In-Law Conflict: Your Wife vs Your Mother
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- čas přidán 25. 12. 2016
- If your wife and your mother are having conflict, the real battle is to get on the same page with your wife first. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships can be a challenge. Try these five life hacks.
Discussion Questions:
1. Listen to your wife. In your own words, describe the main problem she's having with your mother.
2. What are some boundaries you need to draw for the sake of your wife and your marriage? Make a list.
3. Ask your wife what she needs from you. How can you serve her and honor her?
4. Do you think your wife is feeling insecure about her relationship with your mom or dad? Does she feel secure in her love for you? Talk about it.
5. Do you think it's time to talk to your mother about this issue? If not, when would be a better time? Are you willing to go, as the man, and represent both you and your wife?
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Check out another topic related to this one on pursueGOD.org:
www.pursuegod.org/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-with-your-in-laws/
How do you work through this when both in laws haven't met yet ? And the opinion of the wife's mother and father has already been set ?
His mom told him to cheat on me because I don't bow down to her now his on dating apps with other women one night stands PRAYER FOR US LEONELO 🙌🏾🙌🏾
A very difficult situation: Guys Please !! Listen to your wife, she is not trying to attack your mother, but if you value your relationship with your wife and keep your relationship healthy ... let go of mommy's skirt and BE A MAN!
Thanks for watching NANCY FRIEDMAN.
Best wishes,
PG Team
Amen!
NANCY FRIEDMAN what if I live with his parents.
every girl said so..
Daphkar DuVarney - save money and move because if you live in their house, it’s their house, their rules.
I'm a mother in law. Thank you for this advice. I need to change.
Remember as a woman i tell my own mother everything you do. So don't stress your daughter in law out. Its her family now, if not she may have her own mother tell unto back off! Your daughter in law will take her kids and run and sue ur son for child support for your abuse
You better change................. Sucking mil kills slowly........
@Witchy BlueMoon dont be a mamas boy grow up buddy. I would never want an mil i have my own mom
@@FS02012 yes.. I happen so fast.. I didn't see it coming
How are you a mother in law with the name Steve?
Leave and cleave.... .this is on point. Thank you. You can love and honor your mom but your wife entered into marriage with you not your mom.
I just bumped in into this vidoe... Currently in lot of stress I chose wife over mom because my wife is more honest , beautiful by heart than me ... Now momz gone so far that she thinks I m a stink in her life ... She gets outburst and send very tough what's app messages wherein every time she thinks I betrayed ... Though in our society people think I betrayed mom and dad for the sake of my marriage and love
@@preethamnhce my husband did the same for me in our marriage and I cant believe how many of his family members what look at him and have sent letters to him saying "family comes first". But me and our children our his family and we come first. Not his parents anymore. Loved hearing from a mans perspective.
@@nicoletteCA You have a lot to learn about "families" yet.
@@preethamnhce Contact a spiritual one today and thank me later for all kinds of spiritual issues
*Love sperm
* Spiritual attack
*Successful business
*Money Boom
*Traveling issues
*Marriage issues
*Political power etc
Baba osun is capable and trustworthy without human sacrifice
Contact him via WhatsApp:+5492983388726
No matter the problem you are facing today take a step to find a solution
@@nicoletteCA Contact a spiritual one today and thank me later for all kinds of spiritual issues
*Love sperm
* Spiritual attack
*Successful business
*Money Boom
*Traveling issues
*Marriage issues
*Political power etc
Baba osun is capable and trustworthy without human sacrifice
Contact him via WhatsApp:+5492983388726
No matter the problem you are facing today take a step to find a solution
Wow! My life for the past 20yrs! My MIL treats my soon to be ex husband like he’s HER husband and demands him to be the head of their household too..taking care of them and solving all of their problems! It’s a sick, toxic narcissistic family and I can’t wait to be free of all the BS! She has hated me since day one...just because he loved me and she was terrified she would lose him and her control over him. Sick...
mermaidlorelei hi. M going through same
Hit the nail on the head!!
Some MIL are so toxic. Mostly african mother in law. They are driving wives away. They are causing divorce in marriages.
@@obonetsemogwe7831 Where are you from? Are all African men mama boys or what? I keep hearing this and I’m trying to understand if these guys know how to defend their wife or do they always listen to their mom 😭
@@futuristicvibes2643
Not all are .. but mostly it happens especially when you marry the son who is the bread winner.. " money is the issue for they are selfish and greedy , they think a wife is there to milk their son money" African MIL's dont like happiness to their bride. They will do anything to cause havoc.
Not knowing they are as well hurting their own sons.
My mother in law told my husband he can always get another wife, but he only has 1 mother. She is one evil woman!
idd she is no1likeme990408 I hope your relationship survives!
