Friend Stealing Your Friends? How to Deal with Friend Poaching
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- čas přidán 28. 04. 2021
- Friend Stealing Your Friends? How to Deal with Friend Poaching / Maybe you’ve been in this scenario before -- you meet a new friend and click. You introduce them to your group of friends, and they seem to get along. Great! Then, suddenly you find out your new friend is hanging out with some of your close friends without you. They went to dinner and didn’t think to invite you. They’re hanging out for a movie night and didn’t let you know. Maybe you’re feeling excluded and hurt. Is this new friend stealing your friends? Are they a friend poacher? And what exactly is friend poaching anyway?
Today I’m going to teach you what you can do if you have a friend poacher in your life.
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It took me 43 f*cking years to get this through my fat head. NEVER introduce your friends to ANYONE! Not even your family. No matter how nice they are, never connect two people. They may just be using you so social climb.
There is a huge difference between a friend becoming friends with your friends and a "friend" befriending your friends in order to demean you, leave you out, and hurt you. You will be able to tell. A friend becoming friends with your friends usually does this naturally, as in, they are around your friends and eventually get to know them too and find commonality and become friends. You are still important within the dynamic. The friend poacher comes in and butters up quickly to your friends, begins hanging out with them right away, and you are usually not included. Eventually, you feel as though you have lost your friends because the friend poacher has somehow convinced them that you don't matter.
we have the same situation, 4 months and I'm still on it don't know what to do💔💔
@@hannahalvarez48_ drop em
This has happened to me , I hate to say that I have lost friends for luck of boundaries.
Well me it's different but similar, sorry I just gotta vent.. :(
Me and my ex bestie we had a conflict she did violence with my other bestie Mya. We didn't talk for 1-2 days and I tried to talk to her but she said to leave her in peace so I did... but it was her who rejected me and we met this friend who w eonly knew for Luke 1 week and she chose he over her bestie of 6 months! (Me) I was really sad 😔 but I made new friends, but today something weird happend. So for me it's "Enemy poacher" She spoke to Mya and they were talking and laughing like if they were besties for a long time! The other day aswell if i stayed in this group (they kicked me out for a bad reason, 😒 14 February) She went to talk to them and played with them for the rest of the day like if she knew them for longer than me! If I stayed in the group she would've probably came.. she also regrets chosing the other girl cuz they had a conflict and haven't spoken since 2 weeks then. But aswell at diner she was sitting with my kind of friend we sometimes speak and ii said hi to her, but my enemy said something in her ear and my kind-of friend said why? And my enemy spoke in her ear again and then my kind of friend looked at me.. It think I heard "don't talk to her" but I could be wrong. Anyways she grinned/smirked like all day to me and was super suspicious. I think she's taking "vengeance" but what have I ever done to her? Now I listen to "backstabber" almost each day cuz it's like what happend to me 💔
Whoever readed till here, I just want to say thank you ❤ I hope u don't go trough this like me :(
I had one who started doing it behind my back, she was so manipulative
I was crying in my bed, and I decided to search up what to do about this. Thank you so much!
Same
Same
Same 😭. The friend poacher in my life is sooo rude 😢 this Video helped me a lot 😊. I even said,
Me
“hey, why do u keep being so rude to me, I am trying to be nice to you, but you come back at me with rudeness.”
Her:
*rolls eyes*
Why didn't your friend told your other friends that you already have a best friend
@@LikeableAden ig they didn’t care
i'm so glad to have found this video, you helped me realize I'm not the only one experiencing this. thankk you
Yes, this issue comes up a lot for people. I'm so glad you found this video helpful!
@@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794 but what if that friend’s dad is friends with your dad and you can’t speak out about it.
Just get more friends it’s normal to feel jealous but it’s not normal to blame other people for stealing your friends attention. You are not entitled to anyone’s attention this video is crazy dangerous and unhinged
@FreelanceDentist i did! Separated myself from both of them. I think they were just a lesson in my life that helped me get more mature
Lesson Learned!! I stopped interacting as much but she just keeps showing up everywhere I am and its getting on my nerves. I already talked to her and told her how I felt about what she had done but she is still clinging on to me. Now she is showing up in places she knows I hang out with OTHER friends. So weird.
