Thank you, thank you. I am 60 years old and am going through a severe burn out. There are no resources here, I don’t know anyone like me. Even the American Asperger’s Association won’t respond to my requests for info. I used to be able to hold myself together, but I am so tired. Having to be someone that fits in has worn me to the bone. I’m breaking…Everything you talk about, relating to Aspergers traits becoming more prominent is true. It’s embarrassing. I thought things would get better, but as you say…all my plans are gone, my life is on the downslope, and I’m facing the nothingness of a life lived confused. So many changes so fast in this world, masks clouding my ability to understand others, people going crazy…everything is upside down. True to firm I’m rambling…thanks for affirming my experience, that I’m normal, in my abnormality.
I'm 58 and in exactly the same place. I barely hold together. Literally. I keep hugging my own shoulders or rubbing my arms because i feel like I'm falling apart any minute. It's so good to know what I'm experiencing is kinda normal for an Aspie. Tbs it's the only good thing about it.
@@kemathenga it is good to know there are other people out there who really knows what it’s like to be an adult with this dx. These times are getting a little rough. I don’t like change and things are changing too fast and too strangely. Thanks for your comment - we are not alone and that’s good.
Far camp. I feel exactly like u & i am 100% NOT an aspy. Check out the CZcams presentations by Gabor Mate who is an expert in addictions and he says something that I think is so important regarding people who actually are still in touch with their SOUL and that is why they appear odd and do not fit in HE expresses it differently slightly but this I know is why --though not being an aspy at all --I have extreme sensitivities due to the fact I have never lost touch with My Soul. PEOPLE would laugh at things I say because they are the TRUTH and I just go along with the laugh cuz I realize people are so out of touch with TRUTH when they encounter it they find it extremely funny. They generally are NOT laughing at me because I do have a very strong sense of self and I can give is good as I get and on some level I think they know that. IN all events, please check out Gabor mate who is Canadian and speaks perfect English and i's easy to understand
This would not be the first video on autism I have shed tears to. As someone who has been suspecting themselves to be on the spectrum, hearing someone describe my life's themes and distinct behaviours to a tee, is a spine chilling experience.
I feel the same, although, apparently I only have traits and difficulties, not a full disorder. There seems to be very little help. I'm female and 48 and in burnout. I feel like I've lost the energy to fight life.
@@penniejackson8479 Get a second opinion. Psychology is not very scientific and definitions/criteria change year by year. I wish you the best. Burnout is a serious state to be in. Take care of yourself
@@penniejackson8479. Hi Pennie, you need to find yourself a good Cranio Sacral Therapist ( note not Cranio Sacral Osteopathy) and start seeing them regularly. This will help you deregulate your nervous system. I have tried many things over the years for my daughter and this is the single most effective treatment I have found. It seems like they are doing nothing as it’s a very gentle hands on therapy- but it really works. Please keep an open mind and give it a try for a few sessions at least. All the best Xx
9:30 "emotions in autism can be contagious." I LOVE the GPS analogy! When you miss a turn, it stays calm, doesn't tell you what you did wrong, and says what to do next.
Mine seems to be an explosion against myself. And the clue that it's going to come on is a feeling of hopelessness, that the person I'm talking to isn't listening to me and is expecting a specific behavior from me. I shut down and struggle not to cry, nod my head yes, and say, "yeah..." a lot. And struggle more with eye contact. It's after what feels like a defeat. So I'll get away and start crying and hitting myself and shaking and scratching myself, etc. And it's because I'm overwhelmed, overloaded, and/or feel like I've hit a brick wall and someone is telling me that I should just walk through it, "it's easy!" Makes me feel like a child again. I can't convey that my anxiety has built up to an extreme level and that whatever was suggested isn't a reasonable request for me. So I pretend it's fine until I can get away. Not a fun feeling at all.
Please don't stop making these videos. I could listen to them daily. They are helping me immensely. I'm a 30 year old female and just now discovering I have autism. We need you. And we thank you
From the perspective of an NT married to an ASD diagnosed (late in life 60 years old) wife, I find these videos so very helpful and informative. We're fortunate to have had a wonderful and happy marriage, but my wife has had many struggles and problems coping with life along the way. Since diagnosis we've been able to back trac and understand many of the issues we've coped with over a 40 year marriage - without autismhangout and Dr Tony where would we be? THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Greetings from North Wales UK. 😉😉
Hello I just wrote a comment as I have been married for over 40yrs to an undiagnosed aspie. We have had a happy marriage but not without its struggles as well with depression and anxiety. I am so glad you found each as we did and had a good life.
Thank you with sharing your story. It's relieving to notice that there's actually men who are caring genuinely interested of searching fpr info about autism to help their wife to have a better life in this world and relationship. Good effort, keep on keeping up the good relationship. 🙏🏻
Thank! you! so! much!, Craig Evans and Dr. Tony Attwood. Could you please adress dissociation and autism? It seems to me, that many autistic people have experience with dissociative symptoms like depersonalisation or derealisation. Especially through the implosive type of meltdowns or shutdowns. Could this be part of the "freeze" reaction (some experts named this part "freeze and fragement")? When no one else get's me, you do, and that is such a relief. Every time I listen and/or watch this videos and read the comments I feel better (more understanding of my behaviour, feelings and thoughts, increasing self-acceptance, not feeling alone...). Greetings from Germany. Edit: Recently diagnosed with ASD with 40. Long Covid caused extreme somatic exhaustion; in consequence all my compensation and masking and executive functioning went down. I'm thankful (at least one thing positive with Long Covid) getting my Asperger diagnosis.
I dissociate too but I don't know what causes it. It's like I notice the lighting is weird and I don't feel like the room I'm in is quite real, it doesn't last so long but it's definitely an odd experience for sure
Absolutely excellent, I'm a mum of a young adult girl with autism and we always end up screaming at one another than she gets really down and I'm left totally confused.This will definitely help me to not make the whole situation worse.I thankyou from the bottom of my heart.This is life changing for us.
I'm 34 and am just now realizing that I need to reapportion my "draining time" with "recharge time". I didn't realize that was a thing I could do! This summer I have spent a day a week in the woods almost every week and WOW what a difference! It is a massive help dealing with all the social activities I've scheduled for myself this summer . . . I've overbooked myself this year but I think I'll have a better balance next year. I just got done volunteering in town (trying new things to stretch my social awareness) and my brother is coming for a visit next week, please pray for me . X.X . . . haha. Fortunately, he isn't as draining as some people and I use our gaming time online as recharge time as well since he's chill. I've also learned somewhat to roll with the breakdowns and file it away as a "hey you need a break" rather than "you're bad at being a human". Less shutdowns and more efficient time used is in my future.
Currently struggling with a few of the topics he discussed, I was never diagnosed in my life, now I’m nearly 30. Always been a productive, good worker, and my bosses have recognized that. Clearly they like me because they won’t fire me for being a minute late every day. Yet I struggle on the social end of things in my restaurant. Im tired of being viewed as cold, angry, or even rude, but I’m focused 100% on my work.. I honestly start to mess up if I go too deep into conversation. I have been offered management roles in the past at various jobs, yet I am worried because it is becoming more and more mentally taxing to “mask”. There is so much stigma in my family about acknowledging mental illness. That’s why I see it as a sort of defeat if I seek help, even though I know it’s not deep down. It’s scary thinking about the myriad of issues i could be diagnosed with, depending on how I feel the day I talk to a doctor. I’ve had people tell me im just stressed, or it’s adhd, bipolar, schizo., just depression, it’s so confusing. I understand commenting here is pointless, but maybe others are going through the same thing. Rant over. I appreciate the doctors who shed light on these topics and help me understand, I wish other people like my family could as well.
It’s not pointless, you are heard. Others will read your reply, and be able to relate. It’s always comforting to know, you are not alone. I commend your bravery! I also believe you’re probably an excellent worker, quietly doing your job. Well done, sir. Craig.
@Funlu Just look mean and don't talk to anyone at work and concentrate on your work. You don't have to be nice. I've worked at lots of restaurants, and it's common to have people like us(I look mean, too. But I'm not). After work you can be smiling, or before work. It's okay.
25:40 [having depression, getting therapy for that] "autism may be diagnosed for the first time" You are very funny, Dr T! As IF therapists and doctors could spot autism. I had therapy for depression 10 years ago and had to find about autism myself. They could've changed my life.
Struggeling with depression and anxiety for over three decades, not one psychiatrist, neurologist, psychologist, or any other doctor or therapist inside our outside any hospital had even the slightest clue …
It actually happened to me, through the suggestion I might have adhd (and not bpd like I thought), that I got the diagnosis of both adhd and as. But that of course is now ten years too late. But better late than never I guess.
I'm lucky, I've created a small business where I just clean houses and home help for people. They are usually out or leave me to my work. I get to have plenty of solitude and time to be with myself. I do get burn out when I have a busy few days plus I have a autistic child. But Dr T has helped me learn about myself and how to help my daughter. He is worth his weight in gold!! Being able to recognise my needs and how my daughter sees things is so helpful.
