Most AWKWARD Answer in Interview History! Learn 6 Ways to Avoid Social Embarrassment Like This!
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- čas přidán 28. 06. 2024
- When author Bethany Mandel was asked to define "woke" during her interview on "Rising" with Briahna Joy Gray and Robby Soave, she displayed one of the most awkward responses in interview history. But what would cause an educated, published author to freeze up to this extent? What are the verbal and non-verbal signs that she is experiencing heavy stress and most importantly, how can YOU avoid ever freezing up this bad? Find out now!
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RESSOURCES
Blink Rate and Stress
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Adapters and Stress
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TIMESTAMPS
02:58 Bethany Mandel Body Language
08:34 How Does Stress Affect Behavior?
15:58 Stress VS Deception
19:12 What to do When your Brain Freezes?
26:47 What to do if You Don't Know the Answer to a Question?
#behavioralpsychology #bodylanguage #howtoreadbodylanguage #thebehavioralarts #psychology #interview #lifetips - Zábava
I wish I could message you directly. But I just had to say thank you for you recommendation. I had an interview today and I had a “human experience” and your tips saved face for sure! Thank you
Wow! That’s so awesome! I’m glad you were able to use the tips to your benefit 🤗
That’s so cool! Hope the interview went well!
I'm so incredibly awkward in any social situations. These tips are perfect because you know how to give easy directions and good examples and also explain the reason it works. Some I've used before but they haven't always worked because I didn't have all the info I needed to have it work. Now I think I have a better understanding of the couple I knew and 4 new ones to try! Thank you!
@@TheBehavioralArtsHello, could you maybe make a video about the "HOLY THURSDAY MASSACRE"? It would be really interesting to know about the body language of these officers in this video...
I think the woman did know her subject, probably so well, that it was her undoing. I think she had the whole chapter she alluded to in her head, then got tangled as she didn't know where to start. When she said she couldn't explain it in a 15 second sound burst, she was trying to save face. I thought it strange that the interviewer said, "We have time," as my resction would be to accept that, to help her save face, as humans naturally tend to empathise and want to help each other out. Perhaps that's why I wouldn't make a very good interviewer!
I was at a piano recital where the pianist was playing Beethoven's Sonata No. 14 The Moonlight. All went well until a moment into the third movement. Anyone who knows will recognise the furious scramble of notes and rythms. The pianist on this occasion, a well known professional, stumbled, with his fingers skidding along the keys in a dischordant jumble. He tried to recover, but it just made matters worse.
We could all see his terror. We applauded, with someone calling out, "Let's start that again." Mister pianist welcomed this, took a moment to calm himself, then in reverential silence from us took off and played it flawlessly. The applause at the end was tumultuous, we all felt his pain then the thrill of success.
Haha, been there, done that!
great story
I don't think there's anything better than music uniting the human experience. Awesome experience and story.
How wonderful!🥰
This happened once when I watching the ballet Swan Lake. One of the ballet dancers fell. We got up and applauded. She recovered really quickly and was applauded even more. It was years ago, but I never forgot the moment. It was beautiful to see.
Instead of jumping on her, you humanised her and used it to teach us how to cope in stressful situations. This is why i love this little corner of the internet. Thank you, Spidey ❤
As a professor with some inattentive behaviors, I use a lot of these techniques on a daily basis. And, if all else fails, I point toward the window and yell “squirrel” to get the class to lighten up in that moment. 😂 Being human and relatable is never a bad thing. 😊
🤣🤣🤣
Great tip!👍🏼
😂 I do that too😅
humor the highest-level intellect and awareness.
I studied Engineering and at university I remember almost no "happy moment" in any of the classes There was almost no professor who made the slightest impression he would care about anything else but just sum up all the information. They were unable to feel socially awkward, because they just did not care.
She used her hand to fix her hair, but the hand she used was on the opposite side to her hair fix. This struck me as a quick way to shield her face. Maybe she felt like her face was turning red -- this happens to me all the time and I often do the same. Social anxiety at its finest! 🙄
Completely agreed! Great catch!
Why did that man jump in the convo? More awkward
@@sharalhall5911I thought he did a nice job at trying to distract from the tension that was obvious between the female interviewer and the interviewee
@@Seeker0fTruthtotally agree did you see the annoyance on the interviewer face when he rescued her 😂
It also gives extra time to think…unnecessary movement.
I'm always so impressed with how you educate yet always remember to do so with tact & kindness. Your videos are always fantastic!
I agree.