@@alianajacobs5703 Thank you! 💕
Poor excuse.
Bad excuse for his behavior. Ignorant.
@@dianariley9582 It's a cop out for HER behavior! She was mad at the fact that he wasn't defending her for her really bad attitude towards me & I heard her say it. I've been dealing with her for a very long time! She always tries to pushing him into a corner. He doesn't deserve it.
The trait that made me want to marry my husband was the way he treated his mother. I'd always been taught that you can tell the measure of a man if he treats his mother with respect that will also mean he'll be respectful to his wife. I never dreamed in a million years we'd be sharing a house with his mom, but we are. In the five years we've lived here, she has done everything in her power to paint me as a thoughtless, selfish woman and belittle me in every possible way. I'm going to have my husband watch this. Hopefully it will help our relationship.
Your husband needs to tell his mother to shut the * up. Excuse my Japanese. As long as you're respectful and not instigating, this is how it should be. You are the mother of his children and take priority. His mother doesn't mean apricot one as her usefulness is over. Just my opinion.
Mothers who don’t have husband
always end up making their sons into the replacement husband.
You wonder, will she ultimately marry the son?
I feel like even moms who are still married, yet lack emotional support, go for the kids, sons in particular. My mil does this. She was married for 26 yrs then they got a divorce.
This !!! i hate it
Yes what is with moms acting like their sons are their life? Bleh🤮
@@mrsanonymous414 If Their husband is dead then who else is her life?
@@peaceluver2126 she has her own life. What happens when her son marries and moves away?
This is really sad. I wish my husband would have seen this video before I lost kilos , hair and crying everyday because of his mother. Obviously we are not together anymore.
" it is written that a man shall leave his parents and a woman shall too leave her parents and be one ." So mostly mother inlaw are not ready to let go of their sons. But they like it when their daughters are happily married..... this is wickedness.
Amen! My ex fiancee lost me and part of the reason was his unhealthy behavior with his mom. She called him 5 times a day, dropped over unannounced, and put pictures of Naked women on our porch when I gained weight. I didn't feel safe with him because he didn't protect me from his mother. A woman will loose all respect if you let your mom run the show.
What you expect. A man to be a dick to his mother for your ass? Hells na..
The issues run deeper when the MIL can’t let go of her son, and let him flourish and grow with another ‘Woman’. They know that their son’s CHOOSE their wives/Spouses/S.Os and will do everything to get in the way and make things difficult. Especially when they are in unhappy marriages they know aren’t going to ever get back on track themselves.
My mother in law told my husband to not sign for a home until he speaks with her! I thought that was outrageous but now I’m seriously facing divorce I can’t anymore!
He never grew up
Mee too stay strong in the Lord my sister this too will pass
I’m scared this is gonna happen with me and my boyfriend 😭
Once a man is shaped as a mamas boy, is almost impossible to change it. That’s because it’s him who should notice the problem and decide to change.
Azuro med - he is afraid of his mom. He thinks he can’t battle against her and expects you to “understand” his position but he doesn’t understand that you are the wife and he is ranking you down with his behavior. He didn’t solve his shit before getting married.
Azuro med - I’m latina and I can tell you latin culture idolize mothers. Since we are kids, moms put a lot of guilt in their children and always saying the mother is first and everything else is second. I never swallowed that but I notice the guilt trip if stronger with boys. Probably his mom sees you as competition, she doesn’t understand the cycle of life. As a couple, you shouldn’t live with her. Lack of privacy causes many problems
Azuro med - that kind of men live in a constant conflict between pleasing their moms and to follow the natural path of creation (that is to grow, detach and create your own family). If he is 45, I see very hard to expect a change. Until his mother passes, the umbilical cord will not break but you don’t want a man that chooses you just because his mom is not here anymore. Also, they never want to discuss their relationship with their mom because in latin culture it is considered like treason. The only information you will gather is through observation and hearing what others said. If they speak Spanish and you don’t speak the language, you will remain mostly in the dark.
Azuro med - maestriaj@gmail.com
Once a woman is shaped as a self is narcissistic little wench it's hard to change that.
the 34 dislikes are monster in laws
38 now by monster in law who baby their sons instead of telling them to man up.
Hahah ya... 1 must be my mother in law
Kerryann Moreno lol
And mommy's boys 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
Well it looks like you have been raised by a normal mum, shame we can't say the same for every man out there.
Fran exactly !
Very true
Amen
What about a mother in law that speaks negatively about you to her son constantly?
Kim Ellis I literally just ask the same thing just this minute, before I read the comments...hmm.
