Part 1: Successful Wives: What do Muslim Men Want?
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- čas přidán 1. 01. 2022
- Our panel of Muslim men discusses what husbands want from their wives - different perspectives, different experiences, candid, insightful observations!
With:
Sa'id Takuma, Marriage Counsellor, married for 30 years to @Lemu Maryam Sheikh
Mu'awiyyah Tucker, Madinah University graduate || / muaawiyahtucker
Nasir al Amin, Emotional Regulation coach and counsellor || / nasiralamin
Muhammad Malik, start-up entrepreneur, searching for a spouse || / findmalikawife
If you would like to be better prepared for marriage, consider taking Sr Maryam Lemu’s Premarital Masterclass, an online course that takes an in-depth look at every aspect of preparing for marriage. Suitable for brothers and sisters. Check it out here: www.maryamlemu.com/link/8Byt3k
I get a small commission if you choose to sign up - I hope that's ok :)
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MashaAllah my brother Said Takuma was spot on!! Many women would easily and willingly give men what they want if the men understood and implemented their Islamic role.
And what women want?
False statement. Women nowadays want control; something that real men are unwilling to do
@@captainkaizo3824 a man that implements his role Islamically…duh
@@Respectedthoroughly and how men actually going to do that? Like comment "your comments" but never do it? Like ask women to follow lslam and wear her hijab while he never wear his hijab and follow sunnah while it also part of Islam ? Like men in your pfp? I mean he still implememt his role islamically with ask women to follow it and thats it. is that how it going to work? And as woman, i wonder if i can ask 100000 dollar for mahr since women and their aurat re gold, diamond and an expensive lollipop?
@@captainkaizo3824 whet? 😂 try and explain ur question again please
Sister Na'ima please maybe see your guests viewpoints from before. Brother Nasir just made marriage seem like a total burden upon the man and scary for the wife. Phrases like... "Don't challenge me, when you're in MY house, not going to get my time or attention, etc..." Ouch!! He seems so harsh... when I'm sure majority of your subscribers are women, this is the last person a woman would react positively towards. I agree that everyone should work on their emotional baggage but the way he comes across is without heart and totally controlling, which is definitely not what Islam teaches in a marriage. I hope he takes note of this too!
So true but what men want has always been the priority by every learn and unlearn muftee... and women needs mostly means nothing every thing is forever the satisfaction of Man .and women need have been made non essential
What they seize to understand is women to have their needs and when it isn't met there also will be lot of issues but the society don't care because they believe women needs are just silly .
Pleasure,peace and all they have always been preaching is the man the man when many women have given their all to those men but only got pain and criticism from them and only thing this muftee will always preach will be women
It so hard for them to preach about men because it will seem like exposing men
Even if they have to seek on women
Need the give just little importance to it
everything a Muslim man wants from his wife is peace.
brother Saidu hit a nail on the head Alhamdulillah
Bro said Takuma .. i cant thank you enough . Really really this what our society needs .. Real Men .
what is takuma？
Listening to brother Saidu Takuma had me cheering like a whole stadium hosting champions league!!!!! Starting off with what "you should want" as per Allah swt's standard is EVERYTHING!! Understanding rights and responsibilities and then personal preferences of akhlaq which may vary for different men just makes perfect sense!! Brother Nasir was sooo spot on regarding "knowing your bagage and self awareness" and particularly regulating our emotions. This is one important life skill we as sisters NEED to start developing prior to marriage. His tone was firm, maybe a bit rigid but i can respect that. All in all, this was breeze on a hottttt day in nigeria! 😊 thankkkk youuu sister naima. This is relevant and helpful. May Allah increase the barakah in y'alls time. Aameen.
So happy to hear these brothers! Sisters, if their advice seems hard to implement and you are struggling, you are not alone! I felt that way in my marriage. Alhamdullillah, I was guided to the book The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle, and I transformed my marriage to the playful, peaceful, and passionate relationship I have today! I can't say enough about the transformative, practical tips from The Empowered Wife, and all in line with Islamic values. I practice the skills from this book every day to keep my marriage shiny, and I don't even have to tell my husband about it! 😅😍 I love that it all comes from me, the only person who i can control is myself! I'm standing for you, Sisters!!!! You got this! You can have the marriage of your dreams!
I am also reading the book and it’s been amazing so far. It is so true that marriage can be amazing if we put the effort into it
That's great that you're finding ways to improve your marriage, mashaaAllah. However I think we should be a bit cautious about endorsing a book that is from a Christian worldview. Their understanding on marriage differs from ours in some major ways. Everything we need on gender relations is in our own deen. That should be understood first.
