Surviving a Friendship Break-Up: How to Recover from Losing a Friend
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- čas přidán 24. 10. 2018
- Are you grieving the loss of a friendship? Did a friend end things with you and you’re having a hard time getting over it? Are you stuck in depression or anger and not sure how to move back to a place of peace after a friend hurt you? In this honest video (the 3rd of a 3-part series), Shasta Nelson, who typically teaches us how to make new friends or deepen existing friendships, shares with us what she did to help bring personal healing after a friend ended their friendship. Here are some ideas to help you grieve and heal from any friendships that have ended.
For more on why it’s important to practice personal growth in the midst of disappointing friendships and how to best respond to such things as jealousy, judgment, and unhealthy friends, read section 3 of Shasta’s book Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness.
Shasta Nelson, M.Div., speaks across the country for organizations and companies that want their people to develop better relationships and is a frequent contributor to the media appearing on TV shows such as Katie Couric and The Today Show, and in countless magazines and newspapers including The New York Times, Good Housekeeping, Health, and Forbes. She is also the author of two books: Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness and Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends and is the Founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, her tribe of women committed to creating more friendship in this world. - Jak na to + styl
Quarantine: Best time to strengthen your friendships
Me: Loses a friend
Lol me too.
Loses a best friend.
@Amia Brackett When my friend and I were avoiding each other because of me telling her how she hurt me, I felt pretty lonely and sad. She was a great friend other than her having a liking for her online friends over real-life friends...Fortunately, we ended up becoming friends again. There were still times where I felt lonely in conversations with her and her online friends or I felt she’ll put them over her real-life friends. I hope your journey will end up good and you’ll have plenty of friends (real and kind ofc :> )!
@@sneha2902 hope your friendship will find it’s way to work out! :D
@@user-hb7ep4me6vum no, I don't want it back cz the pain is so bad but I just can't let that thing go.
And funnily it's my online bestie who left me. 😅 Real or online , when friendship is true and pure.. the pain is read and hard.
Hope your friendship gets back to normal.✌
Same.
Isn’t it hard. When someone meant so much to you and their existence played such a big part in your life that you had to look up a video to be able to get over them.
Trueee 💔
It’s very hard.. going 3 months in now.. I hoped it would be better by now, but I feel like it’s getting worse..
Trueee
Yes, yes and yes. Damn it hurts.
@@iNicky777I’m going on 11 months..
The worst feeling is when you realized they never viewed you the same as you viewed them. It sucks to have a best friend only to find out they never thought of you as their best friend. Also, to be in a friend group with the person you “broke up” with isnt easy since it starts tearing apart other friendships
Wow so true , it is hard I understand this
True that’s the most hurtful part!
Really feel the part about having the friend in same group
Going exactly through this now. Me and my best friend ended it yesterday and the friend group we were in are all closer to her than they're to me. So they're gonna side with her. So, in the process of losing one friend, i lost all of them :)
@@My_NameJeff same lmao what's worse is working with all of the people/friends that have sided with her. Very alienating since she's very manipulative and leeches off of people
The worst is when I cry, I feel even guilty because I doubt she cries over me too
Ugh same
same :((
she probably does
It feels so unresolved.
*when she probably doesn’t know i’m crying over her
It really hurts just as much as a break up from a love-relationship to lose a good friend and companion. Going through it now.
Sam I’m going through it too she’s hanging out with another friend and she’s trying to make me jealous
Right 😭
It IS a love-relationship
Right😭very true
IKR like we were such good friends and then they told me I was annoying and that they were gonna stop being my friend. It really hurts
I've tried forgiving but it's just so hard. It's hard when the other person puts the blame on me and is not sorry at all.
The Rockall Times explain?
I feel the same way. I can forgive ANYTHING but the prrson has to either apologize or feel guilty in some way or at least show some interest in how he made me feel. For forgiving there needs to be a genuine request first from whoever i am forgiving. Otherwise it is like declaring that it is ok to treat me badly .... It takes the value away from forgiving if you give it too easily, even without asking
Exactly.
the dark lord ikr
I agree (someone called me HEARTLESS!) (I literally want to save kids lives for a living (I want to work at St. Jude’s Children’s Research hospital))
friendship breakups hurt more than other breakups because they knew you so much and you could be yourself with them and losing them feels like losing a part of yourself
how did u got over it?
Precisely
This one hit me
Exactly how I feel rn
This
the worst thing about losing your best friend is that u can't tell ur best friend about it.
Αυτό.
I had just lost a friend. After years he just dumped me like I was nobody in his life and I just cannot handle the pain, disappointment, sadness, feeling of being used, feeling like I was tricked into thinking he cared bout our friendship as much as I did... the worse is seeing how okay he is, everyday. Like nothing is lost, like I really ment nothing.
I feel your pain. I got friend dumped 7 weeks ago and I still cry about it
My ex friend did the same thing. Hard thing is I work with him. Its a misunderstanding. But he's also gambling addict who is never accountable and blames everyone else. I apologized and tried. But he's like an entitled 5 year old. And does not care about how he hurts other people. He's toxic and I know this, but it still hurts.
Patryk Burski you’re not alone, I’m going through similar situation with a friend. He puts on a smile and laughs around people at work while I’m depressed...I guess these people were really good at faking like they cared...they never really were our friends to begin with, we just put more into it than they cared to.
