stand up, squat, be on all fours, kneels, sit on a birthing stool or be in the Bath tub and deliver in the water!! Being upright has got tons of advantages for you and also for your baby, because most of the time when the baby's heartbeat drops, it is because of stress due to forced pushing that would not have been necessary.
There is no need to labour and deliver lying in bed. When a doctor or midwife tells you to do so, then boldly say "No" to them, because it is YOUR BIRTH and your decision.
Regarding the C-Section: if you want to and feel safer with scheduling this operation, then do so for your birth. That is absolutely okay 🙂 But from experience, and also because I know of the disadvantages of a C-Section (btw mostly for your baby! They can suffer from not being born vaginally short and long term!), I would NOT recommend choosing this option. You may say now "all the midwifes say the same..." but ask yourself: why would a midwife, who knows what she is talking about, always recommend a vaginal birth (except no other way is possible of course)? Because we know what a C-Section does to you and your baby and also what a natural birth goes along with. I would say natural is by far the better option.
Just remember to avoid the triggers of a shoulder dystocia. This means: no artificial labour hormones (pitocin or oxytocin), no forced pushing, no vacuum extraction, no one pushing onto your belly and of course no lying on your back.
I would also HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY RECOMMEND a birth outside of the hospital ❤ for a million reasons I have decided to stop working in a delivery ward and now I only want to assist at home births. It is, also out if my personal experience, the most beautiful, calm, gentle and self-determined birth experience you can have. Far more beautiful than any hospital birth I've ever witnessed. ❤❤
Greetings!
Yes yes yes!! I’m so glad you said this. I literally came to watch this video because I figured it was some sort of fear mongering to get her to consider a cesarean. I’m so sad that women are treated this way in our US medical system. I am pregnant with my second as well right now and am planning my second home birth!!
Natural physiologic birth all the way!
Birth outside of a hospital in the US is incredibly dangerous. INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS! It’s insanity but in many states anyone who gets a two day certificate can call themselves a midwife. It’s almost always 20-40 minutes to a hospital no matter where you live AND American moms tend very strongly to have bigger babies than the average in Europe. Birth center? Sure do your thing ! Certified Nurse Midwife with a hospital affiliation within 10-15 minutes of a hospital sure, anything else absolutely not. Horribly dangerous here in the states. I know it’s different elsewhere and that’s wonderful and I hope for that for the US in the future, but as for now… NO. Go to the hospital .
I came to say this!!! I had a homebirth a few months ago, and at first, my baby’s head wasn’t fitting through my pelvis. My midwife had me up constantly moving and switching positions, and every move was getting baby closer to coming out. I just KNOW if I was in a hospital, I would’ve had to have a c-section.
I was at my sisters 6th delivery and it was with a midwife all natural, no meds etc, she was using a birth ball, on all fours and changing positions during the labor and her baby had shoulder dystocia. So, A+B doesn’t always equal C. She’s always had vaginal deliveries. Sometimes things just go wrong no matter what you do. Because she was at the midwife’s small clinic there was not the proper medical care once the baby was born, not breathing and completely blue. Praise the Lord he is a totally fine kiddo!!! So! To anyone who reads this comment, there’s no perfect way, and thanks to the medical knowledge we have these days babies can live through a lot ♥️♥️.
Yes!!! I've had 4 babies and once I went unmedicated and a more animalistic delivery things went so much better!! Get a midwife and educate yourself. We don't do it great here in America.
I’m a surgical tech in Labor and Delivery so I will say during a c section, especially a scheduled one, it’s a very calm situation. Also idk if this will make you feel better or not but we do not take your organs out of your body. There’s things you can do to still have a beautiful experience like having a clear drape to see your baby be born, have the doctor leave the cord long when they pass off the baby so Matt can still cut the cord. You can chose to have weights and measurements done later so you can be apart of them. A lot of hospitals will let you do skin to skin in the OR as long as everything is stable. You can take all the pictures you want. I would have a conversation with the nurse and make sure she knows everything you want to have done. We are very accommodating during a C-section!
Idk if you will see this comment if you do I hope this helps!!
congratulations on this baby! And whatever decision you make I promise you won’t regret once the baby comes out healthy and happy!
Yes! I had an emergency c with my first and a scheduled c with my second and it was VERY calm. I will also say my recovery from the scheduled was very easy compared to the emergency! Not too bad at all.
Camera and pictures is definitely dependent on the hospital you’re delivering at. My first was an emergency C-section so obviously they said no that’s fine. my second and third were planned and I was still not allowed to have cameras or anything in the room. my oldest is 10 middle is 9 and youngest is 5. So make sure you ask if it’s allowed :)
@@teeandkids937 I find that very strange! I’ve worked at a few different hospitals and they always allowed pictures after baby was born. I hate you weren’t able to get pictures
Thank you for speaking up. I feel like c-sections get such a bad rap. I had a scheduled c-section and it was a wonderful experience start to finish. So calm. So fast! Got to do skin to skin in OR and baby was with me whole time and nursing within the hour. Even healing/recovery was much easier than I thought.
I’m not even the one having a baby (those days are done for me 🤪) but even I appreciate your insight so much! That was so kind of you to take the time to share your knowledge 💕
I’ll be honest, I had a c-section with my daughter when she got stuck after 4 hours of pushing… in postpartum I mourned having that experience of pushing my baby out and having that “golden hour” experience with my baby on my chest. Whereas my actual experience was being prepped for surgery after DAYS of labor and hours of pushing, not being able to hold my baby until after being cleaned and sewed up… it wasn’t what I was expecting. I think the hardest part was getting over my expectations of having a “natural” (vaginal) birth. I don’t know if she got stuck because of my bones or just because she was sunny-side-up or both but I just did not expect to see the operating room. I think there’s something to lowering your expectations and allowing it to just flow and be. My postpartum recovery was maybe more difficult than a typical c-section recovery experience because of the extensive laboring experience but I was up and walking and doing things by the end of the week. Whatever your experience ends up being, Abby, it’ll be beautiful because it’s your story❤️
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability experience. I also had an unplanned emergency c-section, so I understand the feelings of grief you described. Therapy helped me better my perspective and experience kindness and compassion towards my self. I hope you are feeling better now 🌹
Midwife from Switzerland here! There may be a bigger risk to have another shoulder dystocia with your second baby but the chances are still pretty small and therefore not an indication for a c-section where I work at. Also for making the decision of having a c-section you should also consider the potential long term health risk your son may have such as obesity, asthma, allergies, diabetes and many more that are in correlation with babies born during a planned c-section. This is due to the lack of contact with vaginal bacteria. I feel like nobody ever talks about that…
But anyways, there‘s always risk for a lot of things and all that matters in the end is that you feel good and informed about your decision and you and your baby are healthy! I‘m sure you‘ll find a way that suits you best! All the best!
This is a great answer, thank you for saying these things. I can’t believe they didn’t flip her over onto all fours and stick one knee up to make room in the pelvis. I had to do this with my 6th baby and my home birth midwife was SO CALM and I just can’t imagine the hospital staff making me panic. That would likely have saved his collar bone because he wouldn’t have been forcefully pushed past the pelvis. And they usually have women on their backs which is the WORST position for your pelvis to be open. I have had 2 prior c-sections and I would do everything in my power to never have one again. I actually wouldn’t ever give birth in a hospital again if I can do anything about it. Having #7 at home in August and wouldn’t change that for anything.