@@Reem-ne7nn Aww, yes! It has been marriage saving! I hear you about looking in the Deen and our complete religion for marriage guidance. That is so wise! I just know for me the stories of the our Mothers (ra) and the marriage advice I took and followed for years was beautiful and enlightening, but it left me feeling like, "what now?" My husband did not want to attend marriage fiqh courses and when I tried to have patience like Khadijah (ra) it would work well until I would start to feel drained and resentful. It made me feel like a failure in my marriage and in my Deen 😢. Then, when I saw the practical steps Laura Doyle followed to fix her marriage (like taking responsibility for my own happiness and saying "I hear you" rather than disagreeing with my husband all the time) I almost immediately saw results! I feel happier and, most importantly, I feel loved by my man! It's more than I ever could have imagined, truly!
The reason the Sheikh and The Deen Show can interview Laura Doyle and promote her books is because they are in line with our Deen, alhamdullillah! And, Laura's book is not a book of rules, it is a book of tools. It's very practical: if something doesn't work for you then don't do it! There's no pressure on anyone! I love that. I invite you to read the book and see what the Sheikh and other Muslims are finding of goodness in it! For me, the proof is in the pudding: when I use Laura's Six Intimacy Skills I keep my marriage shiny and I feel loved and adored, creating a stable home for my family and a place where respect and Sunnah can thrive. 🌷 These are things I never could have said before finding Laura Doyle. Thank you for hearing me😃
@@Mary-yl1bx I have, I watched the episode on the deenshow and I've read other similar books too. On the suface they seemed good, but it didn't sit well with me, something was missing. You're right though, there's a lack of access to practical resourses from an Islamic perspective.
For me, what worked was a spiritual understanding of what marriage is, which I got from Islamic based marriage counseling. Putting Allah first, and setting my intentions right. Once that clicked, alhamdulillah there's a natural motivation. And that I can communicate my needs in a respectful and Islamic manner, rather than bottling things in. May Allah bless you, forgive me if I caused offense in any way.
@@Reem-ne7nn 😄 I hear you fixed your struggling marriage and I think I hear you saying your new focus on putting Allah first made all the difference for you! That is so inspiring! I am so happy! I just love hearing about happy marriages😄. There is more than one way up the mountain, alhamdullillah ❤️
And thank you for your apology 💐
jazakAllahu khayran Brothers! All of you are spitting straight facts! Self-awareness, evolving together day by day, avoiding emotional fighting/discussions, respecting and loving each other especially when life gets wild, remembering to put Allah first in your marriage and everything else will fall into place. Allahu Akbar! Much love from Germany! 🌻 May Allah bless and protect all our families, guide us the right path and make us righteous and loving Servants of Allah. AMIN!
Asalamu alaykum beautiful sister.
Please consider leaving the long sessions in youtube for us to be able to revisit and take notes in Sha Allah. So much to be learnt.
Reading the comments I was ready to brush off brother Nasir, but he's not that bad. He reminded me of my husband first, but then reminded me of me lol I like that he said our emotions are our asset, but we do need to regulate them properly in order to be agreeable. Men need to keep our emotions in mind and also not disregard us and be in touch with their own emotions bc it doesn't make them less of a man!
May Allah bless brother Sai'du immensely Ameen 💕 May all the sisters seeking marriage be blessed with such a kind, knowledgeable and patient man Ameen. His wife is truly blessed MashaAllah 🥰🥰
MashaAllah. What brother Nasir and all brothers said was needed. It’s a shame so many women are offended.
Sisters are being very judgemental about Br Nasir. Yes his explanation are direct and rigid. But he gets his point across in terms of what men are looking for in a spouse. The thing he says about arguments are very true. There are ways of communicating without the need for an argument. It's not that he doesn't want arguments. He's just choosing a way that he and his spouse can respect each others view without been upset or angry (emotional).
Definitely we need to regulate our emotions whether that be the husband or wife. We need to think what is the best approach to dealing with issues without the need of lashing out or just wanting further issues.
Totally agree... My initial reaction was due to the initial way he came across...I listened to the complete lecture and have a full understanding of what he was saying, however initially it "for me" came across as if he wanted a robot wife...and not an individual mind, body and soul...I wasn't coming down on the brother, however I was indicating that "this persona you're giving right now" is what can make a Woman oppositional...
@@sakinahsabrah I agree with you as well. I guess when the brother was looking for a spouse, he wanted someone that is on the same page as him who understands the responsibilities that comes with marriage.
Nowadays we have brothers and sisters who are laid back on their search. Marriage is a very serious matter not to be taken lightly and its important that each of us find the right person who we can commit to, communicate in manner that doesn't cause friction and love them for the sake of Allah. Its important that we have personal goals and objectives as well as couple goals and objectives, and we should try our best to support our spouses with their goals.
Not every woman wants a husband like Br Nasir. We all desire different things in marriage. The women who desire a Br Nasir, should listen to his advice and point of view. Why can’t we chew gum and walk at the same time? We are a diverse ummah. Different strokes for different folks.
