My poor husband went through the same thing. When our son was born, he was finally angry with his dad. He sat there holding our son saying “why was this so hard for him? This is amazing.” He’s a fantastic dad. He never has to worry that our son will feel the way he does.
My heart breaks with yours. I understand... I would love to tell your younger self that you are going to be the most Amazing mamma to your children and the best partner one could have❤ Your heart will be full of love, laughter and forgiveness... And when you are older your children will learn from all of the beautiful things that you teach them every single day...The LOVE you share, your cooking the time you spend with them, your uniqueness and your Incredible Sense of Humor... They will know how much you love them and they will learn from how selfless their Mamma is. WELL DONE LITTLE ONE, YOU ARE AMAZING AND LOVED🙏❤️🙏
“As your child, I’ll forgive you. As a parent, I never will” Those might be simple words to some, they spoke VOLUMES to me and explain exactly what I feel about my father.
Same but I can't stop seeing my dad till I'm an adult because my parents are divorced my dad basically bullies me for having short hair because he prefers it long he pressures me into moving over there for highschool asks me questions til I snap at him and will make my mom the bad guy even though it was me who said or did something I can't wait til I'm older and have the choice of going over there or not of course I would visit a couple times to see my little sister and another I can't have a break over there I'm constantly playing with my sister because my dad doesn't want to and my sister is more of a Mama's girl because of that my question is why would you do that to your own daughter
“As your child I forgive you. As a parent, I never will.” That was so powerful for me. I feel like maybe it’s enough to only let part of yourself forgive someone. You are loved 💚
It's funny cuz it's the opposite for me. As a parent I can look back and understand where my mom came from and forgive her to some extent but as her child I will never forgive her. I deserved a childhood
I think mostly you forgive for your own sake, not for the person who hurt you. And if you cant forgive them, great! You have some stuff to work through; like forgiving yourself for how you're feeling, and not being able to forgive. Who gives a fuck about the other person... you forgive them so you can process it and move on. Therein lies freedom ❤
My mom was adopted at the age of three. My youngest looks almost exactly like her, and when she was three, my mom would sometimes get tears in her eyes and say, "How could anyone give that up?" That's a pain you never grow out of.
I can't imagine what your mother's childhood would've been like if she'd been raised by a parent who didn't want to be a parent. I'm sorry she feels sad for the loss of never seeing resentment in her birth mother's eyes
I stopped speaking to my father after my son was born. I stopped talking to my mom shortly after. No contact has been one the most liberating choices I have ever made in my life.
As a mother who watched their child wait on the porch and at the door for years; I always wondered what went on in my son’s mind. I’d scoop him and his Thomas the Tank book bag up, we’d cuddle til he stopped crying and then we’d camp in my bed watching movies with a bed full of snacks. 20 years later and I run into this short.
It’s utter disappointment. After awhile they expect the no shows and eventually accept it. Each child is different and how it affects them later in life is different for each person.
As a child of abandonment I can say that it’s the worst for me, that I to this day can’t shake the fear of being left, I pray to the heavens and earth my kids will never know this pain and it’s my worst fear that one day they tell me I wasn’t there for them
@@EvelynS-pk8zb same, i've been left by two "fathers" i know they're bad people, i don't want them back but i worry about being abandoned by people i do care about because of it.
Yes, as awful as it sounds, the first thing I felt when I was 27 and told that my abusive father was dead, whom I hadn’t spoken to for three years at that point and lived in constant fear of him, was relief. Relief there was no more fear of dying at his hands (or him killing my mother/us both). Relief there would be no more abuse. Relief there would be no more neglect or abandonment, manipulation, control or threats. Relief there was no longer endless disappointment. He certainly found ways to hurt me emotionally even beyond the grave in the events that followed his death, and he managed to still dig that knife in deeper, but it was different than while he was alive. It is its own kind of heartbreak to feel relief over the death of a parent. Your soul knows that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. I mourned what should have been more than I morned him. Even three years later, I’m still numb over his passing. I went through so much pain and agony my entire life because of him, and I don’t think I had anything left in me. Nobody should ever feel that way over their own parent, let alone a parent’s death. I’m just beyond thankful that I have a mother who loves more than enough to fill the void where a father should be. I know others aren’t as lucky, and my heart hurts for them.
I lost my father the day he decided to put his hands on me in places fathers should never put their hands. I was 11. From that day onwards he was dead to me. I’m 25 and I still feel his touch, it makes my skin crawl. My inner child still cries for the father I’ll never have
Sending you love, comfort, courage, and all the wisdom. As a survivor myself, I can tell you one thing... I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but there are gifts. We are the only people who could possibly understand other grown little girls' pain. I also lost my mom to su*cide (mental illness/drug abuse) 22 years ago... It's the worst pain imaginable, but I can at least be a comfort to others who are struggling in the fresh grief of it. But I've also done therapy on and off for about 15 years. The first 10 years after I lost my mom were awful, and I don't know how I survived... But now that I'm on the other side, I try to turn my grief into something useful.
@@ArmyRangerSJ the only help is her learning how common it is, how alone she isn't, how she was failed, how her faher was enabled, and how the system protects abusers of all kinds and never their victims. It was never her, no matter what he did, no matter how he made her feel, or forced her to act to survive. Brainwashing and other forms of abuse are often in concert with CSA and the victims are often groomed to "seek out" their abusers (on pain of severe harm should they not do so, a fact they often block out because of the trauma).
I'm so sorry he had ever gotten near you, with those intentions. But even daring to go through? To have a father or to have no father, with the cost being you will never be able to trust again, I wish you were spared the pain of a horrible father like that man. Please take care, and know that whatever happens, I believe you are bright enough to keep going. I truly wish you happiness.
There is a song written in bones as well. I can't remember the sound, but i feel the vibrations. Not from a lack of a father, but a mother. She left me waiting as well. I'm sorry, for all of the children whose parents decided they weren't enough. We all deserved better.
I almost wish my mom had left me waiting. Instead, I got to see her climb into the passenger seat of a car and never speak to me again for three years. Then, watch her do it several more times before I said enough was enough. I couldn't stand the heartbreak anymore.
You definitely are enough! Make sure you're telling your inner child this and healing your inner child. YOU MATTER! YOU ARE VALUED! YOU ARE LOVED! YOU ARE SAFE!❤
@@msmithricha2869 I can't talk to my inner child I lock it as far away as possible. I have been in therapy for a few years but I'm not there yet. Sometimes when it's safe I let her get a doll or a stuffed animal so she doesn't feel totally alone.
My great-great grandfather did this to my great-grandfather who did this to my grandfather who did this to me. I will never abandon my kids. The cycle stops with me
As a young teen, I babysat two little boys across the street. They got divorced. Mom worked so much overtime, that sometimes I would just sleep there on school jights. One day, the "dad" never showed up for one of the pick-ups. Never called. Never answered his phone. I have never forgotten nor forgiven him for that day and every day afterwards.
I feel like there is a 95% chance that i'm misunderstanding what you wrote cuz it's sort of unintelligible but either way it must've sucked, i hope you and the kids are ok.
I sat on the steps of my Foster Home waiting for my Dad to pick me up for a weekend visit. He never showed, I was 6. My humming sounds like this, I use it to self sooth, I'm now 64, and I still hum .
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope since then you've lived a good life and even if it has seemed bad always remember your not alone. I maybe nothing but a 17 year old kid however I can't imagine that kind of pain.
I hurt for little you, and for the woman you've become. But I feel your Mama Bear strength, and know how fortunate your children are. That guy who left his genetic material can kick rocks.
This opened the tightly wrapped ball of grief I forget I had. I don’t remember the forgetting; vague things of accidentally answering the phone when grandma passed and I heard his voice. The other time his voice was on the phone was telling her he’d rather have his money than his kids. This sound brings me peace.