This is why when doing rounds in obstetrics I was appalled and went right back to ER medicine. I believe that hospitals should have midwives on hand and a ton of birth trauma would be erased. Modern medicine is great if you come in for a traumatic car accident not so great when it comes to messing with a natural process.
Thank your so much for this comment!! Brilliantly explained! I am a German midwife and I think the absolute same, I don't understand why births or obstetrics in general are being made "medical" instead of natural. It is a natural, beautiful and normal experience you don't have to think of as pathological.
I myself would never go into a hospital to give birth if I wouldn't have to. Too many things happening that I can't stand for, like with Abby and her doctor pushing her to do a C-section.
@@CL-xyz9987 but unfortunately, what you're saying is not correct :) It is way less risky to have a vaginal delivery
Omg what?😂😂 Allergies and diabetes have NOTHING to do with c section!
Abby I’m an NP, and previous nicu nurse. I’ve seen shoulder dystocia results from good and bad outcomes. I think your willingness to try to avoid that and do best for your baby is much respected. Whatever way your baby arrives, you are an amazing mama ❤
My first labor and delivery was very difficult and my son also got stuck coming out. That made me nervous for the second time, but my second delivery went so smooth, it was such a blessing. I decided to get induced a week and a half early because the baby was already almost 9 pounds. She came out perfect. Praying the same happens for you.
Great. Go mama.
Agree and doctors are very quick to schedule Csections in the US. It's not right. She should get another opinion
I am normally a secret watcher but the level of vulnerability here is unreal. Thank you for the humanness. 💖
there seems to be a lot of misinformation in the comments with these nurses and i just want to say from a birth worker’s perspective: get a doula. get a midwife. take a childbirth class that isn’t offered by your hospital. these people in the holistic birth space can calm your fears about what your OB/hospital staff are so rudely fear-mongering you over. you have a CHOICE, abby. please remember that.
I understand that feeling of” I failed because I didn’t have a vagina delivery “, but after speaking to my doctor after my c section, I am so thankful for modern medicine. Without that option, me or my baby would not have survived child birth. Their goal as docs is to make sure everyone gets through the process safely, however that looks. A vaginal and(possibly) a c section .. mama, you are a champion! Xo
At 36 weeks pregnant my doctor told me to schedule a c-section as I had a breech baby. I started bawling immediately in the doctors office and didn’t stop for the next 2 weeks until my scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. I was terrified walking into the hospital that day. I walk in and the nurse questions my doctors assessment of a breech baby. Did a new ultrasound and he had turned to the right position. I was sent home that day to wait it out. 2 weeks later I delivered naturally. I evaded a c-section by getting a 2nd opinion. Keep doing your research m, things can and do change.
Every birth is natural. The word you should’ve used is vaginal.
@@cssquared3 c section is not natural. It’s surgical. Wisdom tooth removal is unnatural but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.
she just said she didn't want to read the comment section exactly because of comments like this, and here you go....
I absolutely hate doctors and will never go to the hospital again. I will die before going through what I did again. People and babies die every day. This is a natural part of life. ALSO the maternal and infant death rates INCREASED when women began giving birth in the hospital system in the early 1900s. Our birth education is so lacking in this country. And it is a fact that the vast majority of emergencies are actually caused by all the unnecessary medical interventions... called the cascade of interventions. Unassisted birth from now. Screw the system.
Doctor try to make it easier on them by scheduling a c section.
I love how open y’all are about the fighting it shows health
My first baby got their shoulder stuck too And it did not happen with the second baby at all! But surprisingly, my second baby was a boy and actually was smaller than my daughter. I think that played a big part. I had both unmedicated, natural, vaginal births. I wouldn’t let fear drive you to make that decision.
You said your bones aren't going to change, BUT each pregnancy your bones can and do change. Your body releases something called Relaxin which loosens and relaxes your muscles, joints and ligaments during pregnancy to help your body stretch. So your bones literally can space out more than they did last pregnancy!
I definitely suggest doing your own research. I have learned the importance of that after being pushed to deliver at a time that I was not comfortable. While I do hear what doctors say and I take into consideration their thoughts and opinions, their opinions are not the end all be all. Even within the medical field, Obgyn’s will have different approaches and opinions on things based on their professional or even personal experiences, so there isn’t a one size fits all for many aspects of labor/delivery.
For me, I’ve learned the importance of asking ‘why?’ Not in a snarky or mean way, but just ‘why do you suggest that?’ ‘Is this necessary and if so why?’ Or (asking a non why question), ‘what are the pros/cons of all the options?’
I was pressured to deliver early because my baby was measuring small, and when I asked why, she just told me ‘that’s what we do.’ I want nurses and doctors to look at my babies as individuals and not just ‘another small baby’, ‘another big baby’, ‘another INSERT WHATEVER IDENTIFIER baby.’
Whatever decision you make, do your research, listen to your momma instinct, and make sure the decision was based on you as an individual and your baby as an individual.. not just ‘a small framed girl’ and a ‘big measuring baby’. Small framed women can vaginally give birth to ‘bigger’ babies (I put that in quotes because it’s somewhat subjective as to how big is considered too big).
Whatever your decision, as long as you have a peace about it, that is what matters. 😊
Hi Abby! I’m a mom of 2 c-section baby boys. My first, I lost all of my fluids and my group made me labor for 24 hours trying to induce. Once my baby’s heart rate dropped it moved into an emergency c-section. With my first, I had an awful recovery being an emergency c-section. With my second I opted for a c-section, planned from the beginning of my pregnancy, I ended up losing my fluids early again and went right into a c-section vs laboring and I can tell you it was a night and day recovery experience difference. 10/10 would recommend and I really wish I would have known how much better I would have felt having a planned c-section vs. an emergency one. I just wanted to share this with you because I think we both share similar ideals, the end goal and really the most important thing is just a healthy safe baby and I just want you to have the confidence in knowing it’s ok to have a c-section. I also think mentally speaking, I felt so much better knowing ahead of time I would be having a c-section. I was able to mentally prepare myself for that plan. I hope this all helps you with your decision process! ❤️
Like you, I am also a mum of 2 c section babies- 1 emergency and 1 planned.
My recovery with each was also night and day. I had my planned c section 3 weeks ago and I truly do not feel like I had major surgery less than a month ago!
I would not hesitate to have another c section if I was to ever have another baby!!
My sister is a mom two c sections. Both of them were premieres and graduated the nicu. She has ptsd from it but said that nurses made the experience a lot better. Her 1st she had to do it on her own.
Hey Abby and Matt! I am a midwife in Idaho, and just want to encourage you to look at your options and possibly talk with other providers such as a midwife or other OB's. C sections are a wonderful tool in emergency settings but a shoulder dystocia is not an indication for a c section and neither is a "big baby" as I have seen so far in my experience. Also shoulder dystocias are very common, many babies don't rotate as they should when they are descending which causes shoulder dystocias in many cases. Late ultrasounds that recognize a baby are typically not accurate because it is so difficult to size a baby in utero :) also mama's pelvis' stretch and maneuver from our relaxin hormones during labor and are built to birth these hefty babies out. You guys go with your gut and whatever fits you best, but don't settle right away because c section is a very severe surgery and is much more difficult in the long run then vaginal birth.
