My Wife Has Blown $20K in 3 Months (She’s Out of Control)
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2022
- My Wife Has Blown $20K in 3 Months (She’s Out of Control)
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She should become a politician 😂 telling other people how to live their life and not having a single thing together 🤦♂️
Hahha thought the same thing
😂😂
Dead 🤣
He married a Nancy Pelosi, LOL!!!😂
Social media are full of these people. I met many of them. Love to tell people how to live their lives but their own lives are the mess or subpar. I think it makes them feel in control or feel better about themselves.
Bro. My marriage was the exact same scenario. Just ended 10 years 4 therapists never worked. I wish you the best. I will say my stress levels dropped immediately the day she left.
Stress left when she moved out. Lmao. Only if she leaves you alone after. Most don’t. They usually blame the husband for where they are in life
@@beatdown3361 They will also take half of everything when they leave which is a whole different set of stressors.
It's not the role of therapy to "make it work. " It's up to the individual spouses to make it work. Therapy provides guidance, tools and techniques to better the relationship. The spouses can ignore all that and decide to not change.
The alimony and child support will destroy you more than losing half. A lump sum ain’t nothing
Oh no. At least you tried.
Carlos get outta there! Now! Before babies! RUN!!!
Carlos seems like such a decent guy, he deserves better.
Yeah he doesn't know his worth so he settled for someone like her.
@@luminous6969 exactly.
@@luminous6969 I feel he was so inexperienced when he met her.
I agree - Carlos needs to figure out what is it about him that attracted him to a person like her.
She's hiding a gambling addiction. Slot machines. Only way to lose all that money and have nothing to bring home in a shopping bag.
Oh lord a life coach who’s personal life is borderline bankruptcy and divorce lol
😂
Its very common. A scammy dishonest job profession on top with mlm etc. The worst people I knew some of them went for "life coach". People with zero integrity or good life choices. Its not about helping but compensating and domination.. I knew of one life coach who told a client she subconscious wants to sleep with him and she should do it as its her souldtelling her that. Horrible people 99% no matter seminars for companies or private sesssions the whole profession is js full of horrible shallow people.
Went to a therapist while they were dating and she quit yet he still married her? That's crazy!
Just invited the red flag to share resources lol
I was thinking the same thing about the fact that he’s her 3rd husband 😅
She prefers life coaches. Basically a paid companion that tells you what you want to hear.
@@somethingclever8916Inaccurate. A good life coach will always tell the truth to the client.
NEVER forget that when married you are responsible for the debts your spouse creates so it IS a very real concern.
So I am an unmarried 32 year old woman and my mom told me to be very picky with my potential partner she said no dads and no jealous she's a no drug issues and I'll call her she's like I agree with her and not just because she said that but she and my dad have been married for 40 years and like they deal with you know certain problems but nothing a marriage cannot get through. She also told me things like love doesn't pay the bills and their problems become your problems so be picky and be careful
Carlos, you can’t trust her because she has repeatedly lied about finances.
She controls everything with her moods and entitlement.
This is not good
He is too in love that he lost his balls. He seems to be such a nice guy.
@@jomontaneewell said. W0m3n walk all over men that value them more than themselves.
He need to grow 2 new balls n be prepared to let that dead weight go.
She is not a help mate,therefore she isn't a wife material.
Gaslighter Syndrome.
This is hard to say sir: she doesn't care about you. She lost respect for you and the marriage. The same thing happened to me many years ago. My sister had to step in, sit me down, and lay out the facts. I took her advice and went through divorce. Now, I met an awesome honest woman who I've been married to for the last 14 years.
Consider cutting the cord now while the marriage is early.
@ron I'm a woman and I wholehertedly agree with you. He should RUN!
Amen
She has no respect for herself therefore she will never respect others.
She could never respect a man who would marry her. Respectable men wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. She sleeps with men she respects. Carlos is her ATM
Omg those fake courses are so insanely expensive and the “coaches” are just regular people who also bought expensive courses from a different random person. I can absolutely see where the money is going.
Yup. Just saw my first ad for a massive one yesterday. And with this, now see how they’re able to get people & trap them into a cult of feel good, while taking their money for infinity.
Yeah it’s a really scammy thing out there. Be careful folks!