@@omowhanre people like Br Nasir have many options, something most muslim women don't
@@omowhanre exactly
MashaAllah!! Yes to obey is so much more arabically - to follow, to respect etc, if your husband fears and pleases Allah, he will always make the best decisions for the best interests of the whole family. Alhamdulillah the religion is beautiful. May we please Allah always and have the best goodness in this life and the next. Ameen!! ♡
Shooo this is complicated. Some men want to be the head and driver and others want to be babies...And I thought we woman were complicated. Allah help us all. AMEEN
😆
women want to be babies and they do in fact behave like children
Br Adeem, I really appreciate your honesty. Really helpful what you've said.
This panel was interesting because we got a wide variety of men. Br Nasir, happy for you you're already married because you sure know how to condescend to people. May Allah allow us to be kind to all people.
Loves this gives me hope ...pre marriage counseling... lovely..
Asc, Alhamdulillaah I have learnt alot about success marriage from my MOM & DAD ( their good relationship & respect ) & I continue to learn to be the best wife. May Allaah help us to be the best.
Will ALLAH bless you and your Dawa. You are one of the good examples for a real strong women. Masha'ALLAH
So Nasir doesn’t want to be challenged at all. He wants the wife to get on board with everything. That’s very toxic mindset and I’m glad he’s honest about it at least.
Very toxic mindset is when it's all about obe person.
it's not toxic. yes we want you to be on board with our plan. no point wasting more time if that isn't going to happen
@@cooljool1 It is toxic when the woman has no opinion of her own all the time. Marriage includes two people, not one and a dog.
Masculine men want to be leaders. And they want women who are 'imprintable', 'impressionable', 'teachable'. Hence why most men prefer virgins. If you don't want that kind of man, then you are free to marry feminine men, there is plenty of them around.
Mashallah beautifully said I have learnt so much from this.💯👍👌
The problem that many muslim families are facing is that two generations before our parents and grand parents were raised more cultural values then religious values. For example pakistan has more hindustani culture where you see more joint family system , dowry system extra. As we arrived in western countries we were all getting western education and values , but we were all carrying cultural baggage. It is hard to bring change if one is living within same community. Ideally, if women can stay at home and raise children that will be the best thing. The problem comes in when women don’t work and they don’t put anything in their retirement system. When they get elderly many times these women don’t have health benefits , neither any financial support one’s sons and daughters are married. We have to accept that we made a deliberate choice to live in western countries. Now we have to adapt to ways where we can keep our religious values, mind you not cultural values and at the same time can be physically, emotionally, and financially strong both as men and women. Many many times when we get cases where husband had an accident or if they are terminally I’ll, we find out these muslim women who have been living in western countries for 30 to 40 years. They don’t know how to speak English, they don’t know how to drive, they have never worked . Guess what they don’t even know how to access bank accounts or don’t know what was their household income or expenses. These families then get into real trouble especially when they have young children. Who will take care of these families. There is a rumor that since we pay taxes, states can help. In reality there is only hardships and very tough life.
Before jumping to get married there is nothing wrong that both the girl and boys are going to college education, getting employment opportunities and then meeting different people. When we buy a car or a house we will do 100 s of visit, but when it comes to marriage the first proposal that will come or parents will introduce, the men and women will get married. Also there is a trend for muslim men that they will go to their own country because in their minds and families mind girls back home are more naïve. And they will settle easily. Just think about this women back home have maids, drivers, and all there family support system is back home. Once they come to western countries , for several years they cannot go back home , and they loose their emotional support system. We have to come up with a realistic family model for muslim families. Then there is big generation gap if there is big difference between husband and wife age this brings other problems.
But the biggest problem is raising two genders very differently when these kids are young. One gender gets the prioritization as soon they are born. We give this gender a privileged status from the beginning. Then we have a second gender at the age of two we will put scarves on them so from the beginning they are isolated . In reality when these girls will grow up they will get married to men. We need to give them confidence that you can get along with the other gender when you will get married. This can only happen when the parents who are the role models, the children see them how they solve their problems and arguments at home, how they deal with difficult times. We cannot go by old traditions anymore. Now as a parent go outside and try to find a good muslim men who is worldly and religious educated , financially independent and can make independently decisions. And you know what the answer is. Instead of having divorce in few months or years. Let your children meet people , invite them in your home, meet their families several times within religious values.Getting married quickly is not important, but getting married to right person is more important. Young men and women usually talk more about what they are going to wear in wedding and what kind of wedding they are going to have, take marriage counseling earlier in your marriage several times . Unfortunately there is also stigma about it in our culture. It is myth now that Muslims have stronger families. Divorce In the past it was a taboo and hush hush subject. Unfortunately the problem is now worst. And community is not ready for the change. In reality on one income raising families with 5 , 6 children is much harder both financially , physically and emotionally on one income. Our mosque imams , khateebs are all leaders . They are role models. And these topics should be introduced in jummah khutbah s and youth groups and senior groups.