Burnout in a teenager is a very bad problem. It is vital not just that the teenager has rest and recovery, but also that they find some people, who value them.
I dropped out of highschool at age 15. That was over 40 years ago. I simply couldn't handle the thought of being around my classmates. Now I understand why. "Demand avoidance" I woke up one day and simply couldn't go to school. I didn't know why. I just couldn't go. So I never went back. 4 years later I decided I wanted to be an architect. So I started taking community college classes. I got good grades for a couple of years, transferred to a Cal Poly Pomona, and graduated Cum Laude with a professional degree in architecture. I went on to become a lisenced architect. I even worked at Walt Disney Imagineering for a couple of years as an architect. 10 years after graduation, became a community college professor teaching architecture to kids like me. But I had a really hard time at both careers. I burned out, melted and shut down multiple times, and was wracked by anxiety and depression and shame. Ultimately ketaminine infusion theraphy got my anxiety under control. I think it can help a lot of other people like me.
The whole time I was in high school it almost always felt like limping. I was almost never okay, but I was always well enough to push on and not make it anyone else's problem.
@@dorothygale7666 My highschool experience felt like I was emotionally trampled underfoot by most of my classmates, most days.😢 I needed to be reminded that under awkward expression, my parents loved me.This enabled me to "limp" across the finish line of graduation. After that, though, I was done with trying to socialize in large groups.
I don't know how to be human. I make people happy when I go far away. I wish I wasn't so alone that I learned to self medicate, before destroying my life. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I also don't know if I do anything right. I'm afraid to die before I find out where I belong. I've been lost as long as I can remember. Lost, annoying, sad, desperate to feel better, unable to communicate effectively, unappealing, depressed, a failure, and alone.
Dr. Tony talks about these issues with professional, strictly factual but understanding manner, focus on optimistic problem solving rather than consuming socio-emotional ruminating. Something I realize just now I've been missing so bad. People tend to either ignore or emotionally catastrophise my problems, while no-one has ever been able to give me an advice that actually helped when I didn't know what to do. However, I can already see how Tony's advices will help me greatly in the future. I wish people (or just me!) would've known all this about meltdowns, and the different types of it. It would have made my life so much better growing up.
When does the depression go? It is my recent bout with this “depression” that led me to learning about high masking undiagnosed adult female ASD. This bout has been so long and different, almost 2 years, that it led me to realize there has to be more to this. I came across the info regarding ASD and immediately recognized myself. The more I learn the more I see myself in the information. I may have even presented as a child but I had a mother who was dedicated to working with my behaviours and trained me out of them. Once I realized this could be the case I talked with my mom who confirmed what I was now remembering…the inability to make eye contact, rocking, self harm, meltdowns. I have spent the past 46 years trying to be what everyone else expects me to be, what the world says I should be…only to be in a major crash and severe depression that desperately leaves me feeling like I don’t want to be here anymore, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be this me anymore…and that doesn’t make sense and is not an option for me. Feeling horrible for even feeling this way with a wonderful husband I have been with for 26 years, 2 beautiful young adult sons, family who love me, friends…..desperate thoughts make no sense??? I noticed the language I used in talking about my life …like that I am a chameleon and can fit into any situation, the way I feel about my public self is actually masking. My language of saying I feel like I am regressing or going backward because I cannot do things that I have done successfully my whole life! I have been very successful at times, but can never seem to stay there. Accomplish a goal or achieve something and then crash. I am at the very beginning of realizing this. I at least see a light now knowing that this is my situation. I just hope that I can find support and navigate myself back to a functional life 😢 I am not interested in labels, excuses or being a victim. I am interested in learning how to do whatever I need to do to be here and be functional.
I thoroughly enjoyed and reflected so much during this talk. You can really tell Dr. Tony has spent many hours around autistics simply because he talks in "concrete terms" 😂. I am one of those older people who burned out as an adult, I was already diagnosed with every label EXCEPT autism which clearly replaced all others. I successfully came off antidepressants after 8 years because of this new understanding 🙏 it took a year or so but it changed my life! Thank you from all of us (diagnosed now and later) Dr Tony! Without your help and input, people like us would never have been understood as much as we are today.
Dr T your description of burnout is exactly what I was experiencing between April 2019 and December 2021. I masked my entire adult life, suffered all the work related stressors you mentioned, along with lockdown and watching my grandma die of cancer. My way out was speaking with other autistic people online, engaging with content by autistic people and allies, getting a new job with an understanding and supportive boss and counselling. I also had two weeks off work over Christmas but this didn't seem long enough. It's been two months since my burnout has ended and although I'm no longer struggling to function on most days, I'm still nowhere near where I was. I think full recovery will take several months more although I am prepared for that. Thankyou so much both for your support.
Once again Dr. Attwood to the rescue. I don't have everything he describes, but everything i do have, he does describe. Things i never thought to connect with my autism. Like having a meltdown over the Internet not working! Yes! I do that. I thought it was because I'm a bad person!
God he is amazing. I don't know if I have it but this really describes how I have felt often. I also felt like I was a bad person for not being able to cope with simple activities. Such helpful insights. Love to you from Ireland 🇮🇪 ❤️
THANK YOU! To dr T for answering my question with such a comprahensive and interesting review! And for your enthusiasm and all the work you have done over the years for the autistic community! It is clear that there is still much more to discover and we are many who are looking forward to future episodes. So yet another huge THANK YOU to both of you for all your work with this channel!
This describes my life with regards to meltdowns, from my diagnosis going forward. And I am so looking forward to to Tony’s new book!, please keep on with this good work.
As a four year old I could read quite well when I was at kindergarten. I couldn’t understand why the nuns wouldn’t choose me to read to the other kids when they were clearly not good at it. So after a while I decided to copy the other kids by reading as if I was really struggling with it. I also had no interest in playing with them or playing in the playground, it was of no interest to me at all. I had an obsession with a large doll that I took on as my friend and communicated with the doll . When I was six and in grade one, I could read anything and this seemed to impress the teacher so much she took me around the school to read to all the teachers. I also topped the class on everything. I wasn’t aware of why any of this mattered as I went home to a seriously dysfunctional situation so just withdrew even more and lived in my own world. This seemed to make people think I was stupid because I didn’t communicate. I also struggled more as I grew older because I had trouble understanding what the teachers were saying, I responded differently to instruction compared to the class and at times the class including the teacher would erupt in laughter. This made me even less likely to interact. At the same time I did extremely well at art skills or maths. Though struggled with processing questions in some subjects and would be extremely confused. By the time I was fourteen, I forged my mother’s signature and signed myself out of school. I really hated school, though the art teacher was clearly treating me very differently from the other kids, she seemed fascinated with my drawing ability. In any case, nothing mattered anymore as my mother treated me badly ( turns out she was a narcissist). If only I had been with better parents, And known why I was different, I probably wouldn’t have ended up trying to kill myself or having the eating disorders I developed. Now, after a lifetime of struggle, I can understand what happened. Unfortunately, I was also trying to raise two autistic sons and didn’t know they were either. They were both extremely bright and clever, though bullied a lot at school. If only I had known, I could have helped them more. Though they are both leading very successful careers which is great, but one in particular struggles massively socially. It’s so good to know people are doing so much research into autism, it is so hard trying to survive a world that is so screwed up. Right now, I’m struggling with burnout, so this helping me to try and get back on track, I get quite scared when I burn out like this. Thank you.
Catherine. Clearly, in addition to being gifted, you're incredibly STRONG. Please don't chastise yourself for not knowing what you could NOT have known back in your past. You did your best. That's admirable. Just keep doing your best. Your moral compass is accurate not matter how much abuse you endured and/or saw. Trust your inner being. You are solid. I admire you. Keep being the strong one you are.
If you are held back in your career every time, then you lose the idea, that you are better than others and you know there is no longer any hope. Sometimes other people take all the credit for your work and are promoted.
I loved this. When I have a meltdown I need people to understand they've done nothing wrong and the issue is with me. I get so anxious when my husband always assumes he's done something wrong and apologizes for whatever it is he's done but can't see that he's done nothing wrong at all. Sometimes I just need to be left alone to meltdown and I'll be fine in a while. I cope better when I'm ignored because I can focus solely on me without needing to worry about others thinking they've done something wrong or stressing out about how to help me. Thank you so much for the informative video. Keep up the great work X
I was diagnosed at 30. I suddenly didn’t feel like such a crazy alien anymore. But when there are times where my social environment doesn’t understand or accept me, and I am stuck in a job beneath my skills. It’s a downer! But these videos and seeing the comments make me feel less alone.
I was reminded of an incident that occured during junior high. My math teacher decided to let us do homework in class, each of us answering one problem in turn. Teacher switched pattern of which student he asked next. Oh, dear, I have right answer to wrong problem! I ran out of time to mentally calculate answer. Teacher got up in my face and yelled "Do you know the answer or no!?!?" My throat seized up so fast and hard, I could barely breathe, let alone speak. Even after I had the answer, (with teacher breathing hard in my face the whole time), it took four tries to pry my throat open to verbally answer. On that day, I was unaware he was stressed, getting divorced. Even if I knew I don't think events would turn out better.
