The Aging Narcissist: What Happens as They Get Older
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- čas přidán 27. 04. 2024
- In today's video we are talking about the Aging Narcissist, and exactly what you can expect as the Narcissist ages and enters into their senior years. #narcissist #npdabuse #mentalhealth #jillwiselifecoach #theenlightenedtarget
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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They act like 4 year olds when they do not get their way.
For the longest time, I thought that was normal and that it was my fault and I needed to correct myself.
The cognitive dissonance is REAL! They will scream and rage and throw a tantrum; all the while, telling you to grow up and stop being "a (cry)baby"! Ummm... okay...
No matter how old they are.
They act 4 years on a good day. 6 months when they don’t get their way.
Ya it's amusing listening to an aging growly, grumbly gravely old four year old. I have learnt to turn around and walk away and never look back..
They die alone bc even if you love them you cant stand them for more than 5 minutes a week.
They don’t know what real love is. They only understand it conceptually
Very very true… totally give you the ick.
I had to laugh out loud at the “5 minutes per week “! So true! They are so draining and exhausting that it takes me a day to recover from being around them.
@@Clevelandsteamer324they do understand real,love ,cos they love themselves.
@@Cazgirl-hq4hi You can google: Do narcissists love themselves - they answer is NO. They don´t even love themselves.
My ex would rage on me with his yelling, cursing, bullying and threats of physical harm. Then within a matter of seconds say something like "would you like to go get something to eat" as if nothing had happened. Even after threatening my life, he said, "oh, you know we are going to be together for the rest of our lives". He had absolutely no self awareness and that is what made it so frightening and dangerous.
Yep! That’s what they do, after doing the most painful thing to you, in a few seconds my mother will act like nothing happened.
Zepgirl, a big thumbs up for the second word in your comment!
👍
Narcissism is a mental disorder listed in the DVSM. Because this disorder is based upon "denial of reality" THEY are literally insane.
It’s because they can’t remember. There is no continuity of memory for them.
Sounds like dementia
Dont be an enabler to this vile personality. When someone shows you who they are ,believe them. Remove them from your life or remove yourself.
0 contact is the only cure.
Immediately
@@lilfairycupcakeI agree
Have done that. Haven’t spoken to my sister in 10 years. She means nothing to me anymore
@@ingridsweeney1787 regardless of who they are, toxic is toxic. you dont need toxic in your life.
Everybody sees my old mother as such a nice woman.
If they only knew...how she treated me all her life and my father.
Same Here
When I was in high school my friends would be like "Oh! Your mom is so nice!" and I'd be like, "Uh, no. No she is not. Not at all."
kinda like me ex wife. "oh, shes so nice". sure she is, sit down, and i will fill u in on how nice she is.
I can totally understand.
Yes.A lot of idiots fall for their false charm.It's sickening
A narcissist loves to humiliate, laugh, mock at others. The worse the situation, the more they humiliate. It’s how I can differentiate a narcissist from a sociopath.
Seen various flavors of narcissist. Some try to win you over even, ply you with nice gestures, then rip you off. Take cult members for example. They pay and pay and pay a scammer, but if they asked for their money back..not gonna happen. Hence the pope sitting on a trillion dollar victim fund that doesnt seem to pay out.
My mother in-law was classic example of a covert narcissist. As she got older her behavior got worse. Used my wife and her inheritance to keep her a care giver and slave. When she finally dropped dead it was like freedom was restored to us. The most selfish entitled miserable person I ever met.
Maybe that’s why some old people in nursing homes never get visits from their children.
You should have left and told her to shove up the money up hers, or donate to a shelter.
i would have told her to stuff the inheritance. money has never, will never, run my life. when all else fails, use the one, and only god everyone bows to equally $money$.
Going through it right now. It’s horrific. My poor husband ! Our entire family is suffering right now. I feel guilty about wishing I was where you are.
My mom, too. In fact you sound just like me talking about my mom…
Now she is gone. She did not leave this world happy.
I am blessed. Despite the insanity of her entire life, I was able to put up the barriers that protected me. There were moments of tenderness that I will take to my own grave, that I am most thankful for…moments like when Mom was herself able to break through her insecurities and say the simplest of kind words, thereby providing her self with a glimpse of what does have value in her life, that for her was painfully scarce - and that was the human experience of empathy for others, for a person other than herself. That light did occasionally come on. And she did love me for what I knew. She would ask after a visit if would come see her again. This sad story has at least that. Me. On her death bed, (actually, she was already in her coffin. I spoke as if she were hearing me. I believed she had enough brain still picking up sensory to hear me…) i said to her, “Oh, Mom, I live to make you happy.” I swear, to my last day I will declare: I saw my Mom smile. Just for me, she smiled.🌿
They have the emotional maturity of a 6-year-old. THAT never changes. If anything, they regress even further into childish antics and behaviors as they age. Very clearly explained-thank you.
My kids were more emotionally mature at 2 years old.
Hell ! My father is forever 4, my mum 12 - when I can, I smile about what a strange alliance they made (now divorced). Nowadays, my mum of 76 speaks like a little cartoon girl, especially when asking for something, it does my head in !!!
🎯🎯🎯
Not always, sometimes they listen and change and adapt, and even more surprising they learn to let go of giving unrecquired advice and can learn to be more conscious and aware of shifts and for example refrain from talking about unnecessarily sad stuff and more focused on relatable family stuff. My dad is 70 and is a lucid person now, and he's more chill than ever, but can have little outbursts in very rare events, but nothing to worry about
@@paperoverflow Then you’re very lucky. Perhaps he was already low on the narcissism scale. It’s a scope; it’s a spectrum. But they’re usually too dug in to reverse course.
A problem that has no solution. God have mercy on all of us
You have a choice to walk away and reclaim your power and happiness..Leave them to God..
True words
God has a purpose to cleanse the world of selfishness and Narcissists are the epitome of selfish... read your bible ...get help with research tools ... to understand ... The answer... learn Christ like love...help and love others... God will soon take care of the rest... Gods Purpose... to fill the earth with people who DESIRE his "Will" being "Done on Earth"... RESTORING PARADISE EARTH.... Human rule has been tried and tested... and failed miserably!
Man has truly dominated man "" to his injury! And sadly plants animals the whole earth has been damaged from greed and selfishness. Love does not look for it on interests first!
@@wendydaniel1110For some of us is not that easy. My elderly abusive mother lives with me. She won't go live with anyone else, even though she cries & whines about how miserable she is with me. I'm not in a financial situation to move her out into her own place at this time & she doesn't have enough $ of her own to move out. I keep wondering when will this horrible nightmare end.
@deer8949 I am in similar situation. I am married to one. He holds my teen over my head. So he would have nothing to do with my teen if I leave. Which would hurt my teen. Or would use our child to hurt me. I feel like I am trapped for another 4-5 years. It's already so difficult to have no peace and to feel like a maid and then there is the financial abuse as well.