I have 6 kids. My births have run the gammot from unassisted home birth to planned c-section, and I just wanted to say, a planned c-section can be very peaceful and beautiful. Your OB is right in saying you're the boss. When I had my first c-section I told my doc outright what I wanted. I wanted immediate chest-to chest, I wanted the measuring and testing to be done right there where I was and my baby to not go to the NICU unless there was an emergency. I wanted to save my placenta to plant a fruit tree with. I told every person that was going to be in the delivery with us what my expectations were, and they met every single one. Everyone was so quiet and respectful. Ask for what you want with your delivery. No harm in asking.
wow 6! congrats, i’m glad your planned c section went so well for you :)
I've had 3 planned c sections(due to my own health reasons. And honestly not a regret ever!
As long as your baby is happy and healthy it's worth every single second! And being awake and hearing the 1st cry is beautiful, they also don't put you to sleep as the baby then has anaesthesia too.
I have a friend who lost her daughter during delivery due to shoulder getting stuck. 😢
I'm sorry about your friend ❤
You two are such a lifesaver honestly! I live alone & often struggle with my mental health. Ive been able to start cleaning my apartment whilst having your podcast as my company the past few days & Im just sooo thankful! Greetings from South Africa
I know what you are going through and just wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I know how hard it can be to just put clothes on!!!❤❤❤
“Ignorance is bliss” was definitely my plan with my first baby. I’m expecting baby number 2 in October and while I am far less ignorant, I’m going in with a similar mindset. My birth plan is, whatever needs to happen to keep me and my son healthy, then that’s what we will do. I don’t care what avenue we
Take to get him here as, as long as he is taken care of.
The way Matt started to console Abby when she started talking about the C section 🥺🥺😭😭 so pure
Hi Abby, my first baby was 9lbs11. He went straight into 3month clothes! When we got pregnant with baby no.2 the doctors tried to frighten me by saying that second babies are always bigger than first ones and that I could have problems birthing him. I ignored them and lo and behold, he was nearly 2 pounds lighter and my labour was only 2 hours long. Sometimes I think the doctors have read a book and expect everything to be as it is written. You are doing wonderfully, both of you. Love you all. Xxjojoxx
Great advice Jo my first was 9,12 and all babies got smaller. Abby already given birth and made a fantastic job❤
Things I’ve learned as an adult having my mom live with us after our kids were born: 1) Set clear expectations and roles with shopping, meals, cleaning, childcare, etc. 2) ASK and don’t assume childcare on a whim. These two things helped save my relationship with my mom because they were both causing major issues.
You may not read this comment but I wanted to say, I’m a first time mama and I had an emergency c-section. I wanted to tell you that my healing was so easy! Not everyone’s is of course everybody is different but I had an amazing recovery and was so grateful for my c-section! Sending you so much love❤️❤️
C-Section mama here! I definitely understand and feel all your emotions! There is a grieving of expectations for what you thought would be! Allow yourself to grieve, no reason to feel any ounce of shame over that. But then embrace the tough thing you went through for that sweet baby! C-sections are TOUGH, and YOU are so strong 💪
You need to understand that medicine is no longer about patient care and concern. It is about financial profit. She is scaring you into something that, quite frankly, is NOT healthy for the baby or you. I’m emergencies it is ok, but not elective. Please do not let her scare you into this decision. Your doctors handling of this situation is unacceptable. Please deliver naturally. You CAN be induced earlier than 39 weeks if size of baby is a concern. YOU are the one to take charge of YOUR birth plan. Not the medical people. They are in it for the money and financial profit, not your or your baby’s health. Reserve the c-section only for an emergency. It is extremely rare for a baby to have birth complications these days with all of the high tech monitoring capabilities. Do not let her bully you into a c-section. They make a LOT more money with surgery than they do with natural delivery. They also don’t want to wait on the baby--because it’s not convenient for them. There is NO increased risk of the baby getting stuck again. Stop believing everything they tell you.
So accurate
My mom had to have an emergency C-section with her first and chose to have one with her other five and she said she wouldn’t change it for anything!! My dad was still able to be in the room with all of us except the first since it was a emergency. And also she was still awake so she was able to still hold the baby immediately after!! You do what’s best for you and it’ll All work out!! Love y’all!!🥰🩵
Before having any planned major surgery I would definitely get a second opinion! Shame and fear have no place in choosing a birth plan.
Dear Abby, C-section mama here. You are so strong Miss Abby 💪🏽 You’re super physically active and I know you will do just fine with recovery. You got this mama. I just wanted to encourage you no matter what you decide I have 10000 tips to give but I’ll save them because I just know you and Matt got this. We are rooting for you and lifting you up and in prayer. . Don’t feel shame mama. You have gotten through so much and you are not any less of a woman or mother if you decide to go with a c section. Much love to you guys .
I had to have a C-section after pushing for 4 hours and I can say that having to have a C-section does not make you miss out on a stage of motherhood, it’s still a form of birth and is a beautiful thing! ❤️
I had Shoulder Dystocia with my son as well and currently pregnant with my second. The doctors just told me the safest option for both mom and baby is C-section this time. I trust my doctors opinion as well, and now makes me feel so selfish to even try and consider a vagional birth knowing all the risks this time around. So I fully understand how you're feeling, and navigating this information ❤
I don't knoe how true it is but i've heard that some doctors like scheduling/forcing c-sections so that it is scheduled. They only have to be there at that specific time. Not saying your doctor is like that but it is kind of common. Abby do what you feel is right. Pray about it. Continue researching and talking to Matt. Ask your birth team questions.You are an amazing mom. You have the right to all of your feelings. I really always appreciate how vulnerable and open you are with us.
I wrote a different comment that disappeared before I could add it and I don’t want to re-write all of that. I do want to say we all are hoping for you to have a good experience. It seems like as women we all empathize with the fear, trauma, and joys that can come from birth. We in a way live vicariously through each other when we hear other birth experiences and we have our own traumas flood back in when we hear someone coming close to our negative experiences. The backlash you are worried about is really just women worried that you will live a similar trauma. You have to do what you feel is right for you though.
I second what many other moms are saying, that you really should get a 2nd opinion to be sure of your choice.. but then go into it with confidence. You are a powerful and strong woman in this!
I would also recommend looking into a hypnobirthing course beforehand. This makes all kinds of births flow better, with less complications, including c-sections… so no matter what kind of birth you have it can help it be a more positive experience. I really do hope you have a good birth experience with this little one. You deserve the best.
I know you said you wouldn’t read these comments, but please read this one! My first baby was a scheduled c-section because she was breeched. It was hard but it was really nice having a planned day for her to be born, having everything prepared, not being in any pain beforehand etc. the recovery process was hard but bearable. I was up and walking about 6-9 hours later. My second pregnancy I thought I d have a chance to do things “better”. This baby was also breeched but I had a successful VBAC and then I never dilated so I had to be induced with a foley bulb and pitocin at 41 weeks. They had to break my water as well. Recovery was easier than the c-section, but both ways had their ups and downs. I didn’t get the “picture perfect” delivery either time, but they were both very memorable experiences for me❤
I had a 9lb baby completely natural and I think a c section is a whole different level of powerful, your body goes through so much to get your baby in your arms. Both are hard in different ways, both are special!