Oh,I know what it's like :-(
Stop trying to mean something to someone that you didn't mean anything to. Honestly, if someone can just walk away without a truly honest conversation about why?, then they never really cared about you anyway. Don't forget that 2% of the population are sociopaths. That's about 7 million people distributed through out the population of the United States. Some people are just born with their brains wired up weird and that never had anything to do with you. Also, to be unkind and unfair in how you deal with others isn't necessarily good Karma is it. Not that we wish suffering on those who don't treat us well, but whatever suffering you're having from a friendship ending, in the long run, may be minimal in comparison to the suffering that will come to them, that you'll never be there to see. Actions and words have consequences, and the one who walks away may in the end be hurting themselves more than they ever hurt you, simply because they didn't play fair, or they didn't really know what they were doing. In other words, them walking away doesn't necessarily put them in charge, although it can feel like they are at the time; but the seduction they have fallen into is that somehow they think it gives them control, and some very insecure people are addicted to being in control, and this can be very much the illusion. I think generally you should strive to see the truth of things, and be kind to others in your dealings, and the ones who really aren't suppose to be in your life will eventually fall away, and that's a good thing. Keep your on Karma clean and file it. No one person out of the over 7 billion on this planet is worth you been unhappy in your life. No one is that important, including you.
Wow a friend broke up our friendship today, I'm watching this while having a mental breakdown
Franime _ Same but im pretty sure I’m the toxic one who caused all this cause I’m not very sensitive... she was my only friend and I broke her trust. Now I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow cause we sit next to each other in German class and form time... in school...
Francesca Lay going through the same thing right now too
*same*
Too sad now...
yeah. me too
I was dumped and it was the best thing for me, but damn it still pisses me off lol
THIS.
yes
So true
Im trying to cope from my friend piper. She started hanging out with Lauren another person and less with me but I let it happen telling her I was happy for her that she finally made new friends but she ended up saying we couldn’t be friends anymore and gave a dumb excuse that’s obviously a lie and she left me with no one.
literally
Lost a friend over a argument haven’t slept in 2 days sad as hell
I hope you feel better.
I understand the feeling when you wake up at night and just want to listen to music but you can't get around it😭
So did I-
I basically ruined the relationship... but I didn’t mean it~
I lost my best friend today over an argument too. But i think it was for the best.
@@no-qv9vj same :")
what i've learned is that i don't want more "friends" i'm better off alone because they end up leaving me either way
Rosendal Jr. not me
*same*
@@melissarivera7477 then y r u here?
True
same man
I knew my friendship was breaking, I was just not ready to let go.
I was a horrible friend, and I didn’t even realize it. They had every right to leave, they did. I was manipulative, toxic, shitty, even when I thought I was getting better. Please, cherish your friends no matter what, and, don’t pull the dumb bullshit I did. Don’t feel sorry for yourself at the end, either. It’s not good.
Please, cherish the ones you love.
Same I didn’t know
Just out of curiosity. How did you realize it? I feel like my friend is like you and trying to change, but it still hurts me so much hearing/watching her try and fumble. I’m also not exactly sure what she’s trying to do or if I should say something...I just feel bad about all of it, for me and for her. I’m also aware I played a role by not speaking up sooner or making it clear what was bothering me when I felt like she was dismissing all my concerns....
*sigh* it's too late for me I lashed out at my friend because I have anger issues and I pushed him away by accident. Tho we never had a fight before I think it's over.
@@lollmylifex3 (i am so sorry for the late response) i realized it by how they handled the situation. A few months later ive realized i wasn’t completely in the wrong, because a lot of them act/acted how I did, making everyone at fault in a way. I made it my end goal to not be comparable to them, and alas I think I’ve reached that green zone! Every experience will be different, and the fact that your friend is maturing and realizing her faults is a great start. But, its also not your fault for not speaking up about it. She sounds blindly manipulative (how i was), which is basically where you are manipulative without even realizing it, more than likely feeling regretful soon after figuring it out. This is a learning experience for her, and now that she is figuring it out as long as shes making a genuine effort to change, thats an amazing way to start a new beginning. Most of this all comes with maturity, life experience, etc.
What i need to do is just not do the same things and try to get better. And maybe my friend will give me another chance
lost my 3 closest friends in the span of a week and it feels like a living nightmare! thank you so much for validating my feelings when nobody else will!!
Girl sameeeeeee 🤣🤣 it’s like I’m the star of the next feature film
YES IT HAPPENED ALL AT ONCE
SAMEEEE
@@ellerose9809 THATS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TOOO
I lost a friend, for now. Even worse as another close friend sided with her in someways , even tho she was way over the top & hurtful.
I had a friend I was so close with we called each other sisters. She dumped me and it was because we drifted and I was unintentionally hurtful. The issue now is that I’ve moved away and am having a hard time opening up to others . I want close friendships like that again, but into adulthood now the consistency is hard, and so is opening up.
It is SO hard to have friends in adulthood I am finding. :(
My friend who was like my sister became self destructive and I voiced my opinion. It than caused strain. She in return used me and robbed me of 500 right after I just had my daughter. I'm not sure I'll ever get past grieving. 15 years. I'm at a loss for words. I hate her and I never want to see her ever again
I’m hoping you find someone amazing that all ways stuck there and never leave you 🥺🙏🏼
Wow the exact same happened to me when I moved abroad... Reading this helped tho, I feel a little less alone now - thank you for sharing this, thank you for opening up here! :)
same ack, i did vow to myself to never trust anyone besides myself so it didn't hit me as hard as i expected. just confronted her over text and my stomach is hurling itself
I’m in the grieving stage now.
Same here its been more than a year now and I'm grieving real bad.
Me too
Been on it for 5 months
Me too.
@@silverbowftw5225 did u become freinds yet?
I’m too hurt to forgive. I lost so many, I feel like I loose everyone.
Julia Calis i feel you :(
me to 💔
It’s been a year now I hope you r feeling better .
i gotchu :[
I know how you feel...
1:03 1. Grieve the loss.
3:17 2. Forgive anger.
6:13 3. Hold gratitude.
8:03 4. Share carefully.
Pls pin this!
I am very unlikely to have this problem, because I don't have any friends at the moment.
Me either I think
Homo erectus sAmE
Hahaha same here 😹
Australopithicine vs. Homo Erectua
I can be your friend
I was friends with someone for 10 years then she just stopped talking to me. It's been 5 years but I still cry sometimes just thinking about how much I miss her.