WOW!! My 90 year old Mother is all of these things. It's like she's upped her game. I am literally sick to my stomach when I have to deal with her, my Dr. even prescribed me some meds to keep myself calm around her...... I ruminate steadily with my guilt and shame..... working through it but it has been one of the hardest things ever! I keep thinking that when she is gone I won't miss her, I will finally have some peace and at 64 I think I deserve some silence!!!
I lost my NARC mother at 32. At 63, I have not missed her for 1 nano second because she was so horrible.
I danced for joy when, 6 years ago, my mother died...screaming all the way. Her doctor said he'd never seen such a horrendous death. I am free, and the day she died I wept out of gratitude to God for taking her away. Believe me, you won't miss her at all when she leaves and for your sake, I pray that it is SOON!
🙏❤️✝️
🛑✝️🙏🏾AT ANY AGE U SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER PROBLEM, BUT U DID, SORRY U HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL HER TOXICITY....✝️🙏🏾🛑🆓😇😇😇😇😇
Walk away , it's like walking out of a prison you owe her nothing
My dad used to do the same thing. He would rage and be awful and then expect that we were supposed to just immediately put that smile on your face or I’ll give you something to cry about. The minute his rage was over he didn’t want any remembrance of it and if we even showed a hint of fear or crying that would make him even more mad and we knew it could make things worse. Horrible upbringing cloaked in wealth, which is even worse because everyone thinks you’re perfectly happy and it’s usually always the opposite especially in wealthy families. They have big giant ego images to keep up with and the scapegoat is the truth teller and they hate that. The last thing they want is their alcoholism and smoking pot and infidelity and abuse to get out into the world, so they tell the world we are crazy and unstable and liars. They destroy their own children on purpose to protect their image. It’s disgusting and it should be a crime.
Very profound and accurate. I've seen this myself, although we're not particularly wealthy, they act as charming people to the wider public but are tyrants within the family setting. Good luck.
Try being the rich kid whose Daddy was in Politics and running with Nixon, Warner, Taylor, and yes even Trump. Not only that but I was very blessed in the looks department. Natural Blonde Hair with Green Eyes, 5'6" and 106-lb. I was a runway model for a short period of time till my parents had to ruin that too. Seems my parents with holding food did work to my benefit afterall. Trump is a Dog who did touch me inapproiately in Vegas when he was soliciting my father for money. My father did put h8m in his place while escorting me out. Not that Dad cared about me but the control he had of me.
😢 Sorry that you endured that. In my case I found out there's a law that advocates for the child. A judge emancipated me from two toxic narcs that claimed they were my parents but acted more like slave owners. He saw through their facade & used his position as "the law" to provide me with remedy. Hang in there.
This is quite similar to my experience
And sadly as an adult who tried to make a connection and keep the family together…I was faced with failure as the harsh reality is that is not possible with a narcissistic parent…there can never be a healthy relationship or family life, even as adults
And even decades later it’s the scapegoat, truth telling child, now a grown adult trying to create authentic bonds, that is punished and made out to be a weak, selfish, dramatic, shit disturber for now going along with their lies, false narratives and fake self image
I keep reminding myself…
You can’t have an expectation to create a true connection with someone who has no connection to themself 😢😢😢
@@tfromt.o.9774 It’s so sad what you went through. What is so shocking to me is how few people really understand the depths of toxic families and scapegoating. I used to know the most beautiful girl that I grew up with and she took her own life because of this dynamic. Her family brutalized her. She was so kind and so beautiful and they were such disgusting people. She took her life on Christmas. I’m sure thinking it would be a reminder of their cruelty to do it on that day but they are such sick individuals in their demonic minds. You just have to know these types of people love it when they cause someone to take their life. It’s like supply and fuel for life. I’m so glad that you escaped and are free. They take part of our soul, such a large part of our soul. I just don’t think the pieces can ever be put back together and then of course there is the smear campaign where they’ve told all of the world that like you said, we are the problem. Sadly, a lot of people believe that because they just don’t know any better. it’s a hard pill to swallow knowing there won’t be any justice most likely in this lifetime.
It was the eye's..
That stare,black and empty. Felt like pure evil. Never forget it..
It's definitely demonic possession.
There is actually a term for this and it’s called the Predatory Stare. If you’ve been on the receiving end of this look, it will chill you to the bone. It’s just like an animal looking at its prey. A true NPD person is terrifying to be around. They are so insidious with their manipulation that it isn’t apparent in the beginning when they’re also love-bombing you. My gut instinct from Day One was to RUN, but I made excuses and ignored it. Trust your instincts!
Same !! I can tell by my mothers eyes if she was gonna be mean and have odd behavior . When she's mean her eyes change , they're dark and her eyes look blank and empty ! My brother has also said that he can tell by the look of her eyes if she's gonna be mean.
I ran across a video that said narcissists are possessed by an evil spirit that takes over their mind and soul , which made alot of sense to me , so I believe my mothers possessed by an evil spirt. I can't remember the name of the video, but it made a lot of sense , so maybe Google the subject ...
I've lived next to one for 20y . He's a total asshole.
@@edwardzarnowski5558 I agree 100% this behavior is so definable that its almost like the same demons inhabit different people. But the personality is almost Identical.
My mother raged against me when I was sick as a child. As an adult when my CVS returned my counsellor convinced me that my CPTSD had deluded me into thinking my mother wouldn't help me. Some BS about learned helplessness and distorted tgoughts. My counsellor talked me into asking my mum for help. I stupidly listened to my therapist. I asked my mother to please drive me home from the hospital after admissions. She flat out said no. I asked why not. She said she was too old. (She was 53) and she told everyone I was a drug addict and to shut me out. They believed her. I cannot describe the hell I went through because of that. It wasn't until 20 years later when my CVS was cured that I found out what she had done. Now, she is old and sick. She said to me the other day, "I have made an exiting decision. You can come and live in the spare room when your father dies" .... I said " So I can look after you ?!
She said "Yes!!" Like I had won a prize or something.
I will not look after her. She can morgage her house and get a carer. She can age all alone.
How horrible to be so let doen by your mother
People are treated better by total syrangets
Good for you! Stick to your plan for your life.
You have to do what’s right for you and your own health. God bless you.
Stand firm friend. Don't let her manipulate you into guilt or shame. Let her reap what she has sown.
Lol. Don't they see how silly they look. My mother did similar. If I could be all the things she said then she'd get attention. I have nothing to do with her and now she fake faints in her old age to get my sister and niece to leave work and save her.