Tess, I had no idea this kind of thing existed until I met Leda Moreno. It became very clear to me that she was only my friend, in order to become friends with my friends. She soon started spending time with the people that I personally introduced her too. I soon realized she saw who my friends were on social media and wanted to befriend them also, so she could have my life experiences (since she only had two friends). Then she demeaned and lied about me to these friends and they believed her and not me! In addition, she was deeply competitive towards me and began mirroring my attributes. I had to let her go and never looked back. She was a “latch-on” friend to only be an opportunist in my life, rather than being a true friend. Thank you SO much for this wisdom and advice. You’re Amazing!!
I cannot tell you how helpful this video is. I feel so heartbroken and I am quite frankly am surprised by it.... I am starting to realize this an old wound for me aka history repeating itself. I met this girl like a few months ago.... seemed like a cool chick. So I introduced her to my close friend here and there have been a lot of red flags since. I have since learned that this girl doesn't have any other female friends and doesn't get along with her sister. She's super okay with excluding me from their interactions and has gotten really close to my friend who is more extroverted and opens up really easily. I haven't been able to socialize with either of them for a month because of personal situations but in that time they have hung out together a lot and have gotten really close. She shows wayyy too much enthusiasm for the same things my friend is into and has been quite rude to me in a way that is subtle enough that no one can really see it but me. I'm angry at both of them and also sad that this is happening. I know the people around me are gonna gaslight me about it (unintentionally)....Thank you for this 🥰 really appreciate it
You can also tell by how they are with their friends, from experience and from a friend I had from 8th grade and now I'm 25 and I just decided to put boundaries and slowly cut them off because of the bad energy, anyway I can tell you that you can see how a friend poacher reacts to how you approach their friends, they would put rules for you, they will tell you to not message someone, do not add that person or they wouldn't even let you join in any of their friend activity but when it comes to your friendship and relationship, they wouldn't care about your feelings, they wouldn't care about including you or asking, they would suddenly put that friend first, act like they know them more, message them and always are ready to reply to any message that involves hanging out, would send you pics to be like "look I'm hanging with this person and I'm better than you" instead of being in that moment, they would try to tell you how to react with friends and how to talk to them but in passive aggressive way like "hey don't argue or i would leave" but in reality you guys are debating "you're bullying" when you and that friend know your dynamic and how to play off so in short they would act like they are the new good lovely nice friend and put that upfront. Just remember to slowly not talk to that person, don't introduce new friends, find better timing to engage with the friend that works for you and the friend without the friend poacher. Also remember that friends don't last forever, no one lasts, you grow and life changes but it would be worse if that toxic friend doesn't grow or change and they are the same individual they were 10 years ago, they are needy people and they want to feel better and want to turn everything into competition and it's all due to childhood trauma so remember you don't need that energy and friend that leaves wasn't an actual friend or they were mislead and soon they will realize the bad quality of the friend poacher.
i have a best friend and another person that started jumping over me and copying me, and then my best friend says that the other person is more supportive
:/ literally
If it's a one time issue you automatically assume that it is chronic and you never really know how many times it occurred
I have been friend with my friend who always try to steal my friends... she never introduces her important friends to me and never puts me into the mix. I always introduce my friends into the mix, she follows and wants to be their friends- and cuts me out. It happened with a guy first, and with many.... so I don't introduce my friends around her. She is two people- bougesoise with the important friends and with my flavorful friends- she wants to be another person. It's annoying. I just started noticing this.
this happens to me, but the poachers really got some bluffing skills to get away and get my friend to side with him. seeing him chatting with my friends all the time and seeing how eager he is when chatting with my friend but goes silent whenever I show up in the group chat really made me jealous and sad. even my friend started to be less close with me.
the fact that he's 25 and my friend is 16 too is concerning me.. even more, he's visibly clinging to her, and he even flirts with her at times, sometimes subtly sometimes quite visibly. I tried to talk it out with him and my friend but even my friend won't listen to me and tell me to stop worrying and just get close to him too. can't do that when he went silent every time I show up in the group chat right?