Johnny Carson used to lean into his bad jokes by saying “may the bluebird of happiness fly up your nose” when the audience was silent after an unfunny joke. This would always get a laugh.
I thought it was "the bird of paradise"
@@themacocko6311it was
@themacocko6311 well, that was the song title
HEY MISMAG, GREAT CARD MAGIC, THANK YOU.
I found your Ole channel about a yr ago or longer.
Im aware of your new, CARD TRICK TEACHER channel, but i haven't been able to learn your tricks from that channel yet.
Do you still teach new card tricks on that new channel?
I hope you are well and safe. Thanks again, man.
Mismag? :O I was watching your channel over 7 years ago. Nice to see you're still around on youtube 😃
Sometimes the brain just misfires. I had that happen to me in college to a question I raised my hand to answer... I stumbled and had to admit that I'd just lost the answer I was going to give.
It wasn't embarrassing so much as frustrating.
I get that!
same thing here more than once.
*Her brain misfired because she knew her answer would necessarily be a divisive one. The endless attacks on the very idea of "woke" are nothing more than baseless Right-Wing racist resentments against Black politics, so, of course, she'd have problems being honest about that definition, especially in front of a Black woman. (SMH!)*
@seedsoflove7684 I think she does. She has a whole chapter in the book defining it. Most likely her brain was out to get her in that moment.
It wasn't a mistfire, she just didnt know what the hell she was talkin about.
This reminds me of something that happened years ago. I was in a 3rd round job interview with a fairly large panel almost entirely made up of attorneys. I was fiddling with my pen under the table due to nervous energy and managed to fling it straight up in the air. The damn thing hit me as it fell back down. I froze for a second with no idea what to do before blurting out "well that was unfortunate". As I took a breathe to move on, they all started laughing, and so did I. So relieved. Got the job. Largely great work environment.
Did you get the job?😂
I understand that we took her baseline for the interview, to compare it to later, but I do wonder if she was stressed from the start. Most authors are not accustomed to giving interviews, especially about controversial topics.
Dan Brown (author of The DaVinci Code) was once asked if he was a genius, because he wrote a character who was a genius. Brown said something like, "Yes, but my character said all this off the top of his head. I spent months researching and several drafts to get the wording right."
The point being that authors are accustomed to spending a lot of time organizing their thoughts before committing to them. An interview, unless its scripted beforehand, is off the cuff and may be completely out of their comfort zone.
None of this is to take anything away from Spidey's video, as all his points are still very much valid. Regardless of her level of stress earlier in the interview, it is clearly increased at that point.
I agree with you entirely think she was rather nervous from the start but found bursts of confidence with answers she was comfortable with. And then… chaos. Thanks for the input on this, great point about authors likely preferring more prepared or defined interactions rather than candid ones.
The author subsequently claimed to have been very nervous as she’d overheard the hosts make disparaging remarks beforehand about parents, after which she was on edge expecting to be trapped.
Obviously, there is no way to verify this.
Even her response statement is a written one in her Newsweek column. Not a video response to the video.
Also, the interviewer has a very fast blink rate
Indeed, if she already felt like she was going into the interview on the defensive, then coming up with a satisfying definition for such a loaded term was beyond her abilities on-camera. It's a shame she didn't think to simply state that it was a loaded term and so getting a definition was best left to reading in her book, where all aspects and POVs are explored in-depth.
I froze on providing the answer once in an oral exam (for my masters degree). I kept myself calm and simply repeated the examiner's question back as if I was trying to understand exactly what he asked and it also brought me a few valuable seconds, The answer actually popped into my head as soon as I ended repeating his question.
Mine was defended my doctoral dissertation. One of my readers, whom I did not know very well, asked me a question which I knew we had discussed in his office a couple of weeks prior. As I started to stumble, I realized he was doing me a favor and asking me a question he knew I could answer, to make me look good.
Excellent suggestion!
What you just described is a well known time buying technique with interrogators. I’m not sure if I heard it on this channel or the behavioral panel or both!
Tip #4. I have a few scripts in my head, for an unprepared question. "That's a very good question" is a transparent one that suggests, both "I don't know" and "I can't talk about that." Also, these give me time to formulate a response.
After having had covid badly, my brain went fuzzy. If I panicked, it was worse. I was doing information meetings in german, so played on "forgetting" the word I needed, instead if what I was talking about, or even doing there. Panic and stress not good. Thankfully, the guests were fabulous and tolerant and helpful!! Thanks to them, so very much!!
