What is 'eldest daughter syndrome'? What birth order reveals
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- čas přidán 16. 04. 2024
- A viral discussion on social media has eldest sisters and their loved ones buzzing about “eldest daughter syndrome.” Licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton joins TODAY to break down theories on how birth order affects a child’s personality and the way their parents raise them.
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#trending #siblings #psychology
It's hard being the eldest daughter. We do our best to care for everyone, but who takes care of us?
Except for your sister lol
At least that is my case...
umm... supposedly our parents
Not our parents 🥴🤦🏾♀️
Um... nobody 😢
We had to parent our moms and dads.
Agreed....Thank you!
Eldest child of an immigrant parent next level pressure
Giiiiirrrrrrlll you 100% right
Yesss so true!
Thisssssss 💯
THIS!!!!
💯💯
As an oldest daughter I was expected to wash dishes from the time I could stand on a chair and by the time I was eight I was responsible for laundry, cooking, and childcare. My mother did not work and younger siblings did not have any chores. Years later my brothers went to prison and my sisters went on welfare and eventually my mother died in a county nursing home. A cautionary tale for mothers who sacrifice their oldest daughter's childhoods.
I quit talking to my mother a few years ago. Got tired of her bs. So I would never, ever take care of her if she was needing it. No way!
There are nuances there that I relate to
Sometimes parents trade their future elderly care for in the moment care of their younger children. Doing this risks the eldest daughter being too burned out and resentful to want to care for her parents in their old age. They may also not want children of their own. They may feel a sense of retirement and feel its time for the younger siblings to step up and take some responsibility.
Parents, if you hope to have a good relationship with your older children in your retired years, I urge you all to not put so much responsibility on them as kids and teens. You may just regret it.
….unfortunately I can relate. Expectations were never ending & without reward . I still feel the expectations, responsibility, & disappointment as an adult.
@@genwilson7741ouch… that hurts
Being the first born is like being employed!
@marilynroesch7662 but without a cheque whoaaaa!!
Yessss now that’s a word
I’m the oldest daughter and grandchild and I was never a child nor received the things that go with being a child. I’m 40 and am just now realizing this
Same here! I started learning how to handle a knife for chopping @ 4, cooking @ 6, ironing & hair @ 8. I was a full-time nanny, tutor & chef until I graduated, for all grand-kids, including siblings. I put my deposit down & signed the lease for my 1st apt the morning before I graduated from high school, 6/8/2000! I didn't cut my family off from additional support, including financial, until I was 27. I'm now 42 & have no children because I've already raised 13 & have never had any interest in doing it all over again.
Same here! You aren’t alone, but my question to you is now that you’ve come to this realization what do you plan to do differently if anything? Or what have you’ve already done?
this makes me want to cry because I felt the same.
I so hear that, I was never a child. Plus scapegoating! Everything was my fault and responsibility to fix. I’ve been a non consensual mommy my whole life. No contact and my physical/emotional health is recovering.
As the youngest sibling, I have to give props to the older/est siblings.
My late big sister was more than a sibling, she assumed the role of parent and friend for most part of our childhood. I am super proud of her.
I miss her everyday.
Sorry for your loss. 😢 it’s good that you are thankful for her.
This is a thing, it's not just a trend. Im the eldest daughter too in my family and I totally get this !
Same! It’s totally on point 🎯🎯🥹
What a total feminist thought 💀
I’m the oldest child and girl. Everything is true. I need support. It is very challenging and difficult.
Same.
Me too ❤
Same
@@telishiajackson I’m so overwhelmed.
I have a friends who are so resentful and somewhat angry of their younger siblings because they say the parent put so much pressure on them. And the younger siblings dont get any of what they got growing up.