This right here! I'd never really thought of it this way, but you are 100% correct. I left a massive comment somewhere in here, telling my own story about my dad and I'm so glad I continued scrolling after posting to come across your comment. Thank you for sharing that, it's given me something good to take away from all the vitriol I just spewed in my comment about my dad. I feel much lighter now that a positive spin has been put on things via your comment, so again, many thanks.
One day my stepdaughter will realize what I did for her. Her mom missed many weekends. The most heartbreaking was when mom had a new bf and left the kid on read. Poor thing spent the 2nd half of her summer vacation hoping her mom would answer. Crying, but hoping. I always made sure she knew she was welcome and wanted!
This exact thought process is exactly why I haven’t checked out of life, as of today. I don’t want my daughter to grow up without her father. As badly as I want to clock out of life, I can’t leave her with that burden. So I maintain.
It’s not just your children who need you. You are valuable as the individual you are. You are needed in this world. Life isn’t about peace and happiness. It’s about striving and being present no matter what your circumstances are.
I beg you to go and find help. Go to therapy, take meds, whatever it takes, don't risk the chance that it will get worse. My mum tried to not check out of her life, but one day it became too much and her mind convinced her that me and my brother will be better off without her. Her mind lied. She unalived herself when I was 13, my brother was 6. I'll never forget or forgive her for it.
If there's someone out there who needs to hear this.. I was fatherless too, and my mom was physically and emotionally abusive. At a young age, I was SA for a long time by a male family member. A lot happened, the pain was unbearable, and life was miserable until I found the one who cant forsake me. "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." I can't lie and say that it has been easy to see Him like a father, I literally have no reference but He is my savior, healed all my pain and then some, helped me forgive and to give love and helped me understand that I was worthy and deserving of love. For the first time, I understood that none of it was my fault, and now I can walk in happiness and freedom. It was a long , painful process, but it was all worth it to be able to call someone my Daddy, my Abba.
@amnaamjad6755 interesting question 😅. No, I'm from the Caribbean. If you asked because of the SA in the comment. It mean S--exual A--ssault. CZcams won't let you write it without deleting your comment.
I am lucky enough to have two very loving parents. But I know this song. It’s something that sits in my lungs waiting with my heart beat. My inner child weeps for the pain it conveys. My knower knows this pain. The song though made for her, are universal. I weep for you when you could not. I weep with you when you need to be heard.
I've never been left by a parent, but I really identify with this. On the night that my grandmother died I stood on the pier, the wind whipping through my hair, the waves sang this song to me and the rest of the world stood quiet so that I could hear it. I knew that was the moment long before it happened. I never knew something so fully before then. She died alone in her room to the sound of me and my dad laughing in the kitchen. She had a bird clock and every time it coo's at 10 I remember her so vividly. She was a beautiful soul, and she shared all of who she was with me. I now get to carry that with me. That day I experienced the fullest kind of peace that I have never felt again. My heart goes out to all of you who have been left behind. I want you to know that you were not forgotten. I'm sending you all my love and prayers.
Thank you for sharing. God bless you and your loved ones. You reminded me of my grandma. One thing is sure, heaven is very lucky to have our grandparents.
My moms mother abandoned her in a car on the side of the road wrapped up in a guys T-shirt just laying on the backseat 😢.....my papa went to get her and raised her . My mother and grandfather broke the cycle and I love them for it❤ it wasnt always easy 😢 sometimes its ok to not be ok, just dont stay there forever you are important and loved ❤
My mother broke the cycle. Her and my father have been together ever since they were married and that will never change. She's an amazing mom. She had three girls and she definitely broke the cycle. I have a lot of respect and admiration for both my parents for the amount that they care about their kids and the fact that she could have perpetuated the statistics and instead she made a change. Now she's a grandmother and we couldn't be happier.
My abuser went to "work" one evening and never came home. I went to Child Haven, he went to jail (unrelated, he had an active warrant I found out later). Two years later he followed me home from the bus stop after school to blame me for his life being in shambles. I was 16. He attempted to violate a protection order we had in place to visit me at school. It lead to me dropping out of school five weeks before I was supposed to graduate. I'm 35. It took me far too long to start working on the damage he caused to drill it into my head that I didn't deserve any of it. I can't ever forgive him for what he did, but it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault.
That's so wrong! I hate when abusers accuse the abused of all of their problems in life. What a horrible person he is. You are an amazing, strong person to have lived through that! Sending love and prayers to you and yours!💗💗💗
I'm so sorry this happened to you❤ and just so you hear it from another perspective.... the abuse you endured was not your fault, it never was your fault. We are close in age I'm 37 and I'm working on my trauma too. It does get easier over time I promise thjngs will head in a better direction the more you heal. Remember to give yourself a break here amd there and be easy on yourself. You're still here, keep going!!❤❤
The last time I saw my bio father I was eleven. I remember waiting for him to come pick me up like he always did for the weekend and one day he didn't. I insisted on waiting out front until it was too dark to see. I sat in the dining room on the table in the dark, watching and waiting, until my mom came and held me and I just bawled and said "He isn't coming to get me, is he?". Later my Mom told me she would get drunk or high calls from him at 3-4am when he knew I was asleep, demanding to talk to me and she had to beg him to call back in a few hours because I had school, but he never did. I got a letter from him passed by his new girlfriend's kid who came to my school. I never read it. I couldn't because it was blurry from liquid stains and his handwriting was illegible.... he'd clearly written it stoned. I still have a song too. Just sounds. My husband hums it with me and I never knew where it came from till now. It started when I stopped seeing my Dad.
I'm usually fine with stories like these but yours hit me. I couldn't forget about it. I don't have the words, but I'm so sorry. I hope you're healing 💚
@@wtf..............It is Gwenna's personal song. Many children who experience abandonment report hearing a song aroind/inside them from the time of abandonment. The song is individual, but has many similarities between people when they share their songs. These children tend to remember their personal song all their lives. This is a very personal video from Gwenna.
Oh momma.... my sister... the trees have souls.... they really do and they tasted tears from the ground through their roots for you. They sent up a song in the middle of the night to remind the earth that a child cried that night. You are a blessing and your pain has been transfigured into love you send out. I think it was Pema Chodron who talked about a particular meditation that changed things for her in her grief of divorce that brought her to her practice as a Tibetan monk. She said she would breathe in the pain of the world and breathe out love. I believe you came upon the skill without knowing you had tapped into some powerful stream of magic. The trees, I'm sure still sing a song for you... they are timeless and long living and don't easily forget... it's ok to show grace even when you can't forgive and you are an example of that and living proof that the world can heal by choosing to keep the wound and honor the person who recieved it. If we hid all our scars how would the world remember what happened and why we prefer not to get there again if we can learn something important about the value of life- ours and everyone else's too . Big Hugs... I'm imagining finding you that night and becoming friends among the trees so you wouldn't feel so alone. ❤ we can't change the past so much as we can rewrite the story we get to tell about it while still telling our truths. I appreciate you and your journey. ❤❤❤
My dad moved to Wyoming with his second wife three years ago... he hasn't set foot in my state since. I will never let my future children get abandoned the way my dad abandoned me.
@@audreyjaime2356 the sort of person who would abandon their child is the worst sort of person and is no kind of parent, know that they are dead inside in every way that matters if they do that and that it's no reflection on you whatsoever. It's a reflection of who they are in their deepest self and that is forever. This goes for you (and whoever in your life) and anyone you know if this happens to them... it is a tragedy but let them be dead. They showed you who they are. You go find your people. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Pardon me, but family is purely coincidental, it's who chooses us and who we choose that defines who we are 💜🫂
My dad did this. Ill never forget the times we sat on the walkway at home, waiting an hour before finally just going back in. I knownit broke my moms heart. Im 37 now and recently he told my brother that hes not a "dad's last name", and he told me to change my last name to my papaws since I consider him my dad. I did just that.
I felt this. My mom told me two weeks ago today that she won’t bother going to my funeral. It was following a conversation with me asking her advice after I lost my job last year because I wouldn’t sleep with my boss and it has been detrimental to my career as an accounting and operations executive who has done countless applications and is now at risk of bankruptcy and losing my home. She told me it was my fault and hung up on me.