Yeah, sounds like an MLM for sure. If she was enrolled in a social work masters program at a university with normal student aid and loans that would be a completely different story. This sounds like a scam with no guarantee of employment at the other end.
Honestly I don't like Dr. John's advice for this call at all. He's comparing her situation to him getting a PhD, it's not the same at all. They don't need couple's counseling, she needs one on one help with someone who specializes in compulsive spending addictions. And in the meantime he needs to see a financial advisor to start protecting some of their assets so they don't go bankrupt. She won't like it one bit, but she needs to admit this is a serious problem, or she's choosing divorce.
It's basically a professional best friend/mentor. It doesnt require any training, licenses or fees.
It replaced interior decorating as the career for rich housewives.
@@somethingclever8916 You have no clue about the high levels of ethics and training.
I was married to a guy who did this A LOT! Impulse buying, hiding credit card bills, bank statements, hiding purchases.
His control issues played a large part in this. He wanted to be Mr BIG SHOT, with his expensive rolex, electronic devices, new cars. He was so insecure, needed the admiration from others to boost his self-esteem.
As this usually goes with the whole evil package, he was a MASTER at avoiding accountability.
I began holding him accountable, he hated that. One night, he became so enraged, I ended up in the hospital for 3 days, unconscious.
When someone does this, male or female, (Though, it's usually a guy beating the woman) Don't go back! It's asking for more.
When the divorce was final, I felt so free! I could put what I knew about financial management & investing, to good use.
Yeah, I felt free, DEBT FREE!
Wow.....I'm so glad you're safe now!!
@@justinewhite-hadley3138 Thank you. I would have wanted a different outcome. He would not listen to anyone. Not me or his family or counselors or his pastor.
I wish him well.
Yup, whether it's a male or female who did this, the spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend needs to LEAVE ASAP!
Any man or woman who refused to take accountability for their own decisions, you gotta LEAVE 'em. It is not your job to fix them.
@@FreeSpirit47
You wish him well? Wow... the level of maturity and healing to be able to say that is pretty great. I know I wouldn't be able to do that.
You couldn’t see his worthless qualities before marrying him?
Dr. Deloney comparing his six-year-old to the caller‘s wife is pure gold.
I’m sure that the six-year-old Josephine is 1000 times better.
As someone who has done coaching for many years I'll say this, successful coaches do not come from unsuccessful people.
I was thinking that. I wanted to do a course but I need to live and be that which I want to teach.
@@rachelgooden9981 I've been a trucker for 7 years
But those coaches make money from unsuccessful people.
@@COINsimp2024 I did. Bleh. Same old motivational new age mumbo jumbo.
@@jomontanee everyone makes money from unsuccessful people. Colleges are #1 for that.
I have been married to the same man for 60 years and Dr. John is sooooo “on the money” with his advice when it comes to making marriages “work”
This might sound like financial infidelity too, but I think he should start a separate banking account to protect their livelihood or even himself.
How would that bring them together?
There is nothing wrong with having a separate bank account. Infidelity involves lying, not drawing boundaries and saying no. If someone is an addict you don't give them money to buy drugs. In this case the money is the problem. Removing your money and saying this is an intervention is helping.
@@sobeliever1638 it would stop enabling her
💯. She’s on suicide mission.
100%! He doesn't have to do it behind her back, but her behavior isn't garden variety marriage stuff that a couples counselor can handle, it's an addiction. He needs to tell her that she needs to be getting intensive one on one therapy with someone who specializes in compulsive spending/shopping addictions, and that while she's in treatment, he's going to protect the both of them from bankruptcy by opening a separate checking account and setting limits on any cards she has access to. If she can't admit that she has a serious problem that requires treatment, the marriage is over. If he wants to be in a relationship with her that's fine, but he needs a legal separation to protect himself and even be in a position to help her.
It's basically an mlm, basically "life coaches" who's life advice is to become a life coach by taking courses.
She was like "You didn't get the hint from my other two failed marriages.... Let me milk this cow while it last because this not going to last long" 🤣
Carlos seems like a very smart guy. He is self aware, and genuine wants advice. I wish him well
Life coaches are amazing when they have a life. 🤣 GPS her car to find out which casinos she's hitting. Dump her yesterday Carlos.
What I want to know is .....did she enroll in the Dave Ramsey Life Coach program? Lmao 🤣😂🤣
Those classes cost thousands of $$$$.