Love this one!!!! In my profession (personal trainer) I am often asked questions that I can answer quickly, but not necessarily in a manner in which someone with no background of anatomy or exercise physiology can understand. I love that you essentially give us permission to take pause, state why we’re taking pause, sort out the answer in a way a client will understand, then proceed. Very helpful!!!!! Thank you!!!!
Yeah especially in the case of someone like a personal trainer. Odds are your clients are already quite intimidated by you, personal trainers have an amount of self discipline we all want but have a hard time achieving, so seeing that human, even slightly clumsy side of you will do wonders for the rapport you have with your clients 😊
Hehe…oh, they get more than their share of my clumsy!! ☺️😉
Sometimes when there is a brain freeze in a stressful situation (interviews, stage performance, presentations, tests & exams..etc) the more the brain freezes, the more the brain freezes. It just gets worse. I have seen it on set when an actor forgets their lines.
Instead of #5, I prefer to go "I'm so sorry--I didn't catch (all of) that"/"Could you repeat that?" Most people will start the whole question over. Especially if you are on a video call, it's perfectly believable that there was a sound glitch. And, honestly, many times in person there some reason you may not have heard clearly.
Genius!
As someone who struggles with public speaking anxiety on the regular, my heart goes out to this author. I am often confidently presenting then mid speech my brain freaks out without warning. Expertise goes out the window in an instant when you’re stressed. I don’t know what triggered her, but think it’s a great lesson on empathy and our rush to judgement. Appreciate all of your videos, Spidey! ❤
I love how you were able to connect her difficulty to the previous statement she made. Brilliant.
Thanks 😊
I just thought she was hesitant because she really wanted to get it right, because she felt it was important to say something easy to digest, and in as few words as possible for what would probably be the only thing anyone will see and hear or remember from this whole interview. The only thing think she did wrong was not prepare something for this particular question. I am really surprised she hasn't been asked that question before. Probably a FAQ. ❤ U S.
21:58 is where the advice starts
EDIT: The advice is really good! So helpful
I used to teach a class once a week. Every once in awhile I would forget the name of a class member. I knew them very well, but I would go blank. I would say to the class, "I don't know why but when I am up here, sometimes I can't think of my own name." No one was ever offended that I drew a blank on their name.
I work in an inpatient behavioral health facility and these are some absolutely wonderful tips! I recognize that I already utilize a couple of them. I’m so happy that I now have more! So often my clients have a tendency to place staff on an unrealistic pedestal. I find myself verbalizing all of the time that I am there, in front of them, as them. I am a person in long term recovery from dual diagnosis and to be able to make a living helping people find their way to and through early recovery is the beyond my wildest dream. I have became fascinated with the mind and my next goal is to go back to school to become a clinician. I have learned so much from your channel and I just want to thank you for the wisdom and guidance you have provided me with for quite some time now. I hope to never stop learning.
Am i the only one singing "be prepaaaared" from the lion king after this video? 😂
Literally one of my favorite Disney songs ever and it’s been stuck in my head ever since I wrote that tip in editing 😂
Such a great video! I’m a forensic examiner and I get super nervous whenever I have to testify in court no matter how well prepared I am. One of my favorite ways to cope and avoid getting stuck is to only answer what you are being asked about, ‘cause sometimes you feel inclined to give too much detail and add on things that you’re not really being asked about so usually that prompts further questions that you may not know the answer to
I sympathize with her so much. This happens to me almost every time I’m on the spot or talking to people I don’t know. God forbid someone ask for my name, age, or birthday let alone ask for a complicated definition of an abstract concept😅
she wrote a BOOK about "wokeness" - she PROBABLY should be able to define it lolool
Public speaking and writing a book ⚖️... Not exactly the same thing clearly
Don't sympathize with evil ... save that for the good Souls that deserve it.
She is spreading a message of hate... WOKE is HATE of others not like them... what she was able to get out was that they're trying to create a hierarchy of Oppression...
To me that sounds like slavery for those with different opinions than them
That is frightening imo
@@quoudten Her baseline was normal. Don't make excuses for 'woke' person.
@@usagi_t Everyone's baseline is "normal" for them. That's the whole point of a baseline, my guy.
16:58 NAILED IT! Exactly right.
If you're trying to not make it a political issue, when she should have stayed away from a term that is so strongly linked to political ideologies
Thanks man.
