AITAH for getting m@d at my wife for having a secret ab@*ion after I told her I didn't want kids?
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- čas přidán 29. 06. 2024
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Story: AITAH for getting m@d at my wife for having a secret ab@rtion after I told her I didn't want kids?
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She needs to divorce him.
His SELFISHNESS is the red flag of red flags
OP is sending mixed signals. She did what she did because you made it clear you didn’t want kids. Now you’re mad because she actually respected your wishes make it make sense 🤨
He’d still want to know. She’s free to make whenever decision she wants on the matter regarding her body but as the father and her husband he has the right to know about this.
@@Pikaman20008 the issue with him is he thinks her reasons aren’t valid which is unfair to her she did what she did because he told her on several occasions he didn’t want children. Then for him to not accept any responsibility by at least acknowledging her intentions was to respect his wishes. If she wanted to keep the kid he would have left.
He should have understood his insisting on no kids after both of them had experienced childhood trauma is really clueless...
This guy is confusing. At first he says he doesnt want kids, and has declared this for years. But OP also says he wont get a vasectomy because in 15-20 years he might want kids.
An accidental and intentional pregnancy still results in a baby. A baby that he wouldnt want. Soooo...
YTA. You have no idea of what you want! You just loaded it all out on your wife, and now you won't even accept her reasoning. Just do her a favor and please get a reality check though counseling, or get a divorce. She deserves a mature and stable partner.
I don’t like how defensive OP is when people are trying to express concerns and advice, he’s also just rude throughout the story for no reason
Op’s confusing
Yes. OP is definitely TA. All I can hear is “I told her I didn’t ever want children but I didn’t bother to get a vasectomy like a responsible man”. 🙄
She has an implant and he deigns to use a condom 90% of the time. He never once told her that he might want children in the future.
He claims she is the only woman for him but clearly doesn’t treat her like someone he can actually share his actual internal wishes with.
At least OP realizes that he has been a shit partner given that he knows nothing about what she really wants and not even noticing her physical and emotional pain. He seems oblivious to her wants and needs.
How sad for her that she chose him instead of what she wanted.
13:55 she knows my stance on abortion. So…he doesn’t want kids and made this a requisite of their marriage, didn’t get a vasectomy, but is against abortion?! This guy is incredible! 🤦🏻♀️
Maybe he did tell her he might change his mind. He says they had a discussion about the vasectomy, if that’s one of his reasons for not wanting it then he likely brought it up then
So he doesn't want a vasectomy because maybe 10 or 15 years later he may want kids? Sounds like he will have the child with a 20 yo and leave his wife.
That is IF any 20 years old decides to ruin her life with old man and old mans baby, IF he will be fertile himself.
Men are having kids in their 90s. If he's rich, he got nothing to worry about.
You remain adamant that you don’t want children but say an accidental pregnancy is different. No. It’s not. That’s a;l just semantics. Planned and unplanned pregnancies both end in the same result. A baby. She asked you and you confirmed you didn’t want children. So she handled it.
How could you not know, you asked? Because your world is about you. And only you. Everything that you said is all couched in terms of what you’re feeling and thinking. Anything you say about her is just a facade because you’re trying to make yourself look better - you know exactly what you are and that most people would despise you so you try to convince them you are a good person with platitudes.
You say you’ve known each other since you were six and she had given you permission to read her journals. If you had just one scintilla of honour you would NEVER have asked to read them in the first place however long ago that was. She writes as a form of therapy. And you just invade that. You feel that you have the right to know everything she thinks and feels. You don’t.
You are a manipulator, plain and simple. You say that you both had bad childhoods - I actually doubt your childhood was poor but anyone’s standards but your own whilst hers was a exponentially more traumatic than yours and she harshly schooled into emotional subservience which is continued by your ongoing actions.
You left, not because you had any emotional trauma at the termination but because she did something without your express approval. You were sulking and also punishing her for the serious transgression of being somehow disobedient to you. Of not gaining her master’s permission to do something with her own body.
You say you won’t have a vasectomy because in 15 or 20 years you may change your mind on having children. Well, newsflash, she would probably be too old to have a safe delivery (if she could conceive at all) and the probability of congenital problems also increases with the mother’s age. So who exactly were you planning to have the child with? Again, thinking only about yourself.
I truly pity her (I won’t say what I feel about you, it’s far too rude) and have a probably forlorn hope that she sees you for who you really are and runs as far and as fast as she can.
You’re making a lot of assumptions here bud
You are so right 👏 Everything you say is so true.
I can understand it's a shock and maybe upsetting even if you don't want kids, but OP is not taking the steps to prevent pregnancy. A vasectomy is reversible, but he's to 'what if' to make the choice. It's placing the full burden of pregnancy prevention on her as shown when condoms or methods fail. Even his 'well I may want kids in 10-15 years' STILL places the burden on her expecting no issues naturally conceiving in that time. If OP in the future is only wanting bio children and not adoption, expecting your wife to go through IVF and fertility treatments if she cannot conceive naturally at that time is truly selfish for his whims.
He said him self as timid type guy, that's explain everything 😂😂😂
Timid my foot. A timid person wouldn’t run away. They would stay put in, well, timidity.
Clara deserves a better husband. OP is trash.
Mixed signals.
She asked to see if you changed your mind, you hadn’t so she did what you would have wanted.
You need better communication.
This guy is evil.
OP, for a man, you're pulling some woman s*it.
"I don't ever want ____"
"Why didn't you tell me about ____!"
Child is child, if he doesn't want one intentionally he would not like accidental one, at this point he just makes drama because he was not informed about pregnancy when outcome most likely would be same. She maybe had reasons to not tell him like fear he would leave if she "betrayed him" by getting pregnant. At one point he say "We agreed to not have kids" but at another "I will want kid in 25 - 20 years" when she will be at age of menopause means he plans to leave her in future right when she will not be able to have kid with someone else. If she wants kids she should leave him while there is still time to find another man and have family, he will string her along and sabotage her chance to have children then leave to have kids himself with someone else younger if he still be able to.
A vasectomy is easily reversible, and is done with local anesthesia in a doctor's office. It takes about 30 minutes tops to do. A tubal ligation, on the other hand, is considered invasive surgery, and requires an IV with general anesthesia, and normally takes about 2-3 hours. Naturally, it's harder to reverse, and again requires a daylong sray with general anesthesia . If you REALLY didn't want a child , you could have had it done. Why didn't you, if you were so sure you didn't want any? It would have saved you time, money, and aggravation about being unsure about it. And NO, having one DOES NOT make you any less of a man, so put that BS excuse away. And yes, you SHOULD continue to talk openly and honestly with your wife. Times change, and so do people. That makes this mess partly your fault, so admit and clear things up like a rational person. 💙
Yta
yta
NTA though you said you didn’t want kids, you still had the right to know and change your mind. People never know how they will feel about something until it happens
I'm sure the wife cheated and the kid wasn't his
Stoo being dick.
Her husband didn’t want it. So she did that. And you are trying to blame that woman?
The hell??
Wild take
When you are someone who would cheat of course you assume others would too. Don’t project your lack of morals on others.
You don’t even know the wife. Yet, you made up an entire story about a STRANGER in your head.