Love your input. A valid point on both families getting to know each other before getting married as opposed to talks about what to wear, how big the wedding will be and so on. Also I value the insight you gave on counselling being a positive option in getting to understand one another at an early stage should there be a need for it.
On point
Oh no, please leave the video also as a whole. I do listen to this in my car since I drive for hours sometimes. It's easier and safer as I can't really browse and search for video's. This week I already have listened to a 4 hour video about successful wives which I benefit from tremendously al hamdoellilah. I am getting married in the summer in sha allah, make dua for me that it will be one filled with succes, peace and love in sha allah. May Allah reward you all.
inshallah may your marriage be with Allahs blessings
Amen
I tell people all the time they need to use logic to pick a partner BEFORE emotion because it will guarantee a far better stable result
Yeah. Seems like western style dating goes to emotional feelings well before logical considerations. One gets rose color glasses until months, years, oops, you didn't pay attention to the right things and there are exponential broken hearts from this. Children with one active parent. It's better to keep it to logic as long as possible, but "that's so cold" and they want to FALL in love. 🤷♀️
Salaam sister I am watching your videos over and over mashAllah so so beneficial
Many thanks for this.
If you only have time for one pannell, watch this one.
Thanks
Human being is already complicated creature and being a religious person in this mundane world makes it more complicated however communication is always the key. Just keep asking keep checking yourselves any time with your partners. Believe me not always theories are applicable because human being is complicated and dynamic always
brother Said is from the muslim world.. that's why his perspective is different than the other men. all the other ones are western raised men. so his perspective is different subhanallaah
Thank you to brother from Nigeria
I was wondering why so many sisters thanked brother Saied Takuma 🤣🤣. He said what they want to hear!
Bro Said did and said what sisters want and dream 😴 Kudos Said Takuma Jazaaka Laah
Excellent analogy brother @49:20!
Salam Aleikum, I wish we can hear from brother Nasir's wife. He sounds like a dictator that has so much pride in him. He said I don't want to be challenged. Is that if you offend anyone or your wife, she can't tell you? Then if she does something you don't like, do you keep quiet? Do you challenge her? If you don't challenge her then I can agree you do t want to be challenged. Secondly there is a problem with your tone. You came here to advise women generally and the tone in delivering the message should matter. Am sorry, tone and choice of words are rather insensitive. One sensible thing you said was the idea of logic and emotions. You said it rather harshly but I was able to draw the importance from that. When I was single I made up my mind not to marry a man who does not offer his solat drink alcohol and or smoke no matter how much I loved him because I wanted a good example gor my children. There are so many ways you could have passed the message than you did. You passed it in such a way that I highly think you don't love your wife. Am sorry buts that's what I feel from your presentation. This is a very educative forum, but your presentation and tone and body language is a no for me. When a woman respects her husband and he responds by showing her love, she will automatically submit to him. Its natural. Its not like the way you put it. I don't want to be challenged. Who are you? Are you God?
I just checked the comments section to see if anyone has anything to say about that brother's tone of voice and choice of words..lol..he really got me scared🤣
Lol. Talking about baggage as if it's not what makes the whole of a person. He's looking for carryable baggage. After a while, he was talking and not making any point.
This not healthy
Good nobody gives a shit. move on. No man worth his weight in gold tolerates to be challenged. The man is the leader, the decision maker, the dictator, the CEO, the pilot. end of story. the wife's opinion is consulted, considered, but that's it. If it makes sense to execute the suggestion, so be it. Deal with it.
@@7LamarOdom wow. I see you don't know what it means to have a happy home, or spouses that truly love you. I will put you in my prayers.
Allahumma baarik Brother Said and Brother Nasir are really on point. I really believe its a husbands responsibility to teach his woman how to be a wife. Being a husband is a job, a man must understand what his role is because he is the CEO of the family. When he chooses a wife it is his responsibility to be very clear about what her job description as a wife is of they want their 'company' ie the family to be successful.
I just started watching, but I hope they give the same energy to what women want too.
This is the type of statements that are not helpful. It pushes the idea of men vs women
@@s.f.7737 if that's what you gleaned from it. If you are a woman and don't want things then good for you. I would Like to see what women want because I want to marry only once to the love of my life and stay happy in it. All the information is important for me to hear , both from a man and woman.
Exactly. Also, "obedience" implies a subservient position, wherein one person holds the decision-making power and the other submits. Not my idea of an equal partnership - I would never agree to let my partner make important life decisions. We make the decisions together.
@@sakeenahmustafa5739 the amount of things out there for women is endless. The you are not a good wife by the standards set by other women but by that set of your husband.