2 of my male close friend in the group also has ever jealous of him clinging to another female member. for me, he gets close to 2 of my female close friend.
because it keeps on bothering me and draining my mental energy I decided to just stop caring about her and I also decided to leave the group which I've been a member since 2018 and have grown to be really close to just so I won't see them together at the group call all the time. and she doesn't seem to care that much.
may I ask your opinion on this?
I am really really glad that you decided to dropped someone like them,You can do so much better without them! Go gurl/boy SLAY!😌🙌🏻
That 25 year old is 100% a groomer
i was crying bc my bff and my friend is haning out with eachother all the time and i was thinking to search to what to do about this. Thank you soo much you made my day soo much better
My friend who I have known for 12 years , who I introduced to a friend and as all three of us have the same base of work but both of their style matches more so my friend from 12 years asked my other friend to hangout with him instead of me and him and some others which has been our daily routine for 2 years and that felt so outrageous because my friend from 12 years mocks me how he chose him over me and our group which was so sad but through some miracle and my hardwork I became his boss and fired him at a very crucial point of his career which made a bit sad but mostly happy
Thank you so much for this video, I thought I was alone in dealing with this.
I have a best friend who I’ve been friends with for over 5 years. Around a year ago we made a new friend group and the two of us became close with one girl in particular. Let’s call her Jenna.I was more friends with Jenna first but eventually my bestie became close with her too.At first it was great! She would invite us over for sleepovers all the time and we would go out together.
Then over the summer we went on a trip away together for three weeks. My bestie and I got in a fight and things were a little off for a bit after that. But during that time Jenna started inviting my bestie over to her house a lot, without me. They started hanging out more together. At first I tried not to let it bother me but after a while it really started to make me feel left out. At this point me and my bestie had worked our issues out. I told both of them that I was feeling a bit left out but both of them said I had nothing to worry about, however they continued to do activities without me.
Recently I told my bestie about how I was feeling, and she said she completely understand and I could tell she was genuine.
I don’t want to make them feel awkward or guilty for having a friendship without me but I can’t help but feel that my best friend is being stolen!
I feel very stressed about it and I’m not sure what to do next.
There are a lot more details I left out but it is a very complex situation.
thank you soooo much this really is helping me deal with everything much more
Thank you so much for this video☺️
You are so welcome!
Thanks for this...very helpful
You're welcome!
I can relate to most comments.... Firts I thought I was going crazy and being needy, but I got info that other friends in common are having the same issue...I voiced my concerns of being left out for my real friend , just to be met with anger, defense and gaslight... time to back off and reevaluate the friendship... Like what was said in the video, nothing wrong building new friendships, but leaving your friends out is not cool...
It’s really hard for me to deal with this so I’m gonna try it out , it just feels sooo bad!!
Yep. I have one. I ran into the two bicycling. My original friend hid it from me and has cut me out of the equation. She's done it with two of my friends (but the first time backfired for her). I no longer like the friend-poacher.
What should I do if I made new friends, and my friend kind of gets into it? She does this a lot, and I want friends of my own, she’s really clingy. Any tips? By the way thank you so much for this, this really helped me!
I have a situation that is a chronic issue but I never was able to put a finger on it u til now but when I look back almost all of my “friends” in the same context that we share have been poached by this woman.
And just to note, this isn’t someone I just met but something changed along the way.