I never resented my siblings, I knew I had a role and that they needed to be taken care of. Fast forward 26 years later and the siblings that I have taken care of want nothing to do with me, (I'm going to assume that it's because I moved out at 18 years old when my parents went through a nasty divorce and I did not want to be put in the middle as a pawn the way my siblings were). I have tried to reach out and make amends but nobody wants anything to do with me and my children, (who would be their nephews). If I had to do it all over again for my siblings though I would❤😢
I’m the first child and daughter and granddaughter on both sides of my family. Let’s just say I’m now 32 years old and finally resting.
ngl but I used to resent my middle sister when I was a teen bc it was so rough and my sister was less disciplined than I was. But now I stopped bc she’s my family and we all grew tf up. It’s really not worth it to live with resentment, severe stress and hate. When I was in high school, I would try my best spoil them with food but now my sister spoils me and scolds me if ever try to pay for anything. And then there’s my youngest sister which I spoil her in secret, but I love them. Aside from family, they truly are my besties 😵💫🤍
I am the first child and a girl so I was trained to take care of everyone first than myself. I took care of my mom and my nephews and nieces and went to college and still want to create peace and harmony in the world!!!!
I'm the middle child but oldest girl. At 47 I'm STILL overly concerned about everyone's needs, how they're feeling, what are they thinking. I also became the one my Mom relied on as a single parent but if my responses were "too grown" I was chastised. So many mixed expectations. Be responsible but know your place.....whaaaaaaaat.
@@Littlething41 🔥
Omg! Same!
What race/culture are you in?
@@mytravls I'm Italian and grew up in SF,CA
Just watching the beginning summation I almost got emotional. Being the oldest is tricky. Siblings saying “you’re not my mom” but mom expecting you to look after the siblings. I’ve struggled letting it go in my older years as my siblings began to set boundaries and assert themselves. I can’t help it. I do it to friends, coworkers, etc. I just can’t help trying to be useful and look after everyone and it’s definitely made me sacrifice myself in ways thinking of everyone else first. So glad this is a thing people have begun to start to define.
I always hated being the eldest daughter and the 2nd eldest granddaughter.
Had to become a babysitter at 8 and a mom at 13 for my siblings.
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who felt alone being the oldest daughter.
Me too!!
Don't forget we're underappreciated
That part !!!
I would say overlooked
@@JosofineXtine nope! UNDERAPPRECIATED! We do so much assisting/helping for parents and younger siblings without even a thank you.
Just keep in mind, this is not always true. I am the youngest daughter and I am not “outgoing and social.” If anything, I’m the most responsible one in the family.
I’m the middle child and most responsible.. so I don’t see this “ eldest daughter “ syndrome in my life.
same. This doesn’t describe my family’s order at all. I’m the middle of 5 and most responsible. Take care of my two younger siblings. My youngest sibling is not outgoing and social. My oldest sister looks to me for everything from financial advice to overall venting about life.
literally!! My youngest sister is the opposite of social
Well in every situation there are rare cases
I’m an eldest daughter and everything their saying is true. I broke down recently to my ma about how I felt growing up. She admitted that we raised each other bc she was only 17 when she had me. Glad this is a convo ❤
I'm the first born and have 3 younger brothers 10, 12, and 26. I'm always watching out for them and giving them advice. I'm also a bonus parent to the two younger ones. I was taking the two younger ones home after a late night at the grandparents house (its in a sketchy neighborhood) my 26 year old brother walked me out to the car. He is 6"5 and 300lb. I got in and made sure all the kids were strapped in then I waited for my brother to safely make it back inside my grandparents house. My little brother asked "why do you have to wait for him to go inside? Kevin is so big, no one is going to try to hurt him." I told him that "It doesn't matter how big or strong he is, he is still my little brother and I will always watch out for him and you guys no matter what."
😢 whose cutting onions?
I was the oldest daughter but my parents were very involved and made sure I didn't have too much responsibility. But I was the oldest of two and my brother is 8 years younger. I had a fabulous childhood.
I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t had their fair of struggles, eldest to youngest. But if finding people who you can relate to is how you can cope with life, I am all for it. In the words of Langston Hughes, life ain’t been no crystal stair.
That’s my favorite poet
I’m the oldest daughter and this is very accurate it’s scary
I am the oldest child and a girl. At the age of 5 I had to learn how to make scrambled eggs and how to change diapers. I know that sounds ridiculous, but truly was told that was my job. My parents were addicts, one was a drug addict another was an alcoholic. I was treated as an adult for as long as I remember. I always knew what was really happening versus being told lies that my siblings were told and vice versa I communicated with my siblings and would tell my parents as a barrier between the two.
