As someone who was injured as a kid and been in a wheelchair for over 30yrs the hierarchy in the disability community is crazy... And the people who try and play the "my life sucks more"... I tried going to support meetings as an adult and I stopped after the second one. I already dislike the world, I don't need to hate it too lol Keep on truckin my friend
From my experience, it appears to be a reaction to wider society ignoring and denigrating disability, so a hierarchy is established to fight for the most recognition. It's the same in the queer community. Cis white gay men (able bodied, ofc) are at the top and honestly, they can be just as bad as the homophobes. Unsurprising, since we live under a Eurocentric post-colonial heteronormative patriarchy.
I call it the disability Olympics as there’s this constant one-up man-ship and I hate it. It is worse within the chronic illness community but it’s so so bad. People go as far as to claim others are faking which is so sick. I’ve been subjected to so much hate especially on instagram and it’s almost ALL from other disabled or chronically ill people and this is because I would talk openly about how medical devices aren’t something to strive for and how they are almost the worst case scenario and how we don’t need to beautify and glamorise feeding tubes and how it’s dangerous. I have GI organ failure and I’m surgically tube fed and there is so much encouragement to make it all look “pretty” and that’s okay to a degree if you keep it to yourself but when you’re posting “matching my tube dressing to my outfit” every single day that is hella concerning. I wear cute dressings but I don’t think I’ve ever posted it intentionally and it would only ever be seen if I’m in a crop top. It’s similar with the stoma community but slightly less concerning but it’s like a constant of posting and posing with it and I get normalising it but there’s a difference between normalising and GLAMORISING. I believe it’s starting to become the second.
I helped run a club for disabled people at my school and I had to quit because the hierarchy/ableism bullshit was to much I was the only technically physically abled member of the board. Everyone else assumed I was fully comfortable and capable of planning and running every single meeting with 0 help from them. They didn’t show up to any of the meetings and they didn’t help me come up with topics or do any research even when I asked. (This was important as it’s difficult for me to talk about physical disabilities I don’t have and I need those people to share their experiences to be sure I represent them correct). When I finally confronted everyone and was like “hey I know you guys have conditions that make it hard but I’ve done 100% of the work for this club which was meant to be split between all 4 of us and I can’t do it” they basically said “oh well you were the abled one so we just assumed you could take it all on” (Newflash im not even entirely abled I just don’t have a mobility aid)
There's also a class issue, where disabled people who are born into money, healthy families and strong communities look down upon those of us who are in forced poverty without friends or family.
Yes. It's really sad that we can't all just have empathy for each other as humans. We need to be supportive and encouraging each other not tearing each other apart or comparing. I'm disabled (too many things to list) and my biggest problem with some other people who are disabled is that when I mention I need to save up to visit any specialist or get the tools and equipment I need I am treated differently. I've even had medical people who don't understand that I have limited money, my family is not supportive and I have very few friends who stuck by me. Ive been asked why I don't just buy xyz or use my NDIS Package (Australian here) to cover the cost. Your definition of forced poverty really struck me close to my heart as I live on a disability pension as my only income. I am not on the NDIS yet because in order to get on it I have to go to the specialists and get them to fill out reports and collect enough current evidence. They don't accept any evidence that is over 3 years old. I can't start the process of applying for NDIS until I have the money for 6 to 8 different specialists and 3 to 5 visits per specialist with an average of $200 per visit. People see what they want to see, they understand if they are willing to learn about you or if they have gone through something similar. We can't change their opinions, attitudes or their perspective if they aren't willing to look at more than the face value and ask questions. Blessings from South Eastern Australia, Dot
@dotcassilles1488 Hey Dot, thanks for responding. I understand having too many disabilities to list. I was born into generational genetic disabilities and because my mother is also disabled, and we had to rely on her SSDI, my family has been in poverty since I was 5. I was ripped away from good doctors because my dad got fired, and we had to move to the middle of nowhere. I'm 36 now and am just barely getting a stable life together while jugging that list, being a wheelchair user, having such severe chronic fatigue that I can't do much of anything if I can't do it from my bed. I had to fight and suffer for years for the benefits I have, and they are so tenuous that if I miss one letter or deadline, I could be homeless. There's never enough to eat, and I've had other disabled people who claimed to be my friend waste food in front of me, knowing I'm hungry. Shame me for not taking better care of myself when I have no one to help me. Flaunt their money, good doctors, families, resources, and communities and then say things like "If I can do X, why can't you? Just try harder." My own disabled mother told me she was traumatized by my birth and put me to work being her little helper at an early age. When my disabilities progressed to the point I was bedbound, even she abandoned me. The way I was treated as a disabled person before I was a wheelchair user and after, Is so starkly different that 7 years later I'm still baffled by how invisible I am to people. Disability advocacy is such important work and I'm encouraged by how many people are making content to educate, agitate and create change. You aren't alone, we are many more than they give us credit for. Love from Mormonland, Sage.
People who was born into money are the type of people I don't really like there the type of people that needs to have a slice of humble pie and a big glass of understanding. (I always tell people God has a way too make you apart of our world your just one of the lucky ones that he hasn't got to yet).
I'm learning that even disabled people try and police each other to find the "truly disabled" like it's a competition and not just a spectrum of varying levels of ability in a bunch of different categories that can fluctuate depending on the day
Literally, anyone who wants to play that game of "I'm suffering more than you so you're not disabled enough to be on my level of 'actually' disabled" can go scream at a wall. Pain is not a competition. Disability is not a competition. If you have a disability, either in vision, movement, or hearing, you're disabled. (Or whatever can qualify as an impairment to your life/quality of life.)
I’ve had this happen to me so many times, people telling me I can’t be autistic because I don’t ‘look’ or ‘act it’ its like no shit, when you’ve been scolded, screamed at and abused by people around you to act ‘normal’ you try and mimic the people around you to fit in, so bs, I’ve lost so much of myself because I try to fit in and act like everyone else, I’m so tired of it man. Like do these people know what it feels like to come out and say you have a disability, and that’s the reason you act that way? And instead get hit with the ‘no you’re not’ or them trying to explain autism to an autistic person, imagine if I walked up to someone who was blind and started telling them what being blind was like??? So over it.
I've noticed that totally or legally blind people skim over me because only my left eye is totally blind (removed due to glaucoma from a congenital condition), and my right is myopic and nystagmic, needing glasses. I'm a few magnifications and FOV degrees away from legally blind, but because I still have usable vision when my nystagmus isn't playing up, I'm seen as "not that blind". As though I'm not disabled while looking for groceries, or navigating public transport. I literally got on the wrong bus TODAY because I couldn't see the sign. But having somewhat usable vision for about three quarters of the daylight means I'm "not blind enough" to both abled and disabled folks.
I was coming here to talk about this. I have a severe, complicated autoimmune eye disease. My left eye sight is pretty bad. I’ve had a ton of surgeries. I have limited peripheral vision. I have depth perception problems and dizziness. Day to day life is really difficult. The grocery store is awful. People constantly run me over while I’m trying to look at things. Even with dark sunglasses on, they expect me to see them and get out of their way. But many in the community get very angry when I label myself as visually disabled or low vision. My myriad of Drs label me the same way. It’s a no-win situation.
I am at risk of becoming low vision but probably not blind. Falling into that grey area is really scary for me because I don't have much support in my life but my whole career is in visual design. I'm trying to pick up new skills all the time in case I have to pivot.
Feel this. I was born blind in my right eye due to Adams Oliver syndrome. I also have issues with my left arm and legs. I struggle with feeling too abled for disabled spaces, and too disabled for abled spaces.
Someone screamed at my aunt and told me she wasn’t blind because she wasn’t using a cane or that she can’t be classed as legally blind, she’s fully blind in one eye and in the other she doesn’t have very good vision but she can still see outlines of objects or the general shape, she doesn’t feel the need to use a cane because she’s used to it. Like wtf? How tf are we gatekeeping disabilities now? People are so ignorant about invisible disabilities, and I say this as an autistic woman, I never mention I have autism because people always treat me differently because of my developmental disability when they find out, I’ve had people who have known me for years change all of a sudden in how they treated me when they found out I was autistic, I refuse to mention my autism at work even though I could possibly get some extra help or people would be more understanding but the end of the stick is either being used by my management because they get money when they hire people with disabilities and a lot of my coworkers are pretty openly ableist. Also other people in the autism community gatekeeping autism!!! Telling me that I don’t struggle at all because I’m high functioning, when tf did that mean I don’t struggle?? Or that I ‘don’t look or don’t act autistic’ by both people in the autism community and people who aren’t, I’m just so tired of it, can’t we just leave people alone?
I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user with multiple disabilities that means I can't self propel. I was getting lectured by another wheelchair user with spina bifida for identifying as disabled that I'm not differently able not disabled 🙄. The ableism is real to the point where some legally disabled people refuse to identify as disabled and shame other disabled people for identifying as disabled.
This makes me so upset. I have an invisible disability. I'm working towards getting access to a scooter or wheelchair for my bad days (at the moment, on my bad days I just don't leave the house, sometimes I don't leave bed). But I'm so worried about looking like I'm "pretending" to be disabled, because sometimes I can walk short distances. Watching ambulatory wheelchair users online has been helpful in feeling like I am allowed to be disabled, but it sucks to know they'll still be some able and disabled people telling me I'm not disabled enough.
My mom used the "differently abled" BS all the time when I was growing up I think she meant it as an "empowering" pep talk when in reality it made me fear the idea of disability and I had a hard time understanding my limits because if I could do something the "normal way" but it was difficult then I didn't need assistance
Remember that applies to mental illness as well, people with anxiety aren’t more deserving than people with psychophrenic or psychopathic troubles we all need to stand together
I tried joining a group for mental health support and was told to “get my disease out of here because I don’t belong” like okay everyone still really hates people with hallucinations, noted.
As someone who has bipolar i and is disabled, it sucks to me about the fact that there are people that rank invisible disabilities because we definitely had it harder to convince people outside our community that our disabilities are valid in the first place. We don't need to be turning on each other and doing the ranking Olympics of "who has it worse"?
@Vixie4842 I hate that because there is a villainzation of certain mental illnesses because people try to rank them as "light" mental illnesses such as adhd, autism, anxiety disorder with one's that are seen as "ugly" or "severe" or "villainized in media" such a schizophrenia, bipolar, and bpd. The fact that you'll find more information on one group and that places like tiktok suppress the other should give an indication how the outside community feels about invisible disabilities.
I hate, HATE this. I had legit go to speeches from multiple specialists that only talk about anxiety and depression (no "some of them". All of the specialists!) And had listen people that treat their live's and the lives of others, and should stay hospitalized till they get stable in my country, say to my face "We shouldn't be here. We are not like those CRAZY PEOPLE". 🙄 ...No lady, I have nothing to do with you...
Also, the amount of young people that I had to help "deal" with their hallucinations and delusions in non medical ways cause family refuse treatment is sad...
In the chronic pain groups that I've been a part of those that had bought into the toxic positivity were always at the top and anyone who wanted to talk about their problems were told that they needed to be more grateful that they were still alive to have problems. I've also noticed that those in the Autism/ADHD groups who are able to mask or have very few outward symptoms are thought of as a success, however they don't know how to unmask and/or they need help dealing with emotional stuff, but because everyone is telling them that they are a success story they have a hard time asking for help or they don't even realize they could be so much happier with just a little help.