Kim Ellis ignore you can't control her but you can control only your reaction
Kim Ellis
I believe they're jealous of the wife
Kim Ellis, I have a similar problem with my mother in law. She continually bashes me behind my back to my husband and to anyone who will listen. She is disdainful of me due to my disabilities. She withholds her love from my husband because of me. He's caught in the middle. He wants my love, but at the same time, he wants his mother's love and approval. I'm concerned that my mother in law's cold and distant behavior toward my husband may make him resent me. For my part, I do not want to come between my husband and his mother. I'm at a loss about this situation.
we must be related!
my life got much better once my MIL passed away, sad to say but I was glad she was gone, she was the MIL from hell towards me. She even caused fraction between my kids, by giving one sibling an amount of money while the other was watching and he got nothing. One day, I become a MIL... and I make sure, I will never behave like my dragon MIL!
I'm glad you got some relief through her death.
Lisa Michelle - is a conflictive feeling
Glad to know that your life got better while your husband and his family grieved. You sound like a real winner; a selflessly devoted and loving woman.
Even if mine were to die, too much damage has already been done.
@@cc-wz6xr why do you think my husband was grieving? Honestly, he wasn't ;
0:59 😅am 16. I am just watching this so i can be a better husband and a better son at the same time.
Listen up guys (married men). Don't worry about ruining your relationship with your mother in order to prioritize your wife. Your mother has also been another man's wife and she expected to be put first. She already had her day in the sun. Now she is ALSO expecting to be put first by her son? Selfish! Tell your mother that she is being selfish. Don't be afraid to rock the boat. Your mother will get over it. If you are more concerned about being a good son than a good husband, you are violating your marriage contract. Do you want to lose your wife? Do you want to end up in divorce court? Then keep on being "confused" as to which woman to prioritize. Your father was not confused. Your mother sure got to enjoy being your fathers top priority and being the queen of her castle. Let your wife enjoy the same sense of comfort and security now. Don't deny her that. It is her marital right. Put your mother firmly in her place and set solid boundaries. She may kick and scream. She may lash out and become a crazy lunatic. Surely she will blame your wife and not you. Don't let these toxic antics from your mother faze you. Do you want to remain married? Your mother will have to get over it and if she chooses NOT to get over it, then you must cut your losses and move on to enjoy your marriage without her negative influence in your lives.
This wise man must have a happy wife and yes happy life
Thing is, mother in law told my husband to sleep in another bedroom, he checked out almost 3 years ago..I'm the wife, not the mommy!! He defends her insults and criticisms, and says she's done nothing wrong! I believe its sick for a mother to tell their son to stop having relations with the wife, sadistic! BTW I did say for her not to barge into my home without calling and she told me she didn't have to get my permission to come to my home. She needs to watch the video!!!
Poor thing..that it happened to you as well.. This feels terrible. And I live the hell... My husband.... Correction.. psychopath husband never ever empathetic me.. And no back up.. And he always says. She IS my mother... Scary... Like a possession... LikeNorman bates and his split personality. With his mother... I am living this too... Sorry. Cos I am being tormented up and down by this psycho husband who punishes me if he didnt put me in place by abuse
@Sarah Rhi Sarah.. Thanks for support.. actually... If it is not for psychopathy /npd/dysfunctionality.. in mothers.. Having a son. Growing up and maturing. Into some beautiful individual.. Who can love a woman and protect his family.. Is a most beautiful thing.. I know I would sure love to see that in my children.. To mature n to love.. So there shouldn't be an issue at all.. And love will not be acompetition/a battle.. Everything becomes wrong..when people treat people like possessions/objects.. when my mother in law shouts at me and possesively says...he is My son.. That is where the dysfunctionality comes in because they have intentions and expectations of their children which makes it all wrong... So sad.. Isn't it??? So I will pray hard for you and myself and all those out there who love so much
@Sarah R hi... I do agree with all the points you RAISED!! I can see all those visions I have for my life with my husband and children... The direction our family should be heading... But it is rather hard to not take it personally if I am persistently torn down... Persecuted for setting boundaries. .. His unreasonable irrational ' siding' of his mother... No matter what... So it is personal... Because my MIL will get me replaced with a mail order bride.. For her son. My husband.. And she will ask him to discard me in favor of another woman if I dare to set up any boundaries.... I saw this happen to my husband brother!!! She will complain about his wife for not doing this that.. Till they divorced... Which was her goal!! I saw What his mom can do to 'destroy' a family... So.. That is why all said and done it is the husband who must put things in perspective...to protect his wife his family... Sadly I don't blame anyone.. But my husband.... Most who are mamas boys. Feel like they are betraying their mothers if their so much as stand up for another woman... Most disordered complex.... So... It is personal... Because the dysfunctional mother and son complex. Is so twisted.. That the sons they raised cannot severe the apron strings...tied to their mothers... Sorry... I am no psychologist but hope I makes sense because I live the nightmare...just that I don't have any tactics to manipulate my husband to 'side' me...