I'm there right now
I’m so sorry 😔
Hugs, im going through it now. We did so many things together. 14 years!!
im there except mines only eight years. i pretended everything was fine & bottled everything else but eight months after the ‘breakup,’ i just cant stop crying
Did any of you ask why your friends stopped talking to you?
Once friendship loses its innocence and turns into a competitive race, then the downfall of that friendship begins. Once one of you gets competitive in relationships, fashion trends and achievements, forget about the innocence of that friendship cos the line has been crossed. Once your friend starts using your weaknesses to make shady comments to make fun of you indirectly, it's over. I lost my best friend of 11 years too. I wish her a happy life. ❤️
I'm in this exact same boat, and the worst part is that they really really really meant a lot to me :(
I wish them all the best, and i think it is good that they're gone due to the friendship being too competitive. I did see it coming for a long time already, but deep down i really did wish they stayed.
Honestly, sometimes i just wish to vent to anybody in my life, but i really have no one i could share it with. It's a really tough time :(
I totally agree
lost a toxic friendship over an argument, still recovering.
I was dumped and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
ittibittinurse I wish I saw it like that, I lost a toxic friend but she meant a lot to me even though she didn’t care
Glorious Soda yup :(
@@Loraney7585 going through it
Glorious Soda That just happened to me,hope things have gotten better sense than.
@@Loraney7585 my best friend just broke up with me last night and it hurts so bad. I tried to convince her to stay, but she kept saying that she was scared of me stressing her out.. it hurts really bad..
I dumped a bad friendship. It is hard until this day.
Same it's been 2 years and every now and then I think about the old times. I tell myself I'm over it but it hurts. Kinda wished I could time travel to the days i used to do everything with my friend.
Cris Camara I can relate
I dumped an unhealthy friendship which had much more costings than rewarding. I am being over it and it hurts so bad.
Me too.. I just did yesterday and they tried to foward messages to me and attack me.
@Kaypupwolf TheProGamer i dumped my best friend of 5yrs i actually feel so sad about it but i had to do it ...i feel this "idk if it was right" but i think it was thats why i did it
7 years of memories is over... The pain is really unbelievable never knew I could feel this sad
Anybody relate???
@@corgicompton1383 I do. It was 7 years, too. About 2 and a half years ago when it ended. It's a lot easier to deal with than it was at the time, but sometimes it comes back and hurts, again. I hope you have people to talk about it! That helped me out massively. When I didn't have a person to talk about it to, it was like this huge chunk of my life just didn't happen/this loss wasn't real and as excruciatingly painful as it was. What you're going through is extremely rough, but there is another side to this. Wishing you well.
8 years and I had no other friend in this country no family members I am living in a different country from my family and old friends but over time it gets easier
I lost my friend after 8 years
@@corgicompton1383 bit late but yeah she was my best friend for half my childhood and this friendship breakup has been happening over the course of the past half year but tbf ive only seen her 3 times in the past 3 years so the loss feels longer
Since we are here we know we tried our best 👍
At 35 my best friend since 1st grade ended our friendship because I suggested she learn to drive. I’ve been her chauffeur for years. I was kind to her in a email, she wrote me back a long email throwing all my issues in my face and saying she’s been tired of me for years and she’s finally had enough. I know now she kept me around to use me... Then she tells me not to write back because she won’t read it. So basically she took away my closure. That part is hard honestly. The thing is all this hatred came out of her for me but I don’t even hate her back.
She is sselfih an self absorbed, she was using you
That’s horrible :(
did u get back together with ur friend ?
I hope you feel better!we all are here for you 💜
“People dont abandon people they love. People abandon people they use.”
How long does it take? I've been friends with someone all my life and now we never will again.
Lively.Artist. Same it hurts a lot
Yeah same
Me too, can I be your bff already because it's the same thing happened to me because I have a group and a group named "NATIONAL FRIENDS TEAM" and we have a problem about our president I don't want to say it because she's gonna be mad at me so I feel I losing hope and never get back together and then I search how to be positive so I need help to.
I’ve known my friend for since I was 3 years olds and today we broke up. Still trying to win him back!
Lively.Artist. Same i Just cried Every day en she just left me
"im not comfortable with you"
When all these years i tried my hardest to make her comfortable....
It really hurts..
A friend I have been there for in her hardest times
Dumped me like I was nothing. I can’t forgive and I can’t forget. This is worse than any breakup I’ve had. I will never be able to trust anyone again.
I’m slowly losing my best friend... I loved her and still do I really hope this helps
polina yesis I lose four friends in a month...
And it's a really difficult situation isn't it... Never believed that i too would ever be in A similar situation
Same... My best friend has found new people.. and now I'm alone... I cry everyday
@@lilypanda124 it's so relatable..
@@Ben-tn2vg 😔
How do you grieve when you have no closure? 10 years of friendship, being blocked and told the friendship had run its course. I don't know what I did.
I can't imagine how hard that is, the same thing just happened to me except after only 2 years of close friendship. All I was told was to not contact her anymore, and that the friendship was bad for her mental health, and then I was blocked everywhere.
@@samhithathatikonda1536 oh my god the same exact thing happened to me today he told me not contact him anymore because of the same reason out of nowhere 😕
Midnight Market, just came across your comment and i went through the exact same thing.... 10 years of friendship and it all happened so sudden .... how i got cut off and denied of a friendship i treasured. Blocked too etc and the main pain for me was the lack of closure... curious how you ended up dealing with this? Its been 3 years for me and it still hurts!
Yeah around 7 months ago i lost a friend of 4 years and it hurts so much and i can never contact her becsuse she blocked me on all social media and it hurts
Wtf who treats someone this way
We’ve been friends for eight years. They’re my only friends and I feel like dying with the pain. I hope I’ll get over this, stronger and better.
