I've literally cried through this whole video realizing I am selfish. I'm not proud of this. Everything that he says is spot on. What a horrible feeling.
Im selfish AF and I get it now. I was raised to be selfish by selfish parent and have been emulating the same. Not her fault though I have the ability to change and control my own life and I accept that responsibility. This is how you grow sometimes you gotta evaluate yourself and not lie to yourself.
🎯❗️Word! "Sometimes you gotta evaluate yourself and not lie to yourself." Much RESPECT! Wishing you Peace & Truly Loving relationships - with good, supportive friends and family and a Divine mate. 🦋🕊💜
when you know you are selfish and self centered and you try to fix yourself and be a good person while all your relationships are crumbling apart at your finger tips, and you accidentally hurt the person you care about most, which makes the situation worse because you feel like you have ruined everything and it's all your fault that you can't stop being the way you are. the feeling of trying so desperately to cling on to your relationships and friends whilst trying to be a better person and better yourself but you just keep failing no matter what you do, everything seems to fail eventually is like holding on to the side of a cliff as the rocks crumble under your hands. And as you sit there, hoping the person who you need most won't leave you like everyone else did as you search for ways to improve yourself online....
I feel no matter how much you love that person, if they consistently prove they are selfish and always thinking of themselves 1st, then you must show/tell them you are not happy. It'll lead to fights but then it will free yourself! If they don't show you the appreciation you deserve, and instead just take, take, take, especially for granted, then keep moving forward without them, until they change and realize their selfish ways. If not, be alone, because nothing can feel as bad as being with someone selfish especially when they can't even comprehend how they come off that way...Let me be. They deserve to be miserable - Alone.
I agree with the "however". It is usually telling the other person that you are smarter than them. Just remember this...if you stay in the present moment when talking to people, that can not happen! This allows the convention to be even yolked.
When it comes to selfishness - it's up to the person to decide to change his ways. And it seems that it's going to be a long process to deprogram the selfish traits of a person. I'm very sorry for this long post. I'm just honestly trying to grasp why people are so selfish, why people don't show heart, why people don't truly care. It's been so saddening, anguishing, frustrating when you believed, cared about & for someone so much & it's like they have turned into an alien not a human.
or cared to learn more about me as a human being & the things that shaped me to be who I am & how I think & feel. It seems everybody else is asking me these questions & care to know more about me but the 1 person I wanted to do these very things was him. I'm beyond devastated that he didn't ask questions, feel, behave, or care like most normal human beings do. I will never get or understand this. I was always on his side - his loyal true friend. (cont.)
This video has been one of the most helpful videos I have watched to improve my behaviour in my relationship. I’ve been trying to watch the video daily for the past couple of days and my partner has already acknowledged that my attitude and behaviour towards them has already changed for the better! Thank you so much for this video, it’s been such a wonderful stepping stone to get myself on track!
I am a very selfish person. That has caused many issues with my relationships but especially my marriage. I wrote out a letter to my spouse pointing out all these characteristics that I have. Each point I explained times where I did all theses and told her that I would never again. First, you need to discover the problems before fixing them, and that is what the video help me do. Long story short, she read my three page letter and was speechless, and we had make up ❤. Thank you for helping me discover my faults. I am now one of your biggest advocates and reading any books you recommend or write. Pleas, more video, you are definitely helping
I've been thinking about the topic of selfishness lately. Selfishness from other people really hurts & affects others. I'm a selfless person NOT selfish. I'm thinking of the recent off & on boyfriend of 1 year who left mid-February. I'm thinking of the conversations we had. When I think about it - most of the conversations were centered around him. I'm really hurt that he never asked me 1 question about Thailand, my Asian American background, Thai food, my Thai American heritage, (cont.)
to truly be empathetic, caring, feeling, & selfless. A person can be counseled by 3 people with counseling backgrounds, go to church, & listen to Christians song, & with all this assistance, advice, & help - nothing is soaking through & the person is getting worse. I'm also thinking of the 1st boyfriend I had. He was atheist & said he didn't need to go to counseling because he felt there was nothing wrong with him.I'm comparing a guy who is Atheist & who didn't care to go to go to counseling
This helped me during a situation that angered me A LOT. I’m able relax and respect a persons pov, although I don’t agree with it, without arguing against it after listening to this.