Thank you, THANK YOU for saying this about autism. I have learned to mask pretty well apparently because everyone I've told has been surprised and said I don't 'seem autistic', something that is implied to be a 'good' thing. But they don't see how dysfunctional my personal life is, how I have to completely decompress after being social to the point that my life is a complete mess both metaphorically and literally 😅 But anyways, I appreciate the acknowledgement. I'm still learning to look within and acknowledge how my coping mechanisms have had bad fallout.
The other thing I’ve noticed about autism/ADHD groups is that they tend to be very unaware of ableism against physically disabled people. “You wouldn’t say that to someone with cancer” is a pretty common statement I’ve heard, but a lot of the time, those kinds of things DO get told to people with physical problems
Yeah, a lot of high masking autistic/ ADHD people have to deal with the "autism moms" (not just moms, just a group term). Like 'mam, the fact that your child or relative doesn't mask as much as I do does not mean I'm not autistic, we might even have similar support needs, but I just mask it well enough that you don't see it. As if living for 18 years (my case) without the diagnosis and being traumatised enough to not be able to unmask is some sort of achievement. I was in that exact situation yesterday, because apparently I'm not autistic when I can travel by train on my own and I have friends. Fast forward to today, I can't get up and have physical symptoms of overstimulation. Unfortunately, I've talked to some other autistic people who think that way as well (my theory is that the parents who act this way result in their children repeating the same thing, because that's what they've been told ever since they were a child)
I am able to mask very well as someone with ADHD. I learnt at a young age due to a very toxic friend, but i feel part of it is also that people dont rember that ADD is a thing, but still grouped in with ADHD. I can get very hyper, or in my case i call it maniac, but at the same time, i am also the quiet girl in the corner when in any social setting (to the point where school mates on the bus asked if i had an accent because they had never heard me speak). I also love how you mentioned the social battery aspect of Autism/ADHD. I go to my churches activities very consistently, but when i get home i crash. I dont have any energy and constantly feel like crying after because i feel just completely overwhelmed, or felt i did awful in something. I have a good friend who while hasnt been diagnosed, is very obviously Autistic/ADHD, and she has spoken to me and says she feels the same. I have also been told i don’t seem ADHD, and its frustrating because im glad im able to mask well enough, but also sad because i hide my true self subconsciously. Its just so frustrating.
I really hate toxic positivity in the community, and i really hate people using shit as inspiration porn just to dismiss another person's struggles rather than admit the problem
Aspie supremacy grinds my gears. If I had been diagnosed as a kid I would have been given the label of Aspergers. Despite having “low support needs” I get ableism from society for having “Aspergers” and I get ableism in the autistic community because of a technicality. Oh and I get double ableism when doctors assume that because my notes say autistic not Asperger’s that I’m more disabled than I am and discredit whatever I say and wonder where my carer is.
Nothing makes me more pissed off than this shit. People have insisted I'm not autistic or I have to have Asperger's or whatever just because I can mask well. Just be nice to people. Asperger was a Nazi. We all have different levels of needs in different areas of life!
I'm more active in the mental disabilities community and it happens a lot there too. Cluster-B disorders are very demonized by everyone, and people who fall into cliches to much are told to stop being so public/visible because they're 'hurting progress'
I once knew someone who said "i have adhd and i do fine in school, everyone else is just being lazy" or something along those lines, i think this is a great example of internalized ablism
Wow, I really can never believe people are like this, like I've met transphobic gay people, bi and pan phobic gay people, racist people of pretty much every major ethnicity and now ablist disabled people, why is it so hard for some people to just be decent? Literally just have a single ounce of empathy, it baffles me that people who have experienced so much hatred for something they can't change would turn around and do it to somebody else just like them 😢
God, as a gay guy myself, some of the worst bigots I've ever met have been fellow gays. It's like, every part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum fought to help us get the rights and protections we have now, is it too much to ask for us to show a little solidarity with the members of it still struggling to even be legally recognised as existing? And that's not even getting started on the ones that have been taken hook-line-and-sinker on all the MRA and racist stuff.
Also the fact that people will be really tough on disabled/injured people using anything to make their life easier, but give their friends a free pass. When I sprained my ankle I couldn’t walk up stairs, I had to crawl. The receptionist at my school wouldn’t let me use the elevators because I wasn’t “that hurt”. I snuck on the elevator anyways because I wasn’t gonna crawl up the stairs. But she gave her favorite kid (who used to bully me) a free elevator pass for no reason.
I also see a lot of people argue about who is and isn't disabled enough because they don't require a mobility aid every day or don't have a visible disability. my dad never wears pants in public because when he does, he gets screamed at for parking in a handicap spot. even when he points to the plaque and lifts up the pant leg to show his prosthetic, they still double down sometimes. when we would go inside and he got on one of the scooters, people kept giving him dirty looks like he was lazy. it still happens to him a lot, from people with all levels of abilities. the only place he doesn't worry about that kind of thing happening is cracker barrel. the elderly love a country boy amputee that served in the military, even when he specifies he didn't lose his leg and a toe from serving.
I became disabled in my late teens. If anything, I'm thankful for the years I had being able-bodied. I remember a girl I met waiting for some physio, she was young maybe 10, she got really excited when she heard me mention to my mum, "I just really miss dancing, that's so much waisted money on ballet and tap." She wanted to know everything I had ever done dance wise, because she loved dance. I realised this little girl was enchated by my stories of dancing, and she'd never be able to learn the very thing she absolutely adored, she said something like 'I like water because flouting is how I think ballet would feel.' Here I was 19 saying that something she'd have loved to; even do for a day, that I got to do for years was a waste. That moment impacted me a lot. I'm very sorry people in my position have treated you like that. How are people so narrow-minded to marginalise within already marginalised groups? Is it hard coming to terms with a new and harder way of life? Yes, but no disability beats another. I've had issues with people thinking im not disabled enough, but it's usually older white individuals who are self entitled over a disabled parking spot. I'm young and semi mobile in the can prop and take a few steps area. But having another disabled person acting that way would hurt so much more, I'm very sorry.
this is genuinely why i left the chronic illness support groups i was in many years ago everything had weird hierarchies and felt like a competition to some people to see who was the sickest/most deserving of support. the toxicity and negativity was just too much
It feels like a competition to “have it worse” sometimes. I’m autistic, but I can function socially and adapted to masking at a young age. Since I’m not always visibly struggling, I’m sometimes treated like I’m lying or something
I don't feel like inspiring is the right word, I think the videos are more to awaken us to the reality of her and others disability struggles. So I definitely feel more aware, woke. But if someone who is disabled to go about their life makes me want to do more with my life is just infantilising them, which I don't think it's what you meant.
@@SuperCoatrack Well I guess what I mean is the way she gets through her life, educates people, and simply just stands up for people like me, I wish I could be like that. If that makes any sense? I'm not good at wording things but I love the way you described that! Inspire isn't really the right word your right and I don't mean to be rude in any way 🩷
I used to have a disabled friend that got some very strong opinions about COVID and medical interventions, used some very concerning language that I won't repeat here. Save to say, we are no longer friends
Oh man, I have often thought about how COVID had probably created an entirely new community of disabled people who were not for their entire lives before everything changed for them. And that running up against the previously disabled and all the social interactions and reactions that must be causing.
@@alice88wa owyeah so many people who have become disabled from covid. All of these people most known at least one person who believes covid is "just like the flu". Horrible
With the way governments and corporations seem to go out of their way to do things that can get disabled people killed or injured, I can kind of understand your friend falling into that sort of thing. I'm certainly not condoning it, but I can understand it.
Duuuude. Same for the blind community. I wish I could remember the name of this group but they do have a hierarchy depending on when you became blind, if you use sight dogs, if you have friends/partners who can see. They even have songs about how being blind is the only way to live. It’s a trip.
omg if you could find the group or the song pls let me know, my dad is blind and something like that would kill him lol. Since he's not completely blind (extremelyyyyy low visual acuity so everything is a vague fuzzy blob of color and glasses cant correct it at all) he's dealt with a lot of superiority complex from those with less vision. And being married to my sighted mom just adds to the anger some have, it's so weird, but luckily rare, most blind people are chill
I'm not physically disabled, but I'm chronically ill, autistic (and do consider that to count as disabled), and mentally ill. The amount of cruelty I've experienced for my chronic illness being mild and my mental illnesses being worse than mild unipolar depression or anxiety (I'm bipolar with BPD and C-PTSD) from other people with similar conditions only makes my physical and mental health worse. And my autism is only an issue for allistics.
@user-xu6oo5qm8c not in the same way most people think of when they think of physically disabled, so i make the distinction for that reason i've also been told in the past i can't call myself physically disabled because i "just" have a chronic illness, so ig i'm also kinda worried about being scolded for that again?
Oh gosh. And don't get me started on service dog drama... There is a lot of fighting in some circles over what conditions should qualify!! My deaf alert/autism/social phobia service dog makes life possible for me... I can't imagine life without her.
About half of the “got harrassed for using disability accommodations by people thinking I’m faking it” stories that I’ve heard involve elderly disabled people who became disabled due to old age, shaming, usually younger people, because they have the same perception of “only old people are disabled” or “all disabled people are paraplegic wheelchair users” that most able-bodied people grew up with.
@@zaynab-to-a I’m not even kidding, that happened to someone a couple weeks ago when I was in the rest room, a girl probably around 16-17 walked out of the disabled toilet and an elderly woman went off at her for ‘wasting recourses’. Like ma’am, it’s a toilet, in a public bathroom, tf?? Also idk if that girl had a disability or not, but common sense would probably tell you to shut your mouth and not assume something you know nothing about, but elderly people seem to not know when to shut up and they call us the snowflakes 💀
The one that frustrates me is the Deaf community. If they considered themselves part of the Disability Community we would have a much louder voice! This is not a dig at the Deaf community. I know great Deaf families and CODAs. As a hoh person with chronic invisible illnesses I see this attitude online but also in person. This is an observation of the whole not directed at a single individual.
I agree. Not only just the Deaf, but HOH, late deafness, Deaf+, and CI user. I was born deaf, used hearing aids until 2011 I was outfitted with CI in left ear and kept the hearing aid in right ear. Now I have CI in both ears. It doesn’t make me “hearing” or as one signed that I “think like a hearing person.” I am still the same person, except that I chose to have the CI done to continue to hear. I will never have perfect hearing…ever, but it is close enough. ❤
for anyone in the disability community, it’s important for us to remember that our experiences are our own and we belong to an extremely diverse community. if you’ve met one disabled person, you’ve met one disabled person. some disabled people really don’t care about ableism against other disabled people at all, but they should. we’re stronger together 💗
It took a little while to get (mostly) over my ableism after my friend was officially diagnosed with POTS. She had been AMAZING about holding me accountable for my ableism as a disabled person Not perfect, but definitely on the upward climb ❤
Being told to "just sit down and stop distracting everyone with all that fidgeting" in an ADHD support group by another member definitely taught me that lesson. It was a wild experience.
I’m a neurodivergent person who is also physically disabled. The amount of times I’ve experienced ableism related to my physical disability in so many “accepting” and “positive” neurodivergent spaces is exhausting. On the flip side, a physically disabled neurotypical person bullied me for being autistic and then became an organizer of a disability support group.