You're not alone sis, my bestie and I were together from 8 years too but yesterday night she left me like I was nth to her, if you ever think all you deserve is darkness? Then yes you do deserve darkness cuzz your a star and stars need darkness to shine, ik it must be hard.. don't lose hope you'll find someone even better :)
I ended a 16 years friendship. It was too toxic that it wasnt helping with my growth, unsupportive of my dreams and endlessly talking behind people who i think is good for me. And you know what's ironic? No matter how not good they are for you. It still hurts because of all the memories that you had with them. But then you had to choose yourself and decide to go seperate ways.
This 11 minute video provided me with the tools to move away from a pain I've been holding for 2 years. Thank you so much!
Going through it at the moment, I just tell myself, I don't care who I lose anymore, as long as I don't lose myself again, It will be okay , don't make her your world, learn from this and learn that you should havea couple of friends, not only a few, so that when you lose some, you'll stop have some friends, and I made a mistake of having her as my world now it hurts a Looooot💕
@@stanjin4230 my heart and thoughts are with you! The pain fades but I'd be lying if I said you forget. It's like PTSD whenever a big event comes by, memories rush back like a flood! Its left a void but I am still learning ways to fill it in a healthy way.
@@margareta.6506 Good luck, I'm still really really sad 💓
@@stanjin4230 good luck as well! Hang in there! Just from your demeanor, I can tell you are a caring person! That person who is no longer in your life lost a unique person..no one can take your place..No one!! 🤗❤
@@margareta.6506 I cried a little bit, thank you
It sucks feeling so hurt after u dumped a toxic friend. They are so toxic yet I miss him. Ik i shouldnt
I lost my 2 toxic friends me , they are so toxic, but I miss them , I lost them today
this is happening to me right now i miss her but she’s toxic
I’m actually the “dumper” in my case, and though I think my reasons are justified and healthy, it still sucks. Yep. I came to this video for experiences and advice. Thanks!
yea me too
I hate y’all u have no idea what u put the other person through 😭😭
@@dhairyarami1374 as if it feels better for us…
@@dhairyarami1374 yeah but like what if that other person was mean rude hurtful and toxic. NOW if they weren’t that would be a different situation
I'm so depressed that I can't even concentrate on what she is saying. Haha. :-)
How are you now?
Omg same
Same
Feltt thiss
I'm in this boat, however I'm the one that ended the friendship. Others congratulate me for standing by my conviction but my heart hurts. It hurts real bad.
Yeah me too, sorta.
We got in a argument and she completely invalidated everything I believed and had gone through. Then she left our group chat, but ultimately I was the one who had to say no. I can't be around people who do that to me. Not to even mention everything else she's doing.
I know that the ending of a friendship isn't just one person's fault, but I still feel like it is. Maybe if I hadn't been so adamant about what I believe and what I've experienced, we wouldn't have fought. Maybe if I hadn't told her no we would have made up....
But I did it because I made a promise to cut toxic people out of my life, a promise she'd always supported and I still see her encourage in others, I just never thought it would mean cutting out her...
I feel you it hurts really bad😢💔
Same. Going through it right now. It's just so hard to accept that things are never going to be like that again.
@@sourabh8151 It will get better. For me it opened the door to self care and self love. Check out The Daily Stoic with Ryan Holiday. Listening to that channel I have found peace and acceptance of me for me unlike any other time in my life. You are not alone friend.
@@MrHlcg1962 Glad to know that. Thanks for the recommendation, I'll check it out.
My friend hurt me, I expressed my feelings and asked for space because I'm dealing with family issues right now and she basically ended the friendship there and told me to "have a nice life". All I asked for was a little space and she ended it all. I'm kind of relieved in a way but I am still mostly really hurt and confused at her response.
@Clarissa Eagan :( it hurt a lot but after a little reflecting I realize I don't want a friend who will kick me when I'm down and asking for some space. I feel like she must have already been mad at me for something because I'm not sure exactly that made her lash out.
I had a similar experience. I really hate her. In that time i never expected that she could dumb me when i need her most but she did with one long message. She is terrible and fake person. I deleted her in everywhere and really wish all worst for her. I dont need to forgive or to be thankful for other things. Cause she was terrible and I am so happy without her fake friendship in my life cause I have never felt totally satisfied or trust when we were friends.
@@karyaoktem4649 feeling anger and hate is the easy thing. But you can forgive her without ever saying it to her. It will help you move on. Trust me, harboring anger and bad thoughts for someone who hurt you it only hurts you more in the end. I am so sorry this happened to you. And I know how it feels, I feel angry a lot too.
Tbh I'm like your friend. I didn't give my friend space and raged at him ( because I have a medical condition that makes my emotions very intense) making him hate me. I deserve it
Going through something similar now.
The problem is that I know it was my fault and I just can’t get angry or help but feeling that maybe it’s for the best but it hurts so bad to loose her.
just happened 5 minutes ago. cannot descrive the pain of a 4 year friendship group. I CANT DEAL WITH how betrayed I feel
I ended a "friendship" because she took advantage of me. I don't think she was a good friend at all. I don't miss her at all. She was a cold fish. I don't miss her personality but I miss the sense of belonging. She was in my social group and I stopped being invited to her house for big days. I actually had more fun without it but still, I miss the belonging part. That is what hurts the most. But do I miss her? No not really.
🥂 nice! Yes sometimes these kind of people still can be missed but when you look logically, they are really selfish and always know how to take and use others without giving anything. Their just attracted part is energy, fun and self confident in talks and events but just that. And also i recognise, they can not stay in that energy and positivity that long since they dont feel real love in general, they just act it to gain people at first. So their energy can easily over and they go bacj their normal: depressive, selfish and judgemental type.
I just ended my friendship bc my friend was toxic
THIS.....!!!!!!!!