I was married to a narcissist for 25 years. He turned my kids against me by badmouthing me. I really hope karma gets him
It will happen one day.❤
46 years, me too. When he was finally arrested for abuse, I was condemned and ejected for "sending our father to jail." His manipulations lost me my grown kids and the grandkids I had loved for 15 years. He has reinvented his entire life fantastically (suddenly a "man of God," former CIA agent, etc - it's astonishing), is a vicious bigot, and is completely paranoid. Meanwhile, my siblings circled their wagons around me and I am living my best life, so much healthier than it has been since before I met him. Yes, I now see how pathetic he has been and is now. He burnt all his bridges, work colleagues, golf buddies, neighbors, absolutely nobody wants anything to do with him ... except, evidently, our daughters, who I spent their childhood protecting them from him. They are middle-aged adults and made their choices, never heard the court testimony nor even asked about it. The wreckage these people leave in their wake is horrific. Karma has a job to do. As for me, I can't fix it and I don't have enough time in my life to care anymore.
Me too
Mine too!!
I’m so sorry for you, how awful. It’s happened to me too,
My dad is almost using his age as a weapon. A sort of "I'm old so now you REALLY have to do what I say,and let me do what I want,because by god I will make you feel guilty". He's horrible,then once he gets out in public he gets sympathy because he looks like a vulnerable old man. He even puts on a wobbly voice and everybody is like aah..poor man. I've written a poem about it,but not sure I want to share it yet.
We get it and it gets worse.
I have a aging narc dad. Please share. 🙏🏽♥️
Yackedy yack, don't come back?
Lol
That just came to mind.
Sorry.
Hope it gets better🙏.
THROUGH MY PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF GOING THROUGH THIS WITH MY OLDEST SISTER "
OUT OF MY HEART CAME A POEM & I MANAGED TO SEND HER THE POEM BEFORE SHE DIED VIA TEXT MESS.
BITTER SWEET 😞 MEMORIES.
@@tinyvr7036 Good comment, I'll have to remember that one!
Narcs seeks "immortality", but can't beat the clock in our lifespan. ⏳️
@@TheHeinrichSymposium I don't. What's the point of live forever...bruh?
@@TheHeinrichSymposium 'Living' doesn't isn't unlimited, it's only at enough moment in time.
Well said.
Good people reach their time in health and youth
Bad people rot away
I've hated myself for the last time. I will never let someone hang up on me,turn their back on me,dismiss me, talk down to me,blame me,ignore me, manipulate me,cheat on me,control me and use me. I finally asked the right questions and got the right answers.
Loving and valuing yourself putting your needs above them, is the Narcs cryptonite
The only man you can count on is our Lord Jesus Christ! 🙌🏻🙏🏻
Please get out ASAP! It will become an endless cycle! I have been stuck in this cycle for close to 25 years! I’m at my last leg with this.Im trying my best to get out.
@@Kykylandfarming Thanks for the kind words. I have and hope you do as well.
AMEN 🙏
Spotting the aging narcissist is pretty easy. You'll usually see them waving a cane around saying, "Hey, stupid kids! Stay off my lawn!" Their habitat is usually Denny's on Sunday, where they can be spotted in the wild giving a waitress a hard time for being too slow on the free coffee refills.
I'm surprised they will use a cane. The narcissist I know won't use a cane or a white stick. Too proud and stupid to.
Spotting hushmoney seems difficult, but it makes its own type of sounds, silence, yelling, and those arm waving jazz handed gestures we see when a sociopathic billionaire long time nextdoor neighbor of epstein's walks out of courtroom repeatedly calling everything against him a witch hunt.
We saw the death threats from his supporters directed towards a woman who went public about kavanaugh, she had to be placed into a protective safe house, but pelosi still caved and let the sociopath get a govt issued hall pass into the supreme court panel.
Catholics suck.
😂😂😂
Lol
@@RealLifeFinance The aging narcissist seems to have shadowbanned my previous comment, because I made a comment echoing george carlin it seems.
Go figure! Didn't notice until seeing your comment sent me a notification. Interesting. This comment will probably disappear too based on the eggshells of the shadowban happy aging youtube narcissistic channel owner?
An algorithm?
My mom would fly into a full blown tantrum at the smallest thing. Every time she did when I was an adult, I felt so scared. Eventually, I got the courage to stand up to her. She didn’t listen but I didn’t feel so scared anymore. I stopped talking to her and it was really tough because I do love her. I just needed to look out for my own family and my own peace.
You are doing the right thing, imo. I raised my kids as far away from my family as possible... married a military man.
I totally relate to that. My mother in her 70s, complains and cries she has no money and is all alone, yet she talked my brother, to buy her a brand new Honda Accord when she smashed up her brand new van.
I cut off all contact with her simply because after 55 years of my life, I realized I mean NOTHING to her and she was just breadcrumbing me and gaslighting me just so she can get off on disrespecting me. Good riddance.
@@marciloni12 Yep. She cried and cried b/c "none of my kids have anything to do with me"! (Geez, mom, there might be a REASON for that... )
Just went through the same thing my mother had a tantrum called me a mother fucker! 😢 then tried to apologize but it was for her own quilt
When I was 15 I stepped in to protect my younger sister who my mother was terrorizing in one of her rages. My sister was being traumatized and I couldn't stand it anymore, so I stepped in and told my mother to back off. My mother immediately turned on me, punching me, pushing me, and at one point she had her hands around my throat, pinning me up against a wall. The glazed look of rage in her eyes as she tried to choke me, i will never forget. Until then I was afraid of her, but at that moment I decided to do the (to me) unthinkable: I punched her in the chin. First time I ever fought back, and the last time she ever touched me. I was bigger than her, you see. Bullies are cowards and only pick on people who they perceive as weaker. It's easy to beat up a little girl, but not a full-grown adult who's bigger than they are, and will show that they can fight back. Of course, she pretended like it never happened. I feel bad for not calling her more often, and I do love her, so it's hard. But then I think, how come she never felt bad about hurting a little girl? Anyway, you're not alone. Your peace is no less important than hers.
Narcissists also induce paranoia in the other due to all the game playing, lying and gaslighting.
Such as when they say atheists walk on a lake of fire for all eternity.
It should be illegal to delude maliable young people's and disabled adults minds for the loot.
How very true!! Spot on!
Once I became aware of my narcissistic mother I started paying attention to her behaviors. I was the scapegoat so she would go into a fit of rage over absolutely nothing and belittle he and say all kinds of horrible stuff, then in a few minutes she would be the nicest person and trying to give me something like offer to take me out to eat or buy me something. This was so sad to witness
Whenever I heard the word narcissist, I always thought of a man but then I married a female narcissist. She got worse with age and started to become violent. I had to divorce her because she kept assaulting people and had been arrested several times.
This was my mother n law. She ended up with dementia and basically alone because no one could stand her. Narcissistic people are so selfish and nasty. They should be loathed.
They generally are, I think.
I can relate to your dilemma. When she died I screamed freedom.
Yes, had 1 of those .
Left her NARC son, unbelievable Malignant very insestious with her son , no boundaries in the bathroom walked in on her son always.
She would sit and stare , and where the same clothes as me .
Fuc***** mad.
one faves are "we should pray for them", "feel sorry for them", my ass.
@@lilfairycupcake you should pray for your enemies but that doesn’t mean let them abuse you. Keep distance but do pray. It does help.
