Jocko Willink - How To Handle A Breakup
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- čas přidán 28. 05. 2024
- Watch the full episode here - • Jocko Willink - Creati...
Jocko Willink explains how to get over your ex. What does Jocko Willink think are the most important things to do in a relationship? How does Jocko advise people to move on from a breakup? Is dating a minefield?
#jockowillink #dating #breakup
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Watch the full episode here - czcams.com/video/lCiZ2G2GSY4/video.html
We suffer more often in imagination than reality.
- Seneca
Thank you so much for bringing up this quote
Breakups are the hottest fuel for working out. And yes, walk away, thank you goodbye.
Amen to this. It's been two and a half years for me and the gym is one of the few places where I can actively fight the demons. It's therapeutic in its simplicity. Work out hard, rest easy.
Or when she finds a new guy and the new guy is a upgrade from you. That shit will light a fire under your ass.
glad this video showed up, been depressed for 4 months now after my girlfriend of 5 years that I lived with randomly ghosted me while I was at the lowest point of my life & later to find that she cheated which is why she left. I know I shouldn’t feel sad for someone who didn’t care but as hard as I try I can’t control my brain, I know I just got to withstand the pain while it lasts. I hope if whoever’s reading this is going through something similar knows that suicide isn’t the answer, I know the pain can get too out of control to handle but I promise you with hard work & time you will heal.. & this is coming from a hopeless & empty man not a happy person who’s never had anything go wrong in their life so consider my words from the heart ❤️
She ghosted you after a 5 year relationship? You're better off
Don't try to control your brain or your thought. Just free them... 😉
You dodged a bullet. She’s a waste of space
Start running and sweating bro, work the fuck out. It will let u control your mind and emotions better
Sorry that happened to you. You deserve better. Wish you all the best
It sounds like a cliché but those dark places you go during difficult times really do make you stronger because of the relentless introspection and analysis of yourself, your life and the direction your headed.
If she left, give her space, work on yourself and come out of it a better man, if she comes back and you’re open to that, great, if not, you just became a better man because of it
Love to all my brothers in the comments. As men, our emotional pain just gets swept under the rug.
I always say...."Shes not thinking of you or the breakup, youre not even on her mind, so why don't you just do the same?" Works every time.
Hey man, thanks
How to get over your ex?
Jocko answer: get over your ex.
🤣🤣🤣
Coming back to this 17 months after this video became very relevant to my situation (8 years, left as we were about to close on a home purchase, she had a sudden realization and wanted to pursue a different life so left).
I took this advice and am in a much better situation now. She did come back briefly but I'd realized that it wasn't going to serve me well and she'd likely do it again. Learned a lot of self worth and gained a lot of meaning in the time between then. It really does get better and this advice is invaluable for healing and also the truth.
If anyone's watching this out of a need to escape the heartbreak I hope you're okay, and it will be okay.
"Remember but, NOT dwell"
My dad “Why would you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you?”
Dang, it *really* is that simple.
This is amazing advise. Truly. Women will let you know if they miss you. If they don’t, they won’t. Also, walking away and not looking back will either trigger competition anxiety in her making her realize you have other options, making her realize you are it; or walking away and not looking back will help her let go realizing you have other options and you’re okay without her, also helping her heal.
Probably the best way I've heard this articulated. It is a sad fact of life men, I think sometimes women want you to go to see if you have other options. Men do stupid things to, but the sh*t testing that women engage in can be infuriating, but one has to understand it is probably biological. To young men I say, I know it can hurt, but you've got to go through it once or twice to actually know what you want and how to spot it.
What if the girl adopts the same strategy? I’m the girl who walked away and never looked back, no matter how much I wanted him back. So both just walk away but secretly hope the other one comes back?
@@cherriercheung Yup, that's pretty much it. I like Jocko but this viewpoint that the woman will always come running back sounds a bit too black and white for my taste.
Well put! It’s also for her, as much as it is for us!
