How to Weaken the Hold of Addiction
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- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
- The triggers for addictive behaviours are always rooted in painful, self-critical emotions.
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FURTHER READING
“Many of us are prey to addictive behaviours which we know run contrary to our deeper interests but which we find ourselves entirely unable to desist from at key moments.
Let’s pick three of these:
- Bulimia
- Porn addiction
- Alcoholism
We will appreciate, as soon as we come out of the tunnel of addiction, that we have neglected our interests and harmed ourselves. And yet we are at a loss as to what we might do. What, if anything, could help?
One kind of answer is this: we should try to notice when the desire to regurgitate food or watch porn or drink strikes us.
Though this might sound strange, those in the grip of addictions seldom do notice. They don’t pay much attention to what has immediately happened before their desires strike; it doesn’t occur to them that anything has…”
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for sure. whenever i get that urge to gamble or to drink, it's usually because i feel bored, sad, lonely or stressed. then it also feels comfy to self sabotage.
Facts!
A therapist taught me the most common triggers in an acronym B.L.A.A.S.T (bored, lonely, angery, anxious, sad, tired)
Summary (4:56):
The route to stopping addictive behavior is,
• To ask oneself how one is feeling
• Realize one is probably feeling very bad
• Grow curious about and sympathetic to the causes
• And then ask, "What would be a better, kinder way of handling this sense of awfulness?"
Knowing that there is room and love for the feeling that provokes addiction is the key to weakening the hold of and one day overcoming of what we're addicted to.
Last paragraph isn't clear/ doesn't make sense to me...
@@philipthomas3938 One day "Overcoming" not Of a coming
Thanks ❤
Thank you.
And how do you "know there is room and love for the feeling" when you consistently and dogmaticappy get the opposite info from the world.
It's that time again.
Right when I needed it.
We'll get better 💪
Needed this
Here we go again.
Today i decided to quit watching porn, and i was so close to give up and then this video came up on my screen, its been so long i feel unworthy, alone and sad but i never demanded help, idk why but i feel like i encourage myself to going even deeper than rock bottom but more importantly i always find myself OUT OF CONTROL thats the part which hurts me the most.
Your video definitely helped me alot thank you for being the best school of life.
Porn is so destructive to yourself and especially your partner or future partner. It ruined my life-
You can do it! Or use it moderately! Learn about human sexuality ❤️ you’re not unworthy-
Keep fighting the good fight, brother.
A lot of people are hurting out there and I’m so sorry 😢
I've been using two questions from a Ted talk:
1. Is this thought useful
2. How is this thought behaving?
It allows you to detach quite quickly and smoothly from negative self talk
Behaving in what sense?
@@spacerboi I think like is it active for you or against you? Is it positive or negative etc
Only problem with this strategy is the negative feelings and impulses often present themselves whithout proper thoughts, much less any "talk". They assume the form of "facts", "ways of life" or "personality traits"... Its way harder to spot and stop them when they have become a normal part of your landscape.
Which Ted talk? Please share.
@@ardidsonriente2223 that's because you become so used to them that you don't notice them anymore like you would with a new thought that you've never had before. That is why mindfulness, meditation and cognitive behavioural therapy are such powerful tools because they help you notice those unhelpful thought patterns again and stop them before they happen
"Almost certainly in early life no one had much sympathy or the remotest bit of interest in our feelings of loss, self-hatred and abandonment--that's why we find it so hard to get interested in them ourselves." I love that thought--it's so true.
Porn,masturbation,video games and gore (yes violent gore content) im 23 and realizing now that since I’ve been doing these unhealthy habits since a young age 13 I always felt like a lower class being and never until now how to love my self. I watched this and a Jordan Peterson video and I cried my eyes out. I have so much emotional build up that I feel I’m at a tipping point. Where I keep hurting the one I love so dearly because of my nasty habits, she still loves me and says it but I just have more self hate then love it’s hard to really get there or believe it but now I feel my eyes are open and I’ve felt more emotion than I’ve felt in months. I’m human and I know that now I’m not an auto pilot machine I have to love myself in order to truly love someone.
