Detransitioner's Perspective: Do I Miss My Penis?
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- čas přidán 17. 06. 2024
- Follow me on Twitter: / alexenomorpheus
Do i miss my penis? I'm a detransitioner who had an SRS surgery nine years ago in Thailand in 2014. Since then i have been living my life without my old parts. I have experienced trans surgery regret. I have realised that transitioning doesn't make your life better and it doesn't cure your gender dysphoria. I detransitioned 7 years ago and this year made a video on CZcams detailing my detransition story.
I do not think of my new parts as a vagina. It is a wound and it's artificial. I am by no means a woman and never had been, never could be one. But what kind og relationship do i have with my old parts and my new parts? Do i miss having a penis?
00:00 - Reconstructive surgery
02:45 - Life after SRS
04:18 - Do i miss my penis?
07:56 - Was surgery worth it?
10:44 - What i actually miss
14:37 - Would i detransition if i was happy with the results?
22:00 - Losing a family member
I've noticed some people saying in the comment section that I seem unwell or that I'm about to give up on life. To clarify, this was filmed on a day when I was both mentally and physically exhausted and just lost my grandmother. I think that we should be allowed to have a bad day without pathologising every little experience and mental state. It's natural and normal to have days like this.
I couldn't agree more. We got so used to being pressured to look well and act alert and fresh ...that we fail to notice how heartless that is.
Years ago, when Kate Middleton gave birth to her FIRST child..only hours later,she was standing ..posing for observers. her hair freshly washed and arranged ..immaculate make up....elegantly dressed.
Why on Earth?!
@@oceanaoushn8803 Because the world of celebrities is fake. No wonder they finish themselves off.
@@alexanderl9721 exactly. Sad thing in itself.
X about your grandmother.... That happened to Prince Harry - _-, Princess Diana rang him and he couldn't wait to get back to playing😢
I’m so sorry for your loss and the hardship you’ve had in your youth, it is totally normal to have bad days, you are okay. Disregard comments just focus on ur message ❤
People celebrate and encourage a person when getting the bottom surgery, but ignore you when detransitiong or talk about the horror, painful the surgery. Mental health is real, this young man is the perfect example.
The way those surgeries are presented as: all will be perfect!
is beyond me.
People (men, women) have so e body parts removed and others re-shaped, attached...
Just compare what THEIR bodies ENDURE to some rather ROUTINE stuff in general population!
Example? Penil inversion? Also known as "axe wound". Here (in Croatia) during natural (read: vaginal) childbirth the obstetricians routinely do episiotomy,which is: cut with blade perineum (fro vagina toward anus). The part is stitched after the child is delivered. Women suffer discomfort and burning sensation for a few weeks.
Now ..men. Weird,but something called testicular Inversion..twist..may occur. It is NOT only painful, but may lead to NECROSIS of tissue ..risk for general body condition
And then listening about bottom surgeries... bearable? All will be fine? Soon?
Non-trans people will sweat and moan with pain for days and weeks for episiotomy.... testicular Inversion .
While trans people are expected to put on smile and drive back home a day after surgery?!
(Usually general population gets better care after appendectomy!)
@@oceanaoushn8803 Have you had a reassignment consultation? Doctors DO NOT present, “all will be well!” In fact, can you provide ONE source that has said that because I’ve always heard the surgery described by media, advocates, everyone knowledgeable as being a massive undertaking, full of known risks. Patients must have psychiatric analysis & the transition is usually a multi year process; no one involved takes these issues lightly or flippantly.
@@oceanaoushn8803 You're just lying. Doctor's do not present it as "all will be perfect." They let you know the risks beforehand. They inform you that things can go wrong. That's why you have to sign informed consent forms.
Detransitioners should absolutely be supported. They deserve all the gender affirming care they need, just as people wanting to transition do. Everyone deserves to have their problems taken seriously, and have the options they have made clear to them, as well as being given all the risks and potential benefits that those options come with thoroughly explained to them.
@@emberd-l795
They inform of the risks but how do they present those risks in comparison to a supposed elevation of dysphoria? Do they say the brutal truth like “what we are about to do is really dangerous and can reduce your quality of life significantly. We can not make anything close to a real vagina, what we are creating is a wound that you have to keep dilating to keep open because your body will try to heal itself and close the wound?”
I doubt very much that they do. Some of them hand over a paper with a list of side effects but they don’t really tell you the brutal truth about what you’re about it do and then they make you sign a consent form so that it’s all your fault if something goes wrong when they know something always goes wrong with bottom surgery
I wish more people knew there’s such thing as body neutrality. You don’t have to like your body, or feel connected to it. You don’t have to share it with anyone if you don’t want to. Just accept that it is what it is.
