@@INGEN_Dahnie-el-aha-ha then here is 3 questions. 1) A man can communicate all he wants to a woman however is the woman listening to comprehend or listening to respond? 2) a man can communicate all he wants but is the woman listening or hearing? And 3) does the woman really want the man to communicate on whats in his mind or heart or does she want her opinions along with validation to come out of the mans mouth?
Don't react personally to what he says. Or what you think he should have done or said or how it affects you. (Unless you're really having a calm, back and forth conversation. )
And men have to grasp that we were all conditioned to something or another. Relationships takes that of two comfortable humans getting uncomfortable for one another to create a space for each individual to fully express and expose whatever the heart needs to unload or understanding in. Men have to be ready to commit to changing their mindsets and beliefs if they intend for a woman to joyfully create space for them to breathe and release in. It does take both parties willfully making healthy choices to protect and preserve the commitment.
@@carolinesalv problem is it's hard to find a good one since most I know are delusional narcissistic Karens 🤣 Fortunately I did but I know how hard it is nowadays
My husband likes to stay quiet and process the information. Then a few days later he'll address it out of nowhere. By that time, I'm no longer in that headspace. He's a genius...., that one. 😩
@this life is the dumbest LOL! I'm 45 now. We met on my 27th birthday. Our energies have always matched., which allowed us to have a mutual understanding on our dynamic. I love how we understand each other. To this day we are each other's favs. I love him to the pink meat. Thank you so much for your reply. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@nofybn7794 Sometimes people need time to process to make sure they make the right decision. I guess you want every other woman to be bitter like you?
Yes, run! They miss their mama’s nurturing. What about us? My father passed away when I was nine so I never got that father daughter talk that IS so detrimental in a youngyoung girl’s life. What to do?
Yes that's exactly what it is nothing but excuses it's boring don't know how to communicate because you're so insecure please you need to get over it dating to get old friend you tired of hearing about the insecurities what about women insecurities what about how the women feel why it always got to be you got a cater to the way the man feel and he doesn't care about the way the woman feel don't don't know that don't they know they're supposed to be a partner thing
@@wendyjones1422 No they are not! They manage to get jobs, overall they don't abandon their children, they manage to get an education, find their own housing, and women are not telling the world how much they hate men, they are not killing women and children every 5.5 hours, as a woman, never say you're the same as them. Messages like this continue to condition women to coddle and comfort men🤔He has no problem communicating hatred, watch the news.
Not true, if you live with someone and have done research on the human mind you can understand. And knowing what that person had gone through. It’s possible
That's not an excuse lol if his conditioning is stopping him from getting what he wants, he needs to uncondition himself. Men are not children, and if they feel safe enough to transfer energy through sex then they need to feel safe enough to speak up.
Yes but sometimes the conditioning is on a subconscious level, conditioning can be hard to break out of sometimes, especially if it's fear based (which is what this sounds like) that's why sometimes people resort to counselors etc....
@@mariyaloves2953 then he needs to resort to a counselor then lol the point of my comment is men need to do their work. Easy, hard, fear based, cream based, etc.
COMMUNICATION IS SPIRITUAL COMMUNION. COMMUNION IS THE SHARING OF FOOD AND DRINK IN AN INTIMATE SETTING. IMAGINE HAVING AN INTIMATE CANDLE LIT DINNER WITH NO FOOD OR DRINK TO SHARE. WORDS ARE SPIRITUAL FOOD. THOUGHTS ARE SPIRITUAL DRINK. MAN IS A SPIRIT BEING. WOMEN FEED A MAN'S FLESH. WIVES FEED A MAN'S SPIRIT. IF THE LANGUAGE OF A MAN IS RESPECT & TO RESPECT SOMETHING IS TO FIND IT VALUABLE, THEN THE VALUE OF A THING IS DETERMINED BY ITS RARITY. RESPECT THEREFORE IS THE ART OF VERBAL CELEBRATION. WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE WILL COME TO YOU WILLINGLY. GIVE THE PERSON WHAT THEY CANNOT GET ELSEWHERE AND THEY WILL KEEP COMING BACK. IF THE LANGUAGE OF A WOMAN IS LOVE & TO LOVE SOMETHING IS TO FIND IT DESIRABLE, THEN DESIRE IS THE PROCESS OF BRINGING YOUR IMAGINATION TO ITS BOILING POINT. IMAGINATIONS ARE THE CONJURING OF WORDS AS PICTURES. APPEARANCE ACTIVATES DESIRE. CONSEQUENTLY, WHEN YOU FEED A WOMAN'S SOUL, SHE SURRENDERS HER BODY. WHEN YOU FEED A MAN'S SPIRIT, HE SURRENDERS HIS WILL. ONE'S WILL IS THE KEY TO THE DOOR OF THE SOUL. ONE'S WILL IS THE POWER TO OVERCOME/ CONQUER. AGREEMENT IS THE FRUIT OF WILLINGNESS. AGREEMENT OCCURS WHEN TWO WILLS CONNECT.
You are right bad role models create a different kind of a man. A healthy environment teaches a man that communication does not only build a healthy home, it opens doors of opportunities for them.
Once again, make a man comfortable first. I’m starting to think men are toddlers who want power for no reason. This is pedestalizing men. What work are men doing?
Men are toddlers. That's the real issue with them. Female don't want to deal with male who are supposed to be the stronger gender acting like toddlers.
Good point, because many seem very good at insults and demoralising women, when they feel like it !! Not all of course, but there are many abusers that do
Men are career focused, women are relationship focused. We are wired this way. Neither is bad. You just need to accept this truth and balance eachother out.
Why? I used to share with people who weren't safe at all though, due to my childhood conditioning. I still do to a certain extent, so need to keep working on stopping it, among many other issues. 😊
Why do we women have to do all the work??? Y’all men need to get y’all ish together and please us too!!! I’ve been improving, and changing, and putting in real work. Catch up!!!
Everyone got secrets not just men. Yall women got secrets too. When ya nigga be asking you shit like,"What you doing out so late?" Yall be like,"I ain't got to tell you." That's you keeping secrets! Even if you innocent, your silence speaks more volumes than a physics textbook.
Ladies. This is a FACT. So many times I’d get frustrated with my man for not communicating. It took a long time to realise that gradually he shut down more because when he did, he was NOT GOOD AT IT and was punished for that! Everything takes patience to get good at. Your man probably HAS tried to communicate with you, and he was not heard, you didn’t like what he said or how he said it, you got angry, picked it apart, you were offended, never stopped to think maybe y’all need to dive deeper to get to what he really means and not in an interrogative way but a patient and compassionate way. he felt like a failure, guilty for hurting you, his conditioning was validated and his fear of failing you was triggered. Now, he has learned that you SAY you want communication from him, but you get angry when he gives it, so it’s not really what you want! He no longer feels SAFE to try and meet you in that space, he no longer trusts himself to ever get it right. You can not ask men to communicate with you and expect them to immediately be as good at it as you are. Give them some grace. Show him that you aren’t just asking for it in order to pick it apart and expose his inadequacy. Don’t assume you get what he means and fill in all the blanks for him and tell him what he is saying etc., etc., because he probably is struggling to say what he means and needs some help to get there, but not that kinda help, so whatever your interpretation is is based on faulty presentation, anyway. Not because he doesn’t FEEL all the right things, but because he doesn’t know how to verbalize those things. But he can learn. I Assume if you desire communication, you love this man. So start by giving him the benefit of the doubt and not demanding perfection. He WANTS to learn, to make you happy, to connect with you. The worst thing you can do is make him regret trying. Give it time, patience, compassion, work with him, don’t expect perfect communication from him the moment he opens up and take everything he says at face value, and become reactionary. If you want a man who communicates with you, teach him how to communicate with you, not that communicating with you is an impossible task that only ends in failure. Ladies. We are part of the problem for not seeing how painful an experience this is for him. Have you ever thought you were doing something right by yourself only for it to be taken the wrong way, blow up in your face, you’re left feeling like you ruined everything, you weren’t heard, you feel confused, defensive, like you failed, like you regret even trying, and also angry as hell that things didn’t go how you hoped they would? You KNOW what that feels like. Don’t let it get to a point where he no longer fears communication because he hasn’t been taught (feels inadequate) but the fallout of communication, too (inadequacy confirmed), because you aren’t willing to accept the man simply has to learn how to do it. Remember that it is a skill and men are not taught it like we are. If that man shows a willingness to communicate with you and it blew up in his face, and you KNOW if this has happened… you made him feel unsafe and worked against what you both wanted, a safe, open, trusting environment. Don’t blame it all on him when he goes back to the conditioning, even more than before.