She’s been married 3 times.😬
I had a similar situation with my Ex wife. We were married for 11 agonizing years. It seemed just when i thought things were going well with us that the other shoe was about to fall. Things were going well only because she was being keen on hiding her financial infidelity from me. Eventually, it came to view that there was also physical infidelity starting on her part. I was always committed to keeping the marriage together....she quit our counseling sessions because she felt like the counselor was siding with me...(sound familiar?)
Long story short, she filed for divorce. I met the love of my life and we are now married almost 30 years. We are debt free and I was able to retire at 59. My ex...well, shes now in here 4th marriage.
Prayers for you during this season. I can feel the stress and disappointment in your voice. It reminded me of what I went through and brought back my emotions during that season i went through. Bless you...
Great wisdom. ❤
Amen brother glad to hear a success story from an escapee
3rd marriage? She gets $20k in debt? She is not wife material.
Thankfully God doesn’t see us like this 🙋🏻♀️ we are worthy. She could have chosen crappy husbands
Many people that secretly spend money frivolously do so because they are depressed, angry, empty or all three. Buying unnecessary items on impulse like clothing or jewelry gives the person a temporary 'high' which lasts about one day. Making rules, budgets, agreements usually don't work. These people need psychological help.
Exactly.
You forgot stupid
ADHD and bi-polars also shop impulsively.
@@mj-kawaiTook the words out of my mouth.
But at what point do you say I can’t help you because you can’t help yourself and leave?Hoes back to the old saying “lead a horse to water can’t make them drink it.”didnt see quit therapy?
Carlos! she is using you man!
Wake up! This is her 3-4 marriage already. She is a manipulator, liar, and hypocrite. She will ruin your life financially, emotionally, and physically if you continue to let her. She has ZERO respect for you and she is claiming her "traumas" in life are an excuse to treat people horribly.
RUN CARLOS! RUN!!!!!!!!
This poor guy just doesn't get it.
And she knows it and she’s taking advantage of that.
Hopeless romantic
Its amazing to me how many "good" man and women out there get trapped with men and women who have had trauma.....and get dragged through the mud and as a result turn into a woman/man hating bitter people. I really wish these good men and women would leave once they see the 1st red flag. People are not puzzles to solve we cannot help unresolved trauma and need to leave once the support is no longer working.
Often times trauma outwardly shows itself as Narcissistic personality disorder which is toxic in relationships.
Mostly men who are the good ones. Women have way more trauma and to many options at her finger tips. Women are always getting bailed out so they never learn accountability
Unfortunately, the good people tend to stay in these situations far too long
@@beatdown3361 True. Women have more trauma because they’re constantly getting beaten down… as one can plainly see in the comments of any CZcams video that has a woman standing up for herself or even performing comedy. Women are also murdered at a rate of 2 - 3 per day, in the US, by their husband / boyfriend. Yeah, there’s some trauma… I suppose it’s their own fault?
They aren’t trapped. They choose to stay 🤷🏿♀️
Sunshine. Yup
Check her for ADHD. I do this - I get really interested in doing a course, a craft project, a career, then I lose total interest - either I end up bored, it wasn't what I dreamed it would be, or it is more difficult than I imagined, or I actually forget about it. So I don't allow myself to buy anything or get into new things anymore - because I have to finish the other things or nothing knew comes in. However, I did finish my dual masters degrees in May! I did it because I am a war veteran and my state paid for my education. I felt too guilty that other people were paying, and that drove me to finish.
This!
Agreed but come on now, $20k?! I do the same thing but $200 on a new hobby I’ll be over in a couple months is over spending! But $20k nearly a year’s rent/mortgage 😵
This is motivating to hear.
I have ADHD. Relationships are difficult for me. I simply talk about my behaviours continuously and call myself out. I HAD some trouble with spending on cosmetics for example. It still gets me, but I have good strategies in place to pull myself up. I look...but walk away....and....I have savings that are my priorities. The caller is lacking in the practice of using stop signs, walking away and managing her moods. I would say this woman has a bit of an addiction problem. Such as....it makes her feel wealthy, so this makes her feel good, do she chases that feeling.