& who was not nice & was selfish AND then a guy who does get counseling, who goes to church, who listens to Christian songs - yet both of the guys' lack of empathy, compassion, caring, heart, feelings, selflessness - they both kind of match. What I learned - it doesn't matter about whether a person has religion or not - if a person is selfish, they're selfish not matter what. Some guys own it & some guys have this appearance that they're caring BUT their actions aren't reflecting that. (cont.)
It truly hurts that maybe he's right - when he said to me he has behavior like a cold-blooded shark. I'm really hurt that I was always there for him, by his side, for a year's time, always publicly & privately defending him, having his back, & believing in him, & then he leaves each time I'm being real with him OR because something else is happening in other departments not even related to me for him. I'm hurt that he barely asked me questions about me, myself, my experiences, (cont.)
Sir, thank you for sharing this. Clearly, based on these 10 examples, I am a selfish person in relationships because I identified with seven of them. So, to cater to my selfish needs and wants, I would like to point out how you asked people to not comment on your looks or intelligence. That is a selfish request because you are asking people to limit what it is that they say to cater to your wants. Something to think about.
what it was like growing up Asian or Thai American in the U.S. I'm hurt that he didn't ask how I was doing health-wise that much when I'm dealing with medical problems now. I'm hurt that people on messageboards I've haven't talked to in months or a long time, have already given me affectionate or warm terms such as "hon", "sweetie", "sweetheart", etc. MORE times in a span of few days this week than what that this guy - the boyfriend - has said affectionate termwise in the span of a whole year.
We are all selfish. The issue is the context and degree to which it operates in our daily lives. They will always tell you when preparing to fly, put your own safety vest on first before attending to even your children. Thats because you cannot help anyone else unless you are ok first 🙏🏼
Its. So great. To. Hear a man. Of God...be. Very transparent..and. Just. Real.....thanku. U r. ..God s man..for. This JOB....HEY. U OF M. MAN...GO. BLUE...
Hi. Thanks. About adding idea(s) to another person's, isn't it better for self development and the world when everyone is willing to share and improve? The other person still owns the idea. If he/she wants to improve, he/she will find ways to improve. If someone gives him/her idea(s) for Free, he/she can decide whether to add it. It doesn't make the person who gives idea(s) selfish. People often say they want feedback.
Do you think an educated person can be in a relationship with someone who does not have an education? I did not get my degree in biology until age 44, but when I went to college I took all the hard courses (chemistry, physics, biology, calculus, etc.) so I truly do have an education and understand NOW how the world works on the micro and macro level. How do I now have a conversation with someone who does not have the same world view? I don't want to find myself always correcting someone because they truly are uneducated and just don't know.
I believe the best way us to teach them some if the things you learned. We are often in relationships with people that have different careers and interest.
@mizzmolly Well said. Studies show that many computer programmers have ZERO Emotional Intelligence, which is very important for healthy relationships (of all kinds), in leadership and in life.
@mizzmolly I hope not for life, Molly! You deserve to have peace of mind and loving relationships. I DO know that it's a hell of a challenge to recover from toxic relationships. 🕊 ✨💜✨ I want you to experience more joy in life...as much as I desire more joy for myself. Loving/giving is a wonderful feeling when it's well received and there's mutual respect, appreciation and desire to share with and bless each other. Much Love, Molly! XOX!
I came here thinking I am selfish but I come out thinking I am not. Maybe me thinking I am, means I am not. So weird, I'm questioning why I am single and this is not it the reason. I think I'm confusing my difficulty to share myself as selfish. When in fact I'm not.
My band, "The UnKnowns" recently posted a new music video entitled "Ain't It A Shame." It's about people who are selfish and will even hurt those they love to get to where they want to get. For those interested it can be heard here: @
my boyfriend told me that I'm selfish (I agree) and I really want to fix this because he's hurt but I do not know how, do you know what can I do (not what I should not do) like actions ...
I'm guilty of the 'However' comments. However, how do you have a mutual conversation with someone without adding to it? Going on a date with someone that has no ability to enhance the conversation is a boring date! Help someone that is in grad school calm the education convo down, if that's possible.
It hurts so much it was easy for him to throw all of my effort, work, energy, everything in trash can like that. Why do people do that? You can go to church each week, listen to many Christian songs each day BUT the behavior, actions, lack of questions & caring & empathy ARE NOT matching the appearance of going to church & listening to Christian songs. It's like you're doing something for show & assimilating BUT you're not actually practicing & grasping how & what it means (cont.)
