Autistic People Have Lost Hope In Life
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- čas přidán 30. 04. 2023
- Why do 6 in 10 Autistic people contemplate taking their life? Why is mental illness so prevalent in Autistic people? What are Thomas' and Hina's experience with mental illness?
TW: Mental health, bullying, ED, SH, and SUI
Hina is a UK-based community support officer who is currently working on a creative SUI prevention project, coproduced with Autistic adults and seeking to shed light on the experiences of Autistic people. Within the episode, she shares her experiences with contamination OCD, mental illness, ED, and SUI.
My Links - linktr.ee/thomashenleyUK // SUI Prevention Hotlines - www.medicalnewstoday.com/arti...
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Thomas Henley (host) kicks off the episode with a heavy disclaimer and an overview of a Nottingham University Study (2017) showing that:
8 in 10 - Almost 8 in 10 autistic adults have a mental health condition
6 in 10 - More than 6 in 10 autistic people have considered SUI
3 in 10 - More than 3 in 10 autistic adults have attempted SUI
Thomas highlights that statistics like these are easily accessible, but the mainstream media are not disseminating this crucial information on the life quality of Autistic people. He theorises that this may be due to the assumption that Autism inherently carries a lower quality of life with it, which may be a barrier to understanding the disability as a consequence of uninclusive systems or negative life experiences.
In the conversation about higher rates of mental illness among Autistic individuals, Hina starts by underscoring the contribution of misdiagnosis, lack of diagnosis, and autistic masking as key contributors to mental illness. Thomas explains how the negative life experiences around such things as bullying and isolation can impact the development of depression through the HPA axis.
Thomas and Hina share their own personal experiences with mental health, isolation, ED, SH, and SUI in an effort to destigmatise speaking out about the tipping points of mental illness. Going from adolescence to adulthood, they spotlight their lowest points in their mental health journey, drawing attention to the impact of an insufficient mental health system on Autistic people's outcomes.
Speaking on the positive effects of support, they highlight the problems and benefits of anti-depressant medication on their mental health, the importance of family and friends in building a strong support network, and how autism education helped them conceptualise and deal with their mental illness much more effectively.
Lastly, they touch on the stigma around SUI being selfish, mental illness being a personality trait, and the stigma of mental illness in men. Thomas speaks on the 'Andrew Tate mentality' that a lot of men have around mental health, and how strength is shown more through acknowledging your feelings rather than hiding them and pretending they don't exist.
Song Of The Day (Listen Here) - open.spotify.com/playlist/5UD...
Interview me, 1:1 Autism Consultancy, public speaking for events & workplace training - www.thomashenley.co.uk
It is hard to love yourself when you are told being yourself is wrong and you must mask your true self to be socially acceptable.
It ultimately angers me that there are people who tell other people these things about theirselves and their actions.
THE WORST PART IS, WE ARE ACTUALLY NOT DOING ANYTHING HARMFUL BY JUST BEING OURSELVES, BUT NEUROTYPICALS WHO BULLY US, OSTRACIZE US, STEAL OFF US, CON US, MAKE FUN OF US, FORCE US TO MASK ALL DAY EVERY DAY AND DISCRIMINATE AGAINST US ARE ACTUALLY DRIVING MANY OF US TO SUICIDE, AND THAT INCLUDES AUTISTIC CHILDREN , AUTISTIC TEENS AND AUTISTIC ADULTS.
One of my alternative internet handles is, -the most hated man alive-... I don't even know what this love thing is, never mind self love. All I know is hate, prejudices, discrimination, denial of services, violation of patient rights, no human rights, no equal rights, no equal opportunities and nothing but terrorism and sabotage as well as oppression and censorship.
Yep. Being different is a crime. Being honest is a crime. Being intellectually accurate will get you branded as a heretic and burned at the stake or shunned to the fringes of society. Neither the autistic nor intelligent lives matter.
I'm 58, female, and trying to figure out if I fit the profile, if my hormones are messed up, or if I'm just plain not that likeable. I have two grandchildren diagnosed, and some general weirdness in both parents and myself that do make me wonder. Yet, I survived decades as a classroom teacher. But these days, I'm burned out in spirit, dealing with healing a couple of chronic physical health conditions, which is going quite well, and retired. I'm also back in therapy to get more in touch with my true self. Now, the more I step into being freely me, the easier it is to see those who cannot deal. And, since that has been heartbreaking, I've gone back into the shutdown thought of "I need to protect people from me, so I'm going to just try harder to not talk to anyone." Sad, unhealthy, not good. But, that's the stuck pattern. Hopefully I'll come out of this, but it's been 2 months and I think I'm going to take a road trip. Might as well be lonely and miserable in some other pretty place, at least.
I am 49 years old today. I have recently been seeing ASD patterns in my entire life, and I got here from having to study OTHER peoples personality disorders in order to navigate their toxic patterns. I honestly think ASD folks are the healthy ones, and we don't adapt to an unhealthy system or hierarchies, while the neurotypical folks find comfort in fitting in how they are told. They want us to get in line to follow rules someone else made for us, and they get upset when we want to have boundaries and they try to "beat it out of us" at a young age... so we mask and feel shame for not understanding the value of their systems. Isn't it odd that sincerity, focus, personal interests, individualism, and having boundaries have all been presented as if we are somehow flawed? I wear the clothes I like, eat the food I like, I'm honest and kind and don't know how to lie, I am smarter in my career field than most NTs, and all of it seems to upset them, when all I want is to be freely myself and let them have the same. I see us all as equals. From nonverbal people who need assistance to CEOs and presidents. No one is more important than another. We all have our place. Strange to feel comfort in letting go of the box I've been told to get in.
Just because some people reject you, doesn't mean that you reject an entire group of people in response. There are healthy Autistics and unhealthy Autistics just like the same is true for NTs. Steve Jobs is an example of a very unhealthy Autistic as he was a terrible boss and horrible to his employees... I know someone who is Autistic who is racist and stuck to their ideas because of their fixed thinking patterns. And then there are all kinds of people out there- good bad and all the in between. Seems like you need to work on your black and white thinking, a downfall symptom that many of us have as Autistics.
You sound very self-aware. I think you are right on point about society, too.
You totally nailed it! Perfectly said!
BRILLIANT!!! 👏
Well said. Thank you.
I found this because my life is not worth living people are so cruel - I really feel as though I have no hope. I've stopped going outside, I can't work any more because I was bullied so badly. My parents were very wealthy but very abusive and they've left me destitute moments from homelessness. I have a rabbit, she keeps me going but I don't want to.
I'm glad that I saw your comment. You are very brave for speaking up. I hope that you see that you are not alone in your struggle, and we can give each other encouragement in the comments 💖🙏🫂
I really resonate with your post. I am sorry and I know it’s really hard. I don’t know you and I love you. There is more love in the world for us. I know it hurts.
I have a rabbit, too. Her name is Pebbles, but I nicknamed her, "my sunshine," because she keeps me me going. When I'm down just looking at her helps me feel better. They're not easy to take care of, but totally worth the fuss. When I had autistic burn out, I would have died if I hadn't had her. Sending love ❤ PS, I can't work anymore either and I think I have agoraphobia, so I'm learning to play bass guitar. 🎸
you are right; people can be pretty horrible. It's been 5 months and I hope things have improved for you
That sounds very similar to my life. I was thrown away for not being able to live up to unrealistic expectations and being terrorized by law enforcement in the war on drugs which turned my family against me. I spent years homeless off and on, still being terrorized by law enforcement and this mindlessly stupid war on drugs. Now the war on drugs has been replaced with medical fascism. I have no rights. I have no freedom. I only have the right to remain silent and die in my bedroom prison where I have existed in solitude for over 20 years. My entire life has been stolen from me by a bunch of fucking stupid piece of shit normies and they deserve nothing but the worst. The entire Boomer generation owes Gen X reparations and Gen X with autism even more so.
I'm a veteran who was diagnosed first with Major Depressive Disorder, then later on with PTSD and ADHD. Last year I was diagnosed - after some testing - with Autism, specifically what used to be known as Asperger's Syndrome.
My new Dr. asked me how was I able to get into the military with ASD? I had no answer... But having multiple breakdowns and meltdowns while in service made me feel so unworthy as a human being, which led depression.