I was married to a narcissist for 50 years and you really nailed the behaviors perfectly. He died 4 years ago and I'm still feeling the after effects every day. Two years of therapy helped a little, but I don't think anyone can fully understand unless they've experienced it firsthand. The nightmares are awful, but what's even worse is the guilt I feel for never being able to mourn his loss. I can't even talk about it with family members because they wouldn't understand.
Don’t feel guilt. Guilt serves no purpose. You are free from stress enjoy it. Don’t continue the ritual of abuse. You have served your time. It’s time for healing. Put a smile on your face, enjoy what freedom feels like.
I sympathize with you. I'm married 60 years to one. I thought it was me, I was doing something wrong. Took me many many years of work on myself to come to terms with it. It wasn't me, it isn't me. I am in a mostly good place emotionally now. I have distanced myself emotionally and, physically, I spend very little time with him although we live in the same house. I have gotten better at not reacting to his selfishness and anger. Just leave him to himself. Not a happy way to live but it works most of the time. If I don't expect anything I'm not disappointed.
Let it go ❤
47 years here, finally divorced him and now married to the man of my dreams! I never knew marriage could be so wonderful. I’m now loved, respected and treasured. Get out now because the covert narcissist will NEVER change!
Yes, at least once a month I dream that he's back from the dead. I'm yelling at him, "You're dead!" and he just gives me a smirk and pushes me out of the way. I wake up panicked.
Jill, thank you for the wisdom you share with us. My X mother in law is now 92yrs old. For years she wasca terra and is worse now than ever. My husbsnd ,her son died 2yrs ago. After his death, her maskcompletely fell off, because I chosr to pull back from her, forcing her to show her true self. Our home was in close proxmity to her. I sold my home and land and moved away. Thanking God everyday for my freedom. It is by God's mercy and grace that I survived her and her son. No Contact of any kind is best!
☺️❤☺️
My in laws live next door-34 years of hell, interference and annihilating my reputation to anyone who would listen. MIL died in February and my FIL refused to speak to me at her funeral. I could have cared less. My son was married last Saturday and my father in law held up a picture of his wife just as they were saying their vows, which caused my SIL to sob violently. I didn't think it possible to detest another human being-I refuse to even look in his direction. They're loathsome demons in the flesh.
That's twisted
Delusional is what it is, be careful around the delusional because you only live once.
Some of them issue me death threats, etc.
My ex did that when he married his new supply, only he used his poor ailing parents' photo.
@@pamhughey8922 good grief-they're utter morons. 😏
Wow. That's my mother. Haven't had contact for years. Don't miss her.
My narc mom passed in '07. Sad to say this about myself, but all I felt was RELIEF...finally! 5 kids, and she died alone in a nursing home. Go figure.
Oh you’re lucky, I wish I could go no contact. I unexpectedly became disabled in my 40’s & have to live w my aging narc father, nightmare. Enjoy your freedom 🙏🏻.
Exactly...eight months no contact with my 'mother'....🎉
Same. Stay happy and blessed!
Me too
Manipulating you about his Will and inheritance is a tool the aging narcissist does. Triangulation with siblings and keep changing the Will every month, depending on which sibling is flavour of the month. Excluding the Scapegoat child from the Will is common. Its horrible!
Yes absolutely true. My narc mother in-law is 84 and we've been no contact. She showed up at our home just when we came from the hospital. She demanded her son call her twice a month to receive his inheritance... she's evil and delusional. And yes, he's always been the scapegoat and the only one that has stood up to her.
I just learned a few days ago I was removed from my malignant narcissist father’s will, and he was very wealthy. I was the scapegoat and the only one of his four daughters who stood up to him.
@@theenlightenedtarget
I'm sorry to hear that Jill 😔 I was excluded from my father's Will, but pitched to be included with my siblings. I was the scapegoat. The Golden child didn't want me included, as these things can repeat through the generations, but eventually and reluctantly she agreed that the Will should be shared equally between all siblings. He had literally changed the Will multiple times over his last years just to manipulate all his children and turn them against each other, which he'd done all of his life. He'd cause conflict and sit back and enjoy watching his kids fight with each other! Terrible man.
Wouldn't surprise me if my narc father didn't place at his Will. In fact, got a gutfeeling that my father's Will will be all to his 2nd wife. That's why I better save my money for my pensions. Oh well. 🤷♂️
Narcissists and Sociopaths thrive on having power and control over their children. Even better if there's a few of you, to play their evil games with. I was one of 8 children. My sociopathic father had a field day with it. Making sure he deliberarely orchestrated conflict within the pecking order, creating drama, chaos and in-fighting where ever he could. All for his entertainment. It was truly evil.
They never ask anyone how they are in conversations. They only talk about themselves & how wonderful they are
Either an Angel brought your video to me this very second I needed it or you are an Angel, you rock!
Mythology, the scammers handbook though. We must be cognitive of that.
Thank you, you are so spot on - no one who has not experienced a narcissist first hand can truly understand the maligant narcissist. Indeed, the jealousy and rage becomes overwhelming as they age.
My sister had bullied me badly as a child but did everything she could to destroy me in later life after she had lost her (lawyer) job, and as it became clear my father prefered me to her - her jealousy and paranoia then became overwhelming, and was even worse after he died. Quite early on, she blamed me for losing her job to start with when, after years of my helping my mother, I asked her to step in - then all hell broke loose and the elder abuse she then inflicted on my mother (who was also a narcissist, but nothing compared to what my sister became), was simply horrendous and I still am still haunted by her deliberate cruelty to her. She couldn't care less for the tragedy, terrible pain and degradation that happened to my mother - all her focus being on herself and that she didn't want the same affliction (Parkinsons'). I tried to step in and prevent her insanity to our mother, but was unable to, as my sister had gained power of attorney over her. In retribution for my efforts for Mum, she became utterly consumed with destroying me, gaslighting and blackening my name to all my mother's friends and the rest of the family. She also deliberately set out to charm my half sister, who I had been like a mother to all her life, and who my narc sister had never been bothered with. When my half sister was diagnosed with cancer, she deliberatey wooed her in order to inherit from her - she succeeded, and the money my (childless) half sister had always promised she would leave my children, she left to my narcissistic sister. My narc sister also deliberately set out to turn my mother and step father against me early on so that I would be written out of my mother's will, and turned all her charms on our wealthy stepfather in the hope of inheriting from him. She deliberately schemed to inherit from all three - my step father, mother and half sister. Her wickedness and cruelty, her narcissistic rages to me in private, the sheer malignancy of her treatment of me, my mother and half sister was hard to comprehend. It nearly did destroy me, until from months of reading, I worked out she is a malignant narcissist. I cut off all contact and now have nothing to do with her. Nobody who has not experienced a malignant narcissist first hand can credit their devious wickedness - but above all, their cruelty. It still haunts me, as does her cruetly to my mother, which I tried to mitagate against, but was powerless to prevent.
I agree. If a person hasn't experienced it they don't understand and most likely won't believe it.