Thank u for teaching us something we didn’t know. As far me I’ve never looked down on anyone that has a disability & I’ve taught my children & grandchildren the same. We all r humans with hearts , feelings & the same blood.❤❤❤
Random note, but I love the bag that you used in the one clip! It looks so cool! And it definitely sucks that some people think badly of others for not being ‘disabled enough’ when the person already struggles with day to day life. I’ve personally learned through my Diabetes that not every day will be the same, and that can apply to everything, including people’s mobility. While I may not have those issues, I’ve learned to understand that things can change on a dime and we shouldn’t judge others for not fitting into predetermined boxes.
These people are the reason I’m scared to learn and use coping skills. I’m scared of being accused of lying or faking because I now have better control of my disabilities. It’s super frustrating
God for real. My ex yelled at me for being "annoying" about my severe joint pain (aka talking about it at all) because CLEARLY their nerve pain was more important and took precedence. It's just ridiculous. I'm here for my other disabled people! We all have different levels of needs, u just tell me how to make it chill to hang out and I GOT YOU
Wild. Love is stronger than hate. It's crazy ppl in the disabled community are being mean to other ppl from their OWN community. Especially if they too are human n suffer judgements from others on a daily. Thank you for pointing out some of these harder, more obvious topics! The struggle is real for everyone. It just looks more obviously different for some folks. Be kind. It's free n it's easier. Mean ppl are having them issues, not a you issue. It just comes out in very unbecoming ways aimed at you or someone they can pick on. Make better choices ppl n evolve your spirit. ♡
I hate that we have "politicians" in the disabled community. By that I mean that people who think their higher than others because they have more or better disabilities so they think they are able to rule over others "lower" than them. I believe everyone is equal as we're all unique. We all have disabilities and fighting for equal rights for each other. Instead of downplaying and belittling each other. We should be lifting and supporting one another. I love my service dog friends and wheelchair friends. Just as equally as the blind, amputee, hearing impaired, mentally impaired, diabetic etc friends. We have to fight a war against the ableist world that tries to break us down. I love this video.
I acquired my disability over a few years as I transitioned from Middle School to Highschool, and am now an ambulatory wheelchair user (my most used mobility aid. I also have a cane) and genuinely just knowing that there's an expectation of what I'm supposed to look like and I'm "faking" by not fitting into that category. The thing that cripples me the most is pain, which means if it's early in the day I can look really able bodied. But that also does mean that I will CHOOSE to walk??? It's incredibly draining even when it's easier to do so. I genuinely hurt myself by self propelling my wheelchair when I first had it because I didn't want someone to see my pushing my own chair. I've learned that genuinly doing the things that are actually good for my body and focusing on listening more the people who actually care about me makes me so much happier than fitting into the toxic "wheelchair kid" stereotype. I'm lucky that I have friends who also use various mobility aids and such and I haven't actually encountered someone who actually fits into that stereotype. They are out there and are very real, but the people I encounter the most are the able bodied people who think they know my situation. It's also just annoying to know that people would hold my problems over someone else's, or that someone who has no idea what they are talking about would compare and belittle me because I'm not what they expected. It's exhausting and toxic.
I’ve only recently accepted that I have a disability because it’s invisible and I feel like I’m just annoying when in actuality I do need accommodations. But I feel like I can’t talk about it I’m certain spaces because I’m not “disabled enough” thank you for bringing this up
Hell, that sucks 😮😮! However, sadly not the 1st time I've heard about hierarchies in certain communities. A friend of mine who was born male and has started the process of transition rather late in life is baffled that the LGBTQ+ in her country wishes to not include her🤦♀️. Sooo stupid, pardon my frankness. Let's celebrate being alive and let's all pull together. Also, as an abled person, I feel that I have a duty to help establish a 100% accessible world 💪
Disabled is disabled in my book. Im quote on quote "disabled" with a crippling immune disease. Some days i can hardly get out of bed. Standing? Not for me... Godbless you ❤
Yeah, that self-hate gets turned outwards at the rest of the community so often. Internalized bigotry is so pervasive! Thanks for speaking about this! 💜
My mom died from cancer and was physically and mentally disabled because of her illness for many years. She had to get checked from a committee every year to determine the percentage of her disability, in order to get financial aid from the government. When she was at the final stage of cancer she wasn't able to move both of her legs, her right arm and her whole spine. She was practically laying on bed 24/07. The thing was that she could still feel it when somebody touched her limbs, even though she couldn't move them. When that committee came to our house to check if she was actually disabled, they straight up started mocking her because she could feel them touching her and accused her of faking not being able to move or stand. It made me sick to my stomach witnessing how they treated her, especially since I was her caregiver and I had seen all the pain and suffering she had gone through because of her illness..
I think the most extreme version I have seen is people in the deaf community wanting their children to be born deaf so they can learn deaf culture. And no they don’t mean they wouldn’t mind if their children were born deaf, they actively want their children to be deaf. I also hate how much they ridicule parents of deaf children who they assume aren’t teaching sign language even if they aaare.
The unfortunate thing is that sometimes, even when people try their hardest, they still come off as or internally are ableist. They might not even recognize it! But it’s still there.
As a disabled person yet to use mobility aids though that might change in the near future, I respect all people regarding their needs. I don't understand why people would be ableist towards other people for needing more help than them especially if they are disabled - I only feel grateful that i don't have to use them yet, at worst jealous if they are using something i want! And i feel happy that they were able to get the help they need.
I would have assumed it was the other way around - “Oh cute you know what it is to be able bodied? That’s nice. You’ve only had that wheelchair for a year, come talk to me in 30 years!!”
I have undiagnosed (probably) POTS where if I stand up to quickly or too long I get extremely lightheaded and my heart goes crazy. I just started using a rollator walker/cane so I can wait in lines and sit down and had somebody IN A WHEELCHAIR tell me I’m faking because I was wearing platform shoes and if I really needed the walker I wouldn’t be able to wear them. That made me feel so terrible to the point where I wouldn’t go out with my mobility aids and ended up falling because I got too lightheaded and had nothing to brace me. It’s so disgusting that ableism is ingrained in so many people, and even worse, in our own community
Having Rheumatoid Arthritis since I was 9, the hell I get from older people is MIND BLOWING. They think because they had it for a year, they know more than I do and talk down to me. Or(my favorite part) say mine “isn’t that bad” because my RA is messing with my organs more than it is my joints.
Yes!!!! Working in an Autism High School as an Autistic person, I realized that the majority of the bullying I experienced growing up was at the hands of other Autistic people. Yes, Allistic people did exclude me from a lot of stuff, but the people who were meanest to me were typically undiagnosed Autistic like me. The internalized ableism really makes fellow disabled people massive targets!
One example of ableism within the disability community that really bothers me, as a disabled person, is gatekeeping community based on diagnosis. People who lack access to diagnoses are already gatekept from resources and care, and they then get gatekept from identity and community as well by people who should understand.
There’s so many issues in the disabled community. I have an invisible disability and many visibly disabled folks judge me. I just wish we all could love and accept one another. No one chooses this.
There was a woman I used to be friends with that would constantly pull the “I’m more disabled than you” card because she was a wheel chair user and I have invisible disabilities. And one day I just told her “And yet we both have to use the elevator. Weird how that works, huh?”
Thank you for starting the discussion, Cassidy! Educating and sharing the joys of disabled life is important (something you and many other disabled content creators do), but we dont allow ourselves enough space to be fully honest all the time ❤ It's okay to love your communities and be critical of them (in fact, encouraged! It means you're an active participant). (To myself and im sure many others) it's definitely okay to love and embrace parts of you and also still be working on having that love all the time. (Reading through the comments here really made my heart go out to everyone 🥲❤ we'll get there)
As some one who has a disability thats not you cant see (i forgot the word) im common to ablisaim. Another disabled person will see me riding a ride cart and ask me to give it to them sense i "dont need it" and any time exsplain it they aways say im over dramatic. One time i did give it to them then ended having to call my family to come get me. It wasent a fun day
This is so true. It's like that when it omes to the blindness ommunity too. There are even people who feel we do't have a unique culture. We do. I guess it's more of a subulture, but hopefully, you get me.
What is also sad is that people don't realize that someday it could be them or someone you love. In a matter of seconds you can become disabled. 😢 We need to be better as a collective and make we can everything accessible.
Ableism fr. My younger sister is an ambulatory wheelchair user (when she's standing, her heartbeat can reach above 200 and she gets very fatigued), and she went to r/wheelchairs JUST to find out people's opinions of numotion and if there are better places and immediately was getting badgered with people telling her to ask her doctor if she even needs one cuz it sounds like shes jumping the gun since she found a free wheelchair the first time instead of paying the money to get one custom made.
The way this works for lots of different things too, I don’t want to name anything but a lot of people will look down on others for not being like them in a specific way when we should all just love one another as we are all human.
It’s so wild to me how much in fighting there is. I have multiple “invisible” chronic illnesses and since I don’t “look” disabled people assume I’m faking or I’m just “not that bad.” It can be so hard to find a place in the disabled community when you don’t look disabled enough in some peoples eyes. Like I could be fully struggling in my wheelchair, stand up to grab something, and sit back down, and suddenly I’m faking or a miracle?
This is a pretty predictable pattern in any community marginalized by the broader society. It's a crabs -in-a-bucket situation, where people are either trying to feel better about themselves or gain access to privilege by throwing others in their community under the bus. It's why the concept of "none of us are free until all of us are free" is so important.
I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and so many disabled people try and say I am not disabled... I have a medical condition that causes extreme pain, limits the activities I am capable of, and alters how I do everything else in life. Isn't that literally the definition of a disability? For example, just cause I can still walk unaided most of the time doesn't mean I am not slowly losing that ability to the excruciating pain of dislocations more often as I get older. Just because I look healthy and push through pain to keep living my life does not mean I am not disabled. It's just invisible.
I remember reading comments from manual wheelchair users disparaging smart drive users and saying they basically hadn't put in the work to do things like going down stairs (???) and should just stick to a power chair...as if power chairs aren't significantly heavier and harder to transport. It was such a bummer.
I’m disabled and I see this a lot. I also see ableism from people who aren’t in an electric wheelchair look down on those who are. Same with custom wheelchairs, like yours which is lovely btw. Some people with custom wheelchair look down on those on especially transfer wheelchairs. Occasionally it’s because they’re using it temporarily and sometimes it’s an elderly person. There is also a group of disabled people that one up constantly these people are also usually chronically ill (I am unfortunately also) and they just go off especially on medical devices like ostomy bags, feeding tubes, etc like it’s the damn Paris 2024 sickness olympics. I mean we’re all disabled. Some people are severely disabled and some people have a minor disability but we are all the minority and we all struggle with some form of access at points especially wheelchair users; ambulatory or not. I think it’s essential that we discuss this to try and mitigate it as it is a massive issue.
Also there's the concept of "soft" disability, like the idea that the experience of disable people who's disability isn't straightforwardly visible, or who are more mobile, aren't as valid or don't deserve help as much as "more disabled" conterparts.
The same goes for mental health. Let's be real, everyone loves to talk about how they care for mental health. The second you mention psychosis people vanish.