@@cherriercheung I get that, I’m that girl too right now and it’s hard to know for sure. I just think if we really wanted them we’d go get them. If we’re out, I think it’s best to walk away and if your heart truly aches for him eventually, you can try, but maybe keep your expectations tamed. 🧡
Jocko just knows things about life
My girl of 8 years and a girl I thought she was my soulmate left me over problems I caused but when someone leaves you let them leave because they don’t value you. Don’t hate them wish them well and walk Forward when you get far enough away you won’t want to turn back I promise. It’s a roller coaster ride but you can do it ❤️🙏🏻
What problems did you cause?
I had severe depression in my 20s. I tried just about everything until I found Buddhist meditation. I've done that now every day since then for the last 27 years. I would never have started without the depression so in a way it was a blessing. I know how dreadful it is, but there is a way out. Never give up...
That is fascinating. May I ask what type of Buddhist meditation you do? Like focusing on breath, or a mantra?
Going through a divorce right now and this is a hard pill to swallow, but he's right.
This is some of the greatest common sense psychology ever.
This is exactly what I did with my gf from uni. She cheated on me once but I loved her so forgave her. Then she cheated on me a second time. I thought I could be strong and try again but after it being constantly in my mind "is she? Isn't She?" for the following 2 months I had enough of that not knowing.
Once I decided I would end it we met in the park after she finished work, she lay her head down on my lap on the park bench, we had a little chit chat about unrelated stuff and then I just said "Ok
Chris’ content gets better and better every day
I’m reading Discipline equals Freedom right now and all I’ve got to say is this man has so much valuable info
it's really so simple, works like magic. walking away without looking back is amazing.
Thanks so much chris for everything you do. Your videos are insightful, and inspiring.
Jocko is awesome, he has good advice for everything.
Great video. Thank you 🙏
I'm doing this asap thanks for this advice needed it!
Time is a healer
Great video!!!!
Thank you .
Perfect timing.
Me too brother
Same here haha
Ah…feel you bro. Sucks
You must release whatever does not bring peace to your soul.
I wrote that letter but unfortunately I sent it to my ex-girlfriend a month later. It did not go well with her stating, "you're an amazing guy and did nothing wrong but I just didn't want to waste my time or yours."
Usually I'm not a fan of this motivational crap, but i'm going trough this shit again right now and just in the first minute you get all you need as advice. It won't be easy and it will take time but that first step alone will help you alot, focus on yourself 💪
Jocko: How to get over an ex
Me: You don’t need to get over an ex if you’ve never had a girlfriend to begin with
But you should get over the girls that you vividly imagined having a relationship with.
@@TOMiX1024 Ah love, a dreadful bond
you forgot do jiujitsu
Savage
Sentiment is a memory trip, functionally, it helps you to recognise what are the good things so you will do more of it, also the bad so you will get away from it. Emotions arises from these memory trips, it transform the space into prison, one that holds you in not allowing you to get out to the present. People who sometimes regress back to their childhood memories seeks comfort from there in order to avoid the present. Dont let it dictate who you are at the present, you are not your feelings or your memories at those moments right now, you experienced them and learnt from them in order to move forward to become a more conclusive human being. You need to see obstacles as opportunities instead of the world as an evil villain trying to get you because when things gets hard is when things are of value and embrace the pain of growth.
Yeah this helped a lot. I first watched this right after my gf broke up with me. It was last October on my bday. So it hurt extra more. But now i don't get those waves of emotion anymore. Ive moved on
Never ask yourself the question - What could have be
oh god I love her dude hope she comes back sometime in the near future
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past"
Same bro it's been a full year.
I keep dwelling and dwelling.
But when you realize they probably just talked shit about you to their friends, hooked up with other guys, and deleted everything left from you, while you were sad and mourning (talking about me) you realize you have to move on whether you like it or not.
I pray for you brother 🙏
@@DavyJones-sx7fh Great advice. Disrespected under the rug...treason is unforgivable.
Jocko Willink - How To Handle A Breakup...should be a 1 second video!
