The R Spot : S04E08 : Red Flags
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- čas přidán 15. 01. 2018
- The R Spot - Season 4 - Episode 8
Red Flags
12 episodes delivered every Tuesday at 3:00pm est only at CZcams - Subscribe Today!
The R Spot episodes are where Iyanla shares messages, stories, and ideas to develop healthy relationships, and mend the ones that are broken. If you want to send Iyanla questions or share relationship issues; send correspondence below.
*THEME WRITTEN AND PERFORMED SONG BY NAVI DAVID*
I just realize Im the RED FLAG!!! And this whole time I thought it was him! I am CRAZY! Self realization. Time for change.
ATINA271 self realisation is key...
ATINA271 hahaha you've got me rolling. Sometimes it's hard to see our flaws
Yeah u and everyone else... I have never meant anyone who does not fall prey to something she mentioned in some regard.
Damn lol
Azalea Brown i was thinking the same thing you are not alone
The red flags she talked about:
1) a person who is consistantly late.
2) a person who is ALWAYS broke.
3) when you find yourself consistantly pushing against your intuition, your internal GPS, that there is something wrong.
4) a person who has a bad relationship with their parents. A man with his mother, a woman with her father.
5) a person's relationship's with their children.
6) a person who has a negative outlook on life, people, the politics, etc. Someone who always has something negative to say.
Breeze Gilbert I completely agree!!
I agree, going through that now👿
Run 👣🏃🏽
Breeze Gilbert Ty for summing up the video:)
N B
Trying to, hes so dwell on negative things always, i try to keep my head high but its hard. Time to leave he really gives the pointing finger and guilt trip. I am trying to move separate ways, but hes like glue. I hate caring too much geez
Pay attention to your intuition and discernment they never fail!
Correct
Ur right God gave woman that.and its real.
So true. If something never feels right, let it go.
Sometimes we damage it. Commit to learning new values and boundaries. Ask people who are healthy and balanced what are good proper standards, then try to address whether we have healthy values for ourselves. Then when they are clear to us we work on our self-worth so we can be firm to keep the values we set up. Heal.wounds so we don't allow our emotions to rule our mind and our standards leading us astray with false reasonings.
Extremely VIGILANT with strong sense of discernment...will disassociate WITH love YET little to no regret!
A negative attitude about everything is huge. They will absolutely start judging you negatively as well.
Very true
You never want to entertain or be around someone that is cynical about everything period.
Oh my god that is so true. "If you wanna know the end you gotta look at the beginning." I love that
This woman is ageing in reverse...❤😎
She looks younger now than when I first ever saw her on the Oprah show years ago
Aging.
Brad C ageing is a perfectly legitimate spelling, actually.
Yes! I think it’s bc she’s done so much internal & spiritual work to transcend her traumatic past & is in a much better place now - financially, careerwise, & most importantly within herself. It doesn’t hurt to b a close associate & employee of Oprah!
@@bradc7882 google the word. Buy a dictionary!
#2, he was always broke... Always asking me for money (but had a 6 figure job). I kept saying no, or I don't have it. I guess he moved on to his next victim.
meika79 Good for you
meika79 glad that you said no... bcuz my ex was always broke and he promised me he’ll owe me, but he broke up with me 8 days before Valentine’s Day and crushed me.
He probably didn't even have a six figure job. I used to know a dude like that. He was broke but fronted like he had money 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
Watching out that sound like a narcissist
See it as a blessing he realised you were not foolish enough to be used there is better !
GPS =
God
Provided
System Perfect!!!
God ain't got nothin' to do with it. Grow up and realize you have your own God. It's called your two hands at the end of your arms. GPS. Girl, sit yo' big ass down and shut up with that talk before I sick TD Jakes after you.
TammySue PattyPan amen!
TammySue.... when she said that I was like, YES! God Provided System (GPS). I love Iyanala❤️
TammySue PattyPan Thanks
Sis!!!
thank you
"Pay attention and Don't ignore. " Simple words, but hard instructions to follow. Thanks.
Gary Stallings that’s right
Trying
Not When YOU Totally Want "Freedom, Peace, LOVE & Honesty" Living YOUR Best & Full Life
NYCCHOCOLATE7777
It is not hard if you want peace of mind.
That's What I Said "It's NOT Hard When YOU Want TOTAL Freedom, PEACE of Mind LOVE of Self 1st & ALWAYS"
If you wanna know the end, look at the beginning. So true, Iyanla! 100% agreed!💯💯💯
When red flags are ignored, we suffer for it. And sadly, most (not all) women and men, tend to ignore red flags even when it's staring them in the face because they are so desperate for a relationship.
