Thanks for the kinds words and I'm glad it connected with you. Cancer, even with all the love and support in the world, is still a solo adventure. It can be lonely.
I did some of the mistakes described in this video, always wanting to confort the other in need, but doing it badly. - I also wanted to add that some of these are a little bit subjective, for instance, If someone who is not all that religious offers to "pray" for you, I think its bad, but If someone who is rly religious and rly belives that god may help, I think is not as bad. - I think when ppl try to minimize the problem, they usually understand that the problem is big but they want you to be as happier/strong as possible with the time left to live - I love the part where you said, to be specific with your help, because at least in my mind when ppl say "if u need anything just ask" they usually dont mean it. I just wanted to add that this probably apply to everything not just people with Cancer, Great video.
Thanks! And, yes, lots of minimizing from others, and even the person who has cancer is prone to do it. There is definitely pressure from both sides to make it seem less serious to kind of keep the mood light and happy. But I think that's a mistake as it creates cognitive dissonance in the person with cancer when the words out of their mouth betray the reality they know inside. That's going to wear you out and you'll express that conflict in weird ways, like unspecified anger and lashing out.
I'm sorry to here this. Your information is great though. God bless you if you believe in God and I wish you the very best just another person going through cancer also take care.
Also I agree with your do's and don'ts I have experience the same but different cancer none of it is good there's nothing good to be said about it and I encounter mostly friends and family which includes everybody I guess they minimize it or they go as far as to totally ignore it when you tell them and change the subject my feeling is they don't know what they're talking about until they walked in your shoes
I wish more people knew that all you need to to do is confirm what they are going though. That's it. It makes me happy when my friends just say "that sucks", or "sorry to hear that", or "wow that is really bad news". Because it's true and I feel better knowing they get it.
Commonsense with great hair. I am battling my metastatic melanoma which has spread across my neck & face and I bite back on thoughts and prayers. Cheers clay
Literally this past weekend, we heard (i) "oh, you'll need scans every three months? That just means you need to stay on top of it then!" - i.e., minimize; and then (ii) "hey, gene therapy can help!"
Hah! You got tag teamed by the "helper squad". I was smothered by some very caring friends who asked every day, how I was doing. I had to tell them to stop. It's a tough line to draw because you're telling them they care too much. Which sounds kind of mean. But they both got what I was saying and now only ask occasionally.
@@claybutler Yup! Also heard "Stop Googling!" - that's VERY annoying and insults my intelligence! I've read like 20 peer reviewed studies about this disease to educate myself. Why would I not do that? GAH!
@@circleandbloom I actually support "don't google your cancer" in the very beginning. It's like drinking out of a firehouse and much of the information is out of date or irrelevant to you situation. So I recommend to first only focus on your medical care team. Get situated and get a plan of action. Then, a month or so later, do the deep dive in to PubMed and the NIH. I googled ocular melanoma right away and it was a mistake as the official position of 50% chance of metastization, high mortality, usually dead in two years, and no know treatment or cure. This just freaks you out because in a vacuum of information, you literally think there's a 50/50 hace you'll be dead in two years or less. But that's not how this works at all.
I cried through this! You have hit everything that has happened to me! You are so on point and everyone needs to hear this!
Thanks for the kinds words and I'm glad it connected with you. Cancer, even with all the love and support in the world, is still a solo adventure. It can be lonely.
All the things i wanted to say without being able to ....thanks for speaking out for us .
You're welcome!
I did some of the mistakes described in this video, always wanting to confort the other in need, but doing it badly.
- I also wanted to add that some of these are a little bit subjective, for instance, If someone who is not all that religious offers to "pray" for you, I think its bad, but If someone who is rly religious and rly belives that god may help, I think is not as bad.
- I think when ppl try to minimize the problem, they usually understand that the problem is big but they want you to be as happier/strong as possible with the time left to live
- I love the part where you said, to be specific with your help, because at least in my mind when ppl say "if u need anything just ask" they usually dont mean it.
I just wanted to add that this probably apply to everything not just people with Cancer, Great video.
Thank you Clay! This is amazing. So much minimizing going on.
Thanks! And, yes, lots of minimizing from others, and even the person who has cancer is prone to do it. There is definitely pressure from both sides to make it seem less serious to kind of keep the mood light and happy. But I think that's a mistake as it creates cognitive dissonance in the person with cancer when the words out of their mouth betray the reality they know inside. That's going to wear you out and you'll express that conflict in weird ways, like unspecified anger and lashing out.
Wonderful video, probably the best out there about this, thanks for your work sir
Thank you very much for your videos.
Really helpful. Thank you very much.
You're welcome!
I'm sorry to here this. Your information is great though. God bless you if you believe in God and I wish you the very best just another person going through cancer also take care.
Also I agree with your do's and don'ts I have experience the same but different cancer none of it is good there's nothing good to be said about it and I encounter mostly friends and family which includes everybody I guess they minimize it or they go as far as to totally ignore it when you tell them and change the subject my feeling is they don't know what they're talking about until they walked in your shoes
I wish more people knew that all you need to to do is confirm what they are going though. That's it. It makes me happy when my friends just say "that sucks", or "sorry to hear that", or "wow that is really bad news". Because it's true and I feel better knowing they get it.
Commonsense with great hair. I am battling my metastatic melanoma which has spread across my neck & face and I bite back on thoughts and prayers. Cheers clay
Literally this past weekend, we heard (i) "oh, you'll need scans every three months? That just means you need to stay on top of it then!" - i.e., minimize; and then (ii) "hey, gene therapy can help!"
Hah! You got tag teamed by the "helper squad". I was smothered by some very caring friends who asked every day, how I was doing. I had to tell them to stop. It's a tough line to draw because you're telling them they care too much. Which sounds kind of mean. But they both got what I was saying and now only ask occasionally.
@@claybutler Yup! Also heard "Stop Googling!" - that's VERY annoying and insults my intelligence! I've read like 20 peer reviewed studies about this disease to educate myself. Why would I not do that? GAH!
@@circleandbloom I actually support "don't google your cancer" in the very beginning. It's like drinking out of a firehouse and much of the information is out of date or irrelevant to you situation.
So I recommend to first only focus on your medical care team. Get situated and get a plan of action. Then, a month or so later, do the deep dive in to PubMed and the NIH.
I googled ocular melanoma right away and it was a mistake as the official position of 50% chance of metastization, high mortality, usually dead in two years, and no know treatment or cure.
This just freaks you out because in a vacuum of information, you literally think there's a 50/50 hace you'll be dead in two years or less. But that's not how this works at all.