Yesss i agreeee with the last part it’s more of the idea and the feeling that I miss not the person necessarily
I have been trying my best to save this friendship for 7 months now but it seems no matter how I try my friend is just distancing himself from me. He is always busy, he rarely replies to my texts, no calls, no nothing, am weak now, am so depressed but I'm grateful that my friend is happy with his life.
I just wish he knew how am feeling
Going through the same. I am praying for you
@@AbstractMindsThinkAlike by the time i decided to let go, he came back like he never left, sometimes i feel like am being used but one thing for sure i love that Idiot so much 😑
@@makangajulius98 man, I can somewhat relate to this. I somehow always feel like I end up in one-sided friendships. I've gotten so used to it that I've somehow learned to not get too close to people and have low expectations of them. It seems that my friends come and go which I guess if fine. I don't like forcing friendships to work out when the other party clearly doesn't want to invest in the friendship. I find that friendships are never permanent. Hence why I call myself a social nomad. It's either they end up leaving or I leave due to circumstances. Honestly, if it weren't for my supportive family, I probably would've lost all sense of hope and purpose. In any case, hope you take care of yourself :)
@@hazelchief-rabbit5903 we just officially broke up yesterday 🤧🤧🤧
@@makangajulius98 oh no! 😥 I'm so sorry to hear that. I know it's going to take time to heal but I do believe you will eventually get there. Do you have another friend you can talk to or perhaps even a close relative? It's important to surround yourself with people who support and love you all the way. Please do talk to someone about it to keep your sanity. I've been there and it's not pleasant. Take care and look after yourself, man! Sending thoughts and prayers to you 🙏🙏🙏
It’s been a year and a half and the pain still hurts so deep. It was a friendship that we would be so proud when ppl would ask how long we had been friends for, 20+ years we would say with big cheesy smiles but things changed. I felt a great distance, I felt I was being replaced, I felt I was loosing the person I loved so much. We met in second grade when we were 7 years old, and later found out she lived in the house behind my parents house. Summers would come and we would spend all day everyday together, she was there for every heart ache, other “friends” we had, bad decisions that were made. She moved when we were 18 and we tried our hardest to stay close. It even brought us closer, we called each other sisters. Whenever we had important events in life we were there rooting for each other. She’s been single her whole life ( she’s a very beautiful girl, a gem) and at 23 I settled down. My husband and I got very serious but I still kept her as a priority, he would say if he and her were drowning he knew who would I save. And it wouldn’t be him lol but about 3 years ago she got a new job. And there she met new coworkers, I myself became an introvert and came home early after events such as work, school, parties to be home with my significant other, and at first we both accommodated each other perfectly. Til I noticed a coworker she started talking about more frequently, then the distance came. She wouldn’t reply to messages, I would be left on read but see her fun filled nights out with her coworker on her social media. Then get a “hey sorry I was really busy” reply two days later. Her older sister and I were getting closer as her and I were getting distant. Her sister has a daughter the same age as my nephew, so we always had play dates since they were born. Those play dates got awkward as she was too busy for me. It made me feel like I was an inconvenience, she began dating a guy this coworker hooked her up with, and soon she started going on double dates with them and the distance increased. I decided to convince her to go watch a band play at a venue. That was the last night we hung out. Many drinks and lines of coke later I saw who she was becoming. I had some drinks but no coke, never my cup of tea. She was boasting about her coworker and their relationship. It felt like a knife going through my heart. Apparently the night was a blur for her and she wanted a recap so on her day off she showed up to my house to talk. I filled her in , I guess it must’ve been the way I told her because she asked “ do you like me? I get the vibe that you don’t like me anymore” that was my opportunity to tell her how I was feeling and how much I dreaded loosing her and the huge gapping Hole that’s was forming but I didn’t. I said everything was fine and I would always love her. That was the last time I talked to her. Now her and her coworker are best friends, calling each other Besties. Doing all the things best friends do and making it very public. She filled the void with someone else. I haven’t. It’s like I got dumped for the person I felt the greatest threat by. Like she was slowly showing me to the exit to make room for someone else. It hurts like an unbelievable pain, I’ve talked to a therapist about the pain and he says it’s the process of mourning. Our friendship died so I’m dealing with a death. There is no time limit on healing. I look forward to the day where there is no pain. Luckily my husband and I have known each other for years and he’s been the best support system, I see a best friend in him. I don’t want to replace her because I can’t replace the years but I want to learn to accept and live without her. Hopefully I can find love in a friendship again. Everyday hurts a little less.
I know exactly how you feel. same thing happened to me. it really does hurt.
I lost my BF of 26 years. I wasn’t important in her life anymore. She and I were so close.
I know what you feel but i also think that this kind of friendship is not healthy. Your husband telling you, if you'd have to save one of the two it would be her... it's a joke but it's also a little problematic. You got married, she was single her whole life and you expect her to stay the same. People are drawn to new people they can relate to in different stages of life. You are married and want to stay home. She is single and wants to go to clubs and drinke coke. It's not a crime to want different things. People change and nothing can stay the same. Let go of the best friend label, let her find her way in life without you and maybe she'll come back someday or maybe she won't. You have soo many things to be greatful for and a husband that loves you. Shift your focus on what really matters ❤
Me and my best friend, I fought with her because of some frustration and anger, and it's been 1 year, I still regret doing that, I miss her a lot, but can't do anything now, that friendship's gone, even if I tried to become friends, I don't think she would, I hurt her a lot, and I don't think she wants to be my friend anymore, so I gotta live with that, with that loss for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like, there should be some machine that removes memories of a person like in 'Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind' and just use it to remove all the memories of her, I don't want to forget her, but I don't want to live with this misery
Hey how are you doing?
I wish so too
i lost two of my closest friends in one day. they were starting to leave me out of things, they started talking behind me and my best friend’s back, so i called them out. i wish i hadn’t now they both hate us.
Hate us?