@Sarah R thank you Sarah... For prompt response... Feel like someone understands. The unexplainable anguish pain torment I have always been going through... Yes...i do see your point... But now the so called 'sickness' is so bad for me... Not only does he not cleave from his mother... He even gets narc rage/toxic anger when, for example my child raising method differs from his mother... You see he was caned...badly by his mother when he was small so he always ask me to cane the kids to put them in place.. To use Same modus operandi as his mother... I don't even smack or use any form of physical punishment /abuse at all..so I am always persecuted if i do things differently...so for my husband. He is having a love hate relationship.. He has to put me down like I am some substandard human when he is with his mother so that his mother is always put on the pedestal.. To let her know that he hates me so that he will be loved and approved by his mother... You can really see the Dr jekyll and mr Hyde facial expression change when he splits into his mother.. For example... He never ever buys roses for me even though I love it... Cos his mother 's name is Rose... So you can imagine the psychopathy. I am living with... All hidden /swept under the rug...all these perverse issues. Not to be mentioned.. So I have been really obedient respectful trained... By him.. But if any trigger and he thinks of his mother.. A tornado will be coming my way when I will least expect it.. And Sarah... Throughout this marriage... I have always been made to think I am the one but little did I know that he and his mother have been using me as a scapegoat for all their dysfunctionality... I will keep praying...
@@betsycho.b5473oh same here
Unfortunately my mil is a narcissistic self obsessed person who you could never sit down with. Any time she is spoken to about problems in the relationship she goes on the hard defence and attacks me.
My mother in law has an inflated view of herself. She puts herself on a pedestal while cutting me down. My MIL refuses to talk to me. Whenever I reach out to her, she rejects me or says crap like "she has a full plate" and can't deal with our problems and basically tells us to leave her alone. Her behavior hurts my husband deeply. He loves me, but he needs his mother's love and approval which she withholds from him because he's with me.
I feel your pain. Mil is a covert narc blows you off plays victim and expects respect but doesn't give it . Very controlling
Wow wtf. Cringe I bet all the time
Excellent advice!
My ex husband unfortunately couldn't give his 'mummy' boundaries!!
Exactly....why am not in a relationship anymore
same here
Contact a spiritual one today and thank me later for all kinds of spiritual issues
*Love sperm
* Spiritual attack
*Successful business
*Money Boom
*Traveling issues
*Marriage issues
*Political power etc
Baba osun is capable and trustworthy without human sacrifice
Contact him via WhatsApp:+5492983388726
No matter the problem you are facing today take a step to find a solution
Thank you! As a wife this is really good to see. Also, it seems like my husband is doing everything right, but we just need to pray for God to soften his parents hearts. I have tried to make amends, but now it's in God's hands.
Why reason with a narcissist mother in law? They just try to manipulate their sons lives over the daughter in law. When the husband sees that his mother is putting him in a position to choose or make either or happy she deserves a checking .
Men need to stop being a big overgrown 'manchild' and step up, take responsibility, instead of cowering in the corner.
My husband would not follow this even in his dreams.... I'm so sick of his narcissist mother....he pleases her all the time, doesn't stops her when she is wrong....we don't talk much now because whatever I share with him he will tell to his mom and she gives her opinion that he follows.... I don't feel secure at all
You need to leave
Thanks for this video, I hope I can share it with my husband as some point without him getting defensive. I have four sons myself and two of them are in relationships and I know I come second to their partners and that's the way it should be.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now if only men would actually see this!
idd that would be a great help
I just sent this to mine
One day you will be against his advise once you become a mother in law lol
@@StreetSmartification I really hope not, but who knows 🤷🏻♀️ Anything is possible!
I think these men enjoy seeing their mom and their wife fight over them, like a fantasy of having 2 hot chicks fight over him. He sits back and enjoys it. He wins every time.
We'll I'm a wife looking at your video and you were preaching! I almost did a cart wheel. If I can only get my husband to watch this without being on defense mode that would be a huge leap in this situation. I think it's common sense that the child of that in-law set the boundaries. He asked me why can't I tell her how I feel.. I was honest and said that if I do the wrong vocabulary will come out and it'll just make it worst it will be better received from him..he was still lost..I've been through some bull swanky with her! I have a 11month son and I be damned if she tries to get possessive of him too..it already started with little things so I nipped it in the bud. If he can't grow a pair then I'll have to grab mine off the shelf and put her in her place really quick in what ever verbal way I see fit.
ladygodiva32man oh my god you literally took every single word out of my mouth with what you wrote! I can relate 1,000 percent with u
you go girl!