I dont think its desperation, I feel when ur really in love ur emotions get the best of u to continue in the realization in spite of red flags emotions can make u weak when or not in control of it
glad ur honest about ur desperation..does not apply to everyone,
at lease ur honest it would be out of desperaion for you, however some people dont have a problem being alone
So True Everything She Saying.
@Terrie Smith
Exactly, Exactly, Exactly)))))!!!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I saw them blowing in the wind, and ignored them, because I was desperate to be married!! Wow!! Not good at all!!
I ignored red flags for years because I didn't want to lose the man. I didn't want to be alone. We broke up 9 years ago and I have not been in a relationship since. Now I refuse to step down. Thanks Iyanla.
Georgia J I know the feeling but your are waiting on the man that God sends to you ...but it's a long wait lol but God just wants you to himself and thats ok with me...he doesn't keep us from good things! Blessings to you
Georgia J how old were you when that relationship ended. did you have children together?
@@bighammers3268 - 🙄
**NOTE: Why does one always have to be "waiting on the man/woman that God sends them?" ---->>>>
. . . What's wrong with someone just choosing THEMSELVES?! (As I have?) Personally, I don't want no man OR no woman. When someone is truly at peace with who THEY are and enjoy their own company, there's a freedom and liberation in "not having to have anybody" or "please anybody" that is indescribable. I choose ME and my two (2) Pomeranians.
We MUST stop preaching this lie that Single = Incomplete. #JustSaying
I don't trust myself. I can't tell the difference from my past hurt and my intuition.
WOW...very insightful. That's a lot of us, rejecting based on our unresolved baggage versus true and helpful intuition.
Omg...that’s me!!! How do we fix that?? 😔
Jnanya Lewis you need to ask God to help you discern this through prayer. You will make many mistakes being this way.
Me too!!
A little one-on-one therapy might not hurt, either. Don't waste time. It's later than you think.
“What shows up at the end, was there at the beginning” - So so so true.
Red Flag: And if he’s a mama’s boy, he can’t think for himself and will never put you first. Red Flag: He consults his friends about the relationship instead of talking to you first = He can’t think for himself. There will always be too many people meddling in your relationship. Red Flag: He can’t apologize or take responsibility for his mistakes.
I disagree with the need to have good relationships with their parents. It matters more that both parents are good role models. If one or more parents is weak (the children have to become the parents), that’s a red flag. People too enmeshed with their parents have no separate identity and can’t think for themselves.
That is true about the parents but what I got from that is not the parents having issues and projecting them onto the kids. I want to believe she means how do you deal with parents having issues and have you forgiven them or have you accepted how they are and moved on. I believe there are a lot of kids who have issues their parents and unhealthy relationships with their parents because of the parents, but how do you internalize it? If you haven't dealt with it or you deal with them in a negative way always blaming or judging never forgiving it'll dictate how you relate to others in a negative way. Our parents are the foundation of how we relate to others so if they teach us from all negative aspects we have to learn how to turn that around from a positive standpoint. Meaning to forgive them for not knowing better and understanding they did what they knew how with what they had or they just didn't have it to give in the first place. Our higher power teaches us to forgive and move on. That way we won't have negative belief systems that steer us in the wrong direction when it comes to love and relationships with men/ women, children, sisters/ brothers, bosses, neighbors all people. Didn't mean to go that deep but i'm speaking from experience.
Oh lawd I wish I saw this red flag about 2 years ago lol 😂
Yes I agree but I had to do inventory after reading what you wrote because I am that person
A D that is Oidipus coplex and it is not possible to have a healthy relationship with a man like that - unless he chooses to consciously work on that ... I had an experience like that, and as soon as I realised how bad it was I repelled from the BOY who played a man ...
A D is a person has a good relationship with their parents it’s balanced. These relationships you speak of are toxic. But yes I definitely agree with a man who consults his friends over you and values others instead of you. Toxic indeed!
Crazy...went through this and ignored all the red flags. Nearly cost me my life for not listening to my intuition. The things I know now I pass on to others. All It takes is one red flag....thank you Iyanla, you're amazing at what you do!
Right Right Sis Been There & Done That And Now I Take "Truth, Responsibility & Comfort ln Knowing I'm Worth lt ALL & So Are YOU" And YAAASSS-SHE ls Super AMAZING
God had warned me in a dream and red flags not to date my ex-husband. I was almost killed! Listen to God.
