Isolophilia: Healthy Love of Solitude (Solophilia)
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- čas přidán 4. 05. 2024
- Solophile better than isolophile. Differences between isolophile, schizoid, introverted, socially anxious, avoidant, depressive, and shy.
People too dumb, dishonest and high-maintenance. But choosing the Unabomber option - hermitlike monkish seclusion - is not isolophilia. It is a respite.
Isolophiles are not schizoid and a few are asexual: they crave solitude, they most enjoy their own company, and are happiest when engaged in solitary activities. But, society regards them as weirdos.
Well-meaning people attempt to impose on them companionship and group activities. Some isolophiles react aggressively to such incursions. They become misanthropic, cantankerous, ornery, offensive, haughty, and defensive.
This is a dysfunctional behavioral strategy of driving everyone away and securing the aloneness the isolophile needs in order to thrive.
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Some people deprive you of solitude without providing you with company. Most, in my opinion.
Well put.
True. They provide fake company to find out your weaknesses; they need meat to eat, bread to spread the information always with a devaluation mode.
Ooh!! This!! Can I use this quote?? It’s perfect.
@blackeneddove Yes, its not mine. Im repeating what I heard somewhere.
The definition of marriage.
People empty me. I have to get away to refill.
Charles Bukowski
Hallelujah! I concur like, our Holy sunshine!
I absolutely love being alone. And I think it's a gift.
Yes! Thank you for your brutal honesty! Most people are dumb, dishonest , and narcissistic. Being alone is just simpler, more productive, and devoid of unnecessary drama.
I agree with that. Find it so depressing being around such people - my interactions are limited to those that are absolutely necessary. Nature, animals, books, music bring more joy than 95% of people
I adore my own company. I've had a lot of trauma in my life through other people, not life's difficulties.
I don't respect many people these days.
I am very happy spending time on my own, I love doing what I want to do without interference or compromise anymore. I live a blissful life.
Yep. Allergic to BS 🤣
Agreed 💯
I just love a good library ❤
I love my solitude. It is where I find the most peace.
I’ve been a loner since I was kid. I always found peace in solitude
We are surrounded by egomaniac. They cannot comprehend being alone with Noone to feed their ego.
I can't deal with small talk anymore. Rather stay home and listen to this kind of content 😂
lol absolutely
I so agree that’s why I don’t go to hair and nail salons …sorry but what school someones kid goes to or how’s Aunt Blah is sooooo boring
@@Shellbee22 haha yes although at least you get something out of it. It's the air fryer conversations that make me want to implode 😬
From a very young age, I was happy playing with my toys by myself and to this day continue to enjoy time alone. I don't feel the need to be engaging with others continuously, it wears me out actually. I recharge in solitude, feel at my best in that peaceful place.
As a kid i used to do writing, creating my own world, build my own toy cities and spend hours engineering my world. Now at 37 i am disappointed by the people and real world and i still don't need much of entertainment still. I m bored sometimes but i feel more empowered by myself
Yep, you just described my life. Had absolutely no interest in playing with other kids. Sometimes I did, but not for too long. I have so many interests, I’m happiest when alone and in my own creative world. I’m exhausted after socialising, so I keep it to a minimum. People complicate life.
Alone; not lonely.
I love being alone. I love peace, quiet, calm, and my own company.
The description describes me perfectly. The most mentally healthy i have ever felt was during the pandemic. The streets, neighborhood everything felt like heaven. The calm and the peace, the break from choas, it was my idea of an ideal world. I enjoyed the lockdown and quarantine the most. There was none to disturb me. Everything was online and at home. I just wished the lockdowns would just stay forever.
While i dont think that being locked down forever is a good thing, because it suggests that it would be happening with the intent to deprive us of our rights. However, the pandemic was a time i thoroughly enjoyed the lockdown be ause i could be home painting hundreds of paintings without any guilt that i should be out there doing responsable things required by society.
I enjoyed the lock down empty streets......
Solophilia... I like it. So many people make negative assumptions about the choice to spend time alone.
It's because they can't spend time by themselves without feeling lonely; they're projecting their insecurities onto others.
@@bscott465 isn't it wonderful when Sam breaks down the "bad object and their introjects" 😂
It’s ok to have more than one word that means the same thing. Think of a thesaurus.