I always tell my therapists that 'death is my constant companion, my soul mate, if you will. He never leaves my side. In a jealous rage, Death berates me while talking to another on the suicide hotline. Like a diligent lover, he constantly reminds me of his continued devotion. Always there ready to take me away from this difficult life, this alien world, to the unknown by way of a cold dark grave in the arms of Mother Earth herself...'
This is the life I live, but thanks to the ADHD, and the ASD diagnosis, so many things in my life, including my past make sense now. It's still a struggle though, but I keep going, especially since I'll be hitting the big 60 in a couple of years (older age and the things I'm dealing with, including autoimmune issues *sigh*).
Perhaps a 'one day at a time' approach and having a grateful attitude is the way to be .
Side note: Sometimes I also feel like my existence isn't real and that I'm a spectator trying to figure out what the double chocolate is happening?! Also the fact that there's so much suffering in the world really sends me into a downward spiral. Typical entertainment culture try to distract one from reality, but that falls flat with me. I do my part to help when I'm able, but...
Thankyou for writing here. I need not tell you the despair I’ve lived with until recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD (but feeling like some sort of broken organism with constant mental health battles). All the comments on this video make me feel like I’ve found the people from MY planet!!! I commented here because one of the major challenges as an aging autistic adult for me personally is the downward spiral triggered by our awareness of suffering and injustice. I probably talk to my safe people about this issue nearly daily. The only real sensory/bodily relief from it I get is from ADHD stimulant meds. Anyway, thanks again for sharing your experience. so grateful and appreciative 🙏🏻
Since I was 14 years old I was targeted by the war on drugs by cops who had nothing else to do in The town I grew up in. I was guilty until proven innocent and the only right I ever had was the right to remain silent. By the time I was 21 I'd been tormented so much by this mindlessly stupid war on personal freedom that I receded from society. I never should have attempted to return and I never should have asked from help from so-called medical health professionals because they are a fucking joke, nothing but medical fascists who have no idea what their fucking doing.
Everyday my hatred for the entire world grows. This is nothing more than a Romanesque dumpster fire emulation, nothing but a serial killer farm.
The entire western world has become nothing more than one massive slow cooking gas chamber torturing people for their entire lives while they kill them as slowly as possible.
Yes 12 step support group helps so much when its one moment at a time/one day at a time... It has saved my life so far.
Typicals can suk it.
Stay on the path!
Aloha Timothy
My cats are not going to be as loved by anyone else as I love them all or else I might have exited the world by now.
These statistics are frightening but not surprising. How well you get on in life as an Autistic person depends on loads of factors. These are location, quality of psychiatric/psychological services in your locality, quantity of psychologists/psychiatrists in your locality, waiting lists, costs and risks of going private, availability and quality of autism trained psychological/psychiatric support in education, availability and quality of autism trained profressionals to support austim employees and advise employers etc..
Speaking as a 42 year old who was late diagnosed at 36, I am sad to say I also have given up hope of ever having a decent quality of life. I'm part of the ignored/forgotten generation of autistic people born before any decent level of definitive diagnosis techniques, comprehensive research, in depth investigation and validation became available (Baby Boomers up to Generation Y). I am certain that the NTs do not want to give us the support, we desperately need and as a result, we are continuing to be left to our own devices to survive which therefore means a life on benefits which we do not want. I have not had a paid job since 2006 but have been volunteering since 2007 which is great but I really miss being in paid employment. I still have my dad and Stepmum for support but they won't be arround forever, it's when they go that the future will certainly be unknown and dark.
You say psychiatric care is a big thing in preventing suicide but the reality is that autistic kids are happier in places without all of these “services” taking over their lives such as smaller towns… Where specialists and therapists are essentially non existent and most people don’t even believe in autism ironically.
-Someone who grew up in a small town then lived in different cities… Who plans to pick a small town and go back to that life because everyone and everything in cities with “resources” are what made my life hell.
@@edithtierce8209 Did I actually say that "psychiatric care is a big thing in preventing suicide"? No, because it clearly does not appear in my comment.
Assuming that you have your basic needs met (food + shelter + enough money to get by) study after study shows that peoples happiness depends mainly on high quality relationships (romantic, platonic or parental). As this is the main issue autistic people struggle with, it is no wonder that suicidal thoughts/attempts are so common amongst ASD ppl. The lucky few like Elon Musk or Temple Grandin can throw themselves into their work however many ASD ppl do not have even that consolation.
Yes and not every autistic person is blessed to have a talent they can make up for their lack of social skills.
Elon Musk with all his resources and support said that he's not afraid of death and that he believes it will be a relief.....proving that he is not a happy camper.
@@taralilarose1 not sure I get you...? Sounds to be that he has a healthy stoic attitude to the inevitable and is making the best of things here and now.
Now, eternal life or endless rounds of reincarncation - that's scary.
@@sdrawkcabUKI mean I think he is trying to be cool by sounding stoic. Almost everything Elon does since day one has been to either try to make more money or prove he is cool somehow.. sadly. Maybe he is autistic but too much money has allowed him to just be a jerk with less consequences than the average autistic person. You can still have as much money as him and be deeply unsatisfied with life.
@@Iquey Musk admitted he was on the spectrum in a PR session, looking for sympathy points from the public. Him being on the spectrum doesn't matter, he is a well-insulated asshole.
I've had mental health issues for much of my life, but whenever I've tried to get professional help they're really not helpful and sometimes they make it worse. I get better advice and strategies from hearing what other autistics do that works for them. Most mental health services seem to be by neurotypicals for neurotypicals. Going to a psychologist is expensive and it can take multiple attempts to find the right one. The only one I've been on the same wavelength with is the one who did my autism assessment (she is autistic herself), but she only does assessments. The best use I've found for regular psychologists is as a "friend simulator"- it's my opportunity to talk as much as I want without worrying that I'm going on about the same thing, or oversharing, or being a burden- but I only take free services I get offered (e.g. by work and uni). But I've looked into the sanctuary cafes Hina mentioned to see if there's something similar in my area, and I think there is so I will try that. I need a lot of emotional support and I have not many friends, so I need to spread the load a little.
There are no decent doctors. They are all quacks, nothing but industry shills, nothing but eugenics implementers neutering people with drugs and trying to make every problem about the individual instead of focusing on society which is actually the problem. The human brain is the most complicated structure yet observed in the known universe and the only person who can know what's right for you, is you and that includes what drugs you take as well as what your dose needs to be.
If you go to one of these quacks, it's nothing more than forced medical experimentation because you don't have any other option and then they violate your patient rights by not allowing you to choose your drugs or your dose. Then even when they allow you to choose the drug that's best for you, you have to let them pretend they chose for you and then you have to be abused for 6 months to a year with a tormenting elongated titration process. If your dose is higher than normal, you're going to have to fight for your right to have that dose.
The only thing you can really do is lie through your teeth, say as little as possible, keep repeating the same stupid fucking mantra that will leave them with no other option but to give you the drug that you already know works for you and then stockpile it for about a year before actually starting to take it because you're going to get ripped off of your meds at least 10 times over the next 5 years and you'll have to find new doctors so you're going to need a pile of meds to prevent all of the violent withdrawals. Additionally, you're never going to get the right dose so you'll need extra meds to be able to dose yourself properly.
It's a fucking nightmare, nothing more than a serial killer farm.
Not your body, not your business is the only universal law that should be respected in these cases. We are just too complicated for anyone to judge us. It takes a lifetime of recreational drug experimentation to find out what works for you and the drugs that are going to work for you are never going to stay the same.
I absolutely fucking hate all of mainstream society, the medical health community most of all.
The only time in my life that I've ever had any success and stability was when I broke the law to make sure that I had what I needed to control my neurochemistry. And even then I had to live in fear of persecution while also avoiding everyone because it was too risky to socialize. I always had to be prepared to kill myself If I started getting terrorized by the fucking club wielding Neanderthals and law enforcement. I really do have nothing but hate for this world. Shame on absolutely fucking everyone.
