Why We’re Socially Awkward and Why That’s Awesome | Ty Tashiro | TEDxNashville
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- čas přidán 13. 06. 2018
- Ty Tashiro reveals why the psychological traits that make people socially awkward are the same traits that propel them toward extraordinary achievements. Through lighthearted stories about his socially awkward childhood and adulthood, he explains why a unique perspective and an uncommon enthusiasm is essential for achieving our awesome potential. This talk is for anyone who sees the world a little differently. Ty Tashiro, Ph.D., is the author of "Awkward: The Science of Why We’re Socially Awkward and Why That’s Awesome" and "The Science of Happily Ever After." His work has been featured at the New York Times, Time.com, TheAtlantic.com, NPR, Sirius XM Stars radio, and VICE. He received his Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of Minnesota, has been an award-winning professor at the University of Maryland and University of Colorado, and has addressed TED@NYC, Harvard Business School, MIT’s Media Lab, and the American Psychological Association. He lives in New York City. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
When ever I speak the conversation ends. 😤😔
Reaper Royal11 I felt this 😂
Lmao same
I feel this.
HAHA!
i been noticed this when I was young. people would talk over me and I did not fit into conversations.
I'm good at talking when I have things to say
Same
So Mr. Ryuk, how many people have you killed?
i wanna be but i stutter so much and so i just shut up 😩🤣
And it's the fricking worst when all ur friends no longer care about what ur about to say - even if you dont speak as often as them
Me 2
I’m probably the most awkward person in this galaxy. I freaking live in the woods with mainly animals as my companions.
Klysee T why do u live in the woods?
jooj하 질 I have a lot of animals and the place I use to live only allowed more traditional pets like dogs, cats, etc. I have a couple of tarantulas and some other animals that are not allowed. I have 5 dogs and they are all quite big so, living in the city was not an option. Especially since the housing price plus living expenses for both me and my animals wasn’t exactly affordable for me. I thought about the country side but I found that the farm I originally owned but I found that I just didn’t like the scenery. I always was fond of the forest and in my old childhood home, there was a forested area in my backyard that I would spend hours in. The great thing about the forest is that there is always something new and exciting. My dogs especially love it because of all the trees and smells. They get excited every time they see something new (last week, they met a porcupine... yeah, I immediately called them back). I think all of my animals love it, even my rooster has laid claim to my house and our small part of the forest.
Klysee T wow interesting! Do you live alone in the forest?
Your life is extraordinary, it's a good place to meditate a huge space just for you 🙏🏼🌷
But isn't it boring sometimes! With that being said It's just interesting and exciting, no one could tell anything about it except who knows the ways your life goes.
jooj하 질 I live mainly with my pets but, my siblings and friends are constantly at my house. My nieces and nephews are at my house so much that they have their own room and I always find things that belong to them (mainly clothes).
I like how I can just work out without anyone bothering me. I use to go to the gym but it got uncomfortable when guys would take notice so now, I just workout at home or in the forested area. It’s a really good exercise because there are so many slopes and uneven grounding that I’m basically getting a workout just trying not to fall and roll down the forest. The trees, bushes, rocks, boulders, occasional animals, etc. are all like a big obstacle course because I’m constantly having to maneuver around, over, or under it.
I do tai chi so I find that my surrounding is very ideal.
It’s not boring at all! The night is full of nocturnal animals (mainly Paku, the owl that likes to hang around my chicken coop and do it’s little screeching in the middle of the night). I’m not really dependent on technology since I do have a lot of responsibilities outside of social media so it doesn’t bother me. My animals are always doing something that makes me laugh or just question whether or not they hate/love me. I’m always busy so I’m never bored.
Klysee T you're a druid?
Everyone asks me the same question why am I so quiet ? And this makes me more awkward and I smiles awkwardly 😞
Yeah!! Same ! We don't know how to reply to those
@@Praneshpm23 yeah
I just say ‘I’m not quiet, you just don’t know me’. That usually makes them want to get to know you more.
@@nic-dj5jx you think we don't have that in our mind? We do...but we can't say it
I’m so AwKwArD I literally have no idea what to do ever
Same....sometimes that awkwardness irritates a lot
Heck yeah.