I’m the oldest girl and I’ve been moving around since I was 12 and I actually ended up becoming one of my younger sister’s legal guardian.
Wow ❤
Bonus parent!! Yes! I actually moved out at 15 because I couldn't deal with it. Maybe if my mom was "normal" I would have stayed but with her drinking it just was just too much.
@@mallorygraf8574 my father was also an abusive alcoholic and my mom was always neglectful. She met a man and left my father and got rid us, shortly after dating the new guy.
As a middle child, I do not resonate with the middle child syndrome. I was left out a lot because my oldest sister misbehaved a lot and my youngest sister got alot of attention simply because. I was a good kid and wanted to make my parents proud but was overlooked
might want to look into that. being and feeling overlooked is kinda a hallmark of the middle child. how you responded to that feeling is makes ppl different
I’m the middle child and eldest daughter of immigrant parents. It was rough!
It wasn’t my stay at home mom that changed diapers, potty trained, cooked and cleaned…it was me, from the ages of 4 until I left for college. I have three siblings.
exactly!! I can so relate!! only thing I Rember my mom doing is her art projects and siting around!! there was 6 of us kids!! I'm oldest. when I was 5/6 I was changing diapers!! shoveling sidewalks frm snow!! etc etc!! When I was age 12 my mom had twins, Gusse who raised them ???!!ME!!!
A lot of daughters feel like their moms didn't do anything because as children they were doing so much more than they should have had to but in most cases I think that the children didn't actually do as much as they thought or their mom didn't do as little as they thought but it was still way too much for a child to take on
@@TheMariemarie16 Respectfully, you don’t know my situation and to imply that myself and those like me are misinterpreting due to our young age is insulting and invalidating. I cut my sister’s umbilical cord, I milked our cows, gathered eggs, cared for chickens and horses, chopped firewood, harvested hay, kept two gardens, cleaned house, and prepared a minimum of one full meal every day and birthed the lambs on our farm from the time I was 7 until I was 18. Scientific research demonstrates that increased adrenaline (such as a child experiences in a chronically abusive environment) creates a more accurate memory, not a less accurate memory, as your comment implies. Learn more about family systems, limerence and narcissistic abuse within families before you tell people that they are misremembering their own past.
@@indy18286 I’m sorry this happened to you also. It’s such a crap deal. I hope you have a good support network now and have found freedom and safety in setting boundaries now. Respect and love for you, sweetheart ❤️
@@brooklynnchick 👋👋
I don’t think my older sister ever got the memo. Lol. She’s two years older than me and my brother is six years younger than me. Everything they described about an older sister is actually me. We’re in our 50s (my brother in his 40s) and I’m still the one everyone relies on for help, advice etc, including my older sister.
The oldest daughter is usually not friends with their siblings because no matter how we communicate it will always feel like we are critiquing our siblings.
My mom told me that she can't help me further my education because she needs to focus on my little sister, even though when i was younger she was still focusing on my sister and i had to work hard for everything without getting anything, while i watched her received everything with no work. Its hard being a big sister and eldest child.
As the oldest daughter, i relate to this to a tea 🍵
I'll give you a perfect example of what it means to be the oldest daughter (I am one, I'm the oldest and a daughter, my brother is middle, my sister is youngest): when we were at my paternal grandmother's funeral, as we were driving to the brunch afterward, my siblings BOTH looked at me and said, "just so you know, when mom and dad die, you're going to have to do both eulogies, we could never get up and do them." My 72-yr-old father recently said to me, "Jess, you're doing my eulogy whenever I die, yes? Promise?" It's assumed I'll take on the responsiblity; my other siblings just put that difficult task on me 100%. Not even a question lol. And I will, I'll do both eulogies and handle it somehow. Eldest. Daughter. Syndrome.
As an only child I was always frustrated when siblings would argue whose turn it was to do dishes, trash, etc. I had to do it ALL. Maybe that's why I can't stand to clean house lately.
I was also ridiculed that I was spoiled. I got certain things in exchange for doing all the housework. After a while I would only open presents at home to avoid the ridicule from certain relatives.
