Special Needs Sister Wants Me to Adopt Her Baby
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
- Special Needs Sister Wants Me to Adopt Her Baby
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Like my Mom said " There but for the Grace of God, go I "
It's too bad she didn't have a disability label by the state, because the dude asking her to cut the birth control out is abuse of a disabled adult.
This is a messed up situation.
Absolutely! I don't understand why/how she doesn't have an official medical diagnosis and legal documentation to back this up. This is bizarre.
@@katelynbrown98 maybe the parents wanted to protect her from labels?, but if she had that label, there's no way he could claim parental rights, and would likely be facing prison.
@@melanieb2132 if shes got autism to this extent then thats a diagnosis
@@cloudedcolour5329 so, if the father a criminal, or not?
@@melanieb2132 if she can be proven to be able to give informed consent, no he's not, morality might be questionable though
and what happens when she gets pregnant with baby#2? because it is a strong possibility
given that she could be manipulated into the BC being removed the first time, yep, thats a ticking time bomb
Two words: Tubal Ligation
@@melanieb2132 you can still get pregnant with TL, the only actual guarentee is complete hysterectomy and abstinence
@@cloudedcolour5329 less than 1 in 100.
Hysterectomy I wouldn't want due to other health effects.
Good luck abstinence when it seems like she is highly manipulated.
If she is a mentally disabled adult, i think that man could be criminally punished.
@@melanieb2132 the pregnancy implanting in the tubes a big risk but she could also be manipulated into reversing it
Refuse, this is not a puppy she is giving you, is a child. She probably wants to get rid of the baby, the best way is to give it out for adoption
No. Do not adopt the baby. She can find the child a loving home elsewhere.
Taking that baby is such a bad idea. I hope she listens to her husband's input and her kids needs first
Maybe private adoption best route or with an agency. Somewhere not near to either parent. The sister risks her own stable life and family dynamics with her own children. Sounds like a life of misery for the sister to take custody. Step away!
Don't adopt this baby. What will You do if there will be another baby and another, and... Come on, she can do this again!
The pregnant sister will not respect any boundaries between herself and her child. She will be happy for her sister to adopt, but will then interfere and try to usurp her sister and BILs rights and authority 24/7. Autistic SIL will make everyone's lives--including the baby's--miserable. SIL needs to have her sister declared incompetent to parent and have her rights terminated in utero. Then baby should be freed for adoption. That baby should go to a loving, non-related family who will never have to deal with autistic sister's inability to cope.
You are so right! I think the sister probably got pregnant on purpose hoping the man would choose her. When he didn’t, she asks her sister to adopt the child, so she can be in the child’s life whenever she wants to. The sister really needs to be medically evaluated for the baby and the sister. She needs training, support, life skills.
Him wanting her to cut the birth control out of her arm is pathological.
Yes,
Or he also has an unknown condition
Getting the victim pregnant is an age old abuser tactic.
Hmm maybe she cut it out herself and made it up that he told her too.
Yeah that part of the story really confused me. And why she did it even though her doctor told her directly that she’d get pregnant.
I love that we just skipped over the sister is a willing side chick, who knew she was going to get pregnant. She lives on her own, she's not that "special needs"
Who said she lives on her own??
My concern would be if after all of this and the baby is born, she is more than likely going to have more pregnancy's.. What happens then?
My gut reaction is do not take on this responsibility. Seems like a recipe for many years of problems and resentment. Why on earth would this "boyfriend" have encouraged her to get pregnant? Is that even true? Something doesn't make sense.
If both parents are irresponsible, it is better for the baby to be adopted by a loving couple who want children and are not related to the family. Go through the proper channel and make sure the baby is going to a good home. If she and her husband adopt this child, there is no way to set clear boundaries with the sister and formal boyfriend. It is unwise to bring this crazy situation into a stable home that causes stress in the marriage and her own children's home life. Her 1st responsibility is to her own children. She can't change her sister, but she can limit the damage her sister does to her family life.
@@cctypcctotally agree with you! Her first responsibility is to her children and husband. If her parents are “tired” of bailing the sister out, that speaks volumes. Even Special Needs people can be manipulative. Her sister needs an evaluation to see her mental capacity and for the baby’s health. It’s the correct thing to do for the sister’s future.
Just dont get involved. Let it work itself out. Sounds like any type of action will result in ruining your family's relationship.