Oh MY!!! AND WHAT ABOUT WOMEN FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE TO OPEN THEMSELVES TO MEN WHO CAN'T STAND A MATURE DIALOGUE? THIS IS PURE ANNOYING RETHORIC. THEY CAN SPEND HOURS ON WATCHING YOUPORN GOING WORK SPENDING TIME AND CHATTING WITH THEIR FAKE FEMALE FRIENDS, BUT THEY CAN'T "COMMUNICATE" THEIR INNER-SELF TO THE WOMAN THEY SAY ( !) ARE COMMITED TO?! SINCE THEN? THIS IS SIMPLY COWARDICE AND A SPOT ON NARCISSTIC TRAITS, MY FRIEND! GOOD FOR A NOVEL. THAT'S IT. SOCIAL MEDIA HAVE DESTROYED LOVE ONCE FOR ALL. LMFAO.
While all this has merit, a man healing from this type of trauma would allow him to open up without the help of a woman making it safe because he wouldn’t need that. If he is ever still triggered in an area then he still has work to do. His answer is all inside of him not externally.
@@wandab172 this is true. You must always use discernment - never let yourself be neglected and dont make excuses for a man who just wont try…. But we ALL need a little help, sometimes. This was very much regarding shutting him down when he tries then getting angry when he stops; If he wont even try, he is NOT ready for a relationship.
If he can communicate about goals, risks, budgets, clientele...all that to his boss at work... then he can sure communicate to me. No one is completely introvert unless they chose to. If you leart A B Cs you can sure learn communication with the person you love.
They communicated well enough to be in the relationship and then all of a sudden when they feel settled in the relationship the talking stops. In the beginning of my marriage my husband would barely talk about anything of importance to me but his older sister would be privy to everything going on in our home. Once I found that out I put an end to it right quick.
The better option is for him to go to therapy so then he can get to root cause as to why he can’t communicate and then he can start to heal and work on his communication. Men and women both need to start taking action and being more responsible for the things they do or don’t do.
Funny thing is that the reason he does not communicate is ussually because he is hiding something. Cheaters dont talk because they are scared to be exposéd, faithful guy will talk normally because they are not busy talking to other people.
Boys are conditioned not to express emotions while girls can express themselves to the fullest. So in a way you'll be taking away his masculinity and when he grows up, he'll be so feminine that he'll start to dress up as a woman.
The side pieces know their rank and role😈 They are on borrowed time and attention, so they don't expect a whole man or a whole relationship that includes communication. A side piece's efforts are to earn a man's time and attention by any means necessary in hopes of gaining a permanent position.
It’s not men don’t communicate. It’s men won’t communicate. Big difference. He’ll sure communicate if it a big deal going on at work. He’ll communicate with the guys. He doesn’t communicate with women because it’s a manipulation tactic. He has no trouble communicating when he wants something.
Yup yup who wil latter on walk o eggshells, who will latter on be punished by silent treatment...they don't communicate because we are not important in their eyes. I bet if it was about cars and money and sex: a whole poetry! Lack of communication is neglect, lack of consideration to someone else's needs, it has to be about me and me
Also, we (women) have a way of not being very direct about issues sometimes. We tend to like when they read an emotion in our face and ask about it. I learned I had to be WAY more direct about my problems. He's not ignoring you, he's just not as good at reading people as we are! A way of creating that safe space is being able to back down off a fit when you find out you misread him. It happens 🤷♀️ I've started chewing out my husband only to learn he has no idea what I'm talking about, and that's why he's not acting the way I think he should. Final paragraph, sorry, but this is the most important! When dealing with *people,* we tend to assume negative intentions when we have no information about what's going on in a person's head. Most people *don't* have negative intentions, they act without a lot of forethought. I heard this somewhere else and it's helped me a lot in dealing with people in my life.
@@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721 take almost nothing personal, stay calm. When necessary calmly explain such as to the boys, "I feel ignored when you don't follow directions". Kind of drop it and it will stick with them and they will aim to improve. Give hugs. Mental ones to yourself included. There's some useful people on this platform.... along with this gentleman, I find ▪︎Tony Gaskins ▪︎ shera7 ▪︎ love Dorsey ▪︎ Kevin hicks ▪︎mindful attraction toxic dating coach. Useful and honest and experienced. Good luck Bonita!!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡💫🔥🧡🤗🧡🧡🧡🧡🔥💯😄
Men can communicate when they’re interested in us when they want to stray but it just becomes hinder or limited because he was condition. Not buying it. My space is defrost enter my body but not safe to talk things through.
Why do y’all keep playing this same old broken record that does not work??? Obviously you need to change the way you communicate, how’s the old way of communication working out for you?
@@ghettosex123 Yet again that’s another problem my man’s,that kind of thinking is also toxic it’s like your saying you can talk to another female behind your partners back but yet won’t say anything to your actual partner.I think both men and women need to communicate in a way that’s healthy instead of shutting off their feelings and having things one sided all the time.
Please take it from Auntie young women. This man is speaking gold here! I received this advice many years ago and have NEVER had an issue with a man communicating with me!! If anything I'm thinking wow,this man trusts me enough to be this vulnerable? Its highly attractive too!💙
AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH BLACK GROWN BOYS. SENSITIVE AS HELL. ALL “MEN” ARE CONDITIONED THIS WAY, WHY CAN ALL OTHERS STEP UP TO THE PLATE OF MANHOOD. BLACK “MEN” WANNA BE BABIED AND EVERYONE HAS TO TIPTOE AROUND THEIR FEELINGS. GROW TF UP!
Communication is different from talking just to talk. It seems like you're around the ones who only talk. And before anyone comes for me, understand that there is a difference between the two. I can talk up a storm with my man but that can also leave a lot of room for miscommunication and lack of clarity. Spewing words but not getting to the point unless angered or frustrated. Communication consists of clear intent and a clear mind when voicing your feelings.
They want you to communicate and share feelings/problems until you get into an argument then they use whatever you told them against you and make you feel even more insecure about those feelings/problems even more
Yup. I'm glad I knew this already. Made it easier to muddle through communication problems because I understood I had to create the safe space to be trusted with communication.