As a porn addict who, like many of us, feels lonely all too often, this video really helps.
For my entire life I wish I could've been addicted to my passion rather than something I know is destroying me
What feels bad about your passion? Are you afraid of being disappointed if you do commit? Has something made you doubt your ability?
Literally since this morning, with the help of prescribed Librium, I've been drying-out again since my first relapse due to alcoholism. It's still too early for me to feel remotely positive about this decision as I'm withdrawing, but this video popped-up at a very apt time for me.
stay strong, you can do it, you got this
I quit drinking 6 years ago. I was a horrible binge drinker. When I drank the flashbacks went away for a moment, the feeling of unworthiness disappeared for half a second, and the nawing feeling of dread from day to day responsibilities vanished for a heartbeat.
I've found that the way to "get over" alcoholism is to find something higher than yourself that you are responsible for. Taking on that responsibility, and giving it your all. I stopped when my father developed dementia. My daughters were very young. Both of them needed an adult to be present. They inadvertently saved my life. I quit one day. I had a couple relapses, but I took up weight training, to distract me from the moments of utter dismay and self loathing. I'm not saying that part goes away, but my vice is different now.
Good luck. Ake care of yourself, because you are WORTH it❣
You can do it! 🥇
@@Leo-mr1qz Thanks for the encouraging words. I was sober for 10 weeks and 4 days before my relapse. It doesn't sound like much but even though I've already managed it I can't fathom that long right now. It's going to be moment by moment for now. But thank you
@@trevscribbles 10 weeks, that's Fantastic! That's a long time.
As you know, it's just a day to day basis type of ride.
Take care of yourself. 💜
Best of luck, dont give up giving up and be kind to yourself. You got this
I pray and hope that we all loosen the grip of our addictions and eventually set ourselves free ☮️
Recognizing the emotional triggers behind addictive behavior is crucial in breaking the cycle. The emphasis on self-compassion, understanding, and slowing down to truly analyze our emotions is enlightening. It's important to remember that we can replace addiction with healthier coping mechanisms and that there is love and room for growth in overcoming our struggles. To anyone else battling addiction, remember that you are not alone, and that understanding the root causes can be a powerful step towards recovery.
I’ve been a stoner for almost three years now. my life started to swing in that direction after realizing how every member of the family got their lives missed up somehow after our dad died so i decided to join the club😂 I guess some people are just meant to fuck up and die in the amidst of their sins. some people are too far away to be fixed so letting natural take it course is ideal
@@heineidk well the old man would be rolling in his grave if knew his death led to that.
Unfortunately with shame of being addicted is one of the greatest triggers and therefore the addiction can become a self propagating cycle
Addiction runs deep, but so does the power to overcome it. Someone close to me struggled with their demons for years, but with patience, self-reflection, and a lot of hard work, they were able to break free. Keep strong! ♥
A friend of mine who has struggled since teenage with alcohol and drugs is now free for two years, and the difference in him is amazing. AA has been invaluable, and the compassion he shows himself now is beautiful to see. So glad your friend is doing better too
I heavily struggled with an eating disorder. A sense of impeding doom, the constant voices in my head, telling me I was not worthy of love if I ate was impossible for me to comprehend at such a young age. Eating is nourishment but rather in my addictive state of mind, it was punishment. A punishment I self-imposed over and over again.
A pivotal event I so intensely remember is my mind spiraled down so deep, it reached the point far beyond daily coping. That moment to me was life or death. So slowly, I decided to try living again, frankly because thought, if I died and had gone to hell and it was EXACTLY like this now, eternally, I did not want to be there.
We are all addicts to something, some labelled as "healthy" and some not, but when it becomes a pattern where it disrupts what is actually important in life such as self-compassion and loving the ever-so-small amount of people who can call family and friends, it should be re-visited. Human experience is to find peace in the mundane and balance in chaos, that we call life.
My primary addiction stems from ADHD-related dopamine deficit and desensitization. The "intolerable discomfort" that my addiction remedies is neurological, often as simple as boredom/under-stimulation, and the addiction is one of quick-fixes that has become habitual and self-harming.