I'm not depressed. At 43 yrs old I feel that my decision the majority of time by myself is healthy and I am looking forward to listening to this video.Thank you
@@JodiSamurai I'm right there with you
Same
Same❤
same
Me too. I’m an introspective person and introspection is easier when one is alone. I never knew I’d like loneliness until Covid. Quite ironic. lol I was a social butterfly but during Covid, I realized I had been stretching myself quite thin.
Solophilia should be the new word... I'm solo and love it.
I do isolate but do like the company of certain individuals sometimes.
But I'm always solo...
❤
Me too 😀❤
Me three!
Same!😊
I haven't watched TV for the last 17 years, but I really love books, audiobooks and classical music.Long walks by the ocean simply transform me.Wonderful trips to the museum and the pleasure of looking at paintings.
It’s all about me!!!LOVE to be alone and with my cat.♥️🐈⬛👍
this sounds lovely. thank you for sharing.
Yess!! This 🫶🏽😎🙏🏽
Same
That's me, but with two cats!
I love my solitude. I’m a very unique and self-contained human being who has built a perfect world of solitude for themselves. When I go in the world often it’s just too disappointing for what I think humans can actually be. I don’t like to see the trash along the roads on the streets. And I don’t like being in the shit storm of psychic trash in crowded places.I love my solitude where I can grow organic food and create art. In ponder, peace and spirituality.
Finally, someone gets it!
Thank you so much for this video! Throughout my life so many people have labeled me as "weird" or "depressed" because I like to spend time by myself. At a certain point, you start to believe them and question yourself even when you know you are doing what feels right for you. One thing those people don't realize, and will never realize, is that I think they are just as weird as they think that I am.
Thank you Dr. Sam for giving me this validation of my life choices. I’ve had to work with people throughout my career as a teacher, but my truly loved time has been when I could play the piano for hours, or read a book from cover to cover, or work in the dirt of my gardens or create with my sewing machine. Luckily my family is comprised of others like me and we have always given each other space and time alone to recharge. I’m glad that it’s okay for me to continue to be a weirdo lol
After dealing with an ex BPD/covert narcissist wife of a 24yr relationship, schizophrenic brother, another brother who was a sociopath and a clinically depressed mother and a severe past traumatic incident as a child, i have come to realize, i am my own best friend and don't have much patience for people's bs. I feel like we are all monkeys (i am one as well) but after everything, i feel i can read people really well. This video confirms it! Thank you!
Please look into the Natural Law, and Practical Reasoning. You can also read Aristotle’s Ethics and De Anima. It isn’t a virtue to be able to “read” people… it’s just not important. You can tell after a couple sentences or just by looking at a person that they aren’t fit for communicating with. That isn’t even a skill, it’s innate in everyone, part of the faculty of prudential judgment. You obviously deserve better in life than what you’ve had, so go and get the literature. Form your own mind.
You are not a monkey. You're a soul.
You described my life and my family. You are absolutely right except that monkeys are better than us.
I love being alone, it makes me happy and gives me peace
You have it exact, Dr Vaknin. I’ve always been self-competitive. Was an only child till my mother remarried a chap with three kids which drove me up the walls! 😊 I now live live solo where I can pursue my interests uninterrupted and in peace. People are sometimes surprised that I can go to a party and socialize just as easily as anyone else. Happily isolophilic.
Thx, God, finally an expert in psychology confirms this. As a person who was accused as mentally unhealthy for loving healthy solitude (I was upbrought in a very loud big family), I thank you so much. I hope this topic can be published in psychology journals and articles, not only in youtube.
I withdraw myself exactly because in a group of people I feel everytime they are not my cup of tea
33 now, found this way of life naturally at 22. Best decision ive ever made towards a lifestyle choice.
This made my day and in absolute wonderful timing. I have been like this for 13 years and prefer the garden and the wildlife vs being around 99% humans. Likened to Byron’s Poem saying I love man not the less
Nature more
Truth is I like my own company best - too much social contact I find draining Thanks Sam
Me too. I find being surrounded by the hustle and bustle and bullshit of ‘normal’ life so draining.