@@sandranovakovich688 Yes, absolutely. My father's family (step mother and step siblings, who are lovely people and who have had no narcissists in their midst) just cannot believe it - they just think my sister and I have had a 'falling out'. I've explained it several times to my step mother, a kind, caring and empathetic person, who ultimately, although she has tried, simply cannot comprehend it as it is completely outside her experience that anyone could go to the lengths my sister has gone to.
On the other hand, my closest friend whose father was a cruel narcissist, understood instantly. When my sister, in the extremenity of her anger at my 'interference' in trying to help my mother - which in her paranoia she interpreted as my thwarting her - she actually took me to court - my friend totally understood and wept for me and my mother at the lies my sister and her barister husband told in court, and also to my mother's doctor, the hospital and nursing home staff etc etc - the lenghts my sister went to in order to win and to discredit me, knew no limits. And throughout it all she played the victim!
My 42 year old daughter is doing these things to me too. I haven’t seen my grandchildren in two years. I completely understand your pain. It’s devastating!
Nobody better of stayed with a narcissist !!!!! Poor spouses better get out !!!!
I did...I GOT OUT!! So allowing them to self-destruct.
My neighbour is married about 20 year with her narc spouse - suddenly she became as toxic as her narc spouse - she even has a huge alcohol problem.....
That's when I finally had to accept that my Mom was senile, when she told family members they would die in a lake of fire because they weren't 'saved'. She got meaner and meaner and finally had the big stroke. Funny thing, after her stroke she was as nice as could be.
Yes, I regret the loss of my 60 years with a narcissistic husband. Wish I had terminated my marriage when I firstrealized how uncaring he is. He wouldn’t come home to take me to my doctor when I was experiencing a severe episode of endometriosis and nearly hemorrhages to death. This was a year after we married, I learned not to depend on him in emergencies. Regret not divorcing.
This is all true of my narcissister. My mother, however, was a covert narcissist and liked being fussed over. She actually liked getting old, because people treated her better.
Same! Mine could win an Academy Award for her acting ability.
This is so accurate. I know a narcissist in his 70s that is extremely racist and thinks everyone is after his money. He is the savior for his family and makes plans for the next top level position of employment like he's 25 years old.
In total denial about age limits, and if you don't share his religious beliefs, you are surely going to hell. Same with politics. Can't keep his opinions to himself and believes in his own superiority.
Typical, let me guess, pentacostal
Yes, I know about the religious part…if you don’t share their beliefs you are going to hell.
I know that guy lol
Nobody is obligated to care for them, support them, put up with them - family or friend. Do not take their crap. Be very direct & follow through with what you will do for them and not do. Discipline like a 2 year old ! They deserve nothing more !
Sadly, this doesn't work... for me, at least. Just wait until all those flying monkeys hear how you've been bullying them...
@@melanytodd2929
You HAVE to cut off the flying monkeys as well. It's hard because you have had some good times with them over the years, but once they disgust you as much as the narc, it will be easy to let them go.
The part you said “Go wash your face” that was when you knew the rage was over….that shook me to my core. I remember both of my parents did that but in two very different forms.
Ohmygawd, mine, too! What a terrible, terrible feeling that was.
My adoptive mother was a Narc and lived to 95.She grew more evil every day.She died bitter and twisted.
I'm adopted to narc mother and sister .I have mental health and used ot as a excuse its always me .even on a well phase .she 89 ..there both getting worse im 57 and tje youngest .
It seems like they live longer than good people.
Yes they do live longer.
The dellusional thinking absolutely gets worse with age. My Dad (narcissist) cut out his entire family because he thought my Grandma stole a ring from him. It's a long story, but basically, my Dad found a ring on the floor when he was a child. His aunt (my great aunt) loved the ring and asked if she could give him $20 for the ring. He agreed. She wore that ring until the day she died. When she passed, my Dad lost his mind and told everyone that the ring was HIS, and they STOLE from him. I tried to explain to my Dad that his Aunts kids want that ring because it reminds them of their mother who passed away. Whereas my Dad wanted it to sell to buy drugs. My Dad made it clear that if everyone didn't FORCE my cousins to give him back his ring, he would disown us all.
He did. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer 5 years later, and he died alone.... by his own choice. He kept to his word and disowned all of us.
they are soooo petty, and small.
So helpful, thank you, my 90 year old mother has discarded me at the age of 69 and my husband. I’m 4 months out, finally beginning the healing . I’ve also gone no contact with my narcissistic brother 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻.
15 years later I am thriving! Narcissist parents, narcissist spouse, got rid of them all and having my best life. Took a lot of introspection and strength but so worth it! To everyone dealing with them at the moment - you can do it. Don't give up.
This is exactly what’s happening to my boss. I’ve worked for him for 23 years. He was always the typical arrogant successful guy. A little difficult to deal with occasional irritability and bad temper. But at age 78, he had completely changed into an unbearable manipulative control freak with a ridiculous need for attention. He is dismissive, argumentative, confrontational and negative. Last year I quit going to the office to work from home because of his abusive treatment of me. I put my phone on do not disturb because he constantly texts and calls me all night long. Rage tantrums as screaming are a daily event. If he was always like this, I wouldn’t have worked with him all these years. It’s like he lost his filter and I’m seeing the little ugly man behind the false curtain.
I think as they get older, they feel less able to control others, or that others are no longer afraid of them, and that terrifies and enrages them, so it gets worse.
Thanks for the warning!! She’s now 88…i went no contact when I was 19 and she was 39. I really hear nothing about her from my siblings who remain in denial and in daily relationship with her. So….i can’t witness for myself what’s going on with and to her. I’m just glad I got out when I did. It’s been difficult and interesting growing into adulthood but as I started this healing journey about 3years ago I’ve learned, grown & now I’m thriving. I’m free. That’s the word I use-- FREE 😁😊🥰. Thanks for your video…it’s been helpful.
Free with your history.
This is probably the best video that describes narcissists. The paranoia, the delusions, and the rage all get worse with age. Narcissists often have few, if any, close friends because people cannot deal with their behavior.
You described my sister so accurately, it's scary...I'm in the process of going no contact, and I will move across the country and never look back. I will ensure she never has my address or true phone number. I'm done.
I went no contact with my narcissistic sister 8 months ago. Unfortunately she still bad mouths me to her daughters & even her grandchildren. The poisonous web spreads far & wide.😢
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This I Have Never Experienced Such Horrific Abuse Until
I Met A Malignant Narcissist This Person Is In His 60’s His Abuse Is Horrific I Experienced Being Emotionally And Psychologically Abused Maliciously Cruel Belittling Me Calling Me Horrible Names.Highly Manipulative..
I Would Get Months And Years Of The Silent Treatment And Being Discarded You Are Absolutely Right..This Person Almost Drove Me To Suicide.This Person Has Destroyed My Life Especially My Self Confidence And My Self Worth This Person Enjoys Treating Me Like I Don’t Exist This Is Absolutely The Worst Abuse Ever .Narcissistic Abuse Is Beyond Brutal..
just run!!
