Should I Go To ACA? Why I Refer My Patients To Adult Children of Alcoholics
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- Hi, I'm Ken, California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author and speaker. This is my take on why I refer my patients and people in recovery to the ACA fellowship.
I believe ACA and therapy compliment each other and enhance the healing process. This video is for the adult child who still suffers. It is my hope, with this video, to simplify and demystify ACA. A trauma response can be very complex: toxic shame, abandonment, rejection, violence, and resententments. The healing process and pain reprocessing are topics for other videos. Putting it simply, wotking an ACA program can help to heal traumatic wounds, thus decreasing the sensitivity and reactivity responses. This paves the road towards serentity.
To find an ACA meeting: adultchildren....
With Covid-19 social distancing practices, I have had to stop teaching classes at my clinic. These videos are my attempt to make my educational topics available to my patients. I have placed them on CZcams so others can benefit. Please share so that others can benefit!
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Website: www.TheIntimac...
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ACA saved my ass. I started in 87....ACA got me to stop looking at others and to start focusing on myself and forgive myself. After 6 months or so, I went to AA...got a desire chip and have been sober sinve 9/12/88.
I go to ACA meetings, but I found the missing pieces through Complex PTSD. It explained why I feel and do the things I do. Again, this was the missing piece to my recovery.
The ACA literature addresses trauma more than other 12 Step fellowships.
Complex PTSD is not presently an "officially recognized" diagnosis but we are moving closer to have it recognized. The Kaiser ACEs study has done much to help the Behavioral Health community recognize C-PTSD as a trauma based disorder. thrivingschools.kaiserpermanente.org/mental-health/aces/
Addressing trauma in general is nowhere near an understanding of Complex PTSD in particular. People like to talk up the program (s) like it's the best thing since sliced bread and realistically that just completely ignores the shadow side. My friend who is a retired addiction therapist laments most therapists do not know or understand c-PTSD, it's certainly not realistic to expect lay people in a fellowship to except a few just because they took it upon themselves to look into it or had a therapist that does understand it. In my experience people have sympathy for having come from an alcoholic home and extreme trauma but couldn't bother to understand subtler dynamics that fall under the broad umbrella of family dysfunction and I don't believe most people, including those writing the literature ever will, and at the same time will continue to testify, practically as if it was a religion that it's good for everyone while not seeing from others perspectives.
Most don't know about CPTSD because it's really only been the past 10-15 years it's really been looked into and studied more. All I know is that was the huge missing piece for me in understanding why I am the way I am. I always felt I was just screwed, and meds were not helping. Now that I am reading and studying about Complex PTSD, it has been the real answers I needed. I am studying to hopefully become a coach to help others. It's desperately
needed out there!
@@kathyhathaway3318 when problem is that it is currently not a recognizable diagnosis. This means that the DSM 5 TR, which is the current encyclopedia of mental illness and diagnosis coding, does not consider this as a viable diagnosis. I am confident that as more research on the C-PTSD concept comes in, that this will become a recognizable diagnosis in the future.
I sure hope it will become a recognizable diagnosis soon. How it has not become one yet is beyond me.
@@TheIntimacyGram
Alcohol and drug addiction is just a symptom of underlining childhood issues. Any addiction, food, sex, gambling, endless failed relationships… 2005 I went to counseling for Adult Children of Abusive Parents. I quit drinking and been sober for 16 years now. Thank you for your videos Ken! I am going to try Celebrate Recovery tonight. I still struggle in my family role as the Invisible Child. I can be alone for years, then be fine with it, then bottom out with feelings of being trapped in isolation. I’m asking God to give me the strength to get out of this trap. I’m single, attractive, outgoing, fun, but yet I find myself in a “ Loner” routine and not even trying to reach out for friendships. Do you deal with any “Invisible Child types like me? Maybe that is your next video. Thank you sir.
Gwen, as always, you will find healing in step work and community in the fellowship. Asking God for strength is a great place to start!
It is difficult to break out of these dysfunctional family roles. The boundary of the lost child is, "I must be invisible."
Can you relate with this boundary? I think it is always important to challenge our belief system: What are the pros and cons of being invisible? And what messages do you hear in your head telling you to stay within this role?
I hope this may give you some direction. Good topic, and definitley worth exploring in a future video!