Been there. 💙
Best friend breakups can be the worst! But I think there are signs that often happen from beginning. Thank you for this video.
My best friend ended our friendship because she said she wanted to start a new chapter in life with new friends. When I read that i started crying because we were really close and we were friends for 5 years. It’s about to be a month since this happened, I just remember all the memories we made. She removed me of every social media and blocked me. I never thought this was going to happen. I’ll always miss her and I’ll try my best to move on but I don’t think I will be able to do that. It just hurts a lot.
I wish you healing, cause when you've healed you'll have a clear perspective as to why you had to part ways. I can assure you that it's for your GREATEST GOOD. I'm a testimony to a sudden unexplained, acannot be mended breakup.
Sometimes God allows pain to push us out of our comfort so that we can realise there's greater things ahead of us and outside our confined friendships. Now soar and evolve.
One of my friends just randomly started to completely ignore me. I have so much social anxiety, so because of this, I’m losing trust in all of my friendships, even my best friends. I feel as if I should just not have any friendships because nobody truly cares about me. I obsess about things like this too much, so when someone does something like this, it completely ruins my self esteem.
Sameee I have social anxiety but the anxiety is worst around my best friends
My bestfriend just dumped me. Worst pain I've felt it five years. But this video helps 😊
same as mine 😭 I'm still hurt ..
Same, crying my eyes out rn
Losing a friend stinks. Im experience it right now
I need to vent so here it goes:
I'm in a unique situation where i was the one who brought up that our friendship may be toxic and that we argue too much to stay best friends, we still like eachother and have the same friends but we both painfully agreed on being acquaintances. Admittedly that conversation proved that our relationship couldn't be saved and that that part is not my fault, it hurts so much I'll miss the good parts too but we both handed it maturely and it's for the best.
But al LEAST you guys are acquaintances. That’s so much better than the not being friends at all. AND, you guys had the opportunity to talk and agree on some things☺️
@@setapartaay925 it's been almost 2 years since this. We have both had to work through a lot of trauma but he's one of my closest friends now. Thanks for your positivity.
@@lime__time man thats great after 2 years u guys are still friends. Im kinda goin thru a rough patch w my friends. I hope in two years my friends are still w me
Saaaame, almost
Loss of friendship felt much the same as a loss of a partner.
I feel like they’ve suddenly just got up and left so randomly. We were so fine one day the next it’s like they’ve completely stop caring. Went from sharing TikTok’s to one another to absolutely nothing. For no reason. Breaks my heart.
Yesterday, I came to the painful decision to end a friendship with a woman I dated, because I still had strong feelings for her, and she knew it, and it was apparent that nothing would ever come of it and I would be forever hoping to be more than friends. She was more hurt by it than I expected and it was very hard to hear the pain in her voice. She reminded me of a puppy, and my heart immediately broke. She said she'd always be there if I needed anything, and I hope to one day be in a place where I can reestablish that friendship without expecting anything more. For now, I need to heal without her, as painful as it is.
I don’t agree with social
Media contact I think to unfollow in the beginning until you’re mature enough to move on. Out of sight out of
Mind is a good way to start to heal so I have to disagree. Yes you should forgive but to move on
Yes, I was thinking the same thing. I stopped using social media because I felt uncomfortable sharing information that my ex best friend could see and I'm so over it. I think that I will just block/delete her. I didn't do it before because I didn't want to look immature but it seems like a good option now.
That’s what I did. I actually went as far as blocking her on every social media. Even though she is the one that ended with me. I couldn’t see her face on there without feeling hurt.
I completely agree bc I had to end my friendship with my best friend and felt that I needed to unfriend her on all social media. Without this step, I felt that I would continue on this anger inside of me every time I would see her on social media. And it’s not immature to click on the unfollow button. That’s letting you and your ex friend know that you are ready to let go and move on forward.
Tiffany Vo Yeah, it definitely helped a lot. Now I don’t have this aching feeling in my chest when I go online. I’ve noticed I’m a bit hesitant now on making friends and nurturing friendships though. Like I’m worried of being judged again so I’m less giving then I was before. Hope over time I can get over it.
meagan casselberry I just blocked my ex best friend on ig and deleted all pics from my phone for the same reason and I feel so much better even though she’s the one who broke up with me
Hey if there’s anyone out there I want you to know that I’m going through it too rn and ur not alone man this is so painful but your never alone
My best friend of six years said I was stuck with her for life. I'm still alive and she ghosted me out of nowhere. Pain is unbearable; but this video was honestly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Yes I thought my best friend was the sister I never had but always wanted. She got new friends now and I don’t matter anymore. Knew her 7 years
the bestiest friend i’ve ever had dumped me
what about an entire group of friends? and everyone else i know at my school is wicked toxic and rude
The same thing happened to me. I was alone for half of the time of my years in school and honestly, it's better to be alone than to be with people who are toxic
I KNOW RIGHT
@@leo-rs3cj ya, i lost my friends last year been all alone this year. Sometimes i wish i was still friends w them even tho they were toxic i cared for the,
This section is sad I lost my friend to rest in peace it's not really a breakup for me you know what I'm talking about.
Sorry for your loss ❤
Thank you. Today is there bday. :(
@@obabatunde100 Ah ah my brother you be Yoruba
@@dania1387 yes I am.
Ik I’m late, but I’m really sorry x
When you are more emotionally attached to your friend then your lover... 😥
Yeah
Thank u so much for doing this. I have lost a 10 years best friend and it feels like i’ve lost half of my soul. I pretend that “i’m fine, it’s okay, this is how this world works”. But you know what, after the breakup, I always wonder why I deserve being treated like this. Maybe time change, people change😔😔
This comment section was a relief because I wasn’t the only one who is going through the pain. This friendship i had for 4 and a half years was gone. There was a flaw in our friendship and i tried to talk to my bsf because I didn’t like the way he did things and I decided to talk to him and sort things out but he straight up disrespected me and thought my opinion was “useless” “not important” which is utterly disgusting because I respect everything he did and supported him. Seeing him not talk to me after I talked to him and do nothing is just hurting my feelings. He continues his day like our friendship meant nothing in any way. It didn’t affect him.