Fun fact. The literal top line of the description of her book is “The kids are not alright. The Left is waging an all-out battle on the American family, particularly the youngest members…” 😂 so the moment she said this wasn’t a right vs left issue and she hopes parents from both sides pick up the book she disagreed with herself and I think that’s where her brain started backpedaling
@@TheBehavioralArts So what I think happens here is that the terminology is easy to confuse. What I think she is saying is, "The Woke Left (or extreme left) is waging war on our kids and culture that's not a Democrat or Republican thing." There's a difference between a democrat and a leftist. A traditional democrat doesn't necessarily support the gender, sexuality, and race identity politics, while Leftist do. What she's trying to say is that the gender, sexuality, and race agendas are things that should be bi partisan issues. "The extreme left is hijacking the democrat party on issues we should both agree on." As I type this, I struggle to clearly convey the difference and I can imagine that's what happened to her.
I do this a lot. I'm a tattoo artist and sometimes a client will ask a pertinent question just as I'm using all my skills (physically and mentally) to do something a little tricky. I usually lean into a quick explanation about needing all my attention on what I'm doing right now, and we'll get back to their question in a minute. It seems to work quite well. Being honest about why I need my brain cells somewhere else for a moment always seems like the client is comfortable but you absolutely have to remember to go back to the question so the client doesn't lose confidence in you.
Have you ever read the book "Drawing on the right side of the brain" ? It will explain why you as a practising Artist would find speaking difficult while drawing, you go into a different mode when focusing on drawing or painting. I used to teach art and always asked my students not to talk for the short time I gave them draw a particular subject, asking them to use their left hand if they were right handed, they were always amazed at the results. It takes practice but after a time of adjustment the drawings are 100% better.
Spidey, you know how when we were little we used to wake up Saturday mornings excited to watch cartoons. That's me but with your videos! Haha.
Same 😂
Awwwwn 🤗 ❤️ thanks so much.
My heart really went out to her in this moment. I've definitely been there where someone asked me something important and my brain just disintegrated. It's so brutal to be in that situation in a high pressure setting. I can see why she wanted to try to save face but you're right, it would have been better if she had just said "sorry, I'm having a moment. Can you ask the next question while I try to put together a better answer?" Or something like that
And then, all in all, those are some perfect solutions you offered to avoid these kinds of situations, especially the ones where we humanize ourselves and show we can have these "whoopsy daisy" moments, I think it works like a charm because it releases the pressure from both sides. You turned an awkward viral video into something very useful, and I wasn't expecting anything less. The shift of focus does wonders and you remind us of that every week. Thank you!
Great points
I see your point. However, she she wasn't ready for that into. She really seems uncomfortable at what shes doing. Something is totally distracting her. Maybe also, lacking sleep. Well, she did say it would go viral.
Leaning into human moments is the key to creating rapport in hard situations. Glad you enjoyed it 🤗
@@TheBehavioralArts yes. It was totally interesting especially how you explained exactly what was going on with her. You sure have great observation skill.
I feel like if she paused for a moment and then said:
"Well I am not able to put together a good definition on the spot right now, we actually have a whole chapter about that in our book, so I would recomend you go there and read it." would be an acceptable answer.
and you said something simillar towards the end of the video, nice
That still proves she doesn’t know or understand it fully. But she should. She’s lost all credibility, looks like a fraud, and probably lost sales over it.
@@redfo3009 she wouldn't if she said this. Sometimes you have a complicated topic which you can not reduce into few minutes of talking.
Creating curiosity when stuck is such a great advice Spidey thank you so much
Personally, I find it easier to articulate myself in writing, moreso than verbally. I'm very anxious, and my brain will sometimes go blank even if I know the answer or what to say. I'm in survival mode. I really feel for this girl, and I hope she doesn't let this get in her way!
Same!
Me too. It’s frustrating and embarrassing
Hello, Spidey. I love that with this video you have expanded beyond analysis to include practical advice. I have recently discovered that I am high-masking autistic. I feel that these new options will help me interact with people more confidently, and feel like I can actually recover when I am struggling in a social situation instead of feeling ashamed that I tanked the entire interaction and lost respect. Since discovering my autism I have also found the ability to be much more gentle with myself, and therefore able to focus on the recovery of a situation and not just where I may have "messed up". I find nuance and nonverbal communication fascinating and I really enjoy your videos. Thank you for sharing this with us. ❤
Wow. You really hit the nail on the head with this one. She lost focus for the reason for being on the show. That seems to say it all. Ty for the tips!
I had a very similar situation happen to me about twenty years ago. I was singing In front of an audience and lost my place! I allowed a few notes to go by hoping I would catch up but it was not to be.
I stopped singing, leaned over to my accompanist, and asked her if she wouldn't mind starting over . I then turned to the audience and told them I was sorry, but the words of this song were very important and I was going to start over so they could enjoy the words with me.. 😊 I had several comments later that they appreciated my communication with them and found it appropriate.