I had the same from a narcissists in his early 60s, he just got worse and worse. I hope you've left him? I certainly did but it took me some time, as he kept manipulating me into giving it another go, just kept turning up as if I'd never ended the relationship! I could not get rid of him until I got help from LE to accept my wishes to end it between us. Thank God that worked and he stopped harassing me. They think they are entitled to carry on abusing you for as long as they want!!! A law unto themselves. 🤬
@amandajohnson-williams7718 Wow Thank you so Very much For Sharing This How Did You Get Away Can You Please Explain...I'm Proud Of You
They became pathetic. A 3 old child tantrums in a ugly, decrepit, gross , aging body🤮
Mine was also in his 60’s and charming …. Until….finally kicked him out !!!
It’s so heartbreaking when you have been targeted by a narcissist, you are so spot on, thank you from Australia 🇦🇺
Men and women who could not deal with any trauma forever searching for mommy 💯✊
Bingo! I had a college roommate during our PhD degree programs. He was in his early 50s, and would get maudlin and moody every year on the anniversary of his mother's death, and she had been dead...for twenty years!!!
@@riversong201that’s common as widow I know it’s normal you do feel down around the anniversaries of someone’s death that doesn’t make a person a narcissistic
Excellent summary. Lived thru this experience for 30 years. This was my mother-in-law. She passed recently. I did always keep tight boundaries around her however just her presence in our lives was so toxic. So happy to wake up and remember there’s no
need to deal anymore with her nonsense, drama, lying and triangulation. Nope, not missing any of that! So happy now! Hubby is relieved too.
This sounds like so many of my mother’s siblings. Herself, her brothers, a couple of her sisters… I’m so grateful to be their scapegoat/black sheep !!! Because I am the observer and truth teller I am considered the “mean one” 😌 I refuse to fit the role they had me living now thanks to you and a couple of others who give so much. Thank you Jill ❤♾️🫀🧠💪🏼
!
Power to the truth tellers! They hate themselves because they can't be authentic, honest or empathetic.They hate us twice as much because we are all of those things and more. 💪♥♥🧿
They also hang onto a slight or misdeed in their eyes and mind, and will rage about it forever, never letting go.
The huge and ugly part is their ""confidants" and/or( hopeful) heirs will play into it with them, over and over until you either become sick of it, or you run for the hills.
It can be horrible and carefully orchestrated to mess with your head and life.
It is emotional abuse at its worst because they say so, so it must be.
Don't give them that power. It's an excuse to hurt and punish .
The others involved are their accomplices.
😢
Does anyone else experience an almost palpable, negative physical change in the actual atmosphere when a narc enters the room? Or is it just my pre-programmed anticipation/anxiety kicking in?
Both - a narc sucks the life out of a room and the person he or she has a relationship with -
@@teresasahli5891 Yeah. You said it so much better...
They resonate with negative frequencies. It is scientifically proven.
@@kimblack3993 THAT'S exactly what I'm sensing...a literal heaviness seems to enter the room with the narc; a "darkness". Makes a person sensitive to such things recoil-withdraw-throw up protective boundaries if physical retreat is not possible. Thanks. Explains a lot. I thought I was the only one who reacts that way.
Living with one definitely changed my happy optimistic personality. Took me some time to understand what was happening and that it wasn’t my fault.
I have experienced th rage with my mother. After suffering her rage directed at me she would quickly go as if nothing had happened and I was still in shock from her abuse!
I experience this frequently from MIL.
I’m looking forward for the day he reap all what he has sown in my life and my children. I live through the abuse in real time, uneducated about narcissists. If I only knew soon what I was going through is about I would have getting out sooner. I’m still in shock and emotional pain that this is my reality.
They can be so blatantly hypocritical it's plain astounding. It took me 30 years to recognize narcissism in one of my ''friends'' I simply didn't know what it was.
I think I encountered an old narcissist. He was in his 60's and my neighbor was having a party where her family was invited. She made all kinds of food for the guests. He was drunk and he wanted more alcohol. He wanted them to give him money so he could walk to the store and buy more vodka. They wouldn't give him money. So he stuck his hands in the food. It was some kind of potato salad or something with eggs and noodles and mayonaise. He was shoving it into his mouth and it was smeared all over his grey beard. Everyone was grossed out and the food went to waste. She was very angry at him for doing that. He ruined the food she made for everyone.
Bigotry and paranoia -- yes. He enticed me to share my opinion on a sensitive topic and began to hammer me with passive/overt aggression when my response didn't match his expectations. It digressed into an ugly conflict I still struggle to comprehend. I just wanted to bond over our kids and past experiences, but the man was unrecognizable. I learned later that his behavior was sociopathic.
They get too old to beat you up, so they whine and yell that everything is unfair, or switch to using guilt and "you owe me" or cutting you out of the will. Just a different kind of spite work.
You have perfectly described my boss he's 72 years old, been working together for 37 years. Never could figure out what the heck was his problem until I started viewing these Narcissist videos.
My mother's rage and hostility has increased to a great degree as she has gotten older. I realized that this is because, as she gets older, people are not afraid of her anymore, and to a bully that is horrifying. What used to work for her before (menacing, threatening tantrums) doesn't work anymore, and that enrages her (it's easy to terrify a defenseless little girl, but not so much mature, logical adults) . She has always remorselessly lashed out at her family, taking for granted that we will always come back for more abuse, but she's seeing now that when one pushes people away, those people often stay away. We are not afraid of her and we will not tolerate it anymore. But she never acknowledges the trauma that her temper has caused for us all. Instead, she pretends like it never happened. Now, when I don't call, she tries to guilt me by saying she's old and is going to die soon. But the last few times I called, she would inevitable start yelling at me for having different opinions than her, and it would end with her rudely hanging up on me. I tried to warn her once not to take her family for granted, but she doesn't seem to get it.
👍👍
My mom in law is 79 and a narcissist- her narcissism is getting worse and drives my wife crazy and annoyed at her
And plenty are leaders of institutions, local authorities as well as families...
Yet, I can recall the pressure to revere the mature/elderly throughout my life - especially a thing in some ethnicities - ALL the elderly! The danger of this has always been clear to me, even as a child, and it's increasingly so, speaking as now a mature, myself.
In fact, by the time I was 20 I realised that narcissism so common in some communities, it began to be normalised to my thinking of mature folk. So I started an undeclared policy of monitoring and limiting my exposure, unless I somehow experienced clear evidence of the ABSCENCE of narcissistic traits. I am confident this has helped me
All people without compassion should be rejected by society.
Compassion is a rare commodity today.
Some get a nurse/cook/carer convenient girlfriend. Many narcissists finally move in with someone, out of convenience.
