this isnt a girl harmonizing with her fan. this is the sound of not knowing what you are, who you are. this is the sound of thinking your stupid or crazy because of choices and mistakes.
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan It’s how I felt realizing that I will never have the same connection with my older brother. That we will never have those nights staying up late together, eating food and watching tv until we pass out asleep. Carving pumpkins together every Halloween. Never driving home from practice together while listening to his Spotify playlist. The fact that we will never be close again, and I will just be waiting here alone like an idiot for him to come home.
@@lukaslourd I don’t even know but he stopped contacting my mom, and now he won’t even tell me happy birthday. He isn’t dead or anything since we saw he still posts on insta
@@JustCass945 maybe he has some issues going on with mom? it's really not fair that he'll just ignore everyone suddenly. he probably just needs some space, yeah? idk how long it has been since he's stopped contacting but i'm sure he still loves you and just don't want you to be included to his problems...
@@lukaslourd he did have issues with mom in college (and had life issues overall) so I understand why he wouldn’t talk to mom anymore. It’s just kinda saddening because he was always a father figure to me since my dad payed more attention to my sister, not me
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21 Reach out to him. Maybe he's going through a tuff period. Forgive him, show love and compassion. It will be okay sweetie, I promise. Choose love, always. ❤️
This feels like the kind of peace and acceptance you feel after giving up something thats been torturing you for so long, you don't even remember when it started
This isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan. This is the sound of my realization that when i tell you about it, you won't love me anymore. That I'll never be looked at the same way or welcomed back into your house. That I'll lose my relationship with my brother and my mother and my cousin and my niece, and i won't be able to watch her grow up. This is the sound the wind will sing to me when i leave the house for the last time. This is the sound of my last i love you.
This isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan. It's the sound of having a little blanked carried everywhere as a child because it was the only thing that used to bring you comfort and love.(i miss you soo much blankie, why did they take you away?)
i like night. not because it's dark or pretty, and not because its romantic or beautiful. it is all those things, but- it reminds me of home not the one i'm in. but the one that i've created.
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with a fan. This is me realizing how every day I go to bed thinking of how I wish I wasn’t around anymore. This is me not weeping from pain and humiliation of my parents hitting me anymore. This is me slowly dying in the inside and then my family speeds us the progress. This is me realizing I’m being held hostage in my own home, I can’t leave I don’t have money or a license and my friend who is willing to take me in is in another state. This is me feeling guilt and begging God to forgive me for wanting to kms. This is the song of my pain…
I‘m German so please excuse my writing but I want to say something. I also have a rough time for as long as I can remember. Today I found this video and the sound made me feel two things. One: the kind of pain and feeling of being hostage that you describe and second: a kind of comforting and calmness. I really feel what you wrote, so let me tell you something I think I would need to hear from someone. It’s so hard sometimes to think no one but you yourself knows and understands how it feels, how big, terrorizing and scary the pain is and how promising and gentle the wish to end it sometimes whistle in our minds. It’s hard that it seems like no one sees the fight inside you and how much it costs you each and every day. Worse, sometimes it seems like the people around us just want to torture us even more and make us think or feel like we are not worthy of love or that we are the problem. I just want you to know that you always have a chance of finding a place where you are loved, safe and a place where you can finally be appreciated by good people around you for who you are. You are stronger than you think but you always have the right to be weak when you need to be weak. I really hope you gonna make it out of your abusive house and get the chance to build a real “home” for yourself. I hope you heal. So until you find a reason to live, find a reason not to die. ❤
@@applepaw3681 thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It honestly made me cry. I never knew I needed to hear these words so thank you for saying them. I appreciate every letter.
This was the sound of laying in my bed 2 months post partum, alone, pained, cold, crying my eyes out while my ex laughed with his friends in the other room.
This is the sound the trees sang when I sat on my yard, horrified that my friend was gone. This is the sound of the dam near my house, the lake counting a new voice every week. This is the sound of car rides in the nighttime, crying because of the monsters in the shadows. This is the sound of my grandma’s basement as my worst fear comes true. This is the sound as I lay in bed with no-one but myself to comfort me. This is the sound that played when I confessed my love just to be rejected. This is the sound of playing in the yard and riding bikes in the summer. This is the sound of the first scar on my arm. This is the sound of the first broken electrical cord hanging from the ceiling fan. This is the sound of my mourning of the day.
this is how it sounds like to be finally alone, not distracted, and come to realize that he’s really gone. it’s all over. you’re stuck with every memory you spent with him, not knowing what to do.
This isn't just harmonizing with a fan, this is a girl telling a deep story, that can't be explained with words, but with true feelings, tuned through humming.
can’t tell if this makes me want my mom or want to be a mom. I imagine this is how a mothers love feels when you were just an innocent life, before life drifted the relationship with your mom, this is how it felt being held by your mom and being cared for. when i used to call her momma and i was her one and only baby. Now i’m a teenager with a young 4 year old sister that i love. So much change has happened, and i miss my mommy. I’m scared to live on my own and i want to be a child again. When everything was sweet and innocent and i didn’t have any darkness in me. Back when i wasn’t miserable dragging through my everyday wishing for it to end and feeling exhausted even after sleeping for hours. I miss my dad and the times we spent together and i wish we still lived together as a family. I wish i never longed for my parents to separate because of the constant verbal and physical abuse because i miss my dad. He doesn’t answer my text or calls anymore and didn’t care or answer when i texted him i was at my first prom alone. I miss my old life. I miss LIVING I also imagine this is how it feels to look and admire your newborn baby for the first time. Instant connection and unconditional love.
This isn't just a girl harmonizing with her fan, this is my reminder that my life has been beautiful. I'm only 29 years old but now when I look back I think about the good and the bad and I think wow, how wonderful that I got to experience all of this.