I think masturbation is big in the addiction category. It’s usually triggered by something pornographic and it is widely accepted yet I think it does way more harm than good to the soul. I realise it is usually coming from shame for me, may be shame of seeing something or witnessing something. Which is weird because you witness something you are ashamed of, then what you do makes you feel more ashamed. It’s a snake eating it’s own tail.
Orobourous
As a person that has been fighting with addictions for years, I think this information is very well put
Love how you conceptualize addiction as a symptom of deeper, underlying pain
This is one of the best schools on earth. Love from 🇿🇼
I was trying/struggling to understand my best friend's addiction to alcohol and drugs before watching this video. I used to think she was insane and ridiculous, as I assumed people should be able to control their behaviors fully. Now I think it's because she has been through something horrible that I was fortunate enough to not have been though (loss of her loved ones when she was very young, and didn't get the support she needed, and other stuff..)
Huge thank you to TSoLfor sharing your perspective and insights, so that I can be more compassionate to her feelings and be supportive in the right way. And thanks to everyone in the comment section, your sharing of personal stories and vulnerability help me learn what it's like to suffer from addictions. I might call her later....❤️
The most proven way to beat an addiction is to be active in a community and to attain a sense of belonging
This video came at a good time. I had a talk with my partner the other night about how I know I shouldn't drink, but I don't know what else to do. It feels like I've tried everything. My life is too chaotic right now to make time for other forms of decompression. Towards the end of our conversation, I realized all I wanted him to do is hold me in those moments and see me as someone who was deeply upset and needing comfort. I hope he's able to do that next time and I hope it helps. Thanks for this video, I hope the reminder helps keep me on track ❤
I feel this, except I don't have that person to comfort me. It's a self perpetuating cycle that is difficult to manage alone. I hope you're able to build a more healthy relationship around drinking
Sounds like your on a right track Lauren. From one addict to another, I wish you luck
Thanks for sharing this. Should one say out loud having a need for just being held? Could be yet another trigger to be rejected or misunderstood. Too risky perhaps 😳🤷♂️
I’ve recently been on a diet and exercise for the past 4 weeks and it has completely changed everything when it comes to physical and mental well being, I smoked ,watched porn ,ate junk and generally didn’t do much when I wasn’t at work in the past but now it’s all changing, whenever I look in the mirror I know I’m slacking in one area of my body so I’ll do a workout to target it , after a day or two it slowly gets toned and the feeling of having control of your body in that small way has a tremendous impact on your brain, you feel like you can do anything and the exercise just plain feels good, and I’ve noticed I don’t crave junk food or porn or smoking that much at all which is so damn crazy from just eating meat and veggies and walking for 30 minutes and doing light weight lifting for 30 minutes a day or every other day!, please if you’re reading this please stop eating so much trash (it’s ok to have a cheat day once a week ) and start walking an hour a day or as much as you can a day , if you’re too sore then take a break and try to not eat much on a non exercise day , let your body heal and repeat, your life will change I promise!
I'm a 12 stepper & for me no amount of self insight could touch the edges on my addiction. For a whole host of reasons, working the steps was the solution.
Glad 12 steps has been a big help for you. Acceptance and commitment therapy, which resembles 12 steps in some ways, can be really valuable as an extra tool, or those reading this that AA isn't appropriate for too. Have a great day
I have been addicted to evasion through the internet in all its facets, so as not to be with my thoughts and emotions. I realized that lazing around and not filling the silence with random impulses is a luxury that we have decided to lose with these powerful technologies. So I have limited my own access to the Internet, marking an access time and buying an old phone to supply the basic functions.
I'm addicted to watching The School of Life videos.
TSOL you have no idea how many lives you have saved. I'm one of those. Thank you so much for making such valuable content.
Took 4 months of therapy to come up with the same explanations as this 3 minute video.. you guys at the school of life are incredible and I hope you keep doing this sorta work
Thank you to the crew for ensuring that we have an episode every Wednesday!
Thank you - there is a team of very brilliant and hardworking people behind every film!