Not always. I was in a relationship for 10 years with my high school sweetheart and it became toxic due to no communication. Fast forward to today, I'm married to another woman and have a beautiful family. I try and communicate with my wife and found out last nite she doesn't consider communication attractive!!! 😅 I tried talking and communicating that I didn't want our marriage to become toxic due to neither one of us feeling heard!!!
This is true for most of us, not just men. We were all told to be quite and but express our emotions. I agree with that last statement. I had a psychiatrist tell me many years ago, that when I feel safe with my partner I would be able to express my pain. But until then I would stay bottled up because we learn very early who we can be safe around. Take accountability. Can I be safe around you, while I'm making your environment a safe haven?
Ladies, a man will open up & be vulnerable at times, when he knows he can trust you, with his heart & feelings. If a man's woman beats him up with harsh words, when he opens up to her, he will never put himself in that position for you to do that to him again. This is why alot of men keep alot of things to himself, if he feels like his woman is the type who will talk to him harshly & look at him as being weak, when he trys to confide in her. Question is; Can your man trust you not to bruise his heart, if he shares his feelings with you about something? All it takes is one time to bruise his heart, when he confides in you. Because if you blow it, he will shutdown that part of himself, because it will make him look weak to you. No man wants to look weak to his woman. Especially if she has shown that she looks at that part of him as weakness. And he might find himself around another woman who doesn't bruise heart, when he puts himself in a vulnerable position. Hopefully this is helping someone to do better in this area. Because when a man opens up to you in a weak moment, savor those rare moments & don't blow it, because it's a chance for you & your man to develop a deeper bond with each other as a couple.
They say suck it up, and then when the man blows up, " what's wrong with him, he's nac narcissistic". Society, please leave su alone, we don't owe you anything!!
That is only an explanation, not an excuse! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Don't get into relationships until you learn basic skills!🙆🏻♀️ What safe place to create and how? Kindergarten? If women also decide not to communicate, imagine the world. No one talks no communication only suffocation🧐🤨🙄😃😂🤣 We all learn lot of wrong things in childhood. As adults, we must grow up emotionally as well. Men or women, everyone must learn basic communication skills to live in happy relationships. Communication is the key to heart 💗
A LIE! Men's do so communicate very well especially, when they come my way pouring out every thing, emotions, feelings, crying 🤷♀️ They be so comfortable around me to whatever shows. Sometimes in my mind I be saying STFU😩 but I just listen and let them vent it off their chest.
@Sir Cheez I am speaking from FACTS I ain't assuming sh🤷🏾♀️. Not just melanin mens but men's of all race/ethics and strangers. Also, females for some reason ppl is drawn to me like a moth to a flame and tell me EVERYTHINGGGGGG.
Amen. You have to treat him like a CHILD without making him feel like a child🙂 Moms, remember how you handled your four year old. It may sound absurd😒 but it works quite well🙃
Because they don’t have to earn their place in society like women do. They can exist and don’t have to prove their worth just being born male earned their place. We have to live our entire lives proving we are worthy times 100.
This attitude frustrates wives inparticular. Men never seem to know what to do or say, when and where! e.g being sensitive, emotionally available or appologising. Yet they communicate well when it's time to Emphasise thier authority, or Ask for Sex, and also wooing Side chicks. Its almost like marrying them ruins connection with them. Thanks for sharing Coach🙂.
That's not an issue that women should submit to. If you know you have communication issues bc of rooted insecurities then you need therapy and Jesus. Their is no excuse why you should allow your relationship to fail because you don't know how to express yourself. I was raised the same exact way by two! Narcissistic emotionless and souless parents by I found healing and I am not afraid to speak up about how I feel and if I am not appreciated in that relationship then I am not bout to poke my lip out like a child and expect my partner to read my mind and submit to my irrational behavior bc I don't know how to communicate. Do not get into a relationship unit you are healed! If you don't feel safe in a relationship you need to express that!!! Or leave. Why entertain a woman you cannot express yourself to or give her exactly what she needs emotionally to better the relationship???
@@CoachKenCanion no sir too many men enable men to continue on this kind of behavior some time the truth hurts but we cannot continue to enable these very toxic behaviors that have destroyed families in the black community for centuries! My ex husband was the same way no matter how many times I sat down to talk to him he never opened his mouth! Most of the time it has nothing to do with the safe space it has something to with who they are internally. You can build a fortress around that man and he will still not speak because he is disconnected from who he is and God. That is a work no woman can do that he needs to do in himself first!
Ita time to men to get conditioned to communicate. This is what MEN need to do, as they get comfortable at work, the foottball outing with friends, on the golf course, etc. Time to step the game up MEN and be men. Stop making excuses
@@CoachKenCanion I agree with you BUT, a grown woman's intention is to provide a safe environment at day one and woman have been hearing this and doing this for YEARS. A man doesn't need a safe environment to express himself in a work environment to make that money, why because that's what he values. Let a man not communicate at work and he will get fired. If he doesn't value a woman, he not communicating. It is time for MEN to STOP complaining about their environment and make DECISION to move in the space and spirit of maturity! IT'S TIME! No more BLAME no more Excuses! Or seek therapy!
@@cwhite8860 Madam, a man is never going to open up to a woman who screams and uses excessive caps lock unless he is a loser and is desperate to get her. That's just the reality. See, this is 1st step to make a guy more comfortable talking with you. If that comment is what you've been doing for years, screaming your man to open up I'm not surprised it doesn't work.
@@emanuelfer456 The refererence of MEN is not screaming. It references an adult male. There is a difference between a MAN and BOY. Just so you are aware, I have never had an issue with any MAN being able to get vulnerable or open up to me. I am very familiar with what a man needs and what to do to assist him in moving in his space of comfort and peace! 😉
Every single time I hear what a man needs. I say boy do I wish some dude would have given me exactly what's being described. I guess I am a Man with a v**ina. Learn something new everyday.
Exactly.. he need this need that.. but if you say you need it, you have to understand, be patient, multiply..etc you asking to much. I see these men now are complicated
This is partially true for some men. There are those that are emotionally damaged so they become emotionally absent and will not do the work on themselves so it’s like pulling teeth when you are in a relationship with them and there are the males that are intentionally choosing to remain emotionally distant while physically doing everything that a man would do if he is interested in being with or courting a woman because he is selfish and just wants the emotional support and benefits of being with a woman but intentionally not willing to reciprocate the emotions and affection a woman needs. A grown man still living by this excuse that he can’t be vulnerable when he is in a safe environment that he CHOSE to remain in is just excuses. If he needs to put in work in himself like everyone else does then he should do that and not be with anyone until he does. Literally everything this guy said is an excuse to not put in the work. If you don’t trust the person you are with then leave and learn to guard your heart and do share it with people that are deserving. Men don’t have issues and problems with communicating you just have to listen to the type of communication they ARE giving you and not expect for them to give you something good and the truth when they are full of deceit and lies.
We do express ourselves. The problem is that Women only interpret how we're expressing ourselves instead of listening to what is coming out of our mouth. They change the subject while we're talking
She doesn't want to hear about his emotions of feelings. She just wants to hear him say that she is wonderful. She doesn't care, or even think about his emotions of feelings.
If they use the same amount of effort that they used with a new woman to pursue her to get in her draws and put forth that same effort in an existing relationship with their current woman to make their relationship work than it would work! They don’t need us to create a “safe place” for them to initiate a conversation for sex
True indeed that men have different ways of communicating for different reasons, but if it's a WOMAN's job to CREATE a safe space for him in order to communicate, then he need NOT to be in a relationship with a woman; he definitely needs a relationship with a mental health coach/therapist because this opens up a whole other world altogether where the woman isn't equipped to handle his emotional and mental problems!