Sorry to interject in the conversation but for the sake of discussion of the topic of anyone reading, I don't think it's reasonable to assume 'being invisible' is all on the side of the individual. I don't think people in program are all that understanding *beyond the framework of ACA understanding * which may be enough for some or even many, but is ultimately not all we are as persons and human beings. And frankly I see the thinking process as more a matter of categorization than understanding anyway, and who can be truly seen if that's the case, and might that not account for the invisibility to a smaller or larger extent? I believe, in reality it is to a large extent and is prevalent in the collective.
ACA literally saved my life. and gave me hope for the first time in forever to get well. (suffering from severe c-ptsd.) i feel like i´ll go to ACA till the end of my life. not just cause i need it, but also because they are my people. :)
love that you also mentioned giving back to the fellowship!
I've got severe CPTSD as well! Been going to SLAA for about a month now but something is missing. Someone suggested I check out ACA. Hoping it will help me too.
Yep.
Know your tribe 🙏🏻💜💫
No fellowship understands c-PTSD just as most everyone in the general population is still not aware of it. Individuals you meet from those fellowships may know something about it but they didn't learn about it from program, and it will vary greatly as to how much insight they have in that regard. For the most part what I can see in my neck of the woods is pretty much your classic 12 Step m. o. of talking up things rather than focus on psychological literacy (beyond a very basic filter) and understanding.
The shadow side of tribal mentality is groupthink.
Hi Ken!
How are You?
I am doing my third ACA meeting this morning on zoom here in the UK.
I am a recovering alcoholic and 13 years 4months clean and sober.
I had never heard of ACA in all these years until I did an aftercare group with my Rehab I went into all those years ago , feeling safe for the first time in all my life age 44.
Since then lived my life and continued training for my dream job and was successful in a humble way.
I am continually triggered by my CPTSD from childhood and adult trauma , it’s on me as soon as I wake or about to go to bed and sleep . I have anxiety very badly and virtually a recluse .
I have Hope that these meetings will help and already don’t feel so alone , lots of identification with others .
I have started following your channel and was advised to listen to your shares which have helped and I enjoyed the honesty and clarity in which you spoke .
So Thank You for being here on You Tube it’s helping a lot .
Will keep in touch .
With Fellowship 🙏🏻💫
I hope you have found guidance, peace and serenity over the past year! Did you take a 1 year chip?
I confused my Buddhist group and my men's group meeting for AA and ACA meetings.
I went to a ACA meeting yesterday and im humbly back on track.
Love your videos ❤🙏
Thank you!
I am just starting my journey. My therapist, after our first session, suggested ACA. I just ordered my book and I am starting to try and find something in the meantime. I am looking for articles, videos, books, anything I can about children of alcoholics. As I look through all of the sources I have found now. It starts to feel like I am being called out. Like this is a place I belong. If I complete my time and start my journey. I’ll definitely feel better. I just have to find a meeting and it’s hard during this time. All the ones I have found near me are later meetings.
There are several online meetings. You can still find recovery there! Especially if you continue to show up at the same meeting every week.
Congratulations on your new journey!
Thanx Ken. It's good to hear a voice that understands.
Hey Ken
Thanks so much for sharing these and being of service. Ive been sober in AA, CR read everything from rum dum to Ram Dass trying to get to the "root" of my issues. I was recently introduced to ACA and IFS and hoping to grow some more.
I am also part of a recovery high school that I'm looking to introduce ACA and going to use your videos.
I signed up for a certification on Udemy and there you were too lol
I pray you blessed and a blessing
Greg
Thank you for your support! I am grateful that CZcams allows us all to connect and grow from each other!
You got that right about meetings..some are better than others from both front of the house to back of the house.
Thank you, this clarification is helpful. Haven't started yet but I'm looking forward to an increase in peace.
What an inspirational video, and you sure explain the differencies between the fellowships and programs so well. Superb!
Thank you so much!
Thank you! This message is short but to the point! Wonderful❤
yes I agree. I started ACA in 1988 along with AA. but now back after a very long dual-diagnosis
Welcome back! :-)
Pretty good job 👍🏽
It would be great if you mentioned the full name of the program, including dysfunctional families, which would help loads of people understand that they don’t have to have an alcoholic parent, to qualify, or benefit from it.