This is so fucking important
Could have used this back in March...
I lost my father and 6 months after my 5 years ex left me for another man, it was tough but the best thing i did was to wish her luck and walk away, at least, keep your dignity
This applies if girlfriend or boyfriend break up with you. If you are the one who play games and leave, then not. .. I say that because I had such a experience. Boyfriend left me and after few months we talked and he asked me why I didn't tried to contact him.. There are many players out there. So yes this advice is good in straight situation when your partner leaves you. And there is no cheating--> When he says, don't look back.. Don't
I’m certain that Jocko does not deal with the nuance of life via protocol, he’s proven that in so many podcasts, but having a protocol for major events seems a very useful idea.
I clicked here, and didn't get to the full, unedited, episode.
Imma have a word with your manager!
As I man I listen into to conversations of my wife's friends (not deliberately you understand, if they talk when you are there, what can you do?). I have noticed that they use a phrase that none of my male friends ever use. Or at least, I have never heard them use it. Moreover, when I mentioned the phrase to my male friends their response was 'cannot compute.' The expression? They, the women, will describe a man as "the one who got away." Note, not "the several who got away" but the "ONE who got away."
I think this comes from the fact that biologically women need "a plan" whereas men, in no need of the same plan, simply improvise as we go along. It, naturally, produces different outcomes.
Moral: If you are not the chosen one, or turn out not to be, there is absolutely NOTHING men that you can do about it. Complaining about it is like complaining about the rain. Just accept it and move on with a smile. You fighting Darwinist biological drives that are far far bigger than you and you will always lose that battle.
Smart man
Diaries are underrated.
A breakup is the best day of a man's life.
Reading these comments is very helpful. Thought me and my ex would work this time around yea I took her back. I can’t lie it’s like we traded places in the beginning I was distant and acting uninterested cause I didn’t know how to love. I finally reached a point where I did and by that time it was inevitably to late, that was 2 years ago we’ve tried since then on and off to make it work but she never fell back in love like she first did. I take the blame for my part its hard man cause I love the hell out that girl just bought her a dog for her birthday and everything but she recently told me she can’t do it anymore her heart isn’t in it and when I think about it it’s not. I just couldn’t stop trying gave all I could give and she did the same she tried. Just didn’t happen!
Guys, be very careful when breaking up with a hot chick. Many of them have never been told no before, and don't take it well. This is how false accusations and slashed tires occur.
Tires can easily be replaced....reputations and lies are a different subject...
@@southernbanker1946 💯 %
Went back to deleting all social media but CZcams . Girl opened something up in me. But eh. I let her go . Running and rucking as been nice and well gotta hit that blacktop and make cash. But this one . This one hurt and I’ll push forward
This is the same thing I tell my girl-friends. He isnt wrong.
This is why @Jocko Willink leads the Conga line ladies and gents!!!!
Fuck yeah
I’m currently going through my first break up as an adult and I am totally lost, I don’t know where to begin to try to get over this, relationship consumed a lot of my time now I am lost.
how are you doin now?
I don't quite agree with the advice of writing down everything good about him; that would make it extremely much harder for me to let him go! I'm actually trying to focus on the negative, in order to convince myself that it's better to split
`I'm breaking up with you.` "Good."
😂😂😂
You have it backwards. The man is the prize. Move on, better women will come in. Don’t waste time or energy on anything that takes you off your purpose which is chasing excellence
Should we send the letter or just burn it?
Thank you Chris 🙏 Sat in my Tepid Tub waiting for the Storm that I feel circling 🙃😍 This one Resonated BIG TIME 🙌 Grief is a HUGE Theme in my life 💔 Have Processed most... But my major one had the tears steaming 😭 I Get It!!! But Feck Me.... It's a Challenge innit 😱😵🥴🙃😜 Sending HUGE Love, Light and Crystal Blessings from Essex, UK 🙏🇬🇧 xxx 😘💜
Jocko should address cheating partners as well
There used to be a segment where Jocko spoke about a specific 3 day protocol for breakups: fasting, writing, col showers ecc. Any ideas where i can find it?
if anyone finds it - please tag me
To any ladies reading this please stop throwing around the word love if you get a man to surrender his defenses and believe you the damage done is irreversible
what do you do if you are numb because of all the trauma your life brought you if you can't find strength after decades of fighting and friends family nore therapists can't seem to help ?