She's only 6 weeks pregnant. I doubt the pregnant woman has the mental fortitude to bring the child to term. She'll probably miscarry
@@fauxbro1983 sadly thats not usually how it works
I think this sister is being enabled to be lazy and non functional, they need to force her to go to counseling so she doesn't turn into a drain on the family.
unfortunately being autistic one way or another is not an option for how it impacts someone
I hope she didn't literally cut the birth control out of her arm. :( My desire is that the child is adopted as far from the country as possible. I have a family member like this. My heart feels for you.
The sister could have 100 babies, will she adopt them all? It’s tragic, but they should walk away. You can’t save people that don’t want to be saved.
I got the sense the caller may be seeing this as a second chance to have another baby in the house...
What happens when the sister does this again? Because by the sounds of it, she will
So.... What happens the next time she gets pregnant? Adopt again?
Lets say they adopt. The sister is going to keep having babies expecting her to take care of them.
Then what happens when number two comes along and number three and four and so on every year to two years?
He asked her to get a knife and remove the birth control bar from her arm while having a living girlfriend?
He's gonna be seen as a real gem if this goes to court.
@@Cathy-xi8cb when not if, especially if she wants to give the baby up for adoption, he needs to sign off rights or be proven incapable to care for the baby
Is there a possibility that he tricked her into cutting out the birth control because his live-in girlfriend is unable to have a child, so he made a baby with someone else to provide girlfriend with a baby to raise? He can claim his own child, and remove baby-momma from the child’s life, claiming she’s an incapable parent. This is a nightmare.
@@probablynot1368 The autistic sister was watching his and his live-in girlfriend’s child… so she can have kids.
I doubt he asked her to do that. More likely is she did it herself because she thought he’d pick her. If she went to her doctor then her parents would find out and stop her from seeing (working as a babysitter) him. No cheating man would want his side chick to get pregnant.
Even if she decides to adopt the child, what's to stop her from just getting pregnant again and putting her sister in the same situation?
Definitely make boundaries... If we adopt this baby you will get back on birth control!
Tubal ligation would be the best option
Unfortunately having an adult with special needs declared incompetent is quite difficult. Everyone has the right to make decisions about their own lives, even bad ones.
She sounds not only troubled but selfish, she should not expect her sister to raise her baby. The rest of the family sounds like they are tired of how she is. The father of the baby should step up and raise the child. It’s not the sisters responsibility.
They say you’ll spend about $1 million on a child from birth to age 18. These folks must be loaded with cash. I would not touch the situation with the 10,000 foot pole.
Plus they live in Colorado an already expensive state
John you need to write a book titled ...AND!"
Maybe put it up for adoption with somebody else? She could have 5 babies, is the sister going adopt them all? Or get an abortion, if it's within your beliefs.
This baby is number one. Since the guy told her to remove the birth control, there will be more of his babies.
So, what happens six months from now, as this life grows inside sister and she sees the ultrasounds and preparations being made and decides that she wants to keep this baby? Or when "the man" talks her into keeping it so that they can become a family?
Her family will bail her out of anything.
Including a human.
At 6 weeks, tbh ending the pregnancy sounds like the best option. Having a special needs mom and abusive dad is no life to come into!
I wonde why you are so quick to end a life simply because their circumstances are not ideal atm? That's some freaky God-complex you have there.
@@janelleg597 no God complex here, I'm just a realist.
@@ae3209 not going to get much support for hey let's just kill the baby in this comment section
@@janelleg597 if you do not have a family member with autism you have no right to judge. Autism is a life long disorder and if her child is low functioning they will have zero quality of life. Termination is the kindest thing to do, I say this as I watch my nephew struggle with daily living and horrible mental health/suicidal crises constantly.
Didn’t think I’d see this much common sense in this comment section. Agreed this is the best way to mitigate further damage.
I generally am against adopting within the family as the birth parent may still think they have rights.
The statistics show that the healthiest thing for baby is to be placed with biological family
Kids need to stay with their family.
@@sherriemyles2776 not always. Sometimes it’s too close especially if there are unhealthy boundaries. And if I gave up
A baby for adoption i don’t think I could handle seeing the baby all of the time.
They may have no legal rights but it can be comforting to both the child and parent to have contact with each other.