My mom died around this time last year and I got word my aunt's about to pass away too from heart failure and this kinda hit a soft spot even with me trying to act unfazed
If 2 am were a person, I wouldn't be so lonely anymore. My night would be less about insomnia and more about never Shared dreams. We would actually like solitude. If 2 am were a person, l would wait for those late hours from the moment l wake up. I wouldn't feel bad about staying up anymore trying to see them once more just to talk to them, besides the middle of the night is when you have the best ideas and the deepest contemplations. If 2 am wear a person, l wouldn't toss and turn at night anymkre trying to figure out who l am as if I'm supposed to know right now. They would bring my mind to ease, it would make me think 2 am gave more reassurance then what l made them out to. If 2 am were a person, it would expose everything lve pushed down by shining the moonlight Directly on my face but rather then judginglike all the other hours of the day, it would listen to the crys and wipe the tears whilst saying everything l need to or never got to hear though silence. If 2 am were a person it would confirm that my late night thoughts are more then just shadows, it would show me what raw honesty is.
this isnt just nostalgia, this reminds me of when i realized that i just wasnt a person people like. when i was told by my entire friend group that they only tolerated me for one person. when i was told to kms multiple times. when i got back to school from an attempt only to have the same people who bullied me ask if i was okay. why did they only care what affect their words had when it nearly killed me. even now, 7 years after a lot of the issues, i still carry those insults and taunts in my mind. i still see myself as the fat, ugly girl that nobody wants. i still hate the way i look, even when my family, friends, and boyfriend tell me im beautiful. why was i the target for their cruelty? what did i do to deserve their malice? i still remember every taunt, insult, and jab they took at my expense. i cannot see myself as pretty or worthy of love because of their words.....
It was around 2am when the hospital called my father to inform him that my grandad had a heart attack and they brought him back with epi. They did not tell him if he's dead or alive or right now, so there was still hope. He was in a hospital far away from home, about 2 hours away. All of my family immediately went there, and in these whole two hours of the trip, this sound was playing in my head. I was in so much agony, i felt like i was going to explode. After we arrived there, we went to his room, and they told us he had passed out. He had a second heart attack and he did not survive it, even though the doctors did everything possible to bring him back. I did not believe it. I didn't want to. There was no way my grandfather was dead, this is a joke. This melody continued to play in my head. I didnt sleep that night. Or the following night, or the day after that. I feel him next to me and i see him every time i close my eyes. I miss you grandpa. So so so much. This melody keeps playing in my head every time i try to sleep. And my grandma? She lost him after more than 60 years of marriage. The love of her life, her company, the person that took care of her, made her coffee every morning... I cant believe he's dead. As im writing this, this melody is playing in my head.
its 3 am. nothing has happened. yet i have this gut wrenching shit feeling going up from my chest to my throat. like somethings choking me, like someones pushing something on me. i cant breathe, im too restless to sleep. my bed has never felt so uncomfortable.
This is simultaneously the sound of the childhood I wish I had and the relationship I wish I had with my mom and also the feeling of if I had carried out my plan to go into the woods and end my life…this sound awakens so many emotions and memories
This audio brings me a very deep sense of nostalgia for a time that has yet to pass but I dread the day it does. I don't want children and even at a young age I knew this, sometimes though I can't help but think. Imagine and wonder. When my nephew was born I moved in with my sister and her husband to help. For the first year and a half it was me who was always there for him. I was the one there when he first rolled over, when he took his first steps. I was his first word. They couldn't help it, my sister and her husband, but for the first year and a half of his life I was the only parent he knew. It was incredibly stressful and I had to sacrifice my social life which I am greatly suffering from now but I don't regret being there for him. Even now I still do not regret being there for him as I'm slowly being pushed off to the side. He was so small when he came home from the hospital. It was my lap but he seemed to nap most comfortably in, even now. He can't go to bed without me putting him to bed. One day though he won't be able to nap in my lap anymore and one day he won't need me to put him to bed anymore. One day he won't need me anymore. I'll still be there for him although. I'll always be here for him.
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan. This is me realizing that there will always be another girl, no matter who I’m with. This is me realizing I’m too closed in, too safe, too shy, too sheltered to be interesting. This is me watching all of the other girls find guys, watching people my age do things that I wouldn’t ever want to do, but something apart of me is willing to do just so we’d have something in common. This is me feeling like I’m younger than people my own age because I don’t do “teenager” things. This is me realizing that they only talk to me because their friends are absent and I’m that girl that even the popular kids get along with, but doesn’t actually want to be her friend. And this is me realizing that there are more important things to think about other than things I won’t even remember in a few years time. This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan, this is accepting that eventually, it’ll be okay.
That was so beautiful to read after bawling my eyes out for an hour. Thank you dearly, and I hope you are doing better after coming to that realization 🥹🫶❤
@@CaprixineSunz Thank you for that. I know things are hard, I know life is hard, but just know you are an amazing person and I wish you the best. These feelings won’t last forever. That was honestly the sweetest reply possible. I hope you’re doing well.❤️❤️
@@RayganxoThank you so much, you seem very wonderful yourself and have such a way with words. I’m working on doing better and will look back on this whenever I need a reminder. Keep being this kind of person it’s an awesome thing to be in this kind of world right now❤️
This makes me miss my mom so much. I wish I can spend time with her but we’re so busy with work nowadays. I’m sorry I wasn’t the most appreciative son…
"its just a girl harmonizing with her fan" So close! It's actually the winter of 2016, curled against my dog, Maru, as I stare up at the ceiling, the fireplace in the background as I stroke Maru's fur. He was the best dog I could've hoped for. I miss you bud.