You are now free of the dead weight and encumbrance of people who dont love and support you, who are only there to suck your energy. We're taught that the parent / child bond is a superior, practically supernatural entity that overshadows everything else. Sometimes i wish that was true. Run light, run free. And i hope you keep your beautiful home. You have standards and morals. Good for you. You didnt get it from your mama.
@KGardanier I know of too many people who have gone through this... including me. If you are in the US, I recommend looking for a lawyer to help. I got blackballed and wasn't able to find work anywhere, until I left for a new town. This was before the Internet and the laws of protection we have now. My husband at the time, and several family members also told me it was my fault, that women in the work force should just "suck it up and take it like a man".😒 If you don't have a therapist to process this with, I hope you can at least find a Peer2Peer support person to help you locate resources and help you heal from this betrayal
My Father signed away visitation rights so he wouldn't have to pay anymore child support. At 18 he tried to come back into my life. I respect the attempt, but that is a different horrible story. As a father now, I just can't begin to imagine.
I wouldn’t respect the attempt so much… he only contacted you again after you turned exactly 18, when he would be totally legally exempt from providing you with any financial support…. He was willing to forgo the relationship before that because he didn’t consider it to be worth whatever the child support would have cost him…
6 year old me sitting in my auntys arms on the night my dad passed. In the dark, beside the roaring fire she rocked me, her chin on my head. She told me that Dad was an angel now, and I remember the feeling of my heart going dumb.
Written on my bones (what a perfect phrasing !) are many memories of pain too, and I don't believe in forgiving my parents for what they did. When I was younger, I thought it was my fault ; then I tried to fix them ; then I tried to forgive them. None of it worked, and I live at the stage of unforgiveness now. You don't write these things on your children's bones and get forgiveness in return.
It's kinda a mix for me... I feel sad that she was messed up, but the inner child is still sad and lonely. So, in the end I forgave and set boundaries as her adult child.
The forgiveness is not for them it’s for yourself. We always think we did something wrong but we didn’t. So we forgive ourselves for thinking that way and it makes us feel better. Then we get on with our lives and hope they get on their way theirs.
And look at you loving the sh!t out of those kids and pulverizing that generational pain. Obliterating it. And helping the rest of us do the same!! ❤ Glad you’re here.
I cried uncontrollable tears of joy and pain hearing this. My biological parents went to jail shortly before I was born, and the only mother I had for years was one of the worst narcissists I've ever met. Yesterday I reached one of the goals to heal myself and someone I'd hurt after 2 years of fumbling through pain, hurt, and 5 whole moves to 4 different states. I cried because I realized, I'm finally okay, I'm safe, for the first time in 23 years. Thank you
Big hugs momma. I was that little girl with a packed suitcase waiting for her dad. It never stops hurting, even when you aren’t thinking about it anymore.
My dad stopped visiting when I was about 11. I tried to reach out when I was 14. Sometime after meeting with him, he gave up and spoke to me no more. When I was 27 I had heard that he wanted to write me a letter to explain why. It's been 3 years. I have two sons. I haven't received a letter. And even if I did I'd refuse to read it. I've gotten through most of that hurt. Enough to have a good marriage and life. Now I just have to teach my sons to be men who do not leave their children.
You such a strong person. I am so happy that you know you are still loved & valued and have a great life with wonderful family today. It was always his awful sh*t and none of yours, there is no letter or explanation great enough to miss out on a phenomenal & brave kid/adult as you. I’m honored I got to hear your story today, thank you for sharing it 🙏🏾
This is nowhere as near to what you've gone through, and everything in our family is well, yet I'm not where I'd like to be, definitely not at home, I hate how life is right now. I've lived in the middle east my entire life, but in October 2022, we moved to europe. My father stayed behind to continue working there so that we can continue visiting, and keep our residency permits. I'm glad that's the case. I hate it here. It hurts. It hurts even more when I wake up in the middle of the night, walk to the living room and my father's not there. It hurts when I go to my mother's room and he's not there. I'm only 12. I miss him. Sometimes I beg my mother to let me live with him. We're visiting back again during summer vacations. I cant wait to see him again.
I never realized that feeling in my bones might be a song. Thank you for being an amazing mother, as someone who had an abuser rather than a mother. The world needs more of you, so so so much more of you.
I frequently hear and feel God in the wind. He must have played that song in the trees just for you, Gwenna, because he knew you needed it. I love how he comforts through sound and nature. I would love to hear a full rendition of this song, it sounds so sorrowful yet beautiful. ❤️
Mine was running to the phone every time it rang one Christmas hoping he would call us to say he missed us. He never did. I cried so hard that Christmas night and that holiday was never the same again
My husband has promised himself he'll never be his dad. His dad left his mom when he was 3 weeks old. She was mom and dad. I may not have grown up around my mother but both my parents are wonderful. I feel lucky for this.
Sounds like my father! When my parents divorced I spent every other weekend just to be ignored. I really didn't want much of his time. Just a little of his time was all I wanted. But it never happened so I just stopped going to see him. He never argued or seemed to care. As his daughter I forgave him years ago. As a mother of three daughters, I'll never understand that! Ever!!!
I will never forget when the wind hugged me. How it swirled with warmth that it shouldn't of had to. How it said sorry and thank you in a voice that would never say that to me.
This was really quite powerful. The caption really hit me. I couldn't agree more with it. Now that I'm a parent, I don't understand how he doesn't care.
My dear love. You did not deserve that. And it was not your fault. You are loved. And you are a light that shines bright in a cold world. Thank you for sharing. Mama/daughter hugs for you. 💖💝
I feel this deep down in my soul. The abandonment I experienced has influenced every decision I’ve ever made. I understand that now. Even though it was 50 years ago the pain is palpable. I’m just learning now how much it has had a hold on me. Doesn’t make the pain any less, but I am learning to be kind to myself. I don’t always need to be so hard and strong and in control. I don’t need to protect others, and frankly myself from every little thing. I’ve succeeded in giving my children the love and stability that I never had. Though I’m far from society’s idea of a perfect parent. Time will tell as to what I’ve possibly passed down to my own kids, their trauma and issues. We all have stuff from our childhood that we need to work through as adults. But I will be there for them, to talk and do anything I can to help them navigate life. Always.
I’m so sorry. I lost my father a couple of years ago and I was so angry about it because it was unexpected and he was such an incredible father. I wasn’t ready. So when I see things like this, it reminds me be fu&king grateful for what I had with the time I had.
Your father is truly the one who lost that day. Watching your channel, seeing the beautiful moments you share with us, laughing when your beautiful daughter packs her siblings chaotic lunches, feeling your infectious joy when you got published, he lost the honor of calling you his daughter. You are an amazing woman, wife and mother. You turned the devastating pain you felt that day into being the parent you needed. You should feel nothing but proud of yourself. We are so grateful for you and all you have shared.
I literally started crying as soon as I read this. I had the same experience unfortunately. I’m so glad my daughter will never have to feel this feeling!! Her dad actually loves her and will never leave her. Some dads just fuggin suck. 😢
Looking back at my childhood and teenage years, I think we tend to become the parent that our child-selves needed so much. Not the actual parent that stepped out or turned off. The one our souls NEEDED to thrive. ❤ Be sure to tell that little girl that you've got her now, and you'll never let her go. She is safe now 💛
"You and me against the world" by Helen Reddy is the song for my Dad and I. He passed on just yesterday after a battle with cancer. It was so soon, and i was blessed to have him. Now i need to carry on, for him and for me. I now can feel that compassion for someone who lost a father whenever they may have. I will be forever grateful for his sacrifices. I'll always be his kiddo. Take care, my dear. You have brought joy and perspective into my life in your videos. Keep going :) ❤️ 🕊
That sounds similar to my childhood - hurt so bad when I was a child, I became an adult and when someone left my life I just erased them from my life forever...I had to or I would've been stuck emotionally like my little brother was... Yes, I know I'm messed up but that's how I got through it all... I wished there had been a song like that that would've helped it hurt less...