You are a great coach ….. change the men and tell them females love men who are talking tons . Females are having to deal with too many things to deal with this too .
I m sorry but you can t shut down for 2 weeks ignoring my messages and without even asking how I am. Just because you have trouble at work. There is a min.level of respect to tell the woman what is going on.
@@CoachKenCanion There are not many podcasts that discuss women's needs and wants. All we hear is what men want. Society has such low expectations for men, why Should there be yet another podcast telling us what they want.
Also there is a real fear if we show weakness, it will be used against us as a weapon. Thus, conditioning us more if it is used against us for the next gal.
And knowing the difference between communicating and venting are important. Save the vent sessions for counseling. I’m all ears for everything else positive talk, goals, hobbies, how was your day etc..
I love that my bf aimed to learn about the mind of a woman. And I did the same. We are Christians whose goal/intention is marriage. We both want to stay married with the exception of cheating or abuse. It will ONLY work if our goal is to try to understand each other. It has to be mutual. Take turns listening. Ask clarifying questions. Don't tell someone their perspective is wrong. Acknowledge, express appreciation, respectfully disagree and then share your perspective. It should rarely, if ever, devolve into an argument. You should both be each other's safe space to be vulnerable. The listener should try not to get defensive but also the speaker should try to use disarming language. When something is wrong, don't go on attack or angry mode. Each person just needs to feel loved, respected, heard, and taken care of. When he told me he had also read "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, I was like ding ding ding! 😍
Facts men have been conditioned this way since early childhood by other men & sometimes women too. No excuse we know better now so we do better on everyone's part.
If he feels (from his prior and current experiences with YOU) you're just going to: attack, criticize, DEFLECT, belittle him, not be present, all around chaos. Not safe. Not peaceful. Raising your voice is not productive also. Making your point 1 second after he tries to be heard without acknowledging any of his thoughts and/grievances over and over . Its tiring Stressful and men in situations like this give up or find coping mechanisms.
He also has to worry about if she will use what he said against him in the next argument they have. Also there is a chance of her using what he said to embarrass him in front of others. In short he needs to know he can trust her. If she breaks that trust he will never tell her anything again.
That coach that's one thing I do not agree with anything they want they don't have no problem communicating usually when a woman wants to sit down and communicate with the man it's some things that need to be ironed out and figured out but they won't so when they do communicate with you about what they want but you don't communicate back with them then we get nowhere but yeah men know exactly how to communicate like I said if it's something they want they don't have no problem with saying it
I agree completely❤️ Most Women want to control a man's communication and what they should do and how they should feel rather than building that safe space and keeping it safe.. Also when women use what is shared against them he's not going to open back up period.. This is wisdom.. Don't minimize this counsel.. Thank you for sharing family ❤️❤️🙏🏾🌹
That's true for both sexes everyone needs a safe place to feel comfortable in order to communicate their feelings. That sentiment is not exclusive to men.
No matter how much we want it, our partners, unfortunately, do not read our minds. That is why we cannot expect our partner to know all our wishes, all our hopes, our expectations and weak points all the time.
They communicate very well to their friends.
Not always
Because men are direct with other men. Being direct with women is frowned up on.
Nah. You dudes love your buddies more than the women in your life. Might as well marry one of them instead since you communicate so well 😉
@@INGEN_Dahnie-el-aha-ha then here is 3 questions. 1) A man can communicate all he wants to a woman however is the woman listening to comprehend or listening to respond? 2) a man can communicate all he wants but is the woman listening or hearing? And 3) does the woman really want the man to communicate on whats in his mind or heart or does she want her opinions along with validation to come out of the mans mouth?
@@INGEN_Dahnie-el-aha-hayou sound like a dummy
They communicate wanting sex.
True💯
Without any issues!
Exactly!
😂☝🏾😂☝🏾😂
😂🤣😅🤣 No lies here
He NEEDS to communicate or it's not going to work!
👁
Simple !
Honestly!
Sooo, you have to listen, quietly when he's talking, take turns speaking, don't interrupt, don't judge especially the same day.
Don't react personally to what he says.
Or what you think he should have done or said or how it affects you. (Unless you're really having a calm, back and forth conversation. )
And men have to grasp that we were all conditioned to something or another. Relationships takes that of two comfortable humans getting uncomfortable for one another to create a space for each individual to fully express and expose whatever the heart needs to unload or understanding in. Men have to be ready to commit to changing their mindsets and beliefs if they intend for a woman to joyfully create space for them to breathe and release in. It does take both parties willfully making healthy choices to protect and preserve the commitment.
Every relationship I know which a man shared his emotions didn't last, the woman lost respect on the man ever since
@@emanuelfer456 Then they got bad women.. simple!
@@carolinesalv problem is it's hard to find a good one since most I know are delusional narcissistic Karens 🤣
Fortunately I did but I know how hard it is nowadays
@@emanuelfer456 same for women.
So true. 💜
I agree a relationship should be safe for both partners to share openly.
I’m walking on eggshells around my husband, he can’t handle real life situations but it’s fine for him to be who he is
They want you to emotionally cater to them and support them but then they just don’t care to listen to you
Ugh. So true…
My husband likes to stay quiet and process the information. Then a few days later he'll address it out of nowhere. By that time, I'm no longer in that headspace. He's a genius...., that one. 😩
He sounds like a keeper!
@this life is the dumbest LOL! I'm 45 now. We met on my 27th birthday. Our energies have always matched., which allowed us to have a mutual understanding on our dynamic. I love how we understand each other. To this day we are each other's favs. I love him to the pink meat. Thank you so much for your reply. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@splanet5088 Not a keeper.
It's awesome that you've learned this! A lot of men are like your husband....process first then communicate.
@@nofybn7794 Sometimes people need time to process to make sure they make the right decision. I guess you want every other woman to be bitter like you?
He communicate when he want something 🤔
Like what?
Such as a new car, new cell phone, new shoes etc. 😂
haha
@@sthembisomthembu395 sex he will go into details.
@@sonyvalencia 😂😂😂😂😂💦
Men should SIMPLY HEAL!!! Tired of Emotionally detached Men! Excuses, Excuses! "Insecurities" RUN ladies!!!
Yes, run! They miss their mama’s nurturing. What about us? My father passed away when I was nine so I never got that father daughter talk that IS so detrimental in a youngyoung girl’s life. What to do?
Yes that's exactly what it is nothing but excuses it's boring don't know how to communicate because you're so insecure please you need to get over it dating to get old friend you tired of hearing about the insecurities what about women insecurities what about how the women feel why it always got to be you got a cater to the way the man feel and he doesn't care about the way the woman feel don't don't know that don't they know they're supposed to be a partner thing
Women are just the same as men
Men don't communicate because they know women isn't there to listen and support but is there to use it as a weapon
@@wendyjones1422 No they are not! They manage to get jobs, overall they don't abandon their children, they manage to get an education, find their own housing, and women are not telling the world how much they hate men, they are not killing women and children every 5.5 hours, as a woman, never say you're the same as them. Messages like this continue to condition women to coddle and comfort men🤔He has no problem communicating hatred, watch the news.