I'm going through the same thing!
OMG me to... She just came by me and it's like verbal curses she spoke over my family.....Can I rebuke her for my husband and myself, seeing that she is an authority?
A Alexis if she is in your house she has no authority at all!
I can't even describe the clarity this video has given me.
Hell, my mother-in-law was pure hell! She use to bust in our bedroom while me and my husband were in a compromising position and use walk into the bathroom while my husband was sitting on the toilet without knocking and had the audacity to try to hold a conversation with him. It was the one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen! She never liked me and I always had to hear how great his baby mama was and that they should have been married. She use to tell me that she was the only woman in her son’s life and that I would not be her first choice to marry him. Then she went on to say that if it came down to me or her, that her son would always pick her over me. I told him about the things that she would say, of course he would always make an excuse for it. Creepy as hell!
My husband does none of that. That's why his family enjoy disrespecting me and my place as a mother. He's too scared of their reaction. That's why I resort to paying no attention to them. It's amazing my husband 'expects' me to talk to them and make the effort to get along when they treat me like shit yet he turns on me and says I'm the problem. Yikes.
Your husband has zero balls. Real men never let that happen to women they love.
Yep but you seem a little clueless and unaware of how wives can try to tear up your relationship with your son.
@@peggyrivera3964 by wives I'm guessing you mean my husband's mum? In that case, since I wrote this comment I've realised that his mum kept putting me in these 3rd party situations knowing that my husband takes her side. So I decided to take myself out of the equation and when I'm in their presence I completely put the ball in my husband's court. It seems to be the only thing that makes us all happy. As in, on the spot, the mother in law will ask me for a decision on something knowing full well she will oppose it, and I just say ask J, or I don't know. Then my husband will ask me and consult me. It's a weird situation to be in, but it's working for me. If I answer for myself it just leads to her wanting a battle. So I take her opponent (me) out of the equation and then communicate with my husband alone without her. Like she will ask my husband, then my husband will ask me, and then I will say that we can discuss it later. In no way do I answer her with a definitive answer cos her war light lights are on and ready. If however you mean the wife gets in the way of the relationship with her husband and his mother, then yes of course there are horrible daughter in laws. But I'm not one of them and I deserve to be treated like a human being.
@@nicolii7321 I am in a bit of a different situation than you and so is my closest friend. My dil let me know from the beginning that HER family came first. And when our granddaughter was born her mother doubled down to take all the attention for herself and my dil aided her. It has been many years now and I have swallowed many tears. I heard another speaker say that if you try to tell them how you feel they will flip it back on you and that has been my experience. I’ve had to learn that what is going on with her is not about me. But I have to protect my mental health. I stay back a little but still come over one night a week for dinner along with her parents. They are attention hogs and yell over each other. They would take our granddaughter in a different room and play with her so one day I just said we drove all this way it’s 20 miles then 20 miles home. There is so much there. I used to cry a lot but now it still hurts but I am resigned.
I think my first reply was meant for someone else because I can relate in some ways to you.
Its sad, after 10 years of marriage I still don’t trust my mil. It’s a broken family, and sometimes they make me second guess. But I married my husband not them. So I’m as patient as I can be to keep help my marriage.
Wow! I have learned a lot from this video.
I'm 20 years old, my biggest life goal is to get married and have a family of my own. The family I created will always come first. I will always be there for my mother however, when I have my wife, my mother won't be my first priority anymore.
My ex mother in law used to come in our bedroom at night and shut our window for fear that her precious son would catch cold (and it was a very hot summer that year). I thought my heart was going to fail me when I saw her fumbling with the window handle. Still not fully awaken, I thought she was a ghost😵😂😂😂😂😂
Hahaha
Thank you brother for the inspirational message. I truly appreciate the help, you basically said everything I needed to hear. The main conflict between my wife and mother is myself. I need to be ferm put my wife first and that this is what my wife and I needed from you, you will always be my mother but my wife needs me everyday and that I will have to work on for the rest of our days together. The pursuit comes after marriage not before it anyone can have a girlfriend boyfriend but it takes two committed people but truly love each other and want to meet each other's needs.
Well said & respected !! Just the other way around for me.
I loved this video! This should be shared with all .... married couples dealing with a hardship with the in-laws.
My mother in law sleeps on our couch and isn't working which was the agreement when she moved in. She has stopped going to work after a month and this morning she decided to get an attitude when my husband asked her what was going on. She basically threw all kinds of shade and said she doesn't ask anybody for anything but the fact is that she is staying here and we've been hospitable so we try to make her comfortable without completely compromising our routines, which has changed. She was also cussing out a man she has a restraining order against, telling him if he didn't give her $20 she was going to turn him in and he would have to go to jail for a year. She doesn't play with her grandchildren she only tells them she loves them when they tell her. She wakes up at 5am drinking Busch beer and gossiping to whoever listens. She is bitter and I am tired of trying with her I wish she would just leave if she doesn't want to be around us. But of course she has nowhere to go, the whole situation is ridiculous!