This is very, very informative. This is my first time here. My father who is 97 years old and has Lewy Body Dementia is also a Narcissist. He is completely unmanageable for me and his caregivers but whenever anyone who is not involved in his care visits he goes into his "showtiming" and then the visitors place judgment on me. They don't believe he has the problems with his mental health and cognition. It is very frustrating. Everything that you explained here are things that I have experienced with my father.
Thank you for bringing up the elephant in the room. The thing which we are afraid to speak of. The thing men say doesn’t exist. Bigotry and racism. And when you marry the kind man and he’s compassionate society blames you too for not seeing it from the beginning. Double pain. When you buy a home together it’s especially hard to get out if you have a disabled child and all alone. I can’t ever find anyone with similar experiences. Also a lot of these people have crazy addictions like smoke and chew. Even sucking their thumbs! They are just so traumatized by some life event somewhere that they never get over and grow. They simply give up being human.
👍👍👍
Thank you Lisa. Both my parents are ALL OF THE ABOVE. And don't forget the entitlement!
You described my father perfectly. I had enough. I feel so sorry for my mother. Both are in the mid-80s.
Yes, this was amazing to me! He could make a huge seen at a party and then leave and within 15 minutes he's back like he's everyone's best friend! And all of us are just standing there thinking WTF.. what the heck is going on here!!
I am 57 narc wife 65 getting better like watching rotting milk i am making my plans to leave finally filed for divorce. This aummer i break free. Cannot stand being used insulted raged at demeaned anymore. Good luck to all suffering u will break through.
Yes the insults and body shaming is the worst from a narc mum. I went no contact a year ago left me with anxiety disorder . These demons don’t change. Never give in the pleading to be taken back I did it all my adult life they don’t change even for their children 🥲
I have so many horror stories. I'll share this...me and 6 year old son were watching a programme in the lounge... husband comes home turns the channel over so son and I go into kitchen to watch our programme....he storms into the kitchen and stomps his feet like a brat.... absolutely furious that we carried on. It was astonishing watching this mental person behave like that. Obviously now he's retired.... it's egg shell day permanently. To all who live with one of these....my heart ❤️
I am married to one for 61 years. I am convinced that, unless you have experience in a narcissistic relationship, you will never understand what it’s like. And there are circumstances that keep you from leaving. I have done my homework and have learned how to live the best I can with him. The sooner a person realizes what is going on, the better to get out. I was very naive about the relationship.
Spot on as always! ❤
Thank you!
❤️ the bigot analogy.
Oh my goodness. You just hit the nail on the head. My mother is a narcissist and has been all of my life. She is 85 now and i have just identified this in her. She calls me numerous times a day telling me someone has stolen something from her or theyve hidden something from her. This is so hard for me to deal with. I always knew she wasnt right, but i loved her and believed everything she said. When i was a teen she would get my friends together and make fun of me in front of them. Humiliate me to make herself look better in her eyes. It was horrible the abuse i grew up with. Now i live nextdoor to her, all of her family has passed, so she really depends on me. Her narcissism has gotten so bad in her elder years it makes me feel physically sick.
Good luck with that one 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Move
Yes, more paranoia. Suspicious of everything and everyone. They are the guilty ones with their lies and bag of tricks. I agree with everything being said in the video. Thank you, dear lady, for your wisdom and truth. 😊
Thanks for saving me from a possible life with a narcissist; this girl had been giving me cold silent treatments for over 11 months now, But I never gave into her manipulations, false accusations; first time I went to India to visit home from US, I made 1 day time to meet her, but she never appeared, she kept me confused, 2nd time I visited, she never responded to my Whatsapp or calls; I was being empathetic to her, but she made me realize why I should concentrate on the other better people...
People need to LOVE themselves & GET OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (of course, this is not that easy with a family member).♥️💯 There's NO NEED to deal with this abuse, manipulation, & lies of these demons!💯 YOU DESERVE MUCH, MUCH, BETTER.♥️💯 I had TWO EVIL COVERT NARCISSIST friends, & they are still SO PATHETIC.💯🎭👹👿 I got out of these so-called "friendships" AS SOON AS I COULD.💯
Amen 🙏🙏
My heart is racing listening to you. I was able to get away. Thank God!
I felt this video in my soul! My God, at least it all makes sense now! Thanks Jill❤
Thank you so much for this. I’ve sent it on to my brothers as well. We have suffered with our supremely narcissistic, retired attorney father all our lives. He’s about to turn 90. He has either divorced or buried 4 wives and has done his best to destroy his 4 children. It has only made us stronger and brought us even closer to one another. Your channel is wonderful - and your warm delivery is, I am certain, a godsend to countless people! ♥️
Thank you! Wishing you and your siblings all the best!! 🙏❤️🙏
Spot on in every respect. They become more toxic with a looming fear and anger over losing control over the ones they once intimidated by their outbursts and bullying. I can attest to everything in this video.
I'm glad I went no-contact a long time ago
My entire childhood was hell! My father terrorized me and my mother and put my sister on a pedestal. He used her to belittle, bully and hurt me. He always let me know that there was something wrong with me. My mother remained married to him until her death. I was 40 at the time and in the years before it never occurred to me to break up with him for good, but after the death of my mother that is what I did, what a liberation, finally peace in my soul!. I advise everyone to break with a narcissist and only then will you be free.
When they start aging they’ll start hanging around younger people and act just like them so they’ll feel young again.
This is MY MOM at 90 years old. Things are much clearer now in my head.
This video really helped . They make you feel like you're the crazy one. And they get a good night's sleep!
Thank you for this video! 100% described my husband. I've seen that rage-turned-calm and expecting me to be totally fine & over it, SO MANY TIMES! It's truly maddening. I am learning to set my boundaries and stay emotionally detached. This is really sad; I spent years trying to change him, then when I realized he wasn't going to change, I spent more years grieving over who he refused to become. Now I'm focused on ME, taking care of MY body, MY soul, and MY spirit. Thank you again for this video.
My mom. You are describing good old mom at 70. What is unique is that spending 30 years working with old people this generation of boomers is the biggest generation of narcissists I have ever seen.
My mom at 82...attention seeking, entitlement, extremely insecure and yes, more manipulative now! I had to walk away from her to keep my sanity.
Generalizing a bit there
@@christinerobin386Shhhh. There's an anti-Boomer thing afoot. Let 'em enjoy it while they can.
-1957 😁
Pluto in Leo generation. Generally the later Pluto in Virgo (1966 to 1971) generation heals the bloodline of trauma.
age is especially hard on the attractive female narc. once the looks go, there goes a huge part of her control mechanism.
My mother at 84
Especially if they're older and single. Older men don't have the same wants/needs as they did decades ago, so for the narc female to throw around her sexuality as a lure isn't so enticing.
@@MIMIDSHdam skimpy!
OMG I had this conversation today honest
My mother at almost 87. She wants a facelift, nose & lip job. She can't accept that her looks are gone.