Red flags:
1. Consistently late.
2. Constantly broke and don't pay back.
3. Intuitive or gut feeling that you felt. Address it and do not ignore it!
4. Bad relationship with his mother.
5. Bad relationship with her father.
6. How is a man and his relationship with his children.
7. Always have something negative to say. Always judgemental.
Do not ignore red flags!
oh man, there is this one quote from the movie "the holiday" that always spoke to me about when you are with a person you KNOW isn't good for you but you stick around anyways. it goes like this:
guy asks: "why am i attracted to a person i know isn't good for me?"
girl responds: " Because you're hoping you're wrong, and every time (he/she) does something that tells you (he/she) is no good for you, you ignore it and every time (he/she) comes through and surprises you, (he/she) wins you over and you lose that argument with yourself that (he/she) is not for you."
when i heard that at the time, it was like an atomic bomb went off in my head...im dealing with someone like that and its like i know this person isnt being a good person towards me but then sometimes they do something that wins me over and i completely forget that they are still that same, neglectful, un-conscientious person i know. why is it easy to realize but hard to put into action?
Because even if we know something our flesh ( human nature) can't do what's right unless we connect to Christ. He keeps us in alignment. He must be saved in Jesus. Without Him, we're lost.
Ladies with daddy issues subject!My dad was killed in an auto accident before I was born! I didn’t know anything about a daddy/daughter relationship! As I got older and wiser I realized I had a daddy all along~ Our Heavenly Father! Thats the best and most important relationship of all!
June howard @ HALLELUJAH, Amen.
❤️
Amen ❤
Lots of narcissistic men have close relationships with their mothers... too close. But on the surface it looks like a good one.
When you see crazy coming cross the street. I heard you said this year's ago on Oprah. This is the single best advice you have given to women. It has stuck with me all these years. Ms Iylanla you are a blessing ,God bless you.
Nathaniel12345678910 duh
Same with me. That statement has stuck in my brain. And she also said don't bring out your good China and wear your good wig for crazy😁
You are not kidding! Been debating settling but he hits all these red flags and I KNOW I can do better. Needed this. Thanks.
Jennie Lawrence Yes Listen to your gut. My page has inspirational enlightening video to help you with picking up negativity etc.
lavidavi86 true
I am married to one and honestly I saw all these!! Screams at his mum, has something negative to say even about someone he doesn’t know, u try to talk to him he turns it around on you or begin to look for something to hold you on to and begins to tell me my character is terrible ....
CHINENYE UDENGWU he is "NARCISSISTIC"
I married a red flag and I was one as well. Two broken messed up people trying to make things work. Married in Feb 2018, separated March 2018. I definitely learned my lesson.
CHINENYE UDENGWU if you haven’t already, please educate yourself about NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Med Circle, Ross Rosenberg, Craig Malkin, & thelittleshaman.org some of many good resources on CZcams and online.
Sounds like a messed up dude I know in Edmonton AB
CHINENYE UDENGWU oh! So I see you met my ex. 😂😂😂😂
Lady you look absolutely beautiful and very youthful! What an inspiration! God bless you
I like Ariana
Yes she does
"If you want to know the end, look at the beginning!" AMEN!
You look as radiant as ever. Keep up the good advise. I need this
ItsyagurlShay J I agree, her skin is flawless and she appears healthy and happy.
ItsyagurlShay J yes!!!
SHE SURE DOES! LESS THAN ONE MINUTE IN I WAS LIKE "IYANLA LOOKS JOYOUS/ RADIANT " BLESS HER
She looks better than ever! Fantastic!
ItsyagurlShay J yes beautiful!!
Late is not a problem. Consistently late is a problem.
S Os Their Both a problem. If your going to be late have enough respect to call and let people know your going 2 b late. If your consistantly late=your fucked up.
That's what she said hun
@@deandravr *They're *You're
It is definitely a problem
That's what she said....
REPEATEDLY late!
Had only I heeded some of those red flags in my prior relationships...you live and you learn. Thank you Iyanla!
So, true. But sometimes people hold animosity against their parents while pretending everything is wonderful between them.
I could listen to this message a hundred times over.
This was absolutely true! I saw the red flags, several of them. I ignored them like a stupid fool. I should've crossed the street & ran for my life when I saw crazy coming. Crazy tried to ruin my life!