So glad there are others
I'm only socially awkward around strangers lol. But if around close friends, I'm fun.
@PaiN ExoTiC
I'm the opposite :)
Me too,i need answer for this condition
I'm awkward with everybody, even with myself.
same!!
me too
Because of my awkwardness. People avoiding me and I don't get much respect it's very painful
I feel you. Same thing happens with me.
@@BloodyMary420 me three 😭😭😭😭
I don’t think people are/ were really avoiding you, often when you believe this thought it will automatically happen just because you subconsciously avoid people or you are not being open to others. Try to be in the moment and when you notice the same people just share some kindness by looking at them, waving or smiling, it is not even necessary to say anything, but eventually you will get into talking with them :)
I'm so awkward dude. I have bad anxiety and I feel like my friends will leave me cuz they'll get tired of me worrying and complaining about everything.
I feel that, dude.
I no longer have friends because of my social anxiety. I really feel like a pariah.
And people run away from me because they think I'm boring and weird.
Hang in there
A friend? What is that?
@@corruptneedles3384 I forget. I no longer have any. Just me and my plants
@@naniki742 ah.....
I think everyone is socially awkward from time to time and to varying degrees. People define social awkwardness differently. I believe it boils down to wanting other ‘s approval and conforming to the group instead of being one’s true self. Sacrificing who you are is never worth it. Don’t let others dictate that for you.
@ᎮᏗᏕᏖᏋᏝ ᎴᏋᏇᎴᏒᎧᎮᏕ you're right
True
I needed to read this thank you!!!
Definitely. I was a quiet person. Then i started trying to not be because people keep pointing it out. Then i started being awkward. That’s because that was not my personality.
@@Notme811_you I relate mate 💗💗💗
just had a mental breakdown bc i feel “off” i feel like people secretly hate me and i find myself creating awkward situations. i’m now very aware of this, which brought me here. i want to be confident and feel better
i feel like as a child i was so cool and outgoing but after the trauma and bullying i have no sense of self worth. i feel like i don’t contribute anything (which is just the anxiety talking to me) and i just want to heal
I hope you'll feel better
Eagles are solitary birds who hunt alone. Eagles are badass. It's cool to be alone because you're like an eagle 🦅
meeeee
honestly I feel the same as you, just keep moving and learn something new from every awkward situation
I get more socially awkward when I get closer to people. Not the opposite. Because they're closer. It feels like the spotlight is on me, and they're sitting in the first row vs. the back.
For me it’s people I know but i don’t know personally. Like an acquaintance. Because strangers I know I will never see them again and the people I’m close with I know they won’t judge as hard.
@Bbykonn thats me exactly
i felt this on a spiritual level, that's literally me
Yeah same for me boo!it's the people that know who i am(like what my name is etc...)but aren't friends,I get so nervous and i think I just am afraid of being judged negatively so I tend to avoid the interaction in total
I came, I saw, I made it awkward. Story of my life.
i said hi to someone and I expected them to run away or ignore me... (it was a new school)
they replied with hi and my brain wasn't ready for such a response so i stood there and just stared...
Sometimes i smile when im not supposed to.
Koda 26 sameeee
He's not socially awkward, he has no idea.
Right idk why he thinks that just because your nerdy then you are also social awkward. I can can't carry a good conversation to save my life, and that's the point.
E Desruisseaux ye exactly
You don't know that, he could be someone who is socially awkward but have good social skill. There are plenty of those
Addo Kitto Kautama that’s contradictive. Do u mean public speaking skills?
??
Me: *says something I think is funny and laughs*
The person I’m talking to: *doesn’t laugh or gives me a weird look*
My brain: JEZUZ JEZUZ OH MY GOD I MESSED UP OH FRICK OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD HELP ME JEZUZ HELP HELP!!!!!
Why is this my life 😂😂
Boluwatiwi Ogunye bruh same
Oof this hits a little too close to home
I don't have that much confident like cracking a joke in public 😅, ohh man that's very difficult for me, my brain is like this when I say even hello in public, that did I sounded rude, was awkward, I will never go in public again🤣
The real question is : How to be involved when you don't be interest by anything ?
Go to a library or youtube or just google a list of possible activities and explore each until you like something! Good Luck!