Wonderful. Tony understands and communicates on Autism better than anyone I’ve heard even though he’s not autistic. It’s the wealth of clinical experience and research, not just personal experience, which is evident.
My teenage high functioning ASD child suffered with burnout a few months ago due to school. He is a master masker. I noticed he was behaving more 'autistic' during this period at home and needed more time to game and zone out. Thankfully the summer holidays came and he had time to recover, the anxiety disappeared. He is back at school now and 2 months in I can see signs of exhaustion setting in. I'm worried. Perhaps homeschooling is the only option.
Thankyou. Tearing up to hear you talking about shutdown, and later life burnout; as I suspect that I have been experiencing for quite some time. Recently diagnosed adhd, but suspect also asd.
Never been diagnosed but have always felt like I was dropped off from another planet. The more I learn the more I am convince this is what I've dealt with all my life. Listening to these videos I am finally hearing someone talk about things that have made me feel like a weirdo all my life. Now I am beginning to understand I'm not broken just different. Doesn't make dealing with it any easier but at least it's nothing I've done or not done. I was always the kid that lived in another world, the world in my brain was always a place I felt more at ease than the physical world. I used to entertain my little sister by closing my eyes and describing my world to my sister who found it fascinating. It was a very real world to me with people I interacted with and real adventures. It's still there but I live in the real world most days now. Thanks for the insight.
Please can you talk about extreme demand compliance, when the autistic person does everything that is asked of them under the most difficult circumstances, until they burnout?
Absolutely because if we argue no for our own better health we are denied, ignored, punished, gaslit, judged and negatively affected in every way possible. It’s the story of my life and I’m 41. It’s caused a lifetime of trauma
Dr. Tony, Thank you sir. You are incredibly inspiring and full of insight. I'm so glad you are advocating for us and helping us to understand ourselves and the things we are experiencing. I had no idea that these burnouts could last so long and really couldn't explain why any of this kept happening to me. It's so good to have some understanding. I really sincerely hope that I can get myself into a stable controlled environment that will enable me to utilize my special abilities to help increase our common understanding of this complex and diverse range of neuro-divergent conditions. In addition, it would be incredibly fulfilling to contribute to the activism sharing my unique perspective and special interests with the world to help improve the quality of life for other people on the spectrum. Thank you so much. This is a calling that I don't think you'll ever truly retire from. Your dedication is so appreciated. You saving lives. Changing the hopeless despair into what truly feels like a concrete level of acceptance and understanding. Maybe not apparent yet in my community. But seeing your ability to articulate and educate as an expert really gives me hope. Let's see this through together and celebrate when outcomes change substantially and those changes can be measured.
Thank you! What a wonderful couple of insightful and deep dives into some very interesting areas regarding autism. And what a pleasure to witness Dr. T's ongoing joy with his "special interest"... ;-)
What is most frustrating is daily meltdown. My son and I both do this. I was always told that I was being dramatic, or looking for problems or not caring how other people felt. Ugh! What is most frustrating is being told to handle it like a NT who doesn’t get it. I mean when my son is doing this. They see it as giving in. I know for myself that my SIs helps so I let him chill with it and then he can tell me what happened but not always how it made him feel. If he can’t talk or says no to it, I don’t push him. I am so glass I do get what he feels from unintentional lack of empathy from family. It has been so relieving. After my diagnosis suddenly everything I was experiencing made sense. I wasn’t defective just different. Your books, after the observation of a caring psychiatrist, I didn’t know because I am legally blind so… she explained to me that I wasn’t self centered or lying to just do it, but trying to tell people what they wanted to hear to avoid things I had no words for. I’m currently getting my son tested for Asperger’s because I see my reflection in his behavior/experiences. Thank you so very much for your understanding and advocacy for aspies. You make us understand excepting the ones who refuse for whatever reason. My son has not been disagreed as of yet, and his grandfather did very unwilling to accept it might be this and he is only copying my traits. I don’t believe this at all based on input on his behavior. Luckily, his school is understanding and willing to find if it is so. I am so thankful for that so he can be helped where during my childhood and adult behavior wasn’t understood. He deserves tho and is so sweet and just needs empathy. Again, thank you again for making my lingerie, and that of other autistic children/adults a bridge to be undressed .
When anybody switches into the SURVIVAL REPTILE BRAIN, because of PERCEIVED THREAT then of course, this may result in the FIGHT response being activated. But there are sure warning signs. The last massive meltdowns I had, that was 2 weeks ago, and I WAS COMMUNICATING CLEARLY, please I don't feel good, please I need solitude, BUT THEY BLOODY WOULD NOT LISTEN. The result was me LOSING IT. LITERALLY. I start CUSSING AND THAT IS REALLY SOMETHING OF A RARE SIGHT, I am NOT CONFRONTATIONAL, I am NOT THE SCREAMING TYPE at all. But then it is ME who is regarded as the mentally unstable, when NOT LISTENING AND NOT ACKNOWLEDGING MY PLEA was what led to the loud meltdown AS RESULT - when you are overly stressed, you DON'T THINK CLEARLY, I could have gone downstairs to the laundry room in the basement, cool down, but I did not, I lost it instead. Why? Because my SANCTUARY was being invaded, MY SAFE SPACE. THAT threatened my sense of SAFETY. HENCE my NERVOUS SYSTEM got TRIGGERED. IT TOOK ME 2 WEEKS to recover from THAT MELTDOWN and I was in some kind of FREEZE with BURNOUT SYMPTOMS. I had a burnout in 2007 when I slipped into a CATATONIA state for about 30min and could not move or talk, like a phone with empty battery. Suddenly I could move again, but that FREEZE must have damaged something, because after that I experienced all the symptoms - before that event I had no health issues except for an occasional cold. After that, health was never again what it had been.
thanks, watched this with my hubby, so he can help me when I deal with the issues especially meltdown, hubby learned and said he's Mr Fix It so this helps him
As an adult Asperger’s female, the families are not usually interested in helping the person. My experience of course but I got nothing but family distancing themselves.
amazing, how much understanding I do get by just listening & feeling seen so clearly is profound! I am in the mids of a pandemi meltdown with depression and all that kack ! and yes, if I dont meditate, do my daily sport & yoga , I am not able to cope ! specially tough to motivate oneself when the going gets tough and no one is there to lift you up. Alsways "Auto" but the energy to do so is sometimes not there anymore ! Thank you Thank you Thank you
Thank you so much for all the valuable information and options to help with implosions and explosions. Your views express the beauty and gifts to be found ♥️.
Sometimes employers and colleagues will use increasing stress and higher demands to get rid of the autistic person. There is no social group to say 'no' to discrimination and even union representatives will not help. I would argue that even if real people with ASD are understanding and helpful, there is no way to identify who has Asperger's. I have been conned by people claiming to have Asperger's. This is even harder now that there is the internet, where anybody can claim to be an autistic and con-people can rip you off.
Your comment is most astute. I am very grateful to you for making it. One of the greatest problems that us genuinely diagnosed Aspergians suffer from endlessly is this wretched new fashion that is particularly common within the millennial and generation Z people pretending to be Aspergians. It is now notoriously common for them to use their unfounded claims to get places in universities depriving genuine scholars of a rightful place amongst a plethora of other predatory driven benefits. They also make life extremely difficult for us that struggle with our fully diagnosed condition as they seem to think Aspergers is, “Awesome,” and, “Cool.” It is neither. For me, it has been an eternal nightmare made worse by these self-diagnosed social media addicts. As for general con artists ripping people off by deceiving them into believing that they are autistic, I have as much anger towards them as I have for anyone who takes advantage of autistic people in order to rip them off, too. There is no shortage of people who make a science and a career out of abusing others for personal gain. Regulating these claims to those formally diagnosed and only by those with formal medical brevets and proper academic credentials in Autistic Spectrum Disorders, (ASD,) may be a solution worthy of consideration.
For Dr. Tony. Could you Please talk about the Shut Down. You mentioned it. Then quickly mentioned "Selective" (Gawd I hate that term! There is nothing selective about it for me.) and switched directly onto Demand Avoidance. Also. I haven't been officially diagnosed ( I am now looking into diagosis) but the more I hear and read the more I am convinced I am Autistic. And this video pretty much cemented my belief that this is indeed the case. At 55 years old that is pretty mind blowing. So thank you very much for this.
Thank you both for sharing your time and wealth of knowledge!! I'm 36yrs and had my 'Discovery' on 8th March (2022). I'm still learning much but I've decided I'll be celebrating my Discovery Day as a 2nd birthday each year 😁 I'd love to see your channel grow and to see your videos reach many more on the spectrum - its always worth asking your audience to like, share, subscribe and comment (it's free for them to do after all and it tells the CZcams algorithm to promote the channel! 😉). Dr Tony, is there a way to participate in ASD research?