Dr Steve can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restore back my broken relationship of 5 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
What sApp him
+2347030894892🙏🏾 🙏🏾
I can’t afford therapy and you can’t imagine how this video helps me clear my mind and process my grief. The hardest part is not letting your feeling transform into anger or hate. I know that we can decide how we’re going to learn from situations like these. I lost my best friend and miss her so much. The only thing that’s left is questions on why I’m not worthy enough to be her friend. I say that with tears in my eyes but I know I’ll recover one day
I wish someone told me that when i was a teenager i think letting go could be easier, this shit still hurt me since forever
This video helped me so much. I befriended someone 8 months ago. I became really attached. But i was there for this more then she was then the last few months we became distant. Last week she blocked me from messenger. So i just unfriended her. The pain is still so fresh because we were so close.
U have to move on... try things u enjoy to do... spent more time with your family and other friends... i am not saying that the one of your other friend would replace himself with the one whom you were so attached... but by doing so... you would be able to feel good...
I think that might be the same path I’m headin now
I am going through a friendship break up right now. It started yestesrday. It is so hard. I am studying medicine and I have to admit, it has affected my study sessions. I am at a slow pace simply because I still have her in my mind. But thanks to meditations, yoga and your videos, I’ve been repeating to myself: “It’s okay. How you are feeling is okay. I get you.” Thank you so much for your kind words, and thanks for sharing your experience. Means so much. Best wishes to you!
So painful! Found this and I realize this is several years old but something I'm going through now. Just painful. Wouldn't wish this pain on an enemy.
I have started to honestly think that more people need to watch these kinds of videos. Sometimes feelings are not reciprocated between friends and i believe people need to see the humanity in each other and accept that we cannot always be there for others the way they want us to be. Friendships can be messy because there is a sense of entitlement when one perceives the other as a BFF and the other does not. We need to accept that change is the only constant in life. The people you have the pleasure of spending time with are not yours and should be appreciated while you have them. People are here not to be our personal BFFs to spend time with forever but to help you learn and grow as a person. If you had a friendship breakup that is not completely negative, I implore you to think about the lessons and positive memories you had, and realize that life goes on. You will have positive memories with others again. But you have to admit when it is time to let go. Everything happens for a reason. We do not own and are not entitled to the time of others.
Shasta. I really appreciate your videos. I've had such a difficult time dealing with a friend breakup primarily due to the fact the it turned into an unrequited love situation. I'm finally getting to the point where it didn't affect my life in a major way, but that pain can return in moments that I don't expect. It's just so difficult to keep up the fight of remaining open and forgiving. I continue to take comfort in your words. Thank you!
Hi Shasta.. You are very talented in the Friendship field. It’s so hard for me to attain the goal of being grateful for everything for her, for eg leaving me. And I find it extremely hard to seeing her posts on Facebook, her unfriending me was heartbreaking. I think I feel less hurt by me blocking her posts on the Newsfeed which I have done. So it will be a good goal spiritually to be happy for her, which I don’t know if I can ever do. But all these ways of how to handle breakups are all true, and those are goals that I will keep in mind . Thank you for creating all these videos. So very helpful!
I have been in the same situation. So sad...
Thank you for your video. What if I am the toxic one in the friendship and she distant herself and was always too busy. I felt hurt and tried to work on my issues, but I honestly feel abandonment during the time I needed her support. I have been there for her by her side through some very hard times. 💔💔 I tried to tell her how I feel and she is always says she wants to be calm and positive. I left because I was hurt that she seemed indifferent during a time when I needed her so much. I told her I wouldn't be back.
ive been crying all day. ive done all i could. i did nothing wrong. I couldn’t control my emotions so i had to ask my mom. she luckily understood me and helped me.
My best friend dumped me today and I’m really sad about it and I’ve been crying for an hour now and I need some advice
Me too man mines was about him not being like me and you why did she or him dump you?
I just dumped my friend I've known for 9 years!
And I'm crying
My friend dumped me today:((
same :(
My ex friend dumped me because she didn't like how "We rely on each other too much".Like we really hung out a lot. It was a deep friendship every since we've been 5 and now we are teens.
my best friend of 5 years just dumped me like 5 min ago because she said “ she wasn’t emotionally available at the moment to have a healthy friendship.” this hurts she said it’s not my fault but i’m just confused . if she’s going through a hard time why won’t she talk to me instead of driving me away .
@@emilyyy6192 it's not your fault. I let go of my childhood friend because I cannot emotionally maintain relationships at this time in my life due to trauma. Your friend is taking the time to separate and work on themselves because if they stay in your life they will only hurt you over and over. It's really the final act of friendship that they are showing you.
Similar situation. When we were becoming really vulnerable and open, she started pulling away and then she fought me and then blocked me on social media and iMessages. So I have no closure at all, and the last thing I remember her telling me was she was going to “fuck me up”. So yeah, that’s my life.
such a painful experience in adulthood. it hurts to pretty much hear that your once close friend can barely hug you because she's so annoyed. it's hard to feel so pushed away and told constantly to go make new friends. the constant rejection stings.
Broke up my friendship with 2 of my best friends and omg I’d never imagined how painful yet comforting can this be it was suffocating overwhelming and very draining but after I did what I did I feel better yet worst in the same time my emotions are all over the place and I really hope I can heal are recover from this loss
The worst is when you see them in real life and just pretend like y’all don’t know each other at all
Thank you so much for this I can't explain it enough. Going through this with a best friend that was like my sister that I've known for 13 years. I hurt her unintentionally and so yeah...this really has been so helpful for me thank you so much!!