You can make one. Autotune yourself, add an echo or reverb effect, and loop it however long for a track. You can play the track on repeat or stick it in a playlist.
I forgave my father for what he did. He is a better person now and much better grandfather than he was a father. BUT I’ll never forget what he did to me and I’ve told him that, I made it perfectly clear that I’ll never put my children what he has put me through and if he tries that with my son, there will be no more chances. Your channel has made me a forgiving and better person overall and want to raise my children better than I was raised. So thank you for that
The realities that hit you when you watch your kid grow in the safe environment you never had. Children are so innocent, they are naturally pure of heart. I'm sorry you didn't feel wanted by your dad, but the world watches you now with love and admiration. You get to be the light in the dark for your kids. ❤
Why am I crying? Because this is the saddest thing I've read and wasn't expecing it to end the way that it did. I can't relate, but I can imagine. Look at what an amazing parent and overall fellow human-shaped creature thing you turned out to be. You're in my heart today.
EXACTLY! The things that my parents missed out on in my childhood because they couldn't get themselves to be the parents that I desperately wanted and deserved. My kids never felt like me. I made sure of that.
Love you girl. I’m not a mom yet but I know that when I am I will cry every time I do the right things for my kids, because my inner child will always wish that the adult around me actually saw me and cared for me
Very beautiful and very sad. I looped this over 30 times because it's so haunting, especially with your details. Your eyes are so big and beautiful. My heart goes out to you.
This is the song that has kept me alive. When the trees sang this for me in my darkest moments, it reminded me how much I really loved life. There were many moments I cringed at my "weakness," but Ive learned better.
This song is the song I sing when I'm alone, the exact song in the video it has helped me ground my self no matter where I am, so safe to say this song is something special
I felt this. When I had both of my kids it was a reeling time for me because of that feeling. I’d already forgiven them and as my kids grew I couldn’t imagine leaving them the way they did me.
I feel very connected to trees, what a beautiful song they sang for you, they were with you, witnessing you, and holding space for you, and with you. Sending you love~
I felt this in my spirit!! As I sit here now,40 yrs later, I can feel the moment my soul was crushed and both me and my inner child cried..I finally gave up and went in the house, accepting that no matter how hard I looked into traffic,that car was never going to pull up.. Sometimes all I can do is hold us and rock us.. 😞
My mom left us waiting till midnight while we rode our bikes up and down the dead end road. Dad would tell us to come inside that she isnt coming. We'd blame him like he was the reason she didnt wajt to show up 😢. My dad has my respect as im a mom now ❤
God i hope i can prevent my daughter from feeling this way but i likely cant 😢 her father is an addict and i have to give her to him on weekends and one day i know hes going to kill himself or run away to chase his desires and it will crush her or he will inadvertently kill her. Im in the process of getting custody, youd think that finding the drugs under her crib would be enough, but it wasnt. Life is so unfair and i feel all the pain in this world and it just hurts. I pray to god that it will get better ❤
I'm in a very similar situation, and I'm devastated for my daughter and terrified of what might happen to her. Every time I have to let her go with him, I worry about what is going to happen to her there. I got a protection injunction and the court makes me give her to my abusive alcoholic ex boyfriend AKA her dad every other week. I'm scared for her all the time and I don't know how this can happen when it's so obvious that he's abusive
I never thought of being forgotten until I saw this…I prided myself on not thinking of my dad’s empty promises, but I know those feelings are still there -they will always be there…this song really captures my inner child, my disappointment, my heartache…
My poor husband went through the same thing. When our son was born, he was finally angry with his dad. He sat there holding our son saying “why was this so hard for him? This is amazing.”
He’s a fantastic dad. He never has to worry that our son will feel the way he does.
That's amazing that he took being a father so seriously after that.
Same.
Thats powerful words coming from your husband. I'm happy your son is going to grow up with great rolemodels
He’ll be a great dad, and it’s good that he came to that realization. It means he’ll never treat your son the same way.
My heart breaks with yours. I understand... I would love to tell your younger self that you are going to be the most Amazing mamma to your children and the best partner one could have❤ Your heart will be full of love, laughter and forgiveness... And when you are older your children will learn from all of the beautiful things that you teach them every single day...The LOVE you share, your cooking the time you spend with them, your uniqueness and your Incredible Sense of Humor... They will know how much you love them and they will learn from how selfless their Mamma is. WELL DONE LITTLE ONE, YOU ARE AMAZING AND LOVED🙏❤️🙏
“As your child, I’ll forgive you. As a parent, I never will”
Those might be simple words to some, they spoke VOLUMES to me and explain exactly what I feel about my father.
That's so powerful. I feel it so deeply
Exactly
This is how I feel about my father who chose dr-gs over his many children
Same but I can't stop seeing my dad till I'm an adult because my parents are divorced my dad basically bullies me for having short hair because he prefers it long he pressures me into moving over there for highschool asks me questions til I snap at him and will make my mom the bad guy even though it was me who said or did something I can't wait til I'm older and have the choice of going over there or not of course I would visit a couple times to see my little sister and another I can't have a break over there I'm constantly playing with my sister because my dad doesn't want to and my sister is more of a Mama's girl because of that my question is why would you do that to your own daughter
@@Creativesoul32189why do you care so much then? Just dont see him if he bullies you 🤷♀️
“As your child I forgive you. As a parent, I never will.” That was so powerful for me. I feel like maybe it’s enough to only let part of yourself forgive someone.
You are loved 💚
Some things arnt forgivable. Just can't waste your energy dwelling on it.
It's funny cuz it's the opposite for me.
As a parent I can look back and understand where my mom came from and forgive her to some extent but as her child I will never forgive her. I deserved a childhood
1000th like ❤
I think mostly you forgive for your own sake, not for the person who hurt you. And if you cant forgive them, great! You have some stuff to work through; like forgiving yourself for how you're feeling, and not being able to forgive.
Who gives a fuck about the other person... you forgive them so you can process it and move on. Therein lies freedom ❤
❤
My mom was adopted at the age of three. My youngest looks almost exactly like her, and when she was three, my mom would sometimes get tears in her eyes and say, "How could anyone give that up?" That's a pain you never grow out of.
Oh my goodness 😢
Beautiful ❤😢
❤😢
I can't imagine what your mother's childhood would've been like if she'd been raised by a parent who didn't want to be a parent. I'm sorry she feels sad for the loss of never seeing resentment in her birth mother's eyes
@@colleenmarin8907Don't be obtuse. You can know a decision was for the best but still be hurt by it. Most adoptees have associated trauma.
I stopped speaking to my father after my son was born. I stopped talking to my mom shortly after. No contact has been one the most liberating choices I have ever made in my life.
Most difricult thing I ever did, triggered the worst PTSD crisis in my life, led me to being recognized as disabled... but never looked back.
Also one of the worst..imo
Same...
@@brve_he4rt29 just because it would be wrong for you doesn't mean it's wrong for everyone
😢
As a mother who watched their child wait on the porch and at the door for years; I always wondered what went on in my son’s mind. I’d scoop him and his Thomas the Tank book bag up, we’d cuddle til he stopped crying and then we’d camp in my bed watching movies with a bed full of snacks. 20 years later and I run into this short.
ask him, he’s probably never had the chance to put into words the deep trauma he’s experienced.
@@bridgettedena6094I second this, talk to him
Wow this comment made me cry. God bless
If you're comfortable sharing, what happened?
It’s utter disappointment. After awhile they expect the no shows and eventually accept it. Each child is different and how it affects them later in life is different for each person.
That broke my heart. Abandonment is the worst pain. 😢
As a child of abandonment I can say that it’s the worst for me, that I to this day can’t shake the fear of being left, I pray to the heavens and earth my kids will never know this pain and it’s my worst fear that one day they tell me I wasn’t there for them
@@EvelynS-pk8zb same, i've been left by two "fathers"
i know they're bad people, i don't want them back but i worry about being abandoned by people i do care about because of it.