Im disabled, and was born that way, and over the years my disabilities have been progressively getting worse. I SHOULD be in a wheelchair, but my older disabled family members refuse to let me get one, and i honestly think a lot of it comes from internalized ableism. Its a matter of the fact that especially with older people i feel like a lot of them live through younger people vicariously and when a younger person they know is worse off than them, they panic and reject it. Theres a bit of shame they feel in seeing me, and i know they do. It sucks, and its something that i know ive had to unlearn too because of what they instilled in me from their reactions. I just wish we could all be nice to eachother
The chronic pain and cPTSD communities are the same. I'm not comfortable in those communities yet my friends who are both healthy and sane or also chronically ill and/or mentally ill are the most supportive people I know. None of us invalidate each other, nor do we think anybody is faking. We respect any additional accommodations needed during flare ups as well as on good days. It doesn't matter if my pain is only a 3 or 4 most days and I can still pole dance, my friends understand if some days I can barely walk or on any normal day after being on my feet for 30-45 minutes, I start flaring up and need my TENS machine. I'm making a lot of progress with my trauma recovery and my bipolar is stable, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible to trigger a manic episode or trauma episode and psychosis. If I go 2 or 3 days without my lithium, that's enough to completely destabilise me and trigger a severe manic episode complete with psychosis. I'm only stable because of medication and lots and lots of psychologist appointments Point is, a lot of us are suffering and our disabilities impact our ability to function. Remission and stability don't mean we're cured and one person having a much harder time than us, doesn't invalidate our struggles. If my able bodied and mentally healthy friends can understand that, why can't the disabled community and sub communities understand that?
I was born normal, but by the age of ten I was very much so showing multiple disabilities. After my mum left with me at 8, I was forced to be with my abusive father at 10. He beat me at 15 and broke my pelvis, I've been living with permanent back issues since. I had medical malpractice at the hospital when I went in, and now my nerve if fused with the bone. I need a wheelchair and other mobility aids, but my doctors refuse to see that and give me what I need.
Yes this is definitely true. Sometimes it goes the other way usually with mental disorders/disabilities sometimes physical but not as often. Me and my best friend both are autistic, we both are both higher functioning (don’t know if this is the right way to say it, tell me if it isn’t) and we both got bullied in quotes for “not actually being autistic” some of witch where other people who where disabled (physical/mental disorders either) who didn’t think of us as disabled enough to say we where. Not sure exactly why they thought this, but it can hurt a lot and it’s meant to be a community of people to support each other so please be nice to others and other people in general because life is hard and we don’t need to make it worse for anyone.
As someone with ASD and a mother of ASD i can absolutely say this is often a big issue. Obviously a different disability. And for some reason ive been attacked online for saying i believe its important to bring my NT child and my ND children up believeing they can follow their dreams. That no matter the time and the path they must take to get whete their going its ok. Because if they want it enough and are willing to work why should a person with ASD and one without have to choose very different careers just because of a disability. Being someone with ASD i understand how very different each person is with ASD and that thete are somethings that some just might not be able to do because of things like how we might cope around too many people. I can't bring up and support others but i can my children, understand their needs and see what they are capable of even when they struggle too. I shouldn't be attacked by someone who thinks me believing in my own kids is ableist, they dont know my ASD or that of my child's. And i shouldn't be told that i can only support and believe in my NT child but should tell my ND children they should want less. I was told to want less because i was apparently stupid, so i gave up on dreams i absolutely could have achieved. So i refused to do that when my daughter with ASD wanted to be a dancer. She has bad anxiety and didn't think she could leave home for university. I could have followed this person's advice and told her she cant cope. But i told her she can follow her dreams, she can do what she needs to do. And though its been rough, shes made it through her first year. I dont tell my ND children to follow their dreams because i want them to be more NT i do it because they deserve my support in their life goals just as much as my NT child.
Wow! I've been disabled since birth but only now coming to realize just how messed up my body is. Some days, I just use me crutches and leg braces. Other days, it's what I call a wheelchair day. I had no clue this was a thing. Yes, just love one another.
I completely understand what you are saying I have found out that there are different types of Mexicans and different shades of color in other communities. Scence I am part of the Mexican community it hit me pretty hard. I was sad to see it in other communities.
As someone who is semi-frequent on the autism subreddit, I see this a lot. For invisible disabilities, a lot of the time it's what we refer to as internalized ableism where someone goes undiagnosed for so long that they learn that X is bad but then when they get diagnosed they will start shaming people who can't control doing X due to their disability. For example, stimming (which is moving or making noise so as to cause stimulation in your brain). Some people in the neurodivergent (ND) sphear of disabilities will shame other ND people for stimming to soothe or just as a pure habit because they were told that that form of stimming was unaccepted their whole lives, even after diagnosis. It causes a lot of issues when someone is maybe upset that their teacher told them to stop tapping their foot but they were tapping it because they were nervous and needed extra stimulation to assist their brain, then they'll tell some portion of community about it and this person with internalized ableism will tell them they're wrong for stimming by tapping their foot. It's always a sad thing to see.
Hear hear! I had a friend who would CONSTANTLY act like our autism was the same. Hers made her unaware of social cues and fidgety. Mine makes me EXTREMELY sensorily overwhelmed 99% of the time, incredibly socially anxious and wary, stim constantly, unable to function properly in most jobs, have psychotic breaks, abused and discriminated against by teachers or bosses, and occasionally age regress to a kindergarten level. She would always downplay my symptoms and act like she understood or had it worse. She would also use autism as an excuse for everything and would attribute absolutely EVERYTHING she did to her autism. No joke, she once said, "When you're autistic, your pain tolerance is either really low, really high, or somewhere in between." She would also act like a professional and "diagnose" people. She once called a girl she never interacted with "the token neurotypical" of the show cast we were in. Having actually interacted with this girl, I have no idea why she would say that other than she dressed differently than the rest of us. I'm so glad I'm out of that relationship and with much better friends. Sorry for the rant. I just had a lot to get off my chest. Autism is truly a spectrum and should not be considered the same from person to person.
I have invisible disabilities and sometimes require mobility aids to move comfortably through life. I look perfectly healthy and fit, but I am not. I have my good and bad days. On good days I’m capable of living somewhat normally. On really bad days I’m unable to get out of bed. It’s so hard to make people understand, even my own family at times.
I love this video because I'm both physically and mentally disabled, and theres a lot of hypocrisy. I've had asthma since I was a really young kid and will always have it unfortunately. Theres no "growing out of it". I find a lot of people tend to overlook asthma as a disability, especially since many get better with age and will no long need asthma treatment. I have moderate asthma, but if I never had insurance to pay for my expensive inhalers I would be much much worse off. Not to mention the heavy smoking/vaping culture where people just smoke around others with no consideration with what others have to deal with. I've gotten many disgusted looks for wearing a mask when sick people around me don't, even though I do it because my asthma makes being sick worse. I was sick for a whole month in December because of rhinovirus, a cold.
I have a few auto immune disorders, some of which affect my ability to breathe. (Among other invisible disabilities.) I have to use a handicap spot as a result because I used to pass out in parking lots while trying to walk inside and for some other reasons. The amount of people that have recorded me and told me I’m not disabled enough because they can’t see my disability is wild.
My story of a disabled person being ablist to me I have a male teacher who wears hearing aids like me, my hearing is far worse, and I had to learn to lip read him from a distance due to fear of being close because he was ableist about my dyslexia, and autism.I have been nice to him the whole time. I’m about at the point where I make the threat that hearing people are scared of he is hard of hearing due to age and I’m D/deaf due to trauma and birth that only deaf people can understand which is “shut up before I make you shut up.” Which means I’m going to give you a warning before I shut my hearing aids off on you and look away closing my eyes. it does scare my EC teacher although she knows what it means she scared only because of her touching my shoulder I can’t handle that part of the deaf cult all the time and she risked it and got her hand smacked once because of masking overstimulation and I have had it that day. She left me alone though.
Ouch... I'm still working on my own self ableism. It's hard coming from an extremely ableist household who didn't believe in ever getting checkups to accepting being disabled. I can't imagine being upset at others needs for aids, what they have, etc.
I have a pretty severe ambulatory disability and should use crutches but I can't bring myself to cause I feel embarrassed. Now I've started taking the metro for work and I was forced to start using them cause if people see me standing still they won't let me have a sit which causes me to fall everytime
😅 I got yelled at last week by a woman in a wheelchair because me and my son needed to use the handicap facility he's a toddler and nonverbal autistic... He flails his limbs a lot and is apps to get injured very easily because of his type of fidgeting so the small stars do not work for us.. also not enough room for putting on a diaper when my son does not lay down to go on to the changing station... It will be a full-on autistic meltdown. ( This is almost never an issue though because he absolutely refuses to poop in public so all of his diaper changes involve stepping into the diaper ) mind you if they have a family stall I will definitely use that first but half the time that's also the handicap stall and or bathroom. I think it's strange to have a hierarchy for the bathroom if you fit any of the descriptions that have the right to use the bathroom and it genuinely benefits you you should have the right to use that bathroom.
I just turned 50 and am an ambulatory wheelchair user. I can walk short distances and stand but not for long. And I definitely cannot walk long distances. People look at me as I walk over to my wheelchair, get into it and scoff. I'm a fairly new wheelchair user and I actually get embarrassed by it 😔 because I know that they see somebody that they think can walk just fine.
This also exists in the autism community! Level 1 high maskers are often at the top and tend to talk over those with higher support needs, often going as far as demonizing others with different/more severe symptoms than them
As someone with a very rare and misunderstood chronic illness, who can sometimes walk with AFOs and sometimes not, and at times haven’t been able to self propel, I definitely feel like I’m looked down upon. Especially by people completely paralyzed in their legs who always use a chair but use those nifty light weight sportsy chairs
My dear... The amount of times people called me out when i said i wish I had a wheelchair. They're like "but you can still walk and do sports!" But it hurts. Every step hurts. Some days are good and I love sports so I still do them. But that doesn't mean I don't feel any pain. But also, I hate being in a wheelchair or using any mobility aid, because people will ridicule me because I just use it when I want to so they think I don't really need it and take away from people who do
It's a BIG thing in the cognitive/developmental/neurodiversity disability communities as well. Everyone wants to be the authority and no one wants to listen to anyone who isn't their exact flavor of disabled.
“Let’s just be nice to one another.” No better words ever said. Solves most of the world’s problems.
Very true
Fr, except some people see that phrase and are like "WOMP WOMP"-😭
100%
As someone who was injured as a kid and been in a wheelchair for over 30yrs the hierarchy in the disability community is crazy... And the people who try and play the "my life sucks more"... I tried going to support meetings as an adult and I stopped after the second one. I already dislike the world, I don't need to hate it too lol
Keep on truckin my friend
From my experience, it appears to be a reaction to wider society ignoring and denigrating disability, so a hierarchy is established to fight for the most recognition. It's the same in the queer community. Cis white gay men (able bodied, ofc) are at the top and honestly, they can be just as bad as the homophobes. Unsurprising, since we live under a Eurocentric post-colonial heteronormative patriarchy.
I call it the disability Olympics as there’s this constant one-up man-ship and I hate it. It is worse within the chronic illness community but it’s so so bad. People go as far as to claim others are faking which is so sick. I’ve been subjected to so much hate especially on instagram and it’s almost ALL from other disabled or chronically ill people and this is because I would talk openly about how medical devices aren’t something to strive for and how they are almost the worst case scenario and how we don’t need to beautify and glamorise feeding tubes and how it’s dangerous. I have GI organ failure and I’m surgically tube fed and there is so much encouragement to make it all look “pretty” and that’s okay to a degree if you keep it to yourself but when you’re posting “matching my tube dressing to my outfit” every single day that is hella concerning.