@@theschooloflifetv I would like to work for you someday ❤
Yes thank you for all the work ❤
As someone with OCD, I do everything to the extreme; education, job, hobbies, food regulation. All of it is painful and exhausting. I gave it all up a few months ago and have been obsessive about more unhealthy things and its turned into an addiction. I can't do anything.
Same with me. I have ADHD just recently diagnosed but I’ve known it for years. I probably have OCD too and autism. I’m still talking about it with my doc. The problem with me is if I’m given the right amount of time spending onto something I could get very obsessive and hyper-fixated about it. Even cleaning house and laundry triggers my obsession and hyperfixation that I don’t do them regularly now.
Good news is OCD is curable. Oh God, it is hell but i got out of it. If you are ready for battle you will overcome.
I'm addicted to marijuana because, even with therapy, I'm stressed and quite upset all the time for various different reasons. It's very difficult for me to tune out or redirect the triggers or thoughts that cause the stress, whereas weed always has. But the issues my addiction has caused have come to outweigh the benefits, so I'm trying to find different solutions.
If it helps, I had this same issue and the weed ended up being the thing causing me stress!
@@vloggerk80 say thattt
First accept all your bullshits. That's the begin. calm, brave, recognize, accept
My doctor told marijuana isn’t addictive, but habit forming???
@@Alexii18 It's not very physically addictive, like heroin or alcohol would be, but it can be profoundly psychologically addicting, especially very potent forms of cannabis. Your doctor is mistaken, it is absolutely addictive for some people.
School of life has saved my life. These videos have helped me change my life in ways I never thought I could. I wish you all the best, and I hope you are all able to break free from addiction! 💪🏼
Bulimia and alcoholism have been destroying me and I just can’t get out of it. Feel ashamed to even talk to anyone about it. I’m trying everything, seeing psychiatrist, learning philosophy, doing yoga and meditation everyday. But it still happens almost everyday and I sometimes wish I’m dead. I’m so ashamed.
Don‘t feel ashamed! Thanks to videos like this one, we know where our bad/unhealthy habits stem from. Everybody is suffering in one way or another ❤
You didn't choose your coping mechanisms. It's not your fault. You're worthy of getting help. You can't keep carrying all of this on your own as it keeps you trapped in a cycle of self destruction. There are other therapies such as EMDR or the daily practice that don't involve talk therapy if you find that to make things worse. ❤
Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable. You're capable of much more than you recognize, tap into that.
I'm glad you're still alive and keep on fighting the good fight, you got this.
Sending you a hug. And a prayer.
I wish I was never born. I'll pray for us 🙏
I find myself preparing mentally before watching the videos made by School of Life. I am a student of music therapy and I am keenly aware of how hard one has to work to confront their childhood traumas. Processing these feelings and being kind to oneself can be challenging for so many individuals. Thank you so much for the wonderful content!
"Knowing that there is room and love for the feeling that provokes addiction is the key to weakening the hold of, and one day overcoming what we are addicted to."
This channel is just pure gold.
Interesting Freudian analysis with the point about roots in childhood. That's if you subscribe to psychoanalysis. But boiling all triggers down to feeling upset and hurt might be a bit too simplistic. There are other triggers like curiosity, arousal, and boredom which require other counter measures than those listed in this video.
What would be a counter measure for boredom for example?
@@Benny-yh4pr Personally, a solution I've found useful is to immediately occupy or distract myself with a more healthy activity such as watching CZcams videos. YT's recommendation system is pretty gd at guessing what we're interested in so there are usually videos that make me want to click right on the home page.
Other activities include going to the gym, listening to podcasts, watching anime, etc. I've found the trick is to immediately replace the addictive activity with another interesting activity so it gives my mind something else to latch on to. If the alternative activity takes place in a different location from the addictive activity, even better. So it's a form of behavioural therapy if you like.
Needed this right now. Thank you 🙏
This is one of the best videos on addiction that I've ever seen.
this one hit extra hard! a pleasure as always to watch
OMG this is so stunningly accurate, simple, and useful! Amazing ❣
This is very insightful. Currently in treatment and definitely going to recommend this video at my next group.