@@sakeenahmustafa5739 I hope you understand that the love you must have for this person is the purest form of love: loving for the sake of Allah. So much focus on what we want or think we deserve from a marriage without focusing on what we can contribute to it.
the conversation starts at 13:30 :))
Mashallah, I need me a bro like this!!! He's Rare!!! Mashallah
I was referring to bro Takuma with this statement...
Organisers of this forum please kindly replace brother Nasir with someone else. We are not little children that don't know our right from left. Sister Roberts please take note
My sister, I appreciate your feedback. Can you share with me what exactly about my talk bothered you?
@@nasiral-amin Asalamu alaykum Br Nasir, maybe she’s referring to you saying my wife will or will not do so and so in “my house” or you need to do x y or z before speaking to me or your insistence on not wanting or needing counter arguments when making decisions.
I personally think your view point is important. You were respectful and followed protocol. It is unwise to remove someone just because they want something different or voice a different opinion. I pray we as people can understand and accept that there are different strokes for different folks. May Allah bless your marriage, family and home. Ameen
AA Sister- I see your point, but it’s not fair to have someone leave a panel just because they want a different life and marriage than what you or I may want. He was respectful through the entire stream. Maybe there are sisters who want a man to control everything. She exists if he’s happily married mashAllah. I personally could never live in a home where my opinion was not valued, but it’s also not right to look down on how other people conduct their households. I wish within the context of our religion, we would live and let live. He didn’t force anyone to marry him and he was upfront and clear with his wants and desires. It’s good for men who want his type of marriage to know how to go about getting it. Women who want Br Nasir’s type as a husband will also know what to look for and the women who want a collaborative marriage will know what to avoid. I pray we can respect each other’s rights to live how we see fit and want what we want.
Said Takuma jazakaAllahu kheir
Br. Nasir's thinking about having a tunnel vision is a little problematic.
Im saying this because of my experience.
My ex Husband had the exact words to say. And in the justification of those words he felt the need to control everything. Be it regarding child rearing or kitchen keeping. He wanted the blanket on the baby after me being exhausted trying to put the baby to sleep even though it woke her up. He would cover her and she would wake up and i would be doing the whole drill again. This extended to everything. And eventually 6 months post partum he wanted me to start dieting and loose weight when i was nursing my baby. He made a diet chart and decided what I should eat how much i should eat in gms and that includes audacious quantities of food which repulsed me sometimes. He would ask me to track my weight every single day. His justification was the same words br nasir said plus that i am not taking my weight loss seriously and i had become quite fat. He wanted to have the next child in a years time and he decided i couldn't take care of two with he current weight ( mind u I managed everything) But he decided that was right and the best part was he said if i dint loose that weight he would divorce me as my current situation wasn't healthy to have more kids and he wanted more. This led to lot of resentment plus i did not have emotional regulation though i was trying to work on it, and i did listen to him and tried to do the things he told me to keep the marriage for the sake of my beautiful daughter, but eventually I started hating him and walked out. As i became more frustrated and he frustrated with me because I wasn't loosing the weight. It was a complete mess. And i wanted the marriage to desperately work do no matter how humiliated i felt by the approach I tried for a long time and when his approach was questioned he said that he was a leader and he has a vision.
Slowly he also started getting aggressive. So i left to my parents house asking for a break and space and he divorced me.
This was our problem in apart from others, his mom was extremely manipulative and controlling too and made things v ugly at times.
I don't know what the brother means exactly in his perspective in this talk but this is my first hand experience. The br. Stance on emotional self awareness is great though, may be his policy works if the tunnel vision and emotional regulation is combined.
I hope sr naima reads this provides her inputs as well.
Also when i wanted the marriage to work for the sake of the child and wanted to go back though he wasn't willing to make it work many people told me that the child is so small, she would not feel the pinch or its better for her if she doesn't see parents fight., but instinctively i felt horrible about breaking the home.
And its not true that children will be ok with a divorce. No matter how oblivious they may seem to be . They suffer and I can see it in my daughter who isn't even 3 years old. She is not willing to let of of the idea that we should go back to living together.
Sister he treated you like trash ,u are more than a superficial body image .... so sorry for what you’ve been through. May Allah be with u
Am sorry to say a lot of men end it here they want kids and also want you to be the way you where before …
It hurtful to bodyshame people
Cox even for men a certain time comes they start having potty belly women don’t body shame them or leave but most men do this to their wive….
Sis. May almighty grant you someone who would love u they way u are
Most of us it’s not true love we love that person physical looks more then we love their souls .