I'm with you there, and this is where I am at this point.
I'm in recovery from an eating disorder and body neutrality is quite helpful for me. I accept I have a body that looks a certain way and the way it looks will change BUT my body allows me to do so many nice things and that's awesome. I get to experience the world, communicate, to live.
@@missdroolthat's beautiful. That was my first reaction to reading your post.
You touched my spirit. Thank you for sharing. You're inspirational ❤
This is a great point. It also doesn't stop people from satisfying romantic lives.
It is a physiological fact that the brain and body are completely interwoven. The brain sends messages to your body (through the spinal cord) for every movement and emotion. Therefore, to be constantly disembodied means you are unable to even breath. Now, without the physical casing that your body provides with the vital organs, (ie heart, lungs) you wouldn't survive beyond conception.
I dislike being harsh but it is scientific truth. Hence, if you are uncomfortable in your body lose weight/gain weight/or just grow up. Nobody is perfect.
However, your brain and body will always be connected, otherwise you wouldn't exist.
honest people like you helped me stay away from srs during the few years of my hrt, I'm glad I got away
I'm glad too. Hope you're happy with how things are.
That is a big mistake about being happy.
The one common pattern I notice when I listen to transitioners and detransitioners is that they spend a whole lot of time thinking of themselves, navel-gazing, overthinking, constantly evaluating they feelings and the status of their minds and body. “I get busy, I get better”😉
I think society is doing this to people. I’ve noticed the same thing.
The education system is always asking kids about who they are, how they feel, what is their identity/sexuality. They cross young peoples personal, mental and sexual boundaries all the time. It’s such am invasion of a child’s personal space.
Is it any wonder these young people are so focussed on these things? They are being asked to hyper analyze themselves and tell adults who they are. How could kids know? We used to tell children who they were in simplistic ways, now they are completely lost.
What’s my identity, I can’t find my identity!
Where’a my marbles, I can’t find my marbles!
Yes and the medical industry has known for decades that obsession of any kind never EVER leads to good health outcomes. But to go thru with medical transition, it literally requires you to obsess, but in a very controlled, one-sided way. In my country doctors are telling parents if they don't [basically] castrate their kids, they will kill themselves. It's literally eugenics, but with a rainbow flag. And I wish more people in the LGBT community gave more a fuck about their own people, than they do about inflating this clearly demented medical industry.
We all have something we obsess over sadly some do over their gender. It can be a mind f***. But I can’t wrap my head around cutting off body parts. Lots could go wrong. Doesn’t change your gender only may look different on the outside but the mind is the same with the same issues. Especially as children. I think it’s sad. Life is hard enough- everything he is saying is saying he had/ has things to work out still. Not being a woman. A woman is me.
Brain disorders can never be cured with cosmetic surgery.! Taking advantage of these people to make money is sad.
Yeah this is what trans people miss about cis people and it's why they have to behave in a cultish manner to justify their views and practices. Cis and gay people don't obsess with themselves to this degree. They just live their lives as they are with the implicit understanding that it's impossible to have a perfect body and be fully satisfied with who you are but that's part of life. Makoing it your mission to rail against that reality prevents you from engaging with life and starts you down a dark path. Anyone fixated on their gender hasn't even begun to scrape the surface of what's meaningful in life and that's the real reason gender mania is so toxic.
I’m very sorry about your grandma.💔 Thank you for the video. I wish more young people would see this!
Thank you.
It’s extremely frustrating that the media refuses to talk about this. Recently I emailed my 3 local TV networks but I’m sure they won’t listen.
Talk about what? The tens of thousands of trans people who have undergone transition and have greatly benefited from medical and mental health assistance they so desperately needed? Are you someone who detransitioned or are you just someone who thinks trans people should not exist?
Really? I feel like it is constantly in the media.
@@gazepskotzs4 It is, and it's a manufactured issue designed to generate outrage. Saying "This person had gender affirming surgery and they are now very happy" is not very attention-grabbing. People want to hear about tragedies and despair. In fact, the regret rate for gender surgery is less than 1% :
"A total of 27 studies, pooling 7928 transgender patients who underwent any type of GAS, were included. The pooled prevalence of regret after GAS was 1% (95% CI
@@Maybebaby56 You're right. Gender-affirming surgeries actually have the lowest regret rate of any elective surgeries. Knee and hip replacements have a far higher rate of regret than gender-affirming surgeries.
You are correct. This is going to change but not in the near future. It's going to happen when the lawsuits against surgeons who butcher children begin.
This is the first time I've ever heard about the internal erection, that's quite an eye-opener... Thank you for your honesty and bravery to speak on this--you have my respect.