I mean i didnt any one say anything about him abusing his kids shitty dude good.father . clearly he will fight if he faught like hell for his other one. Honestly she needs to step back and worry about her two kids
She is not a high functoning adult on the spectrum if she does not get that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy.
This sort of thing happened to my friend , and the family helps but makes her raise the child. She didn't even tell anyone until the 9th month!!
Personally, I wouldn’t adopt the child. This can set a precedent that if she has another child or children, you’ll keep adopting them.
If she chooses to keep the pregnancy, then there’s a lot of people looking to adopt.
If she chooses to terminate the pregnancy, that’s an option too.
I feel like your sister needs to be set up with a case worker or social worker to help find resources in her area.
If she’s in the USA, there’s places that help those with disabilities find work. I had gone there before since I have PTSD - they usually help with getting a job at a grocery store or things like that.
Another option is she could try having 2-3 part time jobs to make up a full time schedule so that way when she wants to quit one job because it’s too stressful then she still has another job for income.
It’s wrong to punish the innocent baby by killing it just because she made bad choices. The baby shouldn’t be punished for her incompetence.
@@johnmartin4641 the baby will very likely have a very very low quality life. If I was that kid I would rather not be born into that situation. Like seriously I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. It’s not exactly as if we’re hurting for people either as a country.
The sister, the father, or possibly both will likely change their minds. Maybe if they both signed something, but I don't know.
Life is so sacred and beautiful and this is such a respectable and loving move out of the sister. There are 2,000,000 couples waiting to adopt in the USA at any given time so if this isn’t a right fit, someone is a right fit. Pretty well any local church has families waiting to adopt. You can find a local family and get to know them personally and do a private adoption. There are other options. 100% this baby is so lucky to have so many people who love them already! This will all work out.
Before the foster care people come at my comment, not everyone is a good fit to foster. Not everyone can handle letting kids go like that. It’s just not always a fit. Don’t recommend people who want to adopt use them foster system, many do for years and never even get to adopt and others can’t handle the mental load associated with it. So don’t even go there.
Hear! Hear! Well said.
Sure. And like you said, not everyone can handle giving up a kid to someone else. Thus I hope they also consider termination.
run!
I'm going to get roasted for this, but terminating the pregnancy would probably be the best outcome.
The sister probably don't want to do that.
perhaps but it doesnt sound like its an option
I was thinking the same thing tbh. She's only six weeks along and I hope she doesn't bring a baby into this mess. Not sorry.
Completely agree!!!! Unfortunately they may never consider this for religious reasons. Termination and long term birth control should be the first 2 options to discuss IMO
@@bobberry1463 she also doesn’t want to take care of it herself. That’s a decision she needs to make but at the same time she’s literally unfit to make that decision. She’s special needs!
Stories like these continue to make me a believer in pro choice
Pretty sick of you.
They need an attorney.
If the pregnancy is still early I would seriously consider abortion. Because autism is caused in large part by genetics, there is very high possibility the child will also be special needs, and since the mother has no sense of responsibility, she may also drink, take drugs and cause harm to the fetus.
6 weeks is super early. I hope this is what goes down.
Why should the baby be punished just because his or her mothers is incompetent and makes bad choices?
@@johnmartin4641 baby is punished whether it lives with sick bio mom, morally bankrupt dad, or adopted. None of those options yield a well-adjusted child statistically, especially when considering the likelihood that this child would be autistic. The priority in this situation needs to be finding this poor woman healing & helping her break free from this cycle of abuse, not placing a baby in the middle of a situation in which it is very likely to experience significant suffering.
@@justicesmith8798 at least the baby would have a chance of life and happiness in adulthood and have a family of their own instead of never having a chance. Ask kids with bad parents if they want to die. If they say yes, then you’re right. If they say no, then I’m right.
@@johnmartin4641 People who are adopted are 4x as likely to attempt suicide
Pls dont bring a baby into the world when the adults in this baby's life can't even take care of adult issues.
And the most important thing is, it doesn't sound like this baby is going to receive the love and care it deserves.
Leave one less baby out of messes like this.
This is abuse.the guy just took advantage of her because she is special needs and telling her to cut it out her arm.I would rather terminate it or give it up for adoption if she is special needs.
So kill the baby as an option? Really? Why? What has the baby done to deserve death?