Awe, I have an only daughter, and I'm super extra so she doesn't have a chance 😅 but it really is a whole other beast..
I am the oldest of two children. My brother was younger. He passed almost 7 years ago. I used to tell him all the time that I was envious of the fact that he was the youngest because he had so many freedoms that I felt like I didn’t have. I’ve always had to be the responsible one. I was always an overachiever. I am just starting to come out of some of this, but now our parents are seniors and on their caregiver. I actually wish that there had been more than just the two of us, but I realize how much more responsibility I would’ve had. The person in this piece who mentioned oldest daughters as bonus parents was so correct, because in a lot of ways, that is how I felt growing up. When my brother would make different decisions as a young man, I would tell him what to do and he would do it without question. I never thought of it as having any kind of special power or privilege. I thought of it as being a precarious situation. I think this needs to be discussed more because a lot of oldest daughters, feel burdened by all of this.
as the oldest of 8 i can relate to this. childhood was exhausting since a lot was expected of me. the others could basically run amuck
My sister (the oldest) was “anti-sibling”. She was nothing they described.
I have two daughters and I thank my 13yo all the time.
This was my life growing up & add narcissistic family abuse. I literally was the maid and nanny etc. Spot on about being an overachiever.
I'm my dad's middle child, but I am my mother's first child. I am a Momma Bear to my Squad. My mom had two more kids with another man when I was 11 and 12 years of age, so I took care of my youngest siblings and babysat them. Now they are in their 20s, and they know I love them very much.
I am the oldest sibling and sole caregiver for my mom who has Alzheimer’s disease. I have carried the weight of challenges in my family increasingly as I have gotten older.
That list resonates sooo much especially guilt issues, boundaries, and the great sense of responsibility.
Im the eldest and have raised five children before having any of my own. I was changing diapers, making meals and cleaning the house on my own since I was nine. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends or even go out for walks, unless I brought All of my little siblings with me, as it would have taken time away from me doing my chores. The bad thing about it was only one of my parents worked, the other one just never wanted to do anything with us kids or take care of us. My chore as they told me daily was to keep the kids happy and quiet, the house clean, and make sure meals were on the table at set times. It sucked, but my siblings and I are really close because of it.
As an eldest daugther i was forced to take care of my baby sister in a place in which she was unfamilliar with. It was very hard...
I love Kati Morton. She has a great channel!
I honestly think it's simply most women. I felt and assumed the most responsibility by far when it came to caring for my elderly parents before they passed away, despite being the youngest of three, with an older brother and an older sister. The older ones sometimes just forge ahead with their own individual priorities.
It's true, there's always that one in the family deemed the responsible one so everything always falls on that person and it usually always ends up being one of the daughters.
I agree with you.
Yup!
This right here is so true coming from the youngest child who put her career on hold to care for her mother and assisted both parents in transitioning. It is def a woman thing and where your priorities line up. I was raised to care for others.
Thank you! That’s exactly my experience.
Im a middle child and very empathic.i FELT the pressure and low key resentment combined with love my sister had for my youngest brother and i. She had to get us to school. I tried helping so she "didnt worry about me". When my sister was a teenager my mom said she can go out with her friends if i tagged along. I didnt know . I was horrified when i found out and embarressed years later. I was a loner anyway and didnt want to go but she pressured me . I also heard older sisters often dont want kids because they were "built in babysitters" for the mother . I NEVER approved of that. My sister deserved a childhood free from worry and stress. My sister is my mother also i always tell her "happy mothers day" because she is my 2nd mom
Oldest of three girls here 🙂
Same
Me too😊
I have 3 daughters and am expecting another little one. Any advice?
I'm the youngest daughter and last born from three siblings. I can tell you right now, the oldest doesn't always take all the responsibility. My older sister never does anything I don't. She complains about everything, gives the worst advice in an attempt to sabotage me. I feel she wanted to be the only girl child in the family and she resents that she isn't. She's definitely someone I can't trust or rely on. I feel the universe played this cruel joke on me, especially when I see sisters who are close!