I like people but in tiny doses and in situations where I can leave and return to my peace and creativity pretty quickly 😊
Thank you for this video. I'm autistic with ADhd and can very much relate to this. I'm very stimulated by my own thinking and find growth in my own company.
Although i do feel like socializing sometimes, it's often not worth the after-effects that come with it, or the extra expenditure of energy that i have to put into it.
I feel exactly the same as you brother
Thank you for confirming my feelings. This knowledge I feel will help me going forward. You’ve helped someone today.
@@modricist Thank you, I'm glad my words helped to identify something within yourself. Best of luck out there!
Aaaah. Will send this to my two adult children still living with me in my two bedroom flat who wonder why I am grumpy. It’s not that they are there, it’s that I don’t have the time alone I crave and have waited for thanks to inflation and tertiary education. Our parents had their solo time when children turned eighteen. Now we have to wait until they are thirty. No wonder we are all grumpy.
The economy is so rough now. I hope the youngsters are saving up to launch themselves.
My sister is in your situation right now. Her heart sinks when she gets home from work and sees the kids’ cars in the driveway.
I have always loved being alone and am most happy in my own company. I am never lonely and infact, the only time I ever felt loneliness was when i was married.
Hi there, Sam! I am so blessed to find your incredible work! I had to leave everything I loved and owned to get free from my husband that spent every waking moment creating ways to destroy me. I never thought this could be possible? The pure evil & the way he broke me down over 25 years. It has been 2 years now since absolute no contact and I am finally rising up again. There’s no closer. I spend my days mostly alone because I don’t want to be compromised like that again. But, your genius perspective has actually given me hope & some comfort. I am sure you help more people than you realize! Please keep up the amazing insights! I get everything you say and I am forever grateful ❤ (you inspire me to help others)
I’m so glad you escaped. I did too. 🌺
Oh, thank you ever so much Prof. Vaknin for providing me with a name for my condition! I write this seated in front of an unlikely house in a glade in the woods somewhere in Western Europe that came into my possession long ago through a no less unlikely succession of synchronicities, where I spend the better part of the year in complete solitude, reading, painting, hiking and occasionally watching a Sam Vaknin video. Whenever I cross some of the locals who I mostly have no idea who they are in spite of them knowing me they generally give me a friendly smile and we exchange a few pleasant words. I am a grandmother and I try not to neglect my family altogether but they know I don’t want to be called and they generally respect that. Yes, solophilia is the perfect term for me to use to shut people up in case they ask me! I’d also like you to know that I enjoy your scathing humor and wicked chuckles enormously, they are so infectious!!!
How wonderful! I enjoyed your enjoyment and peace that came across in your writing.
Apart from the learning, I just love that wicked laugh 😂
"The vast majority of people are as dumb as nails in a burried coffin" 😂
Unfortunately Dr Vaknin, you nailed it... I can't say I like solitude 100% of the time, but pretty close, and not for lack of trying to "socialize". Most of the time I end up realizing that I'd feel better and more at peace in solitude than with people, because of the inability to have truly enriching interactions. I feel that I have been drained from my energy by often fruitless/one sided/demonstrative/repetitive discussions.
I consider myself a sociable loner. Socialize a little bit ....but mostly thrive being alone😊
@@PeacefulPeregrineFalcon-go2ld Same here!
Thanks to know the name of my condition!!! Yes, it's a choice, an enjoyable choice, better my own company, people are brutal, want to drag you in their problems and misery. Still, I need to work, so I should interact with people, but I try just minimum interactions, I'm happy with this way of live, never being boring with myself, and waiting to be retired to go to live away from society as much possible.😊😊
Since I have left him, it’s really a lonely feeling, but I am learning a lot.
Every time I start feeling the pain of being hurt by him, I immediately start watching Prof Sam video.
It bring me back to see the reality.
Keep up the good work. It is very difficult. And I also agree, Prof. Vaknin helps keep us on the road to recovery. We would be lost in ignorance without him sharing his wealth of knowledge.
I prefer your word SOLOPHILIA much more than isolophilia,
as I definitely love my solitude.
I am an Isolophile! Yay, I've got a label. I always wondered if there were mental health issues involved in my choice of solitude. Thanks Sam - you are my hero.