“It’s just a girl harmonizing with a fan” no… It’s the feeling of walking into class the day after your teacher collapsed in class and hearing they died later that same day/that night. Happened 3x. Twice in the 2012-2013 school year, and once in 2014-15 school year when I moved schools. I had only known the 2014-2015 teacher for about 3 weeks. Maybe a month. It was my favorite class too. Astronomy. His mom came and taught the rest of the year. Bless her soul for stepping up I distinctly remember the day too. I wasn’t there for the morning announcement that he died, so when I walked into his class to see another teacher I was like “oh he must be still in the hospital. Is he ok?” The look on everyone’s face was like “weren’t you here?” Then i just started sobbing because I easily figured out that he was gone by the look on their faces
A message to my sister (Serving in the Navy) Missing you a little more today sis. I hope your okay and I love you. Stay safe out there and keep doing what you're doing for us. I'm always with even when you might be thousands of miles away and even when you can't call. I love you sis and I miss you. -Your little sis💜
“A girl harmonizing with her fan?” No this is me realizing I have shitty “friends” that aren’t happy for me to get into this academic clubs, awards, or get anything good for myself because their only happy when they get something good for themselves and I am happy for them when they get good grades or something accomplished. BUT WHEN I GET SOMETHING IM A TRY HARD AND SHOULD “give up”. I hate my life sometimes.
This isnt a girl harmonizing with her fan. This is the sound of how i stand alone in school where everybody around me tried to die atleast once. This is the sound of when i had to move and lose most of my friends, and when i returned, everybody forgot about me. This is the sound of when nobody can hear the cries of when me and my siblings were children because our parents forced us to be their perfect self and didnt care about what we wanted or our needs. This is the sound of how i can now barely feel anything other than sadness, tiredness or just nothing.
Keep trying! Find something else to do other than ur addiction, or if there's stuff to help(like nicotine gum/patches for smokers) use them! (if you can, i dont know much about this, but my mom used to smoke)
"Hey, what are you doing out here?" I was out on the little balcony, feeling my feelings deeply. "I'm... sitting in my grief." I admitted quietly. "May I sit with you?" I hesitated. My grief was a private, personal thing. To let someone sit with me in it was... a lot to ask. What would they expect? What would I have to do? How could I truly grieve with someone else there? How... Finally, I found words. "Are you going to sit with me in my grief, or beside me in yours?"
Getting pressured these days, also havent actually let myself cry for a few months. Im a so called 'young journalist', I've reached rspc or regional school press conference and because of that i get pressured alot. In the months that flew by, I only bottled my emotions and kept pressuring myself.Earlier we had an intensive training for our next match, I passed my output and blablabla then our speaker started the criticking(not sure if I spelled that right.).When it was my turn I got shitted on, he wasn't even done with the front page(Fyi we write in yellow paper) and he said that he doesn't want to read it anymore.I almost broke down right there in there, not because I failed but because I got embarrassed. Now that im home ive started crying non-stop, im trying to let my emotions out so that incase that i get shitted on again tomorrow.Atleast I wont be as hurt, I've been bawling my eyes out for two hours, I want to stop then I remembered this audio.Tried stopping myself but I knew I had to let it all out. Cant stop my eyes from watering😻.
this isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan. this is the sound of waking up wrapped in your girlfriend's arms on a 13th birthday sleepover you were never supposed to have and truly believing that your love will be pure and secret forever. this is the sound of the stars and the ocean and the expansive sky all wrapped up in soft skin and curves with her hands around your waist and her smile gleaming up at you. this is the sound of giving yourself in full to your childhood friend and knowing she will never break you. this is knowing that neither of you were to blame.
Okay, this might sound very lonely but.. Imagine you were laying your head on your girlfriend's lap, she had these amazing and incredible thunder thighs and which she was either chubby or just well shaped, she was softly humming this to you in her room as her fan was on, gently caressing your head with her thumb and telling you “You are so deserving of love, darling..” (I miss my girlfriend man- :'))
This sound like how it feels to have 2 best friends but i know that i am not either of theirs. It also sounds like the inner torture of having a person who likes me and i know that i could never see myself with them but i don’t want to hurt them even more than they’ve already been hurt by others.
this isnt a girl harmonizing with her fan, this is the realization that your daughter had become a victim and you didn't figure out until 10 years later because she thought you would be mad.
Do you remember when you were little. Before you knew the world, it’s hate, it’s lies, and it’s pain. When your mother sung to you, to calm you, to put you to rest, to wake you on the lazy days when she would cuddle you while the sun peeked gently though your window.
It's the sound my heart makes when I think about how you were hurt so badly as a child... And how you're completely ignorant of how badly you hurt us... How the one doesn't excuse the other, and how if you knew the truth, it would completely destroy you... So I'll just keep smiling to your face and pretending everything is fine, because despite everything, I sill want to have a mom...
This sounds like those moments, where the sun rise touches their coffin. Your little heart is dying, but gods it’s beautiful today. just a little less then yesterday, cold morning, the sun is warming you up. A little less warm than yesterday.
“A girl harmonizing with her fan?” No it’s actually my heart shattering into a million pieces after I got into an academic club and none of my friends congratulated me instead they told me “I wasn’t worth getting into the club and I should go die in a hole.”…I guess there not really my friends huh?
i am so sorry ml. i'm so proud of you. you probably worked so hard for that, and i hope you find better friends, and live an amazing life, and enjoy that club. stay safe :)
oddly felt like my voice. and i feel a sense of longing and sadness. how i longed for my parents to love me like everyone's parents did how i longed for her to love me again im sorry mother im sorry im a disappointment
In the dark of young night I called. Who would answer? There came a hurl from under the wooden frame of the bed. Ice spilled in my veins. Cold grew my blood. Pale went my face. Dark eyes black as a moonless night. Hairy arms and it hurled like a wounded animal. Scratchy voice like nails scrapping against the glass of windows. "How badly have I hurt you kid?" You have hurt me. Endless lines of black blurred its face and it waved. Strangely, I saw a hand wave back. A mirror. Was that a soul? I could not say. All living beings have souls to sell out. Yet, did a monster have one, I questioned? Perhaps it did, perhaps it did not. Long was the answer. I never got the call back.
this isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan... it's the sound of my parents becoming better people the moment i was sent to a mental hospital doing eveything that i wanted to do with them apparently they're capable of change, i'm just not worth it
I feel like I'm a baby or toddler in Lebanon in the kitchen with my mom while she's making dinner. The childhood I always wanted, to be able to grow up in Lebanon with a Lebanese family, instead of being an adoptee with no connection.
