Can Damaging Parenting Be Corrected? | Erica Komisar
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- čas přidán 13. 10. 2021
- Erica Komisar highlights the key stages of childhood development and confronts the issue of negligent parenting. She explores whether damaging parenting can be corrected, and if so, how this can be done.
You can find their full conversation here: • Dr. Erica Komisar | Mo...
#Parenting #Motherhood #Children #Psychology
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My mum is the most anxious person I know apart from my sister brother and me. She was very angry at becoming pregnant, had no clue what was about to happen when she got married, and so began the life long anxiety. She was a rough mother who showed little or no love or interest in her children who for her were the cause of her mental distress. I often got pushed by her and suffered verbal abuse and emotional neglect. Both parents were quite missing in action types, being both very self centred and vain.
As a result of these influences, I believe both my brother and I are on the autism spectrum and both of us struggled with learning disabilities that back in the 1960's were never "a thing" that people might diagnose and compensate for, we were just considered recalcitrant in class I think. I was often strapped for not being able to learn or read. Both my brother and sister didn't make it through secondary school. I bombed out of my college fine arts course in 2nd year and had an emotional melt down then.
The good news for the three of us is that we found pathways to professional employment ultimately; my sister as a nurse, my brother as a policeman and crime investigator, and I went back to Uni and did a science degree in my thirties, then becoming a teacher.
It has not been easy for any of us, as we have been plagued by questions about our worth and self esteem and I can tell by the way my brother and sister talk up their abilities, that they still have issues about that, and what might have been. My brother and I are both retired in our early sixties, and due to financial prudence are both living comfortably with few cares that relate to what the outside world would ask of us as citizens. My sister who is the oldest having made many financial gaffes throughout her life however, is still working to pay off her house etc and may be working in a demanding and thankless poorly managed business (teaching immigrants in courses on working in the aged care sector), until the legal retirement age of 65.5.
Good old cortisol aye, don't you love how it has shaped the world? The down stream affects include: anxious disposition, CPTSD, Narcissistic tendencies, arrogance, paranoia, introversion, life long poor self esteem issues. :)
Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry that you and your siblings had such a tough childhood. My wife came from a similarly abusive family and exhibits certain behaviors that could be described as OCD or Autistic, although never officially diagnosed as such. Her anxiety tends to bring them to the fore and order and security tend to soothe them. My childhood was probably less traumatic than hers, as is evidenced by the fact that I can cope better with the day-to-day issues of life.
I liken severe childhood trauma to having one's leg broken in multiple places: one can mend it, but it will never be as if it had never been broken. One can find ways of compensating and guarding against known triggers, but the wounds will always be vulnerable to some degree. I think people often imagine that because thoughts are somewhat ethereal that they can't cause physical damage to the brain, There is, of course, no visible wound to verify this damage. Perhaps this is partly why so many lack sympathy and patience for psychological problems.
When comparing her childhood to mine and the resulting damage, in some ways it is harder to determine what my issues are. While my childhood was less physically abusive, I suffered from the complexity of being raised by two academics who further buried and obfuscated their psychological problems with intellectualism, thereby making it much harder to untangle the mess. This is why I hate political ideologues, like Karl Marx, with a passion because they effectively verbalized their dysfunctional thinking into a transmissible virus with inbuilt mechanisms to dismiss, divert, rationalize and avoid being cured. I think too many destroy all hope of recovery by surrounding themselves with people who reinforce and exacerbate their problems rather than _guide them to the light,_ as it were.
Anyway, I wish you and your siblings a happy, productive and interesting future.
Mr Anderson, I have just discovered your podcasts and your measured approach to topics is very inspiring and clears the fog of misinformation. I believe strongly in the importance of parenting, education and investment in our children’s future as the path out of this mess. I have immense respect for you sir, Thankyou.
Thank you so much for the support!
Biochemical / Psychological differences between Boys and Girls! Who would have thought?
Thank you for that! I was diagnosed with adhd in my childhood. Various reasons at the time, but this really clicked with me as I had quite severe stresses no one knew about till recently. This actually really helped me more than I can say. Going to now watch the full conversation! New subscriber here 🙂👍
Thanks Stephen! We're so glad you enjoyed the interview!
I have only just found this site. Its great to see at least one former Coalition politician messaging to the modern world in the modern way. There is plenty of viewing on this site for me (and others) to catch up on, as the discussion here provides fair and sound insights to serious issues.