Totally agree with this… When most of my issues started was after talking to someone about it. No it wasn’t that I was finally noticing… I have always had close friends who accepted me for me. I never knew I even had issues until being around incredibly out of touch and selfish people in big cities and trying to get “HELP” for what I’ve always known was different about me and maybe a professional would give me better tips on how to cope. Didn’t happen… They did not do anything but listen to me really. I have no need for someone to listen to me talk for hundreds of dollars an hour then offer random supposed “tips” that make me look weirder than before to those around me.
I think the biggest thing for me that ment i never talked about feeling depressed and suicidal is the fact its often seen as "attention seeking". Basically telling people you feel that way means you just want attention. I never told anybody because of that.
With respect to ending life, with respect to the idea of having a sense of purpose and a sense of belonging, I have this to add. I am 64. I think the thing for me is, that right from the beginning, when we are young, nothing we do impresses anyone, especially our parents (who could be Autistic to - mine are), and so the rejection and abandonment of society of us bites hard on our psychology. We never quite feel as if we belong anywhere in particular, and everyone seems to know we are different, like the aliens invading the Earth everyone talks about. I am convinced half those people that appear on youtube channels about intergalactic federations coming to Earth and such, who claim to be Star-seeds, are just hapless Autistic people searching for a place to belong. I was in a melancholy, morbid or morose frame of mind for most of my life. I have anxiety as most of you reading probably do, so I have been on anti depressants for about 15 years and it has largely changed my brain function for the best, although from time to time I feel a bit numb and also feel as though I am in a fog. I have suffered recurring feelings of despondency and pointlessness in life, I just can't work out why I am here and what the point of life is.
I feel that none of the social systems or social mechanisms or frameworks were invented by us so we always feel as though we are on the outside looking in. Those people who do create those complex social structures, secret societies, religions, and economic and food production processes etc have their own well being in mind. Mostly they are Cluster "B" personality types, whose only interest is themselves and their own wealth and gratification but not that of any other living creature they share the Earth with.
The hope is that in time Autistic people will discover others who understand and empathize with them. I am sharing my life with another person on the Autism spectrum (since 1986). It is the only way really to get from day to day, where both of us have a place where we belong together.
I just dread the day one of us dies though, as now we are getting older we both know that life with out the other will be truly painful.
I agree a lot of "starseeds" are possibly autistic. The label from woowoo new age communities for 90s kids was "indigo child" and then "crystal/rainbow" children kind of took over in the 2000s/2010s. And starseeds sort of crisscrosses with those labels. Parents who didn't want to admit autism could include their child, because even though they avoided vaccines, still got a very quirky kid, with symptoms under the autism umbrella.
Very likely you're on the wrong medication by the way. You need powerful stimulants like dextrosethamphetamine or better yet MDMA that also includes amphetamine. Trust me, I've been experimenting with drugs for my entire life and I know better than any of these toxic conservative conformist normie pieces of shit quacks.
It is common for people with autism to have issues with serotonin and dopamine. I do. I also have a genetic condition that makes it so I can't make use of folic acid which produces side effects that are textbook depression. Absolutely the only drugs that truly work and optimize my brain function as well as make it so I can tolerate this absolutely fucking bullshit world we live in are MDMA and dextrosempetamine. I've tried countless drugs and most of the drugs that psychiatrists are likely to prescribe to you are the worst fucking possible options.
You have to lie and manipulate in order to get the drugs that actually work and of course you have to deal with the mind-numbingly stupid extended titration process to hit your dose while you're always having your patient rights violated, your sleep disrupted by all of these daycentric industry standard demands, bullied to go see a doctor when you don't even need them you just need the drugs, it's just a fucking nightmare.
If I could go back in time I would have become an organized criminal and turned my intelligence into a weapon, did whatever the fuck I want, start a drug empire, destroy the pharmaceutical industry entirely, empower the cartels and murder every last motherfucker who got in my way.
At this point I have no fucking mercy left. Nothing but pure hatred for all of so-called civilized society.
If society doesn't get their fucking hands off my body, I'm either going to go to war or I'm going to kill myself and I'm sure the world prefers that I kill myself so that the toxic conservative normie fascist pieces of shit can go back to enslaving everyone without being held to account for their terrorism, torture, slander, vilification, criminalization, mindlessly stupid witch hunts while they enable each other's mass delusions and dumb fuck opinions.
Thank you for sharing this my friend, may both you and your partner share many more years.
Its disgraceful how long it takes to get an autism diagnosis. When I spoke to my GP about an autism assessment for my son I was told that they dont assess adults (hes 16) for autism. I think thats shocking given the statistics and the effect that ASD has on people's lives and health. A lack of diagnosis prevents people from accessing the limited amount of support that is available and makes it very difficult to get reasonable adjustments made for them even though the law should be covering them. The level of support for people with autism is a disgrace.
The entire medical health profession as an industry is fascism. Medical fascism is the default state. Rampant discrimination, cult-like denial of services and of course perpetual violation of patient rights is business as usual. Avoiding medical health professionals is our best bet, especially if we are the rarest of the rare and very complicated. The entire industry is so toxic that it's pathetic. The medical health community is nothing but a mass murder machine that specializes on killing the neurodivergent by sabotaging their lives and driving them to suicide in psychosis by not allowing them the freedom to decide their medication and their dose for themselves, forcing them into sobriety and suffer violent withdrawals. Criminality has become a matter of civil disobedience and a revolutionary act of altruism.
Yes they do assess adults, your doctor is telling you a load of bs.
I was assessed and diagnosed at the age of 23. I know others who've been diagnosed in their 50s and 60s. Find another doctor/surgery and keep fighting for your son, don't let these doctors bully you into not doing anything. There is a massive stigma in the medical industry against autistic people but there'll be the odd one who will on your side.
@@555sothis6 I'm in Scorland and, yes, you are right they do assess adults here. I don't know they were talking about but they changed their tune when I challenged them about it. I wonder how many people have given up after being told that
Why am I being notified about this threat of comments when I'm not allowed to comment here? Fucking tech fascists deleted my comment or something yet I still have to listen to everybody else's opinions? How convenient.
I agree. Let's say it was a 'physical' issue. They would likely assess at any age and then perhaps say, 'oh, you have a dodgy hip but our policy is not to operate on the over 80s. But to not even assess is beyond ridiculous.
Thomas, thank you for covering this important topic. I am a “neurotypical” person who recently lost a dear medical provider due to him taking his life. Looking back, and after having studied autism, I can see now that my provider was autistic. I believe he had been “masking” and had not disclosed his condition to his employer. Too much (for him) was expected of him and demanded of him at work, and it took a tragic toll on his mental health. I miss him dearly and have grieved the loss of this man, the kindest medical provider I have ever known. I can only wonder if his path would have been smoothed if he had told his employer that he was autistic. Would they have been more understanding and accommodating when he suffered an injury and needed to take time off? I tend to think they would have. Perhaps people with autism would be wise to be transparent with their new employer when starting a new job.
I first became aware of being depressed at age 3. Your explanation of how depression is caused makes that make sense. Looking back, I started masking at 4. Suicidal ideation was one of my closest companions from three to 59. I've tried to escape this world 3 times. I agree that mental hospitals usually aren't good for us. I got stuck with a bunch of people I was not comfortable with for a week the third time. Nightmare.
Finally, last year I found info on CZcams that has allowed me to find out I'm not alone and start to heal from trauma. Met some nice people in the comments sections on different channels. Thanks, Both of you.
Ah! You and I have similar experiences. I didn't know what to call depression at that age so I just tried to express to my mom that I felt "empty". She took me to White Castle, lol. I had never realized I had all these traits on the autistic spectrum until this year and I'm about 10 years your junior. I wasn't even aware that this entire mask was a mask at all. It's just something I did to fit in so people would stop messing with me for being me. Now I feel amazing about who I am and I'm letting the mask fall.
@@jmfs3497 That's sweet that your mom tried to cheer you up.