As I was watching this video I realize maybe I’m not so selfish after all besides few first points made. There is nothing for me to be selfish about that would make others feel bad because I avoid getting help from other people in the first place because my pride won’t accept help so all I do is survive and do things by myself so there is no one to credit. Maybe I feel this way because of childhood abandonment issues. And maybe my ”selfishness” is just good boundaries. Idk man. I want others to have boundaries with me too.
I wonder if that works long-term for you too. I get you looking out for yourself but it means that anyone who enters into a relationship has to be okay with getting less than 50% of the love, attention and compromise. That ultimately works against you because they leave due to unfairness and you are alone. You don't have to be selfish when you pick a partner who desires to give freely and you match that energy. God Bless, Ok!
is it selfish to ask questions? For example, if someone is trying to tell me something and I say yes but and then ask a question, is that the same thing as just trying to get them to see my point of view?
Tbh mate they are much more things which make sense within the bible than what contradicts itself and I only know due to meeting people I'm not religious as of yet but it seems as we may have a higher up after all even it isn't a God it would make sense
I've literally cried through this whole video realizing I am selfish. I'm not proud of this. Everything that he says is spot on. What a horrible feeling.
Rebecca Garza
Stay kind to yourself.
Try to change...
We can always change...when we want to. You can do it!
Rebecca Garza I am too , were you able to change?
Me too. And its affecting my relationships with my girlfriend and family. Hope you are able to heal and transform. I got a long way to go.
Not 2 many good listeners nowadays. A relationship cannot work if the other person can't even understand what you are saying to them.
Im selfish AF and I get it now. I was raised to be selfish by selfish parent and have been emulating the same. Not her fault though I have the ability to change and control my own life and I accept that responsibility. This is how you grow sometimes you gotta evaluate yourself and not lie to yourself.
🎯❗️Word! "Sometimes you gotta evaluate yourself and not lie to yourself." Much RESPECT!
Wishing you Peace & Truly Loving relationships - with good, supportive friends and family and a Divine mate. 🦋🕊💜
when you know you are selfish and self centered and you try to fix yourself and be a good person while all your relationships are crumbling apart at your finger tips, and you accidentally hurt the person you care about most, which makes the situation worse because you feel like you have ruined everything and it's all your fault that you can't stop being the way you are. the feeling of trying so desperately to cling on to your relationships and friends whilst trying to be a better person and better yourself but you
just
keep
failing
no matter what you do, everything seems to fail eventually is like holding on to the side of a cliff as the rocks crumble under your hands.
And as you sit there, hoping the person who you need most won't leave you like everyone else did as you search for ways to improve yourself online....
I feel no matter how much you love that person, if they consistently prove they are selfish and always thinking of themselves 1st, then you must show/tell them you are not happy. It'll lead to fights but then it will free yourself! If they don't show you the appreciation you deserve, and instead just take, take, take, especially for granted, then keep moving forward without them, until they change and realize their selfish ways. If not, be alone, because nothing can feel as bad as being with someone selfish especially when they can't even comprehend how they come off that way...Let me be. They deserve to be miserable - Alone.
Nise, you speak the straight up TRUTH!
💯💯💯
ম
I agree with the "however". It is usually telling the other person that you are smarter than them. Just remember this...if you stay in the present moment when talking to people, that can not happen! This allows the convention to be even yolked.
When it comes to selfishness - it's up to the person to decide to change his ways. And it seems that it's going to be a long process to deprogram the selfish traits of a person. I'm very sorry for this long post. I'm just honestly trying to grasp why people are so selfish, why people don't show heart, why people don't truly care. It's been so saddening, anguishing, frustrating when you believed, cared about & for someone so much & it's like they have turned into an alien not a human.
or cared to learn more about me as a human being & the things that shaped me to be who I am & how I think & feel. It seems everybody else is asking me these questions & care to know more about me but the 1 person I wanted to do these very things was him. I'm beyond devastated that he didn't ask questions, feel, behave, or care like most normal human beings do. I will never get or understand this. I was always on his side - his loyal true friend. (cont.)
This video has been one of the most helpful videos I have watched to improve my behaviour in my relationship. I’ve been trying to watch the video daily for the past couple of days and my partner has already acknowledged that my attitude and behaviour towards them has already changed for the better!
Thank you so much for this video, it’s been such a wonderful stepping stone to get myself on track!