The fundamental problem with this advice is this: it shouldn't necessarily be up to the woman to be held "responsible" to "chase the man" so to speak. If there is something there she will let you know? Let's take this scenario, and say the woman is thinking the same thing. She is walking away and not looking back and saying... if something is there he will let me know. I think it comes down to pride an ego. Ultimately when two people love one another it should be more simple... and pride and ego .. and games don't come into the play. Basically it shouldn't be up to the woman or the man to come after the other. I agree.. when things aren't working out between two people space can be and is necessary.. absence makes the heart grow fonder.. but it shouldn't be the "way in which to get her or him back"... if someone truly wants to work on their relationship.. they should put in the work it takes to build up the relationship.. not just sit back and hope the other person has an epiphany. As a woman... there's nothing I dislike more than a man who doesn't take action... it says to me he doesn't care and he has moved on. That is what you in essence are telling men to present to women who might otherwise want to fight for their relationship for a woman they are still in love with.
I think his advice is perfect for the person who got dumped. It's up to the dumper to come back because they were the ones who chose to leave, so the ball is in their court to make the next move.
It is very easy without kids...
so im supposed to go to my ex and give her this letter?
❤️
Found this at the perfect time. Just found out my girlfriend cheated on me and I broke up with her less than 24hrs ago
Someone please help me. I am the one that didn't make enough effort or open up enough to my girl for us to end, but I regret it now so much. How do I stop the overthinking?
I keep going over all the times she made an effort and I didn't appreciate it or be with her in the present.
I am dying here.
Man, I’m currently on the same position. We’re on a time, I said to her my feelings and now I’m just waiting a bit, she needs to clear her thoughts. Yo should talk to her and open, just be you. If it does not work, we will move on eventually, but you can’t let more time passes, go tell her how you feel!
3:35 that doesn't look like Jocko!
Damn just saw a girl I'd been dating for a couple years, out at a bar with another dude.
These youtube recommendations have no chill 😅
If you wanna get over a girl, go on deployment, or send her on deployment. if you both don't come back, problem solved
How do I send her on deployment? She keeps refusing to get in the shipping container.
Sometimes I miss her
2:15 Jocko says "bring it to their grave and put it there"
What does he mean by this?
Wait what… “she will let you know”? … … lol… dating is dead in 2022 especially if the women has to do the work
That same ideology is why dating is dead. Men are tired of being the only ones doing the work.
'..if the women has to do the work," not even her share?
@@xprtbillyun well idk I’ve only dated toxic people but also in my personal life despite being naive I’ve always been very transparent and honest about all my feelings. Definitely willing to put in the work. You also have to consider men have the advantage of physical strength. Chasing a man is not an option. “Oh she likes me.. she wants it”… 🙃
@@girlwomen4685 what's the physical strength comment about you talkin about women not doing or saying something for fear of being beaten?
@@Respect2theFallen yes
@@girlwomen4685 but if it's a relationship you still need communication hence the person above comment saying men shouldn't have to do all the work. We can't read minds and subtle hints or gestures aren't our forte. I recently got out of something and sometimes in text after I jokingly said something she'd put up an emoji and I'd ask why you put that? She wouldn't respond or would ignore the fact I tried to bring it up. If she addressed it then I can know for a fact if I did or said something wrong.
I dont't like to take advice from people who used to take orders...
You dodged a bullet.
Seeing Jocko in colour is so weird
Lift weights.
How do you get over your current?
I mean I’d definitely set up a gravestone for them and pretend that they are there at least in spirit. And I’d talk to their spirit that eventually will die someday but since I know that everything happens all at once in Gods brain I know that past present and future happens with God so I’d just talk to their spirit and yeah 🏆🎃👻💜
Jocko is right.... Write it all down and take it to their grave! The only difference is you are having a funeral for someone who is still alive.