I wear cute dressings but I don’t think I’ve ever posted it intentionally and it would only ever be seen if I’m in a crop top. It’s similar with the stoma community but slightly less concerning but it’s like a constant of posting and posing with it and I get normalising it but there’s a difference between normalising and GLAMORISING. I believe it’s starting to become the second.
I helped run a club for disabled people at my school and I had to quit because the hierarchy/ableism bullshit was to much
I was the only technically physically abled member of the board. Everyone else assumed I was fully comfortable and capable of planning and running every single meeting with 0 help from them. They didn’t show up to any of the meetings and they didn’t help me come up with topics or do any research even when I asked. (This was important as it’s difficult for me to talk about physical disabilities I don’t have and I need those people to share their experiences to be sure I represent them correct).
When I finally confronted everyone and was like “hey I know you guys have conditions that make it hard but I’ve done 100% of the work for this club which was meant to be split between all 4 of us and I can’t do it” they basically said “oh well you were the abled one so we just assumed you could take it all on”
(Newflash im not even entirely abled I just don’t have a mobility aid)
There's also a class issue, where disabled people who are born into money, healthy families and strong communities look down upon those of us who are in forced poverty without friends or family.
Yes. It's really sad that we can't all just have empathy for each other as humans. We need to be supportive and encouraging each other not tearing each other apart or comparing.
I'm disabled (too many things to list) and my biggest problem with some other people who are disabled is that when I mention I need to save up to visit any specialist or get the tools and equipment I need I am treated differently. I've even had medical people who don't understand that I have limited money, my family is not supportive and I have very few friends who stuck by me. Ive been asked why I don't just buy xyz or use my NDIS Package (Australian here) to cover the cost. Your definition of forced poverty really struck me close to my heart as I live on a disability pension as my only income. I am not on the NDIS yet because in order to get on it I have to go to the specialists and get them to fill out reports and collect enough current evidence. They don't accept any evidence that is over 3 years old. I can't start the process of applying for NDIS until I have the money for 6 to 8 different specialists and 3 to 5 visits per specialist with an average of $200 per visit.
People see what they want to see, they understand if they are willing to learn about you or if they have gone through something similar.
We can't change their opinions, attitudes or their perspective if they aren't willing to look at more than the face value and ask questions.
Blessings from South Eastern Australia, Dot
Heavy on this.
@dotcassilles1488 Hey Dot, thanks for responding. I understand having too many disabilities to list. I was born into generational genetic disabilities and because my mother is also disabled, and we had to rely on her SSDI, my family has been in poverty since I was 5. I was ripped away from good doctors because my dad got fired, and we had to move to the middle of nowhere. I'm 36 now and am just barely getting a stable life together while jugging that list, being a wheelchair user, having such severe chronic fatigue that I can't do much of anything if I can't do it from my bed.
I had to fight and suffer for years for the benefits I have, and they are so tenuous that if I miss one letter or deadline, I could be homeless. There's never enough to eat, and I've had other disabled people who claimed to be my friend waste food in front of me, knowing I'm hungry. Shame me for not taking better care of myself when I have no one to help me. Flaunt their money, good doctors, families, resources, and communities and then say things like "If I can do X, why can't you? Just try harder."
My own disabled mother told me she was traumatized by my birth and put me to work being her little helper at an early age. When my disabilities progressed to the point I was bedbound, even she abandoned me.
The way I was treated as a disabled person before I was a wheelchair user and after, Is so starkly different that 7 years later I'm still baffled by how invisible I am to people.
Disability advocacy is such important work and I'm encouraged by how many people are making content to educate, agitate and create change.
You aren't alone, we are many more than they give us credit for.
Love from Mormonland, Sage.
People who was born into money are the type of people I don't really like there the type of people that needs to have a slice of humble pie and a big glass of understanding.
(I always tell people God has a way too make you apart of our world your just one of the lucky ones that he hasn't got to yet).
I'm learning that even disabled people try and police each other to find the "truly disabled" like it's a competition and not just a spectrum of varying levels of ability in a bunch of different categories that can fluctuate depending on the day
It's absolutely exhausting.
Literally, anyone who wants to play that game of "I'm suffering more than you so you're not disabled enough to be on my level of 'actually' disabled" can go scream at a wall. Pain is not a competition. Disability is not a competition. If you have a disability, either in vision, movement, or hearing, you're disabled. (Or whatever can qualify as an impairment to your life/quality of life.)
I’ve had this happen to me so many times, people telling me I can’t be autistic because I don’t ‘look’ or ‘act it’ its like no shit, when you’ve been scolded, screamed at and abused by people around you to act ‘normal’ you try and mimic the people around you to fit in, so bs, I’ve lost so much of myself because I try to fit in and act like everyone else, I’m so tired of it man. Like do these people know what it feels like to come out and say you have a disability, and that’s the reason you act that way? And instead get hit with the ‘no you’re not’ or them trying to explain autism to an autistic person, imagine if I walked up to someone who was blind and started telling them what being blind was like??? So over it.
@@charleetucker2480Say it louder for the people in the back!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I am SO DONE with hearing "well, everybody feels like that sometimes."
@@fishykoala2034 OH MY GOD YES
I've noticed that totally or legally blind people skim over me because only my left eye is totally blind (removed due to glaucoma from a congenital condition), and my right is myopic and nystagmic, needing glasses. I'm a few magnifications and FOV degrees away from legally blind, but because I still have usable vision when my nystagmus isn't playing up, I'm seen as "not that blind". As though I'm not disabled while looking for groceries, or navigating public transport. I literally got on the wrong bus TODAY because I couldn't see the sign. But having somewhat usable vision for about three quarters of the daylight means I'm "not blind enough" to both abled and disabled folks.
As someone with nystagmus and low vision -- YEP. I feel ya.
Too much vision for one group, not enough for another.
I was coming here to talk about this. I have a severe, complicated autoimmune eye disease. My left eye sight is pretty bad. I’ve had a ton of surgeries. I have limited peripheral vision. I have depth perception problems and dizziness. Day to day life is really difficult. The grocery store is awful. People constantly run me over while I’m trying to look at things. Even with dark sunglasses on, they expect me to see them and get out of their way. But many in the community get very angry when I label myself as visually disabled or low vision. My myriad of Drs label me the same way. It’s a no-win situation.
I am at risk of becoming low vision but probably not blind. Falling into that grey area is really scary for me because I don't have much support in my life but my whole career is in visual design. I'm trying to pick up new skills all the time in case I have to pivot.
Feel this. I was born blind in my right eye due to Adams Oliver syndrome. I also have issues with my left arm and legs. I struggle with feeling too abled for disabled spaces, and too disabled for abled spaces.
Someone screamed at my aunt and told me she wasn’t blind because she wasn’t using a cane or that she can’t be classed as legally blind, she’s fully blind in one eye and in the other she doesn’t have very good vision but she can still see outlines of objects or the general shape, she doesn’t feel the need to use a cane because she’s used to it. Like wtf? How tf are we gatekeeping disabilities now? People are so ignorant about invisible disabilities, and I say this as an autistic woman, I never mention I have autism because people always treat me differently because of my developmental disability when they find out, I’ve had people who have known me for years change all of a sudden in how they treated me when they found out I was autistic, I refuse to mention my autism at work even though I could possibly get some extra help or people would be more understanding but the end of the stick is either being used by my management because they get money when they hire people with disabilities and a lot of my coworkers are pretty openly ableist. Also other people in the autism community gatekeeping autism!!! Telling me that I don’t struggle at all because I’m high functioning, when tf did that mean I don’t struggle?? Or that I ‘don’t look or don’t act autistic’ by both people in the autism community and people who aren’t, I’m just so tired of it, can’t we just leave people alone?
I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user with multiple disabilities that means I can't self propel. I was getting lectured by another wheelchair user with spina bifida for identifying as disabled that I'm not differently able not disabled 🙄. The ableism is real to the point where some legally disabled people refuse to identify as disabled and shame other disabled people for identifying as disabled.
This makes me so upset. I have an invisible disability. I'm working towards getting access to a scooter or wheelchair for my bad days (at the moment, on my bad days I just don't leave the house, sometimes I don't leave bed). But I'm so worried about looking like I'm "pretending" to be disabled, because sometimes I can walk short distances. Watching ambulatory wheelchair users online has been helpful in feeling like I am allowed to be disabled, but it sucks to know they'll still be some able and disabled people telling me I'm not disabled enough.
My mom used the "differently abled" BS all the time when I was growing up
I think she meant it as an "empowering" pep talk when in reality it made me fear the idea of disability and I had a hard time understanding my limits because if I could do something the "normal way" but it was difficult then I didn't need assistance
I hate the ableist people who immediately think that if you don’t have a visible disability, you aren’t disabled.
Agreed.
and yet I'm an abled person who has no idea whether or not I've completely misread people with invisible disabilities before 😬
Remember that applies to mental illness as well, people with anxiety aren’t more deserving than people with psychophrenic or psychopathic troubles we all need to stand together
I tried joining a group for mental health support and was told to “get my disease out of here because I don’t belong” like okay everyone still really hates people with hallucinations, noted.
As someone who has bipolar i and is disabled, it sucks to me about the fact that there are people that rank invisible disabilities because we definitely had it harder to convince people outside our community that our disabilities are valid in the first place. We don't need to be turning on each other and doing the ranking Olympics of "who has it worse"?
@Vixie4842 I hate that because there is a villainzation of certain mental illnesses because people try to rank them as "light" mental illnesses such as adhd, autism, anxiety disorder with one's that are seen as "ugly" or "severe" or "villainized in media" such a schizophrenia, bipolar, and bpd. The fact that you'll find more information on one group and that places like tiktok suppress the other should give an indication how the outside community feels about invisible disabilities.
I hate, HATE this. I had legit go to speeches from multiple specialists that only talk about anxiety and depression (no "some of them". All of the specialists!) And had listen people that treat their live's and the lives of others, and should stay hospitalized till they get stable in my country, say to my face "We shouldn't be here. We are not like those CRAZY PEOPLE". 🙄
...No lady, I have nothing to do with you...
Also, the amount of young people that I had to help "deal" with their hallucinations and delusions in non medical ways cause family refuse treatment is sad...
In the chronic pain groups that I've been a part of those that had bought into the toxic positivity were always at the top and anyone who wanted to talk about their problems were told that they needed to be more grateful that they were still alive to have problems.
I've also noticed that those in the Autism/ADHD groups who are able to mask or have very few outward symptoms are thought of as a success, however they don't know how to unmask and/or they need help dealing with emotional stuff, but because everyone is telling them that they are a success story they have a hard time asking for help or they don't even realize they could be so much happier with just a little help.
Thank you, THANK YOU for saying this about autism. I have learned to mask pretty well apparently because everyone I've told has been surprised and said I don't 'seem autistic', something that is implied to be a 'good' thing.
But they don't see how dysfunctional my personal life is, how I have to completely decompress after being social to the point that my life is a complete mess both metaphorically and literally 😅
But anyways, I appreciate the acknowledgement. I'm still learning to look within and acknowledge how my coping mechanisms have had bad fallout.