Thank you for your transparency. I’m 58. First suicide attempt at 13. Grew up in an abusive home. Physically sexual and mental as well as with religion. I have never felt a sense of belonging in this world despite many many years of therapy. Mostly paid by me. I have too long a story to share. I will say that to this day I deal with suicidal ideation almost every night. I have a son who has ADHD and autism as well. Has attempted suicide and has had 2 overdoses. Thank goodness I was home and had the narcan kit. He would be Gone if it weren’t for the narcan. He also overdosed at a friends home. They called EMS. I can no longer work due to CPTSD and autism as well as head injuries. This life was never meant to be easy , however I honestly believed that eventually I’d learn how to connect with people and be successful in sales. Which is what I love. I don’t know if my son will ever work 😢😢. I need hope in this hopeless world. The state of the world is not inspiring either. I’m grateful that the both of you are sharing your experiences and stories. You’re young and have much better support available then my son or I will ever have
@@user-uc6gr8ld6z I can't imagine surviving sexual abuse growing up, given our condition. Seeing your son go through the same thing is horrible, I'm sorry to hear this. Its incredible you got this far honestly. I never feel like part of this world either, I think that is part of our madness that will never go away. At 37 I just realized what I am and i know why I have been dragging my feet through life. It seems too risky now for me to try and find someone and have a kid and pretend everything will be alright. I'm way too worried about passing autism, its just hell to deal with.
@@jmfs3497 Is White Castle also for adults? Did you get real help? I wish I had had a relative like Temple Grandin in that good biographical free CZcams- movie, and that special school she went to. It is said the diagnosis would Open doors. I wonder when. I got a late diagnosis at 45 but still haven't got help after 15 years but my life and health destroyed, my energy and efforts wasted on futile endeavours on my part and headless measures on theirs, the promises and sense being móstly on paper, or granted only some (?). What has helped me in my struggle has been Basic Anthroposophy, open-minded Christianity esotherically inclined, 12-step programs meetings and - work, and Astrology. And a few good treatment meetings at some healthcarers. Needing and wanting personal Assistence, Body-psychotherapy and healing unsafe Attachment wounds.
I once ended up in a drs office after cutting my wrist. I was a 16 yr old homeless autistic teenage girl. He was angry at me, it seemed, and he gave me a script for antidepressants and told me "go and get a job". I was very situationally mute at the time and I don't remember talking to him. I tried the anti Ds but they made me feel even more zombie than I already felt, so I didnt take them
I ended up in an abusive relationship, instead of taking my life. I tried to "get a job" because the guy I ended up with was in a band and he was about to travel with another couple of musicians and the guy who owned the vehicle, the bass play, said I could only come if I joined the band. At the time I had realised death was likely in the situation, if I didn't go with the guys, because the guy I had stuck close to, he sang about cool things that I cared about, and I thought that meant he was trustworthy, but the guys he was living in a squat with, were dangerous men who were fresh out of jail and I really thought they were going to murder me.
What saved me is that I had gotten into drama in school because I didn't know how to talk to people, or what to say, and acting gave me an out, of myself, and it had helped, so I thought ...ok if I want to survive and learn how to talk to people singing will help and might help in my acting aspirations. It was very hard and really excruciating, but I did it. At first I was so quiet people said they couldn't hear me, even with a microphone. And I got pregnant to the band leader three months in. I had just turned 17 by then and he was 34. He said he wanted a homeless teen girlfriend that he could "mold". Once I became a mum I vowed I would try to get well because I had someone to live for now. I wasn't very well though. I was a traumatized Autistic girl. But I am someone who does have integrity, even though I have struggled a huge amount in life. He got me pregnant 6 more times. My second born is autistic, ASD2. And my youngest son is ASD1 and "gifted".
I finally got away from the abuser who is the Dad of my children. I got my youngest children when I left but the older kids stayed with him, except he threw out my older autistic son when he developed schizophrenia and I was able to get a lot of support for that son. The services have been good for that son, as he has developmental delays and cognitive impairment.
I am still upset at being treated like I was by that dr. I didn't know I was autistic at the time, no one did, but if he had been kinder things would have, perhaps been better for me and less hard, but then again, I wouldn't have had my children and they are all awesome. Most of my kids and I have great relationships. They know I am autistic and because of my integrity I've actually done a decent job of parenting them, all except one who is very aligned with his dad. Their dad just called me "crazy", shamed me for my eating disorder, (I finally got over that at 33 and I think being pregnant stopped me starving myself to death) and threated to keep the children from me, if I ever left because I'm "crazy".
My youngest, who I raised, mainly without his father, is an amazing 18-in -4 -days, yr old young man. He is "gifted" like me, Autistic and ADHD like me and wants to be a musician, like me. We sing together. He said he would be a sociopath if it wasn't for me, but he decided he wanted to be kind, like me, and even though he is diagnosed with cptsd, like me, and possibly bpd, like me, he is kind, and now, after much of his life battling suidical ideation, he has found his path, as a musical artist and he is kind to others now and learning to be kind to himself.
I got" rescued" by an autistic "gifted" man who has had a huge amount of trauma, like me. And we have been together for 13 yrs now. And I know have 2 grandchildren, by my two daughters and they are wonderful mothers. My kids got me through. I had a mantra "if my kids are ok, then I'm ok" for many years, but I ended up realising I really wasn't ok, I was so ill, and nearly died and after so many breakdowns and very little support, lots of meanness from my kid's narcissistic dad, and having my children, I got to escape and survive by the skin of my teeth, because I worked so hard for them! My kids aren't unscathed of course, but they are all good people, maybe damaged, but still good and I'm pretty amazed and thankful that no one took their lives.
I am very burnt out though and trying to get some support. But I'm happy I raised my kids, even though it's hard having these genetics and disavantages and my heart is still hurt by how their dad has treated me and them.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It saddens me you’ve had to go through so much, but I’m happy you are in a better place now ❤️
Thank you so much Thomas! For your kindness. I like to think my story is a testament to how much we can endure, grow through and, ultimately, triumph through, if we have the will, the determination and the belief that we are able.
Ironically, I am on a DISability pension and I would like to be financially self sufficient, but I believe our abilities, as autistic people, can be quite extraordinary.
I feel passionate enough to figure out how to be an advocate and an educator around neurodiversity and mental health. I did some training to be a "mental health peer support worker" and even though I never got a paid position in that field, those skills have become very handy as a family member with most people in my family being either diagnosed with one, or a number of, mental illnesses or being neurodiverse, but mostly both, or undiagnosed and yet still displaying the traits.
Two of my sons are diagnosed with schizophrenia, two with bpd and cptsd, two are, clearly, undiagnosed ADHDers, two are clearly Autistic, one diagnosed, one in the process of getting diagnosed, the list goes on ...of course some of these diagnoses are overlaps, as I only have 5 sons, and my two daughters, I beieve, are neurotypical.
Two of my sons have been very suicidal, another more mildly suicidal but gender dysphoric and queer, or maybe he was just more quiet about it (the suicidality) as the other two have made attempts on their lives.
Fortunately, with my skill set, empathy and lived experience, I have been able to "peer support" all of my lovely sons (bar one) through a lot of very hard times and unwellness and they are now doing well. The middle son (with bpd/cptsd) has gone to Melbourne and I hope he is having a good time, he and I are, currently, estranged. He is, finally, away from his Dad's, though, and I think that is a very good thing.
Peer support is the best! In my opinion, or maybe peer support AND therapeutic support, depending on how well the therapeutic support fits.
That is why I am so utterly grateful to you auti and otherwise nd and mental health podcasters and youtubers as you are helping me SO MUCH to understand more about myself and my family and how not alone we actually are. ❤😊
I will ask Karra and Donna Douglas to pay you a visit.
This entire forum is one giant string of expressing crimes against humanity and the failures of the neurotypical normie majority.
Also, I highly advise we don't breed because bringing anyone like us into this world is only going to torture that child for their entire lives.
I've extrapolated every different scenario of the most likely scenarios and I assure you that nothing but torture, terrorism, enslavement and human rights violations that equate to crimes against humanity are what's in store for us for the next couple of generations. The reckless experimentation of the stupid fucking Normie majority are always the wrong answers. These idiots think inductively rather than deductively. The smartest people of every era are oppressed and sabotaged while the overly privileged idiots play at being the man while actually just equating to being nothing more than cult leader wannabes.
@@neridafarrer4633I hope you are well. Among other things, you are a very good writer.