Thank you so much for such a great insight.
I have been living like this for long enough that everybody is saying it is 'wrong'
But I don't believe so, I have always been way more comfortable being alone.
I go to solo dates, solo trips.
I do everything alone but I'm never lonely.
Once again, your videos works as a reminder that clarify alot.
Thank you again, professor.
I think liking your own company is healthy. If you’re always having to run around and do things, you’re chasing distractions and things, not peace.
I enjoy spending time alone.You can regenerate and give quality to people when you reconnect.
This is so good! Wow there’s a name for me now. I do notice I get upset when I’m pushed too far and need my space, I start acting mean to push others away. I know it’s wrong but I feel suffocated if I keep putting myself out there for others to steal my energy. 🤷♀️ I do know I need to learn how to communicate that better so I don’t have to react & act out just to get away and be alone.
Thank you for this clarification, Prof.Vaknin. In other ways, solitude is a choice which is based on healthy emotional regulation, curiosity and creative endeavours that can be a precondition for sane ways of relating.
I moved from California to Arizona just before the Covid lockdown in order to be near my son who has rescued 7 unwanted horses. I live in a town in the Arizona mountains and I fully expected to find women friends my age, I am a fairly youthful old woman. I am now in my 5th year here in Arizona and I have tried being friends with 4 different senior women. After getting to know each of them I realized that they were all Narcissists. I went online looking for information about these odd women and I found Sam Vaknin, for which I am very grateful. I really need advice about going no contact, it seems like such an extreme thing to do, and I wouldn’t have thought of it on my own.
I moved fm CA decades ago, I’m definitely a solopheliaist(?), to AZ and frankly the people here still just seem odd to me.catatonic like.
It’s not you.
@@patriciamoore51 Hmmmmm. I am grateful for that feedback. I really enjoy my own company and I have a dog and a cat that provide me with love and company 24/7/365.
I moved back to Hawaii after being gone 40 years and live a primitive lifestyle in a rural community on a live volcano. My finances are limited but i absolutely love the physical beauty and the QUIET where I live. I've been here a year and a half, just turned 75, spend a lot of time alone and am healthier and happier than I can remember.
But like you I've befriended a couple of women but one wasn't looking for a woman friend and the other took my personal stories and told them as her own! It would be nice to make some friends at this stage of life...but I'm grateful I enjoy my own company.
It’s important to set boundaries. I have to keep relearning this. A horse rescue sounds like an ideal situation. The company of horses is so wonderful. I hope you can find others with that interest. Horses keep you honest for sure. They read people well.
Wow, I'm feeling that I'm more mentally healthy by the week listening to these explanations. I have adored solitude and my own company since I was a young child and always revelled in self education. I can move between that and socialising with no problem, but hate people pushing my boundaries. I've had all the problems mentioned from society and individuals. At the beginning of relationships I've explained how I need a certain amount of solitude to be fully content. Unfortunately partners either didn't understand that,
or they made sure I didn't achieve it. No prizes for guessing which type of person was in the latter category 😂
Thank you so much for this.
Love being alone, love being at peace, love the natural world. I am truly happy in my party of one. Thank you so much for this.
I’m glad you brought up the asexual aspect of isolophilia. My friends know I’m alone, but not lonely. They always tell me, “You’ll find a good mate one day.”
I say, “I hope not!”
Isolophilia doesn’t include other ppl. I don’t mind going to work, interacting with others, or being in public places, but my home life is so serene I can’t imagine bringing another person into it. Serenity would be destroyed - no matter how awesome the person would be. 😊
The way I've always considered this (particularly from my perspective with ASD) is like being a blind person living with a family that enjoys playing a game of throwing and catching a ball. They casually toss the ball to each other, and inevitably, someone throws the ball to you. Since you're blind, you don't catch the ball and it hits your face. You ask them to stop, but every day they continue throwing the ball at your face. You become less polite and begin to feel resentment. Even though your reaction is justified, they don't recognize your blindness and might simply say, "It's just a game," while starting to judge you for not participating.
Omg thank you for this explanation!! I haven't had the words to describe my mental blindness to social situations, and I feel a great shouting inside after reading this "yes!yes!yes!" Thank you thank you thank you!