The other thing I’ve noticed about autism/ADHD groups is that they tend to be very unaware of ableism against physically disabled people. “You wouldn’t say that to someone with cancer” is a pretty common statement I’ve heard, but a lot of the time, those kinds of things DO get told to people with physical problems
Yeah, a lot of high masking autistic/ ADHD people have to deal with the "autism moms" (not just moms, just a group term). Like 'mam, the fact that your child or relative doesn't mask as much as I do does not mean I'm not autistic, we might even have similar support needs, but I just mask it well enough that you don't see it. As if living for 18 years (my case) without the diagnosis and being traumatised enough to not be able to unmask is some sort of achievement. I was in that exact situation yesterday, because apparently I'm not autistic when I can travel by train on my own and I have friends. Fast forward to today, I can't get up and have physical symptoms of overstimulation. Unfortunately, I've talked to some other autistic people who think that way as well (my theory is that the parents who act this way result in their children repeating the same thing, because that's what they've been told ever since they were a child)
I am able to mask very well as someone with ADHD. I learnt at a young age due to a very toxic friend, but i feel part of it is also that people dont rember that ADD is a thing, but still grouped in with ADHD. I can get very hyper, or in my case i call it maniac, but at the same time, i am also the quiet girl in the corner when in any social setting (to the point where school mates on the bus asked if i had an accent because they had never heard me speak). I also love how you mentioned the social battery aspect of Autism/ADHD. I go to my churches activities very consistently, but when i get home i crash. I dont have any energy and constantly feel like crying after because i feel just completely overwhelmed, or felt i did awful in something. I have a good friend who while hasnt been diagnosed, is very obviously Autistic/ADHD, and she has spoken to me and says she feels the same. I have also been told i don’t seem ADHD, and its frustrating because im glad im able to mask well enough, but also sad because i hide my true self subconsciously. Its just so frustrating.
I really hate toxic positivity in the community, and i really hate people using shit as inspiration porn just to dismiss another person's struggles rather than admit the problem
Same here. I've had a man diagnosed with Asperger's talk down to me after revealing that I was autistic. Like um sir..
Aspie supremacy grinds my gears. If I had been diagnosed as a kid I would have been given the label of Aspergers. Despite having “low support needs” I get ableism from society for having “Aspergers” and I get ableism in the autistic community because of a technicality. Oh and I get double ableism when doctors assume that because my notes say autistic not Asperger’s that I’m more disabled than I am and discredit whatever I say and wonder where my carer is.
Nothing makes me more pissed off than this shit. People have insisted I'm not autistic or I have to have Asperger's or whatever just because I can mask well. Just be nice to people. Asperger was a Nazi. We all have different levels of needs in different areas of life!
I'm more active in the mental disabilities community and it happens a lot there too. Cluster-B disorders are very demonized by everyone, and people who fall into cliches to much are told to stop being so public/visible because they're 'hurting progress'
I once knew someone who said "i have adhd and i do fine in school, everyone else is just being lazy" or something along those lines, i think this is a great example of internalized ablism
Wow, I really can never believe people are like this, like I've met transphobic gay people, bi and pan phobic gay people, racist people of pretty much every major ethnicity and now ablist disabled people, why is it so hard for some people to just be decent? Literally just have a single ounce of empathy, it baffles me that people who have experienced so much hatred for something they can't change would turn around and do it to somebody else just like them 😢
God, as a gay guy myself, some of the worst bigots I've ever met have been fellow gays. It's like, every part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum fought to help us get the rights and protections we have now, is it too much to ask for us to show a little solidarity with the members of it still struggling to even be legally recognised as existing? And that's not even getting started on the ones that have been taken hook-line-and-sinker on all the MRA and racist stuff.
Also the fact that people will be really tough on disabled/injured people using anything to make their life easier, but give their friends a free pass. When I sprained my ankle I couldn’t walk up stairs, I had to crawl. The receptionist at my school wouldn’t let me use the elevators because I wasn’t “that hurt”. I snuck on the elevator anyways because I wasn’t gonna crawl up the stairs. But she gave her favorite kid (who used to bully me) a free elevator pass for no reason.
I also see a lot of people argue about who is and isn't disabled enough because they don't require a mobility aid every day or don't have a visible disability. my dad never wears pants in public because when he does, he gets screamed at for parking in a handicap spot. even when he points to the plaque and lifts up the pant leg to show his prosthetic, they still double down sometimes. when we would go inside and he got on one of the scooters, people kept giving him dirty looks like he was lazy. it still happens to him a lot, from people with all levels of abilities. the only place he doesn't worry about that kind of thing happening is cracker barrel. the elderly love a country boy amputee that served in the military, even when he specifies he didn't lose his leg and a toe from serving.
I became disabled in my late teens. If anything, I'm thankful for the years I had being able-bodied. I remember a girl I met waiting for some physio, she was young maybe 10, she got really excited when she heard me mention to my mum, "I just really miss dancing, that's so much waisted money on ballet and tap." She wanted to know everything I had ever done dance wise, because she loved dance. I realised this little girl was enchated by my stories of dancing, and she'd never be able to learn the very thing she absolutely adored, she said something like 'I like water because flouting is how I think ballet would feel.' Here I was 19 saying that something she'd have loved to; even do for a day, that I got to do for years was a waste. That moment impacted me a lot. I'm very sorry people in my position have treated you like that. How are people so narrow-minded to marginalise within already marginalised groups? Is it hard coming to terms with a new and harder way of life? Yes, but no disability beats another. I've had issues with people thinking im not disabled enough, but it's usually older white individuals who are self entitled over a disabled parking spot. I'm young and semi mobile in the can prop and take a few steps area. But having another disabled person acting that way would hurt so much more, I'm very sorry.
As a hard of hearing person who hasn’t been fully accepted into the Deaf community, I get this.
The internalized ableism and the bigotry that comes from within the house is honestly the worst. Thank you for speaking on this.
this is genuinely why i left the chronic illness support groups i was in many years ago
everything had weird hierarchies and felt like a competition to some people to see who was the sickest/most deserving of support. the toxicity and negativity was just too much
It feels like a competition to “have it worse” sometimes. I’m autistic, but I can function socially and adapted to masking at a young age. Since I’m not always visibly struggling, I’m sometimes treated like I’m lying or something
As a young Service Dog handler I find your videos very inspiring 💟 Thanks so so much
Yoooo me too! (Except I have to go into the hospital tomorrow 😑)
@@Techrideretc.6793 fr tho
I don't feel like inspiring is the right word, I think the videos are more to awaken us to the reality of her and others disability struggles. So I definitely feel more aware, woke. But if someone who is disabled to go about their life makes me want to do more with my life is just infantilising them, which I don't think it's what you meant.
@@SuperCoatrack Well I guess what I mean is the way she gets through her life, educates people, and simply just stands up for people like me, I wish I could be like that. If that makes any sense? I'm not good at wording things but I love the way you described that! Inspire isn't really the right word your right and I don't mean to be rude in any way 🩷
I used to have a disabled friend that got some very strong opinions about COVID and medical interventions, used some very concerning language that I won't repeat here. Save to say, we are no longer friends
Oh man, I have often thought about how COVID had probably created an entirely new community of disabled people who were not for their entire lives before everything changed for them. And that running up against the previously disabled and all the social interactions and reactions that must be causing.
@@alice88wa owyeah so many people who have become disabled from covid. All of these people most known at least one person who believes covid is "just like the flu". Horrible
With the way governments and corporations seem to go out of their way to do things that can get disabled people killed or injured, I can kind of understand your friend falling into that sort of thing. I'm certainly not condoning it, but I can understand it.
Duuuude. Same for the blind community. I wish I could remember the name of this group but they do have a hierarchy depending on when you became blind, if you use sight dogs, if you have friends/partners who can see. They even have songs about how being blind is the only way to live. It’s a trip.
omg if you could find the group or the song pls let me know, my dad is blind and something like that would kill him lol. Since he's not completely blind (extremelyyyyy low visual acuity so everything is a vague fuzzy blob of color and glasses cant correct it at all) he's dealt with a lot of superiority complex from those with less vision. And being married to my sighted mom just adds to the anger some have, it's so weird, but luckily rare, most blind people are chill
I agree with you and my mom said to me when I was little if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all 😊
She was quoting Thumper's mom from Bambi ♡
Tis an excellent quote.
@@Prowler9000 maybe carol is thumper from bambi 🤯😹
(joking but people who actually identify as fictional characters exist & i think theyre cool)
I'm not physically disabled, but I'm chronically ill, autistic (and do consider that to count as disabled), and mentally ill.
The amount of cruelty I've experienced for my chronic illness being mild and my mental illnesses being worse than mild unipolar depression or anxiety (I'm bipolar with BPD and C-PTSD) from other people with similar conditions only makes my physical and mental health worse.
And my autism is only an issue for allistics.
Being chronically I'll is a disability lil bro
@user-xu6oo5qm8c not in the same way most people think of when they think of physically disabled, so i make the distinction for that reason
i've also been told in the past i can't call myself physically disabled because i "just" have a chronic illness, so ig i'm also kinda worried about being scolded for that again?
wow never thought about it, would’ve never imagined that discrimination among disabled people exists it’s crazy! thanks for information
Oh gosh. And don't get me started on service dog drama... There is a lot of fighting in some circles over what conditions should qualify!! My deaf alert/autism/social phobia service dog makes life possible for me... I can't imagine life without her.
About half of the “got harrassed for using disability accommodations by people thinking I’m faking it” stories that I’ve heard involve elderly disabled people who became disabled due to old age, shaming, usually younger people, because they have the same perception of “only old people are disabled” or “all disabled people are paraplegic wheelchair users” that most able-bodied people grew up with.
@@zaynab-to-a I’m not even kidding, that happened to someone a couple weeks ago when I was in the rest room, a girl probably around 16-17 walked out of the disabled toilet and an elderly woman went off at her for ‘wasting recourses’. Like ma’am, it’s a toilet, in a public bathroom, tf?? Also idk if that girl had a disability or not, but common sense would probably tell you to shut your mouth and not assume something you know nothing about, but elderly people seem to not know when to shut up and they call us the snowflakes 💀
I like to use the term "Temporarily Abled"
Cause anyone could join our club at anytime.
The one that frustrates me is the Deaf community. If they considered themselves part of the Disability Community we would have a much louder voice!
This is not a dig at the Deaf community. I know great Deaf families and CODAs. As a hoh person with chronic invisible illnesses I see this attitude online but also in person. This is an observation of the whole not directed at a single individual.
Omg so far I have seen this community be the most toxic in terms of how relevant the toxicity is.
I agree. Not only just the Deaf, but HOH, late deafness, Deaf+, and CI user. I was born deaf, used hearing aids until 2011 I was outfitted with CI in left ear and kept the hearing aid in right ear. Now I have CI in both ears. It doesn’t make me “hearing” or as one signed that I “think like a hearing person.” I am still the same person, except that I chose to have the CI done to continue to hear. I will never have perfect hearing…ever, but it is close enough. ❤
for anyone in the disability community, it’s important for us to remember that our experiences are our own and we belong to an extremely diverse community. if you’ve met one disabled person, you’ve met one disabled person. some disabled people really don’t care about ableism against other disabled people at all, but they should. we’re stronger together 💗
It took a little while to get (mostly) over my ableism after my friend was officially diagnosed with POTS. She had been AMAZING about holding me accountable for my ableism as a disabled person
Not perfect, but definitely on the upward climb ❤
Being told to "just sit down and stop distracting everyone with all that fidgeting" in an ADHD support group by another member definitely taught me that lesson.
It was a wild experience.
I’m a neurodivergent person who is also physically disabled. The amount of times I’ve experienced ableism related to my physical disability in so many “accepting” and “positive” neurodivergent spaces is exhausting. On the flip side, a physically disabled neurotypical person bullied me for being autistic and then became an organizer of a disability support group.