My diagnostic journey has been crazy. I am also on a two year waiting list after all these years in the mental health system, having been diagnosed with a lot of other things also. As you say, people (NTs) have bullied and taken advantage in almost every environment I've been in. Many years, I self isolated as I was so wounded and yes, it has been REALLY bad at times. What is worse, I was blamed for being a bad person which I vehemently disagreed with. Though I haven't given up in myself or in my God, (I'm a Christian), I am exhausted from having to explain myself to Professionals, friends and family. How can people with all these additional stressor be expected to do well? Like I say, am burnt out right now but I'm still not giving up. It's so great that my tribe is now visible on you tube. It makes me feel less worthless and more acceptable. And yes, for women, the social and romance aspects are extremely difficult to get right and is supposed to be what women are naturally fluent at. Please keep on exploring these topics. Maybe ONE DAY the penny will drop.
Religious fascism is one of the biggest problems in the western world. I suggest you abandon those toxic cultural self-affirmations and just accept that absolutely nobody knows who or what we are or where any of this comes from. Religion is a societally accepted mass delusion. Religion is what happens when a cult franchises and we live in a societal cult of opinionism where opinions matter more than facts and everybody enables each other to believe their opinions matter when opinions don't have any value in an intellectual capacity at all.
A cabin doesn't just build itself, right? So you find a cabin in a field, it's too complicated and too specific, somebody had to have built it, right?
So people are the same, right? Hence creationism, right?
Well then isn't the god that created us so we could create the cabin also just as complicated as we are if not more so? Shouldn't the same logic be applied? So who created the god then? Okay so now we've got some God that created a god, right? Well now we got to invent a god that created God's God, right?
Eventually you just have to accept that matter and energy was always here, we don't really know what it is, we don't really know what we are, we don't know where it came from and we don't really know where it's going...
Then you just got to focus on facts because facts definitely exist and you can extrapolate meaning from those facts. There are consequences like the fact if you waste your life, waste your calories in your energy believing utter fucking bullshit like religion, you're nothing more than a prisoner of a lie, wasting your entire existence...
Worse, religion is one of the biggest fascist enabling gangs on the planet that vilifies, criminalizes and blankets anyone who's different with character defamation with this arbitrary and absolutely fake morally pious ivory tower bullshit. Religious people poop out the window of their ivory tower so they don't have to smell their own shit, their shit lands on other people and then religious people blame everyone for stinking.
Grow up. Stop enabling fascist terrorists.
You're welcome.
Great that you dare to talk about this sad thing! I can relate to this so well. It is so true that a judging and hateful environment is really really hard to not want to end one's life.
Thank you very very much for this video 🌞
In terms of mental health and how the brain protects us from life events, Richard Schwartz explains this very well with his IFS therapy. You can see examples on CZcams of his work it’s extremely fascinating and useful to understand how the brain has adapted to our environment in distress, he refers to it as ‘no bad parts’ just parts that are protecting us. There are IFS therapists in the UK who work with the root cause of the diagnosis of mental illness in non pathological modal.
I’m specifically referring to adaptations/ coping mechanisms that lead to OCD, anxiety, depression etc and that the natural human traits ‘what society calls autism’ are wonderful underneath all these.
Autism was the first ‘canary in the mine’, showing society the toxicity of our culture, they were the first to see it. ADHD is the second.
I’d like to point out that it’s interesting that people seem to believe that everyone else is neurotypical. We live in a culture with disease and illness of the mind and body, all types of people are suffering due to the toxicity they just have a different way that it expresses.
Love and health to you all. 💖
Love is a mythical concept and I assure you that it does not exist, just another delusion much like religion built from appeal to popularity logical fallacy.
Also, there's no healthy life available for the extremely intelligent minority or really anyone who is different to the point where their minority is so small that they have no voice in society never mind considerations from the toxic conservative conformist cowardly industry standard norms.
The definition of normalcy is also another mass delusion built from appeal to popularity logical fallacy but you touched on that. I'm just trying to give you a better way to articulate what's really going on here.
This situation is dire and there is no hope in any direction for most of us.
Your virtue signaling is tantamount to the stripping of my flesh and salting my wounds.
NT-society literally doesn't seem to help/care t.b.h.
So educate them- it's not all about you. Everyone has their own stuff that they deal with: Anxiety, depression, etc... Do you care to find out about others? Do you really, to a profound degree? How many times do you not realize or care how others are doing/feeling because you're so focused on yourself? Be honest... It doesn't make you a bad person- it just makes you human. Be easier on yourself so you can be easier on others too.
@@carolynelevin88 I think NT-society does care but that NT-society does not know how to help yet. Listening to autistic people is a good starting point to learn how to help. A lot of knowledge has been generated within the autistic community. Isn't it time to integrate this knowledge in society? I think this will help us to be easier on ourselves and indeed on others also. Probably the generated knowledge is useful for non autistic people too. It is very human knowledge.
So indeed, educate them. 😄
@@peinzen I'm glad folks are having this conversation. I have an OCPD manager at work who only sees things his way. His way happens to be chaotic, frenetic, disruptive, and lacking clear routine and objectives. Very "seat of the pants" leadership. Since he can't seem to see anything from anyone else's point of view I have to set silent boundaries. The same skills I used for masking and assimilation I now use to observe his patterns and avoid him when I see his physical tells. He'll start getting overly chatty and I know that's the time to just get up and pretend I'm going to the restroom. A lot of the skills used to navigate narcissists have been helping me with being open with my ASD without seeking permission from others to have the boundaries I need. I find people are more likely to avoid understanding me, rather than incapable of understanding me. I'm a kind and sincere person.
@@jmfs3497 I recognize the avoidance of understanding while people are capable of understanding. (Ugh!) I think negative stigma and unfamiliarity with diverse communication styles are the biggest obstacles. I also recognize very much goodwill. But if feels like bridges to build.
Love to hear how you have learned to navigate. Good to see you can find the pretended restroom when that's a better place. Is it a British one, or an American one? (According to Oxford Languages.)
But in the end I cannot answer about avoidance of understanding. It is up to typical people to be aware, accept and embrace diversity. I believe it will make the world a better place. But that's just me. I have to accept that, in current settings, I am kind of hard to understand when I unmask in places where I used to mask. Never thought discovering my autism could mean that much. Years have passed and I am still processing.
I consider myself a kind and sincere person too. Also kind of a drama queen.
@@carolynelevin88 Like many other Autistic females especially, I have spent most of my adolescent and adult life (54) navigating the neurotypical world concerning myself first and foremost with the feelings and needs of others and my impact or potential impact upon them. This very often to my own detriment and negation or suppression of my own needs or desires. In order to simply survive and avoid abuse I have had to educate myself about how to be around neurotypicals. For their part, neurotypicals have not had to educate themselves about us because there are less of us and so many of us are highly masked thus appearing unrecognisable. We have spent our lives accommodating the needs and desires of neurotypicals. You do not realise what you are asking by suggesting we educate you, what potential danger for us there is in doing such a thing, or how entitled and patronising that sounds.
Sometimes it still feels like an alien world when even autistic people don’t share these experiences, but I guess not all autistic people also struggle with depression and anxiety beyond expected levels. Thank you both for being very open with your experiences.
Every autistic person presents with every other different trait that exists within the so-called human condition and in every different combination.
Additionally, people will call legitimate unhappiness depression as a way of making the problem about the individual rather than focusing on the society that's actually the problem.
30% of diagnosis are misdiagnosis. A doctor can't charge your insurance company unless they diagnose you with something and you have to accept their dumb fuck medical opinion that they came up with after 5 minutes of talking to you or they can't treat you and again they can't charge your insurance company so all of the statistics in relationship to mental disorders are absolute fucking bullshit, nothing but bullies terrorizing people into pretending to be broken just society doesn't have to face the fact that all of its leaders are miserable fucking failures and wannabe cult leaders who are guilty of crimes against humanity.
I'm 59 undiagnosed. I have suicidal ideation since a teen but a few years ago I came to realize it's not normal (I assumed everyone thought about suicide on a regular basis like I did and it took me a few years to comprehend this wasn't ture). Now I have it less since I finally understand it's not a normal thought process.
Well, a diagnosis doesn't help at all. Did nothing for my life. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about Gen X in general. The only people who have any rights are the rich. The only people the media care to talk about are boomers or the millennials.
Gen X has been completely destroyed by criminal negligence as a product of Boomer leadership. The Boomers are the most fascist and terroristic out of any generation, nothing but hypocrites, liars and slave drivers...