I have ADHD. My life completely changed for the better once I took medication. People that think ADHD medications are dangerous are misinformed. They've been studied for 50 years, and are among the safest drugs for people that benefit from them.
A friend of mine was on a similar situation, they separated, the got therapy, religious councel and they got together...for three months until he found that she was signed for a multiple new credit cards and a massive loan, run my friend, run like the wind, run and dont stop running until you hear people speaking a different language.
Neither John nor the caller addressed the possibility of underlying issues causing her need for shopping/buying. Some people drink, some people use drugs, some people buy things to try and fill the void. Supporting her in dealing with that is going to be far more helpful than lecturing her on following a budget if she is operating from a place of emotional damage.
My job dropped when he said “this is my first marriage this is her third, she’s been divorced twice”
It sounds like some mlm scams are taking her in-they will do all they can to turn her against her husband. It’s awful what these scams do, they tear families apart
When people show you who they are BEFORE you commit- BELIEVE THEM
If there's no trust, there's no relationship.
"Sorry, not sorry"....don't regret what you allow!! Get help NOW...she's going to break the bank!! LOL
Chileeee this crazy woman got three rings and I can’t even get one 😫 LOL
don't worry, she got three rings from guys who are co-dependent, low-self esteem, doormats. that's not an accomplishment. you could achieve that too, but your standards are higher ;)
You do not want a spouse who does not have boundaries. No boundaries with you means no boundaries with others.
Who cares about rings. Focus on the goal of feeling safe and warm in good company. I'm not married either and when you believe in marriage and family it can feel like a loss, I understand. I'm 47. I would rather not be married and going through something like this guy. I would hate to loose half my savings on a wedding to a poo poo head.
I cried about this in my early 40s too. I started doing things that single people do...like travelling etc. And then I added....doing things that couples do....( not sexual ) but....picnics, camping, dinners. I also did things that retired people do....and eventually 😕 said....I don't need this hellish "career"....why do it? I work part time, kick back at home, enjoy the peace. While people my age slave away, post divorce, trying to make ends meet and support children to have their lives emulate theirs.
This....silly woman, has nothing to envy.
😩
This is it this is the one 😭😭😂😂🤧
It’s called NARCISSISM. RUN .
This relationship is over. People like this are a constant train wreck and you’ll just get sick of it man. And you’ll be left with a bunch of debt to dig out of. Stop being a pushover and find you a lady that respects you
She doesn’t care about you.
Check her nose.
🤣🤣
Yup. I'm wondering if he actually saw the bank statements and receipts.
Or the casino
For real
Divorce this woman man!
She does not give a f for you.
IT’S PROBABLY FAIR to say that she’s brings this crappy behavior into all of her marriages …. and counting.
This is her exit plan !!!!!!! Wake up brother. She’s good as gone
So these two had to attend therapy sessions before the marriage and then the guy still proceeded to get married to her instead of running ok
Make her get a job at jack in the box and tell her that's her budget
I heard McDonald's pays $18 hr now. Lol
He married her. His money is her money and her money is her money.
It seems like she is using him and she seems very selfish and immature. I am sorry that he picked that one
I'm pretty sure she's been twice divorced because of the way she is not that she's the way she is because of being twice divorced
Absolutely agree.
Sounds like Marriage number 4 is on the way
I was in a relationship with a woman that was twice divorced. I’ve yet to be married. When Dr. John said she may have felt like, no man is going to tell me how to spend my money, I felt that. My ex said the exact same thing and it is something that still resonates with me. It truly hurt me when she said it, because it essentially drew a line in the sand of our relationship.
All the young men out there please listen to this video. He married a woman that was married twice before, and walked out of marriage counseling before walking down the aisle. Don’t be this guy if you do get married, which you shouldn’t, have everything sewn up before going down the aisle. Once you do you’re in a legal contract And it’s one of the hardest contracts to break. Don’t do it.
There are plenty of men in good marriages. These calls are about needing help.
@@starrjohnson1327 Fair enough. There are also plenty of young men out there who are not educated on some of the realities of marriage. If there was a 5% divorce rate and courts were equitable there would be no need for a post like mine. The reality is marriage is the most important decision a young man can enter into. If we can encourage them to get educated prior, they wont need to make calls like this one.
this is good advice for women too.