Thank u for teaching us something we didn’t know. As far me I’ve never looked down on anyone that has a disability & I’ve taught my children & grandchildren the same. We all r humans with hearts , feelings & the same blood.❤❤❤
Random note, but I love the bag that you used in the one clip! It looks so cool!
And it definitely sucks that some people think badly of others for not being ‘disabled enough’ when the person already struggles with day to day life. I’ve personally learned through my Diabetes that not every day will be the same, and that can apply to everything, including people’s mobility. While I may not have those issues, I’ve learned to understand that things can change on a dime and we shouldn’t judge others for not fitting into predetermined boxes.
Very well said !!!!
This reminded me of that one post where ppl were arguing weather or not needing glasses is a disability
FOR REAL! It's a common disability, but a disability nonetheless
@@duz_machines_8429 fr if a large amount of people lost a hand it would still be a disability even if it's common
These people are the reason I’m scared to learn and use coping skills. I’m scared of being accused of lying or faking because I now have better control of my disabilities. It’s super frustrating
God for real. My ex yelled at me for being "annoying" about my severe joint pain (aka talking about it at all) because CLEARLY their nerve pain was more important and took precedence. It's just ridiculous. I'm here for my other disabled people! We all have different levels of needs, u just tell me how to make it chill to hang out and I GOT YOU
Wild. Love is stronger than hate. It's crazy ppl in the disabled community are being mean to other ppl from their OWN community. Especially if they too are human n suffer judgements from others on a daily.
Thank you for pointing out some of these harder, more obvious topics! The struggle is real for everyone. It just looks more obviously different for some folks.
Be kind. It's free n it's easier. Mean ppl are having them issues, not a you issue. It just comes out in very unbecoming ways aimed at you or someone they can pick on. Make better choices ppl n evolve your spirit. ♡
I hate that we have "politicians" in the disabled community. By that I mean that people who think their higher than others because they have more or better disabilities so they think they are able to rule over others "lower" than them. I believe everyone is equal as we're all unique. We all have disabilities and fighting for equal rights for each other. Instead of downplaying and belittling each other. We should be lifting and supporting one another. I love my service dog friends and wheelchair friends. Just as equally as the blind, amputee, hearing impaired, mentally impaired, diabetic etc friends. We have to fight a war against the ableist world that tries to break us down. I love this video.
I acquired my disability over a few years as I transitioned from Middle School to Highschool, and am now an ambulatory wheelchair user (my most used mobility aid. I also have a cane) and genuinely just knowing that there's an expectation of what I'm supposed to look like and I'm "faking" by not fitting into that category.
The thing that cripples me the most is pain, which means if it's early in the day I can look really able bodied. But that also does mean that I will CHOOSE to walk??? It's incredibly draining even when it's easier to do so.
I genuinely hurt myself by self propelling my wheelchair when I first had it because I didn't want someone to see my pushing my own chair. I've learned that genuinly doing the things that are actually good for my body and focusing on listening more the people who actually care about me makes me so much happier than fitting into the toxic "wheelchair kid" stereotype.
I'm lucky that I have friends who also use various mobility aids and such and I haven't actually encountered someone who actually fits into that stereotype.
They are out there and are very real, but the people I encounter the most are the able bodied people who think they know my situation.
It's also just annoying to know that people would hold my problems over someone else's, or that someone who has no idea what they are talking about would compare and belittle me because I'm not what they expected. It's exhausting and toxic.
I’ve only recently accepted that I have a disability because it’s invisible and I feel like I’m just annoying when in actuality I do need accommodations. But I feel like I can’t talk about it I’m certain spaces because I’m not “disabled enough” thank you for bringing this up
You're not alone, I'm in this situation too
Disability is such a wide descriptor. We need to treat it that way!
Hell, that sucks 😮😮!
However, sadly not the 1st time I've heard about hierarchies in certain communities.
A friend of mine who was born male and has started the process of transition rather late in life is baffled that the LGBTQ+ in her country wishes to not include her🤦♀️.
Sooo stupid, pardon my frankness.
Let's celebrate being alive and let's all pull together.
Also, as an abled person, I feel that I have a duty to help establish a 100% accessible world 💪
Disabled is disabled in my book.
Im quote on quote "disabled" with a crippling immune disease. Some days i can hardly get out of bed. Standing? Not for me...
Godbless you ❤
Ambulatory wheelchair user who can't self propel all the time. Started using WC at 55. I get crap all the time, mostly because I'm fat.
Happens a lot in deaf communities that you're not accepted as a real deaf person if you can partially hear or lost hearing later in life
Yeah, that self-hate gets turned outwards at the rest of the community so often. Internalized bigotry is so pervasive! Thanks for speaking about this! 💜
My mom died from cancer and was physically and mentally disabled because of her illness for many years. She had to get checked from a committee every year to determine the percentage of her disability, in order to get financial aid from the government. When she was at the final stage of cancer she wasn't able to move both of her legs, her right arm and her whole spine. She was practically laying on bed 24/07. The thing was that she could still feel it when somebody touched her limbs, even though she couldn't move them. When that committee came to our house to check if she was actually disabled, they straight up started mocking her because she could feel them touching her and accused her of faking not being able to move or stand. It made me sick to my stomach witnessing how they treated her, especially since I was her caregiver and I had seen all the pain and suffering she had gone through because of her illness..
I think the most extreme version I have seen is people in the deaf community wanting their children to be born deaf so they can learn deaf culture. And no they don’t mean they wouldn’t mind if their children were born deaf, they actively want their children to be deaf. I also hate how much they ridicule parents of deaf children who they assume aren’t teaching sign language even if they aaare.
The unfortunate thing is that sometimes, even when people try their hardest, they still come off as or internally are ableist. They might not even recognize it! But it’s still there.
As a disabled person yet to use mobility aids though that might change in the near future, I respect all people regarding their needs. I don't understand why people would be ableist towards other people for needing more help than them especially if they are disabled - I only feel grateful that i don't have to use them yet, at worst jealous if they are using something i want! And i feel happy that they were able to get the help they need.
I would have assumed it was the other way around - “Oh cute you know what it is to be able bodied? That’s nice. You’ve only had that wheelchair for a year, come talk to me in 30 years!!”
I've heard the deaf community is horrible about this with people with hearing aids and choclear implants.
I have undiagnosed (probably) POTS where if I stand up to quickly or too long I get extremely lightheaded and my heart goes crazy. I just started using a rollator walker/cane so I can wait in lines and sit down and had somebody IN A WHEELCHAIR tell me I’m faking because I was wearing platform shoes and if I really needed the walker I wouldn’t be able to wear them. That made me feel so terrible to the point where I wouldn’t go out with my mobility aids and ended up falling because I got too lightheaded and had nothing to brace me. It’s so disgusting that ableism is ingrained in so many people, and even worse, in our own community
Having Rheumatoid Arthritis since I was 9, the hell I get from older people is MIND BLOWING. They think because they had it for a year, they know more than I do and talk down to me. Or(my favorite part) say mine “isn’t that bad” because my RA is messing with my organs more than it is my joints.
Yes!!!! Working in an Autism High School as an Autistic person, I realized that the majority of the bullying I experienced growing up was at the hands of other Autistic people. Yes, Allistic people did exclude me from a lot of stuff, but the people who were meanest to me were typically undiagnosed Autistic like me. The internalized ableism really makes fellow disabled people massive targets!
One example of ableism within the disability community that really bothers me, as a disabled person, is gatekeeping community based on diagnosis. People who lack access to diagnoses are already gatekept from resources and care, and they then get gatekept from identity and community as well by people who should understand.
Yes we should be more nice to each other ❤❤ your a strong woman
There’s so many issues in the disabled community. I have an invisible disability and many visibly disabled folks judge me. I just wish we all could love and accept one another. No one chooses this.
There was a woman I used to be friends with that would constantly pull the “I’m more disabled than you” card because she was a wheel chair user and I have invisible disabilities. And one day I just told her “And yet we both have to use the elevator. Weird how that works, huh?”
Thank you for starting the discussion, Cassidy! Educating and sharing the joys of disabled life is important (something you and many other disabled content creators do), but we dont allow ourselves enough space to be fully honest all the time ❤
It's okay to love your communities and be critical of them (in fact, encouraged! It means you're an active participant). (To myself and im sure many others) it's definitely okay to love and embrace parts of you and also still be working on having that love all the time. (Reading through the comments here really made my heart go out to everyone 🥲❤ we'll get there)
As some one who has a disability thats not you cant see (i forgot the word) im common to ablisaim. Another disabled person will see me riding a ride cart and ask me to give it to them sense i "dont need it" and any time exsplain it they aways say im over dramatic. One time i did give it to them then ended having to call my family to come get me. It wasent a fun day
This is so true. It's like that when it omes to the blindness ommunity too. There are even people who feel we do't have a unique culture. We do. I guess it's more of a subulture, but hopefully, you get me.
What is also sad is that people don't realize that someday it could be them or someone you love. In a matter of seconds you can become disabled. 😢 We need to be better as a collective and make we can everything accessible.
Ableism fr. My younger sister is an ambulatory wheelchair user (when she's standing, her heartbeat can reach above 200 and she gets very fatigued), and she went to r/wheelchairs JUST to find out people's opinions of numotion and if there are better places and immediately was getting badgered with people telling her to ask her doctor if she even needs one cuz it sounds like shes jumping the gun since she found a free wheelchair the first time instead of paying the money to get one custom made.
The way this works for lots of different things too, I don’t want to name anything but a lot of people will look down on others for not being like them in a specific way when we should all just love one another as we are all human.
It’s so wild to me how much in fighting there is. I have multiple “invisible” chronic illnesses and since I don’t “look” disabled people assume I’m faking or I’m just “not that bad.” It can be so hard to find a place in the disabled community when you don’t look disabled enough in some peoples eyes. Like I could be fully struggling in my wheelchair, stand up to grab something, and sit back down, and suddenly I’m faking or a miracle?
This is a pretty predictable pattern in any community marginalized by the broader society. It's a crabs -in-a-bucket situation, where people are either trying to feel better about themselves or gain access to privilege by throwing others in their community under the bus. It's why the concept of "none of us are free until all of us are free" is so important.
I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and so many disabled people try and say I am not disabled... I have a medical condition that causes extreme pain, limits the activities I am capable of, and alters how I do everything else in life. Isn't that literally the definition of a disability? For example, just cause I can still walk unaided most of the time doesn't mean I am not slowly losing that ability to the excruciating pain of dislocations more often as I get older. Just because I look healthy and push through pain to keep living my life does not mean I am not disabled. It's just invisible.
I remember reading comments from manual wheelchair users disparaging smart drive users and saying they basically hadn't put in the work to do things like going down stairs (???) and should just stick to a power chair...as if power chairs aren't significantly heavier and harder to transport. It was such a bummer.
I’m disabled and I see this a lot. I also see ableism from people who aren’t in an electric wheelchair look down on those who are. Same with custom wheelchairs, like yours which is lovely btw. Some people with custom wheelchair look down on those on especially transfer wheelchairs. Occasionally it’s because they’re using it temporarily and sometimes it’s an elderly person.