So good to hear from another the voice of my heart. To feel understood. It's a kind of sharing, being less isolated. And the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle comes in place... My whole life gets its sense, every single event.. everything makes sense. Knowledge is healing me. It speaks for social medias.. you can reach us ! Us not "undiagnosed" but "undiscovered" !
This is an answer to my prayers! It describes me! Also, why my husbands anxiety and questioning, or anger makes me really crack and pop especially when I feel this way...😮
Thank you Dearly to both of you. I have found and watched other videos of Dr. Tony Atwood today (13th sept. 2022) and was appeased as finally I've heard in a nice clear simple way...a description of hat I live(d) inc. The coping mechanisms I put in place. It feels good to feel/be understood... Hope I ll find the same in France.... Note: those are not the first information i ve heard watched. I got plenty of elements from other Doctors conferences books and interviews... read manu articles and shared experiences as well during the last three or four years...
Thankyou for making this so much easier to understand as a 55 year old woman undiagnosed but increasingly convinced that I have always been ASD and now wonder whether it’s appropriate to go on the 5 year waiting list for diagnosis ? Louise from UK
had the explosion breakdowns worst when i was around 18 while trying to apply to a job. screamed my lungs out on my family that was inable to help, had multiple times the reflex-like impulses to just crash my laptop on my mothers head or grab the nearest glass or plate or cup and throw it with full force into her. So they were not only scary to my surrounding people (when they noticed = when i couldnt supress to show those impulses in my face [never acted on any of this physical violence]) but also very much to me, like i lost control and there was just so much internal self hatred and negative emotions that had to destroy something externally. So you can imagine i tried my best to always flee to my room before i exploded too worse. released much of that frustration in self harm instead.
Wow ! My 9 year old has ASD burnout . This made so much sense !! I am in the UK very very challenging . But we are taking some time and healing. Learning a new way … his way . My executive function goes also with too many demands on me mentally. I’m in tribunal to get him a specialist place. He’s very bright but very anxious and implodes . I recognise I may be ND . I’m completely burned out too and CBT is just making it worse. I can’t do the two. Learn to sort out the past and look at that v just try and get through the day right now . This makes it really clear what’s happening . And yes strategies ! We need strategies .
Late dxd at 35, I'm 38 and my mother still always goes to hug me when I'm upset. I used to let her because when i went to withdraw it would hurt her feelings. Now I know its my needs that come first. I can say "I know you want to hug me but thats what you need, not what I need right now. I need you to regulate youself until i can emotionally regulate".
Thank you - i have been extremely shouty and losing my temper a lot and very over sensitized. Absolutely 💯 getting into a cycle of doing this. I say a cycle but it happens simultaneously with the flight and freeze response to the over stimulation. Currently flat as a pancake on the sofa trying to recover and get on with dealing the stimulation!
I once had a friend who was prone to explosive meltdowns that could turn violent. Perhaps she had undiagnosed ASD, but I didn't know that about her (or myself) at the time. As long as her meltowns were about situations or other people, I tried to help her deal with them by calming and redirection. But when she directed her attacks at me, I either froze, lashed out myself (unfortunately), or fled the situation if I could. After years of trying to salvage the relationship (even though I don't think I understood her or myself very well and so wasn't very effectual), I finally stopped seeing her. I still think about her and feel guilty that I let her down somehow, but being free of those scary fights has also done wonders for me.
Being told it will pass is usually very annoying! And mostly I just want to get away by myself, helps to know someone cares, but if won't let me leave the room/go away, that just heightens the physical panic response. I am an adult, so I guess it's important to stay with a child, or make sure they're safe. Absolutely, a melt down is not a choice! If can catch it in time I've now learned ways to short circuit it. Acupuncture helped a lot too. It's not necessarily despair, usually (for me anyway) an overload of sensory stuff, and stress hormones. Helpful info but I find it too categorical, seems to me there's more variation. Anyway, good that more being discovered & especially that AS foll are being listened to rather than talked at/about. Why is it so strange that burnout affects executive functions?! Burnout can be primarily physical, doesn't mean depression etc, tho that can be a result, or maybe a contributing factor to the stress/exhaustion, but can be sensory overload over time etc. Yes feeling isolated, & lack of support, & confusion as to why things feel so difficult.. 'not being part of the group' makes enormous difference ..
GPS has better manners than many people who raised me .I was criticized a lot “for my own good “ and when I hated myself due to believing what was said people wondered why I hated myself .
Hey guys, I'm loving the videos! Do we have an update on when the publication of Energy Accounting will be? I've just had a quick look on Amazon & Audible but can't see anything yet. Late diagnosis of Autistic traits, but my psychiatrists have mainly been focusing on my Bipolar 2 & ADHD. This video has been so useful for me & sharing with my family and friends to help them understand some of the things that I experience.
YES. YESYESYES. I have been at my job for over a decade and I know I will Never be promoted even though I also know I do my job very well and more meticulously than anyone else. 😢
I've got burnout recently. It came after a meltdown at work. These both were caused by having a new manager at work who is very negative and condescending towards me. She also mocked my noise sensitivity. I am emotionally unable to handle her "attitude" like my coworkers can. Luckily, she's been out of work for a surgery for a couple months now and I am feeling so much better. I think I am on the cusp of burnout recovery. The big issues are that my words that I said right as my meltdown was building up and subsequent "overreaction" to her got my on "written warning" at work and she is going to be coming back to work at some point. What will I do? ☹️
What about CATATONIA ind AUTISM (see AMITTA SHAH), isn't that an OVER-exagerated FREEZE response, as it often happens when individuals can't cope with the STRESS?
Great explanation of the frequent and recurring theme of my whole life ever since I can remember. Therapists I’ve seen seem unable to understand my autistic brain and keep trying to “rewire” it! My last psychologist told me that my desire to run away and isolate was a “trauma response” as it’s not healthy for humans to be alone and need connection. I’m like “but what if some of us just don’t?” Yes it’s probably induced by the trauma of a lifetime of never ending misunderstandings from my attempts to communicate with humans (kids and animals love me and I have no problem with them) but I actually LIKE my low-sensory quiet time alone in my caravan way more than socializing and if it’s not a problem for me, then why do therapists keep insisting it’s a problem? I’m not going to go back to the psychologists anymore and just gonna live my happy little quiet life in my safe pink bubble 💗
Ime diagnosed today late at 43 the same after burnout fybromyalgia symptoms decades hypomobility do you have pain? Live to be alone in my shed full of vintage thing's when ime well enough
@tomsale5142 yes I have had autoimmune Rheumatoid Arthritis and Interstitial Cystitis but have only recently managed to finally become pain free from switching to the carnivore diet 💗
I love listening to Dr. Tony Atwood. He explains what I go through very well. And this video is great. The only thing is the pencil or marker in the background that’s writing is distracting.
Thank you finally the understanding that rather than repeating the mistake of gendering presentations the axis is is about whether you seek to change the external world /explosive/exothermic reaction vs change the response of the internal world to external factors /endothermic/inward alterations
Thank you, thank you. I am 60 years old and am going through a severe burn out. There are no resources here, I don’t know anyone like me. Even the American Asperger’s Association won’t respond to my requests for info. I used to be able to hold myself together, but I am so tired. Having to be someone that fits in has worn me to the bone. I’m breaking…Everything you talk about, relating to Aspergers traits becoming more prominent is true. It’s embarrassing. I thought things would get better, but as you say…all my plans are gone, my life is on the downslope, and I’m facing the nothingness of a life lived confused. So many changes so fast in this world, masks clouding my ability to understand others, people going crazy…everything is upside down. True to firm I’m rambling…thanks for affirming my experience, that I’m normal, in my abnormality.
I see you, I support you. Unfortunately I'm in Australia but keep looking for your people. Screw normalcy :)
@@sweetcrusader86 thanks, Nova...!
I'm 58 and in exactly the same place. I barely hold together. Literally. I keep hugging my own shoulders or rubbing my arms because i feel like I'm falling apart any minute. It's so good to know what I'm experiencing is kinda normal for an Aspie. Tbs it's the only good thing about it.
@@kemathenga it is good to know there are other people out there who really knows what it’s like to be an adult with this dx. These times are getting a little rough. I don’t like change and things are changing too fast and too strangely. Thanks for your comment - we are not alone and that’s good.
Far camp. I feel exactly like u & i am 100% NOT an aspy. Check out the CZcams presentations by Gabor Mate who is an expert in addictions and he says something that I think is so important regarding people who actually are still in touch with their SOUL and that is why they appear odd and do not fit in HE expresses it differently slightly but this I know is why --though not being an aspy at all --I have extreme sensitivities due to the fact I have never lost touch with My Soul. PEOPLE would laugh at things I say because they are the TRUTH and I just go along with the laugh cuz I realize people are so out of touch with TRUTH when they encounter it they find it extremely funny. They generally are NOT laughing at me because I do have a very strong sense of self and I can give is good as I get and on some level I think they know that. IN all events, please check out Gabor mate who is Canadian and speaks perfect English and i's easy to understand
This would not be the first video on autism I have shed tears to. As someone who has been suspecting themselves to be on the spectrum, hearing someone describe my life's themes and distinct behaviours to a tee, is a spine chilling experience.