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan. It’s the second house. Not the first one. The second. It’s the waking up and the light through the windows. It’s the wooden cabinets and floors. The Russian like carpets. The paint chipping away. It used to be the place I would visit. Then it became my home. But that was a year or two ago. Now it’s just my house. It’s been 8 months, three weeks and one day.
thinking of you. i can't believe i don't miss you anymore. I live life everyday being greatful i seperated from your lies and manipulation. how should i have known better ? i thought you were my miracle and now i smile about my sweet naive self. i can't deny it. my ego is fed by your calls and texts after three years. how is it that you mourn now ? we really never were never supposed to meet. Our timelines are completly different. I didnt had to work small jobs for a year after graduation. but i did. You were never supposed to leave your little town on the italian eastcoast. you never were supposed to work there. we were never supposed to talk But somehow we did and somehow it was the best and worst time of my life. I am so glad i dont want you anymore. but when i hear this sound of souls touching and hurting i see us. i see you laughing i see you sharing your cigarette with me i see us walking home
“It’s just a girl harmonizing with a fan” no its not, its the feeling of never being enough for your parents. for being the oldest child and always getting yelled at for everything. its what it feels like having a constant fear of disappointing them. its what it feels like when you see other kids being able to open up to their parents, knowing you never will. its the feeling of the waking up in the morning after a fight with your parents, realizing it wasn't a dream, and that this is the life you live. the life of never being enough.
leave him. that's not what a relationship is, darling. that's coercion. don't settle for less, never do. this is your one and only life - are you really going to spend the rest of it with the likes of him? you deserve better and i hope you can see your worth.
I don’t think I could ever tell you why. But this just gives off a more sinister feeling. I’ve been watching a lot of Explore With Us recently, and it feels like this girl just murdered someone. And now she’s humming with a fan inside the victims home while reliving what she just did. Idk maybe that’s just me-
"Its a girl harmonizing with her fan, Sam, stop." So close, its actually Ponyboy humming to Johnny as he dies and the same song he hums when they sit by Dally's dead body on the street!!!
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan. It’s the sound of driving home knowing that “home” will never again be with the parents that kick you out then cry that you never visit. The parents that left you home alone when they knew you were at risk. The parents that would rather never see you again than accept you as trans. The sound of the car rattling and the forest and plains flying by and you wanting nothing more than to crash your car into the ditch so it can be over. But it calms and you keep driving. The A/C in your car is broken so the three hour drive was mixed in with the wind slamming through your windows. Cooling you off but pushing you around. You see birds and rabbits and coyotes in the fields beside you. Reminding you that is it not over. When you get home you are alone. You drop into bed and turn on the fan. You smoke and it all fades away. When you wake up the fan is so loud and it is so hot in your room. You are sweaty stuck to your bedsheets and ache as you turn on your back. You stare at the ceiling and are overcome with this feeling that your family are now different people.
![[1 HOUR] Jacob and the Stone - Emile Mosseri (slowed + reverb)](/img/n.gif)
"And the universe said 'I love you', because you are love."
sobbing
“and the universe said the light you seek is within you. and the universe said you are not alone.”
this isnt a girl harmonizing with her fan. this is the sound of not knowing what you are, who you are. this is the sound of thinking your stupid or crazy because of choices and mistakes.
well, technically it is, but poetically yeah
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan
It’s how I felt realizing that I will never have the same connection with my older brother. That we will never have those nights staying up late together, eating food and watching tv until we pass out asleep. Carving pumpkins together every Halloween. Never driving home from practice together while listening to his Spotify playlist. The fact that we will never be close again, and I will just be waiting here alone like an idiot for him to come home.
What happened?
@@lukaslourd I don’t even know but he stopped contacting my mom, and now he won’t even tell me happy birthday. He isn’t dead or anything since we saw he still posts on insta
@@JustCass945 maybe he has some issues going on with mom? it's really not fair that he'll just ignore everyone suddenly. he probably just needs some space, yeah? idk how long it has been since he's stopped contacting but i'm sure he still loves you and just don't want you to be included to his problems...
@@lukaslourd he did have issues with mom in college (and had life issues overall) so I understand why he wouldn’t talk to mom anymore. It’s just kinda saddening because he was always a father figure to me since my dad payed more attention to my sister, not me
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:21
Reach out to him. Maybe he's going through a tuff period. Forgive him, show love and compassion.
It will be okay sweetie, I promise.
Choose love, always. ❤️
im so thankful to have this. this sound is nostalgia for me. apparently, she's working on making an actual song out of her harmonizing. (':
Who is she? 🫶🏻
real
@@kora4185Claire boyer I’m pretty sure!
it came out!! it’s called harmonies with a kitchen fan
This feels like the kind of peace and acceptance you feel after giving up something thats been torturing you for so long, you don't even remember when it started
This isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan. This is the sound of my realization that when i tell you about it, you won't love me anymore. That I'll never be looked at the same way or welcomed back into your house. That I'll lose my relationship with my brother and my mother and my cousin and my niece, and i won't be able to watch her grow up. This is the sound the wind will sing to me when i leave the house for the last time. This is the sound of my last i love you.
This isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan. It's the sound of having a little blanked carried everywhere as a child because it was the only thing that used to bring you comfort and love.(i miss you soo much blankie, why did they take you away?)
i like night.
not because it's dark or pretty, and not because its romantic or beautiful.
it is all those things, but-
it reminds me of home
not the one i'm in.
but the one that i've created.
This sounds how I’d imagine a mother’s love to feel. Something I’ll never experience but forever crave…
Me too.
thanks! now i can study while having a breakdown but being comforted by this song at the same time.
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with a fan. This is me realizing how every day I go to bed thinking of how I wish I wasn’t around anymore. This is me not weeping from pain and humiliation of my parents hitting me anymore. This is me slowly dying in the inside and then my family speeds us the progress. This is me realizing I’m being held hostage in my own home, I can’t leave I don’t have money or a license and my friend who is willing to take me in is in another state. This is me feeling guilt and begging God to forgive me for wanting to kms. This is the song of my pain…
Seriously 😕
I‘m German so please excuse my writing but I want to say something.
I also have a rough time for as long as I can remember. Today I found this video and the sound made me feel two things.
One: the kind of pain and feeling of being hostage that you describe
and second: a kind of comforting and calmness.
I really feel what you wrote, so let me tell you something I think I would need to hear from someone.
It’s so hard sometimes to think no one but you yourself knows and understands how it feels, how big, terrorizing and scary the pain is and how promising and gentle the wish to end it sometimes whistle in our minds. It’s hard that it seems like no one sees the fight inside you and how much it costs you each and every day. Worse, sometimes it seems like the people around us just want to torture us even more and make us think or feel like we are not worthy of love or that we are the problem.
I just want you to know that you always have a chance of finding a place where you are loved, safe and a place where you can finally be appreciated by good people around you for who you are.
You are stronger than you think but you always have the right to be weak when you need to be weak.
I really hope you gonna make it out of your abusive house and get the chance to build a real “home” for yourself. I hope you heal.
So until you find a reason to live, find a reason not to die. ❤
@@applepaw3681 thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It honestly made me cry. I never knew I needed to hear these words so thank you for saying them. I appreciate every letter.
This was the sound of laying in my bed 2 months post partum, alone, pained, cold, crying my eyes out while my ex laughed with his friends in the other room.
I want this but just the original. It’s so naturally ethereal in a way these edited versions can’t replicate
Just posted an unedited version !
This is the sound the trees sang when I sat on my yard, horrified that my friend was gone.
This is the sound of the dam near my house, the lake counting a new voice every week.
This is the sound of car rides in the nighttime, crying because of the monsters in the shadows.
This is the sound of my grandma’s basement as my worst fear comes true.
This is the sound as I lay in bed with no-one but myself to comfort me.
This is the sound that played when I confessed my love just to be rejected.
This is the sound of playing in the yard and riding bikes in the summer.
This is the sound of the first scar on my arm.
This is the sound of the first broken electrical cord hanging from the ceiling fan.
This is the sound of my mourning of the day.
this is how it sounds like to be finally alone, not distracted, and come to realize that he’s really gone. it’s all over. you’re stuck with every memory you spent with him, not knowing what to do.
This isn't just harmonizing with a fan, this is a girl telling a deep story, that can't be explained with words, but with true feelings, tuned through humming.
bro was quick w it
“Mom, am I still young?”
STOP I CAN'T. CLASS OF 2013 (AUDIOTREE LIVE) MAKES ME SOB EVERY TIME
i SOBBED.
I HAVE SEARCHED FAR AND WIDE, AND THIS... THIS IS GOLD
its literally a video on tiktok not hard to find AT ALL 😭
can’t tell if this makes me want my mom or want to be a mom.
I imagine this is how a mothers love feels when you were just an innocent life, before life drifted the relationship with your mom, this is how it felt being held by your mom and being cared for. when i used to call her momma and i was her one and only baby. Now i’m a teenager with a young 4 year old sister that i love. So much change has happened, and i miss my mommy. I’m scared to live on my own and i want to be a child again. When everything was sweet and innocent and i didn’t have any darkness in me. Back when i wasn’t miserable dragging through my everyday wishing for it to end and feeling exhausted even after sleeping for hours. I miss my dad and the times we spent together and i wish we still lived together as a family. I wish i never longed for my parents to separate because of the constant verbal and physical abuse because i miss my dad. He doesn’t answer my text or calls anymore and didn’t care or answer when i texted him i was at my first prom alone. I miss my old life. I miss LIVING
I also imagine this is how it feels to look and admire your newborn baby for the first time. Instant connection and unconditional love.
"you had been banished, but no one had thought to tell you"
sobbing hysterically
real
I need my mom..
I’ve never heard such a simple yet real statement
I need a new mom
This isn't just a girl harmonizing with her fan, this is my reminder that my life has been beautiful. I'm only 29 years old but now when I look back I think about the good and the bad and I think wow, how wonderful that I got to experience all of this.
*”i feel like im missing something. something that is unknown, but also precious.”*
My mom died around this time last year and I got word my aunt's about to pass away too from heart failure and this kinda hit a soft spot even with me trying to act unfazed
If 2 am were a person, I wouldn't be so lonely anymore. My night would be less about insomnia and more about never Shared dreams. We would actually like solitude. If 2 am were a person, l would wait for those late hours from the moment l wake up. I wouldn't feel bad about staying up anymore trying to see them once more just to talk to them, besides the middle of the night is when you have the best ideas and the deepest contemplations. If 2 am wear a person, l wouldn't toss and turn at night anymkre trying to figure out who l am as if I'm supposed to know right now. They would bring my mind to ease, it would make me think 2 am gave more reassurance then what l made them out to. If 2 am were a person, it would expose everything lve pushed down by shining the moonlight Directly on my face but rather then judginglike all the other hours of the day, it would listen to the crys and wipe the tears whilst saying everything l need to or never got to hear though silence. If 2 am were a person it would confirm that my late night thoughts are more then just shadows, it would show me what raw honesty is.