Amen!!!! As a woman, I couldn't agree more!!! She showed him who she was before he said I do!!! The problem is that people go to marriage counseling AFTER they are in love. You should be doing therapy type work with your dating partner from the jump! We spend too much time having fun together and not getting to know the actual person. Unpack that mess early! She was a walking red flag. No way in hell you marry someone who has been divorced twice AND hasn't done extensive self work.
I dont necessarily hold have prior divorces against someone as that’s such a situational thing. My uncle was divorced twice and he’s been in a healthy third marriage for 25+ years. He is also one of the most calm and kindest men I’ve ever met. His first marriage was a young marriage where they weren’t right for each other and they split without anything nefarious. He was married and had children with his second wife and they were married for a long time but eventually decided amicably that they didn’t want to be married any longer. He wasn’t a bad dude because those marriages hadn’t worked out. Context always matters. But the therapy issue is one Id agree on though.
John gave very solid advice to this caller. This is why I subscribe to this channel.
These are one of those “red flags “ you should be looking for while dating ie, how they handle their finances, their career ambitions, how they handle conflicts these are huge indicators as to how the marriage is going to go
Ayo!!!!
Twice divorced, had problems while dating and went to therapy which she quit and he still married her? Bad judgment!
I think the wife could very likely have Adhd or bipolar. Seriously. Get her checked. I've literally heard this exact story before. Exact. They ended up being diagnosed Bipolar and adhd.
Oh my goodness. I was supper sensitive and still now. I spent a lot of time with my counselor to deal with this. Counseling help embed a lot and it might help this man’s wife too. My husband and I now can take on any hard topics and talk about many disagreement we have. May God bless you two and your marriage.
Brother, run. Red flags galore.
I like John. I trust his advice bc he seems relatable & draws on his personal relationship experience
If I were him, I'd end things immediately. Taking a loan out to be a life coach, what in the world. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ How about life rule #1 don't take out a loans you won't be able to pay off. This makes me sick. She'd make more money being a dog walker or a barista.
Same happened to me and my ex wife.
Financial and physical cheating on her end.
No accountability at all.
She was a banker and studying to be a financial advisor but could not financial her own life. I drew the line and left her.
She wanted counseling and by that I knew it was over counseling doesn't work.
Get out now!
100%%%%
Caller: I’m her three husband, she been divorced twice.
Red flag..
Carlos sounds like hes a codependent and his wife sounds like shes going to completely take advantage of it.
He doesn't take this seriously, he is not mad enough. He will always support his wife and she knows he will never leave her. He will never hold her accountable for the money she is spending and they will always be in debt.
Carlos,
Without doubt, you illustrate a higher EQ than most.. and like other strengths, how the strength is applied/activated/expressed (or even dismissed) I believe makes the biggest difference in what becomes a part of the mile-markers of our life story.. and with that I’m thinking this: micro-managing your own commitment to your declared non-negotiable values so you do not betray yourself is paramount.. no matter what goes on outside/around you.. and this is a personal superpower because your thoughts and follow-up feelings can not be defined by anything other than your choice(s).
Lastly, I believe you can keep on loving another (when you still love them, even though they have hurt you) and accept who their behaviors identify them to be, just not under the same roof/sharing the journey of life. Keep your self-love in tact, honor your non-negotiable values, reiterate your personal boundary lines, remain two feet in as a personal standard and respect whatever truth comes forth (ie United we stand, Divided we fall).
Life is challenging.. and that is a worthy reality; love is not (hard), healthy love that is.
Know confidently you are being heard (in this video) and that this short as hell gig called life is precious.. so keep on keeping it real and feed your faith while ditching hope. Like magnetizes like, right?!
And finally, be certain to give yourself credit for being vulnerable enough to make this call into the Doc.. that’s courageous, strong, tender and magnetic, to say the least. Good things are ahead when one demonstrates these qualities. Best to you!
What a nightmare and energy suck. Crazy how spouses will just do things they know aren't right, spending money they don't have, behind their spouses back.
She doesn't like being told what to do.
She didn't like her previous husbands telling her what to do.
She wants to become a life coach........where she can tell everyone else what to do.
Delony is the perfect therapist for this case.
Right around 12:00 I heard a guitar track and suddenly Dr John had the Clash as background "should I stay or should I go"
Only married two years and she is on her way to her third divorce; tragic situation.