I feel the same, although, apparently I only have traits and difficulties, not a full disorder. There seems to be very little help. I'm female and 48 and in burnout. I feel like I've lost the energy to fight life.
@@penniejackson8479 Get a second opinion. Psychology is not very scientific and definitions/criteria change year by year. I wish you the best. Burnout is a serious state to be in. Take care of yourself
@@penniejackson8479. Hi Pennie, you need to find yourself a good Cranio Sacral Therapist ( note not Cranio Sacral Osteopathy) and start seeing them regularly. This will help you deregulate your nervous system.
I have tried many things over the years for my daughter and this is the single most effective treatment I have found.
It seems like they are doing nothing as it’s a very gentle hands on therapy- but it really works. Please keep an open mind and give it a try for a few sessions at least.
All the best Xx
9:30 "emotions in autism can be contagious." I LOVE the GPS analogy! When you miss a turn, it stays calm, doesn't tell you what you did wrong, and says what to do next.
Our gps says "recalculating" if you don't take the turn they recommend.
Dr. T can NEVER retire! We need his expertise and empathy desperately. Thank you, for your dedication to people with autism!
Mine seems to be an explosion against myself. And the clue that it's going to come on is a feeling of hopelessness, that the person I'm talking to isn't listening to me and is expecting a specific behavior from me. I shut down and struggle not to cry, nod my head yes, and say, "yeah..." a lot. And struggle more with eye contact. It's after what feels like a defeat. So I'll get away and start crying and hitting myself and shaking and scratching myself, etc. And it's because I'm overwhelmed, overloaded, and/or feel like I've hit a brick wall and someone is telling me that I should just walk through it, "it's easy!" Makes me feel like a child again. I can't convey that my anxiety has built up to an extreme level and that whatever was suggested isn't a reasonable request for me. So I pretend it's fine until I can get away. Not a fun feeling at all.
Please don't stop making these videos. I could listen to them daily. They are helping me immensely. I'm a 30 year old female and just now discovering I have autism. We need you. And we thank you
I am 55 yrs old with ASD. This was the first time i truly understood my meltdowns. Thank you. Understanding helps me to manage it better.
From the perspective of an NT married to an ASD diagnosed (late in life 60 years old) wife, I find these videos so very helpful and informative. We're fortunate to have had a wonderful and happy marriage, but my wife has had many struggles and problems coping with life along the way. Since diagnosis we've been able to back trac and understand many of the issues we've coped with over a 40 year marriage - without autismhangout and Dr Tony where would we be? THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Greetings from North Wales UK. 😉😉
Hello I just wrote a comment as I have been married for over 40yrs to an undiagnosed aspie. We have had a happy marriage but not without its struggles as well with depression and anxiety.
I am so glad you found each as we did and had a good life.
@@jillsawyers8675 Thank you so much Jill. Very best wishes.
Thank you with sharing your story. It's relieving to notice that there's actually men who are caring genuinely interested of searching fpr info about autism to help their wife to have a better life in this world and relationship. Good effort, keep on keeping up the good relationship. 🙏🏻
Thank! you! so! much!, Craig Evans and Dr. Tony Attwood.
Could you please adress dissociation and autism? It seems to me, that many autistic people have experience with dissociative symptoms like depersonalisation or derealisation. Especially through the implosive type of meltdowns or shutdowns. Could this be part of the "freeze" reaction (some experts named this part "freeze and fragement")?
When no one else get's me, you do, and that is such a relief. Every time I listen and/or watch this videos and read the comments I feel better (more understanding of my behaviour, feelings and thoughts, increasing self-acceptance, not feeling alone...).
Greetings from Germany.
Edit: Recently diagnosed with ASD with 40. Long Covid caused extreme somatic exhaustion; in consequence all my compensation and masking and executive functioning went down. I'm thankful (at least one thing positive with Long Covid) getting my Asperger diagnosis.
I dissociate too but I don't know what causes it. It's like I notice the lighting is weird and I don't feel like the room I'm in is quite real, it doesn't last so long but it's definitely an odd experience for sure
Absolutely excellent, I'm a mum of a young adult girl with autism and we always end up screaming at one another than she gets really down and I'm left totally confused.This will definitely help me to not make the whole situation worse.I thankyou from the bottom of my heart.This is life changing for us.
I'm 34 and am just now realizing that I need to reapportion my "draining time" with "recharge time". I didn't realize that was a thing I could do! This summer I have spent a day a week in the woods almost every week and WOW what a difference! It is a massive help dealing with all the social activities I've scheduled for myself this summer . . . I've overbooked myself this year but I think I'll have a better balance next year. I just got done volunteering in town (trying new things to stretch my social awareness) and my brother is coming for a visit next week, please pray for me . X.X . . . haha. Fortunately, he isn't as draining as some people and I use our gaming time online as recharge time as well since he's chill. I've also learned somewhat to roll with the breakdowns and file it away as a "hey you need a break" rather than "you're bad at being a human". Less shutdowns and more efficient time used is in my future.
Currently struggling with a few of the topics he discussed, I was never diagnosed in my life, now I’m nearly 30. Always been a productive, good worker, and my bosses have recognized that. Clearly they like me because they won’t fire me for being a minute late every day. Yet I struggle on the social end of things in my restaurant.
Im tired of being viewed as cold, angry, or even rude, but I’m focused 100% on my work.. I honestly start to mess up if I go too deep into conversation.
I have been offered management roles in the past at various jobs, yet I am worried because it is becoming more and more mentally taxing to “mask”. There is so much stigma in my family about acknowledging mental illness. That’s why I see it as a sort of defeat if I seek help, even though I know it’s not deep down. It’s scary thinking about the myriad of issues i could be diagnosed with, depending on how I feel the day I talk to a doctor. I’ve had people tell me im just stressed, or it’s adhd, bipolar, schizo., just depression, it’s so confusing. I understand commenting here is pointless, but maybe others are going through the same thing. Rant over. I appreciate the doctors who shed light on these topics and help me understand, I wish other people like my family could as well.
It’s not pointless, you are heard. Others will read your reply, and be able to relate. It’s always comforting to know, you are not alone. I commend your bravery! I also believe you’re probably an excellent worker, quietly doing your job. Well done, sir. Craig.
@Funlu Just look mean and don't talk to anyone at work and concentrate on your work. You don't have to be nice. I've worked at lots of restaurants, and it's common to have people like us(I look mean, too. But I'm not). After work you can be smiling, or before work. It's okay.
25:40 [having depression, getting therapy for that] "autism may be diagnosed for the first time"
You are very funny, Dr T! As IF therapists and doctors could spot autism. I had therapy for depression 10 years ago and had to find about autism myself. They could've changed my life.
Struggeling with depression and anxiety for over three decades, not one psychiatrist, neurologist, psychologist, or any other doctor or therapist inside our outside any hospital had even the slightest clue …
@@danielaruhl1710 this.
It actually happened to me, through the suggestion I might have adhd (and not bpd like I thought), that I got the diagnosis of both adhd and as. But that of course is now ten years too late. But better late than never I guess.
Discriminate against my whole life in this way by various people
@@TheDavveponken can have both ASD and ADHD I do
I'm lucky, I've created a small business where I just clean houses and home help for people. They are usually out or leave me to my work. I get to have plenty of solitude and time to be with myself. I do get burn out when I have a busy few days plus I have a autistic child. But Dr T has helped me learn about myself and how to help my daughter. He is worth his weight in gold!! Being able to recognise my needs and how my daughter sees things is so helpful.
Burnout in a teenager is a very bad problem. It is vital not just that the teenager has rest and recovery, but also that they find some people, who value them.
I dropped out of highschool at age 15. That was over 40 years ago. I simply couldn't handle the thought of being around my classmates. Now I understand why.
"Demand avoidance" I woke up one day and simply couldn't go to school. I didn't know why. I just couldn't go. So I never went back. 4 years later I decided I wanted to be an architect. So I started taking community college classes. I got good grades for a couple of years, transferred to a Cal Poly Pomona, and graduated Cum Laude with a professional degree in architecture. I went on to become a lisenced architect. I even worked at Walt Disney Imagineering for a couple of years as an architect. 10 years after graduation, became a community college professor teaching architecture to kids like me.
But I had a really hard time at both careers. I burned out, melted and shut down multiple times, and was wracked by anxiety and depression and shame. Ultimately ketaminine infusion theraphy got my anxiety under control. I think it can help a lot of other people like me.
The whole time I was in high school it almost always felt like limping. I was almost never okay, but I was always well enough to push on and not make it anyone else's problem.