this isnt just nostalgia, this reminds me of when i realized that i just wasnt a person people like. when i was told by my entire friend group that they only tolerated me for one person. when i was told to kms multiple times. when i got back to school from an attempt only to have the same people who bullied me ask if i was okay. why did they only care what affect their words had when it nearly killed me. even now, 7 years after a lot of the issues, i still carry those insults and taunts in my mind. i still see myself as the fat, ugly girl that nobody wants. i still hate the way i look, even when my family, friends, and boyfriend tell me im beautiful. why was i the target for their cruelty? what did i do to deserve their malice? i still remember every taunt, insult, and jab they took at my expense. i cannot see myself as pretty or worthy of love because of their words.....
I havent lost hope... just holding out for a better day :(
you can do it!! 🫂 small steps are still progress
It was around 2am when the hospital called my father to inform him that my grandad had a heart attack and they brought him back with epi. They did not tell him if he's dead or alive or right now, so there was still hope. He was in a hospital far away from home, about 2 hours away. All of my family immediately went there, and in these whole two hours of the trip, this sound was playing in my head. I was in so much agony, i felt like i was going to explode. After we arrived there, we went to his room, and they told us he had passed out. He had a second heart attack and he did not survive it, even though the doctors did everything possible to bring him back. I did not believe it. I didn't want to. There was no way my grandfather was dead, this is a joke. This melody continued to play in my head. I didnt sleep that night. Or the following night, or the day after that. I feel him next to me and i see him every time i close my eyes.
I miss you grandpa. So so so much. This melody keeps playing in my head every time i try to sleep. And my grandma? She lost him after more than 60 years of marriage. The love of her life, her company, the person that took care of her, made her coffee every morning...
I cant believe he's dead. As im writing this, this melody is playing in my head.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT THIS ON SPOTIFY I WILL LOVE U FOREVER (not really, but i will be very grateful)
The pirate in me goes feral for her voice
its 3 am. nothing has happened. yet i have this gut wrenching shit feeling going up from my chest to my throat. like somethings choking me, like someones pushing something on me. i cant breathe, im too restless to sleep. my bed has never felt so uncomfortable.
This is simultaneously the sound of the childhood I wish I had and the relationship I wish I had with my mom and also the feeling of if I had carried out my plan to go into the woods and end my life…this sound awakens so many emotions and memories
This audio brings me a very deep sense of nostalgia for a time that has yet to pass but I dread the day it does.
I don't want children and even at a young age I knew this, sometimes though I can't help but think. Imagine and wonder.
When my nephew was born I moved in with my sister and her husband to help. For the first year and a half it was me who was always there for him. I was the one there when he first rolled over, when he took his first steps. I was his first word.
They couldn't help it, my sister and her husband, but for the first year and a half of his life I was the only parent he knew.
It was incredibly stressful and I had to sacrifice my social life which I am greatly suffering from now but I don't regret being there for him. Even now I still do not regret being there for him as I'm slowly being pushed off to the side.
He was so small when he came home from the hospital. It was my lap but he seemed to nap most comfortably in, even now. He can't go to bed without me putting him to bed. One day though he won't be able to nap in my lap anymore and one day he won't need me to put him to bed anymore. One day he won't need me anymore. I'll still be there for him although. I'll always be here for him.
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan. This is me realizing that there will always be another girl, no matter who I’m with. This is me realizing I’m too closed in, too safe, too shy, too sheltered to be interesting. This is me watching all of the other girls find guys, watching people my age do things that I wouldn’t ever want to do, but something apart of me is willing to do just so we’d have something in common. This is me feeling like I’m younger than people my own age because I don’t do “teenager” things. This is me realizing that they only talk to me because their friends are absent and I’m that girl that even the popular kids get along with, but doesn’t actually want to be her friend. And this is me realizing that there are more important things to think about other than things I won’t even remember in a few years time. This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan, this is accepting that eventually, it’ll be okay.
That was so beautiful to read after bawling my eyes out for an hour. Thank you dearly, and I hope you are doing better after coming to that realization 🥹🫶❤
@@CaprixineSunz Thank you for that. I know things are hard, I know life is hard, but just know you are an amazing person and I wish you the best. These feelings won’t last forever. That was honestly the sweetest reply possible. I hope you’re doing well.❤️❤️
@@RayganxoThank you so much, you seem very wonderful yourself and have such a way with words. I’m working on doing better and will look back on this whenever I need a reminder. Keep being this kind of person it’s an awesome thing to be in this kind of world right now❤️
This makes me miss my mom so much. I wish I can spend time with her but we’re so busy with work nowadays. I’m sorry I wasn’t the most appreciative son…
this is the song that played when i realized it wasn’t just a dream
"its just a girl harmonizing with her fan"
So close! It's actually the winter of 2016, curled against my dog, Maru, as I stare up at the ceiling, the fireplace in the background as I stroke Maru's fur. He was the best dog I could've hoped for. I miss you bud.
Today was a bad day.
i’m hoping today was at least a little bit better 🫂.
i hope it got a little light today :)
but tommorow will be a better one :)
I LOVE YOU SM FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO !!!!! This is actually so comforting.
“It’s just a girl harmonizing with a fan” no… It’s the feeling of walking into class the day after your teacher collapsed in class and hearing they died later that same day/that night. Happened 3x. Twice in the 2012-2013 school year, and once in 2014-15 school year when I moved schools.