I, too had never heard of it. Other than it being a phantom type pain, I'm a bit stumped, but I skipped biology quite a bit when I was young.
Almost all of my erectile tissue is still there. Those are not imagined erections or phantom sensations. I get actual erections but this time it's inside of my body rather than outside. It's super uncomfortable.
@@alexanderl9721So was your surgery, and excuse my silly layperson language, the one that turns the penis inside out? And so your neovagina has an erection, in a way? Or am I not understanding?
Thanks in advance for your openness.
its not real. The penis get turned into a clit. They're lying!
@alexanderl9721 they should have removed almost all of the erectile tissue with mtf surgery 😕
Yes deifinitely you are right about the surgeries. I have listened to a Finnish detransitioner FtMtF and she got all the surgeries done, all her female parts removed about a decade ago and she said that she will no longer want to harm her body in any way, it has gone through so much already. Now she just takes some mild dosage of estrogen to keep all kinds of pains and problems away, since she no more has got any normal hormonal function in her body. So let your body rest and keep on fixing your mind. You will find your way on existing in this world your own way. Mental health and finding balance is the thing number one - for everyone.
I had vaginal mesh surgery and it was excruciating and caused horrible problems that took at least three surgeries to fix so I definitely understand why you don’t wish to go through it again for something that doesn’t work.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Detransitioning is 1 in 300,000,000
@@EradicatingTran That's silly. There haven't been 300,000,000 transitioners.
@elephantintheroom5678 1 is 1 too many.
@@EradicatingTran No it isn't. Sacrificing a ton of people to protect 1 is lunacy. If you truly felt that way, you would think that literally all medicine should be illegal, as all drugs have side effects, and most have caused death in extremely rare circumstances.
It’s hard to believe this is even a topic to discuss. Such young people destroying their bodies before they even reach the age of 21. There should be a few years waiting period. What’s the rush? I’m seeing more and more of these unfortunate young people. Keep what ya got for at least 25 years. Please.
Years ago the trend was to have all your teeth pulled out as dentures were the in thing. Then came botox & plastic surgery, now its be the opposite sex. This trend like all will pass as more admit to the horrors they experience.
I love the way he talks! He’s so cute and adorable like a old wise philosopher!
Aww.
My Uncle Billy, who has a few interviews that are here on youtube, has posted about the pain of realizing that transitioning was not the answer. He had tried to “put it back on,” but that operation failed. It’s truly sad.
I think Ive seen him
I've seen a couple of his videos, he is such a neat guy. Very sad story though.
Your brutal honesty is absolutely incredible to me. I love watching your videos bc it's not bullshit. Thank you so much for talking about the things you do when it seems like most won't. I'm really sorry about your grandma, i know exactly how you feel. I lost mine 5 years ago in pretty much the same fashion as you.. time stopped and for me then.
Looking forward to your next video! ♥
Thanks and I'm sorry for your loss.
I had no idea about these internal post op erections, what a bizarre feeling
I feel for you, Alexander. My niece almost went down the hormones and surgery path, but she eventually decided to just be herself, which was great in my opinion, because I've always thought she is fabulous, and I love her. Peace.
Your self awareness is astounding which is only outdone by your candor.What you share needs being heard by so many. Very selfless of you, obviously not an easy foray into your personal life.
What you speak of when you talking about associating your penis with death is such a dark thought and should have been addressed, it’s so sad that you went through that.
Your sexuality does not define you as a person, we are all multi-demential people and there’s so much more to us all. We are all different and unique and that’s a wonderful thing.
Great insight.
It's so hard to hear young people say "I never felt this.." or "I never liked this.." because most of these people haven't even lived 25yrs yet, they have had such a short life to be saying "never" so frequently.
Agree. I remember when I used to say "I'd never want to have kids". Funny enough, that changed around the time I turned 25.
Hating a part of your body is certainly a mental illness.
Absolutely. I can't fathom how we've come to a point where "experts" say it's "life saving health care" to cut people's body parts off and replace them with disfuncional wounds. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
Having a vendetta for your own penis does seem to be a bit counterproductive. 😂
(I was making a funny despite this being a serious topic)
It’s a good thing you didn’t hate your feet or your hands. Best wishes to you as you transition through life. You are not alone.
As I was listening to this video, I thought about all of us being in a human body… A meat suit. And women, especially have such a hard time with aging. For me, I was a very beautiful young woman, I was even a model. And now, in my sixth decade, when I look in the mirror, it is so challenging to embrace my changing face. The wrinkles are hard to see.