It was a win-win!
Beautiful person... that is nothing of the same
You were sharing beauty art and wonderful words with your voice
This woman is spreading hate - she said they are trying to break down Society to create a hierarchy of Oppression...
Hierarchy of Oppression sounds to me like slavery of the people that don't think like them
You're needed wanted and beautiful song words are absolutely nothing like what this woman is going through
She's spreading hate and wrong ideologies and that's exactly why she can't get it out easily
You are definitely the best CZcamsr on this platform. I feel like you're a wise father figure to all of us and you try your best to make us understand the world so we don't judge ourselves and others too harshly 🙏
I loved the magican in trouble 😊! Gosh, how fast you are able to move those cards 😅👌🏻
That was painful to watch.😢 Made me think of when Chase Hugh's talks about your "file manager". The basic foundation question caught her off guard, causing panic/ anxiety. She can't filter through her knowledge because now her anxiety generated more brain freeze. Stress and brain freeze. Fun cycle. I think her knowledge is there, but she couldn't gain access.
Interesting analysis, and the tips were handy!
On the interview - I think her biggest problem was she didn't prepare. She wrote a book on "woke", but can't be bothered to have a quick description at the ready? Even something as simple as what you said would be good - it's an evolving word that has taken on different definitions for different people; for the book, it was viewed as XYZ. She had to know that question would come up.
I know we all have these types of moments, but I find it hard to have sympathy for someone who is just trying to cash in on being horrible.
I felt also that when the interviewer said "I just wanted to make sure we are on the same page" that sent the authors brain into overload mode with immense pressure to form an answer. Hell I have been there and crumbled. We are only human.
Not trying to argue w u, but I felt the interviewer's statement was great. It clarified her intentions. She did NOT want to put her on spot or into a confrontation, but simply have a common starting point. It's meant to be disarming of defensiveness. I use similar phrase frequently, saying "I'm just curious, what is X?"
One of your best videos Spidey and that’s saying something. You show compassion to the speaker who had this viral moment, and you give amazing insight into how to avoid this ourselves. I speak in front of groups all the time and run into the gotcha people all the time, they ask a question they think is going to stump me and when I start to thoughtfully answer their question in detail they always interrupt me with their next gotcha question. When that happens I let them do it, find a sympathetic eye in the crowd, and connect to them with a shrug, clearly they just want their moment and not actually get the answers they say they seek and everyone else knows this at this point. I’ve had others come up to me after the meeting saying I did a really good job even though I was unable to finish a single answer to that persons questions! Haha
Haha i love your way to handle this. Sometimes being just is better than being right. If this person is just there for conflict they’re not even asking to learn they’re asking to fight. Not engaging is the best thing you can do and it seems like you’re doing it brilliantly l!
What are your talks about if you don't mind sharing?
@@hannahmitchell87 Homeowner Association annual meetings. I’m an HOA manager. .
@ProudPapaJD Oh right, we don't have those in the UK to my knowledge
I appreciate tip #3. I'm a very responsibility-driven person. I feel responsibilities very heavily, and everything someone says to me feels like it becomes my responsibility. So it's super helpful that you gave us permission to change a question into something that's a little easier to answer. It takes a huge load off - as opposed to seeing interview questions as rock after rock being added to my backpack.
This is great! Before you gave your input on what caused her to freeze up, I was trying to consider how I would answer without offense, knowing that the definition has changed over time. It can mean different things to different people and I probably would have stammered also! It happens and thank you for your pointers! It helps to be able to laugh at yourself.
Except you aren't promoting the book you wrote on the topic...
She's promoting the weaponized version of the definition and that's why it's so hard for her to explain it without reading the chapter outloud.
It’s a loaded term in mixed company.
@@MR-qf2sm I was thinking that. She may have had the lip compression because she was thinking of the definition that people who believe in what is termed Woke define it and she knows her definition is not the same. She disagrees with what Woke means by those who honestly use it and only knows it by the definition used to weaponize against it.
This is great advice and when I began putting this into practice I found many people relaxed, laughed with me and then I regained my thoughts. ❤ great video!
Spidey this is such a great video that so many people can learn from.
I have CPTSD which as you know is an anxiety/stress disorder. This happens to me all of the time and your tips and advice are greatly appreciated. 😊
Brother, you are amazing. Thank you for taking the time and effort to share your unique perspective in these videos.
bravo!!