I am sadly not surprised that most Coalition politicians are still trying to message through the mainstream media and that their messaging is still being systematically corrupted by the journalists, as has been the case since the 1960s. As a result, they can't address complex and sensitive issues that need to be considered without being torn apart by media trolls and activists.
I can see that you appreciate that to have consistent messaging you need consistent policy, and to have consistent policy you need consistent underpinning values, goals, and ideals. These can only come from intelligent conversation of the basics, as you are providing here. Thank you.
Hopefully we might look forward to the Coalition learning from this example, forming and articulating a clear set of thoughts and rather than apparently shamelessly chasing votes by what looks like policy-on-the-run reactions to the headline news of the day - ie being played like a Stradivarius by the activists.
OK: ABSOLUTELY YES. I sucked being a parent and learned parenting techniques. Dramatic results overnight! I was repeating the behaviors of my parents and once that cycle was broken the kids were free!
Thank you!
It would be good to hear you, speak to some of the major issues currently faced by our children and our youth John. If you do not feel comfortable doing so your self perhaps you might consider bringing back Gavin Ashenden ? It doesn't seen quite fair to me to simply encourage Erica to unpack some of the glaringly unspoken differences between boys n girls.
In that way you might offer support to some of the angry and clearly 'young' male comments.
As well, it might be unfair of me after such a short clip, but, Erica mimics - like so many 'contemporary psychologists' when she speaks as though every thing depends on the age n stage - on the 'research' rather than the human person (created in the image of God) and their individual circumstances.
Spot on.
Another salvo in the war against boys.
I agree with the doctor. No child belongs in daycare. Mothers who have babies need to stay at home and raise these babies. Kids need love, affection, compassion, reassurance and personal security. As a professional woman, I would not have had children unless I could have stayed at home and raised them myself with my husband working during these years. Sorry if this offends certain women, but women need to understand priorities. And abortion should never be a solution. How selfish that is.
This woman is dangerous. Going where others fear to tread.
Our planet is so bad, because people don't want to face the problems.
About half of the personality of our children is inherited and only 10-15% comes from parenting and the rest are experiences which are not controllable like being a breech birth or a Caesarian or bitten by a dog or nearly drowning and so on.
If you read Eric Ericsson "Childhood and Society" you will find that a variety of parenting styles all over the world differ greatly but still produce adults which fit into their society competently.
There is NO 'RIGHT WAY' to parent, do not let these social engineering busy-bodies disturb your peace.
Depends on so many factors, are you assuming that the child/children have both parents or both parental figures, that the relationships they are exposed to are continually positive, encouraging, without being helicopters, parents are supportive of each other, if apart they still co-operate not denigrate each other in front of the child? Also is your metric of “competently fit into society” just to be employed and pay your bills on time? Or more, if so how much more.
I wholeheartedly agree that there is no 100% formula so that it is “perfect” , perfection usually prevents good or very good, but surely there is a playbook of strategies that you draw from that are all good and a list of definite Don’ts.
@@Jopacob competence is not perfection; indeed it is more that the perfect is the enemy of the good enough.
If you read Ericsson you would realize his studies were amongst native American tribes up and down the continent; cultures which were pre-Columbian in origin. Raising children did not start with the pilgrim fathers.
This is rich ex no giving parents advice on raising children, when they can't govern Australia.
I mean ex pm
Seriously, you couldn’t resist? Has zero to with the conversation either ya Pelican
Women talk with only emotions.
I have no way of knowing the veracity of any of her statements about boys, but I don't think any were
meant to harm boys though. Remember that first you have to understand a problem before it can be
fixed. I think she was trying to provide understanding.
@@guitarista666 Understood, but why didn't She get to real problem, spoiled children. And some Moms without girls wanting to make boys into girls. Dads not wanting to respect and honor Moms and help with the raising of children. And some parents that once things get rocky start to question each other's commitment to each other and family. And finally a society that thinks they know what's best for every situation and instead of helping unintentionally makes matters worse for the parents. If only parents could remember and honor just these words "...till death...", love is a gift given freely every second of every minute of every hour of everyday. After a death of One all that is left for the Other is the memories and love.
@@wallieormerod2049 Good points. I really don't know anything about her. I think she was trying to list some problems that result from emotional abuse and and how fixable they might be. Emotional problems are so common and I agree that much needs to be done by competent people to help remedy the situation.
I do not agree with you, Dr. Erica, when you say that children must be linked to a religion. Each of us is a spiritual being, our faith can be developed outside of religious temples. Jesus showed that. Jesus did not create any religion, it was men who created the Catholic religion.