And so many humans go to drastic measures to try to turn back the clock. So, there are many ways that the discomfort of being in our skin can emerge. And definitely seeing a body becoming more and more wrinkled, reminds us that we are edging closer to the inevitable, our own death. 💀
I'm 66. Feel the same.
I feel so sorry for these people. I've never in my life had a thought along the lines "oh I don't want this part of my body". Nobody can convince me that this is not a mental or even spiritual illness. The fact that vulnerable people who are struggling with this are being mutilated and money is being earned off their pain is absolutely barbaric.
They finally found a way to monetize the natural confusion about puberty that all children feel.
Actually it's not a mental disorder but a mental allergic reaction...towards sexual parts of your body...a kind of dysanexia
@@user-iv2jd3kw4u it's a disorder, honey.
Body integrity disorder is ppl born healthy reject it & become amputees. Both r mental disorders n is why they go to a PSYCHIATRIST to get evaluated. Former psychiatric MED ASST
❤ You've got this! Honest insight and great points about not retraumatizing the body and the mind again for what end? You are on such an incredible journey. So glad you have found acceptance and are clearly moving towards a deeper sense of self actualization. Thats exceptionally hard to do..inspiring for us all!! Best to you on the grief you are experiencing with your grams. Keep talking. She's listening. ❤
Thanks.
"She's Listening."...What?
Who's listening?
@@hime273 His grandma.
@@coleengoodell7523 Oh...
I love you so much! This is pure art - turning your pain into something beautiful and honest❤
❤
I appreciate your honesty more than I can express. I appreciate your story and from everything I’ve gathered from listening to you, I feel that you are an extremely special individual.
Wow this is truly heartbreaking. Bottom surgery needs to end. Ppl shouldn’t even have the choice to get this done. Ngl the part about him equating genitals with death was very concerning. Like I just can’t wrap my head around that ideology. Kind of fucked up. but wanting to cut ur dick off is already fucked up so I shouldn’t be as surprised that this was going on in his head. I hope he will have less pain in the future. Therapy is needed for all ppl who want to transition. I do believe it’s a mental illness and an unhealthy dissociation with oneself. There’s no other way to look at it.
You are a very multi faceted person, Alexander. We are not our bodies but we are what is contained in them……what I would refer to as our soul combined with our mind or intellect. You have a beautiful soul and an amazing intellect plus a very likeable personality. That is what makes you who you are. We will leave our body some day and that goes for all of us. As an official senior now and a grandmother (a role that I love), I am less concerned with my body and appearance than I was when I was younger. Of course I want to be presentable and also be healthy but the reality is that I don’t look like I did at 21 and never will. There are those who have a difficult time accepting the changes that happen with aging and will spend thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery trying to maintain the appearance of youth. I feel sorry for them because, in my opinion, it is a shallow way to go through life, pinning all your self worth on your physical body but possibly never developing your inner self. Your strength is in who you are at your core and the honesty with which you share that with others. Continue on your journey with all its up’s and down’s. You are a unique person and there are those of us who very much enjoy your posts whether they be humorous or perhaps somewhat on the darker side. Just continue to be real.
As for your comment about good therapists being hard to find, that is not unique to Norway. Here in Canada it is the same. Unfortunately the government has made things worse, as they generally do, by interfering and muzzling the good therapists by putting restrictions on what they can and cannot say. I’m sure you are familiar with the difficulties faced by Dr. Jordan Peterson. I commend him for not backing down but holding his ground against an immense amount of pressure.
Thank you so much. And yes, I am aware. Peterson is an inspiration.
Totally agree, warm regards from Israel.
Jordan Peterson is gross. I am sorry that transitioning didn’t go well for you, and I realize that not all detransitioning is not all the same. However, Jordan discredits all trans people. Trans people are valid even if you found you do not identify as such.
I very much am my own body as well as a soul and intellect. Why do you reject your body?
@@elsagrace3893 Have you ever met a person who, by superficial standards, would be considered beautiful, but they are selfish or full of themselves, perhaps narcissistic? You no longer see them as beautiful because true beauty comes from within. Please be kind to Alexander. He is brave enough to share his painful experiences with us and, from what I can observe, is doing his best to understand himself and lead a productive life in spite of mistakes he may have made. Those who call themselves doctors and yet do unnecessary surgeries on vulnerable people for financial gain are the real villains here.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you . The surgeons that did this should be in jail .
They couldn't give him surgery if he didn't go lay on the table for them to do it. It's an experiment for these doctors.
Only it didnt. This person is maybe 24. if they had surgery at age 14 why do they look act and sound like a whole ass man
It’s normal to be angry at them but they were simply doing their job, he signed a contract before he got the surgery so he knew what he was getting into, that’s his responsibility
Only 1% of trans people end up detransitioning. Those who don't transition have worse mental health and are more likely to commit suicide Not doing the surgery and transition in general is more risky than doing it. It's sad what happens to the 1%, but if you look at trans people as a whole, transition, including the surgery, saves lives!
