Coming Out Autistic - Why You Should You Get A Diagnosis
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- čas přidán 25. 06. 2024
- Should you come out Autistic? What are the benefits of getting an autism diagnosis? How does an Autism Diagnosis help you?
00:00 Becoming Openly Autistic
02:36 Processing Trauma
08:43 Finding Your Tribe
11:43 Comfortable Existence
17:11 Deeper Connections
21:12 Bonus Benefit
*Apologies for the silly mess ups on the transitions as usual!
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Website - www.thomashenley.co.uk
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Why do you think Coming Out Autistic is important? Why don't you want to go for a diagnosis?
Let me know here and we can have a juicy chat! :D
I don’t need a diagnosis as it wouldn’t help me. I live in a country where there are no disability laws or help for autistic people, so it’s pointless. I want to come out to my mom as autistic though. Any advice?
It is important for me because the cptsd from chronic child abuse, some of which was for my autistic behavior, has masked the autism for 58 years. After 33 years trying to get therapy for cptsd and dissociatiion, it was the enforced lockdown due to covid19 which helped me witness how strong I have been to withstand enforced isolatiin as a kid. Now I know how most people like myself are either drugged by illegal or prescribes drugs or alcohol and homeless. Tbat is why I have related more to to those people and they thought I was a carer and not a patient when in mental health system. I was a carer for anyone except for myself. That was the extent of my masking. It was a relief to get the duagnosis, but I do not hold out hope for support because my meltdiwns are still on my own and I have noone willing or able to support me. The MH system is only set up for those who are at risk of harming themselves, being victims of harm from others or harming others. It is like I am beginning to face the pain of neglect from my family and need autism support to learn to regulate my day for real. Id like to live with others who are accepting and from whom I can learn healthy way of life and I can help look after the property because I have never held down work for very long and am on sick benefit tin 40 years of adulthood. It is hard to face this at my age, but at least I am not wasting energy keeping up appearances of being "normal".
Well here in sweden a diagnosis is needed for support😊
@@Etobicoke67 sevwe cptsd from bullying bwcause of autism
@@Etobicoke67 hope u were able to find/create a tribe or family 👪 many of us adults have had to learn/unlearn/relearn better parenting skills with ourselves ~covid lockdown happened 4 me just as I was deciding to come out n create safety support community...oops truly bad timing on my part yet thru truckers protest in 🇨🇦 January 2022 I found my people n now 3yrs later I have come to care deeply for a gent I met online who came out late diagnosis of aspergers, now I met Thomas n his great advice n I'm excited to learn how to better benefit/help/understand autism n let's hope my partner will someday feel 4 me as I do for him, anyhoo I digress I was moved by what u shared n reaching out/bak as I listen/study/research/discover more information eh!?!!6:06Pm9/2/2023
I am 69 years old, and I recently realized that there is a high probability that I am autistic. It would explain so many things about my life, both past and present. It looks like I will be getting my assessment very soon. I found a doctor who can do it. If I am indeed autistic, it will be such a relief to me for so many reasons.
I can relate to all this. Like an alien amongst people.
I am 65, and when the psychologist so much as even acknowledged my traits, I felt like I was being seen for the first time! I think, I would have felt that way, even if he had told me he didn't believe I was on the spectrum, just because of the fact that he HONORED my traits and my life challenges/struggles affiliated to living with those traits, unsupported all these years. THAT was healing! Maybe NOW I can finally move forward and be that person I was meant to be. I am glad to have the official diagnosis because, as a psychiatric nurse with inpatient/outpatient experience of many years, I know damned well there is a great void in the medical community that is NOT acceptable and I want to start confronting that!
I got diagnosed with ASD earlier this month and it was like a huge weight had come off my shoulders. I feel like I understand myself better and am less hard on myself (well most of the time 😂). Great video, thanks for uploading.
That’s amazing Natalie! Welcome to the team haha
@@ThomasHenley Thanks 😊
I found getting a diagnosis was beneficial for me, helped me gain an understanding of me and why I am the way I am. I not long got an official diagnosis of ASD and now I can slowly work towards sorting things out that will make life a little easier to live. It also helps to put those kind of people who think your lying and faking it in their place too, it shuts them up.
Definitely agree with your last point, I can imagine a lot people are closed minded about someone newly diagnosed!
Imagine my life. Stutter, english being not the native language, and then this autism(not yet diagnosed, waiting for something..). In my 40's, had no idea what/why I was going through all those years. worked my a** off to earn a living for me...its becoming more n more difficult to keep up the flag high...but i am not a quitter...
This is an important trait in asd individuals, we're not quitters. Life is 110% harder, to get 80% less, but we survive.
Tricky one. I was bullied at school (and first workplace) and when I finally reported this to my mom I was told "you bring it on yourself by your behavior" which was technically true but unhelpful. Have read a lot of books on the subject. Some very good, some comical really. I'm attempting to get a diagnosis but am expecting a two year wait (in UK). There is a two year wait for primary (elementary) school age children here too. I want them to get "done" first at a more important stage of life. I personally feel that friends should be a happenstance. I did grow up pre the WEB thing though. You may have read about assortative mating, well I believe that happens with friends too. When you go to a gig with an engineer, a lab technician and a programmer and you all stand metres apart (but still feel connected and compare notes eagerly afterwards) well I am and just maybe they are too.
You got a bit philosophical at the end Thomas. True we aren't the only ones with issues. Life is Yin and Yang, light and dark, Cagney and Lacey, Starsky and Hutch etc. (showing my age)
Appreciate the boomer perspective as I am one too...ur share/comment made me smile hope u r still around following Thomas...hope we meet in his auti tea chat proper eh!?!!6:20Pm9/2/2023
I think it is very important I was 21 when I was diagnosed aspergers syndrome and it explained alot.