Make her WANT to leave 😉
THANK YOU! Now if only I can get my husband to watch this and actually listen.... 🙄🙄🙄
Stacy Higginson how was the outcome on that
Same here Stacy. I’ve been saying these very things to my husband for 9 years but even coming from a man I know he won’t listen. He’s a complete mama’s boy.
Wow only if men would understand this ... all it’s takes is to listen to your wife and realize that two make a team first ... mother has team with her husband too .. world would be a happier place and more kids will grow up in a family with happiness
Thanks for watching fumingsalmon,
Best wishes,
PG Team
I am a mother of one son. I am a mother in law. My son married into a very tight family. My son tried very hard to include me in parties, vacations, & etc. to go with them & her family. At first when he would invite me, I would at times say no. But, he would insist. My daughter in law’s family was very loving to me. It’s sad, bc my daughter in law not so much. I always felt not welcomed by her. I would greet her with a hug, but, she would push me away. Her body language at times would speak for her. Her gestures towards me were very hurtful. I never knew what I would do to her. After four years, I finally asked my son, “Does she like me?” His response “I don’t know, why don’t you ask her.” Of course I didn’t. Maybe I should of. Instead, of telling my son, all what I had endured for the last six years, I decided to walk away. I definitely don’t want to break up their marriage, especially bc of my grandchildren. I have no contact with them anymore. But, I can see in social media they are very happy. And that’s a good thing. I raised a good responsible family man. And I am very proud of that.
💟
Sometimes, daughters-in-law can be awful. I am sorry for your experience. Also, I don't understand why your son didn't contact you. Even when my mother-in-law didn't like me because I am a foreigner, I always told him to speak with her every day.
The fact that I found you is a gift from God. I’ve been praying about this for decades. I am not wanting to give up on my husband. But he has a problem. He puts his Mother above me and I have suffered terrible emotional and verbal abuse.
I’ve had the worst in-laws, I’ve got two sons, I will be the best mother in law to my kids marriages and wives I promise!!, I want my kids to never go through what I’ve had to with the absolute vile in-laws I’ve had, I want healthy loving marriage for all my children.. i will intentionally be part of the solution, I hope to have and love on my amazing daughter in laws and sons. I’ve learned everything not to do. Been separated from my husband over this sometimes people need to be able to choose, he grows up or he doesn’t but I get to still be better to my kids spouses simply because I want to
Mine gets jealous if she sees her son got me flowers because he didn’t get her some too. I wasn’t aware that a man buying flowers for his wife meant he has to get some for his mom as well. She doesn’t live with us and she never will if I can help it…she just happened to be over that day.
She texts and calls him all throughout the day. Expects him to spend his weekends on her shrubs when she already has a landscaper. I’ve been annoyed with this for a long time. We work during the week like most people and weekends we should be doing some stuff as a couple seeing as how we haven’t been married a year yet. I don’t feel like it’s a romantic marriage because there’s a another woman pulling for his affection and time. Just the other day I saw a glimmer of hope when my husband let it slip that he was annoyed with his mom because he thinks she’s just lonely and that’s why she has been working him like a work horse at her house. Now his moms only companion (her sister) is moving to another state and I made it clear that I see that as a potential problem if he doesn’t get assertive and nip this in the bud now. Why is it so hard to say “mom I’m a grown man with a wife and my own household. I have things that need to be done at my own household on the weekends. I also need to bond with my wife and take her on dates. Also, can we limit the calls to idk, maybe ONCE a day or even a few times per week. You have got to let go and get your own life.”
She has all these excursions and experiences she wants to try like hot air ballooning and guess who she thinks is supposed to go with her? Her son. Lol
A man whose primary relationship is with his mom should be honest to his girlfriend. He should never ask/expect her to marry him. She will always be put on a shelf. Once in a while, he will find some time for her that his mom doesn't claim, but most of the time, she will be inconsequential.
Thank you for sharing this.
I do find this very true and a lot of conflicts happens when husbands/boyfriend does not know how to draw boundaries with his Mother and other family members.