There is also a group of disabled people that one up constantly these people are also usually chronically ill (I am unfortunately also) and they just go off especially on medical devices like ostomy bags, feeding tubes, etc like it’s the damn Paris 2024 sickness olympics. I mean we’re all disabled. Some people are severely disabled and some people have a minor disability but we are all the minority and we all struggle with some form of access at points especially wheelchair users; ambulatory or not. I think it’s essential that we discuss this to try and mitigate it as it is a massive issue.
Also there's the concept of "soft" disability, like the idea that the experience of disable people who's disability isn't straightforwardly visible, or who are more mobile, aren't as valid or don't deserve help as much as "more disabled" conterparts.
No matter how small the hill someone's gonna try to be the king of it. Since the beginning of time.
The same goes for mental health. Let's be real, everyone loves to talk about how they care for mental health. The second you mention psychosis people vanish.
Im disabled, and was born that way, and over the years my disabilities have been progressively getting worse. I SHOULD be in a wheelchair, but my older disabled family members refuse to let me get one, and i honestly think a lot of it comes from internalized ableism. Its a matter of the fact that especially with older people i feel like a lot of them live through younger people vicariously and when a younger person they know is worse off than them, they panic and reject it. Theres a bit of shame they feel in seeing me, and i know they do. It sucks, and its something that i know ive had to unlearn too because of what they instilled in me from their reactions. I just wish we could all be nice to eachother
Thank you for this! It drives me nuts being compared to those who have more ability than I do WITHIN MY OWN SPINA BIFIDA COMMUNITY
The chronic pain and cPTSD communities are the same. I'm not comfortable in those communities yet my friends who are both healthy and sane or also chronically ill and/or mentally ill are the most supportive people I know. None of us invalidate each other, nor do we think anybody is faking. We respect any additional accommodations needed during flare ups as well as on good days. It doesn't matter if my pain is only a 3 or 4 most days and I can still pole dance, my friends understand if some days I can barely walk or on any normal day after being on my feet for 30-45 minutes, I start flaring up and need my TENS machine. I'm making a lot of progress with my trauma recovery and my bipolar is stable, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible to trigger a manic episode or trauma episode and psychosis. If I go 2 or 3 days without my lithium, that's enough to completely destabilise me and trigger a severe manic episode complete with psychosis. I'm only stable because of medication and lots and lots of psychologist appointments
Point is, a lot of us are suffering and our disabilities impact our ability to function. Remission and stability don't mean we're cured and one person having a much harder time than us, doesn't invalidate our struggles. If my able bodied and mentally healthy friends can understand that, why can't the disabled community and sub communities understand that?
I was born normal, but by the age of ten I was very much so showing multiple disabilities. After my mum left with me at 8, I was forced to be with my abusive father at 10. He beat me at 15 and broke my pelvis, I've been living with permanent back issues since. I had medical malpractice at the hospital when I went in, and now my nerve if fused with the bone. I need a wheelchair and other mobility aids, but my doctors refuse to see that and give me what I need.
Yes this is definitely true. Sometimes it goes the other way usually with mental disorders/disabilities sometimes physical but not as often. Me and my best friend both are autistic, we both are both higher functioning (don’t know if this is the right way to say it, tell me if it isn’t) and we both got bullied in quotes for “not actually being autistic” some of witch where other people who where disabled (physical/mental disorders either) who didn’t think of us as disabled enough to say we where. Not sure exactly why they thought this, but it can hurt a lot and it’s meant to be a community of people to support each other so please be nice to others and other people in general because life is hard and we don’t need to make it worse for anyone.
As someone with ASD and a mother of ASD i can absolutely say this is often a big issue. Obviously a different disability.
And for some reason ive been attacked online for saying i believe its important to bring my NT child and my ND children up believeing they can follow their dreams. That no matter the time and the path they must take to get whete their going its ok. Because if they want it enough and are willing to work why should a person with ASD and one without have to choose very different careers just because of a disability. Being someone with ASD i understand how very different each person is with ASD and that thete are somethings that some just might not be able to do because of things like how we might cope around too many people. I can't bring up and support others but i can my children, understand their needs and see what they are capable of even when they struggle too. I shouldn't be attacked by someone who thinks me believing in my own kids is ableist, they dont know my ASD or that of my child's. And i shouldn't be told that i can only support and believe in my NT child but should tell my ND children they should want less. I was told to want less because i was apparently stupid, so i gave up on dreams i absolutely could have achieved. So i refused to do that when my daughter with ASD wanted to be a dancer. She has bad anxiety and didn't think she could leave home for university. I could have followed this person's advice and told her she cant cope. But i told her she can follow her dreams, she can do what she needs to do. And though its been rough, shes made it through her first year. I dont tell my ND children to follow their dreams because i want them to be more NT i do it because they deserve my support in their life goals just as much as my NT child.
Wow! I've been disabled since birth but only now coming to realize just how messed up my body is. Some days, I just use me crutches and leg braces. Other days, it's what I call a wheelchair day.
I had no clue this was a thing. Yes, just love one another.
I completely understand what you are saying I have found out that there are different types of Mexicans and different shades of color in other communities. Scence I am part of the Mexican community it hit me pretty hard. I was sad to see it in other communities.
As someone who is semi-frequent on the autism subreddit, I see this a lot. For invisible disabilities, a lot of the time it's what we refer to as internalized ableism where someone goes undiagnosed for so long that they learn that X is bad but then when they get diagnosed they will start shaming people who can't control doing X due to their disability. For example, stimming (which is moving or making noise so as to cause stimulation in your brain). Some people in the neurodivergent (ND) sphear of disabilities will shame other ND people for stimming to soothe or just as a pure habit because they were told that that form of stimming was unaccepted their whole lives, even after diagnosis. It causes a lot of issues when someone is maybe upset that their teacher told them to stop tapping their foot but they were tapping it because they were nervous and needed extra stimulation to assist their brain, then they'll tell some portion of community about it and this person with internalized ableism will tell them they're wrong for stimming by tapping their foot. It's always a sad thing to see.
Hear hear! I had a friend who would CONSTANTLY act like our autism was the same.
Hers made her unaware of social cues and fidgety.
Mine makes me EXTREMELY sensorily overwhelmed 99% of the time, incredibly socially anxious and wary, stim constantly, unable to function properly in most jobs, have psychotic breaks, abused and discriminated against by teachers or bosses, and occasionally age regress to a kindergarten level.
She would always downplay my symptoms and act like she understood or had it worse.
She would also use autism as an excuse for everything and would attribute absolutely EVERYTHING she did to her autism. No joke, she once said, "When you're autistic, your pain tolerance is either really low, really high, or somewhere in between."
She would also act like a professional and "diagnose" people. She once called a girl she never interacted with "the token neurotypical" of the show cast we were in. Having actually interacted with this girl, I have no idea why she would say that other than she dressed differently than the rest of us.
I'm so glad I'm out of that relationship and with much better friends.
Sorry for the rant. I just had a lot to get off my chest. Autism is truly a spectrum and should not be considered the same from person to person.
I have invisible disabilities and sometimes require mobility aids to move comfortably through life. I look perfectly healthy and fit, but I am not. I have my good and bad days. On good days I’m capable of living somewhat normally. On really bad days I’m unable to get out of bed. It’s so hard to make people understand, even my own family at times.
girl what- this is just people being assholes😂 and youll find that EVERYWHERE. keep that head up, this is beautiful!
I love this video because I'm both physically and mentally disabled, and theres a lot of hypocrisy. I've had asthma since I was a really young kid and will always have it unfortunately. Theres no "growing out of it". I find a lot of people tend to overlook asthma as a disability, especially since many get better with age and will no long need asthma treatment. I have moderate asthma, but if I never had insurance to pay for my expensive inhalers I would be much much worse off. Not to mention the heavy smoking/vaping culture where people just smoke around others with no consideration with what others have to deal with. I've gotten many disgusted looks for wearing a mask when sick people around me don't, even though I do it because my asthma makes being sick worse. I was sick for a whole month in December because of rhinovirus, a cold.
I have a few auto immune disorders, some of which affect my ability to breathe. (Among other invisible disabilities.)
I have to use a handicap spot as a result because I used to pass out in parking lots while trying to walk inside and for some other reasons. The amount of people that have recorded me and told me I’m not disabled enough because they can’t see my disability is wild.
My story of a disabled person being ablist to me I have a male teacher who wears hearing aids like me, my hearing is far worse, and I had to learn to lip read him from a distance due to fear of being close because he was ableist about my dyslexia, and autism.I have been nice to him the whole time. I’m about at the point where I make the threat that hearing people are scared of he is hard of hearing due to age and I’m D/deaf due to trauma and birth that only deaf people can understand which is “shut up before I make you shut up.” Which means I’m going to give you a warning before I shut my hearing aids off on you and look away closing my eyes.
it does scare my EC teacher although she knows what it means she scared only because of her touching my shoulder I can’t handle that part of the deaf cult all the time and she risked it and got her hand smacked once because of masking overstimulation and I have had it that day. She left me alone though.
Ouch... I'm still working on my own self ableism. It's hard coming from an extremely ableist household who didn't believe in ever getting checkups to accepting being disabled. I can't imagine being upset at others needs for aids, what they have, etc.
You're moving right along lady. Keep on going. Live your life.
I have a pretty severe ambulatory disability and should use crutches but I can't bring myself to cause I feel embarrassed. Now I've started taking the metro for work and I was forced to start using them cause if people see me standing still they won't let me have a sit which causes me to fall everytime
😅 I got yelled at last week by a woman in a wheelchair because me and my son needed to use the handicap facility he's a toddler and nonverbal autistic... He flails his limbs a lot and is apps to get injured very easily because of his type of fidgeting so the small stars do not work for us.. also not enough room for putting on a diaper when my son does not lay down to go on to the changing station... It will be a full-on autistic meltdown. ( This is almost never an issue though because he absolutely refuses to poop in public so all of his diaper changes involve stepping into the diaper ) mind you if they have a family stall I will definitely use that first but half the time that's also the handicap stall and or bathroom. I think it's strange to have a hierarchy for the bathroom if you fit any of the descriptions that have the right to use the bathroom and it genuinely benefits you you should have the right to use that bathroom.
I just turned 50 and am an ambulatory wheelchair user. I can walk short distances and stand but not for long. And I definitely cannot walk long distances. People look at me as I walk over to my wheelchair, get into it and scoff. I'm a fairly new wheelchair user and I actually get embarrassed by it 😔 because I know that they see somebody that they think can walk just fine.
This also exists in the autism community! Level 1 high maskers are often at the top and tend to talk over those with higher support needs, often going as far as demonizing others with different/more severe symptoms than them
As someone with a very rare and misunderstood chronic illness, who can sometimes walk with AFOs and sometimes not, and at times haven’t been able to self propel, I definitely feel like I’m looked down upon. Especially by people completely paralyzed in their legs who always use a chair but use those nifty light weight sportsy chairs
My dear... The amount of times people called me out when i said i wish I had a wheelchair. They're like "but you can still walk and do sports!"
But it hurts. Every step hurts. Some days are good and I love sports so I still do them. But that doesn't mean I don't feel any pain.
But also, I hate being in a wheelchair or using any mobility aid, because people will ridicule me because I just use it when I want to so they think I don't really need it and take away from people who do
It's a BIG thing in the cognitive/developmental/neurodiversity disability communities as well. Everyone wants to be the authority and no one wants to listen to anyone who isn't their exact flavor of disabled.
Any kind of “-ism” can be internalized or dormant. It’s important to constantly check yourself!