I am a very selfish person. That has caused many issues with my relationships but especially my marriage. I wrote out a letter to my spouse pointing out all these characteristics that I have. Each point I explained times where I did all theses and told her that I would never again. First, you need to discover the problems before fixing them, and that is what the video help me do. Long story short, she read my three page letter and was speechless, and we had make up ❤. Thank you for helping me discover my faults. I am now one of your biggest advocates and reading any books you recommend or write. Pleas, more video, you are definitely helping
Wow! Nice teachings. Thanks so much
I've been thinking about the topic of selfishness lately. Selfishness from other people really hurts & affects others. I'm a selfless person NOT selfish. I'm thinking of the recent off & on boyfriend of 1 year who left mid-February. I'm thinking of the conversations we had. When I think about it - most of the conversations were centered around him. I'm really hurt that he never asked me 1 question about Thailand, my Asian American background, Thai food, my Thai American heritage, (cont.)
🎯❗️👌🏾 You are a BEAUTIFUL human being, Alduan!
Peace, Love and MANY BLESSINGS to you! 🕊 💜✨
Excellent and to the point! Thank you for introducing Marshall Goldsmith; great advice.
to truly be empathetic, caring, feeling, & selfless. A person can be counseled by 3 people with counseling backgrounds, go to church, & listen to Christians song, & with all this assistance, advice, & help - nothing is soaking through & the person is getting worse. I'm also thinking of the 1st boyfriend I had. He was atheist & said he didn't need to go to counseling because he felt there was nothing wrong with him.I'm comparing a guy who is Atheist & who didn't care to go to go to counseling
Very Interesting.
This helped me during a situation that angered me A LOT. I’m able relax and respect a persons pov, although I don’t agree with it, without arguing against it after listening to this.
Really good. I have much ro work on. I don't want to be selfish!
Thank you for this video , it helped me see things differently
& who was not nice & was selfish AND then a guy who does get counseling, who goes to church, who listens to Christian songs - yet both of the guys' lack of empathy, compassion, caring, heart, feelings, selflessness - they both kind of match. What I learned - it doesn't matter about whether a person has religion or not - if a person is selfish, they're selfish not matter what. Some guys own it & some guys have this appearance that they're caring BUT their actions aren't reflecting that. (cont.)
It truly hurts that maybe he's right - when he said to me he has behavior like a cold-blooded shark. I'm really hurt that I was always there for him, by his side, for a year's time, always publicly & privately defending him, having his back, & believing in him, & then he leaves each time I'm being real with him OR because something else is happening in other departments not even related to me for him. I'm hurt that he barely asked me questions about me, myself, my experiences, (cont.)
I would also like to add that going back on your word is selfish.
Sir, thank you for sharing this. Clearly, based on these 10 examples, I am a selfish person in relationships because I identified with seven of them. So, to cater to my selfish needs and wants, I would like to point out how you asked people to not comment on your looks or intelligence. That is a selfish request because you are asking people to limit what it is that they say to cater to your wants. Something to think about.
Thank you for spreading this positive message. It helped me learn a lot about myself.
Thank you for opening my eyes. Realize what an asshole I am now. I'm ready to change.
Dang Im definitely selfish I gotta change
Asap … I will be better .. now I know what to look for . I’ve already started correcting myself
Change produces change! Keep up the great work!
Wow this video really opened my eyes
Thank you as always! This is so useful and helpful.
you have made me see the error of some of my ways....I'm horrible with yes but or no but....and I have to chime in :/
Thank you
what it was like growing up Asian or Thai American in the U.S. I'm hurt that he didn't ask how I was doing health-wise that much when I'm dealing with medical problems now. I'm hurt that people on messageboards I've haven't talked to in months or a long time, have already given me affectionate or warm terms such as "hon", "sweetie", "sweetheart", etc. MORE times in a span of few days this week than what that this guy - the boyfriend - has said affectionate termwise in the span of a whole year.
Excellent information. Thank you!
We are all selfish. The issue is the context and degree to which it operates in our daily lives. They will always tell you when preparing to fly, put your own safety vest on first before attending to even your children. Thats because you cannot help anyone else unless you are ok first 🙏🏼
Nice I just appreciate your advice
Damn Ime really the selfish one in my relationship. I hope it not to late to fix my relationship
Its. So great. To. Hear a man. Of God...be. Very transparent..and. Just. Real.....thanku. U r. ..God s man..for. This JOB....HEY. U OF M. MAN...GO. BLUE...