Great advice! Have a feeling more women viewed this than guys😁
What about when the in law want to control everything and manipulates my husband
Who all are watching this and are still unmarried... A great advice so that I can priotize my future wife more😁😌😌
Please cover verbally abusive father in laws. After coming from a good home. Meeting a quite, but loving husband and then finding out your father in law will say rude, abusive things to you, and my mother in law ... Sister in law and niece.. Knowing no one will cut ties. After 6 years and feeling like a divorce ... I started to see how his two kids handled him ignoring him and not reacting. I have to say that made them patient nice people. It's really overall hard to except as a daughter in law.
Literally put me to tears because this is all I ever wanted. ☹️
Why most men are mams boy?
jhaorama19 Because the mothers groom their sons to be that way!
I think the problem is that people do love their mothers but I think often mother-in-law's feel threatened by their daughter-in-laws. It's not such a big deal when you have a daughter and your daughter gets married and her husband becomes most important man in her life. But when your son gets married his wife becomes most important woman in his life which until he got married that was probably mom's place. It's sad that so many mothers don't understand that that is the natural Order of Things
@@juliecastillo914 very true
@@juliecastillo914 Well said but deep in the heart, we all know men WOULD DIE for their mom.
Kawhi Leonard Would you date a daddy’s girl?
Hope my husband will give time to watch this!
Thank you. This video gives me another perspective on how to face this situation.
Mother/hustlers create subtext emotional incest without understanding their own subconscious reasons for it. While you help yourself with your wife realize your mother isn't ware of her own personality routines.
Gosh the comments are making me so sad. The pain that wives go through because of in-laws is just unbelievable. My problem however is not my mother-in-law but my sister-in-law. She's my husband's oldest sister and wanted to be in the middle of our marriage. My husband became quite hostile towards me for her sake and hardly ever held her accountable. I realized if I didn't stand up to them both I'd be miserable so I took the gloves off and went to battle against her mainly since my husband wouldn't do it. All I can say is that she respects me now cause she realized I wasn't playing.
Thanks!!! Loved it !!! You nailed it!
My child's father bought a home with his mom by her request (she has two already). I have been asking for years before and after our child. He hid it from me for almost 2 years and only disclose it after he thought I found out. He had to ask her permission to tell me. All this while he was asking me to marry him.
I have a healthy relationship with my husband and my in laws can’t stand me. My MIL tolerates me and is an absent grandmother. My SIL doesn’t speak to me and has ignored my kids for 5 years and my BIL is civil. Hi, by and short convos. Very short convos. He has spoken to his mother and she does NOTHING to fix her family. I am not their issue. It’s deeper than that. They think they are better than everyone and I’m some peasant. We are second class citizens to his family. It is awful. My FIL loves me. He also divorced my MIL…
This is SO on point👌I wish this video will go viral between men one day so they can learn from it... Literally wisdom 🙏
This conflict has one bottom line: no one can replace biological connections. Hence its key to define distance and area of influence. Then things will work fine.
Good point, my husband protects my in laws at all costs against me, he is happy with them and even leave me to be with them, I feel so fulnerable
Lots of talks and conunselling. @ Rene
Thank you for this advice. Praise God something sensible and concrete reasoning for my husband to hear and see. This is something i want to speak with him about but always think that her mom is always right and that i am not the priority i feel like. I dont feel secure. So thank you with all my heart.
Don't stick around 20yrs waiting for that. I tried to get this
My mother in law, on my wedding day, told my husband to make my death look like an accident for the insurance money. It’s been a toxic relationship the entire 8 years we’ve been together.
It difficult in my situation. My mother in law has Dementia and my husband moved her in with us. We have a teenager and this has not been easy at all. I feel like there is no room for me, I feel like an outsider in my own house 😞
Excellent!
Thank-you!
How does this not have more comments and likes!? Such great advice 🖒
My mother in law always talk shit to me for no reason. I try to get long with her for five.but i just give up..
I greatly appreciate this video.
It took 8 years of MILs abuse, before we went no contact.
Since my husband didn't initiate the decision, I feel very guilty. If I had tolerated her behavior, he wouldn't have be cut off from his family. Is this normal?
Graceful Narcissist Abuse Survivor it's not normal to receive abuse from anyone! She chose the no contact by being abusive and you have nothing to feel bad about! Please take care of you 🥰
I did the same with my husbands family. But her words and actions were HER choice. "Every wise woman builds her home, but with her own hands the foolish woman tears hers down". Proverbs 14:1 - The Lord still gives us all strength to have self control and if our words and actions are damaging then theres no going back.
Nikki Lainee h
Finally!! Thank you 😊
You were right until you said talk for the wife. We did that, all his parents did was manipulate him. They know all the complaints are mine anyways🤷♀️ my husband has always avoided conflict w them. better advice: back your wife when she speaks for herself! My husband takes my side no matter what, and it has gained me a newfound respect because before it looked like I was a weak pushover that couldn’t defend myself. Not saying it is consistent respect, but I’ll be dammed if I continue to be walked on.