@@dorothygale7666 My highschool experience felt like I was emotionally trampled underfoot by most of my classmates, most days.😢 I needed to be reminded that under awkward expression, my parents loved me.This enabled me to "limp" across the finish line of graduation. After that, though, I was done with trying to socialize in large groups.
That was completely worth every moment of my time it took to watch. I recommend to all, to take the time and listen to these wise words of experience.
I don't know how to be human. I make people happy when I go far away. I wish I wasn't so alone that I learned to self medicate, before destroying my life. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I also don't know if I do anything right. I'm afraid to die before I find out where I belong. I've been lost as long as I can remember. Lost, annoying, sad, desperate to feel better, unable to communicate effectively, unappealing, depressed, a failure, and alone.
I feel like this a lot too. Your not alone.
Dr. Tony talks about these issues with professional, strictly factual but understanding manner, focus on optimistic problem solving rather than consuming socio-emotional ruminating. Something I realize just now I've been missing so bad. People tend to either ignore or emotionally catastrophise my problems, while no-one has ever been able to give me an advice that actually helped when I didn't know what to do. However, I can already see how Tony's advices will help me greatly in the future. I wish people (or just me!) would've known all this about meltdowns, and the different types of it. It would have made my life so much better growing up.
When does the depression go? It is my recent bout with this “depression” that led me to learning about high masking undiagnosed adult female ASD. This bout has been so long and different, almost 2 years, that it led me to realize there has to be more to this. I came across the info regarding ASD and immediately recognized myself. The more I learn the more I see myself in the information. I may have even presented as a child but I had a mother who was dedicated to working with my behaviours and trained me out of them. Once I realized this could be the case I talked with my mom who confirmed what I was now remembering…the inability to make eye contact, rocking, self harm, meltdowns. I have spent the past 46 years trying to be what everyone else expects me to be, what the world says I should be…only to be in a major crash and severe depression that desperately leaves me feeling like I don’t want to be here anymore, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be this me anymore…and that doesn’t make sense and is not an option for me. Feeling horrible for even feeling this way with a wonderful husband I have been with for 26 years, 2 beautiful young adult sons, family who love me, friends…..desperate thoughts make no sense??? I noticed the language I used in talking about my life …like that I am a chameleon and can fit into any situation, the way I feel about my public self is actually masking. My language of saying I feel like I am regressing or going backward because I cannot do things that I have done successfully my whole life! I have been very successful at times, but can never seem to stay there. Accomplish a goal or achieve something and then crash. I am at the very beginning of realizing this. I at least see a light now knowing that this is my situation. I just hope that I can find support and navigate myself back to a functional life 😢 I am not interested in labels, excuses or being a victim. I am interested in learning how to do whatever I need to do to be here and be functional.
I thoroughly enjoyed and reflected so much during this talk. You can really tell Dr. Tony has spent many hours around autistics simply because he talks in "concrete terms" 😂.
I am one of those older people who burned out as an adult, I was already diagnosed with every label EXCEPT autism which clearly replaced all others.
I successfully came off antidepressants after 8 years because of this new understanding 🙏 it took a year or so but it changed my life!
Thank you from all of us (diagnosed now and later) Dr Tony! Without your help and input, people like us would never have been understood as much as we are today.
Dr T your description of burnout is exactly what I was experiencing between April 2019 and December 2021. I masked my entire adult life, suffered all the work related stressors you mentioned, along with lockdown and watching my grandma die of cancer.
My way out was speaking with other autistic people online, engaging with content by autistic people and allies, getting a new job with an understanding and supportive boss and counselling. I also had two weeks off work over Christmas but this didn't seem long enough. It's been two months since my burnout has ended and although I'm no longer struggling to function on most days, I'm still nowhere near where I was. I think full recovery will take several months more although I am prepared for that.
Thankyou so much both for your support.
Once again Dr. Attwood to the rescue. I don't have everything he describes, but everything i do have, he does describe. Things i never thought to connect with my autism. Like having a meltdown over the Internet not working! Yes! I do that. I thought it was because I'm a bad person!
God he is amazing. I don't know if I have it but this really describes how I have felt often. I also felt like I was a bad person for not being able to cope with simple activities. Such helpful insights. Love to you from Ireland 🇮🇪 ❤️
THANK YOU! To dr T for answering my question with such a comprahensive and interesting review! And for your enthusiasm and all the work you have done over the years for the autistic community! It is clear that there is still much more to discover and we are many who are looking forward to future episodes. So yet another huge THANK YOU to both of you for all your work with this channel!
This describes my life with regards to meltdowns, from my diagnosis going forward. And I am so looking forward to to Tony’s new book!, please keep on with this good work.
Going to the woods helps me...
As a four year old I could read quite well when I was at kindergarten. I couldn’t understand why the nuns wouldn’t choose me to read to the other kids when they were clearly not good at it. So after a while I decided to copy the other kids by reading as if I was really struggling with it. I also had no interest in playing with them or playing in the playground, it was of no interest to me at all. I had an obsession with a large doll that I took on as my friend and communicated with the doll . When I was six and in grade one, I could read anything and this seemed to impress the teacher so much she took me around the school to read to all the teachers. I also topped the class on everything. I wasn’t aware of why any of this mattered as I went home to a seriously dysfunctional situation so just withdrew even more and lived in my own world. This seemed to make people think I was stupid because I didn’t communicate. I also struggled more as I grew older because I had trouble understanding what the teachers were saying, I responded differently to instruction compared to the class and at times the class including the teacher would erupt in laughter. This made me even less likely to interact. At the same time I did extremely well at art skills or maths. Though struggled with processing questions in some subjects and would be extremely confused. By the time I was fourteen, I forged my mother’s signature and signed myself out of school. I really hated school, though the art teacher was clearly treating me very differently from the other kids, she seemed fascinated with my drawing ability. In any case, nothing mattered anymore as my mother treated me badly ( turns out she was a narcissist). If only I had been with better parents, And known why I was different, I probably wouldn’t have ended up trying to kill myself or having the eating disorders I developed. Now, after a lifetime of struggle, I can understand what happened. Unfortunately, I was also trying to raise two autistic sons and didn’t know they were either. They were both extremely bright and clever, though bullied a lot at school. If only I had known, I could have helped them more. Though they are both leading very successful careers which is great, but one in particular struggles massively socially. It’s so good to know people are doing so much research into autism, it is so hard trying to survive a world that is so screwed up. Right now, I’m struggling with burnout, so this helping me to try and get back on track, I get quite scared when I burn out like this. Thank you.
Catherine. Clearly, in addition to being gifted, you're incredibly STRONG. Please don't chastise yourself for not knowing what you could NOT have known back in your past. You did your best. That's admirable. Just keep doing your best. Your moral compass is accurate not matter how much abuse you endured and/or saw. Trust your inner being. You are solid. I admire you. Keep being the strong one you are.
If you are held back in your career every time, then you lose the idea, that you are better than others and you know there is no longer any hope. Sometimes other people take all the credit for your work and are promoted.
Yep. But as someone on the spectrum I prefer not being fussed over or being in spotlight. But better finances would be convenient I agree
I loved this. When I have a meltdown I need people to understand they've done nothing wrong and the issue is with me. I get so anxious when my husband always assumes he's done something wrong and apologizes for whatever it is he's done but can't see that he's done nothing wrong at all. Sometimes I just need to be left alone to meltdown and I'll be fine in a while. I cope better when I'm ignored because I can focus solely on me without needing to worry about others thinking they've done something wrong or stressing out about how to help me. Thank you so much for the informative video. Keep up the great work X
I was diagnosed at 30. I suddenly didn’t feel like such a crazy alien anymore. But when there are times where my social environment doesn’t understand or accept me, and I am stuck in a job beneath my skills. It’s a downer! But these videos and seeing the comments make me feel less alone.
I was reminded of an incident that occured during junior high. My math teacher decided to let us do homework in class, each of us answering one problem in turn. Teacher switched pattern of which student he asked next. Oh, dear, I have right answer to wrong problem! I ran out of time to mentally calculate answer. Teacher got up in my face and yelled "Do you know the answer or no!?!?" My throat seized up so fast and hard, I could barely breathe, let alone speak. Even after I had the answer, (with teacher breathing hard in my face the whole time), it took four tries to pry my throat open to verbally answer. On that day, I was unaware he was stressed, getting divorced. Even if I knew I don't think events would turn out better.
Such a sad and unfortunate situation for you both. Even though grossly unfair, good on you for showing compassion for his behavior.
❤️
Wonderful. Tony understands and communicates on Autism better than anyone I’ve heard even though he’s not autistic. It’s the wealth of clinical experience and research, not just personal experience, which is evident.
My teenage high functioning ASD child suffered with burnout a few months ago due to school. He is a master masker. I noticed he was behaving more 'autistic' during this period at home and needed more time to game and zone out. Thankfully the summer holidays came and he had time to recover, the anxiety disappeared. He is back at school now and 2 months in I can see signs of exhaustion setting in. I'm worried. Perhaps homeschooling is the only option.