The majority of the prison population are Gen X white males, imprisoned for nonviolent so-called drug offenses.
The only way I avoided persecution for the majority of my life is by living in total solitude for over 20 years. As soon as I rejoin society I had my life destroyed by medical fascists and of course now face criminal charges for trying to defend myself verbally from a bunch of rich over privileged conformist normie medical fascist pieces of shit.
I have no reason to live. I've lived a life of nothing but torment, turned into a dead man walking. I want 30 years of my life back that were stolen. I won't reparations or I want death. I want the freedom to choose what I do with my own body or I want free of this tormented existence.
Shame on the entire Boomer population and every other conformist Nazi sympathizing coward that was agreeable with this toxic conservative shit show of a society that makes Nazi Germany look like preschool. At least the Nazis had the decency to just murder people outright whereas America turned all of society into a slow cooker gas chamber that murders people as slowly as possible while torturing them for their entire lives and they made it a fucking business model.
Shame shame shame.
Thomas is good at opening up, and it's good to look at this darker side of things sometimes, cause otherwise, guys get really discouraged and more alienated.
I love that she has a cat stroking chart in the background !
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences! My experience with the mental health system has been the same, not helpful, I just watched a 1.5 hour talk on the importance of sleep and the hospital is notoriously the place to sleep and yet is supposed to help people get better. 🧐 The thing that has been the most helpful is advocating for myself, really seeing myself as worthy of being cared for and realizing that I am the only one that can really do that in a way that will lead to my success. It has been a tremomendous learning and growth process. I just hope I notice the signs and can take the nessesary actions to prevent a full blown shutdown again. ❤
I have just moved half way across the country and dont know a single person. I struggle to interact with people anyway but I am finding the isolation a struggle even more. In my old town I had some people who I know cared about me, even though sometimes I would find their attention overwhelming.
I have started wearing a neurodiversity lanyard and have a window sticker on my front door saying that I am autistic. I have actually found that people are a bit more gentle with me. It might be because they think Im weird or they dont know what to do and they feel uncomfortable. But it does make me breath a bit of a sigh of relief that the harsh edge of NT communication is being softened. It also means that people who would treat me badly or make me uncomfortable because of my ND will tend to be avoidant of me and I dont have to deal with them.
I dont think we should need to identify ourselves as ND if we dont want to but it might help us identify each other and help others to see that we are ND and maybe adjust their behaviour a little bit. I think some people are kind and will be gentle if they know that we need it. It might also help people to see what neurodivergence looks like in real life and raise awareness.
Thank you for sharing your experience it really has helped me understand that I am not alone in this experience and that there are many others who are struggling with autism ❤️
This is an awesome pod cast love it thankyou
I am 60 asd late diagnosed 18 months ago and this just Rox.
I too have Autism. Currently 35 with Level 1 Autism, OCD, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, suicide level depression...and am shamefully unemployed v_v. Goes without saying, I too plan on suicide when the time is right. But I can't...not right now; for my family still needs my help (I do a LOT of chores). As much as I'd like for people to change, I cannot force them to do so--neurotypicals themselves must individually make that decision alone.
Feeling emotions is not a masculine or feminine thing its a human thing so spot on ❤
Your story sounds VERY similar to mine, in a lot of ways. I'm so sorry you went through all of that. I'm very glad you survived. You are doing good things, and the world is better with you in it. It's taken a long time, but I'm glad I survived, as well, though it's still hard sometimes. Thank you for making me feel less alone. I'm grateful for all of you, and I'm glad that I found this community.
So raw so honest so autistic...thankyou both
I'm afraid to listen to this video after reading your comment because I bet you I'll find most of it tame, intellectually dishonest and of course a weapon of mass distraction.
I have to say that I deeply appreciate the level of specificity in telling your story, Thomas. I know that it's always scary to figure out if it's 'too much' to divulge detailed information, but it really helps those of us who learn much more with detailed examples rather than vague concepts. Thank you for tackling this real and scary aspect of living the life that we've been given.
Love your question at 7:30 ... people who work in policy/ charity/ public services tend to talk in "project speak" aka euphemism. It's very rare to hear an interviewer asking them to "translate" into normie language aka clear, factual, explanation of what's actually concrete 👏
The mirroring aspect is not under conscious control and there is no need to think badly of it or yourself for not having control over it. I do the same thing automatically. It has to do with extensive, complex neural connections. In me (Gifted), along with the mirroring is the understanding of the others emotional state and i feel what they feel. It is not possible to mute or block feeling others emotions. It is an interesting thing as though i can instanty read and feel others emotions, i have trouble recognizing and even recieving signals of my own emotions and needs. Mirror neurons are dense and complex along with the rest of the neural connections with in ASD, ADHD and Gifted. The mirror neurons trigger and induce the same feelings of the other in people and it has to do with reciprocity of interaction and observance of people because in building the information stack, the body muscles mimic the facial features and posture/subtle nuances of the other person.. with repeat interactions the muscle reaction becomes permanent subconsciously and the biofeedback sends signals to the emotional centre of the brain for making a person feel the emotion in order to recognize the emotions in others.
On the dark side, bullying, rejection, limited people to relate to, mismatch with people, mismatch with designed environment and having to hide because of non-acceptance with intensity of emotion and hyperfocus means struggling with depression, isolation and at worst desire to make it all stop.
Did you know that the intelligent minority have no legal protections unlike every other minority? I told the DOJ, they don't care.
"On the dark side, bullying, rejection, limited people to relate to, mismatch with people, mismatch with designed environment and having to hide because of non-acceptance with intensity of emotion and hyperfocus means struggling with depression, isolation and at worst desire to make it all stop."
I'd like to add feeling others' negative emotions, their subconscious judgements, and not having the choice to evict them from your life is another nail in the depression/avoidance coffin.
Sometimes it’s pattern recognition that actually helps to not be drawn into other people’s reactions. It does make it hard to not be depressed or create distance, I agree with that. I think over repeat encounters I sort of learned that I cannot remove myself from the experience but I can get on top of it rather than be dragged under in a way a surfer rides above the waves. In patterns you can see so much of it is not actually personal but reaction. It’s part of traits built in….its not going to match how I think at all but it’s mappable (the reactions) when you understand the different operating system. Hard to explain….it is simultaneously building more of the things you love and navigating around what doesn’t work that comes from the majority of the population by knowing their way of thing and acting so as not to be hurt by incompatible values, behaviour and thinking. Also, switching scenes and focus is a real save… so learning a bit about how the mind works and emotions interplay gives usable tools to pull out of rumination. It’s super useful to build a tool kit and a map of human behaviour because it limits surprises and you can prepare reasonably.
I can relate, I am on the autism spectrum, slow learner all my life.
I got diagnosed at 33. I think about suicide everyday, because of the way I'm treated. I'm rubbish at my job, I'm rubbish as a son and rubbish as a partner.
I'm not trying to be. I'm trying to be better, but I can't seem to do anything correctly. I'm constantly told off. I have a very low opinion of myself. My mum told me I'm the biggest mistake of her life. I can't seem to work with myself. That's why I'd rather take my own life, so I'm not a burden. They say suicide is selfish. I don't think it is. If I wasn't here, then it'd be a better life for everyone.
Hi. I appreciate you being candid regarding your feelings about suicide. If only society permitted us to discuss this openly without stigmatizing us further we could process these feelings, make connections, and improve upon our quality of life. If only..😢
I hope we can find the meaning and connection to carry on ❤
❤❤❤
I don't think suicide is selfish either. Noone has your unique biology so they don't know how badly your brain functions. I am sorry you are having such a hard time 😢
Shame on your mom for saying that. It’s hard to overcome the sadness resulting from parents comments. Truly she has her own problems. Please hang on and be where you are happy.
My daughter is autistic and struggles with Anxiety and Depression and I wanted to thank you both for helping me to understand somewhat where she's coming from with her struggles.