Makes me grateful for my creative, highly intelligent, understanding, and accepting friends. We love our together time AND our alone time.
Thank you for finally helping me to explain to others that Solophilia - not too late to adopt your term for it, Prof. Vaknin - is perfectly healthy, and a preferred way of life. I was an ‘only child’ (lucky me) and preferred my own entertainment to being bullied by other children (and their parents). Neighbourhood children would knock on our door early on Sunday mornings (when my parents and I were having a lie-in) and shout at me to come to Sunday School, or risk going to Hell because I didn’t believe in God.
As an adult, friends would ring and invite me to things because they said it would ‘be good’ for me. (NO! - the opposite.)
I’ve lived in all sorts of situations (shared houses, nuclear family, alone, and in Buddhist monasteries) both in cities and in ‘remote’ areas, and finally believe I’ve hit the sweet spot in a small country town. People are friendly but not intrusive, and I can have a handful of friends who
respect my Solophilia. (Maybe that’s because they choose to live alone too.) They understand those periods when I turn off my phone, and aren’t offended when I post a Do Not Disturb sign on my door. I call these days my Pyjama Days.
I like solophilia better too !
I sounds more like, your choice.
As a person who loves my own time and space
solo, it makes me smile. 😁
I buy a lot of groceries at once so I don't have to leave the house that often. Always packin. Trust nobody.
I can relate, I may not have a scrap of food in the house but it's a question of how hungry I am before I go out. If I'm not up for dealing with people I'll choose hunger over even a 90 second small talk at the supermarket checkout. I only leave my home to buy food I go directly to the store then straight back home again and don't leave until I need groceries again.
My tribe!! Even though I don't want one. Lol.. I buy 3 or 4 of everything so I won't have to go to the store unless I have to. I'm growing my garden for veggies and I have chickens now too. I'm learning to become self sufficient. Emphasis on self.
Omgosh, here it is!! Thank you Mr. Sam. My soul has been craving this lifestyle as long as I've been alive! You have no idea the relief this gives me. I'm not crazy, I'm in fact very normal to be having these desires that would never leave me. You are talking about me and Im so very happy! At 63 yrs old I'm just now hearing about this lifestyle. If I had known earlier, my life would have been so very happy. I would have been in my element alone in the woods by my beautiful trees keeping me company. My heart aches for this kind of life. I love solitude and my own company! I always thought I must have been very introverted, but that didn't really fit me. I knew I was not depressed either. I just want my own space, and to be left alone by myself. That's all I crave.
Peace 😊 yes, people are draining. Not all. Peaceful people with inner joy are just fine. I hate hearing cars racing across a city in the morning around 7-8am. Makes me want to pull a cover over my head and sleep it away. I love the night time when the world is asleep. That energizes me and fires me up (ok, i realize it's not the world, just my timezone 😊).
Solitude is a virtue a mere blessing to bestow upon oneself.
When alone, I don't tend to think about interacting with people. It may very well be that listening to people speak in videos satistes this, but I also just get caught up in whatever task I'm working on or the information being presented, which I find interesting. Of course, there is also the fact that the Dark personality traits are common enough today that people would rather be alone as you brought up. This surely has played a role in many men going their own way.
Love when I’m alone. People give me a headache when I’m around them for too long. I am an introvert so the best company for me is Me.
A very interesting and helpful explanation of this new term. I was always made to feel guilt or a kind of shame for preferring to be alone than with other people and only lately have I realised that this is in accord with my innate nature and I can really enjoy the company of myself and even more interestingly be highly self stimulated
He’s always having so much fun. I love it 🥰
I am so happy to learn that there is a label for my personality type. Thank you so much💯
This is fantastic information and very helpful in identifying the differences.
Year to year surthriving at being alone, continues to both improve and sustain lives with favorable, powerful outcomes, like nothing else possibly can, could or ever will, it’s so simple, no excuses, zero issues, be your true self, truth is in silence, truth is in solitude PERIOD.
Professor Vaknin: THANK YOU so very much for this!!! I have tried to explain this to others in regard to myself. All my hobbies do not include interaction with others. If I do not get my solitude requirements met, I can feel it coming on like one feels a cold coming on. You have perfectly described me and situations I have experienced. Thank you 100X.