Chelsey Elizabeth
This topic you mentioned is what happened with me and I tried to find any advice for my situation but I can’t find it so I would like to know what you did and how you got through this , like how did you heal from this.
Wicked Clock it just takes time as with any sort of break-up or loss. I did read a book I highly recommend called best friends forever:surviving a friendship break-up by Irene s Levine. It helped me come to terms with the wrong doings I did, but it also helped me realize the growth I needed as well. I'm doing a lot better now, we've had closure, and I'm moving on and have growed from that experience. Take it as a learning curve, do better in the future.♥️
Chelsey Elizabeth this is what had happened to me today...
Yeah it sucks to hurt a friend and lose them and they no longer trust you ,want to talk to you and it’s just awkward in friend group and yeah I regret what happened and apologized and cry every now and then
But there’s nothing I can do about it they told me to just ignore them but what sucks more is the last words I heard from them got told through someone else
I was the friend that cut things off with a person I thought I would have around forever, but I still grieve the loss of her friendship even though I know we will never be friends again. I feel as though I have done a lot of soul healing to move forward but its so detrimental seeing her post nasty things about me on social media even though our friendship ended over a year ago. Im just not sure how to keep pushing forward when I see these things on media. Trying to keep moving forward and not hurt from the past but it's hard.
I wanted to continue to be friends with her, but she was hurting me. I confronted her telling her what she did was wrong. She had the audacity to say she didn't do anything wrong. I cry everyday while I know shes still smiling.
This 💯. Exactly what im feeling right now 😔
It’s even harder if it’s a large group and they start breaking out into little cliques and you no longer “fit” into the mold
my bsf of almost 4 years called me manipulative and toxic and blocked me on everything and i’m literally having a mental breakdown and i relapsed while watching this
Same thing just happnened to me a month ago i hope you found new friends who loves you ❤️
i experienced friendship break ups way too many times. but this time i had a great friend and thought our friendship will last forever, but today they told me to end our friendship because i dont like to show affection,they knew my situation and they think my behaviour is gross but i truly loved them so much. ik it was toxic of them but it hurts so bad
This reminds me of a childhood best friend I had since 1st grade. Used to do everything together, but in high school, she started acting fake towards me. Ended up telling me "she never liked how I am" and "it always bothered her". And years later now, she invites me to her wedding out of the blue. (Which is really strange!) That one thing in the past for me was the reason to pull the plug on our friendship. If someone hates or dislikes something that makes you YOU, you don't have to be friends with them. There will be people who will appreciate you and love you as you are. You shouldn't have to change for anybody to be seen as good enough. 😊
Just ended a friendship with someone I'm friends with for 5 years. I looked up to her with so much respect and love for her. But we had an argument a week ago. I tried saying sorry even tho it wasnt my fault but she gave me silent treatment the whole time, didn't even bother to check my apologies. It was my last straw and we didnt have any closure. Its very heartbreaking.
Just lost a friend last week. I feel so guilty about everything. He told me that he’ll eventually talk to me about why he did what he did at some point. Right now I’m in the grieving process.
Edit: 2 months later. Still slowly getting over it. It’s been a cycle of sadness, anger, and forgiveness. I wish I didn’t still miss him. I’m just looking forward to graduating high school and then going to college so I can start a new life.
I had a best friend I was so close to we would hang out every day with and we started arguing a lot so they gave up on our freindship and just acted like it never existed
This has just happened to me..
I’m going through the grieving process right now. I had to move on from a 30 year friendship and it is so painful, but I know it’s best 😭
I was the one who broke off our friendship, she wasn't responsive anymore and had removed me from all her social media accounts. We were growing apart and I was clear with my intention to save our friendship. I think she was waiting for me to break the friendship to save herself.
It really hurts when someone you cared about so much turns on you and leaves you like nothing. Going through that rn and it sucks
Thank you so much for this video! I was recently dumped by someone who I considered my best friend, and it still really hurts and I miss her! It hurts to know that our friendship clearly didn’t mean as much as it did to me! I would have done anything for her and I trusted her the most
Having a huge fight with my best friend rn. It isn’t officially “over”, but it definitely feels like the likelihood of that outcome increases every day.
@Anastasya Su It varies from moment to moment. We are now officially through. Right now I've just been binging videos like this, and trying to work on letting go of my anger. Tysm for asking though
really needed this even if my “best friend” was toxic i couldn’t get over it
i was in a love relationship and i quitted that for my best friend, and just a day later when i was at my worst mental break down point she left me, she sad she didnt want to talk to me anymore just because something harsh i said to her. but it was all a joke. now i lost everything and all i have is tears and some psychological problems
life is hard but we shoul keep going, sun will shine again for all of us
Thank you so much for this! Extremely helpful advice!
It really does hurt because it was my fault it happened and I can’t forgive myself for what I did, I can’t believe myself
I recently experienced a difficult situation where my friend ended our relationship via a text message and subsequently blocked me on all social media platforms. They explained that my emotional dependency on them was overwhelming and frightening them. I acknowledge that I have anxious attachment tendencies, which they were aware of, and I have been actively addressing these issues with my therapist, as they also knew. Throughout our friendship, they often reassured me, calling me a beautiful soul who cared deeply, and encouraged me to embrace my emotions. Despite their words, they chose to end the friendship. This has left me in tears, questioning if someone who understood my struggles decided to leave, what hope do I have for future relationships?
Nevertheless, I am determined to focus on working through my past traumas and building my emotional self-esteem. I understand that personal growth and healing are essential, and I will persevere in this journey to become a healthier and more emotionally resilient individual
I thought we were good friends until I realized that she didn’t view me the same. I started talking to her friend and realized she didn’t want me around. It hurts that I was so naive and gullible. I forgive her. I am grateful that she was a good friend at a certain time in my life. I release her now and I am opened to having genuine friendships.