I think you are helping people more than you might know. Wishing you the best. Sorry for your loss. I lost my grandma and I get it.
In terms of finding a good therapist who actually listens, I’ve had MUCH better luck with social workers than psychologists or, especially, psychiatrists. Social workers generally listen and offer solid advice. 👍
You're not wrong there.
Depends on culture and individuals, but thank you for this inspiring observation.
@@dreimalnein22 very much location specific. In many countries, public service social workers are required to only offer an affirming opinion by policy. Any questioning is (wrongly) considered an attempt at "conversion" or "transphobic"
@@Gingerblaze at least they don’t drug their patients
@@Grandma_JizzzzzzzardNeither do psychologists. I'm quite leery of psychiatrists though!
On the front of not being able to pee standing up, I am a biological woman and I’m very active and like hiking and travelling, so face a lot of the problems that you mentioned.
I actually bought myself something called a “shewee” which allows me to pee standing up, which is perfect for road trips, hiking, public bathrooms etc. It’s basically just a silicone or plastic funnel/tube, so it’s not trying to simulate having or look like male parts but just allows women or people with internal parts to pee standing up!
My one comes with a case and is nice and discrete in my bag. There are lots of similar products and I’d definitely recommend looking into them.
I know this would be difficult on an emotional level too but devices like this can help with this practical problem at least. Thank you for sharing your story with us ❤
Your attitude is absolutely fantastic. And refreshing!
Huh? I find him seeming to be in a lot of pain, inquisitive but also not really present.
Thank you for sharing your experience. And I’m sorry for your grandma 💜
Dear Alexander, I have worked as a teacher with adolescent men and women and, all I can say is that I saw many young men and some women like you: deeply thoughtful, intelligent and not in love with truth. The truth being that, when you think of it, the whole eating, reproducing and all the games we are called upon to play can make the more sensitive among us to just revolt, if not just outright throw up. Most of us go through life in a hypnotic state, following the herd. But, there are those, like you, who get incredibly bummed by the sheer grossness, the very monstrousness of birth, life, death...blah, blah blah. Some cannot accept "the way life is" and "on its own terms." Some kids get so depressed, they opt for suicide. You, however, are turning, as in a dream, to face the monster that life is. You are facing it and sharing your hero's journey. I do not say this lightly. You have chosen the left hand path, the road not taken and we are all growing, as humans, as we accompany you on your chosen path. Keep talking, Alexander, we are here. Teach us what you have to teach us. My dear, your courage makes me weep. I am enlightened by the lamp you are carrying into the darkest places. We need you. Continue to hold forth. Tell us what you see on this journey to the center of the human soul.
Your perspective on humans as our Creator made us is fatalist, and I hope no one listens to your warped pessimistic views,as they surely encourage a climate of depression and futility in those who are already prone to these feelings.
I had the opposite reaction to your comment than did Mo. I thought as I read your assessment and encouragement for Alexander, "what a awesome counselor lotusstar must be"! You are the most compassionate and caring soul and I love how you offered this individual such realistic yet positive feedback. Only another sensitive being would likely share your observant and insightful response.
My suggestion to Alex would be to practice meditation on a regular basis (without fail) as it would surely calm some of the restlessness being experienced. It clears the mind and allows for more balanced responses to life'schallenges. I will make this suggestion hoping that Alexander may see it.
In any event, please keep up with your desire to offer counseling and advice to our youth. You seem very intelligent and grounded, by the way. Thank you and bless you for what you are doing!
Greenbeans575 I am meditating. I made a video about it some time ago. It's called "There is hope after detransition".
I'm so sorry you have gone through all that you have. I pray for healing in every way for you. You have your whole life ahead of you I hope you find happiness with yourself .
Alex, thank you for being so open and totally honest about your experience and what you are dealing with. You are so charming, engaging, and wise beyond your years. You are like someone who’s come here from the future, or have had some very impactful past lives. I have a feeling you are going to do great things in this life. ❤
You are an amazing man. For what you are doing for others by sharing your story but you are very easy to listen to. I am so sorry about the loss of your grandmother.
I’m mtf trans, passable, been living this way over a decade, and have had every cosmetic surgery but SRS. I’m so glad I never got this, cause I hear HORROR stories! The upkeep is awful, it doesn’t self exfoliate, so the stench that can build up is utterly disgusting, and the chance to never orgasm again. Thank god my dysphoria was waist up. Still, I’m very sorry you went through this hun, I hope you’re happier now that everything has settled, and time has passed. Take care 💕
I can't imagine ever willingly risking my ability to urinate normally.