Stolen 1000 percent from coach Corey Wayne... Not even a discussion. He is right though
I will humbly add something
Actual write down with a pencil, dont type it on a keyboard.
Dumb...really, really dumb. If a guy is walking away, he's walking away because HE WANTS TO WALK AWAY, he's not trying to "get her back". He doesn't WANT contact. Stay the course and eventually time heals all wounds. Just stay the course gentlemen.
The point here is that regardless of who initiates the breakup, you walk away and shut the door behind you and don’t look back.
If SHE initiated the breakup and you do this, sometimes it’s a mind-F to her thinking you never really cared and she may come sniffing back around.
False. I did this and now she's gone no contact she flipped it on me...Now we both have to move on & if we cross paths by accident be cordial.
That’s not true. Even if she wants you to death, when you walk away like that, she may die inside but wont chase you because of the way you walked away.
This is not a good advice.
Damn good advice especially if she initiated the breakup.
I think if you say everything that needs to be said prior to breakup, this is good advice. A woman will respect a man who has the fortitude to walk away.
Who knows what the circumstances are, in all seriousness? So many dynamics in play in a relationship, blanket advice doesn't really work here.
@@Bobo-de3il yes, if she initiated it.
@@nothingnew765 a woman respects a man who is couragious. If he says all he has to say and doesnt avoid a difficult conversation , yes, he gains respect. But most breakups dont happen that way, sadly.
I'm twice divorced, it was easy for me to move on because both of them cheated. My solution to the irritating annoying fact they cheated was to go get nekkid with another girl. I was 44 when the second one ate a bowl of stoopud flakes and cheated with a loser her family loathed. Ever since then, I do not get attached, do not get emotionally invested, and I actually prefer to live and be alone. I am not lonely, not hard up, I can go get some pretty much any time I want to. Thing is, I really don't care to.
I am 53 now, and I still like girls, still interested, can still get busy, and college girls seem to like gray beards.. don't ask me why, as I have no idea.
The time and money spent on girls is better utilized to do the things I want to do with my remaining years. I spent lots of my youth doing the nekkid girl thing, completed my bucket list of all but two.. twins in a 3 way and conjoined twins.. Ok, it wasn't a burning desire or anything to have twins.
Thanks to my time in the military, and wrestling in high school, its been relatively easy for me to get girls. Learned to talk to them into the nekkid time thing back in 1986, and its been an ocean of 'what was her name again?' ever since.
A girl has to be more than a warm body to get my interest long term, but past exp means I am exceptionally wary of them misbehaving. I know its only a matter of time until she decides to try to do better. So they are free to come into my life, and free to leave it whenever they want.
She wants to break it off? My reply is "Okay" and I go about my day. There is no coming back once they do that. She is on her own, and open to explore greater opportunities. The amusing part is that they have dwindling opportunities after 30, and it gets smaller and smaller every day after 30. They still jump off the ship with nothing more than a small island in view, only to find themselves treading water again when that island sinks beneath them.
Rebuilding old rusty GTOs is vastly less expensive than getting divorced.. I know, believe me I know. Get married at your own peril these days, its not like when Jocko and I were kids.
Where do you live that it's that easy to find women willing to get neeked? Lol!
Certainly not Seattle! Btw I'm 55... I had it easy when I was 40 and bartending. Not so much anymore.
Listen to JP about relationships. Relationships aren’t do as you please…though we think they are. There’s no casual hookups without emotions getting screwed.
And you have about 5 attempts on average to form a lasting bond. The more we sleep around the less we succeed at a more meaningful relationship.
@Thump Er the Sweaty Fat Guy
I think you should write a book about your experiences, it may be cathartic. In the very least you should be talking to a therapist. You’ve been through a lot in your life and I for one, appreciate that you are a formidable man with self control.
Take care of yourself. Peace!