Thank you both so much Thomas and Hina ❤ A brilliant and helpful discussion. I had to smile at the dino reference Hina, as i chose to have a dinosaur themed 30th birthday party and bought myself a dino plushy for my 35th. That was well before I was diagnosed, which sadly didn’t come until I was years into severe burnout, from which I’m unsure I’ll ever recover, as despite all the things, it has only continued to get worse. I’ve been suicidal since i was six years old (late 1980s), when I also started expressing distress with society/the system and humankind. It’s very hard to see how I am going to make it through the rest of my 40s in all honesty (although I will continue to try). A pre-burnout diagnosis may have decreased my risk. I was very high masking for over thirty years. I do know that I certainly wouldn’t have made it this far without my family and other loved ones, particularly my siblings and my cats. And music. Thank you again. Yours x
16 years old and stuck in places that don't take my integrity seriously. 😢 Tears from Germany... 😭
Thank you for having this important conversation. I'm new to your channel, so forgive me if there's already a video on this and I'm unaware - but I'd like to hear more about your struggles with an eating disorder, if you're comfortable sharing with your audience in a future video. I myself am an autistic adult with a severe, enduring ED (and also I'm not female), so it's quite difficult to find anyone online that I can relate to on the ED topic. Most ED-related content creators are either not autistic, and/or are female, so it feels quite isolating. Thank you again for sharing, I'm really enjoying your channel and am glad I found it. ((edited just for spelling/grammar))
Thomas I think you were talking here about the endocrine system when you mentioned the pituitary in network with body &brain. When you talk about masking I’m gobsmacked! That is my story growing up. I like your intention to be with us neurodivergents. Connection between us is vitally important to support our lives. I have been thru a decade of neurological complications,disease,stroke. I’m back living well with minimum meds. Trying to understand if my conditions,experiences were medical or psychological? I have a great support from my family. I had to be on the outside looking in at them often. I was isolated,alone,scared,bullied,neutralized,alien but my sisters mom and dad were there when I needed help. I needed professional help and didn’t get it. Now as an a retired,fortunate man looking back I’m ok and curiously learning more.
When you said the person was tired of you but they cared about you. And isolating yourself. God that hit me. Drinking a lot as well. Was diagnosed Autistic this year. ADHD too but I more relate with the Autism side of things.
Thanks to both of you Thomas and Hina. That was one of the most honest and genuine discussions I have had the privilege to listen to on CZcams. Congratulations on your degree Hina.
Thankyou so much Dave! I super appreciate that alot 🌟
I totally agree with you Dave. Just exactly what I want to say too. I have never heard anything like this and can relate to it so much. Thank you Thomas and Hina
I am super pleased to hear that Vik, thankyou so much for listening to our thoughts too 🌟
I'm willing to bet that you've never heard anything actually honest or intellectually accurate in your entire life. Lmao
The only reason why CZcams allows you to discover this is because it is dishonest and not a threat to the establishment.
All of the hardcore honest and accurate intellectuals on this platform are shadow banned and you're never going to know them. The smartest people of every era, none of us know who they were because they weren't allowed to be known or everyone hated them so no one talked about them.
The intelligent minority don't have any legal protections unlike every other minority and if you're autistic as well as one of the most intelligent people of this era, you're straight up fucked and there's no point in living.
I speak from a lifetime of experience.
Following your advice concerning if one feels unable to cope with this videos subject matter. I was diagnosed at 46 or 47 years old with Autism, later with Complex-PTSD now PTSD, Winter Depression, ADHD, OCD, Tourettes and more.
I am currently working with a suicide prevention Psychologist. Therapy is going great. I am making great strides to the stated goal of "being safe not better". I have learnt or relearnt techniques such as full body muscle tension and relaxation to calm my mind and body, cognative defussion.
Thank-you for the video. Will watch when I aware that I can cope watching, processing the video content.
Until about a year ago, I suffered severely with ocd throughout my life, I had traits as a child and teen but it became severe once I reached adulthood. It turns out I'm audhd & also have cptsd, bpd & osdd aswell, and the ocd behaviours were 100% tied into that and how much I was struggling because I was undiagnosed and had no idea who I was & was deeply traumatised by my life. Now I have all this understanding, I'm finally managing to get my ocd to a much more manageable level. It's taken years and years of lots of therapy and self reflection, and now I struggle more in other ways 🙄 but if it hadn't been for the ocd I probably wouldn't have survived alot of periods of my life & i would never have figured out what was really going on with me. Sounds strange and it's complicated and hard to explain, but I just resonated alot with what you r guest said about their experience with ocd too.
Such beautiful bravery Thomas. It is a honor to witness your gentle truth
Wish my family was supportive😢. Mental health 'care' sucks. I wish i could become a different person.
I have not been diagnosed yet , I'm 42, I have lots of truma in my past. I have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia Bipolar depression, anxieties, panic attacks. Problems in social settings. I remember telling my mom that I want to be normal and I felt I was like an odd ball. I took a test it says I have autism. But I am afraid to get diagnosed by the doctor. Because people have always thought that I was wired and I became very good at masking that I don't know how to unmask in front of others to be diagnosed by the doctor.
Make sure you understand that 30% of diagnosis are misdiagnosis. The entire medical field is abysmally corrupt. If you don't get a diagnosis then the insurance companies can't be charged and you have to agree with the diagnosis as well as agree to be treated for said diagnosis or the doctor can't prescribe you drugs nor charge the insurance company.
Almost all the statistics surrounding so-called mental health disorders are nothing more than data dredging corrupt manipulations as a part of a giant fraudulent medically fascist and corporate fascist agenda.
We don't suffer from disorders. We just don't survive in this so-called normal religious and corporate fascist shit show that the majority have accepted even though it's total fanaticism and burning the world to ash faster and faster every day.
The normies are a bunch of delusional simpletons who have no idea what they're talking about and they are total liabilities who want to oppress anyone who shows them that their shit is broken and that means us because we're honest with our emotions as well as intellectualism.
Don't worry - if the doctor's any good he'll figure out what's going on …
@@andreawisner7358 we have to worry because most of us are poor and with this poverty comes subpar medical care as we get used as the guinea pigs for young naive and underdeveloped practitioners in the beginning of their careers, this is before they have developed wisdom and honed their logic. It truly is a nightmare. Medical care in America is a shameful absurdity.
You're out right wrong to encourage people to feel safe about this situation. Not only would I classify your attitude as shill-mongering but it's also unethical just as much as it is recklessly irresponsible.
Stop pretending your opinions matter, simpleton.
Also, remember that theory is not fact and psychoanalytic theory is all we have because we do not understand the brain enough, we do not understand neurodivergence enough... The so-called professionals are pretending to understand our conditions and then based on that pretend time the medical industry, the insurance companies and the pharmaceutical companies all profit while asserting themselves as authority over our bodies and it is multitudes of corporate fascism.
Now in regards to neurodivergence, we are specialists in understanding our own condition but good luck finding a doctor who respects that, good luck finding a lawmaker who respects that. Every patient is treated like property in this toxic conservative, pants shitting, control freak corporate fascist religious fascist agenda to enslave every one of us. The forms of slavery are so tremendously varied that you can't take a step in any direction in this broken society without being enslaved. The Boomer generation should be ashamed of themselves and so should the medical community.
Brilliant discussion 👏 thank you for sharing and bringing to light these issues we face.
my family just want to criticise. nobody looks after me. people say they care but never get back to me, i haven't got mental health practitioner or team. i've never succeeded at anything. I'm a 52 yr old solo mum. nobody cares aabout me ecept to worry that i'm letting my daughter down. i've lost hope.
Thanks to you both for being so honest about your feelings and experiences 💙 This could not have been easy for you. It was enlightening to hear your perspectives
Thank you so much!❤
01:18:15 ayy. That was me. Took me to 37. People did give me strong hints I had an issue at different points in my life, but I feel like the condition doesn't want itself to be known. I remember looking into it and deciding it wasn't me much earlier in life. Why? Social stigma. We just want to fit in!
Great episode ❤
This is such an important conversation. Every single one of the autistic people in my life, including myself, struggles with their mental health in some way. Seems to be that it is usually quite severely as well. A friend of mine attempted suicide when we were teenagers, but luckily survived and is doing much better now, and another old friend is suffering from a psychotic disorder on top of her AuDHD. I myself went through 8 years of heroin addiction and alcoholism, to calm my nervous system while masking heavily and trying to act like a normal adult. I reacted severely to SSRIs and other meds, so I took things into my own hands. I'm 3 years clean now and doing much better, but still not officially diagnosed yet. Focusing on myself and my special interests, but also lucky to have my amazingly supportive neurodivergent boyfriend, and now have my mum (also undiagnosed autistic) on board.