First thing, no one can understand the mind of anyone
Like we have superpowers😂
If you tap in to your own mind and learn how to relate it to others, then you can train yourself to understand anyone and anything
Not true, if you live with someone and have done research on the human mind you can understand. And knowing what that person had gone through. It’s possible
Exactly on Jesus does.
Dab Dab come on, it's contextual🤷
That's not an excuse lol if his conditioning is stopping him from getting what he wants, he needs to uncondition himself. Men are not children, and if they feel safe enough to transfer energy through sex then they need to feel safe enough to speak up.
Right🤣
Lol we are getting so tired of the excuses
@@joi726 lol right especially when we are told these same types of things aren't an excuse for us.
Yes but sometimes the conditioning is on a subconscious level, conditioning can be hard to break out of sometimes, especially if it's fear based (which is what this sounds like) that's why sometimes people resort to counselors etc....
@@mariyaloves2953 then he needs to resort to a counselor then lol the point of my comment is men need to do their work. Easy, hard, fear based, cream based, etc.
People communicate either verbally with conversation or non verbally by silence. Even the deaf and blind communicate💯
Say it with your chest, Sis.
COMMUNICATION IS SPIRITUAL COMMUNION.
COMMUNION IS THE SHARING OF FOOD AND DRINK IN AN INTIMATE SETTING.
IMAGINE HAVING AN INTIMATE CANDLE LIT DINNER WITH NO FOOD OR DRINK TO SHARE.
WORDS ARE SPIRITUAL FOOD.
THOUGHTS ARE SPIRITUAL DRINK.
MAN IS A SPIRIT BEING.
WOMEN FEED A MAN'S FLESH.
WIVES FEED A MAN'S SPIRIT.
IF THE LANGUAGE OF A MAN IS RESPECT & TO RESPECT SOMETHING IS TO FIND IT VALUABLE, THEN THE VALUE OF A THING IS DETERMINED BY ITS RARITY.
RESPECT THEREFORE IS THE ART OF VERBAL CELEBRATION.
WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE WILL COME TO YOU WILLINGLY.
GIVE THE PERSON WHAT THEY CANNOT GET ELSEWHERE AND THEY WILL KEEP COMING BACK.
IF THE LANGUAGE OF A WOMAN IS LOVE & TO LOVE SOMETHING IS TO FIND IT DESIRABLE, THEN DESIRE IS THE PROCESS OF BRINGING YOUR IMAGINATION TO ITS BOILING POINT.
IMAGINATIONS ARE THE CONJURING OF WORDS AS PICTURES.
APPEARANCE ACTIVATES DESIRE.
CONSEQUENTLY, WHEN YOU FEED A WOMAN'S SOUL, SHE SURRENDERS HER BODY.
WHEN YOU FEED A MAN'S SPIRIT, HE SURRENDERS HIS WILL.
ONE'S WILL IS THE KEY TO THE DOOR OF THE SOUL.
ONE'S WILL IS THE POWER TO OVERCOME/ CONQUER.
AGREEMENT IS THE FRUIT OF WILLINGNESS.
AGREEMENT OCCURS WHEN TWO WILLS CONNECT.
Real G's move in silence like lasagna
You are right bad role models create a different kind of a man. A healthy environment teaches a man that communication does not only build a healthy home, it opens doors of opportunities for them.
Once again, make a man comfortable first. I’m starting to think men are toddlers who want power for no reason. This is pedestalizing men. What work are men doing?
Men are toddlers. That's the real issue with them. Female don't want to deal with male who are supposed to be the stronger gender acting like toddlers.
Good point, because many seem very good at insults and demoralising women, when they feel like it !!
Not all of course, but there are many abusers that do
They aren’t doing anything but crying and complaining. It takes two gosh darn it!!!
Men are career focused, women are relationship focused. We are wired this way. Neither is bad. You just need to accept this truth and balance eachother out.
Sounds like a broken man that needs to much work. Don’t bother
Well. Duh. Nobody will share unless they feel safe
Why? I used to share with people who weren't safe at all though, due to my childhood conditioning. I still do to a certain extent, so need to keep working on stopping it, among many other issues. 😊
You either open your mouth and communicate like an adult or go about your business ! Simple !
Do you always communicate about everything you are feeling?
Why do we women have to do all the work??? Y’all men need to get y’all ish together and please us too!!! I’ve been improving, and changing, and putting in real work. Catch up!!!
This video isn't about women doing all the work. It simply showing how men think. Men and women need to get their shit together
@@CoachKenCanion we literally just said the same thing. Everyone needs to heal
Because they are keeping secrets. Come on now‼️🔥
Exactly
They are afraid to open up
Everyone got secrets not just men. Yall women got secrets too. When ya nigga be asking you shit like,"What you doing out so late?" Yall be like,"I ain't got to tell you." That's you keeping secrets! Even if you innocent, your silence speaks more volumes than a physics textbook.
Women tend to bash men when they open up.
@@sonyyung5510 Very wrong. Men keep FAR more secrets.
Ladies. This is a FACT. So many times I’d get frustrated with my man for not communicating. It took a long time to realise that gradually he shut down more because when he did, he was NOT GOOD AT IT and was punished for that! Everything takes patience to get good at. Your man probably HAS tried to communicate with you, and he was not heard, you didn’t like what he said or how he said it, you got angry, picked it apart, you were offended, never stopped to think maybe y’all need to dive deeper to get to what he really means and not in an interrogative way but a patient and compassionate way. he felt like a failure, guilty for hurting you, his conditioning was validated and his fear of failing you was triggered. Now, he has learned that you SAY you want communication from him, but you get angry when he gives it, so it’s not really what you want! He no longer feels SAFE to try and meet you in that space, he no longer trusts himself to ever get it right. You can not ask men to communicate with you and expect them to immediately be as good at it as you are. Give them some grace. Show him that you aren’t just asking for it in order to pick it apart and expose his inadequacy. Don’t assume you get what he means and fill in all the blanks for him and tell him what he is saying etc., etc., because he probably is struggling to say what he means and needs some help to get there, but not that kinda help, so whatever your interpretation is is based on faulty presentation, anyway. Not because he doesn’t FEEL all the right things, but because he doesn’t know how to verbalize those things. But he can learn. I
Assume if you desire communication, you love this man. So start by giving him the benefit of the doubt and not demanding perfection. He WANTS to learn, to make you happy, to connect with you. The worst thing you can do is make him regret trying. Give it time, patience, compassion, work with him, don’t expect perfect communication from him the moment he opens up and take everything he says at face value, and become reactionary. If you want a man who communicates with you, teach him how to communicate with you, not that communicating with you is an impossible task that only ends in failure. Ladies. We are part of the problem for not seeing how painful an experience this is for him. Have you ever thought you were doing something right by yourself only for it to be taken the wrong way, blow up in your face, you’re left feeling like you ruined everything, you weren’t heard, you feel confused, defensive, like you failed, like you regret even trying, and also angry as hell that things didn’t go how you hoped they would? You KNOW what that feels like. Don’t let it get to a point where he no longer fears communication because he hasn’t been taught (feels inadequate) but the fallout of communication, too (inadequacy confirmed), because you aren’t willing to accept the man simply has to learn how to do it.
Remember that it is a skill and men are not taught it like we are. If that man shows a willingness to communicate with you and it blew up in his face, and you KNOW if this has happened… you made him feel unsafe and worked against what you both wanted, a safe, open, trusting environment. Don’t blame it all on him when he goes back to the conditioning, even more than before.