Abby, your feelings are so valid! I had my own traumatic birth and delivery and ended up with a c-section. I will say that my recovery was super easy and fast. I know it is different from everybody, but just sharing a little hope that it can be an easy recovery. The surgery does feel a bit weird but you do want to be awake to meet your baby. its also a really quick surgery.
My doctor told me when I was upset about a c-section “Unless your baby is coming out of your ears it is natural.” Mine was not planned, but after a long labor and trying to deliver our son it was found that I could not physically deliver him. Then with our twins it was planned, but I went into labor at 33 weeks and had to be rushed 2 hours away for a c section for them to be in a hospital with a NICU. All this being said you are no less by having a c section, if you go with that plan. My prayers are with you both and I am so happy you will have lots of helping hands ♥️. You two are amazing examples of your generation!!
I had shoulder dystocia with my first, got pregnant 8 months postpartum, and just had my son. My doctor did offer a c-section, but I declined. My second baby did in fact slip right out 😂 I pushed for maybe 5 minutes; no tearing! I was also induced this time and it was a great experience!
I hope she sees this comment. Doctors who try to throw in a bunch of scare tactics aren't helping anyone. Sharing the risks is completely different from telling her what's actually going to happen when they don't know for sure themselves.
@@amandaarmolt3136 the reality is the risk increases a lot when you’ve already had one baby with shoulder dystocia you are much more likely to have the same thing happen again (like 1 in 10 women). It is a very real risk and it’s good the doctor is taking it seriously and telling her what could happen to her baby. It’s not scaring her. It’s being honest about the reality of the situation if she has a vaginal delivery. Yes. It might go perfect. I hope so… but if/when it doesn’t. Knowing how terribly it can harm your child is vital to making this decision. it’s their choice if that risk is worth it. A c-section will always be the safest option after shoulder dystocia
@@allison3783 My OB said the risk increase for it to happen again is about 10%, so it’s definitely not a giant increase, just a little more likely. C-section may be safest for baby, but isn’t always best for mama. It’s all very individual based. We want a healthy baby AND mama after birth! I was thankful I could care for my son and toddler with minimal/no pain after birth. I don’t know how I would’ve done it if I had a c-section. Sounds like Abby will have parental help though, so that is such a blessing for her!! I’m sure that helps take the pressure off which choice to make for her birth plan.
I’m due with my second in two months. My first also had a shoulder dystocia and did need breathing assistance for about 10-15 minutes after they got her out. My doctors also informed me it’s only a 10% more risk for opting vaginal again! So grateful they have not tried to scare me into a C section. They gave me the information calmly and said the choice is up to me. Doctors can definitely over exaggerate and put unnecessary fear into mothers especially those who experienced a traumatic birth. I am planning to do vaginal again and have been preparing myself with knowledge on different labor and pushing techniques to hopefully get baby in the right position!
@@meganbartlett1807 I know how scary that is! My first had to be resuscitated and then on breathing assistance as well. She also had the cord wrapped around her neck, so that didn’t help. It was a scary first minute after delivery, but I’m so thankful she was fine afterwards. Babies are resilient!! Golden hour with my second was a DREAM!! I hope and pray your second birth goes well!! ❤️
My husbands parents live with us, our daughter is almost 2 and a half and they've been with us since the beginning. They have been a HUGE support and incredible help!
I never comment but feel like I have to! I just had my first baby two months ago. I prepared my whole pregnancy for a natural (no medication/intervention) vaginal delivery, I had midwives and a doula. I was in labor for 3 days, had preeclampsia as soon as I was admitted, my cervix began to swell, my baby started having decelerations and we ended up with a c section. Hearing all of that you’d think that it was a traumatic experience but to be honest I look back on it and it was beautiful, I’m extremely proud of myself for everything I endured and that moment I saw my baby for the first time will forever be engraved in my mind as the most beautiful moment of my life. I thought I would feel shame for having a c section and feel like I failed but I truly truly do not feel that way at all. Abby, however you birth this baby it does not change how beautiful and amazing it will be to see that baby for the first time. You will do great ❤
I think content about living with parents and the beauty of memories with grandparents/parents is such a niche you guys could get into. We LOVE wholesome content.
Shoulder Dystocia is real but also I want you to know that it is rare to happen twice and a lot of times your positioning makes a huge difference! I would strongly suggest hiring a doula!! And if your OB is pushy towards c-sections consider another one… many OB’s are c-section happy nowadays and use fear tactics. Vaginal births have a lot of benefits for the health of your baby as they pass through the birth canal❤❤
I love how you promote a wholesome family life while still being fun (and funny!). We need more of this for young people today!
To each there own, but I would NEVER trust the knowledge of others to be more than my own when it comes to my body. I studied birth, pregnancy and prepared my body every single day for my first birth. The result was that I knew exactly where I was at during each point in labor. I labored on my own without the assistance of any medical professionals because my labor went so fast. Start to finish it was 108 minutes with 5 pushes. I had no fears, I was so focused and trusted my body 100 percent to do exactly what it needed to. I just moved and used different positions to help baby drop and come out smoothly. The common thought is that when they say baby was stuck or there wasn’t another option is usually because they don’t understand the power of changing positions. For example, birthing on all four with knees closer and feet wider opens the outlet of the pelvis. I had no tears, and I truly believe that this can be the “new normal” for mamas if we start to trust ourselves and focus on the power and ability our bodies have.
So you trust the internet more then people who studied that for 10+ years? Wow
@@charliecook59 no, I trust my body and the science behind my research, along with many professional I have learned from. Ultimately, I trust myself.
@@YourFriendAyana you said you would never trust the knowledge of others first but now u say you would hmm?
Hey there Abby! Just wanted to say hello and also give you a little encouragement and whatever way you need for your next delivery. My name is Autumn and I am a young mother of 5.(still in my twenties) Four out of five of my children have had shoulder dystocia while being born. The first three of my children were born at home and had unmedicated births. Why? Because I am crazy!. But after having the first three have shoulder dystocia and get stuck during delivery. And after that needing to be on oxygen for a few days till recovery. I have been very blessed that they are living happy and healthy life progressing at normal rates like any other child their age. My husband and I decided that we would move to hospital births which is what we have done for the last few. Because of our circumstances we got a high-risk doctor and it made all the difference in the world. Every time I deliver knowing that there is a very high chance of a shoulder dystocia My doctor has an entire specialized team Wait quietly in the back of the room until baby is here in case of emergency and they may need to take him because of the risks that come with that, but my doctor being very experienced has never had to use that team and at the end they just applaud and tell me how good of a job I did. I have never had a C-section nor do I plan to in future deliveries. If your doctor feels unable or not confident in her abilities to deliver your baby safely vaginally if that is what you wish I would very much consider finding a different doctor with the expertise needed to be able to deliver that baby safely. Congratulations on baby number two!