Yeah. Same problem. I’m not only social awkward and anxious but have no interest in even socializing
@@casanova842 where's the problem here?
When you are not interested, don’t force yourself to try to get involved. You can be curious and observing, and not expecting anything. Just see how surprised you can get by observing silently without a thought 😄
Exactly my mom always tell me to be part of conversions but how do I get involved if I don't like it
I don’t understand how socialization is so automatic and subconscious for people. It feels so manual for me, like none of it comes naturally.
Its because some people has mastered it. When you learn an instrument, and give it time and effort. The whole thing becomes "natural". You play the a piece and go without even really thinking about which note to play. The same thing goes for social skills. Everything has a price, you wanna be socially skilled? Well go out there and practice. It isn't something you get falling out of the sky
I hate being socially akward, trying not to be just makes it more akward
1 year from now, I hope you're doing well now.
power to us awkward people.
مشاءالله يا الاكواردد
Awesome and socially awkward in the same sentence?!
Im extremely socially awkward
My coversations consist of hi or hello
The Internet Is Mutating Like Cancer Cells Hi
If you add "bye" to your conversations, you will have doubled your conversation skills.
The Internet Is Mutating Like Cancer Cells same
me too, thanks
Your not alone. I'm socially awkward as well. Infact, so bad that people would have to force words out of my mouth
Yes! More people need to start talking about meaningful things! That's why so many people (including myself) are socially awkward. Most of society only likes to talk about silly things that don't matter in life. "aka: no one wants to expand their minds in conversation".
I cried because that is so true. Because I felt like I was an outsider.
I'm socially awkward with people i know more than strangers. I really hate it when our family gathers ang my cousins are so closr and I'm there hiding or in the corner
Being too caring about other’s is what can make you have a awkward situation.
Many people who think they´re awkward are actually really interesting, don´t care too much about what other people think as long as you´re a true and honest heart
If there is a gathering of people who consider themselves as "socially akward" somewhere, would they still feel they have this "condition"? If only one person who considers him/herself as "socially non awkward" joins this meeting, How would he/she feels in that place?
I think this is such a good question. I believe that the group of people who identify themselves as socially akward will feel at ease and ''accepted'' so they will be more relaxed and talk about their life and struggless more. and the one person that isnt socially akward will feel ''normal,relaxed''as usual but maybe wont be able to join the convo cuz its not going to be so much relatable to him/her. What do you think?
Struggling with a lot of odds including awkwardness makes the most unique person.
He is adorable.
Flewy 100%
:3
Emasculating
I even don't know what to talk and how to talk in social situations. I always try to avoid a social gathering, where people meet just to say Hi, to one another. But I can give a lecture passionately on a topic I like to talk about for hours and hours.
They're obviously different skills. You have skills for one but not the other. When you acquire the skills to make small talk in social situations, you'll feel more competent and therefore confident.
Almost cried watching this towards the end. I felt so understood. ❤
Either the title is clickbait or the talker doesn't know what he's talking about. Awkwardness isn't awesome, that's what makes it awkward.
Kiiro Sagi From what I understand from the video it is awesome because socially awkward people tend to be more enthusiastic with things that they like and does not care if it doesn't fit in the norm.
Patrick Cipriano that would make socially awkward people awesome, not social awkwardness. Just like soldiers are great but war isn't.
Kiiro Sagi I agree. I guess it's just poorly chosen words in the title.
The awkward moments I’ve created sometimes jolt me awake from my sleep. I wish I could forgive myself. I hope that one day the people I’ve accidentally made to feel uncomfortable will realize that I didn’t mean to- I was just so afraid of talking to them that in that very moment I wanted to crawl into a hole, and that feeling didn’t manifest itself very well. Im sorry.
I'm only awkward around girl's I like or find attractive. They could say hi and I just give them a blank stare and do kind of a half wave rather than just say hi back...
I was walking my dog and it ran up to a dad and her daughter and sniffed their legs, i said "you must smell nice, what did you eat for lunch". I still cringe when i think about it (:
This is honestly one of the best ted talks I've ever watched
Reading his book now. Very accurate and helpful in understanding why I' m so awkward and how to work on it.