My pleasure! Glad you enjoyed it
I felt her angst. She suddenly lost confidence in herself because she had high expectations of her own abilities to express her knowledge...she was overtly fearful of not being able to vocalize her explanation. Doubt is the quickest deflater.
I have always done this!! I think I have ADD because my son does it too and he has ADHD, but if something (a person or a thought) distracts me while I’m on a train of thought, my train just completely derails and sometimes I cannot get my brain back on track. In my 55 years I’ve learned that nerves, anxiety, etc, have a lot to do with this. Although it sometimes happens when I’m not nervous it’s easier to get back on track when my nerves aren’t involved. I stood up in front of a whole church once to tell a story and this happened because I had a sudden unrelated thought that popped in and derailed my thoughts. I wasn’t able to get back on track and gave up, left the podium and felt like a complete idiot never wanting to show my face again. It was horrifying. This began my fear of public speaking lol. I’ve gotten better with age because I learned to go back to the previous words (sometimes I have to ask the listener lol) to pick up the track again. Anyway, having said all that: I think what threw her off track was the interviewer’s adversarial tone and body language. I saw it, I know she saw it and it racheted up the stress and anxiety enough to knock her right off track. I know how she feels 😢
I have to admit blink rate is something I really started paying attention to after I found your channel.
I was very proud of myself for noticing the flutter (which I call a double blink). Thank you so much for always giving us so much detai! .
I think this is a great example as to why we all need to interact with children more. They make us more "human" and organic, and they don't judge in the same way adults do. We can be vulnerable without repercussion around them. I think any experienced teacher could have danced their way through this tongue-tied insecurity with ease.
I often have wordfinding difficulties. Always had, and it got worse while I aged, and my Dad had it too, so I think this is something I was born with. And I can sympathise with her so much! This happens to me a lot. I know how to talk around it. But I always need a second to think before I talk. So I talk with lots of "erm" and "mmh". And there are just situations when I can't say what I want to say. If this happens in an interview which is watched by so many people, this is just a nightmare!
One of the most valuable insights you have given Spidey (IMO).I feel this translates into so many sectors. As someone that works in management I’m often clawing back customers where they’ve encountered an unfortunate situation with a colleague that could have easily been remedied by that team member. More often than not, the fear of being “outed” wins, they panic and go into ‘cat brain’ (Greg Hartley ref ;)
) mode and panic. I’m trying to promote these approaches
you’re discussing more often. If you don’t know the answer; be honest with your customer / client / consumer / guest, and let them know that you have the capabilities to find them the actual answer they want. There are no losers in that game.
This video is a great example of how CZcams's algorithm doesn't have our true best interests at heart. A truly helpful, educational video (not to mention fair-minded, compassionate, and kind video!) like this should be at the top of our viewing suggestions!! I didn't come across it for a long time after you released it. If CZcams could somehow prioritize bringing out the best of humanity, Spidey would probably be the number one CZcams contributer 😄 Thanks for a great video!
Right on time! Looking for a new job after working with my current one for 13 years! Owners are retiring and closing the company..
Oh no 😔! Well, on to bigger and better
@@TheBehavioralArtsthanks!
Savage. What a way to put her on the spot. "We'll give you time..." She knew she was struggling. She clearly didnt say that out of sincerity or to be accommodating. If this was someone who did wrong and had some explaining to do, or something "bad" , I get pressing them...but in life we should really let certain things go and be more empathic for people in these situations.
I feel like when she doesn’t walk us through what her brain is going through like the tips that you mentioned that it makes her look a bit more deceptive. She’s saying that “woke” is a non-partisan issue/topic, but to me it looks like she is only saying it’s non-partisan to try to appeal to a larger audience so they’ll buy her book. Because she can’t define it succinctly or doesn’t let us know what is the trouble she is having, it looks like the answer that is immediately there in her mind goes against what she was saying before (that it is a more one-sided concept, or her default definition is a lot more one-sided). This would be cleared up and feel less deceptive to me if she did follow your tips and not give resume statements without appealing for understanding and letting us know how complicated/convoluted the question might be in her mind.
I’m ADHD so my brain often goes off on walkabouts, and, even before I knew I was ADHD, I’ve never been afraid to be upfront and make a joke out of it. It happens to all of us, just more often to someone like me. 🤷♀️ 😆
Hey! I go on walk about, too! I generally call them squirrels now because of the movie "Up."
I love your tips! A good refresher for me both as an interviewer and interviewee. I love it that you put into context about being self aware as an interviewer if someone asks for clarification. But, I can completely see how all 6 of these can be used when you’re the one asking the questions. Awesome episode!