Birth worker here. Hehe just had my 3rd baby on the floor at home with just my husband and I: ) love that you guys are very open about others having different options and opinions. Def a scary thing shoulder dystosia.. glad things went well and he wasn't stuck there for long. Excited to see the new boy. My babe and griffin are a month apart, this is the best time. Good luck with 2 under 2!!
It's nice to hear a couple talking about their fights and their bad weeks. So often social media makes me feel like my relationship isn't good or healthy if we have bad weeks where we fight a lot. It can look like everyone else's relationship is so perfect and make you feel like you're doing something wrong. But if you both love each other and are never willing to give up, you're relationship will flourish despite bad weeks and fights.
I went into pre term labour at 37 weeks and i was in labour for 18 hours and only dilated 4 cm my son was in distress and my heartrate stared to get high and bp low... i was sent in for an unscheduled c section. So whilst i wished for natural my son could have died without the c section ❤ I am so grateful i had a healthy baby and i was ok afterwards and my last 2 boys were born via scheduled section. I am still proud of myself and I have 3 amazing little healthy boys. Abby do what is right for you and your baby hun... Its your body and your baby so you and matt dont listen to any negative comments please listen to your mom instincts and what is best for you and your second little boy 💙 love from South Africa 🇿🇦 💙
I hate that you have fear about reading comments about something that is SO personal and SO up to you and your doctor. You are so strong and such a good mama!! It’s a blessing to be able to see a small part of y’all’s lives!!
I had three sections. First one was an emergency. Every birth was so different. So nice to be awake and see your baby (first time they put me to sleep). I want you to know that if you get shaky or nauseous during the c section tell them they have meds for that. No one told me that. All three c sections were successful! you are strong/in shape - you got this❤️❤️ The goal is a healthy baby. That’s the biggest goal🥰 I understand how you are feeling! I really do!
Positive c section story here! If you do choose this route I hope I can give you some positive outlook! I have had two the first one was amazing and I got to hold my baby after didn’t feel a thing at all and was still aware during it all so your not out of it.
Second one recovery was worse but I was still able to walk and nurse my baby. My biggest advice is to move after recovery since that helps you recover faster and take your stool softener! Also when you use the restroom after it helps to hold a pillow to your stomach bc for me it felt like I needed something to stabilize my insides when using the restroom lol. Also high waisted everything so your not messing with your incision. Overall I pray you find peace with this and pray for a safe delivery for your little one!
my son was measuring large as well and my doctor was pushing for a c-section & i ended up switching doctors at 37 wks (1 wk before he was born). it was the best decision i could have made. i had an unmedicated birth with no complications despite him being 9 lb 5 oz. i am 5’8” so my frame is larger than a lot of women. if you are leaning towards a c-section there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially since you will have a lot of support postpartum! just bc it wasn’t right for me does not mean it isn’t what is right for many other women.
even if you do have a c-section i might still consider changing doctors. for me it is so important to have a doctor i felt comfortable with and i would not have had a good birthing experience if i hadn’t switched. do whatever is best for you!
I was induced with my first baby and ended up with a c-section. I then tried to have a VBAC with my 2nd baby and was successful. Recovery from c-section was harder than vaginal delivery. I highly encourage you to read “Ina May’s guide to childbirth.” It is a great book! I’m really glad I read it! If you don’t feel comfortable with your doctor, you should seek out another doctor. It is not too late. I also had a doula with my 3rd baby and highly recommend that as well. She was so helpful and was able to give me the birth I wanted and desired!
Yes, hormones are crazy during pregnancy! I cried ALL the time! 😅🤣
Wishing you all the best! Praying for healthy delivery for you and baby!
Love watching your podcast! ❤
Congrats on your VBAC! My baby girl was born in Dec 2019 via an emergency c-section. Her heart rate dropped and didn’t come back up. They put me to sleep for the surgery, as they did not have time to do an epidural or spinal. I just had my successful VBAC in Aug 2022! I labored for about 10 hours and pushed him out in 30 min! Totally redemptive birth experience! Would recommend over c-section recovery any day!
Doctors like to scare moms into c sections. Just because Griffin got stuck does not mean your next baby will be stuck. C-sections rob you of many things. C-section save them time and energy, so it is very common for doctors to push for them. If I could go back in time, I would educate myself more and not let them call all the shots. I'm fully persuaded that I would've never had to have a c-section if I just educated myself and listened to my own body. Yes there are emergencies that can be necessary, but if it is Not necessary, I would NEVER encourage it. It robs you of your first moments together. And the. You're groggy and everything part of the beginning stages is a blurr because you're medicated and then the healing part is no walk in the park, either. I would highly recommend educating yourself before just giving into her scaretactics.
Honestly, do whatever makes YOU feel most safe and comfortable. ❤ My first daughter was breech and so I had a c-section and it was not at all something I felt I was prepared for. My c-section experience and recovery was HARD. And my VBAC recovery was soooooooo much easier!!! Everyone has a different experience though. My second time around, I went in with much more research under my belt and got prenatal chiropractic care which was sooooo worth it! My hips and back hurt a lot this last pregnancy and my baby’s shoulder kept getting stuck on my pelvic bone which made things worse and would’ve ended in a shoulder dystocia if I hadn’t been getting adjusted! Some chiropractors will come during your labor too to get baby in a good position! Also, I didn’t push on my back because of her shoulder getting stuck throughout my pregnancy. She kept getting stuck on my left and side so I pushed on my right. Pushing on all fours, upright or on your side helps a TON! I seriously swear by the chiropractor though, not pushing on my back, and honestly getting a lot of info from a pelvic floor PT like relaxing through some contractions so you don’t tear as much! I went to 41w5d and finally was induced (not my plan😂) since I was a VBAC, I did end up getting an epidural (again not my plan and honestly the worst part of my labor ironically and I still felt everything🙈 BUT I know lots of women that love their epidural), but the pushing part was less than 30 minutes, was soooooo fast and redeeming, and I only had first degree tears with a baby over 9lbs, and I’m pretty darn petite too. There is soooo much that can done to prepare for birth, delivery and postpartum.
This second pregnancy, I saw 2 OB’s that tried to use fear tactics and then didn’t use any current research (I like statistics). Realistically, ultrasounds are horrible at determining size of a baby and always have been. My first daughter, they told me she measured 13.5 lbs, said I didn’t have any amniotic fluid and my placenta was hypercalcified. Fast forward to my planned c-section and she was only 7.5 lbs, I had a TON of amniotic fluid and my placenta was perfectly fine. There is totally beauty in being able to choose how you want to have your baby, and it’s always good to do your research and choose what is best for you and your baby. It’s really messed up your dr had that conversation without your husband knowing how bonded you two are and how much you both support each other. So much love to you both and babies!!! I used to birth assist and was pre-med for OB and then switched to nursing for L&D because they were more hands on. If you have any questions or want to talk or anything, you’re more than welcome to!
Abby seems to really have her head on straight about all of this, and I really respect her thought process on it.