How long did it take you to go through all them stages? I know I'm still working on myself!
Great video. I find it’s easier to understand the neurodiversity of my children than of myself. Hopefully in my 40’s I will get a better understanding once diagnosed; 2 more years to wait!
Awh I’m very glad! I’d say the best thing to do is surround yourself with other autistic influencers on social media, I often come across a lot of things I relate to and it always sparks my curiosity to learn more!
when I found out both my SO and step father have high functioning autism, I got to understand them so much better and all the prior "a*shole" things they did can be explained. However, neither of them gave me the "ah hah" reaction I expected. because they believe they know who they are, and there's no need to be categorized, their lives are not impacted by having a diagnosis. but it made the world of difference to me.
Some people see the labels as a negative or binding thing, and so never give the thought an honest assessment! It’s great that you are looking to learn more, as I know I learn so much from other autistic people 😁
@@ThomasHenley fully agreed 😊
It's important to gain complete self awareness, no matter who you are! I do think it's extremely important if you are neurodiverse. It's an important key to taking control of your life and seeing things for what they are 💛
Also, I really liked this video(and all your work lol)!
I couldn’t agree more with that, thanks for sharing! 😃
I should add that I am PDA, and from observation and experience it seems things are a lot "weirder" from this angle lol.
@@AmbieJoi Ahh me too. How do you find PDA interacts within your relationships? I know it can be tough in that sense
Haha "relationships" 😂
Getting my diagnosis helped me understand that my awkwardness my anxiety is my autism and not me just being weird (even though I am weird 🙃) But I have found in groups I get that feeling that I don't fit in but I am more relaxed than being around NT people. I can't win! Lol 🤷🏼♀️
Hmmm... I understand that, why do you think you feel you don’t fit in?
@@ThomasHenley I guess It is to do with not being able to fit in at all, I don't know what to say, who to say or how to say anything really. I once got shot down buy another autistic because I said I liked the trees you see in the park with the silver/white bark on them and that just completely deflated me and I backed off. I get so Anxious I just sit in the corner to feel more calm and try not to stand out.
@@ThomasHenley Plus I think your hummer is really funny 🤣
Well I learned it can not be fixwd by being normal or gping putaid3 more
I love the Merch. I'm NT but want to support autism
Ring light reflection on monitor!
Attention to detail 😉
I already had a diagnosis as a kid. Most people can't even tell I'm on the spectrum they just assume I'm awkward, weird or shy. My Autism is very mild that I pass for neurotypical but I struggle to make friends and get into a relationship.
Ahh so you’re in the same boat as me. It can be hard to make friends on the spectrum when you like your alone time. Sometimes it’s just good to find some clubs, meet ups or hobbies that you like or are likely to attract people on your wavelength
@@ThomasHenley I did that back in college. I went to a lot of raves. Kind of odd but I like the environment of loud music 😅 made so many friends and met so many girls. Now I work a full time job it's hard to get out.
Oh ok😊
Interesting topic.
As I understand in America - as I read comments from Americans - it is hard and difficult if not impossible to receive official medical diagnosis in autism or ADHD or about trauma. They say it is expensive and not covered by insurance schemes in horrible American medical system.
Due to corrupt medical industry which is based on profit and keeping people sick and undiagnosed which is perfect match and scenario and formula for making pharma mafia rich.
I believe the same is true for poor states such as Balkan countries - where due to lethal combination in lack of formal education, mixed with wide spread psychopathy accepted as a socially desirable trait which allows predators getting managerial positions of making law and formal state decisions - autism is unknown concept, along with ADHD and trauma.
Unfortunately 90% of Balkan people believe autism is mental disease same as schizophrenia that must be cured and taboo topic not talked about much in public. I could only guess that rural and severely undeveloped places in the other parts of world think the same way.
Do you think developmental trauma of chronic abuse in childhood can cover up autism? It has taken 30 years to get to this point with no support but antagonism from family to help me live my life. Aspergers symptoms assessment in 2006 was put down to my dysfunctional abusive family.
Developmental trauma such as CPTSD can actually present very similarly to autism itself. It's actually theorized that the majority of if not all autistic people are affected by trauma that is brought on simply by living as an autistic person.
What is your opinion on self-diagnosis?
Not good.
I've never noticed before but you're a bit of a beefcake! 😁 I've got a diagnosis but only my partner and two friends know and the disability support at university but otherwise I don't really tell anyone. Is that bad? I've had to tell a few strangers that needed to know for one reason or another and I've not liked how they've treated me when they've known, like talking slowly and acting like I'm 5 years old so I think that's put me off telling people! I'd really love to meet some other autistic people to be friends with but I don't know how to go about it really!
Thanks man! It’s not bad at all, you shouldn’t feel any pressure to open up or stay closed up about it. I think it’s a difficult thing to pull off as you do get talked down to by some people. If you stay true to yourself, speak up when people are talking weird and assert your independence it shouldn’t be a problem after a while. I’d recommend joining some groups and following autistic people on Instagram. Sometimes just being open about being autistic tends to draw that out of people around you, we are out and about more than it seems!
Also, I wanted to say that the community doesn’t use the word Aspergers anymore, as that’s after a Nazi who did experiments on autistic people
Read Neurotribes or watch some more of my videos. Aspergers is a reclaimed word and many Jewish scientists contributed to the formation of the spectrum, not just Asperger.
Oh ok thanks! Didn’t know
It’s no problem at all, I get it all the time 😅
Wow….didn’t know that!
Coming out? You medically diagnosed gay too?