Not a fan of these parents. I get that supports to help with autism weren't as available 25 years ago, but if her mental capacity is "closer to 18" this person is still developmentally a child. They probably allowed her to leave at 18 bc society says she's an adult, and like this sister says, they threw their hands up and gave up. They need to step back in and help her get therapy or other support! They need to step up and do the parenting that she deserved when she was in her teens. She may be legally an adult, but she needs her family! Would be great if they could find a family therapist who knows about adult autism
This phenomenon is *incredibly* common in mostly neurotypical families with just one autistic member. The NTs are often quick to blame & unwilling to change their own behaviors, so it's easier to throw their hands up & walk away when the autistic kid reaches adulthood. There are very few supports for autistic adults on top of it.
I'm personally not fond of how Deloney describes or relates to autistic people in stories. It's my only real complaint. He suggests ABA therapy which is largely considered full out abuse by older autistics. I'd love for Deloney to become more educated about autism.
That moment you pray for a miscarriage!!!!
I'm only 3 minutes in, but this MUST become a movie!!
Her cheating boyfriend asked her to CUT OUT her birth control out of her arm??? He’d better be ready to raise that kid, then!!
Edit: he’s abusive… get that kid and his other kid away from him 😔
Wait, I'm very confused. I thought both bio parents had to sign off to make a baby available for adoption (at least in cases where the bio father is known). If the bio father knows about the baby and wants custody, doesn't that mean that this caller can't adopt even if she wants to? The bio father would have sole custody, and the caller's sister would have to pay child support whenever she gets a job.
If someone wrote this as a tv movie, it would be rejected.
Let her deal with her mess. She’ll get pregnant again and again. Will you adopt them all? She made her decisions, she’ll have to deal with it.
This is insane. I mean she can’t abort mission?
Regardless of the ridiculosity of the sister, her babydaddy, or their situation, there is a child here who needs stability and good parents. The choice is simple - of course you adopt the baby. The ramifications of that choice are what you're finding difficult.
The second part of the equation is finding help for the sister. Someone needs to get adult protective services involved and get legal custody of the sister so they can protect her from more abuse in the future.
If she’s mentally 18, as the caller mentioned, which is the legal age of an adult, I doubt they could do that.
Tubes tied and a permanent facility.
Yup. The mentally challenged should not be reproducing. That’s how we keep getting more and more autistic babies.
My sil's sister did this to her and my brother exactly the same situation my brother said yes is she had no contact or a hard no she went with over odoptive parent whom she hasselt and tells the child she's actually the mom etc she then had 2 more children the second went to another family member also a family member she dod the same there then the 3rd of whom went to a closed adoption that hit my sister in law hard as its a child no1 would see again but truth is the child is better off mom's a mess dad's are all physically abusive mum has special needs and no safe radar however is in complete denial she needs support herself.
I call BS on autism.
I don,t mainly as I work with people with autism so I have seen things like this before. I would question though putting some sort of medical proxy or conservatorship in to manage this from here on out
People need to stop self-diagnosing after spending time on Google! It doesn’t help anyone to give them free passes on responsibilities but not seek out medical evaluations which would define the problem and provide avenues for support.
There no such thing as "high functioning autism" it is not an official medical diagnosis. The sister is mearly irresponsible
actually there is and its not just a label, autisms a umbrella and a tier of severity situation
Autism is most certainly a real diagnosis. Some use mild, moderate, and severe as a way to describe different severities, some use terms like high functioning. Who cares.
Well people are not irresponsible they don't see some things in some areas as well as most. It is kind of like not being able to budget but having to budget to survive. The person who can not budget will survive but not well. With this system there are lots of options but only so many ways of getting stuff done so her sister can not just choose the option she wants. I would be very shocked if this was the only incident her sister ever had of this nature.
@@cloudedcolour5329 you're wrong. There is no medically official high functioning autistic term. You'll notice the sister said the irresponsible sister has the me tality of an 18 year old.
@@fauxbro1983 no actually Im not, aspergers would be listed under the high functioning end of the spectrum. And she said she's got the mental age of an 18 yr old, not the mentality, two differnt terms
I cant believe the comments. The baby is still her niece or nephew!
The only way to keep the man is to keep the baby.
she doesn't WANT to keep the baby, so keeping him probably isn't a factor
He needs to go! He has cheated on his girls. Taken advantage of special women. He an abuser. The only thing he's need for is to give his rights for this BABY. H is girlfriend doesn't even know! Ugh this is so terrible!
This is why I'm a eugenicist