I’ve done a little bit of everything: my first 2 were all natural, no epidural, but I tore a lot so it felt like difficult recoveries. I had a placenta previa with my next baby, which means the placenta was blocking my cervix and the baby had no way out, so I had to have a c-section at 36 weeks. It went really well and I actually felt like it was a pretty easy recovery. With my most recent baby, I was worried she’d be big like my others and it would be a hard recovery. I seriously considered a second c-section, but she came 2.5 weeks early and I was able to have an epidural (for the first time- highly recommend!) and an easy and smooth birth! So, my point is, each one is different, but not so bad, and I 100% agree with Abby that the most important thing is a safe, healthy baby (and mommy)! Best of luck to Matt and Abby on the pregnancy, birth, and babies! You guys are doing great! ❤
Trust your body and have confidence in that. I was threatened a C-section but I knew my body and 2 hours later pushed him out. I also went to a chiropractor that helped with my pelvic and realigned it while pregnant. It’s called Webster method. But even if you choose C-section you’re still a badass mom and you will come out stronger ❤
Ive had 5 c-sections followed by 2 natural births! And our 8th is due in just 3 weeks, planning on having a natural birth this time around too. I prefer a natural birth, however I thank God for c-sections when there are health concerns involved or emergencies. Every single birth is special, no matter how they come out ❤
Would love to talk to you about 5 csections followed by more pregnancies. I’ve had 4 csections and we want atleast one more
Wow that is wonderful!! I feel like there is a lot of fear around having too many c sections. It’s so nice to hear you had 5 sections followed by two naturals! Best of luck to you with your 8th baby❤
@@jessicasmith3607 my God is everyone having so many children these days?
That is amazing! So reassuring to hear. I’ve only had one, it was an emergency c-section. It was completely terrifying and recovery was hard, I had something really rare (Bandl’s Ring). It Make me concerned about the next. But knowing you had 5 c-sections gives me hope and a new sense of strength. 💜 thank you for sharing.
Praying everything goes smoothly with your 8th! 💜
The philosophical wisdom from Matt and Abby caught me off guard in such a good way! Especially with the whole Locus of Control topic, that's something I'm going to take note of more- 'you are the problem, don't take it personally'.
You are both very wise and reflective 💕💟
So glad! Thank you for the kind words, thrilled you enjoyed the episode!
I planned my second pregnancy to the T. I looked up info on giving birth outside of the hospital, a Birthhouse. I did all my prenatal visits with midwives and hired a doula. I was so ready to experience all the pain and do every technique to cope, because I did not want to be in a hospital, with IVs and I absolutely did NOT want an epidural.
We plan and God laughs. My baby did not turn, and at 39 weeks our Birthhouse doctor literally said “what are you waiting for?” And I wanted to say so many things like “for the baby to turn on her own” or “for a miracle” but in that moment I simply said “idk”. I went in for a c-section with zero knowledge.
God took control and I can now say it was the best experience, hospital related, I’ve ever had! The doctors, the nurses, the staff all together. The care to me and my baby was 100% the best.
I had a c-section the same day it was offered, didn’t think about it twice but I was terrified.
God took control and showed me this was the way I wanted it to happen so I got you.
Walk knowing God will always have your best interest in mind. When everyone is worried about baby and baby’s health, God is worried about YOUR health and taking control of YOUR situation. I know God held me by the hand that day and that’s why every minute of the day was absolutely amazing.
doctors took control, not your imaginary sky daddy lol. if it wasn't for science, you would've had a totally different story.
You feelings as so so valid
I had a emergency c section at 28 wks for HELLP syndrome. My daughter was in the NICU for 72 days. With my son I wanted a VBAC so bad I went to 41 wks and only progressed to a 3 and had a repeat c section. Then our world fell with my third at 21 weeks he didn’t have a heart beat and I had to deliver him vaginally. Like you, I knew how you delivered didn’t matter for some reason I could believe it for myself. But after having a stillborn birth that truly helped me accept and be happy with having a C-section for my next baby. Because all wanted was for our next baby was to be born full term and alive! And our little rainbow baby was in December.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I am sitting in a place right now where I might be having a miscarriage (wait and see situation). While it's nothing like what you went through, wholehearted feel the all that matters is whole and alive. You are in my prayers, mama.
I just wanted to send some encouragement! I had a planned c section with my twins and it was the best choice I could make. I liked that I got to choose that outcome rather than attempting a vaginal delivery and then needing an emergency c section. I am a nurse and those tend to be more traumatic (not to scare you or coerce your decision, just to share my insight).
Recovery was tough but it was manageable. The pain was under control in 2 days and after that it was more about figuring out how to move well and hold the babies and feed them.
Happy to answer any questions!
Can I just how great it is to see all the Medical Professionals who are sharing their expertise here to help alleviate your concerns. You all rock. Also, I had a c-section with my first because he went into distress. And, as you said Abby, all that matters is having a very healthy baby. Recovery is hard but not horrible. With my 2nd I had a vbac. After experiencing both versions of delivery I can say they each have their positives and negatives, but it really doesnt matter. The most important thing is a healthy baby.
C-section mama here… mine was emergent. The overwhelming feeling of getting your baby delivered safely almost cancels out the (scary) “surgery” aspect of it. The sensations of tugging & pulling during the procedure is weird, but not painful. Being awake & feeling those sensations helps take away the scary part of being immobilized basically. While the process of the C-section itself is painless, recovery sucks. You’ll forever have a badass scar to remind you of the sacrifice you made to get your baby here 😊.
Girl, you are a rockstar! Do not let what the culture or society says bring you down! My mom had to have six c sections and she is my hero! She is the best mom I know. I know a lot of women these days will say, “oh you didn’t give birth if it happened via c section” and honestly that’s bull crap and it makes me so angry when people say that. YOU ARE AN AWESOME MAMA BEAR!!!
I thought the maximum births via c-section should be 3? Something i heard from a couple of friends that were born vua c-section when i was younger
Good for you mom, but something like 6 c-sections really shouldn’t be encouraged or honesty celebrated. That’s dangerous af
I’ve had three sections and honestly, if I didn’t have these I and baby would have died with two of them. I had a cord prolapse in one and another was a placenta abruption at 29 weeks. You def do give birth if it’s a section.. I completely agree it’s bull! I’ve done both natural and sections and both are equally as hard.. women need more respect xxx
@@misunka14 that completely was NOT the point of what I said. All Im saying is that she shouldn’t feel less than in any circumstance. Especially if she has to have a c section. Because our culture likes to say that about c section Mamas.
@@as19J01 honestly not sure. My sister in law has had 2 natural births, and after the last one she was encouraged to have c sections because she’s a small woman and my nephew completely destroyed her insides. Since then she’s had 3 c sections. And my other sister in law has had 4 and I think plans on another one for the one she’s carrying now. I think it depends on the doc, maybe?
At the end of the day, it's all about YOU and YOUR BABY. You make the decisions. I started educating myself on everything pregnancy, labour and delivery after I had my 3rd C-section. Some doctors only think about what's easiest for them to deal with. I went on to have two successful home births against their advice - they were such amazing experiences! But I don't view my C-sections as shameful or not me giving birth. I just figure as the one who is giving birth, I should know what's what.. positive and negative. I was able to make informed decisions based on that knowledge, being fully prepared to face whatever came our way. No matter what you decide, no shame! 💜
Doctors push C-section so hard right now because they’re less likely to get sued like you said it’s easiest for them to deal with. So many unexpected variables with vaginal birth they don’t want to risk it
You have options!!! Don’t let your OB scare you! I’ve been apart of a group with Labor Nurse Mama (on CZcams and Facebook), and so many moms have been in your situation and they had a wonderful delivery with their second baby! Labor Nurse Mama is a labor and delivery nurse and she has so many videos that are super educational and can help you figure out your options!