I really needed this
Thank you so much ❤️
Oh MY!!! AND WHAT ABOUT WOMEN FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE TO OPEN THEMSELVES TO MEN WHO CAN'T STAND A MATURE DIALOGUE? THIS IS PURE ANNOYING RETHORIC. THEY CAN SPEND HOURS ON WATCHING YOUPORN GOING WORK SPENDING TIME AND CHATTING WITH THEIR FAKE FEMALE FRIENDS, BUT THEY CAN'T "COMMUNICATE" THEIR INNER-SELF TO THE WOMAN THEY SAY ( !) ARE COMMITED TO?! SINCE THEN? THIS IS SIMPLY COWARDICE AND A SPOT ON NARCISSTIC TRAITS, MY FRIEND! GOOD FOR A NOVEL. THAT'S IT.
SOCIAL MEDIA HAVE DESTROYED LOVE ONCE FOR ALL. LMFAO.
While all this has merit, a man healing from this type of trauma would allow him to open up without the help of a woman making it safe because he wouldn’t need that. If he is ever still triggered in an area then he still has work to do. His answer is all inside of him not externally.
@@wandab172 this is true. You must always use discernment - never let yourself be neglected and dont make excuses for a man who just wont try…. But we ALL need a little help, sometimes. This was very much regarding shutting him down when he tries then getting angry when he stops; If he wont even try, he is NOT ready for a relationship.
You're communicating right now and very clearly. Talking very well.
If he can communicate about goals, risks, budgets, clientele...all that to his boss at work... then he can sure communicate to me. No one is completely introvert unless they chose to. If you leart A B Cs you can sure learn communication with the person you love.
They communicated well enough to be in the relationship and then all of a sudden when they feel settled in the relationship the talking stops. In the beginning of my marriage my husband would barely talk about anything of importance to me but his older sister would be privy to everything going on in our home. Once I found that out I put an end to it right quick.
The better option is for him to go to therapy so then he can get to root cause as to why he can’t communicate and then he can start to heal and work on his communication. Men and women both need to start taking action and being more responsible for the things they do or don’t do.
Move on, beauties. If he doesn’t communicate, there will always be a man that can. Can’t change a man, so change the man 😌
Exactly!
Funny thing is that the reason he does not communicate is ussually because he is hiding something. Cheaters dont talk because they are scared to be exposéd, faithful guy will talk normally because they are not busy talking to other people.
Well it's time to teach our children to communicate with us and each other so they are comfortable communicating as adults.
Boys are conditioned not to express emotions while girls can express themselves to the fullest. So in a way you'll be taking away his masculinity and when he grows up, he'll be so feminine that he'll start to dress up as a woman.
I'm so sick of y'all,, just talk . Bet they talk to that side piece 😂
Lol yep
Brandy minter They're usually doing a lot more than talking though! 😉
The side pieces know their rank and role😈 They are on borrowed time and attention, so they don't expect a whole man or a whole relationship that includes communication. A side piece's efforts are to earn a man's time and attention by any means necessary in hopes of gaining a permanent position.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 True
Thank you!!!
It’s not men don’t communicate. It’s men won’t communicate. Big difference. He’ll sure communicate if it a big deal going on at work. He’ll communicate with the guys. He doesn’t communicate with women because it’s a manipulation tactic. He has no trouble communicating when he wants something.
Yup, this is what am saying.
Yup yup who wil latter on walk o eggshells, who will latter on be punished by silent treatment...they don't communicate because we are not important in their eyes. I bet if it was about cars and money and sex: a whole poetry!
Lack of communication is neglect, lack of consideration to someone else's needs, it has to be about me and me
Also, we (women) have a way of not being very direct about issues sometimes. We tend to like when they read an emotion in our face and ask about it. I learned I had to be WAY more direct about my problems. He's not ignoring you, he's just not as good at reading people as we are!
A way of creating that safe space is being able to back down off a fit when you find out you misread him. It happens 🤷♀️ I've started chewing out my husband only to learn he has no idea what I'm talking about, and that's why he's not acting the way I think he should.
Final paragraph, sorry, but this is the most important! When dealing with *people,* we tend to assume negative intentions when we have no information about what's going on in a person's head. Most people *don't* have negative intentions, they act without a lot of forethought. I heard this somewhere else and it's helped me a lot in dealing with people in my life.
👏🏾💯
@@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721 take almost nothing personal, stay calm. When necessary calmly explain such as to the boys, "I feel ignored when you don't follow directions". Kind of drop it and it will stick with them and they will aim to improve. Give hugs. Mental ones to yourself included. There's some useful people on this platform.... along with this gentleman, I find
▪︎Tony Gaskins ▪︎ shera7 ▪︎ love Dorsey ▪︎ Kevin hicks ▪︎mindful attraction toxic dating coach. Useful and honest and experienced. Good luck Bonita!!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡💫🔥🧡🤗🧡🧡🧡🧡🔥💯😄
@@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721 Cynthia g too. But don't lose hope . Watch Shera7 or Prince Michael
This was really well said
Men can communicate when they’re interested in us when they want to stray but it just becomes hinder or limited because he was condition. Not buying it. My space is defrost enter my body but not safe to talk things through.
What an excuse! If there's no communication...End of story! Period...Drops mike✌️
No excuse....they run their mouth to everybody else outside you & him, they're just being manipulative.
Paranoid women out here... if you're not there then how tf would you know if he "runs his mouth". Let me tell you, most men DON'T
@@InfantShredder69 ohhhh ok, I get it now. You’re just angry all around. ✌🏽✌🏽
This makes getting to know them so challenging.
The men that talk to much worry me, I prefer the strong 💪 silent type, the do-ers not the talkers!
I had a boyfriend that talked too much. It grated my nerves. I like guys that are quiet - but not too quiet.
“Men do communicate! Just not in the way women do” *goes on to explain why men DO NOT communicate*
Glad I’m not the only one that caught this 🤦🏾♀️
Men do communicate..as in ‘’I’m great! Suck mah dick! Hahahahaha!”.
That’s how they communicate and not how women do.
Why do y’all keep playing this same old broken record that does not work??? Obviously you need to change the way you communicate, how’s the old way of communication working out for you?
@@TheJazzyteia just fine.I get what I want when I want it. You don't understand then I move on.
@@ghettosex123 Yet again that’s another problem my man’s,that kind of thinking is also toxic it’s like your saying you can talk to another female behind your partners back but yet won’t say anything to your actual partner.I think both men and women need to communicate in a way that’s healthy instead of shutting off their feelings and having things one sided all the time.
Please take it from Auntie young women. This man is speaking gold here! I received this advice many years ago and have NEVER had an issue with a man communicating with me!! If anything I'm thinking wow,this man trusts me enough to be this vulnerable? Its highly attractive too!💙
No wonder men lose so many great women!
Maybe in our minds the woman isn't that great that's why we don't.
AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH BLACK GROWN BOYS. SENSITIVE AS HELL. ALL “MEN” ARE CONDITIONED THIS WAY, WHY CAN ALL OTHERS STEP UP TO THE PLATE OF MANHOOD. BLACK “MEN” WANNA BE BABIED AND EVERYONE HAS TO TIPTOE AROUND THEIR FEELINGS. GROW TF UP!
Bye ✋🏾we're tired of the excuses!
It’s not excuses it’s equality, you want a safe space to communicate your feelings so do we. How the hell is that an excuse.