My older sister’s an angry lil grimlin too who sabotages. I was on my way to attempt to be closer & give her a thank you & a hug one yr (my mid 20’s)
& she was so resentful, vindictive, & just hard to love… Like girl, we grew up in the same house
Don’t get me started on her over protective friends. 🙄
Describes me to a T. Oldest of 9-7 brothers, 1 sister (5 years younger). I am reading “The Eldest Daughter Effect” and it is enlightening.
I hated that role but! my siblings turned out great, because I took on that role I will just leave it there .
My older/the oldest female sibling (male sibling in between) is an evil, narcissistic, the world evolves around me person. She has told people for years she's an only child. My father even ask me as a teenager what was wrong with her. I told him, how should I know I wasn't there when she was born...and I didn't raise her. She was different from the get go; always yelling at and belittling our parents. People thought I was the oldest because the dynamic was completely backward. She is/was the worst sibling anyone could ever have. She became a guidance person at some dumpy college in the backwoods. Blind leading the blind. I feel bad for those students.
Enlightening, so she studied psychology?! This is similar to someone I know.
My big sister took care of me, but we were like 11 years apart. So, thanks. 😊
An an eldest daughter…I finally feel seen!
Oldest and only daughter. I cannot express how I feel about the vitriol I experienced from my own mother especially throughout my adulthood. She disowned me… again… which normally happens when she gets a new man. I no longer feel bad about just staying away anymore.
*I am the oldest and took care of everyone. My younger sister and I used to bump heads when she got older due to me feeling like she was rebelling against and disrespecting me. I had to come to grips that she was my sister and not my child and allow her to grow on her own terms.*
I needed this video today ❤ thank you for all of the beautiful reminders!
Loved watching and seeing kati Morton on this video ❤❤❤
as the youngest, i implore everyone to go heal and leave us out of it 🤸🏿♀️
😂
- Youngest
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow this is exactly what my youngest sister would say.
The love of people grows colder and colder
Yep, typical response
I had to watch, entertain and protect my little sister. I couldn’t get a moment alone! Now, as an adult, I love my alone time!
I was responsible for picking up my youngest sibling from school when I was in high school and couldn't even hang out because my parents were working. They needed me to babysit. I grew up in a Hispanic household, so I'm sure that played a role.
What about my sister, who was the eldest sister of 2 in our family and at 40 she found out we didn’t share the same dad, and she is the youngest sister of 3 in her biological dad’s family!?. So she’s the youngest and the oldest 🫨🫨🫨
Well in my case I am the second born daughter. My older sister never did this, she was spoiled, went to boarding school. She had her first kid while I was in high school and I took more responsibility for my little brothers and her baby boy. It’s crazy even now she’s immature and I have spoiled her into knowing I will always clean up her mess to the point I have started out living my own life only now instead of being her mom.
We need a real support group fr. The burden is overwhelming
Awesome job, Kati
I'm the oldest child and only daughter in my immediate family. I was recently told by a co-worker that she couldn't leave her kids alone at home because she didn't feel they were old enough/mature enough to babysit each other. I was so confused by that and I told her I was babysitting my little brother since I was maybe 10 or 12 years old. I even got certified for babysitting from a summer program at 13. She just went really quiet and it made me think about things. My parents were always so busy. My dad worked constantly and if my mom wasn't working she was doing chores, recovering from one of her many back surgeries, cooking, or sleeping. She was there for us and raised us basically by herself but sometimes she had to help my dad with his work at his private office. He's terrible at typing but she's amazing at it. If they couldnt afford a babysitter, I did it. She just wouldn't let me use the stove until I was a teenager.
Wow! This explains a lot about myself being the oldest daughter of 6
I was the oldest of 4, when my parents divorced when I was 11, I became mom #2
I feel SO seen & understood! Being an eldest daughter & “volun-TOLD” to babysit at 15 is one of the main reasons I don’t want children today!💯💯💯
This is me! I am the oldest of 2 younger siblings. And I am always expected to do so much more than my siblings.
I’m the oldest and a daughter, I did act as a second mom to my siblings, but I am not a victim. I Adore my siblings and my siblings love me. Four of us (6 siblings) still meet up once a week and many of us go to the same church. They are the Best Aunts and Uncles to my two little girls. Absolutely doting. They accept my husband as just another brother, my two brothers actually worked with my husband for a while..