Thank you so much.
This almost teared me up, I wish this video existed when I was struggling in porn addiction AND I SO MISSED YOUR VOICE IN EVERY VIDEO IT'S SO CALMING AND UNDERSTANDING. I'm very thankful about learning in this channel really gave me more insights and understand better, really great video !!
Thank you.
This is long awaited.
What helps me is the realization that every behavior has a good intention, however some of them are misguided. If we can for example teach the addictive behavior that there are more fulfilling ways to deal with the negative feelings, it's happy to do so. However we are easy to forget and play little games on ourselves, like 'in this situation I can indulge for just a little bit'.
Thanks for all the videos in the last 5 years I've been watching. Great help to explore my mind deeper, ask why i am... and learned to laugh at myself & humanity more.
Thanks again.
Perfect timing ❤
Very beautifully brought out message!!! Thank you so much for sharing this, it will surely help lots of people fight their addiction:)
Excellent quality ! Short, clear, and probably efficient, I'll try it, anyway !!
Thanks a lot !
Thank you so much for this video! You guys are amazing!
I swear this is the most insightful CZcams channel outhere
This channel is really useful! Thanks for the informative video! 👍
That's a very helpful approach! Thank you. Sometimes in those moments I'm not able to sit down and reflect. Then I often listen to music or TSOL videos to find more calm.
If you don’t mind sharing, what have you been addicted to? And what feelings were you trying to escape from? Let us know in the comments
Meth. Childhood sexual/psychological abuse. The death of my mother, followed by the suicide of my eldest sister a month later, followed by my wife of 12 years leaving me 2 weeks after that. She said I was pathetic and she couldn’t be with a man whose gonna lie in bed and cry all day.
masturbation, the feeling of anxiety, and it felt like i've failed my parents. been fighting this demon since junior high school, now im in college no matter what i did it's always ground zero every few days
Smoking weed. I find it so hard to sleep without it. When I get pregnant I always swear I will never start again but then I just slowly slowly get back into smoking to fall asleep. I suffer from terrible insomnia and live in a place where I can’t get adequate mental health care. (Edit: and don’t like taking chemical sleep inducers incase one of my children need me in the night)
Alcohol. Started at 19 im now 27 i want to be rid of this burden
weed, masturbation/porn, gaming. my vices but also the things keeping me alive rn. so tough.
We also have to realize that, the high we feel is more of when we are thinking of the action of giving into the addiction vs actually participating in the addiction. Even worse is the feeling of shame after participating in the addiction which just restarts the cycle again. :(
This 👏 my current understanding, from everything I have read and experienced myself, is that the high is actually just relief because we aren't having to abstain any longer. It's the relief of symptoms of withdrawal from the last 'fix'.
As such, trying to use willpower will only exhaust someone and serves to keep the drug or behaviour of choice on a pedestal.
To move forward, we need to see the thing we are addicted to for what it is.
Easier said than done of course, but personally I have found self-conpassion (Dr Kristen Neff), ACT (Russ Harris) and Easy Way (Allen Carr) very helpful.
Although word of warning that the last one can feel quite scolding, so maybe start with the first two if you are really feeling vulnerable xx
This couldn’t have been better put ❤
Well done video, and proper perspective on defining the problem.
I might not have severe problems with things like alcohol or drugs but I've found myself "addicted" to someone's attention in a way that the fear of rejection or thinking that they don't want me anymore or that they're using me and just don't accept it, all those thoughts upset me and almost without noticing it, it leads me to self-destructive thoughts, which affects more than one aspect in my life. Solutions? Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Treating myself as healthy as possible without running away from the problem, whatever that means.
Are u tryin to say u want some model guys attention?
The solution is to remove them from your life and stick with it!
Very hands-on solution. A lot more practical than previous material posted on the channel. Keep it up, SOL! :D
Best one yet,God bless you.
really needed this one rn 🛐
Thank you school of life
When he said find out what happened to trigger it and stop it I was like hmmm stop waking up?