I am sorry sister it is heartbreaking I gained so much weight after my son was born it is so hard for us women and if our husbands will do such a thing I can't imagine how devastating it would be alhamdulila my husband support me even though he was working every day and was so tired and after 1 year after I stop breastfeeding I lost weight, it is blessing alhamdulila to having supportive partner and I think it's depends how their mothers raised them I pray for you to find someone who will treat you and your daughter better in shaa Allah 💕
@@yahyasumayya1550 My cousin sister has developed blood clots in her legs veins and thyroid problem bcoz of the weight she gets on during pregnancy her husband and many family members told her to try to loose weight after childbirth and nursing for two years many times that it could cause obesity problems in the future but she ignored it and take it lightly and now she's in constant pain can't walk freely bcoz it cause extreme pain in her legs thighs and it requires an so much expensive surgery which is also too much for the husband to afford at the time
Can you upload the full video, please.
Jazakh Allah khair
The other part is on the channel
@@NaimaBRobertTV thanks, I overlooked it as it had the wrong thumbnail. Literally over halfway through now.
@@NaimaBRobertTV also, was the issue of denying child access discussed in any of the panels on the conference? If so, can you kindly direct me to the video and a rough time stamp, please.
Correction* not a wrong thumbnail but there wasn't a brother on sight on it unlike part 1
@@astongrad930 Did you find the second half you were looking for? It has the same thumbnail
Can you post the whole live please
Asalamulaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu. Can someone share the dua’a brother Muhammad Malik said at the start of introduction? Shukran
Muahamd ibnal hussein
'Somebody that I look at and I feel contentment..
Somebody that I tell them to do something & they do it
Somebody that would look after my rights when I'm not there'
Brother Nasir is a gold digger enabler. Sister Naima always dropping gems
Alhamdulilah and Shukran
Nasir's favourite word "modality" 😂
I surprised when found out that bro Nasir is coach helping people to understand and regulate thier emotions , really??!!
I don't see any wisdom or awareness in what he said .
Sorry , but we need to point out these toxic ideas , no way what he described is a healthy relationship. What kind of advices he can give to his client.
Sisters may Allah save all .
I think the brother was trying to give the message that know yourself and know how to control your emotions. There are times spouses don't regulate their emotions and lash out in anger and frustration. Not to say you can't have anger and emotions. We usually control our emotions in front of our friends, family and colleagues. So why can't we control our emotions with our spouses and have a meaningful conversations in a calm manner without the need to argue.
@@majidkhan89 you got the point. As Muslim our default should be to maintain a level of respect for others and that is demonstrated through controlling our emotions.
Br Nasir sounds toxic. Then he had the nerve to talk about red flags 😳. Subhanallah.
Sister April what exactly was toxic?
Subhanaallah! We shouldn't call each other toxic. Maybe his way of speaking sounds toxic to you but it's not acceptable within our religion to name call. May Allah guide us all swt
@@gypsynurse9792 I didn’t name call. I said he SOUNDS toxic. I didn’t say he WAS toxic.
Please I just want to ask if brother Saidu Takuma is from Nigeria, because the word Takuma sounds familiar in my local dialect
as-salamu alaikum my family I thank Allah subhana to accept me to speak with my family yes I think all of happiness
Salams Alhamduillah owning it self awareness.. Red flag 🚩💎💎
Salam Aleikum, brother Nasir presentation lacks compassion and references from the sunnah of Rasullulah SAW. He actually told us what happens in your home unlike my brother from Nigeria who talked about applying sunna h more than his culture. Your tone was very unfriendly and sounded like women are trobule and stress and that it seems you are forced to marry. A video like this with over 7m views whom are mostly women deserve to be addressed with respect.
Sister, can I ask what part of Brother Nasir's presentation bothers you? I think the brother made some fair points and telling it how it is. His tone was clear and trying to get his message across.
@@majidkhan89 Did the sister answer your question? I'm interested in knowing as well.
@Nasir Al-Amin unfortunately no brother.
@@majidkhan89 the part I found very troubling is when he said he doesn’t want to be challenged.
@Karima Jibriil yes I think we need a bit more explanation around that. Whether he actually means not being challenged or if it has another meaning behind it.
I think from my understanding, I think he meant not trying to be argumentative where emotions are lost in conversation and taken over by anger.
Arguments happen even with our own family and it is important that we take the lessons to compromise and negotiate.
I think the live stream ended
MaschaAllah
Masha Allah!!! Brother Sa'id got us through but I'm sorry to say brother Nasir screams RED flag!
Alhamdulilah
Machallah thé vert menthe,
What happend with the livestream?
Is always good to have external validation
Bro Nasir you don't sound very flexible...am I wrong in thinking that "it's my way or the highway" ???
He is right. My husband told me the same thing when we first got married 15 years ago. I knew I had to either let him take the lead, or I would have lost him. He was not willing to give up his masculine role and he was not willing to give me his pants to wear so I submitted and lived happily ever after.