My parents were and are still present as much as they can be. It’s not my mom’s fault that her Depression hit an all time low when I was 9. My dad needed help, but he never asked me to step up, I just did. Because my siblings are important to me. I grew so much as a person and I’m a better mother because of it. I don’t regret my close relationship with them for anything. Every single one of them were in my wedding. My sisters were my maids of honor. My brother asked my husband to be his best men, they are some of our closest friends. To my great sadness two of my siblings have chosen to opt out of interacting with the family other than main holidays, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love them and the rest of us stay as close as ever.
I love being the older sister and I’ll protect them fiercely till I’m no longer here 💕
I’m so proud of you Kati❤
Tale as old as time. ❤ Older sibling here, and this resonated. This stems from Alderian theory, as pointed out in the clip. Throw in nature/nuture theory, and this is where the fun begins. 😊❤
Im oldest by a lot. My siblings are boys and valued way more and shown with expensive gifts praise support and healthcare. I moved out to escape the abuse and have struggled financially mentally emotionally physically and most likely will for the rest of my life. It never goes away and the effects follow you to the end.
My older sister was the problem child who was rewarded for bad behavior. I was the nerdy bookworm who was ignored. Dysfunctional families don’t adhere to certain dynamics
My only brother who is younger then me died 11 years ago. He was 28 and I was 29 when he died. Yes my parents were harder on me then him but I feel even more pressure now because I never thought I would be an only child having to think about life without my parents and my only sibling.
I’m the youngest and I am an introvert, the least social person in my family, I am a people pleaser… none of what she said applies to me. It depends on the family dynamic and the economic situation, the culture and many other factors.
I dated the youngest of 3, and he had all of the traits listed. He was the only one with a real job and went to college and earned his masters
Amen I feel the pain
My older sister couldn't figure anything out. I always had to do things for her - make phone calls for her when I was 7, make important decisions, and be the responsible one.
It’s cool that you get to see each of them in what birth order they were with their families-- it shows fun and great personality as well as ambition to success to be part of GMA
This is so so true
I’m the eldest daughter and I’m sure it’s part of why I don’t want to have children. I was expected to do housework for my school work. When I hung out with friends I was guilt tripped or very behind on chores when I got home. I moved across the country and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made.
Oldest daughter syndrome is playing mom for your younger siblings and not wanting any kids of your own once you’re older because you already spent your childhood raising children.
I'm a middle child but the oldest daughter. I definitely see it as my responsibility to make sure everyone is ok. Especially our mom as she gets older. But my sister and brother help out also. I love this role that I was blessed with!
Congratulations Kati well deserved to be recognized for your work ❤❤❤
I always felt sorry for my older sister. I always wondered why she did so much for my Mom. My mother gave her a lot of privileges but i don't think it was worth it. My sister was more of a mother to me than my mother was
My older brother and sister are like a decade + older than me; and didn’t really grow up together. So I’m the third child, but the oldest as I grew up with my little brother and had all these responsibilities.
I’m the oldest sibling and the only girl and honestly I’m the opposite of a type A person, but I am a big people pleaser. My brothers say I’m pretty “nosey”, but honestly my parents treated us all very similarly and I had a good mom that didn’t put too much pressure on me
It’s crazy because my brother is the oldest, the middle child is my sister, and I am the youngest as well as a daughter. My parents and siblings are always asking me for money, don’t check on me because they assume I’m fine because it seems like I have my life together and it’s “perfect”. And although I do very well for the age of 31 in work and education I don’t get support. The oldest daughter in my family get ALOT of support and my brother who is the oldest never had any real responsibilities growing up. It’s frustrating to watch my oldest siblings still getting support while I’m expected to just do it and have it. So I don’t think this eldest daughter thing is always accurate. It really just depends on your family dynamic.