Perfect timing
Как побороть привычку
Понять что всё плохо
Полностью изолировать себя от триггеров
Найти проблему которую ты избегаешь и решать её. Менять паттерн поведения при появлении проблемы. Не бухать, а сознательно сесть и ебашить над чем. Нужно создать распологающее место для работы.
Позитивно говорить и своем успехе и концентрироваться на том как жизнь становится лучше, а не на процессе применения усилий которые тратятся на это. С точки зрения позитивного мышления, понимание того сколько ты уже приложил усилий тоже будет позитивом.
Позитивный разговор с собой. Контролировать свою речь на наличие негатива. "Мне нужен отдых" вместо "я устал". Не "вот дурак", а "дерьмо случается, потом будет лучше". Не "мне трудно", но "это временно".
Стоит понимать что любая новая деятельность вначале будет воспринята мозгом с негативом. Что не всё хорошее в жизни должно чувствоваться телом и восприниматься мозгом как что-то хорошее.
Быть максимально честным с собой. По факту, преодолеваешь ли ты привычку или снова забухал за что-то "хорошее"? Оценивать себя только исходя из своих действий, а не мыслей.
I don’t see a lot of people talking about this in the comments, but I don’t feel comfortable showing any sympathy to myself. It feels corny, and I don’t think normal people do this. Maybe that’s why I need to do it, because I’m not normal though.
I find myself being quite literally pulled toward addiction. I genuinely lose control of my body, as if another pilot is taking over and guiding me towards that addiction. It’s not conscious, and it seems impossible to stop it.
Start off small with daily meditation and prayer ☯️ keep a journal handy too
Go lock in, find a substance abuse program or sober house.
Nice one. This came at a good time. Thanks
this resonates with what I've read in Pete Walker's book on CPTSD
Thank you! This is great
Thank you so much. This is very very important.
Wonderful video - thank you!
THANK YOU!
What a great video. Thank you!
One of my favorite channels
Thank you!
You've explained the solution in the most layman language possible
Makes so much sense
Well explained ❤👏👏
My God! This hit me like a ton of bricks. It makes so much sense for what I am doing. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Brilliant video, thank you
Just For Today. Thank you !
Thank you.❤
As a recovered drug addict, I have to disagree with this video. Addictions are referred to as 'habits' for good reason. We do them compulsively, not necessarily in response to a state of mind. Curing addition would be a lot easier if they were simply responses. Invoking change in one's life is how you beat addiction, you have to change the bigger picture not just one small thing in it.
Yes, you're right. I didn't think about this first.
I agree, but this might be helpful for combating the first stages of addictive behavior.
You are also right but this video explains what makes alchol, porn, drug as your habits. Got it? If addiction is compulsive, Why we be compulsive? That's point.
We are sad, upset, anger for some reasons so we want relief, escape, whatever makes us feel there are thigns that we can control(sadly this is all addicitons).
No one wrong. But i totally agree with this. Addiciton is escaping from unsatisfying reality to me.
If this works for someone else, great. I believe there are many people (like me) who can't think their way out of it, and for whom the good times can be even more risky than the bad. And we die every day everywhere from it. There is hope, you're not alone, but it does require action.
Thank you
Just what I needed right now. My addiction is distraction, via web surfing.
Wow!! This. Is. Me.! But I am also using those techniques and antidotes when those urges and cravings arise. TSoL, you are the best.
needed this video today
I needed this ❤
I am heavily addicted to DXM. Rehabs and hospitals and therapy have never worked so I am on my own trying to fix myself. I really hope I can stop soon. It’s killing me.
Don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s not easy. Therapy and rehab works for some, but I’ve had more success asking help from a loved one (who truly has your best interests at heart). Usually involves me talking and coming up with plans, and they support it and hold me accountable. Good luck to you! Make little steps towards your goal, and sooner or later you will feel better about it
This video is a great tool. Compassion and best wishes 🙏🏽🌟
"Don't ask why the addiction, but rather ask why the pain?" Gabor Mate
Thanks alain!!
Thank you for this video
this is absolutely true
Great. Thanks very much.
Thank you for that
Thanks!
Thank you!!!!