Men I know communicate way too much. I can't get a word in. Talk to their interest and keep up and watch what happens.
😂
But are they communicating what you want them to communicate?
Communication is different from talking just to talk. It seems like you're around the ones who only talk. And before anyone comes for me, understand that there is a difference between the two. I can talk up a storm with my man but that can also leave a lot of room for miscommunication and lack of clarity. Spewing words but not getting to the point unless angered or frustrated. Communication consists of clear intent and a clear mind when voicing your feelings.
They want you to communicate and share feelings/problems until you get into an argument then they use whatever you told them against you and make you feel even more insecure about those feelings/problems even more
Yup. I'm glad I knew this already. Made it easier to muddle through communication problems because I understood I had to create the safe space to be trusted with communication.
SPEAK MEN, SPEAK 🗣📢🔊
❤❤
If a man wants to communicate and express his feelings it's his responsibility to create that safe space.
Not true
💯I Refuse to share anything about myself when I don't feel Safe around a Man. Some use it as Ammunition.
Some women also use it as ammo when men communicate
Not always. I was in a relationship for 10 years with my high school sweetheart and it became toxic due to no communication. Fast forward to today, I'm married to another woman and have a beautiful family. I try and communicate with my wife and found out last nite she doesn't consider communication attractive!!! 😅 I tried talking and communicating that I didn't want our marriage to become toxic due to neither one of us feeling heard!!!
I understand
@@CoachKenCanion It's frustrating 😑
@@joshuamac6302 I feel u 100%. It can super frustrating
I have two sons and they are going to communicate like it or not ❤️🙏
Dont he dare me one wrong move ina front of me i will be ready to put my fart on my palm and be will know what i eat yesterday 😂😂😘🤣😘🤣🤣😂🤣😂🤣
They're extra quiet when they're hiding something.
Nah, just y'all.
Should I warm him a bottle and rock him to sleep while I'm at it 😂😂
This is true for most of us, not just men. We were all told to be quite and but express our emotions. I agree with that last statement. I had a psychiatrist tell me many years ago, that when I feel safe with my partner I would be able to express my pain. But until then I would stay bottled up because we learn very early who we can be safe around. Take accountability. Can I be safe around you, while I'm making your environment a safe haven?
Ladies, a man will open up & be vulnerable at times, when he knows he can trust you, with his heart & feelings.
If a man's woman beats him up with harsh words, when he opens up to her, he will never put himself in that position for you to do that to him again.
This is why alot of men keep alot of things to himself, if he feels like his woman is the type who will talk to him harshly & look at him as being weak, when he trys to confide in her.
Question is; Can your man trust you not to bruise his heart, if he shares his feelings with you about something?
All it takes is one time to bruise his heart, when he confides in you. Because if you blow it, he will shutdown that part of himself, because it will make him look weak to you.
No man wants to look weak to his woman. Especially if she has shown that she looks at that part of him as weakness.
And he might find himself around another woman who doesn't bruise heart, when he puts himself in a vulnerable position.
Hopefully this is helping someone to do better in this area.
Because when a man opens up to you in a weak moment, savor those rare moments & don't blow it, because it's a chance for you & your man to develop a deeper bond with each other as a couple.
They say suck it up, and then when the man blows up, " what's wrong with him, he's nac narcissistic". Society, please leave su alone, we don't owe you anything!!
That is only an explanation, not an excuse!
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Don't get into relationships until you learn basic skills!🙆🏻♀️
What safe place to create and how? Kindergarten?
If women also decide not to communicate, imagine the world. No one talks no communication only suffocation🧐🤨🙄😃😂🤣
We all learn lot of wrong things in childhood. As adults, we must grow up emotionally as well. Men or women, everyone must learn basic communication skills to live in happy relationships. Communication is the key to heart 💗
A LIE! Men's do so communicate very well especially, when they come my way pouring out every thing, emotions, feelings, crying 🤷♀️ They be so comfortable around me to whatever shows. Sometimes in my mind I be saying STFU😩 but I just listen and let them vent it off their chest.
@Sir Cheez I am speaking from FACTS I ain't assuming sh🤷🏾♀️. Not just melanin mens but men's of all race/ethics and strangers. Also, females for some reason ppl is drawn to me like a moth to a flame and tell me EVERYTHINGGGGGG.
Amen. You have to treat him like a CHILD without making him feel like a child🙂 Moms, remember how you handled your four year old. It may sound absurd😒 but it works quite well🙃
Because they don’t have to earn their place in society like women do. They can exist and don’t have to prove their worth just being born male earned their place. We have to live our entire lives proving we are worthy times 100.
Whattttttttt? Men have to earn their place in society everyday. Especially a man of color. I respectfully disagree
Needed to hear this!!!
Thanks again Coach
Well said.....especially bbn our young men...pay attention! Keep being a blessing!
Thank you so much for this message!❤️
You are so welcome
This attitude frustrates wives inparticular. Men never seem to know what to do or say, when and where! e.g being sensitive, emotionally available or appologising. Yet they communicate well when it's time to Emphasise thier authority, or Ask for Sex, and also wooing Side chicks. Its almost like marrying them ruins connection with them.
Thanks for sharing Coach🙂.
An unhealed man is what you just described. The trauma tucked away in his subconscious mind needs to be addressed
That's not an issue that women should submit to. If you know you have communication issues bc of rooted insecurities then you need therapy and Jesus. Their is no excuse why you should allow your relationship to fail because you don't know how to express yourself. I was raised the same exact way by two! Narcissistic emotionless and souless parents by I found healing and I am not afraid to speak up about how I feel and if I am not appreciated in that relationship then I am not bout to poke my lip out like a child and expect my partner to read my mind and submit to my irrational behavior bc I don't know how to communicate. Do not get into a relationship unit you are healed! If you don't feel safe in a relationship you need to express that!!! Or leave. Why entertain a woman you cannot express yourself to or give her exactly what she needs emotionally to better the relationship???
From a person who went the healing process, you have very little grace for those who are where you were. SMH
@@CoachKenCanion no sir too many men enable men to continue on this kind of behavior some time the truth hurts but we cannot continue to enable these very toxic behaviors that have destroyed families in the black community for centuries! My ex husband was the same way no matter how many times I sat down to talk to him he never opened his mouth! Most of the time it has nothing to do with the safe space it has something to with who they are internally. You can build a fortress around that man and he will still not speak because he is disconnected from who he is and God. That is a work no woman can do that he needs to do in himself first!
@@keirranorfleet Its unfortunate that was the man you had. There are many I coach who aren't like that. We can agree to disagree
Ita time to men to get conditioned to communicate. This is what MEN need to do, as they get comfortable at work, the foottball outing with friends, on the golf course, etc. Time to step the game up MEN and be men. Stop making excuses
Provide a safe environament and he will. If not, he won't. Its that simple
@@CoachKenCanion I agree with you BUT, a grown woman's intention is to provide a safe environment at day one and woman have been hearing this and doing this for YEARS. A man doesn't need a safe environment to express himself in a work environment to make that money, why because that's what he values. Let a man not communicate at work and he will get fired. If he doesn't value a woman, he not communicating. It is time for MEN to STOP complaining about their environment and make DECISION to move in the space and spirit of maturity! IT'S TIME! No more BLAME no more Excuses! Or seek therapy!
@@cwhite8860 Madam, a man is never going to open up to a woman who screams and uses excessive caps lock unless he is a loser and is desperate to get her.