Thank you for standing against the story thrown around by most. I find my solitude very comforting and even enjoyable. For 29 years I was a caregiver full time with a respite that might come every 2 years for a week or two.
When tragedy struck (multiple times) I craved socialization but my circumstances were so terrible that I found myself being the “project” and even if I worked very hard to not bring up the tragedy, they would.
Then I would be instructed to “lean on God”. I had lost my faith in humanity but still needed to find the good in the world because my son needed me to point it out to him. I read Viktor Frankl and so many others. And I followed in Viktors footsteps by journaling ever sense as if I were planning to teach my findings. I found my spark again, I collected hobbies and practiced painting.
I want to share my findings with other overwhelmed caregivers. I am actually aging backwards by supplementing for my MTHFR issues and other gene variant differences.
I guess my life has room to improve, like everyone else but my solitude adds so much richness ti my life.
Thank you again for speaking plainly and about something many would ignore. Hugs from a distance.😆
🌺
Hi professor! Nice video! I think that we can maintain isolophilia, if we pretend not to be isolophilic, by having some social interactions that we really like, while avoiding all the toxic and irritating people , using excuses that seem to be true..of course there's always the choice of ghosting those who don't respect our boundaries..( this is quite difficult if these people exist in our working environment)
Keep up with the good work
Wow, there's actually a name for my condition! After I retired in 2017 I started noticing how much I prefer my own company. I have a multitude of hobbies, and never experience loneliness. I also continue to develop and grow via various social groups I am active with, and my life feels quite fulfilled.Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks for finally doing a video about me. I believed I was an introvert with high social skills, perhaps Isolophilia applies more in my case.
you ALWAYS start describing us average people as too dumb lol
I love to hear your lectures. Thank you!
My favorite sound in the front door closing when I get home. I love the peaceful silence of home. I haven't owned a TV in over 20 years & don't miss it a bit. I know quite a few people and interact with them pleasantly, but am always on the move and they don't expect long visits.
Solophilia ..yes .. beautiful word ❤
This is me! Funny that i only ever experienced any negativity about my choices and that was from my narcissist ex. He insisted on that theres something wrong with me, and while i told him many times to stop criticizing my choices about my free time, he was adamant that he is just worried about me (lol).
Watching this gave me insight. I've become isolated for the worst rather than for the best. I'm tired of people secret ulterior motives and tactics, it's just utterly annoying and repulsive. Yet, in general, people see something in me and want to know me; I've been burned and misled so much that I cannot spare open my heart for friendships or relationships any more :(
I feel you. I feel the exact same way.
I am an Isolophilian. Nature is all around me....birds are singing, the creek is rushing over the rocks and movement in the long grass reminds me, there is a fawn hidden there. My world is filled with life and love and beauty and I am happy. When people come around they detract from that and sometimes impose their energy in negative ways, so I avoid them.....they do not make me happy. It is logical, self preserving and loving, in that I can love all, without loving one.....yes? I will sub, based on the fact that you (so far) seem to be a healthy beautiful human giving healthy council. Our journey is challenging, at times, and I am grateful for those who affirm that healthy choices are valid and not crazy.
I've been called "weird" my whole life. After listening to you, I realized that description fits me to a T! I've always felt at peace alone, since childhood. I prefer solitude and nature to noxious babbling people. I agree with your study. COVID wasn't unbearable for me because it gave me a "legitimate" reason to be alone. I was content to be left alone ( except when my husband's anxiety got in the way). He's a loner also and this fits him as well. Your giggle is delightful.
Oh I agree! Spot on! Including the 3 reasons you give. Dumb as nails in a burried coffin is a good one 🤣 You said it…. The BS is a waste of time and utterly uninteresting.
I’ not socially anxious, God knows I’m not shy, not depressed and you can throw me in a crowd and I will function without fail and have fun. If it’s not often. But I am happiest in my own company, I love my life away from people. Now and again, I will share my space for a couple of hours with someone like minded who is not invasive and not stupid. I can’t be bothered by the opinion of “society”. If people find me weird, talk behind my back, I couldn’t care less. Not my problem. No need to be aggressive though, or defensive. If you have self confidence, inner peace, you can be friendly and stubborn with a smile. I think that the inner peace shows and the well meaning simply give up without being offended 🤣 It works! 90% of the time. If not, you can still resort to brutally honest. I prefer the first option because I do not like hurting and brutally honest can be worse than a sharp knive.