Women friendships are difficult if you're an independent type like myself. I'm friendly to strangers, dogs, and the guy bagging my groceries so people tend to like me. I'm an introverted creative and happiest by myself. Ohhh women - especially hypersocial, friend collectors - really don't like this! Heck, I'm over 60 and still dealing with jealous females! There's no way around it. If you're a likable, attractive female, other females are going to try to one up you, put you down and one way they do it is friend poaching and the dreaded friendship triangle. If you're a people pleaser like myself, it's painful and sadly, inevitable. Best thing to do is accept that it happens and it WILL HAPPEN over and over again. BE CAREFUL who you befriend, as the video says. If you can LET this stuff go, let people be who they are, not let their sh*ty behavior bother you (impossible but hey, you can try) and enjoy your own company and avoid groups of women, then you'll likely experience more peace and contentment when it comes to socializing with and befriending other women. Sad and sometimes lonely but that's my experience.
Yeah, yup…
My cousin is stealing my only friend that I’m in touch from school. Ridiculous
It's time to say this to your cousin's face, tell them that you ain't okay with this
@@estrxlatzu then i fear i will ruin my relationship with her
@@anonymus5316 you can say her that but try to sugarcoat it, or stop introducing her to your friends
@@estrxlatzu ya absolutely. No introducing of friends further at all 😂
@@anonymus5316 Yes plz,and I hope she stops doing that
This is currently happening to me. A friend (skating on thin ice) who is currently in a bpd spiral, decided to go after my friends. My friends behave very awkward and off towards me, so I know she has been making up rumours.
There is nothing I can do because my chronic illness is in tatters and I am snowed under with college.
Help! Lol this is happening to me with someone and it is chronic! I have backed away but the problem is its my husband's good friends wife. Now i know why she doesn't have any friends ever!. My hubby will sometimes invite them to get togethers and she does this every single time. So I have refrained from including them. I had given the benefit of the doubt that maybe I was over thinking it but it's gotten extreme. She completely tries to hide it from me but my friends are very loyal and see through it. Which then makes me think she is fake and I'm being used. I have said something and she was defensive. I don't want to say anything to my husband bc I don't want to start drama. I just keep it in and feel horrible. She will meet my friends and literally start taking selfys.its very weird. I'm not sure how to handle this bc I don't want to start drama. She is overly nice to me and sometimes i don't even reply to her bc i am over it! Any recommendations???
Ive been accused of friend stealing. I asked my friend if she still wanted to be friends with her other friend because she was being mean to me. She wanted to boss me around and I just didn’t like the way she was treating me over all. Did I want to ditch her? Yeah. I didn’t like the way she treated me like a kid she had to take care of. I think I just didn’t know how to have boundaries with her. I wanted to pull my friend into my boundaries. I guess. For a long time I didn’t really see the problem with this because I always said that my friend could be friends with who ever she wanted. But I would of preferred if she stopped hanging out with her because I didn’t like the way she treated me.
Ive been in other situations where I had a friend that was friends with someone that was stalking me. From previous experience. I decided that it was best to ditch my friend if she was going to be friends with my stalker. I never told her why I stopped being friends with her. She later revealed that she was upset because I just kept ignoring her all the time.
I don’t know what other people think about this but it’s important to speak up about injustices and if your friend okay with someone hanging out with someone that treats you poorly or harms you in any way. Ditch them both and don’t look back.
Yes! I have two friends that now i only hang out one on one because of this whole friend poaching. Also my wife and I relized that there is also a couple that couple friend poaches!
So here’s my story (if u even wanna know)
So I have a friend, we’ll call her S
I have an enemy, we’ll call him Z
So I was talking to S when Z suddenly starts talking to us
Then I find out that Z added S in Roblox
So Z was talking to S more than I could like when I was talking to her he would interrupt
Then when I confront Z he says he likes S
So we can’t have bf and gf so I told him r u serious?
And then I asked him if he was stealing her from me then Z said yes
So once I saw S in her bus so I was waving at her and S waved back but then Z said “SHE’S WAVING AT ME”
To this day Z has still been lying and trying to steal my friends
Tysm this has rlly helped but I don’t think Z will ever stop.