Nothing compares to the relief I felt when, after my dad’s passing, I realized he couldn’t hurt me anymore. No more cycles of abandonment and abuse.
Yes, as awful as it sounds, the first thing I felt when I was 27 and told that my abusive father was dead, whom I hadn’t spoken to for three years at that point and lived in constant fear of him, was relief. Relief there was no more fear of dying at his hands (or him killing my mother/us both). Relief there would be no more abuse. Relief there would be no more neglect or abandonment, manipulation, control or threats. Relief there was no longer endless disappointment. He certainly found ways to hurt me emotionally even beyond the grave in the events that followed his death, and he managed to still dig that knife in deeper, but it was different than while he was alive.
It is its own kind of heartbreak to feel relief over the death of a parent. Your soul knows that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. I mourned what should have been more than I morned him. Even three years later, I’m still numb over his passing. I went through so much pain and agony my entire life because of him, and I don’t think I had anything left in me. Nobody should ever feel that way over their own parent, let alone a parent’s death.
I’m just beyond thankful that I have a mother who loves more than enough to fill the void where a father should be. I know others aren’t as lucky, and my heart hurts for them.
I lost my father the day he decided to put his hands on me in places fathers should never put their hands. I was 11. From that day onwards he was dead to me. I’m 25 and I still feel his touch, it makes my skin crawl. My inner child still cries for the father I’ll never have
huge virtual huge to your little girl inside I'm so sorry. You deserved so much better ❤
Sending you love, comfort, courage, and all the wisdom. As a survivor myself, I can tell you one thing... I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but there are gifts. We are the only people who could possibly understand other grown little girls' pain. I also lost my mom to su*cide (mental illness/drug abuse) 22 years ago... It's the worst pain imaginable, but I can at least be a comfort to others who are struggling in the fresh grief of it. But I've also done therapy on and off for about 15 years. The first 10 years after I lost my mom were awful, and I don't know how I survived... But now that I'm on the other side, I try to turn my grief into something useful.
I know a girl like this, is there any advice to help her? I'm sorry that evil happened to you
@@ArmyRangerSJ the only help is her learning how common it is, how alone she isn't, how she was failed, how her faher was enabled, and how the system protects abusers of all kinds and never their victims.
It was never her, no matter what he did, no matter how he made her feel, or forced her to act to survive. Brainwashing and other forms of abuse are often in concert with CSA and the victims are often groomed to "seek out" their abusers (on pain of severe harm should they not do so, a fact they often block out because of the trauma).
I'm so sorry he had ever gotten near you, with those intentions. But even daring to go through? To have a father or to have no father, with the cost being you will never be able to trust again, I wish you were spared the pain of a horrible father like that man. Please take care, and know that whatever happens, I believe you are bright enough to keep going. I truly wish you happiness.
There is a song written in bones as well. I can't remember the sound, but i feel the vibrations. Not from a lack of a father, but a mother. She left me waiting as well. I'm sorry, for all of the children whose parents decided they weren't enough. We all deserved better.
Thank you🩷
I almost wish my mom had left me waiting. Instead, I got to see her climb into the passenger seat of a car and never speak to me again for three years. Then, watch her do it several more times before I said enough was enough. I couldn't stand the heartbreak anymore.
You definitely are enough! Make sure you're telling your inner child this and healing your inner child. YOU MATTER! YOU ARE VALUED! YOU ARE LOVED! YOU ARE SAFE!❤
@@msmithricha2869 I can't talk to my inner child I lock it as far away as possible. I have been in therapy for a few years but I'm not there yet. Sometimes when it's safe I let her get a doll or a stuffed animal so she doesn't feel totally alone.
Mine was my mam too god bless my dad who brought me up alone
My great-great grandfather did this to my great-grandfather who did this to my grandfather who did this to me.
I will never abandon my kids.
The cycle stops with me
YES!! And it stopped with me as well 💪😎❤️
🙏
I will never hurt my kids emotionally or physically. I will never leave them alone. The cycle stops with me.
@@Kio-Starpreach!!! With us, our children will never know the pain we went through.
The trees sang you a beautiful, melancholic tune. They whispered grief, roared comfort, and live on in the vibrations coursing through your veins.
You know you should be a writer, yes?
@@maemae1752 Thank you so much! That really means the world to me 💜
As a young teen, I babysat two little boys across the street. They got divorced. Mom worked so much overtime, that sometimes I would just sleep there on school jights. One day, the "dad" never showed up for one of the pick-ups. Never called. Never answered his phone. I have never forgotten nor forgiven him for that day and every day afterwards.
The boys Dad or yours?
@@Ande.Crys1the boys father
Do u still keep in contact with the boys? I hope they are ok
I feel like there is a 95% chance that i'm misunderstanding what you wrote cuz it's sort of unintelligible but either way it must've sucked, i hope you and the kids are ok.
@@sunnyc.612 1.4k people understood just fine. its you
I sat on the steps of my Foster Home waiting for my Dad to pick me up for a weekend visit. He never showed, I was 6. My humming sounds like this, I use it to self sooth, I'm now 64, and I still hum .
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope since then you've lived a good life and even if it has seemed bad always remember your not alone. I maybe nothing but a 17 year old kid however I can't imagine that kind of pain.
I rock. 66 yrs old
@@joankney8484I rock too 57 yrs old
💔
I hope you’ve had a good life.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I hurt for little you, and for the woman you've become. But I feel your Mama Bear strength, and know how fortunate your children are. That guy who left his genetic material can kick rocks.
This opened the tightly wrapped ball of grief I forget I had. I don’t remember the forgetting; vague things of accidentally answering the phone when grandma passed and I heard his voice. The other time his voice was on the phone was telling her he’d rather have his money than his kids.
This sound brings me peace.
Please know that your pain reminded so many of us today why we would never let that happen to our children. Thank you for sharing
Yessss. Thank you for writing that.
Reminded me why I decided not to have a family in Kindergarten. I still talk to my teacher.
This right here! I'd never really thought of it this way, but you are 100% correct. I left a massive comment somewhere in here, telling my own story about my dad and I'm so glad I continued scrolling after posting to come across your comment. Thank you for sharing that, it's given me something good to take away from all the vitriol I just spewed in my comment about my dad. I feel much lighter now that a positive spin has been put on things via your comment, so again, many thanks.
One day my stepdaughter will realize what I did for her.
Her mom missed many weekends. The most heartbreaking was when mom had a new bf and left the kid on read. Poor thing spent the 2nd half of her summer vacation hoping her mom would answer. Crying, but hoping.
I always made sure she knew she was welcome and wanted!
@@Kimi_Khaos 🫂
This exact thought process is exactly why I haven’t checked out of life, as of today. I don’t want my daughter to grow up without her father. As badly as I want to clock out of life, I can’t leave her with that burden. So I maintain.
This is why I'm here. For my daughter.
I hope you find the help you need
It’s not just your children who need you.
You are valuable as the individual you are.
You are needed in this world.
Life isn’t about peace and happiness. It’s about striving and being present no matter what your circumstances are.
What are some things that you have tried to get into a better state of mind?
I beg you to go and find help. Go to therapy, take meds, whatever it takes, don't risk the chance that it will get worse.
My mum tried to not check out of her life, but one day it became too much and her mind convinced her that me and my brother will be better off without her.
Her mind lied. She unalived herself when I was 13, my brother was 6. I'll never forget or forgive her for it.
If there's someone out there who needs to hear this.. I was fatherless too, and my mom was physically and emotionally abusive. At a young age, I was SA for a long time by a male family member. A lot happened, the pain was unbearable, and life was miserable until I found the one who cant forsake me. "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me."
I can't lie and say that it has been easy to see Him like a father, I literally have no reference but He is my savior, healed all my pain and then some, helped me forgive and to give love and helped me understand that I was worthy and deserving of love. For the first time, I understood that none of it was my fault, and now I can walk in happiness and freedom.