Thankyou. Tearing up to hear you talking about shutdown, and later life burnout; as I suspect that I have been experiencing for quite some time. Recently diagnosed adhd, but suspect also asd.
Never been diagnosed but have always felt like I was dropped off from another planet. The more I learn the more I am convince this is what I've dealt with all my life. Listening to these videos I am finally hearing someone talk about things that have made me feel like a weirdo all my life. Now I am beginning to understand I'm not broken just different. Doesn't make dealing with it any easier but at least it's nothing I've done or not done. I was always the kid that lived in another world, the world in my brain was always a place I felt more at ease than the physical world. I used to entertain my little sister by closing my eyes and describing my world to my sister who found it fascinating. It was a very real world to me with people I interacted with and real adventures. It's still there but I live in the real world most days now. Thanks for the insight.
Gosh reading your comment was like reading my very own words as I say/feel exactly the same!
Please can you talk about extreme demand compliance, when the autistic person does everything that is asked of them under the most difficult circumstances, until they burnout?
Absolutely because if we argue no for our own better health we are denied, ignored, punished, gaslit, judged and negatively affected in every way possible. It’s the story of my life and I’m 41. It’s caused a lifetime of trauma
Thank you so much! I look forward to Autism Hangout with Dr. Tony every month. So affirming!
Dr. Tony, Thank you sir. You are incredibly inspiring and full of insight. I'm so glad you are advocating for us and helping us to understand ourselves and the things we are experiencing. I had no idea that these burnouts could last so long and really couldn't explain why any of this kept happening to me. It's so good to have some understanding. I really sincerely hope that I can get myself into a stable controlled environment that will enable me to utilize my special abilities to help increase our common understanding of this complex and diverse range of neuro-divergent conditions. In addition, it would be incredibly fulfilling to contribute to the activism sharing my unique perspective and special interests with the world to help improve the quality of life for other people on the spectrum.
Thank you so much. This is a calling that I don't think you'll ever truly retire from. Your dedication is so appreciated. You saving lives. Changing the hopeless despair into what truly feels like a concrete level of acceptance and understanding. Maybe not apparent yet in my community. But seeing your ability to articulate and educate as an expert really gives me hope.
Let's see this through together and celebrate when outcomes change substantially and those changes can be measured.
Thank you! What a wonderful couple of insightful and deep dives into some very interesting areas regarding autism. And what a pleasure to witness Dr. T's ongoing joy with his "special interest"... ;-)
This is one of the best Ask Dr. Tony episodes! Really fantastic.
Thank you!! This helps me understand myself better.
What is most frustrating is daily meltdown. My son and I both do this. I was always told that I was being dramatic, or looking for problems or not caring how other people felt. Ugh! What is most frustrating is being told to handle it like a NT who doesn’t get it. I mean when my son is doing this. They see it as giving in. I know for myself that my SIs helps so I let him chill with it and then he can tell me what happened but not always how it made him feel. If he can’t talk or says no to it, I don’t push him. I am so glass I do get what he feels from unintentional lack of empathy from family. It has been so relieving. After my diagnosis suddenly everything I was experiencing made sense. I wasn’t defective just different. Your books, after the observation of a caring psychiatrist, I didn’t know because I am legally blind so… she explained to me that I wasn’t self centered or lying to just do it, but trying to tell people what they wanted to hear to avoid things I had no words for. I’m currently getting my son tested for Asperger’s because I see my reflection in his behavior/experiences. Thank you so very much for your understanding and advocacy for aspies. You make us understand excepting the ones who refuse for whatever reason. My son has not been disagreed as of yet, and his grandfather did very unwilling to accept it might be this and he is only copying my traits. I don’t believe this at all based on input on his behavior. Luckily, his school is understanding and willing to find if it is so. I am so thankful for that so he can be helped where during my childhood and adult behavior wasn’t understood. He deserves tho and is so sweet and just needs empathy.
Again, thank you again for making my lingerie, and that of other autistic children/adults a bridge to be undressed .
When anybody switches into the SURVIVAL REPTILE BRAIN, because of PERCEIVED THREAT then of course, this may result in the FIGHT response being activated.
But there are sure warning signs.
The last massive meltdowns I had, that was 2 weeks ago, and I WAS COMMUNICATING CLEARLY, please I don't feel good, please I need solitude, BUT THEY BLOODY WOULD NOT LISTEN.
The result was me LOSING IT. LITERALLY. I start CUSSING AND THAT IS REALLY SOMETHING OF A RARE SIGHT, I am NOT CONFRONTATIONAL, I am NOT THE SCREAMING TYPE at all.
But then it is ME who is regarded as the mentally unstable, when NOT LISTENING AND NOT ACKNOWLEDGING MY PLEA was what led to the loud meltdown AS RESULT - when you are overly stressed, you DON'T THINK CLEARLY, I could have gone downstairs to the laundry room in the basement, cool down, but I did not, I lost it instead.
Why? Because my SANCTUARY was being invaded, MY SAFE SPACE. THAT threatened my sense of SAFETY. HENCE my NERVOUS SYSTEM got TRIGGERED.
IT TOOK ME 2 WEEKS to recover from THAT MELTDOWN and I was in some kind of FREEZE with BURNOUT SYMPTOMS.
I had a burnout in 2007 when I slipped into a CATATONIA state for about 30min and could not move or talk, like a phone with empty battery.
Suddenly I could move again, but that FREEZE must have damaged something, because after that I experienced all the symptoms - before that event I had no health issues except for an occasional cold. After that, health was never again what it had been.
thanks, watched this with my hubby, so he can help me when I deal with the issues especially meltdown, hubby learned and said he's Mr Fix It so this helps him
you are a wonderful man Dr.T x
As an adult Asperger’s female, the families are not usually interested in helping the person. My experience of course but I got nothing but family distancing themselves.
This is the best explanation of ASD I have come across. Thank you! Dr Atwood is incredible - he completely gets it. ❤
amazing, how much understanding I do get by just listening & feeling seen so clearly is profound! I am in the mids of a pandemi meltdown with depression and all that kack ! and yes, if I dont meditate, do my daily sport & yoga , I am not able to cope ! specially tough to motivate oneself when the going gets tough and no one is there to lift you up. Alsways "Auto" but the energy to do so is sometimes not there anymore ! Thank you Thank you Thank you
Thank you so much for all the valuable information and options to help with implosions and explosions. Your views express the beauty and gifts to be found ♥️.
This is very good information presented in a pratical easily understood format. Thank you
Sometimes employers and colleagues will use increasing stress and higher demands to get rid of the autistic person. There is no social group to say 'no' to discrimination and even union representatives will not help. I would argue that even if real people with ASD are understanding and helpful, there is no way to identify who has Asperger's. I have been conned by people claiming to have Asperger's. This is even harder now that there is the internet, where anybody can claim to be an autistic and con-people can rip you off.
Your comment is most astute. I am very grateful to you for making it.
One of the greatest problems that us genuinely diagnosed Aspergians suffer from endlessly is this wretched new fashion that is particularly common within the millennial and generation Z people pretending to be Aspergians. It is now notoriously common for them to use their unfounded claims to get places in universities depriving genuine scholars of a rightful place amongst a plethora of other predatory driven benefits. They also make life extremely difficult for us that struggle with our fully diagnosed condition as they seem to think Aspergers is, “Awesome,” and, “Cool.” It is neither. For me, it has been an eternal nightmare made worse by these self-diagnosed social media addicts.
As for general con artists ripping people off by deceiving them into believing that they are autistic, I have as much anger towards them as I have for anyone who takes advantage of autistic people in order to rip them off, too.
There is no shortage of people who make a science and a career out of abusing others for personal gain. Regulating these claims to those formally diagnosed and only by those with formal medical brevets and proper academic credentials in Autistic Spectrum Disorders, (ASD,) may be a solution worthy of consideration.
Thankyou
40 years, newly diagnosed. I had meltdowns since I remember. Rare, but devastating. Only now I am learning what is going on!
What a wise voice for the community! Thanks for sharing!
For Dr. Tony. Could you Please talk about the Shut Down. You mentioned it. Then quickly mentioned "Selective" (Gawd I hate that term! There is nothing selective about it for me.) and switched directly onto Demand Avoidance.
Also. I haven't been officially diagnosed ( I am now looking into diagosis) but the more I hear and read the more I am convinced I am Autistic. And this video pretty much cemented my belief that this is indeed the case. At 55 years old that is pretty mind blowing.
So thank you very much for this.
So glad to have found you guys this is wonderful ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Tony for your continued support of those of us on the spectrum 🙂
Thank you both for sharing your time and wealth of knowledge!!
I'm 36yrs and had my 'Discovery' on 8th March (2022). I'm still learning much but I've decided I'll be celebrating my Discovery Day as a 2nd birthday each year 😁
I'd love to see your channel grow and to see your videos reach many more on the spectrum - its always worth asking your audience to like, share, subscribe and comment (it's free for them to do after all and it tells the CZcams algorithm to promote the channel! 😉).