@@megsleyOnly surgery I'll do down there is GRS.
Having lost one's genitals, reconstruction would only still be a make believe, plus medical risks/consequences. If I were led into the celibate life of a contemplative, philosopher, writer, artist, filmographer, whatever (as I am anyway with a penis), I could be content with the lack of it. But, I didn't realize the "internal" erection experience (maybe could become an honest reminder of what was - the feeling of it), until listening to this post. Still, one ultimately needs to accept what is (don't go back to living a lie as a trans woman - you are such an authentic and real person as you are now). There's a vocation and a call in it - here, at the education, service, and valuable experience to enlighten others (what a great act of love to the masses). This is the amazing beauty that I find in Alex (empathizing with his agonizing pains and amazing heroic progress intrapersonally, as well), and I think that any future partner would latch onto this quality - not what is not between the legs. Yes, having balls can be a bitch, too!
Do you categorically think living as a transwomen is a lie?
@@DorianPaige00
Not a lie to one's inner dysphoric psyche or phantasm, but a lie in reality. I've lived this all my own life. I'm not coming from the outside on this struggle.
@@jtg3765 So you feel you were a liar when you were presenting as the other gender even when you were doing it? What do people need to see or not see? Is taking hormones creating a lie? I take estrogen to hold on to my natal male youthful features and I don't apologize for it. What is wrong with that? Is there a lie there? Do I need to paint a picture of my genitals on top of my forehead or tattoo my age up there?
Living as a "transwoman" is a lie. "Transwomen" are men. @@DorianPaige00
This interview itself was grueling. He is a survivor. I can't imagine going through this.
I am sorry for what you have gone through and what you are experiencing now, thank you for your honesty. I wish stories like yours were shared more in the mainstream media as only the positives are shared. I am a cis female and have never felt disassociated from my body, I can only imagine how difficult it is to not feel comfortable in your skin. I am very familiar with the uselessness of mainstream medicine though, I got very tired of medications being pushed instead of doctors trying to root cause my issues. I have moved away from mainstream medicine and look at more holistic approaches where practitioners look at your entire organism, not just your symptoms and this has really helped.
Also, meditation helps a lot, especially with tying to better understand yourself. I hope that one day you will look past the association of your body being a reminder of your short time on this planet. Yes, our bodies are small temporary biological shells, but our souls are limitless that will go on to experience other things after this current body expires, Our souls are who we are, they are our true expression, our bodies are mere vessels to house them here temporarily. (and no, I have never been religious/or followed any faith :) )
Profound video. Im verry sorry for your loss but thanks for sharing your story and perspective.
May you find peace with yourself.
I feel your pain. I have lost my dad and big sister. Make this channel whatever you need it to be at that time. You're CZcams friends are here to listen.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your Grandma. ❤
I really hope life is going well for you, Alex. I really enjoy hearing what you have to say on important topics.
Your honesty is overwhelming. Thank you for sharing such a powerful message.
Also don’t worry about what the audience wants,
I think they’re here to see you as you are- just being yourself through the ups and downs and your honesty and openness
❤Grandma❤️♾️🙏
Alex, you are so intelligent and articulate. I admire your courage and honesty. God bless ❤
Thank you very much for sharing your story. In some ways I can relate it... And I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Alexander, this was for me, a fine video and I thank you. Every time I view one from you, I learn. There is nothing but substance about you and a wisdom greater than your years. I imagine your grandma saw all that too. Your comments will hit home with many people who have dsyphoria, or any confusion. You talk real. It is always good to listen to you. Thank you.
This is the most honest video on this I have ever watched. Thank you for your honesty and openness
RE: roadtrips, I don't know if you have already tried this and it didn't work, but there is a thing you can buy called the "shewee" which is like a cup and funnel thing. I use that when camping sometimes, you can pee standing up. Perhaps it might help you on road trips.
Worth trying. Thanks.
I think more people should knew about detrans processing before their body modifications. If trans person commite suicide it is also someway a detrans
I mentioned in one of my other videos that we will never know how many of trans people who took their own life did so because of regret.
@@alexanderl9721he way you speak of your experience contributes to better understanding of what a person goes through.
I am rather curious and I would love to know how so called mainstream media - in different countries -talk about all this.
I guess that even that can contribute to a certain hostility which "other" people may feel toward trans people. How is that? Simply speaking of national health insurance. Interestingly the insurance may "volunteer" (bound by law) to cover certain TRANSITION procedures, at same time refusing to cover some more important .at times.. vitally important med.treatment for "other" people
However, it seems that once transitioned, even at expense of the national insurance, that person will be flatly rejected at the very mention of DE-TRANSITIONING.