He actually addresses this at 48:00
Assalamualaikum, first allow me to apologize...once anyone starts shaking a finger...let alone at your wife!!! I'm triggered!!! It wasn't so much about what bro Nasir was saying as much as it was HOW it was said...I'm ALL for MAN being man and Woman being Women, however there's this dynamic that exists when a Man wants to lead it has to be him putting his Foot on top of you...bro Nasir sounded as if the Woman was all trouble and he was admonishing her...
I feel alot of these discussions miss an important aspect that creates harmony in a marriage, and that's compassion. A man is the leader, we know this, but does he lead as a strict authoritarian or with compassion and care. Women do not deny men are leaders, but its the way that leadership is conveyed that can be triggering.
@@ummebrahim5636 mam just say you have low self esteem
Sadu TAkuma said rights given by husband is not right because right is given by Allah. Not obey husband but obedience to Allah.
Salam Aleikum
Why is it my muslim husband said i needed to work full time and pay for all the bills ext, as we live in uk, he said it's different culture here and more expensize. I was happy to help and work hard for Allah's sake. 40 years on with a lot of faith and patience, i am still paying, cooking cleaning. Now i have lost all respect and love i had for him, every word has always been nagative. My daughther got married, and he did not want her to have the wedding i dreamed for her as a mother. It was just at the mousque with no family ot friends. My heart was broken inro a million pieces, i just stay in my room now and do not talk with him. My question is. Has he no fear of Allah, surely he knows he will answer to Allah for his mean, hurtful and greedy actions. He is so loved by his brothers at the Mousque, so kind outside, I wait patiently for death as then maybe i will have peace. I will see him on judgement day. I wish he was a good and true Muslim man, wemon are not your slaves.
❤️
Nasir seems like he likes the sound of his own voice, and doesn't have a lot of self awareness, rambling on and on and on, says a lot that amounts to nothing much, doesn't want to be challenged but wants to lecture others
says the unmarried woman. Nasir is direct and blunt. and that's good
Naser naser naserr, what on earth. May allah protect every woman from likes of you.
Honestly, I was just checking the comments to see if anyone feels the same way about him. ..he really took me to a deja vu coz I've met someone like him briefly before I met my husband. Alhamdulillah Allah saved me from that one.
I appreciate your feedback, can you tell me what exactly was triggering for you?
@@nasiral-amin you sound controlling!! And abusive undertones! Not relaxed at all, like women are not robots! They are humans who will have all sorts of emotions and ideas, the purpose of marriage is to be gentle with each other, and supportive
Your tone sounds scary 😦
@@nasiral-amin Nasir, you used the right word-well done- triggered.
Out of all the men that spoke on the panel. You sounded like my worst nightmare. You appear to be suffering from extremely low self esteem because you come across as a controlling man with tunnel vision. You sound like you can't handle a strong minded woman who challenges you!!! Am I wrong?
What would you have made of the prophet (saw) wife Aisha? Such a strong, outspoken woman who used to teach the male companions their religion! And Who led an army on the battlefield.
You sound like a man who wants a subservient woman, who says, yes sir!!
I'm not sure what you counsel women about? Or how you counsel them? I am shocked that you are even a counsellor.
Chances are you won't be able to handle my response to you-I wonder how you will respond to a woman questioning your demeanor and challenging your views.
Thing is, you've come on a public platform, so I guess this was inevitable. Perhaps you thought you could make a positive change to peoples lives? You've literally left me with such a sour taste in my mouth, of you and muslim men. I am utterly repelled by you.
@@nasiral-amin also just to add that you mentioned, something about you saying something and that if you're wife isn't on board then its much good bye to her??
Do you actually think you're Gods gift to earth? What makes you think that any woman (in her RIGHT mind) would want to be anywhere near a man like you?
The fact you are ready to throw in the towel, if you're wife isn't on board with your decision and treat you like the leader? Do you know what makes you? Unfaithful, unsympathetic, unempathathetic, UNABLE to love or truly care about your wife unless she is subservient to YOU. God forbid she carries any baggage! You'd throw her, the mother if your child out the door! What an opposite example of our blessed Prophet (saw). Your character is the complete opposite of Islam. You sound arrogant, self obsessed and selfish.
If Sister Naima had said the same thing as Brother Nasir. Then you would be praising her. Sisters should check out her previous videos where she tells sisters how it is. Specially around being "triggered".
Also the brother is married. I'm sure his wife knows who she married to. Have some respect and don't assume you know how their marriage is going based on the brothers talk.
Assalamu aleikum
Which of naima’s vids are you referring to? Could you please share it?
@@ramandiaye8837 czcams.com/video/CNOBiqXpa6c/video.html
@@majidkhan89 jazakAllah khair
@Rama Ndiaye barakallahu feek. I've seen majority of Sr Naima's videos relating to marriage, and they are all very informative which mainly sisters can benefit as well as brothers. So would recommend that you check out other videos of hers.