Thank you for analyzing the interviewer and then giving such great tips we can all use if we find ourselves in this situation!
Saving this for reference! I have general anxiety disorder, add, etc. I struggle sometimes in the professional setting. Thank you for this.❤
I just felt so bad for her!!! It’s my worst fear.
Taking viral moments like this and breaking down the body analysis making them much more curated and beneficial is genius spidey!
I had a time finding this video. There's something definitely in the algorithm. At any rate, this. All of this. Thank you!
*Very informative vid! Your point about the reason she messed up is that she knew her answer would necessarily be a divisive one is true.*
*The attack on the very idea of "woke" is nothing more than baseless Right-Wing racist resentments against Black politics, so, of course, she'd have problems being honest about that definition, especially in front of a Black woman.*
Bingo.
Patti Smith when singing in the Nobel prize lost words of the song and the way she shared this moment was so human and honest and got a huge applause.
All I can usually do, is say “I don’t know. My mind’s gone blank,” but in that moment I’m so amazed by my mind going blank. Like I have all the details, but just one word or question from someone, and it’s gone. I start smiling, feel happy and amazed. Everyone is so accepting and accommodating.
I wonder if I’m empathically connecting with their blankness, blanking me out. I’ll figure it out one day.
Who could forget the awkward cringe answer from "Miss Teen USA 2007 South Carolina"? Poor girl!!! I felt so bad for her. I appreciate all the work that goes into your channel. I learn so much from you and the content is truly fascinating! Thank you, Spidey.
28:00 they are not just looking for a job, they are looking for a career
Beautifully stated
These are some great tips! Sometimes we get so stuck in the way we want to present ourselves, we forget that the best solution can be the simplest, like referring to your actual experience in the moment. This definitely requires some self awareness, but it's magical how it closes the gap between you and another human being. Or you and yourself actually, when you don't want to face the hard truth of being imperfect.
I came here from your community post and you were right, thanks for the heads up
I absolutely love how you added the card trick to aide with your lesson! I will probably never forget that now! Lean into the problem your having, not away from it ❤
🤗 thanks! Glad it will help you remember that tip.
Love you Spidey! Thank you for always elaborating effectively on your analysis, the more videos I watch the more I feel I can preempt what you’re going to say and all that tells me is that I’m learning from you! So thanks again ❤
Loved the card magic illustration 🥇
@TheBehavioralArts you're so amazing! Incredibly skilled AND compassionate in your analysis. I never even gave this woman a second thought back when this happened... because on its face, I found her "anti-woke" message objectionable. Thanks for connecting her flub to her anxiety and a brain freeze in trying to reformulate the "woke" definition to something non-political. However, at the same time, I also recognize that it wouldn't have been necessary for her to reframe the definition if her true belief/definition of "woke" wasn't anti-liberal, which kinda validates my original position. In any case, thanks for always helping me tune in the non-verbal. It really helps me to be more thoughtful and step into the experiences of others. You are providing a valuable public service.
I think she explained the “woke” mentality perfectly.
Seems to me she summed up the anti-woke mentality perfectly.
Spidey, I LOVE the tips portion added into this. Fabulous!! Keep up the awesomeness!!
It's what her definition is... "to create a hierarchy of oppression".
23:08 EXACTLY what I was thinking from the start of the video. I often struggle to define something, even stuff I know well. I overthink it and how much I should explain. Or HOW it should be explained. (I have kids who ask questions 😅) I often have to just laugh at myself, tell people I suck at explaining, but that I absolutely know what it means 😂 Then I might come up with an answer, although not the perfect one.
I wish she would have done that. It might not have become a disaster like this. Instead she takes herself too serious and proud.
I reacted exactly like her when I was in the middle of my research and someone asked me a question about a particular detail I had spent months and months reading and writing about. I had so much information readily available in my brain, that I was not able to summarise it in a comprehensible way. And my brain froze. Only after spending time on preparing presentations, and talking about my research over and over again, was I able to summarise verbally what I knew in an intelligible way.
Memorizing facts and truly understanding what you're reading plays a huge part in explaining concepts with confidence.
Since early childhood I have made a practice of never studying for an exam within 24 hours of the start. Instead relax and get a good night's sleep. I usually outperformed.
I have an interview on Monday, so this couldn't have come at a better time.
Best of luck!
Somewhat related.
I'm a recruiter and whenever I've been prepping candidates for interviews, I tell them to first buy time to think. This can get you 5-7 seconds: "You know" "That is a great question." Then the answer.