N the same tug 🛥💨💨💨
Well damn ... I AM THE RED FLAG. Lol. I am never on time. And I didn't use to do this. Hmmm. Gotta work on that. (Ouch.)
Iyanla when I was young and did not know any better I ignored red flags. But now that I'm older and wiser I don't do it any more.
Being late chronically basically means they don’t got their shit together
Zodiac Wars out doing some one else.
Zodiac Wars ...Or that it is a long distance thing. Context
Or on blk folks time 🤣🤣🤣
No seriously it's usually drug addicts etc they're always late
@@jojobean9260 I disagree. It's people with poor time management skills. Not accounting for traffic, or not realizing how much time it actually takes for them to get washed and dressed, etc. I used to be late to everything because I always thought I had "enough" time to do this or that, but never took the time to trip plan as truckers say....plan your time ahead.
Alicia Rains - Very true! Some people lack executive function skills or have ADD. For some, it’s a pattern of behavior they grew up learning and have a hard time breaking. Yes, it causes problems, but I’m surprised Iyanla was so dismissive of people with this issue.
Love Iyanla. Her books 'In the Meantime' and 'Yesterday I Cried' got me through some tough times in my life regarding relationships. Iyanla has phenomenal wisdom!!
I absolutely love this lady. I can't get enough of her knowledge.
This new look is gorgeous
So I struggle with keeping to time. Its just I had never made the connection between trust and keeping to time. Now that I know,I receive the Grace from GOD right now to keep to time,in honor of those who I love. This was insightful. Thank you very much.
I love this I've done so much self realization do to theses R Spot videos.I consider you to be one of my mentors in all things relationships .Can't wait for the book.
I've been reading your books for the last 17 years since i was 16 wow!!! and i am sooooo grateful I was a little wise owl back then but i sure have grown into my own because of the self help journey and your one of my greatest teachers and I call you my spiritual mumzy!! I have seen soo much growth in myself and its such a joy Thank you sooo much Iyanla!!
I agree with everything aside from the not speaking to parents for a length of time. What if there was physical and/or sexual abuse of the parent towards the child? Just because someone has had to sever ties with a parent does not mean there is something “wrong” with them.
missmerbella I agree. Iyanla said, what matters is how the individual “holds” that experience. Meaning: if a person hasn’t dealt with the problem in a healthy way, it will affect their relationships with everyone else. Not having a relationship with a parent is a red flag because that’s not the way life is supposed to be. So we have to know the reason for that severance & see how it will affect our relationship with the mate. Be it negatively or positively.
But that is something wrong
missmerbella was thinking the same thing
Agreed. I have horrible parents but the best thing I ever did was put as much space between myself and them. I'm happier and I don't have anyone beating me down mentally and emotionally it's draining dealing with people like that.
It's about forgiveness, no matter what someone did( I know that's a hard pill to swallow) because you interpret that as you doing some for them. That's not the case though....your lack of forgiveness towards someone who has harmed only makes your life a living hell. Whether it's with yourself or your relationships with other, or you lack of progression through life. By not forgiving people you give them way more power over you life than you might think you do. Forgiveness doesn't mean what they did to you was right. Forgiveness means you indeed there is something mentally, and emotionally wrong with that person and unfortunately you were their outlet but you are not to blame. Forgive them and forgive yourself... that's the only way to free yourself
Thank you ilyanla... You are so true... In past relationship I had red flags but ignored them... You are so on point. The key is to learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't get pulled back into the same negative situations. Thank you ilyanla. I love your video's. They are so positive.
Wow! I’ve been married for 16 years! I checked all but 2 on your red flag list! 😂😂😂. I love this! Don’t stop making videos! So many people will get a great insight on relationships!
Thanks for the advise love. Your eye brows are on point.
Much needed 🙌🏾❤️🙏🏽
You look so pretty. I was distracted by how beautiful you looked.
She does!
been waiting on this video 💜
Thank you for excellent advice, Iyanla!
Yes!!!! No.3 ABSOLUTELY!!! That Internal GPS. Please don't fight this, marinate on it. Believe there's something WRONG!!!!💆
Go girl..u look awesome..ur truly happy
Thank you Iyanla 👏🏾
Thank you so much 😊 she is a blessing from God to us how beautiful is that
This was so softspoken and powerful at the same time. Good work, Iyanla!! Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
You radiate greatness and thank you for your videos! ❤️
I am the red flag dammit, most of the ding ding are mine. Love from Portugal
Her wisdom is God sent... there no other way one can have this insight.