And then newspapers "inform" the general public about that in a way:
In the UK a man who transitioned into a woman now demands from the NHS to cover the costs of switching back to man
Incorrect and unfair, because the person with serious health issues is presented as spoilt brat who keeps bothering others to pay for his/hers/whoever's whims.
It is NEVER explained what damage those surgeries inflict on those people. That some of them are literally desperate to be "patched up". To stop "leaking" in public ..to get away from pain and the rest.
At times the conclusion is:
"They got what they asked for "
No! What they were promised was so rosy and light.
People not feeling well is not just a trans issue.
"It's been 9 years, 3 months and five days living without a penis", but who's counting??!!!
I appreciate your videos so much. So valuable in the informative sense. So inspiring in the sense of great openness of a smart mind together with a sensitive heart. Wishing all the best on your way.
You are brake for talking about it, you ll have good and bad days as all of us have....Continue to be a light for these in need, people need to hear your story. Your life has meaning and all you have through it is needed to save many many more lives. God is proud of you. ;-)
Hello Alexander! A video from your channel was recommended to me today. Thanks for sharing your story. I don't feel like my body either. Sorry to hear about your troubles with the surgery and after-effects. wild!
Your honest reflections are very valuable to the discussion. Thank you.
Honesty is the most affirming thing. Love this video you made.
I meant to comment on this earlier. My sincere condolences on the loss of your grandmother🙏❤.
I’m so sorry you went through all that but I’m glad you and others posted videos about this I think it helps others who are also going through gender dysphoria
Thank you for sharing! I appreciate your honesty and that you’re not tied to any specific narratives. You’re just a person with a story to share.
Thanks. I wouldn't say that I'm not tied to any specific narrative though. I do have a specific agenda and that is to create space to honest discussions, healthy disagreement and to build a bridge between trans people and detransitioners.
Incredible post. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. 👍🙌
It's a blessing you're so resilient, and you're sharing valuable information. Wishing you happiness and peace... that's often found with truth.... in anything.
Your getting things out and informing others. Your brave and blessed.
This video is of great importance, substantial, insightful, honest, soul cleansing. As an empath, I FEEL what you are saying, the power of your experiences strikes my heart like a hammer. And I want to weep for you hoping that would be of help to you. I’m a 70ish year old woman who has endured a lot of emotional pain, loss, starting very young. All the people who hurt me the most are now finally gone. There was nurturing I needed and never received. I’ve got to learn to nurture myself now at this age, alone. Alone is so much better actually. The Lord sustains me. He shows us the path to travel, ask, stay alert. You said to have a good summer. Summer here is hot, and heavy with humidity. Not my favorite weather. Currently heat index is 103, humidity 58 percent. So hey 👋🏻 from the Deep South USA 🙏🏼 I appreciate your words.
Nothing you talk about is easy to talk about. Yet your transparency and willingness to reveal yourself makes me admire you so much! You are extremely intuitive and so in touch with your own thoughts and feelings. There are so many channels with drivel and fluff that bores me within a few seconds. I could listen to you ruminate for hours over things that actually matter. The idea of the penis is so full of symbolism, it's impossible to escape them, both the good and the bad. I hate it too, but from a woman's perspective who was assaulted as a child. It offers no sense of intimacy, but rather feelings of dread and violation. So, this sense of dissociation is pretty darn common, in my humble opinion. And I'm not sure that being a deeply thinking and self-aware person is helpful. The tendency is to over-analyze and beat every subject to death trying to get a better understanding of why certain things effect me the way they do and why I feel this way or that. I still prefer to be a thinker and be analytical rather than some other way. But it doesn't always make for blissful happiness. I can't wait for your next vid. My condolences on your grandmother's passing; I know how heartbreaking that loss is.
Thank you. Being self-aware can be both a gift and a curse.
Thanks for sharing. You are a fabulous speaker. Keep being you!
I am so sorry for your loss and grandmothers know the dam world has just got so fricken busy but i am so sure just that hello how are you would have meant the world to her , you come across as a very caring & loving person & i can't imagine anything else but your grandmother feeling comfort & happiness just from hearing your voice.
You are very wise and have many important things to share to others. Thank you for your posts.
I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandmother.
Thank you.
Sorry mate. This is the best and most practical explanation I've heard. All the best to you, really.
Wow...I’m just gonna say thanks for sharing and I appreciate your honesty.
I'm so sorry for what happened to you.
Thank you and it's ok. What happened happened.
What a story. Everyone has a unique perspective and whether I relate or not, THIS is your story, and it is worthy of hearing!