@@majidkhan89 wa feeki barakAllah
Thanks for the advice. I started listening just yesterday, and although I’m single right now, I hope to enter marriage as prepared as I can be. May Allah grant me a righteous spouse
Get to the pont please
Ugh to Nassir .... goodnight
Another video about men obsessed with controlling women, control is 😝
@25:45
Brother nasir, I feel sorry for your wife. You sound like a dictator who wants a wife to be submissive!!
Men want the following:
1. Respect
2. Don't ask too many silly questions
3. Don't keep checking our peraonal messages being suspicious.
4. Respect our relatives and move along with them.
5. Don't be insultive or make fun of us when we make mistakes.
6. Be happy on whatever your husband is able to provide whether be time or wealth etc.
7. Taking good care of the children.
You ask for too much, and you ask for things that you yourself don’t give
@@Meandyouisnus Alhamdulilah I give more inrespect to privacy, not being concerned of the unproductive talks, being understandable and giving a helping hand at home. Any further questions?
And yes I am least interested to check my wife's mobile 📱
See how short your list is? You asking for too much, you are your kind are not worth the trouble
@@Meandyouisnus Well I have a lot more in the list but I want to ask you why did the list make u a bit uncomfortable as the list is just simple that anyone can follow
@36:06
You've done a vid entitled "let men speak" Are you serious? thts all I hear on every platform. In every sphere. I'd be interested in hearing women speak, thts for sure.
I think the title should have read, how should a muslim man behave in a marriage. Sorry sis, but mostly its men that are the problem in many marriages, allhamdulilah im happily married to a great man. But i know many great wives with horrible husbands.
The Title "Let The Men Speak" is a Western statement drawn directly from Western Culture. In my culture, that's an insult...similar to Let a Man Eat?? It's his house, his life, he can do what he wants and needs no permission from anyone...but I can see in the West, it is an easy oversight given the feminine nature of their Men. These are good Muslim Men, I hope the talk goes well, I love listening to brother Nasir and his calm approach to just about..everything.:) Bless you brothers.
If you trust Allah 100%, you trust your husband 100% and don't question his decision
It took me 10 years of arguing to realise that behind everything is Allah s permission. And then as a wife you let go and submit to your husband.
Isn't courting for so long wrong in islam? Since we are talking under the umbrella of islam
If you watch their other video’s you will know that they lived far away from each other and his wife was still young. Their parents knew about the courtship. i would agree it’s not 100% right tho because it sounds a bit like a relationship before marriage (even though they were only writing letters to each other) but i’d argue that they kept it lawful by involving family
Nasir is like the worst nightmare 😑
Salam Aleikum. Why does always have to be about how men feel or how men should be treated. What about women? Is it that our feelings don't matter?. Is that men are saint's and do ko wrongs?
lol.. you didn't read the video's title?🤔 it's from MEN perspective. if you want to know what women want, then go to the WOMEN perspective videos. easy peasy 💁
It's a double standard. If you want to be treated nicely start with yourself. That's the toughest part because we are women and we have to be admit we are not sweet, kind, angels...(not the majority of us). It's a hard test to be able to be wise and control your emotions when we are dealing with so many things at the same time. I have to remind this to myself as well. I agree with one of the sisters that said that this topics are for marriages where a husband is not narcissistic or abusive. That's a complete different story,
@@mayaurbano-aly2768 yes! I second this.
Aslm warahmatullah...CZcams is flooded with talks aimed at and presented to and by women...this is literally one of the very few I've ever seen with a mainly male platform...this is a good things Alhamdulilah...its just getting some sort of insight in my opinion
MASHA ALLAH ,BUT I OBSERVE ALL THIS MEN HAVE ONE WIFE WHERE ARE THOSE WITH MORETHAN ONE WIFE?
6
As I'm watching this guy's give me a break 😂😂😂😂 how self centered are these men I can't I wish I was watching this live 🤣🤣🤣🤣....
You say inshalla to many times. Anxiety? God is in control calm down sister in Islam.
Brother Nasir understands what its to be a man. Adeem is beta male who likes fluffy feelings. He's a leaf in the wind, Nasir is the rock in the storm.
28:00
Best comment … sheesh took half an hour to get to the video title
Okay so you want to be the leader and a baby too? Make it make sense!
I knowww
Is it permissible for men and women to be joking casually like this?
Are you serious? Its a 1 minute conversation. Please calm down
wa.as.wr.....sistar...oll..of..your..program...is...fine...but...when..i...heard..your..program...i...lose...my...self...l...lose..my...imman...so..what..is..the..result...for..me....what...is...the..result..for..growing of...deen... chang your program how..to..strong..musilm prodeced..in..their...mind..this..is...just..like..tektok.....for...half...girl..
Muslim men need u women to stop horning
Why this purple shirt bro can't sit properly like others
@32:03