This is why when you start dating one in mid life or later it is quick to reveal itself. At first, you're amazed at your good luck theyre still available. If this is your first one, you will excuse every oddity. Not everyday people oddities but real questionable behaviors. Those who have even entry level knowledge will see those signs even before thinking of hey...wanna talk sometime ? Yep..the first one is your opportunity to learn and become autonomous without need of others. Supposed societal norms are mostly seen as traps. Self care of yourself is attractive not capitulation to a mirage.
Sadly my husband has added “dementia” to his arsenal of gaslighting and tantrums. His paranoia has increased and rational thinking is almost nonexistent. All behaviors mentioned in your video
, I have experienced for nearly 49 years of marriage, and last three years it’s been overwhelming. YES Some people need to leave, but some of us have a commitment above self 🙏.
My husband of 51 years has now added illness to manipulate and control. Gaslighting me with “ I feel like I could die “ then be fine a few hours later. He is getting demented, but denies his lapses in memory or makes excuses for his forgetfulness.
Currently my reality with our 80 yo father. His real self shows so well, it’s actually hard to see the dementia bc it’s pretty close to the baseline.
After loaning my boyfriend $22,000 2 years ago with little pay back and lies about it - I told my now ex boyfriend that NO I wasn’t going to lend my trailer and NO I’m not lending him any more money and NO I don’t want to see you any more. He got all weirded out and had to tell me face to face that HE WAS LETTING ME GO ! After I’d finished contacting him just to have some sort of power over who broke up with who !!! Then I said I’m taking you to court to get back my money and he said with a smirk on his face “it’s all safely locked up” (his house is in his daughters names) what a creep
Why do women give men who come into their lives their money? You sound like a woman who could possibly know the answer to the question. I cannot imagine giving anyone my hard earned money . Even if I decided to loan them money it would require a legal contract through a lawyer.
My 82 year old mother has always done this. She’s kept me on pins and needles my entire life. I’m almost 60 . When my husband and I were delivering her groceries the other day she threatened to hit me in the head with a wrought iron flower pole because she wanted me to stand there and talk while my husband did all of the work. I told her it was beginning to rain and I needed to help him and we would talk after all of the groceries were inside. That’s literally all it took for her to go into a rage. I’ve thought about getting her evaluated with a 5150 mental evaluation but she puts a big show on for outsiders. What should I do other than go no contact? She has COPD from 40 years of smoking excessively, has congestive heart failure, and can barely walk, doesn’t bathe or do laundry, uses adult diapers which she then just throws into the floor, rotted food etc. is everywhere. She has a cat 😒 The flies get so bad that I’ve seen her spray Raid into the air in her kitchen as if it were Febreeze. She’s a hoarder and you can barely walk through her house. The smell is atrocious. Her refrigerator has so much mold and filth in it that I literally gag every time I open it to put away her groceries. She tries to play my husband off of me trying to cause trouble in my marriage. ( He still mows her lawn and takes her trash out even though he shouldn’t) He says the only reason he does is because it’ll make it harder on him later. She definitely needs to be in a nursing home but won’t go. I’ve spoken to drs. ,social workers, even DHHR and they all say as long as she’s able to pay her own bills there’s nothing I can do about her living situation. Btw, she and I both are only children so there is no one else to deal with her. HELP!!!!! Anyone please!
I would go no contact…but only after I got the cat out. It would be inhumane to leave an innocent creature there like that.
Order her groceries to be sent there if you have to but other than that I wouldn’t put up with that type of treatment.
@@supernova11711 Today I dropped her Mother’s Day card off in her mailbox. A very generic one. I just couldn’t see her. She called later to thank me. She asked if I knocked. I said no. She told me she would’ve hugged me. We then hung up. This is the part where I begin to feel sorry for her again until she gets mad and the whole cycle starts over again keeping me torn up all the time. It’s a vicious cycle and probably will be until she dies.
About the mental evaluation, people doing those should be experinced enough to not be fooled. That she is threatening to hit you over such a thing as you describe, is not good. She's being unreasonable beyond any normal behaviour.
@@am1156 Yes she realizes she isn’t in control of anything anymore. However idk how to go about any of it. She says on a daily basis that she is dying. It’s her fault that she’s alone. She’s been divorced 4x ,got mad and left her church years ago, and talks behind the backs of any friends she has left. Our daughter is moving to NC and I told mom the other day that I don’t want to be tied down until I can’t take off at a moment’s notice to go see her. She holds her house over my head by telling me we have a business arrangement that I take care of her and she leaves me the house. The house is so filthy I feel like I need a hazmat suit to enter it, plus it’ll cost a fortune to do all the repairs. I’m almost 60 and have a pacemaker, hip and knee replacement among other things. I never made any such arrangement. The only reason I would even be interested in it is to give it to my son. She truly is crazy!
“The liar’s punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw
This is so true of the narc. My aging mother is becoming more and more delusional and paranoid. Thank you Jill for this. This is everything I’ve experienced.
Wow, you are 1000% right about everything!
thanks for doing such a good job in explaining this in a real life context. You rock at this!
You're so welcome!
Thank you Jill so much! Yes it gets worse and scarier 😢💔
This was the expression on my husband‘s face for the past 10 years of his life. Never happy, never smiling and just being around him I could feel the negativity and evil. he was miserable, but I was extremely happy because I no longer wasn’t affected by his hateful attitude. As a matter of fact, I would laugh at him because he was sooooo ugly 😅😅😂
Yep, my ex-wife had a rage and once kicked a hole in the drywall, and then in 5 minutes said she didn't mean it, denied a problem. I had " just made her angry." Once she broke off a butcher knife tip in the countertop. The time she physically pushed me down, and assaulted me, I filed for divorce. She hoodwinked the court for 7 years before the final decree! Very important to alert your attorney to try to inform your judge. If you are trying to divorce a Narcicist, you need a dream team of pros! Think about it, the same way they manipulated you is the way they manipulate the courts. Went through 3 judges in 7 years, and she played each one. In the end she didn't show up for trial. God Bless, and best of empathy for you if you are fighting the Demons...
That is a perfect description of my narcissistic uncle as he got older. All those things happened when he was only in his 50's. People grew tired of his abusive way and started to turn their backs on him, and he became so pathetic and desperate, trying to find new supply. I was in my 20's and I was still naive and I felt sorry for him. I don't today. Gods punishment reached him. One of his sons commited suicide at 18, the other hated and dispised him all his life. My uncle was deeply acoholised and he became very lonely and poor at the end of his life.
There is a beautiful saying : "Behavior cannot be changed" they have it embedded it in there inner core as behavior and it can not be changed due to age.
My X manager is a sexual addicted narcissist. She used the workplace as a dating pool. If you didn't play her game she turned on you . Very scary situation. I was not trying to be her
subject and turned her advices down.
Now we are at war.
Call a lawyer. This is called creating a hostile work environment. My female cousin sued her female boss at the post office and won for unwanted advances. There are laws to protect you!
Thank you Jill, your content is always so accurate and so very helpful ❤❤❤
Omg! You nailed it !!