I had only known the 2014-2015 teacher for about 3 weeks. Maybe a month. It was my favorite class too. Astronomy. His mom came and taught the rest of the year. Bless her soul for stepping up
I distinctly remember the day too. I wasn’t there for the morning announcement that he died, so when I walked into his class to see another teacher I was like “oh he must be still in the hospital. Is he ok?” The look on everyone’s face was like “weren’t you here?” Then i just started sobbing because I easily figured out that he was gone by the look on their faces
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan
This is a music that plays whenever I'm daydreaming to escape reality.
A message to my sister (Serving in the Navy)
Missing you a little more today sis. I hope your okay and I love you. Stay safe out there and keep doing what you're doing for us. I'm always with even when you might be thousands of miles away and even when you can't call. I love you sis and I miss you.
-Your little sis💜
“A girl harmonizing with her fan?” No this is me realizing I have shitty “friends” that aren’t happy for me to get into this academic clubs, awards, or get anything good for myself because their only happy when they get something good for themselves and I am happy for them when they get good grades or something accomplished. BUT WHEN I GET SOMETHING IM A TRY HARD AND SHOULD “give up”. I hate my life sometimes.
This isnt a girl harmonizing with her fan. This is the sound of how i stand alone in school where everybody around me tried to die atleast once. This is the sound of when i had to move and lose most of my friends, and when i returned, everybody forgot about me. This is the sound of when nobody can hear the cries of when me and my siblings were children because our parents forced us to be their perfect self and didnt care about what we wanted or our needs. This is the sound of how i can now barely feel anything other than sadness, tiredness or just nothing.
Its like when i keep relapsing again (i cant stop my addiction, why? my best was being normal for 14 days only)
Keep trying! Find something else to do other than ur addiction, or if there's stuff to help(like nicotine gum/patches for smokers) use them! (if you can, i dont know much about this, but my mom used to smoke)
"Hey, what are you doing out here?" I was out on the little balcony, feeling my feelings deeply.
"I'm... sitting in my grief." I admitted quietly.
"May I sit with you?" I hesitated. My grief was a private, personal thing. To let someone sit with me in it was... a lot to ask. What would they expect? What would I have to do? How could I truly grieve with someone else there? How...
Finally, I found words.
"Are you going to sit with me in my grief, or beside me in yours?"
THANK FOR MAKING THIS !! ❤
I have been looking for a long version of this for a while! Thank you for making this
Let this be a reminder to call your mothers while you still can
Getting pressured these days, also havent actually let myself cry for a few months. Im a so called 'young journalist', I've reached rspc or regional school press conference and because of that i get pressured alot. In the months that flew by, I only bottled my emotions and kept pressuring myself.Earlier we had an intensive training for our next match, I passed my output and blablabla then our speaker started the criticking(not sure if I spelled that right.).When it was my turn I got shitted on, he wasn't even done with the front page(Fyi we write in yellow paper) and he said that he doesn't want to read it anymore.I almost broke down right there in there, not because I failed but because I got embarrassed. Now that im home ive started crying non-stop, im trying to let my emotions out so that incase that i get shitted on again tomorrow.Atleast I wont be as hurt, I've been bawling my eyes out for two hours, I want to stop then I remembered this audio.Tried stopping myself but I knew I had to let it all out.
Cant stop my eyes from watering😻.
this isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan.
this is the sound of waking up wrapped in your girlfriend's arms on a 13th birthday sleepover you were never supposed to have and truly believing that your love will be pure and secret forever.
this is the sound of the stars and the ocean and the expansive sky all wrapped up in soft skin and curves with her hands around your waist and her smile gleaming up at you.
this is the sound of giving yourself in full to your childhood friend and knowing she will never break you.
this is knowing that neither of you were to blame.
So happy I found this because ever since I heard the original TikTok I was thinking I wish I could just have it on a loop to relax to
Okay, this might sound very lonely but..
Imagine you were laying your head on your girlfriend's lap, she had these amazing and incredible thunder thighs and which she was either chubby or just well shaped, she was softly humming this to you in her room as her fan was on, gently caressing your head with her thumb and telling you “You are so deserving of love, darling..”
(I miss my girlfriend man- :'))
I love you so much thanks for making this I literally wished this existed I will forever be in your debt
This isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan, it's me sitting outside waiting for my childhood pet to come back even though we had just moved states
This sound like how it feels to have 2 best friends but i know that i am not either of theirs. It also sounds like the inner torture of having a person who likes me and i know that i could never see myself with them but i don’t want to hurt them even more than they’ve already been hurt by others.
this isnt a girl harmonizing with her fan, this is the realization that your daughter had become a victim and you didn't figure out until 10 years later because she thought you would be mad.
Do you remember when you were little. Before you knew the world, it’s hate, it’s lies, and it’s pain. When your mother sung to you, to calm you, to put you to rest, to wake you on the lazy days when she would cuddle you while the sun peeked gently though your window.
It's the sound my heart makes when I think about how you were hurt so badly as a child... And how you're completely ignorant of how badly you hurt us... How the one doesn't excuse the other, and how if you knew the truth, it would completely destroy you... So I'll just keep smiling to your face and pretending everything is fine, because despite everything, I sill want to have a mom...
This sounds like those moments, where the sun rise touches their coffin. Your little heart is dying, but gods it’s beautiful today.
just a little less then yesterday, cold morning, the sun is warming you up. A little less warm than yesterday.
“A girl harmonizing with her fan?” No it’s actually my heart shattering into a million pieces after I got into an academic club and none of my friends congratulated me instead they told me “I wasn’t worth getting into the club and I should go die in a hole.”…I guess there not really my friends huh?
i am so sorry ml. i'm so proud of you. you probably worked so hard for that, and i hope you find better friends, and live an amazing life, and enjoy that club. stay safe :)
thx girlie 🫶
ty for this- Lol her voice is so soothing
"Sometimes goodbye really is forever."
hey thank you! i'd been wondering if anyone had posted that sound here :)
It sounds like the last song she sung me
you are so loved.