Oldest out of 5 , I am 31 , my step brother died last year he would have been 29 in December, my dad got remarried btw .then the my sister that had a baby in her teenage years 7 years between us , she is 24 , my other sister there's 9 years between us , she is 22 , my other brother he is the youngest he turned 20 back in December. 11 Year's between him and i
None of this applies to my siblings and I, quite literally the opposite, but I can see how it could apply to lots of others
My first child is a girl. She is also a liver transplant survivor. She's only 10 mo now, but I know her life will always be more challenging due to her health. I don't want her to experience this if we have another child. I'm essentially an only child (I have half siblings that I don't know) so I don't know about any of this. What can I do to make sure my daughter doesn't feel negatively about being born first? I love her so much, but I also don't want her to be alone in life without someone to share a family bond and memories with when her dad and I are gone.
I’m an identical twin only one minute older than my twin (no other siblings) and I swear this framework still resonates and applies😂
I don’t have resentment towards my younger sibling, but I do feel it was unfair that all of that pressure was put on me. Hence, why I’m in therapy now to figure out my life at 30+ years of age.
'Only child' is the worst. Have 2 kids at a min in my opinion. Could save only kids from a lifetime of loneliness.
Genuine question for all you older siblings reading this comment. I have 3 girls, and my oldest genuinely loves to help out. She’s always asking if she can help me make food, change the baby’s diaper, help clean up, etc, and enjoys being given tasks as well. I love that she enjoys helping, but I also don’t want her to feel any pressure to take on tasks. How do I continue to encourage her naturally helpful personality without her feeling obligated later on in life? I’d love to get advice from anyone who has experienced this first hand!
Encourage your younger children to have “naturally helpful personalities” as well, for starters. Don’t let them skate on family tasks because they’re younger, and big sister is so willing to do them.
Also, learn about her interests and passions and nurture them.
This is true … I’m starting to take away responsibilities from my oldest daughter. She’s like a little auntie to her sisters
What about only children(singletons)? I think there is a lot of pressure put on only children.
Yay, Kati!
The youngest sibling is lucky cause they learn the mistakes from their older siblings. 😅😅😅
This is true!
I’m the oldest and only daughter. I’ve always been type A, overachiever, and a recovering people please. It’s interesting because my dad is the oldest in his family and my mom is the youngest by 7 years, but the only daughter. All three of us are type A, overachievers. My younger brother is type B and an underachiever. Definitely interesting!
My sisters way older and I think she had it harder.but she had no extra responsabilites.
I’m the oldest sibling and it is very natural to want to take care of siblings. I didn’t feel like I had to and I didn’t do it to please people. I did it because I went to school with my sisters and I saw things my parents didn’t. And I took care of it, so I didn’t have to snitch on my sisters. We are very close and I feel no resentment towards. We all had a special role in the family with its own responsibilities. I think it’s important people don’t see themselves as a victim and act like nobody else had it hard.
MOTHERS WITH FIRST BORN DAUGHTERS HAVE A HIGHER BOND WITH THE FIRST BORN OVER ALL KIDS
Not always true. My mother was a middle child who openly favored my middle sister over me and my youngest sister. This created a lot of animosity between the middle and me, and a fierce need to look out for my baby sister. I battled with my mother long before the terrible teens hit, and moved out of our house the first chance I got. It took decades, and lives thousands of miles from each other for the middle and me to overcome our childhood to become friends. As for my mom, all three of us shared duties taking care of her when she was diagnosed with cancer until she passed. I loved my mom, but I did not like her.
Oh boy. Can we please survive without more labels?
Amen.
It's not a label. It's something that has existed since the dawn of time. We're simply acknowledging what this is and giving it a name. This isn't even an actual psychological diagnosis but rather a phenomenon. The bystander effect exists as a name to a phenomenon but it isn't a label. It's fine. Not a big deal. No one goes around calling themselves "I have eldest daughter syndrome". All my elder sibling friends and I have commiserated over this phenomenon even before this woman gave it a name.
I'm, honestly, so relieved that others had experiences similar to mine. Trying to navigate huge emotions like this and thinking it was just your family and lot in life is so much different when you realize others had similar experiences.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
@@alexisblake6381 but any person could say and feel that, and be correct in their experiences and how valid they are. Wanting to be "special" for every tiny little reason is so self-centred.
My brother was the oldest on my mother’s side and he definitely was the second parent. I’m the oldest on my dad’s side and the oldest daughter on both sides.