This was so good! When you said pay attention to anything that's vibrating lower than I am in my foundation is gold!
Iyanla!! You look beautiful my Queen. Thanks for all you do for us.
Thanks Iyanla , yes you did help someone. Love from Kenya, Africa.
If you want to know the end look at the beginning. Yeah I learned this one awhile ago! Never fails!
Speak that truth Iyanla. I’m so glad I didn’t ignore the red flags and confronted or ditched those that didn’t fit into my life about those flags. I believe it honestly made me a better woman today- we have to learn how to honor & value ourselves and expect the same from those we interact with. Continual disrespect will continue if it’s not checked and put on notice in the beginning.
I'm so blessed to have had a 2 parent home my prayers too those- I love black love😍 Thank you for your videos I'm all in on the rest- I was thinking red flags was me being judgmental-😍 I'm learned so much 😍🤗
Spot ON... don't ignore those red flags👍👏👏
I love your advice GODDESS
Thank you so much! Much needed advice!
Great advice! You look gorgeous as usual.
You better preach Iyanla!! Lol I love your messages.
Red Flag: Always has something negative to say about their ex's. They consistently disrespect, degrade, and speak foul of their ex and fail to mention their own faults especially when no one brought up their ex to even discuss. Just bitter
Red Flag: When your significant other consistently compares you to others and advises you to be like them. They want you to be and appear how they want you to for their own pleasure or for the looks of it.
The one about ignoring a feeling saying you don't trust yourself was really deep. Thank you. The man's relationship with his kids is such a big one.
Iyanla is the real deal - an authentic voice for empowerment and spiritual growth - I appreciate her journey and love her from the bottom of my heart.
Ding ding ding...love it
nutzforart so do I.
Looking Radiant! Keep going girl! Love you!
I love Yyanla how she brings humor, fun to her powerful messages
My first time here and now a subscriber. Thank you
Preach 👏👏
no man should ever ask a woman for money....maybe in high school...that's my experience
You sir are a masculine man. Only feminine men ask women for money.
Iyanla, five years on and this is still a great message. God bless you 💟
Thank you for this!
I just found my husband cheated again i felt it ignored it smh im so tired i pray help me be a stronger person
🤗
You are soooo right
Love this thank you🙏❤️☘️
Lyanla love your perspectives, I’m learning as a man, to be a better man. I laughed so hard with the “ding ding ding” red flags which are to me about gettin the fight on, and in this use, learn to trust and respect what my gut is telling me as the appropriate time to disengage or take a hike. Thank you for being such a wonderful teacher.
You.... Look..... Amazing! Loving this hairstyle!
Thank you soooo much, didn't you put this out 9yrs ago? You really would have saved me some time...some good time...
Lydia Isaacs sometimes it needs repeating thanks
Thanks as always
Sis, whoever styles you or if you style yourself, do an amazing job. You always look great!
My heart has paid the price for ignoring a red flag in the beginning that became his reason for the end. He was not over his ex wife. He used me to fill the void. I wasn't strong enough to walk away but now for my future I'll have no problem with red flags.
Useful information
Aloha Iyanla Vanzant! What about the self-ship. That ship must be first fixed!
just radiating beauty....your vibrations are so high...i feel it through the video... so love you.... thank you
Wow, you look beautiful Ms Iyanla !
Love your hair and makeup. Look so vibrant and youthful 😌
Lots of pushback on the lateness thing - but it is a problem if it is your constant habit. And it is disrespect, even if not intentional.
Brilliant! Thank you. This helps!!
Wow! You’re amazing!!!! I loved this video!
Brilliant and beautiful, thank you for this!
Can you be me grandma?
She has wisdom & descernment to die for.
Lol ☺
Iyanla, you look beautiful!
Thank you so much, big fan!
Thank you Iyanla. I needed to hear this 💕
Put this into perspective ppl, as iyanlas life story includes red flags. Be sure to work on your own red flags and urge the other person to do so whilst youre dating b4 u get into a relationship with them. Have a clear perspective on this. You are not looking for perfection, you just need to b aware.
his relationship with his baby mother is a real red flag.
Tj Johnson Preach
Thank you for the reconfirmation. I am aware of my surroundings and I pay attention to what I'm paying attention to, but sometimes my awareness gets cloudy and I need to be reminded. Again, thank you Iyanla, you are a blessing to me and many of us. By the way you look beautiful! :)
Thank you🙌🏾