This sounds strangely familiar.
I’m not sure why it’s familiar or what makes it’s familiar, it just is…
oddly felt like my voice.
and i feel a sense of
longing and sadness.
how i longed for my parents to love me like everyone's parents did
how i longed for her to love me again
im sorry mother
im sorry im a disappointment
Needed this.
In the dark of young night I called.
Who would answer?
There came a hurl from under the wooden frame of the bed.
Ice spilled in my veins.
Cold grew my blood.
Pale went my face.
Dark eyes black as a moonless night.
Hairy arms and it hurled like a wounded animal.
Scratchy voice like nails scrapping against the glass of windows.
"How badly have I hurt you kid?"
You have hurt me.
Endless lines of black blurred its face and it waved.
Strangely, I saw a hand wave back.
A mirror.
Was that a soul?
I could not say.
All living beings have souls to sell out.
Yet, did a monster have one, I questioned?
Perhaps it did, perhaps it did not.
Long was the answer.
I never got the call back.
this isn't a girl harmonizing with her fan...
it's the sound of my parents becoming better people the moment i was sent to a mental hospital
doing eveything that i wanted to do with them
apparently they're capable of change, i'm just not worth it
hey there... let me give u a hug ok?
this isn't a girl harmonizing to her fan, its how I felt when we had our last phone call and I could tell she felt nothing towards me.
This reminds me of animal jam for some reason. The hot cocoa hut
I feel like I'm a baby or toddler in Lebanon in the kitchen with my mom while she's making dinner. The childhood I always wanted, to be able to grow up in Lebanon with a Lebanese family, instead of being an adoptee with no connection.
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan. It’s the second house. Not the first one. The second. It’s the waking up and the light through the windows. It’s the wooden cabinets and floors. The Russian like carpets. The paint chipping away. It used to be the place I would visit. Then it became my home. But that was a year or two ago. Now it’s just my house. It’s been 8 months, three weeks and one day.
thinking of you. i can't believe i don't miss you anymore. I live life everyday being greatful i seperated from your lies and manipulation. how should i have known better ? i thought you were my miracle and now i smile about my sweet naive self. i can't deny it. my ego is fed by your calls and texts after three years. how is it that you mourn now ? we really never were never supposed to meet. Our timelines are completly different.
I didnt had to work small jobs for a year after graduation. but i did.
You were never supposed to leave your little town on the italian eastcoast.
you never were supposed to work there.
we were never supposed to talk
But somehow we did and somehow it was the best and worst time of my life.
I am so glad i dont want you anymore.
but when i hear this sound of souls touching and hurting i see us.
i see you laughing
i see you sharing your cigarette with me
i see us walking home
"dad, i miss you."
mom i’m tired
apparently the lowered version of this makes the fan sound the same as my ice machine
this somehow makes me think of my mother
I picture Aelin in the box humming to herself to stay strong ❤
“It’s just a girl harmonizing with a fan” no its not, its the feeling of never being enough for your parents. for being the oldest child and always getting yelled at for everything. its what it feels like having a constant fear of disappointing them. its what it feels like when you see other kids being able to open up to their parents, knowing you never will. its the feeling of the waking up in the morning after a fight with your parents, realizing it wasn't a dream, and that this is the life you live. the life of never being enough.
"if i was a woman, loving u wouldnt be a sin."
- a man inlove with another man
make it 10 hours please 🙏
My phone can't handle that, it took forever just for it to download 1 hour
loop the video
I’m so sad tbhhh bc I just got in a new relationship and all he wants me to do is touch him iykyk :(
That's rough I'm sorry
Then break up 💀 he’s not good for u
leave him. that's not what a relationship is, darling. that's coercion. don't settle for less, never do. this is your one and only life - are you really going to spend the rest of it with the likes of him? you deserve better and i hope you can see your worth.
She reminds me of mitski so bad.
I don’t think I could ever tell you why. But this just gives off a more sinister feeling. I’ve been watching a lot of Explore With Us recently, and it feels like this girl just murdered someone. And now she’s humming with a fan inside the victims home while reliving what she just did. Idk maybe that’s just me-
hahahaha edit go brrrr
I just want my mom....
Let's talk about it🖤 we can tell eachother about our moms
i miss my mom
i miss her
i miss him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL FOR YOU
AHHH THANK YOU
THANK YOUUZZ🫶🏻🫶🏻
Like my comment every time you see this, I need reminded of this lullaby so I can have peace with my life.
"Its a girl harmonizing with her fan, Sam, stop."
So close, its actually Ponyboy humming to Johnny as he dies and the same song he hums when they sit by Dally's dead body on the street!!!
Omg I loved both the book and movie and cried at both 😭
what's the original song called??
it's not a song, she made it up herself
CAN YOU POST ANOTHER ONE BUT ITS NORMAL AND ON LOOP
Ofc ! I'll work on it later tonight !
I just posted an unedited version !
1:00:00
This isn’t a girl harmonizing with her fan. It’s the sound of driving home knowing that “home” will never again be with the parents that kick you out then cry that you never visit. The parents that left you home alone when they knew you were at risk. The parents that would rather never see you again than accept you as trans.
The sound of the car rattling and the forest and plains flying by and you wanting nothing more than to crash your car into the ditch so it can be over. But it calms and you keep driving. The A/C in your car is broken so the three hour drive was mixed in with the wind slamming through your windows. Cooling you off but pushing you around. You see birds and rabbits and coyotes in the fields beside you. Reminding you that is it not over.
When you get home you are alone. You drop into bed and turn on the fan. You smoke and it all fades away.
When you wake up the fan is so loud and it is so hot in your room. You are sweaty stuck to your bedsheets and ache as you turn on your back. You stare at the ceiling and are overcome with this feeling that your family are now different people.