He’s still going through a lot. We all have some form of mental issues he should stop focusing on his gender and work on his mental health. We ALL HAVE ISSUES. We must work through it day by day. Death also is a part of life. Now he can obsess on the death of grandma. Young and tragic death is horrible , old age is not. It is life. Non of us get out of life alive.
I'm not obsessing over my gender. That was years ago. I see so many people assuming that what I'm talking about in this video is about my current way of thinking. I was literally talking about the thoughts I had growing up.
thank you for speaking out on this topic... you're a great help to a lot of people! FtM surgery is more risky than MtF... acceptance is key. Please make more about these videos in the future
Losing someone is devastating, but atleast you had such a close relationship with your grandma. I don't have such relationship with anybody in my family, but someday I will experience loss too but without the beautiful memories. You have those beautiful memories.
Your constellations of ideas are very visible to the mind's eye. And the sets are logical and illogical in their sweeping thinking. Thats so healthy. Im glad for you. God bless you and keep your mind clear.
You are a courageous young man, I wish I could meet you! I respect you very much! Thank you for your openness! I agree about being able to find a good therapist, and how difficult that is. Please keep reaching out, there are so many who need to hear the life stories of people your age! I will be thinking of you and praying for your continued journey forward!!
You are very honest and inspiring, you have a lot to offer. Many of us feel different in certain ways, and this should be celebrated, and not seen as abnormal. You are right that we need better mental health support, especially for young people. It’s so easy to be negatively influenced by social media, as well as people around you.
I love that you are just a person which is ultimately what we are, people ... Without a label ... But just YOU which equals perfectly you
thank you for being so open and honest. Your a beautiful person inside & out. Take care always
Thank you, Alexander, for sharing this. I learned a lot from your insight. I wish you the best.
Wishing you best of luck and plenty of support x You are doing great. You know what Oscar Wilde said, 'be yourself, everybody else is taken'.
I’m am so sorry you weren’t protected, and they did this to you. It hurts my heart!
You are a very courageous great young man. And you are one of the few detransitioners being so totally honnest.
I'm so sorry. Thank you for having the guts to share your story and for being so honest.
Very, very sad. This is why children and young people should not be given surgery. I appreciate the intellectual honesty of those who regret it and say so.
Children and minors are almost never allowed to have SRS. The OP was not a child. Why do you celebrate regret? What about the courage it took for trans people to transition? Did you ever think about that?
Alexander I just want to give you a hug, have a great summer 💕
My condolences regarding your grandmother ❤❤💐🥀
Thank you.
thank you for your realness..so sorry for your loss of your grandma..hugs love respect and prayers
"The cure to getting mutilated is not more mutilation." Excellent statement!
Are you a stoic? I love your manner of thinking about and accepting reality.
The thing you said about your penis reminding you of death is so strangely relatable! Never heard anybody else express that feeling before but it’s real and it’s a real downer. Thank you for talking about your experience!❤
Alexander I hope you realise how lovable you are. And how very cool. Your honesty and candidness is so incredibly courageous and is at once admirable and heartbreaking. Any "arse pain" is absolutely excruciating.... seriously comparable to childbirth. Have you tried one of those things women can use to piss standing up? I can totally understand much of what you say. When I was young and getting used to being a woman and getting used to the differences of men, I remember thinking how vulnerable and uncomfortable men must feel with their family jewels just hanging around outside like that.
I appreciate your honesty and your ability to face reality, even when it disturbs us. You mentioned (in another video) how some people would condemn this type of "trans" surgery but at the same time would put breast implants and other "esthetical" procedures. It is indeed hypocritical, it's the same underlying incapacity to accept things as they are no matter how "imperfect" you perceive it to be. And it doesn't mean necessarily that you won't do anything about it, but coming to terms with the fact that some things are just immutable and natural is the background for your further decisions. I like to hear you talk. You are very wise.
I think this is very real, and I very much appreciate you sharing. As someone who is just a cis white female, This is very eye-opening to hear and I feel like your story is super important!
The fact that people comment and express concern about you in response to your videos, mean you have managed to connect with people. We're paying attention to you. You definitely seem to be going through a tough time. Thank you for sharing, for allowing us to reach out to you. What I appreciate most about you is how you are unapologetically you. You're not phony. Hang in there.
Hi. This is the first video ive seen of yours. Sorry you are dealing with these awful complications. Hopefully things will get better soon.
So sorry about the loss of your grandmother.
I wonder why you never found joy in your penis/sex etc.? I dont expect an answer. I just think you are brave to try to help others with your experience. I hope it is cathartic for you. You are the most important person to you! Im cheering you on from nyc.