It was a long , painful process, but it was all worth it to be able to call someone my Daddy, my Abba.
This made me tear up, thank you❤
@@irisfilmproductions no problem 💜
this is lovely. may I ask, are you south Asian?
@amnaamjad6755 interesting question 😅. No, I'm from the Caribbean.
If you asked because of the SA in the comment. It mean S--exual A--ssault. CZcams won't let you write it without deleting your comment.
@@oradsincesar90 actually no, I asked because of 'abba', because a lot of southern asians use it to refer to their fathers. sorry for the confusion:)
I am lucky enough to have two very loving parents.
But I know this song. It’s something that sits in my lungs waiting with my heart beat. My inner child weeps for the pain it conveys.
My knower knows this pain. The song though made for her, are universal.
I weep for you when you could not. I weep with you when you need to be heard.
I've never been left by a parent, but I really identify with this. On the night that my grandmother died I stood on the pier, the wind whipping through my hair, the waves sang this song to me and the rest of the world stood quiet so that I could hear it. I knew that was the moment long before it happened. I never knew something so fully before then. She died alone in her room to the sound of me and my dad laughing in the kitchen. She had a bird clock and every time it coo's at 10 I remember her so vividly. She was a beautiful soul, and she shared all of who she was with me. I now get to carry that with me. That day I experienced the fullest kind of peace that I have never felt again. My heart goes out to all of you who have been left behind. I want you to know that you were not forgotten. I'm sending you all my love and prayers.
This is beautiful beyond compare. Thank you for sharing
this comment made me tear up. i hope you continue writing, your words are beautiful
I remember the smell of orange blossoms.
This was beautifully written. I hope you find peace and healing
Thank you for sharing. God bless you and your loved ones. You reminded me of my grandma. One thing is sure, heaven is very lucky to have our grandparents.
My moms mother abandoned her in a car on the side of the road wrapped up in a guys T-shirt just laying on the backseat 😢.....my papa went to get her and raised her . My mother and grandfather broke the cycle and I love them for it❤ it wasnt always easy 😢 sometimes its ok to not be ok, just dont stay there forever you are important and loved ❤
What became of your mom's mother?
Gayt dayum! Mama had a breakdown. But it doesn't excuse her decision. Heavens 2 betsey 🫂
My mother broke the cycle. Her and my father have been together ever since they were married and that will never change. She's an amazing mom. She had three girls and she definitely broke the cycle. I have a lot of respect and admiration for both my parents for the amount that they care about their kids and the fact that she could have perpetuated the statistics and instead she made a change. Now she's a grandmother and we couldn't be happier.
Idk how anyone can just ditch their kids. My daughter is the best thing in mine and my husband's lives
That sucks. He never deserved you. You're a fantastic mother!
My abuser went to "work" one evening and never came home. I went to Child Haven, he went to jail (unrelated, he had an active warrant I found out later).
Two years later he followed me home from the bus stop after school to blame me for his life being in shambles. I was 16.
He attempted to violate a protection order we had in place to visit me at school. It lead to me dropping out of school five weeks before I was supposed to graduate.
I'm 35. It took me far too long to start working on the damage he caused to drill it into my head that I didn't deserve any of it.
I can't ever forgive him for what he did, but it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault.
It wasn't your fault.
And I'm proud of you.
You have come so far.
It was his fault and his fault alone
That's so wrong! I hate when abusers accuse the abused of all of their problems in life. What a horrible person he is. You are an amazing, strong person to have lived through that! Sending love and prayers to you and yours!💗💗💗
I'm so sorry this happened to you❤ and just so you hear it from another perspective.... the abuse you endured was not your fault, it never was your fault. We are close in age I'm 37 and I'm working on my trauma too. It does get easier over time I promise thjngs will head in a better direction the more you heal. Remember to give yourself a break here amd there and be easy on yourself. You're still here, keep going!!❤❤
That 'you ruined my life' shit when they did the ruining makes me so mad. I'm so sorry.
The last time I saw my bio father I was eleven. I remember waiting for him to come pick me up like he always did for the weekend and one day he didn't. I insisted on waiting out front until it was too dark to see. I sat in the dining room on the table in the dark, watching and waiting, until my mom came and held me and I just bawled and said "He isn't coming to get me, is he?". Later my Mom told me she would get drunk or high calls from him at 3-4am when he knew I was asleep, demanding to talk to me and she had to beg him to call back in a few hours because I had school, but he never did. I got a letter from him passed by his new girlfriend's kid who came to my school. I never read it. I couldn't because it was blurry from liquid stains and his handwriting was illegible.... he'd clearly written it stoned. I still have a song too. Just sounds. My husband hums it with me and I never knew where it came from till now. It started when I stopped seeing my Dad.
Oh dear. I'm crying for that lil girl. I'm glad your sweet husband hums it with you. All the best.
I'm usually fine with stories like these but yours hit me. I couldn't forget about it. I don't have the words, but I'm so sorry. I hope you're healing 💚
Oh dear these stories are so sad. Im sorry for you all.❤
The way this audio gives me the sense “that everything will all be fine”, and a bit of peace and calmness is actually beautiful.
Song name?
@@wtf..............It is Gwenna's personal song. Many children who experience abandonment report hearing a song aroind/inside them from the time of abandonment. The song is individual, but has many similarities between people when they share their songs. These children tend to remember their personal song all their lives.
This is a very personal video from Gwenna.
Mother Earth and her beautiful elements will always be there for us. Especially when our soul is being crushed by a "parent"❤❤
Oh momma.... my sister... the trees have souls.... they really do and they tasted tears from the ground through their roots for you. They sent up a song in the middle of the night to remind the earth that a child cried that night.
You are a blessing and your pain has been transfigured into love you send out.
I think it was Pema Chodron who talked about a particular meditation that changed things for her in her grief of divorce that brought her to her practice as a Tibetan monk. She said she would breathe in the pain of the world and breathe out love.
I believe you came upon the skill without knowing you had tapped into some powerful stream of magic.
The trees, I'm sure still sing a song for you... they are timeless and long living and don't easily forget... it's ok to show grace even when you can't forgive and you are an example of that and living proof that the world can heal by choosing to keep the wound and honor the person who recieved it.
If we hid all our scars how would the world remember what happened and why we prefer not to get there again if we can learn something important about the value of life- ours and everyone else's too .
Big Hugs... I'm imagining finding you that night and becoming friends among the trees so you wouldn't feel so alone. ❤ we can't change the past so much as we can rewrite the story we get to tell about it while still telling our truths.
I appreciate you and your journey. ❤❤❤
This was beautiful 🥹
Beautifully said!!
Beautiful ❤
That was powerful. ❤️
❤❤❤🙏🏾
My dad moved to Wyoming with his second wife three years ago... he hasn't set foot in my state since. I will never let my future children get abandoned the way my dad abandoned me.
you’re strong ❤️
My parents are getting divorced and I’m scared this will happen to me 😥
I feel this. Mine moved across the country with his second wife... and raised *her* kids
@@audreyjaime2356 the sort of person who would abandon their child is the worst sort of person and is no kind of parent, know that they are dead inside in every way that matters if they do that and that it's no reflection on you whatsoever. It's a reflection of who they are in their deepest self and that is forever.
This goes for you (and whoever in your life) and anyone you know if this happens to them... it is a tragedy but let them be dead. They showed you who they are.
You go find your people. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Pardon me, but family is purely coincidental, it's who chooses us and who we choose that defines who we are 💜🫂
I’m so sorry. 😢
My dad did this. Ill never forget the times we sat on the walkway at home, waiting an hour before finally just going back in. I knownit broke my moms heart. Im 37 now and recently he told my brother that hes not a "dad's last name", and he told me to change my last name to my papaws since I consider him my dad. I did just that.
The harmony is heartbreaking...but I can't stop listening
What's the songs name?