Whatever you decide, you are an absolute wonderful mom!! Vaginal or C-section, you will do great!
My 5 month old and I love watching your podcast!! You guys are such an inspiration and so kind!
I am normally what you referred to in a previous pod as a silent supporter and have never commented on anything before. I had a shoulder dystocia with my first and was terrified to have a second because I knew I would need a c section. I had my second baby via c section and the experiences were very different but both positive and beautiful births. You get a spinal which is different but similar to an epidural and don’t feel anything except light tugging and pulling. You get to pick your baby’s birthday when you schedule the section which is sweet. Everything is very calm and my husband still cut the cord and got to be with baby right away. The birthing process was less painful with the c section but the recovery was slightly more painful. They suck most of the blood and tissue out with suction so you have less postpartum bleeding which is a bonus. You get a catheter for 24 hours but you can still breastfeed and bond with baby the same way. Hubby will just need to be a little extra hands on and supportive for the first couple of days. As soon as I left the hospital I felt great with just a little ibuprofen. Whatever birth plan you decide you’re an amazing momma and you’re going to make the best choice for you and your family. Rooting for you! Good luck!!
I grew up living with my parents, and I remember how awesome it seemed because no one else saw their grandparents that much. It was overall a great experience to have my grandparents be such a huge part of my upbringing. I'm so excited for you two to have that daily support and for Griffin and Baby #2 to have their grandparents so close 💗
I would recommend getting in touch with a Doula. They can really help with information but also provide a ton of comfort in the hospital room. Mama Natural is also an amazing online birth course. They provide a lot of information about interventions, ways to avoid them and ways to cope with them both.
My natural labor did not go to plan at all ( I had a precipitous labor), but like you said, just getting them here is the important part. Your body is made for birth! You can do it! If you decide to pursue Cesarean, do some research into VBAC for next time. Maybe one of each will help you know which is right for you.
Definitely continue doing your own research. A big baby doesn’t automatically mean you need a c-section. Women have birthed babies 10+ pounds naturally. So, if you’re really against the c-section, do your own research because 9/10 times it’s used for convenience rather than necessity.
They told me the SAME thing with my second baby, who was measuring large for gestational age… I decided to NOT schedule a c-section with the thought that if I was delivering vaginally and needed a c-section it would still be available in an emergency.. However, I ended up delivering vaginally and didnt need the c-section… AND he was 1lb less then the ultrasound predicted only days before delivery. You got this mama!
I had a c section because my son was breach and it couldn’t have been a better experience. The energy in the OR was so positive, I wasn’t at all nervous realizing how relaxed everyone was. I got to listen to whatever music I wanted. Baby was out in probably 10 minutes and my recovery was so easy! At the time I was 21 so I think that had a lot to do with it but you’re also young so you’ll do great!!
*Ask about doing skin on skin in the operating room* I had an emergency c-section and was awake for it. Being able to talk to my husband and hear my baby cry (😭) was amazing. But most of all, I was SO thankful when they put my baby girl on my chest for the rest of the operation 💕
As someone who had a c-section for medical reasons, I absolutely loved my c-section. I will do one for every baby I have. In my personal experience, the nurses were incredibly supportive, it was incredibly chill because it was scheduled, and the recovery was better than I expected it to be! It was incredible and I thought it would be scary, but I was comforted by the fact they said that they have everything under control and coached me through what I wanted to know. There’s a lot of scary c-section stories, but coming from one person who had an awesome experience, you can TOTALLY do this and also dont make my mistake and watch too many videos on it 😅
I again commend you for your story, your vulnerability, your birth story. I have like yourself had vaginal and was then in emergency need of a cesarean with my
Fourth and I completely get the feels! You don’t even know how much anyone who’s experienced this has that momma “guilt/shame/unsure” but I’ve been encouraged by professionals and friends that “you now have a perspective to help others whom go through this now” . If your experience can help I know that’s where your and Matt’s hearts are at! Your baby. Your journey! Your body. You’ve got this momma!
You’re a great momma know matter how you have your sweet babe ! ❤❤❤
Please keep doing your own research, asking your doctor lots of questions, and maybe consider a getting second opinion. Please keep in mind that a C-section is a major surgery that comes with its own risks and will impact your options for future birth(s). I implore you to make an informed decision after weighing the risks and benefits of both options and not based on fear. I wish you all the best no matter what you decide! 💙
You guys are so sweet together. How Matt put his hand on Abby’s leg when she started to tear up was such a cute moment. And Abby always knows the right thing to say “poop sandwich” 😂
Wednesday has become one of my favorite days and is the one time I let my daughter watch some Tv in the morning as I sip my coffee and listen to your podcast 😜
Most wholesome podcast I’ve listened to in a while.
Thank you guys for keeping it real, being vulnerable and let everyone in on your life. That is so brave 👏🏻
I just wanted to say.. I had the SAME exact situation happen with my third. My second son had shoulder dystocia. I, too, have big babies for my little body. He came out not breathing, the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck as well. They had to use a vacuum extract to get him out because he was that stuck. He survived thank goodness but it was the most traumatic thing for me. He did have lots of bruising on his head and face and had a hematoma on his head due to the vacuum. For my 3rd baby they told me to strongly consider a c section. I chose c section. I had the same feelings you do about it but ultimately, for me, I just wanted a healthy baby and I was so scared of that happening again. So I completely understand your feelings about this they are totally valid. Whatever decision you make is the best decision for you and your baby. Praying for you guys and for that baby for a safe delivery and whichever way you choose for him! Everything is going to be okay
I was born with a c-section (because I’m a twin) and I know there’s a lot of opinions here, and whatever is decided by them birthing a kid is totally metal, but I know that I have major respect for my mom for having a c-section. She worked up until the week before she had this surgery, was a full term twin mom, and we’re a bit of an anomaly as we’re healthy and had no problems because of this, and it was just what a normal baby would experience. I don’t know if this comment is entirely relevant or anything, I just know that it’s pretty badass to have this major surgery, and have produced a human. Women’s bodies are truly truly beautiful and so amazing. Modern medicine and how it works is also this incredible development to help people in a way that would’ve been certain death even just decades ago and still is in so many regions in this world. I’m grateful for all of this and as a young person I think it’s truly fascinating! I hope no one feels guilt for having access to all these options because it’s truly a miracle and a privilege, and our free will to decide what happens to us or to be in good hands when something unexpected goes down is just great. I hope they have peace going into their new experiences, or anyone reading this going through something similar. I can only empathize with this ☀️🧡
Both my babies were born via c-section...I was awake for both...epidural with my first because we were planning for a vaginal birth but my body wouldn't cooperate and her heart rate dropped. She essentially was stuck in the birth canal. We planned a VBAC for our son but they deemed him too large based on my first birth and scheduled a c-section. With him I had a spinal instead of an epidural. I loved being awake and hearing that first cry. Yes, I had stitches but healed well...in some ways that healing might be easier than tearing and episiotomy stitches. The main goal is healthy baby and healthy mom. Don't be afraid of a c-section.