Dr Tony, is there a way to participate in ASD research?
Thank you.
Thank you!
So good to hear from another the voice of my heart. To feel understood. It's a kind of sharing, being less isolated.
And the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle comes in place... My whole life gets its sense, every single event.. everything makes sense. Knowledge is healing me.
It speaks for social medias.. you can reach us ! Us not "undiagnosed" but "undiscovered" !
Thanks, it definitely helps looking at these things from the third person, an outside myself perspective. Great video good talk
This is an answer to my prayers! It describes me! Also, why my husbands anxiety and questioning, or anger makes me really crack and pop especially when I feel this way...😮
Thanks for the interview 🌱
Thank you both!
Watching Dr. Attwood’s videos validated me and finally, I just got my diagnosis.
Ohhhh so the "flight" perhaps is why I'm now seeking assessment for DID. "I don't want to be here" became me being very very good at not being here.
Thank you Dearly to both of you.
I have found and watched other videos of Dr. Tony Atwood today (13th sept. 2022) and was appeased as finally I've heard in a nice clear simple way...a description of hat I live(d) inc. The coping mechanisms I put in place.
It feels good to feel/be understood... Hope I ll find the same in France....
Note: those are not the first information i ve heard watched. I got plenty of elements from other Doctors conferences books and interviews... read manu articles and shared experiences as well during the last three or four years...
This explains so much. Thank you for sharing. It expresses so much for me.
The meltdown can come on quick sometimes and you don't have time to relax
This is great , thank you dr Tony !!!!!
just want to say i appreciate you more then i can find words for!
Thankyou for making this so much easier to understand as a 55 year old woman undiagnosed but increasingly convinced that I have always been ASD and now wonder whether it’s appropriate to go on the 5 year waiting list for diagnosis ? Louise from UK
😊 15:10 “a meltdown is different from a tantrum” 👍🏼👏🏼
had the explosion breakdowns worst when i was around 18 while trying to apply to a job. screamed my lungs out on my family that was inable to help, had multiple times the reflex-like impulses to just crash my laptop on my mothers head or grab the nearest glass or plate or cup and throw it with full force into her.
So they were not only scary to my surrounding people (when they noticed = when i couldnt supress to show those impulses in my face [never acted on any of this physical violence]) but also very much to me, like i lost control and there was just so much internal self hatred and negative emotions that had to destroy something externally. So you can imagine i tried my best to always flee to my room before i exploded too worse. released much of that frustration in self harm instead.
Wow ! My 9 year old has ASD burnout . This made so much sense !! I am in the UK very very challenging . But we are taking some time and healing. Learning a new way … his way . My executive function goes also with too many demands on me mentally. I’m in tribunal to get him a specialist place. He’s very bright but very anxious and implodes . I recognise I may be ND . I’m completely burned out too and CBT is just making it worse. I can’t do the two. Learn to sort out the past and look at that v just try and get through the day right now . This makes it really clear what’s happening . And yes strategies ! We need strategies .
Late dxd at 35, I'm 38 and my mother still always goes to hug me when I'm upset. I used to let her because when i went to withdraw it would hurt her feelings. Now I know its my needs that come first. I can say "I know you want to hug me but thats what you need, not what I need right now. I need you to regulate youself until i can emotionally regulate".
Thank you - i have been extremely shouty and losing my temper a lot and very over sensitized. Absolutely 💯 getting into a cycle of doing this. I say a cycle but it happens simultaneously with the flight and freeze response to the over stimulation. Currently flat as a pancake on the sofa trying to recover and get on with dealing the stimulation!
Thanks for sharing🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Fight, Flight, Freeze or FREAK !!!
I once had a friend who was prone to explosive meltdowns that could turn violent. Perhaps she had undiagnosed ASD, but I didn't know that about her (or myself) at the time. As long as her meltowns were about situations or other people, I tried to help her deal with them by calming and redirection. But when she directed her attacks at me, I either froze, lashed out myself (unfortunately), or fled the situation if I could.
After years of trying to salvage the relationship (even though I don't think I understood her or myself very well and so wasn't very effectual), I finally stopped seeing her. I still think about her and feel guilty that I let her down somehow, but being free of those scary fights has also done wonders for me.
Thank you this has been so so helpful.
Being told it will pass is usually very annoying! And mostly I just want to get away by myself, helps to know someone cares, but if won't let me leave the room/go away, that just heightens the physical panic response. I am an adult, so I guess it's important to stay with a child, or make sure they're safe.
Absolutely, a melt down is not a choice! If can catch it in time I've now learned ways to short circuit it. Acupuncture helped a lot too. It's not necessarily despair, usually (for me anyway) an overload of sensory stuff, and stress hormones. Helpful info but I find it too categorical, seems to me there's more variation. Anyway, good that more being discovered & especially that AS foll are being listened to rather than talked at/about. Why is it so strange that burnout affects executive functions?! Burnout can be primarily physical, doesn't mean depression etc, tho that can be a result, or maybe a contributing factor to the stress/exhaustion, but can be sensory overload over time etc.
Yes feeling isolated, & lack of support, & confusion as to why things feel so difficult.. 'not being part of the group' makes enormous difference ..
😭😭😭 I wish you were my life coach Dr Tony
Great episode
This video is sooooo helpful! I wish it was easier to find these types of videos. Questions is kinda vague. Love love dr Tony Atwood.
GPS has better manners than many people who raised me .I was criticized a lot “for my own good “ and when I hated myself due to believing what was said people wondered why I hated myself .
Dr. Tony's advice for the already comfortable.
Hey guys, I'm loving the videos! Do we have an update on when the publication of Energy Accounting will be? I've just had a quick look on Amazon & Audible but can't see anything yet.
Late diagnosis of Autistic traits, but my psychiatrists have mainly been focusing on my Bipolar 2 & ADHD. This video has been so useful for me & sharing with my family and friends to help them understand some of the things that I experience.
I’m doctor Tony’s number one fan
Thank you so much! ❤
Thank you so much for this.
Thank you so much 💛
Relating to people was rarely worth the effort .I. Personified objects from early childhood .People were too confusing and intense
Yes! 💗
YES. YESYESYES. I have been at my job for over a decade and I know I will Never be promoted even though I also know I do my job very well and more meticulously than anyone else. 😢
I've got burnout recently. It came after a meltdown at work. These both were caused by having a new manager at work who is very negative and condescending towards me. She also mocked my noise sensitivity. I am emotionally unable to handle her "attitude" like my coworkers can.
Luckily, she's been out of work for a surgery for a couple months now and I am feeling so much better. I think I am on the cusp of burnout recovery.
The big issues are that my words that I said right as my meltdown was building up and subsequent "overreaction" to her got my on "written warning" at work and she is going to be coming back to work at some point. What will I do? ☹️
Read this today. How did it go for you? Are you ok? If you wanna tell about it. If not, just disregard the question. ❤️
What about CATATONIA ind AUTISM (see AMITTA SHAH), isn't that an OVER-exagerated FREEZE response, as it often happens when individuals can't cope with the STRESS?
Great explanation of the frequent and recurring theme of my whole life ever since I can remember. Therapists I’ve seen seem unable to understand my autistic brain and keep trying to “rewire” it! My last psychologist told me that my desire to run away and isolate was a “trauma response” as it’s not healthy for humans to be alone and need connection. I’m like “but what if some of us just don’t?” Yes it’s probably induced by the trauma of a lifetime of never ending misunderstandings from my attempts to communicate with humans (kids and animals love me and I have no problem with them) but I actually LIKE my low-sensory quiet time alone in my caravan way more than socializing and if it’s not a problem for me, then why do therapists keep insisting it’s a problem? I’m not going to go back to the psychologists anymore and just gonna live my happy little quiet life in my safe pink bubble 💗
Ime diagnosed today late at 43 the same after burnout fybromyalgia symptoms decades hypomobility do you have pain? Live to be alone in my shed full of vintage thing's when ime well enough
@tomsale5142 yes I have had autoimmune Rheumatoid Arthritis and Interstitial Cystitis but have only recently managed to finally become pain free from switching to the carnivore diet 💗
@@lisawanderess are you hypermobile to that's great found out confirmed Asperger's yesterday my mum has it to am sure severe ms
@@lisawanderess you eat only meat or eggs to? Are you type o blood as u believe most if us are
@tomsale5142 yes full carnivore now has brought tremendous relief but oddly no, I'm type A!
I love listening to Dr. Tony Atwood. He explains what I go through very well. And this video is great. The only thing is the pencil or marker in the background that’s writing is distracting.
That’s me taking notes. Sorry. :/
Thank you finally the understanding that rather than repeating the mistake of gendering presentations the axis is is about whether you seek to change the external world /explosive/exothermic reaction vs change the response of the internal world to external factors /endothermic/inward alterations
Yes definitely it can be seen as restrictive
I would like to do research at the intersection of avoidant personality disorder and ASD as I feel that this explains my life experience.