Thanks for shedding more light on this troubling but important topic.
You're both lovely people. Thank you.
Now everyone has to live up to your definition of what you consider to be lovely which just makes the likes of me even more of a monster which will mean that I will be subjected to even more abuse because of the unrealistic industry standards that everyone's ideals aspire to which turns into a societal demand.
They really really are lovely
thank you for this.
My Son always Danced to music , I could feel in the womb. X always sniled x danced.x Gifted on Guitar x music. He came Home from School with busted chin!. It Happened in the soft room that was all well padded!. They made sponge steps. X meggea swing! X he Had hit his chip on the cieling!. But He was smiling x Had a great time!.
I’d like to share a book by Carol Tuttle ‘The Child Whisperer’ she also has an adults version ‘It’s just my nature.’
She describes the 4 types or energy we humans are made from and we have a primary energy that is our natural expression.
People leading with type 4 energy have a natural gift for perfecting and improving the quality of our lives by serenely reflecting truth back to us, there are many insights in the book and belief will support people to feel seen whichever energy type they are rather than what society has described as autistic. It’s a wonderful book, all the positives of each type are shown and how each type can be shamed when they are not understood.
I have natural type 1 energy that was squashed in childhood and would like to share this knowledge that has been life affirming to me now that I am healing my childhood wounding.
Also recommend Gabor Mate’s book ‘The Myth of Normal’ who is a light to this world. 👌🏻💖
Woo fuckery nonsense. Focus on logic and the removal of fallacies as well as cognitive biases. Focus on quantifiable facts. Understand the scientific method. Anything else is mental laziness that has no value in an intellectual capacity. As a matter of fact, both opinions and spiritualism have a negative effect on intellectualism as well as the ability of the majority to identify what the facts actually are which just leads the majority down a path of mass delusion: Then the fanaticism destroys us even worse.
Women are not better at masking. I think we are just less allowed to be different than men are allowed to be.
Also, we are more ignored in healthcare.
Wrong. Men don't matter and get different treatment than women. Women get approached with sesame Street diaper mittens, more considerations, a softer touch and more patience is offered to you. This is especially true if we're talking about men because they have an instinct to protect you whereas they don't have an instinct to protect each other. Furthermore, no matter what a man tells you, no matter what they think they believe, if nothing else subconsciously they are trying to get in your pants and they won't do anything that would sabotage that so you get all sorts of considerations.
Obviously there are negatives to be acknowledged in regards to being a woman as well. It's just we can't ignore all of these other elements that change socialization and make different expectations based on your sex.
Men are shamed for being emotional. Men are bullied. As soon as a man shows any speck of natural emotion or aggression, they get shunned from employment and from medical help. We are the ones that have to kill ourselves because there's no options whereas if a woman starts breaking down and crying everybody wants to help. Total double standards.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on for hours & write an entire book on this subject alone.
I have been diagnosed ADHD and dyslexia, but I know now I am also on the spectrum even though I was denied the autism diagnosis because I mask so well and the question on the test were wrong and I was gave the HSP diagnosis instead which was wrong looking back now.
To be honest with you, I went through life knowing I was different from others, however I didnt feel down or depressed, I felt frustrated, as I always felt I was better and smarter than others & noone understood me because they were not as intelligent as me. I was diagnosed autistic at the age of 40. I do not see autism as a disability, although I know it can be disabling for some, but only because the world is not accommodating.
I used to pass as a neurotypical man, not very well, but usually good enough that you'd have to meet me a few times o notice something is odd.
I was still an AuDHD woman, masking both gender and neurotype, because society had taught me that both were not acceptable for me.
What is it when you look down at your body but don't recognize it and you feel like your eyes are windows that you are looking out of?
That's kind of like dissociation. Maybe depersonalization or derealization but derealization is more dream like, whereas being deconnected from your body+identity is depersonalization.
My problem is that anyone who isn't considered "normal" is always discriminated against. I don't know for sure if I actually have autism, but it never got diagnosed and I don't have the energy to care anymore. Life has never been for me so there is only one obvious answer.
Cool light in the corner
That cat is precious 😍
doctor sent me to Brigham and women's for PTLDS: we don't specialize in neuroinflammatory conditions doctor: we thought that would be the only place to prescribe an peripheral nervous system stimulator ME: how do I not give up hope. how can you be in a relationship with someone who isn't completely happy because of severe neck pain?
Thank you
Masking behaviour to me before I recognised being autistic waskind of like having a chameleon like qualit to blend in for safety sake. Of course if it isn't really you it eventually gets noticed. I kind of liken it to that term take up your cross challenge. Eventually we need to face fears. Fears aren't real. Most are projections of what miģht happen over what is. When we put light on things we move toward more proactive/authentic behaviours.
Please don't lose hope, People are slowly becoming more aware. Earth needs Us All right now.
You are a magnificent Being
♾💚🌞
Oh my. Definitely 😢
Is it typical that I've suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts most of my life but have never really tried to find help? I brought autism up with my doctor when I was 17 and got a bit put off because he started asking me about symptoms related to Schizophrenia. I got referred to a Psychologist and sent to counciling. I went to counciling and it didnt help me one bit. It stressed me out so much. I couldnt deal with it and I cancelled my appointment with a Psychologist. I think at the time I probably did have imposter syndrome. I've got an appointment with the doctor about Autism this friday and I'm pretty determined to see it through this time. It's still causing me anxiety what these meetings might be like but I need to know once and for all, I'm 31 and have suspected I'm autistic since I was 15 (16 years ago).
I thought the doctor thought I was crazy for thinking I could be autistic when he started asking me if I heard voices in my head and if I had hallucinations. There's probably other things he asked but that's the part I can remember.
Thankyou❤
1:28:35 bookmarking for myself... trying to help a sibling who's likely asd (like me) he has jumped on the "mental health and ND doesn't exist, it's a social contagion" from less than a year ago coming to the conclusion he is autistic too. But my gradual unmasking due to burnout and trying to be okay has been uncomfortable for him. Maybe it resonates, or makes him see me differently, or makes him not want to be like me...
Two year waiting list to be evaluated? Here in the US I've seen 8 months and some practitioner waiting lists stretch into a year for an initial evaluation. (You could go to someone else but they may not understand the specific subspecialty. )
You went to study mosquitoes in Thailand? How was it? I do believe my country is a good place to study a lot of mosquitoes, they are everywhere all year round.
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❤ from 🇺🇸
What about a Spiritual answer?
I waited/listened thru the whole podcast and never heard anything about the spiritual connection or lack thereof and the spiritual solution ?
Maybe someday you can do a show on that.
Thank you.
God bless.
Why don't you share your experience?
@@andreawisner7358 no one really cares, and im a nothing and a nobody just trudging the path myself.....
Happy 2024 to you and yours 🫶
She's very likeable.
🤍💙🤍
Can anyone even see this comment? I have to suspect that CZcams has me shadow banned?
Yes i can see your comment
Why instead of diagnosing people who stand out according to an arbitrary standard don't we just agree that we are all different and let each other live?
Men need better social skills training than women do because men have to do the pursuing
That is not a fixed thing at all. Bit of an out-dated idea.
@@sarahstrong7174 well women still expect men to ask them out first or be the one to walk up to them and open their mouth first
According to many autistic males, autistic women don't need much support at all because males have it worse apparently 🤦♀️😂
@@nobodysperfect06 I'm not being funny, but if you can't even say hello to someone idk how you've managed this long in life
Also, some women approach men. But you know this already, as your original comment was posted to start arguments 😉
I had to leave a message after you both talked about going thru Suicide is not weak. Yes it is. God does not want us to kill ourselves, and also When anyone is going thru mental health issues, people often say "Be Strong" Meaning don't kill yourself. So it's the opposite of being weak. Suicide is a selfish act. All you're thinking about is yourself and your problems. Caring about yourself and being selfish are two different things.
They can join the rest of humanity on this then. We have All lost hope. Nothing special about that.
Stay strong!
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