I would also consider that, shoulder dystocia can be resolved by the mama turning onto all fours, this has been proven and it's called the gaskin maneuver I'd research about Ina May Gaskin(if you want), because at the end of the day a C section is full blown surgery and not and easy feat postpartum. Much love to you Abby ❤️
Just want to mention - it’s not always resolved by this and even if you get in this position and your baby comes out doesn’t mean they won’t come out with major injury or possible impact to their brain from lack of oxygen etc. Shoulder Dystocia is an obstetrics emergency and not something that can be prevented.
Doctors will really try to push certain situations just for their own convenience.
One of my close friends went into labor and had a doula/midwife attend the hospital birth with her.
She had a 9 hour labor until she was pushing which lasted 2 hours-ish. Even 15-20 minute into pushing as a first time mom (when it can take up to 3 hours to push out a baby) the doctor kept telling her “I can usually tell when a mother can’t deliver vaginally, and you are one of those moms”.
Where the nurses, husband, and doula/midwife were telling her and could see her making progress, they could see the head and the baby would’ve come out.
My friend got super discouraged and gave in to the c-section cause the doctor was getting impatient and saying “I have other people I need to get to, we need to deliver now or I am bringing you in for a c-section cause if you can’t do it now, you’re not going to do it”.
Also, doctors make more money on c-sections and all they want is convenience and money.
My friend had her second child at home with that same doula and another midwife. Had a quick 7 hour labor and pushed for 30-60 minutes, and that baby was bigger than her last.
I know every situation is different, but Abby PLEASE, get different opinions and trust your gut! You know your body and baby the best! It is good to take doctors thoughts into consideration for sure, but you need to have say over your body.
Also, delivering in different positions other than your back can really help! My friend tried to deliver that first time on her back and did the next on her side and it made a big difference!
I'm 25 weeks with baby #2. My first was also born with shoulder dystocia and my OB is heavily pushing csection. When I let her know at my last appointment that I wanted to discuss it further with my husband, she said she was going to go ahead and put me on the books. These doctors are really advocating for csections and wonder why the csection rate in the USA is so high.
yep. death rate and c sections are so high and it’s sad because big pharma only cares about money
22:41 this same thing happened to my sister in law she got the worst news when the dad wasnt there, they scared her so badly and told her she wasn’t going to be able to do anything she wanted to, but it all wasn’t true and they had a perfectly healthy baby girl at home. So keep that in mind Abby
I honestly enjoy your guy's podcasts, it's so relatable and you're honest about true problems you guys go through in your marriage and your every day lives.
No ones opinion matters except yours. This is YOUR birthing/parenting story. You write it the way you feel best for you!
my concerns about c sections are the amount of children you can have.. i always wanted a large family, but you encounter more risks the more c sections you receive.
So awesome to see the husband be okay with in laws. Blessings to yall!
P.S your baby will be just fine no matter how he comes to earthside ✨️
Such great news that Abby's parents are moving in for a while. That is such a good decision!👍 I so agree on that our western culture has messed with our heads about how we all need to be so individualistic and do everything on our own. I had the same relationship with my grandparents as you did Abby, and it gave me such a great start in life. Some of my best memories are with them. And I am sure it also made it easier on my mom, who was raising me on her own. It takes a village - actually most things should❤
No judgement from me. Just love and support. HOWEVER, I feel like I have a moral responsibility to share birthing wisdom with younger moms who are going through what I did 5 years ago. My eldest had shoulder distochia as well. They actually had to pull him out with forceps, breaking his arm in the process. He was over 9 pounds, and I also have a petite frame (size 2)… doc convinced me I needed a c section for the second one, and let me tell you, I believe it was a mistake. At the time I was young and naive (21 having the second baby), but now that im older and have learned more about the topic, I realize docs push c sections to keep their stats high. With that being said, I believe shoulder distochia happens much more frequently today because of the combo of inducing with pitocin and having and epidural (I had both of those as well with my first)… if I could go back and tell younger me to wait for my body to go into labor naturally and to avoid the c section at all costs, that’s what I’d say. But I can’t go back so that’s why I’m telling you. Your body knows what to do!!! And pregnancy is not a medical illness; it’s something you were made for. That’s all for today. Sending you prayers and all the positive birthing vibes Abby ❤
I had to pause this to give you some love…my little boy was 8 days past his due date when my water broke. I was in labor with him for 47hrs trying everything possible to have a natural birth. Then everything changed when the doctor came in after reviewing my chart and said basically point blank, we need to get you ready for an emergency c-section. My husband and I had maybe five minutes to process the information before we were gowned up and brought into the room. Everything went as it should have and the experience of having a c-section is still a special one, even when it’s unexpected! I totally get how your feeling because I had mere minutes to get on board with the news, but honestly looking back I wouldn’t change a thing because my baby is healthy and even with the c-section they still had difficulty getting him out so I couldn’t have imagined the possibilities of having him naturally and the unknowns that could have arisen. Any way you deliver your baby boy is a blessing and should be cherished! If there is any advice I would give for recover is always ask for help, try to stay positive, and don’t be ashamed in yourself by the things you can’t do on your own because you will be able to do them again, just not immediately! ❤️❤️
You can do it, Abby! I’m the BIGGEST baby about even a needle and I have had 3 c-sections. I’ve had other abdominal surgeries and they were a worse recovery than the c-sections. No matter how your baby is born, you know there’s such joy and the end result is meeting your precious baby! And as far as the shame thing…I get that. With my first I definitely felt I missed out on something…for a few days and the it was never an issue again. C-section mommas go through a lot! There’s no less than, just different! 😘😘😘
Idk, because after having a first baby your body changes and learns how it has to labor. The doctor's job is to make sure you are well informed of all your risks. That does not mean you have to do the c-section. That is why the choice is yours to make. If it was a dire need for you to have the c-section the doctor would have taken that choice away from you and made it herself.
One more thing to keep in mind is that if you have a c-section and want to delivery vaginally with a future pregnancy it could be hard to find a Dr willing to do a VBAC.
Abby you are so brave. My younger sister just had her second baby by c-section 5/22/23. She had to have an emergency c section with her first pregnancy and it was scary. It’s normal to feel unnerved and all I mean I think most people are nervous for any surgery or getting cut open. I do think you should ask some questions on what you need to look for, like your iron, or how well your clot, etc just because the recovery process is a little easier just knowing what you need. My sisters second c section has been much easier just because she knew what to expect for recovery and what she needed. You’ll do wonderful no matter what you choose, your motherhood is valid no matter how your baby is born. All that matters is a healthy momma and baby at the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter how it happens. You got this, I’ll be praying for you and your family for a safe birth no matter how baby is born! ❤
My mother had two c-section with my two older sisters and my two younger brothers(bc they're twins). But she had me vaginally and she said she has no regrets about getting the c-sections bc it was the safest option. So Abby if you see this comment, do what you feel is best for you and your baby💕