I felt this. My mom told me two weeks ago today that she won’t bother going to my funeral. It was following a conversation with me asking her advice after I lost my job last year because I wouldn’t sleep with my boss and it has been detrimental to my career as an accounting and operations executive who has done countless applications and is now at risk of bankruptcy and losing my home. She told me it was my fault and hung up on me.
I'm sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve her talking that way or losing your job. I pray you reported him to the state.
Was not your fault. Now find courage. Stand up for yourself. We will be rooting for you. And have some hugs.🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 You need them.
You are now free of the dead weight and encumbrance of people who dont love and support you, who are only there to suck your energy. We're taught that the parent / child bond is a superior, practically supernatural entity that overshadows everything else.
Sometimes i wish that was true.
Run light, run free.
And i hope you keep your beautiful home. You have standards and morals. Good for you. You didnt get it from your mama.
@@carennorthcutt7724it can be. It should be. And it is for some people. Sadly, not for all people. And that’s a tragedy.
@KGardanier I know of too many people who have gone through this... including me.
If you are in the US, I recommend looking for a lawyer to help. I got blackballed and wasn't able to find work anywhere, until I left for a new town. This was before the Internet and the laws of protection we have now. My husband at the time, and several family members also told me it was my fault, that women in the work force should just "suck it up and take it like a man".😒
If you don't have a therapist to process this with, I hope you can at least find a Peer2Peer support person to help you locate resources and help you heal from this betrayal
My Father signed away visitation rights so he wouldn't have to pay anymore child support. At 18 he tried to come back into my life. I respect the attempt, but that is a different horrible story.
As a father now, I just can't begin to imagine.
You deserved so much better. My dad went to jail cuz he couldn’t pay child support and refused to give us up. Everyone deserves a dad like mine.
We went into foster care and my dad only accepted us because he told my mom to give up child support, and of course she did.
I wouldn’t respect the attempt so much… he only contacted you again after you turned exactly 18, when he would be totally legally exempt from providing you with any financial support…. He was willing to forgo the relationship before that because he didn’t consider it to be worth whatever the child support would have cost him…
Maybe he really couldn’t keep paying, else go bankrupt.
Well, isn’t it good that he tried to come back though? Maybe you can try to connect with him now.
Love you Gwenna as does virtually everyone who follows you.
You are awesome encouraging and honest.
His UTTER loss
6 year old me sitting in my auntys arms on the night my dad passed. In the dark, beside the roaring fire she rocked me, her chin on my head. She told me that Dad was an angel now, and I remember the feeling of my heart going dumb.
This was the exact thing my mom told me when my father passed. This. Exact. Thing.
Written on my bones (what a perfect phrasing !) are many memories of pain too, and I don't believe in forgiving my parents for what they did. When I was younger, I thought it was my fault ; then I tried to fix them ; then I tried to forgive them. None of it worked, and I live at the stage of unforgiveness now. You don't write these things on your children's bones and get forgiveness in return.
So true. But indifference works for me. All the best ♥️♥️♥️♥️
It's kinda a mix for me... I feel sad that she was messed up, but the inner child is still sad and lonely. So, in the end I forgave and set boundaries as her adult child.
The forgiveness is not for them it’s for yourself. We always think we did something wrong but we didn’t. So we forgive ourselves for thinking that way and it makes us feel better. Then we get on with our lives and hope they get on their way theirs.
@@vikkib6897 I like that :) It's forgiveness I can get behind.
"Forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free and you were the prisoner".
And look at you loving the sh!t out of those kids and pulverizing that generational pain. Obliterating it. And helping the rest of us do the same!! ❤ Glad you’re here.
I cried uncontrollable tears of joy and pain hearing this. My biological parents went to jail shortly before I was born, and the only mother I had for years was one of the worst narcissists I've ever met. Yesterday I reached one of the goals to heal myself and someone I'd hurt after 2 years of fumbling through pain, hurt, and 5 whole moves to 4 different states. I cried because I realized, I'm finally okay, I'm safe, for the first time in 23 years.
Thank you
Big hugs momma. I was that little girl with a packed suitcase waiting for her dad. It never stops hurting, even when you aren’t thinking about it anymore.
My dad stopped visiting when I was about 11. I tried to reach out when I was 14. Sometime after meeting with him, he gave up and spoke to me no more.
When I was 27 I had heard that he wanted to write me a letter to explain why. It's been 3 years. I have two sons. I haven't received a letter. And even if I did I'd refuse to read it.
I've gotten through most of that hurt. Enough to have a good marriage and life. Now I just have to teach my sons to be men who do not leave their children.
How hard for you. I’m so sorry…😢
You such a strong person. I am so happy that you know you are still loved & valued and have a great life with wonderful family today. It was always his awful sh*t and none of yours, there is no letter or explanation great enough to miss out on a phenomenal & brave kid/adult as you. I’m honored I got to hear your story today, thank you for sharing it 🙏🏾
That’s my goal too. To raise sons into men that don’t walk away.
This is nowhere as near to what you've gone through, and everything in our family is well, yet I'm not where I'd like to be, definitely not at home, I hate how life is right now.
I've lived in the middle east my entire life, but in October 2022, we moved to europe. My father stayed behind to continue working there so that we can continue visiting, and keep our residency permits.
I'm glad that's the case. I hate it here. It hurts. It hurts even more when I wake up in the middle of the night, walk to the living room and my father's not there. It hurts when I go to my mother's room and he's not there. I'm only 12. I miss him. Sometimes I beg my mother to let me live with him.
We're visiting back again during summer vacations. I cant wait to see him again.
From one Gwenna to another, he didn't deserve you ❤. Your light shines too bright
It's beautiful, this sounds so instinctual and I can't really put it into words but it's free. This is freedom, peace and a promise of safety.
I really want the song title
I never realized that feeling in my bones might be a song. Thank you for being an amazing mother, as someone who had an abuser rather than a mother. The world needs more of you, so so so much more of you.
*hugs if you accept* Mama, I felt this in my bones, I pray that the trees will continue to serenade you with this beautiful lullaby of love.
Oof. Here's a hug for that little girl. If only we'd all seen the trauma happening and could have advocated for eachother.
There is a song within our souls & a song within the winds that empathizes with our sorrows and comforts the lonely child.
I frequently hear and feel God in the wind. He must have played that song in the trees just for you, Gwenna, because he knew you needed it. I love how he comforts through sound and nature. I would love to hear a full rendition of this song, it sounds so sorrowful yet beautiful. ❤️
Mine was running to the phone every time it rang one Christmas hoping he would call us to say he missed us. He never did. I cried so hard that Christmas night and that holiday was never the same again
Any parent who can do that to a child is just AWFUL! I'm sure it has made you a better parent. You're amazing!
My husband has promised himself he'll never be his dad. His dad left his mom when he was 3 weeks old. She was mom and dad. I may not have grown up around my mother but both my parents are wonderful. I feel lucky for this.
HUGE HUGS! Thank you for putting your vulnerabilities out here to share with us.
Oh sweetheart, my heart aches in resonance with yours. For the parents we deserved but did not get.😣❤️🩹
Sounds like my father! When my parents divorced I spent every other weekend just to be ignored. I really didn't want much of his time. Just a little of his time was all I wanted. But it never happened so I just stopped going to see him. He never argued or seemed to care. As his daughter I forgave him years ago. As a mother of three daughters, I'll never understand that! Ever!!!
I feel that. Forgiveness is not cut and dry. It's twisted and at times unbalanced. It's peaceful and it's tumultuous.
The things we carry....
❤
❤❤❤
That's a great book, btw. The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien.
Absent Fathers create broken Children 💔
Feel you Gwenna 🥰
I will never forget when the wind hugged me. How it swirled with warmth that it shouldn't of had to. How it said sorry and thank you in a voice that would never say that to me.
This was really quite powerful. The caption really hit me. I couldn't agree more with it. Now that I'm a parent, I don't understand how he doesn't care.
I've never understood how my ex has turned his back on his children.
His parents and siblings, too.
How do you DO that?