I have vakninophilia 😂 love listening to you
Hallelujah! Finally understood 🫶🏻
I love his vocabulary ... he makes me rediscover words I haven't heard in ages.
Thank you Sam for this talk...live and let live 🙏
Excellent word! Love my own company, always have. I can get peopled out, then need a good day alone - gardening or hopefully a longer break to go bush camping with my dog. Feel my heart swelling back up and find balance again.
Telling this to a narcissist it may they wouldn’t destroy so many lives if they would learning to be alone and being self narcissistic supply.
It’s so satisfying to have my condition described with such eloquent language and insight. This is a good video.
I feel validated!
To be comfortable by yourself is a superpower, I came to realise how peaceful and tranquillity I feel when alone. Unlike in crowds and noise.
Thank you so much for that, Sam. In the face of my narcissistic mother's constant contempt & criticism, I've spent decades striving to be better & get approval. And now I'm still getting rejected by people, but maybe it's because I've overdone it and am seen as a goody-2-shoes who makes others feel too foolish, too fat, too mean-spirited & too deceitful. I don't do it deliberately but I guess I'm not smart enough to hide how fast I can think (though clever is different from wise), my clothes aren't baggy enough to hide being slim, my impulses to be kind are seen as weakness and perhaps tactful honesty comes across as condescension. I started to think that believing people disliked me for having too high an IQ was a kind of humble bragging until I recently read Robert Greene's 48 Laws of Power. Oh crap, it really is a big problem. Anyway, your video is a help with reframing & more radical acceptance of the situation.
Hello Prof. Vaknin. Thanks for this interesting video. I am exactly that, an isolophile. I can go out and relate to people from that to time, but I prefer when I am alone, in my house with my books and plants, walking on the beach when it is not full of people or mainly in the forest. Also, when you say that people these days people are not interesting and "why bother" I agree totally. Privacy and freedom have always been for me, vital things in life.
How very validating 😊
Been this way all my life… as long as I can remember. And I’ve NEVER thought there was anything wrong with this or me.
I love people …but when and where and how I want to be with them. Which isn’t much or often. 😊😂
Life’s Good.
This video made it even better ⁉️👍💯
Merci!
Most people tend to drain me. It is very rare when I find someone I genuinely want to spend time with and stimulates me. I just live my own company
Live and let live. My Mum taught me this as a young girl. Best advice ever. Life’s too short to be judgy or worry what others think of you. ❤
This is me. I love and prefer the term "solophilia" as well. After spending the day with a classroom full of children, I just want to be in complete silence with my books and Professor Vaknin lectures, during which I feel I am actually learning and growing mentally. I also prefer to be in the company of elders and young children. I find them most interesting.
'He is as thick as two 2 short planks '
is the metaphore you are looking for.
Yeah, I was scared and worried I was mentally ill or a narc. 😂😂😂😂
Nah, I'm HEALING from my narc ex's...
I so glad u made this, I needed this so bad. because I'm happy and have a hard time expressing this to people
Isolophilia 🎉🎉🎉😊 True, the culture around forces the ISO to Fit into a suit not Made for him/her by pushing mentally AND verbally out of the self centre where anxiety, rage AND injustice make a ground. Society looks low and ignorant, uncapable of getting a hint of the peace and joy ISO has found.
Society is jealous that you can be content with your own company.
I will remember 'Solophilia' that you have coined ❤! Thank you So Much for your amazing work and generosity in sharing the same with the world...
Bless you Sam. You have shown us so much love. I appreciate the hell you must have experienced to get this wise
Love it 😊
I’m a gold star isolophille.
Thanks so much for this explanation of what to me is a brilliant lifestyle choice.
Thank you so much for this!
Grew up with 11 siblings and love my solitude. I am grateful there are masses with love to spare for one who does not feel the need for their presence to pass happily into nature.
This is a beautiful world with wonderful people trapped by monsters ruling societies.
Oh thank you so much, it’s so validating to hear this