I also think it would be great if you amended your statement about not needing to go to ACA for life.
ACA relapse can be just as life-threatening as relapse in substance addiction. And I imagine that because you work as a therapist, you are being of service just like in ACA old timer would be, or in a very similar way. So not missing that part of your own recovery maintenance? We must move from hurting to healing to helping, and continue helping, if we are to maintain a healthy balanced enjoyable life. And there is so much more on offer than just making the Laundry List traits obsolete.
And too many old timers already fade away after they gets some relief of their suffering. They miss out on so much more, and very often return to excessive isolation and eventually misery.
Thank you.
ACA is still ACA as the name change is still in process. If you would like to be a part of this process, you may join the discussion meeting tomorrow. acawso.org/2023/11/13/aca-proposed-name-change-town-halls-december-2nd-2023/ My vote would be to keep ACA but change the verbiage to Adult Children Anonymous.
As a therapist I recognize that therapy should have a problem, a goals, and means to get there. This is the basis of a treatment plan and the difining factor of psychotherapy. Goals can be reached and redefined, but ultimately therapy should have an end. Paying someone just to have someone to chat with doesn't make sense, as you an do that with a friend, pastor, sponsor, fellow traveller, etc. So this is why I say ACA meeting involvement might not necessarily be a lifetime tool. People do heal. Long timers in program that I know are very balanced, have coping tools, and are living the benefits of their journey. Yes it's great for ACA's to stick around and be of service, but living a healthy life and being a part of a healthy tribe can still be a part of Step 12 without attending meetings.
However, I am saying that for those in recovery for substance use disorders, remaining connected to program is extremely important. I have worked with many, many people who have relapsed to their substance after leaving the rooms thinking that they are OK.
Maybe I need to make a video on "Should I stay in ACA?". But that's a topic for a later time.
Answered a whole lot of questions for me thank you. I will listen to it again in the near future
Glad to hear!
I really appreciate your expert help. 😊
I'm on the ACOA website but there are so many sections, I don't know where to start. I'm seeing several types of meetings, It's overwhelming.
I would suggest starting with a meeting that either list itself as general sharing or Big Red Book study meeting. Both excellent places to start! They will be very welcoming.
Yet another vid to share, thank you.
Superb. Thank you so much for this message.
Great video Ken! Thank you for this!
Thank you.
Thank you 🙏
I can’t find coda so maybe this would help. My mother’s parents were alcoholics and she was severely disordered and abusive.
ACA is the one Recovery Fellowship that best focuses on healing the core problem and not just focus on the symptoms. Best wishes in your recovery journey!
There are CoDA meetings online, in the UK and US as well. But do what feels right for you, your intention is to finally heal and live a fulfilling successful life 💖
Love this. Knottsberry thisbqeekend?
"not getting butthurt over stupid shit" 😂😂😂😂 that is a tremendous goal
Is this program good for Adult children of drug addicts?
YES. This is a program of discovery and recovery for anyone who grew up in a home with any type of tension or emotional abandonment.
Should a person be sober for a few years before being ready for ACA work?
Great Question! Everybody is different. However, I have referred hundreds of people in early recovery to ACA and I've seen great benefit! And I had some people go strictly ACA and got their sobriety from alcohol and drugs through that fellowship as well.
It is all about pacing. We never walk into any fellowship and starts at step four!
ACA helps identify and remove the shame associated with substance abuse(and that probably existed way back to childhood). It is easier for people to get clean and sober once they remove their shame identity.
So. Ppl go to aca so they don't get butt hurt over little things?
Interesting. I really thought it was for people who were trying to heal the grief from their childhood trauma.aca is life long if you are truly from a dysfunctional family and suffer childhood trauma.
The ACA Solution is to become your own loving parent. When your loving parent is behind the steering wheel, you don't need to react to the small stuff.
There's why people actually go and why people should go. I think it's overly simplistic to think human beings have singular motivations for anything. More specifically there's also a difference between the intention of recovering and the intention of getting support alone, or perceived support. Come to think of it, there's also the question of actual recovery and perceived recovery. But I won't assume anyone is actually inclined to seriously entertain these questions even though it's pretty simple and straightforward.
@@TheIntimacyGramThere's more to dysfunction than "small stuff" and getting "butt hurt"..very sad you would say this..and I am butt hurt.