That's just the reality.
See, this is 1st step to make a guy more comfortable talking with you.
If that comment is what you've been doing for years, screaming your man to open up I'm not surprised it doesn't work.
@@emanuelfer456 The refererence of MEN is not screaming. It references an adult male. There is a difference between a MAN and BOY. Just so you are aware, I have never had an issue with any MAN being able to get vulnerable or open up to me. I am very familiar with what a man needs and what to do to assist him in moving in his space of comfort and peace! 😉
@@cwhite8860 I'm glad to read that and I'm aware about that difference.
Every single time I hear what a man needs. I say boy do I wish some dude would have given me exactly what's being described. I guess I am a Man with a v**ina.
Learn something new everyday.
Exactly.. he need this need that.. but if you say you need it, you have to understand, be patient, multiply..etc you asking to much. I see these men now are complicated
This is partially true for some men. There are those that are emotionally damaged so they become emotionally absent and will not do the work on themselves so it’s like pulling teeth when you are in a relationship with them and there are the males that are intentionally choosing to remain emotionally distant while physically doing everything that a man would do if he is interested in being with or courting a woman because he is selfish and just wants the emotional support and benefits of being with a woman but intentionally not willing to reciprocate the emotions and affection a woman needs. A grown man still living by this excuse that he can’t be vulnerable when he is in a safe environment that he CHOSE to remain in is just excuses. If he needs to put in work in himself like everyone else does then he should do that and not be with anyone until he does.
Literally everything this guy said is an excuse to not put in the work. If you don’t trust the person you are with then leave and learn to guard your heart and do share it with people that are deserving.
Men don’t have issues and problems with communicating you just have to listen to the type of communication they ARE giving you and not expect for them to give you something good and the truth when they are full of deceit and lies.
Thank you for sharing and i understand now. It truly helps. Thank you
You are so welcome
We do express ourselves. The problem is that Women only interpret how we're expressing ourselves instead of listening to what is coming out of our mouth. They change the subject while we're talking
Please go heal or leave me alone at this point 🤦🏽♀️
She doesn't want to hear about his emotions of feelings. She just wants to hear him say that she is wonderful. She doesn't care, or even think about his emotions of feelings.
If they use the same amount of effort that they used with a new woman to pursue her to get in her draws and put forth that same effort in an existing relationship with their current woman to make their relationship work than it would work! They don’t need us to create a “safe place” for them to initiate a conversation for sex
Even deeper than this we must do this with our sons 💯
True indeed that men have different ways of communicating for different reasons, but if it's a WOMAN's job to CREATE a safe space for him in order to communicate, then he need NOT to be in a relationship with a woman; he definitely needs a relationship with a mental health coach/therapist because this opens up a whole other world altogether where the woman isn't equipped to handle his emotional and mental problems!
You are a great coach ….. change the men and tell them females love men who are talking tons . Females are having to deal with too many things to deal with this too .
I appreciate you
This will not work with a narc
No, Thats a different animal
Mine always share because my mouth closed about my relationship
Same for me as a women. I was told the same things growing up and I won’t open up if I don’t feel safe
Come on! Men don’t communicate because they’re lying
I m sorry but you can t shut down for 2 weeks ignoring my messages and without even asking how I am. Just because you have trouble at work. There is a min.level of respect to tell the woman what is going on.
Why does everything has to fall on the woman to recreate a man to use dern common sense!!
Exactly. These suppose to be grown strong protecting men have to be sheltered.. I'll pass
I'm so tired of hearing about what men need and want. Who f$cking cares.move on to a man that will.
When I tell men what women want , they say the exact thing that you said. So much hatred of each other. SMH
@@CoachKenCanion There are not many podcasts that discuss women's needs and wants. All we hear is what men want. Society has such low expectations for men, why Should there be yet another podcast telling us what they want.
Also there is a real fear if we show weakness, it will be used against us as a weapon. Thus, conditioning us more if it is used against us for the next gal.
MEN NEED TO HOLD SPACE FOR OTHER MEN AND GET A THERAPIST! STOP GIVING WOMEN THE TASK IF FIXING YALL
Providing a safe space has nothing to do with fixing someone 🙄
And knowing the difference between communicating and venting are important. Save the vent sessions for counseling. I’m all ears for everything else positive talk, goals, hobbies, how was your day etc..
I love that my bf aimed to learn about the mind of a woman. And I did the same. We are Christians whose goal/intention is marriage. We both want to stay married with the exception of cheating or abuse. It will ONLY work if our goal is to try to understand each other. It has to be mutual. Take turns listening. Ask clarifying questions. Don't tell someone their perspective is wrong. Acknowledge, express appreciation, respectfully disagree and then share your perspective. It should rarely, if ever, devolve into an argument. You should both be each other's safe space to be vulnerable. The listener should try not to get defensive but also the speaker should try to use disarming language. When something is wrong, don't go on attack or angry mode.
Each person just needs to feel loved, respected, heard, and taken care of. When he told me he had also read "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, I was like ding ding ding! 😍
The last line is deep. A man will communicate if the space is safe. Wow 😊
Thank you for this. 💕
You're so welcome!
Men don't need an excuse. He's not safe because he is not the one.
Facts men have been conditioned this way since early childhood by other men & sometimes women too. No excuse we know better now so we do better on everyone's part.
How do you create a safe space to communicate with a man please make a video to that
Don’t ask personal questions in public
Make sure he is comfortable
Don’t make fun of him
Don’t poke and prod, just encourage him
I love this question
There is no safe space for men when a woman is involved.
If he feels (from his prior and current experiences with YOU) you're just going to: attack, criticize, DEFLECT, belittle him, not be present, all around chaos. Not safe. Not peaceful. Raising your voice is not productive also. Making your point 1 second after he tries to be heard without acknowledging any of his thoughts and/grievances over and over .
Its tiring Stressful and men in situations like this give up or find coping mechanisms.
Makes sense.. that’s why I try to make responses and understanding nonjudgmental
So again, the woman has to put in work to make him want to. 🙄
He also has to worry about if she will use what he said against him in the next argument they have. Also there is a chance of her using what he said to embarrass him in front of others.
In short he needs to know he can trust her. If she breaks that trust he will never tell her anything again.
That coach that's one thing I do not agree with anything they want they don't have no problem communicating usually when a woman wants to sit down and communicate with the man it's some things that need to be ironed out and figured out but they won't so when they do communicate with you about what they want but you don't communicate back with them then we get nowhere but yeah men know exactly how to communicate like I said if it's something they want they don't have no problem with saying it
I was conditioned not to communicate emotions because through 25+ yrs of marriage, I learned those are just future weapons against me.
I agree completely❤️ Most Women want to control a man's communication and what they should do and how they should feel rather than building that safe space and keeping it safe.. Also when women use what is shared against them he's not going to open back up period.. This is wisdom.. Don't minimize this counsel.. Thank you for sharing family ❤️❤️🙏🏾🌹
That's true for both sexes everyone needs a safe place to feel comfortable in order to communicate their feelings. That sentiment is not exclusive to men.
This is very true, been writing about this
Wow, As a woman, I was taught the same thing 🤷🏾♀️
I wish we were back to those days. Some men are such whiners!
No matter how much we want it, our partners, unfortunately, do not read our minds. That is why we cannot expect our partner to know all our wishes, all our hopes, our expectations and weak points all the time.
Some men only communicate when they are going to enter the promise land. ❤❤❤❤