If all men think and behave like you life would be easier. Thank you for the video
And what if your MIL is a narcissist? What if she can’t be a normal person who can sit down and have a discussion about this without throwing tantrums, gaslighting, manipulating and if we don’t do things her way she doesn’t want us in her life or anyone in the extended families life? What if she bad mouths us so much to the rest of the family that we are forced to be estranged from them too?
I think we have the same MIL!
This is a great video. Thank you for your awesome insight
Honestly speaking, most daughter in laws who really love their husband's, want their husband's to respect and love his parents. It's a shame that some in laws are jealous, bitter, ignorant etc...once the son has tried and his mother is still on fools hill, then let her stay there and let God deal with her. He must leave his pare to a cleave to his wife and the two shall become one. God is very serious about this!!!
My husband always telling me.just ignore my bullying mother in law because he knows already her mother is like that I don't need to tell him...
My mother in law was really evil, she always have an issue with even at smallest things 😡 She make lies & accusations abt me so my husband will never be on my side & she really want her son to be with other woman that she thinks who is better than me. 🙄 But thankfully my husband was on my side now after so many yrs. I really pray for that. But sadly she we will never win haha 🤭 I don't want her anymore in our lives even my sister in laws who was evil too, they always plays a victim even they are the ones who always starting a fight! what an immature person they are! 😡 I will never allow them anymore to disrespect me! Not anymore 😡 I'am done with them!
Fantastic advice thank you!
Wonderful, thoughtful advice.
Wise and most brave...
What happens when the daughter in law & in laws don't like the mother at all? The wife's brother said to his mother inlaw... I'm sorry but in time you will fit in. He knew how uncomfortable his family made her feel. He felt so sorry for her. As time went on things got more uncomfortable. The family would indirectly ignore her on family occassions. It got awkward. Then the son made a choice not to speak to his mother. It was like the son was so controlled by them. In his father in laws first marriage he disowned his children. This son was an only child. The mother is devasted. She doesnt even get to see her grandson, either. She sends cards to all but not a word. What help can you offer?
Amen. Thank you.
for me, the problem is, my husband does listen, but doesn't talk. no reply no reassurance no nothing when i bring up heavy issues, specially when it about his mother.
Hi Numba1 TeddyBear,
We are sorry to hear about your struggles. We hope these topics will be helpful to you:
www.pursuegod.org/marriage/
Best wishes,
PG Team
Same here
Cut her off!!no contact rule!when he asks you why?tell him shes affecting your mental health.so u r setting boundaries
Thanks so much!! That “WE” thing was really where I was going wrong.
Thank you for this video. A men perspective is very welcome of this delicate subject.
Both my wife and mom got mad because my mom wanted to organize our garage and my wife didn’t want that . We both told her straight up no , you don’t need to do that (meaning we don’t want that ) she went and did it anyways . And there I was caught in the middle
Stand up for you and your wife, it's an intrusion on your personal space and an even bigger intrusion on your marriage covenant. Well done for being observant enough to understand the undermining it's caused your wife who is under you and the home maker.
🙏
Thank you for that counsel, Because I have had it with my husband and mother-in-law.
Dear I know of a powerful man who can help you reset your in law mind by placing positive energy on them permanently
Message him on WhatsApp with this number for help.. +2348124737104
You are a blessing!
Umm this video is freaking awesome and really need my husband to see this!! Lol
you are a very wise man
I wonder why it’s fine for her parents to come unannounced but when it comes to my parents they can’t come unannounced
Things like this draw anger out of me. Whilst all the conversation is oh let’s prioritise the wife, let’s ask her why she’s feeling this way…men are out here committing suicide, depressed, on a much greater scale than the wives.
How about (not in all cases), wives humble their selves and realise their husband is In the middle of this?!?!
You put a face on when you go to work EVERY DAY, yet you won’t put a face on when you meet your in law twice a year?
Selfish
The best thing is to move as far as possible from your inlaws
Why you don't get married until he has enough together to get your own place.
True.
Many of these Narc MILs are usually single mothers, divorced, or the husband passed away. Guess who is substituted for husband? That’s right! The son.
It’s very terrible. Very terrible!
These 5 was everything that was wrong with the first few years of my marriage
Love this video. Too many men don't know how to do any of this
there is not one man that will put their wife first. After 26 years of marriage and four kids my husband decided to end the marriage because his mother told him I was a mistake. I did all of the above and my husband flat out told me his parents and siblings were his family. Now that he is remarried they hate the new wife as well. Now he sees it wasnt me. My children despise his mother and dont care about her at all. If I ever marry again, his mother HAS to be dead. I cant deal with being at the bottom.