Hi. Thanks. About adding idea(s) to another person's, isn't it better for self development and the world when everyone is willing to share and improve? The other person still owns the idea. If he/she wants to improve, he/she will find ways to improve. If someone gives him/her idea(s) for Free, he/she can decide whether to add it. It doesn't make the person who gives idea(s) selfish. People often say they want feedback.
Do you think an educated person can be in a relationship with someone who does not have an education? I did not get my degree in biology until age 44, but when I went to college I took all the hard courses (chemistry, physics, biology, calculus, etc.) so I truly do have an education and understand NOW how the world works on the micro and macro level. How do I now have a conversation with someone who does not have the same world view? I don't want to find myself always correcting someone because they truly are uneducated and just don't know.
I believe the best way us to teach them some if the things you learned. We are often in relationships with people that have different careers and interest.
@mizzmolly Well said.
Studies show that many computer programmers have ZERO Emotional Intelligence, which is very important for healthy relationships (of all kinds), in leadership and in life.
@mizzmolly I hope not for life, Molly! You deserve to have peace of mind and loving relationships.
I DO know that it's a hell of a challenge to recover from toxic relationships. 🕊 ✨💜✨
I want you to experience more joy in life...as much as I desire more joy for myself. Loving/giving is a wonderful feeling when it's well received and there's mutual respect, appreciation and desire to share with and bless each other.
Much Love, Molly! XOX!
There are many forms of intelligence. You are talking of one.
really good advice Doc!!! Thank you!!
Fuck. I really needed this, I didn't realize I was being such an ass by saying, yes but. Or however. Gotta make one hell of an apology to my gf..
I came here thinking I am selfish but I come out thinking I am not. Maybe me thinking I am, means I am not. So weird, I'm questioning why I am single and this is not it the reason. I think I'm confusing my difficulty to share myself as selfish. When in fact I'm not.
wow this is from 2010
Interesting.
Very good points. This will def help
What if you are not sure about these tips? I sometimes have yes and no with those tips or sometimes.
You are good person
yes, i'm listed as selfish
My band, "The UnKnowns" recently posted a new music video entitled "Ain't It A Shame." It's about people who are selfish and will even hurt those they love to get to where they want to get. For those interested it can be heard here: @
I appreciate your videos and the fact that you are a Christian. God bless!
I couldn't thank you enough 🙏
my boyfriend told me that I'm selfish (I agree) and I really want to fix this because he's hurt but I do not know how, do you know what can I do (not what I should not do) like actions ...
I'm guilty of the 'However' comments. However, how do you have a mutual conversation with someone without adding to it? Going on a date with someone that has no ability to enhance the conversation is a boring date! Help someone that is in grad school calm the education convo down, if that's possible.
All in all good video sir! Question did you do an interview with that one sister who was dodging the blue collar brother question,lol? Peace family!
Wow. I'm selfish AF :(
It hurts so much it was easy for him to throw all of my effort, work, energy, everything in trash can like that. Why do people do that? You can go to church each week, listen to many Christian songs each day BUT the behavior, actions, lack of questions & caring & empathy ARE NOT matching the appearance of going to church & listening to Christian songs. It's like you're doing something for show & assimilating BUT you're not actually practicing & grasping how & what it means (cont.)
I’m selfish I don’t even feel that bad about it.
As I was watching this video I realize maybe I’m not so selfish after all besides few first points made. There is nothing for me to be selfish about that would make others feel bad because I avoid getting help from other people in the first place because my pride won’t accept help so all I do is survive and do things by myself so there is no one to credit. Maybe I feel this way because of childhood abandonment issues. And maybe my ”selfishness” is just good boundaries. Idk man. I want others to have boundaries with me too.
I wonder if that works long-term for you too. I get you looking out for yourself but it means that anyone who enters into a relationship has to be okay with getting less than 50% of the love, attention and compromise. That ultimately works against you because they leave due to unfairness and you are alone. You don't have to be selfish when you pick a partner who desires to give freely and you match that energy. God Bless, Ok!
Ha ha, I go too far with shaving sometimes.
I want a real man who can help me with everything
Number 5 is me 😭
is it selfish to ask questions? For example, if someone is trying to tell me something and I say yes but and then ask a question, is that the same thing as just trying to get them to see my point of view?
you lost me when you threw 'god' into it..... why muck it up with religion?
Tbh mate they are much more things which make sense within the bible than what contradicts itself and I only know due to meeting people I'm not religious as of yet but it seems as we may have a higher up after all even it isn't a God it would make sense
You lost me when you started talking about "God"....