My dear love. You did not deserve that. And it was not your fault. You are loved. And you are a light that shines bright in a cold world. Thank you for sharing.
Mama/daughter hugs for you. 💖💝
The sound of being free from my abusive father. Just that sort of sad but freeing feeling of just starting over with my hero, my mama 💕💕
I feel this deep down in my soul. The abandonment I experienced has influenced every decision I’ve ever made. I understand that now. Even though it was 50 years ago the pain is palpable. I’m just learning now how much it has had a hold on me. Doesn’t make the pain any less, but I am learning to be kind to myself. I don’t always need to be so hard and strong and in control. I don’t need to protect others, and frankly myself from every little thing. I’ve succeeded in giving my children the love and stability that I never had. Though I’m far from society’s idea of a perfect parent. Time will tell as to what I’ve possibly passed down to my own kids, their trauma and issues. We all have stuff from our childhood that we need to work through as adults. But I will be there for them, to talk and do anything I can to help them navigate life. Always.
I’m so sorry. I lost my father a couple of years ago and I was so angry about it because it was unexpected and he was such an incredible father. I wasn’t ready. So when I see things like this, it reminds me be fu&king grateful for what I had with the time I had.
Your father is truly the one who lost that day. Watching your channel, seeing the beautiful moments you share with us, laughing when your beautiful daughter packs her siblings chaotic lunches, feeling your infectious joy when you got published, he lost the honor of calling you his daughter. You are an amazing woman, wife and mother. You turned the devastating pain you felt that day into being the parent you needed. You should feel nothing but proud of yourself. We are so grateful for you and all you have shared.
For me it’s the feeling of stillness after you’ve cried every tear in you
Abandonment is the worst heartache, I’m so sorry.
I literally started crying as soon as I read this. I had the same experience unfortunately. I’m so glad my daughter will never have to feel this feeling!! Her dad actually loves her and will never leave her. Some dads just fuggin suck. 😢
I've been left on that porch, too! Waiting and crying. It still hurts that he could do that to me.
Looking back at my childhood and teenage years, I think we tend to become the parent that our child-selves needed so much. Not the actual parent that stepped out or turned off. The one our souls NEEDED to thrive. ❤ Be sure to tell that little girl that you've got her now, and you'll never let her go. She is safe now 💛
"You and me against the world" by Helen Reddy is the song for my Dad and I. He passed on just yesterday after a battle with cancer. It was so soon, and i was blessed to have him. Now i need to carry on, for him and for me. I now can feel that compassion for someone who lost a father whenever they may have. I will be forever grateful for his sacrifices. I'll always be his kiddo. Take care, my dear. You have brought joy and perspective into my life in your videos. Keep going :) ❤️ 🕊
I'm so sorry for everyone who has ever felt abandoned or has been abandoned by a parent. You are important. You are worthy and you are loved.
You are a wonderful person Gwenna. Thanks for being you.❤
Gosh. I really did not need to cry today.
That sounds similar to my childhood - hurt so bad when I was a child, I became an adult and when someone left my life I just erased them from my life forever...I had to or I would've been stuck emotionally like my little brother was...
Yes, I know I'm messed up but that's how I got through it all...
I wished there had been a song like that that would've helped it hurt less...
Just know it wasn’t your fault. We all need a chance to hear that. ❤ she was lovable
❤❤❤
I would love a full version of this special song... just an echoing hum repeating for an hour. ❤
You can make one. Autotune yourself, add an echo or reverb effect, and loop it however long for a track. You can play the track on repeat or stick it in a playlist.
I'd love a full version too!
Me too. It's soothing me.
This song resonates deep within my sole its sad yet freeing ❤
Thank you for being you. We don’t know you, but we know you. And we love you.
I forgave my father for what he did. He is a better person now and much better grandfather than he was a father. BUT I’ll never forget what he did to me and I’ve told him that, I made it perfectly clear that I’ll never put my children what he has put me through and if he tries that with my son, there will be no more chances.
Your channel has made me a forgiving and better person overall and want to raise my children better than I was raised. So thank you for that
The realities that hit you when you watch your kid grow in the safe environment you never had. Children are so innocent, they are naturally pure of heart. I'm sorry you didn't feel wanted by your dad, but the world watches you now with love and admiration. You get to be the light in the dark for your kids. ❤
this is so poetic
At least as earth siblings we can love each other. ❤
Why am I crying? Because this is the saddest thing I've read and wasn't expecing it to end the way that it did. I can't relate, but I can imagine. Look at what an amazing parent and overall fellow human-shaped creature thing you turned out to be. You're in my heart today.
You need help
Fellow human shaped creature thing. WTF!!! I don't think anyone would take that as a compliment. If that is what you meant it to be.
@Sayruhj Dude. You REALLY missed the mark. Shame on you.
People, relax! Gwenna herself would use this language!
"fellow human-shaped creature" wtf.
EXACTLY!
The things that my parents missed out on in my childhood because they couldn't get themselves to be the parents that I desperately wanted and deserved.
My kids never felt like me. I made sure of that.
Thank you for healing that part of my heart. The scar is stronger than the break.
I felt that in my soul. Every word. For my own peace I forgive, but as a mama i just cannot reconcile it.
Love you girl. I’m not a mom yet but I know that when I am I will cry every time I do the right things for my kids, because my inner child will always wish that the adult around me actually saw me and cared for me
Very beautiful and very sad. I looped this over 30 times because it's so haunting, especially with your details. Your eyes are so big and beautiful. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you for your openness. It reminds many, especially me, we are not alone.
Keep giving it to the trees. You are loved, lil one 💚
Unrelated but I saw your book in the library today and I think little u sitting on that porch by yourself would be very proud of you. ❤
This is the song that has kept me alive. When the trees sang this for me in my darkest moments, it reminded me how much I really loved life. There were many moments I cringed at my "weakness," but Ive learned better.
This song is the song I sing when I'm alone, the exact song in the video it has helped me ground my self no matter where I am, so safe to say this song is something special
Well said and an even deeper understanding…. You are what most of need in hard times- thank you 🙏🏼
I felt this. When I had both of my kids it was a reeling time for me because of that feeling. I’d already forgiven them and as my kids grew I couldn’t imagine leaving them the way they did me.
🫂 You are such an amazing gift to all of us
I feel very connected to trees, what a beautiful song they sang for you, they were with you, witnessing you, and holding space for you, and with you. Sending you love~
I felt this in my spirit!! As I sit here now,40 yrs later, I can feel the moment my soul was crushed and both me and my inner child cried..I finally gave up and went in the house, accepting that no matter how hard I looked into traffic,that car was never going to pull up.. Sometimes all I can do is hold us and rock us.. 😞
My mom left us waiting till midnight while we rode our bikes up and down the dead end road. Dad would tell us to come inside that she isnt coming. We'd blame him like he was the reason she didnt wajt to show up 😢. My dad has my respect as im a mom now ❤
My father decided he wasn’t going to be my dad anymore too. Hugs
God i hope i can prevent my daughter from feeling this way but i likely cant 😢 her father is an addict and i have to give her to him on weekends and one day i know hes going to kill himself or run away to chase his desires and it will crush her or he will inadvertently kill her. Im in the process of getting custody, youd think that finding the drugs under her crib would be enough, but it wasnt. Life is so unfair and i feel all the pain in this world and it just hurts. I pray to god that it will get better ❤
I'm in a very similar situation, and I'm devastated for my daughter and terrified of what might happen to her. Every time I have to let her go with him, I worry about what is going to happen to her there. I got a protection injunction and the court makes me give her to my abusive alcoholic ex boyfriend AKA her dad every other week. I'm scared for her all the time and I don't know how this can happen when it's so obvious that he's abusive
Working through emotional anxiety and childhood trauma by humming to calm your mind… #relatable
I never thought of being forgotten until I saw this…I prided myself on not thinking of my dad’s empty promises, but I know those feelings are still there -they will always be there…this song really captures my inner child, my disappointment, my heartache…