**in my brother's friend's wife's funeral**
Me talking to my brother's friend:
*"So....umm....How's the wife?"*
Bro u still alive after that?
damn i hope youre fine bro that was hard
The friends I have, I made when I was in college. Now I am in a different country, new city and I do not have friends. My way to try to approach this was using the internet:
- Subscribed a photography local group since its my hobby, paid the fee...and never even put one step on the gathering place.
- Subscribed an online service for local gatherings where you could find friends with similar interests... never went to any of the gatherings or made contact with anybody
Truth is, I am scared of social interactions, I do not know how to keep a conversation going specially with strangers or people I just met, and I feel like every time I talk I just get people bored or say something weird.
I remember when I was 8 or 9 I would wait all year for Shark Week on Discovery channel because I thought sharks were so cool. I also had an obsession with penguins from a very young age and wanted to know everything about them. It's so interesting to analyze how that enthusiasm has translated into my adulthood, or in many cases how it has been lost. This was eye opening for me! What a cool guy
Great! Thanks for being brave as well as awkward.
Great talk !!!
Watching this on Thanksgiving night eating a McChicken by myself. Every year that passes by the more of an outsider you feel :/
wow 😢 i really needed to know this: awkward = passionate about something in a different way ♥️😌
Thank you Ty Tashiro ❤🌸
When someone tells me good morning when they come into work I feel awkward because no one ever like cared enough to say things like that to me
Feel very socialy akward in 99% in all situations when there is people I dont know, particarlly in bigger groups. I become quite and feel like I have to say something to not be quite all the time and I just dont come into the discussion smooth och correctly. And I feel I just want to go home. With friend it’s better but can still be a struggle from time to time. Feel like you just dont want to interact because I feel like I ruin the dynamic in the communication.
This was spot on. Great talk!
I was consolidated by his story. I am in high school and I guess I walk my own path, but I don't regret doing what I know is right.
I’m the type of kid, right now even, that’s subscribed to 3 Ted Talk channels, sometimes gloats about it, and loves physiological stuff like this! While my friends are watching Markiplier or listening to Fall Out Boy. They are a different kind of socially awkward but I love them for it. In a way, they are sort of like my very own science experiments. I’d never tell them that. But I say this because I’ve got a few more years to go until my graduation and they are setting the standard of people I want to hang out with. They are loyal to a fault. Protective to a fault, this one especially. Caring. Understanding. Love to laugh. Also, have much depth beneath the surface. With many areas I’m still learning from my experiment. Something I’ve grown to believe in is that there is never too much kindness. I’ve grown to believe in giving back tenfold of what someone gives me. My friends will say I’m amazing and later on I will carry their book bag up a hill for them, when we go to the library after school together. Again, something out of the ordinary. But they don’t and sometimes even I don’t realize is that I’m trying to give back something unmeasurable. Laughter. Happiness. Gratitude, above all. Gratitude for every happy moment they have brought upon me and each other. I love seeing them getting along and being happy. It is one of my prize possession moments that I actually get to see quite often. It’s like a dance performance. Very different people doing very different thing to make something beautiful to watch. I’m sort of an observer. I outcast myself because I usually don’t know how to act. I’m a little like Bruce Banner with them. When other people say, we have blah blah blah on our side they would probably be like well we have [my name] on our side. If I ever do show this to my friend(s) then I’m sorry I wrote you down as an experiment and thank you for building a strong relationship with me or else I wouldn’t be showing it to you. To anyone else reading....... I hope it was at least a little entertaining to read my ranting about my life!
I deal with it by clowning and being silly, like Robin Williams used to, until he couldn't do it anymore.
great speech.
Thank you for this ❤
Merci 🙌
No. It's not awesome. At all.
But I will watch the video now...
Just changed my life thanks g
Love this
R u on telegram?
Thank you.
Thanks I Enjoyed with You
Awesome
The cheering part was so wholesome
First impressions of my social awkwardness has lead me to barely meeting new people
Awsome 👌
Improving English understanding with TedEx
Facts Spoken
Grt talk
great video!
I think some people have this misconception of social awkwardness being a bad thing particularly if one is confident in his or her own skin. Never be sorry or ashamed for simply being yourself. We all have are own thoughts, opinions and perspective of the world around us.