@@AmeliaBodiliathanks, have been told that I should write a book a few times, might do some of it this winter. When I write about my life the usual responses are anger and depression, or people are relieved that their life didn't have that much crap in it.. heh.
I saw some therapists, the one I had at the end of Dubya's term was stellar, then Barry came in, cut VA funding, and they canceled the contract. Then I had to see in house shrinks at the VA.. absolutely worthless experience.
Here is what I found, I am the only one who can fix things in my head. As long as I am not deluding myself and going down unproductive paths what I do in my head works best. Lower stress, deal with the things in my past that had emotional markers attached to them, and do my best to prevent others from making my life harder, or taking from me... and life is good.
Physical activity, lifting heavy stuff, getting my heart rate up a few times a day, and achieving goals I set is far better than any shrink I have seen.
The cars make life fun and worth living. The dogs keep me company and grounded in reality. Weather keeps me moving because hypothermia is one hell of a motivator. I concentrate on that, because people have always been the source of stress in my life.
As a woman, not true. I want a man who knows what he wants who is willing to fight for what he cares about, and I need to see it.
As in, I don't want obsession or emotional abuse. Just a confident, "let's sort shit out because this is real and this matters."
A man who quits like this is weak to me. Especially if we are real.
Life is going to get hard. There will be plenty of times when you want to quit. You just need someone who will stand for your relationship, no matter what else changes.
Maybe take the stand and take some physical space. But you need to be clear you're fighting for the relationship.
Been there and done that so I'll tell you that most of the time even after all the fighting for the relationship, it ends up failing and all that you have to show for it is just how exhausted you are.
You either both fight for it or you just move on. If you're not married and don't have kids , it's best for both of you to just move on and find someone who you resonate better with.
@@Overcome808 you don't fight eachother for a relationship.
You fight yourself and show the other person how to do it. Yes, if at that point, you go in different directions, that can be done with respect. Then at least you get a friend out of it.
@@Solistastyle I didn't say that you have to fight eachother , I said that you both have to fight FOR the relationship, as in the effort you both put in, not as in arguing about it.
@@Overcome808 Yes, agreed, you need to fight for the relationship.
That actually means you both look at yourselves.
All you can do is look at yourself and change yourself.
If you are just going different directions, at that point it's pretty clear and simple though.
But what this guy says isn't correct. If a man walks away, no chance in hell will any real woman chase a man. You would just lose a good woman.
@@Solistastyle not everyone is the same the phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is popular for a reason. It's psychology and some people drive themselves mad thinking why aren't they going crazy over me or how could they leave just like that? It's stupid the mind games us humans play on eachother but it happens. Especially the woman had some abusive bond or felt a strong bond with him, same if shoes were on the other feet.
Breakup advice from a married man isn't advised. Marriage advice from a married man is a touch better
This is sick.
Now moving forward:
WALK AWAY
(meaning pursue your next relationship and no longer pursue romantically (or give romantic interest/attention/compliments or show you are attached to her romantically).
Give her exactly what she wants; friendship (she said she’ll help you with your next relationship).
Let her either regret/want you back romantically (when she sees you pursue other options) or let her move on; both happen when you let her go, move on, and pursue your next relationship. 0:00-)
There will be temptation to fall into sadness or bitterness if you focus on what was lost (if you focus on “why not”) (not really lost you gained a lot)
YOU MUST SET YOUR FOCUS ON THE NEXT if you want joy and motivation to keep acting and trying hard.
(NEXT: your next option and your newfound friendships and how much you’ll gain/give in that)
Now moving forward:
You must try again (immediately/impulsively/quickly) with the next.
You must act out of faith again.
You must keep working towards the goal of a Godly relationship.
(Action (impulsivity) is living and feels so much better than inaction (overanalysis or repression) which is a slow/painful death).
(volume begets/produces luck, the quicker you act and make moves, the quicker you’ll get what you want)
How do you walk away if yall live together and have a kid together
This clip is gonna blow. For sure.