If, at the end of that time, you still don't have a good answer, own it. People are more forgiving of you admitting you forgot something, just went blank, or don't know something than they are of you stumbling around and giving a bad answer in the end anyway.
"You know" "That is a great question." "And I knew the answer until about one second before you asked me."
This admission should be something the interviewer has experienced at some point. It will also show the interviewer that you will take responsibility for any of your failings. If the interviewer is worth anything, they will recognize that being able to recover from a mistake is just as important as not making the mistake. (Plus not getting flustered when making a mistake.)
You are one of my top five CZcamsrs. So glad you decided to do this work.
Saw your community post so I’m here giving this video some love❤
Thank you for making these videos so simple and your explanation is so good. I always get so excited when I see you’ve made a new video
Okay, I TOTALLY understand how this can happen!!!
A similar thing happened to me when I was writing my medical board exams, and now I realize I got by with the “the pratfall effect.” The moment the question was asked, I drew a blank and said, “oh gosh - I’m completely drawing a blank. If you can give me a moment I’ll draw it out.” My drawing was horrible and the examiner burst out laughing LOL Like, so loud my classmate in the next examining room could hear him LOL 😂 I guess I broke the tension in the room 🙆♀️
That’s pretty cool that there’s research behind that phenomenon. I’d never heard of the pratfall effect. Now when people call me “slap stick,” I’m gonna tell them it’s the pratfall effect! 😜 I always learn so much when I watch your videos. Thanks Spidey! Great video! ❤️
Watched because of your community post and so glad I did!❤
I read the comment on the chapter in the book to be another way of emphasizing that it couldn't be explained in a short soundbite, along the lines of "this is so complicated we needed an entire CHAPTER to sort it out, so it's impossible to give a quick answer to that question".
This is gold! Really liked this video!
btw I've been working in various call centers as tech support, and btw it's a shit job that barely pays, but I found that psychology is number 1 most important when talking to people. Seems obvious but apparently not to the companies you work for.
One of the things I would do when I sometimes fall asleep during them talking is I would just divert their attention elsewhere or to something we talked about earlier and try to make them think that they were not following me instead of me not following them. It usually never fails cause it makes them ask the question again when I'm awake 🤣🤣🤣
Those are powerful communication tips! A lot of new insights, thank you, Spidey!
Admitting your weak moment was smth, that instinctively came to my mind, and the rest of them are super impactful!
Well done. Great analysis and respect towards the person being analyzed.
I've bookmarked this video because the tips are excellent. As was your analysis of Drew Barrymore. I was surprised at the end, though, when you said that "mentalists" are 100% performing trickery. I don't know if you just meant magic tricks or all esp, but there really is such a thing as esp. I took care of my mother who had dementia for 13 years. As her dementia progressed her psychic abilities became more pronounced. She amazed me time and time again. I'd be reading a book or reading something on the computer across the room from her and she'd tell me the next sentence or the sentence I was on. Over and over. Or I'd be thinking something and she'd tell me exactly what I'd been thinking. She knew who was at our house, visiting my fiance in the garage, when I didn't even know they were there. I could go on, but it was no parlor trick. She had dementia and was confined to her recliner.
I look forward to your videos. This was a great one! ❤Thank you!
This is such great advice! Thank you so much for using this moment to help your audience gain more skills for tackling awkward social situations.
You do such a great job communicating new ideas with context and helpful hints. I love it!
You really are so fabulous at this. Thank you for sharing your skills with us. And your kindness.
That card trick segment was awesome 😂
Thanks 😊
Didn't see that segment coming, but the segue and card tricks execution were flawless. Turns out Spidey is also a solid actor, because I was convinced he actually botched the card trick, too. Then, how he tied it all into his body language and behavioral analysis teachings was extremely clever.
I enjoy your videos so much. I always learn a lot! Definitely one of my favorites!
You totally channelled Rodney Dangerfield there for a second! (During self-soothing demonstration)
Thanks - your tips were very helpful. I've been in live interviews, and it's extremely stressful when you know that you're being recorded. Over the years, I've learned to do what you mention about humanizing your discomfort/embarrassment etc. We've all had embarrassing moments! During a job interview, even when I'm very nervous -- yes, you must "over-prepare" -- I learned that if the prospective employer *likes* you, they'll kind of overlook any skill deficits if they see you as a good fit for their team. So, I let my personality come through, and inject a sense of humor, while also staying professional. Skills can be taught; character and disposition, not so much.
People skills are everything!!!
Even though I wasn't looking forward to this video, it ended up being really fascinating! Thank you!