When I was a kid i was an outsider and i found it hard to make friends. Whenever I wanted to make friends this girl would steal them away from me and turn them against me. For example I was friends with a tomboy named Sarah(not her real name) who was always hanging with the boys and I befriended her only for Ashley(not her name)to come along and take her from me. Ashley even goes to every single wedding 💒 and the girls I was friends with didn't invite me(as they don't bother with me).
I have had a best% friend for 10 years now and he is a boy thought and i'm a girl. So we don't really hug but i introduced one of my other friends to him and now she is his best friend and spends everyday with him . I think she likes him and i'm the only person , who goes to his birthday with his brothers and now she is coming .....
This happened to me once one of my new friend in my new school turned my best friend against me who was my BFF for like 8years i got in depression because of it and now it's happening again
The thing is put boundaries in the very beginning happened to me too and I was lost
Is saw my bff whispering toy friend behind me and I heard them saying that they would give them something thank you for making this
what if the friend poacher is your only friend? for a introvert its really hard for me to make friends and i feel like the "friend poacher" in my life is actually trying to make friends but they always want to hang out without me and it makes me feel left out and i know they know i feel that way but they only seem to care about their seperate friendship instead of how I feel and the really anoying thing is that i was the one who introduced them together and now they are pushing me down and it makes me feel really jealous and they know it, do you have any advice for them to stop acting that way? edit: the friend that my friend poacher is trying to steal right now is actually my best best friend i dont wanna lose her
I need help I had a best friend named alina and I have one friend name khadeeja
Khadeeja is a jealousy whenever I talk alina do khadeeja is stealing my best friend now my best friend alina is not talking with me more she is sometimes avoiding me
How about an ex-friend poaching not 1 not 2 but 3 friends! Im talking grown ass women in their 50s. I ended our friendship 10 years ago for other reasons. She fast became friends w 1 & 2. I let it go. Saw them on my own. Two years ago my family had a horrific tragedy & she knows it. Immediately after shes now friends with all 3 & posts all the get togethers, overnights w matching PJs & now traveling together. It's really difficult bc I know they are aware I don't want to be around her. That being said I don't get a lot of invites from them now. She has pulled the wool over their eyes as to who she really is. Shes the only one that posts photos. She's all about the cruelty.
I have a friend and I brought my other friend who had never seen her in irl before and they where just leaving me out and my friends little sister and I actually think her little sister is nice so I just ignored them and played with her little sister
I have someone how is stilling my friends from me in colleage
.smake music , pouch ,not war , my friemd :D i like
My own aunt steals my friends (20 year olds) and my moms friends (40 year olds) 😂 she’s 33 it’s crazy none of her friend talk to her and now I know why.
I have this one friend who plays with my other friend all day every day and i asked to play with my other friend she said yes and then my one friend joined and said so my other friend “wanna play something?” And she said sure and i got so mad i swear froends needs to wtop doing this is pisses me off
Friend poachers suck. Dealing with one now.
what if talking is not a way, whats a good revenge to make the poacher miserable for the rest of his life
Still havent got an answer, and the poacher is just ticking my life to worse every week..
After 11 months
I have an ex best friend and her name is dorina and i was best best friends with her and i said yes to literally everything and then i found out she used me and now i have a bestie her name is amina and dorina is jealous bc she used to be besties with one of the popular girls and now she wants to steal amina or my guy best friend and my guy best friends nane is uvejs and he moved today and i know that dorina is gonna stay with me and amina and yesterday i found out that when im not at school she FRICKIN STAYS WITH AMINA AND PULLS HER BY HER SHIRT and i cryed last night bc she tries to steal all of my friends and i dont wanna talk about this but i went through it once so i dont wanna go through again so yea im soo overprotective of amina bc dorina IS A RATTTTTT
This kept happening to me as a kid, one even fought me saying I was the one stealing friends. I haven't had a friend since.
**Cue Sad Violin**
My bestie she has been brainwash by a friend and now she's talking I not even able speak
Nigga my own cousin stole my best friend 🤦🏾♂️ thought they was day ones.