I've never been a group oriented person, I feel comfortable having one on one conversations it gives me a chance to get to know him or her as an individual and they would get to know me as well.
I'm half introvert and extrovert, I like hanging with people and having fun and I enjoy time by myself to study, observe and be a spectator of human behavior and form my own thoughts and opinions.
One of my favorite animals is the bald eagle simply because its a wise and solitary creature.
I'm a socially awkward and hardly to get a friend
U got me crying
This man is the goat
This is the first time I didn't feel so bad about me being awkward.
Great talk! I hope my enthusiasm makes up for my lack of video making skill on CZcams! : )
12:55 As someone who just turned 18 yesterday, hallelujah 😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’m so awkward I put my milk in before the cereal.
Yay ! i am so happy i’m not the only one who does that 😊
It literally doesn't matter who's first milk or cereal
You social potential is in your birthchart if you study it, Astrology is what I'm passionate about. I find that finding was to make it relatable helps me to express that instead of only talking about things that dont interest me. If im unable to build on spritual, metaphysical things with folks then I say what I can and make social interactions brief cause I cant dive deep in my interest with everyone so it is what it is. Educating myself on smaller details of life helps and making an effort to speak first helps cause people feel that you are awkard before you even speak, Im not determined to prove them wrong, just determined to express myself the best way I can in the moment and to keep at it
Astrology isn't a very scientifically correct study
England is a country It isnt a scientific study at all actually
What I like about him, he was awkward when he was giving his speech and that powered his speech somehow
This guy is my muse 😊😉
Love to meet you fellow awkwardness🙏😂
I am horrible at keeping the conversations going.
Lucky him, finding a job that appreciated him.
Being socially awkward sucks
It's so hard to connect with and get to know anyone when I always feel awkward 24/7. It's easier to connect with someone and be yourself when you're comfortable around them. My social anxiety makes this impossible, which is why I have zero friends.
I can be your friend but we would probably end up ignoring each other after a month lol.
@@ChimkenRiceNuggy I would fart in the elevator lol
We awkward people always creature that always show consistent reaction,for example the animals.
Thank you for the beautiful presentation. Very relatable, other than thatI have no talents for the so called 'beta subjects' I drove several math teacher out of their wits with my unrelated, incoherent questions. :)
Im very socially awkward but im not passionate about anything, I study Finance and like math but im not passionate about it, help?!
F it seems that u didn't try to find your purpose in life. Dig deep and find something u love. I recommend you to watch other motivational speakers about finding your purpose and things you enjoy. First thing you gotta do is to allow yourself to be present in the moment and focus. Focus on what really matters.
I struggle with interacting with other people, it's so bad that I will drive across town to deposit cash at an ATM when the ATM near my home isn't working, all that just to avoid talking to a humane.
The struggle is real people.
I feel ya. The only thing I've found helpful is expose myself to social situations even though it's not easy and sometimes I just wanna go hide under a rock. But the key has been baby steps. Hope you're doing well!
I just broke someone cup in the middle of our dining hall ...stuff like this always seem to happen to me...and I'm here now:/
Good speech but I feel like he described what a geek is not what awkwardness comes from. Not only geeks can be socially awkward. I mean it might be related in a way like if you have interests that are considered 'uncool' while growing up I suppose that can kind of make you socially awkward as people don't get it or don't get you. But I still don't buy into the socially awkward = geek angle he approached here. I think being socially awkward is connected more to your personality and anxiety than your interests.
12:48👏👏👏
*Hey Tedtalk* your all videos make lots of enthusiasm in our body thanks for such motivational videos
Nice video
Never knowing what to say and overly smiling
You just described me
I literally cannot order at a restaurant or even subway. I know what to do kind of, but there's too many ways to mess up and embarass yourself. I just stay away until I really really really have to haha.
I'm socially awkward with people in authority, say, my boss or supervisor, also with women I think are attractive.
Just don’t think women are attractive and you’ll be fine :D
I’m socially awkward but directionless :’) pain
I just stuttered when i talk to ppl
Last year I made many regrets I will not name them because I hate them but yea
When I am walk in public I even don't able to see them or make eye contact with them even I can't be able to make eye contact with my besti I am very shy please tell me the solution
HE'S SO SMILEY XD
ARMY'S EVERYWHERE