It will never be her fault in her eyes. She will always be the victim and have flying monkeys to back her
You need to DIVORCE her ASAP. You are a very weak husband and you put up with this for way too long. You made the mistake of marrying her and now you’re screwed. Happy anniversary!
Yes you are right . If he doesn't leave then the only thing he can do is cut up her credit cards and give her a set allowance each month like a dam dad does to his kid. But like you said he is weak
Hopefully she gets into shape mentally and matures before is too late!!!
Man, this sucked to hear. I have a friend who gets stepped on everyday and he got to the point where he doesn't even tell me about his relationship anymore just to avoid the real hard conversations.
Well done, John. I like how you find out the partner's commitment bottom line. It's obviously up to them, so no matter how insane it is to stay, if that's their bottom line, you work within that.
But what a relief this guy has an out if necessary. She sucks.
John’s smile at the life coach endeavor is priceless hahah
My first and second husband, did this. Staying single for a while. Maybe forever. And what the hell is a life coach?
They are supposed to be a mentor for success in life. Can’t imagine this train wreck being a life coach.
Life coaches are pseudo therapists.
When you grow up an accountant’s kid. To his son: If she breaks your wallet, learn the lesson. Go home alone, you’ll be able to sleep at night. To his daughters: If a man breaks his own wallet or let’s you break his wallet. Find another man. I was probably eleven and rolled my eyes. But it’s stuck years later.
This happened to an ex-friend with his wife (before they got divorced). This woman doesn't respect her husband. Also, there is probably more money that she has spent that he is unaware of. Finally, people who overspend may have clinical depression.
Find a woman who has a real job. She sounds like a mess. This would never happen in my house, I would file for divorce immediately.
Carlos, if you are reading this I believe you are a good person, with good intentions but this woman is not doing good for your life. You deserve better
Run!!!!!
If they were in therapy when dating, he should have RUN.
Run from it !!!some people don’t want change it !!
My ex was the same way in terms of therapy. She went for a couple of sessions, then refused to go back. Obviously the therapist told her something she didn't want to hear.
I knew a lady who overspent her shopping allowance for a NY trip at Gucci in one day. They called her hubby for the rest.
It's madness, in our house in the middle of the street, and a mess is not allowed.
His wife is in a cult - she met with a life coach who told her the solution to her problems is to spend thousands on courses to become a life coach too. Guarantee there's an incentive to recruit.
Dr John is absolutely right ! he is using the wrong terminology! It isn’t no hiccup after it’s been brought up to her attention !!! and y’all can’t afford it. and is getting you guys into serious debt . She is putting her selfish needs before your guyses relationship …
3rd marriage is the warning sign.
When I hear stories like this, I wonder: Did the spouse change after marriage or did he or she get married without getting to know him or her well enough before getting married?
She bailed on therapy before they got married
Been there, done that. It won't change. Either you leave or she takes you down into a financial hole you may never come back from. I chose the former.
She is planning to leave him, that's my take on her behavior.
Don’t have to separate, if combining finances is not clear, just keep each your own finances
How many therapy sessions have ended because the wife *felt* that she was being teamed-up on, all-the-while salient points, rooted in reality, and placing accountability were made.
Run. No amount of counseling will fix this succubus demon.
Good Lord!...she's going to send both of them to the po' house. The math ain't mathing.
There's nothing wrong with a woman who's been divorced once. That's life, and it happens. A woman who's been divorced TWICE, that's like buying a 150,000 mile car with the check engine light on. You run from that.
she seems good at divorce
This is why I stress over my girl doing stuff like this. She always tries to ask for my debit card information when she wants something. Tell her sorry. Luckily a lot of these debit cards now have a lock feature to prevent anyone from using it
Leave
Not my place but if you have to use the lock feature on your debit card to block your girl from spending money it would be better to get out now. If you feel like you need to lock your card now when you’re dating think about what life is going to be like when you’re sharing a bank account and bills and the like. If you can’t trust her now and have to block her from disrespecting you saying no to her impulse spending it isn’t going to be better when you’re married.
Why don’t you buy her anything.
Omgosh..... RUN
Red flags
Similar situation for me right now. Very sad
biggest thing I learned in life is too never feel bad for anybody its just hurts you
Carlos sounds like a really cool dude like his voice is nice